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savvyreyes4587 · 3 months ago

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Living itself is the source of sin.

PM!Dazai x Fem!Reader Nakahara Chuuya x Fem!Reader

Summary: Days morph into weeks and weeks turn into months… working as Dazai's subordinate proved to not be the worst but not the best either but something was happening between you and Dazai and neither of you knew what it was…

Author's note: sooo… it's finally here and I can't tell you how proud I felt of it at first but then imposter syndrome kicked in and I tried to not let it get to me. Also, tried to make it longer than the previous ones, hope it works and you enjoy it.

Trigger Warnings: violence, fights and shootings, umm kissing I suppose…. that's about it. Dissociation at times and perhaps interior panic attacks.

Taglist: @v15aexe @hotwomanlythings @zaushimo @mintyymao @destinyisastar

Dazai was staring down at the city of Yokohama through the windows of his life lacking office yet his mind kept growing a consciousness of its own to think about one person in particular.

In his nature Dazai wasn't someone who would be interested enough by someone because no matter what, nothing seemed fairly interesting to him until… you.

You were an enigma to him, he wanted to understand you, to analyse, to consume you with his darkness but he couldn't do that with Chuuya looming over you all the fucking time which was why Chuuya was suddenly sent on a mission outside of Yokohama for a few days.

He didn't know what made him act that way with you but all he knew was that when you were around he never began to fade away, to lose concentration because he would be so focused on you and he wanted that… he wanted to try something new and you brought that change and he was willing to keep you… as long as it was necessary.

The Time Weaver, a legend made to be true. A legend that he wasn't sure if she knew the first thing about herself… a legend that was protected by a mere human but was that the truth? Dazai wasn't so sure about that.

Throughout the few months you have 'joined' the port mafia in, he was able to see it, the way you would flip a switch and then it felt like everything turned into infinite darkness, the emptiness that would cling into your eyes barely resembled his but god, was it terrifying.

For you who seemed to be… a beacon as Chuuya once said around him, to suddenly turn into someone lost to the monsters of her own mind… he wanted, no… he needed to know why something like that happened to you.

Who was it that turned you into what you are… who was it that gave you that gift you had because he knew… that was no gift, that was work… that was experiment and you were the result but at whose hand?

"Dazai-kun, May I ask you a question?" Dazai's mind made a rather quick trip back to reality when he heard Hirotsu's voice ask him and he wondered when did he even get to his office, but he figured that he must have been too lost in his mind, as usual.

He only hummed his approval for Hirotsu to ask his question but Dazai could already guess what he wanted to ask, it was the question inside all their minds and he could understand the curiosity and confusion even.

Hirotsu was silent at first, perhaps thinking of the right way to approach the Demon Prodigy without saying something that could be taken at the wrong angle.

Finally, he decided his approach. "Why?"

Dazai smiled but he still only looked at the lightened city that stood before him. "Why what?"

"Why her? Why take such risks to yourself and to the mafia? We know who's after her even though she doesn't have that knowledge so just… why?" Hirotsu sounded as if he couldn't comprehend how someone as witty as Dazai would make such a move.

"Why not, Hirotsu-san? She's lost just like any of us, powerful just like any of us."

"We have no knowledge of the kind of things she might have committed, destructions and sins that might be beyond you--"

Dazai cut him off this time, his one eye turned to look at the man beside him. "Living itself is the source of sin, Hirotsu-san. She doesn't have to commit anything to do that."

Dazai stood up from his chair, taking the bag he had prepared for tonight but not before he gave Hirotsu the answer he craved.

"You said it yourself, we know who's after her and it would be stupid to attack a serpents' den but to draw them out… how easy do you believe that'll be if we already have their prey?"

"I'm going to kill shitty Dazai when I come back." Chuuya told you over the phone, the two of you have been calling each other whenever you could since he was sent one this sudden mission but Boss's orders, who were you to object.

Still, you chuckled at Chuuya's usual anger towards Dazai, in fact it had become very entertaining to watch them bicker like cat and dog all the time but there were other times where it gave you headaches for days.

You tried to make Chuuya's case better in his eyes. "A few days to go and you'll be back here, I have new movies for us and there is this new restaurant that opened a few days ago, you'll love it."

Chuuya only sighed. "One sure does miss your company, Doll, instead of being surrounded by those idiots sometimes. "

You laughed. "Why thank you."

"You're welcome- what?" Chuuya suddenly begins talking to someone near him then he murmurs a few more things before.

"Sorry, Doll. I gotta go, catch you later." He told you in a rush as he moved around.

You got up from the couch you were sitting on, pacing around. "Okay, be careful."

"Always am, Doll."

He ended the call and you were about to order some dinner when the elevator to you penthouse dinged, announcing the presence of someone entering it.

