#we've seen most of this in flashbacks or discussed between characters

[bigfatbreak]

I have some curiosity about how marionette acted before fu’s death. Was she her normal self until fu died and she just snapped or was she already in a downward spiral and fu just accelerated it to its conclusion?

She was already hugely stressed out, then the memories of Chat Blanc caused a large amount of her trauma to kind of double down - now she had a visualization of what things could be like if she failed, after all, and those images don't leave you - then when Fu lost all his memories, of which she blames herself for, she started to rapidly decline, as it was very much like losing a loved one AND she was losing the only adult she could discuss her superhero stress with.

Lila saw how reserved Marinette was becoming and stabbed the last nail in the coffin by starting rumors about her that Alya tried to confront Marinette about. Marinette was too exhausted to defend herself, and tried to just brush things off, but Alya took that as confirmation that Mari was acting as badly as Lila said, and from there - with someone she considered a close if not THE closest friend - leaving her behind, Marinette galvanized herself.

(not long after that, Bunnix tried to approach her and do damage control, but she was too heavy handed, pushing Marinette further from everyone. things haven't been the same since.)

[cjrae]

Stunted Love. Or: The Theme of MaoMao's little finger.

Maomao's little finger is a recurring motif in the Apothecary Diaries, and it receives even more emphasis in the anime's first season - it represents her belief that romantic love leads to pain and destruction. Spoilers primarily for the anime, but also the epilogue of light novel four and Chapter 15 of light novel six below.

Love In A Cage

The motif is first introduced in "The Unsettling Matter of the Spirit" - Concubine Fuyou's story. Maomao has already noted the parallels between the red light district and the Inner Palace, but here we see what happens when romantic love is introduced into the mix. On paper, Concubine Fuyou is a literal object of pity. Her personhood is being gifted to an officer who recently distinguished himself on the front lines, discarded after having failed to please the Emperor. It's telling that this is one of the first times we see Jinshi interacting with a consort where he is completely serious, without bringing his charm to bear. We never hear him say anything, but it's clear that he's communicating the Emperor's order with respect and understanding the gravity of the consequences for Fuyou.

As the events of the episode unfold, the parallels between courtesans and consorts get stronger as Maomao introduces the concept of having a contract bought out - if a man wants a courtesan enough, she is also an object to be purchased, albeit at potentially astronomical price. At first glance, it would seem like these women have absolutely no power in these scenarios - but by the end of the episode, Maomao shows us the feminine side of this transaction - how a woman can manipulate the system she is trapped by in order to get what she wants. All she has to do is lower her value - a rather counterintuitive measure that can go horribly wrong all too easily, as we see later.

And what Concubine Fuyou wants is to escape the Inner Palace to be with the man she loves - a task that she succeeds at. She has played a long, patient game in the service of freedom. Trapped in the cage of the Inner Palace herself, Maomao holds her scarred finger against the freedom of the sky and wonders what kind of medicine love would make.

Devotion

We see further flashbacks to Maomao's past through multiple episodes, but the next time the concept of love is brought up is when Fengming is confessing her role in the death of Consort Ah-Duo's baby in "Honey" (episode 11). Maomao is brought up short by Fengming's confession - she flat out says to the audience that she's never loved anyone with that depth of devotion Fengming displays toward Ah-Duo, so she doesn't know how Fengming feels. But if she doesn't have empathy to offer, she does have a rough kindness. Another person might have said that Ah-Duo deserved to know why her son died, that the knowledge might have provided closure. Maomao, however, believes that knowing the baby's cause of death would only cause more pain (it's never the crime and always about the cover-up) without providing any actual benefit.

With these two episodes framing her early character development we see that, whatever Maomao's natural inclinations are (and I will leave discussion of neuro divergency to those better qualified to discuss it), there is a certain distance between Maomao and her emotions most of the time. It is implied that this distancing from her emotions is a trauma response as the image of a woman holding a knife above her head while kneeling on a bed is shown but not explained (it is the only recurring image during the montage before the discussion about her potential execution with Jinshi).

Lakan and Fengxian

In "Lakan" (episode 18) the motif begins recurring more often as Maomao's parentage is revealed. We've caught glimpses of the sick woman in the annex before, but as the camera pans over the bed, it's clear that this is Maomao's mother (as always in anime, the hair is a dead giveaway). We've seen Maomao in this room, always curled in a fetal position, staring with blank eyes, but here we see Maomao actually caring for a woman who she describes as driving her out over and over again. The camera's focus is on Maomao's eyes as she watches her mother continuing to deteriorate - they're blank yet again, echoing her earlier line of "This is stupid. She's gone."

This is not the look of a girl who genuinely doesn't care about her mother. The image of her mother with the knife upraised is straight out of recurring nightmares that wake her gasping with terror and continue to haunt her after she's returned to work. While there is no AFFECTION involved, there are certainly very strong emotions here. Later, in the bath with Meimei, Maomao wonders if Meimei's in love - and immediately shies away from the thought, insisting that "love is an emotion I'm sure I left behind in the womb."

Interestingly, this is immediately belied as the Three Princesses (the women who took on the maternal role that her mother discarded) begin to pamper Maomao in the bath, and she relaxes into their touch, flushed with belonging and pleasure at their attention.

Confrontation

In "Blue Roses," (episode 22), everything has built to a head. By hiding Maomao back into the Rear Palace, Jinshi is acting as her shield - and Lakan responds with a power play. Both he and Jinshi are aware that Lakan knows his true identity, so Lakan provokes Jinshi with a political test. "Nothing is impossible" for a man with Jinshi's power - so providing some blue roses at a garden party in early spring should be simple, right? It's a near impossible task and Lakan knows it - even if Jinshi were to figure out how to dye the roses to be the appropriate color, they're still out of season.

Up until now, Maomao's response to Lakan has been to hide. But, with Jinshi's reputation on the line and seeing how worn out he is, Maomao has finally had enough. So she takes Lakan's challenge on and, while she's in the process of growing the hothouse roses so that Jinshi can best Lakan, she diverts unwanted attention from the Crystal Palace's handmaidens by showing Xiaolan how to do a manicure - something that draws attention to the deformed pinky on her hand and changes her perspective of the damage to the finger.

The art should be paid attention to here - we see close up shots of two other people's hands after having the manicure done - Xiaolan and Consort Lihua. In both of these shots, there's some subtle detail paid to their little fingers as well - Xiaolan's is ever so slightly crooked rather than perfectly straight, while Lihua flexes her fingers so that the pinky is extended as she looks at her hands. In the next shot, Maomao has done her nails as well - and when Jinshi draws attention to the fact that he's surprised she would do her nails (like Hongiang, Maomao usually prefers work over fashion), she looks at the finger and remarks that, even though her little finger is twisted and scarred, it looks better than it did before - an acknowledgement that the finger is not actually a hindrance, but a piece of her identity.

Healing

Giving Lakan the opportunity to finally do right by Fengxian is the most grace and forgiveness that Maomao can extend to either of her parents. Their romantic love is certainly sympathetic to an outsider, but Maomao was shaped by the consequences. Lakan's carelessness and Fengxian's willingness to break the rules of the pleasure district in order to deliberately lower her value so that she could be with the man she loved, is the guiding cautionary tale of her life.

But Maomao has also grown over the season. She is neither the terrified little girl, abandoned by mother and father alike (however unintentionally on Lakan's part) nor a teenager full of fear fueled rage at Lakan's persistence. She is Luomen's daughter and proud of that fact - she has found her family and a place in the world. It is with that more adult understanding of the world around her that she dances atop the wall of the Rear Palace, giving her parents the only thing she can, which is her blessing and best wishes for their short future, as she sends her mother off.

Sure enough, who is watching her as she takes a step toward a more mature identity but Jinshi? Other characters have provided a shield between Maomao and Lakan - Verdigris' madam, Meimei and even Luomen. But it is on Jinshi's behalf that Maomao decided to face Lakan herself. She loves her adoptive dad and granny and sisters with all the affection she never received from Fengxian, but Maomao's actions have always spoken much louder than her words - Jinshi protected her and she, in turn, chose to face her childhood bogeyman to help him.

Is it stating the obvious that Maomao tripping and Jinshi catching her is an obvious metaphor for falling in love?

As she dances on the wall, we see the two seemingly disparate sides of her identity coalesce into a whole. The moment she lets down her hair is a uniquely Japanese moment of eroticism (this is why maiko and geisha use the oshiroi that bare the nape of their necks), even as she's also deliberately reapplied her freckles.

The moment she realizes that Jinshi truly sees all of her in a uniquely emotional moment, she trips and is made terrifyingly vulnerable as she nearly goes over the edge - only to be caught safely in Jinshi's arms.

Safely back atop the wall, the little finger comes up one more time - except that this time, instead of looking at the damage inflicted and seeing the scar, Maomao looks at her pinky and shows it to Jinshi, telling him what sounds like a strangely gruesome medical fact. That a fingertip can regrow if cut off. For all the trauma that her biological parents caused her, for all that her pinky will be scarred for the rest of her life, the wound did heal. Maomao has healed - she is capable of friendship, loyalty and love that can inspire devotion - even if she rarely displays open affection.

Love Creates Fear

This motif comes back again, at the end of light novel 4 (what will be the end of Season 2, if the studio continues to stick to two light novels a season for pacing, which I expect they will). Jinshi has officially cast aside his cover as a eunuch and stepped into the political limelight as the Imperial Brother. Maomao, as a result of their adventures, has returned home, to her apothecary shop and, as she works she thinks about how everything has changed.

"Jinshi must have finally gone back to being whoever he really was. Maomao didn't know his real name: she couldn't have used it even if she did. The worlds they lived in were simply too different…Anyway, now that Jinshi was no longer a eunuch, he couldn't get away with keeping some lowborn girl around him…So it was for the best, really, that Maomao had come back to the apothecary's shop in the pleasure district."

As Maomao ruminates to herself about how she will never see Jinshi again, she retreats to what she knows best - medicine. She's got her emotions under lock and key and she's begun experimenting, working on creating a more potent painkiller. However, her pain tolerance is too high to work with her previous methods.

Or, to lay the metaphor bare, Maomao has dealt with abandonment before, but not like this. Her usual methods aren't working - so it's time to up the ante. What she does next is extremely telling.

