#weird that they're showing even who's already dead but I guess this works as a poster for both parts of the arc

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

om gosh just- alister getting into some trouble with some mean people but then, out of no where- a odd looking & powerful Zoroark (Hisuian) comes out to protect them! and they're badass! they got one eye damaged, their body is littered in scars and maybe a arm is missing? they been through some tough stuff but they see Allister as one of their children. and surely, allister has them on their team now? also, what would the other gym leaders think of his new pal?

"How does a kid like him get a gym leader position?"

"It should've been me, I have way better ghost types!"

"And he's always wearing that creepy mask. What's he hiding from us?"

Allister could feel his heart hammering in his chest every minute he was out in public. All he wanted to do was take a quiet walk through the Slumbering Weald and not draw too much attention to himself.

He really didn't want to be seen by anyone right now.

It's already been a bad enough day for him; the last thing he needed were cameras and phones being shoved into his face--he's gotten enough of that during today's interview.

He was asked how he felt about Victor/Gloria defeating him in the championship tournament, and he didn't have a solid answer. He only found himself getting upset over the whole thing again.

Even though Leon always told him to take his defeats in stride..it was still hard.

So he cut the interview short and ran away, making it clear he wanted to be alone without the company of bodyguards.

Why would he need them when he had Pokémon like Gengar? They're the only ones who really understood him. They never gave him weird looks for talking to the dead.

Yet he suddenly began to second-guess his decision, considering he now had no shelter from the comments of passerbys.

They doubted him all because he was the youngest of the gym leaders and wasn't as confident as the rest of them..and it wasn't right. They didn't know him like the others did.

He worked so hard to get to where he is now....not to be heckled and ridiculed for just being a kid.

Luckily, the Slumbering Weald was rather quiet at this hour-

"Use Thief!"

A flash of black and orange suddenly dashed in front of Allister, causing him to help as he stumbled forwards and collapsed to his knees, scraping them hard into the stone. The shock of the surprise attack led to his mask falling off and clattering to the ground.

Before he could reach for it, a Thievul snatched it up in its jaws, darting back to someone who was whistling for it.

He looked up, a hand over his face as he stared at the duo who attacked him: a teenaged trainer boring a smug grin, and their dark type by their side, holding his mask hostage.

And they weren't alone, as another trainer showed up with their Obstagoon, who took the mask from Thievul and wore it on its own face as mockery, laughing.

"You better give that back!" He cried out, horrified and angry. "Y-You two don't know..who you're messing with.."

"I think we already know." The Thievul's trainer sneered cruelly. "You're just a weak little kid. Did you know that you're the most unpopular gym leader in this week's poll?" They waved around their rotomphone

"..I-I don't care about popularity.."

"Pssh. That's a bloody lie if I've ever heard one." Obstagoon's trainer huffed. "Ya really showed your fans how selfish you actually are. Ya wouldn't stick around for autographs and just ran off...how do ya think Leon and the rest of 'em will feel when they hear about that?"

"Stop it..please." Allister begged, his hand grasping Gengar's dusk ball in preparation.

"I doubt they'd want someone like you representin' the-"

"VUL!!"

Out of nowhere, a blast of dark purplish energy careened into Theivul, causing it to slam into the nearest tree and flop to the ground like a ragdoll. Its trainer looked bewildered, confused as to where that shot came from.

Then a blur of white appeared and snatched the mask straight out of Obstagoon's hands, much to its shock as it looked all around...unable to see who it was.

But soon they all heard a spine-chilling howl, spinning their heads to find out that the source was you.

A white Zoroark standing in the fog.

Yet while you certainly looked like one, your hair was drastically different compared to the usual tied-back look of normal Zoroarks. Instead, it appeared as long shaggy wisps with red streaks waving all over the place and covering one of your eyes.

Not only that, but your whole body looked as though it's been through the toughest of battles: scars littered your torso, some patches of fur were entirely missing, and--to Allister's shock and sadness--you only had one arm. The other was nothing more than a stump.

Even so, you weren't backing down as you stalked towards him, the bullies, and their Pokémon, teeth gnashed in anticipation.

Thievul and Obstagoon both took up protective stances, ready to attack on their trainers' commands.

Except..

No commands were uttered for a few long moments, and they looked back to see the sheer horror plastered on each of the humans' faces.

"I-It's...a...a....IT'S A ZOMBIE!!!" Thievul's trainer shrieked, forcing their fox partner back into its ball. "So the rumors are true..y-you really CAN summon the dead!!"

"...huh..?" Allister blinked in immense confusion.

He didn't summon you..

"W-We were just kiddin'. You're great!! You're worthy of wearin' that ghost badge!!" The other stammered, recalling Obstagoon. "We won't bother ya..e-ever again...just...."

They took one look at you, and as you growled lowly, the two trainers screamed and ran away.

"WAAAAAAHHH!!!!"

"DON'T EAT OUR BRAINS!!!"

After their voices faded and Allister watched them disappear for good, he looked back up at you in wonder. No longer was he covering his face, so you could see his eyes practically sparkling.

"They were wrong." He whispered. "You're no zombie. You're...the Hisuian Zoroark I've read about."

Of course you were. He's heard about this variant from what he believed were just myths of the Hisui region that existed long before Sinnoh. From what he knew about them, and judging by your current appearance...the agony you suffered in life was also reflected in your death.

Had he not been a ghost trainer with such a unique connection to the type, he would've thought you were a zombie, too.

As your gaze pierced through his soul, he remained on the ground, feeling as though he got hit by a frozen status effect. He didn't dare to move, knowing that a Hisuian Zoroark's anger was not to be trifled with.

Perhaps you saw him as just another human to take your rage out on.

For you likely held the same grudge as all the others of your kind...

One that was bitter, eternal, and cold as the frost that took your life after you've spent all your energy and hatred in battle; your scars and lost arm were simply the products of you flinging yourself into vicious fights with humans and Pokémon alike--no self-preservation instincts to be found.

Allister had no clue what you were thinking, but as you suddenly crouched down in front of him, he flinched back, arms shielding his face in fear of what you might do.

"Zo...."

"..wh-what..?" Uncovering his face, he was stunned to see something familiar in your grasp being handed over to him:

His own mask.

Of course. He forgot you swiped it from that mean Obstagoon earlier.

Yet he didn't take it back right away, instead looking up at you and seeing nothing but warmth in your eyes. He noticed the one covered by your hair was blind, given the milky look and the deep scar that went through it.

Despite seeing how you've suffered countless hardships, likely endured an agonizing death, and came back out of pure spite and hatred for humans...

You reached deep into your cold, dead heart and rediscovered strength and kindness--both of which you used to protect this young ghost trainer when he needed it most.

You knew he wasn't like those who exiled you.

No.

He was a friend.

He reminded you of all your children back at home: the Zoruas who followed you in life, death, and the after..fearful of what they've become, but feeling safe when you were around.

You couldn't reach them anymore, yet you wanted to protect someone. Anyone.

And you found Allister.

A small sniffle and whimper snapped you out of your thoughts, noticing the tears rolling down the young boy's face. You frowned a little, looking down at the mask.

Was this not his?

"D-Don't worry, I'm....so happy, Z-Zoroark..thank you.." He whispered shakily, smiling as he took it back, putting it on to hide the rest of his tears. "I..d-don't know how you got here, but you saved me. You put those bullies in their place. Nobody takes me seriously as a ghost type gym leader..much less a trainer..but you do, don't you?"

"Ark-ark.." Nodding, your gaze went to the dusk ball clipped to his belt, and you tapped on it with a rugged claw.

At first, he flinched at the sudden motion, before realizing you just wanted to see the pokeball. "Oh, this? I-It's a dusk ball..a version of a pokeball that helps me catch Pokémon at night. Or in caves.." He showed it to you, allowing you to sniff it curiously-

Only to accidentally boop your nose against the button, causing it to open and capture you.

At first Allister panicked, dropping the dusk ball to the ground as he watched it shake several times, scared out of his mind.

A million thoughts were running through his head right now:

Was it going to break?

Were you going to be angry?

Did you want to be captured?

What if-

*click*

'Huh...?' Bewildered, he looked down to see that the accidental catch was successful. And he picked up the dusk ball, opening it and letting you back out, expecting you to be enraged.

Yet..you seemed content.

You looked surprised, sure, but you soon smiled upon seeing him and nodded your head.

Indeed, you wished to become his partner Pokémon.

"O-Okay..I guess you're coming with me from now on." Allister quietly laughed, brimming with joy on the inside. "But first you should meet Gengar. I think..you two will get along well."

"Zor...ark, ark!"

[saltyfinalboss]

Ngl after watching the new episode of dead cells even though I love the queen upon her reveal I just kinda…went “where’s the servants” like. Where’s the Hand. Where’s Euterpe Calliope and Kleio. Are we like supposed to believe this is hundreds of years in the future from the island being freed or something? Why is the queen, yknow, so different from her actual in game personality. Why is she a pissed off sadist who doesn��t care about her people. In the game she literally sacrifices her freedom and life in an attempt to keep the outside world safe. Why is she ??????? Why would she pretend to be???? The king???????? Where’s the servant???????? Did she split the hand into five fingers?????? What????? Huh????

like I’m obviously gonna see the last episode but I’m just. H u h ?

yeah.. all of those are really great questions and i'm glad i'm not the only one who thought this! i actually have a lot to say about all that so this is gonna be a bit long.

honestly i knew that the servants or hotk wouldn't be in the show as soon as we got the show cover (full of new characters unrelated to dead cells), but after finishing the show i thought about it for a bit and it's just kind of like...

instead of the 5 "fingers of the king" they could've just had HOTK (middelus), time keeper (indexa), and the 3 servants for the other ones? like literally this would've been more accurate to the game (which imo is something that would enhance the show) and it would have taken minimal effort, too! the character designs are already there, no need to use time and effort and money to design new ones! you already have characters you can use with cool designs an ties to the dead cells world! for free! come on!

but they didn't do that, and i don't know why. my only guess is that they were very, VERY invested in the "haha hand of the king = 5 fingers of the king LOLL" joke, to the point where they just HAD to have 5 new original characters for it.

especially when they killed one of the new villains offscreen, and killed middelus with one stab after making hand puns for 30 seconds, it really felt like "oh so these new characters don't really matter, and you couldn't even be bothered to think of what to do with all of them, but still wanted 5 to complete the set". maybe it's not that deep but it just feels so stupid. they could've let cool dead cells characters shine, even for a little bit, but instead it was all just for one big stupid joke.

i wouldn't be as upset about the new characters if they weren't all jokes. i know dead cells is a funny game that pokes fun at itself and video games in general but they don't go as far as naming important characters stuff like "lore exposition" (laure esposito) and "thumbo".

anyways, i got a bit carried away there, back to the other stuff you pointed out. i don't think this show takes place before or after the story of dead cells, i think it's just a weird re-telling, which takes place in the middle of the malaise infection, though more people seem to be alive. trying to fit this show as a whole into the storyline of dead cells just doesn't work in my opinion. (which is ok because i don't think everything has to be in the same timeline, but it would've been cool if it was a prequel or sequel)

i didn't even realise how off the queens character was until you mentioned it, because she barely does anything after the reveal, but you're right! why is she like that? probably because they did not care. LOL. it's sad, i think she deserves better. as for her being in the kings body, i honestly don't know? like show-wise the explanation is obviously because they wanted to do a twist at the end. but in-universe she probably could've just ruled without pretending to be the king, i mean they're both equally powerful royalty. there's a little more about this in episode 10 but i don't think i heard an explanation when i watched it earlier. we'll see.

also totally missed opportunity to have her possess the kings corpse using her homunculus powers instead of whatever happened in the show (maybe it was homunculus possession but they still wanted the queen to have her body so she's recognisable,that's fair)

follow for more dead cells immortalis hatred

[jorisjurgen]

World of Twelve dashboard simulator #2

👁️ katarynadance follow

Freaks may say i want to fuck antonio sadisski from the bontarian boufbowl Love Arrow team. I'm freaks. I mean im freaks. I mean im freaks.

🌌 somethingquietplace

I wouldn't go that far, but NGL, I don't know how one might not develop an affinity for him... Very charming man! He might be the second greatest player after Khan.

Then again, my opinion on who the second greatest player is changes all the time, haha.

🌸 sadidaskickshoe follow

Ehh khan's been dead for centuries....! Let it go. I think he's cool, but thinking nobody will ever be better is crazy...

🌌 somethingquietplace

He developed most of the techniques still used to this day, just so you know. Visit a museum perhaps. It might be helpful?

🎃 sacriblo0ody follow

average khan fan showing how much criticism of his favourite misogynyst he can withstand.

🌌 somethingquietplace

And you're an average 16 year old child with Very Important Opinions trying to educate me nicely.

🧀 cheesefuckersupreme follow

Seeing somethingquietplace and sadidaskickshoe on the same post is kind of terrifying.

#worlds most toxic crossover? #20 callout posts gang real?

(1,582 notes)

🧀 cheesefuckersupreme follow

Guys they both blocked me ASFHFKDKGJSJ

Do i get a boufbowl fandom badge of honor now????? Did i make it in life?????

🦠 gorebludsac follow

I don't think it's a nice way to post, considering one of them is like neurodivergent and a minor, and the other is tumblr user somethingquietplace (diagnosis self explanatory)

🧀 cheesefuckersupreme follow

I'm sorry yeah i forgot that they're both diagnosed.

#ngl i feel bad kinda for both of them

(34 notes)

🌌 somethingquietplace

.

I hate adventuring with other people. Just being there and knowing I'll never be their friend. I want to say something, be in the conversation, but I never know what to say, and everyone already knows each other and

Well even when they don't yet know each other, obviously they'll prefer anyone else over me. They'll give up on trying to talk to me.

It's so weird... I hate everyone. Everyone has stupid interests and tastes. Just braindead things. Romance and fucking and fashion. And all of them have normal lives and normal families and once in a while they ask something about mine and I don't know what to say at all. And I want to be liked. Even if I have zero respect for anyone I want to like me. Is it weird?

I guess I'm just sad because I don't have that innate talent to pretend like I care about other people. Or maybe I wish someone actually liked me besides my family.

#delete later #...I really like this ''forbid others from reblogging a post'' function they added recently #When my dad dies I think I will finally kill myself I guess. #not osu #Honestly I can't tolerate anyone at my work. I hate them all and want them dead. #And I can't tolerate anyone close to my age. #They all insult me. Constantly. You know. #So the only people who like me are my family. #Its neverending. I can't take it anymore. #I think me only liking my family might be a self fulfilling prophecy but i don't care. #or so I think.

