#we might just shop and eat and do light rides | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hannieoftheyear · 11 months ago

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sexting with Mingyu pt.2

how much does a relationship (more like a 'forced to coexist' acquaintance) change after sexting? the result may shock you.

this is part 2 of my sexting au! you can check out part 1 here

✧.* genre: kim mingyu x fem reader, pwp, smut with fluff at the end, MDNI!

✧.* w.c: 6k hehe

✧.* warnings: switch mingyu, lotss of teasing, fingering, cum eating, protected penetration, he has a big dick, size kink if you squint.

✧.* note: thank you so much for the support on the first part♡ I hope you like this, and I'm sorry if there are any mistakes

Kim Mingyu: guys I told Seokminnie to come at 9😊 [15:36 pm]

Kim Mingyu: come to my place at 8 so we can arrange everything🙏

Kim Mingyu: and don’t forget to bring the stuff on the list😁

The new text from the group chat made exclusively for tonight’s surprise party lights up your screen, taking your attention away from the tv show you were watching.

You have the urge to ask why he decided the time on the same day, but you don’t. You have a feeling that things are still a little awkward, and you never talked much anyways so it would be weird.

These few days, even if you tried not to, the only thing occupying your mind was your little chat with Mingyu.

Can sexting change your view of a person? That sounds so stupid. You were never mean to him, on purpose at least, and you would always think twice before going somewhere if he was going too. But now, you find yourself a little excited at the idea of seeing him.

You have about four hours to get ready and half an hour to get to Mingyu’s place. There’s plenty of time, so you finish the episode of New Girl you were re-watching and begin to get ready.

You absolutely do not think about seeing Mingyu for the first time since your… conversation. Not during your shower, where you shave your whole body. Not while picking a cute outfit you don’t usually wear that flatters your body and shows off your boobs. And absolutely not while doing your make up, you just happen to choose a red lipstick that has been sitting collecting dust since you bought it. There’s nothing wrong with trying different things sometimes!

Looking in the mirror, you realize that maybe you went a little overboard, not enough so that your friends would think it’s on purpose, but it is definitely noticeable.

Whatever. You’ll welcome whatever attention you might get. There’s no time to change anyway. You have to leave now, or you’ll be late, so you grab your purse and go out.

You were tasked to bring the cake, so you drop by the cake shop a few blocks from your home and take a taxi afterward. It was a simple two tiered pink cake that said “Happy Birthday," but looking at it, already seated on the cab, you can’t help feeling like you’re forgetting something.

Checking the list over and over again doesn’t help. It only says “cake" and your name beside it. You’re thinking about what could possibly be so obviously necessary that no one thought to write it down. And then you remember, CANDLES! Painfully, obviously, and pretty needed for a birthday cake.

It’s too late to go back now because you’re already 2 minutes away.

It’s fine.

It’s completely fine.

You’re sure someone else might have thought about it and will bring some. Mingyu has to have candles around just in case the power goes out. Maybe in the box there’s a candle the cake shop puts just in case.

The taxi leaves you at 8 pm sharp at Mingyu’s building. You try to calm down during the elevator ride, and it’s not until you’re at the door, knocking, that you remember at whose house you’re at. And realize that it’s just a little bit too quiet inside.

Mingyu opens the door, knowing it’s you on the other side. You’re always the first one to arrive.

You know you should be more put together, but you’re left without words at the sight of him. His hair is pushed back, a little wet still. He was probably on the shower while you were on the way. His outfit is simple, black jeans and a white t-shirt, but it somehow looks amazing on him. How does someone make a plain white t-shirt look so good? It’s almost unfair to everyone else.

Too lost in thought, you don’t realize you have the same effect on him. He’s left breathless by the sight of you. He thinks you have never looked this beautiful.

A door opens at the end of the hallway, and the sound takes you both out of your trance. He’s the first one to speak.

“Hey sorry, come on in.” Mingyu says with an embarrassed tone you almost don’t catch. He moves to the side to let you through and speaks up again. “You’re first like always.”

“Yeah, they can’t be punctual at all." You’re standing awkwardly looking at the cake in your hands while he closes the door.

“Should I put this in the fridge?" Your eyes point to the cake Mingyu didn’t register before.

“Sure let me -" He tries taking it from your hands, but you back away.

“I can do it.” It comes out drier than you want to, so you look him in the eyes and show him a little smile. Even if your “friendship” didn’t change drastically in a matter of days, you don’t want to still have a rocky relationship. That seems to make him relax.

“There should be enough room.” You hear him say as you’re walking towards the kitchen.

You know his apartment like the palm of your hand by now. It seems like he’s the only one willing to have many people over at once, so the hangouts are always here.

He follows behind you and stands in the kitchen while you try to figure out the best way to store it without getting it damaged.

“Oh I should tell you I forgot the candles, I’m sorry I don’t know why I didn’t think about it but I remembered on the way here and it was too late, but I thought maybe you had some here but if not we can just ask the guys I’m sure some of them aren’t even on the way yet and-" You turn around after you place the cake on the fridge and you blurt out the apology, only to find Mingyu standing right behind you.

He's so close you can smell his cologne. The one he always uses that you secretly love and wish you could steal, but he doesn’t have to know that. His body so close to yours does not affect you. In any way.

“I bought them don’t worry.” You sigh, relieved that you didn’t ruin anything with your stupid mistake.

“Oh thank God!" You start and look at him in the eyes, “Thank you, really. I was panicking on the elevator. I thought I ruined the cake because-"

“You should be a rapper." Mingyu suddenly interrupts you.

“What?” You look at him, very confused by his statement, and he just laughs.

“You just said 50 words in like two seconds.” He adds in between laughs.

“Don’t laugh at me!” You punch him lightly on one arm, “I was actually worried!” You really try to sound mad, but his laugh is awfully contagious and brings you to laugh with him.

“I don’t think you spoke that many words to me in years." He suddenly says, still laughing, but your smile dies slowly because you realize he’s right.

“Yeah well…” You’re looking at him directly in the eyes. His smile is still plastered on his face, a little faded but there nevertheless.

Your eyes move to the side, to not make eye contact with him as you say “Things change.”

The atmosphere shifts as fast as a heartbeat. You’re suddenly very aware of your body so close to his. Mingyu’s gaze wander to your lips a second too long before it goes back to your eyes. Slowly, he begins closing in the space between your bodies. You step back but find yourself caged in between him and the counter.

His warmth embraces you when he places an arm on your side to cage you in more. He has to crouch to look you right in the eyes. “How?” You barely register his question, his closeness making you dizzy. “What?”

“What changed?” For sure he’s trying to take a reaction out of you, and you hate that he’s succeeding. But you can have your fun too.

“You know… when you make a guy cum in his pants your relationship changes.”

He doesn’t seem affected by your response, quite the opposite, actually. He might be enjoying it, judging by the smirk forming on his mouth.

“You know damn well I did not cum in my pants”

“Didn’t you? Huh… I guess I wasn’t that impressed because I would remember otherwise.” Impressed you were. And remember you do. But you like annoying him.

He sighs, acting shocked as he puts his right hand on his chest. “How could you?” You giggle at his silliness.

But his arms are back to caging you in a millisecond. “I’ll have to make you remember then.”

You can’t resist it when your eyes drop from his eyes to his lips, suddenly calling to you like he’s got you under a spell. He seems to notice because his smirk makes a reappearance.

So slow, you barely even notice, his face comes closer by the second. It's so painfully slow he’s for sure doing it on purpose.

“And how would you do that, may I ask?” Now it’s your turn to smirk as your eyes go up back to his eyes, defying him.

His face is so close now that you can feel his breath on you. Your lips are only separated from his by bare millimeters. You’re about to tilt your chin up to connect them when someone knocks on the front door.

Mingyu drops his head as he sighs and separates from you a few inches. Your hands find their way to his chest and push him back a little to draw his attention.

“You should probably get that.” His head goes back up at your words and gives you a disappointed look.

His gaze goes down to your lips. “I don’t want to.” You smile at his reaction. You don’t really want it either, but more people are going to start showing up, so you need to get going. The person outside knocks again, and you push him one more time, a little harder this time, so he gives you space to leave his arm prison.

“Go! I’ll start putting up decorations.”

He gives up and let’s his arms go from the counter, but you don’t move. You watch his form as he turns around and walks to the door.

You were always amazed at how tall he was, his broad shoulders and strong back that somehow ended in a tiny waist. Somehow, what he was wearing today accentuated all of that.

The door opens, and you hear Mingyu welcoming whoever was outside.

The night goes as smoothly as it could have. When Seokmin arrives, everyone shouts happy birthday, and he looks genuinely surprised. But then you all find out he actually knew because Soonyoung accidentally told him yesterday. Wonderful evening.

After all the singing and shouting, someone you can’t see puts music, and the drinks start rolling in. You had no idea there was that much alcohol at the party to make like 15 people drunk, but you’re not complaining.

It's already 4am when you start feeling the effects of alcohol leave your body.

You’ve been sitting on the couch watching Wonwoo destroy everyone at Mario Kart. You don’t dare to try to play against him, so you just sat back to laugh.

Everyone eventually grows bored of the game. Some go back to their homes, but you and a few others stay to hang out.

Mingyu, on the other hand, started tidying up when people started leaving. He doesn’t mind people staying over, but he prefers cleaning now, so he doesn’t have to do it when he wakes up. He’s still listening to the conversation, though, throwing in a few comments here and there or laughing.

When he finally finishes it’s a little over 4:30 am. There’s no room on the couch, and he doesn’t want to sit on the floor, so he stands against the wall facing the group.

You’re sprawled out on the couch, resting your legs on top of Vernon’s who’s sitting at the other end. The guys are debating about… something. You stopped understanding a while ago. You just laugh when someone says something funny.

It’s when Mingyu comments about something Wonwoo said that you notice he finished with whatever he was doing, standing there in his full glory. Your eyes can’t seem to move away from him, and you don’t resist it either. His hair is now messy, and he's sweating a little bit. He catches you staring and raises his eyebrows. You shrug in response.

The chatter becomes background noise as you two play a staring game. You don’t dare move your eyes off of him, and he doesn’t either. After a few minutes, you motion a “What?” With your mouth.

He grabs his phone without breaking eye contact, but ultimately does to unlock it and starts texting someone. You realize that someone is you when his gaze is back at you, and your phone vibrates in your back pocket.

No one is paying attention to you. The guys are still debating, maybe about something else now, so you grab your phone without getting noticed. The only person who notices is Vernon because you move your legs off of him, but he doesn’t even glance at you, just re positions himself.

Kim Mingyu: so how long are you staying? [4:33 am]

You look up at Mingyu with an incredulous look, and he just motions for you to reply.

You: wow no emojis this time

Kim Mingyu: I’m being serious😔

When you look at him he’s actually making the same face as the emoji. Cute.

You: for how long am I welcomed? [4:34 am]

Kim Mingyu: you can stay however long you please

You: I was thinking I might leave when the guys leave

You: but they seem to have a lot of energy today

Kim Mingyu: I can tell them to leave [4:35 am]

You: you want me to leave that badly?

Kim Mingyu: I want you to stay.

Kim Mingyu: but I don’t want them to be here

You giggle at his response. That definitely draws attention to you because Seungkwan asks “Who’s got you giggling like that?”

“No one.” You rush to reply, and hope no one sees your eyes dart to Mingyu before adding “You don’t know him.”

The interest dies soon enough, but you know Seungkwan will ask you again later.

Your eyes find their way back to Mingyu’s to find him already looking at you, waiting for you to text him again. You raise your eyebrows at him before going back to your phone.

You: don’t be mean they’re your friends! [4:37 am]

Kim Mingyu: when I’m done with you you’ll thank me

You: done with me?🤔

Kim Mingyu: you’ll see…

Kim Mingyu: do you want to stay? [4:38 am]

You: only if you make me breakfast in the morning

You: I hear you’re a really good cook

He doesn’t reply. Instead, he starts subtly kicking everyone out, saying stuff like “hey guys it’s getting late," and “you’re all gonna be wrecked tomorrow."

Someone jokes “that’s him politely asking us to get the fuck out", and everyone laughs as they start picking up their stuff.

You also start grabbing your stuff and cleaning around you, although slower than everyone else.

It’s around 5 am. when the last few start heading out the door. You get asked how you’re leaving. You lie and say you called an Uber, and you’ll just wait here for it.

You’re back on the couch as Mingyu closes the door after the last person leaves, awkwardly sitting while waiting for him.

Butterflies show up on your stomach when Mingyu appears in the hallway, walking straight to you with a smile on his face.

The atmosphere feels awkward as he sits beside you. You want to say something, but your mind is blank. There’s really only one thing you can think about.

Mingyu opens his mouth to speak, but you get up and sit on his lap, one leg on each side of his hips.

“So what’s with all that talk earlier?” Your hands position themselves on his shoulders almost like they’re meant to be there.

Mingyu’s shocked for a second before he focuses his eyes on your lips and licks his.

“C-Can we talk about what h-happened the other day first?” He mentally kicks himself for stuttering. But his words contradict his actions. His hands are around your waist keeping you in place, and his eyes don’t leave your lips, like he’s on a trance.

“What happened was…” You grab the side of his face and get close to his ear to whisper “You got horny because of me, and I helped you.” Slowly, you go back so you can see his blushed face. “Is that right?”

But blushing doesn’t prevent Mingyu from teasing you too. “Acting like you weren’t practically begging for me huh?” His hands slowly travel from your waist to your thighs.

“Says the one who actually begged to cum.” You try your luck and grind softly against his growing bulge and he squeezes your thighs, closing his eyes lightly.

“You liked it.”

“I did, yeah." Now your hands are on his very firm chest. Mingyu sighs as you grind on him again, a little harder this time. Your faces are so close you feel his breath fanning over you, and you can’t resist your eyes when they focus on his parted lips.

When he opens his eyes again there’s only one thing on his mind, the thing that has been plaguing him since you arrived so many hours ago.

“Can I kiss you?” Mingyu says softly, almost in a whisper.

“I thought you wanted to talk?” You grind on him, hard enough to feel his already hard bulge, and you feel how your panties get ruined by your arousal.

“You’re funny.”

“I get that a lot.” Mingyu’s hands go back to your waist to make you grind on him again, setting a pace that’s not fast but hard enough to create more friction between your cores.

Electricity flows between your bodies. You wrap your arms around Mingyu’s neck, your faces barely millimeters apart. His lips are still parted, just like yours, releasing little sighs that almost make your lips barely touch.

“Please.” He pleas in a whisper, and you swear a million butterflies explode in your stomach. You can’t resist it anymore. You can't resist him.

You connect your lips with his, and Mingyu reacts instinctively. He wraps his arms around your waist, almost as if to keep you from getting away. As if you ever would.

The feeling of his lips against yours is addictive. He’s kissing you like he wants to erase any trace of anyone who has ever kissed you, making your lips his, so needy and hungry for more.

He thrusts up, making you moan in his mouth, and takes the opportunity to meet his tongue with yours, deepening the kiss and making you more addicted to him. If that’s even possible.

Mingyu’s hands start roaming your body, traveling from your waist to your thighs, and then up to your neck. Your skin burns everywhere he touches, and you want more. You want to feel him everywhere all at once.

Your hands play with the hem of his shirt. You lift it up just a little so you can touch his abs without fabric in the way. You feel him smile against your lips at your touch.

He breaks the kiss, and you chase after his lips. When you open your eyes, you find him smirking at you. His lips are swollen, and he’s stained red all around because of your lipstick. You figure you look the same. “Eager are we?"

“Yes very in fact.” You grab the hem of his shirt again and push it up. “Take this off.”

He obliges, but not before laughing softly at your eagerness. You follow his moves and also remove your tiny top. You can’t move your eyes away from his bare chest, and your hands immediately touch him, but he stops you.

“This too.” His hands sneak behind your back to unclasp your bra.

As soon as the bra is off, you push yourself against him and kiss him again. His hands are quickly on your tits, thumbs going in circles around your nipples.

“Ah! You’re making me crazy.” You manage to say almost in a moan.

The clothes in your lower bodies soon begin to annoy the both of you, and the friction is no longer enough.

Reluctantly, you get up, and now it’s his time to chase after your lips.

Mingyu understands immediately and also gets up. You remove your shorts while he gets rid of his jeans, and in no time, you're sitting on top of him again. Only your underwear in between you now.

You trace kisses down his neck, leaving marks, so that he has a reminder of you for a few days. His now fully hard dick presses against your clit just right. Your panties are so soaked they’re beginning to stain Mingyu’s boxers too.

He kisses you hard to quiet down both of your moans, as his hands sneaks down to your core and his fingers start stroking your pussy through your panties.

“You’re so wet already.”

“That’s because you’ve been teasing me for like 20 minutes.”

“Are you complaining?”

“No.” You roll your eyes playfully. “But if you don’t actually touch me in the next five seconds I’m going to lose my mind.”

He chuckles, and you think he’s about to kiss you again, but you’re starting to learn that Mingyu is a man full of surprises.

In a swift move, he turns your body around, your back now against his chest, and spreads your legs wide. One hand sneaks under your panties while the other plays with one of your boobs.

You quickly turn into a moaning mess as he starts circling around your clit and pinches your nipple. But it’s not enough. “Mingyuu.” It comes out more whiny than you’d like, but right now that’s the least of your worries.

“Tell me.” His finger slows down but also presses harder. You squirm under him, and he kisses your neck softly. “What do you want? Tell me.”

“I-I need your fingers.” Your words barely get out.

“But I am touching you” He feigns confusion. His fingers stroke from your hole to your clit, collecting your arousal and spreading it.

“Inside.” You grind on his fingers in hope of getting more friction, but he slips his hand away from you. You see his fingers glisten with arousal and feel a new wave gushing out of you. “Please.”

You don’t see, but rather feel Mingyu smile against your neck. “Whatever you want baby.”

His hand is back under your underwear in no time, playing with your hole and collecting your juices with his fingers. You grind against his hand as he slides two fingers in.

Not even your imagination could have prepared you. His thick fingers stretch you more than you ever could, and the slow but deep thrusts let you feel him in places your fingers could never reach. You can’t hold back the moans that comes out of you.

“Oh my God! Mingyu faster please!” You’re not ashamed to beg anymore.

His palm is creating friction on your clit while his other hand is still playing with your nipples, and he thrusts into you faster.

You pace your grinds to match his hand, and you’re sure this is what heaven feels like. You feel the tightness in your stomach close to snapping.

“I’m so close!” You breathe out.

Mingyu slows down his thrusts, and you’re about to complain when you feel him add a third finger. He’s stretching you deliciously, knuckles deep inside you. You can feel him everywhere.

“Cum on my fingers c’mon” He demands as he speeds up. His fingers reach the spongy spot inside you that makes you jelly and abuse it.

You’re cumming on his fingers faster than ever. Shaking on top of him as he thrusts his fingers in and out slowly, helping you ride out your orgasm.

When he finally pulls his fingers out of you, you’re still breathless. Mingyu surprises you again when he moves his slick covered fingers to his mouth and licks them clean.

You remove your panties once and for all and turn around. You feel his still hard cock under you and he winces at the friction.

“That was really hot.” You state, and his whole face turns red.

“I’m not done with you.” In one swift movement, you have your back against the couch and your head on the armrest. “I really wanna eat you out.”

And who are you to stop such a determined man? You grab his face and kiss him hard, tasting your arousal in him. “Okay.”

He starts a trail of kisses on your thigh, slowly going down until he reaches your cunt, but skips it and starts kissing your other leg. You whine in response as you grab his head and put it back on your core. You feel his breath on your bare cunt and shiver.

He looks at you in the eyes and barely licks your lower lips. You sigh at the little contact. “Stop teasing.”

His hands open up your legs and he flattens his tongue on your lips, licking in up and down motions and kissing your clit.

When he experimentally wraps his lips around your clit and sucks, you moan and instinctively close your thighs around his head, keeping him in place.

With his head now trapped in between your thighs, his tongue licks you from your clit and to your hole, tasting and savoring your arousal like it’s his last meal.

He toys with your clit and your hands find themselves in his hair again, pushing him more against your cunt. He moans when you pull at his hair, sending vibrations straight to your core and you feel a wave of arousal gushing out of you and to his mouth.

His tongue teases your hole, stroking the tip in and out lightly. You push his head into you again and his nose bumps into your clit, taking a moan out of you.

“Feels so good" You grind against his tongue as it keeps teasing your hole and his nose stimulates your clit.

Your orgasm hits you hard and fast and you’re cumming on Mingyu’s mouth in no time. He keeps his mouth on you, licking every last drop of arousal that gushes out. You have to pull at his hair to make him stop.

When he lifts his head up from you, his chin is shiny with arousal, and he’s smiling.

You waste no time and make him sit on the couch again, “Now it’s tour turn."

You kneel on the floor as you remove his boxers. Even after seeing him on video and feeling him under you, you were not prepared to see how big Mingyu actually was.

His cock springs out against his stomach, angry red and already leaking pre cum.

It barely fits in your hand, and he sighs at your touch. You give a few experimental pumps, but he stops you.

“I don’t have much longer. Do you have a condom?”

“You wanna be inside me that bad?”

“Yes.” He responds quickly. You chuckle as you grab your purse. You find the one you put while getting ready and open it.

He squirms under your hands as you put it on him. As soon as the condom is on, he grabs you and gets you on top of him again. You both sigh as your cores touch.

You grind on him, covering his cock with your juices and you both moan as he traces your neck with bites and kisses.

“Looks who’s teasing now.”

“It’s fun seeing you frustrated.” You stop your movements, and he looks at you frowning. You can’t resist his sudden cuteness and give him a peck as you resume grinding on him. His tip grazes your clit and you shiver.

“You’re making me crazy.” He breathes out, and you can’t help to chuckle.

“Can you cum like this?”

“I want to cum inside you.” His whiny response takes you by surprise.

His hands grab you by the waist and lift you up. With one hand you grab his cock and position it under your hole.

You steady yourself, putting your hands on the back of the couch, and slowly start going down.

If you thought his fingers reached places no one ever has before, then you’re sure his dick is creating more space for you to feel him. You can feel every vein dragging inside of you.

You suppress your moans by kissing him, and he sighs in your mouth when you bottom out.

You’re so full you’re having trouble breathing. He keeps you still, giving you time to adjust. Even the tiniest move makes him twitch inside of you.

“You’re so fucking big Mingyu.”

“I told you I'd make it fit.” He wraps his arms around your waist and brings you to him to kiss you. You moan, feeling him grind inside you, and he stills.

You start grinding on him slowly. You’re sighing on each other’s mouths, savoring every drag of his dick inside of you, feeling him reach deeper with every thrust.

Your hands travel to his chest and start playing with his nipples. He thrusts up when you pinch one nipple lightly, hitting exactly where you need it and making you moan louder, so you do it again.

“Yes like that Mingyu.” That encourages to start thrusting up harder and matching your pace.

One of his hands creeps down to your cunt and start playing with your sensitive clit, still wet from his spit, and the other plays with one of your nipples.

You start clenching around him, eliciting a moan out of him.

“You’re so tight around me baby.” He says almost in a moan. “I'm so close."

His thumb is still playing with your swollen clit, making you squirm and clench so hard it’s hard to keep grinding on him. You collapse on his chest and he embraces you as he fastens his moves.

He's thrusting so deep and hard. You're sure he's marking you as his. Ruining you for any other man, spelling his name in your insides so you're forever his.

Your bodies are so close together that your clit is rubbing against his abs, a friction you've never experienced but it makes the tightness on your stomach come so close to snapping you can almost taste it.

A few hard thrusts later you’re coming undone on top of him. But his thrusts don’t stop, chasing his high while you’re clenching around him, making him go crazy. You’re staring to feel the overstimulation when you feel him twitch inside you, and his thrusts come to a stop.

You stay like that, your head on his shoulder and his arms around your waist while you regulate your breaths. Your torsos pushed together allow you to feel the beating of his heart.

Mingyu relaxes his arms from around you, and you release yourself from his embrace. You wrap your arms around his neck and look him in the eye.

“So what did you want to talk about?” He chuckles at your question.

“I’m still inside you, and you want to talk?” His reply sends shivers down your spine, and you unconsciously clench around him. He drops his head back in a sigh, and his hands find their way to your hips.

“Are you staying over?” Mingyu looks at you with puppy dog eyes, and even if you wanted to, you couldn’t say no to him. You just nod as an answer, and he smiles like you just gave him a million dollars.

He surges forward to kiss you and you both wince at the stimulation from the sudden movement. “I think we should get up.” You chuckle with his mouth still on yours.

He helps you get up, and you instantly miss the fullness of having him inside.

While you grab your clothes from the floor, he disposes of the condom and goes to his bedroom. He comes back with one of his shirts to give to you. Your stomach gives a little jump at the idea of sleeping with his t-shirt as he shows you where the bathroom is so you can clean up.

When you finish and go to Mingyu’s bedroom, he’s waiting for you already inside the covers, a smile still plastered on his face. You sit on the bed and give him a peck, but he doesn’t let you go as he deepens the kiss and hugs you close to him.

“Mingyu the sun is about to come up. We need to sleep.” You manage to say with his lips on yours, and he smiles. You separate, but neither of you make any moves to go to sleep. You lay facing each other, admiring each other’s features in silence, when he suddenly says.

“Can I confess something?” That definitely wakes you up.

“You’re not a murderer are you?” You joke, and he shakes his head as he puts one string of your hair behind your ear.

“I know we didn’t really like each other until a few days ago…" He says, now with a serious expression on his face, and you listen carefully. “and I’m not saying this just because you made me cum on the phone…” He continues very seriously but you can’t help to chuckle lightly. Mingyu removes his eyes from you a little embarrassed by what he’s about to say, “and I don’t know why you sent me that photo the other day and I might be embarrassing myself saying this but, I think I kinda like you and I don’t want this to be a one time thing.”

You stay in silence a few seconds, processing what Mingyu just said. He doesn’t dare to look at you.

“Can I confess something too?” Your question makes him look at you again. He stares at you with those puppy eyes you’re learning you’re too soft for. “I sent that picture by accident the other day.” He looks worried, fearing that what you’re saying means you’re rejecting him, so you quickly continue, “but I don’t regret it.” You see a little smile appear on his lips. “I think we were very stupid not talking all these years, we could’ve save a lot of time if you just showed me your monster cock before!” You can’t help to joke to lighten the serious mood and he laughs with you.

You grab his face and give him a little peck. “I think I might like you too, but we need to see how it goes first.”

He smile grows impossibly wider at your words. “Let me take you on a date tomorrow.”

You chuckle at his eagerness. He’s too cute for his own good. “Ok let’s go out tomorrow.”

He hugs you and brings you closer to him again, taking his time sweetly kissing you while his hands sneak under his shirt to touch your skin.

