#we've been fandom friends for almost a decade now

[tres-fidelis]

🐠 why i love (or hate) this hobby

MY EXPERIENCE IN THE ROLEPLAYING COMMUNITY

((I think one of the best things about online writing and online roleplaying is you get to meet all kinds of interesting people that live in various places around the world. It's nice to have a way to connect with others who live in another country or a different time zone than you, and bond over the shows or games that got you two to meet in this way. You can find some good, lifelong friendships by a shared common interest.))

[claws-and-all]

Unpopular opinions

Today’s been one of those days where all my least favorite theories regarding Tamlin have been popping up, so I thought I’d share some of my unpopular opinions in case anyone else feels the same.

1. Tamlin should not get his own book

From all the male povs we've seen thus far, it's evident that sjm struggles to write male characters with complex feelings. They tend to lack depth, have the libido of a teenager, and the romance aspect is nonexistent. This coupled with the way she handled Nesta's "healing" journey (a character she supposedly loves) - suffice to say, she will not do justice to Tamlin's journey nor his inner monolog.

On top of that, we don't need a Chaol 2.0 book. The only people I've seen enjoy Chaol's book are the haters who became slightly lenient towards him. I feel like that book was not meant for the fans who actually loved Chaol from the get-go (like me). It was yet another "healing" journey that did not heal him 😒 (it's been 7 years since it's release and I'm still mad at it 🙈).

Also, just like Tam, Chaol is another character that is hated by 90% of the fandom. His book had the worst timing. In-between a high stakes book where you NEEDED to know what happened next and instead, you're forced to read a book that took you completely out of the action. It garnered more negativity towards a character that was already so heavily hated upon. It was such an unfair thing that occurred, and his fans were the ones that had to deal with the backlash of our favorite character being torn apart by the fandom. I truly hope history does not repeat itself with Tamlin. The fandom is waiting for the elriel/elucien confirmation, and I can just see the hate pouring in if it's a book about Tamlin instead. He deserves infinitely better!

2. Tamlin and Lucien should never be friends again

I'm sorry, I know a lot of you love Lucien, I'm rather 50/50 on him. If elucien happens, it will mean Lucien is now a part of the NC family, bil to Rhys, friendly with the ic, uncle to Nyx, already friends with Nesta and Feyre. That's not the kind of energy Tamlin needs in his life nor the constant reminder of everything that he lost (Rhys is doing a fabulous job of that already).

I liked Lucien and Tamlin's relationship in book 1, but I was not a fan of how he kind of abandoned Tamlin for Feyre. It's like he became more her friend than Tams as the series progressed. I think Tamlin deserves a better friend - someone who will have his back and not his partners back. And someone not so heavily intertwined with a court that has caused so much pain to him. I can almost see Lucien slowly trying to convince Tam that the nc guys are actually "the good guys". Who knows, maybe he'll also pull a Feyre and compare Springs food to ash since nothing can come close to precious NC food, you know.

That being said, I have no idea where such friends will come from because every character we've met thus far automatically dislikes Tamlin and are fans of nc guys (still waiting for the explanation as to why Jurian, Vassa, Eris, and even Nuan are Tam haters?? Make it make sense, Sarah!).

Alternatively, I do love angst. I would love a storyline of Tamlin moving on with his life without Lucien. As in his future wife/mate/partner doesn't even know who Lucien is. Whilst Elucien is also thriving in the human lands/NC/DC/AC. Yet the entire time, they both feel like there's a missing piece in their life. They would see each other at HL meetings or balls. Yet they're too stubborn to speak to each other. Until decades later when one of them finally breaks the ice. The yearning and the hurt, love that shit lol

3. Tamlin x Briar?

Let’s keep that in the dark where it belongs. - nuff said!

4. Elain should not even look in the direction of Spring

Just because she likes gardening doesn't mean she should be spring queen 😑 I'm sure she can follow in the footsteps of her sister and brother in law and trespass into Spring if she needs to see flowers in abundance. It is afterall, nc tradition to lecture Tamlin in his own court and kick him in the shins. I really don't want to see her becoming friends with Tamlin, helping him rebuild Spring, making it her second home, etc etc etc. Like the point above, she and Lucien have enough homes to go back to. They don't need an extra one in Spring. And Tamlin doesn't need any more nc "friends".

[misc-obeyme]

would u consider obey me a dead fandom?

Um. Nope. I sure wouldn't.

If there's anybody out there who thinks Obey Me is a dead fandom, I would say they're probably confused about what a dead fandom actually is.

I think an argument could be made saying that there is no such thing as a dead fandom. But I'm going to assume you mean that fan content is at an all time low.

Friend, I have been in fandoms where the content was like... you get a fic or two every year if you're lucky. This for a media that hadn't put out any new content in decades.

Obey Me? I get an average of five asks per day about Obey Me. I can queue 10 posts per day about Obey Me. I still average over 800 notes a day on this here Obey Me blog. In the past few months, we've had new artists and writers joining the community and posting their Obey Me fan works. The game is still active and updating. There are two apps even.

So no, I personally would not consider the Obey Me fandom to be dead by any means.

It's certainly been more active in the past. I'll never forget the surge of activity that happened when Nightbringer first came out. My Solomon fics seemed to double their notes over night lol.

But we're also in a bit of a lull right now because we aren't getting new chapters. Every time an event happens, there's another burst of activity. And then things die down just a little before they surge again. That's the nature of fandom.

Another common fandom thing is people coming and going. I've been here for almost two years, but there are others who have been here for four. And then there are some people who've only been in the fandom for a couple months. And then there are the people who were here at the beginning, but have since moved on. Maybe they only stayed for a few months before moving on. Maybe they're only casually in the fandom, dipping in now and again. This is also just the nature of fandom. There's no right way to do it. And it doesn't reflect on whether a fandom is alive or dead.

Hell, we even have plenty of discourse and toxic stuff in this here fandom, too. More of that when there's nothing else to do, I think, which is unfortunate, but also kinda... just part of fandom.

And all of this is just how it is on Tumblr. I know there are active Obey Me communities on Twitter/X and Instagram, too. I'm just too old and tired to maintain that many socials. I actually have accounts on both of those apps but I rarely use them.

And lastly, I'm a big proponent of being involved in fandom no matter how active the community is. By this I mean, if I still have an Obey Me hyperfixation in ten years when the apps are closed down and nearly everybody else has moved on, I will still be here posting fic. Because I won't leave a fandom until I am ready to move on from it, dead or not. (Sometimes this can mean you are one of the few people still creating for said fandom, but you might be surprised at how many people will still enjoy what you create.)

[captainsophiestark]

The 60s

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2023!

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Day 9 Prompt: "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Summary: Klaus wiped the memory of the love of his life after hundreds of years together to try to protect them from Mikael. Now, however, his ex has their memories back is going to find their boyfriend. Even if he is in someone else's body.

Word Count: 2,215

Category: Angst, Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I was going to kill Klaus Mikaelson.

Unlike the other thousand people who'd probably had that thought in the last week alone, however, mine was actually justified. For hundreds of years, Nik and I had been together, happy, and in love. We'd wandered the world together, side by side, having each other's backs through thick and thin. Out of everyone in the entire world, I was the only one he'd always trusted, completely, without a doubt in mind.

And then Mikael had shown up one time too many.

Nik and I had faced him a few times, and he had firmly held the spot of 'my least favorite Original' for literal centuries. We'd always come out shaken, but fine, until about a hundred and fifty years ago. That time, he'd gotten Nik cornered, so I'd jumped in to save him. Mikael had almost killed me instead.

We'd managed to both make it out alive, thankfully, but Nik had been foaming at the mouth with nerves and fear. I'd tried to calm him down, but it hadn't worked. He'd gotten too scared, so for the first time in our entire relationship, he broke my trust. He compelled me to forget him, and to go somewhere else, far away, where I'd never be put in danger by him and his family again.

It had worked, unfortunately for me. Until recently, when something had happened to break the compulsion and bring my memories back. At first, I'd been terrified that it meant Nik had died. But, after a little investigating and compelling of my own, I realized he'd been body-hopping with the help of witches. Something about it must've shaken his compulsion loose, and allowed me to remember.

