#we're more aware of problems and pain and being like 'hey this isn't right'

[loverboybrightsideghost]

god i love being a musician

[2n2n]

(Hey do you know if hanako kun seal come off, the entire world will fall in disrray..... * that was close-!!* *heart thumping*)

If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your opinion on this?

It's primarily just a joke because Aida-sensei messed up and didn't include the seal on a random drawing suddenly... but I do think it's worth looking at the joke itself. Rather than imagining a Hanako saying "I'M FREE!!" or "nyahahaha", AidaIro-sensei imagine him desperate to secure it back onto his face... we can think of that as something! The gag drawing could be Kou trying to force it back on or idk, Hanako doing something silly without limits, but it's Hanako scared it came off. We can just take the silly drawing as a statement of: Hanako's desperate to keep that thang on. What does it mean to be a dog desperate to stay chained?

I do think Hanako's seal is important to him, and something he seems to want to keep. I often say it but-- I imagine Nene-chan could probably just peel it using her powers, right? But he never asks her to, and he never alludes to his seal as some sort of pain, or problem, or annoyance. There is no underhanded goal to get it off. He doesn't joke about it; he acts as if it is entirely not there and not a concern for anyone, despite it being so plain and obvious. Nene-chan seemingly hasn't worried about it ever since Kou's vague explanation, and Hanako isn't interested in doing any correcting or expositing. He isn't defensive about it, or self-pitying.

I think the seal represents repression, "holding back". Nothing could be more important to Hanako than repression, amirite? I think it's an important memory, whatever occurred, that he doesn't want to lose as a reference point. Because the Minamoto family were aware of the Red House, and their grandma forbade them from ever nearing it, and at some point, also sealed Hanako, we can assume the sealing of Hanako may have touched upon a lot of sensitivities.

Hanako is a person who deflects everything. He is cryptic, obtuse, he jokes and handwaves things, he lies. He's always compromising, or trying to run away. He'll only tell Nene-chan his wish when he believes he will never see her again. He seems afraid of leaning into his own feelings. He won't say anything out loud, not until pushed to the limit, and even then, he doesn't cede much. He is a person who surely feels it would be bad if he did all he wanted, or told the truth. Perhaps the truth is ugly, or what he wants is terrifying.

As Yako talks about "going berserk", Hanako touches his seal. He seems uncomfortable with the notion "you're still you; you don't become somebody else".

Perhaps for Hanako, it would be convenient to believe you become somebody else, or are fundamentally altered. Perhaps he would like to not have to owe all of his actions to only himself, his nature. It would be more convenient to be infected with something external that makes you behave badly, than simply have your heart speak out in its natural tongue.

(by the way, this is why I don't personally like drawing a distinction between 'Amane' and 'Hanako', and I think it is drinking the kool-aid to argue their difference. I do not think the manga's message would be "well, you're different!" versus the FAR more potent message of "you're still you, no matter what", especially when we're arguing about the personhood or authenticity of people like Tsukasa and Mitsuba. We shouldn't be calling anybody 'fake' or 'gone', and we shouldn't really be calling damaged people 'irreparably altered and lost'. Surely, we should accept and love all of somebody, and see them as themselves, at their best, or at their worst. Lost, confused, fractured-- Hanako and Amane have the same heart, and it is miserably in love.)

As humans, it's relatable. We'd often like to imagine it's not our own fault, or not our nature when we react to something. We like to think of some people as "bringing out something bad" in us, or influencing us, changing us, to become bad-- due to THEIR nature, not OURS. We don't like to take ownership of who we are. It's a complicated notion for Hanako, who both wants to be held accountable and given credit for the choices Amane made.....

.... and struggles with full ownership of his selves, his past, his present, his future. Or perhaps he struggles with the continuity of his existence? Those fragmented, lost, altered parts?

... all things his seal makes me think about.

Could Amane really become this? What Hanako is? Could Amane do all Hanako has done. I mean yes, but.... things he has to think about.

The boy behind that seal-- what did he do? What was he like? If we remove Hanako's seal, will some part of him come back-- a part he doesn't want to interface with? Is he reluctant to have access to certain power? Just how much is really behind it? It is a warping abstraction, is it an irrational sense of self-apprehension, or could it be that dramatic?

I enjoy AidaIro joking "the entire world will fall in disarray", it's like his catastrophizing is fodder for THEM to mock (I love how they bully Amane.... the normal Amane is normally useless...)

Well, whatever the case... he must be attached to the self that is sealed, the way he behaves now. He seems to prefer this for himself, but Hanako hates himself.

meanwhile sympathy for Aida-sensei who has to flipflop between sealed and unsealed boys as she draws the living and the dead boy for any random chapter or event. I cannot imagine. it's literally sf hard when drawing the boys to mind the seals.

[faithfromanewperspective]

So I am going to be asking about a character I hate right now, but it's a character that I think about frequently because of his proximity to ALL my biggest blorbos. Charles Fairchild. What brand of neurodivergent do you think he is? I have opinions, but want to see what you have to say.

I LOVE THIS QUESTION SO MUCH!!! because I get to talk about a recent interest of mine: and that's how to be properly neurodivergent affirming for all neurodivergences, especially those that are overrepresented in criminal populations and those who are also overrepresented in those who are ostracised for being seen as 'bad people' due to having and expressing non-neuronormative needs that are a result of a combination of trauma and neurobiology. and not just being able to chalk it up to the double empathy problem, either. I will say I am not an expert in this, and if there's anyone in the community reading this who thinks I've not handled it sensitively, please let me know. I like feedback, and I also like it when people say things nicely because i'm human and fragile too.

First, hate to be your stereotypical armchair diagnoser but something about Charles absolutely screams NPD. And as much as he's not a great guy I love that we actually do get to know him, we get to know not only our usual TSC boys who are bleeding with emotion and just so loveable and hungry for connection and love, but the trope that we're told exists, we see from the outside in politicians and business (usually) men (doesn't James compare Charles to one of those men with briefcases rushing about at rush hour in chain of gold?) and who never really let us in to the fact that they're human. Through Alastair's description of Charles' motivations in chain of thorns, we do actually get to know him and what drives him: fear, masked by ambition. And at this point I want to say: I don't think he has NPD because he's a dick. He just happens to be one as well, and that happens to be one of the ways it presents. It is not the only way NPD can present. Overall, in terms of NPD awareness and hey-let's-not-call-all-these-people-with-this-diagnosis-or-who-would-get-it-if-they-ever-got-help-abusers, Charles isn't the best representation. He's not the worst either; he does get sort of a redemption arc, and though we can speculate about his relationship with Alastair (and have reason to) there is very little that is canonically confirmed about it. So, at this point (and it's taken me a lot of thinking and one (1) Charles POV oneshot to get to this point) I agree with Ari that he's an interesting guy to have as a penpal, for curiosity if for nothing else.

I also think he may (?) be autistic. I've strung this together from a very obscure bunch of observations, the first being Will and Tessa's wedding where he 'had colic and wanted everyone to know' (don't mind me botching my quotations). Not saying all autistics are fussy but you know. Differing pain feeling thresholds that come with different sensory profiles. On top of that, politics is an intense and long-lasting special interest for him. I think some of it is the power, some of it is him still trying to get his mother's attention and love by imitating her even after all of these years, but also: it's a way to exist with people that gives him a more or less scripted role. He's known for quite a few social faux pas (think his engagement announcement at james and cordelia's engagement party! that can't be completely siren power mindpuppeting), he struggles with the social-emotional reciprocity thing (especially when it comes to the being vulnerable side of things and we see Alastair suffer for that), he seems to get irritable in a way that he doesn't understand nor know how to be honest about, and when he does want to say something, he just interrupts the conversation. Overall he seems to be a shitty presentation of a shitty stereotype, many shitty stereotypes in fact (that he humanises, like I've talked about). But. Before we brush off Cassie for that, it's important to have diverse representation of any kind of neurodivergence (including what we find ugly), and I find he does actually balance out james and thomas and christopher quite well. And yes. The TLH gang, more of them are autistic than not. His parents are also Charlotte and Henry and I do know how genetics works. I'd be surprised if they had a neurotypical kid.

Speaking of my absolute faves Charlotte and Henry who we do have to admit are kind of shitty parents during the time Charlotte is Consul I can kind of see how having two flaming neurodivergent kids who they had none of the resources to know how to support, one parent is disabled and one is facing the incredible pressure of being the one to break the glass ceiling of holding an INCREDIBLY stressful job with all the scrutiny that comes with Being A Woman while also kind of unofficially being her partner's caretaker and having two kids with zero time off her fulltime plus job and also has a fair bit of her own trauma in regards to Parents--I can see how the Trauma of Many Kinds resulted in this incredibly underresourced family and we have to recognise Charles is a victim of this. Especially, as we know, how neurodivergent needs are you know--different to neurotypicals--and you've got to be super attuned as a parent to understand the unique things your kid needs. We also have to recognise that growing up with him being doubtless unpredictable did a number on Matthew, six years younger and incredibly hungry for connection.

