#welcome to shitpost hour

[scholliski]

how did Riko gaslight everyone into calling him the son of exy? like sure Kevin might be but Riko?? that man’s literally a nephew of exy, not even the nephew, this is so embarrassing for him

[citricacidprince]

Adventure time au where everything is the same but the only clothes Simon and Marcy could find in the apocalypse came from Spencers

I just think they deserve to have father-daughter bonding/trauma time while looking absolutely ridiculous, is that too much to ask?

Don’t ask why I put so much effort into this, I was in a wild sleep deprived state 💥

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

I'd like to congratulate you on getting your CPR certification.

Now remember, when you’re going in for compressions, it should sound like somebody is standing behind you with the worlds largest Dorito and cracking it open!

Go in firm and hard and snap as many ribs as you can on the way down, that means you’re doing it right.

You save that life. Good luck.

Or... Or... Or kill them, I don’t fucking care.

Audio source

[torchickentacos]

Me when I fail my exam because instead of studying, I spent an hour drawing surprised pikachu in google docs over the script of the first pokemon episode:

[ajcrowlor]

- Hello listeners, I hope you've all voted correctly in the current poll, otherwise we can't reallyyyyy be held responsible for what might happen to your family. So like, maybe just vote?

- And now, the weather: 🎶

DID SOMEONE SAY CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER MY BOYYYYY !!!

so yep we had a mini con this weekend and i had to resurrect one of my fave cosplays For The Meme™, especially seeing that it's nearly been a full 10 YEARS since i first did cecilos with @thegirlwithmanynames at Mtl ComicCon ??? (and now we are doing the dating uwu 💜💚)

👏🏻 CECILSWEEP 👏🏻 LET'S 👏🏻 GO 👏🏻 VOTE 👏🏻 !!!

[pinknyellowblob]

pov: you're a bug

[stuckasmain]

Road-trip au

The discovery one is just a nice SUV, and Hal is the cars navigational and computer system. They drive out into the desert but hal malfunctions because there’s a new road not in his files and they get incredibly lost.

They’re stranded by some rundown Jupiter themed tourist trap. Frank hitchhikes out. Dave spent a little bit too long in a hot car and is a little high/lucid from the heat but probably fine if you take him to a doctor.

2010 would just be everyone else coming to help, having a ACTUAL road trip au experience of bonding and having a great time lmao.

[marciliedonato]

"where's mcr5" well you see there's this glue trap... Yeah it's stuck there :// sorry

[liminish]

POV u r an apple

[vykko]

my current WIP

I couldn’t find a model anywhere for a gurney and couldn’t be bothered to down load one from steam

so medic is just dragging spy

I’ve heavily fucked up spys shoulders

Any suggestions are very welcome

There’s things I need to tweak like eg fingers, most of sniper, adding lights and making scouts body look less stiff same with medic but it’s getting there

(Edit) Since I think no one sees the reblog of the finished image

here you go

Also a friend at first thought the models were broken bc they turned blue lol

[fleurdriviere]

I have no darn idea how to draw Wally Darling or how to draw at all

[sysig]

I need someone to make a post like

I'm so sick of "platonic ideal" this and "platonic ideal" that where the hell is "erotic ideal" "sexy ideal" "horny asf ideal"

so I can draw ZEX as a word bubble reblog to it

[torchickentacos]

More pokeani textposts <3 part [whatever we're on now. idk. 5? 6?]

[clumsyexpression]

⊶Keepin' it ℝeal⊷

I've been really into the marines/government folks lately, and I know they aren't the type to easily be swayed when it comes to making up their minds 🥰🥰🥰

Rob Lucci, X Drake, Rosinante accidentally ~2.4k words (in total) some hot and heavy themes, but... if you know me by now, ya know ͡° ل͜ ͡°

Lucci

Being in the presence of such a profound and intimidating man was no easy feat – each glance he cast your way felt like a finger pistol straight into your heart, and when you realized you were still breathing, his occasional seductive smirks laced with poorly contained lust put your heart to the test time and again.

