#well deserved yap nation i loved doing this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

youredreamingofroo · 10 months ago

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LOVE TRAIN INBOUND !! 🚂💨💨

This is inspired by @acuar-io !! Thank you for doing this and THANK YOU FOR THE TAG!! (even tho it didnt tag me properly 🤧)

Tumblr is silly and while I will tag ppl, I know not everyone will be properly tagged, so if u see this, skim thru the list for your name ESPECIALLY if your my mutual ! 🫶

To start off, I just wanna say that Fae (acuar-io) has some absolutely STUNNING sims, it's hard to exactly word it, but their sims are SUPER recognizable, and their saves (Snow flower, Cozy save, etc) are SO nicely edited, so aesthetically pleasing to the eyes 🫶😩

@oshinsimblr is the reason why I started storytelling (even before my simblr time) and why I try and find a story-related reason on why my sims/characters do certain things, her videos are also SO comforting and i love her lovesick series!!! and of course, @minimooberry the whole inspo for this simblr and why I render in blender!

@mattodore and @cinamun are AMAZING simblrs if u want rich storytelling and/or well-thought out characters, River has inspired me to really tear into my characters and give them more personality, and cina just genuinely makes such realistic characters and the tea is ALWAYS hot and simblr aside, she has very good takes >:P

@groovetrys and @circusjuney have been around on my blog and as my mutuals for a LONG time and they really are some of my biggest hype people, lori has an AMAZING legacy going on with her sim, Melody, and u should DEF check it out, and june makes the most amazing clown sims 🥹 theyre always so pretty and STUNNINGGGG

-> To add onto the above category, id also consider @miralure as one of my biggest hype ppl!!! Although they havent been around as long as june and lori, they always hype me up and it makes me stupid happy 😭 they make REALLY good lookbooks and i love their sim style SMMMM

if u dont know about @rebouks what are you DOING with your simblr-life, bc becca has some of the most human-feeling story/dialogue, i always get a stupid sappy smile on my face when i read her story posts

@jarakio has an AMAZING story called Girls with Guns and its prolly my fav story that ive read on simblr, the dialogue? amazing, the poses? amazing, the vibes? AMAZING, i'm ALWAYS hooked in whenever i see GwG pop up on my dash

@stellarfalls just HAD to be on this list are u kidding me????? Bree has a PHENOMENAL save called Valley, even tho there's no dialogue, each image and gif speaks more than words could, she's inspired me to kick up the quality of my posts and also start making gifs, I also consider her to be one of my biggest hype ppl, she always be coming in with the best compliments 🥹🫶

@torissims !!! She makes BEAUTIFUL posts, her blog is very yellow and orange and i LOVE IT, she pulls a lot of inspo from Studio Ghibli and even tho ive never seen any SG Movies, I can just see and feel the inspo, shes def underrated af 🥹

@amburgundy has BEAUTIFUL builds, and they dont just do TS4, they also make builds in other sims games!! (u did a phenomenal job with Madi's legacy house amber 🤝) I LOVE the clutter and they always looks so cozy 😭

@flovoid is another one of my hypemen LMFAOOO bro you and your tags literally make me so happy, i LOVE reading them. Flo makes AMAZING SIMS, and you should check out literally ALL of their sims, especially their sims Roo and Norman from Majima Land (first post under my Roo tag is me reacting to one of their posts with Roo and Norman, funniest introduction to a blog ever), Also their sim, Draco Almond??? He's got me tucking my hair behind my ear... 🫦🫦

@elderwisp has some of the most immaculate editing ive ever seen, the lighting, the vibes, the dialogue, the poses, the expressions, i be eating those posts up like im fine dining 😩😩

@changingplumbob is so chill, I love how much passion she has for her rotations, and her love for cats?? Perfect mutual to have, I also literally LOVE reading her behind the scenes posts, they're literally so funny 😭😭

@tricoufamily and @dejasenti99 make absolutely phenomenal renders, like if theres any renders on simblr that im gonna recognize immediately, its these two's renders, they're genuinely more HQ than my fucking eyes 😭😭

-> Also Nat (Missatan) makes incredibly HQ renders as well, these three are like... my biggest blender render inspos...

@buttertrait @missatan @virtualfolk @pearlean @claudtrait all have BEAUTIFUL sim styles, butter's is very unique, i know they arent really a sims 4 blog anymore but i ALWAYS recognize butter's sims when i see them on my dash and I genuinely love their sim style sm. Nat (Missatan) has SUCH a gorgeous sim style, you've heard of them hips dont lie, well her sims' lips dont lie 😩🫦 Virt (Virtualfolk) and Sam's (pearlean) sim styles are SO animated (if that makes sense), they're like eye-candy. Den (claudtrait), like Nat, has a sim style with the most luscious lips and poutiest faces ive ever seen and are just SOO pleasing to look at, like i just feel blessed in the eyes when i see their sims

@yukikocloud 's Apricot save and storytelling is incredibly reminiscent of Bree's posts, and I just LOVE looking at and reading her story posts, this post in particular just absolutely captivated me, I was drawn in and just get so giddy seeing the Apricot save pop up on my dash 🥹

@alientown @venriliz @nefarrilou @druidberries @machinegrl make STUNNINGGGGG occult (or cyber/robotic in Baja/Machinegrl's instance) sims. Nef always makes beautiful sims for their Cryptid "series", im just in AWE when i see their cryptids... Ven and Ana (alientown) both always make absolutely gorgeous alien sims and they also just have very unique/beautiful sim styles 😍 Baja's cyber girlies are just >>>>>>>>>>>>> I love her whole dystopian/cyber theme, its literally so good and so cool, and her Deadstars series? SO good. Alexis' (druidberries) elowen is so pretty, and her sim style, especially with occults, is just MWAH chefs kiss, literal eye candy

@swallowprettybird is just one of the sweetest people on simblr, I love reading what she has to say about mine and others' posts, and she makes amazingggg posts, I loved that one national geographic inspired post with the zebra, it was so well done

@softle0 makes some absolutely stunning builds, they always look so lived in, so cozy and I would ABSOLUTELY live in pretty much every single build they make

and honorable mentions to @droolski @felysline @pamsimmerstories @swiftviolets @weirdosalike @mushbop @calicosimgirl @shadowtrait and @seriallovertrait because I feel like they're all SO underrated, they're all passionate about their own stuff and I just love seeing their posts, and if you're seeing this, FOLLOW THEM 🫵🫵

Thank you Fae (acuar-io) once again for starting this train up, I love seeing stuff like this and it's so sweet to see what everyone has to say about one another, I may have spent 1 or 2 hours doing this, but it was INCREDIBLY well spent to be able to admire and appreciate all these people, them and every other simblr person, whether i follow them or not, deserve every last drop of love and appreciation genuinely

#tw yap nation LUHMAO #well deserved yap nation i loved doing this #i love doing stuff like this i love the lot of you 🥹#i just know tumblr is gonna untag so many people and its gonna make me so sad #simblr #simblr community #yapping

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nightdreamdraws · 6 months ago

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Hihihihi!!

I've commented on a few of your videos, both normal and httyd, but because of my fear of being perceived, I've usually kept them pretty mild.

So I thought I would come on here and politely scream at you about how much I love your art,

EBWKHEEKKWKEBEK everytime you update/post whatever I immediately feel better no matter what because your art is always so pretty and fills me with such joy! Your current httyd��hc series is SOO much fun, and something I've always kinda thought about, but never thought I would see, let alone done so beautifully! Your ability to composs a scene with so much emotion, and story in just a single DRAWING. Is. Completely. INSANE. And that's not even mentioning your ANIMATICS. Because, HOLYSHIT. Your "The Moon Will Sing" PMV is a NATIONAL TREASURE. That is. Just. Omg. AURGH it's so good I can't even TALK ABOUT IT because just THINKING about it makes me go INSANE!!! INSANEEE!! RAHHHH!