It hadn't taken me long to track him down to Mystic Falls, Virginia. I couldn't help being a little proud of myself for finding him so quickly; it helped that I knew him well. I'd arrived in Virginia last night, and managed to track down Nik's exact location and hiding place just as quickly. He'd apparently taken over the body of a history teacher at the local high school. Who would I have been to miss that opportunity?

With a little more compulsion, I'd convinced the front office staff to let me into the teacher's history class. I found a seat to one side of the classroom, then settled in to wait for Nik to show up. I almost blew my cover when, a moment later, the spitting image of Katherine Pierce walked through the door.

I knew he'd come to town for the doppelgänger, but it was still surprising to see someone who looked just like Katherine. Apparently, that lie we'd planted about the Curse of the Sun and the Moon had been working out pretty well. She sat on the other side of the room from me, flirting with another vampire and sitting with her witch friend. I sighed, already ready to leave the classroom, when Nik finally walked in.

The teacher, Alaric Saltzman, was tall, with brown hair, and dressed in something I could almost see Nik wearing normally. He strode through the open door with a "hello class" and went right to his desk like it was any other day. I snorted.

"What... are we learning today?" he mused, flipping through his history book. He hadn't looked up once; hadn't had a chance to see me yet.

"With the decade dance tonight we've been covering the sixties all week," a girl in the front chimed in. Nik looked up.

"Right. The sixties."

For the first time, he turned, and I thought his eyes might finally find me. Instead, they found the doppelgänger—Elena—like a heat-seeking missile.

Understandable, since we didn't think she existed. But still annoying.

He glanced from her to the open classroom door, then turned to the board. I huffed a sigh and rolled my eyes. What was he gonna do, just grab her and run? Much too obvious for his style, and we both knew it.

"The uh... the sixties," he started, mentioning the decade for the third time now as he turned around to write the same words on the board. "...I wish there was something good I could say about the sixties."

I covered a snort with my elbow. I almost raised my hand to say something like "Maybe they would've been better if you'd still had me with you", but that was also too sloppy for my style. Too many students asking questions, seeing me, and too many enemies possibly getting hints about Nik.

"They actually kind of sucked," Nik continued. "Except for the Beatles, of course, they made it bearable."

His eyes strayed to Elena's witch friend, and my heart squeezed in my chest. Nik was recounting memories that didn't include me, when I should've appeared in almost all of them. The hurt was only semi-manageable because I wasn't looking at the love of my life's face while hearing this, too.

"Uh, what else was there? The Cuban Missile... thing. The uh... we walked on the moon, that was, uh... Watergate."

"Watergate was the seventies, Ric," Elena chimed in with a fond smile. "Uh, I mean, Mr. Saltzman."

"Right," Nik continued, a familiar edge to an unfamiliar smile. His eyes never strayed from Elena. "It all kind of... mushes together up here. Sixties, seventies. Thank you, Elena."

I watched him teach the rest of the class in a way that could only be described as 'playing with his food'. He said Elena's name another time or two, savoring it in a way I recognized as him relishing in victory. I was happy to see him happy, but the added side effect of him being so wrapped up in doppelgänger nonsense meant that he still hadn't noticed me.

I tried not to let it get to me. Especially since it had given me the best opening I could've asked for to scare the daylights out of Nik and get just a little bit of payback.

Once the bell rang, I stood and hovered at the edge of the classroom. Nik dismissed everyone and said goodbye to the class, saying a special, specific goodbye to Elena and watching her leave. It wouldn't have been terribly obvious to anyone with no reason to suspect 'Alaric' was not who he said he was, but it was ridiculous to me.

Nik moved to the door to look out into the hallway as the classroom emptied of every single student except for me. He watched Elena go, his back to what he thought was an empty classroom, giving me exactly the opening I wanted. I crossed the room quickly but quietly, using all of my vampire skills to keep him from noticing me until I was right next to him, almost shoulder to shoulder.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I said, right into Nik's ear. He'd jumped and spun around at the first word, but now stood frozen, his mouth open in shock as he stared at me. I grinned. "You know, whatever you were planning to do to the doppelgänger. At school. In a human body. While she's surrounded by supernaturals. That's just a bad idea."

"Y/N..." he breathed, voice barely above a whisper. Then, he surged forward, wrapping me tight in his arms and spinning me around in a hug. He moved backwards into the classroom, and I slammed the door with my heel just to avoid any prying eyes.

Nik finally pulled back, eyes wide and a vague smile on his face, like he was happy but didn't actually believe this was real. I smiled back at him, even though he didn't quite look like my Nik, and gave his hands a reassuring squeeze.

"How... how is this possible?" he asked, his voice still quiet, like any loud noise might shatter the moment. "How are you here?"

"I still don't totally know. But I think, when you moved into this... teacher body... it was enough for your compulsion on me to break."

Nik's face fell immediately, as it should have. I frowned, the immediate happiness of finding Nik having worn off.

"I can't believe you did that to me, Nik," I said, taking a step back from him. "It was supposed to be the two of us, through everything. Against everything. No matter what. How could you betray that?"

He gave a frown of pain, taking a half step towards me before thinking better of it.

"You don't understand. My... Mikael... almost killed you. If I'd been the cause of your death-"

"Okay, first of all, you would never be the cause of my death. You know how I know? Because you would never kill me." I stared at Nik long and hard, and although he looked away from my gaze quickly, I never did. "Second, the only person who would've been the cause of my death was Mikael. You are not responsible for a bad person trying to kill me."

"Unless that bad person is trying to kill you to get to me." He said it quietly but firmly, looking up at me with a rueful smile from lowered lashes, like he'd just said some checkmate truth we'd both been avoiding. I put a hand on my hip and glared.

"Actually Nik, no, it's still not your fault. It's the bad person's fault. That's it. And before you start telling me it's your fault for dragging me into it or whatever, I could've left. I didn't want to, and I still don't want to. I've seen every level of crazy your life has to offer, and I'm signing up for all of it.

"And Nik, before you try to tell me how much you'd miss me if you lost me, you did lose me! By letting fear drive you to compel me out of your life. And I also lost you. I guess I've been generally content for the past hundred and fifty years, but I've never been totally satisfied. Because something is missing. I've known total and complete happiness, and it's whenever I'm with you. This immortal life isn't worth living without you, Nik. Don't try to tell me it is."

He stared at me for a few long moments, then pulled me to him again. Unlike the first hug, this time our feet stayed planted firmly on the ground, wrapped tight in the strong hold of each other's embrace. I sighed as Nik rested his head against mine, moving his mouth right next to my ear.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't have done that to you. I was just... terrified at the thought of losing you."

"I know. But Nik, we're nothing if we're not together. I need you to promise me you won't do that again. The two of us, side by side, for eternity. That's it, alright?"

He pulled away, hands holding my arms tight as he stared me straight in the eye.

"I give you my word."

Slowly, a smile spread across my face, a new warmth growing in my chest. Not once, in hundreds of years, had Nik ever broken his word to me. We were going to be okay.

He grinned back at me once he noticed my smile, then leaned in to kiss me. I stopped him, jerking back a bit, and he gave me a concerned look.

"I love you, and I am so happy to see you again, but I'm not kissing you until you're back in your own body. I have no interest in kissing this rando you've possessed."

Nik grinned, and although it wasn't his body or his smile, I swear it looked exactly like it was supposed to.

"Fair enough. I don't think I want you kissing this 'rando' either. What do you say we get out of here, and do what needs to be done so I can get back into my body, break my curse, and kiss you properly?"

"...Not in that order, right?"

"No, not in that order."

"Then deal."

Nik smiled and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as we headed towards the door together. I had no idea what the next part of his plan was, but once I was caught up to speed, I knew we'd be putting it into action shoulder to shoulder again, and all would be right with the world.

"You know, you're a shit teacher," I mused as we headed off into the high school together. Nik shot me a look as he kept leading me towards whatever destination he had in mind.

"Do you remember much interesting information to teach children about the sixties?"

I shrugged. "No. But I could probably fake it better than you. Watergate."

"I was in Australia, Watergate was a low priority."

"I was in Greenland, so... checkmate."

He just shook his head, a smile finding its way onto his face all the same. I was the only one in the world Nik trusted endlessly, the only one who could find him in a matter of days no matter where he was in the world, and the only one who could get away with giving him shit with absolutely no repercussions. And now that I had him and my memories back, I was never letting him go.

