#weakness is emberrasing

[smallest4ever]

My own head is screaming at me and begging me to go into a crumbled unfunctioning mode, because I've shown any kind of reaction in public-

De facto it's fucking ripping my skin out of my face, because I've been in public at all.

I hate the fact I've been there

I hate the fact I've been perceived

I just want to scream and rip my eyes out

[kitsuvil]

Hi im not sure if the requests were open or not so if not just ignore it

What about enemies to lovers with tighnari, but the reader has adhd, tighnari doesnt know this and just thinks the reader doesnt focus on his lectures just to annoy him

The reader also doesnt know that tighnari isnt aware of the fact they have adhd. They tought they told them before or someone else did and he is just being rude on purpose.

Now watch tighnari's emberrasment after he finds your adhd meds and goes "oh gods im an idiot"

— misunderstanding [tighnari x gn! adhd! reader]

warnings/notes; fluff, comfort, adhd, mental health, does get slightly angsty in the depressed reader type of way but tighnari comes to fix it ofc <3 i think i made this way more emotional and comfort focused than it should've been sorry anon but i hope it still fits ;;

summary; your emotional breakdows for the past few weeks were all just a misunderstanding? tighnari should learn how to read better. proper summary is technically in the ask i'm just playing around hehe

"Again, Y/N?"

"What?" Your eyes flicker back to the lead ranger who's berating you for disregarding his lessons. For the 6th time this week. You'd think that by now you'd have learned to stop drifting away from his voice and the lecture...

But all he could see is that you truly didn't want to pay attention, you thought that staring at the clouds and people outside mattered more than the instruction he was offering.

"Y/N, please, I understand if you don't think it's important to learn all this, it can be very extensive but... I don't understand why you would ask for extra tutoring if you don't care. Is it just to take away time from me?"

"No, I- I get you're really busy, I would never take advantage of you like that, I really want to learn this and become a better forest ranger..."

You'd told him before about how difficult it is for you to memorize the content you're supposed to learn. Everything seems to just leave your mind, entirely without your consent. One day you think you've got something entirely scaled out in your mind, but by the time you have to answer questions about it, you can only stare into nothing and rack your empty brain, just to find not even a hint towards the answer.

You can promise Tighnari that you'd paid attention that day all you want, but you don't have the evidence to prove it. The times you can remember something fully and it stays, you throw a mini-celebration in your head, feeling successful. Yet - you had to constantly remind yourself about the fact that it wouldn't be enough to become as good of a ranger as Tighnari, or even your colleague Collei.

Even the extensive tutoring you'd begged Tighnari to give you wasn't helping, you felt hopeless. Now here he was, getting upset at you for something you couldn't control. You knew he had his eyes on you every time you couldn't stop fidgeting from stress and the overwhelming feeling of what you had to accomplish that day. You felt so... Weak. Didn't he understand your condition? You were almost positive he'd read through the files that were stored somewhere in Gandharva Ville. He did that for everyone. Shouldn't he understand how debilitating having ADHD felt?

"Y/N. You're spacing out again. What do you need from me so that I can actually help you?" Tighnari raised his voice.

Comfort, you wanted to speak out. But instead, you just looked down at your lap in silence. It wouldn't do anything to suddenly spill out your stressors and illness to him. He wasn't a therapist after all, he was just a student, professor, and a ranger at the same time. He doesn't deserve to have more issues thrown on him. Either way, this was something you'd been told to deal with yourself your entire life.

"If you're going to be like this, the session is dismissed for today. I hope you'll be more focused within the class along with the rest of the trainees tomorrow. Be awake bright and early in the morning so you don't miss anything. Although, it seems like you're not getting enough sleep so I might be a little more lenient."

You heaved a sigh of relief, ready to go home and cry your stress out under the comfort of your blankets. At least maybe you could rest a little more in the morning, but it would just be another case of you being portrayed as 'lazy', when all you wanted was to be as active as the others.

"Thank you, goodnight Tighnari," you frowned.

You returned home and let the tears spill the instant you fell into your bed, feeling even more helpless than a few weeks ago when you hadn't asked him for help. He was acting like an ass to you for no reason. You really didn't comprehend why he couldn't have some mercy on you and try to help you learn in other ways that would be memorable.