(2 notes)

🌸 sadidaskickshoe follow

people who post about their family issues on here are weird.... My brother isn't here but just the idea of him seeing anything on my phone makes me so scared to write anything!! 😵‍💫

#temp

(1 note)

🌌 somethingquietplace

I wish people would refrain from obvious vagueblogging about my deleted posts.

#delete later #not osu

(284 notes)

🌸 sadidaskickshoe

people who stalk other peoples blogs are so weird!! I think it's easier to follow one another. Because this is getting embarrassing for us both XD

🌌 somethingquietplace

Ok.

#Mostly I am following you because you said you liked Khan Karkass. #Even if you don't have good opinions (ones I agree with) on him.

(1243 notes)

🦠 gorebludsac follow

A second mad xelor explosive machine has hit the tumblr boufbowl fandom

#those.two.... are mutuals now. #i canrt stop laughing there are tears rolling down my face #remember when kickshoe told me in explicit detail how she wanted me to kill myself #or how quiet typed out whole 40 paragraphs of threats #and ended that post with ''youre wasting my time away from work'' as if hes not termianlly online too #this is historical for me and nobody else

(46 notes)

🪰 maldemal follow

She throw dice on my tabletop til i eacflipcity

🕳️ eviltreeman follow

Collect my Thirsty Branches

(459 notes)

🎭 syxxxxxaenika follow

Bruh someone tried to kill the prince again and missed. How the fuck does a fifth assassin in a row fail at killing the prince of brakmar!!!! I can't live in this stupid country anymore

🌸 sadidaskickshoe

Even if things suck i dont think killing royals is the answer..... 😰

(109 notes)

🌌 somethingquietplace

Was in a store recently. The prices were disgusting, and the worst of all, the Ministry of Moral Purity wants to propose a tax for being negative about the government... Are we in Brakmar now? Is this Brakmar we're in?

I have something very taxable to say but shall refrain.

🎭 syxxxxxaenika follow

Bontarians when something bontarian happens bontarianly in bonta: is this fucking brakmar

unlike you, I have the free speech to wish death on our royalty. I can say freely that I hope the prince of brakmar kills himself.

🌌 somethingquietplace

It's literally so easy to hate you even besides the holier than thou attitude... Your city has lava. Would a good place to live with good people have lava. Would a good place with good people have invented something called "the Brakmarian burial"?

🎭 syxxxxxaenika follow

You can't be saying that white-blue boy

#WHERE DID A RANDOM BONTARIAN LEARN A 500 YEAR OLD GANG TERM FOR BODY DISPOSAL?? #WHAT???

(24295 notes)

🪄 pantypervert69 follow

CALLOUT POST:

@/xellymelly has been selling re-bought goods from The Mad Xelor. Do NOT buy from her. Not only are they dangerous, they are also wildly past their expiration date. DO NOT USE ANYTHING YOU BOUGHT FROM HER. IT WILL KILL YOU.

🌌 somethingquietplace

If you have items made by The Mad Xelor, Kerubim Crepin from Bonta's Aux Tresors de Kerubim shop has a recycling program for all victims of this scam. He even gives out rewards for all the items you bring in.

I implore you to consider taking the things you bought to him, and making the world a safer place. (And "★bring some magic to your life★")

#not osu #I can personally vouch for this store's quality. It's very well known among some circles around here.

(4838 notes)

🚬 pigpigeazer follow

Everyone always jokes about the bad parts of classes but nobody ever talks about how generous the pandawa are, how honest iops are, how lively ecaflips are, and how empathetic sacriers are

🎃 sacriblo0ody follow

literally im always saying that!

🤖 athefogenesis follow

Except it always comes at the expense of mentioning that their religion makes them ignorant, addicts, or drives them to self harm?? We need to bully people who are hardcore about class tenets harder. You're destroying yourself for some all powerful reality-warping creature that doesnt give a shit about you

🤹 lancerclown420 follow

People like you give us atheist classes such a bad name. Everyone and everything in the world has a purpose, both those who follow a deity, and those who follow a primciple and

Actually they're a sufokian supremacist so nvmmmm

🧙 hupperschlongartor follow

THE NOTES ARE A FREE BLOCKLIST 💀

(637 notes)

🌌 somethingquietplace

.

#not osu #delete later #the thing is that. I never stopped hating him for ruining my life. #But the amount of hatred i feel ebbs and flows. Does it make sense? #This is stupid. So stupid... Like #oh nooo papycha... you neglected me as a child to the point of incurable mental diseases... #They would be better off if I was dead honestly #i need me and my dad to die. #I need everyone to die actually

(2 notes)

🦞 foggerfish follow

Apparently there's a big thing going on in demigod history community because Goultard (you know, the 4847372882843 or whatever year old son of Iop) undied again and was spotted somewhere around Astrubian border.

👽 cvt3-r41nb0w follow

MY WEDDING IS BACK ON NOBODY WILL HOLD ME BACK. He already married witches i can be the fourth

🗣️ thedarkwitchfromthatbook-is-gay follow

Isn't he gay

😈 osawhip666 follow

isn't he a mass murderer

🌌 somethingquietplace

Finally a reason to kill myself?

#I have to work with demigods a lot so... #Wish me luck in avoiding him like plague? #I had horrible experiences with him in the past #but talking about it would definitely lead someone to finding out who I am so... #I hope he kills himself and it sticks for once.

(447 notes)

🪐 8lunarcoeur8 follow

Heyyy

I wish people would stop rb'ing quiet's boufbowl gifsets considering the fact hes racist, misogynist, a freak, a bonta apologist (goes with the racism), has a fucking Maid, and likes some really weird things.

At least kickshoe has the excuse of being like a teen but this fucking guy is just something else.

🧙 hupperschlongartor follow

whatd he do? 🥺

🪐 8lunarcoeur8 follow

Says weird things about brakmar (x, x, x, x, x, x, x, and mooooore), is a freak (x, x), and a misogynist (x, x, x) (STOP STANNING KHAN KARKASS) also he's weird about huppermages and self described his class as an antihuppermage and even though it was like 200 years ago hes a wholeass immortal man and also is Still a weirdo about ecaflips.

(385 notes)

🌌 somethingquietplace

RE: the newest cancellation

I don't care about your feelings and I have nothing to apologize for.

#not osu

(1842 notes)

🦴 skellythievin follow

Not me honoring sram by stealing bones from the graveyard 😭

🦴 ougigou-woof-woof follow

LEGENDARY POST

#WHY DO I HAVE THE SAME PFP AS THE BONE STEALING SRAM

(59227 notes)

🌸 sadidaskickshoe

Yaaa antonio sadisski won as always!! They should put sadidas like him in the hall of heroes for our country ᕙ⁠ ⁠(⁠°⁠ ⁠~⁠ ⁠°⁠ ⁠~⁠)

👯 mirarynnnw follow

He sucks

🌸 sadidaskickshoe

Hi kill yourself :) /gen

#i was banned from using my phone but ill risk it all again to say that nobody will miss you!

(12 notes)

[amethystina]

Hello, I hope you're doing better.

I just wanted to tell you that since I read the latest chapter of Who Holds The Devil you have revived in me some ideas and scenarios I had in mind about the show.

Like what if everything worked out for Yohan's plans after episode 12 (when Gaon left Yohan and Elijah) without K or Soohyun dying? What would happen then?

Yohan will definitely leave after some point to Switzerland with Elijah because he already planned it for her treatment, even if he is not a criminal in Korea or presumed dead. But how long will it take him to leave?

And what will Gaon do? Will he start dating Soohyun or keep whatever they have between them as it is? If he dates her, will they work out or realise they were better together as friends and family but nothing more? ( I personally believe that when they start dating at the beginning, everything will seem perfect. But as time goes on, they will realise that it won't work out between them as they took a very long time to get to this point, and that it was too late.)

Will Gaon stay in contact with Elijah? (Maybe.) Or Yohan? ( I doubt it.)

Will Gaon miss them? Will he ever realise that Yohan loved him or that he had some kind of feelings for Yohan?

Basically, what would've happened if all the baggage from the last episodes never occurred. After the rejection on Gaon's part in episode 12, I believe Yohan will want to stay away from Gaon but I could be wrong.

The latest chapter reminded me of all these ideas and questions I had, but now we have a lot more baggage and issues to work through which makes me even more excited to explore what will happen next.

I trust your storytelling abilities as they have not once failed me for all this time I was following this fic.

Take care of your self, and when you feel better come back with a new amazing chapter as always.

I'm doing better, thank you 💜

Wow. Yeah, that's a lot of thoughts! And very interesting ones! And I think some of it depends on exactly how Yo Han decides to finish his plans. Like, killing people on national television would still make him a criminal, so I'm guessing that's not what he does? But he still gets his revenge somehow?

But yeah, he'd definitely still go to Switzerland since that has clearly been a part of his plan for years. And I think he'd actually go as soon as possible. Maybe he'd give Elijah time to say goodbye to Ga On, but that depends on what terms he and Ga On are, I'd say. If we assume that none of the baggage happened (including Soo Hyun dying, Ga On attempting to murder Yo Han, etc.) I think that Yo Han would keep his distance from Ga On, yes. Out of sheer pride and self-preservation, if nothing else. And Ga On has Soo Hyun so he wouldn't seek Yo Han out, since he knows that Soo Hyun doesn't like Yo Han and he wouldn't want to upset her.

So, sadly enough, I think Yo Han and Ga On would drift apart. Maybe they'd still cooperate somehow to take down the baddies, but, as horrible as it may sound, Soo Hyun's death actually brought them closer together. Even Ga On trying to kill Yo Han did in some ways since, from that point on, they're forever tied together what with Yo Han carrying the scar Ga On gave him. And without that? With Soo Hyun there to plead with Ga On not to do something dangerous? Ga On wouldn't chase after Yo Han. And Yo Han wouldn't chase after Ga On since he's already been rejected and is too prideful.

So I think that Yo Han would leave for Switzerland with Elijah and Ga On would stay in touch with her, yes, but not Yo Han. Maybe he'd try a couple of times, but Yo Han wouldn't respond. And, eventually, Ga On will stop trying because who is Yo Han to him anyway? Just his weird boss who he lived with for a while — and kind of wanted to take care of because he seemed so lonely — who was also a terrible influence on him. So, clearly, it might be for the better that they don't talk anymore.

(You keep telling yourself that, Ga On)

As for Ga On and Soo Hyun, I think they would start dating, yes, and I think they'd be pretty happy there at the beginning. If in a pretty boring and uneventful way. Like, there's not really much passion between them, is there? But they'd be content. It'd be safe and sweet.

I'm not sure if they'd notice that there's something wrong, though. I think that both of them have been waiting for this for so long that they'd be determined to make it work, even if that means ignoring the warning signs. I honestly think they'd both pretend everything was fine long after the point where it's not. And that both of them would silence the niggling doubts by saying that this is just how all relationships are — there will be dips. Nothing is perfect all the time. And it's not like they're arguing or anything.

It's just a little dull, that's all.

In short, I think they'd be stuck. Not in a way that makes them genuinely unhappy, but they certainly wouldn't be honest with themselves or each other, either. Which isn't the worst way to live, but it's also not the best one.

And I think that Ga On would miss Elijah and Yo Han, yes, though he wouldn't be honest about why he does. He'd just say it's because he cares about them and it's sad that he can't talk to them as often — or at all, in Yo Han's case. And, in a similar vein, I don't think Ga On would try to explore his feelings for Yo Han, or Yo Han's feelings for him. Because Ga On would be able to tell that danger lies in that direction and he'd rather remain in denial.

But he would think about Yo Han a lot. And probably do a doubletake every time they mention Yo Han or show his picture in the media. And he'd ask Elijah about how Yo Han is doing. He'd find himself cooking Yo Han's favourite food, even if he's not there to eat it. He'd miss the house. He'd miss the quiet nights reading.

He'd still wear the watch.

And all that longing would only make Ga On double down and be even more determined to make things work with Soo Hyun. Because the alternative is just too scary. He doesn't want there to be another explanation as to why he misses Yo Han. He wants his safe and happy life with Soo Hyun.

Everything else is shoved aside, pushed down, and ignored.

And, eventually, I think Soo Hyun would notice that something is wrong. But she doesn't know what and, even if she kind of hates herself for it, she's too afraid of the answer to ask. Because she doesn't want to lose Ga On and, deep down, she can tell that he is slipping away from her, slowly but surely. Just from the fact that his smiles are a little too hollow sometimes, and he's often staring off into space, lost in thought. So she tries her best to help him, as always, but, for some reason, it doesn't seem to work as well as it usually would.

But of course it'd eventually come crumbling down. And — since I'm a dramatic bitch — I suggest it'll do so when Yo Han and Elijah eventually drop by for a visit (mostly Elijah's doing, of course, with Yo Han reluctantly agreeing). More specifically the moment when Ga On comes face to face with Yo Han again for the first time in months — maybe even a year? — and everything he's been trying to suppress rushes to the surface and hits him like a freight train.

Because he's been living comfortably with Soo Hyun, sure, and he loves her dearly, but there's not much of a spark. But the one he had with Yo Han? That's been just a softly glowing ember since they parted ways?

Turns out that seeing Yo Han again — and being faced with all that intensity and enticing hint of danger once more — is all it takes to ignite it again. To turn it into a wildfire.

All of a sudden, Ga On is reminded of what real attraction feels like.

And the fact that it's not aimed at his girlfriend is definitely going to be a bit of a problem.

... aaaaaand maybe I should stop now. Because I'm not sure if you actually wanted me to answer what I think x'D

Anyway! Yes, very interesting things to ponder! And I think there are several ways to go, depending on what angle one wants to take and what happened during those last episodes. Like, if Yo Han and Ga On reconciled after their breakup, I think some parts would obviously play out differently. But, if they didn't? I'd go with something like what I said above.

But, again, that depends entirely on what you want to accomplish. Trust me when I say that there are always ways to tweak what happens to your liking but still make it feel in character and realistic. I'm somewhat of an expert on that, I've been told xD

Thank you so much for sharing, anyway! It was a very fun thought experiment! And I do hope to be able to get back to writing sometime soon. I'm actually feeling better than I have in a long time, but I think I'm going to make a separate post about that. We'll see.

