#we've been fandom friends for almost a decade now

[tres-fidelis]

🐠 why i love (or hate) this hobby

MY EXPERIENCE IN THE ROLEPLAYING COMMUNITY

((I think one of the best things about online writing and online roleplaying is you get to meet all kinds of interesting people that live in various places around the world. It's nice to have a way to connect with others who live in another country or a different time zone than you, and bond over the shows or games that got you two to meet in this way. You can find some good, lifelong friendships by a shared common interest.))

[hurpdurpburps]

Astoria: Fate's Kiss Is Getting Re-released On 25 July, Here Are Some Things You Should Keep In Mind

Most people don't know it (until now I guess), but I'm the founder of, and have been running the @ls-salvation-squad project since Christmas 2021. I hardly interact with the LS community outside of the project server in a personal capacity as I've largely left the fandom around 6 months before the announcement of the app's closure.

I was pretty late to the game (pun intended), having only learnt about the app in 2020, but managed to be around for 'milestone events' such as the writers' strike and the DMCA rampage on YouTube/tumblr. Thanks to certain friends and technology, I've also had privileged access to a quasi-'insider look' into Voltage's workings (and failings) as a studio, both in real time and through secondhand horror stories of the past.

This culmination of experiences has spurred me to make my first, and last, personal opinion piece regarding LS on tumblr, a corner of the community that I haven't really interacted much with.

While I understand the sheer joy, relief and excitement that comes with revived, legal access to some of the most impressive, unapologetically queer stories to have ever graced the internet, I want to point out the ugly truths that are intertwined with the revival of this troubled app:

Buying the game =/= supporting the creators. Not a cent of your money goes towards them. Even when Voltage USA used to be a thing, barely any of it went towards the employees in general either. The writers were paid 3 cents/word, and producers were working twice as hard but only paid around half of their counterparts in other companies. AFAIK the artists have kept quiet but it would be more of a surprise if they were treated any better than their peers.

Buying the game =/= supporting queer content/community. This might come as a shocker, but homophobia ran rampant within Voltage's management. The best evidence of this can be found in their history of 'peculiar' business or creative decisions - and they've made a fuckton of bad choices. Fun fact; the first queer routes were only made possible via sheer force of will of a particular producer. I'm not at liberty to share the nitty gritty on this public platform as the stories aren't mine, but maybe if you asked some of the former staff nicely, they might give you cryptic hints.

You're gonna be paying them a THIRD time. Many of us have already shelled out hundreds of dollars on heart choices - not once, but twice. Putting the whole version on Steam/Switch had always been a valid option from the beginning of the end, but they chose not to do it. Why? Because users scrambling to make bulk purchases of tickets and hearts to record routes as a last hurrah meant a last, fat cash-in. Not to mention the fact that they're selling the game at US$30 per series, for almost decade-old content, presumably without any new additions. At this point, throwing your hard earned money at them AGAIN is just rewarding scummy management and unscrupulous business models.

Do you really need to? Our team of around 100 archivists worked tirelessly in Q1 of 2022 to provide you high quality recordings of every single route. We've gone so far as to acquire recordings of pre-LS Voltage content such as Queen's Gambit and all of the soundtracks. We've put assets up for download. There are a dozen passionate creators out there who have been updating their Ren'Py recreations so that you can scratch your itch - and all for free!!! What more could you possible want or need that only the greedy bastards at Voltage can give you - apart from seeing your custom MC name on the screen and the absolutely inconsequential choices B & C that our videos didn't cover?

Is this a call for a boycott? I guess not really, or at least I didn't consciously set out to make it like this. Dissuading others from purchasing legal access to media when it's easily available goes against my general principle about responsibly and pragmatically supporting creators. And as one 'em Gays™, I know the preciousness of possessing Queer Stories Written By Queer People.

But I was concerned at what seemed to be a wave of happiness and eagerness at news of the revival, without any mention of the absolute shit show that has led us to this very point. There's a very big part of me that's absolutely pissed at being taken for a ride. News of the revival has been a bittersweet development for us all, especially those who have poured their time, money and energy over the past 2.5 years into salvaging what was thought to be a lost piece of queer media - only to find out that all that effort might only get them a slap to the face in the form of a DMCA from the grave. So yeah, fuck you Voltage.

TLDR: You should really save your money for more ethical, indie developers who have the decency to not mock your consumer intelligence. I don't think it's a crime against humanity if you end up buying it after all, but just think about it yeah?

[misc-obeyme]

would u consider obey me a dead fandom?

Um. Nope. I sure wouldn't.

If there's anybody out there who thinks Obey Me is a dead fandom, I would say they're probably confused about what a dead fandom actually is.

I think an argument could be made saying that there is no such thing as a dead fandom. But I'm going to assume you mean that fan content is at an all time low.

Friend, I have been in fandoms where the content was like... you get a fic or two every year if you're lucky. This for a media that hadn't put out any new content in decades.

Obey Me? I get an average of five asks per day about Obey Me. I can queue 10 posts per day about Obey Me. I still average over 800 notes a day on this here Obey Me blog. In the past few months, we've had new artists and writers joining the community and posting their Obey Me fan works. The game is still active and updating. There are two apps even.

So no, I personally would not consider the Obey Me fandom to be dead by any means.

It's certainly been more active in the past. I'll never forget the surge of activity that happened when Nightbringer first came out. My Solomon fics seemed to double their notes over night lol.

But we're also in a bit of a lull right now because we aren't getting new chapters. Every time an event happens, there's another burst of activity. And then things die down just a little before they surge again. That's the nature of fandom.

Another common fandom thing is people coming and going. I've been here for almost two years, but there are others who have been here for four. And then there are some people who've only been in the fandom for a couple months. And then there are the people who were here at the beginning, but have since moved on. Maybe they only stayed for a few months before moving on. Maybe they're only casually in the fandom, dipping in now and again. This is also just the nature of fandom. There's no right way to do it. And it doesn't reflect on whether a fandom is alive or dead.

Hell, we even have plenty of discourse and toxic stuff in this here fandom, too. More of that when there's nothing else to do, I think, which is unfortunate, but also kinda... just part of fandom.

And all of this is just how it is on Tumblr. I know there are active Obey Me communities on Twitter/X and Instagram, too. I'm just too old and tired to maintain that many socials. I actually have accounts on both of those apps but I rarely use them.

And lastly, I'm a big proponent of being involved in fandom no matter how active the community is. By this I mean, if I still have an Obey Me hyperfixation in ten years when the apps are closed down and nearly everybody else has moved on, I will still be here posting fic. Because I won't leave a fandom until I am ready to move on from it, dead or not. (Sometimes this can mean you are one of the few people still creating for said fandom, but you might be surprised at how many people will still enjoy what you create.)

[captainsophiestark]

The 60s

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2023!