Overall, Charles is a really well put together character in my view and the way he exists in the ecosystem of generational and lateral community trauma just is really well done. He's not a great guy. I hope he gets whatever help he needs, whatever that looks like--I am kind of optimistic for him but I also Really Think It'll Take A LONG Time and it's going to be really hard for him to make genuine connections for quite a while. I think at some point Charlotte and Henry will slowly figure things out. And grieve. A lot.

[okaybooner]

[She's a little taken aback. Has this been on Boone's mind a lot? Leigh wasn't aware this was a problem, but it makes sense—after all, she likes to learn things about Boone, and it's harder to trust someone you don't know that much about. She should rectify this.]

Oh… Like what? I mean—...

[Having decided to follow up on one of Boone's questions, she quickly gathers her thoughts, tapping her feet against the floor in contemplation, and then speaks.]

Where I come from… Um. Okay. Let's see. You've never been to the Boneyard, right? There's a district of it called New Galicia, and then one part of it that's close to the harbor is called Little Kraków. And within Little Kraków, there's a neighborhood called the Shtetl. That's where I'm from.

[This might not be telling Boone much, so she explains further.]

Now, New Galicia is big on preserving pre-war identities and languages from Eastern and Southern Europe and West Asia, since a lot of people there are descended in some way. It's nice, it really is. The cultures just sort of live on. I mean, hey, one tribe I'm a part of is over six thousand years old at this point, so of course we're still around.

[Leigh then falters a bit; she was about to start really getting away from what Boone had asked her. Nevertheless, having painted a somewhat interesting picture, it follows that she ought to clarify that she never had much of a connection to the community around her; she shouldn't give Boone the wrong idea about herself being a part of something.]

I didn't get along with my family, though. Or with anyone, really, but the latter is probably just my fault. So, when I was, like, sixteen, I just packed my stuff and left. But I didn't really belong anywhere I went. You know. Well, at least being mostly solitary meant less hassle with my transition. Didn't have to catch lots of people up to speed.

[She pauses to think again. Boone probably does not want to hear about her family. In fact, she's just about in the mood to ask Boone to tell her some stories about her mom instead, but then figures it's a bad idea—Boone could have questions for her, and besides, it might be too painful of a subject, given her mom's passing away when Boone was still young. She never knows how to navigate this kind of stuff.]

[Still, mentioning her own family at all has made her feel uneasy and hesitant, like she's just done a thousand things wrong without realizing it. Silly. She's in her thirties now and barely remembers them at this point anyway.]

So. Yeah. Guess that's it.

[Of course, when Boone asks Leigh where she's from, Leigh responds by telling her where she was born, where she came from, where her family lived. Anyone would. But Boone realizes that isn't quite what she meant. Still, it's a start. And that's all she can really ask for.]

Six thousand years... damn.

[All she can ask for, after the way she guarded her own secrets, is to be in Leigh's life and to learn through these little things. Maybe coaxing this out of Leigh, demanding evidence that she's real, is robbing the miracle of its beauty. On the other hand, they're no longer just a follower and a commander. They're no longer just traveling partners. They're not even simply girlfriends, or partners, or whatever. Boone knows her. Now she wants to know what made her.]

[It occurs to Boone that Leigh would probably be mortified if she could hear this train of thought. Talk about putting a gal on a pedestal. But that's the thing - Boone isn't. She's intimately aware, more than probably anyone, that Leigh is just a woman. Leigh is human. THAT matters. Does she even know that she's given Boone faith in humanity again?]

I doubt that's it. [sigh] But ... I get it. You waited for me to tell you ... everything I told you.

[She considers that kind stubbornness again. It was infuriating, and sometimes still is. Yet when you're infuriated by someone's kindness toward you, maybe that's when you need it most.]

Can I ask another question, though? Why didn't you get along with anyone there?

[partrin]

Hey! For the love your fandom ask game: 3, 7, & 20?

hey there!!!!!! thanks for asking (i'll send some your way too). questions are from this post!

#3: a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

the first person that comes to mind is nagisa. in the series, he's portrayed as someone very cheeky, friendly and ambitious—he's always very spontaneous and quietly observant of everything, and i love that he doesn't think too deep about certain things, e.g., haru's quiet, seemingly non-emotional character (which he chalks down to haru being someone who is always "smiling inside"—such a cute, non-judgmental way to acknowledge that just because haru isn't as expressive as the others or doesn't smile often, it doesn't necessarily mean he isn't happy or doesn't care).

mischievous as he is, he's always well-intentioned (but whether or not his motives are misunderstood is a whole other box to unpack). i think i value people like nagisa in my real life, and i love seeing how the fandom portrays him in their work.

#7: your favorite tropes to read/write/draw

i love writing and reading works that come from a place of pain. it's not that i'm sadistic; it just feels more raw, relatable, validating and hopeful reading such content because all of us as people have gone through varying degrees of tough times and it's nice to know we're not alone in our suffering. solidarity in its many forms is something i will always appreciate, especially as someone who works in social services.

reading/writing about it and learning how everything is resolved through the art of storytelling (regardless of whether it has a sad, bittersweet or happy ending) helps me to reflect on my own life and that of others. it creates some sort of self-awareness that's important for my own personal growth, and it's a healthy outlet for me to express myself.

reading about your favourite characters going through problems/challenges similar to your own can be so, so empowering. as long as you tread carefully, i don't think it's unhealthy or bad to enjoy tropes revolving around angst, hurt/comfort, and other similar tropes.

#20: your very first fandom!

my first fandom wasn't even an anime-centered one—i'm no longer active in the fandom (there were some things that felt toxic and exhausting) but i used to avidly listen to 2nd gen k-pop! i was a blackjack (woooo 2ne1), vip (big bang), elf (super junior) and shawol (shinee!!!!!!!) i haven't actively been in any fandoms other than free! since like, 2018. too busy adulting, so right now, the free! fandom is my only place of solace.

thanks for asking!!! i'll send some your way as well. :-) and thank you @museaway for creating the fandom ask game. ❤️

[jokertrap-ran]

[スタオケ] La Corda d'Oro Starlight Orchestra Main Story Chapter 2-6 Translation

*Starlight Orchestra Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Main story tag will be #Main Starlight

Akira: Phew…

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⊳ Choice: That was brilliant!

Akira: Well, your Violin playing skills weren't bad either.

⊳ Choice: I was right to invite you two to join us!

Seiji: You think so? I'm glad to see that you're pleased.

Seiji: Well, I'll have to excuse myself here.

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Akira: Dunno. He's busy too, isn't he? Though, I wouldn't know much about it.

Akira: 'Sides, that song we just played went well, so it's not that much of a problem now that he's gone, is it?

Akira: He did play the Trumpet in the past too, for that matter.

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⊳ Choice: What about you, Kirigaya?

Akira: Me? Well, there was the Brass Band Club back when I was in elementary school. Akira: Then there was the Brass Band Orchestra Club in middle school who was a pain in the ass, tellin' me to clean up and put myself together a lil' more.

⊳ Choice: What of the "Yaksha of Route 6"?

Akira: Huh, you're aware of that? Oh, I s'pose Yasu was the one who told you about it. He does like to run his mouth off.

⊳ Choice: Is your middle school nearby?

Akira: Yeah. It's 10 minutes away from Joyo on foot.

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Akira: This place is like my backyard, see? I've been loitering 'round these streets ever since I was a kid.

⊳ Choice: Was Osakabe in the same middle school?

Akira: Yeah, he was.

Akira: Wouldn't it be better to ask him about it if you wanted to know more about him?

Akira: What, you tryin' to get in his good graces or somethin'? Must be hard being in your position, Concetmistress.

Akira: Well, I s'pose that's part of your job and all, but I'm sure that even you know that this is not somethin' I can help you with, yeah?

Akira: After all, we're just a bunch of "bad students" who are shunned by the school.

Akira: The way he does things is pretty insidious, and there are loads of people on my side who hold a grudge against him.

Akira: Some of my guys would rather dance a dance of death with a snake than team up with Osakabe.

Akira: But each to his own, right?

Yasu: Kirigaya-san! Trouble! Big trouble!!

Akira: Hm? What happened?

Yasu: Those guys from Oba Commercial High School who came to our school came back. And this time, with their top dog, Busujima, in tow!

Akira: Oh? They're back? Things are finally getting interesting…

Yasu: Now's not the time to be amused by things like this!

Yasu: He's a monster notoriously known as "Mito's Armoured Car"! It doesn't matter how hard we retaliate; it doesn't work at all!

Yasu: He should have been abroad to play rugby or American football, but he messed up big-time over there, so now he's back.

Yasu: Our guys are so frightened that it feels like we're all attending a wake or somethin'!