In a swift motion, Mingyu traps you under him again, your back on the mattress, and he presses against you to let you feel his already growing bulge. “Oh my god you’re insatiable.” You say as you grind against him, earning a moan out of him. “Look who’s talking.”

note: thank you so much for the support on the first part♥︎ I'm sorry the ending is kind of abrupt

#mingyu smut #mingyu au #seventeen smut #seventeen au #svt smut #mingyu hard hours #svt hard hours #seventeen hard hours

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bluesidez · 6 months ago

Text

GymRat!Miguel Part 10

content warning: “vague” descriptions of American colleges (iykyk), Winston [Earth-928/ Earth-TRN590] is here with a cool prosthetic arm (he originally has three! so I thought it would be cool to incorporate his robot arm back somehow), suggestive at parts so MINORS BEWARE (although you shouldn’t be looking at this series at all 😒), Miguel is the baby of his friend group, if the Spanish here is wrong please lmk!

word count: 3.8k, proofread so there should be no mistakes (something short and sweet!)

In case you missed it, you can find GR!Miguel’s full SFW + NSFW Alphabet here!

Prev | Next ✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Masterlist

GymRat!Miguel who has become one with his room. The bed is comfortable, the AC is just right, and more importantly, he can hide here in solitude.

His parents decided to host Gabriel’s graduation party, Gabriel’s college acceptance party, and a Fourth of July party all at once. It was nonstop trips to Sam’s, Party City, and the grocery store.

Gabriel got a full ride to a prestigious art school up north and his parents were using every second of the summer to make time for him.

They didn’t do nearly as much for him when he graduated and got a full ride. Although, Miguel guesses the shiny Range Rover from Tyler parked outside was enough to soothe the old wounds trying to reopen. Plus, Gabriel really deserved it. The chances of getting in were low, but Miguel helped every step of the way and now a bright future in the Big Apple was calling his name.

Still, if his dad called him to cut the grass or season another pack of meat, he might lose it.

GymRat!Miguel who was glad to see you were still enjoying your summer. He was probably the first to watch your stories, like your pictures, and even comment on your little notes.

He hoped it came off as endearing and dedicated because sometimes he worried it was annoying and clingy. He couldn’t help it, though. You’re always on his mind nowadays.

Today you had posted clips of you and your friends at a Boba shop. He could hear your laughter as you zoomed in one of your friends fighting for their life after sucking up a boba ball.

He smiled to himself as he played the video a few more times just to hear you.

GymRat!Miguel who decides to play a Gacha game on his phone to distract his wandering mind.

There was a character he wanted and he wasn’t stopping until he got her.

GymRat!Miguel who three domains, a farming session, several 10-pulls, and a lucky spot later did not get the character he wanted. He was heartbroken, shattered, and inconsolable.

He groaned and flipped over to the wall, choosing a few colorful words to complain.

GymRat!Miguel who’s half-asleep state is interrupted by Gabriel doing their special knock and poking his head inside.

“Whatdoyouwant,” Miguel pushed his face further in his pillow in hopes that it would make him disappear.

“Broski, your friends are here,” Gabriel sang as if he were a white suburban mom with too much time on her hands. “And they bombarded my TikTok stream so if you could please retrieve them, that would be nice.”

Miguel poked his head up, “Are you rating people’s talents again?”

“Even better. I’m being an NPC and making bank!”

“Why don’t you ever play the saxophone or something?”

“Because that’s not what the people want me to do, Miguel. The people want to see me go ‘Lick a lil sum!’ over and over again. They eat it up.”

Miguel squinted at the bright light coming from the hallway, “In a pickle suit?”

Gabriel looked down as much as he could with his constricted movement, only his appendages sticking out of the holes, and looked back to Miguel with gritted teeth.

“If you would have put your Nightwing costume back on, I could have been Robin and we could have made money together. But it seems that you hate me.”

GymRat!Miguel who watches Tempest push the door open further and shuffle around a seething Gabriel.

“I still don’t know why you’re dressed like a Spongebob character,” she laughs at his green tights.

“I’m not Kevin! Stop saying that. There’s no glasses. There’s no crown. There’s no pants!”

Lyla poked her head around him.

“‘Lewser.’”

Gabriel yelled and turned around, waddling back to his room, “I’m not letting the Geek Squad bully me!”

“You say that like you’re not one of us!” Winston shouted after him, shells and beads in his hair clanking together.

“One of us, one of us, ONE OF US!” the trio started to chant at Miguel’s door.

Gabriel just let out incoherent noses until he was able to shut his door.

GymRat!Miguel who feels like hissing when Tempest opens his blinds.

“Please, no more!” he whined into the pillow.

“What’s with you two today? So snappy,” she mumbles.

Winston stood by the door with his hands on his hips, “Have you been in here all day?”

Miguel sits up, “No.”

“You look like it,” Lyla snickers, kicking a bag out of the way.

“We haven’t seen you in like, forever, and you’re acting like you don’t really care,” Tempest pulls up her long, ruffled skirt to plop on the bed next to Miguel. “Are you sick?”

“No.”

“Did someone die?” Winston pulls out Miguel’s gaming chair to take a seat.

“No.”

“Wait!” Lyla’s voice makes everyone jump. “You failed your class for the first time and now your life is ruined.”

“What? No, never.”

GymRat!Miguel who perks up at the sound of the text tone he picked just for you.

“Look!”

“I just found this picture of us”

“We’re working hard 🫡”

“I’m putting in overtime”

“There’s no PTO”

“Only work”

“We get paid in kisses”

“Only kisses?”

“Everything else is a bonus check for being the perfect employee”

"Aka my girlfriend"

“And what does that bonus check look like?”

“Hmmm”

“She looks divine”

“She tastes really sweet too”

“Inside and out”

“What does your bonus check look like?”

“He’s big and hot 😌”

“He looks really nice when I love on him”

“He feels really good”

“Be very lucky you’re not near me rn”

“What?”

“I’m just describing my elite employee!”

“Aka my bf”

“I feel really good?”

“Yeah!”

“You’re my teddy bear”

“….and you also feel good in other places that I won’t be spelling out”

GymRat!Miguel who doesn’t feel Tempest leaning over his shoulder until her voice snaps him back to reality.

“No fucking way you got a girlfriend and didn’t tell anybody.”

She snatches the phone from his hands.

“Temp, give it back!”

“And you’re getting freaky with her while we’re right here!”

“No, I’m not-”

“It says right here ‘she tastes really sweet, inside and out.’ It’s in 4K!” Tempest shoved the phone in Winston’s face who gets the derpiest smile.

“My man!” he reaches his hand out to Miguel to dap him up, ending it in the handshake that only the two of them know. “You finally got a girl and you putting in that work. Let’s. Fucking. Go.”

“At least someone is on my side.”

“I never said I wasn’t on your side. I’m just stuck on the fact that you didn’t tell anyone. No texts, no socials. Just tumbleweed in that big ass head of yours,” Tempest pushed a duck nail against Miguel’s temple. “Like you could have died, and we would have never known.”

“I’m sorry, Temp, it’s been a hectic year.”

“And now it’s summer. We’ve got nothing but time,” she grabbed a pillow to place in her lap. “So get to talking Migster.”

“Yeah, while I can understand waiting to tell us about your girl, this is like, what, the second strike for you? First, no yacht and now this? Aggy,” Winston shook his head.

“All three of you had plans! I checked!”

“And it’s looking like you’ve been with her for almost a year. Wow,” Lyla said from a bean bag on the floor.

Miguel reaches to snatch it from her, teeth gritted in a way that mimicked his brother.

“I never knew you could get so romantic! Maybe scratch the arcade idea off, though. You get way too competitive.”

Tempest hit Miguel with her pillow, “An entire year?”

“Cold-blooded. I should smack you next,” Winston struck his metal arm back like he was getting ready to swing.

Miguel held his hands up, “I’ll finally let you teach me how to play Halo!”

Winston sat back, “2k too, and all is forgiven.”

“Halo and one round of 2k.”

“Deal,” Winston shook Miguel’s hand. “You’ll be hooked once you get the hang of it.”

“God, I hope not,” Lyla mumbled.

“Says the one who yells at children on Roblox,” Winston bit back.

“You don’t hear what those heathens say, I do!”

GymRat!Miguel who is forced to make a short PowerPoint about his past year while his friends help Miguel’s parents set up even more.

“I want a Final-worthy presentation by the time we get back! I even showed you where to get the cute templates,” Tempest fusses from the door before she closes it.

GymRat!Miguel who calls you while they’re gone.

“I mean, if it were me who just found out that my closest friend told me essentially nothing about their partner for that long, I’d be pretty upset too.”

Miguel groans as he leans back in his chair, “That is pretty fucked, isn’t it?”

“But, because I was with you most of the school year, I know that you were just preoccupied with other things. Figuring out college, checking off a lot of adult firsts, making new friends, dealing with family, totally scrambling your way through getting your first girlfriend.”

“Hey…”

You laugh at his annoyed expression and snap a picture, “I’m sure if you just explain things to them, they’ll understand.”

“I hope so. I already promised Winston a game of 2k.”

You scrunched your nose in the cute way that Miguel adored, “I’ll take a gamer, nerdy boyfriend any day. Might draw the line at 2k, I fear.”

“My face doesn’t cancel out the bad connotation?”

“Depends. Will you cancel on me in place of playing with your friends?”

Miguel’s eyes looked to you on his laptop with a frown on his face, “Never. I don’t think I’d do that for anything that can be rescheduled. Did he do that?”

Miguel didn’t want to say his name because it left a bad taste in his mouth.

“More than I’d like to admit, yes.”

“If I ever see him, I might punch him.”

“Miguel.”

“I’m so serious. There hasn’t been one good quality about him yet.”

Only the fact that he was a good stepping stone to get to Miguel, not that he would ever say that out loud.

“He was…nice when I met him.”

“Just nice?”

“He had a cute face!”

Miguel’s frown deepened, “I don’t want to talk about him anymore, actually.”

GymRat!Miguel who finished his PowerPoint with the help of you.

Honestly, you just had to sit pretty in the corner of his monitor.

GymRat!Miguel who was ready to present once his friends got back, each of them sporting a Fanta in their hands.

“Nobody brought me one?”

Tempest made a noise of satisfaction when she took a sip, “A cold one is waiting for you when you finish, buddy.”

Miguel rolled his eyes and set up the PowerPoint.

GymRat!Miguel whose presentation is dragged even further because everyone keeps asking questions.

Section 1: New Experiences

“Only you would attract sorority girls despite the clear baby boy energy radiating off of you,” Tempest said.

“I mean, look at him,” Lyla gestured to Miguel’s body. “We still see our big baby, but that body? That’s what people notice first. We should have prepared him more.”

Miguel’s face fumed as he went to the next slide.

“And only you would make friends with the cafeteria lady. She saw the baby aura,” Tempest quipped.

“L-let’s just move on,” Miguel mumbled.

“You’re on the robotics team!! There’s our Miggy,” Lyla rounds her words like she was talking to a child.

“Guys, Miguel is going to be a tomato if you don’t stop,” Winston chides.

Section 2: Family

“I’ve been waiting on somebody to get that gremlin Kron and you finally got him,” Lyla shook her head with a chuckle.

“I’m sorry about your mom, though. She didn’t really like us too much either when we first started to hang out,” Tempest pulled her knees up to her chin.

“Mind you, I had a mean set of braces, suspenders, and high water pants when we first met,” Winston said.

“Oh my god. Remember when she thought Tempest was tricking Mig into doing her homework?”

“When all I was doing was comparing answers because Miguel was the only one who could keep up with me in that class,” Tempest snickered. “Glad me and Mrs. O’Hara moved past that because I was definitely looking out for you more than she was.”

“Remember when she thought you two were dating?” Winston asked.

Miguel groaned, “That was so fucking embarrassing.”

“You think now I read as a raging lesbian or what?”

Section 3: My Gorgeous Girlfriend Whom Which I Love

“The same guy who lectured me for 10 minutes over not jumping out of a car to hold the door for my girlfriend left his girl at a party?” Winston snickered.

Lyla played with the end of a braid in her hair, “Chivalry is dead.”

“Get all your jokes out now, because we’re going strong,” Miguel waved everyone off as he flipped to the next slide.

“Is that her?” Lyla sat up as much as she could in her sinking seat.

“Yeah,” Miguel’s smile grew at the picture of you from a coffee date on the screen.

“Look at him,” Winston pointed a finger. “He can’t even speak. He’s gone.”

“She’s hot! Nice job Miguel,” Tempest clapped with a giddy smile on her face. “You’re like, lovestruck over there.”

Miguel continued to flip through the several slides he had of you, face sinking further into his palm as he stared at you like he’s never seen you before.

“Does Xina know you have a girlfriend?”

“Woof,” Tempest and Winston said in a low voice simultaneously.

Miguel tilted his head with a confused expression, “What’s with the ‘woof’? Why are you all looking like that? And where is Xina, anyway?”

“She said her parents wanted her to go visit family, so she’s far, far away right now.”

“Did you know she’s transferring to your school?” Lyla asks.

“Why? I thought she was going to an Ivy League somewhere. It was all she talked about.”

Tempest’s eyebrows raised, “Can’t stay at an Ivy League if you fuck up your scholarship.”

"She told me that she didn't like it there," Winston looked confused.

Lyla and Tempest just stared at each other in disbelief.

“If you worked your ass off from starting a non-profit to being the school valedictorian, just to get into one school, would you just up and leave after one school year without finding better options?” Lyla deadpanned.

“Hey, we don’t know what happened. Maybe she really didn’t like it there, guys,” Miguel said.

Lyla and Tempest both gave Miguel twin looks as if telling him to get serious.

“Well, if she’s going to your school, I’m sure you’ll see her at some point. Maybe she’ll tell you,” Winston suggested.

“Yeah, Miguel. She’ll tell you anything if you ask,” Lyla folded her arms with a smile.

“What does that mean?”

“It just means,” Tempest waved her hands around. “She’s enamored by you.”

“Guys. Stop.”

“She’s not lying. Every time we hang out together, she’s always clinging to you,” Winston said.

“It’s been years and she’s never told me anything,” Miguel reached to exit the PowerPoint. What was about to be a 10 minute yap session about you was now turning into something else. “I doubt that if she felt that way, she still feels that way now.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Lyla shrugged.

Tempest nodded her head, “Good on you for being so optimistic.”

Miguel squinted his eyes, “You two are freaking me out.”

GymRat!Miguel who sat with his friend’s words once they dropped him off back home after an impromptu day of fun.

He really needed to get out of the house to reset, but he couldn’t help but to worry about Xina.

He was there when she worked herself to the bone just to even be considered for the top schools. When she got in, she was over the moon.

What could have possibly made her stop now?

GymRat!Miguel who wakes up to sound of his dad laughing and yelling outside of his window.

He dragged himself to the window to see him running around with his brothers with a nerf gun.

It would be a pretty funny sight if it wasn’t 7 in the morning.

GymRat!Miguel who goes through his morning routine of booting Gabriel up, taking his morning run, and eating a hefty breakfast.

He sends you a picture of himself right after he finished the run, sweat dripping down his neck and his skin glowing from the hot sun.

Knowing you were probably still asleep, he doesn’t expect a response until later. So when you call him immediately, he’s filled with surprise.

“Sending thirst traps at ass o’clock is crazy,” you say as soon as the call connects.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“So you just happened to take the perfect picture in the sun with your skin all wet?”

“Are you saying that I’m photogenic?”

You roll your eyes and Miguel laughs, happy to see you.

“Where are you going?” Miguel asks, noticing the fluffy headband you’re wearing that’s holding your hair back.

“We’re going to my aunts house and she lives about two hours away so I got up early to get ready.”

“Bebe, qué hermosa eres.” (Baby, how beautiful you are.)

You pause what you’re doing to turn and stuff your head into a plushie to scream.

“You can’t tell me that,” you say when look back to the camera, fanning your face. “I won’t stay focused.”

“But it’s true. You’re stunning.”

You groan and slide down your chair, “Miguel, please. I need to focus.”

“Ok, ok. You still look amazing.”

“Thank you,” you say, patting the back of your hands against your heated cheeks.

“I wanna kiss you.”

“I’m hanging up.”

Miguel laughs as you bring the phone to your face.

“I wanna kiss you, too,” you say before ending the call.

GymRat!Miguel who blows your phone up with teases after that.

It all shuts up once he sees your outfit of the day.

“You can’t do this to me”

“Baby????”

“This is agony”

GymRat!Miguel who is the loudest when Gabriel makes his grand entrance to the party, graduation cap snug on top of his curls. His family is popping mini confetti and string cannons while his little cousins blow bubbles.

GymRat!Miguel who catches Gabriel at any chance he was idle, snapping picture after picture like a proud parent.

GymRat!Miguel who stacks his plate high full of food to the shock of no one.

GymRat!Miguel who almost gets knocked down by Gabriel when he opens his gift of specialized sheet music. After years of hearing the songs Gabriel would blast through the house, he compiled together a music book with covers done by different artists.

"I'm going to play every single one of these for you," Gabriel says with a geeked-out smile.

"Oh boy."

GymRat!Miguel who watches Gabriel scream as their neighbor's dog runs towards the fireworks that he set on the ground.

Miguel always thought there was nothing going on behind those little eyes.

GymRat!Miguel who feels Gabriel slide next to him in the corner of their backyard. A place where the two of them used to do everything from hide-and-seek to sharing secrets to pretending to be superheroes.

Gabriel leans his on Miguel’s shoulder, eyes watching the small fireworks their cousins bought.

“Mig?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever get scared when you left home?”

Miguel was quiet for a second, “At first, I was. I was leaving what I knew, but once I got used to it, it was like a weight off my chest.”

The two sat for a minute, listening to their family sing and laugh.

“I’m really fucking nervous.”

“About leaving?”

“About everything,” Gabriel took a shaky breath. “I’ll be so far away. I won’t know anyone. And you…”

Miguel’s sleeve was wet.

“You won’t be there if I need you.”

Miguel turned and pull Gabriel into a hug, arms tight as he felt Gabriel cry into his shoulder.

“No tengas miedo, Gabri,” Miguel’s voice cracked as he rubbed his brother’s back. “I’ll be a call away, ok? Right there if you need me. I promise.” (Don’t be scared, Gabri.)

"Te voy a extrañar." (I'm going to miss you.)

"Yo también te voy a extrañar." (I'm going to miss you, too.)

After a while of the two calming down and making promises to continue their weekly calls, Gabriel leans up and covers his eyes with his arm.

“I told myself I’d save my tears for the move-in day, but it’s just now hitting me how much I’m going to miss seeing your stupid face.”

Miguel laughed and thumped him across the head, “And I’m going to miss hearing your stupid laugh across the hall. But what did you do when I left?”

Gabriel turned to avoid Miguel’s face, “Ma thought I was dying or something. She kept bringing random shit that I liked to my room for three weeks because ‘Te pareces a Ígor, mijo!’” (You look like Eeyore, mijo!)

Miguel bit his cheek as he ruffled Gabriel’s hair. He still saw the little baby who followed his every move. The baby that laughed hard when he read books with a funny voice. The baby that stood up for him front of their mom when he couldn’t even stand up for himself on the playground.

The kid who stayed up with him to beat some game because their dad wouldn't buy them memory cards for the PlayStation. The kid who tried food once he saw it on Miguel’s plate. The kid who refused to go to summer camps without him.

Here he was, sitting in front of Miguel, getting ready to start a new chapter.

“Oh god, Miguel don’t start crying again. It’s gonna ruin the tour,” Gabriel groaned and dug his head into his arms.

“I’m not, I’m not, I’m sorry,” Miguel hurriedly wiped his cheeks, hot tears filled with his thoughts escaping. “You’re going to kill it in New York. By the time I get there, you’ll be so used to it that it’ll be like breathing air.”

“I hope so,” he sniffles and looks back up. “I need to impress Dana.”

“And there he is,” Miguel shook his head. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to visit.”

“Yeah. I already have some places planned for dates.”

“Smooth. That’s the Miguel in you.”

“Shaddup.”

GymRat!Miguel who calls you closer to midnight.

"How was the party?"

"It was pretty good," Miguel moved to settle further into his bed. "Gabriel was happy."

Hearing the tone in his voice, you pouted, "Are you ok, though?"

"Yeah, I'm just. I'm feeling a lot."

He felt he might cry again, thinking about his little brother in a place all by himself, thinking of his parents being empty nesters, thinking of his feelings from yesterday.

"You want to talk about it?"

Miguel shook his head, "Tomorrow."

"Whenever you're ready, I'll be there."

"Thank you," Miguel smiled. "That means a lot."

GymRat!Miguel who feels better listening to you chatter until you fall asleep. His head isn't filled with so much noise and your voice is like a calm breeze.

He can't wait to see you again.

divider by: @thecutestgrotto 🩵

a/n: I was thinking of this video when I was writing Lyla talking about Kron + that smoking duck gif. I also doubt there are many nerds alive that play 2k, I just wanted Winston to play it lol. Anywho, I was going for a boho-chic vibe when I imagined Tempest (with red locs), a maximalist + art deco vibe with Lyla, and an elevated streetwear style with Winston. Winston also upgraded his prosthetic arm to mimic Link's from Tears of the Kingdom. As for Xina...we'll see! 😗

As always, like, comment, and reblog. Let me know how you feel! 🩵

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merrock · 13 days ago

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event: Winter Holiday Market

location: Hideaway Market, countryside

date & time: December 14-21, 2024

ooc duration: December 14-21, 2024

One last Christmas celebration in our little town! The Hideaway Market has been transformed into a holiday winter wonderland, with lights strung between the shops, candy canes and icicles hung with care, and so much to see and do that a week might not be quite enough time!

All of the local Market businesses will be open for shopping and stopping in, but you are also encouraged to stop by the little shacks, stands and tents to visit those who are vending their goods! There will be crafts, clothes, antiques, thrifted goods, and lots and lots of Christmas decor for you to pick up while you're out shopping. Check out these stands: BeadsByJay, Creekside (shop), Christmas succulents.

If you're looking for something to eat, we can help you out with that. Local businesses are set up all around the market place with food trucks, but some of the standard holiday favorites are available, like roasted chestnuts, popcorn balls, German sausages, tons of baked goods, and more! There will also be coffee, hot tea, hot chocolate, and a variety of Christmas punches available; alcohol purchased at stands must be consumed there only. Try these: drinks at Bonne Merde!

While you're walking around, make sure you stop into Santa's Shack to get a photo with him and give him your wishlist, just in time for the holiday! And don't forget to take a moment to visit with the reindeer out back, you can even give them a treat, if you would like! There are also carriage rides for those who want the authentic classic Christmas experience. Other things to do include: photo booth by Bardales Inc., pony rides & photos.

The center of the market place has a large gazebo that can be occupied for up to one hour to perform Christmas songs. These can be done by a single person, or a small group, if you would like. Every night for one hour at 7PM EST, the entire market will be led in a caroling activity, where everyone is invited to come out and sing! A number of performances by local school bands, groups, dancers and nearby troupes will be taking place, as well, so please stop by to support them. Acts include: Joella Suh, Unknown Destination, Sylvia Cuenco-Burke.

Kids can participate in a number of crafts and activities all around the market place, and adults and kids alike can have their faces painted! And don't forget -- Lavender Lane's tree stand will be open with trees for those who haven't gotten one yet (big or small!), as well as wreaths, swags, and other greeneries. You can also make your own arrangements, if you're feeling creative. Participate in: your kids making art.

Come out and have a good time all week long! The Winter Holiday Market runs from 10AM to 10PM nightly! xx

#merrockevent

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jakeysbuttsheeks · 1 year ago

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Godfather | 111

Warnings: profanity, age gap , mature themes , overdose , drug use , substance use , death of parent , orphaning , eating disorders, other weird shit

Parings : Jake X fem reader

Jake woke up stretching slightly, finding something restricting his movement ; you.

A smile cracked against his sleepy face when he was reminded of what happened last night and how the two of you had fallen asleep together.

You were still hugging Jake tight with your cheek squished against the pillow right infront of his face , his eyes danced over your face and at the way your lips pursed out slightly.

He sucked his own lips in , fighting the urge to just lean in, barely an inch and press his lips against yours. Your lips look so inviting and irresistible and all Jake could do was stare at them , imaging what they would feel like against his lips , or on his neck or around his coc-

no.

He immediately got out of your hold as fast as lighting and sat off the bed , looking down between his legs to find himself semi hard. Morning wood.

He looked back at you still sound asleep. He cursed himself under his breath and headed out your room quickly and silently , softly shutting the door behind him .

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You woke up later , hurrying out of the house to work. You were almost half an hour late .

"slow down! Have breakfast" Jake yelled as you hopped your shoes on.

"I'm so late I can't" you shake your head.

"Don't go then" Jake says and you stare at him "haha" you say sarcastically.

"no I'm serious. Let's go out today. It's Saturday" Jake speaks , walking up from behind the kitchen island . Jake didn't have to go to the studio on weekends so he was free.

"but- my boss will yell-" you sigh .

"he's gonna yell anyway since you're late. Might as well enjoy it" Jake says .

"point" you sigh and look at floor , trying to think .

"you work too hard. Give yourself a break. It's my treat" he pressed.

"this isn't because you pity me because of yesterday right?" You squint at him with a smile and he bursts out laughing.

"it might be" he joked , his smile wide as ever .

"C'mon, where'd you wanna go?" He asks , pulling his phone out of his pocket .

"oh! Let's go shopping! Let's go to the mall. You always complain about your clothes" Jake says , looking through his phone at something in excitement.

"I do not!" You defend and he laughs again.

"oh- or we could go for a movie. Or we could just go for a drive" Jake rambles . And you stand there wondering why he so desperately wanted to take you out.

"or! We could just do all of that!" Jake looks at you with his eyes wide and bright in excitement.

"what- no-!" You immediately disagree.

"why not?!" He asks , still excited.

"don't worry about the money y|n. It's my treat!" He says.

"no but I can't-" you hesitate.

"oh c'mon, please?" Jake tilts his head with a put on pout and you couldn't help but shy away and smile widely, Looking down at your feet before looking back up at him .

"fine-" you barely say as Jake lets out a Yelp of victory , making you laugh again .

"imma go get dressed. Have some breakfast and we'll go" he says as he walks off .

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The two of y'all went on a long ride of just judging people and listening to music in the car , screaming out the lyrics while vibing hard in your seats .

Until the two of you got hungry and decided to stop at the mall . Y'all wandered around for almost an hour deciding where to eat. You were laughing the entire time with him like the both of you were high on something or something.

Y'all finally decided to have some Chinese, snickering at how Jake struggled to eat with chopsticks, the two of you almost choking on your food at the constant laughing, you were almost in tears.

"oh my god, I think I I'm dying" you tiredly say , you face red from laughing and so was Jake.

You looked at him and he looked at you too before the both of you started laughing again for no reason, practically wheezing as y'all left the restaurant.