Anyway, just thought that since I can say basically whatever I want anonymously without the fear of people actually seeing me, why not come and give one of my favorite artists some WELL DESERVED praise. Your cherrifire art? Beautiful. The designs. Ommf, delicious. Your hermitcraft/life series art? Can't even explain how good it is. Ddvau fanart? Love it so much. Your httyd crossover art? EEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHE IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. I LOVE IT ALL SO MUCH. EVERYTHING. AMAZING. BEAUTIFUL. ARGGGGGHHHHH.

...welp, I got a little carried away lol. I hope you don't mind this long "ask" (and that it's actually coherent)! Hope you get lots of nice sleep tonight, and remember to eat and drink as well! (Also.. maybe. Maybee? Could we perhaps get a hint as to who the next hermit will be? Mayhaps? No pressure ofc) <3

AWW THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON!! This probably takes the cake for one of the sweetest messages i've ever received omg thank you so much 😭💙 I am so so happy that you're enjoying my content! I am having such a blast coming up with ideas and drawing silly block people and dragons for you guys 🥹 everyone's support has been so overwhelmingly positive and i'm so thankful for you guys even giving me the opportunity to share my art with a large audience. you guys are awesome <3 i'm also so so glad you love my art style! i've had so many comments and compliments about it, and it has given me the confidence and motivation to keep doing what i'm doing, as i have been pretty insecure about my art style in the past which prevented me from posting my art for years haha. thank you guys for helping me to feel comfortable with my abilities and give me the motivation to keep improving from here! I'm so excited to make more! anyway i should probably stop yapping, cause i may or may not have an angry goat and his dragon to draw 👀 but thank you again anon for the very very sweet message and support 🫶 i wish all the same to you :)

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jade-of-mourning · 11 months ago

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okay sorry hi I know I just sent you an ask about my cat being alive but you’re like,, my favorite internet stranger so I thought you should know. I calmed down a little bit and read your response to my fourteen page ask

IM SO HAPPY I HYPE YOU UP‼️‼️ I love being peoples’ hypeman and you’re like,,, awesome so that’s super cool. don’t rush yourself but if you’re feeling pumped to share I will be your #1 fan. I’m probably gonna finish a little 4+1 thing and post it to my blog as a little grand reveal as snailon if that’s cool :3

ALSO I’m so happy you posted the cat thing on ao3 it was really nice and super well written and thank you for the suggestion! the cat is being washed thoroughly right now and I am on guard duty of the bathroom door. he was (we guess) stuck in the sewage of the construction sight beyond the wooded area behind our house.

SO MORE LOK THOUGHTS

you exactly caught my vibe (again) when you mentioned the insane repression mako and bolin are doing in canon. I honestly think there’s nothing more than elevator music behind bo’s eyes in canon because if the creators allowed anything else it would solely be The Horrors and they needed someone on that godforsaken team to be emotionally available and somewhat happy. and try as he might, mako will always be uncontrollably feral. I know by b4 he just has an all out brawl every morning fighting to get his hair presentable. give up and be the scraggly, strange detective that somehow knows everything that you were always meant to be.

which, for the record, is not to say I like his hair. I want him to grow it out more so he stops looking so fucking dumb with his stupid pointy ass hair (I really really really hate mako’s hair) but I also think it would grow out kind of wavy/curly which. yeah. I will be coming back to this later when I yap about avatar mako btw.

also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEE write mako absolutely losing his shit he 100% so much deserves that. he cries maybe once yearly and it is scheduled so I think he should get to murder y’know. just a little bit. he’s just a girl (insert sad coquette hamster)

makos hand being fucked up is the Vision. you understand so much. the gloves are so suspicious (the same way the shirt-on-at-the-sauna is in the comics. i see you, you little transmasc) and going off the logic of the last ep that with enough charge/consistency, lightning output can scar/mangle the exit point of the bender so. mako learning to use his bending mostly on his own fucking up and rocking his own shit until zolt shoves someone over to go clean up the rookie cause finding someone new is a pain. of course it’s a patch job (as you mentioned everything for them would be) so I imagine it’s like. pretty mangled. like stuff just slightly out of place, lots of raised skin and discolored patches and generally like uncomfortable to look at. I’d bet (like you said) bolin is really the only one he’d trust to see his hands unless makorrasami became like. a thing.

also if you have any,, fic recs,, I would be very not opposed,,,,,

OKAY OKAY SO AVATAR MAKO THOUGHTS. I’m actually going insane about this au.

so for 1: this idea was mostly a silly little ha-ha but imagine raava gets really fucking confused being in their first ever mixed kid and just. skips right back to air after mako. would that not be the funniest shit ever. like the earth kingdom would already be pressed that their go was a mixed kid who was a criminal firebender for the first bit of his life, but imagine how the FIRE NATION feels having their avatar “skipped over” because mako (again, CRIMINAL FIREBENDER) was technically a fn avatar.

and this keeps happening. more mixed kids. mixed kids out of the cycle ordered pairs become avatar. raava gets fucking lost. everyone loses track of whose element is next and world leaders everywhere are sobbing. mako would be so very pleased with himself. he and the half-avatar water tribe person would be clinking together glasses of alcohol in heaving and watching it all go down.

I was also thinking about this half-avatar playing a role in mako’s journey. They would be roughly fifteen years younger than the gaang, so it would make sense for them to still be alive (since raava could return to aang and still maintain them well enough) during mako’s era. do you think they could take on a mentor or distant relative role for mako? maybe being half-avatar would make them the world’s only dual bender, and they would understand mako’s struggle with wielding more than one element in a way no one else would be able to. bonus points if the styles they maintain are either earth and fire or the ‘opposite’ elements (like air+earth/water+fire—water+fire would be good to use to teach balance and that fire is not only to harm but to nurture, and that water parallels it as not only to nurture but to harm)

and that brings me to my third thought; both avatars followed in series have had a conflict or struggle with their bending. aang had to learn the other three types of bending—his conflict was finding teachers. korra needed to find it in herself to flow with the winds of airbending. but copying korra would be lame. so what’s mako’s conflict?

there’s where my pitch comes in (and kind of the point of the half-avatar); mako figured out how to use air, earth, and water as well as he uses fire (if with less refinement) within maybe a week (if that) of being discovered as the avatar. he’s a scraggly street kid used to clawing at what he can get and holding on tight: being discovered means he doesn’t have a particular reason not to make use of the other elements if need be, so he figures out how.

but the key words there are if need be. he absolutely can lift a chunk of earth five times his size, or entirely soak a full grown adult in pond water, or slap someone around with a strong gust of wind or power a building for a month with a bolt of lightning. will he be doing any of this? no. not unless his or bolin’s lives or livelihoods are threatened. mako’s struggle is that outside of life-or-death combat? he’s about the same as a nonbender. because bending has always been a risk—a life threatening and life ending risk—and one he isn’t willing to take unnecessarily. his journey is learning that bending can be used for more than harm or to enforce fearful order.