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Day 9 Prompt: "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Summary: Klaus wiped the memory of the love of his life after hundreds of years together to try to protect them from Mikael. Now, however, his ex has their memories back is going to find their boyfriend. Even if he is in someone else's body.

Word Count: 2,215

Category: Angst, Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I was going to kill Klaus Mikaelson.

Unlike the other thousand people who'd probably had that thought in the last week alone, however, mine was actually justified. For hundreds of years, Nik and I had been together, happy, and in love. We'd wandered the world together, side by side, having each other's backs through thick and thin. Out of everyone in the entire world, I was the only one he'd always trusted, completely, without a doubt in mind.

And then Mikael had shown up one time too many.

Nik and I had faced him a few times, and he had firmly held the spot of 'my least favorite Original' for literal centuries. We'd always come out shaken, but fine, until about a hundred and fifty years ago. That time, he'd gotten Nik cornered, so I'd jumped in to save him. Mikael had almost killed me instead.

We'd managed to both make it out alive, thankfully, but Nik had been foaming at the mouth with nerves and fear. I'd tried to calm him down, but it hadn't worked. He'd gotten too scared, so for the first time in our entire relationship, he broke my trust. He compelled me to forget him, and to go somewhere else, far away, where I'd never be put in danger by him and his family again.

It had worked, unfortunately for me. Until recently, when something had happened to break the compulsion and bring my memories back. At first, I'd been terrified that it meant Nik had died. But, after a little investigating and compelling of my own, I realized he'd been body-hopping with the help of witches. Something about it must've shaken his compulsion loose, and allowed me to remember.

It hadn't taken me long to track him down to Mystic Falls, Virginia. I couldn't help being a little proud of myself for finding him so quickly; it helped that I knew him well. I'd arrived in Virginia last night, and managed to track down Nik's exact location and hiding place just as quickly. He'd apparently taken over the body of a history teacher at the local high school. Who would I have been to miss that opportunity?

With a little more compulsion, I'd convinced the front office staff to let me into the teacher's history class. I found a seat to one side of the classroom, then settled in to wait for Nik to show up. I almost blew my cover when, a moment later, the spitting image of Katherine Pierce walked through the door.

I knew he'd come to town for the doppelgänger, but it was still surprising to see someone who looked just like Katherine. Apparently, that lie we'd planted about the Curse of the Sun and the Moon had been working out pretty well. She sat on the other side of the room from me, flirting with another vampire and sitting with her witch friend. I sighed, already ready to leave the classroom, when Nik finally walked in.

The teacher, Alaric Saltzman, was tall, with brown hair, and dressed in something I could almost see Nik wearing normally. He strode through the open door with a "hello class" and went right to his desk like it was any other day. I snorted.

"What... are we learning today?" he mused, flipping through his history book. He hadn't looked up once; hadn't had a chance to see me yet.

"With the decade dance tonight we've been covering the sixties all week," a girl in the front chimed in. Nik looked up.

"Right. The sixties."

For the first time, he turned, and I thought his eyes might finally find me. Instead, they found the doppelgänger—Elena—like a heat-seeking missile.

Understandable, since we didn't think she existed. But still annoying.

He glanced from her to the open classroom door, then turned to the board. I huffed a sigh and rolled my eyes. What was he gonna do, just grab her and run? Much too obvious for his style, and we both knew it.

"The uh... the sixties," he started, mentioning the decade for the third time now as he turned around to write the same words on the board. "...I wish there was something good I could say about the sixties."

I covered a snort with my elbow. I almost raised my hand to say something like "Maybe they would've been better if you'd still had me with you", but that was also too sloppy for my style. Too many students asking questions, seeing me, and too many enemies possibly getting hints about Nik.

"They actually kind of sucked," Nik continued. "Except for the Beatles, of course, they made it bearable."

His eyes strayed to Elena's witch friend, and my heart squeezed in my chest. Nik was recounting memories that didn't include me, when I should've appeared in almost all of them. The hurt was only semi-manageable because I wasn't looking at the love of my life's face while hearing this, too.

"Uh, what else was there? The Cuban Missile... thing. The uh... we walked on the moon, that was, uh... Watergate."

"Watergate was the seventies, Ric," Elena chimed in with a fond smile. "Uh, I mean, Mr. Saltzman."

"Right," Nik continued, a familiar edge to an unfamiliar smile. His eyes never strayed from Elena. "It all kind of... mushes together up here. Sixties, seventies. Thank you, Elena."

I watched him teach the rest of the class in a way that could only be described as 'playing with his food'. He said Elena's name another time or two, savoring it in a way I recognized as him relishing in victory. I was happy to see him happy, but the added side effect of him being so wrapped up in doppelgänger nonsense meant that he still hadn't noticed me.

I tried not to let it get to me. Especially since it had given me the best opening I could've asked for to scare the daylights out of Nik and get just a little bit of payback.

Once the bell rang, I stood and hovered at the edge of the classroom. Nik dismissed everyone and said goodbye to the class, saying a special, specific goodbye to Elena and watching her leave. It wouldn't have been terribly obvious to anyone with no reason to suspect 'Alaric' was not who he said he was, but it was ridiculous to me.

Nik moved to the door to look out into the hallway as the classroom emptied of every single student except for me. He watched Elena go, his back to what he thought was an empty classroom, giving me exactly the opening I wanted. I crossed the room quickly but quietly, using all of my vampire skills to keep him from noticing me until I was right next to him, almost shoulder to shoulder.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I said, right into Nik's ear. He'd jumped and spun around at the first word, but now stood frozen, his mouth open in shock as he stared at me. I grinned. "You know, whatever you were planning to do to the doppelgänger. At school. In a human body. While she's surrounded by supernaturals. That's just a bad idea."

"Y/N..." he breathed, voice barely above a whisper. Then, he surged forward, wrapping me tight in his arms and spinning me around in a hug. He moved backwards into the classroom, and I slammed the door with my heel just to avoid any prying eyes.

Nik finally pulled back, eyes wide and a vague smile on his face, like he was happy but didn't actually believe this was real. I smiled back at him, even though he didn't quite look like my Nik, and gave his hands a reassuring squeeze.

"How... how is this possible?" he asked, his voice still quiet, like any loud noise might shatter the moment. "How are you here?"

"I still don't totally know. But I think, when you moved into this... teacher body... it was enough for your compulsion on me to break."

Nik's face fell immediately, as it should have. I frowned, the immediate happiness of finding Nik having worn off.

"I can't believe you did that to me, Nik," I said, taking a step back from him. "It was supposed to be the two of us, through everything. Against everything. No matter what. How could you betray that?"

He gave a frown of pain, taking a half step towards me before thinking better of it.

"You don't understand. My... Mikael... almost killed you. If I'd been the cause of your death-"

"Okay, first of all, you would never be the cause of my death. You know how I know? Because you would never kill me." I stared at Nik long and hard, and although he looked away from my gaze quickly, I never did. "Second, the only person who would've been the cause of my death was Mikael. You are not responsible for a bad person trying to kill me."