A knock echoed through the building you slept in and called home. "Yes?" You managed to get out in between choked sobs as you tried to calm down and wipe your face, deciding on pretending to have just been asleep so that your eyebags weren't suspicious.

It was Tighnari who walked in, of course.

"I thought I'd get you some tea, to help you sleep. It's obvious you're not having a good time. I'm sorry if I'm too strict on you, but I can't help you if you don't put in the effort."

You untuck your head from your sheets.

"I've been trying so hard to put in effort, Tighnari. You just... don't care to see it. Thanks for the tea, you can put it on my bedside table."

"Y/N..." He pauses for a moment, coming closer while contemplating on what you said

There's a long silence after he places the hot cup down.

"Shit, Y/N, you're kidding me right?"

"Did I do something wrong again?..." You tensed up.

"No, I- How did I not see this. I'm an actual idiot. This makes so much sense."

You look towards Tighnari to see what was causing his mental spiral.

In his hands was a small bottle, a paper on it labeled as treatment for ADHD.

"Oh, yeah... Sorry, I forgot to take them today. That must be why today was worse than usual..." You rub your hands over your fatigued face.

"That's not it, I'm just... Y/N, you never told me you had ADHD? I've been so hard on you this entire time because I just thought you hated my lectures and teaching and me."

You freeze up after hearing his words, stuck in the element of shock.

"I thought you knew? There's no way you didn't know, it's on my files, isn't it? The ones you read about everyone?"

"You noticed that? I must've just entirely missed it. Y/N, I'm so sorry. No words can explain how I feel right now. I'm so guilty."

"Tighnari, don't stress over it too much. You don't know how relieved I feel right now, I thought you were just entirely dismissing my condition. Don't feel guilty, I understand it was just a big misunderstanding now."

"Still, I'm so sorry. Do you perhaps need some comfort, attention, anything? I don't have anything planned until class in the morning. You can explain things to me for hours, I don't care. My ears are always open to listening whether I like it or not anyway. We're going to plan out a guide that will help you memorize the content more, we can even do experiments and things, I will bring you to a proper forest ranger in no time. I wish I'd known this earlier."

The next morning, the entire group of forest rangers saw Tighnari and you exit from the same bedroom, tired with eyebags present, but you were smiling like never before.

You two were already closely acquainted, where could this go further now that he knew the truth?

THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE PLS IM SOBBING. like actually bcs like partway thru this i teared up and idk if it was the tighnari playlist i was listening to or the kinning what mc feels in this 💀 neurodivergent people unite (though this IS heavily based on how adhd shows itself to me, it'll rarely be the exact same experience for everyone!)

on a side note i rly hope this was written well for u anon, u are my first actual request and i think thats super sweet and i enjoyed writing this a lot, u get a special first request badge <3

[amberinn]

Charles Cuevas is like an overcompetent genius to me in chemistry and pretty good with studies (say subjects and all

ultimate student swap au looking ass)

sharp, and stern

he's very, very good at being logical and putting things together.

It's like a natural talent of sorts

But he's also like.

Completely fucking stupid on basic self care.

He has so little "living my life" experience.

There are headcanons on the drdt headcanons account his parents raised him to get himself a traditional wife therefore completely like neglected those things.

Homeboy wouldn't know anything about life, beyond studying and things he needs to get by

Which for a self-proclaimed genius is pretty stupid

(he's also so so sooooo emberrased, and flustered and that is so sweet and lovely about him

oh my god

oh my gooddd!)

I feel like some people already discussed how that sort of makes him innocent in some ways as well

He has that genuine vibe to him

Idk

I think I'd be intimidated by him, if not hate him, because of his stand offishness and pretensiousness (that doesn't feel exactly... well, unaccounted for.

he is in the wrong, but it just pisses you off, because he is better at you at things, and you stand by that image, but it feels bad to have him treat you like that)

which gets brushed off the second you learn he cant do his fucking laundry

which is like

flabbergasted

oh my god did your mom make sandwiches for you your entire life?

princess can't cook or do laundry canonically, and I bet my soul he can't iron his shirts or change the duvets, or put the string things in his shoes as well.