fourth and kind of final thought for avatar mako for now—he’s the earth avatar in this, but he looks very fire nation in canon (at least, my understanding of ‘fire nation’ v ‘earth kingdom’ features) so I was thinking, the avatar represents the four nations (kind of five now if we’re counting republic separately) (oh my god new thought what if there was an rc avatar ‘whose avatar is it’ ‘air by my guess’ ‘nah it’s republic city’s turn now’ ‘how does that even make sense? their blood is of the four nations.’ ‘I don’t make the rules man. ask the spirits, they’re right there.’) but they always look like the nation they’re from so. what if all the avatars look a little mixed but just lean heavy into native. so mako looks like a mixed kid already (though I’d make him more ek—will specify in a sec) but then just gets more mixed from. everywhere. but it’s not even generalized like,,, he looks like he’s from specific subcultures the last avatars came from. earth part looks kyoshi even though his dad wasn’t from the island. fn part looks like caldera city even though mom wasn’t. air—less noticeable, but he looks like aang, in a way. very temple-kid-y and less nomad-y. if that makes sense. and I’d say water part is kuruk but there’s also the ‘avatars look like their past life’s lover’ so. katara (ADDING TO THE PARALLELS IM GOING INSANE)

so this is the part where I elaborate on the ‘more earth kingdom’ part of mako’s design in my head. this also is part of the avatar-looking-like-lover thing. so ek complexions are pretty ranged, but a good deal of them are darker skinned. mako’s pretty fair, but I propose as a kid whose dad is white-brown (he’s an Italian farmer boy who tans heavy and he looks brown) and is also white-brown when I spend too long outside (ten minutes) in the summer; mako who tans so quick into a more typical dark ek tone. also bolin is darker because he deserves melanin. he gets to keep gold eyes cause they’re cool but I propose.. heterochromia!!! green/gold, could be some grayish/blue? js an absolute melting pot in there. then I associate ek with less pronounced but boxier facial structure, so either his face stays like,,, long, and is softer or stays sharp and is boxier like bolin’s. honestly prefer the first one but both are neat. also hooked nose. I don’t make the rules. katara also has a hooked nose btw it’s real I saw it.

also mako and katara have the same glare (sokka told me) and they scrunch their faces up like little carbon copies of each other when they’re focused. by the way I love to parallel the shit out of katara and mako can you tell,,

I just realized I wrote a longpost length ask. I’m so sorry.

I think I had something else to say but it’s getting late and it’s a school night 4 me so I’ve gotta get to sleep.

rest well! your favorite anon,

🐌

ah hello sorry for the extremely late response snailon!

I honestly think there’s nothing more than elevator music behind bo’s eyes in canon because if the creators allowed anything else it would solely be The Horrors

tbh you're so correct about this. let bolin have Feelings, 2024!!! (i find it so interesting that the general consensus is that bolin is more well-liked by the lok fanbase, but mako's fans are deep in the trenches whereas it's a lot harder to find active bolin fans. i stay forever respectful of the even fewer of them out there. not entirely sure how to articulate it, but yeah. bolin deserves better both from canon and the fanbase and one day i'll have to deconstruct his entire existence because he's just a fascinating creature who represents sort of a paper cutout of a stereotype

which, for the record, is not to say I like [mako's] hair. I want him to grow it out more so he stops looking so fucking dumb with his stupid pointy ass hair (I really really really hate mako’s hair)

HAHA that's valid. tbh i'm pretty neutral towards it; i like s1-s3 hair better than s4 hair because while i think that mako's poor attempt to comb himself into some semblance of Proper Society is pretty accurate to his character, i'm just not a big fan of it (though the fact that it looks bad is probably a further testament to his character never finding proper integration into society)

he’s just a girl (insert sad coquette hamster)

again. coughing at the essay i'll never finish writing on this. (okay off topic but i really really love transfem mako so much but also just fem mako in general and i need to put this out into the world. early lok fandom was on a seriously good kick when they were all drawing and writing lesbian makorra is my confession. mako being a girl makes my brain whirr)

also if you have any,, fic recs,, I would be very not opposed,,,,,

fic recs list i've written up but there's a lot of other good ones out there. immediately off the top of my head, people whose writing on mako i really like in general include slacktension (incredible author & artist from original airing with a mako voice of all time and great character dynamic exploration), rockingthegraveyard (best mako & bolin dynamics), wastetimeandtype (i especially like their casual ship fics and they made me an accidental fan of huan/mako), deerstalkerdeathfrisbee (wuko author but their mako voice is impeccable), bobtailsquid/steinbecks (another author from original airing whose writing style is just so poignant and accurate to character), themanofmanyhats, and velkynkarma. idk how you feel on makorra specifically but i confess, i accidentally really do like them and there's a lot of good stuff on ao3/ffn for them that i could share :P and i too am a fan of makorrasami but tragically, there's not a lot of that out there; however, all of old_and_new_friends' makorrasami works are fantastic. they're a multishipper who writes a lot of mako and very well, and while while i haven't read a lot of their fics because not all the ships speak to me, the ones i have read are all great. so yeah i'd suggest you take a look to see if there's anything there up your alley!

raava gets really fucking confused being in their first ever mixed kid and just. skips right back to air after mako. would that not be the funniest shit ever. like the earth kingdom would already be pressed that their go was a mixed kid who was a criminal firebender for the first bit of his life, but imagine how the FIRE NATION feels having their avatar “skipped over” because mako (again, CRIMINAL FIREBENDER) was technically a fn avatar.

okay this is actually so funny what LMFAO i didn't take into consideration that the avatar of the generation being from your nation is probably generally a point of pride and that mako's general existence is like,, the greatest possible insult to that in all the ways khsjdfbhfhsdbh i might have to casually include that in some outsider pov because the sheer comedy potential oh my god

do you think they could take on a mentor or distant relative role for mako?

i realize i probably didn't word it very explicitly in my initial explanation of this au, but what i actually meant was that raava couldn't leave the non-aang host entirely until their death because her presence was vital to their living. it's casually playing off the theory that yue was meant to be the water avatar, and so she was born sickly because of the absence of spiritual energy her destiny had intended for her — that raava's presence plays a role in the sustaining of her host's life. to sum up what i mean: raava is the vital life juice infused in the destined avatars. (roughly. it's been a while since i looked at this theory lol) therefore, while they continue to live independently of aang's actual death, raava can't move onto the next avatar until this not-avatar also dies. so they are very much dead as mako's immediate predecessor. but it's a great idea and i love that your brain thinks this way!

mako’s struggle is that outside of life-or-death combat? he’s about the same as a nonbender. because bending has always been a risk—a life threatening and life ending risk—and one he isn’t willing to take unnecessarily. his journey is learning that bending can be used for more than harm or to enforce fearful order.

oh interesting take. i can see that. in planning this au, i was thinking more among the lines of him only viewing bending other than fire to be a risk, and that he only ever figured out earthbending up until the point of where the story starts, but yeah i didn't really consider which element would be his block. he's honestly a pretty versatile guy in my opinion — i feel that he moves in a very airbender way (read: korra's spiral-motions in a leaf in the wind are meant to demonstrate her picking up mako's style of deflection, evasion, and waiting to strike), but his mannerisms are very earthbender in his stability in reality/rooted nature despite his lack of general stability in life. obviously he's got the firebender in him; i think he has a lot of pent up emotions and he generally represses them very well, but when it does get unleashed then he has a very typical-firebender explosive sort of manner. (i'm still adamantly against the take that he's a hotheaded no-thoughts raging firebender man though LMAO i don't understand how it's such a thing. sorry for the tangent. i'm resigned.) and for water, i feel it's adjacent to air in being less about head-on motions, and it's pretty reflective of mako's tendancies of roundabout-ness when it comes to matters of the heart. i don't really know how to articuate it but he has the most waterbender vibe. it's the katara so what i'm saying is that i don't really see him struggling with any of the elements in the way aang struggled with earth and korra with air, and you pose an interesting point. i'm not sure if your proposal would be in line with my current planning of this au, but it's still a really interesting idea that i'll mull over! it's a neat segway into the whole amon/equalists arc that i'd never cover but would still be set in the near future and i like the concept. thank you for sharing :)

but he looks very fire nation in canon

oh yeah i agree LOL i've seen edits of switching mako & bolin's eye colors (+ that iconic screencap from s1e2) and as much as it doesn't suit him i still stand by that he SHOULD'VE had green eyes and bolin gold. it's a small detail i've seen randomly included in a couple fics from way back when and it always makes my heart happy haha. i agree that lok dropped the ball in terms of portraying all the mixed families that exist in the series and that there was so much potential there, both with mako & bolin as main cast characters and background in the kataang kids (plus by proxy the airkids) — not just in the crossover of cultures, but just physical character design as well.

