#we talked to Bee once!!!! Bee literally hasn't fronted since fucking 2020!!! AND BEATRICE CAME BACK AND SHE'S TALL NOW?? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nexus-nebulae · 3 months ago

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known we were a system for about 7 years now, probably been a system for far longer, and just realised. we got an intrusive self-fakeclaiming thought today and laughed it away

#it does get better it does get easier eventually you will not fear being wrong or out of place #the thought felt like it just rolled away like a little creek washing over stones #it used to be a tsunami size wave that would throw us around and leave us feeling like we're not fitting in or even in the right place #and now we're just. solid and sturdy and the water's calmed to a tiny trickle #this is the first self-fakeclaiming thought we've had in i think months #and honestly probably only brought on by very new system members not being used to being alone in front #(it's rare for us. we're almost always cofronting. but sometimes it happens and it's so jarring)#rejecting the idea that we could possibly be faking this gives us this massive sense of wholeness like. this is who we are. and it's right #it feels right it feels like. we're real again. we're healing and able to learn. we're doing better. we feel whole like this #sharing this body with a million others will only ever bring us joy this is home this is love this is healing this is right #i love being plural #i love having a system #i love my headmates #we're so so close to hitting our real milestone of being functionally multiple #our challenge kinda. the goal we have to say Yes we feel we have functional multiplicity now #is to just. be able to connect all the sidesystems and have dormant people come back now and then and recover lost headmates #(TOBY WE *WILL* FIND YOU EVENTUALLY)#and it's starting! we've discovered people from BEFORE the syscovery we've brought back Blank and Ro multiple times #we talked to Bee once!!!! Bee literally hasn't fronted since fucking 2020!!! AND BEATRICE CAME BACK AND SHE'S TALL NOW??#and Siren came back!!!!!!! he was so so so fucking scared of falling out of the front rotation bc he thought he'd be lost forever but!!!!!#system wise i cannot believe how far we've come EVERYONE can feel the difference Ro and Blank get shocked by how much more cohesive we are #they were used to a constantly terrified proxy host and gatekeepers that loved to section stuff off and no communication #now it's like walking into a real place for them. they aren't used to headspace being this solid #when we started out WE DIDN'T HAVE ONE we had to manually build it and it took so long and so much focus #now it's as easy as closing our eyes #god i fucking love this im so happy right now

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