"oh my god! There's a spa!" Jake gasp .

"no!" You choke out between your laugh as you tried to stop him from going in , but he dragged you in with him .

"we should get facials! And mendicures!" He gasped . And you burst out laughing so hard you almost caught the attention of of the whole store.

"it's a manicure!" You wheeze , tears pooling in your eyes as you stomach ached.

"and a pedicure is for your toes" you explain and he looked at you with a shocked squint , making you laugh harder.

"let's get both then" he says, laughing with you .

"mendicures!" You exclaim .

"mendicures!" Jake repeats as the two of you wheeze , trying to be as quiet as you possibly can .

People wouldve definitely thought y'all were high . And y'all were . High on eachother that is .

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"my face feels like a fucking baby's ass!" Jake laughs as he touches his face while exiting the spa place with you.

"it does!" You laugh in suprise , touching his cheek .

"oh! You have a baby's ass face too" Jake touched cheek before pinching it making you yelp and pinch his cheek back .

"OW! I DIDN'T DO IT THAT HARD!" Jake slapped his hand over his cheek in pain .

"you did too! I just wasn't so dramatic about it" you say , lifting your chin slightly to tease him .

"I'm not dramatic! It's not my fault you've got bloody caveman hands!" He teased back and you gasp as he laughs at your reaction.

You remembered the last time you were at the mall with Jake and your dad's friends and Jake had carried you around everywhere on his shoulders as you pulled on his hair making him walk around in pain , and you kept giggling at him . You were about 5 or 6 years old that time .

"y|n?" A voice called from behind you , distracting you from Jake .

"Ethan!" Your eyes widen in faux suprise as you turn around, not expecting your ex to be here , walking over to you .

"hi!" He says as he flexes his arms with his hands in his pockets , looking behind you at Jake.

"didn't expect to see you here. How have you been?" Ethan asks. And Jake notices you were suddenly uncomfortable.

"I'm- I've been good how are you?" You ask back even though you wanted this conversation to end as fast as possible. It took you ages to get over Ethan after he broke you after your dad died . He was being an asshole while you needed him.

"who's this?" Ethan asks , looking at Jake .

"oh this- this is my- Jake- he's my guardian parent thing" you muttered.

"godfather" Jake corrected , moving next to you .

"ohh I thought he was your boyfriend or something. Yaknow how you told me you liked older guys?" Ethan explained with a light laugh, clearly looking up and down Jake from head to toe , judging him .

"no" you laugh lightly panicky, looking at Jake who seemed unamused and somewhat irritated.

"you look pretty" Ethan said , tilting his head , making you cringe out of your skin.

"thanks. I just got a facial done" you throw your thumb over your shoulder at the spa behind you.

"we should hang out sometime" Ethan says.

"uh-" You look at Jake and he seemed to be looking away at other stores in the mall . Pretending to be uninterested in your conversation with Ethan , but you could see his jaw clenched tight from his side profile.

"uh- ok- sure" you force out a smile as you watch Ethan finally walk away while waving at you. What a nice day completely ruined, you thought. .

"alright let's go to the arcade" jake says , his voice too flat for something so exciting. But you smile widely anyway and follow him to the escalator to go to the arcade .

Jake seemed down but tried to pretend to push it off while playing games with you like a child. You wanted to ask him what was wrong but you couldn't bring it up .

"so who was that guy?" Jake finally asks, curiosity getting the best of him.

"Ethan? My ex" you answer and Jake immediately snapped you an "are you okay" look.

"I needed him after dad died. And he wasn't there for me" you explained.

"prick" Jake cursed at him before giving you a look of sympathy and rubbing your back.

"focus! We're losing the game!" You yell as you gestured to the dinosaur jungle setup in front of you.

Jake immediately got back to shooting the dinosaurs . And you ended up losing as you yelled at him playfully because he was playing badly.

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"wow we wasted the whole day" you say as you drive out of the mall parking to find the sky being pitch black .

"it wasn't wasted" Jake seconds. "I had fun" he says , taking a turn onto the road.

"I did too" you smile .

"just like old times" he says as he pats your knee , except he keeps it there .

"just like old times" you repeat with a nostalgic smile , paying not much attention to Jake's hand on your knee until his thumb gently caressed your knee before pulling away .

His touch was so inviting. You wished he kept his hand there always . And everytime he moved his hand to say something you wished he would put it on your knee again but it kept going back to the steering.

Obviously he wasn't going to have his hand on your thigh the ride home . You weren't his girlfriend. Wait- what about his girlfriend? Would she mind? I mean- obviously not .

"is Carrie coming over today ?" You ask , and you notice panic set in Jake's eyes.

"what's the time?" He asks , looking at the phone you held in your hand . You pressed the power button to see 7:36pm as the time .

"shit" Jake mutters under his breaths as he drives faster .

"w-whats wrong? Did you forget she was coming over or something?" You laugh , but he didn't laugh .

You watched as he sped down the road . In no time you reach home but he didn't turn to park and you look at him confused.

"go home I gotta be somewhere" he says and you nod and get out the car as he quickly drove off . How shit.

☆⋆⋅─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────⋆⋅☆

Jake came back earlier than you expected. You heard him breathe out a heavy sigh as he took his shoes off by the door .

You were watching tv , sitting horizontally with your feet up on the couch . You turned your head and looked over the backrest to watch as he came in .

"hey I'm back" he say with a slight smile , noticing you watching tv.

"what's wrong? What happened?" You ask as he walked to the couch and lifted your legs up to make place for him to sit down at the other end of the couch , letting your legs rest on his lap .

"Carrie broke up with me" he said nonchalantly.

"what!? Because you were late for one date?!" You yell. But he didn't really seem to be bothered.

"nah. It wasn't just that" he says softly , his hand massaging your feet barely with his eyes fixed on the tv , trying to catch on the show you were watching.

"I'm sorry- this is my fault- I should've gone to work-" your voice cracks when you realise you were the whole reason he was late .

"what? no! Y|n. Don't be stupid" he glares at you and you look away shaking your head, you couldn't help the corners of your mouth dropping down.

"Jesus- it wasn't your fault!" Jake speaks , noticing the look on your face like you were close to tears as he moves his hand up your leg , trying to reach out for you to look at him .

"honestly I don't even care I didn't even like her" Jake confesses.

"promise?" You ask as you turn at him . You knew the guilt would eat you up.

"sweetie I swear" Jake said , looking right in your eyes .

"okay" you mutter to yourself before looking back at the tv .

"why were you dating her if you didn't like her then?" You ask .

"can you let it go? It wasn't your fault and I'm not heartbroken or anything okay?" Jake speaks calmly.

"I promise" he says again , his warm hand rubbed your leg in reassurance before giving it a slight tap .

"okay" you breath deeply, deciding to believe him.

"I'm going to pour myself a drink. You want one?" He asks as he slowly stands , giving you time you lift your legs off his lap.

"no. But can you get me that tub of ice cream you got me? It's in the freezer" you ask with pleading eyes .

"ofcourse" the corners of his lips lift as he pets your head while walking behind the couch to the kitchen.

You hear glass clattering on the cold slab and the fridge door opened a couple times as you wait anxiously for your ice-cream.

According to you , eating during your period wasn't going make you put on any weight . It was dumb and you knew it . But you just liked to tell yourself that .

Your stomach had been starting to ache, the cramps getting worse , you knew you were going to have a hell of a night. So why not treat yourself?

"thank you" you smile as he hands you the tub of icecream with a spoon . You move your legs for him to sit down on the couch next to you with his drink in his hand . But he stretched your legs back on his lap and places his free hand over them .

You and Jake had gotten pretty into the show until your cramps began to make you sweat . You couldn't sit still anymore.

You whine as you sit up in discomfort, pulling your legs away from Jake's lap, trying to find a position on the couch to soothe the pain .

"you okay?" He asks as he watched you grab a pillow and cover your lap while folding your legs , leaning against the backrest.

"cramps" you answer , eyes fixed on the tv.

"c'mere" Jake gesture for you to sit in his lap . Which you gladly did . Crawling up to him as he turned you to sit horizontally on his lap with your legs stretched out on the couch, and your head resting on his shoulder , the both of you letting out comfortable sighs as y'all made yourselves comfortable.

Jake switched his drink to his other hand , resting it on your thigh . while he began to massage into your lower back with his now free hand , making you hiss in relief .

"better?" He asks and you nod against his shoulder, your eyes stuck to the tv in front of both of y'all. But all you could think of Jake. His scent and his strong hands kneading into your sore flesh , his warm breath tickling your face , his chest raising as he breathed.

How you wanted to just turn to him and nuzzle your face into his neck and take in a deep breath of him before kissing his neck and leaving new marks on him to cover Carrie's almost faded ones .

You groan and wriggle on his lap as another cramp hits you.

"my poor girl" Jane coos , his words making your mind to blank. His voice deep and manly. HIS. POOR. GIRL?? Oh god he was going to be the death of you.

You wondered if he could hear your heart thumping out of your chest. Good thing the room was dark and only lit up by the light of the tv , or he would've been able to see how red you were .

Despite how distracting pJake was being, the two of you were actually catching onto the show.

"you want me to get you anyone one?" You ask , pointing at his glass in his hand that had been empty for quite some time . Probably because he didn't want to make you get up.

"no it's alright I'll get it" Jake says as you stand off him , he was getting up with you but you don't let him.

"I got it" you say as you grab his glass and walk off to the kitchen. You knew exactly how Jake liked his drinks.

"thanks doll" Jake takes the glass back from you as you make yourself comfortable on his lap again. Was it normal? To feel so comfortable with him?

You guessed being away from him for a while and talking about stuff really broke the barrier of awkwardness y'all had before. Y'all were never awkward before your dad died though. Jake was always your favourite.

Whenever your dad and his friends hung out to do anything, you'd be on Jake's lap . Ever since you were little. It's weird how age and time changes so much , only to bring to back to the same.

About two hours went by and you had started to drop of again. You knew Jake's thighs were probably cramping and you could easy get up and go to bed . But you didn't want to . You wanted it to last forever.

Jake didn't really seem to be bothered with you dropping off on his lap . He was busy enjoying the show with his drink , his hand firmly holding your legs with his other arms around your body as you lay on his shoulder.

Jake only realised you'd fallen asleep when he laughed at something at the tv and looked at you to see if you caught the joke too. But you were fast asleep already.

"okay let's get you to bed then" Jake smiled , knowing this was the second time in a row that you'd fallen asleep on him .

NEXT PART

Tags:

@mackalah @mindastreamofcolours @jjwasneverhere @themoreyou-love @gvf23 @sarah-gvf01 @violetstarcatcher @thetroublegetssoloud71

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hugejk · 1 year ago

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hearts aglow - jb5

summary: idk really just based this off of hearts aglow by weyes blood

wc: idk it’s kinda long tho

"hearts aglow, we dont know where were going"

sitting at the counter in your kitchen, scrolling on your phone not knowing where jude is. He got off training almost an hour ago, he hasnt texted you in ages. you starte to worry but right as you went to tet him you hear the door swing open, "honey im home!" jude says as he dropped his bag. "Ive been worried sick jude, where have you been?" you say slightly angered as he hasnt texted you, but then jude reaches into his bag an pulls out a bag of your favorite snacks.

"i was so bored take me to the water babe, show me whats its like to be yours"

jude hugged you, taking in his scent. Somehow he smelt good for coming back from training. He puled away and looked you in your eyes, "i have a suprise for you.." You give him an eyebrow while looking him up an own, "whats the suprise?' you say. "its a suprise for a reason"" jude says with a cheeky grin.

"oh but baby your the only one who would drive me down to the pier, take me up on that ferris wheel"

"jude babe, i think we need gas.." you say as the tank is meter is barely on E. "yeah i think so too." jude says as hes stil focused on the road, pulling into the nearest gas station. "do you want any snacks?" he asks as hes getting our of the car. "no im good, you already got me enough snacks." you say chuckling a bit. You pull out your phone and start scrolling waiting for jude to finish. As he got back into the car he looks you up and down, mesmerized by your effortless beauty.

“you can’t control hearts aglow”

you watch as you pass by the lights of the inner city, wondering where jude is taking you. You pass by people with their families, loved ones, and friends. All walking into shops, laughing, eating, and talking. You can’t help to think of your family, how much you miss them. You come to a stop at a red light. “babe y’good?” jude asks in his thick accent. “yeah, just miss my family a little.” you say still looking out the window. “well hopefully this amazing suprise planned by the best boyfriend in the world will help cheer ya up” jude says as he steps on the gas pedal.

“might be the moon, or the cotton candy, or it might be a man, who finally understands me.”

you finally make it to the suprise destination, a small carnaval in a random old parking lot. Jude gets out and opens your door. He bows as you get out and you can’t help but laugh a little at his antics. Jude grabs your hand and leads you into the entrance, a small fee of 5 dollars per person. “i’m a bit hungry, you want anything?” jude says looking at all the food booths around you two. “Some funnel cake sounds really good right now.” you say hoping they have it. Seeing the booth that says “funnel cake” in bright lights makes you excited, you let go of jude’s hand without thinking and run over to the booth, getting in line enthusiastically. It takes a while for jude to come back to you, but once he does he puts his arm around your waist to let everyone know that youre his.

“cause i’ve been waiting for for my life to begin, for someone to light up my heart again”

after getting your food, you and jude casually walked around, pointing out the game booths, dogs casually walking around with no owners, some of the rides that sound interesting. Walking by one booth you see a stuffed animal of a seal (your favorite animal) and you immediately pull jude to the booth and beg him to win it for you. It was a simple game, get the rings onto the bottles to win a prize. Jude reluctantly agreed and you stood by him, watching how he flicked the rings onto the bottles, how his perfect face was contoured perfectly in all of the lights around him. You were so busy examining him, that you didn’t even see that he won the seal for you! As jude handed the stuffed seal to you, you pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, thanking him.

“hearts aglow, we don’t know where we’re going”

as your night came to an end, jude insisted you two got on the ferris wheel to complete it. With your seal between your arm and torso, you agreed and made your way to the ferris wheel. It wasn’t one of those big ones, a tiny humble wheel with enough room to fit you two. As long as the wait was your started to think maybe it wasn’t worth it, but finally it was your turn. as you two got into the tiny cart, seal stuffed in between you two, it was finally time to start the ride. Taking in the beautiful view from above, all of the lights, all of the people, cars, and buildings. Jude turned your head towards him and gently kissed your lips, as unexpected as it was, it was quite enjoyable. As his lips moved with yours perfectly, he pulled away and gave you a soft smile. “i was waiting all night to do that.” he said as he held you hand. “i was expecting a kiss before we left.” you said playing with his hand.

“i love you.”

“imposible, i love you more.”

A/N: FIRST FIC DONE LETS GOOOOO 😛😛 pls tell me what you think because i genuinely don’t know what i wrote 😭

#jude bellingham #jb22 #jude bellingham imagines #jb5 #jude bellingham one shot #jude

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nightwhispcrs · 10 days ago

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possibly excessive mini event starter call, because i am insane about this season. for the next few weeks, these threads with be my priority, so even if we have other threads with our muses feel free to request something here. ***max request of 4 starters per mun, pls

adam newman (1/3) — drusilla he'll be running his stall for his coffee shop, crimson lights. festive pastries, coffee, tea, and little gift trinkets will be for sale. he may sneak away to buy some gifts at some point.

arnold novak — (1/3) martin blackwood they're hosting a booth that's selling handmade wreaths and little festive plants, such as poinsettias and white lily/red rose bouquets. being around so many people makes them nervous, but he'll be enjoying it for the most part.

charlie dalton (1/3) — zenitsu they'll be working at a stall from their bookshop offering used and free books. can help you find the perfect gift.

craig manning — (0/2) he'll be performing on his lil guitar around the festivities.

eli joseph stock — (0/3) they'll be riding their bike around looking for the perfect gifts for their friends and partner. maybe participating in the snowman building.

gael martinez — (0/3) doing live street art all over the market, including on the streets, sidewalks, walls etc. he'll have a spot where you can participate in a giant, communal mural if you wish.

irina denali — (1/3) ithan she'll be ice skating, participating in the snowball fight, and being competitive at the carnival games if you want to join in.

jack shephard — (0/2) he'll mostly be shopping around for some gifts, enjoying a drink or two, and being glad for a day off of work from the hospital. after a stressful year i'll let him relax for a day.

jason bourne — (0/2) he's convinced someone wants to bomb the market or something, so he's on high alert and probably having a terrible, paranoid time.

jim hopper — (0/2) having lots of coffee- so much coffee- and browsing. and some drinks. trying to stay warm because he hates the cold now. you might catch him in a good or bad mood.

katniss everdeen (1/3) — legolas she's just hanging around, checking out all the stalls and what everybody has to offer. she's not used to having any money to buy gifts, so now that they have some they're not sure the right way to spend it.

michael guerin — (0/3) alien boy will be a little bit drunk but having a good time. will probably blow too much money on trying to prove a point at the carnival games (which he's bad at) and buying things he doesn't need.

monica geller — (0/3) she'll be selling plenty of festive and holiday lattes, themed teas and drinks, pastries, and desserts and appetizers from her restaurant, juniper cafe.

naomi pierce — (0/3) she'll be dropping so, so much money on all the stalls so if your business needs a boost... have her drop by. she'll also be donating a ton of toys and clothing to charity, as well as soliciting donations for the nonprofit for children she works with.

reid oliver — (0/2) he doesn't know what to do with himself, so a lot of his time will be spent alone looking for tons of food and eating it solo in front of the performers.

richie jerimovich — (0/3) he might be extra moody seeing everybody be so cheery and festive. he's just sad and miserable inside and wants friends and family again. pls get him to participate in some of the events and activities!!

roman roy (2/3) — jaskier, zhao yunlan his bar is having a mini bar fully stocked with alcoholic festive drinks, so drop on by and partake in some with him.

sarah walker — (0/2) she'll probably be trying to gather intel, but i want to force her to have a good time so pls drag her into some festive things. maybe she can finally make some good holiday & christmas memories.

sue storm — (0/2) she'll probably be hanging around the ice skating rink and browsing various stalls.

violet baudelaire — (1/3) kell the vintage store she manages will have a stall, so she'll have hand-selected items from the shop, including clothing, jewelry, home decor, and all sorts of random things that would make good gifts.

zoe rivas — (1/3) miles hollingsworth iii she'll be running a wine tasting booth and having a good time

#hw: starter call

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buckgasms · 2 years ago

Note

In light of the warm weather coming up soon can we get one where the reader and Bucky are out and about for the day and she is wearing a sundress with no panties 👀👀 feel free to take this wherever you want to I trust you COMPLETELY!! ❤️❤️

It's so cold here but I am indeed looking forward to the sunshine and the antics that will come with it ❤️ this went a very random route but I kinda love it!

Thank you for trusting me gorgeous and I hope you like it 😘😘

So the question we need to ask ourselves is... Does Daddy know?

I'd like to think that maybe you did it as a kind of surprise, and you spend the whole morning totally flustered and trying to be chill whenever his hand brushes your thigh because eeeek what if he sees now??

And he smiles occasionally because he thinks he might know what's going on because you are practically giddy every time he touches you, but he doesn't know for sure. He enjoys your little game though as you play it.

🔆

He's taken you out to a few shops and bought you a ludicrous amount of new clothes, and now you're sitting, snuggled up next to him in a booth at a busy restaurant he owns.

As you're sitting there eating your lunch you can't resist looking out of the large window that overlooks Central Park, kneeling on the seat and looking down, oohing at the horses and carriages that have gathered below.

What you don't realise is that the skirt of your sundress has hitched up a little and finally reveals your well kept secret. Your cute butt cheeks are showing and he almost spits out his drink when he sees you.

You come and sit back down, squish up against him and steal a fry from his plate, giggling before popping it in your mouth. He chuckles and presses a kiss to your temple, trying to decide what to do with you.

"Could we go on one of those carriages Daddy? I've never done that before" you ask, pretty pout on your face because you know Bucky hates that kind of thing, but he'd probably say yes just for you ❤️ which he does.

🔆

Much to your delight about 20 minutes later you are squished into a carriage with Bucky, taking in the sights of the park. It's a nice balmy day, but you still feel a little chill so you scoot impossibility closer to him until he just drags you into his lap and kisses you. "I'd only do this for you y'know" he growls in your ear, making you giggle and press a big kiss on his lips.

He keeps the ride innocent for as long as his can, but knowing your naked heat is just there for the taking... Well he's only human.

As you head into a more wooded area he let's his hand trail from your knee to the soft skin of the inner thigh. You almost say something but he just shushes you with a heated kiss. Featherlight touches graze over your thighs until he reaches your heat, thumb slotting easily into your folds, immediately resting on your clit.

"Daddy" you whisper, eyes big in worry and excitement. "Someone might see!" You grip onto his shirt as he swirls his thumb slowly under your skirt. His index finger probes at your entrance, which is getting wetter by the second. "I know princess, and from the feel of things, that's just what you like...."

He slips it in and curls his finger slowly inside you, his thumb still working a torturously slow pace. Your breath hitches in your throat and the driver is just about to turn and make sure you're ok when Bucky calls out, "Eyes forward Buddy. Keep this ride going and I'll make it worth your while..."

🔆

Returning his attention to you he whispers in your ear, "keep enjoying the view baby, you don't want anyone to know what we're doing, do you?" He gives a particularly strong flex of his fingers and you can't help but moan out loud. He chuckles and presses a kiss to your cheek, "oh maybe you do Princess? Such a dirty girl hmm? Coming out today without any panties on, only really dirty girls do that...."

He teases and increases his pace, your legs trembling, your grip on his sleeve like a vice. "Not dirty...." You pant, "wanted to..... Fuck daddy.... Just wanted to surprise you..." You choke out as he works your body like a pro.

He readjusts you, opening your legs wider. You won't be seen by anyone, but you don't know that. You can feel the cool air on your heat, and you grip him even tighter as his fingers flex so fast you almost lose vision. With a final flick and his growling permission, you come, a quick groan leaving your lips.

"Good girl" he mutters as you try and catch your breath and you lean back and press soft kisses to him as you recover and sigh out a "thank you daddy". You grin slyly before sinking down to undo his zipper. "Oh princess... You really are a dirty girl today."

Instead of arguing with him, you take his hard cock in your hands and stroke him a few times before wrapping your lips around him and sucking. Not to let you have all the fun, he slips his hand around you and presses into your pussy again, this time, being a lot less gentle. As you bob up and down he pumps his fingers again, slipping his thumb into your puckered hole. The groan you emit around his cock makes him curse, his other hand rests on your head, gripping your hair and holding you in place.

"Good girl princess, god... So fucking pretty ain't ya? When I get you home I'm gonna spread you out and watch you come over and over again baby.... Think my babygirl likes being watched dontya?"

Your walls flutter around his fingers, suggesting that is indeed what you like. He does a magical thing with his fingers, almost rubbing them together between your two aching holes and you practically scream around him. "Daddy please..." You pant between taking him dick all the way down.

He chuckles and probes you harder and faster, looking out at the people rushing by, totally unaware of the filth taking place around him. "Make me come princess. Make me come and swallow it all, then I'll let this greedy cunt come, ok baby?"

You respond by working him faster than ever, your soft hand wrapping around the base of his cock, nose tickled by his course hair as you can only focus on his cock and his fingers. The familiar sounds of his own orgasm fill you with excitement, until you hear him groan and his hot come fills your mouth. His hand keeps your head in place and he expertly works you to another, eye rolling orgasm.

When you let his fingers go he pulls you upward, putting his sticky fingers in your mouth to make sure you've swallowed him all down. "Atta girl" he praises before capturing your lips in a kiss.

🔆

Shortly after, you manage to clamber down from the carriage with your dignity in tact, looking a little flustered. You see Bucky slip the driver a huge wad of cash before he walks over to you, and takes your hand before hailing a cab. Your afternoon looking even more eventful that your morning ❤️

#💌#darling nonnie #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky smut #bucky barnes smut #daddy!bucky #princess reader

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deapax · 1 year ago

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hey :3 so happy that you are accepting requests ~ can you please do one of Agatha Harkness who use her magic to brainwash you (a normal neighbor in Westview) and became you in her perfect partner?

Baby it’s cold outside

Characters: Agatha Harkness x fem!reader

Summary: Agatha put an eye on you before you knew it, now you’re decorating your shared house for Christmas.

Warnings: 18+ smut, brainwashing, oral (both), boot riding

A/N: It’s now Christmas time so I paired it with that haha. Enjoy!

You didn’t know that your entire life would be changed when you moved to the beautiful town called Westview. It was small, calm, a perfect place for you to relax and work at. You had an ordinary life to say the least, most people would’ve called it boring but you liked the slowness it brought along with it, giving you the opportunity to focus on the important things of life. Such as your neighbour, Agnes. She didn’t know where she came from, in fact you didn’t know much about her at all but you enjoyed spending time with her, going shopping, eating ice cream, roller skating. Any possible activity Westview had to offer.

After a few weeks you kept going like that, you noticed the changed look that the older woman gave you, yet you couldn’t quite wrap your head around what was going on. Then Christmas came around, clearing things up. She came up with the idea to move in together, as she thought of both of you being too lonely and also too attractive to stay alone forever. When you kindly declined, everything went downhill very quickly. The witch didn’t take rejection very well. So instead of simply accepting your decision she wiggled her wicked fingers, wrapping the house in purple mist, brainwashing you to bend to her will, turning you into her beloved housewife just like she’d always wanted.

There you were, standing on a ladder at the door, dressed in the ugly Christmas sweater you loved so much. “Agatha, dear, could you hand me the plastic snowflakes please? Oh and the mistletoe too. Did you manage to get the tree yet?” You asked, smiling when she handed you the things you’d requested, putting them over the door. The entire house was ahead covered in sparkling lights and candles, and the scent of freshly made cookies was lingering in the air. Agatha laughed softly as she helped you off the ladder and then gently placed her finger on your nose. “Honey it barely turning December, if I got the tree now it’d be dry as hell on Christmas Eve.” Even though her magic could definitely fix that problem, she chose to not tell you about her powers, scared you might discover the secrets she was hiding. “You’re right with that, I’m just too excited for Christmas. You know it’s my favourite holiday. So I was thinking we could go with silver and reddish Christmas balls and tinsels for our tree this year?” You suggested, your arms wrapping around your wife’s waist as she leaned down to plant a soft kiss on your red lips. “That sounds wonderfully my love.” She replied with a soft smile on her lips, an honest smile this time. The witch finally had what she wanted and she wouldn’t risk anything to let anyone ruin that for her. She deserved a happy ending after everything she’d been through, she thought.

