#we’ve been getting a lot of scam calls to the house phone lately (like i’m talking at least 10-15 a day recently it’s so bad)

[neondiamond]

.

[unbridgeabledistances]

Prompt: Sandy and Debbie break up and Ian and Mickey each take a side. During the fall out Ian worries that Mickey has the same complaints about Ian that drove Sandy to break up with Debbie. But in the end Mickey reassures Ian that their relationship is nothing like theirs.

hi!<3 thank u so much for this prompt, it was so fun to write! hope u enjoy:)

also this scenario could take place anytime between ep 2 and ep 3 of s11, because ian still has his warehouse job

**

“Jesus, Debbie, calm the fuck down. You’re being dramatic”

“Sandy, if you call me dramatic one more time, I swear to god. I’m not trying to be controlling I’m just asking you where you were last night, which is a perfectly reasonable question—”

“Reasonable if you were my mother, maybe, but I can go wherever the fuck I want without you needing to smother me all the time! I was on a run with Terry, because I have no money and don’t really know what to do with myself, and I’m never fucking good enough for you, and that’s literally all you need to know—”

“Trouble in paradise,” Mickey commented as he poured Ian some coffee, breaking the silence in the kitchen, where everyone was staring at their breakfasts and listening to the voices shouting upstairs.

Ian rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Debs isn’t known to be the most… secure partner in a relationship.”

“You can say that again,” added Liam, wrapping his poptart in a napkin and shoving it into his backpack. “I’m just gonna eat on the way to school. It doesn’t seem like this screaming is going to stop anytime soon, and while you and Mickey having sex twice a day is bad enough, Debbie and Sandy having a lover’s quarrel has somehow pushed me over the edge.”

Ian smirked and sipped his coffee. “Can you drop Franny off on the way?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Liam led Franny out of the kitchen, where Ian and Mickey remained, listening to Debbie’s shrill voice drifting through the floorboards.

“Fine, if I can’t know what’s going on in your life, I guess you don’t need to be in mine anymore!”

“Are you fucking serious, Debbie? Why do you need to know where I am, you can barely handle knowing the whereabouts of your own kid—”

Ian and Mickey traded raised eyebrows while Ian silently took a bite of toast.

“Sandy, get out of this house! I don’t need you and your illegal bullshit anyways, all you’re doing is putting me and Franny at risk with Terry and all of his issues—”

“Okay, little miss perfect, but don’t expect me to give a shit when you come crawling back.”

“Fine!”

The door upstairs finally slammed, and seconds later Sandy came stomping down. She looked at Ian.

“Your prissy fucking sister is a pain in my ass. The sooner your whole family realizes that your garbage father is as bad as Terry is, the sooner you’ll hop off of your superiority complex over the Milkoviches and realize that your way of surviving is literally the same as ours.”

Sandy shoved past the kitchen table and out the back door.

Ian breathed out a laugh. “Well, that was an eventful morning.”

“I’ll say,” Mickey agreed, looking at the door Sandy had just walked through. “Do you think I should go talk to her or some shit?”

Ian shrugged. “Nah, I’m sure it’s fine. I’m sure Sandy’ll grow up and apologize for whatever illegal shit she was doing with Terry, Debs will calm down, and everything will go back to the way it was.”

Mickey looked slightly uncomfortable as he placed his mug down on the table. “I mean, she has got a point. I’m sure whatever Sandy was up to was no big deal, Debbie doesn’t need to be freaking out.”

Ian scoffed. “Yeah, if getting involved in all of your dad’s shit is no big deal. Sandy could at least tell Debs whatever she’s up to, that sounds pretty fair to me.”

Mickey stood up, clearing their plates and walking over to the sink. “Whatever, Gallagher. I’m just saying Sandy does have a point about you being marshmallows. If she’s not telling Debbie what she’s up to, it’s probably for her own good.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Mick? Last time you disappeared on a run with your dad without telling me where you were, I literally thought you murdered our PO. How is that better than just telling me you’re hawking some stolen guns or whatever you get up to?”

Mickey distractedly wrung his hands with the dish towel, looking sightly pissed and defensive that Ian would even bring up that onslaught of memories, of their almost-wedding and Ian’s rejection at the courthouse and everything that followed.

“I don’t know, asshole. Maybe because Sandy’s right, and you all can be a little judgy about all the illegal shit. I get that you’re a goody two shoes breaking your fucking back in a warehouse, but that doesn’t mean that everyone needs to work their ass off to make minimum wage like you. I used to do shit for my dad all the time, so does Sandy and she doesn’t need anyone to be her keeper.”

Ian rolled his eyes, taking a final sip of coffee and standing up. “Alright, whatever. I’m gonna be late.” He pecked the top of Mickey’s head as he put his mug in the sink. “Enjoy your hard day’s work of watching TV and jacking off.”

Mickey turned and flipped him off as Ian strode out of the room.

Later that day, as Ian was mechanically checking expiration dates on an order of off-brand crackers, he couldn’t help but replay he and Mickey’s conversation from that morning over and over in his mind. Was Mickey seriously going to defend Sandy for sneaking with Terry behind Debbie’s back? He knew Mickey didn’t give a shit about making minimum wage right now, but was Mickey really going to spend the rest of his life following in his dad’s footsteps, depending on his next heist for cash? And, worst of all, did that mean he was going to live a life of feeling like he needed to hide every move from Ian? Ian knew what he was signing up for when they got married, that being with Mickey always meant some level of scamming and schmoozing; but for some reason, he thought that now that Mickey and his dad had fallen out that Mickey’s existence would stop being so constantly on the brink of incarceration.

He’d expected marriage to be a partnership—but so far, it felt like he and Mickey were on different pages about pretty much everything.

When Ian finally made it home and stumbled in the front door, tired and bleary, Sandy was still noticeably absent from the Gallagher house. Debbie and Franny were in the kitchen, along with Liam who was muddling through his homework at the table. Ian went upstairs and found Mickey laying on their bed, watching some sort of video on his phone at full volume. He didn’t look up when Ian came into the room.

“Hey, Mick. Can we talk for a sec?” Ian asked, taking off his hat and coat and gingerly placing them on the bottom corner of the bed.

Mickey still didn’t look up from his phone. “Don’t know what the fuck you want to talk about.”

Ian sat on the edge of the bed. “Did… Sandy and Debbie make up yet?”

Mickey huffed. “What d’you think.”

“Guess not. How’s Sandy doing?”

“Don’t know, haven’t heard from her yet. Figure she’s just off somewhere blowing off some steam.”

Ian approached the next topic with caution.

“So, uh, I was thinking. And I think we need to talk again about, y’know, our mutual expectations.”

“This shit again? Listen, we already did this, I know we agreed that we aren’t fucking other people—"

“No, no I mean about other stuff. Not even the money stuff again really, just like… if you’re ever going to go back to doing the shit that Terry does. For example.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about man, you know I don’t talk to that asshole anymore.”

“I know, but—what if you want to do stuff with Sandy, or someone makes you an offer for a big job? What if you end up in jail again? What if you feel the way Sandy does and you feel like you need to hide all this stuff from me, meanwhile I’m just here working my ass off trying to make a life for us—”

Mickey paused the video and finally looked up from the phone.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Gallagher?”

Ian ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I just… I don’t want you to not tell me shit, the way Sandy was with Debbie. I’d rather know what illegal bullshit you’re up to, even if you think it’s going to piss me off. I… I don’t want to lose you again. I don’t want you to have to lie to me, and I don’t want you to go to jail again. I just wanna be on the same page.”

Ian inched his hand over the covers and placed it on top of Mickey’s as he kept talking.

“I know we’ve been fighting a lot lately, not agreeing on stuff. But I just…want you to know that I’m in this. I love you, I’m your fucking husband. I want us to work together, and I don’t want you to think that I can’t handle anything, or that we can’t tackle everything together.”

Ian looked down at their hands, letting the silence swell as he traced Mickey’s palm with his thumb.

“Hey, Gallagher. Look at me.”

Ian met Mickey’s eyes—Mickey was looking directly at him, unguarded and open. It reminded him of the look on Mickey’s face when he had tried to break up with Mickey the first time, back when they were both kids sitting on the front stoop and Mickey had sprinted over when Ian called; when Mickey had split himself open, had told Ian how much he loved him, through sickness and health and everything they were about to go through.  

“Sandy’s got her own bullshit to learn. About people caring about her, caring where she is, caring if she throws her life away. But I’ve been here this whole time, and I’ve learned that. Why do you think I used to throw myself into as much risky bullshit as I could, before I was locked up? I was losing myself in everything, because all I ever wanted was this.”

He put his hand up to Ian’s face—a small gesture, but probably the most intimate touch he’d given Ian in weeks. It stung like ice and fire on Ian’s cheek, like electricity was flickering where his fingertips met Ian’s skin.

“I’ve pointed a glock at my asshole dad’s head and been willing to take the bullet for this. I’m not getting involved in any shit that can take you away from me, Gallagher. Am I going to stop forging my payroll for my PO? Or stop selling shitty expired brownie mix? Probably not. But I’m not gonna do anything risky, anything that might take me away from you for good. Never was.”

Ian sighed. He was being stupid, and he knew that. But between all of their senseless bickering the last few weeks, he couldn’t help but worry that Mickey was feeling more and more indifferent about this whole marriage situation, or getting restless about being pinned down. He listened earnestly as Mickey continued talking.

“How many times have I told you—my family was never there for me. You’re the only family I need. And I made that shit official when I put a ring on your finger, or I guess when I forced you to put one on mine. I’ve always been there for you, I’m always gonna be there for you. We fought long and hard enough for this, Gallagher. You just gotta believe in me.”

There it was—that fondness in Mickey’s eyes, the softness that he tried to hard to hide, but showed up anyways as he was tying Ian’s tie, or holding him close through a wave of depression, or kissing his forehead when he gave Ian his meds. Mickey was never going to let anything come between them again, not after all the pitfalls and heartbreak they’d been through—Ian realized that now, even more than he already had.

“I know, Mick. I believe you.”

“You’d better, asshole. Now c’mere.”

Mickey led Ian’s chin forward, and their lips met—just a ghost of a touch, at first, but it made Ian grab the back of Mickey’s neck and pull him in closer, fiercely slotting their lips together again and again.  

They broke apart, and Ian smiled sheepishly. “Sorry for freaking out.”

“I’m all yours, Mr. Milkovich. Whatever shit our families get into can’t change that.”

[thefanficmonster]

Kick Some Ghost Ass

”Until Dawn Gang x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing, Sex jokes (excuse my bad humor)

Genre: CRACK, Humor

Summary: It’s one thing when trouble finds this gang, but why don’t we take a look at what happens when they go actively looking for trouble. Needless to say, chaos ensues and no one is spared. Some are more affected than others, and some are dead-ass traumatized, but isn’t that just how life is in general?

Requested by my dearest ever - Until Dawn Anon. Hi lovely! I’ve missed writing your requests and I’m really happy to be back, creating another chaotic fic! I’m sorry it has taken me so long to post it but here it finally is - crazy as ever! I hope you enjoy it! Love you to Blackwood Pines and back baby ❤❤❤

I don’t know how I’ve found myself in this situation but I’m not complaining. If I get to do dumb crazy shenanigans with my crew, I’m ready for just about anything. Not to mention I’m no stranger to ghost hunting. I’m that kid that made DIY Ouija boards and took them to cemeteries with their terrified friends. You should’ve seen us leaving after capturing no ghostly activity - my friends relieved as fuck, and me pissed as fuck.

But today, I’m not expecting nor will I be accepting any disappointment. Especially not with Jess swearing on her Chanel purse that she wasn’t making things up when she said she had a haunted house she wanted us to visit. I must say, I appreciate this group’s enthusiasm when it comes to the paranormal. Never have I had someone who catches my vibe on the subject so well, let alone an entire gang all sharing the same opinion as me - that ghosts, demons and poltergeists are so fucking cool. Sure, Emily took a bit of convincing and Jess is not one to give a shit about the other world creatures invisible to the human eye, but something allegedly happened that changed her mind.

Her a-hundred-and-something-year-old great-grandmother passed away recently and though the death itself didn’t shake Jess up as much as it probably should’ve, the events that followed led to this moment right now - the eleven of us pooling out of two minivans that have pulled up to a terrifying looking house in a wooded are of the suburbs. Jess literally gathered us all on an ‘emergency meeting’ in the courtyard of our college just so she could explain the situation in detail - she doesn’t do well with explaining things in general, let alone when she’s hysterical - so we only understood what she was trying to say when she mentioned the word ‘ghost’. That’s when we all started listening more closely, with the exception of Emily, Beth and Sam but the latter two were intrigued despite trying yo hide it. You can only imagine how excited Josh, Chris and I were, Mike and Matt following a close second behind. Ash was a tiny bit more hesitant but Chris convinced her to give in. And just like that, a week later, here we are.

“I gotta ask, did your great-gran own a VHS player? Or a chest in the attic? Bonus points if there’s a creepy, child-sized doll in there.“ Josh asks as he yanks all the equipment he insisted we bring out of the trunk of the minivan.

“Quit fucking around, Josh! This is serious!“ Jess complains from the spot she’s standing in, shivering in the cold autumn breeze.

“Yeah, Josh! VHS players, creepy dolls, that’s all child’s play.“ I scold him as I pull on my jacket, wrapping it around me more tightly, “Shit gets serious when there’s a secret basement.“

“Y/N!“ Jess shrieks in exasperation. Honesty, how am I supposed to NOT bother her when doing the opposite is so much easier and brings more amusement? “You’re not helping!“

“Wasn’t trying to.“ I wink at her, driving her into a new level of fury that almost leads her to chuck her phone at me. If it weren’t such a prized possession of hers, I’m pretty sure she would’ve chucked it with the intention of knocking me dead. I’m lucky she has the aim of a drunk toddler that spun around fifteen times.

“Hey, quit pissing my girlfriend off, will ya?!“ Mike, who is basically halfway inside the trunk of the other van calls out to us.

I roll my eyes but choose to let it slide. However, someone else doesn’t. Emily does a dramatic turn on her heel, turning to face Mike, or at least the only part of him which is visible. You can imagine how hard it is arguing with an ass like THAT. I don’t know how Emily does it but oh well, I guess I do it too, in a way.

“So it’s girlfriend now, huh? No space between the words?“ Oh that smile she’s flashing him, it could make the Devil himself shiver. I find it kinda hot though - it means shit’s about to go down or hit the fan, either way, the rest of us will be entertained.

Mikey boy straightens up, gracing the rest of us by-standers with his dazzling features. Nah, I’m capping. I honestly think Mike is as attractive as I am patient - very little, almost not at all. It’s surprising how him and Jess are now apparently together since I always pegged her to be the superficial type.

“Got a problem with that, Em?“ He asks, eyebrow raising, head tilting to the side. Oh yeah, it’s on now. But, as someone who’s been quite excited to do some ghost hunting, and also as a representative of the peanut gallery formed of the rest of us who find it amusing and annoying, I feel the need to cut it short before it goes where it shouldn’t. I came to see some exorcist shit, not Keeping Up With The Bitter Exs.

“Jess, I sure hope your grandma is a blood-thirsty ghost cause I can think of at least two people I’d serve to her on a silver platter.“ I snatch the keys the blond has been jingling nervously between her fingers and jog up the stairs to the front door.

Ok I maybe overexaggerated the eeriness of the house. It sure wouldn’t sit right with you if you saw it around sunset or at night, especially not if it’s foggy, but a horror movie house it is most certainly isn’t. It’s pristine and well kept, not a single crack in the walls, the only reason it’s unsettling is because: 1) We’ve all seen a few too many horror movies; 2) There’s been reports of ‘ghostly activity’ - as far as Jess is to be trusted.

While I’m surfing through all the keys, checking each and every single one of them on the door because the real key is unmarked, I can’t help but overhear the conversation going on behind me on the porch.

“Can you believe we got all this in a single day and for a discount on top of all?! Whoever says Craigslist sucks isn’t doing it right.“ Chris’ enthusiasm over the deal him and Josh got on the ghost hunting equipment has been what’s keeping a wide grin on his face this whole time. Though I’m proud of my boys for not getting murdered by the Craigslist seller, I must say I hate that I lost the bet we had - I had to pay them each ten bucks if they didn’t get scammed/kidnapped/murdered and I’m now twenty bucks poorer. I’m not saying I value those twenty bucks more than my friends, though my broke ass needs all the bucks it has and all the dollar bills it could get, but Lord knows I hate losing.

“Yeah, and the guy was only mildly sketchy.“ Josh adds just as excitedly and proudly, “To be honest, Cochise and I were probably the scary looking ones in that parking lot.“

A look over my shoulder shows the twins, Sam, Matt and Ash giving the duo skeptical and somewhat disappointing looks and shakes of their heads. I’ll admit, the equipment is in very good condition and it’s the complete set for ghost-hunting, according to BuzzFeed at least. I’m impressed with the purchase - probably had something to do with how scary Chris and Josh actually look. The all-nighters we’ve all been pulling lately have taken a toll on them worst with the dark circles and bags under their hollow eyes, pale faces and brains turned to mush. I know I’d give them a discount to avoid them pulling out meat cleavers on me.