I like how he has like.

genuinely so much diversity in this.

he's so good, he's so bad, he's mid at things as well, he's very great at other things

I feel like I genuinely tend to see him in a more positive light, BECAUSE he has weaknesses.

Not in the "this is relatable I cant do this as well" way, but in the "he's human, like us? not just a bitch. oh wow he CAN be nice as well, he's STRIVING to change?"

like you just want to hold him in your hand cause he alters your brain chemistry forever, he is so cute and reactive

he's like a magnet of sorts

[akajustmerry]

Can you talk a little about Roman and Matsson scene in 3.08?

Matsson says a lot of weird things there and I'm not sure what his goal was.

He is playing Roman for sure but how? he talks about failure, about getting way too into people, being dissapointed. and then he seems sort of emberrased that he shared all that?

so, first roman is there to find out why matsson seems to have doubts about the gojo acquisition and over the course of the scene matsson basically tells roman he wants a merger of equals.

the whole weakness/failure thing is a test. he wants to test that roman/logan are all in as equals with him, not as people who will pander to him. if roman had tried to comfort him when matsson said he was feeling weird, or roman admitted any failures to matsson, it probably would have signalled desperation/weakness. who wants to make a deal with a weak partner?

"i get way too into people and they disappoint me" <- that's a warning not to disappoint him but it's also a compliment that roman hasn't so far. matsson is not embarrassed. at most, he's feigning bashfulness to cover how smug he feels that roman passed the little test.

that then gives roman the leeway to interrogate him directly about the tweet and call matsson's bluff on these supposed doubts. then, like the majority of business deals in succession, matsson explains what he wants using innuendo "i like getting into bed with people, but sharing it equally" by way of explaining he wants a merger of equals.

so, yes, he is playing roman here, but roman to his credit meets every play with his own and i don't think matsson was expecting him to (hence the tests). but roman passes matsson's tests and matsson passes the vibe check for roman too i.e he wasn't really having doubts.

and all of this has a huge homoerotic subtext because of the location, the innuendo and coded language. this is all also happening on the eve of a wedding. there's that ICONIC shot where they linger on roman watching matsson pump his fists. ........

but of course, those are really just 2 dudes chatting by a pool in a romantic location about, you know, business!! they're definitely *not* in every way but physically measuring each other up to see how into each other- i mean, into the deal, they are. naur. they're just discussing FINANCE! that's why the conversation ends with matsson looking suggestively into roman's eyes saying. "i want the best of everything" because that's just how dudes talk about stonks.

[heartofthefallen]

Hey, its my first time writing a story and i tried my best.

Have fun...

"And all you did... was staying there? No reaction?", the man asked curiously, his armor moving as he moved slightly in his seat. "Not tried to help? Let them die?", he continued, his voice betraying a hint of disgust. Yet my voice stayed calm, concentrating on what im about to say. I took a minute to make my stay as comfortable as possible, moving my body more on the weak padding hidding the hard wood beneath. I take in the various voices around me in the tavern, before finally speaking, "Maybe I did. Maybe it was wrong, but it would have cost me my life if I jumped between them. How are you thinking I would have survived that?". My voice still remained calm, yet a note of remorse flew with it. Emberrased I stood up, subtly gesturing for him to follow my steps, for he jumped down from his seat and quickly chased after me. "Sorry, I couldnt withstay the many voices in there", I spoke, honest for once, as we break through the wooden door to the dirty street outside. Tiny raindrops fell from the cloudy sky onto my red-hues helmet. I veered around, not specially eager to speak to the man that followed my steps. He had beautiful, violet armor surrounding his body. As i first met him the golden outlines catched my my eye; looking majestical, for they are precisley made to be noted by an strangers eye.

I sped up my pace, in hope of making it so uncomfortable for the unwanted guest as possible, yet the man only jogged beside me and continued to ask me questions, I dont want to be asked. "Nothing to say about the disappearance of katia? It seems to me that-" The rest of his words met an early rest to my voice quickly, and furiously, raising and breaking them: "Dont speak of katia! You werent even there as she disappear, were you? Now stop following me, nor ask me any questions or I will make sure you meet your demise early on!" I spoke with a noticeable amount of wrath swinging in my voice. Full of anger I veered around and left the dumbfounded professor alone.