And after the reputation you were building for yourself in the port mafia, not many people would dare to invade your privacy but there was one person who never applied those rules and you weren't sure how you felt about that.

"Oh good, you're awake. I brought food from that pizza place you like." Dazai entered your penthouse without a care in the world, holding two boxes of pizza and a bag.

You could only stare in astonishment, mouth wide open at his boldness. "You know people ask before they barge into other people's homes, Dazai."

He only gave you the signature smile and flung himself on your favourite couch. "Oh, Belladonna, you wound me. Are you saying I should leave?"

"Preferably." You said, half joking, half serious…. having him here would awaken things in you that are better buried six feet deep.

Because no matter how much you deny it, something was happening between you and Dazai since you became his subordinate yet neither of you acknowledged it but it somehow still existed and you didn't like it.

"But my dear Bella, how can a man leave his own house?" He asked and your eyes doubled in size at his words.

His house? You were given this apartment after Dazai ordered that you couldn't stay with Chuuya in his penthouse and now he was saying this place was his.

"Sorry?"

"That's my penthouse, Belladonna and I let you live in it."

You immediately took a step back. "Great, I'll leave it then and go back to Chuuya's."

Dazai jumped from the couch and caught your wrist, turning around, knocking the air from your lungs as you came face to face with him, inches separating you.

"Stay, indulge me for tonight and I don't live here anyways so consider it yours." Dazai whispered and everything instantly felt ten times heightend, his hold on your wrist, not gentle yet not painful.

The space between the two of you as you tried to regain your senses that he effortlessly knocked out of you in seconds, his eye roaming over your face, looking for something and you'd be damned if you knew what it was at all.

His touch softened, almost feather-like on your skin, as if it was a ghost from another world and you could only take him in now.

His brown eye, always looking exhausted, now somehow it looked like it glowed and became a part of the lightful city behind him, it looked so… lively all of a sudden and his hair dishevelled as it usually was, making him look his age at least.

The fingers on your wrist started to rub back and forth, the motion so soothing you almost didn't recognise it… this soft, heaven like sensation wasn't something you were used to, ever since…

"Come on, Belladonna. Just for tonight, indulge my curiosity." His voice was a sweet melody to your ears and even you couldn't ignore the heat rushing to your cheeks and you only prayed he didn't notice.

Possessed or perhaps stupid, yet you agreed to his request or maybe you simply wanted to indulge yourself more than indulging him. "Okay… just tonight."

He smiled, it looked so genuine that it had you curious if smiles could light up a place then Dazai's would be able to brighten up almost all of Yokohama.

Before he could answer, electricity went off out of the blue and as if a click was flicked, you stepped away from Dazai who looked as confused as you, especially when you two looked out at Yokohama out the windows and it was still full of the flickering lights of it.

"Must be just our building, let me check." He explained as he reached inside his pocket, bringing out his phone and calling someone.

Probably Hirotsu, you thought as you came to take notice that Dazai spends quite a lot of time with the older man, not that you blame him, he was definitely the option you would choose between him and the Boss.

Dazai began talking as you went to find some candles to light up the place and luckily found some that allegedly smelled like flowers and you were curious if it was Dazai who bought them…

You went to him while he was still questioning Hirotsu about the electricity, and you reached inside his coat pocket where you knew he kept a packet of cigarettes and a lighter inside it.

Heat flooded your cheeks as you were back in his proximity, especially when his gaze was tracking your every move with such intensity you almost began to feel was reserved only to you.

A few minutes later you lit candles on the table in front of your couch and some more around the penthouse. With the lights reflecting from the city and the candles it should be light enough to manage.

Dazai sighed heavily as he threw his phone on the couch before he himself was seated down beside you on it.

"And?"

"Electricity malfunctioned on the ground floor, they are fixing it currently but it might take a while." He explained while opening the pizza boxes and took a slice for himself.

You thought about your actions for a moment before you joined him and took a piece from the vegetable, stuffed crust, pizza and rested your back on the couch as you two ate in silence.

Watching the flames was what you did as you fell into the silence while eating and your thoughts were swarming everywhere as you thought…

"Why are you really here, Dazai?" You asked once you were done eating as you went to wash your hands in the kitchen with him following close behind, doing the same.

Yet he only shrugged as an answer and your eyes narrowed at him, trying to figure out the enigma of a man in front of you but he only reached inside the bag he had with him and got a bottle of whisky out.

"Bring glasses, Bella." You only rolled your eyes but took two glasses from the kitchen and went back to your resigned seat.

Dazai opened the bottle, pouring both of you a glass then leaning back to watch you with the flames illuminating your face, giving you a new edge.