Akira: There's no helpin' you guys. So? Where's the funfair at?

Yasu: Wha- Wait! Hey! Kirigaya-san!? You're just going to walk right up to him without taking any precautions!?

Yasu: W-WAIT UP!!

Hayate: …That looks bad; as bad as it comes. Looks like it won't be possible for him to compromise with Osakabe-san.

Hayate: What? I don't hate people like Kirigaya.

Hayate: He's chivalrous enough to protect his subordinates, and even takes the initiative needed to see it through. I can understand why people are willing to follow his lead. 

Sakuya: Oh? That's unexpected. I thought you were more of the "That's against the rules. Let's crackdown on them" type.

Hayate: For students of our school, yes. First, I'll have him tuck his shirt tails, that's hanging out for the world to see, back in his pants.

Sakuya: …I'm glad Kirigaya isn't one of our school's students. Wouldn't you agree, (L/n)?

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Previous Part: (Chapter 2-5) Next Part: (Chapter 2-7)

[whateverthedragonswant]

Alright can we talk about the odd parallel-contrasts set up in this season so far when it comes to Beau and the ladies?

3x01:

Beau: "Is it weird for you that I'm friends with Cassie?"

Jenny: "Are you really friends or...?"

Beau: "Yes. Yes! Yes, we're just friends. Look, You know, we bonded over the last couple of months."

...

3x03:

Jenny: "Do you ever talk about your daughter with Cassie?"

Beau:

"Okay, I see where this is going. Let's just keep it professional, Hoyt. For now. And uh, you know, focus on the job."

Jenny: "Finally found a way to shut you up."

Beau: "Okay, no, no, no. It's not that I don't want to talk about it."

Jenny: "Uh huh."

Beau: "It's just that, you know, guys, we gotta have boundaries."

Jenny: "Uh huh. Yep. Yeah. Boundaries. Keep digging."

The funniest part of this whole scene to me is that Jenny knows Beau has talked to Cassie about Emily due to their 3x01 convo, Jenny was there for movie night when he talked to them both about Emily (as well as the 3x02 ranch scene), and Jenny mentions him possibly going back to Houston before she asks this. Either to take the opportunity to deflect (because she's still in denial to herself at this point as we see later from the line "he's not that cute") or because we're meant to notice the connection between Cassie and Emily. Not to mention, Beau had no problem before explaining to Jenny how he and Cassie are just friends. Why would he clam up suddenly about discussing the subject of his daughter with said friend?

And then:

2x18:

Beau: "I followed her up here. Her and my daughter."

Jenny: "And what's this guy's name? The tech--"

Beau: "Avery."

Jenny: "And let me guess, you're still in love with her."

Beau: "You're good. But hey, if your plan is to get me to puddle up over her, that ain't gonna happen. Alright? Let's focus on the job here and make sure it don't go sideways."

...

3x04:

Jenny: "Interesting."

Beau: "What?"

Jenny: "You're still in love with her."

Beau: "No, I'm not."

Jenny: "Yes, you are."

Beau: "No. Stop it."

Jenny: "You are. Just admit it."

(next shot: bleeding heart that Buck is looking at & it becomes clear that his relationship with Sunny isn't all it's cracked up to be)

This is even more interesting because Beau had no problem letting Jenny imply this same thing back in 2x18 and he all but confirmed it with "you're good" (the same thing he said to Cassie in their scene in that episode where Cassie was indeed right on the money). But now he's in full denial and doesn't want Jenny pushing the issue. He even uses a similar deflection tactic by insisting that he and Jenny focus on the job at hand.

So I'm thinking that Beau is still in love with Carla (that's the most we've seen him affected in his interactions with all three ladies), but he's in denial for some apparent reason (maybe to spare himself the pain so he can focus on his job and Emily?) and the show is intent on having the whole "slow burn" play out (for ratings and something else). I'm sure we'll know more after this next episode and we'll find out what happened to their relationship, but I do think it's interesting that they're playing up Jenny's feelings for Beau despite being aware of this fact.

In nearly every scene we've had with Beau and Jenny so far, unless she's focused on the job or Cassie/Gigi, she's always focused on Beau. They're bringing those feelings to the forefront, especially from the end of 3x04 to now. So I do wonder if Beau goes with Carla and Emily in the end (since we've been shown how shady Avery is & how there are "secrets and lies" in that relationship like all the others at the campground plus Carla was also affected in that interaction with Beau in 3x04) then how that will play out for Jenny. And I do wonder what would be the point for Jenny's character to develop these feelings for him if that's the game plan?

Because while Sunny and Buck aren't making the best decisions (and that's putting it lightly), they are in agreement that Cormac comes first. And if that sequence of shots above is meant to showcase any type of parallel or similarity between the two relationships as well as possibly Carla's and Avery's (especially since like Avery we see that Buck is pretty shady himself, the whole creepy sniffing blood thing), then that doesn't seem the best thing for Emily or even a better second round in the making for the two. Unless there's something they're still keeping hidden that would help with the whole situation.

If Jenny is to become Sheriff (which is where I think her story is headed & Beau is meant to help her get there; he is Sheriff & he does throw his weight around at times when needed, but ultimately Jenny has been taking the lead in their cases recently & she was the one to offer Cassie space in their department), then that means Beau won't be around to be Sheriff. So that's why I'm thinking there must be some reconciliation coming between Beau and Carla and a reason for Beau to move out of Lewis & Clark County. He could possibly retire again but I don't see him or both he & Carla sticking around Helena, especially if Jenny's feelings are finally made known.

So that makes me wonder why Cassie's involvement in the 3x01 and 3x03 conversations, eerily paralleling the same way Carla was brought into the conversation with eerily similar results. Is it all about Jenny? Which imho doesn't make sense other than her trying to suss out what the deal is for both ladies in relation to her growing feelings.

If Beau is in love with Carla, then why the shutdown about Cassie? It's not about Emily. He had no problem opening up about her before (as confirmed by 3x01 and 3x02). So what is the reason? And why the Cassie and Carla connection?

So basically, me this week:

'Why the connection? Why?'

[yzkhr]

Third installment of the Love Language Miniseries

It might be OOC so please bear with me

Dedicated to the one who gave me this wonderful yet painful series idea @meitanteisachi!

-

Words of Affirmation- You get a thrill from receiving compliments and unexpected praise. You like it when others say they care about you or appreciate having you in their lives. You love feeling understood and receiving recognition for a job well done.

Shinichi trusts Ran a lot. But having a recent 'misunderstanding' along with being busy with his detective work and texting an apology yet receiving a slur of misspelled sentences with only the words 'Sonoko' and the name of a specific bar being decipherable, he can't help but worry and overthink.

(The name 'Kazuha' was readable as well and it did lessen his panic, but the reassurance he felt was nothing compared to Sonoko and her constant tricks that worsened when they became adults.)

Reaching the said bar on Rans' text message, he rushes inside and immediately dislikes the smell of mixed alcohols and smoke everywhere. Face indifferent, he passes through the dancing crowd and went straight to where he deduces his girlfriend to be.

Knowing Ran, she's not someone to go wild in such a tight place, nor does she appreciate the smell of cigarettes all over the dance floor. She would be somewhere comfortable and quiet enough to converse with Sonoko and Kazuha. Shinichi can't think of a better spot than the bartenders' counter.

And he was right.

There she was, in the middle of a familiar drinking blonde on her left and a brown haired woman on her right, reclined in her stool and mouthing words to her left side. Despite her back being the only thing he can see from where he's standing, he recognized it in an instant, having been familiar from the sight since childhood (her iconic hairstyle also helped).

Walking a little closer to be heard and putting his hands into his pockets, he calls out. "Ran."

The girls, save from the gulping heiress who ignores him, turns around and express the same visage upon seeing him. Rans' expression instantly change however, as her wide eyes and agape mouth closes and curls up into a smile.

"Shinichi!"

She stands up from her seat and walks over to him in an odd unbalanced manner. On a closer inspection, Shinichi noticed how her cheeks flushed a rather more healthy red than normal.

Raising an eyebrow, he opens his mouth to scold but his prepared reprimands die on his throat as Ran hugs him instead of just standing in front of him, her slender hands wrapped around his neck slowly, her feet tiptoeing as she concluded she wasn't tall enough to reach Shinichis' height.

He instinctively backs away from the unexpected warmth and weight, flustered and confused. Ran didn't even gave him the time to recover, leaning her head into the crook of his neck and sniffing it as he felt her sigh, successfully making his mind blank.

"You smell nice." she whispers, letting out a giggle as if entertained at her out of nowhere compliment while he stands there, frozen and left with no words to respond. Even after five years of being together, her effect on him stays consistent and powerful, similar to their first meeting.

Fortunately, he was brought out of his reverie by a familiar—not in a good way— smell of rum mixed into her natural sweet odor. From that, everything clicked. Her red face, wobbly walking and unexpected behavior finally made sense to him.

