#we tried folks. we really tried

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[chloesimaginationthings]

I ADORE your design for Charlie. It’s so adorable!!!!!!

I’m so glad y’all loved her design!!

[beneathsilverstars]

if i failed to protect my kid during the apocalypse and they almost died wandering on their own but got rescued by a team of four competent, battle-experienced adults who cared about them very much and made them feel less scared and useless but refused to let them fight, i think that would be a pretty decent outcome and i'd be pretty okay with it. sure i could dream up a better situation but there's a hell of a lot of worse ones too.

[inkdemonapologist]

My BatDR Take That Used To Be Hot But I Left It Out On The Windowsill To Cool So You Should Be Able to Eat It Now Without Burning Your Tongue

its not actually that hot, is what im saying

Anyway my BatDR hot take is that BatDR's story is not fundamentally worse than BatIM with one exception; an exception that, for BatIM, covers a multitude of sins:

BatIM has a theme.

I can't presume the intentions of the creators, but if I had to write an essay on the themes in BatIM, it wouldn't be hard to pick one out: the cost of obsession, or even just, the ruin Joey brought on the studio. In the very first chapter, Henry asks "Joey, what were you doing?" and every single thing in the rest of the game revolves around that central question: what WAS Joey doing? Each audiolog is a snippet of the studio's path to this messed up state; each character you meet is someone ruined by Joey. The major antagonists echo Joey's flaws -- obsession with Bendy as more than a cartoon, obsession with perfection, obsession with fame and greatness and legacy -- but even without that, they're also each a picture of how the lives of people caught in the path of Joey's dream were ruined by it. Bertrum, for example, doesn't match the concept of rubberhose cartoons, but as yet another person screwed over by Joey, he fits the central question of the story, so he feels like he belongs here. Ultimately, in a narrative sense, the Ink Demon isn't the story's monster -- Joey is; the Ink Demon is just the consequence of his reckless ambition.

But what's the theme or central question of BatDR?

You can... try to pick out a theme. There's some promising options, because it feels like the story WANTED a theme, stating its emotional intentions more overtly -- "there's always a choice" to leave the darkness and chose hope; family and the struggle of living in a heavy legacy's shadow; or even just good old mewtwo-brand The Circumstance's Of One's Birth Are Irrelevant, It Is What You Do With The Gift Of Life That Determines Who You Are.

I think, even WITH the clumsy execution of Joey's "arc" and Audrey's lack of real choices, any of those could work about as well as BatIM. But unlike BatIM, the majority of the game doesn't tie in. Joey's tour can be considered relevant -- a picture of the family legacy and the "darkness" that Audrey doesn't yet know she's inheriting -- but like, the audiologs and hints and environment of BatDR are mostly teasing the question of What Is Gent Up To, and the takeover of Gent is detached from Audrey's choices, her family, her legacy, and Gent never really becomes a relevant threat to those things in this game. The Cult of Amok and the Ghost Train have nothing to do with any of these ideas. It might've been neat if Audrey had ever considered, "Did my father really drive all these people insane?", a hint of actually having to wonder about the darkness in her past. Even Wilson only barely brushes against these concepts; he doesn't like Joey and he also is trying to escape his family's heavy legacy, but it doesn't really reflect on his actions and we don't find that last part out until he's about to be dead.

There's also the question Wilson poses of "real" people versus ink creations, and what counts as valid "life." It would be an interesting theme with a lot to build off of in this setting, it ties into Wilson more as Wilson seems to represent the opinion that Inky Things Aren't Really Alive, which could've tied to Audrey (as an ink-person who has yet to accept that part of herself) and maybe given Wilson a reason to think it's fine to sacrifice her, it could've even tied to Gent (who don't even seem to value human life) -- but after Wilson asks the question, it doesn't tie into the direction things go. He smooshes a little Bendy, we see hints of his disregard for Betty, and then everyone continues with their plan to destroy the Ink Demon without any further moral quandaries about inky life.