You didn’t catch a glimpse of what was going on, you simply enjoyed the time you spent with your lover and were relieved that she obviously felt the same way. While the witch admired you with loving eyes, you made your way back to the box with Christmas decorations, taking out a few ceramic reindeer and stars before walking around the house to set them on the shelves while swaying to the Christmas music that was playing on the radio. Even though you weren’t the best singer Westview had ever seen you still didn’t hold back, singing along ‘Last Christmas’ as you finished up decorating the living room. When you noticed that you were missing the fake snow you quickly started putting on your shoes and reached for the door knob.

“Where are you going?” You could hear the panic in Agatha’s voice, something you very rarely heard from her so it caught you off guard, just like the hand that was taking yours off the door knob. “I just wanted to get some more decorations from the shop down the street. I’ll be back before you know it, I promise.” You gently cupped her cheek, reaching for the door knob again but Agatha just pulled you closer by your waist, pointing at the snow storm outside the window. You were certain that there were only little snowflakes falling from the sky when you checked the last time. “There’s no way I’m letting you go out there, I can’t risk letting anything happen to you, I’m sure you understand.” She tried to reason with you but you just smiled, leaned up and kissed her. “Then come with me. You can take care of me, you always do.” But your wife just shook her head, she wasn’t going to risk anything. “Baby it’s cold outside. I’m sure we got something we can do inside here no? Something to take your mind off things and heat you up.” The witch pointed up at the ceiling, the mistletoe dangling over your heads as she hummed, leaning down to kiss you before she lifted you up, your legs wrapping around her waist as she carried you to the couch in the living room, putting you down there to make you watch as she started stripping very slowly and teasingly, taking her purple blouse off first before her pants came off, leaving her in some black boots and her purple matching lingerie that you’d never seen before but damn did it look amazing on her. Once she’d gotten rid of her own clothes she proceeded to strip you out of your pants and panties as well, throwing them behind the couch, out of the way. She chuckled wickedly at how easily she could make you forget about your original plans, no matter how wrong it was.

Hungrily you dropped on your knees in front of her, looking up at her like the obedient girl you were for her, waiting for any sign of approval. “That’s my good girl. Come on angel, go ahead, I know you can do it.”Those words alone made your cheeks turn redder than the Christmas balls you planned on putting on the table. Your fingertips moved up the legs, gripping her thigh to pull her a little closer before your finger hooked under the waistband of her panties and slowly dragged them down. Your heartbeat quickened at the sight of her glistening pussy and you could barely hold back from just diving right into it but you knew better than that as you didn’t want to be punished.

The older witch’s hand moved to tangle in your hair pulling your head closer, her eyes were dark from lust when you looked up at her for a last time before you wrapped both of your hands on either of her full thighs, spreading them open so you could lick a line through her folds, collecting the sweet juice with your tongue, humming at the divine taste of it. The way she moaned out your name made your own core tingle, causing you to press your legs together. When Agatha noticed your reaction she tilted her head, smirking at how desperately you tried to get the tiniest bit of satisfaction out of pressing your thighs together. As your lips wrapped around the sensitive clit, switching between swirling your tongue through it and sucking on it, causing Agatha’s hips to buckle more into you face, her hand holding you so close that you thought you were suffocating even though being suffocated by this goddess of a woman would certainly be the most acceptable death you could think of. Noticing your little whimpers, the witch decided to make a move to help you out at least a little bit.

She brought her right boot under you, making squeal in surprise as the cold leather hit your heated cunt. Yet the sensation all this sent through you made you grind down on it, your moans stifled by Agatha’s folds. “Nuh uh, baby. Simply because I decided to show a bit for mercy doesn’t mean you can stop. Come on now, keep up the good work and you might get rewarded. Sounds good?” You couldn’t remember the last time you nodded your head so quickly. You dipped your tongue into your lover’s hole, making her pant softly as your nose brushed against her clit while you kept grinding down on her boot, covering it in your wetness as you felt the knot in your stomach tightening slowly. “Don’t you dare to cum, my darling, you wouldn’t want me to punish you do you? Just… just keep going I- ugh.” Her monologue was interrupted by your tongue doing its talented work inside her, accompanied by your fingers now rubbing her clit that soon made her throw her head back, moaning your name as her eyes shut. “Fuck, baby you’re gonna make me cum! God who knew you had such a talented mouth?” At the last comment you frowned, you remember sleeping with her several times during your marriage so she should know, right? Your doubts came to a sudden end when you heard Agatha crying out, pulling your hair as she did, filling your mouth with her divine fluids. As she looked down and saw your lips covered in her cum she pulled you up, kissing her deeply, moaning out softly as she tasted herself on your lips. “Oh baby, look at the mess you made on my boot. Eating me out got you going hm? Do you want mommy take care of your aches?” With big begging eyes you locked eyes with the witch, nodding at the proposal. “Please, it aches so bad! Need you so badly!”

You didn’t know how you ended up on the table, your legs spread widely with your witch’s head buried between your legs, your mind was foggy, like you had chugged an entire glass of strong alcohol which seemed very unlike you. As Agatha noticed the concerned expression on your face she felt her heart skipping a beat. Had you caught on her? “Focus on me baby, come on, look at me. Be a good girl and take what mommy gives you. That’s what you wanted didn’t you?” You brought your hand down to hold onto the witch’s hair while your other hand gripped the edge of the table as your wife’s tongue dove deeper into you, her fingers pinching your clit causing you to squirm under her touch. The way she kept locking eyes with you as she ate you out like it was her last meal made you feel things you didn’t know existed. The talented tongue and the stunning sight, as well as the fact that you had been riding her boots for what seemed like an eternity, caused you to cry out her name which was music in Agatha’s ears. The woman swallowed every single drop of your cum before she moved up to lean over you, kissing you passionately to make you taste yourself while her hand creeped underneath your ugly Christmas sweater, kneading your breasts as she kissed you once again, your tongues fighting for dominance.

“Now did I convince you to stay inside with me?” She asked, panting from the previous actions, silently hoping that she didn’t have to play with your mind again and that this convinced you. “Only if you stay inside me.” You winked pulling her closer for another kiss.

#agatha harkness #agatha x reader #agatha: darkhold diaries #coven of chaos #marvel #smut #x reader

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hannahssimblr · 11 months ago

Text

Chapter Nine

I huddle behind the till with Petra on the last Friday before Christmas, watching as she tallies up the till for the final time before the new year.

“Okay, so we sold five of these, three of those, and the last eight of those ones… and I’ll have to check the books again but I think I sent twelve to the post office today.” I glance over her shoulder at the long receipt that’s been spit out of the till to confirm. “So that’s almost all of them sold?”

She glances over to the card rack on the wall nearby. “Everything except for, I think, four?”

“Wow.” I say. “I can’t believe people actually wanted them.”

“Oh for goodness sake!” She grins. “Of course they did, you did a beautiful job on those cards. You should be very proud.”

I blush. “I actually am.”

Petra empties the last of the till coins into a plastic bag and locks it into the safe for the bank. “Well you can enjoy the money, my dear, and enjoy your christmas. Have you planned to do anything nice?”

“The usual. I’ll just go to my granny’s house and we’ll have dinner with my aunts and uncles and cousins. We just found out that my uncle’s wife is pregnant again, so that’s something to chat about at the dinner table.”

“Sounds lovely.” She muses, and I suppress a grimace as I zip up my coat. “Yeah, well, have a safe flight home to Spain. I hope you have better weather than we do here.”

“Me too.” She says. “Happy New Year, since I won’t see you before then.” I smile and let myself out onto the dark of the early evening street as the jaunty little bell jingles in the door behind me.

Luke, who owns the coffee shop across the street, is closing his shutters too, and gives me a quick wave and a “merry Christmas, Evie.” as he covers up the window art I did for him a few weeks ago. He liked what I’d done for Mezzotint so much that he asked me to do one for him too. I went out on a limb and asked him for one hundred euros for it, and he paid it without batting an eyelid. All of that money has gone towards Christmas presents, as for the first time in years I’ve been able to afford them. I hop on the Luas and ride it towards the centre of town. It’s jammed with commuters in big coats, the windows fogged up and dripping with condensation. The lights outside blur together through the fog.

I get off at Jervis Street onto pavement that’s still wet with the rain from earlier and wander up towards Henry street, where I buy a hot chocolate from the crepe and coffee kiosk that’s still open, just because I want one, and then head towards Arnotts where I walk around looking at fancy things that I cannot afford for half an hour, just for the sake of doing it. There are discounted Christmas decorations in one section, and I’m drawn to a pair of pink feathered ones with silver beads laced along the ribbons. On sale, they are ten euros each but I buy both of them anyway, because Claire would love them.

On the way out I go to the perfume section and spray Tom Ford on myself. The shop assistant smiles at me like she thinks I might want to buy it, but I avoid eye contact. I will never own perfume like this. I bring my wrists to my nose and inhale the complicated aroma as I head back onto the maniacal December crowds, imagining for a moment how satisfying it must feel to smell like two hundred euro perfume every day, to know that you can throw money at something frivolous, just because you like the smell of it.

When I arrive home, Claire is in her pyjamas and eating a bowl of plain pasta on the couch. She grins at me as I come in and asks me if I want to binge some Christmas films. It feels like a perfect way to spend our last night of the year together before we go back to Tullamore tomorrow. I go upstairs and put on something comfortable. I don’t really have pyjamas in the way that Claire does. Hers are always matching, satin with lace trims, flannel with pockets and buttons down the front, but I don’t have anything like that. Perhaps it says something about my personality. I grab an ancient vest and a pair of jersey shorts and head down to the couch, stashing the wrapped feathered baubles into my half-packed suitcase to give to her tomorrow.

First we watch Miracle on 34th street, because we watch that every year, and then inevitably we put on Love Actually, just to scream about how much we hate every single character except for Sam, and we drink more hot chocolate and eat sweets from a tub until I feel sick. As the credits roll I glance over to her to see a glazed expression on the face. She’s gazing through the window at nothing. Blackness, the sky clouded over leaving no space for the stars to peek through them.

“Are you alright?”

“Mm. Yes.”

I shift in my seat. “I’ve been meaning to ask how things have been with Shane, you know, like, with his college work and the football and all that.”

“Oh, it’s fine. The usual. I don’t think we’ve made any progress, to be honest.”

“And his Christmas exams?”

“I don’t have a clue. He barely studied for them so he’s probably failed them, for all I know.”

“Oh.”

She looks at me then, brows furrowed and voice defensive. “I love him, you know. I still love him. I won’t like, break up with him or anything.”

“I didn’t think you would.”

“Things will get better. All couples go through this kind of thing. It’s what happens when you’ve been together for three years, things just feel a bit less perfect than they used to, and you have to make compromises. Really though, I love him. I’d do anything for him.”

I wonder if it’s only my projection that she sounds a bit like she’s trying to convince herself of those things, not me. “I’m sure the exams went fine.” I say, even though I’m not sure. On every run and every gym session I’ve been to with Shane in the last few months he hasn’t mentioned college once. His twenty-five-grams-of-protein yoghurts and his various friends who injured themselves in various ways from using the machines wrong (like me), he’s mentioned plenty of times, but unless I knew for a fact that he was in college, I’d assume he didn’t go.

Claire is frustrated. “I wish he’d just get it together. That’s all. I’m sick of feeling like I’m nagging him, but it really just feels like common sense… oh!” her phone springs to life on the table in front of us, vibrating loudly against the wood. “I bet this is him now, speak of the devil.” She flips it over in her hand and her brows knit together with confusion. “Oh, it isn’t.”

“Who is it?”

“Um. It’s Jude.” She brings it slowly to her ear, as though it might bite her. “…hello?”

It’s quiet enough in the room to hear his side of the conversation. “Hey. Hey Claire. I’m so sorry to call you. Are you with Shane at the moment?”

Her face screws up. “No. I amn’t, I’m at home with Evie.”

“Ah, right. Do you know if he’s around? I tried to call him a few times and there was no answer.”

“He’s in Tullamore. He’s gone home for Christmas already, he had training at the pitch at seven, sorry.” She glances at the clock in the kitchen. “It’s also almost midnight. I imagine he’s asleep by now.”

“Right, okay. That’s fine… uh. Sorry to call you, I better-”

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s nothing, I’m just home in Dublin for the next week. I misplaced my house keys, I was hoping to crash at his.” A pause. “And also like, maybe because he has a car I was thinking he might be able to drive me to A&E.”

“What?” I exclaim. Claire’s eyes are wide. She doesn’t know what to do. I take the phone. “Jude.” I say. “It’s Evie.”

“Hi Evie, how’s it going?”

“What happened?”

“No, no, no, nothing big, it’s not a big deal, I just might need a couple of stitches.”

“Stitches where?”

“My-” He breaks away and sucks air through his teeth, muttering “Jesus, fuck” under his breath. “- my eyebrow. It’s fine. It can wait, I can just get a taxi back to Clontarf and get my parents to let me in. Hopefully they’re still awake.” He sounds doubtful. “Sorry to disturb you, seriously. I’ll work it out.”

“For God’s sake.” Claire grabs the phone again. “Come here. We can’t drive you to the hospital but we can clean you up. I at least have a first aid kit. Where are you?”

“The docks.”

“You’re only a few minutes away. Can you walk to us?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” She gives him our address and they hang up, then she sits there in disbelief, shaking her head. “Bloody men.” She says. “I’m exhausted.” She gets up and heads towards the stairs.

“Where are you going?” I ask her.

“To put on a bra.”

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky girl part 3

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photmath · 2 years ago

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Hi :) I can’t find the 4 chapter of the Reine Series. Is there any chance you can send it to me?

I really love your work!

Lol. So at this point I'm just going to repost it because I promise you are not the first one to ask. So here is the full, uncut version of Chapter 4 of Reine below.

Chapter 4: Goosebumps

Summary: You twin brother was getting ready to travel the world and what better way to send him off than a week-long get together with him and your friends in a remote town in France.

Pairing: Kylian Mbappe x Reader

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: angst, fluff, grinding, kissing! umm i’m going to go ahead and mark this as 18+ (;

A/N: I am really just writing this story back to back, lmfao. I didn’t anticipate to release the chapters this quickly but might as well. I have nothing better to do now that I’m on break from college for the winter. I didn’t proofread/edit this chapter as meticulously as I usually do so I’m sorry if there is a tiny mistake at some point.

The rest of the morning, everyone lay in the living room playing various card games, picking up where they had left off during the first night. After talking amongst the group and eating breakfast, Theo suggested we go to the shops in Lyon and then perhaps go clubbing afterward. You weren’t too excited to go clubbing since you weren’t in a mood to drink but you wanted to visit Lyon a bit more. Additionally, you didn’t want to be the straggler who didn’t want to go.

You decided on wearing a long sleeved black dress that stopped at your thigh with a long black coat. You also put on your patterned fishnets that you wore every once in a blue moon with black boots. You weren’t going to go all out, but then saw what Lili and Simone were planning on wearing and you knew you had to be on their level as well.

Kylian had walked into the bathroom where you were applying the last bits of your makeup and leaned against the door frame. He had on a cream colored long sleeve shirt with black pants.

You stared at him through the mirror as he crossed his arms. He hadn’t spoken a word and you were content with just taking in his view. He looked extremely handsome and you couldn’t deny it. The shirt he had on hugged his shoulders and biceps poetically and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from them.

“Are you going to keep looking at me like that?” He wears a smug look on his face once your eyes meet his.

You let out an embarrassed laugh, “I’m sorry, you look…handsome.”

He ducks his eyes away from yours and kisses his teeth, “Thank you, you look absolutely stunning. You take my breath away.”

You smile, your cheeks heating up, “That is corny, but thank you.”

He steps into the bathroom and grabs his brush, brushing his hair once more before cutting off the light.

“Kylian!”

“C’mon,” he says as he walks back into the bedroom. You turn the light back on with a scoff. You grab your coat and exit the bathroom. Kylian is shuffling around in his bag and you hear the shake of his keys as he stuffs them in his pockets.

“Are you driving?”

“Yes.”

“No one is going to fit in your tiny car.”

He lets out a laugh, “You and me, Reine.”

“Is that actually your car?” you ask curiously, ignoring his comment for the moment.

He shakes his head, “A rental.”

“You didn’t drive here?”

He furrows his eyebrow, grabs a white cap and places it on his head. He zips his bag back up and puts it back into the closet and then looks towards you, “That’s like a five hour drive. I flew.”

You roll your eyes, “Oh I’m sorry I forgot you have money for a second.”

This makes him laugh harder, “Shush. Are you okay riding with me? I’m not drinking tonight.”

You nod, “Yeah, I’m okay with it.”

“Great, because I already told Laurent.”

“I am so glad you are trading my body away without me knowing,” you respond and his face scrunches. He grabs a black sweater and tucks it underneath his armpit.

“Don’t word it like that.”

You chuckle and cut off the light of the bedroom before walking out with him. The rest of the group were leaving in Laurent’s car and you two would be following them.

Kylian’s car rocks against the gravel road and you turn towards him, “I didn’t think you knew how to drive.”

His face feigns an insult, “I’ve been driving since I was fifteen.”

“Hmm,” you start, “just thought you had a driver by now.”

He rolls his eyes playfully, “You keep joking about money.”

“I’m a broke uni student, I think I get a pass,” you hold your finger up in protest and his face falls into a smile.

“You can have all the passes you want,” he leans his head against the headrest and looks in your direction. You guys came to a stop and there was a long line of cars in front of you so you wouldn’t be moving for a little while.

You keep your eyes on his, entranced with how soft they seemed to be in the moment. There was a small and content smile on his face. He reached out with his finger and brushed at your chin, making your heart swell.

There was so much emotion behind his eyes that it seemed like every word he wanted to say in that moment was rushing out through his eyes telepathically.

Okay, so maybe you did like him.

The cars started moving again and he refocused on the road but now there was a thick line of tension between the two of you. It was a good kind. A suspenseful kind, but in a good way.

------

You guys had been walking through the shops for a while now, the sun had already set. Your feet hadn’t started aching but you were getting hungry and they didn’t plan on eating until a little while later.

“Ooo look there,” Laurent raises his eyebrows and points to a lingerie store. Everyone groans and you look up towards Kylian who was right next to you. His eyes drop down to yours and you let out a devious smirk.

“Want to go in?”

He winces and he lets out a disgruntled whisper, “Don’t start.”

“You can’t possibly pop a boner from a mannequin,” you tease. Your voice is only loud enough for him to hear but he is getting embarrassed and you can tell.

“Reine,” he warns. His voice is curt and it’s enough to get you to be quiet. Your eyes linger on him and then down to his shoulders.

It was hot and you wished his expression didn’t make you feel that way.

You turn back towards the rest of the group as they continue walking. Kylian is close by next to you and you can feel the heat of his shoulder. You guys stop at a corner, waiting for cars to pass, and you feel the heat get stronger. You go to turn around, but his voice stops you.

“Do you want to find ice cream?” His lips are right next to your ear coming from behind and his breath spreads down your neck. You were sure there were visible goosebumps and it made you shudder. You forced a nod because you truly were starving but there was no courage to speak.

He tugs at your arm and you slip away from the group with him. You decide to keep your hand looped around his arm as the two of you walk. The thoughts you previously held of him were back, and you can’t help but to start to feel uneasy.

It just didn’t make sense, you thought.

If he did have a crush on you when you two were teens, why didn’t he pursue it? Because he was scared and didn’t know how to, you reason. But he still has the crush? Eight years later? Nothing happened in those six to eight years for him that made him change his mind? Or was it that now that he was back in your grasp, he feels this way. Because it’s easy, you’re in reach. You’re here. He’s here. Might as well make the most out of his time. You hadn’t done anything to push him away either necessarily.

A shiver runs down your neck at the shift of your thoughts and he takes notice, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you say but it comes out as a whisper. “Peachy.”

His eyes skim your face but the ice cream parlor comes into view so he turns away and grabs the door to open it for you. You enter and nod at him to thank him. You go to the girl working, who seemed to be around your age, and point at the ice cream you want. She makes it with haste and then hands the cone to you and you immediately dive into it.

Kylian laughs beside you, “Cute.”

“You don’t understand how hungry I was,” you say. Your eyes skim the menu once more before you tell the girl you’d like a small basket of fries. You thank her and attempt to pay but Kylian slides his card to the girl first.

“Kyks.”

He waves you off, “You’re a broke uni student remember.”

You roll your eyes, “This isn’t even all that expensive.”

He shrugs and puts his card back into his wallet. He grabs his vanilla cone and ushers you to a small booth in the back. He sits across from you and leans back in the chair, his legs brushing against yours, and you don’t even mind it because your legs were cold.

The two of you bask in the silence and warmth. You offer him some fries with your hands, but he shakes his head and licks his ice cream more.

“You look like you’re going to explode,” he licks his lips.

“What?” Your eyebrows crease.

“You have that face again, like you want to spill a secret. Who’s secret are you holding?” He pesters.

You play with the wrapper of the cone and then shake your head, “No ones.”

He looks at the wall behind you briefly and then back at you, “Why don’t you give me something?” Your confused face makes him continue. “You have yet to let me in and it just…sucks, to be frank. I mean you’ve seen my dick at this point, Reine.”

You choke on the fry you chew, “I didn’t see your dick.”

“You saw my boner,” he corrects. “Which is the same thing, but that isn’t the point. I feel like you still have this wall up in front of me.”

“Kylian, you don’t know me—”

“But I would like to.”

The grip on your ice cream tightens, but the two of you need this conversation to move on. You need to quiet the doubts in your head. You liked him, possibly more as a friend, and yes, it was moving fast, but at least the two of you would be on the same page.

You look back up at him, “I don’t know you that well either if I’m being honest. I feel like you’ve thought more about me than I did about you.”

“What does that even mean?”

You groan at your lack of cohesive thoughts, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to word it, but after you spoke that one night, I realized you thought about me after you were fifteen. After everything happened.”

You try to keep your voice from wavering, “When you didn’t come to my dad’s funeral, that was the turning point for me. It’s just the marker that I have in my head of where I stopped…thinking about you. I stopped thinking about where our friendship went wrong. I stopped any attempt to get it back.”

You blink away the tears that threaten to fall, “I was numb after everything happened and I can’t even remember a lot of it. I was stricken with grief—my dad was my everything, him and I were the closest and I was just so hurt. Thinking about you was the last thing on my mind and I know that sounds awful, but I didn’t even know you had a crush on me, Kylian. I had no idea and it just never occurred to me to think that. You were just so…off putting and rude that I took it as that; that you no longer liked me and didn’t want me around.”

He’s quiet. He had finished his ice cream at one point while you spoke and his hands were clasped in front of him. He was watching you intently that you had to keep glancing between his eyes and his hands to get your words out.

You set the ice cream down in the now finished basket of fries. You were no longer hungry and were nauseated by the idea of food. You look back at him, “I didn’t know what to expect on this trip, and it’s only been three days. I guess I’m just a bit overwhelmed with the idea of you having had a crush on me for the past eight years and us only seeing each other maybe a handful of times. It doesn’t make sense to me at all.”

Kylian nods his head, understanding. He keeps a neutral facial expression and it makes you cringe because he wasn’t giving you an ounce of emotion. You tried to calm down the bouncing of your knees underneath the table but his silence wasn’t helping. “Say something, please.”

His eyes fall back on you and he licks his lips, “Can you explain a little more how it doesn’t make sense?”

You shudder, “You practically hated me—”

He shakes his head and closes his eyes, “I didn’t, Reine, and I hate that I made you think that.”

You take in his words and continue, “Okay. Well, yes, you made me feel that way. After a while, I ignored it and moved on. As much as I valued our friendship—the two years I had it—I had to deal with my dad first. Losing him was just a much worse blow, and in the process of grieving, I grieved the loss of our friendship too. You coming around, hurt less. You poking at me, hurt less. Eventually I focused on school and I went to uni and I mean you left too. We have had at least four years away from each other—me in uni and you at Monaco—how could you have possibly felt the same throughout the years?”

His face is slack but his eyes are sad. You can tell and you instantly feel heat creep around your shoulders. You shake off your coat and let out a shaky breath of air.

He says, “Everything has just moved so fast in the past four years. The only time it felt like it slowed down was during the offseason, but even then I still had training to do to make sure I stayed fit. It goes by fast. Those may have felt like four years to you but not to me, maybe two years at most.”

“And you didn’t move on?”

He shakes his head and then looks down at his hands, “No.”

“So you haven’t been with anyone?” You raise your eyebrows.

“Never serious.”

“And what, you still feel the exact same now after eight years?”

He hesitates, “Reine, I never lost those feelings. I carried around the weight of what happened between us for years. Every time I saw a post of you or the rare chance that you were with the crew when I was with them, my heart squeezed from every corner inside that I couldn’t breathe at times. It wasn’t because of what I had done, it was because I was still so madly fixated on what could’ve been if I wasn’t a prick. If I just asked you out on a date instead. If I texted you that I was sorry. And every time, your presence made my knees buckle, even after eight years.

“I know you aren’t the same person as you were when you were fifteen—obviously—but I want to find out who you are now. I want to know, and in the end, if you realize that you don’t want this, then okay, that’s it. We’ll just be friends and I’ll suck it up.”

You shake your head in despair. It wasn’t that he wasn’t understanding or that he was saying all the right words. He was. You just still couldn’t believe it. “Kylian, you’re in love with fifteen year old me.”

“No I’m not. I may have not spoken to you, Y/N, but I’ve seen who you are. I’m not oblivious. I get hints from Theo, Simone, and Ana. They love speaking about you and praising you, and at times they can’t help but to mention something that you accomplished—or something you did that made them laugh. I’ve had glimpses of it. When we would all be together, I could hear what you would say and how you acted when you’d be around the girls. I’ve tried to sneak in every whisper of a conversation I could hear just to hear your voice.”

It seemed like he had a response for everything and it made you uneasy. He had time to dwell on his responses and you had none. You suddenly felt sick and everything about this room was hot. You get up abruptly, “I’m sorry, I need a moment.”

You squeeze out of the booth and beeline towards the door, your coat in your hand, and let the cold gush of air hit you. It feels relieving and you gasp for air.

Kylian is right behind you, his face full of concern but you close your eyes to pretend that everything in this moment is fine. You needed to believe it momentarily to calm down.

“Reine,” Kylian says. His voice is calm and collected as he grabs your coat from your hand. You feel him tug you onto the bench on the sidewalk and you sit, hissing as the cold metal touches your bare thighs. “I’m sorry.”

You put your hand to tell him to stop talking but he just takes your hand in his. His other arm is around the bench behind you and he’s faced in your direction.

“I think that I do like you,” you admit. Your hand was beyond sweaty in his but he didn’t seem to mind at all. “But I need to go slow. You’ve had eight years, I’ve had three days. It’s a lot to digest, okay?”

You look back up at him and despite his white cap cascading a shadow over his face, there is a glimmer in his eyes, “Okay. We can go however slow you want, I’ll be here.”