You knew he didn’t necessarily lack patience, but more so he didn’t care for any delay.

That much was evident when he set the round snifter down onto the table with a little less delicacy as he had earlier before, when the night was slightly more young; the remainder of the amber drink being drained effortlessly as it marked the final obstacle between you two getting to the main event of the night. Dinner by candlelight was nice and all, but it was evident that it was you who he hungered for based on him undressing you the whole time his eyes laid upon you. The one of many smirks that’s been tugging at the corner of his mouth finally widened into the mischievous smile he seemed to be suppressing all evening.

Imbued with a new sense of urgency, Lucci stood before you, almost taking out the table as if it stood in the way of his cravings, his desires. He loomed over you with no intent to leave until sated.

“Y/N, I’m done wasting time.”

It didn’t take much to get past the sheer chiffon that draped your shoulders and barely covered your chest; a clean and effortless swipe of a finger cleared the way, and you couldn’t decide whether his deftness reminded you of his feline tendencies per his devil fruit or if it was thanks to the expediency of what his job called for.

Either way, no longer did any of  your pesky clothing obstruct Lucci’s visage as the sight of your undergarments seemed to make his jaw drop onto the floor – joining some of your damaged clothes thanks to his impulsive handiwork.

However, the desirous scrutiny you were once under seemed to twist into.. a daze? disgust? disappointment? On most occasions, you were rather proficient at reading the taciturn man, but in this moment, it was hard to tell..

“Leopard..print?”

Lucci’s eyes lingered only a second more on your feline-inspired lingerie before meeting yours – looking for confirmation in his disbelief. You couldn’t help the small smile that was breaking free from containment, as you took this as a good sign; that he couldn’t believe you would do this for him, and you wanted to show how devoted, how serious you were about all of this.

Your smile beamed into a grin as you spoke.

“I knew you would like it- ”

“I don’t.”

“…huh?”

You were taken aback by the harshness and brevity of his statement. Your grin wilted into a pout as you tried to make sense of his disapproval.

How could he not like it…?

“But it’s your- ”

“Exactly. Y/N, do you- ” he cut himself off before steeling his point across through a narrow glare. “I will ask you this one thing, but regardless of the answer, you will leave.”

The space between you increased, but the heaviness of the room remained.

“What if I wore a human suit? Used your hide as undergarments?”

The hesitancy in giving a reply and the dryness of your throat gave away your non-answer, and he could only move to wring his tired brow from the impending headache coming his way. “Leave.”

“T-to be fair, you kind of already are wearing a human suit since you are a- ” you attempt to reason but he was hearing none of it.

“Go.”

“BUT YOU ARE WEARING A HUMAN SUIT! WHAT IS YOUR SKIN COVERING??”

“Y/N.”

“…and you could have worn my ass,” you mutter under your breath as you collect yourself from the table and readied to leave. “Wore my ass OUT- ”

“NOW.”

a/n: sorry that I like watering down his meanie behaviors but if you tried any of this fr fr you would be dead lmao just sayin

X Drake

It wasn’t often that the two of you were able to be alone, away from it all - away from the world, away from the navy, away from the…

Riiiing….ring

Well, almost completely alone.

This transponder snail has been giving you the creeps lately; for a government issued communication device, it sure had a way of…malfunctioning, as of late. The slight and almost inaudible ring of the snail did not go unnoticed by you, but it definitely went unnoticed by Drake - who already promised that nothing could get in the way of him getting to you now as he pinned you to the bed between his arms.

He just mustered up enough courage to finally touch you without fainting on the spot, and just as you were about to congratulate him by directing his hands to the prize, of course there would be a distraction to keep that from happening.

A gangly stalk veered in your direction from across the room on the dresser as Drake somehow didn’t take any notice, which garnered a creeping smile from the not-so-discreet gastropod. It was obvious that he’s been pining to touch you as your blouse started to inch its way up due to the guidance of some grabby hands, but you just couldn’t work in these conditions.