(also katara & mako parallels actually drive me crazy too lhfdhgksfjd)

(gonna be real dude by the time we finish feeding off of each other we're going to have oc-ified mako so much that he's not even from the legend of korra anymore)

i really love receiving your asks!! <33 but yeah this was a long one so it took a while to find the time to sit down & deconstruct into halfway cohesive responses. i'd love to chat about mako with u more in greater detail but it's a little bit tough with these longass askbox exchanges </3 i'll just put it out there — if you're comfortable, feel free to reach out to me from your main and we can talk through dms! and if not i'll always be happy to receive you in my inbox; just know that my responses will tend to be delayed because i have a lot going on in my life haha. it's lovely to hear from you again :)

#lychee acquires and answers asks

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songsofloretto · 4 years ago

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Kieran gave me this earlier. I like writing for Kieran. He's a nasty bastard trying to turn his life around which makes him multi-faceted but as a character giving direction he's easy to 'feel'. Kieran never does third person perspective. His stories are always first person and written like a commentary.

Kieran, Nicky, Rory and Matthew

Sainsbury's, May 2021

"Uncle Kieran can I have these water pistols?"

It's been 30 years since I last took a child grocery shopping. It was bad enough in the 1980s with the kids wanting the sweets at the end of the checkout and all that. Fast forward to the 21st century and the problem has absolutely mushroomed, along with the size of supermarkets in general. Before I went to prison supermarkets only sold food. These days they sell everything from sun-dried tomatoes to fecking funeral plans. Nothing is sacred from these corporate giants. There are whole sections devoted to toys so there's no avoiding the inevitable pleas from children presented with their every wildest dream every time you call in for a pint of milk. Our Matthew's grandson is no different. The little lad is only four years old and to him this toy section is like every Christmas morning he's ever dreamed of all rolled in to one.

"Eh?" I say.

Rory lifts a box of four water pistols from the shelf and almost topples over under the weight of them. I grab it quick and steady him before he smacks his head off the corner of a shelf.

"Woah," I say to him, "steady on, our kid."

"I want these water pistols," Rory says emphatically, "there's four altogether. You, me, Uncle Nicky and Grandad can all play with them in the garden."

I look at the box. The pistols are nothing special. I've seen more power in a carrot. But the kid is right. It's a boiling hot day and perhaps an hour in the garden shooting each other up is exactly what this fecked up family needs to bond.

And who can say no to little Rory, who hasn't seen his daddy in over a year. Deaglan has been stuck in New York over this bloody pandemic, unable to get home to his son, missing out on all the drama we have going on here. The kid, innocently caught in the middle of it all, deserves a little joy in his life. I take a pistol out of the box and work my finger over the trigger, pretending to shoot, while Rory laughs and crouches down low.

"Aye you can have them," I tell him, and ruffle his hair with my fingers.

Right on cue the ever uptight Nicky slides up to us, almost falling over himself in his desperation to spoil any fun. He's swaggering about in his police uniform with a stick up his arse as usual. No tie or epaulettes but you can still tell he's an off-duty police officer. The cunt.

"I don't think so," he says rather efficiently as he plucks the box and the pistols out of my hands.

"What the f...Nicky!" I say, and pull the box back from him, "what's wrong with you?"

"I don't think it's appropriate for children to play with guns," Nicky says matter-of-factly.

"Aww!" Rory whines, "please, Uncle Nicky!"

His face creases and I can't bear to see him look sad. I know from experience that arguing with Nicky isn't easy. He's a jumped-up, self-important and arrogant little prick. In fact he's just like me when I was his age. It amuses me somewhat. I know that he'll get wound up like a clock if I challenge his decision - and I'm really trying to make friends with him, honest - but I've got to try and change his mind, for the little lad's sake.

"Well they're only water pistols," I say with a little shrug, "not gonna do much damage with them, eh, Nick auld fella?"

Nicky pulls a straight-laced expression and looks down his nose at me like a seasoned bloodhound would look at a yapping pup. He thinks I'm scum, I realise as we face each other off. He'll always look down on me like this, because in his bright, British eyes I'll always represent the dirty side of Ireland. I feel the vein on my temple flicker. I have to take a deep breath to keep my cool.

"It's not about any potential risk of damage," Nicky breaks the tension between us with a belittling little sniff, "it's about the psychology. Teaching children that guns are good fun and can't hurt anyone is a slippery slip. Before we know it he'll be twelve years old and shooting up his gym class."

"Fuck off Nicky, this is England, not America," I try to laugh off his point but he just keeps staring.

"And I don't think you, of all people, Kieran O'Driscoll, are in any position at all to be encouraging my nephew to take an interest in firearms," Nicky looks down his nose at me again.

I've been trying hard to handle his snooty arrogance for weeks. I really have. But something inside me snaps.

"Why?" I ask, squaring up to him, "because I was in the IRA? Is that it?"

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 79 years old. Nicky is 45. I haven't got a chance against him in a fight, especially not with all his police training, but it's my pride that pushes me on. I have to stand up for myself, be a man about it. Teach this little arsehole a lesson.

"Yes," Nicky nods his head, "because you dealt firearms for terrorist organisation. And I don't want you playing with any sort of gun, imitation or otherwise, in front of my brother's son."

Deaglan is Nicky's own twin brother. They've never met. They were seperated at birth. Deaglan stayed in Ireland with Matthew, Nicky went to England with Kate. And now he fancies himself as the big Englishman, the creme de la creme of Britishness, superior above each and all other nationalities. And he spent his whole life loathing the Irish for putting his mother in a wheelchair. She was was a British soldier, victim of an IRA bomb, Newry police station, 1975. Sad story.

It was a terrible shock to poor Nicholas Jamie Hawley when he discovered that his father was not, as his mother always told him, a dead British soldier who died for his country in a halo of bullets. His father Matthew is in fact a proud Ulsterman who is very much alive and even did time for murder. Nicky's brain must have exploded inside his skull when it tried to digest this information. When he realised that half of him bled for Ireland it nearly knocked him sick.

But he had to get used to the idea because this pandemic threw us all together under the same roof, forcing us to learn to love and live with each other. And so here we are, factions of a long-estranged family trying to find common ground, and about to start fighting over water pistols in Sainsbury's.

"You'll never forgive me for being ex-IRA, will you?" I ask him.

"Never," Nicky lifts his chin, "once a terrorist, always a terrorist in my book."

"I did my time, Nicholas," I tell him, "27 years in a hell-hole of a prison. Oh Lord I suffered. And I'm deeply sorry for my transgressions as a younger man."

"Sorry will never be enough," Nicky whispers, "what your sort did to my mother..."

I close my eyes. I don't like think of it. And all over some water pistols to make the little lad happy!