"Unless that bad person is trying to kill you to get to me." He said it quietly but firmly, looking up at me with a rueful smile from lowered lashes, like he'd just said some checkmate truth we'd both been avoiding. I put a hand on my hip and glared.

"Actually Nik, no, it's still not your fault. It's the bad person's fault. That's it. And before you start telling me it's your fault for dragging me into it or whatever, I could've left. I didn't want to, and I still don't want to. I've seen every level of crazy your life has to offer, and I'm signing up for all of it.

"And Nik, before you try to tell me how much you'd miss me if you lost me, you did lose me! By letting fear drive you to compel me out of your life. And I also lost you. I guess I've been generally content for the past hundred and fifty years, but I've never been totally satisfied. Because something is missing. I've known total and complete happiness, and it's whenever I'm with you. This immortal life isn't worth living without you, Nik. Don't try to tell me it is."

He stared at me for a few long moments, then pulled me to him again. Unlike the first hug, this time our feet stayed planted firmly on the ground, wrapped tight in the strong hold of each other's embrace. I sighed as Nik rested his head against mine, moving his mouth right next to my ear.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't have done that to you. I was just... terrified at the thought of losing you."

"I know. But Nik, we're nothing if we're not together. I need you to promise me you won't do that again. The two of us, side by side, for eternity. That's it, alright?"

He pulled away, hands holding my arms tight as he stared me straight in the eye.

"I give you my word."

Slowly, a smile spread across my face, a new warmth growing in my chest. Not once, in hundreds of years, had Nik ever broken his word to me. We were going to be okay.

He grinned back at me once he noticed my smile, then leaned in to kiss me. I stopped him, jerking back a bit, and he gave me a concerned look.

"I love you, and I am so happy to see you again, but I'm not kissing you until you're back in your own body. I have no interest in kissing this rando you've possessed."

Nik grinned, and although it wasn't his body or his smile, I swear it looked exactly like it was supposed to.

"Fair enough. I don't think I want you kissing this 'rando' either. What do you say we get out of here, and do what needs to be done so I can get back into my body, break my curse, and kiss you properly?"

"...Not in that order, right?"

"No, not in that order."

"Then deal."

Nik smiled and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as we headed towards the door together. I had no idea what the next part of his plan was, but once I was caught up to speed, I knew we'd be putting it into action shoulder to shoulder again, and all would be right with the world.

"You know, you're a shit teacher," I mused as we headed off into the high school together. Nik shot me a look as he kept leading me towards whatever destination he had in mind.

"Do you remember much interesting information to teach children about the sixties?"

I shrugged. "No. But I could probably fake it better than you. Watergate."

"I was in Australia, Watergate was a low priority."

"I was in Greenland, so... checkmate."

He just shook his head, a smile finding its way onto his face all the same. I was the only one in the world Nik trusted endlessly, the only one who could find him in a matter of days no matter where he was in the world, and the only one who could get away with giving him shit with absolutely no repercussions. And now that I had him and my memories back, I was never letting him go.

****************

TVD/TO Masterlist: @elenavampire21

[itsclydebitches]

IT'S BEEN A DOOZY OF A DAY, FOLKS

Yeah I've got a couple asks about it lol. (Always a terrifying experience when you log onto tumblr and immediately wonder why your inbox blew up...)

Man, I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. We've spent so many months working on the semi-confident assumption that RWBY would be cancelled that on the one hand I can't feel very shocked about this. On the other hand there's definitely a wide-eyed part of my brain going, "Holy shit the 'RT is failing' theories finally came true O_O" I'm kinda devastated that a company that's been a part of my life for almost a decade (and for other fans far longer) is just up and gone, but simultaneously I don't care because what I loved about RT hasn't existed for some time now. We've already been dealing with that nostlgia for years, we just got a hell of a concentrated dose of it today. There's admittedly some level of vindication regarding those who've been pulling shit in the company for so long and empathy for those who were just getting by and are now suddenly out of a job. There's regret that (despite my tendency to fall VERY behind on projects. RIP I owe everyone in this fandom a massive apology) I'll probably never have an official end to my RWBY Recaps. And there's worry about how this will impact the fandom...

Yeah, not to jump on the pessimism train, but I feel like this is going to catapult some fans' misreadings into new territory. RWBY is now forever the show that was canonically unfinished and thus its perfection is assured. Think there are major issues in Volume 9 and earlier? Nah, that's setup for Volumes we just never got. Catch a contradition or other mistake? They would have explained that if they could. Any possible issues with the show if it gets picked up by someone else? Well, of course there are issues, RT isn't writing it! This was already a fandom where having accurate, nuanced discussions about the text was hard as hell... but it just got so much worse.

Honestly, I say let it go. If they're going to do anything I'd prefer a complete reboot/reworking so that this story might stand a chance. Airing new RWBY Volumes was already beating a dead horse. Resurrecting the horse to start beating it anew just feels ridiculous. Yes, I'm sad for those fans who wanted an official ending, but we've spent so much time waiting on RWBY, being worried about RWBY's future, and I personally have encounted so many shows lately whose finales soured my enjoyment that there's something reassuring in the combination of definitive ambuguity here: you know you're not getting an ending by RT, so just have fun imagining your own.

Overall, I feel like I've got to sit with this for a while, you know? I totally get why so many fans (partiuclarly RWDE fans) are celebrating and/or releasing a sigh of relief right now. I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen any crabs yet lol. But maybe it's just because I'm "old" my tumblr's standards, but there's something undeniably sad about losing that part of your fandom life. Or at least, losing what led to/represents that life. Getting introduced to RWBY by a friend, binging it for the first time, pulling new people in, finding like-minded friends here on tumblr, analyzing it for thousands of words, tracing its history and watching how radically it has changed... that's gone now. Not actually because RWBY still exists, as do my friends, and there's nothing stopping me from writing as much fic/meta as I want, but it still feels like someone closed a door on that part of my life. That's not wholly a bad thing given what RT has been lately, but I do think it'll take more than one post for me to unpack it all.

[ppeonppeonhan]

Dead Friends Forever Q&A-Style Review

I listen to a movie podcast called The Rewatchables, and they have interesting categories that I want to examine this series through.

Most rewatchable scene: It has to be the last one, because we've been talking about it nonstop since it aired. Plus, it lives in my head, rent-free, like Non is haunting me. Like WE failed him. 😱

But since I'm a BL girlie, who loves a well-crafted sex scene, I also have to include both of Phee and Jin's high-heat moments when Phee's trying to seduce him on the balcony and when they have rough sex in Jin's room. I'm not gonna lie: That was some king shit on Ta's end.

