#we've come so far since syscovery a few years ago

[korya-elana]

I have such a deep-seated fear of therapy. I have two core memories of therapists fucking up my life. Some other part holds the memory of being recognized with DID professionally so sometimes I doubt that ever happened and I've been delusional this whole time.

I've tried before to convince us to get back into therapy but it's never worked. We run before we can walk through the door. Sometimes I wonder if that fear was placed intentionally into us. Groomed or programmed into avoiding therapy.

I started realizing earlier this year that the realization of our sub-Systems and the suspicions we started to have about our past were really starting to fuck up our life and we had reached a plateau in healing that we just could not continue to do on our own.

So yesterday, after months of coaxing and persuasion I requested an appointment with a trauma therapist that came highly recommended by a close friend whose been trying to get us back in therapy for like ... seven years lol.

I know that when we get the email to schedule, there will be a lot of difficulty. I'm pretty suspicious of Haven's sub-System in particular trying to delete/sabotage things. But that's a problem for later.

Right now I'm just proud of us.