I hope you have a great day! Take care 💜

[milkyruins]

## kim gyuvin x reader, TROPHY WIFE

warning, i've never played pubg in my life *puts on sunglasses*

summary: kim gyuvin might have an embarrassing amount of hours on pubg, but can he really beat his partner, the deadly streamer @/not.an_aimbot?

genre: fluff

content warnings: light cursing, fps/shooter games (violence/death/guns)

wc: ~0.8k

as soon as the webcam feed populated the screen, your comment section explodes. his eyes widen like a deer as he tries to catch whatever was being spammed in the chatbox.

"baby, say hi." regaining a bit of composure, gyuvin's normal cheery self comes back. he flashes your viewers that giant smile of his and waves at the webcam.

"woah, staring into this tiny camera is weird. anyways, i'm gyuvin, yn's-- or i guess you all know them as @/not.an_aimbot on here-- partner."

he pauses to stare at you, deadpanning hard. "have i ever told you how stupid your username is?"

you give his shoulder a light smack, which helps his grin return to his face. "hey! i'm just kidding! kind of!" to which he receives another smack.

"how dare you?! you've only been on stream for what... eight seconds and you're already trying to drag my username?" you puff your cheeks a bit in frustration.

"yeah. and?" he grabs your puffed cheeks and smushes them. hard. as you bark whine at him to stop, he decides to deal more damage. "it's like what a 11 year old boy who thinks they're good would name themselves."

after enduring his sweet gesture torturing for what felt like an eternity, he backs off. finally having your cheeks back in your custody, you continue trekking on. "i'm going to ignore that and move on then." you face the webcam again, eyes carefully trained on the lens. "gyu's here so i can deflate his massive ego via kicking his ass in pubg."

gyuvin huffs. "in your dreams."

"my user isn't just like that for show, y'know. i am pretty damn good."

he gives your hair a light ruffle, breaking character a bit. "i know you are, bubs. you're the best. but i have an embarrassing amount of hours on this game and i will not go down without fight." he proceeds to enter a fighting stance, fists up against the webcam.

and suddenly you're giggling like crazy because holy shit, your boyfriend was a dork. it seemed like your chat had the same idea. "ok loser, stop trying to fight the camera and enter the lobby."

-

"'aimbot's carrying as usual. gyuvin... he's trying.' @/not.a_luvbot, well said."

"hey!!" gyuvin grumbles, hands frantically smashing the keyboard for some avail. unfortunately, from the glimpses you took at his pov, it didn't seem to help. meanwhile, you were picking up kill after kill, but somehow couldn't find your partner, who you deeply desired to shoot dead.

"baby, where are you? i have a gift for you." you smile brighter than you have this entire stream when gyuvin shrieks at you to quote, "no!!!! take that gift and shove it up your a-".

since you were doing so well, you decide to take a hard-earned break to admire you boy. his little quirks when concentrating, like his eyebrow furrowing comically and him nibbling on his lower lip, were just so endearing. even the obnoxious rgb lighting of his headset highlighted his features breathtakingly. you give yourself a mental pat on the back for pulling this specimen of a partner.

but you had the gift of death to bestow on the egotist next to you, so you had to get to work. you move a bit so you're on some high ground and watch as your boyfriend, god bless his soul, hobbles into view. he was badly injured already, the poor thing.

oh well.

with a click of your finger, he's dead and gone. i mean, there was a reason you had to clarify you weren't an aimbot, no? the match is called and the username he so abhorred sprawls across your screen (next to the iconic "winner winner chicken dinner" of course) triumphantly.

"i wasn't on my game! babe!!"

you shrug, watching as "gg"s flooded the comments. "yep, good game y'all. bad game to you gyu."

"one more match."

"that's what you've been saying for the past three rounds. i hate to break it to you, but you've been absolutely trashed by a prepubescent boy with no naming sense. three times in a row."

"babyyy..." you don't miss the pout that starts to tug on his lips. it makes you scoff and melt at the same time.

patting his shoulder in mock sympathy, you reply. "it's okay gyu, you can be my trophy wife or something." he snorts at that, minor tantrum seemingly forgotten. he gets up from his stream, giving your cheek a quick peck before exiting from the camera's view. "sure, fine, whatever. what do you want for dinner then?"

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

DBD rewatch notes!

episode 1

Why was Charles making that face before offering Crystal to stay at the office?

Why are they not supposed to interact with the living? clearly Emma has no such qualms.

Crystal speaks up to make sure Edwin hears when she says thank you for taking her in

Why is David a surprising name for a demon? Why IS David called David, if it isn't a demon name?

HOW did I watch the show this many times without noticing the septum ring??

"The living are messy. If she had died last night, I'd have no issue with her being here." OKAY EDWIN. I guess this and the 'no living people' rule must have to do with the Infamous Puppy Debacle of '94. In this case, Edwin is not insulting Crystal specifically, but is being very literal that he would not be worried about taking care of a dead person.

I love how they NAME everything from cases to moves to incidents.

Charles teases Edwin for being jealous, but does he actually think that? Edwin is just overly cautious, and yeah that's causing an issue at the moment, but does he have, like, a record of being jealous of girls Charles likes?

Charles immediately tries to seperate Edwin and Crystal to stop them arguing, and Crystal is like "wait what??" like she's SO surprised. Also kinda love the not-subtle dig at Edwin's behavior. That does not go without retaliation ie: you weren't here when the mail came

WAIT they're going on a walk and taking, like Edwin and Monty. that's cute.

Did Crystal actually thin Edwin was in hero for being evil? I feel like that is surprising to hear regardless. Is it common for Charles to explain to people that his bf was only sent to hell on a technicality??

I think Crystal must have learned about hell from David, because if the ghosts she has met haven't moved on yet they have no way of knowing about hell.

The focus on people staring at Crystal is kinda weird. Does she even realize yet?

What did she used to feel like when people got mad at her for being mean?

What does Charles think about the way Crystal talks about her anger? He says it's cool that she is still alive, but does he admire her honesty too?

The up-and-down when she asks if that line used to work. He didn't even tell her what decade he died. Read him.

Aww she wanted to get Edwin some coffee to cheer him up. She even says hi to him as soon as she's inside. Crystal cares whether Edwin likes her or not. At the very least, she is trying to be nice to him.

How DOES the ghost post work? also the sheer incredulity of Crystal's voice lmao. Why exactly does the mail carrier sneak up on them? is he also dead?

Why does he care who the client is? they already know what the mystery is.

'keep your voice down!' bestie you already flirted at her, she knows.

'it's happening too quickly' Edwin doesn't wanna screw up his routine

good on Crystal for getting straight to business. Becky's ALIVE, boys!

Why do they think Death will come back to the office?

more people stare at Crystal. Dies she really not notice before the malt shop?

I can't help being reminded of that textpost about putting Crystal in the bag and going through a mirror.

Edwin thinks he is so clever with the agency name joke. He is so proud of that one. same thing with his journal of opinions joke. he's having so much fun rn.

I love that every time there's a Jenny scene the soundtrack changes to goth or rock music.

Why is the red LED neat diagram briefly orange and why is Edwin so fascinated by it?

She's scary for all of two seconds before becoming awkward and weird and mean. Jenny, ladies and etc!

Edwin is so menacing here FOR WHAT

Crystal gets the room as is, then never decorates it during the following weeks.

Can those ghosts teleport?? I noticed the dragons so it too, is it a shirt distance thing?? wtf?

pictures of guys, huh Charles? Is there anything else notable about the pictures?

Edwin jesus fuck lay off her. He is looking for just ANY excuse to talk shit.

Charles trying to help out Crystal is nice. I wonder why she doesn't like reading minds though? During the course of the series, she totally volunteers to read minds and it's a go-to solution for her. What happened to put her off it that she doesn't remember anymore?

What'd he do to get burned by the iron?

I guess after knowing ghosts for however long, none of them must have told Crystal about iron.

how does that alarm system via possession even work??

After that silence I kinda thought Edwin went to hell for possession when I first watched LMAO

Esther must have put the shoes in the woods as a distraction. I wonder if the boys would have ever found out if it weren't for Crystal.

they know cats talk and have human personalities and yet Charles sees one and is instantly like "aw fuck off man :((" bro chill

Why is the cat voice so. echoey?

what would happen if somebody tried to sit on the stools that the boys are already on?

Do we ever see anything like this door entrance in a mindscape scene after this? Does she ever walk around while in a trance again?

holy crap Edwin

I guess she takes a while to figure out it's her own brain. mecore.

of course there's an argument now. how could there not be?

then they never follow up on the "our demon" line

poor old Edwin has Charles taking such good care of him that he isn't used to the guy trying to take care of TWO peoples' feelings. Man I know that they don't talk about feelings in your time but at some point you've got to learn that everything you're saying is a fear reaction and not a moral stance.

I love the high contrast in this scene!

Simon's lil smile and Edwin walking away looks SO different with Context.

why tf is the sacrifice named "Mary Ann" and WHAT is Simon's brother into?

"don't do that!" and a breath of relief followed immediately by a jumpscare is SO GOOD. like I get scared by jumpscares but I love when they do it like this.

"It's not that bad" *hoovers the boy* *sells him to a demon*

THE TRANSITION. WITH THE SCREAMING

Why is the same cat here? is he following Edwin? W H Y

you're such a whore 🙄 (cat voice)

What if I offered you a sardine out of my gloves hand and bound you in a magical leash and you were a cat🥺 (and we were both boys)

The cat's mannerisms are pretty convincing IMO. my cat does the same ear thing when she wants me to leave her alone. And the tense shoulder/neck scrunch combo just adds to the effect.

I wish Edwin got to use more magic in the show.

not the apathetic eyebrow raise

me when I dump blood

I love this scene. Jenny is so awkward but also she remembers what Crystal says here. She remembers hearing about Crystal's ex like three times ever and ends up going after that boy with a cleaver. but it all starts with Jenny not knowing if she's allowed to show that she cares.

oh and her shield of cynicism

and the way she asks for more information!!

Charles with the questions! detective-ass.

it's interesting that Jenny and Charles both try to help Crystal while looking through a lens colored by trauma (specifically parental flavored) but Charles is so gentle while Jenny is abrasive.

Crystal! With the self-awareness!!

if you what? finish the sentence, Crystal.

Also she says "didn't you see that" like those pink lights were not symbolic they were real in-universe. Crystal and Niko were still acting hella gay tho. ofc, Crystal was under a spell and Niko is just Like That.

FAIR QUESTION

he doesn't answer whether or not it's weird. He also doesn't wait for an answer of if she'll tell Edwin. He trusts her.

Aww poor kidddsss

Edwin walks in and out of rooms like God sent him

Crystal with the self-awareness once agaiiiin 😎

TRANSITIONS

if she was in that relationship since three months ago and we don't know how long she was possessed for before Emma figured out how to find the boys, she may have already been missing for weeks at this point.

The way she is dressed and the way she's acting is risky different from the memories she gets from the marbles. Is this a real memory? Why would she dress like that, or hang out with those people?

Is the possession paralelled to any of this scary movies that was playing in the theater they go to? bc it looks really familiar.

Edwin is really focusing on the wrong details here, man. Also comparing a scared person to their abuser is not fuckin cool.

YAY! FEELINGS TALK!

I love the sound of his voice in this scene.

I mean I thought it was already clear that neither of them wanted David involved but if Edwin needs clarification that's fine ig

the description of Esther is line a spoken word poem

you know he doesn't get out much when he doesn't know about the internet

Jenny is iconic

absolutely ZERO emotional response to "Like kind of a sexy witch who smokes alot but in a cool way" like maybe they didn't hear Charles. maybe their minds were blocking it out because what the fuck /j

and her coat gets caught in the door and she can't drive. Perfect.

The fuckin twirl. Thank you costumes for cutting the vent stitch because the swooshy coat adds to the effect 🙏

Esther leaves the stove on when she's out of the house? does she want her bird to DIE!? It must be an accident because Edwin has to take it off :o either that, or she wasn't planning on leaving for too long, or knew there'd be someone to take care of it 👀

Also Edwin is EXACT in his reading if the floor plan. Like that is SPECIFIC

is that a sink cabinet? no basin??

an empty cabinet like that is sus anyways. who has that little stuff??

Edwin volunteers and Charles knows he's scared but makes sure he does it anyways. I wonder if there are any more examples of this behavior.

Monocrome; floor littered in bones and shoes. Edwin is 'weighed down'

it's not a void, there's a floor.

Wait Has Esther been planting shoes for the cops to find, then re-stealing them for her snake's nest??

Also how often does she kidnap forms because I feel like she'd either have to run out or get caught at some point.

"bag of tricks" they name EVERYTHING

technically they didn't break in

what did she THINK they wanted?

COLLECTOR

I've already said this but Esther loves things she *consumes*, so her love of birds is kinda bad news for Monty. He's just there to use in her plans.

Also the first time I watched this I thought Esther was trying to kiss Crystal. like that shot is. weird.

Why does Charles want the bird to be his friend and why is he not concerned about its living conditions

rope+ magic weight= OW

technically, since everyone else is only going off of Edwin's (and later Cat King's) word, they might think the snake is huge but realistic. do they know it's like fifty feet??

interesting that they show it takes multiple puffs of smoke to paralyze someone but later when she gets power from that rando ghost she does a whole ranged spell with the pipe because she is more powerful.

that is some weird and impractical snake jewelry on her hand.

MUSIC

appearance ONE of the BAT! he DOES NOT get to use it!

Edwin looks to be MORE bothered by the iron burn than Charles now that nobody is looking.

Do people normally get incapacitated when Crystal does her trick?? or is that special for this time?

I wonder what Crystal thinks watching this possession, since she just got possessed recently.

bag of worms?? not a thing

MONTY im tryna threaten some kids🥺

MUSIC

I guess the woods thing was believable bc she's a girl scout.

Also now that Becky's mind is wiped, she can't see the boys even though she has been close to the supernatural. I guess it would have worked on Jenny too if she chose that.

is now a good time to mention: I LOVE Crystal's weird-ass jacket. and she's wearing overalls again today, like in episode (six? I think?)

so now are they on David's case? I guess not lmao

The Night Nurse's hair is so funny to me. She is the only person who would ever think to wear victory rolls with a microfringe.

why are those photos so low-quality and why is the Afterlife Lost and Found a liminal '50s office building full of women?

[in-need-of-gally-content]

|Chapter•Thirty•Nine|

•|Masterlist|•

Gally and Newt running past him was the thing that snapped (M/n) back to the present, and he took a step forward, doing it again and again until he was running after both blond males.

