#we move into our new apartment‚ the place is filthy‚ there's damage on the ceiling‚ walls‚ and floor

[squid--inc]

......

[topaztales]

Hey! So this is my Richie x Eddie fic, titled Nightmares. 

In summary, Eddie survives and comes to live with Richie after divorcing his wife. But following the events in Derry, Richie struggles with PTSD and heavily internalized homophobia that manifests in terrible nightmares. Richie tries not to show how it’s affecting him, But Eddie eventually catches up.

this one’s kinda angsty but I promise it gets happy, please check AO3 for the complete tag/warning list.

First chapter is below the cut!

NIghtmares

 chapter 1- The Phone Call

Richie could taste blood. It wasn’t his blood, he knew it wasn’t. He knew because Eddie was standing above him wide eyed as the claw tore through his chest. His blood spilled everywhere. It was on Richie’s glasses, in his mouth. He was helpless to watch his best friend, his Eddie, get tossed aside like nothing. Limp. The image was seared into his mind until everything went black. For a moment, it was all gone.

Then Richie could taste blood. Then he watched happen again. Then it was gone and he could taste blood. Then again. And again. Again. Again.

Eventually Richie’s eyes shot open and he was staring at his blurry ceiling, breathing hard. His throat was tight and sore from crying in his sleep.  He scrambled around for his glasses, swinging his legs over the side of his bed so he could sit up property. Shoving his glasses on his face, Richie got his bearings. He was in his small apartment, in Los Angeles, in California. Not in the Neilbolt house, not Derry, not Maine. 

Richie struggled to catch his breath. Bracing his hands on his knees, he recalled Eddie’s old breathing exercises. In, out. In, out, trying to slow his breathing. In, out. Blood on his glasses. No. In, out. Blood in his mouth. Stop it. In, out. In, out. Eddies gone. Richie choked on a sob before clapping his hand over his mouth as if he was afraid of being heard. He knew it wasn’t true, that Eddie was still alive. But when Richie was alone in the dark his mind started playing tricks on him. Richie knew that when he came out the deadlights, he’d just barely knocked Eddie out of the way of the direct path of the claw, but it still did lots of damage. In his dreams, Richie wasn’t so fast. It sent a chill down his spine. 

Shakily, Richie grabbed his phone and unlocked it, staring at his recent call list. Eddie’s name was at the top. They called each other often after leaving Derry. While Eddie was in the hospital, they’d talked about what came next. 

Richie had joked Eddie should become a professional clown killer since he was clearly so good at it. Eddie had just rolled his eyes. He’d been in the hospital for about a week by this point, the wound in his side still requiring professional care. 

“Very funny dickhead.” Eddie retorted, but there was no bite in his words.

“But seriously, are we just supposed to go back to our old lives after this shit?” Richie asked, leaning back in the chair at Eddie’s bedside. “I mean, shit has to change now. I’m going to have to start working killer alien clown jokes into my act. My manager’s gonna have an aneurism.”

Eddie laughed, and Richies heart clenched like he was thirteen again. He loved hearing that laugh.

“Yeah, shit’s gonna change.” he said. Eddie’s voice was soft, almost contemplative. 

Richie huffed. “I just said that dude. Pay attention.” He reached out and pinched Eddie’s not-stabbed cheek. “Earth to Spaghetti, do you copy? Over.”

Eddie slapped his hand away with false annoyance. “Oh grow up Rich, I was literally agreeing with you. God, you’re impossible.” Richie just laughed. 

There was silence for a beat. Richie was looking for a joke to fill the void, but before he could find one Eddie broke the silence. 

“I’m going to leave my wife.” He blurted. Richie was a bit taken aback by the suddenness. Eddie was staring straight ahead, looking surprised at his own outburst.

“So, she told you then?” Richie asked, hesitantly.

Eddie raised an eyebrow at him. “Told me what?”

Richie’s grinned, a look Eddie knew meant a punchline was incoming. “About our torrid affair, I’ve been smashing your woman for weeks now.”

Eddie shoved him. “Oh, beep fucking beep, asshole!” Richie just laughed. “Im serious Rich! God I try to have one genuine moment and you have to fuck it up.”

  “Alright, alright. I’m sorry Eds” Richie certainly didn’t sound sorry. 

“Don’t call me that.”

That exchange had happened about two months ago. Once Eddie was discharged, he went to sort things out with Myra. “I faced an evil alien murder clown,” he’d said. “I can certainly face my wife long enough to leave her.” Richie had swelled with pride at how brave Eddie had been. He’d always been brave. Not like Richie, who woke up crying every night with nightmares. There was a handful of recurring ones, all involving Eddie. Eddie dying was common, so were all the deaths of his friends he watched in the deadlights. But sometimes Richie dreamt they were in the hammock again. Richie would look up from his comic book to see Eddie staring at him, smiling. Then his face would start to flake away into white paint as his features contorted and he’d start mocking Richie. You’re sick Richie! You’re perverted, I know you are. I know all about your dirty little secret. Richie couldn’t move. The voice was an awful amalgamation of Eddie and Pennywise, and it shook Richie to his core. Who’d stay friends with you? You’re a filthy fag. 

Other times he could feel Henry Bowers fists slamming into him, and his head swirled with all of his insults. Freak. Fairy. Pervert. Fag. Sometimes the names were hurled by Bowers, sometimes Pennywise, sometimes Eddie. 

Every time, Richie woke up crying. He’d considered telling Eddie about the nightmares, but he had no idea how that conversation would go. “Hey Eddie sorry to wake you, but my immense gay feelings for you and the traumas we’ve encountered have compounded into terrible nightmares that make my cry like a little bitch.” Yeah, no. Besides the terrible phrasing, Eddie had enough on his plate with his messy divorce. Myra had apparently not taken it well, and they’re still battling it out. He didn’t need Richie stacking more problems on him right now. So Richie would manage. 

Eddie called him later in the day, just after five. Richie had been paying some bills, a terrible and grown up thing to do. He was taking a leave from doing gigs. His manager, Steve, had just about ripped him a new one for leaving on such a short notice until Richie told him an old friend had passed away, and that’s why he left so suddenly. It was also why he needed time from gigs, to “process.” Begrudgingly, Steve accepted. Hard to argue with the dead friend excuse, even if it wasn’t the whole truth. But now he ways paying bills from savings alone, so he was happy for the distraction that was Eddie’s phone call. 

“Chhk, Eduardo, do you copy? Over.” Richie spoke into his cell phone like it was a walkie talkie. He heard Eddie groan on the other end of the line. 

“Remind me why I bother calling you?” Eddie asked.

“Chhk, because I’m your best friend and you have to, chhk, over.”

Eddie chuckled. “Knock it off Rich, I actually have some news.”

“Chhk, You’re supposed to end all transmissions with ‘Over’, Eds. chhk, over.”

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie said, before sighing and giving in. “Over.”

Richie smiled. “See, that wasn’t so hard! So what’s the news?” he said, deciding to drop the walkie talkie bit now that Eddie had caved.

“Well,” he sounded shaky. “There’s good news and bad news.”

“I already know the bad news.” Richie said solemnly.

“How’s that?”

“Myra's pregnant and it’s mine.”

Eddie groaned. “I'm hanging up now-”

“Wait, wait!” Richie laughed, “C’mon eds, just tell me what the news is.”

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie replied on instinct. He paused for a moment, then said, “We got it finalized today.”

Richie sat up in his chair. “That’s great news! Why didn’t you lead with that?”

He could hear Eddie huff. “Because someone can’t ever shut up long enough to let me get a word in.”

Richie hummed. “Can’t imagine who that would be, sounds a bit rude.”

“He’s the biggest asshole I know, hands down.”

“Well any man who sleeps with his best friend’s now ex-wife has gotta be a huge douche.”

“Jesus Christ, Richie.”

“That’s what your ex-wife said!” Richie jumped at the chance of the joke.

“Would you let me finish?”

“THAT’S WHAT YOUR-” The line went dead as Richie laughed. He knew Eddie didn’t mean anything by the end of the call, it was just a way to tell Richie to shut up. Richie chuckled to himself as he dialed Eddie back. He picked up on the second ring.

“Got it all out of your system dickwad?” Eddie asked, sounding mildly annoyed.

Richie shook his head to himself and answered, “My humor never leaves my system, my dear boy.”

Richie could feel Eddie rolling his eyes on the other side of the country. “Do you even want to hear the bad news?”

Richie paused. Did he? “Yeah, uh, shoot.”

Eddie sighed. He sounded tired now. “Like I said, it’s been messy with Myra. She’s taking everything she can get. That includes, uhm,” Eddie swallowed, “that includes our apartment.”

Richie didn’t really know how to respond to that. The phone was silent for awhile until Eddie spoke up again. “It’s not like I’m homeless now or anything,” he hurried. His voice was a bit nervous and Richie could tell he was going into a freak-out. “Its just I really liked the place and Myra and I picked it out together and I hate apartment hunting because there’s so many factors involved and its so stressful-”

“Move in with me.” Richie blurted. Fuck. He hadn’t meant to say that aloud, but he hated hearing Eddie panic without being able to do anything about it. Now the line was silent and Richie had to resist the urge to slam his head into his desk. 

“What?” Eddie asked, like he didn’t believe what he’d heard.

Richie stood up from his desk and started pacing nervously. “I- I mean, you could stay with me if you like. At least until you find a place of your own. I don't know, I just thought”-he had not thought at all- “that it might help relieve some of the stress. So you don’t have to rush the process.”

Richie paused, but the line was still silent. Fuck. He’s fucked it. Why does he never think before opening his stupid mouth? Why would Eddie want to stay with him all the way in L.A.? 

His place is a mess! And Richie… well Richie is also a mess. 

“Okay.” Richie was so busy panicking he barely heard the reply.

“What did you say?”