****************

TVD/TO Masterlist: @elenavampire21

[itsclydebitches]

IT'S BEEN A DOOZY OF A DAY, FOLKS

Yeah I've got a couple asks about it lol. (Always a terrifying experience when you log onto tumblr and immediately wonder why your inbox blew up...)

Man, I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. We've spent so many months working on the semi-confident assumption that RWBY would be cancelled that on the one hand I can't feel very shocked about this. On the other hand there's definitely a wide-eyed part of my brain going, "Holy shit the 'RT is failing' theories finally came true O_O" I'm kinda devastated that a company that's been a part of my life for almost a decade (and for other fans far longer) is just up and gone, but simultaneously I don't care because what I loved about RT hasn't existed for some time now. We've already been dealing with that nostlgia for years, we just got a hell of a concentrated dose of it today. There's admittedly some level of vindication regarding those who've been pulling shit in the company for so long and empathy for those who were just getting by and are now suddenly out of a job. There's regret that (despite my tendency to fall VERY behind on projects. RIP I owe everyone in this fandom a massive apology) I'll probably never have an official end to my RWBY Recaps. And there's worry about how this will impact the fandom...

Yeah, not to jump on the pessimism train, but I feel like this is going to catapult some fans' misreadings into new territory. RWBY is now forever the show that was canonically unfinished and thus its perfection is assured. Think there are major issues in Volume 9 and earlier? Nah, that's setup for Volumes we just never got. Catch a contradition or other mistake? They would have explained that if they could. Any possible issues with the show if it gets picked up by someone else? Well, of course there are issues, RT isn't writing it! This was already a fandom where having accurate, nuanced discussions about the text was hard as hell... but it just got so much worse.

Honestly, I say let it go. If they're going to do anything I'd prefer a complete reboot/reworking so that this story might stand a chance. Airing new RWBY Volumes was already beating a dead horse. Resurrecting the horse to start beating it anew just feels ridiculous. Yes, I'm sad for those fans who wanted an official ending, but we've spent so much time waiting on RWBY, being worried about RWBY's future, and I personally have encounted so many shows lately whose finales soured my enjoyment that there's something reassuring in the combination of definitive ambuguity here: you know you're not getting an ending by RT, so just have fun imagining your own.

Overall, I feel like I've got to sit with this for a while, you know? I totally get why so many fans (partiuclarly RWDE fans) are celebrating and/or releasing a sigh of relief right now. I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen any crabs yet lol. But maybe it's just because I'm "old" my tumblr's standards, but there's something undeniably sad about losing that part of your fandom life. Or at least, losing what led to/represents that life. Getting introduced to RWBY by a friend, binging it for the first time, pulling new people in, finding like-minded friends here on tumblr, analyzing it for thousands of words, tracing its history and watching how radically it has changed... that's gone now. Not actually because RWBY still exists, as do my friends, and there's nothing stopping me from writing as much fic/meta as I want, but it still feels like someone closed a door on that part of my life. That's not wholly a bad thing given what RT has been lately, but I do think it'll take more than one post for me to unpack it all.

[ppeonppeonhan]

Dead Friends Forever Q&A-Style Review

I listen to a movie podcast called The Rewatchables, and they have interesting categories that I want to examine this series through.

Most rewatchable scene: It has to be the last one, because we've been talking about it nonstop since it aired. Plus, it lives in my head, rent-free, like Non is haunting me. Like WE failed him. 😱

But since I'm a BL girlie, who loves a well-crafted sex scene, I also have to include both of Phee and Jin's high-heat moments when Phee's trying to seduce him on the balcony and when they have rough sex in Jin's room. I'm not gonna lie: That was some king shit on Ta's end.

Best quote: "No one could leave this abandoned house — not even one." Come on! It foretold the surreal ending and fulfilled the victim's wishes. Gold.

What aged the best? The way that even the bullies perceived teacher Keng as a groomer, who took advantage of a desperate child — that will most definitely make that subplot still bearable even a decade from now.

What's aged the worst? The unaliving and SA montage in the finale that some have said was insensitive/irresponsible to have included. It was like trigger after trigger after trigger — practically a machine gun of traumatic scenes. The fandom could sincerely organize a class action lawsuit against the writer and director for them to pay for our therapy bills.

Scene-stealing location: The lake. Such a beautiful setting for romance, betrayal, and revenge. 😈

Best shot: Definitely the one of Tan from above when he's successfully drugged all of his victims. Iconic.

Are we sure this person is good at their job? Tee's uncle. The fact that he has so much riding on two teenagers is ridiculous. He didn't just start being a con man / mob boss that week. How does he not have a more stable criminal infrastructure at this point?

Best use of food and drink: Obviously, Tan spiking the beverages, knowing it would be the easiest way to poison everyone.

Was there a better title? Absolutely not. The play on the phrase "Best Friends Forever," an archaic term popularized in the '90s that puts way too much pressure on kids to find their kindred spirit and hold on to them through adolescence and adulthood, was inspired. It truly encompassed the impossibility of it all. There are just so many obstacles ahead of you, like peer pressure, family obligations, love triangles, bullying, ego, insecurity, and cowardice, that it's a lofty promise to make when you've barely finished puberty. Plus, it kind of hints at the ending...

Overacting award: Some could argue Barcode, but part of his performance was meant to be surreal, because it was in the dream state. I, personally, vote Jet (Top). Sometimes I felt like his character was in an entirely different, far more slapstick genre.

The "That Guy" Award: This category is for the actor/famous person you see all the time, but don't know the name of. I noticed a lot of people were excited to see Perth, so I "saw him all the time" on my feed. When I Googled him, that's when I learned that he was on a reality show with other Be On Cloud stars. 

Scene-Stealer (with very few scenes): Honestly, whichever extra/stunt double they had wearing that mask, freaking us out. The most memorable of which was when its creepy hand groped Tee.

Recasting couch:

I think Nanon (Bad Buddy) could've been interesting as the tormented Tan, because we would've bought his innocence longer.

It could've added to the mystery if we had the BL twins, AJ and JJ, confuse the narrative. 

I would watch Neo in almost anything at this point, and he could've played the morally conflicted Tee as he showcased those skills already in Only Friends.

A younger Mark (Last Twilight) would've fit so well into this cast. He plays lost and guilty quite well.

Picking Nits: This category is for pointing out things that just don't add up.

Why didn't Phee's cop dad have more questions about his son's behavior and activities after he saw who his son was involved with?

What teenager is fine going somewhere that has no wifi or reception? Even I wouldn't do that and I've had wifi as long as these characters have been alive.

Why was Non, a teenager, being medicated for mental health issues, but not being monitored by a mental health professional?

If Tee's uncle didn't want to be at a loss if Non died unexpectedly, then why didn't he let him get his wounds treated and get some rest? Unless the plan was always to harvest his organs, which would still have merited rest. Nobody wants shitty organs.

Unanswerable Questions

If Jin and Phee survived, would they have got back together?

If Non were alive, would Phee have ditched Jin?

What did they do with Non's body?

And, of course, after succeeding: Does Tan recover from his grief and move on with his life? Does he successfully escape arrest? Does he leave behind evidence of what the boys did to his family to further persecute them in death? Is his revenge plot really over...?

That was fun! Tag me if you answer the same Qs.

[mutipede]

Imagine for a second that you're in a friend group. Another person - who you don't know as well as others, they're sorta younger and have sort of a dynamic of "they were recently in a different shitty friend group where people kept being an asshole both to their face and behind their back, and triggering them by joking about underage sex shit, so another friend transplanted them out of that group and into ours" - so you don't know them that well personally, but you're sympathetic to the shitty situation they were in and they're cool and everything's cool.

They fairly regularly vent about their partner at the time, who is still friends with their old shitty friend group, and treats them badly - not standing up for them, basically ignoring them most of the time even though they were in a relationship - and most notably and severely, going along with the pedo jokes and shit, while using autism as an excuse for being insensitive even after the person they're dating has made it clear multiple times that they are bothered by this (for obvious reasons, you would think, goddamn).

Everyone, of course, unanimously agrees that this is fucked up, they don't deserve to be treated like this, and you do your best to be supportive. Eventually they break up and this person starts making more new friends outside of the group that you are in as well, and you think COOL they seem to be doing well and much happier and that's awesome.