The thing is, when you compare an element like, say, audiologs, there's a lot of differences you can point to -- but I don't actually think Lacie Benton's audiolog is notably better, taken on its own, than Grace Conway's or Kitty Thompson's, and yet tons of people were intrigued enough to flesh out Lacie. None of them are big plot points or compelling characters on their own; Lacie and Grace both give us a little note on what it's like working in the Studio, and Kitty shares a little bit on how Gent's expansion is affecting people. But when Lacie talks about Bertrum trying to make a creepy animatronic, that ties back into Joey's ill-fated schemes that are the point of the whole story. The question we're asking through the whole game is "what happened here?" so the fandom is interested in who Lacie is and what her life was like and extrapolates a whole person out of a couple sentences. But that's not the question in BatDR -- what has Wilson done to the Cycle and the Demon? Why? Who is Audrey really, and why is she here? Telling us new things about the Studio's fate seems strangely irrelevant to those questions, just an attempt to create a Mystery To Speculate On like the previous game did... but what question you're asking and how it fits into your story's main theme, like, matters. I absolutely believe that one clock animator guy would've been in EVERYONE'S crew if he'd been introduced in BatIM, but the context makes a difference; fleshing him out feels less relevant here.

The explanations of how and why Wilson did everything he did are baffling and handwavey, but in and of itself that's not a worse problem than anything else in the franchise -- I STILL don't understand why the Ink Machine needs pipes in the walls or even how it works, there's no good reason for Sammy to believe the Ink Demon will "set him free," most of Alice's motives don't make sense, etc etc etc. But the thing is that in BatDR, the wibbly bit is the closest thing to a central question we have! Wilson, what were you doing? The theme doesn't really explore or connect to that question, so the explanations that are finally tossed our way feel lacking in a way that BatIM's handwaved elements don't. There's a lot about Joey's motivation in BatIM that we can't know, but the heart of it resonates -- Joey wanted something, he was willing to exploit people to get it, and he became obsessed and prioritised that dream at any cost. We'll weather a thousand logistical inconsistencies if it's got heart.

But all of that said.... to be honest, I don't think Lacie overtly fits that theme anyway. Even, like, Sammy is iffy -- we don't really know what happened to him, only that he didn't used to be made of ink and worship Bendy, and now he does. We assume Joey's nonsense had something to do with what happened to him (though the books later assert his influence was indirect at best), because when there's a pattern, we can fill in the blank. So many fan creators found a place for Lacie, Grant, and Shawn in the cycle as butcher clones or lost ones, so many people imagined that Wally must be the Boris we meet, because that would've fit the pattern, the idea that the point of what we're seeing is the downfall of the studio. It's not actually that BatIM did a great job tying everything together -- it's that BatIM gave us a compelling idea and that was all it took to make everything else SEEM like it could find a place to fit. This is what I mean when I say BatIM's theme covers a multitude of sins. There's a LOT of characters in BatIM that don't make sense. There's a lot of inconsistencies and things that just sort of happen without any real reason. Characters don't really have "arcs" so much as different states they happen to be in at different times. But because there's a central question and the story doesn't wander away from it, our pattern-loving human brains will slot in all the pieces and do all the work to make the story feel at least somewhat coherent.

The things that happened in BatDR aren't a whole lot less coherent than BatIM imo, they just don't tie into a bigger theme or any of the questions the story's asking, making "how do they fit into all this" feel irrelevant, making it easier to forget entire sections and harder to get invested in audiolog characters. I think a lot of the other criticisms people have for BatDR's story are very valid, but I also suspect that if BatDR had a more successful theme/central question, then a lot of its flaws would be easier to overlook -- just like BatIM.

[5mary5]

This is kind of..an au i guess? I hope the end isnt too... sudden? I just hope it makes sense since I'm not much of a writer, wanted to get this out of my chest and share it with yall

Obey me with a player who got isekaid inside the game?