“It’s watching us.”

“No it isn’t, it’s just there.”

Drake, despite being a super-secret covert double agent, didn’t bother to ask what you were even talking about as he attempted to continue on with his exploration. As much you wouldn’t mind, you did, however, mind having a spectator.

Growing a bit bold from the non-attention of Drake, both eyestalks found their way to your persons as Drake vied for you full and undivided attention by locking you down into an embrace, sealed with a kiss. 

Right as your shirt was beginning to give up on concealing what wasn’t already visible-

“Is someone hacking it – is it eavesdropping?”

Very and visibly annoyed that you won’t stop talking through a kiss, Drake sat up halfway onto an elbow to see what was so important to interrupt.

“It is a living creature, it, uh, moves from time to time.” The conversation tested his patience as  Drake tried to politely assuage any concern and worry you had into undivided attention back to him.

As soon as he redirected his focus back to you, the snail whipped its spindly eyestalks back to you at an unnatural speed for a typical snail. It was at this point that you knew something was definitely up with this thing.

Sitting up immediately on the bed – causing poor Drake to lose his balance down to the floor – you point an accusing finger at the snail, which also happened to be at the exact moment it decided to act natural.

“DRAKE. IT WAS WATCHING. I WANT IT GONE.”

“Y/N, I can’t just get rid of it,” Drake huffed in frustration as he pulled himself up from the floor – the building aggravation evident in the speed of his speech. “It’s my only means of communication and I can’t just turn it off or on like talking about it.”

“Well, I can’t be turned on until you turn it off.”

“Are you..are you suggesting I kill  it?”

“W-well no, just cover it up or something – I don’t want to see it, see me.”

“Then it will suffocate and I can’t hear it ring.”

“Don’t you stuff that thing in your pocket all the time?”

“It’s close enough I can hear a call.”

“Drake its so ugly and slimy and if it as much as look at me one more time, I’m dousing it in salt.”

It was at that point that sad eyes wandered to meet Drake’s, confirming that its feelings were hurt. Also because a glance towards you meant that death was imminent.

Almost as if a bait-and-switch of sour-then-sweet when it came to the two of you, Drake immediately fell for the dejected eyes of the snail over your malice towards it.

“Y/N, you need to apologize.”

A steeled tongue – much different from the one prodding around in your mouth moments ago – spoke as if you committed a crime against the government personally and demanded amends.

“What is happening- ”

“Nothing until you apologize.”

“Not happening.”

The heat that once simmered the room chilled off into tension as the three of you sat in silence at an impasse.

“…did you really just include the snail as a person in this argument??” you ask incredulously, crossing your arms in front of your chest in offense that your current reality right now is being ruined by a damn snail with wandering eyes and your lover is apparently siding with it??

“It’s sitting right there and you were the one to rope him into this.”

“Drake, I don’t care what you do but I want him out of here!”

“Say less.”

Drake stomped over to the dresser where the crestfallen snail sat – whisking the transponder snail up with a loving but brisk scoop and stormed towards the door.

The passing glance that you expected from Drake didn’t come from him, but instead from the transponder snail as it continued to eye you down with a knowing squint – confident of its security in Drake’s arms as he passed you by.

a/n: this really reminds me of the stupid trope of your pet/family photos/ungodly collection of squishmallows watching you while you try to have some personal time but there’s just too many eyes watching you, man. Also, this man is gonna blow his cover because those transponder snails are marked by the Marines and its so obvious pffft. Also also, those poor transponder snails know too much and its not even their fault lmao

Rosinante

Tonight, you really wanted to test the limits and see how far you could go and how long he would let you.

You two were already breaking the rules - with you being in his barracks and all – but to violate the noise ordinance with offensive and suggestive noises? You were just asking for a dishonorable discharge. And with no thanks to your service.