“I said okay, numbnuts. If it’s really alright, I think I need a break from NYC anyways.”

“Oh.” Richie’s heart started to race. He hadn’t seen Eddie since they left Derry. “Well, you’re going to have to give me some time to vacate the guest room.”

“Oh, do you have a guest over? There’s really no rush-”

“No, no, its fine. It’s just that your mom has spent the past few nights with me.”

“Beep Beep Richie.”

They agreed it would be best for Eddie to come the next day, give him time to pack everything and fly over.  So Richie spent the rest of the day cleaning and rearranging his apartment. He did actually have a spare room, but he had made it into a rarely used office/storage room. Eddie would take his room of course. Not only was it cleaner, but Richie secretly hoped that if Eddie was comfortable, he’d stay longer. So Richie rearranged the office to fit an air mattress. Since he had no actual idea of how long Eddie would be staying, at some point he figured he’d have to buy a second bed. He was okay with that, but an air mattress would have to do for now. Then he deep cleaned everything else. He did all the dishes that had stacked up, did laundry, and spent the day swimming in his thoughts as he cleaned. Eddie would be living with him. Living with him! For god knows how long but it was happening! Richie didn’t know if he was more excited or nervous. On one hand, he’d be living with the boy he’d had a crush on since he was thirteen. On the other hand, he’d be living with the straight boy he’d had a secret gay crush on since the eighties, a very unkind time for such situations.

At least I’ll know he’s alive. Richie thought to himself. The thought made his hands freeze over his dishes. In all the excitement over the phone call, Richie hadn’t even considered his nightmares. What if Eddie heard him crying in his sleep? God, that would be embarrassing. But Richie supposed he was right the first time. At least he’d know Eddie was alive. 

Richie had the apartment to a satisfactory level by two A.M., at which point he could barely keep his eyes open. Climbing into bed Richie thought about how tomorrow night, Eddie would be here. He tried to keep his mind on positive thoughts as he drifted to sleep. 

Then Richie could taste blood.

If you enjoyed this chapter please please please go check out the rest on AO3! Chapters 1-3 are there now with roughly two more on the way. Hope you liked it!

[cheekytorah]

Wolf star | Drabble

Leaving Home

By Lacey Black

The unease of his life flowed through him like a poison in his blood. It sought to destroy every little good feeling he would build up during the year with his friends, his real family. Attempting to shred apart the happiness and little bits if humanity he was about to retain despite being raised in a family as dirty and evil as his. Sirius ran a hand through ha hair as he sat with his knees pressing against his chest, making himself as small as he possibly could. It reminded him of his childhood, the sheer number of times he shrunk himself as small as possible, an attempt to make himself so small he might even disappear. Ceasing to exist was more appealing than the fear and pain he had to endure.

One more week, it was all he had to get through and he would free again. He ignored the little voice inside his head that said only for a few months and then he’d be there again for the summer, the voice that constantly told him he deserved it, that he was dirty, damaged and bad. The voice that made him question sometimes why he fought against them so much, why he made it so easy for them to hurt him. The voice that told him it would be so easy to be what they wanted.

Sirius would never succumb to that though. Yes, though he fought his parents in every way he could, wanting to be different, it was the inground evil in them that turned him away. He didn't know why he was born into a family so filthy when all he wanted was to be and do good. Sure, it would be easy to just give in and torture some muggle-borns and marry one of his deranged cousins, but then Sirius Black didn't take the easy way out of anything.

Sirius woke on the floor of his room, huddled in that same ball as the night before. Banging against his door, signalling that his presence was desired by his dear mother. He grumbled and with a flick of his wand was dressed to impress; a muggle band shirt and ripped jeans with a plaid shirt tired carelessly around his hips. He knew the mere sight of him would throw her into a rage, but it was these small ways he could attempt to show her he would never be what she wanted him to be.

Down the stairs and through the parlour he found himself sitting at the kitchen table, Orion and Walburga soaring at him with anger and disgust.

“Must you wear such unseemly attire?” His mother complained as she glared at the muggle weapons on his shirt.

“Enough, Walburga! We have more important matters to discuss.” His father silenced his wife with a wave of his hand. He looked down at Sirius, the tall solid man had a large wide grin on his face. “Sirius it is time you do right by this family. You will take the mark before you go back to school. You will follow The Dark Lord, do everything he asks of you, including marrying well and baring pureblood children. You will no longer be a stain on our family name.”

Sirius looked at both his parents and stood quickly. He made quick steps towards the front door then turned back quickly to say, “I will do no such thing.”

“Sit down.” He father bellowed, Sirius too terrified to object slumped into a chair in the parlour. “You, my boy, will do as I say. You are the heir to the Black family fortune, to this house, our name. You will not disparage our reputation by your childish notions of good and evil. There is only power, there is only blood and those not pure enough to deserve to walk amongst those who are.”

“How can you say that! There are more muggles in the world than us! Do you really think that if it wasn’t meant to be that way then they would be here?” Sirius said defiantly. He stood up quickly with his hands in fists so tight his knuckles went white.

“They are the cockroaches of society, they will be eradicated as they should. You are my son, and,” Orion pauses and he almost looked sad for a moment before his face hardened once more. “And if you will not listen to reason, you give me no choice but to force you to submit to my will.”

There was no time to react, no time to run and hide, to escape. Suddenly he was convulsing on the floor, a pain he should never know, but did from many other attempts at control, pulsed through his body. His vision went first from blurred images to white and then it ended. He could have been there for a minute or it could have been hours he didn't know for sure. He looked up at the ceiling, shadows decorated the designs in the centuries-old home. It was evening the sun was setting. It had been hours and every muscle and bone in his body screamed out in agony.

“You will take the mark, you will do as I wish!” Orion yelled at him once more.

“You’ll have to imperious me, father,” Sirius managed to spit at him through an aching throat.

Orion pulled the poker from the fire and struck his back, over and over till the metal turned back to black. He heated it once more and drove the sharp point through the flesh of Sirius’ calf. He was struck and speared over and over until Orion had tired. Soon the sun had set leaving Sirius alone in a broken and bloodied heap in the shadows of the parlour.

It would be so easy.

That voice was back, the filthy voice of reason, desperate to end the pain and abuse. For just a moment he wanted to consider it. Sirius wanted the pain to end, to end the fear and agony. When he had the strength to move he flicked his wand and summoned his belongings, packed in the trunks and bags for Hogwarts. He stumbled into the Floo tossing the powder down and shouted the words. In a flash of bright green light, the last thing he saw was the terrified eyes of his brother hiding on the stairs across the room, he vanished.

~*~

He shouldn’t have travelled. When he arrived he fell to the ground his body screaming its objection to the force of Flooing to Godrics Hollow. He could vaguely see all the faces of the people he loved hovering over him. Sirius was vaguely aware of deserpate shouting and hands pulling him into a flatter position on the floor. His head was on a rough and almost bony pillow, while the pain began to subside and the world went fuzzy again when he opened his eyes. The fuzzy images made him nauseous so he kept his eyes closed.

“Sirius, holy shit, Sirius!” He heard James voice flooded with panick. “Don’t you fucking die you prick!”

“James!” Euphemia scolded him but Sirius could hear the choked wet sound of her voice.

“S’all right Mrs. P,” Sirius grunted. “No need to cry, now.”

Hands carded through his wet hair soothingly. why was his hair wet?

“Shush, you,” but he could hear the small smile. She cleared her throat then said, “James get your father and the Dittany in bathroom. Sirius, honey, this is going to be rather unpleasant. Hold Remus’ hand alright?”

“Moony is here?” Sirius attempted to sit up and open his eyes but he slumped down wincing in pain.

“Who do you think you’re lying on you idiot?” Remus said his voice sounded rough and it was as quiet as a whisper.

Sirius opened his eyes, raised his hand to cup Remus’ cheek, and smiled.

“Hey Moony,” Sirius said grinning up at his curly haired friend. “Don’t worry your pretty little head, this is nothing. Jus’ a scratch, mate.”

Remus chuckled sadly, pressing his face into Sirius’ hand for just a second before taking his hand and squeezing it in his own. James and Fleamont appeared with potions and clean cloths handed them to Euphemia and sunk to the floor beside Sirius. Then he screamed in pain as Euphemia began to heal his wounds.

It was the next day when Sirius awoke in the spare room of the Potters home. Remus was curled into the chair beside him dozing and James was sprawled on the floor with Peter playing Wizards Chess. Sirius grinned as he sat up, alerting the attention of the other Marauders.

“Gave is a good scare there, Padfoot,” Peter complained as they all have him worried looks.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t know where to go.”

“Don’t apologize, you came to the right place, mate.” James turned and glared our the window. “I almost went back there and killed them myself.”

“Not worth a one way trip to Azkaban, Prongs,” Sirius said softly. He wouldn’t admit that he was so inexplicably happy to be with his friends. That Prongs would consider killing his parents for him. That they stayed by his bed till he woke up.

“Beg to differ,” Remus said with a dark look in his eyes, “think we can blame it on a bad batch of potion, and you lot can just let me loose on them one moon.”

“Moons...” Sirius’ voice cracked with emotion. “They wouldn’t even lock you up and you know it. They’d kill you.”

Remus looked away grumbling under his breath, but rested his hand on Sirius’.

“Mums got lunch for you, she’ll bring it in as soon as you want it. She didn’t know how you’d want your room decorated so she went with gryffindor colours like your room was at Grimmauld Place. She expects you keep it clean and no bringing any birds back either she said.”

Sirius noticed Remus scowl and glare at the floor.

“When was the last time you saw me pull anyone? Even at a bar?” Sirius grumbled.

“Well, she’s just setting down the rules for living here, brother.”

“Living... here?”

“She won’t let you go back there, not after what she saw last night. Neither will dad or me for that matter. I could kill them, find a way to cover it up,” James muttered the last part quietly.