The Voice of Reason enters stage left. Here is Matthew O'Driscoll, everyone's favourite peace-keeping fence-sitter. He spent an age parking the car and has only just joined us. He's as Irish as I am but everyone loves him, even Nicky, because...well because he's Matthew. Need I say more?

Matthew is astute. He studies the body language between me and his long-lost son and folds his arms, awaiting explanation.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"The wee bairn wanted a few water pistols to play with," I said, "and PC Gobshite over here has got an issue with it."

Matthew looks at Nicky who blushes a little as if he suddenly feels rather foolish.

"I didn't think it was ok," he says. His mouth is suddenly dry and he swallows, "to promote guns to a child. I'm in Loco Parentis for Rory. Deaglan has trusted me to look after him. I don't want to fuck it up and send the kid back to his dad thinking guns are ok. Because they're not. What would Deaglan think of me?"

He gives Matthew a slow look. Matthew nods his head. He is trying to understand Nicky's perspective. The man is nervous about all this family stuff. He's still reeling from the shock of discovering he has a family he never knew, that the family is Irish, that there is a man out there in the world who shares his face. Appearance and reputation is key right now. Nicky has never been a parent and suddenly, thanks to the pandemic, he's stepping in to care for his twin brother's son. He wants to do a good job. Of course he does.

It's interesting that Nicky never gives Matthew any stick about being Irish. Let's not forget that Matthew did prison time too. In 1994 he shot his own best mate in the head to stop the IRA from kidnapping and torturing him. We've never spoken about the fact it was me who ordered Brophy's kidnapping in the first place. If I'd have got my hands on Donnachadh Brophy all those years I'd have cut his balls off, fried them in Crisp N Dry oil, added little salt and pepper to taste and made the cunt eat them. But not now. I've mellowed out now. I'm not like that any more. I wouldn't hurt a hair on Brophy's head if he were alive today. And I don't deal in guns. Except water pistols because...well they're water pistols for feck's sake.

"You mean you've taken offence to Kieran handling a gun because he's Irish, is it that it?" Matthew asks.

"Not because he's Irish, per se," Nicky says, "but because of...it's because he has previous."

Matthew nods. The simple action brings calm to the situation. Nicky is feeling heard. He relaxes a little.

"I know you still suffer the fear of the IRA," Matthew says to him softly, "I know as a kid they haunted your dreams. You grew up thinking you had to protect your Mammy from them. But it's all in the past, Nicky. Wether we like it or not we're all together now and there are things we have to forgive each other for if we're going to survive this virus. And survive as a family. Because that's all any of us ever longed for, isn't it? It's time to let go, son."

Matthew takes the pistol from Nicky's grip. The police officer tightens but then releases his hold, surrendering control to the father he never knew he had, and letting go of the toy gun. It's very poignant, metaphorical moment. Makes the man in me uncomfortable so I try to inject some humour to make it bearable.

"Fecking hell," I scoff, "who do you think you are Matty eh? A walking example of the Good Friday Agreement?"

Matthew doesn't take his eyes from Nicky's face. A silent agreement is passing between them.

"Shut up, Ki," Matthew says without looking at me, "it's all right, Nicky. We're going to take these pistols home, fill them up with water and have a big old laugh together. Three generations shooting cold water at each other. And it will be safe, it will be ok. Because it's what families do together all the time."

"Ok," Nicky starts scratching at his arms in that way he has when needs to self-soothe with a wash, "we'll have a water fight. Together. But I'll need to get a shower first."

"If it makes you feel better," Matthew nodded.

He understands Nicky's need to be clean better than I do. I've never known a man so obsessed with washing his skin, changing his clothes, marinating in aftershave because unfamiliar smells upset him. As soon as you walk into the house we all share his first question is 'have you washed your hands?' He won't let you touch anything until you wash your own hands at the kitchen sink. Which by the way is a Belfast model. That little detail is lost on Nicky. It brings me a private sort of amusement.

Nicky's scratching intensifies. We'll have to hurry up with the shopping now because he has it in his head that he needs a wash and a preen. If he doesn't get to a shower soon he'll start getting all upset with himself. There's no time to argue now.

Matthew hands the pistol to the four-year-old whose innocence is responsible for bringing us all together. And then we all walk on, four abreast, to find the pint of milk we all came in looking for in the first place.

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louisdungo · 5 years ago

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FILM BLOG

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Here are eight (8) films I have recently watched...

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Maynila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag (1975)

This film is directed by Lino Brocka and stars Bembol Rocco, Linda Koronel, and Tommy Yap. The film revolves around Julio Madiaga (played by Bembol Rocco), a young adult from the province who went to Manila to find a job and eventually found himself into a society in which he becomes hopeless while learning that his old flame, Ligaya Paraiso (played by Linda Koronel), is also within the city. The movie as a whole was engaging right from the start until the end and it is really a must-watch. I, for one, started to appreciate more of the local films after watching this movie, even the vintage ones before my time like the film Batch 81 by Mike de Leon. I think its good to see such original narratives from local films nowadays, considering the amount of film festivals that we have as of now -- but if you would think about it, there's no local film like any other when compared with Maynila. There were actually no characters from the film that you would not be interested in. I symphatized with the main characters especially with Julio, since every situation he comes across in the film was very harsh that he can't seem to do anything about them but instead, he would often run from it. The main protagonist, Ah Tek (played by Tommy Yap), was very subtle throughout the film because you wouldnt expect him to have such a big turning point to the story and for Julio as a character later in the final act of the film. I saw the film only with its restored version which was made possible by Mike de Leon, who is also the cinematographer of this film, and they did a pretty good job on remastering its cinematography. The audio was a little blown out even with its restored version but I was able to understand most of the dialogue anyway. Overall, Maynila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag gets more and more intense every after scene and I think it deserves to be recognized by everyone.

The Birth of a Nation (1915)

This film is directed by D. W. Griffith and stars Henry B. Walthall, Lillian Gish, and Ralph Lewis. The film is centered around a family from the north and south of america during the civil war period and how they eventually became at war with each other that results with the birth of a racist and aggressive nation, hence the title of the film. This is an important part of the history of film since it is the very first feature length film with a narrative. However, the film was unessecarily three hours long, at least for me, and it is also a silent film as a whole in which I wouldnt blame the filmmakers for it, given the time it was made. The film eventually shows the main protagonist's descent into madness as is explicitly shows how the birth of the Ku Klux Klan came to be. I think it's not that controversial enough, based from some people who have watched the film, since it is somehow for the viewers to be aware not only of the history of the KKK but also to be aware of the impact on racism and how it is still relevant until now. The final act might be the most brutal part of the film since it shows how we, humans, can do something unimaginable. I think The Birth of a Nation, as a whole, doesnt fear to show the dark truth in which the society could possess towards people of color and it would be rather recommended for people who are interested in what the first feature film was like.

The Jazz Singer (1927)

This film is directed by Alan Crosland and stars Al Jolson, May McAvoy, and Yossele Rosenblatt. The story revolves around a boy named Jackie Rabinowitz who is interested in jazz and wants to become a jazz singer but his father (played by Yossele Rosenblatt) whom, is a cantor, is keeping him from doing so since tradition must be passed on to him. Years later, Jackie (played by Al Jolson) grew up and was able to follow his passion whilst finding love along the way and must decide whether to keep on being a singer or to stick with his tradition and stay with his father. The Jazz Singer is known as the first "talkie" film in which dialogue can be heard in the film, except there wasnt much scenes with actual speaking voice on it and can only be heard whenever there are scenes in which Jackie is finished singing. What I like about this film is the narrative and the acting. The story was simple yet well executed as a drama movie and Al Jolson steals every scene that he is on. The final act might be my favorite part of the film because it was riveting and sad at the same time which ended on a perfect note. In Jazz Singer, I learned how you can follow your passion wherever you see yourself fit despite what others tell you to be what they want you to be, and there's nothing wrong about it.

