#we were celebrating dad’s bday so you can imagine how that went

[bending-sickle]

seven hours of socializing.

please pour me into a bucket.

[obeiii-mee]

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To celebrate his birthday, I’ve done a few HCs for Satan because I’ve got nothing else planned for him at the moment and I’m still spending most of my time editing my last self sacrificing MC being saved post which should be out before Halloween. And I’m salty I missed Mammon’s bday event too but I do have something in regards to that waiting around in my inbox so I probably just need to start being more motivated lol-

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Satan, the Avatar of Wrath:

>The demon that has tried to sneak strays into the House of Lamentation on multiple occasions. Whether they’d be cats from DevilDom or the Human Realm, he would whisk them off the streets and let them loose around the house on a daily basis. It was living hell for you and the rest of the brothers because even the smallest of the kittens wreaked absolute havoc everywhere they went; vases and plates were broken, there were paw prints all over the place (including the ceiling somehow), most of Asmo’s make up was left in ruins after a particularly bad incident. Lucifer had to put his foot down after he found cat hair in his coffee one morning.

>His book addiction is also getting almost as taxing as Beel’s midnight raids. Most of his purchases on Akuzon are expensive, ancient, leather-bound books and scrolls and not only are they not cheap-he also buys heaps of them at a time which started taking a toll on the bills Lucifer has to pay. It’s unclear whether he’s doing it on purpose to spite his brother or if it’s because he’s genuinely interested in such old literature. Everyone else guesses that it’s a mixture of both.

>You let him drive one time when he was visiting you in the Human Realm. Thank fuck you had such a good car warranty because the road rage he feels when behind the wheel is real. Bro probably broke your pedals and gearstick with how aggressive he was being and that was BEFORE some asshole decided to cut him off really abruptly in the middle of a traffic jam. Mf lost it after that-almost forgot you were in there with him, he was about ready to turn people’s bones into mashed potatoes with how many times he intended to run them over once he had the chance. Never again💀

>Satan volunteers to be his brothers’ tutor from time to time, with the exception of Lucifer since the eldest doesn’t really need it and he would not offer his services to him in the first place lol. He figured it wouldn’t do him any good to allow his siblings to drag his perfect scores down with their disgusting, averagely low grades so he decided they would all need a helping hand. Mammon especially, who are we kidding? Ah, turns out he’s pretty good at it too, even if studying with him is a little scary every now and then (both him and Lucifer give off ‘doing homework with your dad at the kitchen table and crying while doing it because he’s yelling’ vibes, but them and their brothers-)

>He’s responsible for most of the paintings in the house. Ngl, he shows up every few weeks with some really fancy masterpiece that just got released and proceeds to hang it randomly around the halls. Most of his siblings haven’t noticed. Neither have you. And he hasn’t said anything. Every once in a while, you look up and notice some dramatic ass painting that you swear you’ve never laid eyes on before, and then you shrug it off and assume it’s always been there and that your memory is just failing you. Mammon has stolen a few and sold them online because it’s Mammon. They were always back by the second day or so though (can imagine Satan buying all that shit back from the black market Mammon was selling it on, lmao)

>I said this before, but he smells really nice. Like…firewood….and books…and just homely stuff in general. That’s it. That’s the headcanon.

>Secretly loves hanging out with his family. He makes it seem like he always has better things to do but he doesn’t want to admit he enjoys spending time with any of his brothers, and this especially applies to Lucifer because who’d want to be around that prideful prick, huh? But the fourth born is usually the first to start planning out things like movies nights and family gatherings and he seems so excited to do it as well. By that I mean that he gets proper into it and works really hard on a family date for weeks! Is not very outwards with his feelings but he’s really happy to see everyone having a good time when he knows that he put so much effort into it. Bonus points if you decide to help him sort everything out-

>(Mammon made him a cat-shaped cake for his birthday and it didn’t come out the best-at least not compared to everyone else’s-but Satan proceeded to eat the whole thing and didn’t even say anything about it besides a ‘thank you’. Mammon bawled his eyes out in your room afterwards but don’t tell a soul. Also, you found out Satan knew his brother spend like 8 hours in the kitchen trying to make the damn thing and that’s why he barely even touched the rest of the desserts just so he could eat his even if the cake itself looked pretty dreadful. Ahhhhhhhh-)

-K, I’m done now. I need more brotherly headcanons between the bros cuz it’s adorable——

——————————-

[malocclusive]

OH OOF

Ended up watching a ton of miyasazki deep dive videos, and my gramma took me and my brother to see Spirited Away on the last day we had in Maryland before moving to Louisiana with my dad (That was a whole thing)

Anyways, my dad’s stepdad showed me Princess Mononoke when I was WAY TOO YOUNG (8? maybe?), or at least the first half. I loved it. And so we begged our grandparents to take us to see Spirited Away. Totoro was mine and my brother’s favorite movie to rent, so it was natural.

Anyways, my gramma took us to see it, but the first showing was full, and we bought tickets for a later one. My dad got pissed because we had to be on the road early the next morning, but we went to the later showing and got home late.

I sent my gramma a text thanking her for taking us, and how much seeing Spirited Away impacted me specifically as an artist. It’s also about a girl moving and going through changes becoming more independent, which were v topical for me at that time, but I digress. 

And thinking about it, I’m so thankful she stuck her neck out. She kept us past when my dad wanted, she got scolded for it, and I had a genuinely formative experience. She’s continued with that shit all my life.

She took me to see something that genuinely shaped a BIG portion of my youth, and took the brunt of abuse from someone saying she shouldn’t have.

I sent her a thank you text, which reminded me of the first extremely sincere Mother’s Day card I ever sent. I had to hide it because I do cursory shit for my Narcissist mom who is garbage, and I can never outwardly thank the one woman who has treated me like a... child? person of value? It’s weird. She actually cares about me, and not what I can do for her, which is almost horrifying. Do people with good relationships with their parents take this for (I wouldn’t say granted) but an average occurrence?

Even thinking of this is getting me riled up. I have a mom figure I’ve lost 30 years with, and if my bio mom is around, I also have to celebrate her. My gramma’s bday is a week after mine, and last year I turned 30 while she turned 80. We had an incredible blast because my mom didn’t feel like coming downstairs for hanging, and only came to smoke cigarettes.

I wish I could say I’ve made peace with this, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I’m blessed to have had my real mom at my wedding and at so many places in my life. I’m blessed to have lived with her, even if I was a stubborn asshole wrecking the peace by calling my deadbeat mom out.

Goddamn. I don’t even know how to convey what she means to me, because my mom lives at my gramma’s place and is unemployed. I can’t imagine how to cherish her well in a way that isn’t going to get her yelled towards for my “selfishness” or something

Is this what people feel towards moms? Fuck me, goddamn. It’s had caring for someone so much when you know your feelings will turn into something that directly harms them if your egg donor finds out.

[fangirlfanwritings]

Jake Gyllenhaal Request

Can you do a jake gyllenhaal one where his gf surprises him for his bday

Can you write a jake gyllenhaal one where him and reader are dating are spending some time together since he hasn't seen her since press tour

Hey can I please have a jake gyllenhaal imagine where jake is out promoting a movie and it's Christmas eve. The reader doesn't think jake will be home for Christmas but he surprises her and their kids for Christmas dressed as Santa !!!

AN: I mashed all of these together!

Jake had been away on a press tour since the day after Thanksgiving and since his birthday and Christmas was coming soon and he was still away you decided to send him a nice surprise for his birthday. When he got back to his hotel room after his day of press he walked into a room decorated with large balloons everywhere, streamers, and five large wrapped boxes filled with gifts.