Sirius felt his eyes fill and rubbed his bandaged left hand over it to wipe them away as quickly as the tears fell.

Euphemia, Fleamont and the boys all joined in Sirius’ new bedroom and ate their lunch, they laughed and talked. Sirius cried a bit more, James curled up in his bed with him and cuddled him close. Peter sat cross legged on the floor muttering about elitist society and pureblood scum. Remus was quiet, sat unmoving in the chair and stared out the window. The day passed quickly, after the Potters went off to bed and Peter went home, it was just James and Remus sitting around him.

“James you didn’t sleep at all last night, you go off to bed I’ll stay with Sirius. I can transfigure the chair into a bed when I’m tired since Sirius now fills the one I was sleeping in,” Remus smirked but continued to look out the window at the stars in the sky and the crescent moon that they surrounded.

James nodded and slipped out of the room leaving Remus and Sirius alone.

“Why do you look so cross Rem? You mad at me?” Sirius asked breaking the silence.

Remus stood and slipped into the bed and under the covers. He pulled Sirius into his arms and pressed him to his body gently. Sirius breathed in Remus’ familiar scent and settled against him, no more need for crying just a comforting hug,to feel safe with his best friend. The boy he secretly loved more than just a friend.

“I’ve never been so scared in my life,” Remus said softly into Sirius’ hair.

Sirius settles his head against Remus’ chest and sighed happily, curling his body against the taller boy.

“Stay with me? I feel really warm and safe right now,” Sirius asked but was ready to beg if he needed to.

“I’m not letting you go,” Remus voice was gravely again and he pulled away to look at Sirius ignoring the protesting sounds he grunted back. “Not that any excuse is good enough, but why?”

“I wouldn’t marry Bella or take the mark.” Sirius looked at his hands. He began to ramble quickly. “I won’t join that disgusting monster, Orion could torture me, crucio me, he could do whatever he wanted to me, I wouldn’t do it. They just want a bunch of pureblood babies and for me to bring honour to the Black family by swearing my life to their Dark Lord. What I want doesn’t matter to them, the fact that I like blokes doesn’t matter to them, nothing matters, they just want...”

“You what?” Remus interrupted.

Sirius felt himself pale and then turned red seconds after. He hadn’t meant to say all that. He looked away from Remus’ piercing gaze and picked at the wrappings on his hand.

“I don’t wanna make a bunch of pureblood babies? You knew that, Moons.”

“Padfoot.” Remus said loudly obviously annoyed by him avoiding the subject.

“Yeah, okay,” Sirius took a deep breath and sat back against the headboard while Remus remained frozen sitting upright in the middle of the bed now staring at him. “I like guys, err blokes. I’m gay, think I’ve always been, don’t think that just like happens suddenly. Guess it makes sense why I’ve never, you know, really liked girls for more then a quick shag, or really enjoyed th shag part much either.”

Remus continued to just stare at him like he suddenly had turned into a Hippogriff, so Sirius got nervous and when he gets nervous he rambles.

“Don’t worry, it’s not like weird, I know this is new and it’ll take some adjustment but I won’t jump any of your bones just because I like cock. I don’t know if there are many gay guys at school, and if we can keep it on the down low that would be great. Just don’t be grossed out Remus, please, I can handle a lot but I can’t handle you hating me. I won’t crawl in your bed after a nightmare anymore, okay, I don’t want to weird you out. And like I can keep my dick in check you know, I’ve got a whole lot of practice with you around me for the last couple years, I should be given a medal for all the times I’ve wanted to,” Sirius froze, eyes wide and mentally punched himself in the face. Stupid stupid stupid!

“Wanted to what?” Remus asked looking at his hands.

Sirius didn’t respond, he didn’t trust himself to speak again he just stared in shock at Remus.

“What did you want, Padfoot?” Remus leaned forward inching closer to him.

Sirius felt his face burn and he closed his eyes willing the words to be unsaid. He took careful deep breaths, trying to remain calm and think up something that would hide the truth. He was so distracted that he almost didn’t feel Remus’ breath on his lips, almost.

“Wanted to what?” Remus whispered.

Sirius didn’t move, he didn’t speak but Remus pressed their lips together. Sirius whimpered and ran his hands up Remus’ chest and into his hair. The curls were as soft as he had thought. His lips parted and their tongues met, testing, tasting, exploring. As first kisses went, this had to be one for the books. Nothing could beat this, and nothing ever would.

[skies7536]

Life Is Pain

After a devastating explosion on Onderon, communication was cut off from the planet.  However, out of hope or morbid desperation, retired clone Medic Commander Wyn sent a constant transmission to the planet in hopes to get a response.  On the surface of his cluttered desk, a holo date hovered at the right corner.  Day 27 and no response of any kind.  

‘Life is pain, suffering is optional.”  Easy to say, not so easy to overcome.  Wyn had been working himself out of a severe depression by exercising and purifying his body to prepare for his last mission in life.

No one was going to stop him from finding out what happened to his adopted Marjadin community. Not even an old, damaged body.

Commander Wyn grunted his way through several chin-ups from a secured bar to the ceiling of his Kaminoan apartment.  “Sixty-eight…sixty-niiine…Sev-Sev-….Auuugh. He hung there a moment, his arms and core burning from exertion, taking several heavy breaths he struggles through one last chin-up.  ”Ssseventy!”

Wyn hung there a moment panting, not wanting to let go too soon.  Gently, he lowered himself and groaned as he put his weight on his damaged knees.

The closet door opens and the assistance droid tentatively sticks its head out looking over the filthy and disorganized apartment as its master carefully stumbles to the couch, sitting heavily as he wipes his face and neck with a towel. Grumbling to himself, he tosses the towel aside as he leans over a coffee table full of parts and rummages through a near by box.

Wyn picks up a round disk studying its dimensions and holds it near the joint of his knee brace.  He then places the disk on the table and unstraps both his knee braces, placing them there as well.  The old Commander took his canes and struggled to stand.

“Do you need assistance, Master?”

“No! Get in the…” Wyn stood painfully and looking about his apartment, he sighed in tired frustration.

“Droid, clean this place up.”

“Yes, Master!”  Said the droid as it eagerly left the closet.

“Don't call me that!”

“Yes, Owner.”

“That neither.  Keep your trap shut and clean the place.”

“Trap?  I have no trap, Own…” noticing the Commander's cross expression the droid had shut down it's vocals until spoken to.

“Don't touch the desks, and send the office boxes there to Doctor Gida Fam.  She can have them.  Toss the rest.”

“Toss them where, Sir?”

“Kriff droid!”  Wyn passes his hand over his face, “Throw it away!”

The droid bowed and began its task as Wyn enters the refresher.

After a much needed shower, Wyn sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror. “Kriff'in feel as old as I look.” His silver hair had taken over his dark black long ago.  Salt and pepper hair graced his chest and belly. Battle scars still shown brightly on the skin of his chest, legs, left shoulder, right side, and down his spine.

‘Life is pain, suffering is optional.’  Wyn had been saying that mantra to himself more and more lately.  

Taking a razor he began to shave, carefully trimming his mustache and goatee.

Thinking of his deceased bride and loved ones, he sniffed, “Oh, Elena.  I have these new found years, and for what.”  He sat on the bench retrieving a syringe, he injected both knees and wrapping his left knee with a bacta bandage, ‘I stayed in the GAR to protect you. I stayed at Kamino to find the end of age acceleration…’  “FOR WHAT!” Wyn slams a fist on the sink counter making a loud noise.

“Master? Sir?”

“KARK OFF, DROID!” The Commander barked as he rubbed his pained right knee.

Running his hand through his hair, ‘It’s time.’ He stood and retrieved a small vile from a hidden compartment in the medicine cabinet.  Inside was a tiny info chip imbedded into a screw similar to the one he had implanted into his friend Commander Cody the year before.  Taking another syringe, Wyn sat back down and slid the needle into the side of his leg near the knee.  He pressed a button on the device which quickly drilled the tiny chip into the tibia just below his shortened patellar tendon.  He then wrapped his knee with the bacta bandage and finished dressing.

Exiting the refresher, his apartment was clean and properly organized.  “Well, I'll be Kriffed.”  Wyn walked into the bedroom and opened the closet revealing his clone trooper uniform still marred and scored from several Clone War battles.  He took his helmet and gauntlets and closed the closet.  As he left the room, he noticed that a small, wooden box on his dresser was missing.

“Droid!”

“Yes, Sir.”

“There was a Marjadin wood box here.  Where is it?”

“Tossed, Sir.”

“WHAT?”

“It was tossed, Sir.” The droid tilts its head, grey eyes blinking, “Perhaps I can arrange for a hearing test -“The droid was silenced by a powerful grip at its slender throat.

“YOU, listen carefully.” The Commander snarls, as he stood nose to nose to the droid, “I don't care how long it takes you, I don't care if you return.  Find it.”

“It may be in the compactor…”

“Find it!”

“Yes, Sir.” The droid hurriedly leaves the apartment.  Wyn places a hand on the spot where the box lay for many years, “Kark’in droids.”  He mumbles before he enters the living room.

Wyn sits in the couch and works on the knee braces he had been modifying.  After hours, of trial and error Wyn removed his helmet and blew on the steaming metal he had been working on.  Turning on the holo feed he searched for any word from the Marjadin region of Onderon.  Silence, again, was the only response. Leaning back into the couch cushions he took a sip of high test caf as he waited for the metal to cool.  

The doorbell rang and the droid returned, filthy and severely dented, but in its arms was the lost Marjadin box. The Commander tried to stand, but found it hard to rise, “Aww, kriff.  Come here.”

“I had a time getting it from the compactor beast.”  The droid handed the box to the Commander who ripped it out of its hands, “Who knew that wood was its favorite treat.”