"'Got to cut deeper if I want to be sure'. Maomao looked at her left hand, then tied some string firmly around her pinky. She stood and took a small knife from a cabinet. 'Here goes!'

Just as she was about to bring the knife down, a beautiful voice interrupted her: 'WHAT are you doing?'

Without a word, she turned to see a man in an unusual mask standing in the entryway of the shop…'Done with all your work?' Maomao asked, undoing the string around her finger and putting the knife back in the cabinet."

The thought that she and Jinshi are now living in such different worlds that they will never see each other again is painful enough that cutting her finger off in a thinly justified experiment is preferable to feeling her own emotions. What Maomao wants in this moment is a return to the emotional numbness of the past - only this time, she will do the damage herself.

But Jinshi is not Lakan and abandoning Maomao for any reason is simply not an option. Just as he caught her on the wall, Jinshi catches her again. A prince is standing in an apothecary shop on the edges of the red-light district, a place where he should not be - except for the fact that it's where Maomao is.

Connection and Communication

Finally, as a callback toward the end of light novel six, Jinshi and Maomao are beginning to reconnect after Jinshi screwed up and lost a lot of emotional ground in light novel five's epilogue, and he does the following.

"She reached out for the package, which Jinshi had put behind his back, but he planted a palm on her belly to keep her from sitting up and she couldn't reach it. She kicked her legs from sheer frustration and this time he grabbed her ankle. She was just trying to decide what he might be planning when he brushed the tip of his pinky finger along the back of her foot.

'Hrk?!' Maomao choked, squirming...The back of her foot, and her back as well, were hopelessly vulnerable to a gentle brush of the fingers.

'M-Master Jinshi...That's...not...fair!'"

While Jinshi is still the instigator in this scene, this is the the first instance of romantic and sexual contact that Maomao accepts, eventually bursting out laughing - and when he gets that laughter, Jinshi also immediately backs off, accepting that he has pushed her as far as she can go right now. But that first contact was via that tiny fingertip representing love.

His hard-learned patience is rewarded when Maomao is finally willing to speak to Jinshi about how she's feeling about his desire to marry her, first obliquely as they discuss the plot of a very familiar tragic romance, before she addresses the issue directly.

"Instead of answering, she murmured, 'I don't want to be an enemy.' Jinshi gave her a sidelong look as if to ask whose enemy she meant. 'To Empress Gyokuyou,' she said.

Would Jinshi understand what she was saying? If not, that was fine, Maomao thought. There were things even he didn't know.

'You - '

He seemed about to ask her something else when a horse whinnied outside..."

Maomao may be hesitant, she may feel very confused, but she finally gives Jinshi something to work with here - communicating to him not that she simply doesn't care about him that way, but that she has a very real, concrete fear about what a romantic relationship with him would mean, not only for them, but for everyone else around them.

That's a lot to balance on the tip of a pinky.

[vi-fans-wall]

Theories S2 Arcane (Part 1) [little SPOILERS]

I'm going to analyse the theories that arise (my opinion) after the content that has been shown about the second season of Arcane.

I will start with the most obvious theories.

VANDER IS WARWIK

This is the truest theory of all. The vast majority of us who know Runeterra lore know that Warwick is Vander. For those of you who are only familiar with the series and know nothing about this League of Legends champion, I'll briefly discuss why we're all saying this.

If we check the character's biography on the League of Legends website (link) we can see that it describes Warwick as a former gangster who left that life to live a quieter one (as Vander did).

A little further down he indicates that he remembers a girl's voice, but does not know what it says. That little girl is probably Vi, since she was the person who saw him die. But it could also be Power, or even both.

And finally, it is known that Singed, the creator character of the Simer, is the one created by Warwick, and this has also been advanced in the series, at the beginning of the years.

JAYCE VS VIKTOR (Lore link)

Yep! Maybe there are other theories for you that are more confirmed and catch you by surprise, but this is more true than Cait and Vi's kiss in this season.

Currently the lore of Jayce and Viktor is partly different from that seen in Arcane. For example, the teacher who was with both of them at the academy was not Heimerdinger, but Stanwick, who we saw in episode 4 of the first season as Heimerdinger's partner and founder of Piltover.

It is known that as a result of an invention they both have, they end up arguing and parting ways. In the original lore, Viktor's illness is barely mentioned. It is mentioned that before entering the academy, when he was a child, he enhanced his body with pieces of metal, which we haven't seen yet, beyond the ‘enhancement’ with Simer + Hextech.

I'm not going to say too much because it would be a SPOILER, but surely, because of Jinx's rocket, their paths will separate in such a way that they will become enemies.

CAITVI KISS SCENE

Let's get down to what we've all been waiting for. The long awaited kiss (and possible sex scene) that some of us have been waiting for many (too many) years.

We know that Cait and Vi are very attracted to each other, even if Vi said ‘we are oil and water’, in her warm heart she is in love with Cait and vice versa. Partly, I think, what happens to Cait's mother Cassandra after Jinx's rocket will drive a wedge between Cait and Vi, why?

We know that Cait and Vi are very attracted to each other, even if Vi said ‘we are oil and water’, in her warm heart she is in love with Cait and vice versa.

Partly, I think, what happens to Caitlyn's mother Cassandra after Jinx's rocket will drive a wedge between Caitlyn and Vi, why?

Although right now I don't see Caitlyn as a person who thinks that for “being sister of” I hate you for no other reason, and she will want Vi by her side as Enforcer, to capture and/or kill Jinx, in case her mother dies (in my sincere opinion she doesn't die because there is still the lore with Corina), she will judge every action that Vi takes on Jinx, being this the trigger to “break” again. Recall that we have seen the emo Vi, and in the words of the screenwriters, at the Annecy festival, “what would happen if Vi has no one to protect?”. In addition to hallucinations seeing Caitlyn. [link]

The sex scene I think will be a flashback, I think they both had intimate relations at Caitlyn's house before going to the Council, that's why when they are caught by Jinx, I saw the image he has of Caitlyn, she is lying on that bed.

Piltover and Zaun vs. Noxus

I could already smell the battle. Piltover and Zaun are two cities in the continent of Valorant, which exist thanks to a pact with Noxus, since they are in its territerium, and it is a very important trading point, also with the region of Shurima.

Ambessa is uneasy. She wants to get hold of Hextech technology to defeat an enemy that terrifies her. From the lore it is known that there are two sides in Noxus, Swain, and The Black Rose, LeBlanc. We don't know which side Ambessa is on. We don't know if Mel dies or not, but from the previous season, we know she wants weapons, and she needs them now.

Ambessa is a warrior, she is a woman forged in war, and that means only one thing, control. She wants control. In the first season we saw her use that control. You have to be both a fox and a wolf. In the first season, when she was trying to persuade Jayce and her daughter Mel to create weapons, she was a fox, in this second season, the fox will show her wolf fangs. BUT. Piltover and Zaun are not Noxus. Mel (if she doesn't die), Jayce, Caitlyn, Vi, Jinx and Ekko will be in charge of preventing both cities from succumbing to Medarda's yoke.

More in part 2

[joltai-showa]

fic notes, "Don't Be Scared" edition

still chilling after my exam + halloween party with friends + an entire day spent playing hsr (the concept of "the horror of a weaponized delulu girl" is certainly something interesting), so let's go over another Obidei submission of mine, now for day 2 ("My Dear" is pretty simple, so I don't really see the reason to elaborate on that one)

- about the title: kind of on the nose, but both Deidara and Obito tell "Don't be scared" to another, but in vastly different circumstances, one was trying to calm down his, assumingly, skittish partner in the face of his senpai's death, while the other is trying to stop his victim from fighting against his treatment (though in his delusional mind he is trying to simply reassure his disoriented partner)

- i'm still laughing way too hard at the fact that all three fics written for this prompt used cave-in as near death experience of the day. like. are we really that predictable

- so, for as long as I remember there was a pretty heated discussion on why and how Deidara is capable of tolerating pain that well. and it's not just about this fic with Deidara lower half getting entirely crushed and him still being alive and making a coherent talk with Tobi, it's EVERYTHING about Deidara's time alive in Shippuden. we've got: left arm being crushed in the middle of the battle by Gaara and then left untreated for DAYS, right arm being severed with elbow getting sent on a quick date with Obito, being punched in the fucking face by Naruto who was well on his way into getting into his biju chakra cloak mode, somehow fighting off four more taijutsu-oriented shinobi after all of that with nothing but a kunai, hiding underground for like another day with all of his wounds untreated (and even had the strength to strangle Obito with his thighs but tbf that's probably the most in-character thing for us Obidei shippers) and that's just in his debut arc. The battle with Sasuke also featured such wonderful gems such as exploding a bomb right by his head and seemingly not get a concussion, GIANT FUCKING SHURIKENS in his elbows, flying off of an actively exploding minefield and still having the time to get PTSD flashback. like, Deidara's ridiculous at ignoring pain, and this happens constantly without any explanation by Kishimoto, to the point people reading the manga would get into heated arguments at how much plot armor this blonde twink has. anyway, I've seen fics explaining this as Deidara being specifically trained by Iwagakure to endure absurd amounts of pain. and you know what, I like this headcanon, gives characterisation for both Iwa methods and Deidara's childhood, we love it. of course, generally such ability is an asset, but in this particular case I really cranked it up to 11 to make Deidara regret having it

- ah, yeah, before I forget, the "Third Tsuchikage's greatest shame" thing - so fun fact, it's actually canon that Deidara is Onoki's student. the reason why this isn't a well-known fact and actually oftentimes is assumed to be headcanon is because for some god knows reason this bit of info was only in the editor's note at the beginning of that short battle between the Iwa gang and Kabuto with Edo Deidara, and these editor notes at the beginning of the chapters a) official English translation never does this notes b) these notes are removed in the Japanese volume version, so it's only in the weekly magazine version of the chapter and you pretty much can only find it on the fantranslations of the chapter at the time (because obviously they didn't have the volume version in that moment)

- one of the main ideas I had for this fic even when it was in its conceptual stages was to ensure that the twist with Obito continuing the messed-up cycle of ripping out kids from beneath a cave-in and forcing them to continue living through artificial celss of questionable origin wouldn't be too obvious. so about 70% of the fic is dedicated to Deidara being in agony and trying to find some meaning in what he assumes to be his final moments - and all of that is done to take away reader's attention from HOW Obito sees the situation (his own actual fear of being crushed alive randomly rearing its ugly head, his senpai and by that point love interest protecting him at the cost of his safety, the similarities between his own accident and what is going on now - finding Deidara dying under the rocks and caring more about him than himself, Deidara asking him to take something of his, etc etc) and how his mind jumps to the conclusion that he found the most desirable for Deidara - alive, by his side, literally just like him. even if it's against Deidara's will lmao. it was pretty fun writing whump for the first time and I'm pretty proud how it all came out.