You know hose manhwas where the mc reads/plays this game and then when they go to sleep they are isekaid inside of what they were reading/playing and they use the knowledge they have to survive in this world? What I'd this happened with out mc?

Like there are SO many ways this could go right?, for one you could completely ignore belphegors cries for help at the start of the game before you go up the stairs to meet him, survive the year without getting close to the brothers and just..go but go where exactly? This isn't your world right? Noone knows you here, you mom or dad aren't here non of your siblings (if you have any) or friends or even your cousins and grandparents, you are all alone

So you decide to go through how the original game goes because what is there to lose right? And somehow let's day you do it, ypu make the pacts, travel time lines, meet lillith, and gain their trust but what happens when the exchange program comes to end? Diavolo wants to send you home, to the human world, but this isn't your home.

So what if you try to explain to diavolo that you are from another universe? you have this uneasy feeling, as if something- or more like someone is watching you- As If warning you that what you are about to do is a bad idea

There's only one person demon who knows both the past present and the future, is it □□□□□□□□□□□□? Or maybe □□□□□□□□? Are they the same person?

[nenoname]

i know people love their aus but man. folks writing mabel as someone who would forgive bill still really does rub me the wrong way urgh

[sebbyisland]

akanematic.mp4 (youtube link)

[puppppppppy]

When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings

[pearl-kite]

Hi I know this is out of nowhere and sorry if you answered it before. Also totally ok if you don’t want to answer

But your blog got me super interested in the redacted asmr thing

I did some research and you seem to know a lot about so do you know if there’s any like, chronological order I should watch them?

Love your blog!

Absolutely no worries! I like getting stuff to respond to, it's the opposite of a bother <3

So Redacted Audio, formerly Redacted ASMR, is a channel on youtube with a, quite frankly, massive amount of audio, and since it's been running for over 4 years now it can be a LOT to sort through. Fortunately, he's done a really good job curating and organizing playlists for the different speaker-characters.

Everything is within the same universe, and many of the characters have interacted with each other. The context is that the location is a fictional city named Dahlia set somewhere in California, which is a "cornerstone" city for magical society. The best way to get a solid rundown on magic and the setting is to listen through the Freelancer Season 1 playlist.

This one is already arranged in chronological order* and also has the benefit of giving a sampler of sorts for a wider variety of speakers. One thing to be aware of ahead of time: While this was actively being published, Erik hadn't decided who the listener-character (nicknamed Freelancer) would be romancing, so it starts off with a lot of potential toward all of them except Caelum. As it went, there were polls in the discord server that he used to run, and popular consensus eventually narrowed it down to Gavin. The first time I listened was after all of that, and I was more fond of Damien, but I'm personally pleased with Gavin now, and this playlist has been one of my favorites to just revisit if I'm bored.

*Well, mostly. There was a point where the channel got a strike for some of the audios being too spicy and he removed and/or edited some of them to try to avoid being demonetized. The first Gavin audio is one of the ones that got edited, and #3 on the playlist accidentally got relocated. It's been a long time, but I think it was originally after what's now #6, the second Caelum audio.

Aside from that one as a good introduction to the channel as a whole, there are some "main" characters that have had the most attention.

One is a group of wolf shifters: David, the current head of the pack (Chronological for his listener. A lot of people aren't super fond of the earliest ones for him, #3-5, because the character evolved a bit and they aren't really representative any longer) Asher, his second Milo, another pack member, which is absolutely underselling him, he's one of my favorites

There are a couple of vampires: Vincent, the OG for the channel Sam, a common favorite who's listener is a member of David's pack

While most of the playlists are specific to character, there are a few thematic ones as well, all of which are chronological within themselves. Now, chronology with respect to each other can start to get a bit confusing, because of how long it's taken for some of them to play out.