The two of you share more eye contact before you wrap one of your arms around him and hug him. He cradles the back of your head during his hug and you let out a shaky breath, “What if you realize you don't like twenty-one year old me?”

He pulls back from the hug and his hand goes to your jaw. His hand felt so warm that you couldn't help but to momentarily relax, lost within his touch. He gives you a small smile, “Impossible.”

“What if I just want to be friends?”

He draws the hand that he was holding to his mouth, giving the knuckles of it a light kiss. It was soft and chaste, but your hand felt radiating numb. “Then we’ll be friends.”

“I want to go slow,” you repeat.

“You got it, mon amour.”

Your cheek heats up and he smiles because he can feel the heat rush to them. You break into a smile, just relieved of this tense conversation. You knew you would have to talk again but you hadn’t imagined it in public, nor at this moment. It threw you off guard.

He removes his hand from your cheek and rises to his feet, “C’mon, we got to go find the group.” He holds his hand out for you to take and he looks so handsome looking down at you that you grab his hand and stand up.

------

“One more, one more!” Theo yells over the booming music. Him and Laurent throw another shot back and you shoot Simone a sympathetic look. She was enjoying herself but you knew she would have to deal with a hungover Laurent in the morning.

Kylian still hadn’t left your side though, his hands on the dip of your waist. He had been standing behind, nodding his head to the beat of the music. He sees you eyeing him and looks down, leaning towards you, “What is it?”

“I’m debating on getting a drink.”

He smirks, “Do you want me to buy it?”

“I promise I’m not that broke.”

His lips break out into a grin, “I’ll buy it if you want it, just let me know.”

“Okay, a martini,” you make up your mind quickly after seeing a girl across the club drinking one.

He nods and gives the side of your waist a tap, “I’ll be back.”

As he walks away, Lili comes next to you with a knowing look, “Well?”

You hide the smile on your face, “Stop.”

“I fully support it,” she says. “And I have extra condoms in case he needs one.”

“Oh, God,” you groan. “Lili!”

She lets out a loud laugh, “Better safe than sorry.”

“You are the worst.”

She wraps her arm around your shoulders and pulls you closer, “But seriously, I’m excited this is happening for you. After Eric, this is a major upgrade. Kylian is at least employed and a much nicer guy.”

You cringe at the mention of your ex-boyfriend. It had been almost three years since you last dated him and it was atrocious. The two of you shouldn’t have dated. He had no sense of maturity nor emotional intelligence and you stayed with him for almost five months before finally realizing that you couldn't fix him. It was a disastrous and humbling time and your judgment had been clouded from your studies.

Lili walks away from you as Kylian returns. He hands you the glass, “Thank you, Kyks.”

He nods, “You’re welcome.”

The boys were starting to take more shots and you shake your head. The small area you all were at only seated four but most of you guys were standing around the table. Simone and Lili had been the only ones sitting, but then they heard one of their favorite songs and immediately joined the dancefloor, you had followed right behind them.

You take a sip of your martini and seethe as it burns your throat, Kylian watches you. You suddenly get nervous and look away from him. He smiles to himself and takes a seat. The chairs were high so his knees touched your waist, you standing in between them.

“It feels like a sin watching you drink,” Kylian teases. His hand finds your waist again.

“Why?”

“Straight A student would never.”

“She still has them.”

He raises his eyebrows, “Really? Wow, nevermind. Drink up.”

You laugh and he dips his head onto your shoulder and then picks it up. You raise the glass, “Do you want a sip?”

“You’re a bad influence,” he sneers.

“Only if you take it.”

His eyes daringly stare into yours and his hand covers yours, pulling the glass to himself, taking a sip while maintaining eye contact with you throughout. A chill runs down your spine and you feel…hot.

You turn away with a small smile on your face. Slow. You were going slow.

After you finished your martini, you drag Kylian to the dance floor after everyone else had already made their way on it. You dance alongside the girls and Kylian slowly moving to the beat of the music. He was shy and you could tell. You poked at him every now and then to try to loosen him up but he was nervous. It was adorable watching that you couldn’t help but to laugh.

But in the midst of your dancing, you hadn’t realized Kylian had strayed a little behind with Theo and Laurent, so a guy came up to you asking to dance.

“Viens, mon ange,” come my angel he motions you to dance with him, but you shake your head. You think that is enough but he grabs your hand and you pull back.

“No,” you give him a dirty look but he doesn’t care. He takes a step closer to you, but before his hand can slide around your waist, Kylian stands between you two. Kylian wraps his hands around your waist and pushes you gently closer to the girls; Theo bumps into the guy and pushes him back. The guy backs up after getting knocked down by Theo and saunters off.

“Thanks,” you mumble.

Kylian’s hands are still around you, “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” your hands instinctively go around Kylian’s shoulders and you start dancing again, ignoring the guy's phantom grip on your wrist.

The music speeds up and somehow you end up turning around, grinding your hips against Kylian. You loved dancing and would dance with anyone when you had the rare freedom in uni. You didn’t go out much because you were always busy, but if there was one thing about you, you were going to grind on a complete stranger and then leave them high and dry.

Kylian’s grip gets tighter around you as he feels the music more, dancing alongside you. One hand on the back of his neck and then you lean into him. You had slowly stopped grinding by now, liking this position you were in with Kylian pressed up against your back. His arms wrap around your waist and his head dips down to give your neck a kiss and you close your eyes in bliss. His soft lips felt so good on you.

------

On the ride back to the house, you held Kylian’s hand in your palm on top of your thigh. You had traced his fingertips the whole way, his muscles twitching every now and then.

Laurent and Theo stumbled inside with their bodies draped across Simone and Lili’s shoulders.

You grin and nod towards them, “At least we aren’t like that.”

Kylian laughs and puts his arm around you, pulling you closer to him, “Definitely not.” He gives your forehead a kiss as you two wait for Simone to open the door.

Once you go in, the two of you immediately head upstairs. Theo had gone straight to the kitchen and you could hear him throw up. You cringe in disgust.

You flick on the lights and Kylian follows closely behind you.

After you quickly take a shower, you lay in bed waiting for Kylian to finish his. Your thoughts had been swarming around your head. You hadn’t expected any of this to happen during the trip, and maybe it was a good surprise, but it made you feel like a middle school girl with her first crush. You had never felt this way about Eric and you had known it was a red flag but chose to ignore it.

Kylian lets a soft knock to announce his entrance and you watch as he walks towards the end of the bed. He had opted for a pair of black shorts and a navy shirt with the France emblem. The lamp casted half of his face with a shadow.

“Hey,” he whispers. He lays against you and then winces, “Shit, it’s cold over here.”

You laugh, “Oh yeah, it’s not fun on that side.”

He gets underneath the blanket and scoots closer to you, “No wonder you gave me no space.”

“Um, you were the one that had me wrapped in your arms,” you bicker.

“I was going to fall off if I hadn’t,” he says, his lips going into a lopsided grin.

“Right, that’s your excuse.” One of your arms wraps around his waist and you pinch at his thick cotton shirt.

“It’s the best one I had,” he mumbles.

You roll your eyes, “Did you have a good time?”

“The best,” he leans in and plants a kiss on your forehead. His thumb brushes your cheek with an appeased smile. His dimple deepens as his eyes soften.

Your eyes linger on his lips and you feel the thoughts in your mind go silent. It was just you and him. He was warm and inviting. He wasn’t going to hurt you. He wasn’t going to leave you high and dry. He didn’t have the time for it and you knew it. After all the pining he spent doing the past few days, you knew it too. The dandelion on the nightstand was a tiny reminder of it.

And so you go for it. You slowly push yourself closer and give him a kiss on his lips. They feel soft and he returns the kiss. He kissed back so tenderly that you were practically melting in his palms. The hand he held on your jaw remained firm and you couldn’t help but to dig your hand into his side.

You could feel the rest of your limbs go limp as he drew you in closer. You had never felt so content and relaxed in your life until now. You feel his hand slide into your hair and you let out a small moan of pleasure. You hear Kylian let out a whimper but he doesn’t let go of you. You let your mouth open a bit more and Kylian takes the hint, immediately drawing his tongue into your mouth and again you let out another moan.

His impaired breathing and whine that left his mouth were sending jolts straight down your body and you had never felt that before.

You regain the feel of your legs and move them to trap one of his thighs. You give his thigh a squeeze and he lets out a guttural moan. That sound was enough to sink your hips a little lower on his thigh, suddenly mad at yourself for wearing thick pajama pants. He moves his thigh up and you grind on him at a slow pace. A small moan escaping your mouth as you finally had friction against your pelvis.

He releases you from the kiss and his eyes look like there’s a drunken haze to them. The light coming from behind you lights up his face perfectly and you take in the moment to let your hand roam his shoulder and arm. He’s out of breath as he gives your cheek and jaw more kisses. His breath fans out on your skin that again awakens something deep in you and you let out another low moan.

You raise your knee and press into him. It takes him aback and he lets out another whimpering noise. Whatever it was, it was hot and it clouded your thoughts. You wanted to hear that noise on repeat. He squeezes his thighs around yours and scowls.

“Reine,” he mewls. His voice is hoarse underneath your jaw.

You can feel him harden above your knee and you wanted nothing more to feel it with your hands but you don’t just yet. His hand roams down the side of your abdomen and finds the hem of your shirt. He slips his hand underneath your shirt and presses it onto your back, which causes you to curl your body inwards to him at the contact, and then that’s when you feel him pressed up against your pelvis hard.

He stops kissing your neck and comes back in front of your view, waiting for you to move but you feel out of breath.

“Too fast?” he asks in a whisper. He searches your eyes as you slow down your breathing and try to get the beating pulse flowing through your body to slow down.

You give his nose a peck and nod, “This did turn really fast.”

He still wears a gentle smile and you can tell he’s still turned on but not acting on it, “I know. I’m sorry, I should’ve stopped.”

You shake your head, “It wasn’t just you.” You give him a kiss on his lips and slide your hips off of him, another groan leaving his mouth. You pull back with a smile on your face, “That noise you make, it’s intoxicating.”

You feel his cheek underneath you go hot and he hides his smile into the pillow. You laugh and draw him closer to you giving him a hug. His head rests near your chest and his other arm sneaks underneath you, pulling you closer to him.

“Are you okay?” You ask him as his breathing starts to slow down.

“Yeah.” His voice is muffled. “Just hard.”

You let out a laugh and then immediately clamp a hand over your mouth since it was a bit loud. His shoulders shake as he laughs alongside you. You kiss his shoulders once more before releasing him. You were a bit sweaty and as much as you wanted more contact with him, you didn’t want to sleep in sweat.

“Your pants are cute,” he says sheepishly as he rolls onto his back. A hand of his still on your pink and heart-shaped patterned fuzzy pants.

“Aren’t they just the perfect turn on?” You grin.

He turns towards you and laughs, shaking his head, “Very much. My guy down there seems to really enjoy them.”

#reine #kylian mbappe x reader

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purplesurveys · 2 years ago

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1633

What color was the last nail varnish you wore? Can’t remember all that well as I rarely have my nails painted. It might have been purple, maybe? Purple with some glitters. I kind of remember getting that done a few months ago.

^ Do you own any shirts in that color? I don’t look too good in purple so I don’t have any clothes in that color.

What color was the last lipstick you wore? Burgundy.

^ Have you/would you ever dye your hair that color? Sure, why not? I’m open to any color as long as it isn’t a neon shade.

How long have you owned the mobile phone that you currently use? Just over a year.

How about your laptop? And what brand is it? This laptop has been going strong since 2017, man. Six whole years and counting. I made the most use out of it throughout college and in my first working year, but given that I only ever use it for doing surveys these days it’s enjoying a much longer lifespan than I expected it to have.

I got some nice new mugs recently. What does your favorite mug look like? It’s this one from Starbucks:

Do you own any mugs with a picture of an animal on them? Yeah I availed a fanmade kit from a local shop in celebration of BTS’ anniversary two years ago, and a mug was part of the inclusions. It has a number of the band’s symbols as designs, like stars and a whale.

Do you own any items that have your initial on them? No I’m not a fan of personalizing my things.

Do you own any items that have a Disney character on them? As far as I know, no.

When was the last time you had a box of chocolates? What kind were they? My mom’s godmother recently visited the country after 25+ years and she got a box of chocolates for us. I haven’t gotten to checking it out much as I’m not a super big fan of chocolate haha but it’s essentially different variations – there’s chocolate with coffee filling, another with caramel, another with coconut, etc.

How long have you had the headphones/earbuds that you currently use? It’s been at least a couple of months.

^What color are they? White.

The last time you checked the mail, was there anything for you? Nope.

Is there anyone you’ve had regular video calls with, during the pandemic? No, I hated video calls at the time. It’s only been recently when I started to be more comfortable with them.

Do you remember what you were doing at 8PM on Saturday? I was having dinner with my family.

Of all your relatives & close friends, whose birthday is closest to yours? Dev’s is just a day before mine.

Did you have a cake on your last birthday? What kind? Nope. I opted for ramen instead, haha.

What were some of your favorite foods/meals as a child? I couldn’t get enough of Pancit Canton as a kid that eventually my mom stopped getting it for a time because of how unhealthy it can be to be eaten regularly.

What were some of your favorite drinks as a child? Eh, just water. I’m not so adventurous when it came to beverages.

Are there any foods/drinks that you loved as a child, but dislike now? For the most part it’s the opposite for me because I used to be a REALLY picky eater and now I’ve learned how to eat and love everything, hahaha. A favorite 180º change of mine would probably be curry; I used to dread it when I found out that’s what was for dinner, and now I could have it literally everyday.

Which of your physical features do you receive the most compliments on? My figure, hands, and eyelashes. What traits/qualities do you have, that you believe others appreciate? I’m good at reading people, so I go ahead of them in terms of things they might be needing help with but might be too shy to raise. It’s stuff like, “Do you need a ride home?” “Do you need me to pay for this first?” “Do you need me to go talk to her?” and the moment their eyes light up that make me think they do appreciate the initiative to an extent.

Do you have any friends that you communicate with every day, in some form? Angela is the person who best fits this. We do talk everyday these days.

When you woke up today, what kind of mood were you in? So groggy. I slept at around 3 AM, so when my mom woke me up to prepare for church I wasn’t exactly awake awake yet.

What was the last food or drink you had, that you hadn’t tried before? Wasabi powdered fries. Turned out really good and not spicy at all!

What was the last song you listened to, that you hadn’t heard before? Bittersweet by Seventeen’s Wonwoo and Mingyu, and LeeHi. Instant fan.

When do you next plan to eat something? Do you know what it will be? Probably in a couple of hours and most likely it’ll just be something light to pass the hunger.

So, to finish, what’s your favorite position to sleep in? On my side, clutching a pillow.

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merrock · 4 months ago

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HAPPY (unofficial) THIRD BIRTHDAY, MERROCK!

While our group technically has two anniversaries, this is the first of them! We opened for roleplaying on August 29, 2021 under a 'trial and error' phase with some friends who wanted to come along for the ride. Many of you are still with us today, whether you've never left, or happily found your way back, and we're so appreciative of that!

To celebrate, my little birthday gift to you guys is a few new locations for you to enjoy. Have fun with them!

TRINKETS -- a coastal shop with everything you could look for as a tourist. Find seashells, souvenir t-shirts, water bottles, wind chimes, photo frames, everything that you could ever dream of finding in a quaint little gift shop near the piers.

THE HOLIDAY SHOPPE -- located downtown, a new store is opening in time for Halloween! The Holiday Shoppe specializes in all of your holiday needs, and changes for the seasons! They will start by carrying Halloween decor & costumes, so check them out!

THE WHEEL -- a ceramics and pottery workshop, where you can head out with your friends to make a vase, or take a class! They also sell ceramics, concrete statuary, and pottery made by the artists on site, so if you're looking to make or buy, head to the countryside and check them out!

THE SKATE PARK -- while it might not have the most fancy name, the Skate Park is located in the suburbs, a space carefully crafted for kids and adults alike, where everyone is welcome to bring their bikes and boards. snacks and refreshments on the weekends!

GREAT ESCAPE -- located next door to The Fun Spot, the Great Escape is a combination escape room and rage room, a perfect place to work out any frustration... after you frustrate yourself trying to get out of the escape room, of course!

SNACK SHACK -- find yourself shopping in Hideaway Market and need something to eat or drink? The Shack offers seasonal drinks (think refreshers, juices, smoothies, frappes) and light foods like nachos, cheeseburgers, quesadillas and more!

We will also be starting a seasonal interest check tomorrow, in lieu of the activity check, as I know that it's a holiday weekend. Please keep an eye on main, but remember to still be active! A check will be run alongside it next week, so don't earn yourself any strikes, since we'll be doing a clean slate.

If you're looking for a way to really dive in and celebrate our anniversary, take some time to reach out to those you haven't plotted with yet, or maybe haven't written with in a while. Take a look at our open starters and reply to any you haven't yet, just spread a little bit of love around and let's enjoy Merrock! xx

#merrocckadmin

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jordynclover · 2 years ago

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Bleeding Heart-Chapter Seventeen

Daryl stepped toward Rick waving his hand in front of his face. "Rick, you with me?" Daryl asked as Rick stared off. "Rick?" He asked again. "Let me see the baby," Hershel said as the infant cried. "What are we gonna feed it? We got anything a baby can eat?" Daryl asked.

"The good news is she looks healthy. But she needs formula. And soon, or she won't survive." "No. No way. Not her. We ain't losing nobody else. I'm going for a run." Daryl said, putting his crossbow over his shoulder.

"I'll back you up," I said, handing the baby to Carl. "I'll go too." Maggie said; Daryl, Nodded, "Okay, think where we're going. Beth." Daryl said, pulling Beth to the side. Maggie hugged Glenn, and I looked at the baby.

"Kid just lost his mom. His dad ain't doing so hot." Daryl whispered as Beth nodded, "I'll look out for him." Beth replied, walking back to her father.

The baby wiggled in Carl's arms and began fussing. "You two get the fence. Too many pile up, we got ourselves a problem, Sybil, Maggie, vámonos." Daryl yelled, Looking at the prisoners as Rick Grabbed Jackal's hatchet.

"Rick!" Jackal yelled as he stepped toward him, But Rick was gone, heading up the stairs and slamming the door behind him. "Get the gate. Come on; we're gonna lose the light." Daryl yelled as we ran to the light-green car parked by the fence.

"There's a Piggly Wiggly on eighty-five," Glenn said, looking at Maggie and me. "No, the baby section's been cleared. Lori asked me to keep an eye out. I haven't had much luck." Maggie replied, looking at Daryl.

"Is there any place that hasn't been completely looted?" Daryl asked, taking his crossbow off. "We saw signs for a shopping center just north of here," I responded, and Maggie shook her head. "Yeah, but there's too much debris on the road. The car will never get through there." Maggie responded

"I can take one of you," Daryl said, loading his crossbow on his bike, "You ride with Daryl; I can run," I said, looking over to Maggie. "I wouldn't ask you to do that," She responded, shutting the car door. I shook my head. "MaggieI will be fine," I replied.

Maggie nodded. I looked to Daryl, "I'll be fine; I'll meet up with you soon, yeah?" I said, walking over to him, and he nodded "see you soon." He replied as he got on his bike; Maggie got in behind him, and the engine growled as it came to life.

I looked at Glenn. "We'll be back soon," I said; he nodded; I sped off; not having blood the last few days made this more challenging; my veins were starting to feel like sandpaper, pushing what blood was there and then rubbing together.

The forest was a blur as I raced through it; hearing Daryl's bike ahead helped me know I was going in the right direction; he turned and headed Northeast, and I followed. I was going to need to hunt after this.

Daryl's bike stopped shortly after, and I caught up just as they got off it. "This the place," I asked as Maggie spun, shocked. "You can run fast," I chuckled. "I'd be faster if I had blood; I might be late back home; I need to find food," I said and walked up next to them.

"You go, Maggie; I'll follow in a minute," Daryl said, looking at Maggie and grabbing his crossbow; Maggie nodded and headed to the small building. Daryl looked at me and held out his wrist. "Take some from me" I looked at him and shook my head quickly. "No, D, I can't do that," I responded.

"Sybil, I'm offering; it's alright, besides you said it yourself; you aren't as strong when you drink animal blood, so drink." He said, pushing his wrist out to me again.

I took his wrist in my hand, bent my head down, letting my fangs unsheath, and pierced Daryl's flesh, earning a hiss of pain from him; his blood was sweet. It flowed smoothly down my through; five gulps was all I let myself take; when I pulled away, I looked at Daryl, then down to his wrist.

Blood dribbled down his wrist, I looked back up at him, and he brought his hand to my face, wiping the blood off my face. "Come on, Let's head in," Daryl said after a moment, and I nodded and dropped his wrist, following him through the window Maggie broke.

I returned before Daryl and Maggie; I perched myself on the fence and waited. Walkers lined the fence in front of me, snarling. "So, I guess it's official," Jackal's voice made my head turn to face him; he smirked at me.

"You know you could be less menacing; you know that, right" I responded, looking back to the road; Jackal chuckled. "That isn't fun, and you know it," Jackal replied, resting his back against the fence. "Not everything is fun, Jack," I replied, crossing my arms.

"So what happened with Daryl," Jackal asked, crossing his arms beside me. "He told me he wanted to try, so we are," I responded stoically. "I thought you would be excited," Jackal replied. "I am; it's just," I trailed off, shaking my head.

"Just what" He pressed, and I looked at him. "Daryl let me feed from him today, and I feel weird about it," I replied, turning toward Jackal, and his mouth dropped. "Are you shitting me right now" I shook my head at his statement.

"I told him I was going to hunt, but he stuck out his wrist instead," I said, glancing back to the road, "I don't want Daryl to think that I'm only with him for that; I love him for him, not what he can give," I said looking back at Jackal.

"Daryl helped you in the only way he knew how, Syb; you see how he cares for the rest of the group; you were the only one he wasn't sure how to care for until now" I nodded. "Yeah, that does make sense," I responded.

The growl of Daryl's bike made me look back to the road. "Guys, they're back," Glenn yelled as the headlight broke from behind the treeline; the prisoners opened the gate, and Daryl and maggie came through, heading up the path.

Jackal and I raced up the path beating Daryl and Maggie there. "Let's go, people, there's a baby that needs to be fed," Daryl yelled, grabbing his crossbow and bag off the bike.

Jackal opened the door, and Maggie, Daryl, and I ran in. "Beth." Maggie, as we jogged down the steps, beckoned, and Daryl went to the baby, taking off his poncho and crossbow and tossing it to the floor.

"How's she doing?" Daryl asked, taking the baby from Carl. The baby started fussing, "Shh." Daryl said, gently rocking the baby in his arms. "Shh," He repeated as Beth handed him a bottle, "Come on. Come on." Daryl said, trying to get the babe to take the food.

She stopped crying once the nipple was in her mouth, and Daryl chuckled. "She got a name yet?" He asked, looking at Carl. "Not yet. But I was thinking maybe Sofia. Then there's Carol, too. Andrea. Amy. Jacqui. Patricia. Or... Lori. I don't know." Carl replied, shaking his head.

Daryl looked over to me and smiled slightly, then looked back to the babe in his arms. "You like that? Huh? Little ass-kicker." He said and looked around as the group laughed

"Right? That's a good name, right? Little ass-kicker. You like that, huh? You like that, sweetheart?" Daryl repeated, rocking the small child as she suckled on the bottle and looked up at Daryl.

I left the group and headed up the stairs to the cell I shared with Jackal; I grabbed what things I had in there and came out; I walked to the cell across from the perch, pulled the door open, went inside, and laid my stuff down.

"I knew I'd find you here." I whipped my head around at Daryl's voice, smiled weakly, and nodded. "Yeah, I thought it would be better if I didn't share a cell with another guy when I'm with you," I chuckled; Daryl chuckled.

"Should I bring my stuff in here, too, then?" Daryl asked, setting his crossbow down in the corner of the room; I smiled and nodded. "If you want to," I responded, and Daryl walked out of the cell only to return a few minutes later.

"I wish we could take these bunks down and make one big bed. Daryl said, sitting his stuff down; I chuckled, grabbing one of the bars and breaking it, bending it straight; I did the same for all four legs.

I sat the top bunk on the ground and pushed it next to the bottom as Daryl stood there, not saying a word. "How about that," I said, chuckling as Daryl pulled me into his arms, resting his hands on my waist.

"It's perfect," He whispered, pressing his lips to mine. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pushed my body closer to his, letting myself revel for as long as possible.

Daryl pulled away first and rested his forehead on mine. "Saw you talking to Jackal; what's that about." I looked into the blue orbs I fell for and smiled. "Just telling him what you did for me today," I responded, swaying in his arms slightly.

"Weren't nothing," he mumbled, biting his lip. "It was to me, you didn't have to do that, but you did," I stated, brushing my hand against his cheek. "What happens if you don't drink blood? You said you couldn't die," Daryl questioned.

I pulled away and sat on the bed, patting next to me, and Daryl sat down; kicking off his boots, he rested his elbows on the bed, putting his weight on them, looking at me as he waited for a reply.

"I desiccate; it takes a while; the beginning is more painful than the rest; your veins start to feel like sandpaper as they dry out, moving what blood you have left through your body until it's gone; then they rub together," I replied watching Daryl's reaction, he sat there hanging onto every word.

"Has it ever happened to you" I shrugged. "Not entirely, only the beginning, but Jackal had it happen to him once; he said it was the most painful thing he's ever experienced," I replied, grabbing his hand and lacing his fingers with mine.

"What made you want this life?" Daryl asked, looking at my hand and rubbing the top of my hand with his thumb. I sighed, and Daryl looked up at me. "You don't have to answer," Daryl said, and I shook my head.

"It wasn't my choice," I responded and looked away as tears brimmed my eyes; I wiped them away before Daryl could see; I looked back at him and took in a shaky breath. "My brother Henrik was killed by the werewolves in our village." I began looking down at our intertwined hands.

"Niklaus had taken Henrik to watch them turn, which resulted in his death; that night, my father had my mother prepare a special meal; the wine we drank contained a spell." I continued looking at Daryl.

"After dinner, my father shoved a sword through my heart, as did he with my siblings when we woke; my father had a maiden that he forced us to drink from; that's when we became demons; I told you my dad was a dick" I chuckled looking at Daryl.

Daryl smiled sadly at me. "You ain't no demon," Daryl mumbled, and I smiled. "It's a good thing you didn't know me when I had my humanity off," I chuckled, and Daryl looked at me, confused.

"It's like a switch; you can turn it off if things get too much, but when you turn it off, it takes a lot to turn it back on," I elaborated, and he nodded. "When did you turn it off" He pressed. I chuckled at him in response.

"I think it was fourteen-thirty to Fifteen-fifteen if I remember correctly; we went from England to Copenhagen during that time, posing as citizens by day and killing them by night; it wasn't my finest hour, I'll tell you that. I responded, hoping Daryl wouldn't leave me because of this.