"Tell me about yourself." He said… no, he ordered as he took a sip from his glass but you were silent as you flipped his order in your head.

"I thought you knew everything about me… being my boss and all." You joked as you chugged back your whisky, hoping he would drop the subject as your insides began to twist uncomfortably with nerves.

He mirrored your actions and refilled both your glasses. "There is no such thing as everything, I know what's allowed for me and I'm sure there is more."

You watched the flames reflecting over his pretty brown eye as you weighed your answer. "What makes you think I'll tell you?"

The side of his lips tugged upwards, at least that much you could make out in the darkness. "Because it's becoming suffocating to you and you want to talk about it but it's not easy to do so with Chuuya… you're afraid of how he will see you after…"

Your breath hitched at his words… How did he know? You thought you were doing a good job at hiding your emotions, hell, Keisuke spent days trying to teach you how to do that in the past… how did Dazai Osamu figure it out in mere seconds.

But you refused to give him the knowledge that he was right. "That's not true--"

"I know what most self denial looks like, Bella… It's okay, you can talk to me… I won't judge." There was something about his tone, something behind his gaze that had you wanting to talk…

He was right, it was becoming suffocating, agonising even, each day trying to figure out who you were and what you were doing in a place like the port mafia but to no avail and you barely trusted anyone but you were trusting Dazai? Why?

"What do you want to know?" You murmured, afraid to speak too loud that she might hear and come for you.

He mumbled in a similar tone to yours, sending warmth through you. "Whatever you feel like giving."

Your breathing was uneven and you heart felt like bursting against the ribcage holding it.

"I love reading from time to time, ever since Keisuke helped me I must have already read at least two hundred-ish books… I also like movies. Kei and I used to go and watch them in the cinema when they came out."

"I would love to have a cat too but Kei thought I wouldn't be up to the responsibility. That's why never brought me one and taking care of his shop was good too… I--"

"What about before Tanaka?" Dazai cut you off with a question of his own and you stopped in your tracks, mind going almost blank as you thought about his question.

Before Keisuke… there was her- no, no.

You answered with such speed you almost stumbled over your own words. "I don't remember anything before that-"

"Yeah, you do, Bella. You just don't want to face it."

You only shook your head frantically, almost on autopilot as you drank more from your glass until it emptied.

You won't tell, my little weaver. And if you do I'll know and then I'll seal your lips shut.

"Who gave you your gift? Who hurt you?" Dazai pushed as he inched closer to you.

"N-no one. No one did, I always had them." You began stuttering and your limbs started contracting, fear of something, fear of someone taking over and the switch almost flipped, almost, when--

There was a smooth touch over your cheek and your hand was pulled away from the invisible switch as you focused on the warm sensation spreading through yor veins.

Dazai's slender fingers ran back and forth on your cheek in a calming manner as if he was soothing a child and you found yourself lost in the warmth of the feeling, your eyes fluttering shut for a moment.

"It's okay, you always had it. Calm down, I got you." His voice sounded like a pretty whisper to your ears and you didn't even realise it before you were leaning into the small touch until your eyes opened to find your face a few centimetres away from his.

You couldn't understand, what was the feeling in the pit of your stomach, it felt bad at first but the more it stayed the more it turned into something else inside of you… the more you stared at him, his eye, his face, his lips and you could easily tell that the alcohol definitely played a part in whatever that was.

What you couldn't comprehend was why he did all of that? Come here, the food, the drink, the talk. Why did he go through all that but most importantly, why was he mirroring your movements?

Your breathing was uneven, and your heart felt like it was about to burst from your chest.

"Dazai?" you whispered his name, feeling as though the sound of it was lost in the darkness, swallowed by the flickering candlelight.

He didn't pull away. Instead, he leaned in closer, so close that you were breathing the same air. "Hmm?"

"Why?"

"Because for the first time in a while… something feels right," he murmured, his voice a low, intimate rasp that sent shivers down your spine.

And then, he closed the remaining distance.

His lips pressed against yours, soft and tentative at first, as if testing the waters. You didn't need to think-you just reacted, your lips moving in sync with his, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Your hands found their way into his thick hair, fingers threading through the strands, grounding yourself in the reality of his touch.

His tongue brushed against your lips, seeking permission, and you granted it without hesitation. The kiss deepened, turning feral as a mix of moans and the clash of teeth filled the space between you. The hunger in his kiss matched your own, a desperate need neither of you acknowledged until now.

Your lungs ached for air, the need for breathing overtaking your running desires and you dug your fists into Dazai's hair, pulling him back and he kept on chasing your lips as if he wanted to savour your taste like you wanted to do as well but in the end he settled his forehead on yours.

You were finally able to breathe, even if it was heavy but you were too busy trying to make sense of what happened when a sound close to an explosion deafened your ears and the building shook slightly, forcing you both to pull away.