You were packing your  and the kids bags so you could go home for the holidays when your phone rang. “Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday,” you smiled into the phone.

“Thanks,” he laughed. “Funny thing, I just got back to my hotel room and it’s completely decorated and there are five large boxes here.”

“Weird,” you played dumb. “Wonder who they are from.”

“I don’t know but the handwriting on them looks a lot like yours. How did you pull this off?”

“I sent everything to the hotel before you got there and got the manager to set it up while you were out today,” you admitted. “I wanted to make sure I could celebrate your birthday with you even if we weren’t together.”

“You’re too sweet. So...which one should I open first?”

“I don’t know. Let me ask the kids.”

******

You hugged your family as they arrived to your parent’s house for the Christmas Eve party. Sooner that you had expected your family started asking where Jake was. “He’s stuck in the middle of a press tour for a new movie,” you explained. “He couldn’t get a flight out in time after his last interview so we decided we’d do our Christmas once he was back in January.”

The night went on and your family home was filled with laughter and commotion from everybody being in the house. You all ate and drank and played games, your younger cousins, nieces, and nephews, and kids were running around the house and in between your relatives.

“Oh my gosh,” you heard your Father’s voice ring through the house from somewhere near the family room. “Everyone in the family room! Look who’s here.” You heard bells ringing as you walked towards the room.

“Santa,” the kids cheered and ran to sit in front of the man who was looking into his large bag of presents. “Ho ho ho. A gift for you Austin,” he handed your nephew a gift. “Oh, and one for you Clare,” he gave one to your cousin. His back was to you so you couldn’t see his face but his overly changed voice sounded familiar to you. You looked at the smiles on your son and daughter’s faces as they got their presents from Santa.

He handed out all the gifts to the kids and reached into the bag pulling out one more. “I have one for Y/N. Where is she at?”

“Over here, Santa,” your grandma yelled and pushed you towards him.

“Over here my Dear,” he said enthusiastically. “I have something very special to give you. A young man, Jake, told me to bring this to you.” The second you saw his face you smiled and blinked back excited tears.

“He did, did he?” Santa nodded, “Why don’t you open that,” he stood up. “I need to get back to the North Pole and make sure everything is ready for my big flight tonight.” He gave one last jolly laugh for the kids and disappeared out of the house.

“What did you get Momma,” your kids asked.

You unwrapped the box and looked at the four small tickets laying inside. “What are those, Momma?”

“Plane tickets,” you spoke softly and lifted them up. “To Colorado. After New Years.”

“I thought it would be a nice little vacation for the family.” You and the kids looked towards the voice you hadn’t heard in person for nearly a month.

“Dad,” the kids got up and ran into Jake’s arms. He lifted them up and walked over to you. “I thought the four of us could use some time together after the Holidays.”

******

The two of you sat in front of the Christmas tree. Your parent’s were in their room, the kids were asleep, and it was just you and Jake sitting on the couch and looking at the Christmas tree. “Are we really going to Colorado?”

“Mhmm.”

“And you planned it all yourself?”

“Mhmm. You, me, the kids; a week skiing and goofing around in the snow in a cabin in the mountains.”

“That sounds perfect.” You snuggled into him on the couch and clutched the blanket closer. “Merry Christmas, Jake.”

“Merry Christmas, Babe.”

[megabadbunny]

For the DxR fic meme: Nine x Rose; 01 G ☯

(Nine x Rose, Jackie’s flat, midnight, Rose’s diary; from @doctorroseprompts )

***

He knows he shouldn’t, and yet, here he is.

(But it’s not exactly his fault, is it? If she didn’t wanthim to see it, maybe she shouldn’t have left it lying around all public in theopen, conspicuous and winking at him and daring him to take a little peek,wriggling its (figurative) hips like a minx in red throwing a perfumed kissover one shoulder. Never mind the fact that it wasn’t lying around in public somuch as it was in her room, that it wasn’t in the open so much as it was tuckedunder her mattress.)

The Doctor glances around furtively, even though he knows noone will catch him in the act; the flat is empty of any other living thing,save for him and the dust motes colonizing the space beneath the rug. Rose andher oddity of a mum have whisked off somewhere or other (“a proper girls’night”, Jackie might’ve said, or might not have, as the Doctor might not havebeen listening) and Jack is goodness-knows-where with goodness-knows-whom, sothe Doctor figures he’s got a good few hours to himself before anyone returns.And he’s got to find some way to occupy himself, hasn’t he?

(Besides, it isn’t as if he went snooping specifically for it.More like, he snooped, and there it conveniently was. Also, he’s bored.)

Plunking himself down on her bed—not nearly as soft or plushas her TARDIS bed, he thinks with a smirk—the Doctor opens the book to thefirst page.

Dear dairy readsthe first line.

The Doctor chuckles. There is no date scrawled anywhere onthe page, but the scribbles and misspellings amidst very careful and deliberatestrokes tell the Doctor these words were written by someone who had only recentlylearned penmanship, and was determined to do it well.

Dear dairy

Hello how are you? Myname is Rose Marion Tyler. It is my brithday today I am 6 years old.

It’s almost impossible to imagine Rose ever being so young;far easier to picture her emerging fully-grown and stubborn-willed and jeopardy-friendlystraight from inception. But the Doctor tries, and in his mind’s eye he canalmost see her sitting on the bed—no, lying on it, stomach-down, her sock-cladfeet kicking idly in the air. Her hair, unbleached and light brown, would be pulledback into a ponytail, held in place by one of those what d’you-call-it’s. A scrunchie. Her head would bend down inconcentration over the diary as she clutched her pen tightly in her small fist.The Doctor imagines the pen to be pink, glittery, one of those gel-things, hopelesslyand wonderfully childish and girly, and his grin broadens.

Mummy and me had aparty in the park and Lottie and Fred cud not come but Shireen was there andMickey to and his gran and my grandad Prentis. Grandad brung cake from thestore it has had a heart drawed on and my name and there were candels.We had ice cream to. And I had prezents there was a barby and shoes and a newbell for my bike…

The list continues and the Doctor rolls his eyes fondly.Clearly, six-year-old Rose had decided to commit only the most pertinent ofdetails to memory. He flips through perhaps the first quarter of the diary, pausingat a mention of Mickey here, a drawing of a flower there, and watches as Rose’shandwriting grows more confident, her entries more substantial. Her diary is amicrocosm of her adventures with mates, days at school, developing crushes, thelikeability of some of Jackie’s boyfriends and the caddishness of others. Atrandom, the Doctor slips a finger between the pages and opens the diarymid-entry, perhaps a year or two along its timeline.

and it felt awful butI didnt say anything bc he was right I dont have a dad but Keisha got angry andtold him to butt out and mind his own business. So then Nick laughed and madefun of Keisha bout her mum and I thot Keisha might cry so I punched Nick in thenose and it bled and the head teacher says I cant come back to school for aweek. Mum says Im in trouble but she didnt stop granddad from buying me a 99 onthe way home and she said next time do a slap its easier on the nuckles.

The Doctor can just picture Rose, eight years old, eyesflashing and stance wide as she bloodies some little twerp’s nose with herfist. Now that—that is a Rose he has no trouble imagining. Laughing, the Doctorshakes his head and flips to a later entry.

8 Nov 1996

Dear diary,

We went to go see Dad yesterday.