Wyn examined the box as he ran his fingers across the intricately carved design, lingering on the single word, Nusuakoa.  “You’re lucky it's not damaged.  Go to maintenance and get cleaned up.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Once the droid left, Wyn carefully opens the box.  Inside is a Marjadin necklace which he puts on.   Two small holo disks were hidden in the false bottom.  The Commander smiles as he views the holo vids and pictures of his brothers and their shenanigans.  He put that disk inside his left gauntlet.  

The next disk, with a shell etched on the surface, showed images of the Marjadin community who adopted him.

The images stop and a pass code is requested.  Wyn slides his thumb across the edge of the disk, leaving a small skin cell sample, then enters a long numerical passcode.

Elena, his Marjadin, Onderonian, bride appears smiling sweetly, her captivating blue-grey eyes shown brightly against her dark ebony completion.  She stands facing him dressed in a traditional, brightly colored silk robe accented with ribbons of stones and shells.

“Wyn, love. I hope this message finds you well. I have been missing your com calls, but I understand that you must be dark for a mission.”  She pauses a moment as she pulls at the long sleeves of her robe, “I wanted to wait until you returned to tell you, but you’ve been gone for so long… Remember when you told me we can not have children?”

Elena smiles as she smooths her hands over the brightly colored robe around her belly which bowed outward prominently as she showed her profile.  “Yes, love, it's yours.” She parts the robe exposing her large, pregnant belly, The Force has surely blessed us.”  She happily turns from side to side in a gentle dancing motion showing off her expanded girth.  

The Commander chuckles as he watches her. Soon his vision is blurred by tears, and his chuckles turned to sad breaths.  He sighs and wipes his eyes as the image continues to dance.  

“You have only been gone for five months, but our little tempest is growing so fast!”  She gently rubs her belly, “If we are unable to talk before the birth, I think I'll name him Nusuakoa.  It means tempest.  A fitting name, believe me.” She laughs lifting her belly slightly, “Ohh, he’s so heavy!  Healers say I am on my seventh month already.”  Elena stops her dance and huffs a couple of breaths as she rubs the side of her belly, “Nusuakoa… your son...is anxious to meet his father.” She chuckles as she pulls the robe around herself, “Stay safe, and come home soon love.  I miss you.”

The old Commander looks at the paused image for a moment, before turning it off. ‘Ah, Darling.’ He holds the disk a moment running his thumb over its etched surface. He kisses it and puts it in his right gauntlet.

Touching the metal on his modified braces, and finding it cool to the touch, he put them on.  On the right side, he flips a tiny switch and the braces obeyed his intended movement.  The Commander stood effortlessly except for enduring the usual pain, but movement was much smoother and the canes were not needed.

“Yes!  It works! But, still hurts like a kark'in…”  He flips the switch again and the braces returned to normal functionality.  He slowly sits on the couch, “Jaket.”

“Yes, Commander?”  Came a familiar voice from the disk at the right knee joint.

“Activate.”

The blue light on the disk flashes briefly and the brace behaves without flipping the switch.

“Excellent!” Wyn was still in pain, but his movement was a bit more fluid as he slowly moved about without his canes.

The doorbell rings and the droid returns.  

“Ah, droid!  Come here.”  Wyn picks up his sonic screwdriver as he stiffly walked toward the assistance droid.

[westywrites]

The Teller of Stories and Keeper of Secrets

Chapter 6 - Welcome!

First - Previous - Next

Now that all the introduction folly is over and you have become acquainted with our 5 little friends we get to move on to where the story gets very interesting. Though honestly the only reason I find it interesting is because it has me in it. Let's go to that first day in the late spring of 2013.

While on first sight the quaint little building with its colourful little sign would seem like a wonderful place to be, it truly is not. After the appearance sets in the first time every time after it's like sandpaper to the eyes, with its sandy yellow brick walls and bright red tin roof that reflects the sun on just the right angle that it blinds you no matter how you look at it. Even though the building is fairly new, it is very worn and the sign wasn't even designed to be that crooked, it's just falling apart. What little garden there is is maintained by a teenage boy who gets paid far too much and comes in far too little and honestly the large black iron fence takes away whatever joy they were trying to bring to the patients. The inside is even worse.

However you are picturing the outside, picture the inside a million times worse than that. Its walls are a teal-grey colour, at least I think they were at one point, but the paint is peeling in spots and there are suspicious looking stains on the walls and gross beige tiled floors. The floors are covered in various strips of coloured tape indicating where to go for which thing, but only half of the things have actually happened in the past 5 years. At the entrance way is a faded sign stating which colour means what. Finally you get to the little room that those poor teenagers were fated to meet within. At the end of a short hallway on the right, a door painted red like the line leading to it from the front door. Once inside, that room was the best kept in the building, with freshly painted pale mint walls and a clean tiled floor. 6 large beanbag chairs sat in a circle and one wall was covered in posters with cheery messages, another had a large window that looked out at the "garden".

It was a Friday, a Friday evening at 6 o'clock. That was when the first meeting was. A normal, quiet evening during which our 5 friends were brought to the ugly, overly cheery building and left there for 2 hours. They came in one by one, the first was Tanya, her aunt always far too early or far too late, she was followed soon after by Elise. Jacob and Nathanael both came in a few minutes after 6, out of breath and apologizing for being late, and Christopher was last, very much the last. In fact he didn't arrive until quarter after 6 when he flung the door open causing it to further dent the wall behind it. They all sat in the black beanbag chairs, waiting for the person who would fill the last seat. Waiting, and waiting. Of course the person to fill that seat would be the "therapist", the sole adult in a room of damaged teenagers. It was assumed that the therapist would be the one to arrive on time, if not early, but they were not there. After a while our 5 teenagers started questioning the presence of this therapist, if they were going to even arrive at all. Anyone experienced in dramatic entrances could tell you that this was close to the perfect time to barge in, and so the therapist did. So I did. Out of the closet in the back corner, I leapt with dramatic flourish, extending my arms and laughing as the children screamed. Even Christopher gave a little shout, followed by some cussing, though. That boy has a filthy tongue.

"Welcome!" I smiled taking a bow. "I am Dr. Demority, however you may call me Reggie." I plopped down into the empty bean bag chair. "I'm your therapist."

"You don't look like a therapist." Nathanael said, glancing over my messy appearance. It's true I definitely did not look like a therapist that day, I probably looked more like a kindergarten teacher. My long brown hair was thrown into a frizzy ponytail, my glasses were falling off my nose and I was wearing a floral summer dress with that fancy white coat they gave me draped over top.

"This is so stupid." Christopher moaned staring at the ceiling.

"We haven't even started yet." Tanya looked at him then at me. "Don't be rude."

"She's right, you don't even know each others' names." I could tell from all their faces that none of them wanted to be there, except maybe Nathanael. "Let's start with that!" Maintaining a cheery demeanor was very difficult with the looks of boredom and sadness they had painted on their faces. I sighed. "Here, we should go around the room and say our names, ages and at least one thing about ourselves." As I said that I was met with glares from both Jacob and Christopher. "I'll start. My name is Reggie, I'm 34 years old, and I love kids!" I paused looking at each of them. "You, how about you go." I was pointing at Nathanael who was sitting on my right.

She sighed, but a smile played at the edge of her lips. "My name is Nathanael, I'm 15, and no, I am not a boy." Christopher started laughing, the rudest laugh you can imagine.

"That is a girl?" He asked, pointing at Nathanael continuing his snide laughter. "That is the worst girl I have ever seen. It's like it's not even trying to be a girl." Nathanael bit her lip, anger growing in her eyes.

"Hey, stop that." Elise demanded, getting silence from Christopher immediately. Until he started grinning.

"Whoa, the black girl standing up for the he-she, how original." He snickered again.

Elise stood up. "You will not refer to me as 'the black girl', you pig." She took a step towards him. "My name is Elise and you will call me that or you will never see the light of day again. You got it?"

"Ok, ok. Chill." Even a small child would be able to see the blatant fear in Christopher's eyes as he sunk back into his beanbag chair, pulling his hair down over his face slightly. Elise sat back down, a small smile on her face.

"So, Elise. Do you want to say how old you are?" I asked sort of awkwardly.

"Oh, yeah sure. I'm 16. I'll be 17 in July." Elise smiled. "I'm probably the oldest one here, aren't I?"

"Nah, I'm 16 too." Christopher said from under his hair.

"Oh? And what's your name?" I asked grateful for the participation.

"Christopher." He crossed his legs. "Christopher Marcel, you probably know my dad."

"Didn't you like, murder two people or something?" Jacob asked quietly his mouth hanging open.

"Hey, shut up punk." Christopher sat up suddenly.

"Oh my god." Tanya's eyes were like a deer caught in headlights. "Are you a murderer?"

"Hey, bossy chick can you get these children to shut up?" Christopher was looking to Elise now.

"I am not bossy." Elise frowned as if wondering if she was and Nathanael laughed a little.

"Yeah, I'm sorry but you could definitely be mistaken for it." Nathanael let out another little laugh and Tanya nodded in agreement. "I like it though." Nathanael smiled at Elise.

"So what's your name?" I asked Jacob.

"Oh, uh." He turned bright red as everyone turned to look at him. "I'm, uh, I'm Jacob" His voice was so soft you could hardly hear him.

"What was that?" Christopher leaned towards Jacob a hand held up to his ear. "Did you say that you're a gay cob?"

"Chris." I glared at him. "You do not call people names like that. Besides, that doesn't even make any sense."  

"It's Christopher." He looked very offended.

"Ok, well. Christopher, don't call people names." I nodded and turned to smile at Jacob. "Can you say that again, sweetie?"

"I said my name's Jacob." Jacob looked at his hands which he held on his lap. "I'm 14 as of last week."

"Happy birthday Jacob!" I smiled again and watched Christopher mocking me out of the corner of my eye.

"Where are you from?" Tanya tilted her head. "You sound funny."