"You're drunk." he deduces as he looks down at his girlfriend who avoided eye contact by looking sideways and pouting, confirming her guilty.

"Sorry Kudo-kun," he redirects his gaze at the source of the voice, finding an apologetic Tooyama Kazuha. " We're the ones that invited her here and as you can see," her eyes went to Ran briefly before going back to him and continues sheepishly, "We kinda got carried away."

He expected the answer. After all, Ran rarely drinks, much less get drunk. She'd only really go all out when there's an important celebration or a really big problem, like a certain misunderstanding that may or may have not happened between the two of them.

"It's fine." he acquits as his eyes looks at anywhere but Kazuhas' green ones, unsure of how to ask. "Umm, did Ran told you anything concerning? Like if there's a huge problem or something?"

The Osakan woman's eyes widened and suspiciously travelled to Ran as if asking for permission, who in return tightened her grip around his neck to bring him down a little. Kazuha now seems to have an answer, glancing back at him.

"Nope, Ran-chan said nothing like that at all." with the way she puts up a tight lipped smile, it was obvious she was lying. "Besides, if there is an issue like that, why don't you ask her? I'm sure she'd tell you."

He wants to disagree, being aware of Rans' nature to he very considerate that she might dismiss the topic. But Shinichi really isn't fond of the idea of pressuring his bestfriends' girlfriend, so he didn't say anything. Besides, Kazuha was right, if there was anyone to ask about what is wrong, it would be his girlfriend.

"Yeah, you're right." he laughs and attempts to change the topic, not wanting to make the atmosphere awkward. "Anyways, it's pretty late. Want me to take you guys home?"

The brunette shakes her head and looks from behind. Shinichi follows her gaze, only to find Sonoko still on the counter and talking to someone on the phone. Her voice is so loud that it can mildly be heard from where they're standing.

"No thanks, it seems Sonoko-chan is already calling Makoto-kun to pick her up."

"It seems so," he now looks back to her. "How about you?"

"No need," she pulls out her phone, showing him her private chat with Hattori. "The ahou already texted he's on his way."

"And besides," Kazuha sends him a teasing look and an amused smile. "Even if we didn't have our boyfriends picking us up, you'll still get your hands full."

As if on cue, Shinichi was reminded of his girlfriend who's still clinging on to him, her constant breathing on his ear enough to make him go red, as if he's the one intoxicated.

He silently agrees to Kazuhas' statement.

-

Ran insists on walking home instead of getting a taxi. He protested but after being presented with the same adorable pleading look she always used on him back when he was Conan;wide eyes, pouty lips, and blushing cheeks, he was really left with no choice.

Now, they tread across the empty streets of Beika with the moon illuminating the area, Shinichi makes sure that his girlfriend doesn't trip from her quivering steps, choosing to carry her on his back, her arms hanging loosely around his neck while his hand secured on her thighs, assuring of no fall. The night serves peaceful, accompanied by a comfortable silence.

Until he decided to break it.

"Hey Ran--" he starts, wanting to ask her about the 'problem' he wasn't sure they're having, but was cut off by her instead.

"Ne, Shinichi?" her voice is a bit slurred but with his proximity, he heard it just fine. She seemed to have timed it when he decided to speak, deliberately avoid the questioning from him, concluding that something is wrong. He wanted to ignore her distraction and push further, but with Rans' current condition, he gives up and lets her get away.

"Hmm?"

"Did it hurt?" he stops walking in confusion at such a sudden question, prompting him to face her as she wears an innocent smile.

"What hurt?" he asks, not getting the point. It took him a few seconds to catch on to what her 'innocent smile' and question means, and he isn't exactly happy at the conclusion he got.

"Please no," he exclaims as she looks at him expectantly, really wanting to continue. he complains. "Isn't this supposed to be the other way around?"

A glare is all it took for him to know she's not giving up. However, Shinichi isn't going to comply so easily either.

"Let me guess, when I fell from heaven?" he teases her, ahead of the supposed pick up line she's about to say.

Instead of being angry however, Rans' smile widens more than before, not looking as innocent. "No."

Eyebrows furrowing in confusion he asks, "What?"

"When you fell for me."

He stares in disbelief. He had never expected such a cheesy pick up line to be even more cheesier than it already is and it honestly impresses him(in a bad way). Meanwhile, Ran looks way too proud of herself, a huge grin plastered on her face.

"Okay, you win." he states rather dejectedly and continues walking, wishing his surrender to be the end of her drunk flirting.

If he were to be completely honest, Shinichi somewhat expected Ran to do something crazy and uncharacteristic, since it isn't the first time for her to be this intoxicated. The last time, she sang random songs with the most intangible lyrics he had ever heard, her drunk singing voice comparable to his normal one. This time it's the same, only now it's sappy pick up lines instead of crappy lyrics( he isn't sure which one is worse).

"Shinichi," she starts again, and it was cue for Shinichi to pick up his pace to get home faster, and he did. But Ran is stubborn. She calls his name on repeat way too many times, that he has to stop and finally decides to listen.

"Alright, let's hear it and quickly take you home to your apartment because I'm already tired of this." he yields, defeated and weary. On the other hand, Rans' expression is the complete opposite, too cheerful and energetic like neon lights on a dark room.

"You know why you're tired?"

"Yeah because of your pick up--"

"Because you've been running through my mind all day long." she breaks into a laugh as he stops functioning, wondering how his girlfriend can be so witty and stupid at the same time whenever she drinks a lot more than usual.

He ponders if Kaito has something to do it. After all, there is no one better and worse at flirting with words than he is. Rans' are tolerable but maybe it's because he loves her so much that he does appreciate them, but they're still pretty bad.

He deadpans at her still cackling form just to express his emotions. "You know, other people will call you an idiot if they know you're doing this."

She pauses, her turn to be confused. "Just other people? What will you call me then?"

"My idiot who's doing this."

Her reaction is instantaneous. Her face blossomed a shade of crimson as she coughs, too taken aback while he tilts inwards, smirking at having to get back at her antics.

"That's not fair!" she whines, throwing daggers at him as she cough a little more.

"You started it." he yawns, the night catching on to him.

He really thought it was the end of it, but Ran always proves him wrong as she started once again. "Yeah, being good looking must be sooo tiring."

He really is impressed at how her mind can processed a mundane action and turn into a bad and cheesy pick up line. But he didn't become friends with the worst flirt in the world for nothing. Clearly not accepting defeat, he decides to play along. "Then you must be exhausted."

Her face turns into a blushing mess either from embarrassment or frustration or maybe even from both.

"Shinichi!"

And that's what they did until they got home. He truly was worried that there was something bothering Ran, but from the way she conversed and flirted with him(even though he's sure it's the alcohol talking), he was confident that if there was a problem, it isn't as bad as he expects it to be.

-

After an hour of throwing trashy jokes at each other, they finally made it to her apartment. He grabs the key he got from her earlier and opens the door, going straight to the sofa to put down his girlfriend.

Ran looks tired, eyes constantly blinking as she takes off her shoes, slower than it's supposed to be. She flops down on the couch, ready to doze off. Making sure she won't fall off, he strides into the kitchen to get some water.

Going back in the living room with a glass, he now finds her sitting instead of her laid down position a minute ago. She's dazed, eyes dead set on the table across as her brows intensely furrow as if trying to figure something out.

"Here you go," he sits down beside her, offering the water. He watches her drink it languidly, attentive to her every move. After finishing and putting it back on the table with a thud, Ran stands up, a hand on her throat.

"What's wrong?" he asks as the panic becomes visible on her visage, eyes roaming everywhere.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," as if on signal, she makes a strained sound while Shinichi rushes her inside the bathroom, certain that Ran won't appreciate walking into her living room with vomit all around it.

Upon reaching the toilet, Shinichi lets her bend over it and finally lets out everything she ate and drank that day as he soothes her back, stroking it back and forth. He also holds her hair up just make sure it doesn't get in the way.

"Are you okay?" he tilts his head in confusion as she turns around now done with her task, eyes watering slightly.

"I'm hungry." he sighs, having predicted it. He isn't the best at cooking, but letting his girl cook for herself while still being a bit visually impaired and losing her self balance every now and then sounds like the worst decision he can make in this situation.

"Fine. I'll make you something." hearing such words, Ran wipes her tears and beams at him. He leads her out of the restroom, leaving her on the couch and heading to the kitchen to cook at least a soup just to quench her hunger.

A few minutes passed and he comes back to a yawning Ran, with a hot and steamy soup laying in his hands. She offers him a drowsy smile, and he gives a knowing one in return.

"Here," he places the bowl on the table in front her and Ran takes it leisurely. She takes a chunk of food and blows at it, in the hopes of lessening the heat. Satisfied, she puts it on her mouth and makes a noise, glancing at him.