Best quote: "No one could leave this abandoned house — not even one." Come on! It foretold the surreal ending and fulfilled the victim's wishes. Gold.

What aged the best? The way that even the bullies perceived teacher Keng as a groomer, who took advantage of a desperate child — that will most definitely make that subplot still bearable even a decade from now.

What's aged the worst? The unaliving and SA montage in the finale that some have said was insensitive/irresponsible to have included. It was like trigger after trigger after trigger — practically a machine gun of traumatic scenes. The fandom could sincerely organize a class action lawsuit against the writer and director for them to pay for our therapy bills.

Scene-stealing location: The lake. Such a beautiful setting for romance, betrayal, and revenge. 😈

Best shot: Definitely the one of Tan from above when he's successfully drugged all of his victims. Iconic.

Are we sure this person is good at their job? Tee's uncle. The fact that he has so much riding on two teenagers is ridiculous. He didn't just start being a con man / mob boss that week. How does he not have a more stable criminal infrastructure at this point?

Best use of food and drink: Obviously, Tan spiking the beverages, knowing it would be the easiest way to poison everyone.

Was there a better title? Absolutely not. The play on the phrase "Best Friends Forever," an archaic term popularized in the '90s that puts way too much pressure on kids to find their kindred spirit and hold on to them through adolescence and adulthood, was inspired. It truly encompassed the impossibility of it all. There are just so many obstacles ahead of you, like peer pressure, family obligations, love triangles, bullying, ego, insecurity, and cowardice, that it's a lofty promise to make when you've barely finished puberty. Plus, it kind of hints at the ending...

Overacting award: Some could argue Barcode, but part of his performance was meant to be surreal, because it was in the dream state. I, personally, vote Jet (Top). Sometimes I felt like his character was in an entirely different, far more slapstick genre.

The "That Guy" Award: This category is for the actor/famous person you see all the time, but don't know the name of. I noticed a lot of people were excited to see Perth, so I "saw him all the time" on my feed. When I Googled him, that's when I learned that he was on a reality show with other Be On Cloud stars. 

Scene-Stealer (with very few scenes): Honestly, whichever extra/stunt double they had wearing that mask, freaking us out. The most memorable of which was when its creepy hand groped Tee.

Recasting couch:

I think Nanon (Bad Buddy) could've been interesting as the tormented Tan, because we would've bought his innocence longer.

It could've added to the mystery if we had the BL twins, AJ and JJ, confuse the narrative. 

I would watch Neo in almost anything at this point, and he could've played the morally conflicted Tee as he showcased those skills already in Only Friends.

A younger Mark (Last Twilight) would've fit so well into this cast. He plays lost and guilty quite well.

Picking Nits: This category is for pointing out things that just don't add up.

Why didn't Phee's cop dad have more questions about his son's behavior and activities after he saw who his son was involved with?

What teenager is fine going somewhere that has no wifi or reception? Even I wouldn't do that and I've had wifi as long as these characters have been alive.

Why was Non, a teenager, being medicated for mental health issues, but not being monitored by a mental health professional?

If Tee's uncle didn't want to be at a loss if Non died unexpectedly, then why didn't he let him get his wounds treated and get some rest? Unless the plan was always to harvest his organs, which would still have merited rest. Nobody wants shitty organs.

Unanswerable Questions

If Jin and Phee survived, would they have got back together?

If Non were alive, would Phee have ditched Jin?

What did they do with Non's body?

And, of course, after succeeding: Does Tan recover from his grief and move on with his life? Does he successfully escape arrest? Does he leave behind evidence of what the boys did to his family to further persecute them in death? Is his revenge plot really over...?

That was fun! Tag me if you answer the same Qs.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Hiii you don't have to answer this ask at all. I just wanted to send you a thank you note to tell you that I really appreciate you and admire the love you have for eruri. I left the fandom back when it was revealed that Erwin had died (oh the heartbreak 🤧). Very recently, I picked up aot again because I heard the Very Last Episode was coming out soon. I've been dipping my toes back into the fandom, and I was so incredibly happy to see that you were still around and that your love for eruri was still strong. I got to catch up with a lot of stuff regarding eruri (official media, fanart, fanfic, fandom/anon takes on Certain Events through the years, etc) thanks to your blog! Thank you for all your hard work! And I'm sorry that you receive hate/weird anon takes. It must be tiring to go through all the unnecessary 💩 asks that are taking up space in your inbox. Ummm so what I wanted to say is: your blog and your fics are truly a god send to eruris everywhere!🤣 Thank you for putting your heart and time into this blog! I hope the hate comments don't wear you down too much.🥺 You are a wonderful person and haters just hate to see you thriving and living your best life.🙄 THANKS AGAIN 🥰💋❤️

Hi Anon, thank you sooo much for your lovely message. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. You're very kind. I wanted to reply to your ask, firstly to thank you, and secondly to say that this right here is my experience of the Eruri fandom and this is why I'm still here after all these years.

I know that the vast majority of the Anon hate in my inbox, and in the fandom more generally, comes from a vanishingly small number of individuals, who are very much the exception rather than the rule. The vast majority of Eruri fans that I've encountered in the last 8 years have been the most amazing, creative and generous people you could ever wish to meet. The Eruri fandom isn't huge by any measure but the quality and creativity of the art and fic is rightly well known. Eruri fans have produced amazingly professional zines that would be the envy of much larger fandoms, and have come together time and time again to raise thousands of dollars for important causes such as medical relief for Palestine and Ukraine.

On a more personal level, I've been humbled by the generosity of Eruri fans, by the fic, art, friendship and support they've shared with me. I've met so many amazing people from all walks of life and corners of the globe. Some have been my best friends for almost a decade now. We've travelled the world, crossed oceans to spend time together, and shared so many incredible experiences and memories. Whenever I get hate or death threats in my inbox, it doesn't phase me, it just makes me feel a bit sad for the people sending it because their lives must be very empty indeed.

So thank you Anon, YOU are the reason I'm still here, you and the many Eruri fans like you who it's been a joy to share this amazing fandom with over the last 8 years 💕

[zuzsenpai]

personal post

I met a friend for lunch yesterday who I hadn't seen in maybe 7 or 8 years. We've known each other for almost 30 years at this point, but for the last decade our conversations have largely been through birthday and Christmas texts. I went to school with her from kindergarten through eighth grade, our families were close, and she was a really good friend. But we had very few things in common as we became teenagers and eventually adults. She was a cheerleader and very classically "boy crazy", while I was a HUGE fandom nerd who was too awkward and nervous to even think about dating (still am, lets be real). She eventually became a very stereotypical "sorority girl" and I became a uhhhh bigger fandom nerd. But she always appreciated me as a friend because she claimed I was the "least fake and most genuine" person in her life. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding back in 2014, and since then she moved 90 mins away while I stayed in our home town. She became a social worker for a veterans hospital and I became a video editor/animator for a health care network. Our parents have stayed friends and see each other a lot more than we do tbh, and like I said, we became "2-3 texts per year friends". None of this background info is super relevant to what I'm about to say, but whatever. I said it anyway.