"How many people have you killed, Sybil" Daryl asked, and my breath hitched; I swallowed the bile that rose. "I just wanna know; it won't change my mind bout you," He added, reassuring me.

"A lot; I've killed more people than I want to admit, but that was either because I couldn't control it, or my switch was flipped, or I just didn't care," I replied honestly, feeling ashamed of myself, which I hadn't before.

"What happens if you turn your switch now?" Daryl asked, letting go of my hand and laying down on the bed; I laid down next to him, our noses almost touching, and stared into his eyes.

"I would become a bitch. I could probably control the bloodlust and not kill anyone. Still, I wouldn't give a damn about what people thought," I replied, and Daryl nodded. "I love you," Daryl said, moving closer, so our noses touched. "I love you too," I responded and smiled.

"You make my world ever so bright."

Next Chapter

#twd #twd fanfiction #twd daryl #twd fanfic #twd fanfics #daryl dixon #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl fanfiction #Rick Grimes #Norman Reedus #Andrew Lincoln #the walking dead fic

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jodilin65 · 10 years ago

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SATURDAY, MAY 31, 2014 Today’s been one of those fun days where I’m happy to be alive and bursting with energy, both physically and mentally. A stark contrast to last night’s poverty dreams, but I’m glad I’m only impoverished in my dreams and not in real life.

“We have a beautiful home in a beautiful park, we just bought a Caddy, and we have thousands in savings, so why do I still have these dreams?” I asked Tom.

“Because that’s what’s on your mind these days,” he said.

He’s probably right, too. That’s just good old PTSD for you. When life isn’t actually beating me up, I worry that it will once again do just that someday. As Tom reminded me, though, nothing will be ok forever for one day we will get old or sick and we’re going to die.

I don’t remember both dreams, but in one we were so broke we could barely afford food. I struggled to make the food last and wouldn’t eat unless I was desperate. We had 3 cats, too. Normally we didn’t let them outdoors, but we were so broke that when they went to the door begging to be let out, we let them out in hopes that they’d find their own food so we didn’t have to buy them any.

Anyway, I got up at 10am and walked around the block a few times. Then we went to Raley’s to pick up a few things. He didn’t go shopping today like he usually does because he forgot his wallet, LOL. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with Walmart later on in the day, so he’ll go early tomorrow morning before I get up.

Riding in the Caddy is always an adventure. The stereo sounds divine and it’s cool watching the digital compass in the rearview mirror tell us what direction we’re facing. I suppose most cars have that these days, though.

Same for the backup warning. In back on the roof are these 3 lights that light up the closer you get to something you’re backing up to. I forget the distance, but the first light lights up when you’re about 5’, then the second when you’re closer, then the third turns red and flashes really fast when you’re just a few inches away from something.

We copied some of my songs and pics onto my new smartphone and then downloaded a running app for it. Runtastic, it’s called. I’m just not sure the armband you slip it in will be very comfortable. It’s a bit big for my pants pocket, though, and my running skirt/shorts don’t have pockets. Technology is fun and useful, but such a bitch at times, too. I almost wish for the days when things were simple.

Tom was going to do the 30-day ab challenge with me but won’t be able to do it cuz as he learned, his upper ab muscle is “broken.” If you’ve ever been pregnant or super fat, the ab muscles split, and while it wouldn’t harm anything to do things like crunches and sit-ups, it makes it worse so it looks funny. There are other exercises Tom’s going to be doing.

Besides broken muscles, something’s determined to hex my jewelry lately. First my ankle bracelet broke, and now one of my toe rings is broken, too. Maybe I shouldn’t get such cheap stuff.

There’s a house for sale here for 125k! The economy must be improving, but there are also some really super nice and spacious homes in this park.

Tom has to stop by the office to get the gate clicker reprogrammed cuz apparently they changed the code. They do that periodically to give us a little extra security. Even though this isn’t Sun City, it would be easy to think we’re all loaded here, though I suppose some might be. Even I feel loaded compared to how we lived a few years ago.

Tom’s on Amazon picking out his birthday present with the money I made online over the last month. It feels good to have worked for the money so he can pick out what he wants, even though I know my love would be enough of a present for him.

Later…

If anyone has a problem with the bitchfest I’m about to unleash, too bad! I need to vent. Badly.

As I mentioned before, I noticed a few days ago a huge jump in loud car stereos, most of which are outside the park. Today there were at least 3 that were definitely inside the park. No doubt about it. An hour ago I heard the loudest one ever. It was horrible… thump, thump, thump… just like we were back in Phoenix or Oregon all over again. Like a giant fist pounding the walls of our house. Worse is that it didn’t just drive by, it was sitting somewhere. Whoever it was has to live here (unless they were guests that were leaving), because the gates were locked at the time.

Hell, I can’t even go a half-hour without hearing one of these things! What the fuck’s going on all of a sudden and why does every single fucking place I ever move to get progressively noisier? A few places, like a couple of projects I once lived in, were always rocking, but I see a definite pattern that’s hard to deny even if they ARE a common problem from what I read online. They’re fucking everywhere. So much so I was shocked when Andy said he never hears them where he lives. Makes me wonder if that’s one of the rare areas where they’re illegal.

Other than where he lives, nobody does shit about them anywhere. Judges have thrown out requests to limit them and it’s like the stereo blaster’s rights are protected. There is no such thing as disturbing the peace when it’s car stereos. A few places will ticket you, but the blasters are perfectly willing to pay the measly 30-dollar fine. Why? Because they’re desperate to get your attention and they already spent hundreds for the damn system in the first place. So what’s a lousy 30 bucks? The whole point of it is to be heard. Makes them feel in control and like they’re controlling you, cuz in a sense, when they penetrate your walls with their music, that’s exactly what they’re doing; they’re forcing you to listen to them. Sadly, there are that many people out there so insecure and hell-bent on control that they’ll spend 100s of dollars to gain some of that “power” they’re so lacking. Even an article I read that mentioned possibly getting fined said, “Still ‘not scared of the police?’” Well, you might want to be of potential thieves, they also said. After all, you’re basically announcing it every time you come and go, thus enabling one to easily learn when the best time is to steal the fucking thing, but people often think they’re invincible. Where I worry all the time about bad things happening, everyone else hasn’t a care or a fear in the world until the shit actually does hit their little fans.

But is noise really a common problem that most people have to deal with, or is it rather extreme with me? I don’t know if I’m right in assuming there’s a “noise curse” of sorts on me or if there really are that many loud, rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate assholes out there. After all, Andy does hear enough other shit at his place. I don’t hear barking and brats here, but I wonder if that too, is just a matter of time. Landscapers and home improvement noise in the daytime, stereos at night… if you can’t get any peace in a 55+ park, where CAN you get it? Tammy's in a low-income place in the mainstream and it’s quiet there. I’m in a retirement community and I’m now not only hearing things in the daytime – especially weekdays – but now I’m hearing shit at night, too!

I hate to admit it, but Jesse’s place was quieter in some ways. 99% of the noise there was him and his mutts. Otherwise, it was WAY quieter. But we could never afford the type of land Jesse’s got that’s situated in such a hilly spot that blocks them so well.

It’s sad because I used to be able to count on at least the nights being quiet here, but now I don’t even have that much. Maybe it’ll back off in the winter, but I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse overall. When has a place ever gotten quieter? It just doesn’t usually work that way. Noise levels go up, not down.

I’m guessing the park recently started allowing them in as they did motorcycles a while back, and why not? They’re just as loud. Like Tom said, even though Andy and I think senior living should be about peace and quiet, it’s mostly about being with people your own age. So I doubt anyone will complain or that it’d do them any good if they did. sighs Just gotta live with it like in Oregon, even if it’s incredibly distracting and annoying. Plus, that’s one more thing that could wake me up and I gotta wonder what they’re going to allow in here next - dogs to be left outdoors 24/7? Kids to move in? They bitch about a couple of cats on the loose, but it’s ok to disturb the peace all you want??? WTF? This world is beyond twisted. I have a greater risk of getting fined and even jailed for writing that I hate Arabs because they’re violent animals than I ever could have of blasting a car stereo at all hours of the day and night. Great world we live in, huh?

FRIDAY, MAY 30, 2014 Got the monthly newsletter and in it, they complain of loose cats. rolls eyes Oh, please! That’s nothing compared to all the landscaping and home improvement racket going on, not to mention the uptick in car stereos lately. I don’t think they’re coming from inside the park, though. But why are there so many of them all of a sudden? I used to hear one occasionally, but yesterday was as bad as Oregon only at a distance. I heard them constantly even late into the night. Some were idling as opposed to moving. I’d like to think that if they were anywhere in the park they wouldn’t put up with that. Tom doesn’t think they would, but people seem to have a strange sense of what should be complained about and what shouldn’t be. I’ve seen something like one loose cat go by the house. Big deal. Rarely do I see loose cats when I’m out running. Yet it’s ok to hammer, drill, saw, blow, mow, and trim up a storm nearly every single day???

As for the thunderous car stereos, it’s sad that after all these years the damn things are still legal. And as is the case with most technology, it only advances with time and so they continue to get louder and louder. But that’s our fucked up country for you. We allow for a lot of shit to occur while we have other laws and ordinances that are just plain ridiculous.

I finished the last of the cleaning and setting things back up. I’m glad that much is over. I almost felt like we were moving in all over again.

I like having my desk further away from the rats when they’re active at night. This way the attention whores don’t pester me as much. I let them all run around last night and what a handful they are! I had to guide Sugar and make sure he didn’t get hurt, all the while Romeo wanted to sneak up and playfully nip me (too hard), while Hoodie ran off to get into whatever he could get into.

Avondale spiders. Those were in fact the nightmares Tom and I saw a few times down in Arizona. I still can’t believe Andy never saw the things. They were straight out of a Stephen King movie. In fact, they were used in the movie Arachnophobia. They’re also known as Huntsman spiders. They’re huge, fast, scary-looking, and native to Australia and New Zealand. They’re harmless, but at 4-8 inches, I don’t give a shit how harmless they may be.

THURSDAY, MAY 29, 2014 The writing challenges I was doing were 30 days long, but I’m not up to having to think any harder than I already do on other writing jobs I do, plus other things. Instead, I will be participating in a 30-day ab challenge. It won’t be much of a challenge for me because my core is pretty strong, but I’ve definitely been slacking off lately. I doubt I’ll ever have flat abs again at this age, but the stronger they are the fewer backaches I have.

I tell people Tom’s stronger but I’m smarter. Well, I don’t know that I’m literally smarter since he knows an awful lot about other things; things I’m not interested in or good at. The one part of me that’s definitely stronger than him is my core. He’s got the arms and the legs, I’ve got the core, speed, endurance and energy. :) I love to rub this in too, LOL, but he has no problem admitting I’m fitter. It’s just too bad this bum thyroid won’t let me strip 30-40 pounds of fat. :(

I slept long and well last night and my schedule even jumped nearly 6 hours.

Had a chat with Tammy and she totally understood when I said I unfollowed the girls cuz I was sick of hearing about their father. I won’t get into why I hate him, but let’s just say it’s something big enough to be unforgivable. My sister hates him too, but for different reasons. I asked Tammy not to tell them and she agreed. No need to hurt anyone’s feelings, after all. I like that we can unfollow anyone who annoys us without actually deleting them, and I have deleted a few. Feed flooders, repetitious posters, religious fanatics, etc.

Anyway, Tammy said she understood and that she listened to the girls when they went on and on about his condition, but she did it for their sake only. Well, his “condition” is that his cancer has spread from the kidneys to the lungs to the liver. As soon as she said the magic word, “liver,” I knew the wife/child beater would be toast soon enough. It’s now got 6-20 months left based on what I read. I guess this is the kind of cancer that like with my brother, spreads so fast that by the time you’re onto it, it can’t respond to treatment. So we’ll both have mixed emotions when he finally goes. We’ll feel terrible for the girls, but we’ll be laughing amongst ourselves.

Andy’s going to take the train from Oakland to Auburn in late November and then his sisters are picking him up the next day. Wow, I’m surprised they’d make the drive up here. They’re all going to go to a Fleetwood Mac concert in Sacramento before taking off.

No landscapers anywhere today, but someone was hammering. Again? What do they think these houses are, old and rundown?

Was saddened to learn that Alison lost both her job and her apartment after being in the hospital for 24 days. Why aren’t there any laws securing people’s jobs and homes that are in the hospital long term? That’s outrageous that people should lose things like that due to circumstances out of their control.

Andy said if she were really an FBI employee her job would’ve been secured. I don’t doubt that she was the analyst she said she was. Even if I hadn’t seen that news vid, it was just about enough in all the years we’ve talked, though she didn’t “talk” much about it because they’re not allowed to discuss cases they're investigating. She worked in the sex crimes unit and found it very depressing. I asked Tom if he agreed with Andy and he said no because there was probably more to her being let go than just the time she missed. I agree. Aly’s also been battling clinical depression and who knows what else. Prayer hasn’t worked for her any more than it has for me, and well, something up there definitely seems to have had it in for her for a long time now. She’s determined to fight it, though, and to see better days ahead. I hope so for her sake. She could really use a break. For now, I’m glad she could move in with her parents even if she doesn’t always get along with her mom.

The two dreams I remember from last night were negative, as usual. One was common for me and it doesn’t take a genius to figure it’s probably because I fear falling into poverty again someday, even though we’re a lot smarter about saving money than we used to be, and would like to think the economy could never get so bad again before he retires. We could retire at 62 but would be struggling. We’d be fine at 66, but ideal at 70.

Anyway, in the dream I was at some couple’s house. They were such nice people, too. I don’t know who they were or how I knew them. I didn’t seem to know Tom in the dream. They had a party one night and I helped them cater to their guests. I don’t know if they had any kids or if anyone else lived with them, but was determined to see if I could stay with them because I was homeless. I had planned to tell them about my situation after the party but broke down in tears in the kitchen after bringing a tray of dirty dishes into it. The guy saw me and I tried to explain why I was homeless and about my sleep problems, but didn’t think he was comprehending much of what I said because there was so much commotion going on around us.

In the second dream, Sugar either got outside somehow or I was dumb enough to let him out. After a while of his not returning home, I asked Tom if he thought he was still alive out there and he said no. I woke up feeling sad and guilty for letting him die out there alone.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 28, 2014 Had a dream I was in a basement somewhere with my childhood friend, Jessie. Suddenly, a couple of polar bears appeared. We both froze in our tracks and when she began to speak I said, “Shhh!”

There we stood frozen stiff until I actually fell asleep. When I awoke, Jessie and the bears were gone. I ran upstairs to tell Tom about it, but he didn’t believe me at first. “They must’ve gotten in during the party,” I told him, and then he realized that was in fact possible.

In another dream, I was to be staying somewhere, against my will as usual. The “jail” looked like a giant room and I wasn’t sentenced yet for whatever crime I was supposed to have committed. I only knew it had something to do with the black bitch in Arizona, and yes, I did say “black” bitch. I’m tired of it being ok for them to call us white bitch, white this, white that, while it’s never ok for us. I’m not against the “Do unto others as you’d have done unto you” thing, but I am very much against double standards. So if you have a problem with it… tough! :)

In the dream, I was worried I could end up doing a total of a year for that shitster, regardless of its color, between years ago and now. Then I spotted the big fat Mexican who was also involved in railroading me and was suddenly terrified. She was bossing others around who seemed scared of her and I knew she could break me in half. I wondered just how she’d react if she recognized me.

I went and told one of the guards who she was and why I was afraid, and they told me not to do anything about it should she burn me in any way. In other words, my dream self knew, it wouldn’t get me anywhere but in deeper shit with her.

Later…

The master suite is now clean. Tomorrow I’ll hit the kitchen, then the living room the next day. Then again, I may tackle the living room today cuz I’m sick of everything being crammed onto the shelves. I want to set things back up. It’s a bright sunny day, I’m wide awake; might as well get it done today.

Tom got us some clear plastic mats to put under our chairs. It’s still a bit hard to roll them around but not as hard as it was before.

He had fun at the company BBQ yesterday but didn’t win any raffles. They might have lunch at the casino next week.

No home improvement projects or landscapers to listen to today as of yet, but I’m annoyed by the rise of loud car stereos I’ve been hearing. Are they coming into the park lately, or are the damn things just getting louder?

TUESDAY, MAY 27, 2014 I still worry that after all the work we put into this place we’ll end up losing it someday. What happened a few years ago really fucked with my head and did a number on it to the point that I now see things differently than I used to. I worry about the things I never gave a second thought to in the past. But just like with other stressful, scary, and traumatic experiences, I’m determined not to let it stop me from living my life. If I see something I really like or need and I have the money for it, I get it. And you know that bit about things happening for a reason and some higher power planning our fate and destinies? Well, screw that shit, too. It’s my life and I will decide my future. I can’t stop a meteorite from hitting the planet or make my thyroid come back to life, but I’m definitely going to be taking the driver’s seat of my life whenever possible. It’s not going to be up to “fate,” “destiny,” “God,” or any vindictive assholes that think I’ve crossed them, thus giving them the right to get me back for it, if they’re not just plain crazy.

Meanwhile, with acceptance comes new activewear, yay! We grabbed a breakfast platter at Jack-n-the-Box, then went to Target. The other day I said to myself, face it, girl, your rolls aren’t going anywhere. They’re yours for life no matter how hard you diet or bust your ass working out.

I actually almost quit working out altogether, but I really don’t want to fall out of shape either. I want to be ready for anything physical that comes my way, like all the activity when we vacationed in Hawaii. That would’ve left me unable to walk the next day had I not been in shape, and well, I don’t want the joint pain back and I don’t want to get all out of breath just from cleaning the house. Lastly, if I quit working out I’ll gain a few pounds a month instead of a few a year. I don’t want that either.

So I got two tank tops, one in neon yellow and the other in hot pink. Tom likes the neon yellow cuz he knows drivers will see me better in it. I also got long pants and these shorts with a skirt over it sort of like what the tennis players wear. They’re all a size L with the skirt/shorts being an XL, and yes, they’re a bit loose around the waist, but they have a drawstring that snugs them up. I just don’t like tight clothes. They are snug elsewhere, though, since I have a fat ass and full hips, haha.

Gotta get new running sneakers one of these days, too. I have enough T-shirts and sweatshirts that are suitable for the cooler months. I wasn’t lacking in tanks, but thought the two I got were too cool-looking to pass up. The pants will last longer than my baggy old sweats and shorts will. These pants are snug, almost like tights, so that’s why they’re great for running. The material doesn’t rub together as much this way when your legs are scissoring back and forth. The pants are dark charcoal gray – almost black – and the skirt/shorts are black with deep purple.

The tanks are slightly loose in the chest near the armpits but fit snugly across my midsection.

I’ll write about what else I got later. For now, I need to start cleaning and putting this place back in order now that the new and wonderful carpet is installed – finally!

Later…

Finally decided what I want to do as far as mentions of Molly in my blogs. I’m not letting anything be public from this year on. Again, that’s what she’s looking for and what she wants. No sense in sweating over deleting old stuff since she’s already seen it, but I’m not going to let her see that it annoys me to see she’s still coming around. That’ll make her pay more attention to me, not less. It isn’t just a mention of herself she’s looking for, but any word on Alison as well.

Speaking of Alison, why do I get the feeling this lack of contact goes beyond all her problems? Really, if she doesn’t want to be friends, why doesn’t she just say so. I already gave her my word that I wouldn’t say anything negative about her in my blog. Really hope she’s not friends again with Molly or Kim and only sticking around to fill them in on what’s up with me.

Got some cleaning done and am still loving this carpet. As cruel as it may sound to outsiders who don’t know the situation, my parents need to come back to life and let me kill them once a year or so to keep the payments coming. Really, they’ve been much more helpful to me dead than alive.

The only negative thing about this carpet is that it’s very coarse to the touch and it’s hard to roll my chair over it. We looked for one of those plastic sheets you put under office chairs when we were in Target but didn’t find any.

The floor was structurally sound, in case I forgot to say, and the workers said most of the nail strips were in good condition. They only had to replace one tiny section that had gotten wet and rotted out.

We did get me a new smartphone like his that was on sale for $50. It’s a lot nicer than that old cell I was using. I’m sure I’ll use it more for playing music and fitness apps when out running than I will for calling anyone.

I also got a cute doll for just $18 that’s regularly $40. At first glance, I thought it was an American Girl doll which I was surprised to see priced so low, even on sale. On sale, you’re lucky to find one of those for under $60. I think it’s a knock-off (Our Generation) that makes lookalike dolls, though the molds are amazingly similar when I compared “Holly” to pics of AG dolls online. Anyway, Holly’s not very realistic, but she is cute. She’s a green-eyed vinyl doll with long straight blond hair. Her body is stuffed. Her eyes close when you lay her down. LOL, I don’t think I’ve had a doll with closing eyes since I was a kid. She’s definitely more geared towards kids than adult collectors, but I don’t care. She wears a bold pink dress, black tights and pale pink furry boots that are adorable. I polished her nails hot pink. I’d like a brunette with bangs to go with her someday. I’m surprised she has rooted hair. I would’ve guessed an 18” doll this size would be wigged.

I checked out a doll from the Springfield Collection that was just $20, but when I saw this Asian doll by Adora Friends, I definitely had to put her in my cart, even though she was $54.

I also got my toe ring last week and now both feet have a toe ring on the toes next to the big toes. It’s not as nice as my wideband infinity swirl and it definitely sparkled more online, but it’s still nice. Just wish my ankle bracelet hadn’t broken.

Hoodie's obsessed with "inspecting" my fingers and hands. It’s a good thing he's gentle, unlike Romeo.

Really getting sick of hearing people’s home improvement projects around here. Today it was installing a new AC across the street. They aren’t nearly as annoying as the landscapers, though. What’s annoying (besides them) is when next door parks in their driveway and gets door slammy on me like they did just now. Shook the whole living room and even the metal figure skaters in the windows rattled. Most of the time they come and go quietly, but at least 1 of their 3-5 times going out they really let me know it. And again, where is a couple in their 80s going so damn often??? They only pull into the garage when they know they’re not going out again for the day, so that will probably be when they return in an hour or two. They usually do most of their coming and going between 8 am - noon.

I’m still behind in my writing, but managed to proofread a couple of chapters of my book today.

What I don’t get is why all the fatigue lately? I’m normally a pretty energetic person, yet I’m tiring down early these days and still not sleeping well. I wake up after 4 hours of sleep, then once or twice an hour from there on out. Still averaging 8 hours, but haven’t slept 10 hours like I usually do when I get overly tired in quite a while now. I usually don’t start tiring down till I’ve been up about 14 hours, then I’ll go read for a couple of hours before I crash. But lately, I’m tiring down 10-12 hours after I’ve been up. WTF? I’m under NO stress right now, I’m not sick, so I don’t know why I’m so tired lately. My life is AWESOME now.

The tall pink flowers in the bedroom look the absolute best. I still have pink tulips to put in the bathroom once it’s painted, and I’m waiting on two giant roses. After that, I probably won’t get that many more wall stickers. As big as this place is, I’ve only got so much space for them. I put some old traditional wall hangings in Tom’s room. A large print of a sexy Indian woman across from the bed, and a couple of small sunsets with palm trees at the sides of the bed.

It’s nice to know we can do the rest of the painting and the flooring at our leisure and there’s no hurry like there was with the carpet and painting the areas over the old carpet. Painting a room this big with brand-new carpet would make me very nervous.

I’m behind on documenting dreams as well, but I’ve taken notes. Let’s see… in one dream I was standing in a small room in which an old bedridden man lay in bed talking to a woman that stood right by his bedside. I don’t know who they were or why I ran, but I suddenly turned and bolted from the room. As I headed out, I heard the old man say, “You better go,” and knew he was telling the girl he should go after me.

Sure enough, she pursued me down a long corridor. She was running about as fast as I was and the next thing I knew, I realized I had something breakable in my hand (a mug or a glass?) so I tossed it in her direction to slow her down. I awoke as it shattered on the floor.

In another dream, some woman (my old dental assistant in Arizona?) was proposing to me, and in another, I wrote an entry about having affairs with two different women and how I was looking forward to all the fun, LOL. One of my followers commented saying that while it may seem exciting and adventurous at first, it could lead to a lot of chaos and confusion in the future.

MONDAY, MAY 26, 2014 Loving our new Nomad carpet! What a long, hot tiring day it was, though. It just had to be nearly 100° out. The rats and I were melting. I still prefer heat to cold, though.

The installers were supposed to arrive between 8:00 and 10:00 and work for 2-4 hours. Instead, they arrived at noon and worked for 6 hours. The original installer’s van broke down, as our shit luck would have it. Thank goodness we didn’t have to reschedule altogether. That really would’ve pissed us off having to put back all the shit we moved, take time off from work, then move the shit all over again.

The guys did a great job and what I saw of the process was interesting and educational. You don’t realize just how much work goes into it! It’s not just a matter of yanking out old carpet and then just tossing the new carpet down. There’s so much prep work involved as well.

We watched from the carport looking into the dining room window as the guy started in the living room while his son started in the master bedroom. They used what looked like skinny spatulas with long handles to gouge up the carpet. First the guy brought up the old metal strips at the edges of the carpet by the front door, then he pulled it up with one hand while cutting strips with the other hand to make it easier to roll up and carry out the old, worn diarrhea brown carpet. The dust it kicked up was like – yuck! The padding beneath was damn near disintegrated. It’s a good thing we had the AC off since we didn’t want to suck all that dust into it. Besides, the guy said it was easier to stretch the new carpet in higher temps anyway and he was used to working in the heat. The house was at 90° by the time they left.

I was right in assuming the carpet was the original that was installed 31 years ago when the house was built. It just seemed way too worn for just 15 years, which is how long the previous owners lived here unless they had a shitload of company in and out every single day. The guy said horsehair was on the back of the carpet and they stopped using that over 15 years ago.

At first I was confused as to why there’d be linoleum until I remembered the fascinating way modular homes are built. We were given a tour of the factory that built our Maricopa home in 1999. They’re built from the bottom up similar to on-site homes. First thing that goes down on the metal frame is the floorboards. Then the flooring is laid, and they usually just slap a huge sheet down that is bigger than the space it’s intended for. Then the walls are erected and then a giant crane picks up and sets the roof down on top. Like most stick homes, it won’t last hundreds and hundreds of years and will collapse in another 75-100 years. We won’t be here, LOL, but I’m sure they’ll yank this thing out of here before it goes down on whoever is.

Anyway, it’s beautiful. looks upward Let’s see you try to take this one away from us. I love the beach sand color and am glad for how perfect it looks. I was a bit worried at first that I went too dark. I’m glad I didn’t go with the crème color I originally considered, though. This Nomad we’ve got brightens up the room without clashing with the wall colors.