- and yes pre cave-in both of them were kind of crushing on each other. Deidara truly liked Tobi! in the end, it's one of the many tragedies within this fic - Deidara could have actually been with him romantically, but the decision to save Tobi in the moment and Obito's subsequent... everything made it impossible. Deidara liked his silly kohai Tobi. Deidara is terrified of Akatsuki's leader and his Savior, Obito, and what he had and would do to him. ironically enough, this one act of love made him lose both everything outside his love for Tobi and his love for him too. he survived and yet lost everything, but it's of no consequence for Obito, because in his mind Deidara should be happy, just as he is

- "but now frailer than a glass figurine which he accidentally knocked off the shelf as a kid back in Tsuchikage's residence" - still stand by my headcanon that Deidara is the adopted kid in Tsuchikage's family lmao

- "He was supposed to turn into his greatest, most amazing creation. Everyone would be gazing at him in his final fiery moments. In a matter of seconds, his existence would become nothingness, a transformation so wonderful that Deidara would start to shake from the thrill of it whenever he would think of his own end." - I think Deidara suffers from suicidal thoughts and spends a lot of time idolizing the way he would take his life, meaning C0, fantasising about the way it would feel etc etc. It's kind of a combination of his own ideology that's pretty much "good things aren't supposed to last long", his own unhealthy obsession with being recognized as someone amazing and capable by literally anyone he comes across and generally the trauma he has from Iwagakure (again, they TRAINED the kid to endure pain to the point he shrugs off torn off arms, this at least implies some sort of torture on a literal child)

- "He remembers his hunting lessons and how the scared wide-eyed deer sounded in their last moments." - so this is something that I have planned for BSSM AU too, but Deidara also had training in hunting, because from what little we know about Land of Earth, the terrain is really fucking rough, so I wouldn't be surprised if they put a lot of emphasis on survival training + Deidara ran away from the village and spent at least a year on the run completely alone (hi Itachi who already had a spot prepaired in Akatsuki), and I have some doubts that he would be earning S-rank nukenin pay off the go, likely he had to come by with whatever he could catch + he's been partnered with Sasori who doesn't care for human urges, thus if they had to stay the night somewhere in the wild, it would literally be just up to him to find some food for himself

- another thing I think Deidara loves the most is flying and the skies, particularly how free it all makes him feel. the sky actually relates to two things in this fic - Deidara's identity and choice (the last third of the fic the sky is gone as he is in a cave, so Deidara's identity and him being able to choose his fate are also taken away from him) and Deidara's Akatsuki ring (ironically, "Blue" which is the same as the color of the sky)

- now regarding what is going on with Obito - the initial explosion that caused the rockfall that pretty much killed Deidara sent him flying forward, so he was indeed not hurt. it doesn't mean that after landing some distance away from Deidara he was mentally well. he was already pretty badly heaving just from being reminded of his own cave-in, so sometime he was just there, trying to calm down and stand up (preferably not throwing up in the process). after a while he does manage to pick himself up and goes off to look for Deidara, realizing that he doesn't see him anywhere nearby, trying to fight off the panic. at this point he's just barely hanging onto Tobi persona, it's kind of his safety net in this whole situation. unfortunately, he discovers what he discovers

- btw even if Tobi's persona is somewhat up, he's constantly messing up the way he should be adressing him. I made a point to have Obito adress him as "senpai" (okay for Tobi) or "Deidara" (not okay for Tobi)

- "The sky is still a large beautiful blue sheet as he recalls it to look. But now something bright appears in his vision. He could have mistaken it for sun, so bright and orange above him" - Deidara loves the sky, but something bright and sun-like covers it here. later Obito's Sharingan will also become the sun that "destroys" Deidara and knocks him out

you can see why Obito starts to freak out :) but I love how stupid the name Tobi is. It literally is just drop the first kana from Obito's name and change the order for the remaning two. seriously, how is this man supposed to be the secretive mastermind if that's the best he can come up for his goofysona name?

- in this particular paragraph I did somethin very mean. if you don't see it, look at the last three syllables in Deidara's phrase and see a certain name.

- "Senpai, come on, we'll get you out of here, we'll think of something, you'll be fine too, we just have to find someone..." - back to what's going on in Obito's mind - he's still trying to keep up the mask of Tobi who can't do anything to save Deidara in this situation (unlike Obito, but Deidara can't know that Obito exist, it's too dangerous for the plan), thus throught the fic he keeps repeating that he's gonna find someone to help senpai and it goes on until he can not reject the reality anymore and has to make the decision to follow Deidara's will or to save him at all cost

- "Maybe Tobi is punching at the earth beneath them, digging his gloves deep into the cold brown mass, or maybe he is grabbing at his head, pressing his palms into it while he continues mumbling something completely anguished and incomprehensible, something about this not supposed to be happening, or wailing as he asked again and again why Deidara did this, he didn't need to, he can't be hurt, he can't be dying, Tobi didn't want this, Tobi didn't mean for this to happen, not again, not again, not again, not again..." - yeah, so that's pretty much Obito having a breakdown from everything above - both his memories of Kannabi and the circumstances of their current situation

- "Deidara remembers with strange clarity how he dreamed of something like this when he was just a little boy, forced to stay in the village as the war raged on beyond its walls and his only window to freedom was just the bright skies above" - another piece of random trivia, but based on the calcs from my timeline, Deidara would have been born in Iwagakure in year 61 after Konoha's foundation, while the Third Shinobi World War was from year 58 to year 63. He would've been kind of way too young to remember the war itself, but I can't imagine that in the following years kids would have been allowed to leave the village in any capacity + the conflicts might have been ongoing, just in much lower intensity

- "Tobi's voice sounds strange - both raspy and high, both over the top and endlessly tired - but that's probably Deidara's hearing starting to fail." - and here's Obito starts to lose his ability to keep up Tobi's persona

- "But now, when Deidara feels like his body is merging into one with the earth beneath him (oh, the preachers in Iwagakure would be elated at his thoughts)" - that's another headcanon I have, but now in regards to general religion in Naruto World. It's kind of annoying how we've got all of these Great nations so and so forth yet they seem so similar. anyway, time to fix this, so obviously people from Land of Earth place a lot of value on earth and such. I like to believe that it's actually a tradition for them to bury their dead (unlike Konoha where it's pretty much confirmed to be cremation), so yeah, Deidara kind of points that out, with him dying and feeling like he's becoming one with earth

I believe that mercy killing would, in fact, be quite commonplace in Naruto world, either because it's impossible to get your comrade to safety, their wounds are too severe, the mission will be jeopardized, and so on and so forth. What Deidara asks of Tobi is pretty normal and what he truly think would be the best for him - to stop suffering in shame like this, to be able to finally rest, withouth much pain.

- so this here is pretty much the turning point for Obito

Unfortunately for him, he is dealing with Obito who vehementely hates this world and its ways. Would Obito still choose to activate his Sharingan and turn Deidara into another half-human half-something creature like him, binding them together, if Deidara didn't ask for a mercy murder from Tobi? Probably yes, but Deidara could have passed out by that point, making it much harder for any future machinations on his dying body, so Deidara would have had the chance to save himself as a person and die if not for that one plea. In the end this acts like a trigger in Obito's mind and cements his decision to save Deidara at any cost, because he will not allow this world to take away his love from him again, he will not play by its rules

- "An unfamiliar voice cuts through the ringing in his ears. It's deep, dark and raspy." - and from that point onwards it's just Obito with his Sharingan on, asking Deidara to look into his eye to make sure he is unconscious for what is going to follow

- now onto what I imagine actually took place after Deidara was placed in a genjutsu (which pretty much put him into a coma-like state to ensure that the shock from Obito's machinations wouldn't kill him): Obito didn't have any of the Zetsus nearby to use as the material, so, while sitting and thinking when Deidata was still awake, he realized that his only choice is to use his own body, particularly the artificial part. that was both the quickest way to go, but also possibly would be the least painful if Obito's experience with purely artificial cells was to go by. "humanized" cells in theory would be much more compatible with Deidara's body, so that would be a win win. however, he also had another issue - Deidara's wounds didn't match his, so he couldn't instantly produce organs and parts that would fit Deidara, in the end he decided to simply create as much cells as he can and attach them to Deidara, at least while he'll be transporting him to his own nearest hideout + due to how much larger he is, it would probably be better for Deidara's body to recreate the missing parts on its own, simply shaping Obito's cells into the necessary form (kind of like clay, which would probably be insanely romantic in Obito's mind). after knocking Deidara out, he immediately took off his clothes and pulled out a sword from Kamui that would fit the task. he caressed Deidara's still wet cheeks with his left hand, promising him that it's all going to be okay soon, while his right half was rapidly expanding and his hand was meticulously cutting off Deidara's elbows and torso, attaching his own grown tissues onto the wounds he was making. finally, after it was all done, with Deidara attached to him, he teleported them into the hideout

before Deidara woke up, Obito's been holed up in there for about four weeks, completely ignoring anything Akatsuki-related and pretty much attacking Zetsus when they tried to get closer than they should have. Obito doesn't need food or water, so every single day he's spent by Deidara's side, waiting for him to wake up. the first few days Deidara was still attached to him, and Obito didn't want to separate from him (it became quite comforting to have Deidara attached like that, like he's completely safe and isn't going to ever leave him), but in the end Obito decided that Deidara's body needed to heal on its own (he can't be too selfish, now that Deidara will become a Savior like him, the world of dreams would need him away from Obito, no matter how much Obito dislikes that), so following days Obito would just sit by Deidara's side, watching him for hours. something in between monitoring his condition and gorging on his beauty.