With only a slight trail of rage I leaned against a towering oak tree, golden rays of the sun painting the cloudless sky in the purest azure. The rage started to vanish, as I calmed myself down. My arms were crossed over my chest, my foot raised behind me, leaning on the lightly colored wood. My armor had an etheareal glow to it as the play of shadow and light sparkled upon it. My attention was attracted by a loud rusteling sound and the tone of cracking branches to my opposite. My head peeked upon, my eyes laying upon the forest before me. Carefully I kicked my body away from the tree and stood fierce and steady back on the ground, ready to face whatever was coming.

𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒍? 𝑶𝒓... 𝑶𝒉, 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒉𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓-! 𝑨𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆??

I thought desperate, yet a weak hint of annoyance glancing into my emotions as well.

I surely was right, as a women stepped in the light of day, her golden armor brightly sparkeling in the feeble sunlight. Her helmet was more or less a fat piece of metal put on her head, but still seems to provide great agility as she moves it with such an ease I was almost getting jealous. "So. You and me. Didnt we meet already? I think i saw your armor somewhere already. No, wait, youre just the criminal on the posters.", she said, loud sarcasm noticable in her arrogant tone. I smirked beneath my helmet.

𝑷𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔? 𝑰𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍.

I thought mischeviously, yet my smile quickly faded as I saw the women grabbing the hilt of her sword. She pulls it out, revealing an beautiful, ebony colored sword that, sadly, didnt fit her armor at all.

Almost disappointed I ready my fists, the spikes upon it sparkeling quite bright. "Why such a color? Im disappointed you didnt get a fitting hue.", I said mockingly, a respond, that didnt left a second of hesitation, almost cutting my words. "Not all things in life fit together.". the respond was short and unimaginable cold.

The she rushed forward, he sword held on hip height, ready to pierce my stomach, however, I was able to dodged and hit forward. While in motion i say feared words: "Art of cataclysm! Wildfire!" With a thriving rage I thrust forward, my hand hitting her body with an unparalleled force...

[deleteddewewted]

consider bullying rengoku >:3

NSFW

(Rengoku is still a jock but somehow you still manage to be his bully who he has a crush on.)

W: Footsies, Panty Flashing, Mocking/Taunting, Humping, Dacryphilia, Sub! Rengoku, AFAB Reader

You loved taunting the weak students but your current obsession was the international student from Japan. He had the most exentric hair youve ever laid eyes on and the prettiest frame youve ever seen. He usually held this precious smile on his face but you enjoyed it more when it turned into a frown. You would sometimes invite him to study with you at the library, your foot finding its way on top of his crotch and slowly apply pressure on his growing bulge. Another time, you'd push him to the floor in the locker room and lift up your leg, placing it right at the side of his face and allowing him to get a peak at your panties. His face would grow warm and eventually the smile that he trianed himself to keep was completly gone. His eyes were threatning to spill the tears of sheer emberrasment but you offered him something to releave himself. You sat on his lap, grinding your hips against his own and allowed him to hold onto your body and hump your covered pussy all while he hid his face into your neck. He was such a fun thing to bully, he was such a fun toy to use.

[shugojima]

🍋ʟᴇᴍᴏɴ ɪɴᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢɢɢ🍋 🔞🔞🔞

Ushijima x Y/n (Virgin) SOFT/VANILLA

I feel like he'd be trying so hard to be gentle with you but is unintentionally rough becauseeof his size and his overall movements. Ushi is a soft Dom as well in my opinion. Praises you like ur heaven sent.

xxxxxxx

"Ushijima senpai! It just won't work!"

I was really mad at myself. Ushijima helped me with my serves and I just can't do it right. I felt like a totally useless little fool to be honest.

"That's alright. Sure, it will take some time until it's perfect but you're doing fine." he said and I swear I could see a little smile on his face. I've never seen him smile and he looked even more beautiful now.

"Could you... maybe help me out again some day, Senpai?" I was giving him my cutest *plssss Ushijima san!! Look at me I'm an angel and you can't deny me anything* face.

"Sweetheart, don't give me that look." he said with his eyes wide open.

"Huh?"

He took me by my wrist dragging me to the lockerroom.

"S-Senpai!? Where are we going?" I asked quite irritaded.

He blankly said "I'll keep helping you control your body for the next hour. That's important if you wanna learn to serve."