Fast forward some random amount of time. You are messaged on steam by a friend you'd lost contact with for a very long time. Not for any particular reason specific to that person or anything -

(actually pretty sure it was just because I lost almost all the friends I'd had back then because of an abusive girlfriend doing the whole 'if she doesn't like someone or gets into an argument with someone then I can't talk to them anymore either' and 'telling me people said or did fucked up things about me so I don't trust them' and 'telling other people I said or did fucked up things that I didn't so they don't want to talk to me' isolation shit, but anyways)

- They message you, you catch up a little, they also knew and were sorta-friends with another person in your current friend group, and you'd played some TTRPGs back in the day, so you go "hey maybe they'd be interested in hanging out and possibly joining up the RPG we currently have going (which is my absolute fucking favorite thing to do fuckin seriously all of the 'obsessed with friends OCs' and 'RPG with friends IS 100% my hyperfixation' and 'fandom consisting of like three people' and we had that shit going for like 3 years and FUCK.) because the GM has been talking recently about wanting to get more people into it."

So you invite them to the discord server and everyone gets along pretty well right away and you're remembering inside jokes from like a decade ago and everything seems

GOOD

Until they start acting like an idiot. Shit like. Shooting at a friendly NPC outta nowhere (and the GM going "yes okay you do this thing despite the effects that it will most likely have on the people who have been playing this game for years and are actually taking it seriously" for... some reason) - y'know, the kind of thing that I believe would be termed "THAT GUY" shit. Straight up gets his character killed in like the 2nd session he plays, is completely unbothered "oh well I don't care I'll just make a new character"

But like the IDIOT that I (oh wait, you're being me in this retelling) - that you are, you go "Aww shit but that character could've been interesting and had cool potential and you barely even had a chance to get started, that sucks, that seems like a waste, and you're coming into an established game and just don't know the atmosphere we've had going so that explains the dumbass behavior and you can quit fucking doing that now right?" - AND the GM has so far been playing with the rest of us who have been taking shit seriously, give a shit about our characters and the story and everything, therefore doesn't seem to really want to kill off a PC either - so his character gets resurrected and... goes on to continue to do stupid shit.

Which wouldn't even necessarily be that big a deal. He wasn't around for a lot of the scheduled day and time the whole group had been playing (every saturday. for years. Fuck.) so he mostly did random stuff semi-related to the main party and storyline shit on random days he was around. Except the stupid shit he ended up deciding to do included...

Alright, so. From the beginning, there had been established in the game universe, an ultimate Big Fuckin' Bad that was designed to be unbeatable. Like "it has more defense than anything else, literally like you have to get a crit success to do 1 damage, and all of its skills are "murder" so it rolls 8 dice every turn and it will murder you and even if you get unfathomably lucky and kill one it is a time traveling killbot hivemind there are an unlimited number of them it will murder you". It was not designed to be a thing that we could defeat. Hell, it wasn't even designed as a thing we were originally really supposed to even actually fight. It was like one of those "punish players for doing one specific thing that the GM doesn't want us to do" things, and so far up to that point no one had.

Until this guy did exactly that. Yeah, that was what killed his character.

And then he decided to side with it.

And the GM let him.

And the fucked up things he started doing got more fucked up. Like, actually making me severely uncomfortable fucked up. Like "trying to mind control a friendly NPC and force him to commit suicide", to give an example.

I tried talking to him about it. Oh wait I forgot again, you're being me. YOU try to talk to him about it. You are aware that he is also autistic so you say, verbatim, "I know it's tough for you to tell when I'm playing my character in-game as upset vs. when I myself am actually IRL ACTUALLY upset so would it help if I specified" and he goes YEAH so then you make sure to go "Yeah this is actually making me actually uncomfortable that is actually fucked up" and...

nothing changes.

You try talking to the GM about it, not only from a "this is starting to fuck with me" perspective, but on a gameplay level - this guy got his character killed. Immediately. He didn't give a shit when that happened. Now he's used this whole "getting killed and coming back" thing to side with an unstoppable murder machine. He can do literally whatever he wants and no one can do anything about it. He's essentially been rewarded for not giving a fuck about his character, or the game as a whole, or anyone else's enjoyment. He has been doing shitty roleplaying and is being rewarded for it.

And the GM goes "Oh, shit! You're right!"

...And nothing changes.

(On another occasion, when you try to talk to the GM about it again, he actually says "The guy's autistic, give him a break" - if I can redirect attention to the beginning of this post and the established "someone using autism as an excuse to trigger someone else is unanimously understood to be unacceptable" thing..)

You try talking to the other most active player. Who, by the way, already had his character established as intended to be a twist villain the whole time. Like it's an open secret and the GM knew from the beginning and he's a good roleplayer and it's got some cool thematic parallels and fun story stuff with YOUR character so you're cool with it and looking forward to the challenge of either having a final epic battle against your friend OR seeing if you can find a nonviolent solution in the end, and because he's also been playing seriously for years and has gradually and organically becoming more powerful over time along with your character, you know he'll play fairly and it'll be fun and good story shit, and here's this jackass who has barged in and completely stolen the twist villain thunder and become stupid-unstoppable-OP in the equivalent of two days - so yeah that's shitty for him, too.

You, also verbatim, say how you've been getting actually triggered by some of the shit this guy has been doing, and don't know if you're overreacting or being unreasonable or selfish (which is, in itself, something that you have historically spiraled about) - since "it's just a game maybe I'm wrong for taking it too seriously or personally" and "his character is a villain he's doing villainous things and what if me getting upset is interfering with HIS fun"

I mean, ignoring that everything he's doing is interfering with everyone else's fun, but you have started to get into "I am wrong and selfish and everything I do and feel and think is unreasonable" trauma brain territory.

But, you (also verbatim) make the comparison that - making you deal with a villain character who's doing the kind of shit he's doing seems similar to making [person I mentioned at the beginning of this post] deal with a pedo villain character. Especially since that person's ex was continually triggering them and using autism as an excuse, and this guy has been continually triggering you and using autism as an excuse. And because yes, sure, villains do fucked up things, but this is a game and everyone is supposed to be having a good time and he is taking shit way too far. And he, at the time, emphatically agrees with you.

But doesn't say anything about anything to the GM.

And nothing changes.

You start to pick up on other shit the guy says and does outside of the game. He was (I think?) studying to be a psychiatric nurse, and worked in some sort of psychiatric facility. He says... man I don't even know how to explain it, but like... weirdly dismissive things about patients, getting into physical altercations with patients, and talks about how much he doesn't care when people in general complain to him about their life situations and similar shit. You start to wonder how much of his holy shit extreme asshole behavior in the game is reflective of his actual self in actual reality. You feel like an asshole for thinking this. You look around like "is anyone else noticing this shit? Is anyone else bothered by this?" No one seems to be noticing this shit. No one seems to be bothered by it. Or at least, if they are, no one is bothered enough to do anything.

Because nothing

fucking

changes.

Finally. Fucking finally. The GM decides to have a big dumb battle where the guy's character gets killed again (or fuckin you know "stuck in a dimension with his murder bot" so he is STILL essentially being rewarded because his character got what he wanted anyways) but fuck it who cares you don't have to deal with him anymore and he's making a new character that doesn't sound like an asshole so you hope that everyone can move on and have an actual good time.

Until he keeps talking about his asshole character. And when you - who have absolutely not made a secret of the fact that you have been increasingly uncomfortable with the whole situation the whole time - ask if he can just not talk about that character when you're around - he drops this meme

Because fuck you, fuck your enjoyment of the game that you'd been playing for years and regret ever inviting him to because his stupid fucking jackass character was allowed to irrevocably alter it forever for some. fucking. reason

You blow the fuck up and block him. He leaves the server. The game eventually picks back up but it's not really the same. You fucking want it to be the same, goddamn it, because you cared about it and you thought the other players cared about it but now the GM has this weird spiteful undercurrent, and has turned it into "I'm trying to kill you because that one fucking guy and him only didn't take it seriously so I'm gonna punish everyone by dialing up the difficulty and going back on things I'd previously said to nerf your character" but there's still shit you want to do and experience and shit you're looking forward to and this has been a beloved pasttime and a source of stability and JUST. FUCKING. FUN GODDAMMIT you don't want to give up on it

And then about a year later.