"My family's from Russia." Jacob said, again in barely a whisper.

"That's so cool." Tanya stared at him like he was from outerspace.

"Who're you?" Jacob asked her still staring at his hands.

"I'm Tanya Armstrong. I'm 13 years old," She looked around at everyone, "and I can hear all your hearts beating right now."

"What the hell?" Christopher turned quickly to look at Tanya who was sitting two seats to his right. The looks on everyone's faces were a mix of confusion and just plain creeped out and the smile faded from Tanya's face.

"Well then, let's move on." I switched to conversation topic to more therapy related things and that's where it stayed for the rest of that week's session. Everything went very smoothly from there on, despite many wisecracks from Christopher followed by a few minutes of argument from everyone else. A lot was accomplished during that first two hour session and I felt I was really starting to get to know those kids. I couldn't wait to continue the next week and the week after that and so we did. It was many weeks before we get to the next interesting part of our little sessions but that will have to wait.

[comebeforegod]

God Heals the Pain of Infidelity and Brings Me Hope of Living

By Meiling, United States

My Happy Marriage Destroyed by My Husband’s Infidelity

Ever since I was a child I have enjoyed watching romance series, and I had high hopes for love and marriage. I hoped that once I grew up, I would be able to spend my whole life with the person I loved, that we would never be apart, and that we would care for each other in our old age. When I turned twenty, my colleague introduced me to my husband.

 He was handsome, tall, made every effort to take care of me and look after me, and it seemed we had endless things to talk about. Though I was certain that he was my other half and I wanted us to be husband and wife, my parents were deeply opposed to us being together. I disregarded my parents’ opposition and married him anyway. After that, my husband did all that I asked, and the love between us grew. Before long, I gave birth to a child and our lives became even more wonderful. I felt that my initial choice had been correct, and that there was no greater happiness than a life with someone who loved me and who I also loved.

My husband was a driver, so he often went out drinking, to karaoke, or to play cards with his colleagues. At first I didn’t mind—I felt it was normal for him to have fun with his friends. But slowly, he began to stay out the entire night, and I couldn’t help but become concerned, “My husband is out all day at those entertainment venues, and he doesn’t come home after work. There couldn’t be another woman, could there?” But I quickly denied my own thoughts, shaking my head and thinking, “It can’t be. We’ve maintained our mutual affection since meeting each other, and our love has only grown. My husband is very considerate toward me; he wouldn’t do something like that to me. I’m probably worrying too much.” Once I thought of all those things, my concerns gradually subsided.

I never thought the day would come when what I feared most actually happened. At the time, I had just given birth to our second child, who wasn’t even a month old, and it was another night my husband didn’t come home. When he returned the following day, just as I was about to question him, he said to me solemnly, “There’s something that’s been causing me a lot of pain, and I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I’m seeing another woman, she’s pregnant with my child, and she is going to give birth soon. But she’s going abroad after the child is born….” The news hit me like a bolt of lightning. I was left dumbfounded. As tears streamed from my eyes, I said furiously to my husband, “How could you do such a thing? You’re utterly shameless!” While saying this, I hit him with all my strength. He didn’t strike back, and said, “I know what I did was wrong, and I’ve let you down. I feel very guilty. But she’s going to leave after she has the baby, and once she’s gone, our life can be like it used to be. I promise I’ll make it up to you, and I swear that nothing like this will happen again. Please give me another chance.” I hated that my husband was capable of doing something that was so hurtful, such a betrayal of me, but I thought of the prospect of my children being fatherless if we divorced, which would disadvantage them growing up. In my pain and helplessness, I suppressed the anger within me and repeated these words over and over to console myself, “What’s done is done, so let’s take it one step at a time!”

After that, my husband went frequently to care for that woman, and all of the home’s burdens fell on me. I worked and also looked after the children; the physical weariness on top of my psychological wounds were a weight so oppressive I could hardly breathe. I spent my days unable to eat or sleep. As soon as I closed my eyes, all I could think of was my husband’s infidelity and cheating. My heart was never at peace, and I would often gaze at the ceiling as I moaned, sighed, and wept silent tears. I grew thinner with each passing day, dropping from 55 to 46 kilos. I constantly found myself thinking, “No mater how well a broken bowl is glued back together, it still shows cracks. Can a broken marriage survive? Can my husband truly give up this woman in his heart?” These questions continued to circle in my mind, and I became so distraught that I began to contemplate suicide. But I realized that if I were to die, my two children would be without a mother and my parents wouldn’t be able to take such a blow either. So, all I could do was put aside my thoughts of killing myself. I constantly asked myself, “Is this really the man who pledged his eternal love to me? The promises of being for eternity, of growing old together, of loving me forever were just lies to deceive me …”

Several months later, that woman gave birth and then she really did go overseas, but my loathing for my husband didn’t abate. In our daily lives, if my husband did anything even slightly displeasing to me, I would seize on it, exaggerate the matter, and mock him sarcastically. Venting this way didn’t make me happy at all. On the contrary, I became even more troubled and distressed. I felt increasingly depressed, and I didn’t see any hope for life in the future.

Putting Aside My Hatred of My Husband Thanks to the Guidance of God’s Word

Where man ends is where God begins. Just as I found myself at a dead end, God’s salvation of the last days came to me. One day in 2009, a friend shared God’s gospel of the last days with me, and I read this passage of God’s words, “When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: realizing the fact that you came from God, but at who knows what point losing your direction, at who knows what point falling senseless by the wayside, and again at who knows what point acquiring a ‘father.’ Furthermore, you realize that the Almighty has been there the whole time, standing watch, awaiting your return, for a very, very long time” (“The Sighing of the Almighty”).

As I read God’s words, I couldn’t stop the tears streaming from my eyes. His words were like a current of warm water that thawed my frozen heart. It turned out that God had been by my side all along, waiting for me to turn back to Him, but I was too numb. I had been drifting in the world for so long, yet God had not cast me aside. At a time when I had lost hope in life and had nowhere to turn, God sent a friend to preach the gospel to me and used His words to console my grief-stricken, tormented heart, giving me the hope and courage to go on living. At that moment, I was like a lost child finally returning to their mother’s embrace—I felt so secure, so cared for.

After that, I often took part in church life, where I fellowshiped on God’s words with my brothers and sisters and sang hymns of praise to God. When my brothers and sisters learned what had happened to me, none of them laughed at me. Instead, they fellowshiped on the truth with me and helped me with compassion, allowing me to become stronger. I felt the genuine love among my brothers and sisters—this was very moving.

At one meeting, we read two passages of God’s word, “In truth, out of the myriad things in God’s creation, man is the lowest. Though he is the master of all things, man is the only one among them that is subject to Satan’s trickery, the only one that falls prey in endless ways to its corruption. Man has never had sovereignty over himself. Most people live in the foul place of Satan, and suffer its derision; it teases them this way and that till they are half alive, enduring every vicissitude, every hardship in the human world. After toying with them, Satan puts an end to their destiny. And so people go through their whole lives in a daze of confusion, never once enjoying the good things that God has prepared for them, but instead being damaged by Satan and left in tatters. Today they have become so enervated and listless…” (“Work and Entry (1)”). “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him. Man’s disposition becomes more vicious by the day … under the domain of Satan, man does nothing but pursue pleasure, giving himself over to the corruption of the flesh in the land of mud” (“To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God”).

Through the revelations of God’s word and the fellowship of my brothers and sisters, I came to know the source of my husband’s infidelity, and I understood the origin of my suffering. After being corrupted by Satan, we all live under Satan’s power, and we had all been infected and poisoned by Satan’s evil ideas such as “Don’t ask for eternity, be happy with now,” “Having a wife or husband at home but also taking a lover,” and “Without a mistress, a man has no zest for life.” People advocate evil and pursue so-called love in the belief that love is not a sin and that a perfect love affair is something people should pursue. This leads to the complete breakdown of boundaries between men and women. People no longer respect proper marriage, but instead indulge their carnal desires and pursue one-night stands and extramarital affairs. People’s thoughts have become increasingly vile and decadent, they no longer consider ethics, morality, or honor, and even less do people consider duty to family, they have lost their humanity and reason, and live in a morass of sexual promiscuity and corruption, to the extent that unhealthy trends and vile practices such as extramarital affairs, keeping mistresses, and maintaining a lover become fashionable throughout the entire society. Countless families have been destroyed and broken up for this reason. Some who couldn’t endure infidelity by their other half ended their own lives, while others whose love turned to hatred sought revenge on other party, and tragic killings occurred. I thought of my husband, who had also been poisoned by Satan’s evil thought and followed the evil trend of seeking an extramarital affair, and even had a child, without the slightest consideration for my feelings, and without giving any thought to the great harm that such conduct would bring to his children and this family. It was only now that I understood that this was the bitter fruit of mankind following Satan’s evil trends!

I saw that I myself was also unendurably tormented because I lived the mistaken notions imbued in me by Satan. From when I first began to understand things, I was drawn to and moved by romantic stories in television dramas and novels, through which I was inundated and influenced by such ideas as “Love is supreme,” “The lovers finally get married,” “Devoted husband and wife growing old together,” “Lovers never apart, love unchanging until death.” I believed possessing such love and marriage was the only possible happiness in life. So, I strenuously pursued a purely imaginary love, paid no attention to my parents’ opposition, and insisted on marrying my husband in the belief that he cared for me in every possible way, and that after our wedding we would certainly have a happy marriage like the characters in the romances. The result was that when my husband betrayed me by having an affair, the dream of love I had been pursuing was destroyed, I lived trapped inextricably in torment, believed that there was no meaning in life, and even considered suicide. It was only when I came to realize these things that I could see that the ideas and views with which Satan inundates us are the ways and methods it uses to corrupt and harm mankind. The reason my husband and I lived in such torment was also Satan’s corruption and harm. If we humans lack the truth, how can we resist Satan’s evil trends and being inundated and corrupted by its mistaken notions? When I understood these things, my hatred of my husband faded a great deal.