He stopped next to Gally right as Newt was jumping and he looked down at the Box, "Newt, what do you see?" The entire Glade had gathered around, and were curious about what was inside.

He didn't have to wait for Newt to say it to know.

"It's a girl..." Even while he never took his eyes off the girl lying on the metal floor of the Box, (M/n) could still feel how some guys stared at him, noticing them move out of his peripheral vision, but like always, he ignored them, "I think she's dead."

He never, not even once, took his eyes off of her, her relaxed expression and sharp features, her long dark hair, pale and freckled skin... There was something about her. Something felt off, as if he couldn't- shouldn't trust her, as if...

She was the cause of everything that had ever happened.

He couldn't judge her any longer, as her eyes opened with a sharp breath, gasping for air, "Th... Thomas..." Was all she said before passing out again.

"Still think I'm overreacting?"

(M/n) sighed and looked at Gally before looking down at Newt, surprised to find him already staring up at him, "(M/n), can you help me get her out?"

He glanced around and understood why Newt asked him for help, "Alright." Newt nodded and crouched down to lift the girl off the ground.

"Thomas, can you help me?" The greenie nodded and jumped down, they worked together to get the girl up and close enough to the edge of the Box for (M/n) to reach down for her.

"Okay, I got her," he said with his hands under her arms, while Newt and Thomas pushed her up to avoid hurting her with the metal edge of the Box, "Done, she's out."

(M/n) finished pulling her out and held her in his arms, keeping her sitting on the ground while still unconscious, "Let's take her to the med room," Jeff said as he made his way to walk to (M/n) and the girl.

"On it," before anyone could say anything, (M/n) reached his arms under her legs and around her back, and stood up without much struggle, "Lead the way," he muttered and followed after Jeff and Clint inside the Homestead.

///////

After (M/n) thoroughly checked the girl for any injuries -Jeff's bright idea-, he was finally able to walk out and head over to the Builders, who most likely would have work now that a girl arrived in the Glade.

And from far away he spotted Gally talking with other guys, Dan and Hank, who were Runners so it was weird, well not weird exactly, but they usually talked at night or on their days off work, so he was intrigued, to say the least.

"Hey, Gally," he said as he approached.

"Hi, bean," he replied turning to face (M/n), "How's the girl?"

All (M/n) could do was shrug, "She's still unconscious but she doesn't seem to have any injuries on her."

Gally nodded and frowned, before turning to look at both guys standing in front of him, "Oh, right. Hank and Dan quit their job as Runners and now they're Builders," A smile grew on (M/n)'s face. Dan and he had become good acquaintances, as he wasn't around the Glade much with being a Runner, so he was happy to know that he would have time to be able to get to know Dan better than just surface-level friends.

"Well, I'm glad you're working with us now, but... Have you trained them yet?" A smirk showed up on Gally's face, and (M/n) began to feel panic, "No, Gally-."

"(M/n) is gonna be training you today, I'll do it tomorrow," he watched, slightly offended as Gally turned around and got ready to leave, although he momentarily stopped and frowned in the direction he was looking at, which of course (M/n) followed.

Minho and Thomas were talking in the distance. It looked secretive, and he told himself he would keep an eye out for the greenie.

"Well... Let's get started, I guess," that caught Gally's attention once more and he smiled again, patting his shoulder a few times, definitely holding back a chuckle.

"Good luck, bean."

///////

Well, while training the newbies wasn't a difficult task, they still had to go through the trying-error phase of being a Builder, thankfully, they were learning quickly and explaining more than once wasn't needed which he was glad about.

"Alright, let's take a small break, the heat is getting worse," they nodded and stepped away toward the shade of a tree. (M/n) sighed and wiped the sweat above his lips with the back of his hand, and looked around the Glade.

And pretty much immediately, he spotted something.

He pretended to be working or not paying attention, but he was sure those were Thomas and Chuck by the Maze Doors, and he definitely saw more guys with him. Minho and Fry were two of them, but he didn't know if there were more Keepers with the greenie.

Remaining silent and getting mad, he watched how Thomas ran back inside the Maze and he was glad that Chuck stayed in the Glade, but now he had to go tell Gally. Keeping an eye out on the greenie meant exactly that, keeping an eye out on him, and that's what he was gonna right now.

"I'll be right back, guys," Dan and Hank hummed an 'okay' and he walked away from their working spot, heading toward the Homestead. His best guess was that Gally was watching over Alby, and maybe the girl, but he wasn't too sure about the last part.

And well, he guessed right. Gally was in the med room, sitting on the couch, watching over Alby while carving a new wooden sculpture.

"Gally," his voice got the Keeper's attention, and he looked up from his carving with a small smile, one that faded when he realized (M/n) expression and immediately put everything down, "Thomas went back in the Maze."

He stood up and closed his hands in tight fists, sighing, "Was he alone?" (M/n) shook his head and Gally stomped his way out of the med room, "Who was with him?"

"I could only see Fry and Minho," nodding, Gally stepped out of the Homestead and stood at the front door.

"Keeper Gathering! Right now!" He yelled loud enough for his voice to echo in the Glade, catching pretty much everyone's attention.

Clint and Jeff were the first ones standing outside the Homestead as they had been nearby treating one of the Slicers, "Why the Gathering? What happened?" Newt struggled as he jogged his way over, followed by Billy, Stan and Dmitri.

Gally waited a little bit longer to see if anyone else was coming over, but no luck, only spotting Chuck as he carefully approached them, a scared expression on his flushed face.

"Greenie's back in the Maze, that's what happened..." He replied and turned around to walk back inside, heading to the Gathering room in the back.

(M/n) let them walk in and closed the front door of the Homestead, staying outside and thinking about what to do.

Thomas certainly enjoyed getting under his and Gally's skin so much, didn't he?

A few minutes passed, and he spotted Chuck by the Doors, waiting, obviously he was waiting for Thomas and the others, and (M/n) couldn't help but frown, reaching his hand up to hold the carved moon Chuck made for him. He didn't want to believe that maybe, Chuck had replaced Gally and him with Thomas... Surely not, right?

He glanced down and saw his bracelet, he took a deep breath and sighed. He felt scared. Frightened. He had no idea what the future had in store for them, and he was terrified at the idea of picking between Gally and Chuck. (M/n) just hoped he wouldn't have to pick at all.

Heavy steps headed his way and he looked up, immediately making eye contact with Thomas, who flinched at his heavy glare. While the greenie couldn't hold his stare, (M/n) followed him until he disappeared behind the doors of the Homestead.

He sighed and stood up, walking toward the swing and sitting on it. Almost everyone was pacing around in front of the Homestead, while others continued with their work.

(M/n) wondered what they might have been saying in the Gathering room. He knew what they were talking about, or at least he could guess half of it, but there was definitely something else that Gally wanted to discuss.

He waited for a few minutes, swinging himself back and forth with his feet planted on the ground, his knees bent and straightened with every push as he absentmindedly looked around. The only thing that brought him back was the sound of the Homestead front door being slammed closed.

He glanced over and the slam almost gave the illusion of shaking up the entire structure, but he was more focused on the fact that Gally stormed out of there with a pissed off look on his face.

"Gally...!" He called his name, successfully catching his attention and Gally walked over to him, "Hey, what happened-?" Before he could finish his question, the blond held his wrist and pulled him off the swing, dragging him past a couple of trees, a little further from the Homestead.

They stopped when Gally stopped and he started pacing around, his hands going up to mess with his hair or staying by his sides, clenched in anger.

"So..." He muttered, unsure of how Gally would react, thankfully he didn't snap his anger at him.

"I can't believe this..." (M/n) heard him angry mumbling, and he leaned against the tree behind him, waiting a few seconds for Gally to continue talking, "This greenie... Is ruining everything, every single thing we worked so shucking hard to make work, he just... Showed up and decided he was gonna do whatever the shuck he pleases."

Well, he certainly couldn't deny the fact that klunk went south the moment Thomas showed up, but (M/n) had the feeling that it was done intentionally... And not exactly Thomas' fault. However, he didn't like the greenie in their "past life" and he doesn't like him now either.

"What do you wanna do?" Gally stopped, looking down at the ground for a couple of seconds before looking up at him.

"I want him gone... But it's not like I could, anyway, he has... Newt wrapped around his finger, that's for sure," (M/n) nodded and sighed, staying quiet as he wondered if there was something they could do about Thomas.

Maybe... The girl?

He frowned as he wondered why the Creator brought a girl- a real girl up to a Maze filled with a bunch of dudes.

(M/n) sighed and heard a stick break, he would've ignored it but he looked to the side, into the trees and... He saw someone. Someone was running out of the Deadheads, the hoodie of their sweatshirt up, momentarily stopping to bend over and picking things up, he had no idea who it was, but judging by the long dark hair peeking out of the hood, he guessed it was the girl.

No other Glader had hair that long and that dark.

"Gally..." He whispered and glanced back over his shoulder, "You see this?" He pointed forward with a head movement and Gally approached him slowly, staring in the direction (M/n) was.

"These dumb shanks aren't doing their job," Gally huffed and took a step forward, "She better have some answers, I'm done with this," his long legs took him closer to the girl in a matter of seconds and (M/n) watched from a safe distance, inching closer to him just to make sure he wouldn't snap at the girl, "Hey!"

The loud sound of his voice startled the girl and she drew her arm back, throwing something at Gally before running away toward the Watchtower.

"Gally!" He ran toward the blond who had blocked his head with his arms and had a bruise forming on his forearm now, "Are you okay?"

The blond frowned and lowered his arms, glaring at the girl's back as she kept running, her hoodie discarded on the grass as she probably wasn't wearing it and just had it hanging around her shoulders, and he cursed to himself, looking down at the ground, where the rock she had thrown at him was.

"I'm gonna kill that girl, I swear."

//////

With all the fuss Gally was making, a lot of guys had gathered at the bottom of the Watchtower and were trying to get the girl to stop throwing rocks at them, which clearly wasn't working.

(M/n) stood slightly further behind, wondering if there was anything he could do.

"What don't you go up and try talking to her?" A hand placed itself on his shoulder and he looked over to see who it was. Zart stood there, staring up at the tower and a few guys around them heard the Keeper's idea, and they agreed.

"Yeah! You could probably convince her to come down since... You know..." He frowned at Jason's words but didn't say anything as he also thought this might be the only way to talk to her.

"The bitch's crazy but I will try my best," Gally turned around still guarding his head from her endless attacks.

"You're not going up there," (M/n) looked at Gally and patted his shoulder.

"It's okay, I'm not scared to punch a girl when needed," a few guys around them chuckled and Gally frowned but nodded. It was clear he was reluctant about letting him go up there but it was their only option now, "I'll be fine... Hopefully..." He whispered the last part to himself as he went around and approached the first set of ladders.

"Be careful."

With a nod, he began going up the ladder, trying his best to not make too much noise, although the boys at the bottom were doing a great job at being loudmouths. He definitely wasn't comfortable with the idea of going up there with her, as his gut feeling told him he should not be alone with her, but what else was he gonna shucking do?

Leave the girl up there until she starved to death?

Well... That didn't sound half bad, if he was honest.

(M/n) didn't like her, didn't trust her, and he had a gut feeling as to why that was.

Yet, he had finally reached the last ladder and was within reach of the hatch door, he took one step more up the ladder as he pushed it open.

"Hey-," the moment he showed up through the hatch door, a machete was swung at his head, thankfully, he was ready for something to go wrong so he managed to dodge her first swing, slightly losing his balance, "The shuck is wrong with you-?!"

Because of his bad stance, her next swing landed and sliced his skin open. His arms were raised up in a defensive position, probably a bad idea given the fact that she just tried to chop his head off, but he just didn't have time to think about much when there was a sharp as hell machete used violently against him.

"Shuck!" He yelled angrily and jumped off the ladder, the hatch closing as he landed on the second story of the tower, ripping the sleeve of his shirt and wrapping it around his wound.

"Bean!" Gally called for him from the ground and he groaned, tying the knot as best he could, making his way down the other two ladders, "Clint!" The Med-jack rushed to him and noticed his bloodied arm and how he was still bleeding through the fabric.

"Shuck, okay... Come here," Clint dragged (M/n) away to the swing and sat down on the tree trunks around. "This is gonna hurt," he just shook his head, not really caring about the pain, and Clint got ready to untie the sleeve from around his arm, "Uh... Billy!"

The Keeper ran toward Clint when he saw him with (M/n), "Yeah?"

"Go the the med room and get me some alcohol, a water bottle, gauze and the sewing kit," (M/n) frowned and looked at Clint.

"More stitches?" The Keeper just shrugged as Billy ran toward the Homestead.

"Just in case, I still have to see the wound, (M/n)," he huffed and bit his bottom lip.

"...she has a shucking machete up there..." Clint looked up at (M/n) and nodded, spotting Billy as he came back.

He took everything that was handed to him and took his crossed bag off, placing it next to him on the ground, "Tell the others that the girl has a machete with her, hurry!"

While Billy ran toward the Watchtower, Clint untied the sleeve and dropped it. He grabbed the water bottle and opened it, pouring it on the wound to wash away some of the blood and any dust or foreign bodies that could get in the wound. At least (M/n) got to the point of having his arm numb from the pain, so he thought he was ready for the alcohol to drop...

Boy, was he wrong.

"Son of a-!" He groaned as Clint quietly apologized for the burning and stinging pain he was definitely feeling and grabbed some gauze to wipe the blood off. The wound was still bleeding however it wasn't a deep wound, so a couple of stitches should fix him faster than letting it close on its own, still, he wanted to ask (M/n).

"Well, it's not a deep wound so the stitches aren't required, but it will heal quicker if you have them, what do you want?" He asked while putting pressure on the cut, hoping the bleeding would stop eventually.

(M/n) frowned and looked at Clint, nodding, "The stitches..." Despite his complaining about them, Clint did a great job at suturing his shoulder, so he trusted his abilities with the needle.

"Amputating is always an option."

"Clint...!" He muttered with a frown but wearing a subtle smile on his face.

"Sorry, sorry," he responded with a short chuckle, "Okay, hold this and put pressure on it," (M/n) replaced Clint's hands with his and, although it was an awkward place to hold gauze, he managed, watching how Clint got his thread and needle ready for suturing, "Alright, you shouldn't feel the needle, but tell me if it hurts."

He nodded and moved his hand away when the Keeper let him know it was okay to do so.

///////

"She should be punished too," (M/n) looked up at Gally with a frown. He was sitting on the swing and Gally was carving something absentmindedly next to him when he suddenly decided to speak up, "She hurt another Glader- she hurt you, bean."