So yesterday we spent about 3 hours catching up. It was nice to see her, but a bit difficult. Because everything she caught me up on was one negative thing after another, one medical issue or work stressor or aging parent issue after another. She bombarded me with details on how every week at work is worse than the next. That she can barely handle the stress. That work stress is what's caused her to fail to get pregnant for the 5 years she's been trying, and now she's at the age where a pregnancy would be geriatric. That she can't do IVF because she has a severe anesthesia phobia. That her parents are dying and her husband's parents are dying and every vacation she tries to go on gets screwed up somehow. Even the tiniest little thing like "oh let me see a picture of your cat", turned into complaining about the cat's medical problems. I know life can be VERY shitty, especially for millennials, but what she said really got to me.

I absorbed the negative vibes and responded with complaints about my life/medical issues/work/relationships/parents as well. And soon I came to the realization that there's nothing good going on in my life either. Or at least nothing she would understand. Things like "I'm replaying a game I love because I want to write fanfic" or "I'm slowly pulling together a new cosplay".... those are things that I would consider positive in my life, but they felt like they weren't worth mentioning. But you know... maybe I should have mentioned them. Because she probably went home thinking the same thing about me-- that I'm a negative person and my life is shit.

During our entire 3 hour conversation, neither of us laughed once, and that really struck me. I spiraled a bit after I went home. It made me realize I need to be more positive, because I really don't want to lose the friends I talk to and see more regularly. Obviously I can't ignore the shitty things going on in my life, but I think it's important for me to say to myself that I'm doing alright sometimes. That something made me happy or something in the future will make me happy. I can't turn into my mom who, whenever she talks to any friend or relative in her life, only talks about her medical problems or other people's medical problems.

I had a rough year, not gonna lie. I broke up with my boyfriend. Then I had the most severe mental health crisis of my life. Then I had a breast cancer scare and lumpectomy. Then Zuko got sick and I started to have burnout/depression spiral/massive uptick in anxiety. Then work got too difficult to handle. Meanwhile I've been struggling with constant exhaustion, increased body image issues, loneliness, bad social anxiety, and the process of re-evaluating my life with the "I probably have autism" lens.

But I can't let this year define me. I can't let negativity and shitty situations define me. I can't have someone I care about think about me and say to themselves "wow she is depressing and all I know about her is that her life sucks." Because at this point? All that old childhood friend and I know about each other is that our lives suck. Literally nothing else.

I need to be more positive. Seriously.

[tinkrtailrsldrspy]

Ramblings from a Fandom Veteran

So... I've been wondering if I should openly talk about the state of fandom right now for some time...

See, while I'm not "old", I have been in this space for a very, very long time. I deleted my original blog some time ago, but I first joined Tumblr around... I want to say 2010? 2011?

Back then, it was huge! A giant space for every sect of fandom to frolic, where we thrived together! It was a bit like the wild west, no rules and only unknown ahead of us!

...I loved Tumblr back then...

I fell off Tumblr sometime in 2014, before the Purge. I was there when our beloved site was bought by Yahoo, but because nothing changed immediately, we all assumed we were free to go about our day-to-day lives without a worry.

I see that we were wrong.

See, I got busy with the real world. College and physical illness meant I had precious little time for my favorite internet hang-outs. I stopped drawing, wrote very little... It's only been in the past two years that I've had the time and energy to re-join fandom as a whole. And I was so excited to see what this new future held for me!

I... I'm almost sorry I did.

I had never heard of Pro- and Anti-Shippers.

It was an entirely foreign concept to me! After all, we were a live and let-live community, weren't we? You know, your kink is not my kink and all that? I'd seen hate in the community before, granted, but what I knew had never been this toxic!

Entire legions were gone, and what remains were only the brave, bitter survivors, desperately clinging onto what was left. I...

I didn't, and still don't, know what to say, really.

Where was the community I had grown up in? The artists and writers and just people who had coexisted for years without much issue? A decade isn't that long, right? Surely, everything I had known and loved about this world wasn't just gone, right?

When I was growing up, this place and places like it were a refuge for me. I was going through... so, so much at the time... and the people I found here helped me through it. I had friends and support from every corner of fandom, whether we shared a common interest or not.

What I see now... I truly wish I could express just how heartbroken I am that we've allowed ourselves to become this. We used to be a safe-space, where bullies could never reach...

I never thought we'd become the bullies.

[nectaric]

happy birthday, zeus !! (may 24)

in honour of ten years of zeus birthdays (and 11 years of writing him), i wanted to do a little something to celebrate all my amazing roleplay partners and talk about how important y'all have been in either a) influencing my writing, b) influencing my portrayal, or c) being a reason i want to come here and write ten years later.

as many of you know (or are about to learn), zeus has been the actual love of my life for over a decade now. he was one of the first characters i ever roleplayed, and i have stuck with him pretty consistently this whole time. i could wax poetic forever about how much he means to me, and how important writing him has been in my life, but i'll spare you all a glimpse into my crazy. just know, zeus means the world to me. and if he has gone through growth in all the time we've worked together, then so have i. i was an extremely nerdy, extremely obsessive little teenager in her basement bedroom with big dreams and now i'm married, working the job i have always wanted, with a beautiful dog and big plans. it feels kinda crazy that i get to share so much of that with all of you.

and so many of you amazing people have been apart of that journey or have just joined and are giving me reasons to keep writing!

it wouldn't be right if i didn't start off with @ichoric. accepting me into your little roleplay group almost 11 years ago literally changed the trajectory of my life. you are literally one of my best friends in the entire world - we have seen each other grow through so much, have been there for each other through good shit and the bad. not only have you seriously influenced me as a writer through all of our shenanigans (drowning hazel, titans 2, scary ares, the time we sat next to each other on my couch and roleplayed the entire aphrares wedding for hours), but you have genuinely influenced me as a person. forget how much i love your portrayals, and the depth and creativity you pour into them, so much life and love and intensity that is a delight to behold - but so much of becoming who i am now has been with you at my side and i love you so much i'm lowkey crying as i type this. thank you for 10 + great years and i can't wait for more!

@kissofthemuses amber, i think getting to write zeus / hera with you permanently altered my brain chemistry. its crazy to think about just how long we've actually known each other -- but getting to see everything you get up to, all your cosplaying and adventures, has been a gift <3 not only do i feel like i have become a more mature individual thanks to being taken under your wing a little, but i also feel as though my zeus has fundamentally changed because of your portrayal and that's so powerful.