as for Deidara, after being separated from Obito everything seemed fine for a while, artificial tissues have sucessfully mended with Deidara's, yet soon things started to go wrong. not in a life-threatening way, at least for someone with such cells, but the actual forming process was taking a while (not that Obito had any good time estimate on that), Deidara started breaking into fevers, having frequent spasms, getting fits, so on and so forth. it was then when Obito discovered that he could still merge with Deidara, even after the separation. he took it as a sign from above that he is doing something right, so whenever Deidara would look even mildly uncomfortable (come later weeks he would do that at any given opportunity) Obito would enter him, connecting his senses to his, thinking that like that he is taking some of Deidara's pain, focusing on thoughts of pain being gone. Deidara would usually calm down after this, so he must have liked that a lot, right?

during one of such fits Obito discovered that Deidara's eyes looked strange now, like there are some darker patterns appearing in them, and realized that his own cells were keeping some of his DNA intact, affecting Deidara. another sign for Obito that he was doing something right, that the two of them were meant become one on their ultimate goal. he's found his partner, the one with whom they'll put an end to this world together. now besides simply watching Deidara, he also started doing experements on his various tissues, testing them and being amazed at how much stronger they were already becoming.

and now we come to Deidara's awakening

- and yep after having to go through something like that Obito takes a while to get to his "I'm in hell" moment. Deidara is thrust into it immediately, but in the end both of their experiences are the same

- Obito was in the room when Deidara woke up, but he was simply watching him in wonder, elated at finally being able to see his senpai return to him. he's still in that overly excited state when Deidara starts to panic

- whenever Deidara shows fear or just something related to not wanting to be here, with him, Obito simply writes off it as confusion after being asleep for so long. when he can't do that, he starts using his favorite excuse of "Deidara is still brainwashed by that horrible world, but it's okay, I know he doesn't mean any of that, he likes me and he wants these things"

- it's not the point of the fic, but it's sprinkled here and there: Obito is very much sexually aroused in this scene. he wanted Deidara even before that, but now, when it's just the two of them, and Deidara is going to be his forever partner on this mission, he's barely restraining himself, telling himself that it's too early and Deidara is far too weak for something like that (not to mention lacking most of the necessary parts for the process). unfortunately for Deidara, it's pretty much a free game after his full recovery. and once again, Obito finds an excuse for any of his bullshit, while Deidara can't fight back against what Obito wants if they are merged, so... well, you can guess that besides the general psychological abuse Deidara will end up experiencing sexual abuse too, with Obito sincerily believing everything to be consensual.

aaaand that's about it? a tragedy all around. Very little remains of Deidara, both physically and mentally. As the time passes by, he loses most of his aspirations, except trying to make attempts at his life. Obito, continuing to believe this to be the effect of this cruel world, frequently makes Deidara merge with him, puts him in a genjutsu and shows him their ideal world that would be here soon, "reminds" him of how much they love each other, and for a time it helps, with Deidara becoming quiter and dazed for some time. But in the end the cycle repeats, and Obito is still pushing onwards, forcing himself to believe that he's pretty happy like that, with Deidara remaining by his side, and he can reach his real happiness in the eternal Tsukuyomi, it's just this hell getting in the way.

Both of them become more and more miserable with each passing day.

[thatgirl4815]

Only Friends Series Review/Themes

And so we've finally reached the end. It's been wild ride. I find it difficult to put a number to a review, but I think the series as a whole managed to tackle quite a few conflicts relatively seamlessly, and as a whole I think they delivered on the "messiness" that was promised (even though things could always be messier, such as giving Sand a bat...but I digress). I'll look at each couple independently and discuss their characters within that.

Sand/Ray

Goes without saying that Sand and Ray were the main draw for me, and despite all the fears and discourse throughout, they were a solid endgame. There was no ambiguity, no open-ending--just pure happiness in that car on the rooftop. I ended the episode with a smile on my face. Not to mention that montage of them dancing in the streets and on the stairs. I had a grin on my face the whole time.

As a whole, I think SandRay's relationship meant a lot to both characters, more than they ever meant it too that night they first met in the bar. Considering where each couple started and how negative things were at the onset, I think theirs is the most poignant ending. As Ray says in the finale, Sand gives him a purpose and goal to work towards. Ray is now in a position where he can better himself. As someone who seems to have spent so much of his life feeling unwanted, Sand is the one who shows him that he is more. It's unfortunate that this had to come at a price for Sand at times, but the fact that they were able to work past their issues says the most about their dynamic. As far as communication goes, they say what they mean and own up to their mistakes. SandRay's superpower: "thank you's" and "I'm sorry's." Especially from Ray--yes, he tends to act like an asshole, but he knows it. He's self aware. There's an element of self-fulfilling prophecy guiding his actions a lot of the time I think, because if "I'm such a burden, why try to be anything different?" Ray gives in to fatalistic thinking, but it is Sand who talks him back from the edge time and time again. Sand is a caretaker and Ray is someone in need of caretaking. What blossoms from that starting dynamic is truly beautiful. They're very different people, but that's what makes them best suited for each other. Regardless of everything else, they make each other happy. There was never anything in this series that made me doubt that connection.

If I was to find fault in their storyline, it would be in the final two episodes. Everything up to that point was very well-executed, but Boeing was brought in at the wrong time. Possessive Ray is good, but not at this late stage of the series. Additionally, Sand's reaction to Boeing will never not frustrate me, as even though it may be in character, I never felt the weight of what it is Sand is going through in regards to Boeing. This could've been resolved in a flashback or more discussion of their relationship...something. Instead, Boeing was a throwaway plot device that was there to stir the pot for a few episodes before being conveniently discarded. Unfortunate. What I would've loved to see was more of Ray's rehab and any conflicts stemming from that, especially because this is such an important topic to discuss.

Favorite Scene: Favorite SandRay scene is honestly up in the air--there are too many good ones. I'd say it's between the montage in the last episode, the record store scene in Ep4, the cheek kiss in Ep9, or the therapy scene in Ep10. I know Sand wasn't there for the therapy scene, but that was such an important moment for Ray's character that I feel a special attachment to it.

Top/Mew

Anyone who has seen my comments on TopMew knows that I've never been the most fond of their relationship. I agree with what some others have said in the past that they're much more compelling on their own rather than together. Additionally, Top had the potential to be fleshed out much more than he was, as was hinted at with his traumatic backstory early on. Instead, both he and Mew were left to dwell in mediocrity.

My problem with TopMew is that their relationship never seemed to go anywhere. They had discussions about their feelings and concerns, but the progression always felt very minimal. When the cheating plotline came into effect, it felt like three episodes of the same cycle: Top apologizing, begging for Mew's forgiveness, Mew's resistance, Mew secretly still having feelings for Top that he can't reconcile, Mew lashing out, Top getting upset, and repeat.

Beyond that, I just felt a general lack of chemistry between them. This is not meant to be a ForceBook criticism, because I'm sure they do genuinely have good chemistry together. But the relationship altogether felt tense. If there was any word I would use to describe TopMew, it would be that. Even when Mew gave in to Top, it never felt like he truly gave in. As an audience member, Mew's obstinance and inflexibility made me frustrated more often than not. I find this last point especially interesting because out of all characters, I'm probably most similar to Mew in my real life.

I do have to hand it to the writers though--a cheating plotline is not easy to deal with. While I feel like TopMew were pushed together in the end, whether it truly made sense or not, I do admire that they tried so hard to show us their efforts to work through their issues.

Favorite Scene: I like the scene from Ep11 where Top cries and essentially lays out all his feelings. It felt like one of the most honest things we've seen from him. There were other sweeter scenes that I liked earlier on, like the cafe date where they talk about lasik, but it was harder to enjoy plot points early on with TopBoston's hookup lurking in the back of my mind.

Boston/Nick

The only couple that didn't get a happy ending. Honestly, as per my predictions at the beginning of the series, this didn't come as much of a surprise, though it did feel a bit rushed. Similar to TopMew, I do admire that the writers were not afraid to show how deeply entrenched Boston is in his promiscuous lifestyle that he is unable to break away from it. I also think Boston's character brings up a lot of interesting discussions about morality and how we perceive men, particularly queer men, leading this kind of lifestyle. I touch on this topic as well as pacing in this ask, so I won't get into too much detail here.

There have been many discussions about BostonNick's relationship in the context of ephemerality. I've been thinking lately how Boston's entire character is built on this idea: he doesn't want anything long-term, and he's content drifting from person to person and place to place making rash decisions along the way. This way of thinking has led him to disregard the consequences of his actions.

There are two specific points in this episode where Boston and Nick's flaws are addressed: once when Mew tells Boston that he should look to make a change within himself, and another time when Nick admits that he wants to start caring for himself more.

Boston and Nick can ultimately get more out of their relationship now that its ended more than they ever could while they were together. And though I might have my gripes with the execution (the pacing, more specifically), I do think this takeaway is important in the greater scheme. Nick now knows more about what he wants and deserves, and Boston now knows more about what kind of commitments he's willing to make and the honest communication required for any bond.

What's also interesting to me is that Boston's lesson here isn't confined to his romantic relationships. Boston going to NYC is a convenient escape from the mess he's created, but it really is a new start for him, a chance to start anew and actually contend with what he knows is wrong. That scene on the rooftop between BostonNick in Ep10 means something: Boston knows he's destructive. He knows he's a bad guy. And oddly enough, I think that's the most hopeful sign for him.

The only other gripe I have with this relationship is that it felt like they were secondary to the other two couples, particularly in the way they were treated in the final minutes. I know Boston left for NYC and Nick hasn't been involved in the hostel throughout the series, but I still wish Nick would've gotten to partake...maybe with Dan on his arm? Unfortunately we're left guessing about how Nick is doing.

Favorite Scene: The scene on the rooftop from Ep10 was so sweet. It really felt like a solid coming-back-together for them. I'm sad it didn't work out, but I also feel like this was the most satisfying conclusion.

Drawbacks

Inevitably, there were some issues that I took with the series throughout, many of which I already mentioned above. Some are general and some are rather specific...