Many other incredibly stressful events have occurred in your life. You are not doing well. That is an understatement. You are falling apart. You try and communicate this to the only close friends you believe you have. Including specifically saying at least 2 or 3 times that you have been more and more suicidal and experiencing worsening paranoia and feel like you don't exist. You are mostly ignored. You try and hold shit together. If you pretend things are alright then maybe things will be alright. Everyone is having a hard time. You are aware that everyone is having a hard time and you don't want to make it worse. But holy fuck

One friend ghosts you for a month. You have no idea if it has anything to do with you or not, you have no idea if he's alright, you have no idea if he's alive. You're not important enough to communicate with. Other guy gets pissed that no one is talking and decides to start an argument with you about something unrelated. You make a convenient scapegoat, because your presence or absence in anyone's life is irrelevant anyone can treat you in any way without having to worry about consequences.

Sorry, "you" here still referring to me. You can stop being me anytime. I recommend it! I'm stuck though.

The whole situation I wrote about gets brought up. And actually, even though you could scroll back and find evidence that actually your memory of the events is accurate, actually it turns out that never actually happened, and actually:

You unilaterally invited that guy against the GM's will. He hadn't been talking about expanding the game and inviting more people. Everyone didn't initially get along.

You never explained, in detail, multiple times, to multiple people, what was wrong and how uncomfortable you were. You just acted weird and refused to say anything.

The term "triggered" is a specific medical / psychological terminology. When you said, multiple times and as clearly as you possibly could "no seriously this is actually bringing up traumatic shit from a previous abusive relationship and I am actually severely uncomfortable" you weren't using the term correctly because people who are triggered by something want to avoid any mention or discussion of the thing that triggers them because that discussion is in itself triggering. ...Oh, your reaction to a trigger not being what someone expects doesn't make that thing not triggering? You don't expect to be able to completely avoid the specific situation(s) or complex collection of circumstances and feelings that are triggering, so you'd rather talk about it if or when it comes up so people know what's going on and can hopefully work through it? Oh. Well, then, you aren't using the term correctly because you weren't, like, sexually assaulted. ...Oh, you were. Oh. I guess you are allowed to use the terminology. Let's all just breeze past the whole making you disclose that in order to be taken seriously thing. Which you still won't be, by the way, since:

You didn't adequately explain how and why you were triggered (please ignore the previous portion of the argument where I argued that if you were really triggered then you shouldn't be capable of talking about it at all) so how did you expect anyone to ever understand it or take it seriously or take it into account when trying to understand your behavior? (ha ha you thought that anyone would "take things into account" or "try to understand your behavior" in the first place)

You attempt, at one point, to make the comparison again "[other friend]'s ex continued triggering them despite their attempts to communicate their discomfort and used autism as an excuse, everyone agreed this was fucked up and unacceptable. [That guy] continued triggering me despite my attempts to communicate my discomfort, and it was all "c'mon he's autistic give him a break". This made me feel like a lower tier friend."

[Other friend] who had not previously been involved in the argument, hadn't been active in the discord channel where this conversation was taking place at the time and you weren't even aware they were online pops in to "hey what the fuck why are you bringing up and reminding me of my ex who treated me badly for no reason". The guy who you previously made the exact same comparison to, who agreed with you, is present. He says nothing. That would interfere with everyone dogpiling you for everything you say. You are not a thing that people stand up for. That's a thing that people do for friends. That's a thing people do for things that matter.

If in response to all of these events you say that you don't feel like you have friends, though, that's hurtful. It is hurtful to communicate that you have been hurt. You might make an actual person who actually matters feel bad.

Sorry, you can stop being me now.

Fuck. I originally started writing all of this out to attempt to work through shit and figure shit out and maybe get some 3rd party input (although I wouldn't blame anyone if they quit reading ages ago - or didn't even start reading in the first place hah, this is long as fuck) but there just... isn't any explanation for this, really, is there? What the fuck justification could there be for doing things to me that were openly called unacceptable when they were done to someone else, other than I was just. Not viewed as a thing that mattered.

Fuck.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Hiii you don't have to answer this ask at all. I just wanted to send you a thank you note to tell you that I really appreciate you and admire the love you have for eruri. I left the fandom back when it was revealed that Erwin had died (oh the heartbreak 🤧). Very recently, I picked up aot again because I heard the Very Last Episode was coming out soon. I've been dipping my toes back into the fandom, and I was so incredibly happy to see that you were still around and that your love for eruri was still strong. I got to catch up with a lot of stuff regarding eruri (official media, fanart, fanfic, fandom/anon takes on Certain Events through the years, etc) thanks to your blog! Thank you for all your hard work! And I'm sorry that you receive hate/weird anon takes. It must be tiring to go through all the unnecessary 💩 asks that are taking up space in your inbox. Ummm so what I wanted to say is: your blog and your fics are truly a god send to eruris everywhere!🤣 Thank you for putting your heart and time into this blog! I hope the hate comments don't wear you down too much.🥺 You are a wonderful person and haters just hate to see you thriving and living your best life.🙄 THANKS AGAIN 🥰💋❤️

Hi Anon, thank you sooo much for your lovely message. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. You're very kind. I wanted to reply to your ask, firstly to thank you, and secondly to say that this right here is my experience of the Eruri fandom and this is why I'm still here after all these years.

I know that the vast majority of the Anon hate in my inbox, and in the fandom more generally, comes from a vanishingly small number of individuals, who are very much the exception rather than the rule. The vast majority of Eruri fans that I've encountered in the last 8 years have been the most amazing, creative and generous people you could ever wish to meet. The Eruri fandom isn't huge by any measure but the quality and creativity of the art and fic is rightly well known. Eruri fans have produced amazingly professional zines that would be the envy of much larger fandoms, and have come together time and time again to raise thousands of dollars for important causes such as medical relief for Palestine and Ukraine.

On a more personal level, I've been humbled by the generosity of Eruri fans, by the fic, art, friendship and support they've shared with me. I've met so many amazing people from all walks of life and corners of the globe. Some have been my best friends for almost a decade now. We've travelled the world, crossed oceans to spend time together, and shared so many incredible experiences and memories. Whenever I get hate or death threats in my inbox, it doesn't phase me, it just makes me feel a bit sad for the people sending it because their lives must be very empty indeed.

So thank you Anon, YOU are the reason I'm still here, you and the many Eruri fans like you who it's been a joy to share this amazing fandom with over the last 8 years 💕

[zuzsenpai]

personal post

I met a friend for lunch yesterday who I hadn't seen in maybe 7 or 8 years. We've known each other for almost 30 years at this point, but for the last decade our conversations have largely been through birthday and Christmas texts. I went to school with her from kindergarten through eighth grade, our families were close, and she was a really good friend. But we had very few things in common as we became teenagers and eventually adults. She was a cheerleader and very classically "boy crazy", while I was a HUGE fandom nerd who was too awkward and nervous to even think about dating (still am, lets be real). She eventually became a very stereotypical "sorority girl" and I became a uhhhh bigger fandom nerd. But she always appreciated me as a friend because she claimed I was the "least fake and most genuine" person in her life. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding back in 2014, and since then she moved 90 mins away while I stayed in our home town. She became a social worker for a veterans hospital and I became a video editor/animator for a health care network. Our parents have stayed friends and see each other a lot more than we do tbh, and like I said, we became "2-3 texts per year friends". None of this background info is super relevant to what I'm about to say, but whatever. I said it anyway.

So yesterday we spent about 3 hours catching up. It was nice to see her, but a bit difficult. Because everything she caught me up on was one negative thing after another, one medical issue or work stressor or aging parent issue after another. She bombarded me with details on how every week at work is worse than the next. That she can barely handle the stress. That work stress is what's caused her to fail to get pregnant for the 5 years she's been trying, and now she's at the age where a pregnancy would be geriatric. That she can't do IVF because she has a severe anesthesia phobia. That her parents are dying and her husband's parents are dying and every vacation she tries to go on gets screwed up somehow. Even the tiniest little thing like "oh let me see a picture of your cat", turned into complaining about the cat's medical problems. I know life can be VERY shitty, especially for millennials, but what she said really got to me.