Wait what?? Does he mean.... NO. Naaah... He probably just helps me streching or something..

He closed the door behind us and pushed me against the cold wall.

"Ahhh!" I let out a little scream as it touched my warm body. Now he just stood in front of me and intensely looked into my eyes.

"U-Ushijima Senpai? What.."

"Shhh little girl. I know you want me too. I saw those thirsty looks on my body." He smiled and I melted away. He was absolutely right on that. Although I really tried to stay cool when I'm around him... He makes me hella nervous.

"I... Ushijima san... I can't do this."

"Why?" he asked a little bit concerned.

"I did never... I mean... I'm.." Oh god this was emberrasing.

He looked at me in shock.

"You're a virgin?" Yeah that nailed it.

"K-kinda..." I wanted to just run away but I couldn't move.

His look softened and he started carressing my deep red cheek.

"You don't have to be afraid, babygirl. I'll be careful. Do you trust me?" he said while I was just shaking cause yeah I was afraid. Lord help... But I want him. Badly.

"Y-yes I do.." I tried to play the confident girl but I wasn't and he saw that.

He came closer and whispered in my ear:

"It might hurt a little, I'm not gonna lie. But you'll be feeling overwhelmed right after. Try to relax, babygirl. I got you." he gave me a intense kiss while his fingers traced down my shaking body straight to my most sensitive spot. "You're shaking, baby. Are you so scared? Do you want me to stop?" he worried so much it was just precious.

"N-no! Please don't.. stop." I mumbled and he smiled again.

As his strong fingers slid over the fabric on my

spot it hit me hard and I couldn't help but let out a loud moan.

"Ahhhh, Sensei..." my knees were about to give up on me and he noticed it, holding me in his arm giving me some time to get used to that feeling. No one ever touched me like he did now. He knew that and it made him proud.

"Wow.. You're so wet already." he smiled making me blush hard again. I looked away in shame.

"Babygirl, look at me. I wanna see the beautiful face you make when I touch you."

His hand now slowly pulled down the only protection I had and he slid in between my lips putting one finger inside my wet mess.

"Ahhhhh, Ushijima saaan! That feels so good.."

"It will feel way better when I'm inside you, baby." He evilly smiled while putting another finger inside me.

"Ughhh you're so tight..."

He then took my hand and placed it on his already hard member. I swallowed hard and looked down on him with my eyes wide open.

I WON'T SURVIVE THIS ONE!!

He chuckled.. "I know... but I'm sure it fits in just perfectly."

Feeling him on my hand alone made me go crazy. I want him. Now.

I grabbed all my confidence and went down on him pulling his shorts to his feet exposing his full length to me. He looked down at me in shock.

"And yet you're so impatient."

I wanted to taste him so bad so I started to lick his member seductively and he could'nt hold back a moan. We was delicious.

The moment I pushed it completely down my throat made his knees weak.

"Babygirl! What.... fuck." He would be surprised if I could get it halfway in but he didn't think of that one.

"Stop it!! I don't wanna come now. It's my turn."

He gently layed me on my back and positioned himself on top of me.

"May I, babygirl?"

"Y-yes.. but... I'm a bit scared.." I prepared to die at this point.

"Look at me. Don't hestitate to tell me if you want me to stop, ok baby? Bite and scratch my back all you need if that helps. Don't be scared I won't do something you don't want."

"O-ok..."

He leaned in to kiss me while I felt his tip at my entrance. He slowly pushed inside me and I screamed in his mouth.

"You alright, baby?" he asked me as he stopped for a moment giving me time to adjust to his size. A tear slowly ran down my face and he kissed it away.

"Y-yes don't.. stop."

He began to move and my pain slowly turned into pleasure.

"Ahhhhhh U-Ushijimaa!" I started to get loud I just couldn't hold it back and he clearly enjoyed hearing me scream his name.

"So my little girl starts to like it, huh?" he smiled while increasing his speed.

He was getting more rough and his eyes were getting dark. He was another Ushijima now.

"Ahhhhhgghg Senpai!!! Fuck me harder!"

He pounded in me again and again and fucked me into another world.

"FUCK. BABY... I'm.. close. Come for me."

The look on his face was absolutely hot. We were a sweaty mess and I never felt so good.