“That’s all fine and dandy guys, but do you know how to work any of this?“ Sam asks, hesitantly lifting the EMF reader and turning it in her hand, analyzing it with a curious gaze. 

Josh and Chris exchange a look before the former replies, “Just the cameras and voice recorder, the rest falls on them.” He points a finger at me and laughs, “Though they aren’t able to work something as simple as keys, they are more than qualified to be a ghostbuster.”

“You know, Josh, jokes on you, I can work keys! Jess, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to be able to work well with organizing things, hence my problem with these keys.“ I hurl the bunch of keys connected my a scarlet keychain at Josh, “Lemme demonstrate my true skills.“ I hop down the flight of stone stairs and approach the pile of equipment the guys have created smack-dab in the middle of the house’s driveway. 

“Oh, I gotta see this!” Mr. Ex-Class-President all but runs over, frowning when we all turn to look at him just as I pick up the spirit box to show off how it works, “Oh that’s what you meant. So you aren’t taking your clothes off?“

Jess and I are alike in one thing - the need we feel to chuck objects at people who piss us off. “You’re girlfriend is, like, right behind you, Munroe. Have some decency!”

“I was gonna enjoy a show as well, but I’m guessing we won’t be getting one.“ The girlfriend in question replies, looking at me quizzically as though that’s gonna convince me into discarding my outfit.

“No, unless you’re a ghost.“ I point the device I’m holding at Mike, “But if your boyfriend here keeps acting up I might turn him into one.“

“That sounds kinda kinky.“ Beth’s comment surprises me. The wink she sends me even more so. “And I kinda like it.“

Ok, ok, ok, hold on. 

Flirting with Munroe is one thing, but Beth is a completely different story. I can be threatening Mike with a knife one moment and cracking sex jokes with him over cold beer the next. While Beth actually has the ability to get me flustered and blushing, and my close relationship with her brother doesn’t help. Mother fucker can just whack me upside the head every time he catches me fussing over my silly crush on his sister.

“Ew, you too! Keep it in your pants or at least get a room.“ Emily doesn’t miss a beat when it comes to being herself. She’s truly a garbage bin full of treasure.

“We’d do the latter if SOMEONE could get the door open.” I glare daggers at Josh who is making hopeless attempts at what I was doing earlier - unlocking that damn door.

“I’d be more than happy to come through for you ladies.“ Mike says, getting in a stance of a runner before a race, his body directly opposite the door.

Oh I can’t wait to see where this is going. I SHOULD RECORD IT.

“Mike, it’s still breaking and entering and it’s still against the law even if the person’s dead.“ Sam points out, entering her mother-like mode, ruining the fun and causing me to pout at her. She gives me a look of disappointment - one worse than I’ve ever seen on my parents - so I just shut my trap before she can also express said disappointment through words and have me feeling guilty for the rest of the day.

A loud crash suddenly echoes causing us to turn our heads to look for the source of the terrifyingly startling sound. One glance is all it takes to put our minds at ease and a second one is enough to provoke different reactions in all of us - the broken window telling the story of where Josh has disappeared.

“What did I just say about breaking and entering?!“ Sam shouts after him while the vast majority of us are cracking up like hyaenas. Jess is just gaping at the broken window next to the front door in disbelief. She obviously can’t decide whether to join in on the fun or serve as back-up to Sam. Josh did technically damage private property that’s partially hers, but if you ask me it serves her right for not marking her keys.

“Sorry, I was too busy breaking the window to hear that part of the conversation!“ Josh’s apologetic smile appears on the other side of glassless frame. I can’t tell if he’s genuinely sorry or holding back laughter but either way, he looks innocent enough for Sam to let him off the hook as long as he doesn’t cause any more trouble - in which case: tough luck. Chris, Josh and I are nothing if not troublemakers, especially when we’re together. Chris tones it down when Ash’s around, and the same goes for Josh with Sam while I’m simply problematic regardless of who’s watching. My chaos is untamable, it’s a blessing and a curse and I love it, even though it’s landed me in hot water more than once. It’s nice to be around people on the same wavelength - chaos resides within this group and not a single one of us can hide it.

“At least we have a way in now.“ Ash offers Josh a helping hand in this argument after she recovers from the overwhelming fit of laughter. “I hope the broken window doesn’t anger your gran, Jess.“

The blond snaps out of her trance briefly, “No, she was a very sweet lady, but damn is Josh creative!” She hurries to correct herself, “Destructively creative.”

I hurry to correct her once again, “Chaotically creative.”

“Guys, do you mind coming in? It’s very creepy standing here alone!“ Josh calls out to us, looking over his shoulder at the interior of the house, “I’m expecting to be snatched and dragged to that secret basement we mentioned.“

“Mention it one more time and I swear to God-!“ Jess screams, fists tightened.

Before her angry wrath could crash atop us, we all make our way into the house through the broken window, carefully avoiding the shards of glass strewn about. One step inside and we’re met with the upmost of horror clichés - a drop in temperature. We’re all wearing thick hoodies because the weather outside is chilly in and of itself, but said hoodies aren’t as efficient at holding the house’s cold at bay and away from out skin.

Chris and Matt make their way in last, carrying the equipment consisting of three cameras, flashlights for everyone, an EMF reader, a spirit voice box, a voice recorder and a motion detector. I help them hand a light to each group member as well as a ghost-hunting device before we venture onward.

“If I were your grandma’s ghost, I’d be ten times more pissed about that window. It looks to me like that lady payed a lot of attention to keeping things in order.“ Matt comments while he examines the expensive looking painting hanging in the hallway.

I hear Emily scoff, “Unlike some.” but the remark is said so quickly and quietly I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who heard it.

Jess laughs, “She did like things in order, but she was never as strict as you might think. As I said, she was very sweet.“

“So do you just not take after her at all or were you adopted?“ Emily’s remarks are no longer a mumbled jumble of words, “No, nevermind, of course you’re not adopted. Your parents are smart people, they wouldn’t have chosen you if they had the chance.“

Jess laughs again, much more menacingly this time, causing me to exchange a look with Hannah who’s walking beside me. “Twenty bucks says one of them isn’t making it out of here.” It’s just a matter of time, to be honest. If not the lodge, or any party we’ve ever attended as a group, this haunted house is the perfect opportunity for a murder. We could even argue it was a ghost.

Luckily, the two cats clawing at each other’s throats don’t overhear, “No, my parents aren’t stupid, but your boyfriend clearly is. He chooses to date you! Or are you holding him captive or something.“

Ok that’s enough. I can tolerate a lot of things, but people calling one of my best friends stupid is not something I’m about to put up with, “How dare you call one of my hoes stupid?” I sneer at Jess, eyes narrowing.

“I thought I was your hoe too!“ She fights back, looking almost offended.

“Even more reason you shouldn’t have called him that! I don’t tolerate my hoes not respecting each other.“ 

I don’t get to see where this argument goes because Ashley’s shriek echoes throughout the hallway, stealing mine as well as the attention of everyone else. 

“There’s a ghost in here!“ Making it to the doorway of the room she’s in first, I peak my head inside and see the EMF reader she’s holding going nuts as if it’s detected something.

“Don’t worry, Ash, there’s a dead cactus here. That’s not the ghost we’re looking for, is it?“ Chris, my amazingly bright friend says, quirking an eyebrow suggesting that remark was nothing short of dead-ass serious.

“Chris, darling, that’s not how it works. Cactuses are plants.“ I point out as sweetly as I can as to mask my laughter.

“Don’t the same ghostly rules apply?“ The genuine look of confusion he gives me almost makes me lose it.

“Ok children, leave the room, we need to set up a motion detector to be sure.“ Beth says with a tone that suggests she’s more than over our insanity. Jeez, count on her and Sam to start parenting us through our chaos. They are of high authority, must admit - one genuinely feels bad if they don’t comply to whatever these two girls demand.

We all pile out in the hallway while the twins set up this interesting motion detector with green dots. I don’t know what Jess’ granny looked like, but I bet that even the most unattractive of people would look hella good with this lighting. Thankfully the room is dark enough with the shutters closed and the curtains drawn, allowing the dots to be perfectly visible.

We stare at the minimalistic room littered with fluorescent green dots on every surface for maybe a minute or two but not much happens to the disappointment to some and relief to others. However, as if not wanting to let us down, the ghost makes a shy appearance if the shift of the green dots is anything to go by.

“Oh shit, is that a ghost?“ Chris whispers, sounding as amazed as I feel in this moment.

“It better be.“ I mutter in response, refusing to blink and risk missing anything important.

The sudden presence of the obnoxious noise of the spirit voice box makes us all jump. As I turn my head to glare at whoever’s using it, Josh speaks up. “Are you an attractive ghost?”

“Josh, that’s my great-grandmother, you ass!“ Jess barks with disgust in her voice.

In the meantime, I catch glimpse of Mike rolling up his sleeves. Oh shit, this ain’t good.

“I’ve been waiting for this!“ He shouts victoriously, cracking his knuckles.

Knowing this won’t end well, the first thing I do is snatch the camera from Chris’ hands and turn it on.

“Um, Mike, what do you mean?“ Sam’s back to being concerned, turning to the rest of us when Mike doesn’t give her a response, “What’s he gonna do?“

“Fight it.“ I answer as though it’s the most normal thing to ever have been done, “Or, ash he calls it - kick some ghost ass.“

“A freaking ghost?! He’s gonna try to tussle with something he can’t see?“ I can’t tell if Matt’s tone is disbelief, amusement or disappointment, but I believe he isn’t about to try and stop or dear ex-president in his pursuit and that’s all that matters. I ain’t about to let someone stop whatever’s about to go down from going down.

“That’s still my great-grandmother, you dumbass!“ Jess shrieks with something alike terror.

“Don’t worry Jess, I’m sure she’ll go easy on him.“ I say in an attempt to reassure her but I can’t even be bothered really, I’m too laser-focused on the circus that’s about to take place in front of me.

Mike, as if encouraged by my words, charges into the room. Much to his dismay, before he could even reach the ghost, he’s met with a much more vigorous enemy - the carpet. The rascal trips him up and Mr. Munroe falls flat on his face.

The group stays silent, looking at the glorious aftermath of the glorious fall. Told ya these lights could make everything fabulous. Must say, it’s truly an honor for me to have been able to catch all that on tape.

“10/10, would ghost-hunt with Mikey Munroe again.“

[monstersandmaw]

Embers - male dragon shifter x reader) Part Two (sfw)

(this is supposed to be going up every Friday, but I was a dumbo yesterday and forgot, so here it is, a day late and with my apologies!)

Here's Chapter Two for you, in which we find out our dragon shifter’s name (pronunciation at the end if you’re curious). And Frankie speaks with a heavy Welsh accent.

I was trying to keep each chapter to under 1000 words, but that didn't work out so well for this one. It's nearly 2000 words. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!

A phone call from a number you didn’t recognise interrupted your quiet Friday evening, and you answered with some trepidation. Usually it was marketing calls at this hour, and nothing was guaranteed to make you lose your shit quicker than someone phoning up to sell you double glazing or, even worse, to try and scam you out of your life savings.

This time, however, a bright and bubbly voice with a lilting accent asked, “Hiya, I hope I’m not calling at a bad time, but you gave my friend your number in the hopes of finding a flute teacher?”

“Oh my god!” you blurted, nearly dropping the phone. “Yes! I didn’t think he’d actually pass it on. Thanks for calling.”

The laugh that trilled out of the person on the other end was more like a bleating giggle, and it was then that you remembered that the teacher was a faun. “No problem! My name is Frankie, by the way, and I’ve actually got space to take on a new pupil at the moment. If I got it straight it’s your niece?”

“Yeah, she’s six.”

“Ok, if you could maybe tell me a bit about her and what level she’s at, that might help me plan a bit, but we could set up a trial lesson - free of charge - and go from there?”

“Perfect. As for her level, she’s brand new. She’s wanted to play the flute for a long time, but she’s only six and my brother couldn’t really afford lessons until now.” As a single father, a widower, your brother did his absolute best for his little girl, and with no kids of your own, you stepped in to help quite a lot. “She’s bright and a quick learner, though she’s not particularly verbal. She’s always been drawn to music though; I think it’s a half-siren thing…”

“Yeah, that’ll be it!” he chuckled. “As long as she’s going to listen to me, that’s a good place to start from; I don’t need her to recite the Trollbridge Common Dictionary as well. I teach up at Mikaeïl’s house - he lets me use the music room free of charge.”

You frowned in confusion. “Mikaeïl?”

“The red-headed, starched-shirt-wearing, giant nerd-bag you met in the coffee shop,” he grinned and you snorted your tea nearly out of your nose.

“Oh my god.”

“Right? I mean, Kaeïl is an absolute marshmallow on the inside, I promise, but he comes across as a complete arsehole, doesn’t he? Anyway, back to the flute lessons. You let me know some dates when she’ll be free to come over, I’ll give you the address, and we can see how we get along. Texting is better for me as I’m usually teaching during the day.”

“Sounds good,” you said, and began to arrange the rest with Frankie.

Afterwards you did a quick internet search and found him easily enough. He was apparently well known, both as a teacher and a soloist, and he and the quintet did a number of local concerts too. You couldn’t resist zooming in on a few photos which also had Mikaeïl in. God, he had amazing bone structure, but he definitely had one severe case of resting bitch-face for sure. He wasn’t smiling in any of the photos and he looked severe, and untouchable as a hot coal.

Satisfied that Frankie was the genuine article, you called your brother and fixed a date to take her to the address Frankie had given you.

The next Friday, you picked Celia up from school while her dad took the night shift at work. The hours weren’t great, but it meant he got slightly better pay. Plus it meant that you got to have Celia for the night, and that was always fun. She was intelligent and creative, if quiet, and after dinner the two of you usually watched a film together or read if she didn’t feel like watching anything. You knew she missed her siren mother dearly, and her death had almost destroyed your brother. You and he were all the family she had now; her own grandparents had wanted nothing to do with a half-breed human.

You found Mikaeïl’s place easily enough, and as the enormous gates swung open for you, drove your rather shoddy car along the mile-long gravel driveway through gorgeous parkland and up to a frankly ridiculous mansion on the outskirts of Old Trollbridge. You barely restrained yourself from cursing out loud. The place was insanely beautiful.

Celia had her hands pressed up against the car windows, mouth open. “My teacher lives here?” she asked.

“It’s the house of his friend,” you said, trying to sound unfazed and unaffected by the grandeur. Mikaeïl must be a very wealthy person indeed.

You parked up outside and Celia hopped out, piercing eyes gazing up at the warm, sandstone facade of the building with its many sash windows and ornate architectural details. Her dusky brown wings - small for a siren her age, but then again she was only half-siren - were flexed slightly, as though she planned on flapping up to get a closer look at the carvings above the door, but you took her hand before the thought got any further, and led her to the front door, her brand new flute in your other hand.

It took a while for someone to come to the door, but when it was answered, you were surprised to find that it wasn’t some servant or butler in fancy livery, but it was Mikaeïl himself. You recognised him instantly, and he looked at you from behind his circular, gold-rimmed glasses with the same, piercing gold eyes. Despite the colour, they were cold and unsmiling. Beside him, in complete contrast in every way, stood a very short, slightly stocky figure with the white, woolly lower half of a satyr. He wore a thick, dark green, knitted jumper despite the warmth of the day, and he had massively thick, curling horns that coiled around his ovine ears. His curly hair was cut relatively short, and matched his white legs in colour.

He extended a hand to you as Mikaeïl stepped back silently and disappeared into the shadows, and he bleated, “Hi! I’m Frankie. And you must be Celia,” he added, turning his dark eyes to her. “Nice to meet you. Would you like to come in?”

She nodded shyly, and you ushered her inside in front of you. Frankie’s big cloven hooves clopped loudly on the marble entrance hall, and Celia gasped as she took in the beautiful, sweeping staircase that curled up the cylindrical walls of the drum-like entrance hall that was capped with a coffered dome.

“It’s quite something, isn't it?” Frankie said conspiratorially to her, and she nodded again. “Come on, let me show you guys the music room. It’s got the loveliest piano. This way.”

Mikaeïl had all but vanished.

Nattering constantly, Frankie led you away down a light, airy corridor with gold and cream silk wall hangings and 18th century landscape paintings on one side and a gallery of windows overlooking the gravel driveway on the other, and into an equally beautiful space. Somehow, despite the obvious wealth, the music room was tasteful and bizarrely modest. Yes, that was an original Steinway, and yes, there was a crystal chandelier - relatively small, but still - in the centre of the moulded-plaster ceiling, but the huge windows looked out onto a private terrace and parkland beyond, and it had the feeling of a well-used, well-loved, functional room.