I absorbed the negative vibes and responded with complaints about my life/medical issues/work/relationships/parents as well. And soon I came to the realization that there's nothing good going on in my life either. Or at least nothing she would understand. Things like "I'm replaying a game I love because I want to write fanfic" or "I'm slowly pulling together a new cosplay".... those are things that I would consider positive in my life, but they felt like they weren't worth mentioning. But you know... maybe I should have mentioned them. Because she probably went home thinking the same thing about me-- that I'm a negative person and my life is shit.

During our entire 3 hour conversation, neither of us laughed once, and that really struck me. I spiraled a bit after I went home. It made me realize I need to be more positive, because I really don't want to lose the friends I talk to and see more regularly. Obviously I can't ignore the shitty things going on in my life, but I think it's important for me to say to myself that I'm doing alright sometimes. That something made me happy or something in the future will make me happy. I can't turn into my mom who, whenever she talks to any friend or relative in her life, only talks about her medical problems or other people's medical problems.

I had a rough year, not gonna lie. I broke up with my boyfriend. Then I had the most severe mental health crisis of my life. Then I had a breast cancer scare and lumpectomy. Then Zuko got sick and I started to have burnout/depression spiral/massive uptick in anxiety. Then work got too difficult to handle. Meanwhile I've been struggling with constant exhaustion, increased body image issues, loneliness, bad social anxiety, and the process of re-evaluating my life with the "I probably have autism" lens.

But I can't let this year define me. I can't let negativity and shitty situations define me. I can't have someone I care about think about me and say to themselves "wow she is depressing and all I know about her is that her life sucks." Because at this point? All that old childhood friend and I know about each other is that our lives suck. Literally nothing else.

I need to be more positive. Seriously.

[tinkrtailrsldrspy]

Ramblings from a Fandom Veteran

So... I've been wondering if I should openly talk about the state of fandom right now for some time...

See, while I'm not "old", I have been in this space for a very, very long time. I deleted my original blog some time ago, but I first joined Tumblr around... I want to say 2010? 2011?

Back then, it was huge! A giant space for every sect of fandom to frolic, where we thrived together! It was a bit like the wild west, no rules and only unknown ahead of us!

...I loved Tumblr back then...

I fell off Tumblr sometime in 2014, before the Purge. I was there when our beloved site was bought by Yahoo, but because nothing changed immediately, we all assumed we were free to go about our day-to-day lives without a worry.

I see that we were wrong.

See, I got busy with the real world. College and physical illness meant I had precious little time for my favorite internet hang-outs. I stopped drawing, wrote very little... It's only been in the past two years that I've had the time and energy to re-join fandom as a whole. And I was so excited to see what this new future held for me!

I... I'm almost sorry I did.

I had never heard of Pro- and Anti-Shippers.

It was an entirely foreign concept to me! After all, we were a live and let-live community, weren't we? You know, your kink is not my kink and all that? I'd seen hate in the community before, granted, but what I knew had never been this toxic!

Entire legions were gone, and what remains were only the brave, bitter survivors, desperately clinging onto what was left. I...

I didn't, and still don't, know what to say, really.

Where was the community I had grown up in? The artists and writers and just people who had coexisted for years without much issue? A decade isn't that long, right? Surely, everything I had known and loved about this world wasn't just gone, right?

When I was growing up, this place and places like it were a refuge for me. I was going through... so, so much at the time... and the people I found here helped me through it. I had friends and support from every corner of fandom, whether we shared a common interest or not.

What I see now... I truly wish I could express just how heartbroken I am that we've allowed ourselves to become this. We used to be a safe-space, where bullies could never reach...

I never thought we'd become the bullies.

[nectaric]

happy birthday, zeus !! (may 24)

in honour of ten years of zeus birthdays (and 11 years of writing him), i wanted to do a little something to celebrate all my amazing roleplay partners and talk about how important y'all have been in either a) influencing my writing, b) influencing my portrayal, or c) being a reason i want to come here and write ten years later.

as many of you know (or are about to learn), zeus has been the actual love of my life for over a decade now. he was one of the first characters i ever roleplayed, and i have stuck with him pretty consistently this whole time. i could wax poetic forever about how much he means to me, and how important writing him has been in my life, but i'll spare you all a glimpse into my crazy. just know, zeus means the world to me. and if he has gone through growth in all the time we've worked together, then so have i. i was an extremely nerdy, extremely obsessive little teenager in her basement bedroom with big dreams and now i'm married, working the job i have always wanted, with a beautiful dog and big plans. it feels kinda crazy that i get to share so much of that with all of you.

and so many of you amazing people have been apart of that journey or have just joined and are giving me reasons to keep writing!

it wouldn't be right if i didn't start off with @ichoric. accepting me into your little roleplay group almost 11 years ago literally changed the trajectory of my life. you are literally one of my best friends in the entire world - we have seen each other grow through so much, have been there for each other through good shit and the bad. not only have you seriously influenced me as a writer through all of our shenanigans (drowning hazel, titans 2, scary ares, the time we sat next to each other on my couch and roleplayed the entire aphrares wedding for hours), but you have genuinely influenced me as a person. forget how much i love your portrayals, and the depth and creativity you pour into them, so much life and love and intensity that is a delight to behold - but so much of becoming who i am now has been with you at my side and i love you so much i'm lowkey crying as i type this. thank you for 10 + great years and i can't wait for more!

@kissofthemuses amber, i think getting to write zeus / hera with you permanently altered my brain chemistry. its crazy to think about just how long we've actually known each other -- but getting to see everything you get up to, all your cosplaying and adventures, has been a gift <3 not only do i feel like i have become a more mature individual thanks to being taken under your wing a little, but i also feel as though my zeus has fundamentally changed because of your portrayal and that's so powerful.

@pistolslinger nat maybe i'm just an emotional goober but you have always been such a beacon of light on my dash, long before you went off and became a crow. writing with you has always been so wonderful and enriching and i just know i can count on your for a laugh or heartbreak or general tomfoolery. never mind that you're so kind and open to everyone you seem to come across, but you're also really talented??? in so many ways???? i still think about our jason n zeus superhero au sometimes. incredible, thank you <3

@stygicniron talk about an og!!! hilary, we have been writing together for so long and every interaction is an absolute gem. you and i have been in the trenches of this fandom and somehow come out the other side relatively unscathed and i know part of that is how kind and wonderful and creative you are, but also because of how talented and solid your portrayal of nico is. i have seen few people have as good of a grasp on a character as you and its always an absolute joy to get to write anything with you. thank you for coming on this journey with me!!

@littleblackqrow khristle, you have been such a constant in my online life for years its genuinely difficult to remember a time before we followed each other and wrote together. the fact that i get to write with you despite fandom changes (because you have impeccable taste) is really so awesome and i've just really loved getting to write with you, talk with you ooc, and just experience being your rp partner for so long. between apollo, qrow, and grif, we've written so many heartwrenching and hilarious things, and i'm just super grateful you've been here !

@rheaeaseandflow marie i think you are one of the people i have been writing with the longest and don't think that goes unnoticed! your rhea is incredible and has honestly helped me to form so many important headcanons and opinions about my own characters that i think is so significant. you have always been this kind, warm, welcoming presence who i always look forward to writing with, and when i think about the "early days" of zeus i often think of you!

@singofus apis i literally cannot imagine this little corner of the rp world without you. i think greek myth and you are one of the first people who comes to mind. i remember when you and i both wrote significantly less muses on different blogs, but now we're here with our hoard, and our beautiful little headcanons we're still getting to develop, and its genuinely made my time here so much more enjoyable! you're so creative and thoughtful and you have seriously influenced so many of my portrayals i wouldn't even know where to start. here's to a lot more writing, and a lot more time well spent!

@asoulunbound krys!!! greek myth without you is like a pb&j without the pb. you occupy such an important space in this community and also just. in my world and i genuinely appreciate how much thought you put into your muses and the generosity you show to others. not to mention, the fact that you and i engage in very similar niche communities makes me feel so much more connected to you and i enjoy getting to write with you and see you on my dash so much !

@seekesotsibteadmist kyrian if there was an award for most supportive roleplayer ever it would be you. i feel so seen by you and you're so encouraging no matter what the circumstances are. i love getting to write with you (honestly, i could be better about it) because i can just feel the love and creativity you throw into S. i always enjoy getting an ask from you or seeing your ic posts and i am so grateful to have you in my little world, so thank you.