Finding a New Direction in Life

Later on, I read this passage of God’s words, “Only if one knows God and has the truth does he live in the light; and only when his view of the world and his view of life change does he change fundamentally. When he has a life goal and comports himself according to the truth; when he absolutely submits to God and lives by God’s word; when he feels assured and brightened deep in his soul; when his heart is free of darkness; and when he lives completely freely and unrestrained in God’s presence—only then does he live a true human life and become a person possessing truth” (“How to Know Man’s Nature”).

The word of God pointed out a clear direction and goal to pursue for me. It made me understand that in life, only we pursue the truth, pursue knowledge of God, gain the truth, and live by God’s word can we escape the bondage and constraints of Satan’s ideas and views, achieve fear of and obedience to God, and fulfill the duties of a created being, which is the most meaningful possible life, and which people ought to pursue and achieve. Through my experiences during this period, I truly experienced that the love of characters in romance who go through thick and thin together simply doesn’t exist, and is just a lie created by Satan to deceive people. Only God’s love of man is true love, and we can only resolve our problems and difficulties with the word of God, which points out a clear direction for us and allows us to live in the light. I thought about how after my husband’s infidelity, when I was so tormented that death was preferable to life, it was the word of God that warmed my heart and made me wish to go on living. When I met with my brothers and sisters to read the word of God, without being aware of it I began to understand some of the truth, and I had some discernment of Satan’s methods of corrupting and harming people, I understood the source of my own pain, and only then could I live without such depression. When I thought of these things, it confirmed even more the value of the truth and God’s word, and I wished to practice according to God’s word and let go of the mistaken pursuits and views in my mind. I could no longer sully myself with purely imaginary love. I wanted to read more of God’s word, fulfill the duties of a created being, and repay God’s love. Once I understood these things, my mind was much calmer, and I felt a relaxation and release that I had never had before.

Not long after, that woman wanted my husband to go overseas to live with her. When I heard this, I was somewhat unhappy but then I thought it over, “If my husband decides to go live with that woman, I can’t change anything. Even if he were to stay with me physically, his heart wouldn’t be mine. I should seek the truth from God’s word, view the matter according to God’s word, and entrust this matter to God.” So, I prayed to God, “God! In this matter, I no longer wish to live by Satan’s thought and views, nor do I wish to struggle for or chase after some perfect love. Regardless of whether my husband stays or leaves in the end, it’s his choice and I won’t interfere. My only wish is to focus on seeking the truth, live according to Your word, and deal with this matter correctly.” Afterward, I said to my husband, “If you really want to go, then go. I won’t stand in your way. You can choose for yourself!” When he heard that, my husband looked at me in astonishment and said, “You’ve really changed. I wouldn’t have thought such words could come out of your mouth.” When I heard my husband say this, I silently thanked God! It was entirely due to the strength given to me by God’s word that I could calmly face this matter. It was only because the word of God had changed me, and given me correct goals and direction in my existence that I was able to live in release and freedom.

In the end, my husband remained with me. He also changed slowly. In the evenings, he made every effort not go out socializing, and he often helped out with the chores and looked after the children of his own accord. My relationship with my husband improved a great deal, our life became peaceful, I felt much more at ease, and I slept much better than before.

Every time I think back on this experience, deep emotions well up within me. If God hadn’t saved me, I would have continued to be corrupted and ruined by my satanic mistaken ideas. When I was inextricably suffering such torment due to my husband’s infidelity, the guidance of the word of God allowed me to see clearly the reality of Satan’s corruption of man, to see through Satan’s tricks, and to emerge from this torment. As I was experiencing this, I deeply experienced that seeking the truth and knowing God are the most meaningful things in life. We can only have a road to follow and any real happiness if we live according to God’s word. Departing from God’s word and falling under Satan’s power can only bring unendurable torment. I thank God for saving me!

[love-god-forever]

How I Got Over My Husband’s Betrayal

By Meiling, United States

My Happy Marriage Destroyed by My Husband’s Betrayal

Ever since I was a child I have enjoyed watching romance series, and I had high hopes for love and marriage. I hoped that once I grew up, I would be able to spend my whole life with the person I loved, that we would never be apart, and that we would care for each other in our old age. When I turned twenty, my colleague introduced me to my husband.

He was handsome, tall, made every effort to take care of me and look after me, and it seemed we had endless things to talk about. Though I was certain that he was my other half and I wanted us to be husband and wife, my parents were deeply opposed to us being together. I disregarded my parents’ opposition and married him anyway. After that, my husband did all that I asked, and the love between us grew. Before long, I gave birth to a child and our lives became even more wonderful. I felt that my initial choice had been correct, and that there was no greater happiness than a life with someone who loved me and who I also loved.

My husband was a driver, so he often went out drinking, to karaoke, or to play cards with his colleagues. At first I didn’t mind—I felt it was normal for him to have fun with his friends. But slowly, he began to stay out the entire night, and I couldn’t help but become concerned, “My husband is out all day at those entertainment venues, and he doesn’t come home after work. There couldn’t be another woman, could there?” But I quickly denied my own thoughts, shaking my head and thinking, “It can’t be. We’ve maintained our mutual affection since meeting each other, and our love has only grown. My husband is very considerate toward me; he wouldn’t do something like that to me. I’m probably worrying too much.” Once I thought of all those things, my concerns gradually subsided.

I never thought the day would come when what I feared most actually happened. At the time, I had just given birth to our second child, who wasn’t even a month old, and it was another night my husband didn’t come home. When he returned the following day, just as I was about to question him, he said to me solemnly, “There’s something that’s been causing me a lot of pain, and I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I’m seeing another woman, she’s pregnant with my child, and she is going to give birth soon. But she’s going abroad after the child is born….” The news hit me like a bolt of lightning. I was left dumbfounded. As tears streamed from my eyes, I said furiously to my husband, “How could you do such a thing? You’re utterly shameless!” While saying this, I hit him with all my strength. He didn’t strike back, and said, “I know what I did was wrong, and I’ve let you down. I feel very guilty. But she’s going to leave after she has the baby, and once she’s gone, our life can be like it used to be. I promise I’ll make it up to you, and I swear that nothing like this will happen again. Please give me another chance.” I hated that my husband was capable of doing something that was so hurtful, such a betrayal of me, but I thought of the prospect of my children being fatherless if we divorced, which would disadvantage them growing up. In my pain and helplessness, I suppressed the anger within me and repeated these words over and over to console myself, “What’s done is done, so let’s take it one step at a time!”

After that, my husband went frequently to care for that woman, and all of the home’s burdens fell on me. I worked and also looked after the children; the physical weariness on top of my psychological wounds were a weight so oppressive I could hardly breathe. I spent my days unable to eat or sleep. As soon as I closed my eyes, all I could think of was my husband’s betrayal and cheating. My heart was never at peace, and I would often gaze at the ceiling as I moaned, sighed, and wept silent tears. I grew thinner with each passing day, dropping from 55 to 46 kilos. I constantly found myself thinking, “No matter how well a broken bowl is glued back together, it still shows cracks. Can a broken marriage survive? Can my husband truly give up this woman in his heart?” These questions continued to circle in my mind, and I became so distraught that I began to contemplate suicide. But I realized that if I were to die, my two children would be without a mother and my parents wouldn’t be able to take such a blow either. So, all I could do was put aside my thoughts of killing myself. I constantly asked myself, “Is this really the man who pledged his eternal love to me? The promises of being for eternity, of growing old together, of loving me forever were just lies to deceive me …”

Several months later, that woman gave birth and then she really did go overseas, but my loathing for my husband didn’t abate. In our daily lives, if my husband did anything even slightly displeasing to me, I would seize on it, exaggerate the matter, and mock him sarcastically. Venting this way didn’t make me happy at all. On the contrary, I became even more troubled and distressed. I felt increasingly depressed, and I didn’t see any hope for life in the future.

Putting Aside My Hatred of My Husband Thanks to the Guidance of God’s Word

Where man ends is where God begins. Just as I found myself at a dead end, God’s salvation of the last days came to me. One day in 2009, a friend shared God’s gospel of the last days with me, and I read this passage of God’s words, “When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: realizing the fact that you came from God, but at who knows what point losing your direction, at who knows what point falling senseless by the wayside, and again at who knows what point acquiring a ‘father.’ Furthermore, you realize that the Almighty has been there the whole time, standing watch, awaiting your return, for a very, very long time” (“The Sighing of the Almighty”).

As I read God’s words, I couldn’t stop the tears streaming from my eyes. His words were like a current of warm water that thawed my frozen heart. It turned out that God had been by my side all along, waiting for me to turn back to Him, but I was too numb. I had been drifting in the world for so long, yet God had not cast me aside. At a time when I had lost hope in life and had nowhere to turn, God sent a friend to preach the gospel to me and used His words to console my grief-stricken, tormented heart, giving me the hope and courage to go on living. At that moment, I was like a lost child finally returning to their mother’s embrace—I felt so secure, so cared for.

After that, I often took part in church life, where I fellowshiped on God’s words with my brothers and sisters and sang hymns of praise to God. When my brothers and sisters learned what had happened to me, none of them laughed at me. Instead, they fellowshiped on the truth with me and helped me with compassion, allowing me to become stronger. I felt the genuine love among my brothers and sisters—this was very moving.

At one meeting, we read two passages of God’s word, “In truth, out of the myriad things in God’s creation, man is the lowest. Though he is the master of all things, man is the only one among them that is subject to Satan’s trickery, the only one that falls prey in endless ways to its corruption. Man has never had sovereignty over himself. Most people live in the foul place of Satan, and suffer its derision; it teases them this way and that till they are half alive, enduring every vicissitude, every hardship in the human world. After toying with them, Satan puts an end to their destiny. And so people go through their whole lives in a daze of confusion, never once enjoying the good things that God has prepared for them, but instead being damaged by Satan and left in tatters. Today they have become so enervated and listless…” (“Work and Entry (1)”). “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him. Man’s disposition becomes more vicious by the day … under the domain of Satan, man does nothing but pursue pleasure, giving himself over to the corruption of the flesh in the land of mud” (“To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God”).