"It tastes good!" he chuckles and shakes his head in disapproval. "Thanks but, I'm pretty sure it only taste like that because you're drunk."

He leans in the wall as he watches her consume the soup with gusto, making his heart swell. When Ran finally eats half of it, he speaks out.

"Seriously, what made you drink so much like that?" despite the high chance that she won't answer, he still gives it a try.

After hearing no response, the detective sighs and looks away, deciding to let it slide and thinks that he'll just try again tomorrow.

But it looks like that he doesn't have to.

"It's Shinichi's fault." she said it so casually and quietly, but it didn't get pass his ears. Shock at the fact that she replied and at the specific retort, he looks back and stares at her.

"Eh?"

"It was Sonoko's little dare," she finishes the rest of the food without care and continues, "She told me how you're always so indifferent and said to make you blush or whatever. But, you you were so busy with the case that I didn't even had the chance and just gave up."

He was left dumbfounded. The events three days ago went back to him in a flash. All of Ran's little glances, her stuttering words, and even her hold on him before he left after taking her home finally made sense.

'That Sonoko!' he twitches his eyebrow in annoyance. He really should've seen that coming. If there was anyone this world who could think such an idea, it would be none other than their childhood friend.

He attempts to talk, but she beats him to it.

"But, now that I think about it, I really dont mind Shinichi being busy like that," she's now looking at him, a smile plastered on her blushing face, sign of still being under the influence of the alcohol. "After all, I really love Shinichi's face whenever he solves a case. Shinichi's eyes always lights up, like it's alive and burning. As if seeing a world no one else knows."

"Whenever Shinichi solves a case, he helps a lot of people. And it's amazing to know, that tons of people are alive right now—because of Shinichi." she rambles on, calling his name too many times as if she's only talking to herself, like he isn't standing right there at all to listen.

Her voice, despite being slurred holds honesty in them that didn't make the current condition of his heart any better as he's hearing her compliment him.

"I guess that just means, that I really love Shinichi." she laughs at her own words, finding such a revelation amusing.

Meanwhile, Shinichi stands there having only two things in his mind; that Ran is really drunk, and that he's just glad the dare is over. Because if it wasn't, with the way he feels his face burning right now, he was sure Ran would've absolutely won it.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ A LOT OF SAND AND WAVES ❜

with Obispo ‘Bishop’ Losa.

Request: none. Yesterday I went to the beach with my family and that fluffy idea came to me like a flash light. Thanks to everyone who help me to decide!

Word count: about 3.1k

Warnings: none. Just a bunch of fluff.

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: @thedevilsmoonshine

Masterlist.

“Hey, girl!”

“Hey, what’s up, Leti?”

“Are you working?”

“Yeah, till four, why?”

“Don’ ask me how I did it, but I convinced the guys to go tomorrow to the beach. In San Diego”.

“Sounds good, but I’m not sure if I could go. I have a surgery waiting, and you know…”

“Yeah, your hands. Is it too long?”

“Maybe six or seven hours, not sure”.

“C'mon, mami! You said you don't work until next Thursday!”

Gilly's shouts make you laugh rubbing your eyes.

“Okay I'll try, I'll try. I promise”.

“We will go to Mission Bay. So if you want, we see you there!”

Hanging up the call and giving a last sip to your coffee, you throw the empty paper cup to the bin. Checking the hour on your phone, you know that it's going to be a long, long night. But the idea of spending some time with Bishops makes you tickle in your stomach. Coco introduced you to the crew almost a year ago, like a friend, and he stole your attention. At the first party you joined them, you were almost the whole dawn with him. Dancing, drinking, talking. He was more interesting and funny than you could think, and maybe you felt somekind of connection that you never felt before. So, yes. You would like to go with them, but you have to wait till waking up tomorrow to find out if your hands can handle a four hours trip driving.

“Good morning, bella durmiente! How was the surgery?”.

“Hm… my hands are fucked”.

“So, it went well, we have to celebrate it”.

“Yeah, but… not sure if I can drive to San Diego”.

“Oh, c'mon, please… We're gonna stay here by night too. Coming back tomorrow, take a bus! I'm sure Bishop would b—”.

“Stop!” You say laughing loud to your phone over the bed, while you do some exercise with all your fingers to bring back some mobility.

“(Y/N), you know that it's an amazing opp— Angel already bought you a ticket. In one hour. Sending you by email, bye!”

Before you can complain about it, she has already hung up the call. You end up serving some coffee in a termo, before picking up your towel and some clean clothes, besides an external battery and some hygienic stuff. Bandaging your hands, over a thin layer of cortisone cream, you're ready to walk to the bus station of Santo Padre, ten minutes away from your house. At least, you have three hours of trip to rest a little more, falling asleep as soon as you sit down on your seat. So the next time you open your eyes, you're already in San Diego. Waiting for the other passengers to get out, closing and opening your hands once and again, you step out then. Carrying your bag in your right shoulder and your phone in the left hand, you wear the pair of sunglasses looking for Bishop.

“Eh, boxer”.

His hoarse voice calls your attention, finding him next to the entrance, resting against his motorbike. You can't help but draw a soft and tired smile on your lips, leading your steps towards him, raising both hands on air to show the man your cool white bandages with black stripes. The mexican receives you into his arms in a gentle and dearly hug, surrounding your lower back and your neck for some long seconds.

“The guys are waiting for us to have lunch”.

“Cool… Last time I ate was nine and it was dark”. You just say placing well on your bag, before setting on the helmet.

The drive doesn't take you more than ten minutes, grabbed to Bishop's abdomen and with your chin over his shoulder. You can see him smiling like a fool, knowing that he's delighted that you're going to join them. But mostly, because you are with him. The warm and soft breeze of San Diego makes you close your eyes, fully relaxed, focusing on the smell that floods your lungs, mixing the salty ocean's and Bishop's scent. Your arms surround his body somewhat tight, feeling one of his hands caressing your right thigh with his huge hands placed on and his thumb making the honors over your skin, bristling it without mercy. But much to your regret, the engine stops some short minutes before, standing up from the bike when you're able to do it.

“Give me your bag, querida. I'm going to be your nurse today”. He says, after keeping the helmet you used with the other.

“Qué caballeroso…” (What a gentleman). You tease him, as if normally he isn't.

“Just earning a beach-quickl—”.

“Fuck, Bishop!” You laugh, hitting his shoulder, regretting it immediately when a lash of pain crosses your palm.

“That's called karma”. He says walking backwards to the entrance, pointing you with a finger. “The women are always asking for men's sincerity, and when we give you… You're too violent to be this small, preciosa”.

“Pendejo”.

“YAY, YOU CAME!” Leti looks surprised, making you twist back your head confused.

“Sounds like if… I had another option”. You purr with your lips, before greeting the guys. “Tell me y—”.

“I did”. Taza just says, seeing you pout at him before hugging you. “I will give you a massage later”.

“Mi angelito de la guarda”. (My guardian angel). You can't help but sigh a little alleviated, knowing that he brought a cream he makes with weed oil, coco water and aloe vera.

Actually, it was a good idea to come to the beach, having so much fun in the lunch by seeing all the men more relaxed than in Santo Padre. Being normal people. A family enjoying two days off from all the problems and the dangers they're sinked in every damn day. Bishop was focused on you the whole time, serving your drink in the glass, cutting your food into pieces so you can have to do any effort (...). Everything under the sideways looks of the others. Sometimes you look like another couple with simple gestures, that both do delighted.

After having full enough your stomachs, the guys lead you to the beach where they left the umbrellas and the towels, placing yours next to Bishop's and sitting there after taking off your clothes, but on your black bikini. Unveiling your hands, you do your best to spread the sunscreen all over your body, until the mexican grabs the bottle from your fingers to sit behind you with a ‘lean forward’ on his lips. Feeling his cold hands because the cream on your back gives you a soft chill, curling your legs against your chest and resting your chin over them. Closing your eyes, focusing all your senses on every move he does, you try not to fall asleep. Starting by your shoulders and pressing your neck with both thumbs, his hands travel down your spine making sure he's helping you to get somewhat less tense, at the same time that puts well on the sunscreen.

When it's ready, he stands up on his feet to grab Taza's cream to help you with your hands. That time, he kneels in front of you, spreading it from your forearms to the tip of your fingers, so carefully and concentrated, that you can't help but look at him with a goofy smile until it's done.

“Thank you”. You just say.

“Anytime, querida”. He whispers, pulling a tuft of your hair behind your right ear, leaning towards you to kiss your cheek. “What do you want to do now?”

“I think I need twenty minutes more of sleep, but you can go with the guys to the water, if you want”. Shrugging your shoulders, you let your back fall down to the towel.

“I spend too much time with them, and I haven't seen you a single second for the last four days”. He chuckles lying by your side, straining an arm under your neck to put you closer to him. “Let me enjoy at least twenty minutes”.