"What was that?" You immediately jumped from the couch and went straight to the stairs with Dazai following behind you.

"There is no way, we are at least twenty floors up." He argued but this time you knew his argument was right and stood still for a moment, thinking of a more efficient way downstairs.

As if a light bulb lit over your head, you turned to Dazai with a smirk. "Hope you're not afraid of heights."

"What-" He didn't get to finish his sentence as the time ropes sprang from your body, one wrapping around him while two others held onto the staircase and you jumped over it, taking him with you.

Dazai let out a yell at your impulsive and risky move but you couldn't give him any attention, focusing your gaze beneath you so that you could create a web from more ropes to save you two from the fall.

You pushed your limits, forcing more ropes out as they began to take the shape of a web almost like a spiders and you tried to calculate the right time to let the ropes that held you like a hook go…

"Brace." You told Dazai as you unhooked the upper ropes and controlled the ones in the web to shoot out, digging everywhere in the walls to have a secure foundation and took a hold of Dazai's hand while the other was protecting your head.

Both of you hit the web and you immediately played with your thoughts, making it take the shape of a ball, closing around both of you as it collided with the ground floor, it bounced, softening the hit before the ropes disappeared completely.

"How… how did you know this was going to work?" Dazai asked, out of breath, maybe from screaming his lungs out at first or maybe from the way you swiftly launched the both of you into action but you were so proud of yourself, because…

"I didn't." You smiled at him before another jolt was sent through the ground and you hastily started running towards the source, longing for action to waste the adrenaline Dazai pumped into your veins with his kiss.

When you both got to the source of the explosion you almost couldn't believe your eyes, there was a whole front facing against the port mafia, mainly the subordinates, Hirotsu-san and Kouyou-san.

The clothes of the attackers all consisted of Silver, Green and black with one thing that caught your attention, the symbol a snake eating its own tail, who were these people?

You snapped out of your useless questions, fight now and think later, that's how Keisuke taught you to deal with things so you seized them hurriedly until your eyes landed on who looked like their leader, for this attack at least.

The woman's gaze snapped to yours as if she sensed your unwavering eyes and she charged your way at full speed pushing instantly to move to strategy number two, slow down time.

The subordinates had already rained down bullets on her before she reached you but all the bullets seemed to disappear when they hit her and then slowed down all together when you entered the zone you created with slow time.

But something was wrong… she didn't, shit! She didn't slow down, she was still coming at you and moved as quickly as you did in the domain you created and you dodged her attack at the last second.

"What the…" You couldn't understand how she moved freely in your field, not bound by the laws of time you mould to suit your well.

You didn't see her, as if she moved even faster than you and you were thrown out of your own zone and back into the original speed of time as your back collided with the wall painfully, a groan fell from your lips.

"Take the Time Weaver." You heard someone say, a female voice, probably the same girl who fucking flung you away like a sack of potatos and you found yourself glazing with renewed rage and your eyes snapped open.

With more groans and whimpers you were positioned on your knees even after you felt warm liquid running from the back of your head and down the nape of your neck and somehow on shaky legs, you got up.

To be met with a man from the attackers coming your way and you sewed your brain shut… you were back there, training, fighting for your life and you had to survive… had to.

You forced a rope out of your exhausted body and it wrapped over the man's throat in a suffocating grip and he started thrashing due to the lack of air but your anger wasn’t a force to be reckoned with and they should know that.

"No one takes me where they want… no one gets a say in my life when even I didn't!" You scream, voice overlapping as numerous times and spaces were moved while your ability lapsed in and out while you activated a certain one on the man.

He howled in pain as his face started to change, body and appearance changing in an unnatural process, he was ageing in an impossible way to human, wrinkles started covering his face and his puffed body began turning lanky and boney.

His face losing more weight as bones started popping out even more and his voice turned deeper the older he got, hair transforming grey before it fell out all together and his moves were becoming less powerful then he simply stopped.

You fell to your knees as your rope let go of the dead body of that man now and the girl was seconds away from attacking you again when someone… no, not someone, when Dazai stepped between you and touched her, activating his ability and she was knocked out cold by Hirotsu.

An agonising pain hit you in your head, not caused by a physical injury but a mental one… you were being pushed back to that place and you wanted… no needed to escape it.

You cried out in pain and Dazai was in front of you in an instant but you were seeing her almost everywhere… even he couldn't make her disappear… no one could.

Black dots covered your vision and you gave into the darkness and fell into the safety of Dazai's arms but one thing you couldn't stop was the name that escaped your lips in a haunting whisper.

Always a haunting whisper…

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#bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs dazai #chuya nakahara x reader #dazai x fem reader #dazai x reader

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