After they hauled out the carpet and what was left of the padding, they swept the floors. We’ll need to touch up some paint that got scuffed up a bit, but at least they were nice enough to tell us about it. And to vacuum up the loose fibers when they were done. They didn’t even have the decency to do that in Maricopa after installing the denim blue carpet that was supposed to be champagne pink.

They cut the carpet in the street, LOL. It’s a good thing that street isn’t very busy, but they could go around it if they had to. I’m glad the streets are kept clean too, by those annoying blowers. When they were done a scattering of fibers remained in the street, but the wind and blowers will take care of them.

Fortunately, they finished the master bedroom first and we could start pulling things out of the master bath, including a dresser, fan and the bed. That way I could lay on it with the fan blowing on me even though it still felt pretty hot.

I watched the guy melt the seams. They put this strip of adhesive or glue or whatever it is down, then use an iron of sorts to melt them down. He then uses a roller to press them down, then sets these heavy tiles on the area till it sets.

Not sure I like the gold carpet edging cuz it’s slightly raised. At first I thought the floor beneath it was bowed or something, but nope. It’s the style of the strips. We can change that easily enough if we want to, though they haven’t been a problem so far. Nobody’s tripped on them or anything.

Later…

Due to being busy yesterday I didn’t proofread any of my story or do the 30-Day Writing Challenge I’ve been doing. Maybe later.

The new carpet makes the floors feel more solid, and I had to remember to sort of step up onto it when leaving the kitchen. The old carpet was so worn that it was even with the floors. There was a musty smell present that I attributed to the rats, but maybe part of it was the years of shit being spilled on the carpet. When they lifted a section from the dining room, I could see a huge stain on the underside of it. After 10 months and 2 weeks with the old shit, I’m glad to see it go!

We got a few extra scraps of carpet and I have one piece under the rats’ cage. I moved my desk across the room to the other front corner of the living room. Now maybe the attention whores won’t be begging so much for food and attention if I’m 24’ away. I mostly moved because we wanted to separate my office from what will be a traditional living room set up once we get new furniture.

I’m now wireless like Tom and so far there haven’t been any issues cutting out. I’m closer to next door where I am, but I can still hear their SUV doors on the other side of the room anyway. I was hesitant at first with the way they come and go so many times each day, but most of the time they’re quiet about it and I wouldn’t even know they were coming and going if I didn’t look out and see them. They had company the last couple of days, but they were quiet, too.

There’s a house for sale about 3 houses away going for 90k. The economy is getting better, all right, and I’m sure our place would now cost twice as much if it were for sale now instead of last year.

Anyway, Tom had to saw the bottom of the sliding closet doors in the hallway because they would no longer fit with the carpet being plusher.

I put up some of the decorative wall stickers and they look pretty cool. Tom had to help me with the ivy vines sprouting out of bricks. Not only did he have to hold the sheet while I peeled them off, but I wanted them close to the ceiling and wasn’t tall enough to reach that area.

I’ve got butterflies in the hallway and some flowers, too. Today I intend to put giant pink flowers in the bedroom, and then pink tulips will eventually adorn the base of the master bathroom. That room still needs to be painted, so it will be a while yet. Gotta paint the kitchen, bathrooms and laundry room still, plus redo the floors. I’m glad the bulk of the home improvements are over! The only thing I would change if I were starting over is I’d make the second bedroom pink and the hallway lavender instead of the other way around.

Later…

Ok, now I see that Molly does have another way into my blog without the group home name as the host. But it doesn’t say they’ve got a Mac, and they only went to LiveJournal where she usually goes. So whoever went to Prosebox with a Mac probably still wasn’t connected to her or else she’d be going there every time she went to LiveJournal.

First she appeared under her usual visitor ID, then she came back with another one, but it’s got to be her for sure. Same blog, same operating system, same time frame. Why is she coming around more and more lately? I mean, I knew the cat would eventually be let out of the bag, but still… And how long before she and her twisted mother contact me? They can only do so on Facebook that I know of. Except for on Prosebox, I keep all commenting disabled on other blogs like LiveJournal, Blogger and whatnot. I’m not using my-diary and she shouldn’t know where my Ask account is.

SATURDAY, MAY 24, 2014 I’m an idiot for having too much faith in this medication and getting the dress I got in Hawaii in a medium instead of a large. It still fits fine, but I really thought this medication was going to help me in the end. Had I gotten a large, though, I could’ve enjoyed it longer until the plus sizes became a must.

The carpet now has just a few hours left to live, yay! We’ll start clearing out the rooms in a few hours.

I crashed at 3pm and awoke at 8pm and immediately thought – this is way too early to be up. Then I mentally cussed out God for cursing me with this sleep disorder, wondering just who the hell’s sleep I supposedly fucked with to deserve it, and why everything else I’ve had or have isn’t enough. So then I formed a mental image of an average guy, considered it God, and started kicking and punching like crazy. Eventually, I fell back asleep beating up “God,” and didn’t get up till 11:00. It’s still going to be a long day, but not as long as 8:00 would’ve been. They left a message confirming that they’ll be here between 8am - 10am.

For once I had fun, romantic dreams instead of negative ones. I only had one scary one. But instead of being trapped somewhere – jails, hospitals, hotels and dumpy places, I was young again, living for the moment instead of worrying about the future, and in the beginnings of a serious relationship with a gorgeous woman. I love dreams like this cuz it’s a way of having affairs and adding variety to my life to spice things up without actually stepping out on the one I love.

What was weird about the dream was that I saw it through her eyes as well as my own. The woman was tall and German, though it wasn’t Nane. She had brown hair and blue eyes. She read my journal in which I mentioned wanting to marry her, buy some land somewhere, and buy a modular, which is what I live in in real life (a house built on a steel frame allowing it to be moved).

I knew she read about my dreams and desires but she didn’t know I knew. Sure enough, though, she bought us a few acres on a country hillside and we picked out and designed the modular we wanted, having certain things custom-made to our order.

In the scary dream, I was either living in or temporarily staying in an apartment. At least I think it was an apartment and not a house, which Jesse might’ve owned. It wasn’t dumpy, though. As I was returning from wherever, a guy (security guard?) swiped a card by the door and looked all confused when these green digital letters said: Accessed.

“No one’s been inside, have they?” I asked.

He shrugged and said he didn’t know. I then went inside and noticed certain doors that I’d left open were now shut. I then started shouting, “Who are you?!” as I ran and flung open doors, ready to slam my fist into anyone that may jump out at me.

FRIDAY, MAY 23, 2014 Woke up with some pretty nasty lower back pain as I sometimes do, and I still don’t know what causes it. PMS? My mattress?

I was all set to say “fuck it” to working out, but I do like to get out in the fresh air and stretch my legs. If I don’t, I have joint issues and gain weight faster (though I sometimes wonder if delaying the inevitable is really the smart thing to do), so out I went. Since more isn’t better in my case, 20 minutes is sufficient enough. I made 5 rounds around the circle, which is a mile.

I should increase my abdominal workouts in case that’s what’s fucking up my back. Strong stomach muscles help support the back.

As for the dieting part – no fucking way. I’m not going hungry for nothing. I thought the medication would help me help myself in that department, but I thought wrong. I’ll keep my average of 1500 calories a day.

This old, worn ugly carpet now has less than 40 hours left to live. Yes! It’s been hell pushing my schedule around, but worth it. I look forward to the break I’ll get once it’s in before it’s off to play appointment all over again.

Had a series of weird dreams last night. I got so big I could barely walk, the FBI read my blog, and Tammy told me she once dated Arnold Schwarzenegger, haha.

Then I threw a couple of pairs of underwear in the washer to be washed later on, but the cycle started anyway. Not wanting to waste water on just two pairs of panties, I added some towels to the load as the bin was filling with water.

I was also writing a story longhand in a notebook, promising my dad who was alive again to send him an email since it had been a while, and saying something nasty about someone’s kids through an intercom of sorts in a large building (a hotel?). After I said whatever it was I said I ran through a few short corridors, made some turns, then into what was my apartment or room, and slammed and locked the door. I guess I was afraid the kids’ parents might not like what I had to say or that they’d sic the pigs on me. My dream self thought of wetting my hair and throwing a towel around me and telling anyone who came to question me that I’d been in the shower.

THURSDAY, MAY 22, 2014 I’m in a truly pissy-ass mood right now, so if happy words are what you’re in the mood for today, then this entry isn’t the one to read.

First of all, I’m pushing my schedule around as fast as I can so I won’t be dog-tired on Saturday when they come to install the new carpet. I crashed at 9am, but awoke at just 2pm and was like, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! So I took both a Melatonin and a Benadryl like an idiot and fell back asleep about an hour later. I slept till 8pm, which is a good thing, but I woke up feeling totally hung over. Groggy as hell, I got up, made coffee, and ate, but couldn’t fully wake myself up. So I laid down and ended up napping for an hour. I’m only just now coming out of the fog. I don’t feel 100% alert and awake, but today’s goal of staying up till at least 11am should be easy enough.

What’s got me frustrated as hell right now is how worthless my medication seems to be against this disease. IDK, maybe my expectations are unreasonable, but it just seems to me that if I’m out there working out for an hour a day AND watching what I eat, my weight should go down. Right?

I'll wait till my next reading in June, but I have been on the meds for about 4 months now and I think I would know by now if it was going to help me or not. I am truly and honestly sick of watching myself gain nearly a pound from a cup of coffee. No one does that. No one. I feel like I'm in a no-win situation either way. If I diet and exercise I won't lose weight, and if I stop dieting and exercising I will gain weight, even if I'm still only having about 1500 calories a day. I could probably still lose if I was half-starving but I can't do that every single day. I need food to live, you know? So it has been a truly frustrating ordeal trying to get myself to accept the inevitable and all that. I'm still a good 50 pounds away from the 200-marker, but someday I will get there whether I like it or not. I just remind myself over and over that millions of people survive life with obesity. SO CAN I. The one thing I can control is how fast I get there. Dieting/running won't stop me from gaining but it will delay it. Anyway, we can't change fate and so I just gotta learn to live with it just like I have lived with being short all my life. "Embrace it, accept it, live with it, and use it to your advantage," I tell myself, should some young skinny punk decide to mess with me. I don’t know why acceptance with this one is coming so slowly to me. Perhaps I’m expecting too much too fast since I haven’t even known about it for 6 months yet.

Another thing that’s got me frustrated – and I hate to sound selfish and insensitive – is having friendships placed on hold due to some of them having so many problems. I know they can’t help it and that it’s not their fault, but sometimes I just want to chat with them or ask their opinion on something and they’re not there. I’m not going to dump them, though, for something that’s out of their control as that would be just plain mean, so I try to look forward to the contact I get from them when they’re between problems, so to speak. Sometimes we just gotta take what time we can get from some people and hope that for their sake they won’t have so many problems someday.

As for my own problem – I just gotta make the best of it. That’s all we can do about anything. Being big isn’t the end of the world. It could be worse, right? Like I could be blind, paralyzed or have terminal cancer. Being big is part of the disease and even the doctor herself did say that the medication wouldn’t make me lose weight. I just thought it would help me is all.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 21, 2014 Right now I’m dismayed that Molly is looking for me once a week, sick of waiting on Alison due to all her problems as selfish as that may sound, and wondering what’s up with Nane.

All Nane said is that in the past few months, she’s had problems with Askim, her job, her mother, and her family, but wouldn’t go into any detail. All she said was that she’d be “all right” again someday. I hate it when people tell me something’s wrong, but don’t say what, leaving me hanging and wondering WTF is up. I knew she’d had problems at work and with Askim, but her family? I thought they were close and got along well.

Thought I’d discuss some things I told my sister in this entry. She wouldn’t mind. Besides, it’s not like it’s any big secret. I’ve mentioned this in my blog before.

She said she didn’t know if it meant anything to me or not, but when she was unpacking and getting set up in her new place, she came upon Mom’s old address book. She took a picture proving that while she herself swears she was clueless as to our whereabouts in Maricopa and his family’s info, mom had Tom’s mom’s address.

No, it doesn't mean anything, I told her. Meaning that this is no big secret or anything like that. Mom and Dad met his mother in 1997 (his dad died in '95) when they drove out to see us. We all met at Red Lobster. They would send holiday cards each year and then when they became estranged to me I asked Tom's family that they cease any contact they may still have with them because it made me uncomfortable in light of our falling out. His mother and sister were very selfish people so I don't know if they complied with my wishes or not.

But that's not the point, as Tammy knows. The point is that no matter who was involved in what, nothing can ever be done to undo the legal hell I went through on account of the vengeful white-hating welfare bums and their corrupt pig pal. No one's going to pay us back the money we lost on account of them despite being vindicated in May of '03, and no one can ever replace the half a year I lost with my husband or undo the emotional anguish I suffered.

I highly doubt that Mom and Dad were aware of the legal nightmare I went through until I told them about it in 2007, but remember, one of the perps WAS a pig. Back then they had resources most civilians didn't have when it came to finding people. Once found, I was naive to the law and they took advantage of that. All I can say is that these sick fucks taught me a lot about the law, despite the grim circumstances surrounding it, and no one should ever be able to get me in a similar situation in the future. If ever anyone burns us to such a degree again - and I have no qualms about putting this in print - I WILL literally kill them with my bare little hands. Again, I don't mind saying so in print for anyone to see because I decided years ago that if I'm ever to go down again it will be because of something I truly DID do and not words on paper that I was made to look like I wrote/sent. I normally look down on the idea of revenge and consider it stooping just as low as the instigator, but not if it's big enough. If someone harmed your daughters, I told Tammy, or your husband, you would certainly take that a lot more seriously than if someone spray-painted your car, wouldn't you?

The lesson learned - never touch anything the cops hand you lest they be getting your prints on something they fabricated. I had NO idea at the time he was a personal friend of hers. No idea. How could I have? Meanwhile, I hope no one out there will refuse to take my promise seriously and screw me over bad enough to make me show them that no, I wasn't kidding, and yes, I really will come after one that knowingly and intentionally tries to turn my life upside down.

The whole 6 months I was locked up I wished to hell I HAD beaten the bitch's ass or done SOMETHING. I wanted to do so before because I felt that turning the other cheek or just taking their shit through or not through the law was sending the wrong message (one saying it's ok to fuck me over), but I was talked out of it. Never again, though! I really hope there'll never be an "again," though. My husband and I just want to live in peace, you know? But if anyone thinks I'm just gonna throw up my hands and say, "Oh well, shit happens. People wrong us and that's just life," they got another thing coming to them. People have had a habit of not taking me seriously long before the welfare bums came to trample my life. I warned Mom and Dad that I would walk away if they didn't quit their shit, but they obviously either didn't take me seriously or they didn't care.

Back to the freeloaders. I'm notorious for showing resilience and for overcoming all kinds of things in life, but them and anyone that had a hand in enabling them to screw me, no matter how direct or indirect, will NEVER be forgiven. Hell, I wish those freeloaders and their long-since fired pig pal WOULD come to this door, but at this point, they're not dumb enough to do so because A, I'm in another state, and B, they know damn well that things would play out much differently this time. They're mean and hateful, but not stupid.

The pig being involved is part of why we left Arizona. To be vindicated in a case that involved civilians only would be one thing, but when a pig is personal friends with them… I think it would've been just a matter of time before they were shooting at the house or something a wee bit much for my fists or temper alone to handle. We never had guns and probably never will.

Later…

Continuing on with my discussion with Tammy. First, though, how the hell did she leave that voice post on Facebook like she did? I’d love to be able to do that.

Either way, I already knew my parents were in touch with Tom’s mom, I just don’t know how long it went on after I ceased all contact with my parents in 1998.

I should add that I wouldn't go after someone for something small or something they said/wrote. It would have to be something they DID, something big. REAL fucking big. I'm not going to beat the shit out of someone that spilled wine on our new carpet or that bashed me in a blog or something. If anything, the verbal bashing may help up my book sales, LOL. Think Jodi Arias would sell so much of her stupid artwork if people had kind things to say about her?

What was she doing with Rhoda's address, though? I didn't think she was in touch with much of the extended family. Haven't seen that one since probably my late teens.

As I also told her, I haven't heard or seen of Lori or Lisa since my early 20s and I don't want to for two reasons that have nothing to do with their asshole father. Lori, one year older than me, and Lisa, one year younger, are my mother’s brother’s daughters.

One reason I can’t stand them is that when I called them for help when someone was knocking on my first-floor apartment window late at night in '86, they refused to help me. Something like that would piss me off when I got older and I'd be out there confronting the guy in a heartbeat, but back then I was just 18 or 19 and pretty much everything scared me. Mom and Dad were in Florida and Tammy was over an hour away, so I called them and they wouldn't come and get me. They simply told me to call the cops, and I did, but the perp was gone by the time they arrived. Finally got Jenny (my so-called “best” friend from age 9 to about 22) to spend the night once with her BF, then I left her a message the next day and she said her mother told her, "Your daughter called." Really, that was so fucking insulting! I'm not perfect but damn did she do me a favor when she dumped me a year or two later for not being just like her.

Reason two as far as why I haven't wanted anything to do with Lori and Lisa, not that I could find them, and not that the feeling wouldn’t be mutual, is that they falsely accused me of prank calling them. As an adult, I have no reason to not admit when I'm guilty of something because that admission can't be used against me the way owning up to doing something wrong could get me in trouble as a kid. No one can take away my stereo or ground me for a week as an adult. So if I say I didn't call them, I didn't. I DID call my dad’s brother and his wife, though, as I hated those fuckers for the way they treated me when I stayed with them at the campgrounds in CT and the way Marty later threatened me (right in front of Nana Bella). Again, I got scared in those days, not pissed. God only knows how much prison time I'd have accumulated by now if I were like I am today back then.

There are basically two reasons I walked away from mom and dad in '98 and that was the constant complaining and the hypocrisy. Anyone who can't accept you as you are doesn’t truly love/care for you if they have to try to pick on and change so much about you. A few complaints here and there, I can see. We can’t please everyone all the time, after all. But they didn’t ask me not to do this, this or that, they demanded like I was still a kid. I put up with their kind when I was young, but later in life, I began to walk away from such control freaks. As they say, those that don't mind matter, those that do mind don’t matter. Especially when they have a problem with literally everything you say and do.

The other reason was the hypocrisy. It really pissed me the fuck off when she had the nerve to tell me not to stick my nose in family business when she herself was doing the SAME exact thing. I can't stand lies, hypocrisy, control freaks, and phonies, related or not. So that's why I pulled back when I did.

There were the memories associated with them, too. Every time I would hear my mother’s voice I was reminded that that was the woman who abused me and so on and so forth.

TUESDAY, MAY 20, 2014 My TSH levels have got to be getting pretty close to normal by now but my body STILL can't metabolize or burn calories normally with BOTH diet and exercise. Just one lousy cup of coffee with 30-60 calories of creamer will bump me up almost a whole pound. Definitely not normal even for one who’s older, right?

Not sure I see the point in continuing on with my medication if it’s not going to do me any good, but I’ll make that decision depending on the results of my blood test in June. I know I’d be taking a bit of a risk if I stopped it, but life is all about risks anyway, isn’t it?

I wonder what last night’s dream may’ve meant if anything. I don’t know what I was there for or why I went alone, but I was at my primary doctor’s office and had waited impatiently in an exam room for over an hour to see her. I stepped out to ask her male nurse what was taking her so long and he said something about giving me something to help calm me down. I said I just wanted to see the doctor and get on with my appointment.

In a split second, I was in a small room with 3 hospital beds along one wall and some chairs across from it. There were also offices, hallways, and doorways off all the walls except for where the beds were. I was in one of the beds and saw my doctor sitting in a chair a few yards beyond the foot of it. She was chatting with a black guy. I asked her how many more minutes. “About a half an hour,” she said.

I was pissed and then I realized how tired I was. I thought to myself, I don’t give a shit if I fall asleep on them if they’re going to make me wait this long.

Just then, her nurse came through a door and approached my left side. He grabbed my arm and then stuck a foot-long needle into my arm just above the back of my wrist. I tried to protest and pull away, saying I couldn’t get home if they were going to drug me up, and the doctor burst out laughing like it was a funny joke.

Went out and covered 3 or more miles in 58 minutes at just after 7:30 and it was a ghost town out there this evening. Maybe that was because it was so windy. I turned the iPod off along the way and listened to people’s wind chimes as I walked and jogged. I was chilly at first, but then I was sweating as I got moving. I know my route so well now that I could do it blindfolded. I have my designated running spots, which are long, flat stretches as well as areas that are a bit downhill, too.

I’m surprised Oregon legalized gay marriage! Oregon was a pretty hateful state when I lived there. So many cars had that “one man, one woman” bullshit bumper sticker. Just maybe we will see all 50 states legalize it in our lifetime, after all.

Safari definitely runs way faster than Firefox, but it lacks a couple of features FF has. Pretty sure Safari is only for Mac users, though, just in case anyone’s wondering. Although I fought it tooth and nail because I, like most people, am resistant to change, I’m glad I went Mac all those years ago. I can just imagine how many viruses and other shit I’ve had had by now if I were still in Windows. Just wish providers and routers could be as stable, though I haven’t had any outages in over a week now.

Was going to wait till June to start this 30-day challenge, but then said what the hell? So here goes:

What is your first memory?

My earliest memories, though I don't exactly know which came first for sure, is turning 3 years old. I also remember "drawing" on the wall with a metal animal figure that might've been a dog. I don't know if I was still in a crib, but I was pretty young either way. Too young to know better, I placed the metallic figurine on the wall as high as I could reach, then slowly dragged it down the wall, making streaks of grayish streaks along the way.

"Oh, Jodi," I remember my mother moaning when she discovered the mess I'd made.

MONDAY, MAY 19, 2014 Nane’s brother was impressed that I could chase his golf cart around the park. LOL, the guy sure looked like her brother anyway. I was running down one side of the park when a golf cart went by. I couldn’t see the people sitting in front that were facing forward, but there were two ladies in back and I was pretty sure one was Carol, my midnight friend that never was. So by the time I hit Carol’s street, the cart had stopped on the corner and some people got off in front of where I sometimes wish our house was located. I shot down Carol’s street and was about to start zigzagging through side streets when he was headed the opposite way and he stopped to let me know how amazed he was by my speed.

The soft toilet seat in the master bath is starting to tear up at the seam on the side. Gonna return to hard seats. Maybe by the time it really goes to hell we’ll be ready to get new toilets.

Ordered another toe ring for my other foot. This one will be for my right foot, which has the colorful ankle bracelet I got in Hawaii, and it’s smaller, too. It’s a silver ring with dots of colorful glitter.

I also grabbed some more wall stickers; flowers and ivy leave vines that sprout out of “bricks.”

SUNDAY, MAY 18, 2014 As I sit here waiting for the temperature to cool down enough to go out running, I realize how slow I am at times. That suspicious visitor couldn’t have been Molly or a friend of hers at the group home. When I’ve looked over Molly’s visits I’ve noticed that the hostname is that of the group home itself. Well, the visitor in question’s hostname was that of a private residence, so I highly doubt it was tied to her after all. Not unless it was someone she knew there who no longer lives there but still lives in the Austin area, and this is unlikely.

Talked to both Tammy and Mark earlier. They really love their new place. I’m just amazed at how quiet and clean it is for low income and so are they. When I think of “low income,” I think of the slums of Springfield, MA where I lived in the late 80s and early 90s, and the projects in Norwich, CT that I was in back in early ’92 that landed me in the psych ward with a breakdown before flying to Arizona. It was a totally maddening circus. Yet when she showed me a pic of the beautiful view outside her window, there were no screaming kids and welfare bums loitering about.

SATURDAY, MAY 17, 2014 Tom said he doesn’t think the Austin visitor was Molly or connected to her because of the way so many IP#’s are routed from the same area. Andy thinks it is, though. The only thing that shoots down the idea of it being her or connected to her is the fact that they only went to Prosebox. Molly usually makes her rounds by trying to get into all my journals in hopes of one of them suddenly being public again. I’m not sure what to think, but for now my current journal can stay friends only. Past stuff can be public or members cuz I don’t care if she can see that. I don’t want her knowing what’s going on with me right now. Why, I don’t know. There’s nothing I’m saying that she or anyone else could use against me, but instinct is telling me to keep the here and now a mystery to her (even though I already miss being at least members only and the fun of seeing who comes around). That’s all she’d be interested in anyway. I guess my reasons are not to give her the satisfaction of being able to find out if I’m mentioning her or our mutual friend. Then again, that friend isn’t so mutual anymore. She’s still my friend, but not hers.

We’re on for the 24th as for when they’ll be installing the new carpet. So this worn-out dark brown crap in here has just one week left to live, yippee!

Was out walking and running for 54 minutes just to burn a lousy 225 calories according to what I just calculated online. I'd have to work out at least 3 hours a day to be able to eat enough not to feel like I was starving and still lose weight. No thanks!

Noticed my hands and feet swell up when I’m working out, but read that this is normal. It goes back down after I’m done.

Later…

Although I already miss it, I cut out my sparkling fruity waters even though they had 0 calories, 0 caffeine – 0 everything – to save a little more money so we can use it for other things. $10 a week may not seem like much, but when you think about it, that’s $40 a month. A little does add up, believe it or not. It’s why I work MT. People may think it’s not worth it for a few bucks a day, but that few bucks a day is over a hundred a month and over a grand a year. Imagine getting an extra grand in taxes each year? You’d take it if you could, and well, so would I.

I said last night I’d have to be out running and walking 3 hours every day to lose weight and still eat enough to avoid feeling like I was starving, Well, fitnessblender.com has these 90-minute workout videos that burn about 1000 calories. Before being diagnosed with a dead thyroid, these videos got me in great shape, increased my stamina and increased my flexibility. But they failed to get any weight off even with dieting. I’m curious as to how they may affect me now that I’m on medication. I’d still have to eat less, but maybe one of these days I’ll give it a try.

When I’m out and about in public, be it at the grocery store or any other store, I see so, so many people half my age and twice my size. I realize that for 48, I could be doing a lot worse than I am.

I’m looking forward to getting out for an hour this evening. My motto is that if I can’t improve what I’ve got, I can at least try to maintain it. :)

Tom re-routed the Internet wires from coming up through the floor to going in through the wall. He couldn’t go up into the wall from the floor because then he’d hit the steel frame that the house sits on. So he dove straight in through the wall. It looks much better this way and it also gets more wires out of the rats’ reach.

I keep forgetting to write about what snippets of dreams I remember. The last few I remember is being outdoors at the crack of dawn in a cold snowy and totally dismal place. I was on a street lined with two-story, close-set houses. The ground was more slushy than snowy and I watched snow mixed with rain as it fell upon the electrical wires overhead. As they hit the wire I could see tiny sparks of electricity almost like the wires were super hot and it boiled the drops of water as they would hit it.