Celia was utterly entranced. Her wide eyes took it all in and you stood there dumbstruck as well.

Eventually, however, you both got over it, and Frankie brought over a very ordinary, metal music stand and parked his behind on the piano stool with a grunt. “Right,” he grinned and she giggled slightly. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.” He pulled out his own flute from its case and showed her how to align the sections of her own correctly.

You sat at one side of the room, but you realised quickly that Celia kept looking over to you before she spoke, so you said, “Celia, I think you might learn better if I wait outside. How would that be?”

She nodded and you knew her well enough to see that she wasn’t worried, and Frankie shot you a smile and a nod. “We’ll be about another half an hour,” he said quietly.

With that, you left, and wandered up the corridor and back into the entrance hall.

You took your time in the corridor, admiring the paintings, and you were just looking up at the ceiling of the entrance hall again, marvelling at the artistry of the whole thing, when someone cleared their throat pointedly from the doorway to your left and you jumped.

“Can I help you?”

It was Mikaeïl. He was dressed in a smart shirt, with a black waistcoat and black trousers today, and his long red hair was tied back in a smooth ponytail that fell halfway down his back. His horns glinted in the low light, looking more like strangely-carved precious gems, flecked with gold, than keratin, and his eyes reflected oddly, like cat’s eyes in the dark.

“I…” you faltered. “I thought it best if I left them to it…” you said stupidly. He seemed to have the effect of draining your IQ to zero with just one look.

“So you took the liberty of roaming the halls of my home instead?” he said in a cold drawl.

“I… I’m not poking around,” you countered hotly, finding your words coming back to you. “I’ve only walked along the corridor!”

A tiny smile twitched at the corner of his lips. “Would you like something to drink?”

His polite question caught you off guard, and you gave him a blank look. “I thought you were going to have your gamekeeper shoot me for trespassing…” you said dryly.

Mikaeïl barked a harsh but amused laugh, the rigid lines of his body softening just a fraction. “Not yet at least,” he said and turned his back on you.

Assuming you were meant to follow, you did. 

Part Three

—

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It’s pronounced ‘mick-eye-ill’ :)

[doof-doofblog]

"That Is My Boy!"

Monday 26th October 2020

Hello again everyone! Hope you all had a brilliant weekend, I apologise for this post being late, tonight I will covering yesterday's episode and tomorrow will follow tonight's episode. Last week ended on such a big cliff-hanger, I'm looking forward to what this week has in store. I'm not going to waste any of your time, let's jump right into it!

The episode starts with Sonia receiving a brand new car from a supposed patient she treated in hospital with Covid-19! Quite interesting really, I mean, its a lovely gesture, but possibly something someone wouldn't be able to accept? Or unless this is going to be a new storyline for Sonia? Is this Coronavirus patient going to be a stalker perhaps? What do you guys think? Over the road, Denise is looking out the window in amazement of Sonia's new car, as she smiles Jack joins her in the living room. She attempts to approach the Raymond situation gently, she asks very politely of him whether it's worth her moving back in with Patrick or whether she'll have permission to set up a bed for Raymond. Denise has always said she wants to bring up Raymond with Jack and be a proper family. I do kind of wish Jack would be more supportive of his girlfriend. He seems distracted by Amy's attitude and her homework as Denise is trying to have a quiet word with him.

At the police station, DI Thompson is having words with Callum. At first I thought he was giving him more information on Ellie Nixon, explaining that there were 4 Nixon properties. However, as the conversation goes on, DI Thompson still seems more interested in getting Phil behind bars. It looks as if he's informing Callum about a scam of drugs, if they plant it and Phil goes to recover it, they could catch him? At least, that's what I make out from that discussion. But I might've got that wrong. Why would Phil go to a building which had drugs in it? For money? Possibly! But whatever their scam seems to be, he informs Callum that it'll be happening today!! Does anyone else think that Callum is in too deep? I think he's found himself caught in something that he really can't get out of. I do hope, in time, he'll find a way around it and get DI Thompson in trouble instead!

Meanwhile, at the Cafe, Linda bumps into Max. They haven't been seen together since Max apologised to Linda for kissing her. As they make small talk about her spending the day with Mick, Bobby rushes in with a handful of flyers, advertising his charity - The Lucy Beale Foundation. He announces that they're putting up an award. Both Linda and Max praise Bobby for everything he's doing for his deceased sister. Kathy agrees to take some and Max even offers to take some for the restaurant. As Bobby leaves, Kathy asks Linda whether Mick has found work yet. Linda is quick to defend her husband, explaining that it's really hard at the moment and they're coping okay on her wage. It's then Max also offers her the job to work in the restaurant if she needs the extra money, but before she can answer, Mick appears. He can only act civil towards Max after learning about him making a move on his wife.

Outside in the gardens, Keegan is sat on young Dennis's bench looking after Mack and Mia. Both the children appear to be missing their Grandad, and Keegan very gently explains to them that he's gone back to work, probably in a way of helping him cope with his daughter's death. Across the Square, Gray is sat outside his house with Shirley, watching his children play. They discussing Gray going back to work, she suggests to him it might do him the world of good and give him something to focus on. Gray still admits he still doesn't feel ready, but maybe Shirley will be able to persuade him? As they chat, excited screams and cheers can be heard from across the Square and Sonia reveals herself in a brand new car as she drives around the Square. Shirley and Gray look amazed and can't understand how Sonia can afford such a luxurious car.

Meanwhile at the Mitchell household, Callum informs Ben and Phil about the plan to raid 4 of the Nixon properties. Ah right so it makes more sense now, Phil is to plant drugs in one of the properties and Ellie will never find out which one. He promises Phil that no more will be said about it and it'll be the only way they'll be able to get Raymond back. Phil is to meet them there at 3pm and go along with the plan. However, something tells me this is going to bite Phil right in the bum! I have a horrible horrible feeling that as soon as he has Raymond safe, DI Thompson is going to arrest him for planting the drugs, to which Phil will realise it's all been a set up and he'll lose trust in Callum completely - Ben also will struggling to come to terms with the fact that his boyfriend shopped his Dad to the police. As this conversation continues, Phil is thankful towards Callum and even informs him that he'll never be able to thank him enough, he won't forget what he's done for his family, even stating that he actually belongs in the family now!

Back at the Cafe, Stacey finds Kheerat after their night of passion. Stacey is still quite flirtatious as she confirms to him that the previous night they spent together was nice. However, she isn't looking for a relationship right now, and it would seem that neither is Kheerat. As they chat, Kheerat gets onto the subject of Ruby, he recalls Stacey being out for revenge last night, and it seems that after their chat, she knows he's said some words which have played on her mind. She makes the brilliant point that she's not going anywhere and she's in for playing the long game. It's then that Kheerat mentions he might be able to help her out. What could he possibly do or offer to help Stacey?!

Back at the Mitchell household, Callum is quite clearly a nervous wreck, he spills milk as Ben approaches him from behind. Even though Ben is grateful for everything his boyfriend has done for his Dad and his family, he can't shake the feeling of concern for his boyfriend. He states the fact that he has broken so many rules when it's come to helping them and Ben is refusing to let it affect his boyfriends career. Even if he didn't want him to join the police in the first place, he doesn't want his sacrifices to potentially ruin his career. Ben is clearly being the supportive partner, to me - it looks like the roles have reversed, Ben is thankful to his partner but not wanting him to be in any trouble and yet Callum is all caught up in a web of lies. I REALLY don't see how Callum can go through with this, I'm kind of scared to watch!

Back on the Square, Linda is gently approaching the subject of working a shift for Max to Mick. She insists that if he doesn't want her to work it, then she won't, only it would be good for the money. Mick has been really off with his wife lately, speaking to her in awful ways and pushing her aside, he literally instructs her to do the shift. From across the Square, Tina sees her brother and sister-in-law and happens to mention Frankie and the fact that she just walked off without a word. Linda volunteers Mick to work the shift for her, but Mick is less than impressed and informs his wife that he'll look for a job when he wants to! Linda attempts to fight her corner saying that she was doing it for Tina, but Mick throws in the insult about working a shift for his wife during the times she was drunk. Tina overhears and is shocked at Mick's outburst, Linda is visibly hurt by her husbands words and as he walks away, she makes the phone call to Max and informs him she'll be ready whenever he wants her.

Meanwhile, at the salon, Jack appears to be looking for Denise. Mitch informs him that Denise has gone shopping, I'm assuming to buy stuff for Raymond, ready for his arrival. As they chat, Jack gives his condolences to Mitch and mentions that he understands what he's going through, as he went through the exact same thing when Ronnie passed away. But before he can make an exit, Mitch can see that there's something troubling the family man, he insists he sits and they talk. Jack admits that the main thing that is concerning him is Amy and her behaviour, he panics that she could be turning into her Mum, Roxy. Which in all serious, isn't a bad thing! Roxy was an incredible woman who stood up for what she believed in! I feel it's been nice that the Mitchell sisters have been mentioned, makes me realise how much I miss them in the soap. They were truly iconic characters. If Amy was to be a follow-up Roxy then I wouldn't mind. But I think Jack needs to realise that Amy is becoming of age now and she can decide she can be whoever she wants to be. Okay, she might make some mistakes, but children need to learn from their mistakes, right?! I think maybe Jack is being a little over protective, or am I seeing it differently?! What do you guys think?

Returning to the Cafe - we've been here a lot this episode - Ben finds his Dad and confides in him that Callum could lose his job for everything he's done for them. It's obvious that Phil has complete faith in Callum and he informs his son that he would do exactly the same for Ben if it was him. He completely stands by the fact that he's doing this for his son! Ben warns his Dad that after today, he doesn't him asking Callum anymore favours where he could get into trouble.

At the restaurant, Linda is busy working her shift for Max. Bobby is also helping out as Sharon pops in to apologise for leaving him in the lurch the other day when she received Bobby's belongings. Bobby is completely sympathetic and understands to which she responds with how she can help with his Lucy Beale Foundation, its then the young teenager reveals he wishes both she and Max be trustees for the charity. They are both deeply honoured and agree to the roles, Sharon asks whether Ian has been made aware of his choices but Bobby admits that the news would be better coming from her. Something tells me that Ian will be okay with Sharon, but not specifically Max. Suddenly Linda appears and she's delighted to see her friend ... It's blatantly obvious that Linda is all dressed up for Max, even Sharon compliments her dress and new make-up. Max even offers her a full-time job at the restaurant which Linda politely declines ... or actually shall I say, she flirts with him and states that he can't afford her! To be honest, the way Mick has been treating her lately, I'm not surprised she's slowly falling into Max's arms!

At the Carter flat, Tina confronts her brother, she knows there's something bothering him. He's even acting cold towards her, stating he needs her spare keys back. He's ignoring everything she's saying and instructs her to leave them on the table. Tina is pushing for answers, acknowledging that he's pushing everyone around him away. She pleads to her brother to let her in, she tries to rejog his memory, mentioning how awful it felt when his son wouldn't tell them all about his depression, and also when Linda was suffering with her alcohol addiction, he was the supportive Dad and Husband! Mick knows that his sister is speaking the truth and its like he holds on to every word. He asks her whether she means what she says about him being a great Dad, and Tina is just stunned to hear him even ask that question!

The next scene shows Ellie entering the Arches, she appears to be ready and waiting for Phil to give her the money. However, Phil then informs her that she isn't getting a penny from him, during this scene I feel like cheering at the TV! It's great seeing Phil put someone in their place and not being able to worm their way out of it! He confronts Ellie with all the information he knows about her multiple properties and how awful it would be if something was to be found there. Ellie looks fearful and angry, she knows he is up to something. Suddenly her phone rings and it looks like someone is giving her unfortunate news, it's then that Ritchie makes herself known and confirms that if she just signs the document, it will be known that both Mr Mitchell and Ms Fox did not kidnap their own child and indeed instead signed over! Ellie is less than impressed as Phil offers her a pen!

Back at home, Denise comes home to find Jack sat quietly on the sofa. Is it possible that his conversation with Mitch has been playing over and over in his mind. He tells Denise that since Ronnie passed away, he's never been able to talk to someone or trust someone as much as he does with Denise. This scene is particularly upsetting, both Jack and Denise admit how much they love each other, but Jack informs her that she needs to look after Raymond and he needs to be there for Amy. I think it angers him how much Phil is involved, but he's come to realise that no matter what they do, Phil will always be involved, as he is Raymond biological father! They sadly agree to go their separate ways, for their children.

Meanwhile, Kheerat finds Suki in his office as he's accompanied by Stacey. Seriously, does anyone hate Suki as much as I do? She takes one look at Stacey as shouts "No!" - but it looks as if both Stacey and Kheerat know full well that Stacey has been given a job with them. Kheerat confirms that she starts the following morning, as she leaves, Suki makes the harsh dig that Chantelle wouldn't be happy. Kheerat warns his mother not to even cross that line! But then she turns the conversation to the Slaters again, stating that they could fit a few flats in that one house! Kheerat can see what his Mum is trying to say and is adamant that as soon as Stacey gets paid, she'll be able to pay the rent. But Suki warns that if they miss one single payment then they are out!!

Returning to the Carter household, Mick is finally reaching out to his daughter, Frankie, pondering over whether to send her a message or not, asking if she's okay. He eventually presses "Send!" The final scene on the Square is a very touching one, Denise walks onto the Square to see a car pulled up. She asks Ritchie whether Raymond knows who she is, and whether he's been told anything about his Nan. Ritchie confirms he doesn't and slowly this shy little boy walks towards her with a small suitcase. From across the Square, Phil is watching everything unfold as his son is finally reunited with his mother. Tears begin to fill his eyes as he watches his son from a distance. Denise crouches to the little boy's level and promises to take care of him. As he takes the young boy inside, Callum asks Phil whether everything is all done now, it's then Phil happens to say "For today!" - is he going to now fight for custody against Denise? I'd hate to see Phil and Denise fight over their boy after everything they've been through with Ellie together!

I didn't realise it, but it turns out that this episode was Ellie's last episode. I'm kind of feeling a bit disheartened as I was hoping to see more from her, I was expecting something really big like a custody battle that would go on for weeks/months! But I guess she played a good part while she was on the soap. However we never got to know much about her, other than she was dangerous, but why was she dangerous?! I'm sure there would've been so much more to her character! What do you guys think? Are you sad to see her leave or do you think her exit worked out well?

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much for reading, I'll be back tomorrow following up on tonight's episode! Enjoy the rest of your week folks! Love you all xXx

[praphit]

Aquaman: Party through the "Meh" with mermaids twerkin

When I first heard that Aquaman was getting his own movie, I was hyped! I thought to myself "FINALLY!"

Finally, this man is going to get a chance to reveal his story to the world!" He has been ridiculed for decades - the only superhero who's this powerful, who never gets any respect! It ain't right! It ain't right how we've made fun of him. Yeah, I know I've made fun of him as well... which I will not apologize for... his power is silly. It's possible to have a special ability that is both powerful and down right stupid.

Look at Wolverine - now, I would never tell him to his face that his power is stupid, but... ... I mean, his power is taking an asswhupin. Take away his claws, questionable grooming, and attitude and you're left with that cheerleader from "Heroes" - same powers.

The X-Men could simply replace Wolverine with her. Now, they would never do that, or even think of saying that Wolvy is silly, right??! Nah, cuz he he makes it look good! We respect that man! He makes it work! He is a BAMF phosho!

Whenever there's a problem that needs a "fixer", they call on Wolverine, cuz he's bad ass. DC thought that they might make Aquaman into the Wolverine of the Justice League. I was down for it!

Even Aquaman was excited about this - he decided he'd change his look to cultivate how he wanted to be perceived. He wanted that Jason Momoa look: He dyed his hair, got some tats, joined a biker gang... JM kinda has that sexy-dirty look going on.

Here's a picture of him just getting out of the water, and yet he still looks a lil dirty somehow; it's uncanny. So, Aquaman decided that he'd lift weights on a beach that has a thin layer of trash on it -  to get that look, and that he wouldn't stop lifting until the ladies start hurling compliments, phone numbers, and bikini tops at him. The Jason Momoa make-over is in full effect and I'm loving it!

We saw him with the Justice League - He was PartyMan! They were trying to save the world from ultimate evil while he was showing up late, drunk, and shirtless, being like "YEAH! PARTAAAAAY! WHEW!" Who doesn't love that guy??! Give me a movie about Aquaman drinking under the sea, making fish perform musicals for him (cuz why not??), getting high with sharks, and banging mermaids. YES!

BUT, then I started thinking.... thinking things through typically ruins fun: Sure I loved "partyman", but do I really want 2 1/2 hours of him? At some point, party men/women get tiresome, right?? I started thinking about the current state of the DC Universe - Superman and his digitally removed mustache flew off to make action movies.