Citizen Kane (1941)

This film is directed and written by Orson Welles and stars also himself as the lead role, along with Joseph Cotten and Dorothy Comingore. The film focuses on the mysterious death of Charles Foster Kane (played by Orson Welles) in which a reporter is assigned to unravel the truth behind Kane's mystifying last words. I have to say, this film is far ahead of its time when referring to itsediting and cinematography. The story and especially its atmosphere is what I liked the most since I am more into the noir type of films, like Sunset Boulevard (1952). Every scene gets more engaging as you progress through its narrative. All the actors who took part did a brilliant job, but Welles made himself stand out among the rest of the cast. His portrayal of a man who was able to get everything he wanted, and wasnt really satisfied after all -- is beyond phenomenal.

Pink Floyd: The Wall (1982)

This film is directed by Alan Parker and Gerald Scafe and was written by one of the band members of Pink Floyd itself, Roger Waters. It stars Bob Geldof and it is a visual representation of the band's album of the same name. The story revolves around a man named Pink, a musician scarred for life who pondered on his childhood memories inside a hotel room and isolating himself from the society in which he symbolizes as a wall. This is actually the first album I have heard from the band and I started to appreciate more of their songs after watching the movie. It was captivating until the end since it is visually hypnotizing with all its twisted animations throughout the film, all thanks to Scafe's vision of the album. The way I see it, I think it shows how some people who happen to have a depressing upbringing could actually be forced into isolation and absolute madness all because of its noxious society that's surrounding them.

Hugo (2011)

This film is directed by Martin Scorsese and stars Asa Butterfield, Chloe Graze Moretz, Sasha Baron Cohen, with Ben Kingsley. The film is centered around an orphan named Hugo Cabret (Asa Butterfield) who is living inside a clock beyond the walls of the train station, and yet no one had any knowledge of who he is and where he lives. Hugo constantly works on an automaton in which his late father (played by Jude Law) had left him, not knowing that there is a secret message hidden within the automaton. Out of all the films Scorsese had made, this might be the only light-hearted one since most of his works are brooding and grounded. The film, as a whole, is well-directed. The story, the cinematography, the editing, every element evokes a youthful bliss. Hugo’s connection with the other characters is what simply made the film entertaining. The film also pays tribute to the first pioneers of film which can be quite educational in some way. I think every aspiring filmmakers should witness one of Scorsese’s masterpiece since it will make them appreciate and learn more of the filmmaking industry. Perhaps this film might be one of those reasons why I love filmmaking.

YIELD (2018)

This documentary is directed by Toshihiko Uriu and Victor Tagaro. It mainly documents the lives of nine (9) children namely Essam, Jason, Omar, Alex, Edralen, Glady Mae, Rommel, Ariel, and April as they endure child labor under the third-world conditions. Yield was somehow sad to watch since we get to witness some of the children’s deprivation of dignity which harms both their physical and mental state. This was not one of those typical documentary films since it is more observational – immersive, and no interview of some kind. Despite their hardships in life, some of them never yielded until they have reached their goals and some of them unfortunately never made it along the way. Yield was interestingly made in a span of five (5) years. I never really was interested in watching documentaries and maybe it depends on the subject matter, but this made me appreciate more of the alternative styles or modes in documentary filmmaking.

Batch 81 (1982)

This film is directed by Mike de Leon and stars Mark Gil as Sid Lucero in a brutal and grounded depiction of what newfound members of a fraternity has to undergo in order to become one of them. Basically the whole story revolves around Sid Lucero with six (6) of his other friends that decided to join a fraternity called the Alpha Kappa Omega (AKΩ) since they find it advantageous throughout their lives. As the film progresses, it gets more and more intense since their fate and friendship is immensely tested as there’s no turning back when joining the said fraternity. This is also one of the many Mike de Leon films in which it deals with the psyche of the Filipino people during the Martial Law years. It may not feel like a blockbuster-budget film but the story was powerful, all throughout. Batch 81 showcases how fascism has affected our human nature and captures our hunger for power wherein some people would tend to see themselves above everything else, and in that, it was a strong movie as a whole.

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kansascityhappenings · 5 years ago

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Research Medical nurse who family says died from COVID-19 remembered as a hero

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Family and friends are remembering a Research Medical Center nurse who was just one week from retirement when her family said she died of COVID-19.

Celia Yap Banago was a very popular nurse at Research Medical Center. Messages have been flooding social media. The community and her family have been hit hard by her loss.

“She had no idea three weeks ago she would be going into the room with a person with COVID and trying to figure out what to do,” family friend and spokesperson Ben McAnany said. “And she did that no questions asked, knowing the risks and continuing to go in and save that individual.”

RELATED: Research Medical nurse just shy of retirement dies from coronavirus, union says

Risking her life to save others, that’s why friends and family of Banago call her a hero. Working on the front lines of the COVID-19 crisis, Bonago died just a week shy of retirement.

“That’s why she is a hero in this because she doesn’t ask questions. She does her job,” McAnany said. “She does it to impact who she can, and in this case, did it beyond all things to give her life for her practice.”

A beautiful woman with a bright spirit and a smile that warmed hearts, Banago left the Philippines in 1970 in search of a better life and found it in Kansas City. She was a wife and mother to two boys and had a 40-year nursing career.

During that time, Banago took care of patients and coworkers and became a leader among them.

Julie Perry with the union National Nurses United said Banago was one of many nurses at Research Medical Center who expressed concern over inadequate COVID-19 preparation at the hospital.

Nurses at Research participated in a protest earlier this month because of what they said was a lack of preparedness for COVID-19, which placed staff and patients at risk.

“You shouldn’t have to fight to get equipment to take care of your community,” said Theresa Perry with Share the Love House, an organization dedicated to improving the human condition.

Perry placed flowers and balloons outside of Research Medical Center to honor Banago and shared her outrage over what she calls a lack of safety equipment for front line workers in the COVID-19 crisis.

“There’s no way in there any doctor, any nurse, anybody on the front lines should be dying,” Perry said. “I’m just upset about it, but I’m here because it hurts my heart, and I know it hurts everybody else’s heart. We need them. We need them bad. They need to have what they need to take care of us. It’s sad to me.”

A spokes person for HCA Midwest Health said Banago’s cause of death has not been determined. The health system’s statement continues:

“We are heartbroken by the passing of our colleague, Celia Yap-Banago, a nearly 40-year nursing veteran at Research Medical Center. We’re thinking only of Celia and her beautiful family right now. Celia had a deep commitment to her patients and her family, and a passion that endeared her to the nurses, physicians and every person she touched.

“Research Medical Center is where Celia chose to spend her 40 years. We are deeply disappointed that while we continue to mourn our dear colleague and friend, Celia, the union is seeking to exploit Celia’s death as an opportunity to criticize the hospital for a global PPE shortage.

“Not only is this simply not the case, but the challenges the pandemic has created for hospitals are well understood. Research Medical Center is doing everything we can to protect our colleagues, not only today, but ensure supplies of personal protective equipment (PPE) well into the future. Our preparedness and planning started months ago and since the outset of the pandemic we have followed CDC guidelines for PPE.

“We will continue to honor her legacy, pay tribute to her, and support her family, her community and our colleagues. We all deserve the opportunity to mourn the loss of her.”