The Doctor pauses, hesitates. He knows what the words mean—they’refigurative, not literal, because it would be another eleven years before Rose sawany more of Pete Tyler than old photos and a grave—but the memory of the daynine years earlier still sends a shiver down his spine, clenches something inhis gut in a guilty-sick feeling he can’t quite explain.

Mum told me the storyagain. She seemed all right definitely better than the last time. I think thephotos help. Granddad came to and I don’t think he rly liked Dad very much buthe was nice about him today nicer than on other days. Afterwards Mum went todrop me off with Mickey but he said she needed me so I went on home and she seemeda little happier but she still cried a bit.

The Doctor wrinkles his nose. Something about Mickey theIdiot doing a good turn makes him grumpy. Who does that idiot think he is,anyway?

We had tea and fellasleep in front of the telly. I wanted to make her dinner but there was nothingin and I couldnt find anything in her purse so I went down to Ms Nodd’s bc she’sout seeing her grandson and I got the spare key from under her flower pot and Ilooked in her bedroom and found a few pounds and took them. I bought Mum aChinese from her favourite place and she didnt ask where I got the money so I didnttell her. I dont think Ms Nodd would know it was me that took it but I stillfeel bad I just didnt know what else to do. Ill pay her back when I get somemoney for my bday.

Nice old bird, that Ms Nodd. Much nicer than some of theother tenants on the Estate, with her blue-tinged hair and cheerful smile andwithered old hands that freely distribute home-baked biscuits to errant TimeLords who just happen to be handy with a squeaky front door. The Doctor makes amental note to liberate an ATM of a couple hundred-pound-notes at his earliestopportunity and slip them into her flat.

He reads a few more pages—comfortably silly stuff, all ofit, more crushes and rants about school and discussions of celebrities andfashion and Rose’s favorite things on telly—until his fingers land on an oddlybrittle page, warped in places, buckling. Several of the words are nearlyimpossible to discern, smudged as they are, and it takes the Doctorapproximately .003 seconds to identify the water marks as tears.

(There’s no dear diaryhere, no date. The words simply begin, as if writing anything more than theabsolutely necessary would take too much energy. Like it would hurt too much.)

Granddad’s gone.

The Doctor sighs, and his hearts each break a little foryoung Rose, curled up in her bed and crying bitter tears into her pillow. Tenyears old is far too young to experience the cruelty of such a loss. But it isn’tas if it gets any easier at any other age. The Doctor knows that to be painfullytrue.

Had a heart attack.Doctors said he went in his sleep and didn’t feel anything. I hope that’s true.Mum said he’s with the angels now but that’s stupid. The angels don’t need him wedo. I already miss him.

Mum can’t stop crying.I wish Dad was here.

And there’s that feeling again in the Doctor’s gut, thesquirmy-sicky one. Almost as if his stomach knows he shouldn’t be doing this,like his body is punishing him. It was all well and good reading about the funfrivolities of a carefree primary-schooler, but this sort of thing—this issomething else. Something deep and personal, a compound fracture of emptinessand hurt. The Doctor knows should stop reading now. He really should.

(He doesn’t.)

It takes a few weeks for the mentions of Granddad Prentice tostart fading, but eventually, they do, fading away to be gradually replaced bythe normality of everyday life. Sometimes months pass between diary-entries;other times, years. The Doctor smiles as he glances over recountings of schooldays and formals and skipping classes, of Jackie’s eccentric cluster of boyfriends,of fights with friends and happy makings-up after, of holidays and gossip andhopes for the future. The day Rose and Shireen fall out over a boy is marked byan obscene amount of swearing and words crossed-out and pencil-punctures dugdeep into the page; the day Mickey asks Rose to be his girlfriend is noted withexclamation points and a lipgloss-kiss.

The day Rose meets Jimmy Stone is noted with a single heartthat simply reads Mrs Rose Stone.

Grimacing at the words, the Doctor forces himself to presson.

OMG met this bloke Jimmyyesterday n he was soooo fit reads the next entry. Shireen and Keisha and me went down the pub and he was playing in theband and I thot he fancied Keisha at first but after he asked for my number ♡ ♡ ♡I kno it doesn’t mean nothing so I didn’ttell Mickey cos no point in him worrying and he gets so jealous anyway lol

Awww, poor jealous ickle Mickey, thinks the Doctor. He snortsderisively. Human beings—so quick to such petty reactions. He’s very glad hedoesn’t have to worry about silly things like that.

Still, it’s a little surprising when, just a few pages later,things have already progressed by leaps and bounds. Jimmy kissed me! leaps out from the page, followed by things like Mickey and me had a fight and Snuck out to hear Jimmy play downtownand Went to the cinema with Jimmy and he puthis hand up my sk

Hearts hammering, the Doctor flips past that page before hiskeen eyes have a chance to read any further. For some reason, the thought ofJimmy putting his hand up anything of Rose’s—indeed, of Jimmy or some otherfool even thinking about touching her, anywhere, with anything—makes him burn abit under the collar. Unpleasant, that. Maybe he’d better take a look at Jackie’sthermostat, make sure it’s doing its job, because it certainly doesn’t feellike it.

(Still, he skips the several pages that follow, just to besafe.)

said if Iwalked out that door I’d better not walk back in and you know what screw her.She’s wasted her whole life crying about Dad and never doing anything withherself and never doing anything for me. I hate her I would rather die then belike her

Eyes widening in surprise, the Doctor quickly scans over thenext few pages, his concern deepening by the second.

love Jimmy andno one can tell me any different and if Mum really knew what love was then she’dunderstand

Im so glad I’mwith him now he gets me like no one else ever has or ever will, ♡ him forever

didnt want totake my a-levels anyway not like it means anything out in the real world

moving into aflat together next week can’t wait ♡♡♡

and I love himbut I wish he’d get a job cos the gigs don’t make enough n I can’t covereverything on my own

came home drunkagain last night n wouldnt tell me where he’d been

told me I’dbetter cough up the rest of the rent by next weekend or else he would

And then, nothing.

The Doctor frowns. Whatever he would do is left unexplained, torn away along with a wholecluster of pages in the diary, leaving a ragged little scar behind where wordsand feelings used to sit. The Doctor runs a finger along the page-stumps leftin the spine, and wonders.

What could have happened that was so bad that even the memoryof it had to be ripped away?

The next entry picks up a few weeks later. It does notmention Jimmy. Instead, the page displays only a handful of lonely words:

He wasright. I’m so stupid.

It takes a moment for the Doctor to realize that the diaryis shaking in his hands. But that’s only because he’s gripping it so tightlyhis knuckles are glowing bright white in an attempt to jump out of his skin. Andsuddenly he’s glad, in quite a perverse way, that he has witnessed thedestruction of the Reapers firsthand, because otherwise the temptation to pilotthe TARDIS back in time to ensure that Jimmy Stone never hurt Rose—that henever so much as existed, never so much as blighted this planet with even asingle vile breath—would be so strong that he’s not entirely sure he’d be ableto stop himself.

Forcing himself to calm, the Doctor skips forward, hopefullyto an entry that won’t cause hisblood to boil angrily in his ears. Now phrases like moved back in with Mum today and applied at Henriks greet his eyes, and he feels the muscles in hisshoulders begin to relax.

and a sweet ginger boy’sstarted coming round, Mum named him Jonesy

but the new job’s notso bad

going out to the clubswith Shireen

Mickey stopped by withflowers today and it was like nothing had ever gone wrong

anyway we’re datingagain

nothing’ll come of itbut some blokes won in Bristol last week so who knows, maybe we’ll win a littlesomething n I could get Mum something nice

a little boring Iguess but prolly about the best I can expect for now

So my job blew uptoday???