If you want to get a feel for the characters before worrying too much about timeline, I'd listen through most playlists as they're arranged with one main caveat:

When you hit the audios titled Inversion, give those a pause until you've listened to more speakers. Inversion was a huge crossover he did that has 10+ speakers involved.

A personal favorite has been Vega. I'm actually super not fond of the first audio he's in, which is also in the Freelance list, so I skip that one when I relisten. The first one in this list is that one with the Freelancer, but the second and onward has a demon listener nicknamed Warden. We just got an update on his story today/last night and I've been a little unwell about it 🙃

I am realizing I could go on and on and on and I kind of have, so I'm going to stop there. Hopefully that's enough to dip your toes in. I'll gladly help out with any follow-up questions, too :3

[ludinusdaleth]

im sure to some im really really annoying for combining crposting & fatposting and in general allowing myself to post about loving my weight gain, but ive gotten a lot of support about it, and had more fun with my followers than ive ever had before, and im really thankful for that. it's been nonstop fun for days on here and i hope it is for some of yall too

i dont think im good at the whole friends thing, but everyone jumping in on this and even saying i inspired or made them discover something, it makes me actually want to be a person and talk with folk, and i want to be friends with many of yall.... thank you. im always here to discuss this stuff with yall on anon or personally. it's hard to describe how infinitely cool bearishness & transitioning & kinks close to it & fandom meta & fandom mixed with it are. it's wild to have people care about my interests. thank you.

[bumblingbabooshka]

"Everything you went through was meaningless." [St Voyager S3 E7: 'Sacred Ground']

[pokytoad]

MA-coded election night: getting trashed at a biergarten with 2 dozen people while CNN live plays on a massive TV screen and booing at the commentators who said we can't sign our own names right lmaooo

[outeremissary]

Oooh how about telling us a little about The Thousand Mile Fall? 👀

Thank you Ash and @bearvanhelsing for asking!

I want to begin by apologizing- I suspect you were looking for Tristian, but this is the single BG3 thing that was on the list. Jay, idk where you stand on discourse game of the year, but Ash, I know that you're not a fan and have been working on distance. I'm placing the rest under a cut. You can read it or not read it. Either thing is fine with me.

As compensation: the one actual Kingmaker ask I got on this (sorry it's not a flashy one), or a PF2e one about Kasander/Asperia.

Still with me? Thank you, I appreciate it!! Let's see to what degree I'm willing to bare my soul before I get too embarrassed and awkwardly trail off.

Ah: DUrge spoiler warning. And content warning: DUrgetash (sorry)

So! The Thousand Mile Fall, something which was only just starting to go beyond planning (and originally planning for a comic) when my laptop committed die. I was really interested in the concept of the Dark Urge as a character who was always framed as having fallen from grace, and who had also fallen from a state of divinity. The liminal state excited me, and we all know how I feel about a horrible someone who's a horrible failure of an angel. Horrible failure of a demigod occupies a similar space. I think the nature of that failure- that fall- began to occupy me quite a bit, since I had a strong concept for Asperia from very, very early on in my playthrough (long before I knew anything besides the DUrge plot besides that they were a Bhaalspawn, even before I had become convinced Kasander and Asperia existed simultaneously) and at the heart of Asperia was someone who was infallible and convinced of their invincibility- maybe rightly so.

So, this story is set only a bit before the game and is meant to unpick the loss of that perfect favor- in my mind, the loss of Asperia's "godhood," something which is stolen twice. The second and definitive loss is of course to Orin in a singular act of violence, but Orin's path to victory was opened by the slow and insidious poison of having known Enver Gortash. In a "the bar is in hell" turn of things, their... acquaintanceship is the closest thing Asperia has ever experienced to a normal relationship and a normal life. And that glimpse of the other side is what unmakes her. It's always been crucial to Asperia's role in the system to be the one who loves being Bhaal's beloved child, who can reconcile anything with belonging, who buys in so fully that it is unthinkable to be less than a god and it is unthinkable to have desires besides those of a god. Others hold the questions, the fear, the other desires- Kasander and Bride especially- but Asperia wants nothing else in life, and Asperia believes with painful, self-destructive fervor.