@seaprofound another day, another og !! gods sunny i feel like we have known each other for decades at this point - i think of this rpc, and i think about you and the constant beacon of sunshine (pun intended) you have always been. the absolute depth of your devotion to poseida is astounding and your love and care for the people around you is an example i think a lot of us could learn from. thank you for being so authentic and kind and creative and a part of my life for so long!!!

@stolenbythegods beth i know we don't write as much together these days but i will genuinely never forget you or ganymede or how much fun we have had writing together. you are so talented and sweet and i adore your ganymede with everything i have. your portrayal has altered the way i view not only zeus and gany's relationship, but also how i view zeus, and that's a really big achievement in my books. i miss you, and i'm so grateful for you!

@kallistcs unni aside from the level of sheer talent you possess and the care and detail you pour into your portrayals (which i appreciate so much my heart is FULL), you have also always been the one who swoops in and saves my day. i feel like i can always count on you to be the voice of reason to my emotionally driven, passionate rants about vague myth concepts with your frankly impressive knowledge of myth that i both admire and envy (fondly <3). i love having you around and i genuinely enjoy our threads so much i look forward to getting to write them every time i log on (even if i am Slow)

@saccharic MY SON !!! giuli. i'm not even going to talk about writing because you are talented and ily and i enjoy it but that's not what matters here. i remember when you were abt 14 and i have gotten the joy of watching you grow and become so so so successful and such a wonderful little lady and i could not be more of a proud dad. i feel like this is such a rare gift and i cherish it, i really do

this is a shoutout to others who have been a constant on my dash and who have contributed significantly to how much i enjoy being here. you're all wonderful, and talented, and i'm absolutely grateful to have you around <3

@appleyed @eriny3s @eileithyiia @anthcs @tragillary @ofprevioustimes @reastless @deadshe @luxcruor @thecs @withinycu

and to those of you who i haven't written with much yet, but who i genuinely look forward to writing more with! thank you for following me and letting me invade your space <3

@caeloservare @candlewick-corporation @aestasrosis @sunguns @hxntresses @unseenking @allbains @kuokuana @eiiskonigin @noirbeast

[thelonesomequeen]

Here is a master post of some of your asks. A lot of you had commentary to add after the newest DM podcast and I did get to some asks, but I wanted to make a space to post all opinions that we received. Below are anon submissions, not the commentary from moderators of this blog.

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

I have a hard time believing the narrative of his family not liking her but inviting her to all the family events, parties and more./ Anon is forgetting is that in some of those events, Chris was probably the one paying the bill. So she will go and they will say nothing.

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

How is Chris rushing to get married? They've been together long enough that I wouldn't call this rushing. I hope it all works out for him. My husband and I had people we were close to doubt our marriage, and it sucked. Every time we've hit a rough patch, I've wondered about the "I told you so's" we would get if it all fell apart. But we're still together almost two decades later, and counseling has been really helpful for both of us and the marriage. So, I say good luck to Chris and Alba. I wish them the best. I wouldn't want them to have to go through the pain of a divorce.

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Man I don’t get this. Even if he is rushing to get married, why are y’all acting like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s a 40 year old man, i’m sure he’s not forcing himself to get married just to be a husband. And i’m sure he’ll get a pre-nup because he hasn’t been in the industry for 20+ years and built up a career by being an idiot. They way some of y’all infantilize him is just insane. I don’t even care for Alba but y’all are acting like she hasn’t had multiple opportunities to use him for money. She could’ve easily gotten pregnant and gotten child support if she wanted instead of living in bumfuck Massachusetts for a year and going through a whole possible marriage. You know how much hate she would get if she divorced him and took his money. Even the five Chris fans who like her now are gonna hate her even more. There are valid reasons to dislike her, but this one just doesn’t stick.

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Ok so if some people in this fandom are gonna believe that his family doesn’t like her, they will have believe that they’re engaged to be married right? Or are they gonna pick and choose the info to believe that best fits their theories.

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I don’t know I just find it hard to believe what dm said about his family. Some of them might not love her but maybe to tolerate her instead of outright dislike. But still I have doubts because he’s so close with his family especially his mother. Plus his best friend of several years seems to like her too. I just don’t think he’ll marry someone when his family doesn’t like her. This also reminds me a lot of what someone said during the Jenny days that his mom didn’t like her either.

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Who in this fandom is happy about the current state of things? Literally no one.// please don’t speak so broadly for everyone! I for one am okay with the relationship (I don’t think Alba is problematic at all- her friends are a different matter), I am very happy he found love and wish them both the best. The only current “state of things” I am unhappy about is the way some parts of the fandom is behaving: the hateful nicknames, the internalized misogyny, the hate based lies, the xenophobia.😞😒

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So why is he marrying her if his family don’t approve?/// My apologies for the light snark but: are you kidding?! You have to be joking?! Irrelevant of his reasons, so what if his family MAYBE doesn’t approve, it’s his life not theirs! Do you live your life based on your family approval over any decisions? College? Career? Love interest?- if you do I feel deeply sad for you. You live your life for you; family advice can be taken into consideration but not dictating it. & He’s online that’s why!

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cause she was 21/22 when he followed her, right? 😬 yikes)// she was 23, and he followed a bunch of other actresses all working for Netflix too, so it’s clear as day the follow wasn’t romantic but likely work related, and likely and unintentionally it eventually turned romantic. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants ����‍♀️ we don’t have control over who we fall in love with, they’re both legal, she was in her mid 20 she’s old enough. Plenty of high age difference marriage in Hollywood.

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Okay so it seems as though (to me) he’s rushing to get married // rushing? How is dating someone for over a year and being engaged for nearly a year, getting married after being together for over 2 years is a “rushing”?! That’s the standard timeline for many couples I have ever met. They say you know within the first 6 months it you’re in love and if this is the person for you.. sounds to me he knew and acted upon it. Rushing would be if they eloped within a week or even 5 months, that’s rushing

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I think it could be the rushing into it, but he very obviously wants kids and it's always risky to have kids with a partner that potentially will live overseas if the marriage ends. I hope he is at least thinking about that. I mean Chris has money she doesn't, but custody could turn ugly. I would definitely be worried about that if I was a family member.

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For what we know he was seeing/hooking up with other girls before Alba so if that Taxi cab theory was the case why Alba and not the rest?

Also someone that desperate wouldn’t wait 2 years to get married and have kids I don’t know just my two cents 🤷🏼‍♀️

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I don't think there may be issues if she decides to stay home and put her career on hold to have children or just follow him around, like she seems to be doing now. The age difference, expectations in life, cultural difference will enter sooner or later. I don't see this lasting.

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But…I give it a handful of years maybe? I think it’ll get to a point where the age difference isn’t an issue now, but I think it will be eventually

I think he very much wants kids so I can absolutely see them having one or two, staying together to try and make stuff work for them but eventually divorcing. That’s not really saying much considering divorce isn’t exactly uncommon these days.

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Real or not, I agree that it is likely his family is a bit disappointed in his choice. Maybe not Scott, but his mom and sisters seem pretty down to earth and grounded. I doubt they would approve of the age gap or the character of who he chose. After waiting for so long, it is sad to see who he finally picked.