Now a grin spreads across the Doctor’s face, lighting it upfrom ear-to-ear. Finally. Took longenough to get here. Now for the reallygood stuff.

Fingers tingling in anticipation, he turns the page.

Nothing.

The Doctor flips through the remaining pages, hunting forsomething, anything, but nothing buta sea of white greets his eyes, winking up at him obnoxiously without so muchas a single date or scribble or scrawl to capture his attention. The rest ofthe diary is completely, utterly blank.

Huffing in irritation, the Doctor sits back, flipping thebook closed with a scowl. It makes a certain sense, he supposes, but still.Really? She’ll write about ice cream and Barbies and school gossip and Mickeythe Idiot but no mention of the TARDIS, no asides about traveling through timeand space, no discussion of Dickens or Slitheen or bitchy trampolines or 900year-old Time Lords taking her by the hand to show her anything her littleheart could ever possibly—

CLANG.

“I just found it!” blurts out the Doctor without eventhinking, pushing off the bed and whirling round to face Rose’s open bedroomdoorway. But no one stands there; indeed, if his superior hearing is anythingto go by (and it usually is), there’s no one within several meters of him, certainlyno one in the flat. And the continuing ding-dang-dongbell’s sound, ringing at twelve lazy but significant intervals, informs himthat his nervousness was for naught—it’s just Jackie’s old grandfather clock,noisily (and unnecessarily, the Doctor thinks with a grump) proclaiming thetime.

It’s midnight. Probably Rose and Jackie will be home soon. Andprobably he shouldn’t let them know he was nosing through Rose’s diary.

(Even if it wasn’t his fault, seeing as they left him aloneand bored and unoccupied in the flat, and even if he didn’t find what he waslooking for—even if he’s not entirely certain what that was.)

As he slips the diary back into its hiding-place beneathRose’s mattress, it occurs to him that there are any number of reasons Rosemight not be writing things in a diary any more—she forgot it at home, or she’stoo tired after their adventures, or too distracted, or maybe she’s even got anew one aboard the TARDIS, hidden somewhere equally silly. But there’s anotheroption too, he realizes; that she’s simply too happy to see the need forwriting things down, that she is too busy living her memories to think of takingthe time to document them. The thought warms him, contentment blooming in hischest, and he leaves Rose’s room with a smile, closing the door behind him.

(He still checks her room on the TARDIS just in case.)

***

part ii

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Quick, gimme a place I could be going

Buster: Where do scumbag lads from the 24 holiday?

Rio: 😑

Rio: Safe to say nowhere that looks like the French Riviera

Rio: going somewhere without phone signal guys, no there won't be pics to show you when I'm back either, bye

Buster: For real though, you could say you've got a job somewhere

Buster: No tourist shots 'cause you're working so hard, like

Buster: Under lock and key serving those drinks

Rio: Hmm

Rio: might work

Rio: can just say it was shit when I come back after no time at all

Buster: When you're getting picking grapes at a vineyard but don't get picked by the man of your dreams 💔

Buster: You just can't get the daddies these days, babe

Rio: 😂 Shut up

Rio: clearly past it but you don't need to rub it in

Buster: You shut up

Buster: You're with me, you've never looked better

Rio: Firstly, that's the point, no I ain't

Rio: Stick to the story boy!

Buster: 😂

Buster: Didn't realise you were screenshotting this convo, like

Rio: Obviously

Rio: Everyone so highkey

Rio: Like no one's questioning Nance what she's really doing or who she's going with 🙄

Buster: If you wanna go gay so nobody questions why you're coming with me you probably should've put some groundwork in before now

Buster: Better go kiss some hot girls quick, like

Rio: Very subtle, babe

Rio: Been there, done that

Rio: still don't think it's gonna be bought

Buster: 😏

Buster: Have you actually?

Rio: 🙄

Rio: FOCUS

Buster: I am

Buster: On that

Rio: Thought you didn't like sharing?

Rio: Double standard, like

Buster: It was before me so I'm not

Rio: Hmm

Rio: Not dying to know all the hot lads I've kissed though are you 😂

Buster: We can compare numbers if you want, babe

Buster: No shame here

Rio: Knew it 😏

Rio: Posh boys

Buster: It's not my fault if half the boys at school are in love with me

Buster: Irresistible, aren't I

Rio: So charitable

Buster: Well, I was gonna take you shopping before we go but if you don't wanna then fine

Rio: I was being nice

Rio: 😇

Buster: I reckon you can be nicer

Rio: Fine

Rio: I'll tell you all about the hot girls

Buster: Yeah?

Rio: but first 💳 me

Buster: Fine

Buster: I was being purely selfish anyway, there's so much shit I need before we can go

Rio: Jokes, babe

Rio: Same though

Rio: Last year's bikini ain't gonna cut it

Buster: Honestly, you can't be showing me up even if you are safe from the socials

Buster: So tell me what you need

Rio: I ain't walking 50 paces behind you

Rio: even if you've got lanky ass legs

Buster: Please, I could get you to do anything

Buster: But there's no fun in that, you gotta walk in front if anything

Rio: Keep it up and I'm walking away fr

Rio: Birthday boy or nah

Buster: 😂

Buster: Try it, I'm faster than you, and I'll easily just pick you up and carry you away, babe

Rio: 😠 Try it

Rio: 👊

Buster: I will if I have to

Rio: I wouldn't if I were you, I couldn't find you anything special so I'm like half your present still

Rio: Keep me on side, trust

Buster: You're protesting too much. You know you'd love it

Rio: Shh

Rio: You're being very unhelpful when I'm sat here tryna swear blind I ain't going away with a lad

Buster: You should just admit you are

Buster: That way we don't have to keep the bruising to a discrete minimum

Rio: Effort though

Rio: creating a fake mans, easiest way to get caught out

Buster: I'm real

Buster: Just don't use my name or family tree, obviously

Rio: Work on my mates

Rio: Not sure if the fam is that dim

Rio: hmm, sounds vaguely familiar 😂

Buster: How many details do they need?

Buster: Fucking hell

Buster: None of your business fam 😂

Rio: You have no idea 🙄

Rio: Perks of avoiding 'em truly

Buster: All your exes drop in with a CV and blood sample or what, like?

Rio: Don't

Rio: You know my 'rents out here making 'em part of the fam when we're like 2 weeks in

Rio: irony not escaping me 😬

Buster: We're literally never telling 'em

Buster: I'd have to dump you

Buster: Christ

Rio: What have I been saying?

Buster: How the fuck have our parents got such different vibes?

Rio: I know, how did my Ma happen tbh? 😂

Buster: She fits in to this fam's whole touchy feeling mood

Buster: It's my 'rents who are keeping that professional distance

Rio: You reckon?