Asperia has already been acquainted with Gortash for some good while here, the wheels turning in the scheme of the Absolute. This is the longest positive relationship of any kind Asperia has ever had outside of whatever pseudo-parental thing he has with Scleritas, and it has been wonderful: novel, collaborative, a meeting with someone who resembles an equal despite being a mere mortal. Asperia has begun to see other facets of the world through this, to see the ways the world of the living comes together for purposes besides inevitable execution. It's all an act of devotion, all furthering the will of Bhaal, all what Asperia desires and wants to do. But the further it's gone the more it's started to be fun for its own sake too, and a certain fascination with a frenemy has begun to blossom into dangerous fantasies.

Asperia doesn't fantasize. Asperia can't fantasize. Asperia is a god, and he only wants things which are real and deserved. Bhaal's favor is proof of that: Orin's ugly, messy desires make her a worse worshiper, and she's never had their divine father's love. Asperia is Bhaal's beloved. Asperia is defined by her distance from those mistakes. And so too is Asperia the perfect disciple, a being beyond sin. If something is what Asperia wants, then it must be acceptable.

And this is how Asperia begins to lose Bhaal's favor.

Asperia starts the story at a personal high and only rising- with the world at her fingertips and Bhaal's love behind her, she's preparing for the victory lap and has taken an extra prize in becoming more intimately involved with Gortash. But you can't have your cake and eat it too- this impossible personal high the seed of Asperia's ruin, already sown, takes root and begins to grow. Bhaal's perfect killing machine doesn't play house with Bane's Chosen. And there are more than enough people who fucking hate Asperia already and are ready to take note- as well as Gortash himself, so much older and colder than young, sheltered Asperia. There may be some genuine affection there in some form, but calculation and power take precedent, as does the enjoyment of solving this Bhaalspawn puzzle by picking her apart.

Over time the increasingly clear dissonance between the impossible misalignment- the first Asperia has ever experienced- between what they want and what Bhaal allows them to desire and have drives them to spiral into a state of exceptional vulnerability that ultimately allows Orin to usurp them. The escalating stress causes them to lose time more and more frequently, beyond what they can explain away to themself and make disappear, and they begin to doubt themself. To fear what is happening, and to develop their own doubts about Bhaal- things that should live elsewhere, things that cause other parts to bubble up in ways they notice. Asperia is straying and rivals like Orin can see it, is becoming less dependable and reluctant allies like Ketheric can see it, is becoming a less than perfect disciple and that butler shepherd of Bhaal can see it (not that every part was always perfect- Scleritas has always known that "Asperia" is more than just Asperia, and has long pitted Asperia against themself). And Asperia is vulnerable and open and easier and easier to see- and Gortash, who has solved the part of this puzzle Asperia refuses to see quite well, sees it all and drives the spiral deeper. Pulls Asperia closer, and begins to learn the others without letting Asperia know (this is a piece of how Kasander knows Gortash, has known Gortash before anything).

So y'know. It's all heading for inevitable tragedy, heartbreak, ruin, bad feelings, and a tadpole in the head, as well as a shitty asshole boyfriend conspiring with one's sister who has been waiting for ages for the change to REALLY wreck one's shit. Yikes! Feel like not enough was spent on the family drama and that's sold Orin short, but she's played a damn active hand through it all. Sacrificial Orin, always underestimated, always overlooked, always surviving.

I dunno how to conclude this and I feel like I probably talked too long (half just to remember things I can't access until the new laptop arrives and is set up). All in all, just a fun little project to play with while I continue to fail to finish the last teeny bit of the actual goddamn game (I'm the worst at wrapping up the last little dregs of things after I've cleaned up the most fun stuff).