(M/n) tried to chuckle but instead just shrugged, "Well... She didn't know the rules and, she must've been scared when she realized where she was..." He whispered in response, shifting his injured arm around as it had gone numb again. He couldn't move it much, even less put pressure on it, so he was constantly moving it from one position to the other every few minutes.

"That doesn't make it an excuse to attack anyone that comes across her, besides... The greenie is up there with her," they squinted and looked up the tower, where both were sitting at, their legs dangling off the edge.

Neither of them said anything else after that and time just ran by, in which (M/n) watched as Gally continued carving, however, they were up on their feet when they saw both newbies running to the Homestead.

"Should we check on them?" Gally shrugged and sighed.

"If anything, Newt, Clint and Jeff are there, besides..." He shifted in place and kept his sight locked on the front door of the Homestead, "I will drag his ass to the pit as soon as sundown arrives. That's all the punishment he has, thanks to Newt."

He sounded pissed off at the fact that he wasn't getting a worse punishment, which (M/n) understood, he did break the rules, twice. It did seem like Newt had grown a soft spot for the greenie in the short while he had been around which could be very bad for the long run.

"Night in the pit, no food?" He asked just to make sure and Gally nodded, letting out another sigh just shorter this time and tightened his grip around the unfinished wooden figurine in his hand, looking up at the sky and frowning, "Are you okay, Gally?"

The blond let out a humourless chuckle and shook his head, "Everything is going wrong, of course I'm not okay," despite his harsh tone of voice, (M/n) knew he wasn't mad at him, but at the situation, so he didn't let that bother him, "Alright, sun went down."

(M/n) glanced at the sky and in need, the sun had just disappeared behind the Walls, and he watched as Gally grabbed the unlit torch he had put down and began making his way to the Homestead, where he would most likely light it and take the greenie to the Slammer.

He sighed and looked down at his arm, seeing it covered in gauze and wrapped with bandages, and while the cut felt numb, there was some pain, subtle thanks to the painkillers Clint gave him, and it was easy to ignore but it was there, causing him some discomfort.

A short while after, he watched Gally walk out of the Homestead with the greenie tailing him, the lit torch visible from miles away as they headed over to the Slammer.

Dinner was gonna be called soon and there was no light around, so he knew he should get back inside, but as he watched Gally walking away, there was another light approaching the pit.

He frowned and stood up, leaning his side against a tree as he watched Chuck giving food to Thomas, so he waited until he left.

(M/n) cleared his throat loud enough for Chuck to hear, making him flinch at the sudden and unexpected sound, which made (M/n) chuckle, "You know, his punishment was no food, so... What did you do, Chuck?"

The curly-haired boy would have klunked his pants if it was Gally scolding him, but (M/n) was always nice to him, so he wasn't too worried about getting in trouble.

"Well... He'll be running in the Maze tomorrow... He can't go out there on an empty stomach..." (M/n) frowned when he realized Gally omitted that detail, although he didn't blame Gally for not saying it, he did seem pissed at the fact that Thomas was getting such a light punishment, and pressing him wouldn't have been the right move.

"Okay, I won't tell on you, but come on, dinner should be ready soon," (M/n) placed his hand on Chuck's shoulder and began walking forward.

"(M/n)..." Chuck called him as he came to a stop, "Can I talk to you?"

He wondered what it could be as he noticed how Chuck's expression changed and that made (M/n) worry about what it could be that he wanted to talk about, so he looked at him concerned.

"What's wrong, little man?"

Chuck fiddled with his finger for a couple seconds before finding the courage to say what he wanted to say, "Thomas told me he will find a way out and that I will make it out of here with everyone, but..." He looked down at his star bracelet, "If I don't make it out with everyone..."

(M/n) wanted to reassure him that everything was gonna be alright, but judging by his expression, Thomas had already done that and just because Chuck was a kid it didn't make his worries any less important.

"I want you to keep this," he took his bracelet off and extended his hand out to (M/n) who felt how there was a small knot in his throat, "That way, I will always be with you, no matter where you are."

(M/n) took it and smiled at Chuck, crouching down to be closer to his height, and held his hand, "Hey, nothing is gonna happen to you as long as you stick with Gally and I, okay?" Chuck blinked away the tears that threatened to spill. He had gotten similar answers to basically the same request, so... He really had no choice but to believe he was gonna make it out of the Maze, together with everyone, "A little family, right?"

"...yeah, family," the sound of Chuck's voice kind of hurt him and made (M/n) worry.

"Listen to me, little man, I will take care of you, okay?" He patted Chuck's curls gently, "Nothing is going to hurt you as long as I'm with you... I promise you, Chuck." His frown was replaced with a small, soft smile as he tied the bracelet around Chuck's wrist again, hugged him and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Alright, let's go eat, I can smell Fry's meat stew from here."

///////

The next day was going by pretty normal. Minho and Thomas had left for the Maze and he was busy helping Chuck and Ty wash the dishes after eating lunch when Newt stopped by the kitchen.

"Hey, (M/n)," he looked over his shoulder at the blond as he leaned over the door frame, "Can you watch over Alby for a bit?"

He shrugged and put the plate away, drying his hands and ruffling Chuck's hair, "Sure, I don't mind. Don't break anything you two."

Both chuckled and let out a 'sure~' as he walked out of the kitchen and made his way to the med room. He walked in and sat down on the couch, crossing his arms and watching over Alby. It's been a whole day now and he still hadn't opened his eyes and he wondered if he would ever wake up after he had been stung and, apparently, given the serum even though they had run out.

Gally told him what happened the night before when he stopped by to take the greenie away. Apparently, the girl had been brought with two serum syringes and had injected Alby after he woke up and tried to attack Thomas, which is why now he was gonna have surveillance 24/7.

However, nothing seemed to be wrong with Alby, as far as he could tell anyway.

As time passed and he grew bored, (M/n) remembered those books that had been slaughtered and decided to add fuel to the fire. He grabbed the first he saw and began using the remaining pages to make origami, placing them on the table in front of him once he was done.

He was having fun, despite only folding paper and making cute shapes that served no purpose only then for decoration... Or a waste of time and resources, but he didn't really care about that.

"Hey," he looked up at the sound of Mikah's voice, and watched as the blond walked in, sitting on the empty spot next to him, "How is he?"

(M/n) glanced at Alby for a moment and shrugged, "Still unconscious." Mikah nodded and watched as (M/n) went back to his origami.

"Gally is pretty pissed off about Minho and Thomas being in the Maze," he raised his eyebrows in a 'makes sense' way.

"I understand why, I don't trust the greenie either..." Mikah looked at (M/n) as he heard him say 'either' and he really wondered what was it about Thomas that got them so on edge and nervous.

"Can I ask why you don't trust the greenie?" (M/n) took a deep breath and thought about it for a few seconds, about the correct way to tell his best friend what was the situation the way it was.

"Oh..." The sound of a soft and feminine voice distracted them from their pending conversation and looking up, they saw her, the girl whose name they still didn't know, "I thought I could watch over Alby since you might have... Work to do..."

Without saying a single word yet staring into her cold blue eyes, (M/n) stood up and walked out the door, colliding shoulders with her when he did, ignoring her 'ow' as he did, and whether it was by accident or on purpose, he doesn't know, he just walked out and headed toward the Builders, Mikah trailing behind him after muttering a quiet 'sorry, excuse me' to the girl.

"Hey, (M/n), what was that?" He looked at the curly blond, confused although of course he knew what Mikah meant with his question, "The... Girl, something happened?"

For a moment, (M/n) was kinda surprised that he actually asked, but he knew exactly what to say, "Besides the fact that she sliced my arm open?" He responded sarcastically although not mad at Mikah, hoping he would believe that was the only reason why he avoided her, which seemed to work.

Mikah chuckled and nodded, "Yep, I would be mad too, sorry."

(M/n) smiled and nudged Mikah with his elbow, "It's okay~."

///////

Sitting on a log, (M/n) held onto a stick and a sharp rock, making puncturing pocket weapons, sharpening the end with a clenched jaw, admiring his job when he realized... Weapons this size were perfect to use in close combat against other people... Which he was damn sure he has done before.

He just sat quietly minding his business when loud noises started echoing around him, coming from the Maze. He frowned as he listened, wondering why it sounded like entire metal structures were falling apart onto the cement ground.

He pocketed the sticks he had sharpened along with the rock and ran to the Maze Doors, where some guys were already waiting at, like Gally who was pacing around like a wild animal being captive, "What was that?" Newt asked as he stood next to (M/n).

"No shucking clue, Newt."

The next minutes felt endless while they waited for anything to happen next, mostly waiting for Thomas and Minho to come back from the Maze. Everyone breathed out a sigh of relief when they spotted them coming back, but still worried and scared about what they heard.

"What the hell is going on out there?" Newt said first as they began walking alongside Thomas and Minho.

"The hell you've done now, Thomas?" (M/n) caught up to Gally and continued walking with the rest of the guys that had been around the Doors.

"We found something, a new passage, we think it could be a way out," something about the fact that they suddenly found something new didn't sit well in (M/n)'s stomach.

"Really?"

"It's true. We found a door, something I'd never seen before... I think it might be where the Grievers go during the day," yeah, that didn't sound like the brightest idea.

It just didn't make sense...

"Wait... Are you saying you found the Griever's home? And you want us to go in?" (M/n) understood why Chuck was nervous about that possibility, he definitely was too. There was no way that was the way out... Right?

"Their way in could be our way out," he rolled his eyes at Thomas' words and sighed, tired of these arguments.

Even if he did want to leave the Glade... Thomas "found" the exit, it couldn't have been a coincidence, and he wasn't comfortable with the idea of following the greenie's hunch.

"Yeah, or there could be a dozen Grivers!" Gally spoke, clearly annoyed at how Thomas tried to act like a Leader, as if he had a voice in the matter, "Truth is, Thomas doesn't know what he's done, as usual!"

Everyone saw it coming from a mile away, Thomas wasn't gonna let Gally say whatever he wanted, so he turned around to confront the taller male, "Yeah, well at least I did something, Gally, I mean, what have you done? Aside from hiding behind these Walls all the time?"

Oh, he's done more than you ever could, greenie... (M/n) stood with Gally as they argued, and briefly made eye contact with Minho and Newt, who didn't hesitate to side with Thomas, the greenie over Gally, who's been their friend since they could remember.

"Let me tell you something, greenie, you've been here three days, alright? I've been here three years!"

"Yeah, you've been here three years and you're still here, Gally!" (M/n) clenched his jaw and closed his hands tight in fists, the last thing they needed was for him to punch the greenie to get him to shut up for once, "So what does that tell you, uh? Maybe you should start doing things a little differently."

"Guys..." (M/n) looked at the girl, and just completely ignored her attempts at getting the guys' attention, "Hey..." Again, no response, "It's Alby!" That did make them shut up and stop arguing for a minute, "He's awake..."

Thomas nodded and turned toward her, "Thank you, Teresa."

For a moment, (M/n)'s body froze and his brain did the same thing it did when Thomas remembered his name, it replayed all the memories he had of her, her face no longer blurred. Her ice-blue eyes looked down at him, a look that only showed disgust and anger toward him, and he had to take a step back while everyone headed to the Homestead or went back to work.

He took a shaky breath and stumbled his way over to the closest tree, sitting on its protruding roots and started thinking.

He wondered why would WICKED... Ava, send Thomas and Teresa to the Glade...? It just didn't make sense, they were the ones in charge of the Maze mechanisms and the Grievers, so why-? Wait... If they are the ones that control the Maze, and everything that happens in it... Then that means-.

"(M/n)!" He heard his name being called with urgency, and he turned to see Billy, holding a lit torch in hand, a panicked expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he stood up, meeting Billy halfway as he kept running toward him.

"The Doors..."

He trailed on and with a frown, (M/n) looked toward the Maze Doors, realizing they were still open and the Glade had been consumed by the darkness of the night as it settled in, as did the fear of uncertainty.

"Shuck..." So he was right.

If no one supervised the Maze then... The Glade was no longer safe.

[bittrlys]

THE GOOD

Viren and Harrow scene

CRAB SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Young Viren

Viren selfcest (<- stream of consciousness note that I stand by, he needs to learn to love himself)

Aaravos and Viren had a baby <3 (I like that this twist about the child to save him only works for people who weren't already joking about this being their lovechild all last season)

The heavyhanded diaogue is lol but its nice to see Viren's internal journey ("DAD I'M FOLLOWING IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS" guys you really could have just shown that. But I guess Viren is literal even with his metaphors. I forgive him.)

Viren zoned the fuck out half the season still the best part of the show. But like I love the sense of crushing realization and weight of his thoughts. King of thinking <3

Nice to see Claudia also getting to do cool complicated things

Viren and Claudia literally carry the dramatic weight of the series on their shoulders -tm my friend

I appreciate that Terry continues to be down to clown

This blood elf assassin is hot ♥

I like the water elf design the coral horns are cool (and he looks like a Critical Role character)

I always love pirate towns so that's cool! And some brief actual intense stakes with the pirate captain.

Aaravos. FULL STOP. Like 10 lines of dialogue and he served with them all!

"If you see Claudia again tell her I said ..... hi" hahaa

THE BAD

The Rayllum (what was Callum even apologizing for?? Rayla just genuinely does not seem to like him.)

Janai immediately pivots in her belief because only villains are allowed to stick by their reasonable positions which oppose the desires of the main characters

Again, what changed Tidebound Tina's perspective and made her help them??? Characters will truly just change perspectives in a second if they're meant to be 'good' and not defy the main characters

Ezran is so entitled. Rayla is like oh this boat is a bad idea he's immediately like "WE NEED THAT ONE!" and then proceeds to get them all nearly murdered by pirates for some tadpoles and does not apologize at all.

That being said it seems the show just isn't that interested in Ezran or Rayla

Would it have killed them to include a scene showing why Rayla decides to show up and save the day in finale? She has no arc.

I understand the conclusion that Callum came to with ocean magic but I don't believe his process of getting there.

Can Janai do her damn job all she's ever shown doing is hanging out in her pyjamas pining and being in love. Tied with Zubeia who just hangs about talking about her husband and son all day.

THE UGLY

STOP WITH THIS DIVINE RIGHT OF KINGS SHIT (why would the Archdragon of the Ocean give a damn about a human ruler? But like Oh! We Have To Respect A King!)