Batman hasn't been looking too good these days -

Sorry, wrong one -

But, still not looking so good - (we do hope Ben gets better)

Just like us men to leave the woman behind to carry the load. Eventually, carrying the rest of the DC universe is going to wear on WW, right?? We've all known or had moms who power through their guy leaving in the beginning, while carrying a huge load. But, after a while they get cranky... maybe bitter towards men... and drink a lil too much wine every night (but we don't talk about it).

I can see this in WW's fate for the next movie. Bursting through doors, with a wine stained costume, punching all of the men (simply assuming they're the ones who are in the wrong)... eternal bags under her eyes... somehow all of her inspirational speeches end with her cursing the names of Batman and Superman. If that's how a mighty warrior like Wonder Woman is going to end up, what hope is there for a loveable, drunken, ex biker gang member like Aquaman?

Then, someone walked over to me and said "John Praphit, quit being Marvel's bitch and go support a DC comic movie for a change!" Now, people... for one that's uncalled for... and two - while I consider myself to be a patient, gracious, Jesus-loving man... if one gets out of line with their mouth, don't think I won't wait until Jesus ain't lookin and beat them down. Soooooo, that's exactly what I did to this person - with my hands around their throat, I was STILL thinking... What other movies are even out around Christmas?

That Deadpool scam? -

It's the same movie with a lil less cussing and violence in it! I hope that y'all didn't fall for this! DP and Fred Savage are out there stealing people's money.

I thought "I could go see these two assholes."

Or what about Mary Poppins?

I actually have an idea for Mary Poppins. How about Mary Poppins the Horror Film?! Picture her in the house teaching and singing with the kids, but they aren't getting it - they're such screwups... she walks upstairs into the bathroom, shuts the door, and finally snaps. She takes off her clothes except her underwear, shaves her head, opens a chest full of guns, and begins to strap them all on... puts on lipstick, but not on her lips... she smears it all over her face... drinks a half a bottle of vodka, and then walks out the door, down the stairs to the kids... that's when the fun/horror begins. YES!

While still holding this person's neck in my hands, I thought to myself "I'm never going to get THAT Poppins." So... I let him go, called an ambulance for him (cuz I'm gracious like that), and went to see Aquaman.

PEOPLE!

Meh... it was as I thought it would be. There are some fun moments - Jason Momoa's portrayl of Aqua is certainly fun, it's just that the director of this movie forgot to tell the other cast members to have fun. Everyone not named Aquaman is so serious in this movie. Again, Momoa is fun... the cg fights are fun, but... it's just meh. But, being that there's not a whole lot to see in the theatres right now, perhaps it'll be the perfect type of "meh" for you. I recommend having a few drinks first tho. The dialogue is BAD and the plot - I mean...

... it's a campaign for who should be King of the sea. Jason Momoa or this guy

-

(everything about him screams lame) C'mon, no need for a fight, just a quick vote, and let's all move on.

Granted, I can remember a time when we all thought there would be a landslide victory for a particular leader, and the voting process kinda failed us...

So - maybe an over-CG'd water/fish fight IS warranted. (and you get two of them).

Can you imagine if Trump and Clinton had duked it out for the presidency?? I think I'd put my money on Clinton. Sometimes, it's the angrier person who wins the battle. Clinton has all of that rage built up from dealing with Bill all of these years.

She could focus all of her rage on Trump. Finally unleashed!

Anyway Grade: generic C for Aquaman - though an entertaining generic C

What they should have done is go all in on comedy - like Thor 3 or Ant-Man. They could have even sold a fun soundtrack produced by Rick Ross and Lil Wayne. Picture Momoa under the sea, wearing a hoody with Rick Ross... while bopping his head to the beat. You could have Lil Wayne surfing on a shark above... mermaids twerkin!

OR - Give us killer Aquaman.. but still funny. You know?? - make us laugh while he's engaged in the mayhem. Like if you were to combine Jason Momoa with Kevin Hart and The Joker.

Though I believe Aquaman's powers to be silly, they could be horrific with the right mindset. There are all kinds of creepy creatures under the sea. Just have Aqua drag people down to the sea and have fun with them using some of these beauties.

Then the sequel could be Aquaman seeking redemption; realizing that he should use his powers for good. He could tweet out some apology - He's a changed man! He has found the Lord! I dont think the villain to hero story has been told quite like this in a Comicbook movie before.

And when the people don't forgive him, cuz... you know... all of the murder. BOOM! Third movie with him saying "Well, bleep y'all then!"

THAT'S a franchise that is definitely NOT "meh".

[enbouton]

Better Call Saul Rewatch, Part 1/30: They Called Him Slippin’ Jimmy

Late last month, I decided to rewatch all of BCS and post about it, one episode at a time, every day during the 30 days leading up to the premiere. The elements of this plan that proved problematic were “post” and “one episode at a time”, but we’ve still got three weeks, so let’s do this. I’m not much of a critic; this is going to be mostly just a bundle of thoughts and observations. There will also be a key to references in the dialogue, notes on locations and the timeline, and probably a lot of gushing over beautiful frames, because there are many (see above! look at that! look at it!!!). The tag will be #bcs rewatch, for your following/blocking needs.

Uno (Season 1, Episode 1)

Written by Vince Gilligan & Peter Gould / Directed by Vince Gilligan

If the Cinnabon sequence constitutes fanservice, I don’t care, because it’s brilliant. 

BCS uses a lot of intense chiaroscuro, and it starts in the scene at Gene’s apartment. Details— the ice in the glass, the white label on the bottle of Scotch— are highlighted, the rest of the picture is subdued. There’s also a gorgeous softness to the black-and-white images. Overheard on the TV as Gene pours: a woman cheerily saying “Well, from time to time, people make mistakes, that’s okay!”

There’s a bit of Breaking Bad-style handheld camera here, which stands out because it’s mostly absent from the rest of the show. In Gene’s living room we have the first appearance of glass block windows, about which blogger Marc Valdez wrote an excellent piece (Streamline Moderne and Jimmy McGill).

“No charge is too big for me!” says Saul, on the tape that Gene is watching in hiding with his blinds closed. :(

(In this episode, Jimmy’s personae are introduced in reverse chronological order: first Gene, then Saul Goodman, then James M. McGill Esquire, then Slippin’ Jimmy.)

It’s May 13, 2002, and the courtroom scene— beautifully paced, by the way— is one of the most distinctly Vince Gilligan scenes that ever Vince Gilliganed. The stenographer loudly slurping on her Big Gulp, the attorney using her legal pad to draw a shirtless man on a unicorn, the prosecutor silently wheeling in the TV in response to Jimmy’s argument, and most of all, the horrifying punchline.

When we first encounter Jimmy— as opposed to Gene or Saul— he’s pacing in the men’s room, muttering about how people shouldn’t be punished for whatever stupid things they did when they were young. Hmm. The three defendants sit there, chastened and nervous in ill-fitting ties, as Jimmy does an excellent job of talking around what it is they actually did. No one got hurt! It wasn’t trespassing, the business was open day and night! “I don’t think they deserve to have their bright futures ruined by a momentary, minute, never-to-be-repeated lapse in judgment,” he tells the jury.

I’m jumping ahead here, but where do you think Jimmy would have ended up if the whole Chicago sunroof incident never happened? I mean, he wouldn’t have gone to Albuquerque, he wouldn’t have become a lawyer… do you think he was happy just running small-time cons and smoking weed at age c. 30?

Anyway, as soon as we see the boys in the mortuary, let alone hear the sawing, we know the case is unwinnable. Jimmy collects his meagre paycheck and stalks out to his car. The show teases us a bit by putting a white pearlescent Cadillac front and centre in the frame before panning across to a battered 1998 Suzuki Esteem (aside: that car is awfully beat up for being only four years old). I love the car, by the way. The colour and the mismatched door are perfect.

The Kettlemans, who could have stepped straight out of an episode of Fargo (as Julie Ann Emery in fact did!), introduce the theme of denial of reality. They’re the innocent victims of a misunderstanding, you see. Craig’s business practices are “beyond reproach”. The missing money is a “discrepancy”. While Craig is amenable to hiring Jimmy, Betsy won’t have it; needing a lawyer would imply guilt, after all. Bob Odenkirk plays Jimmy’s barely-hidden desperation very well. He looks literally and figuratively hungry as Craig prepares to sign.

I want to take a moment to comment on Dave Porter’s score, which helps set Better Call Saul apart from Breaking Bad. The two scores are similar enough to provide continuity, but where Breaking Bad’s music is full of mechanical sounds, drones, saws and reverberations, the music of Better Call Saul has a much warmer timbre, more traditional instrumentation and a more naturalistic sound. (The best side-by-side comparison I can think of is “Dead Freight” versus “Border Crossing”— similar themes, similar rhythm and tempo, completely different feels.) The use of flute and harp stands out in particular— you’d never hear those instruments used in the same way in an episode of Breaking Bad.

One of this episode’s most effective individual beats is Cal coming out of nowhere and hitting Jimmy’s windshield, which manages to be startling even when you know it’s coming. It’s the distraction factor: preoccupy the audience with new information (Jimmy’s card was declined) and then fling a skateboarder into the frame. Jimmy, his windshield broken (can we call that a Breaking Bad reference?), limps home.

The lighting in Jimmy’s office is just gorgeous. This show unreasonably romanticises broke lawyers living in salon backrooms. We learn that Jimmy has a host of “past due” bills— wireless, Visa, library, Diner’s Club, phone— and then get a brilliant hook in the form of a check for $26,000 (dated May 9, 2002, for those of us tracking this stuff) that he promptly rips up, scowling.

Everything about the offices of Hamlin, Hamlin & McGill is so composed, right down to the five-note elevator chime. Blue and wood panelling predominate. I’ll have more to say about colours later on.

The boardroom scene is a beautiful piece of exposition, establishing characters and relationships bit by bit without spelling anything out. Chuck is someone close to Jimmy, and Hamlin, a senior partner at HHM, is giving Chuck money. He’s paying it into Jimmy’s account because Chuck isn’t capable of going to the bank, for some reason. Chuck helped build the firm, but he doesn’t work there any more and Jimmy thinks he never will again. Hamlin, on the other hand, believes Chuck can overcome his situation, and Jimmy dodges the question when asked whether Chuck really wants to be cashed out. The words “brother” and “illness” aren’t even used.

“If Chuck can call this an extended sabbatical, so can we”, Hamlin says— it’s not just Betsy Kettleman who’s engaging in a degree of denial (though the whole situation with Hamlin and Chuck’s illness becomes much more shaded and more complicated later on).

Let’s take another look at this incredible frame:

Kim and Jimmy share a cigarette. Seven words are spoken. Thus, their relationship is sketched out. See above re: exposition. We also see Kim literally clearing up after Jimmy after he takes his frustration out on the trash can, illustrating how they respectively deal with unfairness; he lashes out, she sets things straight.

Again in darkness, Jimmy arrives at Chuck’s house, stashes his phone and keys in the mailbox, and grounds himself on a piece of metal. (The air in Albuquerque is so dry that it’s very easy to build up a static charge. I was constantly getting zapped by door handles.) Chuck, noticing Jimmy’s discontent, instinctively asks him if he’s “in trouble”, which must sting.

Good Lord the lighting is beautiful.

Chuck does have a point about what would happen if he were to cash out of HHM. Jimmy doesn’t seem to see past the initial payout. What they’re really arguing about, beyond money, is whether or not Chuck is ever going to recover from his unspecified illness. The way his voice breaks on “I’m going to get better!” is rough. 

“Your friend Kim— a promising career, over and done with.” Not to read too much into this phrasing, but it sounds almost like Chuck thinks that if Kim lost her job at HHM it would be the end of her entire career. As if the firm is only keeping her there out of charity.

“But Jimmy, wouldn’t you rather build your own identity?” Oh, Chuck, if you only knew.

The next scene plunges us into sunlight. Jimmy has tracked down the skateboarders and we get a foundational piece of his backstory: he used to make money running slip-and-fall scams on the icy sidewalks of his hometown, and now he wants the boys to take a hit from Betsy Kettleman so that he can parachute into her good graces. Jimmy, apparently, has been observing Betsy closely enough that he knows where her kids go to school, what time she leaves to pick them up, and what route she takes. I mean, okay.

The hit-and-run happens at 7th Street and Tijeras Avenue, very close to the school where Jimmy & crew film the flag in season 2, and a short distance west of the courthouse district and the Civic Plaza. This whole sequence is such a glorious comedy of errors, and it showcases perfectly Jimmy’s ability to think on his feet. I mean, it’s also true that if he’d aborted the plan when “Betsy Kettleman” had driven off, he never would have ended up hog-tied in the desert pleading for his life, but those are unknown unknowns, I suppose.

“You felonied my brother!" is possibly one of my favourite lines of the season.

Who among us saw Tuco coming? None. None of us. I gasped. It was very considerate of the show to release the next episode immediately.

Miscellaneous

While most of the addresses shown on screen in BCS are fictionalised, the address shown on Jimmy’s mail—160 Juan Tabo Boulevard NE— is the actual IRL location of the nail salon.

Items in Gene’s shoebox: the videotape, an old Band-Aid container, various photos including one of a man standing in front of a 1940s-style car, and a photo packet from a film lab in Portland, Maine

Broken windshields: 2

New Mexico Statutes violated: 3— § 30-28-2, conspiracy to commit felony fraud (Jimmy, Cal and Lars); § 66-7-202, failing to stop after an accident causing damage to a vehicle (Mrs. Salamanca); § 30-3-2, aggravated assault (Tuco)

Timeframe: May 13 to May 25, 2002 (see next post)

Music

“Address Unknown” by the Ink Spots (1939), during the Cinnabon sequence

“Milestones” by Shook (2014), as the twins attempt to scam Betsy

References

Network: a 1976 film about a news anchor who begins ranting about the state of the world during a broadcast. The character whom Jimmy quotes (”You have meddled with the primal forces of nature...!”) is a man who berates the protagonist for speaking out against his network’s corporate owners. Bryan Cranston starred in the 2017 stage adaptation.

Peter Minuit: a Dutch trader who purchased the island of Manhattan from the Lenape people for a sum equalling about $1,000 in today’s money

“Ergo, a falsis principiis proficisci”: “therefore, you proceed from false principles"

Trichinosis: a parasitic disease most often spread via undercooked pork

Starlight Express: an Andrew Lloyd Webber rock musical performed on rollerskates 

> NEXT EPISODE: MIJO

[krisroley]

Monday, March 02, 2020

New Music Releases come out on Fridays. It used to be Tuesdays back when the big hit on the charts was the Maari Chant, but we’ve since understood that people actually have money on Fridays and maybe NOT Tuesdays? With the miracle of streaming music, I can listen to these new releases. Some are freakin’ great, and some are…well, not. Here are the albums I think you should add to your library this week, and understand that this is based on nothing more than what I think is good. If you like this, we can make this a regular thing.

Five Finger Death Punch — F8

Tycho — Simulcast

Christine and the Queens — La vita nuova

Caribou — Suddenly

The Night Flight Orchestra — Aeromantic

Mihali — Breathe and Let Go

Kevin Krauter — Full Hand

Lisa Loeb — A Simple Trick to Happiness

Bullion — We Had a Good Time

There were some metal albums in this week’s releases, and never have I been more aware of how much metal has evolved, and by evolved I mean I had a hard time picking out a melody. Not my cup of tea. Also, I gave some thought to links to these albums, but if I do that someone will ask why didn’t give a link to (insert service here), which will inevitably lead to me including the link to a streaming service set up by Joe in Newark who knows a guy. I will assume that you’re an intelligent life form and can find it on your service of choice.

Some Podcast Rec’s for you: The 2nd Seasons of The Dream and Conviction are out, and a new Pod called “WeCrashed: The Rise and Fall of WeWork”

The Dream started as a look at the scam that is the MLM industry, this season they’re looking at the ‘wellness’ industry. Outfits like doTerra that sell essential oils and the like.

Conviction’s new season focuses on the Satanic Panic. Living in the Bible Belt (Our national crazy uncle Pat Robertson lives here) there was a lot of that going around in the 80s and 90s. Looking forward to this.

WeCrashed is a six-part ride into the craziness that was Adam Neumann. If it’s anything like “The Dropout" — the story of Theranos and Elizabeth Holmes — I’m going to like it.

I suppose we need to talk about the SC Primary. I’m not unhappy Joe won South Carolina, and I’m not unhappy he won it by such a decisive margin. That says that we’re very close to a two-person race between Bernie and Joe, and then I have a real problem. Because I like what Bernie wants to do, but going with Bernie means going with Bernie’s cult. There is no daylight between Kellyanne Conway and Nina Turner right now. Let that sink in.

Late Sunday night, Pete Buttigieg dropped out of the race. Pete wasn’t unlikeable, he just wasn’t ready for prime time. He will be, and the best way to get him ready for prime time is for the eventual Dem nominee to consider him to be part of this Administration. Biden would not be out of his mind to make him his VP (although I would prefer that go to Warren) but he should be a voice in what’s to come. In doing so, he’s positioned for 2024 or 2028 very well. Failing any of that, Pete could run for House or Senate and get deep in the policy weeds and level grind. He’s 38, he’s got time.