Boeing. Pretty much everything about Boeing felt tacked on for dramatic effect. He felt like a shallow villain because his motives weren't fully fleshed out. We can infer that he's egotistical and selfish, chasing after Top and pursuing Sand after when he doesn't get his way. But his relationship with Sand needed more fleshing out and could've benefitted from better placement. If Boeing had entered the conflict when Ray was still in a "relationship" with Mew, that would've escalated the conflict between SandRay more by showing Ray how fragile his situation is.

Atom situation being brushed under the rug. Many others have commented on this, so I won't belabor it. But accusing someone of SA, even if that person is as cruel as Boston, is never okay. Atom apologized for it, yeah, but Cheum's apology did not satisfy me.

Moral superiority. This is not a criticism exactly, but I really wish some characters' moral superiority would've been addressed/called out more (I'm thinking of Mew and Cheum). I also wish this would've come into play in discussions about Ray's addiction problem.

Some scene cuts: tattoo bit being cut out of Ep5. I'm glad they put it back in, but it was frustrating that it was removed in the first place.

I never saw First Kanaphan holding a bat in this series. It's all I wanted, seriously. All criticisms would've been wiped away if they'd only let him hold one. (Points back for that TopSand kiss though. The way Sand pushed him back against the couch...man had been wanting to vent his anger for a long time.)

Mew getting lasik. Glasses for the win.

WE NEED MORE MIX! That last scene with Mix has been on my mind all day. He made such an impact on me with his cameo that I only think what could've been if he'd had more of a role.

Overarching Themes

I won't go into too much depth on these since this post is already getting massive, but some core themes that I think stand out in this finale (and just overall):

Ephemerality: specifically related to BostonNick, but there's been some extensive meta on its application overall.

Boundaries:

Self-respect: I think this tends to go hand-in-hand with boundaries as a theme.

Self-love: @thegalwhorants made a great post about this earlier on in the series here, particularly with Ray's character.

Polyamory/Promiscuity: I wouldn't classify this as a "theme" exactly, but it's worth mentioning how a series like this tackles the idea of promiscuity and sexual relationships and what other series can gain from that kind of discussion.

Okay! I'm sure I'll think of more things to add to this, but my mind has been buzzing since that finale. Overall, I'm satisfied. There are issues, and some plot points towards the ends started to feel sloppy and rushed, but those were not pressing enough to damage my overall opinion of the show. I know this will remain one of my favorites from GMMTV for a long while.

Tagging the ephemerality squad for my discussion of ephemerality in regards to Boston and Nick and the themes mentioned above: @waitmyturtles @ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @twig-tea, @neuroticbookworm, @lurkingshan, @distant-screaming, @clara-maybe-ontheroad

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

You mentioned yesterday when answering my 1-3 review-ish that all the Chapter 5s bar one would be quite low down the list so seeing 3-5 here, doesn't really surprise me all that much because this has a LOT of flaws with it.

And given the history behind this chapter its little surprise as out of all the V3 Chapters, 3-5 suffered the most development hell of them all as Kodaka and everyone at Spike Chunsoft struggled really hard to come up with a good Chapter 5, and there were lots of drafts and revisions each with wildly different outcomes. The only recurring theme between each version was that the victim and culprit worked together. So if you are wondering why Kaito and Kokichi feel out of place as a victim/culprit pair, that's why because there was a good chance neither of them were meant to die this chapter but after slamming their heads against the wall enough times, this is what we got. I am curious what the other alternatives we could have gotten were but short out of a data breach I don't encourage under any circumstances, I doubt we would ever find out.

As you mentioned a big issue is this is a reskin of 2-5 but its a way inferior version since Kokichi is not Nagito. Nagito is a creditable threat because we've seen many examples on how willing he was gonna go for his ideals, and he also makes it very clear if he likes you or not. Plus Nagito had just found out the truth about Class 77-B being the Remnants of Despair so there was a motive for his anger. With Kokichi it felt like since everyone hated him after what he did last Chapter he decided to go "fuck it" and go completely crazy.

Another major difference between Nagito's and Kokichi's plan was Nagito had thought out his plan well and made it so it became almost impossible to solve since anyone could have thrown the poisoned fire grenade. The only way there were gonna win is to weed out the traitor which only works because Nagito would view the traitor as the only innocent, and this meant Chiaki had to expose herself to ensure Nagito's plans failed. But all of this can be saved for 2-5. Kokichi's plan though had nurmous holes in it since yes he drove everyone to despair but all the Mastermind had to do was use a Flashback Light to give them hope and that brought everyone's spirits up. Plus kidnapping Kaito was always gonna be a poor move since we all know someone who is very attached to Kaito and who would not hesitate to delete Kokichi from existence if given the chance, so does it really come as a surprise when Maki decides to try and rescue Kaito on her own, and kill Kokichi in the crossfires?

And while Kokichi making a unsolvable crime is a good idea on paper, in reality seeing as Team Danganronpa would do anything to keep the show running, plus there was already a case of the culprit being the wrong person with 3-1, so they would just execute whoever was in the exicel regardless of if its true or false because the producers don't care, they just want a good show. And even if everyone was killed in Chapter 5, there's a good chance it would have made the show even more popular, because there was evidence that Danganronpa was getting stale in the V3 universe as you would expect from such a long running show. So having it so everyone died in one chapter in a unsolvable case, that would have brought a lot of in-universe discussion and it might lead to Team Danganronpa changing the format slightly so that more scenarios like what Kokichi's plan was would come out like making more disruptive characters like him. Far from stopping the Killing Game, Kokichi's plan would have benefitted it more then anything.

I think there should have been more emphasis on Kaito's illness rather then it be a throwaway but once again since 3-5 has been muddled around so much, it could have been that some scenarios would have had the illness be more of a factor and Kaito dropping dead during the trial or something. What's worse is that Shuichi and Kaito have a bit of a fallout in 3-5 due to the previous class trial and while Maki tries to help patch things up, I'm not really sure if this conflict was ulitmately resolved satisfyingly, I know Kaito does apologise to Shuichi when he secretly visits him while being held captive, but given Kaito was under watch from Kokichi at the time, its not sure if its sincere though the fact he gives Shuichi words of encouragement before he dies means I do think the bridges have been mended but I dunno I wish it was done better.

Another thing is due to how confusing 3-5 is, a lot of people have ran conspiracy theories that Kokichi didn't even die, since due to how the whole trial was run and how compliant Kaito seemed to be, it could be Kokichi was just hiding afterwards and him being alive explains the plothole of how the auidence seemed to comply at the end because Kokichi hacked into the broadcast signal and turned it off so nobody could vote. And while people give all kinds of evidence and its a interesting theory, its one I don't buy because I just believe its wishful thinking from Kokichi fans that he is still alive.

The whole Gopher Project fake storyline was also kinda meh as while its revealed to be completely fake, its like how do people not notice a swarm of meteorites heading towards Earth with space COVID in them? I know Bubbles played with this in Starship of Hope by explaining its caused by a rogue planet going through the Kulper Belt which made the astariods go crazy, but still we have eyes on space all the damn time, sure we sometimes miss a asteroid or two but not an entire swarm of them. That's kinda hard to NOT notice and also how come Jupiter doesn't do its job and mess with the flight path of a lot of them? Really you could tell the plan is bogus and fake and really the only logical conclusion I can see is that its terrorism and a group similar to Ultimate Despair hijacked the meteorites and just yeeted them at Earth. Kinda glad it wasn't real in all fairness.

Another issue here is the Maki-Kaito relationship. This is one of the few "canonical" pairings as Maki more or less admits in this chapter she has developed feelings for Kaito and its what drives a lot of her actions since she just wants Kaito to be okay. And that's fine because love can make people do stupid and crazy things, but it wouldn't be what Kaito wanted from Maki. As the entire character arc between Kaito and Maki is the former wanting to show the latter there is more to life then being a merciless monster, and that she is a person with thoughts and feelings. So if the entire character arc is for Maki to learn to be her own person, then why does she decided to go and try to do a dramatic rescue to save Kaito and kill Kokichi in the process? Especially since Shuichi and co already made plans to rescue Kaito and confront Kokichi the following day so why does Maki decide to go rogue when there was already a plan in the works?

And I know the easy way is that Tsumugi made Maki do it, but since we have never seen Tsumugi do something like that in V3 and if anything she was panicking big time during the entire chapter which makes it seem she's lost control and recieving hell from her superiors. Her statement in Chapter 6 it was part of the plan I suspect was an lie to save face because looking how she reacts in Chapter 5, its very telling that she's lost control of the situation.

I am reminded of the fake spoilers of Chapter 5 which gave some interesting alternatives that we could have gotten. One of these fake spoilers is the reveal that Kokichi was born into a cult of Despair and was groomed to be its leader...and all the horrific implications that follows. The characters find out about this in Chapter 5 and they confront Kokichi who goes completely crazy as a result due to the trauma involved as it turns out the reason he lies all the time is as a defensive measure for what he had to endure. So Kaito decides to kill Kokichi because everyone assumes he's the mastermind, but midway through Kaito killing Kokichi, he realises that Kokichi isn't the mastermind but its too late as a fatal blow was dealt. Kokichi though is happy since it means at long last, someone believed him and he dies condent. Kaito then takes Kokichi's body and crushes it under the hyderelic press so in the fake spoiler, he was already dead when the press went down, and then he had to rush to the trial to stop Monokuma from trying to frame Maki as the blackened and then he implores everyone to vote him.

The trial itself is fun because you don't know who the victim and culprit is but the problem and its another plot hole, is that Kokichi apparantely wrote an entire script for Kaito to act like him. Thing is he wasn't able to gloat Kaito into helping him until after Kokichi got fatally poisoned by Maki who if he did, would mean Maki gets killed, and when you are slowly dying from poison you don't have enough time to write 5,000 words on how to speak Kokichi. I mean I probably could do it in about 5 hours, but I use a computer, Kokichi would have had to write this all out which takes longer. You could argue that maybe Kokichi had this written in advance but how was he gonna convince Kaito, who btw hates his absolute guts and was only helping him because if he didn't one of the people he cares about the most would die. And it also implies Kokichi has Ultimate Analyst like abilities which again is something we haven't seen from the character.