They show up to the library with only FIVE HOURS TO SUNSET instead of idk camping outside the city until the next dawn and coming in then. And then leave directly at sunset instead of giving themselves like an hour of wiggle room. Unreal!

They can't even let these entitled main characters even THINK Amaya died for their arrogance Like they can't even feel guilt about it for five seconds.

What's the point of having a deus ex machina dragon you insert in every scene to save their asses (god I need Zubeia dead) if she's just going to stand there and do literally nothing while Amaya is attacked. Rewatch that scene camera never cuts to Zubeia's face to even show her idk considering it? Being unable to help? Just get rid of this dragon already she weakens the plot to an absurd degree.

Zubeia surviving. Full stop.

Thunder killed off this group of elves for the crime of uhhhh doing weird blood rituals? Moonshadow elves (Thunder's personal hit squad) do blood rituals. Thunder just loves massacring any group of people who defy his tyranny.

It's surreal that Xadians NEVER comment on the humans in their midst like the show will not draw attention to the fact that humans are othered + marginalized. It perpetually feels like the writers are backtracking on lore they previously established because they don't want to make Xadians look bad.

Like I can believe a criminal port is full of all elements but this happens elsewhere in Xadia. Even the Archdragon of Ocean doesn't address the fact that Ezran is a human.

But it's not like the differences between humans and Xadians aren't noted because humans (like Amaya) still have to constantly grovel for Xadian approval + forgiveness. Like for WHAT. Should Amaya have to apologize to Rayla anymore than Rayla should apologize for coming to assassinate a 10-year-old Ezran in season 1?

for fucking tadpoles?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Callum, Rayla, and Ezran are UNSYMPATHETIC protagonists they literally will never face any consequences for any of their actions. Nothing really goes wrong for them -- they're always saved from trouble and they get everything ultimately handed them. They are supremely privileged, entitled people. Meanwhile Viren and Claudia go through 19 layers of hell just trying to get 1 thing done.

Overall I'd say it was better than season 4! 👍👍👍

[gulliesforever]

jake and amir wrote a christmas party episode and it's absolutely bonkers insane here's my best attempt at transcribing the draft !!! : D

Jake and Amir: Christmas Party Draft

[JAKE IS WORKING IN THE OFFICE IN THE MORNING. AMIR WALKS INTO FRAME IN A BRIDAL GOWN]

AMIR: Here comes the queef, here comes the queef! [PLOPS DOWN AT DESK]

JAKE: Okay, everybody, he's NOT DEAD.

EVERYBODY IN THE OFFICE: Boo!

AMIR: They hate me, they reaaaallly hate me. [HIS MASCARA IS RUNNING]

JAKE: Yeah, they do. And I think they have every right to, don't you?

AMIR: Ah [VAGUELY OFFENDED]!

JAKE: You threw a molotov cocktail on the dance floor at the holiday party last night.

AMIR: When? Psh- When!

JAKE: LAST NIGHT!

AMIR: So then SAY THAT. Say when. You can't just say 'you threw a molotov cocktail', that could have been fucking four years ago. You don't know when or where- 

JAKE: I said WHEN and I said WHERE!

AMIR: Meaning?

JAKE: Meaning I said both those things, and also it shouldn't matter. You shouldn't be throwing molotov cocktails now or four years ago, right?!

AMIR: [IN A VAGUELY BAD SOUTHERN ACCENT] I did what I had to do, and I wouldn't change a goddamn thing.

JAKE: Really? You wouldn't change walking into the IAC holiday party dressed as Santa Claus from the waist up and completely nude from the waist down, singing, as you just recently did, 'here comes the queef, here comes the queef'?

AMIR: You're a mean one, mistah queef.

JAKE: You emitted a very high-pitched queef, which got a smattering of applause and some chuckles... which is, admittedly, much more than it deserved. People were trying to smooth over the awkwardness.

AMIR: They were impressed! That I was dressed to impress!

JAKE: You were undressed to depress.

AMIR: OH! Are you going stag to the holiday party? Are you like, bringing a-

JAKE: It was LAST NIGHT. It already happened! You tried to ruin it, you showed up naked, you're a mean one mister gr- mister queef, molotov cocktail.

AMIR: I feel like if Sarah or Dan did this, nobody would care, but for me they're not granting me the benefit of the doubt in some weird fucked up way 'cause I'm like, a known to be loose canon guy! How's that fair?!

JAKE: It's almost like you have a history of doing this fucked up shit.

AMIR: Yeeeaah, exactly right!

JAKE: That is one of the reasons why people do have less patience with you. It's entirely fair. And- And even if that was your first time offense, immediately after you said 'I'm going to spike the punch!' and stole a football from Gronk who was there as a favor to our boss and spiked it into the holiday punch bowl. Everyone got wet, everyone got stained. That was when you butt-chugged a bottle of champagne, filled it up with gasoline that you also had, and then you started singing Prodigy's 'I'm a Fire Starter'. You grabbed Barry Diller by the necktie and shoved it inside the bottle of Veuve Clicquot and you said 'It's time that we go!' We lost you for half and hour, I guess you crashed a wedding-

AMIR: What gave you that idea?

JAKE: [POINTS AT AMIR'S BRIDAL OUTFIT]

AMIR: Oh, right. I thought that was a thinly VEILED reference [HE IS WEARING A VEIL]

JAKE: ... What's wrong with you, man.

AMIR: [QUEEFS] 

JAKE: When we found you, Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' came on, but you changed the words to 'All I Want For Christmas is Jews'. And you said "oh shit, my parents are home!" and called the cops - then two male strippers - dressed as Rabbis - instantly walked in. I guess you hired them ahead of time. They started taking off their Tallits (?) in a sexy way.

AMIR: I thought they were born to run!

JAKE: What does that mean?!

AMIR: It's a THINLY VEILED REFERENCE.

JAKE: To Bruce Springsteen?!

AMIR: YEAH!

JAKE: Right. Because that WAS who the third stripper that showed up was impersonating. Where the fuck did you hire these guys?! Every time you spoke a stripper or two sprinted onto the dance floor ALREADY NAKED from the neck down. Finally, there were so many of them and the dance floor was covered with kerosene and champagne from your butt-chugging and molotov cocktailing that they started that they started slipping and sliding each other. The biggest most muscular one slid with both of his legs in the air and hit the ground with a sickening thud. I think he snapped his neck, he was killed on impact. Does that sound at all familiar?!

AMIR: Uhh. Bits and pieces. I do remember going stag. And I had had a vodka soda, so the details are hazy.

JAKE: A man died in front of you. Is that hazy? You tried to light the building on fire. Is that unclear?

AMIR: Yeah, yeah, it sounds familiar but I bet you're not even going to ask me what I got you for Christmas.

JAKE: I ALREADY KNOW. It was 48 male strippers who you tried to get to give me a dance! You pulled up a chair with a giant dildo strapped to it and tried to get me to sit down! Finally - I don't know how you convinced everyone else at the party - but they forced me on to it. I sat on the dildo chair. Is that what you wanted?

AMIR: [ANOTHER QUEEF]

JAKE: Got it. Where the fuck did you get the bridal costume.

AMIR: I guess you could say I crashed a wedding last night. That whole dance party thing was the borderline lead up to what ended up being a pretty epic night.

[THERE ARE SIRENS IN THE DISTANCE]

AMIR: Ah, shit, here we go.

[A GUY ENTERS]

GUY: There he is! There's the guy that stole... MY HEART! [STARTS DANCING AND STRIPPING]

JAKE: Is that- Is this another one of your strippers?!

AMIR: No, I think he's just taking a moment to express himself!

[THE WIFE OF THE GUY COMES IN WEARING THE SAME OUTFIT AMIR WORE LAST NIGHT]

WIFE: Last night was the fucking night of my life thanks to that man!

AMIR: Merry Christmas to ALL! And to all a good wife!

[THEY ALL LOOK IN THE DISTANCE AND SEE SANTA'S SLEIGH FLYING OVER A CHURCH ON FIRE]

SANTA, IN THE DISTANCE: HO HO HO

OTHER JOKES THAT DONT FIT IN THE STORY BUT DESERVE RECOGNITION:

>  Turns out the guy IS the 19th stripper, and he goes 'And I think you've been a bad boy' [POINTING TO JAKE, AND HE BRINGS OUT THE CHAIR WHICH IS BLURRED] SLGSLDKGMSDG

> AMIR: It go down in my BMs. It go down in my BMs. 

JAKE: That is what you said as you tried to shit on to the buffet! Your pink sock came out! Everyone saw your colon!

AMIR: I WAS PRAIRIE DOGGING

JAKE: It was MORE than prairie dogging! You have an ulcer! A doctor said you had to get it looked at!

AMIR: My insides were out that night, yeah! That's my Christmas stocking! And actually, could you stuff her? Back inside of me?

COMMENT: This is too much, too blue. What makes it in is usually much tamer. 

[rmbunnie]

Some thoughts while reading through Grant Morrison's Batman and Robin 2009 (doing my best to be unbiased and also to not sound like the CinemaSins guy:)

Just finished issue 2. I don't know if the art is quite my thing but it is unique and interesting, I just find some of the textures unsettling. There's a weird kinda Meet the Robinson's retrofuturism thing going on? I don't get the toad, in general I find the original villains perplexing, there's a sense of humor going on there that i don't think resonates with me. Professor Pyg grosses me out as a character but he's effectively creepy and the bright coloring does a lot to support the very visceral grossness there is to his scenes. Dick approaching Batman as a performance is interesting and a good character move incorporating his past, although I'd argue Batman is already a performance to some extent considering the way Bruce intentionally creates a mythos/widespread perception of Batman as a symbol to build fear among criminals, so i'm not sure how unique this is to Dick beyond the link to his backstory.

Issue 3, they seem to really like stretching one sentence out over the whole page, which is a really memorable working well for the action scenes. The onomatopoeia made out of various materials like explosions and blood is interesting. The Professor Pyg disco sequence was... weird... which I guess it was meant to be? I don't think it was much of anything in particular for me, not scary, or funny, I get that it was meant to convey Pyg's insanity but I got that with the faces, a lot of the dialogue was more confusing than enhancing the issue for me. Sasha though, is in a scary spot. The pages with her getting left behind in the lab setup are HORRIBLE. Overall I feel like the tone is a nauseating type of unsettling, a very Killer Klowns From Outer Space kind of aesthetic going on. Jason just showed up and I am. not particularly enthused by that.

Up to issue 5. The "hood becoming a blindfold" line Dick says to Damian is pretty clever with the angle they're taking of Red Hood being... the way that he is. The aforementioned angle they're taking with him is odd, to me. This isn't news to anyone. The social media, the branding, the way he talks with/about Sasha ("The mask made her crazy??????") is bewildering. Regardless of whether it's good or bad characterization (which don't get me wrong I sure don't think it's good) I don't understand the choice to make Red Hood the character linked to this theming, there's really not any cohesion there with his earlier character expressly abandoning the (debatably) empty imagery Batman used in exchange for logoless pragmatism. All theatrics in previous appearances past a dramatic personality were for either the purpose of communicating with Bruce, who is dead here, or just sending a message to black mask or his colleagues, not the general public of Gotham. Regardless of whether or not it reads as lame it doesn't read as HIM, which is more of a sticking point to me. Also minor line but WHY did Dick call Sasha his girlfriend. Like it's not even that i'm offended or shocked genuinely why is that line that. If it's to characterize him as a more lighthearted Batman it wasn't particularly funny, but I get the feeling there's a good amount of humor that just isn't landing for me.

Issue 6. Casual Homophobia Damian is the first joke in this series that's been funny to me but MAN is it funny to me. Perhaps not in the intended way but it is kinda hitting!

Also still on issue 6 was Jason's response to Dick offering help meant to be genuinely emotional? The panelling and lack of action gives me the sense it might have been but if so it did not hit. If it was meant to be comedic/a dig it was slightly more effective but still overall confusing. I REALLY don't get who the "archenemy" is supposed to be. Sasha's ending was DEFINITELY meant to be emotional and maybe if i had less of a cynical mindset from the issue before it it may have been, but it just seemed weaker than the entirety of like, everything before that's happened with Sasha. Idk what's going on with this issue. It's funny that Judd Winick comes in a dozen issues later and completely retcons the Sasha thing. Also why is Talia's medical team here now. Talia isn't in this one???

Issue 8. I understand there is some kind of tie-in going on but what the FUCK is happening. army of batman replicas????? Why is everyone here british. (side note, Kate Kane says "hate to say i told you so" here and it's criminal that that hasn't been repurposed for a Good Luck, Babe! edit.) I was going to ask why Dick's so unconflicted-ly down to use a Lazarus Pit for Bruce but they address this by saying Jason's trickery has influenced him? Which 1. this take on Jason does not seem competent enough to do trickery and 2. when has Dick ever succumbed to Jason's trickery on Jason's best day? "I have to die, no, i'm serious, I have a plan" is unfortunately REALLY funny dialogue. Point 2 on the jokes, Grant Morrison.

Issue 9. "this is horrible... her radio's still sending out an SOS which nobody can hear way down in a coalmine...." Point 3 Grant Morrison. "Y do oll my thots turn 2 smashed glass wen i try 2 think?" this moment with pretty strong potential for horror is also featuring lolcat speak? I feel like this could have been avoided if we kept the oddly split up phonetic speech and didn't incorporate numbers but the "2"s really are giving this a uniquely Myspace tinge. Like the dialogue is really interesting here, but also How are you doing that with his mouth. "STEPPING IN GASOLINE WAS YOUR BIGGEST MISTAKE????" good lord Damian was born to be in the comments section. "your pickup lines need work" ???? i guess a kinda snappy one liner but that is Bruce's lesbian cousin WHY does Dick keep accusing his family of being in weird and concerning hetero relationships like this is a pattern now. "I have this thing for crimefighting readheads..." !!!! WHY'S DICK FLIRTING WITH KATE NOW LEAVE THAT LESBIAN ALONE????? she was a lesbian in 2006 too i really don't understand why we're doing this.

Issues 11 and 12. "permission to terminate." ok namedrop. They're doing talia really weird in this one. The way she speaks like an over-controlling soccer mom, the way she's drawn, it all just feels very odd. Again, not news. Dick confronting Slade about Bludhaven is a neat concept. WHY are they doing an "everybody on the count of three" hands thing. OH FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFF THIS STUPIDASS JOKER REVEAL IS THE WORST THING SO FAR BY FAR

I like the Damian fight paneling in Issue 16. There's definitely a unique style to the writing. It has a pretty quirky tone.