I came all over his throbbing cock and he came inside me just a few seconds later.

His hot juices mixing with mine.

"ARGGGHHHH"

He kissed me intensely and layed down besides me.

"Did I... hurt you?"

"Can we do this again?"

He chuckled.

"Whenever you need me, babygirl."

[sweetdreamer90]

Mark admiting that when they debuted they would just do what the company told them to do wasnt a moment of emberrasment or weakness. It was a moment to feel proud of how far they have come. GOT7 was able to break through. Nothing was served. They worked hard for what they have!

Cr: to booksblues

If you're wondering when Mark said this he said it live on Twitter with the CEO of Twitter

[eldritchcustomerservice]

Are you a young Eldritch horror?? Are you living hidden in the human realm?? Or simply going through some changes??

As you grow you might notice a few changes, these are completely normal and any incomprehensible entity living amongst mortals will expirience some of these symptoms. Your body is simply growing into the world destroying soul consumer it was always meant to be, here are some signs your true form is growing and is ready to shed it’s flesh confinement!

- Every now and again your shadow will reflect a form similar to your real horrifying body, don’t let it stop you from having fun in the sun!

- Your eyes might resemble their natural state and as your true form has many more eyes sudden cases of enhanced vision might cause dizziness. Remember to drink water!

- Your teeth will probably grow sharper, and more. Just, more.

- Reflections might treat you strangely for a while, but remember that you are beautiful!

- Your peers may catch glimpses of The Truth out of the corner of their eye. Be careful to not let it drive them insane, but don’t distance yourself! No one should be alone :) especially those wo have Seen Something

- Small critters will either follow you home or run for the hills but small escapees from the shadow realm will love your confusing energy, you are never alone! Don’t worry, they are never malicious, but also unsually not nice the way you want them to

- Electricity can be tricky, with it’s on and off and exploding all over the place, but your ancestors survived for millennia in the otherworld with nothing but tormenting the weak for entertainment and I am sure you can survive too. if your phone suddenly shuts off, you should probably look around you, they are trying to help.

- During this time in your life, you will expirience changes in your voice. Wispering screams, piercing shrills, strange echoes and emberrasing cracks. This happens to everyone, we are all in this together! If you cause some bleeding for some orficies, a good nights sleep will fix that right up.

- Cameras and pictures will treat you wierdly for a while, so look on the bright side! No more bad hair days during picture day if they can’t get a clear picture of you!

- You might find your Human abilities strangely enhanced on some days, use it to your advantage and impress the creature that has captured your heart! (If you shock them enough you might get a chance to steal it back. no mortal should have acsess to something like that)

- Blood. Just...blood. Yours, others, the colour, amout, it’s going to get wierd. But don’t worry, if you just leave it, something else will take care of that, and they will appreciate the gift



[carlitosgalvanjr-blog]

My attempt

This is my first “real” attempt to get my shit together. I cannot afford to seek a therapist once again, at least not right now. I am fed up with my present life more than ever. Surprisingly the unhappyness is almost as detrimental as my mental state was during my relationship. Currently I feel my lowest low. I may be depressed right now. I want to avoid going deeper into this pit of darkness. I no longer want to keep on feeding this vicious cycle. I am living a fantasy life. I am taking steps backwards instead of forward. Very little growth compared to the amount of setbacks. My problem is that I hyper focus on my setbacks, all of them. My reliance on drugs has gotten out of control. I fear reality now, as I once feared drugs. How disappointing Ive led myself into years that are rooted for growth and positive improvements. I want to mature, I seem to behave child like. I have become a man child. I am so emberrased by this. I used to pride my self in hard work. I know have a minor phobia of going to work. I always expect the worst out of it. I want to change this I want to be more proactive I want to stop replying on drugs so heavily, I want to love myself enough, pure my desires  aside. I am so weak. I am a slave to my desires of drugs. My whole life has revolved around it now. I want to end this. I used to just do weed, and that was fine, because it did not get in the way of my progress as a young human being. Every other drug has led me to failure, alcohol and Xanax would be the biggest culprits of them all. I want to grow, I want to learn how to speak myself, I want to stop running away from my problems. I am so weak, I would be so upset myself if I knew how bad I've gotten.