Through the revelations of God’s word and the fellowship of my brothers and sisters, I came to know the source of my husband’s betrayal, and I understood the origin of my suffering. After being corrupted by Satan, we all live under Satan’s power, and we had all been infected and poisoned by Satan’s evil ideas such as “Don’t ask for eternity, be happy with now,” “Having a wife or husband at home but also taking a lover,” and “Without a mistress, a man has no zest for life.” People advocate evil and pursue so-called love in the belief that love is not a sin and that a perfect love affair is something people should pursue. This leads to the complete breakdown of boundaries between men and women. People no longer respect proper marriage, but instead indulge their carnal desires and pursue one-night stands and extramarital affairs. People’s thoughts have become increasingly vile and decadent, they no longer consider ethics, morality, or honor, and even less do people consider duty to family, they have lost their humanity and reason, and live in a morass of sexual promiscuity and corruption, to the extent that unhealthy trends and vile practices such as extramarital affairs, keeping mistresses, and maintaining a lover become fashionable throughout the entire society. Countless families have been destroyed and broken up for this reason. Some who couldn’t endure betrayal by their other half ended their own lives, while others whose love turned to hatred sought revenge on other party, and tragic killings occurred. I thought of my husband, who had also been poisoned by Satan’s evil thought and followed the evil trend of seeking an extramarital affair, and even had a child, without the slightest consideration for my feelings, and without giving any thought to the great harm that such conduct would bring to his children and this family. It was only now that I understood that this was the bitter fruit of mankind following Satan’s evil trends!

I saw that I myself was also unendurably tormented because I lived the mistaken notions imbued in me by Satan. From when I first began to understand things, I was drawn to and moved by romantic stories in television dramas and novels, through which I was inundated and influenced by such ideas as “Love is supreme,” “The lovers finally get married,” “Devoted husband and wife growing old together,” “Lovers never apart, love unchanging until death.” I believed possessing such love and marriage was the only possible happiness in life. So, I strenuously pursued a purely imaginary love, paid no attention to my parents’ opposition, and insisted on marrying my husband in the belief that he cared for me in every possible way, and that after our wedding we would certainly have a happy marriage like the characters in the romances. The result was that when my husband betrayed me by having an affair, the dream of love I had been pursuing was destroyed, I lived trapped inextricably in torment, believed that there was no meaning in life, and even considered suicide. It was only when I came to realize these things that I could see that the ideas and views with which Satan inundates us are the ways and methods it uses to corrupt and harm mankind. The reason my husband and I lived in such torment was also Satan’s corruption and harm. If we humans lack the truth, how can we resist Satan’s evil trends and being inundated and corrupted by its mistaken notions? When I understood these things, my hatred of my husband faded a great deal.

Finding a New Direction in Life

Later on, I read this passage of God’s words, “Only if one knows God and has the truth does he live in the light; and only when his view of the world and his view of life change does he change fundamentally. When he has a life goal and comports himself according to the truth; when he absolutely submits to God and lives by God’s word; when he feels assured and brightened deep in his soul; when his heart is free of darkness; and when he lives completely freely and unrestrained in God’s presence—only then does he live a true human life and become a person possessing truth” (“How to Know Man’s Nature”).

The word of God pointed out a clear direction and goal to pursue for me. It made me understand that in life, only we pursue the truth, pursue knowledge of God, gain the truth, and live by God’s word can we escape the bondage and constraints of Satan’s ideas and views, achieve fear of and obedience to God, and fulfill the duties of a created being, which is the most meaningful possible life, and which people ought to pursue and achieve. Through my experiences during this period, I truly experienced that the love of characters in romance who go through thick and thin together simply doesn’t exist, and is just a lie created by Satan to deceive people. Only God’s love of man is true love, and we can only resolve our problems and difficulties with the word of God, which points out a clear direction for us and allows us to live in the light. I thought about how after my husband’s betrayal, when I was so tormented that death was preferable to life, it was the word of God that warmed my heart and made me wish to go on living. When I met with my brothers and sisters to read the word of God, without being aware of it I began to understand some of the truth, and I had some discernment of Satan’s methods of corrupting and harming people, I understood the source of my own pain, and only then could I live without such depression. When I thought of these things, it confirmed even more the value of the truth and God’s word, and I wished to practice according to God’s word and let go of the mistaken pursuits and views in my mind. I could no longer sully myself with purely imaginary love. I wanted to read more of God’s word, fulfill the duties of a created being, and repay God’s love. Once I understood these things, my mind was much calmer, and I felt a relaxation and release that I had never had before.

Not long after, that woman wanted my husband to go overseas to live with her. When I heard this, I was somewhat unhappy but then I thought it over, “If my husband decides to go live with that woman, I can’t change anything. Even if he were to stay with me physically, his heart wouldn’t be mine. I should seek the truth from God’s word, view the matter according to God’s word, and entrust this matter to God.” So, I prayed to God, “God! In this matter, I no longer wish to live by Satan’s thought and views, nor do I wish to struggle for or chase after some perfect love. Regardless of whether my husband stays or leaves in the end, it’s his choice and I won’t interfere. My only wish is to focus on seeking the truth, live according to Your word, and deal with this matter correctly.” Afterward, I said to my husband, “If you really want to go, then go. I won’t stand in your way. You can choose for yourself!” When he heard that, my husband looked at me in astonishment and said, “You’ve really changed. I wouldn’t have thought such words could come out of your mouth.” When I heard my husband say this, I silently thanked God! It was entirely due to the strength given to me by God’s word that I could calmly face this matter. It was only because the word of God had changed me, and given me correct goals and direction in my existence that I was able to live in release and freedom.

In the end, my husband remained with me. He also changed slowly. In the evenings, he made every effort not go out socializing, and he often helped out with the chores and looked after the children of his own accord. My relationship with my husband improved a great deal, our life became peaceful, I felt much more at ease, and I slept much better than before.

Every time I think back on this experience, deep emotions well up within me. If God hadn’t saved me, I would have continued to be corrupted and ruined by my satanic mistaken ideas. When I was inextricably suffering such torment due to my husband’s betrayal, the guidance of the word of God allowed me to see clearly the reality of Satan’s corruption of man, to see through Satan’s tricks, and to emerge from this torment. As I was experiencing this, I deeply experienced that seeking the truth and knowing God are the most meaningful things in life. We can only have a road to follow and any real happiness if we live according to God’s word. Departing from God’s word and falling under Satan’s power can only bring unendurable torment. I thank God for saving me!

[almightygodismydependence-blog]

God Heals the Pain of Infidelity and Brings Me Hope of Living

By Meiling, United States

My Happy Marriage Destroyed by My Husband’s infidelity

Ever since I was a child I have enjoyed watching romance series, and I had high hopes for love and marriage. I hoped that once I grew up, I would be able to spend my whole life with the person I loved, that we would never be apart, and that we would care for each other in our old age. When I turned twenty, my colleague introduced me to my husband. He was handsome, tall, made every effort to take care of me and look after me, and it seemed we had endless things to talk about. Though I was certain that he was my other half and I wanted us to be husband and wife, my parents were deeply opposed to us being together. I disregarded my parents’ opposition and married him anyway. After that, my husband did all that I asked, and the love between us grew. Before long, I gave birth to a child and our lives became even more wonderful. I felt that my initial choice had been correct, and that there was no greater happiness than a life with someone who loved me and who I also loved.

My husband was a driver, so he often went out drinking, to karaoke, or to play cards with his colleagues. At first I didn’t mind—I felt it was normal for him to have fun with his friends. But slowly, he began to stay out the entire night, and I couldn’t help but become concerned, “My husband is out all day at those entertainment venues, and he doesn’t come home after work. There couldn’t be another woman, could there?” But I quickly denied my own thoughts, shaking my head and thinking, “It can’t be. We’ve maintained our mutual affection since meeting each other, and our love has only grown. My husband is very considerate toward me; he wouldn’t do something like that to me. I’m probably worrying too much.” Once I thought of all those things, my concerns gradually subsided.

I never thought the day would come when what I feared most actually happened. At the time, I had just given birth to our second child, who wasn’t even a month old, and it was another night my husband didn’t come home. When he returned the following day, just as I was about to question him, he said to me solemnly, “There’s something that’s been causing me a lot of pain, and I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I’m seeing another woman, she’s pregnant with my child, and she is going to give birth soon. But she’s going abroad after the child is born….” The news hit me like a bolt of lightning. I was left dumbfounded. As tears streamed from my eyes, I said furiously to my husband, “How could you do such a thing? You’re utterly shameless!” While saying this, I hit him with all my strength. He didn’t strike back, and said, “I know what I did was wrong, and I’ve let you down. I feel very guilty. But she’s going to leave after she has the baby, and once she’s gone, our life can be like it used to be. I promise I’ll make it up to you, and I swear that nothing like this will happen again. Please give me another chance.” I hated that my husband was capable of doing something that was so hurtful, such a betrayal of me, but I thought of the prospect of my children being fatherless if we divorced, which would disadvantage them growing up. In my pain and helplessness, I suppressed the anger within me and repeated these words over and over to console myself, “What’s done is done, so let’s take it one step at a time!”