Rio: It's a pretty even split tbh

Rio: how often are we seeing Joe, like

Buster: True

Buster: But like, I told my dad the birthday plan, cool place, hot girl, and he hit with an eyebrow and moved on

Buster: Nan and Granddad spinning in the graves they ain't yet in

Rio: Don't jinx 'em like

Rio: but nah

Rio: I reckon they just reckon that's how you prefer it

Rio: Little enthusiasm wouldn't hurt, though

Buster: Maybe they used it all on Nance's ideas

Buster: Gotta make sure she doesn't dramatically throw herself into the sea or some shit

Rio: I'm telling ya

Rio: Gon' be sipping cocktails with a babe in some naff resort

Rio: Got you all so fooled with this artsy shit

Buster: 😂

Buster: Benidorm with a butch

Rio: I'm glad you went for that joke 'cos it's too soon for Costa Del Sol with a cougar, like

Buster: Don't start me on the whole MILF thing

Buster: 🙄

Rio: Poor Nance

Buster: You've gotta draw the line when she's got actual existing kids

Buster: I'm not trying to be that kind of daddy

Rio: Don't think she planned on bringing the kids along, like

Rio: So not part of the fantasy

Buster: Don't

Buster: Never say fantasy in relation to Nance again, yeah?

Rio: Got it

Rio: That's a line I'm fine not crossing, don't worry

Buster: Better be

Buster: If you tell me she's one of the hot girls you've kissed we're over

Rio: Don't be twisted

Buster: I'm just saying

Buster: No need to take the sibling rivalry there

Rio: Gross

Rio: safe to assume I ain't her type either, like

Buster: Unlucky babe

Rio: 💔

Rio: Guess you'll do

Buster: Fuck off

Buster: You love me

Rio: Yeah

Rio: you know

Buster: Say it though

Rio: I love you

Rio: Idiot

Buster: You better

Buster: I'm sharing my birthday with you

Buster: Haven't done that since I was a kid, cheers

Rio: Hey, I'm fine with a party bag, babe

Rio: All about you

Buster: I'm not gonna hit you with a slice of cake and send you on your way

Buster: Don't worry

Rio: Good to know

Rio: Bit of a trek for some Colin the catterpillar tbh

Rio: love you and everything but

Buster: 😂

Buster: You think my mum ever gave us that? Come on

Rio: And you tryna say they're so zoned out

Buster: Always ready to brag, every single one of us

Rio: You know I had the best though

Rio: 👸

Buster: 'Course

Rio: When ur first daddy just spoils you too hard, like

Rio: 💁

Buster: Explains a lot

Rio: wys boy

Buster: 😏

Rio: Rude

Rio: 😣 Imma stay here if you're not being nice

Buster: It ain't. You know I like it

Buster: Start shopping, babe, you'll see how nice I'm ready to be

Rio: Ain't even got your bday money yet baby

Buster: We're spending that when we're there

Rio: Exactly, so I got me

Buster: It's my birthday you have to do what I want

Rio: But

Buster: But nothing

Buster: I've got you

Rio: Okay

Rio: I won't argue

Rio: bday rules and all

Buster: Good

Rio: How many out out outfits do I need?

Buster: like 4

Rio: Right

Rio: I can make this work

Buster: No doubt

Buster: Not to sound like my sister but I swear I'm over my entire wardrobe right now

Rio: 😂

Rio: Any excuse

Buster: Babe you can laugh but what the fuck is some of this? Like seriously

Rio: 😏 I mean

Rio: sure I tried to tell you at the time

Buster: I find that hard to believe

Buster: You always manage to make yourself heard somehow

Rio: I know

Rio: Impressive, isn't it?

Buster: One word for it

Rio: Come on, ain't trying keep you quiet

Rio: say what you mean, babe

Buster: Don't distract me, I'm very busy 😏

Rio: Having a wardrobe crisis, sure

Rio: Promise, don't care what you're wearing

Buster: Alright, catch me in the finest the 24 has to offer

Rio: Hoping to catch you out of 'em like but alright

Buster: You don't need hope

Buster: Just determination

Buster: Have you thought of your lie yet?

Rio: Planning to be hard to get all of a sudden?

Rio: I'm just gonna not lie

Rio: but be vague, obviously

Rio: social media ban should keep from suspicion, been to enough places I can describe a generic hol, like

Buster: Well, you're always saying I'm vague and you'll know where I am if you need a hand

Buster: Have you been too enough places with shit WIFI to make that believable though?

Rio: 😩 idk

Rio: its stressing me

Rio: maybe you're camera shy

Rio: or ugly as hell

Buster: Baby calm down it's alright

Buster: This is meant to be a good thing, yeah?

Buster: Me and you together celebrating

Rio: I know

Rio: I'm sorry

Rio: Everyone can just respectfully fuck off for a bit

Rio: It'll be good, I will, promise

Buster: I love you

Buster: And we're gonna figure this out

Rio: I love you too

Rio: pisses me off 'cos it feels needless

Rio: I know we have to and it ain't but, shouldn't have to be this much of a drama

Buster: Yeah, I know

Buster: I know what I said about keeping your fam in the dark forever and tempting as it is, I swear it won't always be like this

Rio: Don't chuck me

Buster: Don't be an idiot

Rio: It's what you said

Buster: Come on

Rio: I know

Rio: this is why we ain't telling

Rio: talk about an awkward breakup

Rio: imagine if your 'rents had

Rio: did they ever think of that like, could hardly avoid each other

Buster: Maybe they did but they couldn't handle the awkwardness

Buster: Fuck staying together for the kids, they had to do it for the whole fam's sake, like

Rio: Oh my God

Rio: what I'm saying, really trapped themselves

Rio: 😬

Buster: If you get sick of me give me warning so I can move to another country, yeah?

Rio: 'Course

Rio: least I could do

Buster: Cheers

Rio: Promise I won't get all psycho Chlo about it either

Buster: Don't

Buster: I see her at school so often it's got me so jumpy every time I walk past a mirror I cross myself in case she appears

Rio: Yeah, that is shit

Rio: at least I don't HAVE to be anywhere Ryan is

Rio: can hardly walk out or tell her to leave

Buster: Yeah

Buster: Speaking of that cunt though, how's he been behaving?

Rio: Been pretty quiet

Rio: knock on wood, like

Rio: saw him in town once and he was his usual charming self but that was just chance so

Buster: Glad I don't have to waste a wish on that then

Rio: Definitely not

Rio: Lucky that, really don't fancy adding him to the list of people I gotta give the dl on where I'm going 😂

Buster: Lucky 'cause I don't fancy you getting mad at me when I knock him out, more like

Rio: Oh, babe

Rio: forget about him, I am

Buster: Sorry

Rio: Don't be

Rio: You're cute, and I wouldn't be mad on principle

Buster: I hate that I can't protect you from all his shit, that's all

Rio: I know

Rio: but it ain't that bad

Buster: I get that you can handle it, I'm not saying that, I just don't want you to have to

Buster: If I could be the protective boyfriend and warn him off everything would be fine but

Rio: Maybe but

Rio: maybe not

Rio: he's just a prick

Buster: Yeah

Buster: Fuck him, we don't need to talk about him anymore

Rio: Agreed

Rio: Maybe I can get a job out there

Rio: in the casinos, hmm

Buster: We're meant to be playing hard not working hard, babe

Rio: You know I gotta hustle

Rio: I'm over the angel fr

Buster: Get a London job when we get back, then I'll never have to miss you

Rio: That'd be nice

Rio: But we both know I can't

Buster: Lie to me

Buster: I want you here all the time

Rio: I wanna be with you all the time too

Rio: Again, one day

Rio: I think Drew would at least cover Indie's rent but she shouldn't be alone, she's still a kid

Buster: Yeah, I know

Buster: You wouldn't be you if you didn't look out for her

Buster: And I quite like you so

Rio: 😏 Steady

Rio: Don't get all mushy

Buster: 'Course not

Buster: Who do you think I am?