@pistolslinger nat maybe i'm just an emotional goober but you have always been such a beacon of light on my dash, long before you went off and became a crow. writing with you has always been so wonderful and enriching and i just know i can count on your for a laugh or heartbreak or general tomfoolery. never mind that you're so kind and open to everyone you seem to come across, but you're also really talented??? in so many ways???? i still think about our jason n zeus superhero au sometimes. incredible, thank you <3

@stygicniron talk about an og!!! hilary, we have been writing together for so long and every interaction is an absolute gem. you and i have been in the trenches of this fandom and somehow come out the other side relatively unscathed and i know part of that is how kind and wonderful and creative you are, but also because of how talented and solid your portrayal of nico is. i have seen few people have as good of a grasp on a character as you and its always an absolute joy to get to write anything with you. thank you for coming on this journey with me!!

@littleblackqrow khristle, you have been such a constant in my online life for years its genuinely difficult to remember a time before we followed each other and wrote together. the fact that i get to write with you despite fandom changes (because you have impeccable taste) is really so awesome and i've just really loved getting to write with you, talk with you ooc, and just experience being your rp partner for so long. between apollo, qrow, and grif, we've written so many heartwrenching and hilarious things, and i'm just super grateful you've been here !

@rheaeaseandflow marie i think you are one of the people i have been writing with the longest and don't think that goes unnoticed! your rhea is incredible and has honestly helped me to form so many important headcanons and opinions about my own characters that i think is so significant. you have always been this kind, warm, welcoming presence who i always look forward to writing with, and when i think about the "early days" of zeus i often think of you!

@singofus apis i literally cannot imagine this little corner of the rp world without you. i think greek myth and you are one of the first people who comes to mind. i remember when you and i both wrote significantly less muses on different blogs, but now we're here with our hoard, and our beautiful little headcanons we're still getting to develop, and its genuinely made my time here so much more enjoyable! you're so creative and thoughtful and you have seriously influenced so many of my portrayals i wouldn't even know where to start. here's to a lot more writing, and a lot more time well spent!

@asoulunbound krys!!! greek myth without you is like a pb&j without the pb. you occupy such an important space in this community and also just. in my world and i genuinely appreciate how much thought you put into your muses and the generosity you show to others. not to mention, the fact that you and i engage in very similar niche communities makes me feel so much more connected to you and i enjoy getting to write with you and see you on my dash so much !

@seekesotsibteadmist kyrian if there was an award for most supportive roleplayer ever it would be you. i feel so seen by you and you're so encouraging no matter what the circumstances are. i love getting to write with you (honestly, i could be better about it) because i can just feel the love and creativity you throw into S. i always enjoy getting an ask from you or seeing your ic posts and i am so grateful to have you in my little world, so thank you.

@seaprofound another day, another og !! gods sunny i feel like we have known each other for decades at this point - i think of this rpc, and i think about you and the constant beacon of sunshine (pun intended) you have always been. the absolute depth of your devotion to poseida is astounding and your love and care for the people around you is an example i think a lot of us could learn from. thank you for being so authentic and kind and creative and a part of my life for so long!!!

@stolenbythegods beth i know we don't write as much together these days but i will genuinely never forget you or ganymede or how much fun we have had writing together. you are so talented and sweet and i adore your ganymede with everything i have. your portrayal has altered the way i view not only zeus and gany's relationship, but also how i view zeus, and that's a really big achievement in my books. i miss you, and i'm so grateful for you!

@kallistcs unni aside from the level of sheer talent you possess and the care and detail you pour into your portrayals (which i appreciate so much my heart is FULL), you have also always been the one who swoops in and saves my day. i feel like i can always count on you to be the voice of reason to my emotionally driven, passionate rants about vague myth concepts with your frankly impressive knowledge of myth that i both admire and envy (fondly <3). i love having you around and i genuinely enjoy our threads so much i look forward to getting to write them every time i log on (even if i am Slow)

@saccharic MY SON !!! giuli. i'm not even going to talk about writing because you are talented and ily and i enjoy it but that's not what matters here. i remember when you were abt 14 and i have gotten the joy of watching you grow and become so so so successful and such a wonderful little lady and i could not be more of a proud dad. i feel like this is such a rare gift and i cherish it, i really do

this is a shoutout to others who have been a constant on my dash and who have contributed significantly to how much i enjoy being here. you're all wonderful, and talented, and i'm absolutely grateful to have you around <3

@appleyed @eriny3s @eileithyiia @anthcs @tragillary @ofprevioustimes @reastless @deadshe @luxcruor @thecs @withinycu

and to those of you who i haven't written with much yet, but who i genuinely look forward to writing more with! thank you for following me and letting me invade your space <3

@caeloservare @candlewick-corporation @aestasrosis @sunguns @hxntresses @unseenking @allbains @kuokuana @eiiskonigin @noirbeast

[oatflatwhite]

I'm just getting emotional about how some of the closest friends i've made on here were from the hbo war fandom and we've known each other almost a decade now because of these 10 hour ww2 miniseries and now the show we've been waiting for that whole decade is finally here and i'm still friends with so many of u and i love u all and 🥺🥺 that's all 🥺🥺

[thelonesomequeen]

Here is a master post of some of your asks. A lot of you had commentary to add after the newest DM podcast and I did get to some asks, but I wanted to make a space to post all opinions that we received. Below are anon submissions, not the commentary from moderators of this blog.

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I have a hard time believing the narrative of his family not liking her but inviting her to all the family events, parties and more./ Anon is forgetting is that in some of those events, Chris was probably the one paying the bill. So she will go and they will say nothing.

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How is Chris rushing to get married? They've been together long enough that I wouldn't call this rushing. I hope it all works out for him. My husband and I had people we were close to doubt our marriage, and it sucked. Every time we've hit a rough patch, I've wondered about the "I told you so's" we would get if it all fell apart. But we're still together almost two decades later, and counseling has been really helpful for both of us and the marriage. So, I say good luck to Chris and Alba. I wish them the best. I wouldn't want them to have to go through the pain of a divorce.

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Man I don’t get this. Even if he is rushing to get married, why are y’all acting like he doesn’t know what he���s doing. He’s a 40 year old man, i’m sure he’s not forcing himself to get married just to be a husband. And i’m sure he’ll get a pre-nup because he hasn’t been in the industry for 20+ years and built up a career by being an idiot. They way some of y’all infantilize him is just insane. I don’t even care for Alba but y’all are acting like she hasn’t had multiple opportunities to use him for money. She could’ve easily gotten pregnant and gotten child support if she wanted instead of living in bumfuck Massachusetts for a year and going through a whole possible marriage. You know how much hate she would get if she divorced him and took his money. Even the five Chris fans who like her now are gonna hate her even more. There are valid reasons to dislike her, but this one just doesn’t stick.

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Ok so if some people in this fandom are gonna believe that his family doesn’t like her, they will have believe that they’re engaged to be married right? Or are they gonna pick and choose the info to believe that best fits their theories.