Over an hour had passed and you two were still going at it. Or better yet, you were still going at it whereas Rosinante was running low on patience and composure – ironically enough.

“Y/N, can we please just settle do-”

“Wait, after this one, because I really need to know after this one to make sure you aren’t playing me,” you insisted before moving on to the next thing on tonight’s itinerary.

“Please just trust me on this, Y/N. If the 50ft rope of firecrackers, the TV at max volume with the already illegally louder-than-normal commercials, incredibly out of tune bugle, and the rinky-dink blender full of peach pits and ice didn’t alarm anyone, I assure you, I assure you, we will be fine.” Rosinante emphasized the running list of noise pollution with a finger count that was about to get longer as he awaited your next escapade.

And it didn’t take long.

“Sengoku smells like eggs!”

Rosinante was taken aback, that’s for sure, but you couldn’t tell if the crimson creeping up from his chest to his face was from him trying to stifle any laughter back or him possibly being offended – seeing as how Sengoku was pretty much his dad.

The thickening silence was practically palpable as it weighed you down, along with the heavy and unrelenting glare that Rosinante hurled at you.

Although there was quiet, it wasn’t the same empty quiet as times before, like when the blender was whirring or the TV blasting. There was a medium in the air, but was it…Rosinante’s annoyance?

“Admiral Sengoku.”

You forgot your formalities when making a childish insult, and to someone as dear to Rosinante, at that.

“It’s ‘Admiral Sengoku smells like eggs’,” Rosinante asserted, but soon realized his faux pas once the correction blurted from his mouth, and even more so when he made the declaration a little louder than he intended.

The both of you were stupefied that that would even come out of his mouth and the each of you swung an accusing finger at another – both of you surprised but also to prove a point; you awaited to see if his sound barrier was legitimate and that no one heard his little announcement, and Rosinante pointed in shock that he would even let that come out of his mouth and hope no one heard that because he definitely let his guard-

CRRRRRSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!

Reminiscent of a giant, jolly refreshing pitcher of red sugary drink, the golden and much more angrier counterpart of the Kool-Aid man crashed through the wall – actually demolishing the entire side of the barracks in which a handful of other marines resided – much to the misfortune (or…fortune, if you’re into Sengoku balls or whatever I don’t know pffft) of being on the lower floors of the residence hall and waking up to peer into a golden loincloth.

“Rosinante, I smell like what?”

Rosinante could only gulp back a response since it was obvious that actually giving one would more than likely be worse; he was an honest man and couldn’t help himself – especially when it came to Admiral Sengoku. The best he could do was stand at attention and hope the fringe of hair covering most of his eyes could protect him.

“Not only violating ‘Light’s Out’ with unauthorized guests, but also violating the noise ordinance ON TOP OF disrespecting your superior with-“

“Eggs.”

Like two owls turning their heads smoothly on a pivot in unison, Rosinante and Admiral Sengoku faced you with as many definitions of the word ‘incredulous’ could give.

“That’s what Rosinante said.”

Sengoku blinked back with slight surprise that you would actually  repeat it and Rosinante with the inevitable fact that he’s definitely the one taking the fall for all of this and you’re definitely digging a deeper hole from him to be buried in.

“He said you smelled like eggs. ‘Admiral Sengoku smells like eggs.’ Yeah. WELP. Guess I’ll be going now, don’t want to break any more rules than I have already, sir. Good night <3”

You decide that instead of trying to reason with a hulking golden man that is easily 30ft tall, it would be best to let a father and son talk things out without you getting in the way of things.

You leave them to their peace and quiet.

[sunbloomdew]

also i just found out that if you click the scroll wheel on the mouse you can take a screenshot without the dialogue window and all that stuff and WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME???? i'm an obsessive screenshotter i need that info (╥ᆺ╥；)

[gothamcityneedsme]

this game SUCKS for telling you you are best friends with a guy you killed like, ten hours ago