TLDR: Asperia, main character of life, starts to Lose the Plot and gets written out of the story for a little while

[biaswreckmepls]

Gentle reminder - reblog!

Hi everyone!

Not sure if you've been keeping up with all the changes that keep happening on tumblr, but every single time this website and company is acquired by someone new, they try their best to turn it into another facebook, or instagram, or tiktok, or whatever the cool new social media platform is. It's a fundamental misunderstanding of how this platform works and the benefit of the anonymity and workings of the unique algorithm. But every single time, they've tried. First when yahoo got it, then when it went to verizon, and then when they sold it to automattic. Now with the death of tumblr live, they're trying to do another rebrand.

Tumblr is one of the few remaining online spaces where we get the opportunity to truly curate our online space, and share and experience things in a way that can't be capitalised on. The concept of a tumblr influencer doesn't exist, because there's no advantage of it, there's no benefit of being an 'influencer'. But the only way we can keep this website around, is to keep using it as the way it was originally intended, in the way that other websites have not worked.

Likes on tumblr are not the same as likes on instagram or youtube, they don't really do anything! They don't help the creator, they don't help promote the post itself in any meaningful way, it's just a way to safekeep it for yourself later. And while that's a totally valid reason to want to like something, just as a reminder of something and a way to revisit a post later in the future, I would highly encourage everyone to try and reblog things as well!! Whether it's art of your favourite ship, whether it's a gifset of your favourite onscreen couple, whether it's a meta around a certain show, or whether it's discussions of the latest major current news event, the only way to truly circulate it and create a positive impact is by reblogging! The more people that get to see any given post, the better.

As an example, KOSA is becoming a thing again, and we're all being encouraged to act against it. I wouldn't have found out about KOSA if someone I follow hadn't reblogged it first, and then i reblogged it again. KOSA is one thing that could impact our online experience DRASTICALLY, and it's imperative that we spread the word about it - forewarned is forearmed, and only when we know about it can we take action against it, right?

I'm not saying this to try and promote this blog at all. I won't lie and say a few more reblogs on this blog here and there wouldn't be nice, but frankly at the end of the day my blog contributes little to nothing to the larger fandom discourse in the grand scheme of things. I'm saying this for everyone else out there. If you want tumblr to survive and thrive as our internet experience continues to evolve in the coming decade, keep using it as much as you can! Reblog anything and everything you can! Your one singular reblog can have a butterfly effect on a post. When you just like, the movement of the post stops there.

And tying into my blog (sorry lads, i'm only human and have to make it a little relevant for me as well 😭), if there's one type of post on the website you encounter anywhere that I strongly recommend you reblog, it's a poll. A poll only serves it's function if it reaches people who can actually vote on it, and we can only get a true reflection of the views of the masses when the most number of people get to participate in it. That's democracy, babey!

Anyways, that's my biannual rant. Back to your regularly scheduled programming, and see you in 6 months for the next big rant!

[crab-people-overlord]

"You're Getting Older/Ass Burgers", the Analysis that nobody asked for:

I’ve seen lots of discourse about the ‘’You’re Getting Older’ x ‘Ass Burgers’ episodes (and for good reason - imo they’re some of the best episodes in all of cartoons and even media in general that shows what depression is actually like). Folks seem really eager to pick sides - either defending Stan's struggle with depression and condemning Kyle's abandonment, or justifying Kyle's decision to distance himself from Stan's overwhelming negativity. But here's the thing: this really isn't a situation where we need to choose teams (and picking a team misses the whole fucking point).  I’ve had this written for a while but might as well share it now since I’m feeling a certain way about TikTok’s potential ban in a couple hours lmao.