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I don’t know I just find it hard to believe what dm said about his family. Some of them might not love her but maybe to tolerate her instead of outright dislike. But still I have doubts because he’s so close with his family especially his mother. Plus his best friend of several years seems to like her too. I just don’t think he’ll marry someone when his family doesn’t like her. This also reminds me a lot of what someone said during the Jenny days that his mom didn’t like her either.

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Who in this fandom is happy about the current state of things? Literally no one.// please don’t speak so broadly for everyone! I for one am okay with the relationship (I don’t think Alba is problematic at all- her friends are a different matter), I am very happy he found love and wish them both the best. The only current “state of things” I am unhappy about is the way some parts of the fandom is behaving: the hateful nicknames, the internalized misogyny, the hate based lies, the xenophobia.😞😒

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So why is he marrying her if his family don’t approve?/// My apologies for the light snark but: are you kidding?! You have to be joking?! Irrelevant of his reasons, so what if his family MAYBE doesn’t approve, it’s his life not theirs! Do you live your life based on your family approval over any decisions? College? Career? Love interest?- if you do I feel deeply sad for you. You live your life for you; family advice can be taken into consideration but not dictating it. & He’s online that’s why!

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cause she was 21/22 when he followed her, right? 😬 yikes)// she was 23, and he followed a bunch of other actresses all working for Netflix too, so it’s clear as day the follow wasn’t romantic but likely work related, and likely and unintentionally it eventually turned romantic. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants 🤷‍♀️ we don’t have control over who we fall in love with, they’re both legal, she was in her mid 20 she’s old enough. Plenty of high age difference marriage in Hollywood.

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Okay so it seems as though (to me) he’s rushing to get married // rushing? How is dating someone for over a year and being engaged for nearly a year, getting married after being together for over 2 years is a “rushing”?! That’s the standard timeline for many couples I have ever met. They say you know within the first 6 months it you’re in love and if this is the person for you.. sounds to me he knew and acted upon it. Rushing would be if they eloped within a week or even 5 months, that’s rushing

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I think it could be the rushing into it, but he very obviously wants kids and it's always risky to have kids with a partner that potentially will live overseas if the marriage ends. I hope he is at least thinking about that. I mean Chris has money she doesn't, but custody could turn ugly. I would definitely be worried about that if I was a family member.

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For what we know he was seeing/hooking up with other girls before Alba so if that Taxi cab theory was the case why Alba and not the rest?

Also someone that desperate wouldn’t wait 2 years to get married and have kids I don’t know just my two cents 🤷🏼‍♀️

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I don't think there may be issues if she decides to stay home and put her career on hold to have children or just follow him around, like she seems to be doing now. The age difference, expectations in life, cultural difference will enter sooner or later. I don't see this lasting.

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But…I give it a handful of years maybe? I think it’ll get to a point where the age difference isn’t an issue now, but I think it will be eventually

I think he very much wants kids so I can absolutely see them having one or two, staying together to try and make stuff work for them but eventually divorcing. That’s not really saying much considering divorce isn’t exactly uncommon these days.

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Real or not, I agree that it is likely his family is a bit disappointed in his choice. Maybe not Scott, but his mom and sisters seem pretty down to earth and grounded. I doubt they would approve of the age gap or the character of who he chose. After waiting for so long, it is sad to see who he finally picked.

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That man loves his family and I don’t think he will marry anyone that they don’t approve of imo

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Watching them fixating on the part that some of his family members “don’t like her”

[yukikorogashi]

me trying to form words in my pudding mess of a brain rn more like call the heckin police and turn me in... bUT THAT BEING SAID. 2023's ending so it's time to scream !!!

hooboyyyyy where does one even start with becky ??? do i go back to when we first met what felt like decades ago? :0c perhaps i go back to when we were born, yea? EITHER WAY, from the day the world was blessed with your presence, it's been an EXCEPTIONALLY better place, and any of us who get to call you a friend (or even just an acquaintance) are so so sooooooo so so lucky! u.u i will never not be absolutely floored by the fact that i know someone so sweet and so selfless who i get to call a bestie and rely on for so many things... what did i do to deserve you ??? heck if i friggin know, man <3 all i do know is that i'm so grateful that i know you, and it forever means the entire world to me that you forgive my transgressions and continue to support me throughout all of my disasters; thank you

not only that, but you're one of my fave writing partners eternally !! <3 we've discussed this so many times, but i'm just so stoked that we can literally take ANY muses from ANY fandom and throw them together; doesn't matter who they are or how the interaction will work. we make it work !!! and EVERY single time, the dynamic is so incredible and always immediately full of depth that can be difficult to establish without the amount of dedication we put into it ;w; you are so insanely creative and talented, becky, and all of us who get to witness that are the lucky ones here <3 i'm always just squeaking and screeching on my end when i see anything from you on the dash; writing, art, headcanons, ooc posts... you bring such a liveliness and cheer, and i can't thank you enough for brightening my life!!!

i hope you have a fantastic end to 2023, and here's to 2024 treating you right <3

2023 is almost over!

With the final month of the year here, it’s your chance to send the mun or muse something you’ve wanted to tell them! Whether you haven’t had the chance to or you’ve been too shy, now’s the time to say what you feel, and don’t hold back!

Dang gir, if this is you struggling with words, then I can't wait to be further blown away when seeing you at your top game AUEHUAW!!!

BUT OKAY... OH LORD ALMIGHTY... HERE WE GO... OH WOW WHEE...

Not to be a broken record if not that stubborn returning tennis swerve, but DAMN-- where do I even start when it comes to the magnificence that is my bestie Sammy??? The day we met was truly the beginning of the one of the bestest things that could have ever happened to me. As one of the most gosh darn amazing human being on this very planet was going to end up being such a dear friend of mine. A friend whom I would readily defend with a shovel in hand, if ANYONE does her wrong in anyway! And to be loved so dearly and supported by her too is just... I'm just so lucky tbh. 😔 It's so funny how we both remain so floor and are constantly going "What did we do to deserve them???" @ one another, because lord knows I STILL keep wondering this myself. I just know that I likely did something right, to be blessed like this. 8^)

And, Sammy... you are a treasure... one of the most precious beings in the whole wide world to me... ;; For any rocky roads that we may end up needing to drive through... it's always worth it when we both fight to make it to the end together (... Gdi, I hope that actually made sense, ROFL!!! B-But I think you know what I mean, bestie!!! 😭 You have always been fantastic at deciphering my caveman talk too so AUWEHUAW!!!) And of course I will always support you and all the amazing things that you so generously bring to the table!!! Ya know I'm one of your biggest fans-- and heck, it's not like I'm sneakily fighting in the background with a few others over that number one fan spot so... 🤫