After that, my husband went frequently to care for that woman, and all of the home’s burdens fell on me. I worked and also looked after the children; the physical weariness on top of my psychological wounds were a weight so oppressive I could hardly breathe. I spent my days unable to eat or sleep. As soon as I closed my eyes, all I could think of was my husband’s infidelity and cheating. My heart was never at peace, and I would often gaze at the ceiling as I moaned, sighed, and wept silent tears. I grew thinner with each passing day, dropping from 55 to 46 kilos. I constantly found myself thinking, “No mater how well a broken bowl is glued back together, it still shows cracks. Can a broken marriage survive? Can my husband truly give up this woman in his heart?” These questions continued to circle in my mind, and I became so distraught that I began to contemplate suicide. But I realized that if I were to die, my two children would be without a mother and my parents wouldn’t be able to take such a blow either. So, all I could do was put aside my thoughts of killing myself. I constantly asked myself, “Is this really the man who pledged his eternal love to me? The promises of being for eternity, of growing old together, of loving me forever were just lies to deceive me …”

Several months later, that woman gave birth and then she really did go overseas, but my loathing for my husband didn’t abate. In our daily lives, if my husband did anything even slightly displeasing to me, I would seize on it, exaggerate the matter, and mock him sarcastically. Venting this way didn’t make me happy at all. On the contrary, I became even more troubled and distressed. I felt increasingly depressed, and I didn’t see any hope for life in the future.

Putting Aside My Hatred of My Husband Thanks to the Guidance of God’s Word

Where man ends is where God begins. Just as I found myself at a dead end, God’s salvation of the last days came to me. One day in 2009, a friend shared God’s gospel of the last days with me, and I read this passage of God’s words, “When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: realizing the fact that you came from God, but at who knows what point losing your direction, at who knows what point falling senseless by the wayside, and again at who knows what point acquiring a ‘father.’ Furthermore, you realize that the Almighty has been there the whole time, standing watch, awaiting your return, for a very, very long time” (“The Sighing of the Almighty”).

As I read God’s words, I couldn’t stop the tears streaming from my eyes. His words were like a current of warm water that thawed my frozen heart. It turned out that God had been by my side all along, waiting for me to turn back to Him, but I was too numb. I had been drifting in the world for so long, yet God had not cast me aside. At a time when I had lost hope in life and had nowhere to turn, God sent a friend to preach the gospel to me and used His words to console my grief-stricken, tormented heart, giving me the hope and courage to go on living. At that moment, I was like a lost child finally returning to their mother’s embrace—I felt so secure, so cared for.

After that, I often took part in church life, where I fellowshiped on God’s words with my brothers and sisters and sang hymns of praise to God. When my brothers and sisters learned what had happened to me, none of them laughed at me. Instead, they fellowshiped on the truth with me and helped me with compassion, allowing me to become stronger. I felt the genuine love among my brothers and sisters—this was very moving.

At one meeting, we read two passages of God’s word, “In truth, out of the myriad things in God’s creation, man is the lowest. Though he is the master of all things, man is the only one among them that is subject to Satan’s trickery, the only one that falls prey in endless ways to its corruption. Man has never had sovereignty over himself. Most people live in the foul place of Satan, and suffer its derision; it teases them this way and that till they are half alive, enduring every vicissitude, every hardship in the human world. After toying with them, Satan puts an end to their destiny. And so people go through their whole lives in a daze of confusion, never once enjoying the good things that God has prepared for them, but instead being damaged by Satan and left in tatters. Today they have become so enervated and listless…” (“Work and Entry (1)”). “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him. Man’s disposition becomes more vicious by the day … under the domain of Satan, man does nothing but pursue pleasure, giving himself over to the corruption of the flesh in the land of mud” (“To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God”).

Through the revelations of God’s word and the fellowship of my brothers and sisters, I came to know the source of my husband’s infidelity, and I understood the origin of my suffering. After being corrupted by Satan, we all live under Satan’s power, and we had all been infected and poisoned by Satan’s evil ideas such as “Don’t ask for eternity, be happy with now,” “Having a wife or husband at home but also taking a lover,” and “Without a mistress, a man has no zest for life.” People advocate evil and pursue so-called love in the belief that love is not a sin and that a perfect love affair is something people should pursue. This leads to the complete breakdown of boundaries between men and women. People no longer respect proper marriage, but instead indulge their carnal desires and pursue one-night stands and extramarital affairs. People’s thoughts have become increasingly vile and decadent, they no longer consider ethics, morality, or honor, and even less do people consider duty to family, they have lost their humanity and reason, and live in a morass of sexual promiscuity and corruption, to the extent that unhealthy trends and vile practices such as extramarital affairs, keeping mistresses, and maintaining a lover become fashionable throughout the entire society. Countless families have been destroyed and broken up for this reason. Some who couldn’t endure infidelity by their other half ended their own lives, while others whose love turned to hatred sought revenge on other party, and tragic killings occurred. I thought of my husband, who had also been poisoned by Satan’s evil thought and followed the evil trend of seeking an extramarital affair, and even had a child, without the slightest consideration for my feelings, and without giving any thought to the great harm that such conduct would bring to his children and this family. It was only now that I understood that this was the bitter fruit of mankind following Satan’s evil trends!

I saw that I myself was also unendurably tormented because I lived the mistaken notions imbued in me by Satan. From when I first began to understand things, I was drawn to and moved by romantic stories in television dramas and novels, through which I was inundated and influenced by such ideas as “Love is supreme,” “The lovers finally get married,” “Devoted husband and wife growing old together,” “Lovers never apart, love unchanging until death.” I believed possessing such love and marriage was the only possible happiness in life. So, I strenuously pursued a purely imaginary love, paid no attention to my parents’ opposition, and insisted on marrying my husband in the belief that he cared for me in every possible way, and that after our wedding we would certainly have a happy marriage like the characters in the romances. The result was that when my husband betrayed me by having an affair, the dream of love I had been pursuing was destroyed, I lived trapped inextricably in torment, believed that there was no meaning in life, and even considered suicide. It was only when I came to realize these things that I could see that the ideas and views with which Satan inundates us are the ways and methods it uses to corrupt and harm mankind. The reason my husband and I lived in such torment was also Satan’s corruption and harm. If we humans lack the truth, how can we resist Satan’s evil trends and being inundated and corrupted by its mistaken notions? When I understood these things, my hatred of my husband faded a great deal.

Finding a New Direction in Life

Later on, I read this passage of God’s words, “Only if one knows God and has the truth does he live in the light; and only when his view of the world and his view of life change does he change fundamentally. When he has a life goal and comports himself according to the truth; when he absolutely submits to God and lives by God’s word; when he feels assured and brightened deep in his soul; when his heart is free of darkness; and when he lives completely freely and unrestrained in God’s presence—only then does he live a true human life and become a person possessing truth” (“How to Know Man’s Nature”).

The word of God pointed out a clear direction and goal to pursue for me. It made me understand that in life, only we pursue the truth, pursue knowledge of God, gain the truth, and live by God’s word can we escape the bondage and constraints of Satan’s ideas and views, achieve fear of and obedience to God, and fulfill the duties of a created being, which is the most meaningful possible life, and which people ought to pursue and achieve. Through my experiences during this period, I truly experienced that the love of characters in romance who go through thick and thin together simply doesn’t exist, and is just a lie created by Satan to deceive people. Only God’s love of man is true love, and we can only resolve our problems and difficulties with the word of God, which points out a clear direction for us and allows us to live in the light. I thought about how after my husband’s infidelity, when I was so tormented that death was preferable to life, it was the word of God that warmed my heart and made me wish to go on living. When I met with my brothers and sisters to read the word of God, without being aware of it I began to understand some of the truth, and I had some discernment of Satan’s methods of corrupting and harming people, I understood the source of my own pain, and only then could I live without such depression. When I thought of these things, it confirmed even more the value of the truth and God’s word, and I wished to practice according to God’s word and let go of the mistaken pursuits and views in my mind. I could no longer sully myself with purely imaginary love. I wanted to read more of God’s word, fulfill the duties of a created being, and repay God’s love. Once I understood these things, my mind was much calmer, and I felt a relaxation and release that I had never had before.

Not long after, that woman wanted my husband to go overseas to live with her. When I heard this, I was somewhat unhappy but then I thought it over, “If my husband decides to go live with that woman, I can’t change anything. Even if he were to stay with me physically, his heart wouldn’t be mine. I should seek the truth from God’s word, view the matter according to God’s word, and entrust this matter to God.” So, I prayed to God, “God! In this matter, I no longer wish to live by Satan’s thought and views, nor do I wish to struggle for or chase after some perfect love. Regardless of whether my husband stays or leaves in the end, it’s his choice and I won’t interfere. My only wish is to focus on seeking the truth, live according to Your word, and deal with this matter correctly.” Afterward, I said to my husband, “If you really want to go, then go. I won’t stand in your way. You can choose for yourself!” When he heard that, my husband looked at me in astonishment and said, “You’ve really changed. I wouldn’t have thought such words could come out of your mouth.” When I heard my husband say this, I silently thanked God! It was entirely due to the strength given to me by God’s word that I could calmly face this matter. It was only because the word of God had changed me, and given me correct goals and direction in my existence that I was able to live in release and freedom.

In the end, my husband remained with me. He also changed slowly. In the evenings, he made every effort not go out socializing, and he often helped out with the chores and looked after the children of his own accord. My relationship with my husband improved a great deal, our life became peaceful, I felt much more at ease, and I slept much better than before.

Every time I think back on this experience, deep emotions well up within me. If God hadn’t saved me, I would have continued to be corrupted and ruined by my satanic mistaken ideas. When I was inextricably suffering such torment due to my husband’s infidelity, the guidance of the word of God allowed me to see clearly the reality of Satan’s corruption of man, to see through Satan’s tricks, and to emerge from this torment. As I was experiencing this, I deeply experienced that seeking the truth and knowing God are the most meaningful things in life. We can only have a road to follow and any real happiness if we live according to God’s word. Departing from God’s word and falling under Satan’s power can only bring unendurable torment. I thank God for saving me!