Speaking of sinks, I have managed to take a significant chunk out of the kitchen sink issue. I’ve snaked the drain several times, poured enough baking soda and vinegar down that thing that they may ask if I’m starting a bakery, and pots full of boiling water. It’s draining a lot faster. I don’t know if I have the blockage completely cleared, but from not draining to taking a half hour to drain, to being able to watch it drain is a significant improvement. I’ll take it.

Carved out the time to put out a podcast episode! Holy crap, how did THAT happen? Check it out, it’s a return to some of the old school. Felt good.

One of the things that happened this weekend was taking the time to do a brain dump of all the things I think I need to tackle. Ostensibly if’s a tasklist ‘for March’, but there’s literally no way I’m going to get it all done in one month so it’s just called “Tasklist” in the Reminders App on my iPhone.

These things that end up on my phone start in a notebook and get transferred once I’m happy with it. I’ve had a question as to why I still carry around a notebook if I can put everything on my phone, and the answer is pretty simple: the act of putting pen to paper is the equivalent of completing a circuit. That’s the act of thought, and of planning. Try as I might, I can’t get that same act from a keyboard. I can write with a keyboard, I can’t think with one.

[interactive-lsad]

SUCCESS! Another student is making money with Real Estate Sales LLC Coaching Program

This is another success story, where another student of Real Estate Sales LLC Coaching Program is making money out of real estate without using his own money. Below is the video with Mark, our student, and then the transcript. Real Estate Sales LLC is a legit company and it is A+ BBB Rated.

Real Estate Sales LLC Coach Nick: All right, we are talking to Mark after a closing and Im super pumped to talk. So tell me about this in your words, I mean what do you think? Super easy! Isn’t it?

Mark: That was the easiest part of everything I’ve done. Piece of cake!

Nick: So, the greatest part I know when you got into this if you were anything like me it was a hard time believing that you didn’t have to youse any of your money to do this, which I think is super cool.

Did you use any of your money to close this property?

Mark: No!

Nick: Perfect! So we just need to do more! Lots more.

Mark: Lots. Many!

Nick: And now that you’ve done one, it’s easy, right?

Mark: That like I said, that was the easiest part of everything I’ve done you know, and I’ve helped the title company out by the setting out the appointment and this way I knew exactly when both people were coming and I told them what to bring, how much, I told the guy to bring his wife because she needed some paperwork, but, it went smooth.

they were there ahead of time, the son called me about his father running late, so I got there a couple of minutes early. I didn’t want to be there right at the beginning, but it turned out I was and just shook hands, you know, build rapport, I had already built rapport with both of them and they were super cool and easy to talk to and everything went smooth.

They were done in ten minutes.

Nick: Cool. So why do you think they went with you and not think to use an agent?

Mark: The house was worst house I’ve ever seen, it was gutted, the yard, some of the weeds and grass were as high as the house. On the property it’s he just wanted to be done with it, he wanted what he put into it, I got him that and that’s he was happy. I wish every person I worked was as cool as him because hi’s like I don’t care how much money you you make as long as I make what I need to get on this.

Nick: that’s another thing I was told to when I got into it, the people that are motivated are going to think that you’re a guardian angel sent from heavento help them get out of their misery and this is a test of what that is, I know, I deal with it and get to to be a part of that on a regular basis. Now I’ve got to teach you how to do this over and over and over again which is the important part.

So, do you believe that with the training you’ve gotten and the leads that we’ve provide, anyone could do this?

Mark: Yes. Just putting in the diligence. There is a lot of work. The spreadsheet, probably I had the most work put on it the phone calls seemingly going out and meet the people is great

Nick: Cool. I think that’s probably the most fun part is going to meeting the people and making the money. Man I am as your coach super pumped for you.

Mark. I appreciate it

Nick: Man we’ve been through some highs and lows I know you’ve been with me let’s see, about 4 months, you signed a couple but this one you signed, and for all fairness we had a little bit of a longer learning curve because of the Excel because you’re like me, you hated it, you had that love-hate relationship so we fought through that, you’re finally winning, finally is pretty well figured out.

How long ago did you sign this contract? the one you just sold.

Mark: This is probably a month and a half. It seems like it went by quick though, the title company so that last three weeks have been just the title company, she was great, she was a piece of cake made everything so you know a cash deal it went twice quick .

Nick: Did you have any trouble finding a title company or an attorney

Mark: No. To be honest I liked the fact she was a yankee so she had a sense of urgency. She took care of it what needed to be done. There was an issue with the wife not having signed the title even though there was a notary which I said that’s gotta be weird because the notary is there to make sure both sign it and she’s like I agree so I don’t know how thet got through. But she took care of that at the closing and it went smooth at so.

Nick: if you would going to tell somebody that was gonna get into this a sale was your brother what would you tell them ?

Mark: It’s going to take a little bit of time but if you put it in it will pay you back . There’s work involved it’s going to take a little bit of time, but you know, it it was easy, everybody would be doing it and it’s not easy, you’ve got to do the work but if you it will come back. I see more of it coming about now that I’m in gear now motivated but the coolest part is getting you a win.

Nick: Now that I’ve got you a win we’ve already proven it works now we just got to do it again over and over, that’s the best part. Again, I am super pumped, I’m glad to be working with you by far, we’ve built a pretty cool rapport so down at that check and tell me how much that check is ..

Mark: Check is for $5,350. and more to come. Thank you!

The post SUCCESS! Another student is making money with Real Estate Sales LLC Coaching Program appeared first on Real Estate Sales LLC - TRUSTED COMPANY - NOT SCAM - Las Vegas, NV, United States.

from Real Estate Sales LLC – TRUSTED COMPANY – NOT SCAM – Las Vegas, NV, United States https://ift.tt/2PVNIYs

[amabenceboyle]

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz_TE8UWKmU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbOJT_81mFo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCdaVM-t4Qs

https://steemit.com/sixtyminuteprofitplan/@alwaysus/60-minute-profit-plan-review-is-60-minute-profit-plan-a-legit

http://www.ibosocial.com/kausads1/pressrelease.aspx?prid=597562

Welcome to my 60 Minute Profit Arrange review! Wanting at sixty Minute Profit Arrange (60minuteprofitplan.com) and wondering if this program can facilitate your become financially free? Or is it another worthless scam that will leave you with less cash at the end of the day? I’m glad to see that you’re doing all of your analysis as a result of I’ve seen many low-quality programs and scams lately so you need to confirm you know what you’re in front of so as to form a wise alternative. Here during this sixty Minute Profit Set up review, I can show you what this program is about, how it extremely works, whether or not it can benefit you and more. What is 60 Minute Profit Arrange? The moment I found 60 Minute Profit Set up, the words get-rich-quick theme came to mind because the sales page is very the same as other scam pages I’ve come back across. I didn’t like the fact that I could not stop the video from playing thus I decided to test it out from my phone and saw the video is over 20 minutes long! According to the spokeswoman, you'll use her sixty Minute Profit Arrange system to earn over $five hundred per hour. This system doesn’t require you to have any reasonably experience or special skills. It’s said to be designed for normal and hard-operating individuals who hate their jobs. You'll be able to finally sit on your sofa with your laptop and create five figures per week thanks to the present system. You’ll be in a position to start living the kind of life you’ve forever dreamed of! Oh, and you simply want to pay an hour or two every day to make this method work. Sounds too smart to be true, doesn’t it? Well, if you weren’t skeptical of it you wouldn’t be here trying to search out out the reality regarding this system. I can tell you right currently, the sales presentation is very misleading and there’s a scarcity of necessary information. They simply tell you what you would like to hear to get you to purchase it. . Does 60 Minute Profit Plan work? sixty Minute Profit Set up doesn’t work like the spokeswoman claims as a result of there’s no such issue as earning money inmediately just the identical day you buy a system. This is no secret system that will finally solve all your money problems. Brittany, the alleged creator of this program, doesn’t even make a case for how it works or what you’re obtaining. She simply talks concerning how a lot of money you will build, how easily and quick it's and the way her system will enable you to quit your job and live your dream lifestyle. The actual fact that she doesn’t say anything about what sixty Minute Profit Plan includes may be a red flag because it doesn’t help you determine whether or not it’s value it. 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Once that, another upgrade that would supposedly help me “100X my earnings” for $ninety seven: Is 60 Minute Profit Plan a scam? sixty Minute Profit Plan second upsell Thus I was like “nah, I don’t want any upsells, just let me check out these money methods”. Finally, I got access to the members area. Here it's: Is 60 Minute Profit Plan a scam? sixty Minute Profit Arrange members space . What I don’t like After taking a look at everything included within the members area, I found three things I didn’t like:     They advocate CoolHandle. 1st of all, the website you’re told to assert isn't free and CoolHandle has some complaints. is 70zero profit club a scam Coolhandle complaints     Their highest recommendation is a low-quality program. I tested their highest recommendation and it’s another ClickBank product I recently reviewed called The AZ Code. It’s not a scam but it’s overhyped.     A video is not offered. The four technique is regarding Fiverr but it’s not available as a result of the one who uploaded to YouTube has deleted it. All videos from the members space are from totally different YouTube channels, thus you'll be able to realize them on YouTube for free. Is 60 Minute Profit Set up a scam? Technique four video not available . The four ways The four strategies they talk about in the coaching can facilitate you make cash, however not $32,00zero in your first month. Let’s discuss them:     Methodology one  – Email promoting (twelve videos)     Technique two – Make money taking paid surveys (one video)     Technique 3 – Create money testing websites (1 video)     Methodology four – Create cash freelancing (video not obtainable as explained before) The strategy two and method three are ways to solely build further cash, while the simplest method to make a full-time income online is the tactic one. Email marketing has been working for years to make cash, but it’s simply basic info. You’re not visiting earn $10,000 in ninety days just for watching those videos. When it involves taking paid surveys, it’s very time-consuming and solely a approach to make some greenbacks. I wrote this article regarding paid surveys that you'll be able to test it out to be told additional. User testing may be a good means to create some money but it’s not a method to earn thousands of dollars per month. As I said, the simplest methodology of those four is email marketing but it’s not enough info.   Click here to check out my prime recommendation (FREE to induce started)! . Is sixty Minute Profit Arrange a scam? No, 60 Minute Profit Arrange is not a scam as a result of you’re getting some coaching for your money. However is it worth it? No. The information they provide is not enough to earn over $30K per month, not to mention that it’s not possible to earn cash quick. Apart from that, the sales presentation is completely misleading and there are various red flags within the sales page. I wish to purpose them out so that you’re aware of them. . Brittany Francis isn't the important owner Who is Brittany Francis? A made up character used for the sales pitch. Yes, the history about her is pretend still. Is sixty Minute Profit Plan a scam? “Brittany Francis” I grasp this as a result of I did an image search and revealed that that image will be found in other sites, as you'll see below: Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? Proof 1 I personally don’t trust sites or programs whose house owners lie concerning their identity as a result of that’s what scam artists do. If your program is that sensible, why lie regarding who you are? . The video testimonials are paid actors The folks who appear within the sales video and claim to own earned thousands of dollars thanks to the present system are nothing additional than paid actors that sell their services on Fiverr. They haven't purchased 60 Minute Profit Plan and haven't made anything trying this product. For example, this girl below is Fiverr actress: Is sixty Minute Profit Plan a scam? Fake testimonial Is sixty Minute Profit Plan a scam? Proof two If this program very worked as advertised, then they wouldn’t want to be paying these actors to urge positive reviews. . The Facebook and Twitter comments are faux What regarding the Facebook and Twitter comments you'll be able to read in the 60 Minute Profit Plan sales page? They’re totally fabricated. The comments are invented and the photographs are downloaded from alternative sites. There’s nothing real regarding those comments. Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? Pretend comments For example, the pictures of “Tony Jeffries” and “Hillary Chipper” can be found on different sites. See the proofs below: Is 60 Minute Profit Arrange a scam? Proof 3 Is 60 Minute Profit Plan a scam? Proof 4 Another way I knew all those comments are false is as a result of I couldn’t like or comment any of them. Not to mention that tweets have hearts (likes) rather than stars (favs). . Lack of transparency when it involves the $64000 price Another factor is the dearth of honesty when it comes to the value. You’re told that there are no recurring payments or hidden costs, but this is not true as a result of there are upsells as we’ve seen. Not to mention the hosting fees.

[horrorparadox]

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz_TE8UWKmU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbOJT_81mFo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCdaVM-t4Qs

https://steemit.com/sixtyminuteprofitplan/@alwaysus/60-minute-profit-plan-review-is-60-minute-profit-plan-a-legit

http://www.ibosocial.com/kausads1/pressrelease.aspx?prid=597562

Welcome to my sixty Minute Profit Plan review! Looking at sixty Minute Profit Plan (60minuteprofitplan.com) and wondering if this program will facilitate your become financially free? Or is it another worthless scam that can leave you with less cash at the tip of the day? I’m glad to see that you simply’re doing all your analysis because I’ve seen many low-quality programs and scams lately so you need to ensure you know what you’re in front of in order to make a wise choice. Here during this sixty Minute Profit Set up review, I will show you what this program is regarding, how it extremely works, whether or not it will benefit you and a lot of. What is 60 Minute Profit Plan? The moment I stumbled on sixty Minute Profit Plan, the words get-rich-fast theme came to mind as the sales page is very like alternative scam pages I’ve come across. I didn’t like the fact that I might not stop the video from taking part in thus I set to check it out from my phone and saw the video is over 20 minutes long! According to the spokeswoman, you can use her sixty Minute Profit Arrange system to earn over $500 per hour. This method doesn’t need you to possess any quite expertise or special skills. It’s said to be designed for ordinary and exhausting-operating people who hate their jobs. You can finally sit on your sofa along with your laptop and build five figures per week thanks to this system. You’ll be able to start living the type of life you’ve continually dreamed of! Oh, and you merely would like to pay an hour or two each day to create this method work. Sounds too smart to be true, doesn’t it? Well, if you weren’t skeptical of it you wouldn’t be here making an attempt to find out the truth concerning this technique. I can tell you right currently, the sales presentation is very misleading and there’s a lack of important info. They simply tell you what you would like to listen to to induce you to purchase it. . Will sixty Minute Profit Plan work? sixty Minute Profit Arrange doesn’t work like the spokeswoman claims as a result of there’s no such factor as earning cash inmediately just the identical day you purchase a system. This is no secret system that can finally solve all of your money problems. Brittany, the alleged creator of this program, doesn’t even justify how it works or what you’re obtaining. She simply talks regarding how abundant money you may build, how simply and fast it is and how her system can enable you to quit your job and live your dream lifestyle. The actual fact that she doesn’t say anything about what sixty Minute Profit Arrange includes may be a red flag as a result of it doesn’t facilitate you identify whether or not it’s price it. Well, the only factor that she says is that you simply’re going to get some money-creating strategies. I was curious to know what this can be extremely concerning so I set to get it. Simply when getting sixty Minute Profit Arrange for a 30p.c discount, I was told to upgrade to the premium version that costs $ninety seven: Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? “Upgrade to the premium version” I determined to skip it and visit the members space and that they tried to induce me to shop for it for $forty seven, however I ignored it. I personally don’t like these sales videos that use high-pressure sales ways to induce folks to make a buying deal. It’s not even true that they’re solely providing it to the five members who see that page so I’ll simply walk away. Once that, another upgrade that may supposedly help me “100X my earnings” for $ninety seven: Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? sixty Minute Profit Set up second upsell So I was like “nah, I don’t need any upsells, just let me check out these cash ways”. Finally, I got access to the members space. Here it is: Is 60 Minute Profit Plan a scam? 60 Minute Profit Arrange members space . What I don’t like After taking a look at everything included within the members space, I found 3 things I didn’t like:     They advocate CoolHandle. Initial of all, the website you’re told to say isn't free and CoolHandle has some complaints. is 70zero profit club a scam Coolhandle complaints     Their highest recommendation is a low-quality program. I tried their highest recommendation and it’s another ClickBank product I recently reviewed called The AZ Code. It’s not a scam but it’s overhyped.     A video is not out there. The four method is about Fiverr but it’s not obtainable as a result of the person who uploaded to YouTube has deleted it. All videos from the members space are from different YouTube channels, so you can realize them on YouTube for free. Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? Method four video not out there . The four ways The four strategies they talk concerning in the training can help you create cash, but not $thirty two,00zero in your 1st month. Let’s discuss them:     Method one  – Email marketing (twelve videos)     Method 2 – Make money taking paid surveys (1 video)     Method three – Make cash testing websites (one video)     Methodology four – Create money freelancing (video not out there as explained before) The strategy two and methodology 3 are strategies to solely create further cash, whereas the best method to create a full-time income online is the method one. Email promoting has been operating for years to create cash, but it’s simply basic information. You’re not visiting earn $ten,00zero in ninety days simply for watching those videos. When it comes to taking paid surveys, it’s terribly time-consuming and solely a method to create some dollars. I wrote this article regarding paid surveys that you can sample it out to find out additional. User testing may be a sensible method to make some money however it’s not a technique to earn thousands of bucks per month. As I said, the best methodology of these four is email promoting but it’s not enough information.   Click here to check out my top recommendation (FREE to urge started)! . Is 60 Minute Profit Arrange a scam? No, 60 Minute Profit Set up is not a scam as a result of you’re getting some training for your money. However is it value it? No. The information they supply is not enough to earn over $30K per month, not to say that it’s not potential to earn money fast. Apart from that, the sales presentation is totally misleading and there are various red flags in the sales page. I wish to purpose them out so that you just’re responsive to them. . Brittany Francis is not the real owner Who is Brittany Francis? A created up character used for the sales pitch. Yes, the history concerning her is fake still. Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? “Brittany Francis” I know this as a result of I did an image search and discovered that that picture will be found in alternative sites, as you can see below: Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? Proof one I personally don’t trust sites or programs whose house owners lie concerning their identity because that’s what scam artists do. If your program is that good, why lie concerning who you're? . The video testimonials are paid actors The folks who appear within the sales video and claim to possess earned thousands of dollars thanks to the current system are nothing more than paid actors that sell their services on Fiverr. They have not purchased sixty Minute Profit Plan and haven't created anything attempting this product. For example, this woman below is Fiverr actress: Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? Pretend testimonial Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? Proof a pair of If this program really worked as advertised, then they wouldn’t would like to be paying these actors to get positive reviews. . The Facebook and Twitter comments are faux What regarding the Facebook and Twitter comments you'll be able to read within the sixty Minute Profit Set up sales page? They’re totally fabricated. The comments are invented and the photographs have been downloaded from other sites. There’s nothing genuine regarding those comments. Is sixty Minute Profit Plan a scam? Pretend comments For example, the photographs of “Tony Jeffries” and “Hillary Chipper” can be found on alternative sites. See the proofs below: Is 60 Minute Profit Set up a scam? Proof 3 Is 60 Minute Profit Plan a scam? Proof four Another method I knew all those comments are false is as a result of I couldn’t like or comment any of them. Not to say that tweets have hearts (likes) instead of stars (favs). . Lack of transparency when it comes to the important value Another issue is the lack of honesty when it involves the price. You’re told that there are not any recurring payments or hidden costs, however this can be not true as a result of there are upsells as we’ve seen. Not to say the hosting fees.