Rio: Was gonna say

Rio: slow down and wait for me if you've already started your celebrations, like

Buster: I wish

Rio: We'll be making up for lost time so soon baby

Buster: You gonna jump out of a cake for me?

Rio: Couldn't get Dad to bake me in

Rio: Spoilsport much

Buster: 😂

Buster: To be a fly on the wall for that convo, though

Rio: He knows I'm extra but

Buster: Unfair 'cause I'm always insisting you keep my secrets but you're such an open book, babe

Rio: I dunno

Rio: I kinda like it just being me who knows

Rio: How selfish

Buster: I'm well proud

Buster: You really are learning

Rio: Bound to happen eventually

Rio: So persistent, babe 😉

Buster: What can I say? You're worth putting the work in

Rio: 😚

Rio: Baby

Buster: I'm not going soft, don't worry

Buster: I'll be rude to you later, I'm sure

Rio: Be the rudest if you did go soft on me

Rio: Ultimate insult

Buster: Fuck that

Buster: I could never

Rio: Happens to the best of us, don't worry 😂

Buster: Shut up

Rio: Really, nothing to be embarrassed about babe

Buster: Are you trying to jinx me or what?

Buster: Good luck

Rio: Just giving you something to prove

Rio: you're so adorable when you're mad

Buster: You trying to say I've still gotta prove myself to you?

Rio: No

Rio: I'm saying I like it when you do

Buster: Yeah?

Rio: Yeah

Rio: been too long

Buster: I miss you too, babe

Rio: It's so stupid

Rio: not even gone yet and already thinking about how much I'll miss you when we're back

Buster: It's shit

Buster: But it'll be Christmas hols before we know it and nobody can bat an eyelid about us being together then

Rio: Hooray for forced family time, yeah?

Rio: Don't let anyone hear YOU saying that though, so suspect

Buster: You know I don't waste my time talking to any of that lot

Rio: Hmm

Rio: So bad 😏

Buster: I wonder if Nance will be in a better mood with me by then

Buster: Don't really wanna have to do a whole secret santa vibe

Rio: Season of goodwill

Rio: Can put hope

Rio: add it to your wishlist now, like

Buster: I'll start thinking about her gift soon

Buster: Go big or go home, literally maybe

Rio: Work on that Winter wardrobe

Buster: Maybe I can send her on another trip, get her out of my way and do a nice thing all at once

Rio: Maybe

Rio: Sure you don't wanna spend time with her though?

Buster: You're funny

Rio: I'm not joking, like

Buster: Well, it's still hilarious

Buster: I'm trying to get her on side not further off

Rio: Maybe it is running before you can walk

Rio: still, gotta start somewhere, babe

Buster: You do, you mean

Buster: You're well determined to sort this, aren't you?

Rio: Your relationship with your family?

Rio: Duh

Buster: You're cute

Buster: Annoying but cute

Rio: What, like you want it like this

Rio: Come on now

Buster: Like it matters how I want it

Buster: I don't get to fuck up and still call the shots

Rio: It does matter

Rio: and she's not renounced you

Rio: it ain't that deep

Rio: not quite

Buster: Whatever

Buster: I can't make her talk to me

Buster: She's not you

Rio: I'll lock you in a room like

Rio: she can be mad at me then instead

Buster: Don't you dare

Rio: 😂

Rio: Don't be a baby

Buster: Don't start

Buster: You were behaving

Rio: Only lasts for so long

Rio: Do something about it if you're mad

Buster: Nice try

Buster: I'm not gonna make it that easy for you to get what you want

Rio: 😒

Rio: I'm so offended

Buster: Don't be a baby

Rio: 😲

Rio: Touche

Buster: 😏

Rio: 😣

Buster: Are you giving up just like that, babe?

Rio: I'm very busy don't distract me

Buster: Touche

Buster: But you didn't listen when I said it, so don't expect me too

Rio: I'll leave you to it then

Rio: So sorry

Buster: Don't

Rio: Sure?

Buster: Stay

Rio: 'Course

Rio: You don't want a kitten, do you?

Buster: You've got so many jokes today

Rio: We're giving Nancy one

Rio: Ma found a pregnant cat

Rio: they're so cute

Buster: 'Course she did

Buster: Sounds like you want me to have one so you can, babe

Rio: Shh

Rio: stop foiling my plans

Rio: [pics]

Buster: I'm not raising a baby with you

Rio: Cats are so low maintenance

Rio: it will keep you company

Buster: Good for them 'cause I ain't

Buster: Also not lonely, like

Rio: Boo

Buster: Take one for Indie, I'm sure she'd be buzzing

Buster: So would the cat if they can get high, like, but

Rio: I'm definitely not giving you one now

Rio: don't get a cat stoned, you monster 😂

Rio: and Indie wants a dog

Buster: Dogs can definitely get high, right?

Buster: Sure I've seen that online before

Buster: Indie'll have to clean up her act

Rio: We'll see if that's strong enough incentive

Rio: I doubt it but

Buster: Yeah

Buster: She'd have to get pregnant to make that stick I reckon and nobody's ready for that

Rio: Don't even play

Rio: Jesus

Buster: Just saying

Buster: Unlikely you'll be taking care of a puppy or kitten any time soon

Rio: We can have a dog

Rio: not like she's gonna be blowing smoke in the poor things face

Rio: so dramatic

Buster: You don't reckon you've got enough responsibility with her and the flat?

Buster: More fool you

Rio: Only got to walk and feed it

Rio: waaayyy easier than Indie

Buster: True

Buster: What isn't though?

Rio: Bless her

Buster: Maybe I can throw a kitten Chlo's way

Buster: Properly distract her

Buster: She'd probably call it a love token though, yeah?

Rio: Um yeah

Rio: may as well wife her now, like

Rio: no no

Rio: and she ain't having one of mine 😒

Buster: What so you're gonna keep them all?

Rio: Have you been to my gaff?

Rio: Probably 😂

Rio: if Ma knows people who might want 'em then they'll go

Buster: I can't believe you're giving my sister one

Rio: She's so buzzing

Rio: Easy bday present forreal, unlike some

Buster: I thought you were my present

Buster: So unless you're gonna be difficult

Rio: I had to get you something

Rio: Don't get too excited though

Rio: well, can about me

Rio: standard 😉

Buster: I was gonna say

Buster: Don't do yourself down, babe

Rio: Please

Buster: I mean, do put the work in still

Buster: As much as I miss you, you've still gotta bring it

Rio: When have I ever done anything less?

Buster: I can't lie, you ain't yet but you know

Buster: You might get bored of all this

Rio: You gonna stop bringing it too?

Rio: 'Cos that's the only way that's happening

Buster: Please

Buster: That shit's impossible

Rio: Glad to hear it, babe

Buster: I love you

Rio: Love you

Buster: I wish we could go now

Buster: With or without your fam's need for details being satisfied

Rio: Me too

Rio: I don't care no more

Rio: think I'm drug trafficking if you like

Rio: save the intervention 'til I'm back, though

Buster: 😂

Buster: Seriously, it's bad enough that I can't brag that I'm with you day to day, on my birthday when you're the gift that keeps giving, I should be able to

Rio: Babe

Rio: You're so cute

Buster: Shhh

Buster: You know I'm speaking the truth

Buster: So over not being able to pose with you ever

Rio: I know

Rio: Me too

Rio: but it's still worth it

Buster: 'Course

Buster: Don't ever think I'm saying it ain't, yeah?