Imo, the truth is a combination of both. Stan was wrong to expect Kyle to understand the utter depression and dark thoughts he was having and be able to offer real support based on those extremely dark thoughts. And Kyle was 100% wrong to just give up so easily on such a deep friendship despite the struggles and negativity his friend was projecting onto him. And I hate either Stan apologists defending Kyle being a piece of shit for this, and I similarly hate Kyle apologists for defending Kyle walking away so quickly and giving up so readily to their deep friendship even if it was for something he couldn’t understand. Neither side is right.  

The brilliance of these episodes lies in how they capture the messy reality of friendship during mental health struggles. Stan's experiencing something terrifying and incomprehensible - literally seeing and tasting everything as shit, a perfect metaphor for depression. He's a 10-year-old kid dealing with adult emotions he has no framework to understand or express. Of course he lashed out, especially given that it was the ADULTS he was supposed to trust who got him into alcohol in the first place. Of course he was difficult to be around. But telling your best friend "fuck you" and then trying to backpedal? That's not okay, depression or not.

On the flip side, Kyle's position is equally complex. Watching your best friend spiral into darkness while being completely unable to help or understand what they're going through? That's scary as hell, especially for a kid. But the show makes it crystal clear through the executive's pointed commentary that walking away from someone diagnosed with a serious condition - which depression absolutely is - represents a fundamental failure of friendship.

The episode literally tells us word-for-word what the creators want us to get from it:

Later on, the exec says, "Oh yeah, like any friend would say something that severe and then try to take it back' (at Stan trying to downplay his telling 'fuck you' to kyle's face earlier.)

And then they say when Kyle says that Stan's negativity was poison to him, the exec says sarcastically, "Yeah, like any friend would walk out on somebody who was diagnosed with a serious illness!"

The exec here is telling us what the creators want you to get out of the episode - that Stan, despite his scary and new feelings, never should have verbally treated Kyle that way, mental health issues or not. And that Kyle, despite the scary things his friend was feeling and how confusing it was, never should have just walked away from him. Trying to defend either boy’s behavior does nobody any good. THEY BOTH WERE WRONG.

What makes these episodes so powerful is their refusal to offer easy answers. Stan couldn't help falling into depression, but he could have tried harder to not push Kyle away or verbally be so harsh. Kyle couldn't fix Stan's depression, but he could have shown more patience and understanding instead of just bailing when things got tough. The show is saying something profound here: sometimes in life, everyone can be wrong at the same time, and that's what makes these situations so painfully human.

If there is anyone to be upset with in this situation, it’s the adults in Stan’s life. Their failure is staggering and unfortunately realistic. Randy and Sharon’s response to Stan's crisis is almost a textbook example of how not to handle a child's mental health issues (and this is coming from someone who usually respects Sharon). Instead of focusing on their clearly struggling son, they make it all about their own drama. Randy goes on national TV to call his son a ‘freak’ and the reason for the divorce. I love Sharon,and while it is shown she at least does the bare minimum to take Stan to therapy, she often gets way too involved in her showdowns with Randy over her children’s well-being (just look to the episode where Stan gets shot at school  but Sharon caves to Randy’s nonchalant response on this. I know this was more meant to be funny, but genuinely, what about Stan in this situation? What fear did he have to go through when he got shot at school and realized his parents didn’t fucking care enough to immediately go see him? Again, I love Sharon, but her potential of being a good parent is seriously held back from her hold on Randy’s manipulations.)