[volcanic-corruption-blog]

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

60 Minute Profit Plan Review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz_TE8UWKmU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbOJT_81mFo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCdaVM-t4Qs

https://steemit.com/sixtyminuteprofitplan/@alwaysus/60-minute-profit-plan-review-is-60-minute-profit-plan-a-legit

http://www.ibosocial.com/kausads1/pressrelease.aspx?prid=597562

Welcome to my 60 Minute Profit Arrange review! Looking at sixty Minute Profit Arrange (60minuteprofitplan.com) and wondering if this program can facilitate your become financially free? Or is it another worthless scam that will leave you with less money at the top of the day? I’m glad to work out that you’re doing all your analysis because I’ve seen many low-quality programs and scams lately thus you need to make sure you know what you’re in front of in order to make a wise choice. Here in this sixty Minute Profit Arrange review, I will show you what this program is about, how it really works, whether or not or not it will profit you and a lot of. What is sixty Minute Profit Set up? The moment I discovered 60 Minute Profit Arrange, the words get-made-fast theme came to mind because the sales page is terribly like alternative scam pages I’ve come back across. I didn’t like the fact that I might not stop the video from playing thus I set to test it out from my phone and saw the video is over 20 minutes long! According to the spokeswoman, you'll be able to use her sixty Minute Profit Plan system to earn over $five hundred per hour. This technique doesn’t require you to own any quite experience or special skills. It’s said to be designed for normal and laborious-working folks who hate their jobs. You can finally sit on your sofa with your laptop and make five figures per week thanks to the current system. You’ll be able to begin living the sort of life you’ve continuously dreamed of! Oh, and you simply would like to spend an hour or 2 each day to form this technique work. Sounds too sensible to be true, doesn’t it? Well, if you weren’t skeptical of it you wouldn’t be here trying to find out the reality regarding this technique. I will tell you right currently, the sales presentation is very misleading and there’s an absence of important data. They just tell you what you would like to listen to to get you to purchase it. . Does 60 Minute Profit Plan work? sixty Minute Profit Plan doesn’t work like the spokeswoman claims as a result of there’s no such issue as earning cash inmediately just the identical day you get a system. This is often no secret system that will finally solve all of your money issues. Brittany, the alleged creator of this program, doesn’t even make a case for how it works or what you’re obtaining. She simply talks about how much cash you'll build, how easily and quick it is and how her system can enable you to quit your job and live your dream lifestyle. The very fact that she doesn’t say something regarding what 60 Minute Profit Arrange includes could be a red flag as a result of it doesn’t facilitate you identify whether or not it’s worth it. Well, the sole factor that she says is that you’re going to get some cash-making methods. I was curious to grasp what this can be really about therefore I decided to get it. Just when obtaining 60 Minute Profit Arrange for a 30% discount, I was told to upgrade to the premium version which costs $97: Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? “Upgrade to the premium version” I set to skip it and attend the members space and they tried to induce me to buy it for $47, however I ignored it. I personally don’t like these sales videos that use high-pressure sales ways to get people to create a purchase. It’s not even true that they’re only providing it to the 5 members who see that page therefore I’ll simply walk away. When that, another upgrade that would supposedly help me “100X my earnings” for $ninety seven: Is sixty Minute Profit Arrange a scam? 60 Minute Profit Arrange second upsell Thus I was like “nah, I don’t want any upsells, simply let me check out these cash strategies”. Finally, I got access to the members area. Here it is: Is 60 Minute Profit Arrange a scam? sixty Minute Profit Set up members area . What I don’t like When looking at everything included in the members area, I found 3 things I didn’t like:     They advocate CoolHandle. Initial of all, the web site you’re told to assert isn't free and CoolHandle has some complaints. is 70zero profit club a scam Coolhandle complaints     Their highest recommendation is a low-quality program. I confirmed their highest recommendation and it’s another ClickBank product I recently reviewed called The AZ Code. It’s not a scam however it’s overhyped.     A video isn't on the market. The four method is regarding Fiverr but it’s not available as a result of the one that uploaded to YouTube has deleted it. All videos from the members area are from different YouTube channels, therefore you can realize them on YouTube free. Is 60 Minute Profit Set up a scam? Technique four video not obtainable . The four ways The four methods they speak about within the training can facilitate you make cash, but not $thirty two,00zero in your first month. Let’s discuss them:     Technique one  – Email selling (12 videos)     Technique 2 – Build money taking paid surveys (one video)     Technique 3 – Create money testing websites (1 video)     Method four – Build cash freelancing (video not accessible as explained before) The strategy 2 and methodology three are strategies to solely build extra cash, whereas the simplest method to make a full-time income online is the method one. Email promoting has been operating for years to create cash, however it’s simply basic data. You’re not going to earn $ten,000 in ninety days just for watching those videos. When it involves taking paid surveys, it’s very time-consuming and solely a approach to make a few dollars. I wrote this text about paid surveys that you can confirm it out to be told additional. User testing could be a sensible means to create some money however it’s not a method to earn thousands of greenbacks per month. As I said, the simplest technique of those four is email marketing but it’s not enough information.   Click here to check out my prime recommendation (FREE to get started)! . Is 60 Minute Profit Plan a scam? No, 60 Minute Profit Plan isn't a scam as a result of you’re getting some training for your cash. However is it price it? No. The information they supply isn't enough to earn over $30K per month, not to say that it’s not doable to earn money quick. Apart from that, the sales presentation is totally misleading and there are a number of red flags in the sales page. I want to point them out thus that you’re alert to them. . Brittany Francis isn't the real owner Who is Brittany Francis? A made up character used for the sales pitch. Yes, the history regarding her is fake likewise. Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? “Brittany Francis” I apprehend this because I did an image search and revealed that that picture will be found in different sites, as you can see below: Is sixty Minute Profit Plan a scam? Proof 1 I personally don’t trust sites or programs whose house owners lie concerning their identity because that’s what scam artists do. If your program is that sensible, why lie regarding who you're? . The video testimonials are paid actors The folks who seem in the sales video and claim to possess earned thousands of dollars thanks to the present system are nothing a lot of than paid actors that sell their services on Fiverr. They have not purchased 60 Minute Profit Plan and haven't created something trying this product. For example, this girl below is Fiverr actress: Is 60 Minute Profit Arrange a scam? Fake testimonial Is sixty Minute Profit Arrange a scam? Proof 2 If this program extremely worked as advertised, then they wouldn’t want to be paying these actors to urge positive reviews. . The Facebook and Twitter comments are fake What concerning the Facebook and Twitter comments you can scan within the 60 Minute Profit Arrange sales page? They’re totally fabricated. The comments are invented and the photographs have been downloaded from different sites. There’s nothing genuine about those comments. Is 60 Minute Profit Set up a scam? Pretend comments For example, the pictures of “Tony Jeffries” and “Hillary Chipper” will be found on other sites. See the proofs below: Is sixty Minute Profit Set up a scam? Proof three Is sixty Minute Profit Arrange a scam? Proof 4 Another approach I knew all those comments are false is because I couldn’t like or comment any of them. Not to say that tweets have hearts (likes) rather than stars (favs). . Lack of transparency when it comes to the important value Another factor is the shortage of honesty when it involves the worth. You’re told that there aren't any recurring payments or hidden prices, but this is not true as a result of there are upsells as we’ve seen. Not to say the hosting fees.

[mylovingbouquetearthquakewo-blog]

21st Auto Insurance Company?

"21st Auto Insurance Company?

Any complaints regarding the 21st Auto Insurance Company? I am thinking about switching to them.

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I AM TRYING TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT INSURANCE FOR ME, AND DECIDED TO GO THROUGH BLUE SHIELD OF CALIFORNIA-WWW.MYLIFEPATHWAY.C... HOW DO I KNOW IT IS NOT A SCAM. CAN I CONTACT BLUESHIELD DIRECTLY AND ASK THEM ABOUT THIS INDEPENDENT MEMBER (WWW.MYLIFEPATHWAY.COM)OF THE BLUE SHIELD?""

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If I pay for insurance offered by the rental car company, do they pay for everything in the event of a collision? Or, does my insurance still have to pay some of the liabilities? Do I have to pay my deductible? I am simply trying to understand how this works. I have no plans to buy the insurance since I have my own insurance and my credit cards also pay.""

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i will be paying but is it based on her income? im looking to buy anywhere from $100,000 - $1,000,000 life insurance she suggested i do but i have no idea where to start and what are some legit real life insurance companys? thanks""

How much would a 2002 impreza wrx cost to insure?

Im 17( i know im about to get a bunch of your going to kill yourself! AHHHH!!!! i regularly drive my dads 05 mustang gt, i know how to responsibly control power) and me and my parents have found a great deal on a 2002 impreza sedan, it has 125k miles on it, and the last thing deciding factor before buying this vehicle is the insurance. We already have a mustang gt on the family plan, i live in VA, make all A's(supposed to give me a 30% discount), im male, the color is blue, with only a greddy bov aftermaket part installed. The car itself is blue, it is the turbod WRX version(not the sti), and has never been wrecked. We have state farm, im not sure as to what other information anyone would need to know, but im jusst looking for a rough estimate, thanks for any input.""

Help! i need to find out insurance costs if i add parts to a car?

hi, im 17 and i own a peugeot 206, im wanting to tune it, and i need to know where to find a cheap body kit, new headlights, and some wheels? just trying to make my driving life and little more better :) i need to know roughly how much it will up my insurance cost, im currently paying 1,650 for it, and i can mabye go up to 2,000 also i need to find some speakers to go in the boot of my car, will that make my insurance go higher to? thanks for your time.""

Health insurance. Self employed.?

Hello. I am 24 and self employed as a driver. Live in Minnesota. Made little to no money last year after all expenses. Broke even. Have no insurance. Health insurance I mean. I have looked and everyone has plans you can buy from 68$/mo with 10k deductible and so on. All are pretty much the same for my age. Being self employed. Struggling to make money. Doesn't the state have their own low cost insurance I can apply for. Anything besides the Buy your insurance Today type deal. Thank you in advance !!!!!!

21st Auto Insurance Company?

Any complaints regarding the 21st Auto Insurance Company? I am thinking about switching to them.

Health insurance for full time college student?

I realllyy need to see a doctor about some issues im having with my health, but the onlyproblem is i dont have insurance... Are there any affordable insurance plans i can get??.. im a full time student and i really need it.""

Where do you get cheap car insurance in Northern Ireland?

Hi Folks, I'm moving from Dumfries in Scotland shortly to Northern Ireland, my car insurance is going to double in price, just wondering where the best place to get insurance quotes, I tryed NI Compare and it was actually more expensive than Go Compare, many thanks""

Car Insurance Quote..Without a license yet..?

I have just been bought a car for when i pass my driving test, so i do not have a full UK provisional license yet. I have been looking online for insurance quotes, they are expensive which i expected, but i was told that when i have entered my details the system will register that i do not hold a full license with he DVLA (even though i put in that i do, just for the sake of a quote) And this is why the quotes are higher..if i was to do the same when my license was valid it would be much lower. Can anybody add proof to this? Thanks""

Car insurance?

im trying to look for a cheap car insurance company any ideas??

Good deals on car insurance?

Ok so me and my wife have been insured by American Family Insurance and pay about $400 a year. My 17 year old son recently got his license and we want to add him to our policy. He barely drives (we only have one car), but we want to add his name just in case. When I asked Amer. Fam. Ins., they gave a quote for almost $1000 a year, which is more than double the amount I'm currently paying!! And that's with the Good Student Discount as well!! I was wondering if any of you guys know a reliable company that could provide a cheaper rate.""

Car insurance for dummies?

i am trying to be an adult here. i graduate college in 8 days and am getting quotes for my own car insurance. I got one today from progressive for $83/mo, full coverage. It is 25,50,25 and $500 deductable. How do I know what is good? i need someone to tell me what coverage I should have-is 25/50/25 good? break it down. Thanks!""

How much does moped insurance usually cost?(for new owner and ped)?

How much does moped insurance usually cost?(for new owner and ped)?

I'm 17yo Male and need cheap car insurance!!!!?

Well im 17 soon and want to get are car so i can work more. i have been looking at some very cheap cars that i would think are cheap to insure but are not- Fiat Punto (more than 10 years old) worth 400; 6000 to insure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! same with Peugeot 106- around the same price to insure. What other cars would you recommend that are cheap to insure???

Auto Insurance discount along with online traffic school course?

I got a traffic ticket, want to remove it. I heard some where that online traffic school course offers auto insurance discount along with traffic ticket dismissal. Can any one suggest me the source where I can get information on this?""

""Do you know cheapest car insurance? My friend is 21, male.?""

Do you know cheapest car insurance? My friend is 21, male.?""

Will car insurance cover in case my friend crashes my car?

Will all kinds of car insurance cover a case when a friend borrows a car and gets in an accident? What do i need to look for in my policy to make sure that my car is covered even if someone else other than me drove my car.

Auto insurance raised cause of credit!?

I bought another used car 2005 and my insurance rates when up $500.00 a year. They told me because of my credit rating........what! I have a perfect driving record and have been driving for 36 years so tell me what does my credit have to do with my car insurance or driving record?!!!!! I am only behind on a couple credit cards so please someone tell me why this is?

Will insurance be different on any of the 5 Camrys?

My dad wants to get a new Camry. I really want the SE (i'm a 16 yr. old guy) But he doesn't want to pay a whole bunch more insurance. We have Allied. Our options are CE, LE, SE, XLE, Hybrid. Will there be a huge insurance difference?""

State Farm or Allstate Car Insurance: Which one is Better?

I'm trying to choose between the two...which one is better?

Which is the best child insurance plan?

Which is the best child insurance plan?

Car financing and insurance?

I would like to know what happen if I finance a car and I wreck the car and I don't have insurance at the time I wreck the car.

What is a good website to compare auto insurance rates?

What is a good website to compare auto insurance rates?

How much is Liability insurance on a 16 year old's car?

How much would it be if i wanted to get Liability insurance on a car?

Cheap car insurance for 17 year olds?

I know this is probably one of the most asked questions on the here, but for me it is a real pain finding any decent answers... Id be very grateful if anyone could list insurers that are relatively cheap for car insurance for us youngsters! (Preferably under 200/month). Thanks in advance! :)""

Where can I find health insurance as an 18 year old and I'm peregnant?

I'm an 18 year old, I live in Florida, I have a job as a CNA, I'm pregnant and married. I was woundering where can I go to get affordable health insurance and if it's likely that I'll get coverage. I would also like to know an average of what it would cost.""

Cheapest Car Insurance?