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That man loves his family and I don’t think he will marry anyone that they don’t approve of imo

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Watching them fixating on the part that some of his family members “don’t like her”

[vero-niche]

10th tumblr birthday post wahoo

so i wanted to make a post for the 10th anniversary of me joining yknow... thats like a big and round number... it's still november 16th for me here so just in time haha

trivia night and thank you speeches under the cut, got a bit lenghty lmao

🎈 some fun facts i totally did not gather just now from my archive:

i didnt make an introduction post - i just got right into reblogging, i was on that Grind from day 1 babeyyyy

for anyone wondering, although it pains to admit but my first url was i-cant-without-wholock. yea

my first original post was a venting post about my friend ditching meeting me. yikies!

as of right now, i have 148,958 posts! fucking hell!!!

and 945 followers. mwah to you all

although these are no longer done, i remember the "follow forever" days, so im gonna highlight some followers/mutuals based on stats and my memory (i apologize in advance)

🎆 last month's highest note-givers:

@vestaldestroyer, datoneace (whom i can't tag lol) i see you in my notes. i am handing you a delicious cupcake 🧁

sipral, wise-emperor, please proceed to below hehe

🎇 runner-ups whom i see daily as well:

@atrevir - i'll still let you know if i ever get to ireland btw, im giving you a fortune cookie as a token of that promise 🥠

@thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname - you became the 4th in the weekly notes view which is especially an achievement considering you started following me 6 days ago. mobestie, what else could i offer if not a broccoli in these trying times 🥦

@pastel-moth-boi @imsickenedbutcurious i see you i love you have some sweets please🧇🍩

🎊 people with godlike patience, or, the veteran mutuals:

@comettailwanderer - congratulations, you are the no. 1 still active blog that has been following me for the longest time (4th oldest overall)! im giving you an entire rollercoaster, which is what i imagine these 10 years must have felt like for you 🎢 💛

@wise-emperor - the title of the longest still active mutual goes to you bestie, 9 years and still going strong as hell, guess we never miss 💞🥂

@autumnbois - 6 years and the wildest fandom related life story i ever heard - i hope you are keeping safe, ilysm you are doing gods work 🌈🥧

@sipral - not 100% sure if you've only been following for 1 year, but mutuals we've been for that long - feels much longer!!! while i press a proper reply out of myself, please receive these earthly goods from me, love you 5ever 🍹🍰

i apologize if i left out anybody - the mutuals i know from irl, i didn't want to "expose" you but if for some reason you got this far, next coffee's on me ☕🍫

it is almost 11pm now so im gonna hit post now, lest i run out of the date itself 😅 thank you everyone who made tumblr worth spending a decade on 💕💖💝💘

[eponymous-rose]

Happiest of happy birthdays!!

It's a @loquaciousquark birthday!! Time to embarrass her with glowing encomia!

I am so absurdly lucky to have been your friend for, what, the past decade? Through various fandoms, multiplayer games, the magic of Movie Night, improvised musicals that almost make sense, escaping from rooms, and of course some pretty fantastic real-life adventures in Illinois, Indiana, Colorado, Alabama, Oklahoma, and Washington over the years (I can't believe we've hung out in six different states so far??), it's been just an endless sequence of wonderful, wonderful memories.

I'm blown away that we both wound up in professorships and I am constantly awed and inspired by you as an educator and as a scientist. Your determination to do what's right for your students again and again and again is so great to see, and your pedagogy and presentations are *chef's kiss*. If I ever decided on a wild career swing, I know who I'd want to be teaching my courses.

You're such an exceptional storyteller, and that goes for your gorgeous fic and your spectacular art as well as just our daily chats about whatever's been going on in your life. Hearing about the ins and outs of your workday have no right being so entertaining, how dare!!

And now we get to have adventures in other worlds as well! I adore Seda and Ruth and what they bring to our D&D games! Infinitely excited that you've gotten to know some of my closest friends from grad school through that as well - it's always a gamble mixing friend groups, but every time you all interact it just warms my heart. Thank you for always bringing the energy and thoughtfulness to our games - you elevate everyone's level of play and make it fun.

So excited for what the next decade will bring... and the next... and the next.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

[icemankazansky]

🕯️

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Well, I mean, the answer to that is yes. I don't want to give a non-answer to this question, but a lot of stories are hard in a lot of different ways, and a lot of them go their own way. As a writer, I rarely plan ahead much; I don't make outlines, and while I have a general idea of the shape of most stories when I begin writing them, the writing process for me and the way the story becomes is very fluid. I've spoken before about certain challenge stories that were written from requests that made me uncomfortable and that I knew would have to go someplace I didn't want to spend time, but I think honestly the stories that I have struggled with the most in both these ways are stories I have been working on for a long time but have not been able to finish. I've been working on the Top Gun Age of Sail AU for over a decade, and it's not finished, and I don't know that it ever will be. I really want to finish Vox, but it's been almost a year, and I still don't really, fully understand the shape of it and how it has to be built from here, and it's incredibly frustrating.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

The social aspect of fandom is absolutely crucial. I mean, I love fanfiction, reading and writing it both, and creating art and gifs and other things from the media I love, and seeing the art and gifs and things other people create ... but honestly, if I was experiencing all of that in a vacuum, I think it would not be nearly as engaging or rewarding an experience as it is. I have friends I have met through fandom who are among the best friends I've ever had, people I've known for decades and are still there, still ride or die, still make me so happy every time I see their name on a post or a text message. A couple years ago, I attended the wedding reception of one of a girl I met when she left a comment on a fic I wrote. She is one of my dearest friends, and I've known her for ... shit, like 15 years now. We talk often. I know I can count on her if I need anything. She's slept on my couch and we've been to the ocean and to hug baby goats and shopping for leather goods and to eat catfish and hush puppies. When I found a lump in my breast, I called a dear friend I have known for 20-some years and met when I left a comment on a story she wrote. I was there for her when she had breast cancer, and when I was afraid I did, too, she checked in on me and reassured me and told me what to expect, and texted back and forth with me the entire time I was at the imaging center. I have movie night every week with a friend I have known for 20-some years; we have been each other's dedicated beta readers not just on fanfiction but on anything we've written for over a decade. She's in The Kilmer Cure. She is the person I usually turn to when I'm having serious mental health issues, because she has bipolar disorder, too, and she understands. We're planning to get tattoos together.

And even people I haven't known as long ... sometimes they're the only real social interaction I have all day, because I am chronically ill and I am mentally ill and because I am an introvert and all the other reasons it's so hard to get together with people in real life often when you're an adult. And speaking to them, about fandom, about anything, is a huge source of enrichment and comfort and joy to me. And I am not a social person. I do have social anxiety. (Although it's gotten better as I've gotten older and as I've gotten treatment for PTSD, which affects that way more than I thought it did.) But I think one of the great things about fandom relationships via the internet is that you can do things at your own pace. You're not on the spot. If you don't have the spoons for interaction one day, you don't have to reply to that comment right now. You can do it tomorrow. You can watch the conversation in Discord, but you don't have to join in if you're not up to it. And everyone's in different time zones and on different schedules, so everyone's kind of just coming in and participating how and when they can.

[ourceliumnetwork]

in reference to this post, which I agree with almost entirely, I just wanted to...touch on the gender identity as it relates to how you are now.

Shale is insinuated to be nonbinary (agender) because of her status as a golem and if she were not a golem she would not be nonbinary. And while generally yeah that's not amazing representation for folks outside of the binary/"norm", I do find it actually pretty...important to me? out of nowhere?

Well, perhaps not out of "nowhere". There's a very specific place this is coming from.

I'm trans of gender. I have come out publicly to family and friends as a man who uses he/him pronouns. Previously I have identified as genderfluid and even before and between those two points I identified as cis.

Gender has always been difficult and thanks to Recent Revelations, now I know why - I've got 10 mushrooms piloting the flesh gundam that is this broken body (that is to say, I believe that my experiences align enough with OSDD-1b/DID diagnostic criteria enough that I would describe myself as part of a system). We're filled with the gender fluids! Take your pick we've got e v e r y t h i n g.

Who knows if we still would have identified collectively as genderfluid, or if we'd have been trans at all without the specific circumstances that causes OSDD-1b/DID. Maybe we would have turned out exactly as mom and dad wanted us: the perfect little christian girl who never stepped out of line. Maybe we would have turned out the same: a queer disaster with two joyfriends who live very far away (currently).

We are who we are, our sexuality and genders are both defined by our existence thanks to great trauma we suffered decades ago. And so stories where it's not based on "born this way" or "chose to become" are very important to me. Because we were neither. We did not choose to be queer, but neither can we be sure we were born like this. We don't know what we could have been.

If we were to all merge into one singular personality within this body, who knows how we might identify. If we were to erase the trauma we have endured who knows what that might look like.

It doesn't matter though. Because what happened happened, and we don't want to become one singular person because we work best as a team but not a unit. And Shale cannot be returned to her initial form. And our genders are still valid.

I don't like the push back against poor representation - there are going to be people upset with every representation that gets shown. We know this from seeing fandoms which were once the pinnacle of representation getting thrown under the bus simply because time has passed and there's more out there now. But people are represented by imperfect/flawed representation. Because people are many and varied and we contain multitudes within us - some more literally than others, admittedly. We are flawed. And so are our stories.

Let us have our representation too, as more and more 'good' representation is visible to the wider public.