Stan also goes to the school-counselor as a cry for help, but Mr. Mackey’s response is both satirical and sadly reflective of real-world issues in mental health diagnoses. Rather than actually listening to Stan's symptoms and concerns, he jumps to an incorrect diagnosis based on trendy medical fears (the vaccine-autism conspiracy theory). This represents a broader criticism of how mental health issues in children are often misdiagnosed or dismissed, especially when adults are more concerned with their own theories than actually listening to the child. I think one of the only times I’ve actually teared up when watching SP or ANY SHOW is when Stan asks while finally crying after being so emotionally numb for so long, so vulnerably, “How do you go on when NOTHING makes you happy?” Stan is genuinely asking this question here. He utterly does not understand how anyone can continue to live life while being so miserable. But of course, Mr. Mackey goes to ruin it by touting conspiracy theories. This context actually makes Kyle's failure even more tragic - he was literally Stan's last hope for support, the only person left who Stan thought might have understood, the person he loved and trusted the most, the only person he trusted enough to open up fully to, and the last thing in Stan's eyes to turn to literal shit. But it also somewhat explains Kyle's inability to handle it - he's just a kid himself, and when all the adults in Stan's life failed so spectacularly, it's too fucking much to expect a 10-year-old to know how to handle his friend's depression. The episodes work as a damning indictment of how society handles childhood mental health issues. While Stan and Kyle's friendship breakdown is the emotional core, the real villains are the adults who should have known better and done better, and I won’t accept any Stan or Kyle ‘apologists’ claiming otherwise. It's especially poignant because South Park usually portrays kids as being more sensible than adults - but here, everyone fails, highlighting just how difficult mental health situations can be to navigate without proper support systems.

[impinged]

on a scale of one to ten how do you think siffrin reacts to being touched by the fam + loop?

Hrm... Like, generally speaking? I might have some thoughts... Going to rank with 1 being a Doesn't Like it. and 10 being like a. Yay! Or something idrk. Even with this scale... He isn't touch adverse at all, he's just way too touch starved and would rather die than admit that so here we are. Also ranking this on a basis of my canon point so don't go badgering me about epilogue stuff we have Not lived that (yet?) here.

Mira- 7/10

THEY'RE FRIENDS. If anything Siffrin is less opposed to Mira specifically because he doesn't want to upset her. Very much prioritizes Mira's comfort over his own. She does often go to Isabeau and Bonnie for physical comfort, if they were somehow unavailable Siffrin would volunteer to make her feel better. Also she's just... generally comforting. It's a nice equally reassuring kind of bond they have.

Isa- 4/10

This one's complicated (go figure.) I think given... gestures vaguely... Siffrin is just like... way too acutely aware of how Isabeau even moves to touch them. It doesn't feel super great to just see that much. Isabeau's on more of a sliding scale than the rest of the party and is probably the easiest to rise up in ranking though. But it's still. Well. Gestures weakly. If You Know You Know. This is one thing I personally refuse to spoil ooc LOL.

Besides that though, Siffrin wouldn't like. Be opposed. Even despite the low ranking. It is just more a matter of the follow through on Isa's end. The repeated buildup and lack of payoff is what's killed it. Is it fun to come back here? To keep torturing yourself?

Anyway. Does this to them.

Odile- 6/10

Head pats............... Idk I honestly don't have a lot for explanation here I just feel it in my bones. Odile and Siffrin are close. Good friends. Their shared otherness from not being from Vaugarde is just enough for them to be closer than the rest of the party by default. Never mind that her friendquest only further bolsters that. The only reason she's lower than Mira is because Siffrin is just generally on edge around her trying not to make The Looping obvious.

Bonnie- 8/10

Gets the Just A Kid pass. Bonnie's friendquest carries hard here. But it is also equally its determent, as with enough friendquest loops it starts to feel like it's less Bonnie's affection and more because Siffrin can guarantee a bid for physical connection there. Also, like, gestures weakly to the whole 'I lost an eye protecting you' thing... Bonnie being able to be close to him again means the world, so Siffrin is going to welcome any attempt they show that, even if physical.

Loop- 5/10

Pure indifference. Loop shares the same 'no touch preferred' general sentiment, so for either of them to break form there can lead that neutrality to teeter to a 4 or a 6 easy depending on the situation. There's definitely some ambivalence here. The convo they have together when Siffrin starts to spiral does stick with him, but he's also quick to get defensive in almost any other scenario, so it is really mood dependent here. Sticking them in a little terrarium together until they get along or smthn idk.