Buster: Unless I actually do, but that's not happening

Rio: Got it

Rio: When do you reckon we can tell people

Rio: or if we should

Buster: I'll tell them now if you want

Buster: Just say the word

Rio: You don't wanna do that

Rio: time for celebration yeah

Buster: I want you

Buster: It's too late for them to take their gifts back if they ain't still in the mood to celebrate

Rio: Priorities

Buster: When do you wanna do it? Sat around the Christmas tree, like?

Buster: There's never gonna be a good time

Rio: Exactly

Rio: I'm scared

Buster: I know

Buster: But whatever happens, you're safe with me

Buster: I'm not going anywhere, not without you

Rio: Yeah

Rio: I feel it, I really do

Rio: We'll think about it, but we've got fun to have first, like

Buster: Just think, they can't all hate us, there's so many of them, that's basic probability, yeah? Someone's gotta be alright with it

Buster: It's not like any of the fam actually have room to judge anyway

Rio: It's a number's game, yeah? 😂

Rio: Already thinking like you in that casino

Rio: I don't want any of them to hate us, is the issue but you know

Rio: gotta be real

Rio: it's too hard to live like this and think it's forever, nah

Buster: You know it, babe 🎲 I'm so ready

Buster: Yeah, but I don't reckon anyone will

Buster: Not with all the shit this fam has been through already

Buster: And like you said, even if there's drama, it's gotta be done

Rio: Same 💃

Rio: I don't wanna think about it anymore, distract me

Buster: Okay baby

Buster: [Sends pics]

Buster: Think about me

Rio: How could I think about anything else now? 😻

Rio: Why you so good

Buster: Spending too much time with you, obviously

Rio: I mean #myinfluence

Rio: Your nude game has no doubt gone ⬆

Buster: Doing yourself a favor is the ultimate selfishness

Buster: Well done

Buster: So proud

Rio: See? I knew what I was doing all along 😚

Rio: Basic rules of karma, send good nudes and you shall receive

Buster: I'll ignore the implication that my angles were for shit before, yeah?

Buster: 'Cause when you asked for a distraction I don't reckon you wanted a fight

Rio: Come on 😏 Gimme that

Rio: you can say you've my fair lady'd me if you want

Buster: I'll let you have it 'cause I know I wasn't trying for the girls in this postcode

Buster: If you promise not to get too fancy on me

Rio: I'm not gonna be the one to call myself a bit of rough but we all thinking it

Buster: I was gonna say real

Buster: But alright

Rio: I prefer that

Buster: Whatever we're calling it, it's working for me

Buster: I like you

Rio: Works for me

Rio: You're not so bad yourself too so

Buster: Yeah, I know

Buster: 😏

Rio: Letting you have it

Buster: What else are you gonna let me have before it's officially my birthday?

Rio: Not your presents, if that's what you're thinking

Buster: Come on

Buster: I'll act proper surprised on the day

Rio: 😏

Rio: Was about to doubt your acting ability but we've pulled this off so far so maybe you can be trusted

Buster: No need to ever doubt me, babe

Buster: I'm that good

Rio: Okay, just one, like

Rio: Mum enough for you? 😂

Buster: 😂

Buster: OG MILF

Buster: Nance missed a trick there

Rio: It's frankly insulting

Rio: she's seen me in peak ma action and still not feeling it

Buster: Poor baby

Buster: I got all the good taste, that's all

Rio: 😻

Rio: Gonna let you have that too, not just to save my ego

Buster: You know it's true too

Buster: You've always been my type, babe

Rio: Yeah?

Buster: Yeah

Buster: Don't let the torture like kiss fool you

Buster: I reckoned it was gonna be my finest moment, at the time

Rio: It was perfect

Buster: Babe

Buster: Don't lie

Rio: I mean

Rio: obviously it wasn't the most technically perfect but

Rio: I'm glad it was you

Buster: Me too

Buster: My mum and dad talk a lot of shit but there's something to be said for having firsts with someone

Buster: Someone you actually want

Rio: Yeah

Rio: never good to look back on someone you've been with and really think, what the fuck

Buster: I've got enough of them without adding you to the list

Rio: Same frankly

Rio: Gotta try and keep the number down

Buster: Exactly

Buster: Why I don't do repeats

Rio: Well, the idea is repeat when you like 'em

Rio: not guaranteed you won't regret but you know, better odds in that category

Buster: 'Course

Rio: Have you ever slept with the same person more than once though?

Rio: Surely

Buster: Yeah. You

Buster: I mean, when I was a kid I did all my firsts with the same girl but once we fucked she chucked me so

Buster: Lesson learned

Rio: Awh

Rio: How mean

Buster: She regretted it

Buster: Not my bad, like I was obviously incredible but

Rio: Naturally

Rio: Nah, most people do

Rio: well, from what I can gather, the girls do and the boys were just scared then underwhelmed by it all

Rio: oh god, do not take me back, like

Buster: Same

Buster: Granted there's a lot of shit I could and would do better or not bother doing in the first place but like

Buster: Nah

Rio: Yeah, can't waste your time on that

Rio: who knows who or where you'd be now if you did it different, like

Buster: Cunt then, cunt now

Buster: It doesn't matter

Rio: Shut up

Rio: You are not

Rio: and you weren't that bad, anyway, we're all entitled to that phase

Buster: You're so biased

Buster: Just always loved me

Buster: Can't get enough of it

Rio: 😏

Rio: Why do you want me to think you're a cunt so bad, honestly

Buster: 'Cause I am

Buster: And you're too smart to buy into my bullshit, yeah?

Rio: I am

Rio: but you might not be if you're actually convinced you're a bad person, like

Buster: I'm not saying I'm 😈 just that I ain't a good person, let's be honest

Buster: Chlo reckons you can't buy class but what you can't buy is a decent set of morals

Rio: You are

Rio: You've just done some shit things and who hasn't

Buster: Like I said, you're shamelessly influenced by your 😍

Buster: I'm not mad about it though

Rio: 😑

Rio: No

Buster: Don't get mad about it yourself

Rio: I'm not mad just

Rio: You should know you aren't a bad person

Buster: Give me another year of being stuck here being a cunt first

Buster: 'Cause I know there ain't much I can do about that

Rio: That don't count, they don't deserve nice things or you

Buster: Stay with me though, yeah? Even though you do

Rio: I will because you are

Rio: You're good where it counts

Rio: and you're gonna make things up with Nancy you know

Buster: I'm gonna try

Buster: Patience is one thing I am good at, like

Buster: Get it done in the end

Rio: Exactly, you wouldn't give a shit if you were an actual cunt

Buster: I'm sure not every cunt is an only child, babe

Buster: She's still my sister

Rio: Stop fighting it

Rio: Accept your 😇

Buster: Alright

Buster: But only 'cause I'm hoping it means you get to be 😈

Rio: Might make an exception for you, babe

Rio: 'cos you know, I'm practically perfect in every way, like

Buster: Yeah

Buster: Perfect for me, which means you know when to be good and when not to

Buster: So please

Rio: Okay

Rio: I'm convinced 😈

Buster: Glad to hear it

Buster: Call me until I'm convinced too

Rio: 🤤 Sir yes sir

[kickstarter-promotion]

Another Amazing Kickstarter (NEATO® :Worlds first tool management system by Terry Scott —Kickstarter) has been published on http://crowdmonsters.com/new-kickstarters/neato-worlds-first-tool-management-system-by-terry-scott-kickstarter/

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About this project

       “You will see with NEATO®, there is no substitute for physical presence in quality when NEATO® is in your hands working for you”  

Jane “What an awesome concept! Coming from a family of mechanics and trades this is brilliant, i used to be my dads ‘NEATO®’ as a child.”