WELL! That's that, I've now read the 2009 Batman and Robin run! I also read the Tomasi, Cornell, and Winick 3-parters, as well as the final issue, but I feel like those aren't really so much part of Morrison's continuous run. That was a comic, and now I know what happens in it! I will get around to reading Morrison's Animal Man run because I really do want to see what others seem to see in their writing and I love a good metafictional narrative so hopefully I'll get more out of that than i got out of this. I see the stylistic appeal, the brand of horror Morrison uses here is really unique, there's a very off-kilter and weird vibe to the whole thing, and many of their contributions to Batman lore such as Professor Pyg and Damian (I need to read Son of Batman sometime too, just because it's such an iconic Damian book) are very interesting! Having said that, I honestly don't know if I can say I enjoyed reading this series. I found large chunks of it deeply confusing, and not in the way that I didn't understand what was happening, and many of the elements that caught my attention such as the horror in Issues 2 and 3 didn't persist throughout the book. I'm glad I did tho! Also I maintain that that Joker reveal was HIGHLY bullshit (in the sense that i didn't like it.) I have to admit I clocked out a little emotionally after that.

[phantomoftheorpheum]

some last minute thoughts (PLL Summer School finale edition)

Hey guys, I already made my big predictions post a couple of days ago. I just wanted to get a few final thoughts in before the finale tonight. Inevitably I know I'm gonna be wrong about a lot of stuff, but I'm hoping that in the midst of that somewhere, I have speculated about the correct thing. A lot of these following thoughts are either some really far fetched stuff that crossed my mind and I just want to mention I've thought it on the off chance it's correct, but some of these are things I just forgot to include in my original predictions post. This is my final post pre-finale (unless I'm answering asks), so see y'all on the other side!

*Spoilers for PLL Summer School 2x01-2x07 + some social media possible spoilers.

Some of the concept art features Tabby's image on TV screens. This is image is taken from season 1 when Tabby is sneaking into the boy's locker rooms. I always thought it was weird that they dropped this storyline, particularly given the major themes of sexual violence and consent on the show. I went back to make sure I was not forgetting anything, but as far as I can tell, Tabby's mom yells at her about this, but then Tabby tells her about her assault, the conversation shifts, and the videos are never brought up again. There is a scene shortly after this where Tabby deletes the videos, but I did notice that she puts them in the trash on her laptop, but does not empty the trash, then is interrupted by Tyler's father showing up at her house. So... those videos could definitely still exist somewhere. I wonder, considering the concept art, if this will be used against her.

Principal Clanton - honestly I thought I'd just missed something (did I miss something?) and maybe he was dead or something because the show only ever talks about Archie and not him, but is he still around?? is he just in jail?? IDK. I guess he's in jail?

Tom Beasley - It did occur to me that Sheriff Beasley could be another "surprise, they're not really dead!" character, because much like Chip, he had a believable reason to fake his death. And he also has a direct connection to the Waters family. However, he looks legit super fucking dead in the shots we get of his "death," so that feels cheap to me, so I hope it's not this.

Deaths - I forgot to include Wes on my list of "most likely characters to die, regardless of whether they're good or bad," which is a huge oversight, because I actually think he is the most likely to die out of everyone. I fully believe he is either in on the BR plot (so very likely to die), or being framed for the BR plot (also likely to die). Also Dr. Sullivan. Good or bad, I think her days may be numbered.

The love triangle - It just very much feels like we don't have the full picture of this. They spent too much time highlighting how often Jen lies and steals for that to be nothing, imo. They spent too much time intentionally making Shawn super sweet/supportive/oblivious to just have that be "but then he punched a wall, so now he's bad." I think one (or all) of these things has to happen to close out this arc- 1. Jen is "bad" in some way, whether she is actually a villain who targeted Noa and is working with BR or even if she does really love Noa, but was paid to get back in Noa's life for some reason, her having a big secret/betrayal would make a lot of sense. 2. Shawn is dying and they want the audience to care and for this to make Noa feel extremely guilty about what she did and what terms they were left on. 3. Shawn is "bad" in some way (seems less likely than it did earlier in the season, but not impossible) is seeking revenge against Noa and/or unwittingly sold her out at some point. 4. Shawn & Jen are both "bad" and have, for some reason we do not yet understand, been in on this thing together the whole time. Jen was constantly trying to undermine Noa and Shawn's relationship because the two of them see it as a "competition" of sorts, they have a weird rivalry/working relationship. This feels very far fetched and I would be legit very surprised if it happened, but it is about the only scenario (Jen and Shawn working together to manipulate Noa) where Noa comes out of everything looking like the most innocent party. 5. Noa dies in the finale (likely due to a betrayal by one of her love interests). Again, this doesn't seem likely, but since the show keeps teasing that there's going to be the biggest PLL death ever, that would certainly qualify. ANYWAY, I think at least one of those things, if not several, feels necessary to get some closure on this arc, because right now it just feels like an open ended disconnected mess.

THE BIG DEATH - Like I said, they keep teasing this big major death of a character that has been "in Millwood" since season 1 (the phrasing of which also feels like it could be intentionally misleading). The way they're hyping it up, it sounds like they want us to think it's one of the girls. I'm not sure they actually have the guts to do that, but we'll see. I'm not going to speculate too much on what they mean (I already talked about 'most likely deaths' and even about the off chance it could be Noa, if she's betrayed by a love interest), because honestly if it's for shock value or because an actor is moving on, it could be anyone. I think there are characters it makes less sense for than others, but IDK. I'm going to stick with my death predictions based off of their role in the story, not based off of shock value or social media hype.

Anyway, can't want to see how things play out!

[zmediaoutlet]

what is your stance on the "amelia or at least sams life with her was only a hallucination his already damaged psyche conjured up after suffering a psychotic break"-theory?

umm not a fan. Like... not for me, at all. But the way I'm not a fan has evolved a little over the years, haha, so to expand --

I get why people are into it. I mean, the filming choices are so batshit weird (why that gross golden vaseline filter? why drop in flashbacks every time Jared looked constipated in the main timeline?) that it's easy to go It Was All A Dream, no matter how cheesy that is.

Goof-ass cinematography aside, though, I know the reason a lot of people want to reject it out of hand is that "Sam would have looked for Dean." I get it; it's tough that he didn't. But there's a difference between Sam should have looked and Sam necessarily must have, and the fact that he didn't is so OOC we have to invent a full on AU for him. I mean, for one thing, the actual canon information as presented doesn't contravene the idea that Sam did actually try but failed, and gave up* after failing. He was alone with a busted car, zero help (Bobby dead, angels not listening, demons not answering the phone, etc), and had no idea if Dean was dead or just winked from existence (because why would he assume that he went to Purgatory?). With zero leads and dead ends at every turn, it's very easy to insert like a month of him failing and then he hits a dog -- and then, because he feels intensely guilty, telling Dean that he didn't really try, because his efforts were so paltry that he can't even count them as trying.

...but even that isn't really that much of an argument. One thing that I find happens a lot with the Winchesters in fandom discussions, but especially with Sam, is like... not allowing them the dignity of their choices. Which -- like, duh, they're fictional characters, they're written a certain way. But there's a real tendency to leap to OOC claims or "the writers don't know what they're doing!!" whenever it's something we wish the character wouldn't have done because we don't like it. But like... that's not how characters work. Characters do shit I don't like all the time; it doesn't mean they didn't do it, and that I shouldn't try to fold even that disliked thing into my conception of who the character is. (Important caveat: there's a great post by astolat that talks about the venn diagrams of audience belief and canonicity in texts with multiple writers that makes this more complicated. Still, I think that variability comes in small details as she mentions in that post, or indeed dumb little moments of Jensen improv in spn canon, rather than whole-ass plot arc decisions.)

Sam stopped looking for/didn't look for Dean when he disappeared. That's interesting. Kinda sucks, and the show and Sam himself point out multiple times that it kinda sucks, but that doesn't make it uninteresting or OOC, especially given the Sam we have who is nigh indomitable. The fact that it was his choice speaks to a Sam who's really just... beaten down. And why wouldn't he be? Slings and arrows from birth all the way to age 27 when he threw himself into the worse torture imaginable -- then he got saved, hallegoddamnlujah, and he thought maybe he'd be there with Dean, living a life he could choose for once instead of one he'd been forced into by destiny -- and then it was just another apocalypse, and enemies on all sides, and every friend and ally and hope just torn away, one by one. It's a miracle he got to keep the car. I can see that Sam, in that last torn circumstance, just -- going into hiding. He hits a dog and then inertia keeps him in one place, spinning his wheels. He meets a girl and she kinda sucks but she's prickly and rude and not-samey enough to prod him back up into life, and at that point it's been months and Dean's gone and he thinks, if this is life I guess I can live it. He can't go back to the shell of a life he loved with Dean and it's just... too much. He's always been very, very good at putting one foot in front of the other. (It's why he manages to live after the finale.)

Now, does Sam regret that choice, such as it was? Sure. (Not that I think he could've changed anything about it.) Doesn't mean he didn't make it. It also beautifully informs the arc of that year, moving from one choice to another -- from abdicating responsibility to taking on the ultimate responsibility. And it's really really REALLY interesting to me in the long-form story spn tells about Sam and the Most Interesting Long-form Character Development Ever. He's a startling advocate for his own agency and holds it in tight reins; I'm not interested in pretending he isn't, either for Martyr!Sam headcanons or any strong weird wincest-only stanning. Plus, Amelia-the-mistress as parallel for Benny-the-mistress is just too good to give up.

s8's awesome. It doesn't need weird St. Elsewhere headcanons to make it somehow excusable.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s13e7 war of the worlds (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

au!michael putting lucifer in an iron maiden-ish thing ok, why not. in front of a big jesus on a cross. is this the michael that rides up on dean's junk? i know nothing about that plotline other than it exists

CASTIEL Dean, you can't accompany me. My contact is already anxious about meeting and won't speak in the presence of a stranger. DEAN So introduce me. Then I'm not a stranger. I'll bring a six-pack. CASTIEL Dean, I swore I would protect this boy. Let me do this. DEAN Don't do anything stupid.

don't be rude, dean. but also, cas doesn't have the best track record. but tentatively seems like they're making him less prone to really bad decisions?

DEAN I guess we're stuck in idle. SAM So… What do we do? Just – just sit around here and wait? DEAN Well, we could work a case.

dunno why this strikes me as so like. unnecessarily heavy handed? oh no we can't do anything about the major plot arc, whatever will we do. i know, let's work a case to pass the time. i think this is a sign that i'm losing patience with the show :p there's only so many ways you can rearrange the parts before you start repeating things/the parts become very visible

LUCIFER Hey, you try interdimensional travel sometime, pal. Definitely no frills. And just to be clear, I never claimed to be God. Or a god, okay? Where I come from, God is a paradox. He's everywhere, in your mind. In reality, he's nowhere. He left. I, on the other hand, am the real deal. I am everything humanity thinks I am and worse. That's who you're dealing with, pal. But, hey, congratulations to you for being king of the hill of this dead rock.

nice little speech where he's not over completely over the top. i like him over the top, but it's nice to see this too.

was curious what osric was gonna be doing in this episode. handy i guess having this au, can bring in whoever. and he gets to play a very different kevin who gets to make a nexus

lucifer too, has to get back to the nexus. and back on earth without powers so we can have our quirky music comedy moment

eyes glazing over with this mr ketchup in a beard and rowena thing. two supposed to be dead people. evil twin but for real omglol. bleh

started laughing out loud at this shot, wtf is going on. it's so odd it looks like they pasted two shots together so they could both artificially be in focus together. gives me... tarantino???? vibes?? something. it's familiar. anyway. directed by richard speight jr apparently, gettin creative 🤪

this is so strange, man. it feels like it's gotta be a reference because it's so out of left field

sam where are you looking (ok i cranked up my brightness and i see he's looking at him now, but the way his head is angled and the shadow on his eyes makes it look like he's looking offcenter). why are y'all sitting like this. wtf.

just sayin. script directions definitely more what i'd expect

and offbrand mr ketchup looks like matthew rhys a little bit with the fluffy hair and beard like he's in a disguise in the americans

DUMAH Castiel, the angels… Our numbers were greatly diminished after the fall. No one's made new angels since the dawn of creation. We're going extinct. You would need a powerful force to make more of us. CASTIEL You mean Jack. Even if he had that power, what makes you think he'd cooperate? DUMAH He may not have a choice. CASTIEL So you're planning to enslave him for some kind of experiment?

i did not have trying to enslave jack as an angelic broodmare on my bingo card.

i like the new fit, lucifer. find it kind of weird though how he has now changed outfits a couple times past the original one and yet he still keeps the vessel's wedding ring on

LUCIFER Yeah, I'm clearly not myself. But, oh, cowboy, I'm not that weak. And you and I need to talk. CASTIEL I have no interest in talking to you. And if this is about your son– LUCIFER Okay, I get it, I get it. Custody of my son is a non-starter. But if you can please just shelve the eternal enemies thing for a second, we have a situation. And by “we,” I mean everything alive. We're sorta… all gonna die.

feels like sliding lucifer into a crowley-like role

i don't hate it. i'd rather have crowley be crowley and lucifer be lucifer though. it was a good scene, they play well off each other and they're letting cas be snarky and reasonable this week

SAM You get a name? DEAN Nope. But... from his description? Evil Colonel Sanders. Asmodeus.

(wiki)

Colonel Sanders was an Southern American business man, famous for creating Kentucky Fried Chicken. The name "Evil Colonel Sanders" was attributed to Asmodeus by the Supernatural fandom soon after his debut, due to his southern drawl and white suit.

well it's cute when i find out i was also picking up what they were putting down same as everyone else (my desc: the white suit and the thick accent and the speechifying, it’s giving confederate general slash colonel sanders vibes. the foghorn leghorn knives out treatment)

oh no surprise it is namebrand mr ketchup after all 🙄

KETCH She was captured by the British Men of Letters some years back. I discovered she'd sewn a powerful charm into her body that could bring her back should she be killed. I struck a deal wherein she did the same for me in return for allowing her to escape.

sure why not

dun dun dun mr ketchup is working for general sanders. whatever, man.

[tlacehualli]

@atrappedwolfwill

If Sombra had caught her at brunch today, it would have been a hell of a lot easier to put her in cuffs. That said, though, Emily's really not in the mood to try and keep this weird little power-play checkers game going. She was going to shoot Sombra and be done with it, but considering that the hacker came with a truce she's now much more concerned with just getting her out of her damn house.