How much do you pay?

""For me, the auto insurance company USAgencies is cheaper than Progressive, Geico, All State, State Farm, ...?""

....Direct, The General, and Safe Auto. Does anyone have an auto insurance company not mentioned above that is cheaper than USAgencies? Do not send my links of places that quote different companies. I want to know from your personal experience.""

CAN I GET CLASSIC CAR INSURANCE AT 17?

im turning 17 and love old cars i was just wondering were i could get classic car insurance

Car insurance change of address?

My car is registered in upstate but I came to ny recently because of my recently wife. I just leased a brand new car like two weeks ago and they are asking me for proof of residency. I registered the new car in hicksville li not in upstate. So i want to change my car insurance to hicksville but after a week change it back to upstate. Will there be any conflicts with my car insurance? Please help..

Cheap auto insurance?

My son has accidents and tickets over the last 3 years. We are paying $229.05 to Windhaven Underwriters. Know of any cheaper insurance prices?

21st Auto Insurance Company?

Any complaints regarding the 21st Auto Insurance Company? I am thinking about switching to them.

I got in a car accident with no insurance?

Well im 18 and I work a full time job to help my mom pay the bills. I live in Illinois I have a 97 oldsmobile, I have my insurance slip, but i haven't paid it for 3 months, so when i get pulled over, i show the cop it and im fine, well now I smashed some ones car and am paying the price This is the story on what happened. On Friday the16th it was -20ish out wise whit the the wild chill, it was horrible cold, I was Driving on a road that was 45 mph and i was going 30ish maybe 35, There was a car accident next to us, the girl infrount of me freaked out and slammed on her breaks, I hit mine and I just sled, there was nothing i could do i pumbed my breaks and all, i hit her at about 7 mph, my car was messed up, hood wouldn't close lights broken bumper broken, but i deserved it for not having insurance, anyways, on her car (06 Toyota ) her bumper was Cracked, When it hap pend she got out of the car and say she was sorry like 10 times and said she had no choice but to stop, Witch is understandable Long story short, i gave the cop my insurance card that im not insured with any more he wrote our info down and we went our separate ways, yesterday i two messages from her insurance Company, What would be the next step i should take and what will happen, will i need to go to court? will my drivers license get sespended?""

How does points affect my car insurance?

I just lost 4 points. I dont know much about the points system. How will it affect my car insurance when it's renewed? I am in NJ, if that makes difference. Thanks.""

Policy loan from life insurance interest pay to insurance company! why?

Any one can tell me, loan money from life insurance policy cash value intrest collect from the lisurance company, the cash value is my own money, should I paid intrest back to myself? not to insurance company""

I am 19 in Texas. is it cheaper on insurance to do the whole teenager coarse or is it the same going adult 6hr?

My dad is wondering if it would be cheaper on insurance if I did the the three week teenager coarse or if it doesn't matter anf do adult which is one 6 hour class. Again I'm in Texas and a guy and know about how its cheaper for girls on insurance

Good low cost medical insurance for a 20 year old female working through a temp service?

I am 20 years old and I have no medical insurance and I really need to go to the dentist and have a check up at my doctor. I haven't been to either in probably 4 years. I am very uneducated on insurance so any help is greatly appreiciated. I want to make sure it's someone that my doctor and dentist will accept. I have a good job but it's a temporary service that doesn't have insurance benifits. Any suggestions?

Why do good drivers get better car insurance rates than bad drivers?

It's not fair. Some people are genetically predisposed to be bad drivers or just don't care. Why should they be charged more than drivers who do not participate in risky behavior?

Recovery/treatment dates for disability insurance?

If someone was never treated for borderline hypertension, they just controlled it with diet without any input from a doctor, what can be used as recovery and last treatment dates? Could it be when the patient's current physician first had their blood pressure measured and it was normal?""

Which to buy?? An Alfa Romeo 147 1.6 lusso or an MG zr 1.4?? They cost the same and insurance is similar. ta.?

Which to buy?? An Alfa Romeo 147 1.6 lusso or an MG zr 1.4?? They cost the same and insurance is similar. ta.?

""I have no car insurance, husband got into a car accident, what to do?""

We've been struggling financially this past year, and to make matters worse, my husband rear ended another car. He's stating he didn't see any signal lights or tail lights that night. Our car is totaled, but the other person's car got there whole back end bent in like hulk punched the crap out of it. All procedures went, police and ambulance came, and now we need to go to a doctor today to see how long he has to recover. Luckily we are living with family, so we are getting support from them also. Thing is, we have absolutely no money, and no car insurance. What should I do? I live in Hawaii so there's a no fault benefit, but is that only if I have insurance? Should I get a lawyer involved even if my husband was the only one hurt?""

Need advice: Parked car hit - Car has no insurance?

Ok, so last night my friends car was hit by a driver who fell asleep. the car was in front of our house and pushed 40ft and his flipped over. Both cars totaled. He has insurance, but my friends that was parked and hit, does not. Will this be an issue for her, or will his insurance be paying for everything since he was 100% at fault? Please help!""

Car insurance problem!!! Please help!!!?

My problem is that I had a car accident last monday, and I just picked the police report. I called the other person insurance (Which is responsible for the accident), and they told me that his policy is suspended because he didn't pay. Basically he was driving without insure. ***My question is what I need to do now??? I have a repair estimate, which is $1,400.""

What are premiums in insurance?

I'm looking at insurance policies.

Question about car insurance?

k so im 16 and im about 2 get my license but im not getting my car yet but i heard that my mother would have to put me under her insurance in order for me to drive her car since im a minor or something like that is it true

What is the best but most cost-efficient insurance for a 22year old male driver who just got his license?

Used, older car (either 1990 honda or 1995 toyota). Just got his license. Want decent insurance but not outrageously price. Any help greatly appreciated - thanks!""

Home insurance first year up front?

the bank is requiring us to get a year worth of Homeowners insurance . and i am asking what is the norm (interior wall to wall) without personal items included.. should i go with the condos exterior insurance companies to just have it uniform. ?

Nissan skyline insurance and price?

ok im 16 and wondering how much a 1990's nissan skyline cost and how much the insurance cost. im 16 a male and has never been in trouble with the police actually my dad was an officer. this is my first car...

Will geico insurance rate go up from storm damage?

My car got hit from a piece of tree/brances and scratched and dent it a little, will insurace go up?""

If I upgrade to full coverage insurance can I get previous car accident damages fix?

I have liability and I was in a minor car accident two months ago. I need to upgrade my insurance because the bank than loaned me money for the car requires me to have comprehensive and collision coverage. If I upgrade could I fix the damages to my car?

Are we going to have to have a secondary health insurance to insure against the newly sky-high deductibles?

Are we going to have to have a secondary health insurance to insure against the newly sky-high deductibles?

How to get auto insurance quote/ estimate without a car?

I am doing a research, and heard that ur insurance can be based on not just the model but the color of the car. I want to know how to get an estimate based on vehicle, model. So that I can make a diligent choice when purchasing my new car.""

Cheapest car insurance in texas?

Hi... I have been re searching insurances and they are most around 180.... i was wondering if there were any other cheaper ones in texas... am single pregnant with assisiates, renting, 23 years old. No tickets. 1 acciden no okthers damaged.....""

Car accident without insurance?

I hit a parked car with a moving truck. My insurance was evoked at the time of the accident and I got a phone call today from the insurance company of the car I hit saying that the ...mostrar mais

How much is insurance for a Porsche Boxster?

I'm 16 and getting a Boxster. I would like to know how much insurance is for it. We have state farm insurance. And I DO NOT want to hear Parents shouldn't give their teenager an expensive car! Just because I am a teenager, doesn't mean I will crash. I don't drink, speed, do drugs, or text and drive. So keep your opinions to yourself, thanks :)""

My son's car was totaled and the insurance company offered us a very low price?

My son was rear ended at a high rate of speed. He was pushed 6 feet into the car in front of him. The guy had to really be moving when he hit my son. He was driving a 1999 Chevy Lumina LS. The blue book value according to NADA is $5000. It only had 78,000 miles onthe car. No rust on the body and overall in excellent shape. The insurance company offered me $3600 for the car. I can NOT find a replacement car in that shape for that price...""

Good low cost medical insurance for a 20 year old female working through a temp service?

I am 20 years old and I have no medical insurance and I really need to go to the dentist and have a check up at my doctor. I haven't been to either in probably 4 years. I am very uneducated on insurance so any help is greatly appreiciated. I want to make sure it's someone that my doctor and dentist will accept. I have a good job but it's a temporary service that doesn't have insurance benifits. Any suggestions?

21st Auto Insurance Company?

Any complaints regarding the 21st Auto Insurance Company? I am thinking about switching to them.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-happens-you-lie-car-insurance-company-your-traffic-luther-clark"

[samanthasroberts]

I’m Here To Collect The Debt You Owe. Please Don’t Kill Me

People don’t like to talk to creditors. People screen their phone calls, and toss out the bills. But it’s harder to ignore someone standing on your doorstep, especially when you don’t know why they’re there until they tell you. That’s me: I’m a debt collector. I’m not authorized to hold you upside down and shake the coins out of your pockets, but I do carry some scary-looking paperwork. And in my travels, I’ve found that …

5

America Is Full Of Weird, Isolated, Occasionally Creepy Communities

A few years ago, I did a two-day stint in West Virginia. The hills play havoc with GPS signals out there. Plus the maps aren’t all that accurate, and the roads are not maintained. Some aren’t even drivable. They don’t always bother putting up a sign to say so.

traveler1116 /iStock Google sent a Street View car there. It never came back.

Driving down a road that had degenerated into a dirt track, my Jeep sank right up to its undercarriage in a mud pond, and when I trekked up to a farmhouse, the folks there said, “Why, everyone knows that road’s been out for years!” The farmer got one of his tractors and hauled my Jeep out. Months later, my water pump died. When the mechanics called me, they said, “We’ve never seen anything like it! It’s like your water pump was full of swamp water!”

That’s generally how it goes: Rural areas are the worst to get around in, but anytime I’ve needed help, someone always chipped in — whether it was from me knocking on a farmhouse door, or someone just happening to drive past at the right time.

werner22brigitte/Pixabay And not always in a car …

One time I was called to a nudist colony. The office building had a board in place of a door. On the other side of a hill were a couple dozen campers and mobile homes. No people. Several more trailers had their doors kicked in. One was on its side, and another had been on fire at some point. It looked like the apocalypse hit this place. If anyone was left, I didn’t want to meet him or her. “Hey, could you tell me which trailer belongs to this almost certainly dead person? Oh, no, I can’t tell you why I’m looking for them. Hey, could you put down that chainsaw?”

When I checked the web later, Yelp was inconclusive about whether the place was open or closed, but it did specify that it was a “boys’ nudist camp,” which just added to the creep factor.

Vintervit/iStock That’s why they call it “Yelp!”

4

People Want To Kill You

It was late autumn, and the sun was going down when I arrived at a single-family home in a working-class neighborhood. I heard shouting. A man and a woman. I knocked anyways, and the shouting stopped. An athletic man in his late 20s opened the door, and I could see a woman just leaving the room. Another man around the same age sat on the couch behind a coffee table covered in empty beer bottles.

“Oh, you’re sorting through your recycling? I can come back later.”

I was already apprehensive, but I was new and didn’t really know what to do. So I went into my standard script. I introduced myself and explained that I was there about a late car payment. He nodded and invited me in, usually a good sign. Some clients require that we never enter a debtor’s house for liability reasons, but that wasn’t the case on this job. When someone invites you in, that’s usually an extension of trust. If you refuse, that could be taken as a rejection of their trust.

Once I was inside, he sat down and said: “You know I’m an Army Ranger. I’ve been to Afghanistan. It wouldn’t be anything to me to kill you right now.” Turns out that his friend was an Army Ranger too. After only a few moments, the friend left, which at first I took to be a good thing. Then I realized he was moving his car to block me into the driveway.

One more reason we need flying cars.

Fortunately, I’d spent eight years managing a customer service call center, dealing with the angriest of callers. Those same skills applied here. I emphasized that I was a private contractor and didn’t actually care if he ever made another car payment again. I also pointed out that I wasn’t the repo guy, and me being there was actually a good thing, because the bank was still trying to work with him. And for the only time ever, I pointed out that even if he killed me, his debt wasn’t going anywhere. A risky move, but it seemed to deflate him.

“Plus, how are you going to buy the tools to bury me without credit? Well? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

That was the first time a customer threatened to kill me. It wasn’t the last. But while I can reason with angry customers, well …

3

You Can’t Reason With Dogs

I get attacked by dogs a lot. It’s a professional problem, not a personal one. Luckily, I have a defense method that, so far, has had a 100 percent success rating: my clipboard. As the dog rushes toward me, I grab my clipboard with both hands and put it between us, metal clip towards the dog. The dog doesn’t want to bite the metal, so it starts trying to dodge past it. I just keep moving the clipboard around until the dog gets frustrated and retreats a few steps.

All the while battling flashbacks from the vet’s.

Then I back off of the property and get in my car. If I can, I photograph the dog. Most of the clients that hire me to collect on the debt end up paying me anyways, and then blacklisting the property from future field-service reps.

About halfway to one house, I heard barking and saw a pit bull tear out of the woods. Now, I know it can be an unfairly maligned breed, and I’ve known some real sweetheart pit bulls. This was not one of them. Still, I had my clipboard and I thought to myself, “another day in paradise.” Then I saw the second one. And the third, and the fourth.

“Your dick. This could be your dick.”

They surrounded me, and started lunging. I kept spinning, trying to keep them from a clear shot, clipboarding whichever was closest. Somehow I got out and got home. I kissed my wife, and then immediately got blackout drunk.

2

No One Likes A Debt Collector

Sometimes, the bank sends out paperwork, and all the homeowner has to do is fill it out, then the bank lowers their monthly payment instead of foreclosing. But most people still won’t do it. Filling out the paperwork means acknowledging the problem, and people would rather just not deal with it.

The bank mails “deal with it” memes but to no avail.

So the bank sends me. I spoke with one woman who said that she hadn’t made a house payment in seven years. She was retired, unexpected expenses had depleted her savings, and she couldn’t afford her home on her Social Security. I was gathering info to lower her payments, but she was so ashamed of her situation that I had to drag everything out of her.

Now, I know predatory loans exist. I know some banks are eager to foreclose, to the point that they’ll do it prematurely, or even go after the wrong property. But those ones rarely hire me — my clients would rather have the payment than the collateral. You don’t hire someone like me if you just want to foreclose.

When they roll out the milking machine, they’re not interested in making hamburger meat of you.

I talk to middle-class people who have never had serious financial trouble before. The emotions involved are so strong, that even when the bank wants to work with them, they’ll dodge phone calls and ignore letters. One guy took one look at the paperwork and said: “You can get the fuck out of my house.”

“You know I’m here to help, right?”

“I know. Now get the fuck out.”

About this time, you’re probably wondering, “What do you carry for protection?”

Man evolved past its primal fear of clipboards years ago.

The answer is: Nothing.

When I first started this job, I thought about getting a concealed carry permit. But most clients specifically forbid me from carrying a weapon of any kind, even mace. The reason: I’m there to collect a debt. If the debtor sees any weapon, that can be an attempt at coercion, an implied threat. You can’t threaten or coerce with physical violence as part of debt collection.

As scary as that sounds …

1

Every Weird Encounter Just Increases My Sympathy For People

Every once in a while, I’ll be talking to someone and see the newest Call Of Duty game paused on their new PS4 on their new giant-ass TV. I don’t say it, but I can’t help but think I know where at least some of that car payment went. “Comfort” purchases go up during recessions. And honestly, I don’t blame them.

Besides, nothing I say can be more hurtful than what some 13-year-old is yelling at them during multiplayer.

I used to work for little more than minimum wage, so I’ve had to play the “which bill can I let slide this month” game. When you’ve been chronically behind on bills for a while, you can’t just cut out all recreation. You’d kill yourself or go mad. Anyone who hears about debtors going out on a Friday and thinks, “they shouldn’t be spending money if they’re behind on the house” — well, they should be spending less money, perhaps, but they also need to keep themselves sane. I’d like to say I’ve learned a lot about people from looking into their homes. But the real thing I’ve learned is that you can’t truly know what’s going on in other people’s lives just from appearances, so it’s best not to judge.

And that good running shoes are always a sound investment.

Please help JSH Placie get attacked by fewer dogs. Check out his short fiction here and here. Fair warning, it’s not comedy, but it is good. Ryan Menezes is on Twitter for stuff cut from this article and other things no one should see.

Also check out 5 Disturbing New Ways Debt Collectors Are Getting Your Money and 6 Creepy Schemes Companies Use To Bury You In Debt.