Marc looks like you need a NEATO®…?? “i need several of them!”

Jorden, “I have been lucky for the past 2 years to test NEATO® #inthefield The worst thing about NEATO®…?? is when you don’t have one!” 

“NEATO®… a futuristic beast, i have created amazing special effects in my years of editing! none needed here”

“NEATO® provides that extra set of hands i need when i’m working on my bike in the shed or at the track” 

“SMART business is doing the job easier & being more efficient, testing NEATO® for the past 2 years has added value to our work flow”

Taz Douglas V8 Supercar Driver

                                 + Replaceable rubber covers for teeth/mouth

+ 1 x finger release trigger

+ 3 x manoeuvrable arms

+ 3 x ball joins for positioning

+ Various lengths for adaptability

+ Quick release connection

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imagine how great it would feel when you finally have your own NEATO® You can fall back in love with your daily job and even love your hobby again

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NEATO® Funnel empties a gerry can in .23 seconds

Against the gerry can funnel which took 1minute .42 seconds

Save 1 minutes .19 seconds every gerry can pour

Over 1 year that means you will save hours of your time

+ Lightweight

+ Pouring stability

+ Single size outlet

+ Quick release connection

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   + 2 x lights

+ Magnetic

+ Rechargeable

+ Use + charge light at the same time

+ Robust quality + long lasting

+ Water resistant

+ Quick release connection

  + Adjustable slider to fit all phone sizes

+ Charge phone while in holder

+ Quick release connection

  + Holds any metal tool up to 1kg

+ Quick release connection  

 + Removable magnetic base

+ Quick release connection 

   + Holds any metal tool up to 1kg

+ Quick release connection  

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                                                               aircraft mechanic

GoKart mechanic

watch maker

R&D technician

office worker

the list goes on… 

    To compare your countries currency here is an exchange calculator 

https://www.ofx.com/en-au/

                  (Your NEATO® delivered)

Because people have different delivery preferences we will send out a survey at the end of the campaign to find out who wants what style of delivery service shipwire.com is one option

Be expected to pay between 

$25.00 AUD to $150.00 

Depending on country & region  We are shipping to you direct from Hong Kong Via: www.shipwire.com

Benefit:  Your NEATO® is insured & will arrive faster to your door step after manufacturing & packaging  (ShipWire is used by many other Kickstarter campaigns)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Feb 8th 2017 :NEATO® Prototype 2 celebrates 2nd bday with over 1000hrs of work

                                                                                                                      We are perfectionists with passion!!! We have done our years in our craft and the homework needed, so the risks to you are minimal. We have locked in our trusted manufacturers who helped design NEATO® who will be able to also ship successfully, so you can enjoy your very own NEATO®

      A successful campaign means everything to my team and I.

It has been 7 years since the idea began.

 15 months NEATO® was in-design and nearly 4 years ago the family was created. 

This concept/idea I call my 2000% moment, because at 110% there was still room to fail. After world research was done & knowing what our product was capable of, i went after this goal of pursuing NEATO® to become a reality for you with my biggest qualities of commitment, determination & backed with belief in myself & my team! Here we are today

The 1st Team members were introduced: Paul Smith CEO KS Environmental & Brian Goldberg specialising in IP and commercialisation through trademark.ventures

Our broader vision is for a better business & hobbyists networking environment for all of our members customers, clients & fans who will enjoy & call inurZONE® home on a daily basis using our NEATO® tool managements system product range. Your Help here today assists in thanking of all those that helped our inurZONE® family team and I achieve NEATO®, and we could not thank you more.

Over this period I lost two team members, man’s best friends: Miss my pup (she was 14 ½ years young) and Miss’s Pup Shadow (9 years young). In the space of 5 months, they are now supervising the inurZONE® family from the other side.

As the founder I am proud to still own 100% of our achievements, IP, Trademarks, product design & business structure. This project to date has been self funded & also funded with the help of some family & friends.

This is my moment to say: 

“You will always be appreciated by me & those that we will help to benefit from using NEATO®”

Kindest Regards with Many Thanks,

Terry Scott

inurZONE® Creator/Founder

 http://www.inurzone.com/contacts

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  Music: purchased & used

Peter Mclsaac, Stanton Warriors.

    Risks and challenges

Is NEATO® ready to manufacture now…??

YES!!! Because i am backed with a professional team that have been there from the start & i personally have spent the extra time & money making sure that when NEATO® launched there was nothing left to do other than raise money to manufacture straight away!!!

NEATO® has been ready to manufacture since March 2015 (over the past 2 years i have been busy building the awareness to NEATO® the product & to inurZONE®’s business) On the 4th of June 2016, i had a guy come through a stop sign at high speed which nearly took my life, today i am still here to finish what i started with your help in pre-ordering (THANK YOU & BLESS)

We made prototype 1. Found all the faults, changed areas to the product that was needed & redesigned NEATO® for prototype 2. Now after testing P2 for the past 2 years we are confident that NEATO® delivers quality & functionality ready for you to use & enjoy straight away

Delivery of my NEATO®…??

Because we have gone through prototyping & testing this enables us to go straight into manufacturing as soon as funding is received from Kickstarter in April 2017. With our manufacturing team on standby, this means waiting time for your new NEATO® is cut in half (we are not like other projects that show you an idea & then have to finish prototyping & testing). We are happy to offer September/October delivery on our current knowledge & will do our best to deliver your NEATO® as early as possible without compromising quality

Purchasing NEATO® after Kickstarter…??

You will be able to purchase NEATO® through our inurZONE® website

NEATO® future attachments…??

There will be future NEATO® attachments soon to follow the success of our Kickstarter campaign. We will launch each new attachment through Kickstarter There will be an opportunity for you, yes the fans to join us & be apart of the R&D for the next attachment. Yes we want you to be involved

Branding…??

NEATO® backed with Patent pending, product design registration & trademarks we have developed a quick release system that will only allow NEATO® products to interact with our brand, similar to when you buy a Snap-on ratchet you can not interact a different brand socket like Kincrome. Our business name inurZONE® & product name NEATO®, logos icon & tag lines are all backed with registered trademarks.

You purchase here today is rewarded by buying into a brand

Current business situation…??

I Terry Scott, am a very appreciative person with an amazing inurZONE® family team that surrounds me. When we have enough funding in place from Kickstarter & wholesale opportunities, our team is already in place to start business operations immediately to care of you! our fans. Our team consists of: Terry & Brian (business growth & moving forward decisions), Renée + Cassi (marketing), Matt (logistics), Lisa (accounts) Andy + Jorden with (R&D) + (media) / Russell & Neville (R&D) Brenten (E-commerce) and other team members Russ, Darren, Haydn, Daisy, Angela + more people are all available when business is ready for growth.

We are all ready for fast growth with educated knowledge in our fields & we all have a driven passion to follow through with our dreams which is to deliver an exciting product backed with caring honesty to all our loyal fans out there for the best possible NEATO® experience you can have!!!

Your inurZONE® future of opportunity…??

We are super excited to be involved with our clients customers purchasers fans & family. inurZONE® wishes to become the world leaders in tool organisation/management systems. Through this we wish to give back to the community. Grow job opportunities, start after school programs & help kids in need. To do this, we are looking for the right people with the right attitude. We hope this reaches one of you out there that is likeminded, please present yourself & contact us today http://www.inurzone.com/contacts

Learn about accountability on Kickstarter

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