There will be a vigil for Banago at Research at 8 p.m. Thursday. The organizer said everyone will be wearing masks and practicing social distancing.

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/news/research-medical-nurse-who-family-says-died-from-covid-19-remembered-as-a-hero/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2020/04/24/research-medical-nurse-who-family-says-died-from-covid-19-remembered-as-a-hero/

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davidaolson · 6 years ago

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May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. ~Edward Abbey

I hesitate quoting Messr Abbey in an essay on Sedona. It feels like another act evoking the reeking, bitter stench of betrayal to South Utah. I need to remember, Cactus Ed was a capital ‘P’ Prophet speaking in defense of all Wilderness for wilderness sake, not just the bottom third of one Western State and, I guess, that makes quoting him appropriate to this occasion. In hindsight, it is also apropos for the hikes over the next three days were crooked and winding and hundreds of feet dropping dangerous and we experienced some amazing views particularly while resting in a crotch at the top of Cathedral Rock.

Unfortunately, this was Spring Break so the lonesome component was mostly missing. Not lonesome as in longing for company. Lonesome as in the solitude from which one can enter the serenity necessary for the soul to become whole.

The Information Man

Rather than jump right into a dawn hike, I’m an early bird married to a night owl, my wife convinced me we should visit the information booth at the bottom of the road leading to our hotel. Her travel instincts are top notch so I tend to bow to her acumen. We had to pass that way anyway as it is the only way to get anywhere from our hotel. First, we loaded up on water bottles and trail snacks at the CVS across the street. There was no way I was going to get caught out again on a hike without water and eats.

The information man recommended numerous potential hikes including Cathedral Rock. He also cast the very bright lure of a ‘free’ scenic helicopter ride valued at $200. Once the hook was set, we were gaffed by the requirement to spend a couple of hours at a timeshare presentation. These were events my dad milked for free goodies. To date, I had avoided the trap. But the promise of a helicopter ride over red rock mesas at sunset was too sweet to forego. The fifteen minutes in the air was worth the two-hour sinking of our time.

Cibola Pass / Soldiers Pass / Brins Mesa

By the time we had eaten breakfast, loaded up on trail necessities, talked to the info man, and reached the Cibola Pass trailhead (recommended by Info Man. The other trailhead tends to be very crowded making it near impossible to park) it was closing in on noon. Normally, that’s a bad time to kickoff a Southwest, desert hike. It was in the lowish 60s so from a temperature standpoint, it was perfect. For great, magic hour photos, we were half a day too late.

Cibola Pass

We parked at the Brin’s Mesa trailhead at the end of Jordan’s road. These lots require a $5 fee paid at a kiosk, money earmarked for trail upkeep. We easily found the trail by the rustic sign with coloration putting it in relative harmony with the country. The thick gauge steel was built to withstand major, physical abuse.

Cibola Pass is a short six-tenths of a mile stroll rising 135′ at the peak then dropping down 119′ where it connected to the more popular Soldier’s Pass trail. In the guidebooks, Cibola is given about as much respect as a bastard, red-headed stepchild. After all the trails we walked and the rock mammoths climbed, Cibola ended up being my absolute favorite of the lot. It is in a designated wilderness area, the Coconino National Forest, which means the trail is off-limits to mountain bikes, horses, and motorized vehicles.

The temperature dropped noticeably the moment we left the sunny lot and dipped into the shaded trail. At the same time, I was hit by a coursing wave of nostalgia knocking me back on my heals, a nostalgia stoking my base impulses. The fresh juniper scent, the contrast of primary burnt red against secondary dark green, the stillness and quiet allowing me to feel my soul…for a few minutes…until it was all shattered like a Trump promise by a person almost as boorish as El Presidente.

A guy on the first red crest we approached was laugh yapping loudly on his cell phone telling whoever was on the other end about the amazing signal in the back of beyond. Yap, yap, yap, and more yappity yap. Argh! His wife was standing nearby smiling at him. Why was she not condemning his selfish behavior? It was as obnoxious as running a circular saw during the blessing of the sacraments at a Catholic mass. The intricate wilderness is sacred beyond the simplicity of the most elaborate man-made structure deserving even more respect than we save for religious temples. Worship should be expressed in the god designed not the human-built.

Chillin’ at Cibola Pass

I jumped from serene to redlined agitation in zero point zero time. I wish the national forest also banned talking on mobile phones except for extreme emergencies. We moved off the trail creating our own side pathway by scrambled over rocks and around the fauna until the couple was far out of our earshot and we could proceed in peacefulness.

Cibola is home to some amazing fauna, from ancient juniper to fleshy prickly pear and century plants, none of which were in the fast growth blooming stage. We came across one century plant drained of life-giving chlorophyll. Did it live to be a ripe old 100 and erect the giant cream tipped phallus or did it fall limp before shooting its load? There was also pothole filled with dead snow but strangely devoid of animals partaking of the desert sacrament.

Escaping the phone troll found us creating a makeshift trail opening to a vista revealing the grandness of sheer, red rock walls, vista similar to those I adore around Moab. I stood in awe of their majesty. Most of my pictures on the four-hour hike were taken in this one short stretch of heaven. It was beautiful, untainted by other people, filled with mesmerizing silence. I could have spent the entire day in abiding in the energy. I’m not talking the mythical vortex energy but the energy of untrammeled nature. The aura of Cibola strongly alluded to god. The one shortcoming, it lacked the twisted manifestations of gods mind revealed in the bizarre rock formations so evident in Canyonlands or Bryce or Arches. I’m more comfortable with a twisted god than I am with a boring linear god.

Cibola touched an itch that needed to be scratched. I’ve been trying to return to Moab for three years but the timing never panned out. This short trail scratched the itch deeply, satisfyingly, but not completely. I would need to return here at least once more before the trip was over and I needed to return alone. I was unsure of how I would make it happen. But it HAD to happen.

Dead Snow

Prickly Pear

Dead Century Plant

Vintage

Beautiful Scener

Obligatory Posing

In the Arms of A Dead Tree

Strange Hashes

Bark

Denuded?

Soldier’s Pass

Cibola connected to Soldier’s Pass and the next leg of our hike. Soldier’s pass climbs 200 feet over 1.8 miles with most elevation gain in the final quarter mile. Soldier’s Pass is rated higher as a great hike than Cibola. I could not disagree more. Cibola packed more punch as far as scenic ambiance than the 3 times as long Soldier’s Pass.

Soldier’s is a backcountry highway. We encountered a jeep by a massive sinkhole along with a throng of visitors…well….a throng for a backcountry site. There were quite a few mountain bikers for whom we had to stand aside so they could pass. Personally, I love mountain biking and would never begrudge their rights to ride. From a hiker’s perspective, they destroy the solitude like a jet flying high overhead shatters silence. But then so do loud hikers.

Seven Sacred Pools

The Seven Sacred Pools is listed as a highlight of the trail system. It’s a series of seven sequential carved into the sandstone. Water spills from one to the next on the way to the creek below. The flow between the pools was little more than a trickle.

Typically, in desert conditions, water is an element to be celebrated, a god bestowing life on any being partaking of the elixir. My overall impression was Meh! I found little with which to be impressed. Or there have been other factors inhibiting my ability to appreciate the natural phenomenon.

It may have been the incessantly loud woman with the strong New York accent who seemed to talk for the sake of talking, one of those people uncomfortable with silence because, in quiet, they are forced to experience their inner being. It may have been the nonstop human traffic polluting the tranquility.