Long story short, while the trial had good emotions and it led to a interesting case, the fact that this was apparently a pig for Spike Chunsoft to figure out how to write it shows, because they wound up doing a rehash of 2-5 but missing a lot of its good marks and leaving behind a lot of plotholes and stuff that doesn't make sense. Maybe if Chapter 5 wasn't so much of a brain fart for Kodaka, maybe the case could have had more consistancy and be stronger overall. But as it stands, we are left with a chapter which has a lot of flaws and plotholes and a scheme that was doomed to fail due to the nature of the Killing Game.

Sadly, this won't be the only time a chapter gets slaughtered by edits and changes which wrecks the entire narrative, but I see that one being way more severe as it happened literally at the last minute. But you see which one I'm referring to when we get there.

//First of all, I'm really sorry I didn't answer this yesterday. I always look forward to your reviews, but yesterday I was preoccupied with personal matters.

//I had some friends over for the week to celebrate my birthday that happened at the beginning of the month. And I create all of these posts in advance, so it just uploaded on its own without me needing to do anything.

//But I'll talk my way through this now. To start with, I'm gonna be real, if I ever had the chance to talk with Kodaka and his team, and we got to talking about Case 5, now that I know what was going on at the time, I think I'd have nothing but kind words for the man.

//Yeah, okay, I don't think I would try to hide all the issues that I talked about with V3-5, but if this really was under the constraints as you've described them, I think what we actually got is pretty freaking fantastic.

//Again, I LIKE this case. I just have very prevelant cons with it that kind of balance out the pros. While I do really like the alternate scenarios that you talked about here, if I'm being real, I still think I prefer what we actually got as opposed to them.

//In terms of comparison to 2-5 though, it's very easy to pinpoint exactly why it falls so flat. And the main reasons all have to do with the masterminds behind the plan.

//Let's just say that there's a reason why there are so many videos and posts out there trying to pschoanalyse Komaeda. Because not only is it a fun and interesting thing to do to try and explain the actions of this madman, and debate whether or not it's justifiable to do so, but it's rewarding to as well, regardless of what conclusion you reach.

//Nagito's motivations are flawed and nonsensical, but they are also logical. He's had such a rough life that constantly teeters on and off collapse due to his batshit luck that he cannot control, so the reason why he's crazy is because he tries to ground himself with whatever he can. It's like a coping mechanism, and it makes him do insane things.

//He loves hope because he fears despair, and as stated here, the simple reason why he did what he did in Case 5 is because he had a reason to want to go after everyone else. He found out that the Future Foundation were the good guys, and the students were the bad guys, which is why a switch was flipped that made him set up the trap as intended, and it's genius.

//But Kokichi isn't the case. Psychoanalysing him is almost impossible, because he's both too simple AND too complicated.

//The short version is that he's just a pathological liar, but Kokichi throughout all of his spiels about how lies and truths can change, he never actually gives a reason why he lies; at least not an honest one. And when he dies, even Shuichi says that they will never find out what's really going on through his head.

//And neither do we. And we likely never will.

//On the one hand, Kokichi being left as such an open book for people to make their own interpretations is cool, but at the same time, it just stirs conflict, because everyone can kind of agree that Nagito's psychology comes from a singular place, largely because of how straightforward he is as a character.

//Kokichi is complex for the sake of being complex, and it doesn't really work in his favor for this case.

//But yeah, Kokichi's plan to create an unsolvable crime in Chapter 5 could have made the show more popular, completely going against what he tried to do to end the game. What's worse, as I mentioned, it is really taken away what Kokichi tries to do when Tsumugi stands on ceremony and tells everyone she predicted he would attempt this, because she wrote his character.

//Assuming that's true, which lets be real, it probably isn't, but assuming it is, that really means that this whole trial was just overall worth absolutely nothing. Despite how much they try to play up Kaito's sacrifices as noble, Kokichi was trying to destroy a power that he didn't fully understand.

//Nagito knew, when he was dying, what was really going on in the virtual world, and formed his plan surrounding that. Kokichi had no idea what he was up against, tried it anyway, and played with fire. While that's not out of character to him, Kokichi is more methodical than he lets on. Everything he does means something in the grand scheme of things, as Chapters 4-6 really try to show.

//So it just kind of sucks that it turned out this way.

//What I will say though is that in regards to Shuichi and Kaito's falling out, it does make sense how that one quick conversation was enough to fix it.

//Not only was the situation desperate at the time, but I don't think Kaito was ever THAT mad at Shuichi.

//Kaito, contrary to what people might think, ISN'T an idiot. He KNOWS that if Shuichi hadn't exposed Gonta, they would have all died. But it ties in with his belief that no matter what, he could not believe that Gonta would be cruel enough to commit a murder on his own. And he was kind of right, considering Kokichi masterminded most of Case 4.

//Shuichi is not to blame for what happened to Miu and why Gonta turned out the killer. But that doesn't stop him being angry about it, and just taking it out on Shuichi because he's basically the only one that he can anymore.

//That doesn't make it right, let me just quickly add. It's still stupid of Kaito to do that. I just think it would be in-character for him to realize such himself, but unable to prevent himself from lashing out about it because it upset him that much.

//In his defence, V3-4 was VERY upsetting.

//Next, the Kokichi conspiracy theory, while cool, probably isn't accurate either. Because there would be no reason for him to hide away like he did, because again, he would not have known about V3 being a TV show.

//Also, in regards to Maki, I'm not going to defend her actions, because they were still stupid, but you have to remember that Maki, while agreeing to the rescue, had a few reasons why she went on her own. The most likely circumstance is that everyone agreed to go save Kaito in the hangar, but Maki probably realized that while everyone was willing to fight Kokichi and the Exisals, none of them were probably willing to kill him.

//She on the other hand, for lack of better words, needed that twink OBLITERATED.

//Also, what the hell was she going to do? Go back and admit that she might have killed both Kokichi and Kaito? So yeah, it was stupid, but the reason why Maki went off on her own is because she probably felt she couldn't trust the others, and at this point in time, she didn't care anymore. Kokichi had crossed every line and she wanted him DEAD.

//Also, I really don't think that Tsumugi had anything to do with Maki's actions, because Maki would have SAID so in Chapters 5 or 6. She could have gone "Wait, but that reminds me...Back when I was trying to rescue Kaito in the hangar, it was Tsumugi who said blah blah blah..." you get the idea.

//But we never got that, and come on. Tsumugi doesn't do a single damn thing that's remotely mastermind-like for the entire Killing Game, besides killing Rantaro and framing Kaede, which we don't even discover until Chapter 6. It's pretty unlikely of her to do it now of all times.

//I think there were also other ways that Kokichi could have convinced Kaito of what was going on. All he had to do was show him the proof that he WASN'T the mastermind, and that his tools were created by Miu, and explain that his plan is to end the Killing Game.

//In fact, Kaito even ADMITS at the end of the trial "I was on board the moment he told me he wanted to end the killing game."

//Like, Kaito SAYS this EXACTLY!

//The fact that Kokichi was able to goad him into it with the poison cure was pure luck more than anything. Despite how much Kaito hated Kokichi, and does so until his own death, I doubt it would have taken that much to convince him to help end the game, even if it meant making a sacrifice.

//But yeah, like I said already, it is honestly kind of surprising looking back how people remember Case 2-5 so fondly that they fail to realize just how much greater it is than 1-5, V3-5, and I would argue A-5 and A2-5 didn't really hit that mark either.

//Unlike Case 3, none of them are BAD. Not even this one. It's still very good and very fun. They just aren't universally fantastic. But we have a whole rest of a list for that to get to soon enough.

-Mod

[ramoth13]

A few thoughts on Arondir, the most Elven... and I have Questions

My greatest fear when I realized the show was being made was the original characters. Are they going to overshadow the canon characters? Are they going to replace them? How will it look?

Well, Arondir fixed that fear very quickly for me. He's perfect! Keen, graceful, and light-stepped, he is exactly what an elf in an age of war would be. I love that he is caring (we see this in the way he doesn't give up the humans when he suspects something bad) and careful and wary. I'm so excited to see him just let loose. Show me the crazy arrow acrobatics, shield sliding, snow walking, orc slaying awesomeness.

And of course, let us not forget his relationship with a human, Bronwyn. In all of Tolkien we see three relationships between humans and Elves (unless you include Earendil, which I've heard arguments both ways, but that's not a can of worms I intend to open) and in every case, it was a Male human and a female elf. This, is utterly new.

This is good. I love this. It's so cool! We've never seen this dynamic in Tolkien's world. The longing, the way he doesn't fit with the other Elve's mindset. Its just so much fun. I can't wait to see how Arondir and Bronwyn develop as characters. The yearning is on point for me.

Now to my questions.... what kind of Elf is he? Is he Silvan? Sindarin? Noldorin? My first thought would be Silvan, as the bark-like armor is reminiscent of what might one day become the forest of Mirkwood. My dearest hope is that he is Sindarin (let's get some flashbacks of Doriath!!! Please show me Elu Thingol and Melian). But they haven't really made any distinction yet between the Sindar and the Noldor, let alone the other various branches.

If he is Noldorin, is he Calaquendi also? And of which house? How old is he? Did he fight the humans that worshiped Morgoth? Did he witness any of the Kinslayings? I need to know.

I'm seeing a lot saying he is Silvan (like Tauriel from the Hobbit, for those only watching the show/movies) as opposed to Sindarin (like Legolas and Thranduil) which is what I supposed based only on his armor, but still. I'd love to hear someone discuss it.

There's so much left to see! Of all of the character arcs I'm most excited to explore, I think Arondir's will take us into the places I most want to see (aside from Numenor).

I look forward to seeing this elf break-bad and get his human gal. Besides, don't we all dream of an Elven lover sweeping us off of our feet? (To you Dwarf lovers, I respectfully note your quick rejection lol)

Galu, mhellyn!

~ Ramoth13

[disneydeb1928]

PLL Original Sin - The Suitcase

Time for - I hyper-fixated and overanalyzed the scene with the Masked Man (Referred to as "MM" because I don't - like many - believe him to be "A"). Here, are a few things that I observed.

(1) The suitcase says, “United Stated Army Reserve” and it is beaten up. I doubt Davie - no matter what change of heart she may or may not have had - did time in the Army. Though, my instinct is to say that it's "MM's" (as him having a military background would make a whole lot of sense from both a character and a skills standpoint) that doesn't necessarily make it so. The specific logo used here has been in use since 1972, so it could have been passed down to either of the two.