And oh gosh, no matter how many times you say that, catch me here with a hand over my heart! 😭❤️ You know YOU are one of my most favourite of writing partners (LIKE DUH!!!), forever and always! You are one of the most fun beans to scream to about anything, and truly-- the fact that we can take any muses from any fandom and throw them together like THAT really just shows how incredibly well we work together??? And honestly, I can't thank you enough, for always being such a wonderful plotting and writing buddy. Again, I really am one of the lucky ones, though. To work so well with honestly? One of the most talented dang writers I ever have the honour of knowing!!! You are always so fun to talk to about absolutely anything, and how enthusiastic you always are about anything I gotta share always means the world to me. And again, I hope I am able to return that all in some way and properly express how much I truly appreciate you! ;u; ❤️

Hey, I can't thank you enough for just being you, Sammy. For being such a constant blessing in my life over these years. Honestly, I'm just left speechless every time I take a step back to just look at the entirety of this beautiful friendship I have with you. I'm so lucky to know you, we are all so lucky to know you... I love you, gir. ❤️

Have a fantastic year end yourself, bestie! Thank you so much for taking the time to send this like homg-- And well, catch me here already looking forward to spending another year with you!!! Just holds your hands now!!! 😔❤️

@magnifiico ❤️💕

[icemankazansky]

🕯️

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Well, I mean, the answer to that is yes. I don't want to give a non-answer to this question, but a lot of stories are hard in a lot of different ways, and a lot of them go their own way. As a writer, I rarely plan ahead much; I don't make outlines, and while I have a general idea of the shape of most stories when I begin writing them, the writing process for me and the way the story becomes is very fluid. I've spoken before about certain challenge stories that were written from requests that made me uncomfortable and that I knew would have to go someplace I didn't want to spend time, but I think honestly the stories that I have struggled with the most in both these ways are stories I have been working on for a long time but have not been able to finish. I've been working on the Top Gun Age of Sail AU for over a decade, and it's not finished, and I don't know that it ever will be. I really want to finish Vox, but it's been almost a year, and I still don't really, fully understand the shape of it and how it has to be built from here, and it's incredibly frustrating.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

The social aspect of fandom is absolutely crucial. I mean, I love fanfiction, reading and writing it both, and creating art and gifs and other things from the media I love, and seeing the art and gifs and things other people create ... but honestly, if I was experiencing all of that in a vacuum, I think it would not be nearly as engaging or rewarding an experience as it is. I have friends I have met through fandom who are among the best friends I've ever had, people I've known for decades and are still there, still ride or die, still make me so happy every time I see their name on a post or a text message. A couple years ago, I attended the wedding reception of one of a girl I met when she left a comment on a fic I wrote. She is one of my dearest friends, and I've known her for ... shit, like 15 years now. We talk often. I know I can count on her if I need anything. She's slept on my couch and we've been to the ocean and to hug baby goats and shopping for leather goods and to eat catfish and hush puppies. When I found a lump in my breast, I called a dear friend I have known for 20-some years and met when I left a comment on a story she wrote. I was there for her when she had breast cancer, and when I was afraid I did, too, she checked in on me and reassured me and told me what to expect, and texted back and forth with me the entire time I was at the imaging center. I have movie night every week with a friend I have known for 20-some years; we have been each other's dedicated beta readers not just on fanfiction but on anything we've written for over a decade. She's in The Kilmer Cure. She is the person I usually turn to when I'm having serious mental health issues, because she has bipolar disorder, too, and she understands. We're planning to get tattoos together.

And even people I haven't known as long ... sometimes they're the only real social interaction I have all day, because I am chronically ill and I am mentally ill and because I am an introvert and all the other reasons it's so hard to get together with people in real life often when you're an adult. And speaking to them, about fandom, about anything, is a huge source of enrichment and comfort and joy to me. And I am not a social person. I do have social anxiety. (Although it's gotten better as I've gotten older and as I've gotten treatment for PTSD, which affects that way more than I thought it did.) But I think one of the great things about fandom relationships via the internet is that you can do things at your own pace. You're not on the spot. If you don't have the spoons for interaction one day, you don't have to reply to that comment right now. You can do it tomorrow. You can watch the conversation in Discord, but you don't have to join in if you're not up to it. And everyone's in different time zones and on different schedules, so everyone's kind of just coming in and participating how and when they can.

[dopemixtape]

When your friend sends you a song because it gives her Lucy/Wyatt feels even though she doesn’t even go here yet!

I’mma wear you down, @livinginrhythm!

[vero-niche]

10th tumblr birthday post wahoo

so i wanted to make a post for the 10th anniversary of me joining yknow... thats like a big and round number... it's still november 16th for me here so just in time haha

trivia night and thank you speeches under the cut, got a bit lenghty lmao

🎈 some fun facts i totally did not gather just now from my archive:

i didnt make an introduction post - i just got right into reblogging, i was on that Grind from day 1 babeyyyy

for anyone wondering, although it pains to admit but my first url was i-cant-without-wholock. yea

my first original post was a venting post about my friend ditching meeting me. yikies!

as of right now, i have 148,958 posts! fucking hell!!!

and 945 followers. mwah to you all

although these are no longer done, i remember the "follow forever" days, so im gonna highlight some followers/mutuals based on stats and my memory (i apologize in advance)

🎆 last month's highest note-givers:

@vestaldestroyer, datoneace (whom i can't tag lol) i see you in my notes. i am handing you a delicious cupcake 🧁

sipral, wise-emperor, please proceed to below hehe

🎇 runner-ups whom i see daily as well:

@atrevir - i'll still let you know if i ever get to ireland btw, im giving you a fortune cookie as a token of that promise 🥠

@thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname - you became the 4th in the weekly notes view which is especially an achievement considering you started following me 6 days ago. mobestie, what else could i offer if not a broccoli in these trying times 🥦

@pastel-moth-boi @imsickenedbutcurious i see you i love you have some sweets please🧇🍩

🎊 people with godlike patience, or, the veteran mutuals:

@comettailwanderer - congratulations, you are the no. 1 still active blog that has been following me for the longest time (4th oldest overall)! im giving you an entire rollercoaster, which is what i imagine these 10 years must have felt like for you 🎢 💛

@wise-emperor - the title of the longest still active mutual goes to you bestie, 9 years and still going strong as hell, guess we never miss 💞🥂

@autumnbois - 6 years and the wildest fandom related life story i ever heard - i hope you are keeping safe, ilysm you are doing gods work 🌈🥧

@sipral - not 100% sure if you've only been following for 1 year, but mutuals we've been for that long - feels much longer!!! while i press a proper reply out of myself, please receive these earthly goods from me, love you 5ever 🍹🍰

i apologize if i left out anybody - the mutuals i know from irl, i didn't want to "expose" you but if for some reason you got this far, next coffee's on me ☕🍫

it is almost 11pm now so im gonna hit post now, lest i run out of the date itself 😅 thank you everyone who made tumblr worth spending a decade on 💕💖💝💘