His resigned sigh makes you laugh almost in silence, while his free hand gets placed on your back, leaving some ephemeral caresses from top to bottom. And you feel as if you were in paradise. You're practically drinking each other's breathings, with closed eyes and your nose touching Bishop's. Your fingers get tangled slightly in the short hair of the mexican, taking pleasure of the peace that it's surrounding you right now.

“I didn't want you to come”. He mutters from nowhere, not opening his eyes, not opening yours. With a calm tone of voice, a little sleepy.

“Why?”

“You were tired, your hands hurt. You need to rest, (Y/N)”.

“I'm resting now. And I couldn't ask for a better way to do it. I think I'm gonna complain about my hands often, so you will take care of me”.

Bishop chuckles drowsy, shaking his head just for a second.

“Anything else, su majestad?” (Your Majesty).

“A kiss”. Murmuring, you get somewhat comfy under his arms.

You're aware of the same desire to kiss you that he feels for you, as you feel, but on the other hand, you weren't expecting him to really do it. His lips gently press yours, before catching them among his. Traveling down one of your hands to the side of his neck, Bishop holds you closer, keeping a low pace of his mouth enjoying the taste and the touch of yours. Unconsciously and by inertia, your left right surrounds his waist. His fingers touring your thigh slowly, makes your first kiss a little better. Biting softly his lower lip, you steal him a heavy sigh, stretching your skin under his huge hand. He wants you closer, and you too. But for the moment, that's pretty enough.

“You should complain about your hands often”. He mumbles almost touching your lips with every syllable.

“I will”.

Sinking your face into his neck, you're trying to fall asleep focused on his breath, hearing a bunch of steps over the sand coming closer. Some whispers talking about you two, thinking that you're sleeping but you're actually trying not to laugh, feeling how Bishop gets a little tense because of the low comments.

“Don't forget I'm your fucking boss”. Bishop growls, freezing everyone's blood. And you can't help but break into laughter.

“Shit”. Coco soughs hiding behind Angel's back, because the oldest Reyes is the tallest of all.

“Nah, c'mon, Bish. Enjoy your d—”.

Before Angel can finish the sentence, the mexican hits his leg, making him fall down over Coco. A lot of cursing in spanish appears under the umbrellas, getting mixed with the loud laughs that make you sit up on your towel almost drowning. Watching them trying to get up only makes it better.

“Oh, man, I wish I could record it”. Gilly's laughs are over the others, with an arm on Creeper's left shoulder. “Damn, prez, repeat it, please…”

“Stop bothering him”. You say holding the angry man between your arms, before lying again on your towels.

“Pendejos mal paridos…” He barks mumbling.

“Don't listen to them”.

“I'm… going to fuck them up as soon as we retur—”.

“Obispo, stop”. You chuckle, leaning up slightly to kiss his cheek.

Finally, you are able to sleep for some minutes, while the guys share some beers playing cards, listening latin music in a low volumen to not continue annoying him. And even if you don't rest for more than twenty or thirty minutes, it's like you have been sleeping for the whole day, because of the comfort you feel under his grip and the caresses in your hair. Opening again your eyes, you raise up your head over his shoulders to find half of the crew on their towels, and the other half playing with a bouncy ball on the shore, just like kids. Taking the advantage that no one is looking, to avoid that they tease you again, you press your lips onto his. Slowly, calmly, with his arms hugging your body tightly as Bishop tucks his tongue in your mouth peacefully looking for yours. You feel some tickles in your stomach when they meet, as he feels more relaxed. El Presidente really is into you. He really has more feelings than he wants to admit, until he knows that you have the same sensation on your chest every time you are close to him. Now, he's seeing it. That maybe you two are having a good opportunity.

And you don't want to stop, drowning a slight gasp against his mouth when it gets a little intense that you expected, forgetting for a second where you are and who is surrounding you. Fucking the especial moment when you hear Coco saying that the hotel rooms are already booked, and that you can ocuppy yours whenever you want. Bishop is about to get up, when you stop him by a hand on his chest. You're going to take care of it this time. Shaking the sand on your body, you wear his sunglasses, walking towards the crew in the water. Coco is looking at you somewhat confused, while the president calls Taza, Tranq and Riz attention to enjoy the show. And before he can say anything else, or ask about what you are going to do seeing how you open, close and repeat the gesture with your right hand, you hit his temple with your palm. And it hurts a little, but the laugh is worth everything.

“Yo! Mami! What was that?!” He complains offended.

“A wave”. You just say, provoking that every laughter of your friends gets louder.

“Mami…” He pouts at you, rubbing that side of his face.

“Do you want a tsunami?”

He doesn't answer, while Leti starts to cough in tears.

“I imagined”. You add then, narrowing your eyes under the aviator sunglasses.

Coming back to the umbrellas, the eldest members clap at you while making them a feigned reverence.

After having a deserved shower in the room you're going to share with Gabriela and Leti, you fall down over the bed waiting for them to get ready for some party time after dinner. And while they choose dresses, more makeup that you have never put on and high heels, you choose some comfy shorts, a white body with bare back and your sneakers. Of course, you're not in that mood after four horrible nights working. Before leaving the hotel, you apply a few more cream on your hands, feeling so much better and using clean bandages to cover them. Meeting the guys at the hall, you go out to find a place to have some dinner, ending up in the same restaurant you have been at noon. The food is pretty good, so you go to the secure one. But this time is a little different since then.

You can't avoid having your right hand on Bishop's nape, caressing his scalp while the table talks about everything and nothing at the same time, laughing and enjoying. Urging you to put your right leg over his left, hanging from it, he caresses your thigh a little assorted as if it was something normal, and natural on him. But it's not, and that makes that gesture more special. You couldn't ask for anything better, until he kisses your cheek without expecting to place his free arm over your shoulders, without caring about if Coco or Angel dares to make another of their occurrences. You two are very sure that you made them understand to not fuck up with Bishop in front of you, even if you find it funny.

Outside of the restaurant, after having a revitalizing dinner, the crew begin to propose different plans. But the mere fact of thinking in a crowded place, with loud music and a mix of smells, makes you yawn inevitably. Leti is killing you with her gaze.

“Yo! Bitch, don' you dare to tell me that you're goen' to sleep”.

“I did—”. Trying to excuse yourself, Bishop interrupts you.

“She doesn't. But I am an old man who needs his eight hours of sleep”.

“Then, good night, mummy”. She's about to take you off from his arms, while he turns around to give her his back.

“I need a nurse to take care of my disabilities”.

“C'mon, Bish! You've been hoarding her the whole day! And I invited her, not you!” She frowns while you laugh. “I hope at least you make her cum…”

“Leticia!” You shout, while Coco palms her nape.

“Mummies don' cum, you dumbass, they just… lie do—”.

“Angel, I swear I am going to break your legs next time”.

“Whatever, Tutankhamun. Enjoy your night”. Your friend rolls her eyes with a heavy sigh.

“We can come back next week, when I have holidays”. You say palming her forehead, making her laugh before leaving back to the hotel.

And you just get separated in it enough time to clean your teeth and grab the charger for your phone, going to his room after that. You're not nervous, but a little excited of having some time alone. Finally. Not to do anything specifically, but to enjoy him being de-stressed. While he's in the bathroom, you take off your clothes to wear the shirt he has left for you on the mattress. Smells like him and that it's driving you insane, crawling over the bed to fall close to the pillows, fighting against your tiredness to not fall asleep this soon.

Having your eyes closed, you feel the side next to yours sinking a little, until his strong arms find your body to wrap it against his chest after turning off the lights. Turning under his grip and intertwining your hands and your legs, Bishop rests his cheek on yours, being able to see part of the pacific ocean from the window in front of your eyes. It's magic. Pure magic.

“Listen…” He mutters getting somewhat comfy, having a deep breath his nose sinked into your neck. “Maybe I can't promise you a life that a normal man could give you, but I'm going to make it worth every second”.

“Bish”.

“Hm…?”

“Do you love me?”.

“Yes, I do, preciosa”.

“That's everything I need”. Turning just a little, you smirk softly at him. “I don't want a normal life. I want to spend it with you”.

“I hope you never regret these words”.

“I only could regret them because they aren't enough to express how I feel when you're close to me. When you touch me. When you pronounce my name”. Replying that, you lie down again under his grip, leaving a soft kiss on his right forearm. “I love you, Bishop. I couldn't regret it”.

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[btsrmono]

Trial & Error | chapter 7

Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student

Side Pairs: main x taehyung,, main x (nct) jaehyun

PART 6

"What it is?" Jimin asked, making you look up from your pizza to him.

 You sighed, leaning back on the couch sofa in your living room. You guys sat at the coffee table as you enjoyed each others company and forgot about everything you were both were stressed about for a while... Until he bought that up, at least.

"What is what?" you acted stupid.

"Y/n... Earlier. You were clearly crying in class today. What happened?" He bought his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them, looking at you concerningly.