(2) First, and foremost, most of the contents of the suitcase are old.

The picture of the OG Liars from the night Angela died. (the one from the intro as well as the one taken in the FB from 1x01)

The old teddy bear (seemingly the one that was replicated in 1x04)

A flyer for the Y2K party (the same one given to Davie in 1x01 before she died, seen in the intro and in "MM's" lair in 1x01)

The pumpkin mask that Angela had worn in the Flashback from earlier this episode (1x05)

A picture of Angela in which she appears to be in a play(?)

A picture of a young boy pushing an even younger child in a stroller.

A page torn from a book that includes two poems by Henry Vaughan - “The Night” and “The Waterfall”. It is on this page that the hair is tacked on to.

An even older picture that looks like of an ancestor.

Some sort of ticket. There is a name at the top. The first name is difficult to read, but I swear the rest says “M.L. King Jr”. There is also a date in red on the line below. The year is either “91” or “01).

Implication #1: This is the picture that we see the OG Liars take right outside the warehouse the night Angela dies - you can see them get it taken as Angela (not yet on screen) calls out for help. What's interesting is that this isn't a polaroid. The man that took the photo, never handed them one. So, either, this is Davie's photo that "MM" took the night that Davie died or whilst he's been living there OR she never had it in her possession at all. After all, I can imagine having proof that you were there the night a girl died isn't something Davie would want to keep. I would imagine that she'd get rid of it.

Implication #2: The old teddy bear is especially interesting because we've literally seen it every. It was in the intro - where we watch "MM" drag it on the ground like a toddler (I had flashbacks to young Michael from Peter Pan). We also see it in "MM's" lair at the end of 1x01 when he kills the janitor. Clearly, things had to get moved after. This is also the same bear that Marjorie gifted Angela in the FB from the previous episode and the one that "A" used to taunt Marjorie at the hospital with the knowledge that they knew about her drug abuse.

Implication #3: The pumpkin mask speaks for itself. I guess I'm just surprised that Angela kept it. Bully's suck and those girls were cruel.

Implication #4: I think it's very clear at this point that Angela loved English. There's been several allusions to the play the Scarlet Letter (Imogen's class discussing it in 1x01 and her finding it at Angela's shrine in 1x03). We see a page of poetry and what looks to be a picture from her in a play here. I'm not sure the importance it's going to have here - if they're going to go the parallel route and their be a connection between Imogen and Angela with the plot of the Scarlet Letter. It just feels too similar at this point to ignore.

(3) However, there are some other things in the suitcase that we know for a fact are recent additions.

There are TWO tickets for Tabby's Jordan Peele double feature, that is even dated for "Thursday, October 1st @ 4 PM" as well as a flyer that says the same thing.

Implication: The implication is that "MM" went to the screening with someone else - and since it was a screening for Millwood High Students... it was most likely someone the girls' age. That would lead me to believe that "A" could be someone the girls' age. Or Wes.

(4) Then, there are some... even odder items.

A lock of someone’s hair – it appears blonde is tacked onto a page of poetry.

A blank wages card is hung next to the poetry page.

Looks like some type of coin/medal of valor?

An old, beaten up can of chili.

An old toothbrush.

Implication #1: The hair is weird for a number of reasons. With the obvious - this man has a strand of hair out of the way - no one on the show is even blond except the twins... Not Angela or even Davie was blonde. Not even the crazy lady in the trailer for 1x06-1x07 who we assume is Angela's mother is blond. I mean, it definitely resembles the hair that "MM" is using as a wig, but I can't figure out if that is suppose to mean anything.

Implication #2: The medal of valor would only make sense, if, again, "MM" was once in the military.

(5) After the camera zooms back out, there are some noticeable differences to the contents of the bottom of the suitcase. Where the toothbrush once was sat on top of some nondescript journals, there is now new additions. This would mean that "MM" just put those items there.

There is the Halloween Horror-O-Thon movie ticket on top (The same one from the intro)

Underneath the ticket are the journal entries (The same ones shown in the intro)

The very bottom left is the childish drawing of Y2K (Also from the intro)

Implications: There are several that can be made, but at this point, they would just be called theories. However, we shall do our best.

Implication #1: "MM" went to the Halloween Horror-A-Thon at 3 PM. There was only one ticket, so we can deduce that he went alone.

Implication #1-B: The level of shadiness at the number of times that we've seen "MM" hang at the Orpheum is concerning. Yes, he also seems to stay at the school (concerning) and Imogen's house (concerning). I don't know what point I'm trying to make here... Wes is horrible. I don't necessarily think he's working with "MM" but I just wanted to say that. Thank you.

Implication #2: The easy conclusion to make would be that the papers in the fireplace were placed there to then throw the girls off. And yet, "MM" left the suitcase in the basement with a whole slew of other evidence...? That doesn't add up. It's clear that either he was the one to rip them out of Davie's journal, or found where Davie originally hid them. He clearly wants the girls to uncover what happened to Angela. I just have to figure that giving them the journal entries would be too easy and would give them all the answers. Whoever "A" is, clearly wants to make them work for it.

[skania]

The Final Stroke: Thoughts on Haru's conflict (+Rin)

Okay so reading all the summaries of The Final Stroke Part 1 has left me with A LOT of thoughts. About Haru, about Rin, about Rin & Haru and how all the different character conflicts will be tied together in Part 2.

BUT since I have been waiting YEARS for Free! to feed me some juicy Haru conflict, of course I'm sinking my teeth into that first because peeling off Haru's layers has always been my favorite Free! sport.

It's been a long while since I've tried to get into Haru's head AND I haven't even watched the movie yet so I'm probably wrong, but here goes nothing. As per usual, it will be long and image-heavy because I can't keep things short and sweet to save my life.

Also, it's heavy on spoilers about The Final Stroke so please do not read without reading Fencer's summary first!

AND since it's basically impossible to discuss Haru without discussing Rin and vice-versa, please do also expect a healthy dose of RinHaru.

Utsumi: Indeed; it’s a path Haruka never would have chosen himself. But despite claims that he doesn’t care about winning or losing or scoring certain times, he’s always been attentive to Rin’s presence. [x]

Please assume there's a huge "IMO" attached to this whole post.

In Season 1, we saw Haru struggle to understand that the reason for his emotional turmoil was quite simply that he wanted to swim with Rin again.

In Season 2, we saw Haru struggle because he wanted to follow Rin into the Pro world, but he felt like he didn't deserve to do so because he didn't have a dream and thus, no strong feelings about competitive swimming itself.

Needless to say, there's a pattern.

In Season 3, the series kind of took a detour. Still, it did plant some seeds, the most important IMO being the following:

"After I hit 20, I will be..."

"If you ask me what lies ahead of me, I..."

"You can't survive without throwing something away. I didn't want to throw anything away. But I lost."

"Maybe I don't deserve to compete at the global level."

Road to the World adds some extra layers to all that by showing us just what else is connected to that fear of Haru's.

Because, what do we see after Rin tells Haru that no matter what wall [Rin] faces, the one thing that doesn't change is his desire to keep swimming with [Haru]?

We see the moment Rin tells Haru "aim for the world with me, Haru!". Then, the moment Rin asks Haru what his dream is—right when Haru finally felt free after achieving the dream he had that season, that of swimming with Rin again. Lastly, we see the moment Rin asks Haru "what will you do?" when it comes to choosing between swimming in a recreational pool, or the one used by the National Team.

Every single one of these moments brought Haru closer to his dream—and Rin is the common factor in them all. So when Rin tells Haru,

It's obvious by those flashbacks alone what Haru's answer is. He, too, wants to keep swimming with Rin in that world.

But before the thought can fully form in Haru's mind, Albert flashes through it. We immediately see Haru's disposition change, and the result is the most telling of all.

Just like always, the imagery is on point. Rin and his desire to swim with him give Haru strength and purpose and Haru clenches his fist—but this time, Albert seeps that strength from him until his fist goes limp. And suddenly, Haru doesn't know what to say to Rin anymore.

Because, what Albert makes Haru wonder, is this:

From my limited perspective (like I said before, I haven't watched TFS yet), I think that might just be where the heart of Haru's issue in The Final Stroke lies.

I think a big part of why Haru wants to win against Albert so badly is probably because he wants to prove to himself that he does deserve to be in that world—like Rin. That all his friends are right to believe in him.

And he feels even more pressured because he thinks he's running out of time.

All this pressure to win—not to feel the water better or to be the best in the water he loves so much, but simply to win before he's "ordinary"—does not let Haru swim freely. He doesn’t swim like himself.

He is probably terrified of his own limits and of how close he might be to hitting them, and this fear and pressure are binding him.

Moreover, while Haru decided that he wanted to swim in that world, the truth is that he doesn’t know what the future holds for him.

He has no long-term, tangible plans. Unlike Rin, who wants to win a gold medal, Haru just wants to swim "in the whole world". This, added to the fact that he thinks he’ll be ordinary by 20 and that he has not managed to beat Albert, makes it so Haru is basically blinded to what the future can bring for him. He can’t see that sight.

Part of the reason for this, I feel, is that the series has never addressed the big elephant in the room.

What exactly does Haru get out of competitive swimming, besides swimming with Rin? Because "swimming in that world" is nice and sweet and idealistic, but it doesn't cover the fact of racing itself.

I used to talk a lot about why Haru needed to find a reason to enjoy competing even when it isn't against Rin. That he needed to find a reason to want that for himself. I even thought S3 may finally go for it, but it ended without Haru finding meaning in that "world of wins and losses", as he used to call it.

Usually, he’d look at Rin to point the way forward. And it is knowing that Rin (and to a lesser extent, Ikuya) is there fighting with him and aiming for the world as well that gives Haru some reassurance.

However, from what we know from the summaries, Haru isn’t thinking of them when he swims. He is entirely caught up on needing to beat Albert because of what it has come to represent to him.

There’s also the issue of Haru’s competitiveness. Haru spent a long time suppressing it and only indulging in it with Rin. But he has always wanted to be the best in the water—the one who "feels" it best.

It wasn’t that he wanted to win, or that he hated losing; it was just that he couldn’t simply accept that there was someone who could feel the water more than he could. (x)

So when you combine all of this, I feel like Haru has lost sight of the most important thing—that instead of swimming just to win, like it’s a job, he should swim to feel the water he loves so much and, most importantly, for the team (with his friend’s feelings in his heart).