Had we been alone, or there been only like-minded people exercising sonic discretion, I could see it being a positive experience. I would have climbed up onto the large rock beneath a brilliant juniper adjacent to the creek and listened. Listened to the wind flowing through the trees, the trickle of water jumping from pool to pool, watching for animals approaching carefully to slake their thirsts. I would have left an offering of nuts and seeds on top of the rock for the local critters and birds whose lives are adversely affected by visiting humans.

I don’t mind meeting the occasional people hiking as long as they understand the sacredness of the open spaces. Most do. Hikers are almost universally people who walk with light footsteps so as to disturb neither animals or fellow hikers. It is those who are obnoxiously loud and treat the outdoors as a local park that I prefer to avoid. The obnoxious American tourist is still alive and thriving and more dangerous to the human condition than hungry bears.

The dream of an enjoyable seven sacred pools was shattered by the nightmare reality. There was so much tension building up in my spirit within moments of arriving, I felt driven to bounce to anywhere else in the trail system. It was a godsend that just past the seven pools the number of people dropped precipitously and we could entertain the illusion of backcountry hiking solitude allowing space for my spirit to return to the rhythm of a meandering walk, like a slow river, in the wilderness. But, the trail was soon to be a steep ascent so, as a flowing river, I had to put forth significant effort to overcome gravity and ascend to Brin’s Mesa. At the top, I wondered, where will the water fall?

Brin’s Mesa

Arriving at the Brin’s Mesa trail intersection, I realized my original goal for this particular hike would never be achieved. A big reason I wanted to take this loop was for an entire day meandering without time worries and for the maps showing a spur to a natural arch existing between the seven pools and Brin’s Mesa intersection. I planned to lay beneath the arch admiring the handiwork of wind and water. We never found a marker for the spur trail. The arch visit did not materialize.

About the same time, an earworm crawled out of my subconscious surfacing in my conscious. Time. Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future. We had to finish the hike with enough time to eat before our helicopter ride. The plan to linger, to move at a glacial pace in rhythm with geologic time was supplanted to one of time management. I prefer vacations unbounded by time constraints. But, there are so many places to see and so little time to explore.

Retirement is not a big deal for me. I enjoy my work, look forward to Mondays…most of the time. This, however, was a point I longed to be retired, without time commitments at the other end of the wire. I would have returned to this trail the next day or the day after or a future day when the trails were free of spring breakers and hiking would be with a sense of solitude, a portal to the spiritual and connection with goddess Earth where I could layabout for hours grappling with myself or, like Jacob, wrestle with god for control of the universe.

Brin’s Mesa began with a stretch in the sun. The weather was relatively cool and low humidity making the hike pleasant. We met a few hikers with their dogs in tow. Well, not in tow, the dog’s were pulling the people along. They seemed to relish hiking as much as their human companions.

Halfway across the Mesa, we took a side diversion to bag a summit. Well, a tall rock mound requiring minor free climbing skills. It overlooked the valley we traversed. I envisioned myself the second to last red headed condor in existence surveying my domain seeking a mate or a meal, bumping into a hot condor babe while our heads were buried in the fetid corpse of a rotting cow experiencing love at first bite.

But Condor doesn’t have a red head, you say? Some are tinged with a pink-orange but not red. I am my own Condor…or…maybe Turkey Vulture…no…I’m Condor with a great wingspan casting terrifying shadows o’er the land when soaring close to Sister Sun. Given a choice, I would have stayed perched atop the summit until I became a god claiming all I can imagine for my kingdom. But, earworm kept nagging me, time was not on our side nor was the solitude necessary to transform into a deity.

Brin’s is a high Mesa. Our car was parked in a valley. Elevation was the name of the game. The outward dropped over 330 feet in less than half a mile. We carefully navigated the steep declines grateful not to be hiking in mud season. The severe angles would have found us falling on our asses repeatedly.

The final mile was uneventful, a slowly descending walk on a wide path beneath a canopy of trees. We didn’t see any barefoot ninja wannabees carrying swords. For bits, my wife and I walked silent hand in silent hand marveling at our good fortune to be in Sedona occasionally commenting on the beauty. This stretch was sufficiently different from my beloved that I didn’t experience lust…although I did experience a raging hardon to stick myself deep into Cibola Pass again and again. My wife must have noticed the lustful look flashing across my face.

“Are you enjoying Sedona?” my wife asked. “Ya…but…I feel like I’m cheating on Moab?” What does that mean?” “Moab is where I first fell in love with Redrock. It is a place I can see living my last days and will hopefully be interred for eternity, interred without a casket so nature can recycle me, maybe a vulture will carry my soul heavenward while coyotes grind my bones to dust. Being here, enjoying red Sedona, feels a bit like I’m cheating on my real love like I’m having an extra-terrestrial affair.” “A what?” “An extra-terrestrial affair. I feel like I’m cheating on my earth soulmate for a semi-attractive floozy!” “Isn’t an affair supposed to be exciting?” “Sedona is enjoyable but being here, enjoying the red rock here comes with an undergirding sense of betrayal. I can’t stomach betrayal…either betraying or being betrayed. It fucks with my sense of self.” “And you feel you are cheating on Moab?” “I know it sounds crazy.” “It sure does.” “I have a deep sense of guilt gnawing at my sense of right and wrong. I feel…corrupt, dirty.” “But it’s only land. It’s not like betraying people” “It’s the land and what the land represents. My first time in Moab was like coming home though I’d never been there before. It changed my sense of reality both internal and external. It’s hard to explain. Whenever I’m out of sorts, going through a rough patch, Moab is where I go for healing. It is my center, the locus of my being. She has never failed me. Not once.” “I guess if you feel this guilty about land, you would never cheat on me.” “True data, baby. True dat.”

We finished the hike in silence. Me trying to reconcile irrational feelings of earth betrayal and wondering how I would get back to Cibola, alone, and test my blood. Her, I’m sure, wondering what the hell goes on inside my mind.

The Helicopter

After another ridiculously expensive meal with mediocre food, it seems all food in Sedona is overpriced except for the tasty organic Thai Spices restaurant we ate at twice. The first time it was no waiting. The second there was a longish wait so we took our food to go. One of our breakfasts set us back $50 for nothing special, typical eggs, links, potatoes, pancakes. We lunched on two pops, a foot long sub, and a 6-inch sub for which we were gouged for $35. I can see paying a premium for quality food but these were kinda meh, not nearly as good as Subway which tastes better by virtue of being half the price. Before the chopper flight, we had so-so burgers at a very slow serving Bar & grill. On the plus side, the fires were crispy. My recommendation for Sedona either eat at the Thai place or make your own food. It will save a ton of money. After the burgers, we moseyed on up to the airport for our helicopter ride.

Our hotel wasn’t terribly far from the airport. Still, we took the car. The long hikes left a lingering dull ache in my knees. There was more hiking on the horizon thus the car.

Before boarding, everyone weighs in then are arranged to balance the load. I was lucky to be chosen for the co-pilot seat giving me a wide and distant view. The three behind were forced into a more limited perspective. The fifteen-minute ride, normally $100 per person, was way too short especially that time includes the takeoff and landing along with approaches. There was probably 10 minutes, maybe less, to actually view the spectacular landscape. Not nearly enough to absorb the majesty. I was glad we chose to fly late in the evening. The colors were warming up increasing the beauty in the eye of this beholder. It’s really difficult to describe the experience so the pictures must suffice.

Co-Pilot

Helicopter Scenery

Cathedral Rock from Helicopter

Helicopter Scenery

To be continued…

Adultery in Sedona, Part 2 May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. ~Edward Abbey…

#Sedona

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