 You put your pizza down and breathed out, defeated. "I saw Taehyung today," you started. "And he just seemed... Not hisself."

"Yeah, he hasn't been lately," he agreed. "I think he's just upset that the fans are upset. Like, he doesn't want them to feel that way about him, you know? Just give it some time."

"But he told me not to talk to him anymore," you said.

"So what--"

"He seemed serious, Jimin."

He clenched his jaw before poking the inside of his right cheek with his tongue. "Forget him then--"

"No, Jimin, I'm not just going to just ‘forget him’. Tae is my best friend, he's all I had. I don't want him mad at me."

He sucked his teeth, seemingly getting mad. "So I guess I don't exist," he humped.

You cocked your right eyebrow in confusion. "Ummm say ‘sike’ because you and I didn't even start officially becoming friends up until about a week ago."

"But I'm here, right?"

"Yeah and I said he's all that I had, not have. Obviously, I have you right now but not too long ago, it was just him."

Suddenly, he looked sorry. "Oh," he said. "You're right. I'm sorry..."

 You shook your head after staring for quite some time. "No, Jimin... Don't be sorry." You rested your hand on his knee, reassuringly.

"I just want things to go back to normal," he whispered.

"Isn't your school almost done with the reconstruction?" you asked, placing your hand back in your crossed lap. "Maybe then, things will change."

 He shrugged. "They don't seem like they're getting done anytime soon, to be honest."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That sucks."

He smiled shyly at you. "No, actually, it's okay. I kinda like having class with you now," he said, winking.

"Jimin, are you flirting?" you teased.

"Maybe," he replied, biting his lip in a seductive manner and looking you up and down.

 You rolled your eyes, picking a pillow up and throwing it at his face. He instantly picked the pillow back up whilst laughing and gently tossed it back in your lap. You guys silently collected your fits of laughter together before Jimin turned to you again. "Hey, you still owe me ice cream."

"Ugh," you grunted. "Fine, let's go."

He smiled, jumping up quickly to go put on his shoes. You followed in his footsteps and both left the apartment, walking to the nearest ice cream parlor.

"Do you do this often?" Jimin spoke up in the midst of your journey.

"Do what?" you wondered.

"Walk alone at night like this."

"I'm not alone," you scoffed.

"Y/n, you know what I mean."

You shrugged your shoulders. "Sometimes. Why?"

He started to look at the ground as you two continued to walk. "It's just... You need to be more safe, okay?" You looked over at him, making him look back at you. "You're a pretty girl," he started. "And people can be crazy. Just start taking taxis everywhere. Got it?" He took his hand out of his pocket and roughly slapped his hand on your back right shoulder.

"Yah!" you yelled out. It was obviously just a playful hit that you doubt was meant to actually hurt but clearly Jimin just didn't know his power. "The only crazy person is you, you psychopath, who goes out to get ice cream while its cold outside?" you complained, rubbing your back shoulder in the spot where you could still feel some lingering pain.

 On your left, Jimin was just cracking up. You scowled at him, still lowkey upset about the hit but quickly getting over it as you both, unnoticeably, arrived at the parlor. "Aww, poor y/n," he joked, as he rubbed the spot for you.

 You pushed him off of you just before entering the store as Jimin followed, still laughing.

"What do you want?" you asked.

"What do you want?" he asked back.

"Mint chocolate chip."

He scanned the menu. "Melon," he decided.

 You shook your head, then paid for your order as Jimin found you guys a table to sit at. After handing him his bowl and sitting down across from him, you started to worry about something. "I figure this is a bad idea."

 Jimin tilted his head, picking his spoon up. "How so?"

 "It's just... Last time I was out with Tae--"

 "Oh please," he quickly cut you off. "Look around, there's no one here. You don't have to be paranoid, y/n." He started eating his ice cream, clearly not bothered at all. You, however, were still scared.

"I just don't want to bring you boys trouble, I've done enough already."

His shoulders slugged and you could tell that you were sucking the joy out of his pep. You hated to be the person to do that, you did. 

 A few pauses later, Jimin put his spoon down and reached across the table for yours. He scooped up some ice cream and put it in front of your mouth. "Open up," he said.

 You looked around, aware that the worker at the register was carefully watching the both of you. She was sitting, seeing what was about to happen next and Jimin saw this. "I dont care if they see," he said. “We're friends. Am I not allowed to hang out with you?"

Not wanting to argue back, you simply complied, opening your mouth as asked. You ate the scoop and looked at him. "Happy?"

He smiled. "It's good right? Now eat up, don't worry too much." He went back to his own bowl and began to make small talk.

 You started to remember what it was like the first time Jimin and you actually had your first real conversation. You realized it was just easy to talk to him about things. He was real but non-judgmental with you. He just wants the best for everyone and you found that to be so nice of him. He truly had a way with making you feel better about every situation and making you forget about things in the time being.

After a little while, you and Jimin walked back to your place, stopping in front of the main entrance. You saw your mom in the lobby, waiting for the elevator, making you turn to Jimin. "It looks like my parents are home," you spoke. "Guess that's your cue to go too."

 Jimin looked through the lobby, his eyes slightly widening. "That's your mom?" he questioned. You nodded your head. "She's beautiful! I see where you get your looks from."

 You playfully rolled your eyes as you laughed, placing your hand on his chest to slightly shove him. "Please, Jimin." You noted that this was his second time complementing your looks that night and not going to lie, you were flattered.

 He laughed too. "Alright give me a hug," he said, pulling you in before you even got the chance. You hugged him back tightly, grateful for him taking your mind off things for a while.

 "I'll see you later," you spoke, looking up at him. He looked down and shook his head in agreement before you both let go and he took off.

~~

You and Jimin had been hanging out a little less than usual due to him and the boys having multiple dance practices, meaning he would not only rarely show up to school but you rarley even talked or texted with him. Of course he tried to keep up with you when he could which was better than nothing, you guess. You just kind of missed him.

"Psstt," you heard from behind you. 

You turned around to find Kayla, another internatial student like yourself. "Hey," you said, smiling at her. "What's up?"

"I'm freaking out," she replied. "I didn't do my homework last night, I was too busy. Before class starts, can I pleasssee copy yours?"

 You shook your head, not minding as you grabbed your homework from your backpack and handed it to her. "You're a life saver!" she exhaled. She quickly copied your homework and within about two minutes, it was back in your hand. "Thank you so much!"

"No problem," you replied, ready to turn back around before she cut you off.

"Wait," she said. "Is it true, about you and Taehyung?"

 You sighed, not aware that that was still a thing. "People are still on that?" you asked, semi annoyed. It had almost been two weeks, you thought it was behind you.

She scoffed. "Of course they are girl, you snatched up two of the most wanted guys in this school.” She paused, thinking. “ Well, besides Jungkook and Jaehyun."

 You were confused, what did she mean? "Two?"

"Jimin and Taehyung," she responded in a ‘Duh’ tone.

 You stared at her for a quick second. "Well to answer your question, no. How bout' you spread that around the next time you decide to gossip?" you snapped. You don't know what it was but you were over it. This rumor ruined your friendship with Taehyung and you were sick of it following you around.

"Jesus, well excuse me," she said, putting her hands up in surrender. "It's not like it was me that started it."

"Well you're sure as hell not helping, no?"

"Attitude much?"

 You sighed. She was right. Normally, Kayla was really nice to you so although she was being annoying at the moment, you still couldn't help but feel bad for the way you spoke to her. "I'm sorry," you apologized. "I've just been really stressed."

Her face softened. "Yeah, you look it," she joked, a small grin appearing on her face. "Hey, if you're not busy after school, me and Heejin are gonna go grab some boba if you want to join us?"

 You thought it over. Having some girl company didn't sound too bad, it actually sounded like just the perfect plan to you at the time. It wasn't anything significant but given the fact that you only was hanging out with guys for most part, this seemed overdue.

"That actually sounds really nice right about now."

She shook her head. "Okay then, we'll just be waiting for you at the bus stop after school."

Just then, your math teacher walked in and you all started our work.

~

After a long day of 7 classes, you and the girls did end up hanging out. Kayla ordered matcha boba, Heejin ordered strawberry and you ordered coconut. The three of you got a table and sat down, discussing random things such as school and who they liked.

 “Taeyong is definitely the most handsome boy in our school,” Kayla stated.

 “Really?” you chimed in. “He is super attractive but he’s too mysterious.”

 Kayla threw her head back in admiration. “That’s what makes him hot, y/n!” she cried, making you giggle.

"Well, I hands down like Jungkook," Heejin said. "No doubt about it, he is my ultimate crush." She was swooning over him and got dramatically emotional at just the thought of him. "Ugh! My heart is beating so fast even thinking about him, I think I'm going to die!" she then plopped her head on the table as you and Kayla laughed at her silliness. "It's depressing," she said said in a muffled voice, her face still on the cold surface.

"You'll survive," you responded.