If nothing else, she seems a little bolstered by the fact that none of her little rant is called into question. At the very least they're both on the same page about that. If the frisky little home invader had some kind of delusion about how she was actually helping mankind, there might have been a triumphant return of the deathmatch... but it's a future that doesn't come to pass.

"If you don't mean to cut someone, I'd advise not pulling a knife on them. Besides..." She trails off, pauses. The adrenaline seems to leave her, if only briefly, and her shoulders slump slightly, eyes trailing from Sombra's face before she picks the thought back up. "...I was working under the assumption that you had guys outside and just wanted to be the one coming out with the body. Figured I was already dead, but you know what they say about revenge."

Emily draws the line at taking first-aid advice from her attacker, though. She's committed to letting it bleed, and the momentary sneer of disbelief communicates that well enough. "So is that it, then? Can I go deal with this and get back to sleep, or was there something else you wanted?"

They are not on the same page, not at all, it's just that she simply didn't value her counter hacker's opinion in any way to give it a reply. So she's happy to let it lie, and she's tired, and far too pretty (or some such other petty line of reasoning) to bother herself with it. So much of her short, short life has been spent explaining herself so why keep it going now with someone who is so clearly not even able to listen to her lofty, highly politicized point of view.

"I mean, in my defense, I pulled a knife. You decided to yeet us into yonder so.." The hacker trailed off, holding her hands up as if a gesture of helpless protection. "Forgive me for your actions or whatever. Showing up into your kitchen. How incredibly vulgar."

"Really? You figure I just go around killing people willy nilly?" Sombra stared at her as if she was some sort of alien. "I mean, I guess this makes sense." She points to the bruise forming on her chest with a sort of annoyed expression. It hurt. And she was childish certainly but still. Owie.

She sighs, shrugs. Beyond tired now. Well, in ways, she was always tired, but this was more of a physical, psychological, social exhaustion. Trying to understand people was particularly taxing. "You're right. Let me let you get back to...uh..." She paused and looked around. "Being repressed?"

[the-firebird69]

if you're too small it doesn't do anything unless you're to back off and you won't so we're going to get ready at cause your mac proper and yeah they're in fights now and real fights and they're starting to get that it's not so easy but they're not going to understand what we're saying they've got to leave it's their children now that Swiss cheese and things like that. Now we have a lot of stuff to do but this is taking front seat and it should it's very huge these are two groups that are an annoying as hell and they're fighting and to the death and it's dangerous we have other groups that are doing actions as well and we have to get ready as the Mac groups and others will try and keep people off the ships in their battle. A son is a way of killing you and it's kind of on par it's our son and daughter what he does to you is amazing we haven't seen anyone as young as him even a lot of hours come up with stuff like he does some of it's new and it really gets you and that's what we're trying to do this guy hulk Hogan and his buddy Brock Lesnar start trying to bother him by doing things in space in his head so he said I'd just sliced your neck and leave it on the other side of the embankment and people will miss it in a few weeks they'll find you like that pig out by the train tracks they'll probably even stink and they don't bother looking anymore he doesn't want you saying this **** or doing this **** or taking his beer idea and it was our idea you're dead by the way you're **** huge loser

- There's a fact about this though that these idiots would not back off and they're wrong about all their math and you try and manipulate things and it's just impossible and they're going now that they did screw things up and continue to and their failures a lot of them acts think they're still useful and it's gross they get killed by pigs who are nothing. It's happening a lot right now you would not believe what these Macs are saying to them they show up with a crew to take stuff and they workout in like the bathrobe the 12 thieves were armed heavily and so you're not going to take any of this stuff and they start walking back inside and they say why not let's see if this all have you killed later and they said why don't we kill you now and they'd say we don't think you got the guts and stupid **** like that and we've seen it in movies our son and daughter say and it never works out and it looks weird and it's coming up too in a lot of films you people in your attitude when you're in actual danger this might be a waste of time but boy do you suck

- The clones are up to 90% withdrawal from these areas and they're withdrawing to ocean going vessels spaceships and adjoining areas of theirs launching terrorist attacks on these areas I guess they can't stand their own kind either they're trying to take over they'll never take over and then happy with what they have and it's a typical story but here it is in a nutshell they're going to lose and they're going to be held out and the force is destroyed over and over and it's not enough them to continue a long term program and they're going to make their song silver chair both songs come true tomorrow and pure massive here are coming up and the song says wait till tomorrow fat boy because he's a fat boy and he's a child and goes around hurting people and doesn't get what it means and he doesn't know what will happen it's true too this guy dave is clueless and he is in a lot of trouble and with clones and they hate him and he keeps saying things like wait till tomorrow as a threat on them and others so to sing it back it's coming up pretty soon and a lot quicker than people think it might be Monday that they begin to irradiate the area and it kills tons of you who think you're immune to a radiation and you're not sick yet but it's in your skin and it's in your soft tissue and her son is off gassing it most of it's out of him already but not with you guys you're retaining it in your skin in a few days will start to fall off cause you're not treating it. And yeah you're gonna die and more of it's coming and it is a radiation and Tommy F will see today a bunch of you dying from it and he's seen it the other day there's some guy barely making it trying to get their fisherman's village to bother our son it says I'm gonna save myself using you I said geez I was thinking the same thing and it's working and your shape don't work little Weasel Yeah like a weasel you're not even healing you're so dumb and the guy said I have to make it work and he's just barely moving he had halfway he sat down on the bench and he died. And he sat there for quite awhile before people noticed and our son had already left is there for about 45 minutes rotting and they say this guy died and it's happening to you good riddance

thor Freya Olympus

[kchasm]

Let’s Watch: Kamen Rider: Episode 3: The Monstrous Scorpion Man

Oh, man, they're up to something again.

The narrator gives a bit more information about Shocker in this episode (not a lot, but a bit). He mentions that the medical knowledge they use to perform their supervillainy has roots in Nazi Germany, which... you know what? Let's leave that be. There's a larger discussion to be had about unethical Nazi science and its influences today, but this is Kamen Rider. It doesn't really deserve it. Much.

Anyway, today's Shocker creation is a Scorpion Man, because sometimes you just need to make a man who is part scorpion. Listen, if "because it's there" is enough for Everest, it's enough for scorpionmen.

Shocker, apparently, kidnaps folks on the reg for them to serve as labor for their experiments, and with the Scorpion Man complete, the folks who aren't good enough to become Shocker cyborgs, combatants, or technicians are now slated for death. But, the Big Shocker Voice tells them, if they can make it across a stretch of desert in ten minutes, they'll be allowed to go free!

... Yeah, as you can expect, it's a cruel, deliberately impossible task. The folks are exhausted and injured, and they're even sporting those balls-and-chains you wear when you're a jailbird from a early nineties cartoon. They don't make it across, and the Big Shocker Voice orders their mass execution... by man-eating scorpions. These scorpions, once summoned, burrow themselves out from under the sand, and...

This is, generally, not how scorpions work; however, Shocker Science. The folks sprayed with the scorpion juice don't just die—they straight out dissolve. Nasty.

The only dude spared this fate is an old man named Ito, who, having fallen behind, miraculously missed getting caught in the whole mess of death entirely! ... Is what you'd assume, at first, but after the Big Shocker Voice orders Scorpion Man to carry out Operation M1 and and destroy Takeshi Hongo, it turns out he's fully aware of Ito's survival. In fact, dude factors into his Takeshicidal plans.

(Incidentally, the subtitles on the version I'm watching seem to refer to the survivor as "Fujisawa" at first, but then later use "Ito," and I hear the dialogue saying "Ito," so I don't know what that's about. Or maybe I misunderstood and Fujisawa was another, less important Shocker victim who didn't make it out of the scorpion juice center? I dunno.)

Meanwhile, Takeshi and Tobee have been testing out Takeshi's new cyborg abilities, which consists mostly of Takeshi jumping around while Tombee makes measurements. Tobee determines what the narrator has already told us—that Takeshi's powers come from the turbine in his belt. When wind spins the dynamo, it builds up energy, which is transferred to Takeshi's enhanced musculature.

(Does this mean that immobilizing Takeshi might bring him down to human levels? No movement means no wind, which means no turbine power. But then again, Takeshi was able to break those chains when he was strapped down in the Shocker base, right? Am I misremembering? I'm bad at remembering things, which might actually make me more similar to the target audience of this show than I'd like.)

Ruriko comes in with news from the radio—a bunch of bodies were found adrift off Boso Peninsula (which makes up basically all of Chiba Prefecture, which is sort of like—you know how the main island of Japan bends outward? About the apex of the bend-out-iness is where Chiba Prefecture is). The bodies disappeared shortly after discovery (no, I don't know what this means—did they dissolve, like the bodies early?), and Takeshi twigs on to it being the work of Shocker! Which is a bit of a reach—weird things with dead bodies happen all the time, but here he's right, of course.

Takeshi heads down to Nagahama in Chiba Prefecture. Ruriko wants to go, too—reasonably, on account of that Shocker killed her father—but Takeshi absolutely refuses because dangerous. And Ruriko kind of just accepts that, I guess.

Takeshi's barely arrived when he sees Ito, who's shouting to anyone with ears that he's in danger and gonna get killed as a bunch of white-coated medical-looking individuals bundle him into a car. A police officer explains: These dudes are from a mental institution, and they've come to recover this escapee, who keeps claiming that he's the victim of some sort of secret evil group called "Shocker." What a laugh, right?

Takeshi gives chase.

(I have questions about this plan. We've established, from the Big Shocker Voice's commentary, that they let Ito escape to use as bait to get to Takeshi, right? So the plan pretty much depended on Takeshi finding out this guy is getting aggrieved by Shocker. What was the plan if Ito hadn't crossed paths with Takeshi? What if he'd gone to the police station but given the cops a non-Shocker story? Where the fake medical folks like, "Okay, let the dude sit at the station for now, but as soon as Takeshi comes down the road—yes, we know he's gonna come this way specifically, don't ask us how—we do the whole haul-the-mental-patient-away routine and lure him out"? This plan has too many moving parts not directly under Shocker orchestration. But it worked, so.)

The result is, of course, a route, and Takeshi recovers Ito, but Scorpion Man is watching...

That night, Scorpion Man creeps into the Hotel where Takeshi and Ito are bunking down...

But when someone slips into Takeshi's hotel room and Takeshi reacts appropriately, the guy he's got in a headlock isn't Scorpion Man, but this dude:

This dude is Goro Hayase, and he's come here accompanied by Ruriko, who says she brought him on Tobee's instructions. Goro, Takeshi explains to Ito (and us, of course), is his best friend and his motorcycle racing rival. Goro seems to have been fully read into the whole Shocker business, declaring his own willingness to help fight Shocker, which is great! Except for the ceiling scorpions.

Takeshi and Goro split up to find the source of the scorpions, which puts Takeshi in another fight with a bunch of Shocker mooks.

(Speaking of Shocker mooks, can I mention that I find their dress code questionable at best? The face paint is bizarre, but at least that's unisex, with both primary genders of mook wearing it. Meanwhile, though, the for-women ensemble...)

(Even looking at this makes my legs shiver. I'm too old for exposed limbs. And I live in California—I can't imagine wearing this getup in a Japanese winter would be very comfortable.)

Of course, having run off to hunt scorpions, Takeshi and Goro have left Ruriko and Ito—both noncombatants, the latter's protection being the main objective for the night—alone in the room, leaving them cornered as a whole bevy of scorpions break in. Ito valiently tries to stomp them out, but unfortunately, these are still the venom-spraying type.

And Ito completely dissolves on the hotel room floor. Goodbye, Ito. We barely knew you. No, really, we barely knew you.

Shocker goons take Ruriko by car, and Takeshi and Goro motorcycle after them, tailing them till they get to a Shocker base. Takeshi and Goro try to sneak in, but a misstep puts Goro plunging through the ceiling and into a room with a bunch of Shocker goons and Ruriko strapped to a chair. The mooks question Goro briefly, but before that can get anywhere, Takeshi joins in, leaving Ruriko to Goro while he works over the mooks. One thing is puzzling Takeshi, though:

See, Shocker combatants never act without a commander! That's a rule, of Shocker, which we've just made up just now. So where is the commander of this little group?

That's right! In a twist nobody could have foreseen, Goro has been the Shocker commander all along! He tells Takeshi that he joined Shocker willingly, so that he could finally beat Takeshi. Because he always lost to Takeshi in motorcycle racing, I mean. Which seems, uh.

Disproportionate. Crazy disproportionate.

Goro peels off his face to reveal that he is, of course, Scorpion Man. And now, he's got a pit of man-eating scorpions he'd like to introduce Takeshi (and, I assume, Ruriko) to. Looks like he’s gonna have to jump—!

Having escaped, Ruriko hides, while Takeshi faces off with Scorpion Man et al. one more time, still pleading for Goro to snap out of it, on account of that he doesn't want to fight his best friend. Which. It's nice that you've got feelings, Takeshi, but your "best friend" hated you enough to join a terrorist organization so that he could kill you. I think you need to fully reassess this relationship.

Probably tough to do that mid-fight, though. Particularly mid-this-fight. Because let me tell you, this fight is.

It's a little weird.

At one point, the Shocker mooks burrow themselves under the sand, presumably to try to ambush Takeshi.

Takeshi sidesteps the issue with. Physics? I guess?

This thoroughly defeats the Shocker goons, who then completely dissolve, as is the style at this time.

Scorpion Man, of course, fares no better.

(And he also dissolves, obviously.)

The episode ends with Takeshi and Ruriko motorcycling dramatically into the distance. To be continued!

All in all, weird episode. Not bad, but kind of hinky at the edges. The twist was kind of all but staring you in the face as soon as Goro fell into the episode and Takeshi had to speedrun the "yes hello this is my close friend who I have never mentioned before" thing*.

(Wait, Ruriko said Tobee sent them. How did that work? Did Goro just show up at Amigo and be like "I hear you guys are fighting Shocker; I want in"? And Tobee just believed him and sent him over? I mean, I don't not believe that. That'd be within bounds for the Tobee "Your Dad's At This Warehouse; I Will Not Explain Further" Tachibana that we already know.)

(But still.)

*I call that a thing because that is a thing—not just in Kamen Rider, but across TV shows, especially those of older eras. Remember when the webcomic Kid Radd made fun of it in its MacGyver parody?

... Okay, well, do you remember Kid Radd, at least?

... You're going to have to take my word for it, I guess.