Hey Cracked Podcast fans: Join Alex Schmidt, Daniel O’Brien, Katie Goldin, and our favorite LA comedians for a deep dive into which animals could conquer the world if they tried. Get your tickets here.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Why Credit Cards Are A Scam, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/im-here-to-collect-the-debt-you-owe-please-dont-kill-me/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/02/23/im-here-to-collect-the-debt-you-owe-please-dont-kill-me/

[adambstingus]

I’m Here To Collect The Debt You Owe. Please Don’t Kill Me

People don’t like to talk to creditors. People screen their phone calls, and toss out the bills. But it’s harder to ignore someone standing on your doorstep, especially when you don’t know why they’re there until they tell you. That’s me: I’m a debt collector. I’m not authorized to hold you upside down and shake the coins out of your pockets, but I do carry some scary-looking paperwork. And in my travels, I’ve found that …

5

America Is Full Of Weird, Isolated, Occasionally Creepy Communities

A few years ago, I did a two-day stint in West Virginia. The hills play havoc with GPS signals out there. Plus the maps aren’t all that accurate, and the roads are not maintained. Some aren’t even drivable. They don’t always bother putting up a sign to say so.

traveler1116 /iStock Google sent a Street View car there. It never came back.

Driving down a road that had degenerated into a dirt track, my Jeep sank right up to its undercarriage in a mud pond, and when I trekked up to a farmhouse, the folks there said, “Why, everyone knows that road’s been out for years!” The farmer got one of his tractors and hauled my Jeep out. Months later, my water pump died. When the mechanics called me, they said, “We’ve never seen anything like it! It’s like your water pump was full of swamp water!”

That’s generally how it goes: Rural areas are the worst to get around in, but anytime I’ve needed help, someone always chipped in — whether it was from me knocking on a farmhouse door, or someone just happening to drive past at the right time.

werner22brigitte/Pixabay And not always in a car …

One time I was called to a nudist colony. The office building had a board in place of a door. On the other side of a hill were a couple dozen campers and mobile homes. No people. Several more trailers had their doors kicked in. One was on its side, and another had been on fire at some point. It looked like the apocalypse hit this place. If anyone was left, I didn’t want to meet him or her. “Hey, could you tell me which trailer belongs to this almost certainly dead person? Oh, no, I can’t tell you why I’m looking for them. Hey, could you put down that chainsaw?”

When I checked the web later, Yelp was inconclusive about whether the place was open or closed, but it did specify that it was a “boys’ nudist camp,” which just added to the creep factor.

Vintervit/iStock That’s why they call it “Yelp!”

4

People Want To Kill You

It was late autumn, and the sun was going down when I arrived at a single-family home in a working-class neighborhood. I heard shouting. A man and a woman. I knocked anyways, and the shouting stopped. An athletic man in his late 20s opened the door, and I could see a woman just leaving the room. Another man around the same age sat on the couch behind a coffee table covered in empty beer bottles.

“Oh, you’re sorting through your recycling? I can come back later.”

I was already apprehensive, but I was new and didn’t really know what to do. So I went into my standard script. I introduced myself and explained that I was there about a late car payment. He nodded and invited me in, usually a good sign. Some clients require that we never enter a debtor’s house for liability reasons, but that wasn’t the case on this job. When someone invites you in, that’s usually an extension of trust. If you refuse, that could be taken as a rejection of their trust.

Once I was inside, he sat down and said: “You know I’m an Army Ranger. I’ve been to Afghanistan. It wouldn’t be anything to me to kill you right now.” Turns out that his friend was an Army Ranger too. After only a few moments, the friend left, which at first I took to be a good thing. Then I realized he was moving his car to block me into the driveway.

One more reason we need flying cars.

Fortunately, I’d spent eight years managing a customer service call center, dealing with the angriest of callers. Those same skills applied here. I emphasized that I was a private contractor and didn’t actually care if he ever made another car payment again. I also pointed out that I wasn’t the repo guy, and me being there was actually a good thing, because the bank was still trying to work with him. And for the only time ever, I pointed out that even if he killed me, his debt wasn’t going anywhere. A risky move, but it seemed to deflate him.

“Plus, how are you going to buy the tools to bury me without credit? Well? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

That was the first time a customer threatened to kill me. It wasn’t the last. But while I can reason with angry customers, well …

3

You Can’t Reason With Dogs

I get attacked by dogs a lot. It’s a professional problem, not a personal one. Luckily, I have a defense method that, so far, has had a 100 percent success rating: my clipboard. As the dog rushes toward me, I grab my clipboard with both hands and put it between us, metal clip towards the dog. The dog doesn’t want to bite the metal, so it starts trying to dodge past it. I just keep moving the clipboard around until the dog gets frustrated and retreats a few steps.

All the while battling flashbacks from the vet’s.

Then I back off of the property and get in my car. If I can, I photograph the dog. Most of the clients that hire me to collect on the debt end up paying me anyways, and then blacklisting the property from future field-service reps.

About halfway to one house, I heard barking and saw a pit bull tear out of the woods. Now, I know it can be an unfairly maligned breed, and I’ve known some real sweetheart pit bulls. This was not one of them. Still, I had my clipboard and I thought to myself, “another day in paradise.” Then I saw the second one. And the third, and the fourth.

“Your dick. This could be your dick.”

They surrounded me, and started lunging. I kept spinning, trying to keep them from a clear shot, clipboarding whichever was closest. Somehow I got out and got home. I kissed my wife, and then immediately got blackout drunk.

2

No One Likes A Debt Collector

Sometimes, the bank sends out paperwork, and all the homeowner has to do is fill it out, then the bank lowers their monthly payment instead of foreclosing. But most people still won’t do it. Filling out the paperwork means acknowledging the problem, and people would rather just not deal with it.

The bank mails “deal with it” memes but to no avail.

So the bank sends me. I spoke with one woman who said that she hadn’t made a house payment in seven years. She was retired, unexpected expenses had depleted her savings, and she couldn’t afford her home on her Social Security. I was gathering info to lower her payments, but she was so ashamed of her situation that I had to drag everything out of her.

Now, I know predatory loans exist. I know some banks are eager to foreclose, to the point that they’ll do it prematurely, or even go after the wrong property. But those ones rarely hire me — my clients would rather have the payment than the collateral. You don’t hire someone like me if you just want to foreclose.

When they roll out the milking machine, they’re not interested in making hamburger meat of you.

I talk to middle-class people who have never had serious financial trouble before. The emotions involved are so strong, that even when the bank wants to work with them, they’ll dodge phone calls and ignore letters. One guy took one look at the paperwork and said: “You can get the fuck out of my house.”

“You know I’m here to help, right?”

“I know. Now get the fuck out.”

About this time, you’re probably wondering, “What do you carry for protection?”

Man evolved past its primal fear of clipboards years ago.

The answer is: Nothing.

When I first started this job, I thought about getting a concealed carry permit. But most clients specifically forbid me from carrying a weapon of any kind, even mace. The reason: I’m there to collect a debt. If the debtor sees any weapon, that can be an attempt at coercion, an implied threat. You can’t threaten or coerce with physical violence as part of debt collection.

As scary as that sounds …

1

Every Weird Encounter Just Increases My Sympathy For People

Every once in a while, I’ll be talking to someone and see the newest Call Of Duty game paused on their new PS4 on their new giant-ass TV. I don’t say it, but I can’t help but think I know where at least some of that car payment went. “Comfort” purchases go up during recessions. And honestly, I don’t blame them.

Besides, nothing I say can be more hurtful than what some 13-year-old is yelling at them during multiplayer.

I used to work for little more than minimum wage, so I’ve had to play the “which bill can I let slide this month” game. When you’ve been chronically behind on bills for a while, you can’t just cut out all recreation. You’d kill yourself or go mad. Anyone who hears about debtors going out on a Friday and thinks, “they shouldn’t be spending money if they’re behind on the house” — well, they should be spending less money, perhaps, but they also need to keep themselves sane. I’d like to say I’ve learned a lot about people from looking into their homes. But the real thing I’ve learned is that you can’t truly know what’s going on in other people’s lives just from appearances, so it’s best not to judge.

And that good running shoes are always a sound investment.

Please help JSH Placie get attacked by fewer dogs. Check out his short fiction here and here. Fair warning, it’s not comedy, but it is good. Ryan Menezes is on Twitter for stuff cut from this article and other things no one should see.

Also check out 5 Disturbing New Ways Debt Collectors Are Getting Your Money and 6 Creepy Schemes Companies Use To Bury You In Debt.

Hey Cracked Podcast fans: Join Alex Schmidt, Daniel O’Brien, Katie Goldin, and our favorite LA comedians for a deep dive into which animals could conquer the world if they tried. Get your tickets here.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Why Credit Cards Are A Scam, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us!

Make a contribution

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/im-here-to-collect-the-debt-you-owe-please-dont-kill-me/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/171213009947

[allofbeercom]

I’m Here To Collect The Debt You Owe. Please Don’t Kill Me

People don’t like to talk to creditors. People screen their phone calls, and toss out the bills. But it’s harder to ignore someone standing on your doorstep, especially when you don’t know why they’re there until they tell you. That’s me: I’m a debt collector. I’m not authorized to hold you upside down and shake the coins out of your pockets, but I do carry some scary-looking paperwork. And in my travels, I’ve found that …

5

America Is Full Of Weird, Isolated, Occasionally Creepy Communities

A few years ago, I did a two-day stint in West Virginia. The hills play havoc with GPS signals out there. Plus the maps aren’t all that accurate, and the roads are not maintained. Some aren’t even drivable. They don’t always bother putting up a sign to say so.

traveler1116 /iStock Google sent a Street View car there. It never came back.

Driving down a road that had degenerated into a dirt track, my Jeep sank right up to its undercarriage in a mud pond, and when I trekked up to a farmhouse, the folks there said, “Why, everyone knows that road’s been out for years!” The farmer got one of his tractors and hauled my Jeep out. Months later, my water pump died. When the mechanics called me, they said, “We’ve never seen anything like it! It’s like your water pump was full of swamp water!”

That’s generally how it goes: Rural areas are the worst to get around in, but anytime I’ve needed help, someone always chipped in — whether it was from me knocking on a farmhouse door, or someone just happening to drive past at the right time.

werner22brigitte/Pixabay And not always in a car …

One time I was called to a nudist colony. The office building had a board in place of a door. On the other side of a hill were a couple dozen campers and mobile homes. No people. Several more trailers had their doors kicked in. One was on its side, and another had been on fire at some point. It looked like the apocalypse hit this place. If anyone was left, I didn’t want to meet him or her. “Hey, could you tell me which trailer belongs to this almost certainly dead person? Oh, no, I can’t tell you why I’m looking for them. Hey, could you put down that chainsaw?”

When I checked the web later, Yelp was inconclusive about whether the place was open or closed, but it did specify that it was a “boys’ nudist camp,” which just added to the creep factor.

Vintervit/iStock That’s why they call it “Yelp!”

4

People Want To Kill You

It was late autumn, and the sun was going down when I arrived at a single-family home in a working-class neighborhood. I heard shouting. A man and a woman. I knocked anyways, and the shouting stopped. An athletic man in his late 20s opened the door, and I could see a woman just leaving the room. Another man around the same age sat on the couch behind a coffee table covered in empty beer bottles.

“Oh, you’re sorting through your recycling? I can come back later.”

I was already apprehensive, but I was new and didn’t really know what to do. So I went into my standard script. I introduced myself and explained that I was there about a late car payment. He nodded and invited me in, usually a good sign. Some clients require that we never enter a debtor’s house for liability reasons, but that wasn’t the case on this job. When someone invites you in, that’s usually an extension of trust. If you refuse, that could be taken as a rejection of their trust.

Once I was inside, he sat down and said: “You know I’m an Army Ranger. I’ve been to Afghanistan. It wouldn’t be anything to me to kill you right now.” Turns out that his friend was an Army Ranger too. After only a few moments, the friend left, which at first I took to be a good thing. Then I realized he was moving his car to block me into the driveway.

One more reason we need flying cars.

Fortunately, I’d spent eight years managing a customer service call center, dealing with the angriest of callers. Those same skills applied here. I emphasized that I was a private contractor and didn’t actually care if he ever made another car payment again. I also pointed out that I wasn’t the repo guy, and me being there was actually a good thing, because the bank was still trying to work with him. And for the only time ever, I pointed out that even if he killed me, his debt wasn’t going anywhere. A risky move, but it seemed to deflate him.

“Plus, how are you going to buy the tools to bury me without credit? Well? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

That was the first time a customer threatened to kill me. It wasn’t the last. But while I can reason with angry customers, well …

3

You Can’t Reason With Dogs

I get attacked by dogs a lot. It’s a professional problem, not a personal one. Luckily, I have a defense method that, so far, has had a 100 percent success rating: my clipboard. As the dog rushes toward me, I grab my clipboard with both hands and put it between us, metal clip towards the dog. The dog doesn’t want to bite the metal, so it starts trying to dodge past it. I just keep moving the clipboard around until the dog gets frustrated and retreats a few steps.

All the while battling flashbacks from the vet’s.

Then I back off of the property and get in my car. If I can, I photograph the dog. Most of the clients that hire me to collect on the debt end up paying me anyways, and then blacklisting the property from future field-service reps.

About halfway to one house, I heard barking and saw a pit bull tear out of the woods. Now, I know it can be an unfairly maligned breed, and I’ve known some real sweetheart pit bulls. This was not one of them. Still, I had my clipboard and I thought to myself, “another day in paradise.” Then I saw the second one. And the third, and the fourth.

“Your dick. This could be your dick.”

They surrounded me, and started lunging. I kept spinning, trying to keep them from a clear shot, clipboarding whichever was closest. Somehow I got out and got home. I kissed my wife, and then immediately got blackout drunk.

2

No One Likes A Debt Collector

Sometimes, the bank sends out paperwork, and all the homeowner has to do is fill it out, then the bank lowers their monthly payment instead of foreclosing. But most people still won’t do it. Filling out the paperwork means acknowledging the problem, and people would rather just not deal with it.

The bank mails “deal with it” memes but to no avail.

So the bank sends me. I spoke with one woman who said that she hadn’t made a house payment in seven years. She was retired, unexpected expenses had depleted her savings, and she couldn’t afford her home on her Social Security. I was gathering info to lower her payments, but she was so ashamed of her situation that I had to drag everything out of her.

Now, I know predatory loans exist. I know some banks are eager to foreclose, to the point that they’ll do it prematurely, or even go after the wrong property. But those ones rarely hire me — my clients would rather have the payment than the collateral. You don’t hire someone like me if you just want to foreclose.

When they roll out the milking machine, they’re not interested in making hamburger meat of you.

I talk to middle-class people who have never had serious financial trouble before. The emotions involved are so strong, that even when the bank wants to work with them, they’ll dodge phone calls and ignore letters. One guy took one look at the paperwork and said: “You can get the fuck out of my house.”

“You know I’m here to help, right?”

“I know. Now get the fuck out.”

About this time, you’re probably wondering, “What do you carry for protection?”

Man evolved past its primal fear of clipboards years ago.

The answer is: Nothing.

When I first started this job, I thought about getting a concealed carry permit. But most clients specifically forbid me from carrying a weapon of any kind, even mace. The reason: I’m there to collect a debt. If the debtor sees any weapon, that can be an attempt at coercion, an implied threat. You can’t threaten or coerce with physical violence as part of debt collection.

As scary as that sounds …

1

Every Weird Encounter Just Increases My Sympathy For People

Every once in a while, I’ll be talking to someone and see the newest Call Of Duty game paused on their new PS4 on their new giant-ass TV. I don’t say it, but I can’t help but think I know where at least some of that car payment went. “Comfort” purchases go up during recessions. And honestly, I don’t blame them.

Besides, nothing I say can be more hurtful than what some 13-year-old is yelling at them during multiplayer.

I used to work for little more than minimum wage, so I’ve had to play the “which bill can I let slide this month” game. When you’ve been chronically behind on bills for a while, you can’t just cut out all recreation. You’d kill yourself or go mad. Anyone who hears about debtors going out on a Friday and thinks, “they shouldn’t be spending money if they’re behind on the house” — well, they should be spending less money, perhaps, but they also need to keep themselves sane. I’d like to say I’ve learned a lot about people from looking into their homes. But the real thing I’ve learned is that you can’t truly know what’s going on in other people’s lives just from appearances, so it’s best not to judge.

And that good running shoes are always a sound investment.

Please help JSH Placie get attacked by fewer dogs. Check out his short fiction here and here. Fair warning, it’s not comedy, but it is good. Ryan Menezes is on Twitter for stuff cut from this article and other things no one should see.

Also check out 5 Disturbing New Ways Debt Collectors Are Getting Your Money and 6 Creepy Schemes Companies Use To Bury You In Debt.

Hey Cracked Podcast fans: Join Alex Schmidt, Daniel O’Brien, Katie Goldin, and our favorite LA comedians for a deep dive into which animals could conquer the world if they tried. Get your tickets here.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Why Credit Cards Are A Scam, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us!

Make a contribution

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/im-here-to-collect-the-debt-you-owe-please-dont-kill-me/