She lifted her head back up, looking at you curiously. "Wait, aren't you friends with Jungkook?"

 You scoffed, looking around to make sure no one at the surrounding booths heard that. "No," you responded. "I hardly know him."

"Oh, I just assumed because you and Taeh--"

 Heejin was interrupted by Kayla shoving her quickly as a means to get her to stop talking. Kayla cleared her throat. "So, y/n," she started, changing the subject. "Heejin and I were thinking about starting this club--a dance club and we were wondering if you would be willing to join?"

 Heejin gave her a look, scrunching her eyebrows together, as did you, wondering where this was coming from. "Me?" you asked. "Why me of all people?"

"Because," Kayla started. "I see how you are in class, you're a team player. I already know you would do well on our team. Plus, you just look like you can dance," she chuckled.

 Her explanation wasn't good enough and you were still confused. Heejin still looked confused too but she seemed to not want to bud into it.

"What do you say?"

You started to stutter. "I-I-I.... I, um... I'm not sure," you said. "Dancing isn't really my thing..." She suddenly started to look disappointed, which made you feel a little bad. "But I'll let you know," you added, wanting to give her a glimpse of hope.

She smiled again, shaking her head. A few minutes later, you then dismissed yourself and said your goodbyes before you headed out the cafe door to go home.

A/N: Surprise! Heejin is in this. She’ll be around a little more often now hehe okay stay tuned to see what happens next! <33

PART 8

[weirdomen]

Hi, person with BPD (and a shit ton of other problems) here. I'm totally for BPD awareness and I think some of these points of advice are great. I also think some other points are not so great. I believe they have the right intentions and they can be unhealthy and unhelpful for everyone involved long term. Some corrections I'd like to make that maybe more helpful longterm:

Do tell us when we overreact (preferably later). Our threshold for emotions is incredibly low and that isn't a bad thing. We just also need to learn what's the appropriate level to express our emotions in public or with other people and boundries. I.e. "Hey, I felt that when you expressed your anger earlier it was too intense and it made me uncomfortable."

As someone mentioned earlier, it's not always the best course of action to touch someone who is disassociating. No perfect advice for this one, use best your judgement if you want to and are able to.

People with BPD can be bad people or do bad things. We're not bad because we have BPD though. It's a matter of values and morals, not our disorder. So yes, you can judge us. You might judge differently to parts of our actions based on our symptoms, i.e. if we overreact and that's okay. It doesn't mean we get a free pass for shitty values or morals i.e. being racist, homophobic, abusive, ect.

Since we don't get a free pass for being shitty people: If we have an emotional bust or participate in a destructive behavior thats hurts you, you do not have to accept any apologies we may make. If such things happen rarely (because remember, we all slip up) I encourage forgiveness if you are able to AND it's helpful. However if these outburst or behaviors happen too often, I encourage you not to accept the apology and to move. That's easier said than done of course because in most cases, loosing a relationship is painful but I 100% believe it's the most healthy course of action. "I'm sick/I have a disorder/I didn't mean it, it was my disorder/ect" is NEVER an excuse for abuse.

Which brings me to: No, you don't have to hear us out. People with BPD have abandonment issues and we struggle with being rejected (percieved or real) however that is OUR issue. If you can do it, great, I encourage you to do it in the moments communication can effective (because more communication isn't always a good thing). If you can't, that's fine too. Your feelings and health matter too and you dont have to force yourself to listen to everything we say.

I agree that telling someone to stop a destructive behavior isn't helpful nor is threatening a punishment. That does NOT mean that calling 911 or other emergency services is off the table. Sometimes we can be a danger to ourselves or others, especially in a mania episode. Unless there was a plan discussed before hand, call 911 if you feel unsafe or that your friend is unsafe.

I think all other points are great ways to help people with BPD if you have the willpower, energy, spoons, ect. to do so. Remember no one is entitled to your time, emotions, or thoughts. It's always great recieve love and validation and there our boundaries. Let us know those boundaries. Is it okay to call you at 3am and vent? Is it okay to ask for medical help like help keeping me safe if I disassociate? Is it okay to talk about that difficult topic now (or ever)? Don't be afraid to say no or how your feeling

Anyone else with BPD feel free to add your own advice, thoughts, or comments.

Borderline Personality Disorder: A Guide to Helping People w BPD Feel Less Like Shit

by Nolan D, certified real life Person With Borderline™ (srsly, why would you trust sources written by neurotypicals????)

if you have bpd or you’re interested in learning how to be helpful to ppl with bpd, this is for you!!

i wrote this guide because my family and friends were having some trouble understanding bpd/helping me feel better. i tried to make it customizable, so feel free to add to it, remove things, or change things to suit your unique Borderline Experience™ (but pls don’t alter this actual post it will hurt my feelings. copy/paste friends).

like/reblog if you decide to use it or find it helpful pls, so that i know if i’m being useful!

What is BPD?

BPD is a cluster B personality disorder, along with antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders. Cluster B disorders are distinguished by dramatic, highly emotional, and/or erratic behavior. Borderlines are characterized by rocky interpersonal relationships, extreme emotions, issues with self-image, and trouble with impulse control. We may also experience symptoms associated with mania and/or psychosis.

What am I going through as a person with BPD?

Intense emotions and mood swings

Inappropriate and/or unreasonable anger and irritability

Impulsive and risky behavior, can include: spending excessive amounts of money, taking too many drugs, drinking too much, promiscuity, and self-harm

Predisposition to addiction

Difficult and intense relationships, often full of arguments, conflict, and breakups

Higher probability of being abused and/or raped

Sudden intense episodes of anxiety, depression, and mania-like behavior

Feelings of self-hatred, often resulting in suicidal thoughts and behavior

Hallucinations, including auditory, sensory, olfactory, and visual

Delusions, particularly an obsessive fear and belief that people are going to abandon me

Extreme need for attention in order to feel that I am worthy of living

Unstable self-image and lack of consistent personality/identity, often resulting in mimicking the behavior and personalities of fictional characters and real-life loved ones

Excessive self-criticism

Feelings of emptiness

Awareness of/guilt because of destructive behaviors, but feeling unable to stop

Dissociative states under stress, in which I feel a disconnection from my body and from reality

Unstable goals/aspirations

Tendency to interpret the emotions of others as overwhelmingly negative

Paranoia that people hate me or are annoyed by everything I do

Idolizing people I’ve just met

Fear that I am faking my symptoms, no matter how severe they are

Fear that I am being manipulative or abusive

Possessiveness of loved ones

Constant need for reassurance

So how can you help me?

Offer frequent unprompted reassurance that you love me, are not annoyed by me, and are not going to leave me/stop supporting me. If I have to ask for this reassurance, I will feel that I have manipulated you into giving it and will be unable to believe what you say.

Respect that I need to be given space sometimes, and comforted at other times. I need space if I seem to be pushing you away or shutting down. Tell me that you will be available if I need you so that I won’t feel abandoned, then leave the situation. I need comfort if I am clinging to you or refuse to leave you alone.

Never tell me that I’m overreacting. It is not my fault that I experience extreme emotions.

Do not threaten punishment for impulsive behavior. This includes saying that you will take me to the hospital if I continue. Offer to talk me through it instead.

If you don’t have BPD, don’t tell me that you know how I’m feeling. You don’t. Empathy is much appreciated, but if you say you can sympathize with me, I will begin to feel distrustful of what you say.

Never say or imply that I don’t actually have BPD. I get enough of that shit from myself.

Hear. Me. Out. No matter what I have to say. You don’t have to agree, just listen.

Tell me why I’m not a bad person. Have examples to back it up because I will likely accuse you of empty compliments.

If I become unreasonably angry at you, be aware that I will feel incredibly guilty and remorseful later. When that happens, accept my apology and move on if you are able to.

Never tell me to “just stop” doing something destructive. I guarantee that if I could stop, I would have already. Instead, gently ask me things like “Why do you think you’re doing this?” + “Do you think it is helpful for you?” + “How is it helpful? How is it not helpful?” If I am in a panic state/dissociative state and answer with “I don’t know!”/refuse or am unable to provide an answer, please determine if I need to be given space or comforted, and act accordingly.

When I dissociate, I often appear zoned-out, distracted, or dead-eyed. I may be unable to see you, hear you, or speak to you. A gentle touch on the shoulder may or may not snap me out of it. Stay with me and make sure I don’t do anything dangerous until I come back to reality.

Do not judge me for my actions, and especially do not imply that I am being a bad person. Do not try to make me feel guilty for anything, no matter what. Instead, gently ask questions about my behavior, and try to understand the underlying cause.

Use lots of words with positive connotations when speaking to me.

I will try my best to provide more advice on how to help me as I learn more about my disorder myself! Thanks for taking the time to read this, and be aware that I’m not demanding that you do any of these things, but rather I am asking you to do so because it will help me be happier and healthier.