That way, he could swim like himself and the water won’t be sad nor lonely.

This all sounds like a lot and it is. Haru is all but suffocating under this weight.

So, when Rin comes and tells him that [Haru] will be facing Albert alone—that they aren’t fighting him together, like Haru hoped for—Haru snaps.

It’s not only that what Haru perceives as the biggest obstacle to his dream (Albert) is standing before Haru (alone) and Rin won’t be there to share his struggles, but also that Rin is the reason he’s there in the first place because Rin is the one that made Haru stop wanting to be ordinary.

He’s the reason why he’s gotten to this point and the reason he came into the global stage and ran into Albert. He’s also the biggest thing Haru will lose if he can’t win against Albert—because if Haru’s dream ends, he won’t get to swim with Rin in that world anymore.

And now Rin’s walking away from swimming free and leaving him alone with this beast of a swimming machine and with [Haru’s] own limitations. And Haru feels trapped. He feels bitter. He feels betrayed. Terrified.

And, of course, lost. Because just like Rin once said, "Without you, I have nothing to aim for, you know?"

So, he snaps.

And by burning bridges with Rin, the very embodiment of "For the Team", the one person that he has always wanted to swim with most of all, the one whose feelings he was still connected to above all—by virtue of swimming together in that world, by sharing a dream—Haru now feels like he's truly alone in the water.

Haru is essentially turning his back on the very reason he swims for—in more ways than one. So, he’s becoming a second Albert. Only there to win, not to have fun.

Because that’s the thing. Haru says he’s doing it for his dream, but since he can’t see that dream clearly, he lacks direction. All he can see is the immediate future and all that stares back at him are his own limitations—embodied by Albert himself.

Albert represents, then, the road Haru must not take. Haru can’t be all about becoming stronger simply for the sake of winning—and he must definitely not do so alone. Like Ikuya said in S3, if Haru isn't gaining that strength for someone else (the team), there's no point.

So, since this is Free!, Haru needs to go back to his roots and truly swim for the team once again. But I feel like he also needs to re-contextualize his dream and truly define what it entails, for once and for all. Which, if we go by everything we've seen so far—should involve swimming with Rin.

Only then will he be able to swim freely again.

There's A LOT of foreshadowing and things from S3 that will most likely play a role in that and I haven't even touched Rin's choice to not swim free anymore, but this has gotten really long and I've run out of image slots lmao so I'll just have to ramble about those some other time 🙇‍♀️

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Lovely Writer episode 9 - analysis

Since I need to distract myself from the exam tomorrow, I figured, I would interest you in a new Lovely Writer analysis because oh boy did much happen yesterday... Gene and Nubsib took things next level again, Aoey showed his true colors and thankfully we didn't see very much of the director because I wanna punch him so badly.

Aoey

This whole episode starts with Aoey more or less inviting Gene to spend time with him. I think the tension and uncormfortness Gene feels is well portrayed here. Aoey is in a bar which doesn't seem to have any windows which already makes us feel imprisoned. Even though the color scheme focusses on earth tones, which are normally very calming, all those light bulbs in the background mixed with Aoey's clothes, all in one color only, make this scene even more uncomforting. Aoey seems dangerous only wearing a neutral color because nothing of his personality shines through and we fear he holds back because it's ugly. This whole scenery seems to scream "Gene doesn't want to be here".

Then, Aoey starts to talk and we know why we feel like this. The tension is extremely uncomfortable and I cringed about it - not in a negative way - because I was so scared what Aoey was going to do. This scene underlines one more time that Aoey feels unloved and unworthy of love.

Stop loving Nubsib. Love me. I'm cute too.

It gets more precise when Aoey talks to Mhok and rejects him not because he doesn't like him back but because he hates himself so much. He feels pathetic. He feels worthless. He has very low self-esteem and messes things up to make people hate him. He is his own enemy. Mhok doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to help him emotionally because Aoey pushes him away. At the same time, Aoey is thankful for Gene not hating him even though Gene has every reason to. Gene is someone he hangs on to, like Gene is his redemption. But Aoey will never reach redemption if he continues to do stuff to convince people otherwise. His character is very dark and lonely and lost.

Gene and Nubsib

They take two next steps this episode. First, they have their first time and second, they tell their parents about the relationship.

First of all, their first time has a weird aftertaste. I believe Gene wanted to do it with Nubsib for some time now but wasn't quite ready and now felt the pressure of "getting it over with" because he thought Nubsib took viagra. It's not like he doesn't love Nubsib or anything, but I feel like he wasn't entirely ready and forced himself a bit. Nubsib, thankfully, felt this vibe too and even asks him about it but there's nothing more he can do than ask and if Gene says he's fine, then Nubsib can only believe him. When Gene discovers Nubsib actually didn't take any viagra, he's a bit shocked. This raises the question in me if he really wanted it. But well, he doesn't exactlu panic about it, so maybe he really was very sure in this moment.

What I definetely didn't see coming was their outing. I thought it would take a while but well, okay, if they are ready, why not? I like the way Gene has changed since he and Nubsib got together. When something is on his mind, he says it. It bothers him their parents don't know about them and he tells Nubsib. They talk about this decision and once Gene is sure, Nubsib just rolls with it reassuring Gene he doesn't have to step out of his comfort zone if he doesn't feel like it.

This dinner was the most awkward dinner I have ever seen and it must've been horrible for Gene and Nubsib to just sit there and listen to the jokes about them being together which already implied it wouldn't be fine if it were true. These jokes last for a few minutes and the mothers talk about the popularity of BLs whilst Gene's father looks very scary. I can literally taste the awkwardness and how uncomfortable they both are.

For these few minutes, when the parents were just joking, I feared Gene wouldn't go through with it because he was usually the kind of guy to back off when such things happened, but not right now.

What if the two of us are really together?

The mood switches from casually joking to extremely serious. This outing and the following make their relationship far more serious and real than before. They don't touch each other like crazy when they are together because it wouldn't've fit with the characters at all. And it's totally right Nubsib only adds an explanation to Gene's question/outing in a verbal way. They still don't touch because they are both overwhelmed by the negative feelings they are faceing. Only when no one says anything, Nubsib takes Gene's hand to comfort both of them and this small touch was all that was needed. They didn't need to hug or even kiss. They also didn't need to make a scene out of it. Them staying in silence hurts even more because it feels so damn realistic. In other BLs, the couple mostly storms off angrily but that's not how you treat your parents. You discuss the matter and talk properly about it or at least give them time to answer no matter what it may be. Here, all of this happens and no one storms off to leave even more awkward silence. It was just as painful as it would be in reality.

BL fans

What makes the dinner even more awkward is the talk between the two mothers about BLs. The way they talk about it makes obvious they like to see it on screen because it's not happening in their real life. They have a distance to it and it's also a huge critic to all those female watchers feteshizing these relationships. They like the kissing and hugging but never reflect on it and ask the question what they would do if they would know someone with any other sexuality than heterosexual. They don't accept it at all when it comes to their sons. What they worshipped is now disgusting and nothing they "can understand". (This sentence "I don't understand it" freaks me out everytime shows pull that because what is there to not understand about love? It just doesn't add up to me what is so not understandable about two people loving and deeply caring about each other.)

Family's reaction

Gene knew his father would not approve because he's a self-hated bisexual and his mother just never raises her voice. In general, the relationship of the parents looks distant. The mother never says anything for her own sake and just exists under the fathers approval. The father loves to have control and now has to learn the hard way gender stereotyping doesn't exist like this any more. Gene can leave the family if he wants to and there's nothing this father can do about it because he doesn't have as much power any more. And also, his sons are not children anymore even though he treats them like they are in order to gain control again.

I want you to go upstairs!

Nubsib lives in a devided and distant family as well. He knew he would not be accepted because like we've seen in the flashbacks and what his dad talked about this episode as well, his parents don't support his choice of being an actor. But he's more worried about Gene because he already went through the phase of not feeling appreciated. Gene didn't. He discovers a new side of his parents and never had such drama with them. After this awful evening, we see the difference between both families nevertheless. Gene's parents cry both on their own but Nubsib's parents sit together on the sofa, symbolizing this unity they always were. They live in a distant world apart from their children. The world of them and Nubsib is disappointed, angry and worried at the same time.

Dad, but Gene and I did nothing wrong.

Cinematography

There are many examples to talk about the beautiful cinematography of Lovely Writer. I will only list the ones which are the most memorable to me.

Like I said above, the bar in the beginning sends out mixed signals of comfort and angst.

In contrast to this, we have Nubsib's bedroom with calm and warm light when he and Gene "take the next step".

The next morning, they brush their teeth in a very bright and white bathroom. Like they reached heaven. It's used to symbolize their happiness and also honesty. Their love is very pure because they mean every word they say and every action they follow.

At the very end, we have both Gene and Nubsib crying in their bedrooms. Gene's bed seems to be huge because he curls up. He is sad and angry but not surprised. He expected things to go down this way. Nubsib in contrast, is filmed through his shelf. This shelf frames him and since it's not a very big one, it makes Nubsib seem extremely small. He is disappointed in his parents, didn't expect things to happen this way and feels like he doesn't belong there. He feels very small on a very big planet.

Conclusion

This episode was overwhelming and the atmosphere switched a lot.

What I realized, especially after the scene between Aoey and Mhok, they all share the same feeling of loneliness. They all feel lonely and seek redemption. Gene and Nubsib found theirs and Aoey pushes his away. They all hate the feeling of loneliness but have gotten so used to it, it made them a bit bitter and feel a certain level of worthlessness. Like redemption would never come. But it did, at least for the main characters, but that doesn't necessarily mean everything is fine now and I like this. Even though they've grown, they are still not untouchable and there's always something that could set them back and make them face a challenge. Mostly, BLs end as soon as they are together and when everything looks like they will last forever. They feel untouchable because "love survives" but here we have a situation which is challenging for both of them and it looks like they are nearly breaking up because of this. Their relationship is not untouchable at all because the outside is also a part of their lives (like it normally is). BLs just tend to forget that but Lovely Writer thankfully doesn't and talks about this which I really like about this new episode.

Anyway, I have to go to bed now...