In another dream scene, I was in an indoor swimming pool somewhere and was chatting with a young woman with blue streaks in her hair who sat at the edge of the pool, dangling her feet in the water. She was heavy, but not ugly. I could tell that she kind of liked me but I wasn’t interested in her in that way. I just wanted to know how I could get purple streaks put in my own hair, haha.

Tom and I were at the beach in another dream, but it wasn’t anything like Hawaii. It was gross cuz not only was the shoreline a bit rockier with thicker grains of sand, but many people on the beach had large dogs and so there were piles of dog shit all along the shore.

Tammy shared a few pics of her new place and I would never guess in a million years it was low-income! She wouldn’t either, she said. It’s beautiful! She’s got a helluva view and the place is bright, open, spacious, and sunny.

She says it’s very quiet even though there are people living above her. As I told her, that would change if I suddenly moved in, guaranteed. LOL, I’m a magnet for noise. So much so that I’m thrilled to have quiet neighbors for the first time in over 20 years, though I do hear vehicle doors over there a few times a day mostly between 8am - noon. If next door was suddenly attached to us I’d hear everything and I mean everything. TVs, cabinets, footsteps – you name it, I’d hear it. If they were suddenly attached to anyone else they wouldn’t hear a damn thing.

Andy should be lucky his neighbors who just had a baby aren’t going to be there forever. If I were suddenly living in his place they’d be broke and stuck there indefinitely.

Anyway, Tammy still has a lot of setting up to do, so I’ll call her tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I wonder if we’ll end up there someday. Maui seems highly unlikely unless we’re surprised with either winning big, suing the shit out of someone, or stumbling upon a goldmine, all of which is seriously unlikely.

I just wish I could stop worrying about the future so much! If it were that easy to just not worry unless or until something bad happens, I would do it, and so would tons of other worrywarts out there. But there is no magic switch in my head I can reach in and flick, nor are there any words I can tell myself. I just worry the shit will hit the fan again soon enough. We’ve been doing well for just over 2½ years now, though I still worry that things will go wrong in time. You can think you’re doing everything possible to help protect yourself against physical or financial problems, but then unforeseen things have a way of jumping out at you. Things you have little to no control over. Things you can’t just fix in a few weeks or even a few months. Tom and I don’t seem to skin our knees in life; we break bones instead.

So will we move to Florida someday if we don’t lose this place? That remains to be seen. Too many things can change in the next 13 years before he retires. It’s going to depend on a lot of things – how our health is, what inflation is like, if our retirement money is there, etc. That’s another thing I worry about is our retirement money. Will it really be there? Our pension money wasn’t, and the government’s proven to both us and millions of others that it doesn’t give a shit if its own lives or dies. Tom says there are laws to protect people’s retirement funds, but guess what? Laws change. We’re supposed to be getting almost what he makes today, and at 65 I’m supposed to get 50% of what he gets, but that may change because there is more and more separatism these days in marriage.

I don’t know why people bother getting married in the first place if so many of them have the “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours” attitude they often have. I pity the spouse that gets laid off or ends up disabled, knowing how pitiful unemployment/disability benefits are because no one wants to support their spouse today as it’s “not their responsibility to be anyone’s caretaker.” The first thing people look for when seeking a permanent partner these days is how much money they make. It’s sad that they don’t see beyond what’s in the bank and into their hearts and minds. Thank goodness I’m not broke and single, cuz even if I were young, slim and gorgeous, I’d have a helluva time nabbing anyone no matter how kind, smart or mature I may be. I’m truly, truly beyond blessed to have a guy like Tom who wouldn’t think a damn thing differently of me if I were suddenly burned in a fire or rendered in a wheelchair for life.

FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2014 I had chest pains for the first 3 hours of my day. It was this weird achiness in the center of it that I’m guessing was a pulled muscle. Coincidently or not, it went away after I had a raspberry yogurt. At least I know it can’t be my heart since two doctors recently listened to it.

My knee feels better but I don’t know if I’ll go running tonight or not. I think that by the time it’s cool enough I’ll be getting too tired, but we’ll see. If not, I’ll be out tomorrow evening for sure.

Next door’s own car alarm went off for 10-15 seconds. Theirs is just a horn. Really wish they’d quit coming and going so much or at least quit slamming doors as much when they do. This isn’t like them. They’ve never slammed doors like this before. Could they be moving? Bob didn’t mention that so this is why I wonder about a store. Maybe they’re hauling supplies back and forth or something. I know they’re really into gardening at the community garden, too.

I finished the visual proofreading of my book, so now it’s on to the electronic reading.

Pretty sure the tropical tree outside the master bedroom window is a plumeria tree, based on what I saw in someone's yard a few streets away when I was out running the other day. It was about 20’ tall and without my glasses, I first thought its flowers were hibiscuses like they have all over Hawaii. Instead, it was plumeria flowers, also abundant in Hawaii.

I think my medication may be sharpening my brain back up again because today I could remember what German words Nane taught me yesterday without having to look them out. When I was bitching to Tom about how frustrating Andy’s own forgetfulness can be at times and how he wondered if he had Alzheimer’s (his doctor said he didn’t) Tom said he’s too young for that. He getting close to where he could be old enough to have the early onset of it, but thinks it’s more likely the many years of being a pothead that’s causing him to have trouble remembering things. Even though he’s been clean for years, the accumulative effect brought on by many years of smoking pot can have irreversible damage.

THURSDAY, MAY 15, 2014 What a shitty day this is so far. I know it’s probably wrong of me to bitch to others about Nane, but I just need to vent, I guess, and it will be done in places she won’t know about. First, I’m dog tired (the carpet will probably be installed the week after next instead of next week so I can at least flip my schedule), then next door startles me by slamming out at 7:30, and then 20 minutes later they returned. How many times will I have to listen to them slam in and out today? Yesterday they were much quieter than I thought they’d be, but they really annoy me at times.

Even worse is that I'm totally torn as far as what to do about Nane and the games she seems to be playing with me for the last year or so. This doesn’t seem like a simple case of miscommunication or indecisiveness. Unless I’m being paranoid, she really seems to be jerking me around and I’m getting fed up. If my suspicions are correct, is this just funny to her? Or is she trying to get me to dump her? Believe me, I don’t have a problem with dumping those who lie, play games, judge me, try to control or push me into something I’m not interested in, or accuse me of lying when I’m in fact being very truthful. Yes, you offend and risk losing someone when you say one thing and do another. When you can’t do the simplest of things they may ask of you after they’ve been considerate of you. When you defend their perps and knowingly and intentionally go out of your way to annoy or piss them off. I’m sorry but that’s not being a true friend. True friends don’t do these things. They respect and accept each other as they are and they don’t go back on their word without a damn good reason and 4 times in less than a year.

I can see having a misunderstanding here and there, and I know people change their minds at times, but when a pattern forms I get suspicious. I can play kiss and makeup once like we did in 2010, but now I feel like she’s doing the exact same thing she accused me of – messing with her head. But she was wrong about me so maybe I’m wrong about her. I’m not sure what to think at this point. There are only so many times I have the patience, desire and tolerance to forgive someone for the same old shit. Once or twice maybe. But this is the fourth time I’m saying to myself. “Eh, she changed her mind. People do that and that’s their right, isn’t it?”

First I was “welcomed to be her guest” if I won a trip to Germany as long as I understood there would be no intimacy cuz of Askim. Now I must stay in a hotel. Why? Oh, that’s because first, she was going to give me her address so I could send her a postcard from Hawaii after she was supposed to give me her phone number so I could call her and we could chat just once, but NOW she says she doesn’t give her address or phone number to people. Then after I failed to receive the postcard she said she sent from Hamburg, she said she’d “try again” from TR. So I told her this morning I hadn’t gotten anything yet and her reply was “Hahaha, that’s because this time I never sent any postcards at all.”

What, is this funny to her or something? Or am I the one misunderstanding her?

I’m so torn as far as what to do about her. It’d be so easy just to cut ties and be done with her, but I hesitate in case I really am misunderstanding or there’s more to it than I realize. IDK, maybe there’s something going on I don’t know about. If I confront her she'll probably get all defensive and maybe even dump me before I get a chance to make up my mind about whether or not I want to dump her. So… do I deal with her going back on her word, or do I cut her loose? Damn, this is tough!

Later…

Ignoring Nane was easier said than done, as it always is, and I replied to her next message. We exchange messages, sometimes in real-time, sometimes not, an average of 3 times a week and that’s pretty much what I’m used to. I didn’t hesitate, though, to let her know that she really confuses and frustrates me at times when she goes back and forth on things.

I guess that since she’s been to Turkey so many times it doesn’t seem exciting to send postcards from there, but promises to send one from Greece if I quit laughing at her shitty weather, LOL. I told her that it’s up to her. I don’t want to sound like a pushy beggar.

Anyway, today was just an overall blah day. I was tired from lack of sleep, pissed that the carpet will be delayed, my knee pain returned, and then next door was getting on my nerves a bit with the door slamming. Not as bad as they did two days ago, though, and they only came and went twice that I know of.

Another thing to irritate me was that LiveJournal needlessly rearranged their site like they seem to love to do about once a year, and now I have to get used to yet another new setup that seems totally pointless. Sure enough, it wasn’t without bugs either. I couldn’t submit an entry, but later on it did go through.

I got curious and created another Kiwibox account to contact Andre from and ask why I was unable to access my other one. He said others are having the same issue and they’re trying to figure it out. Something about my session getting stuck in the Memcache which Tom understood better than I did. I think I get the basic idea, though.

Another thing to piss me off is that Molly seems to have found my Prosebox account and is having a fellow group homie check it for her since she’s not allowed to be online unless she’s got more than one device. I’ve seen this visitor on my tracker a few times before but since Prosebox is a very popular site, Austin is a big city, and the person was using a Mac, I didn’t think much of it. But today I pulled up both this visitor and one I know for sure is from her and they were both in the same exact location in downtown Austin. Now what are the odds of it being someone else? Really, I’d like to know if the few people who are now allowed access to any of my blogs think it’s a coincidence, cuz I sure don’t, big city or not.

I’m not really all that surprised she found me, as that’s what stalkers do. Yeah, well, I stalked back and searched Prosebox for new accounts of hers, since this nut creates accounts faster than I change clothes, and then I blocked what I thought was her for good measure. One thing about Molly is that she’s always been predictable. I found one account with a username and book title (no entries) that sounded a lot like names she would use and has used in the past.

IDK, maybe this visitor was totally unrelated, since she usually circles all the blogs she can when checking up on me, and LiveJournal showed no visits. She can still go to that particular blog and show up on my tracker without being able to read anything because I coded the blog’s entire interface.

Maybe that’s why, though. Maybe she didn’t want to show up on LiveJournal on the Mac device for fear of me knowing it was her or a friend of hers, even though she’s always loved to rub her presence in my face in the past.

Some may wonder what the harm is if she can read my stuff but not contact me, and that’s not the point. The point is simply that I don’t want her to know my business. I may not be the most private person on earth, but that doesn’t mean I want just anyone to know what’s going on with me.

Despite the fact that I have not contacted her since last fall (and my only reason for it was to try to get her to leave me the hell alone), I don’t think she’ll ever stop trying to read what she can of mine. I know her intentions are to see what I may say about her and a mutual friend of ours and not that she’s interested in anything I have to say. Regardless of the reason, this sick bitch isn’t going to go away unless I do.

I wonder if she found my Ask account? I can’t track that site so I wouldn’t know. It used to be that you’d have to reblock users there weekly to keep them blocked, but her account is still blocked. If she contacts me through Andy, I’m out of there and no, I’m not going to just create a new Ask account. Those accounts are googlable and no matter how careful you may be with what you say, stalkers are witty and know what keywords to look for. She’s had over a decade of practice. Andy and I can use Histofme if I ever know for sure she knows of my Ask account. It’s a totally different setup, but it will do. We can protect our accounts there.

Later…

In funny news, Ida finally picked up my message and blocked me.

In frustrating news, I know this sounds horribly selfish of me and I know it’s not fair to blame Alison, but sometimes I really wish she’d stop having so many damn problems so I wouldn’t have to go so long between messages from her. Sometimes I just want to ask her opinion on something, like if she thinks that visitor really could be connected to Molly or not, knowing she’s smart and would be a better one to ask almost anything of than most people. But she’s as cursed physically as we were financially. If it isn’t a skin infection, it’s her damn depression. If it isn’t breast cancer then she’s battling the flu. She has had computer issues too, or so she at least says.

I highly doubt she’s making any of this stuff up, but still… can’t she just be there for me when I want to ask her something or just chat about whatever?

WEDNESDAY, MAY 14, 2014 The carpet estimator took measurements yesterday. Turns out they’ve done several houses in this park. Today Tom will pay for it after work and find out exactly when they’ll be out. If they don’t make it by Saturday, then they should definitely make it by Monday or Tuesday.

Was out running/walking for just under an hour. I didn’t stop to chat with anyone along the way either, which is good, because unless they’re working out with me at my exact pace, I like to focus on what I’m doing. I expected it to be closer to 45 minutes than an hour so maybe I’m going too slow and need to pick up my pace a bit.

No skunks or possums since the sun was up when I left. I wore my pink cap with its sparse scattering of sequins and it did a good job of keeping the sun out of my eyes. Instead, there was the usual scattering of ducks and turkeys. They usually stick to the edges, but I’ve seen ducks sleeping right outside our carport. At one point 3 turkeys came running toward me and if I didn’t know that turkeys aren’t aggressive that would have scared the shit out of me. They just galloped on by, though. They’re so big you can hear their toenails clicking along the pavement. They’re ugly fuckers, too.

As soon as the slamming frenzy starts next door I’ll go throw on my kick-ass headphones in the bedroom. iTunes and sound machines won’t cut it cuz it’s an “impact” sound that shakes the place.

TUESDAY, MAY 13, 2014 The carpet estimator will be here this afternoon to take measurements. Really hope they can install it on Saturday instead of next week!

There is so much change yet so much repetition online that sometimes it drives me crazy. Sites change layouts and features faster than I change clothes, yet people still want to talk about the SOS. Even if it’s something I like and can relate to and understand well, hearing the SOS gets old after a while, but I guess that’s just human nature and I know I can get a bit repetitious myself.

Becky, my VH sister in the east, commented about a new Facebook layout but it looks the same to me. Figured they’d change it any time now. Just when you get used to one layout, they go and they change it. I’m there less and less these days and that’s part of why. I like sites that jump on their glitches as soon as they’re aware of them. Facebook will wait until the next upgrade to maybe fix things.

Went out walking and running this morning just after dawn. Passed an older guy further down my street and exchanged hellos. At two different locations, I passed a group of 3 women also out walking. Then I passed Bob, who was carrying a bag. I couldn��t tell what was in it. I just didn’t expect to catch him on that particular street because it wasn’t a bordering street. Maybe he was bringing some tomatoes to someone.

So then I’m just about finishing my usual running/walking route when I spot what I think is Bob coming around the corner and onto our street. I said, “Wow, you made it back to home base fast.”

But then the guy’s brows wrinkled with confusion and he said, “What’s that?” and I realized it wasn’t Bob. He introduced himself to me as Jim, and I remembered that he and Tom once met. The problem with a lot of these old gray guys is that they all look the same. There are a few exceptions, though. The guy across from Bob is huge and so they’re easy to tell apart. I don’t take my glasses with me when I run and so people’s faces are fuzzy, and forget about reading the time on my iPod or anything like that.

Anyway, Jim planted tomatoes too, had a heart attack in 2000, used to run until he turned 85, and asked me how I like it here so far. I love it, I told him, I just wish it were a little less landscape-happy.

Really, I didn’t tell him this much but I wish they’d designate just two days a week for that for both the park and the individual homeowners, but I know there is too much park and too many homes to get it all done in just two days. A little traffic-happy in back too, but I otherwise love living with old people and it’s nice to finally have quiet neighbors after 28 years of what’s been mostly chaotic, loud, rude, inconsiderate and obnoxious neighbors. The only thing they do next door that can get annoying at times is pull the SUV out of the garage in the mornings and slam its doors without actually going anywhere. Like they’re loading something into it. I still think they may own a store or business of some kind. With a minimum of 3 trips out, even on weekends, I find it hard to believe it’s all about doctors and tomatoes. They’re both doing something out there now by the front and I hear something in the garage, too. Maybe they’re planting new trees and flowers?

Both Jim and Bob mentioned being annoyed by the freeway depending on the direction of the wind, but freeway noise doesn’t bother me unless someone’s blasting a stereo when they go by.

Anyway, Jim told me that going around the circle 10 times is 2 miles. That’s cool to know. He and Bob are both in great shape and they’re also slender as well.

Poor Andy. The bitch in the house next door with the mutt got a new puppy and it woke him up at 8:30 after not getting to sleep till 3:00. I have suggested a sound machine many times, but he obviously doesn’t want one.

Ok, next door, will you please go somewhere now if you’re going to open and slam your SUV doors? Yeah, now I’m getting a bit annoyed. Eh, it’s going to be in the 90s today. That’ll burn them indoors. They’re definitely morning people anyway. Yes, I’m really getting annoyed now. They’ve never slammed doors like this before. If they were loading shit into their vehicle it would be nice if they just left the damn door open until they were done.

Back to Andy if they’ll stop distracting me. The kid next door cried for an hour the other day. Again, I don’t understand why he can’t put on some music or something to drown the thing out. He said the thing’s favorite song the mother plays it is This Old Man, but that day nothing seemed to shut it up.

An older lady in Michigan asked for my help coding her diary with her own tracking code… OMG, this is driving me crazy! Will you guys get the fuck out of here? I wonder if this would wake me up if I were asleep?

Anyway, some guy’s setting up a diary site similar to the old OD site and it’s in total disarray because it’s new. She offered to give me her PW to set it up, but as I told her, she didn’t have to go that far. It was simple enough. Just a pain in the ass, since you have to code each individual entry. She cracked me up, though, saying that after I showed off my “mad Mac skills” she wanted to take that opportunity to ask for help. Another Michigan follower asked something else and she noticed my response to her. She asked about inserting special characters and I told her that Macs have a thing where you hold down the letter you want to make special and up comes your options for that letter.

Oh, good fucking riddance! After nearly an hour of intermittent slamming, Virginia just left. Hopefully, Bob will be a good boy and either stay quiet or go inside.

MONDAY, MAY 12, 2014 The new Firefox version runs kind of slow so we switched to Safari. I hate change and so I still bounce back to FF depending on what I’m doing cuz FF is what I’m used to. There are some things Safari lacks that I don’t like, but it is super fast compared to FF.

Touched up the quarter rounds yesterday but it’s way too hard to do those, so we’ll just have to live with what painting imperfections we have. At least one of the good things about having such shitty vision is that these things don’t stand out as much.

Trying to white out the brown quarter round that was left in the bedroom was damn near impossible. It looks ok in dimmer lighting, but turn the light on and you can see how blotchy it looks. It’s still WAY better than it was before with either brown paneling or plain white scuffed-up walls.

Still gotta do the kitchen, baths and laundry room, but there’s no hurry there.

As expected, they’re landscaping like crazy today because yesterday’s high winds threw leaves and twigs all over the place. I could see dirt flying in the wind at times. Hell, I wondered if our awning was going to come down, but Tom checked it out and confirmed it was rock solid.

Right now they’re vacuuming out their garage next door. At least I think they are.

Molly took another peek in on me last night. Or tried to. Everything’s private but the sites she’s unaware of so she didn’t see shit. Still, just the fact that she’s still looking for me 6 months after going as underground as I possibly can without literally dumping all my accounts, tells me that one full year won’t be the magic number. These types of people simply have no sense of time. To them 5 years ago is like yesterday. If I don’t want this nut to have a convenient chance to pester me or peek into what’s going on with me, I must remain hidden from public view. I suppose it’s better that way in general. In a country where our speech isn’t protected and where everybody seems to take offense no matter what it is you say, it doesn’t hurt to be careful. Do I care about people’s feelings? No, I don’t. If it bothers you that I like Campbell’s soup better than Progresso, tough shit. But if you try to sue me or file a complaint, then I most certainly do mind. You probably won’t win in the end, but I certainly wouldn’t need the hassles in the meantime.

They want to throw us a party during the next Friday Night Frolics, but I’ll have to call and let them know we’re going to be busy that night. It’s not just for us; it’s to welcome all newcomers over the last year. Tom said it’s totally up to me, but we plan to be prepping the place for carpeting that night and I don’t want to be up too late if I can help it. I also don’t want to get too close to people living so close to me. Sort of like how I wouldn’t want to mix business with pleasure. Now if it were a gorgeous woman…

Anyway, I’m not even going to dare mention turning down the initiation to Andy. I don’t judge his lifestyle and his personal choices and I don’t want mine judged either. If he wants to be sad for those who are happy with the way things are, let him be. I just don’t need to hear something like how it’s “sad” that we couldn’t make the time to go to the party. Well, we could make the time. We’d just rather not. It’s a matter of priority and prepping for carpet is more important than a free dinner and socialization, though I appreciate them for it just the same.

I called Nancy and let her know we couldn’t make it and she said to come to some other Friday Night Frolics and bingo, too. We wouldn’t mind checking out bingo, but bingo is on Thursday nights and Tom crashes early.

Later…

Jesus Fucking Christ! Are we EVER going to have a reliable connection??? EVER?!?! This is clearly not our provider’s fault, though. They did go out the other day (probably working on some lines around here), but our router is clearly having issues right now. sighs I’ll just post this when I can.

Nane and I were discussing the carpet thing and she wonders if it should be less empfindlich for one with 3 rats, but nah, ich weiß nicht.

Ended up doing part of my workout with Bob. We crossed paths on Daisy, by the best spot in the park where I also saw a coyote in the grassy field between the wooded area and the RVs, then again when we entered this circle. He too, walks around the perimeters, which is just over 2 miles, and he always walks in the middle of the road to avoid skunks. In the higher traffic hours, I walk on the side of the main roads. I probably walk closer to 3 miles cuz I zigzag on some side streets. I mix walking and running.

Anyway, they’re older than I thought. Been here 26 years. So if he was 55 in 1988, then he’s at least 81 now. We must seem rather juvenile in comparison, haha. He said they planted some tomatoes and sweet corn, and that was pretty much it.

I never see Virginia out walking and I don’t know if that’s because she has difficulties walking or if she just isn’t interested.

I lied to Andy and said I asked Bob and Virginia if they wanted to hire a housekeeper and I wonder if I should have done that or not. I know that it’s never good to lie in general, but can a harmless little white lie that he can never verify hurt if it’ll make him happy? He says he’s not trying to push me and all that, but I know it’s important to him. Sure seems to be anyway. I just don’t know why. Why would someone’s lack of in-person friends and lack of outside-the-home job matter to them when it doesn’t affect them in any way?

So he said he was proud of me (as if I were telling him I’d quit smoking) and that to remember it’s a numbers game. Most people would say no, but I’ll eventually get a yes.

But do I go so far as to say I got a yes?

SUNDAY, MAY 11, 2014 Just a quick entry today. Once I get hungry enough to eat 300-400 calories of food (the beginning of my day is the least hungry), I’m going out for my run. It got much chillier out than predicted, but it’s better than trying to run in the blaring sun. I’m walking more now, though, anyway. It’s easier on these aging joints.

Later on today, we’ll touch up the room we’ve painted and that will be it for the most part unless I’m forgetting anything. We have a while yet before we have to clear the living, dining and bedrooms out for carpeting.

Yesterday was so windy that the metal awning in front was vibrating and the wind chimes were going crazy. I still hear the corner wind chime. Maybe I should take a light jacket out running. Ugh, it’s 48° right now. Hard to believe it’ll be 84° this afternoon and nearly 100° on Wednesday.

SATURDAY, MAY 10, 2014 Both today and yesterday I have been so damn hungry. I have a couple of days a month like this around period time where I feel absolutely famished and I can’t get rid of it. I eat. I’m hungry. I eat some more. I’m still hungry. I do my best not to give in to the hunger unless it’s really, really bad. Just because I can’t deduct weight from this body doesn’t mean I can’t add it. Oh no, I can add it just fine. Fortunately, it’s Saturday, my day to eat whatever I want anyway. Chocolate-covered cherries are on the junk menu for today.

Decided not to leave voice posts, after all, on LiveJournal. The idea of it just seems so weird. I guess I’m just used to journaling in print.

We’re going to RC Willey later on today to hopefully pick out the exact color carpet I want which will hopefully be in stock. They’re coming to take measurements on Tuesday. I’m hoping that within just a few days they’ll be able to make the installation. Worst case scenario, they lay it next week.

Later…

Picked out Mohawk’s Vibrant History carpet, which is a national brand, according to the saleswoman at RC Willey. I chose the color Nomad, a sandy-like color with hints of tan in it. It will be light enough to really brighten the place up, but still dark enough to hide any coffee stains and things like that. The lady said it may appear a couple of tones lighter once it’s laid down. They have a special lightbox you can look at the samples in at the store.

The carpet is kind of low-end but the memory foam padding we got is upper-end and should help the carpet last longer, especially since it’s just the two of us. She threw a sample on the floor with the carpet on top of it. Tom got to feel it barefoot since he wore sandals, but I didn’t feel like removing my socks and sneakers. I’ll feel it soon enough! Should be about a week.

When I first entered the store I didn’t know where to begin. There were so many samples, brands, and types of textures. I just wanted to get something in our price range and that was in stock. It’s actually going to come to around $2424.24, which is about a grand less than we originally expected to spend. We estimate needing about 1000 square feet based on our preliminary measurements, even though the house totals 1345.

I did look at a sample of bubble gum pink plus a more bold shade of pink that was almost mauve but felt they would clash with the pink in the hallway and look a little odd. This place is colorful enough. I even looked at some lavender shades. Going with a neutral color will enable me more freedom when it comes time to pick out the living room set. Now I don’t have to worry about colors/patterns clashing with it.

I’m so excited! I’m also glad it’s not going to cost as much so we have more money for furniture. A dresser is number one on the furniture list, then the living room set, then new stools, and then a kitchen set.

Amongst a handful of screaming brats, we looked at other things like outdoor bench swings for the patio and things like that. That’s not a high priority right now, though.

It was a bit of an emotional moment as I never thought I’d ever get to pick out carpet for OUR home yet there I was. Yeah, God’s former “bums” are doing really well, aren’t they? We got the house, the car, the carpet, most of the walls done… now all we gotta do is the floors and finish furnishing it.

Then hope we don’t lose it. We talked about that a bit. The saleslady was like “OMG, I thought I had it bad!” when I told her we lost our home a decade ago, turned around, and lost a parcel of land we were going to build on in another state just 4 months later, and then struggled like hell from 2007-2011. I still can’t believe Tom got a job when he did and such a good one too, because if he hadn’t and we hadn’t killed ourselves, the streets would’ve done it for us, especially for me. I couldn’t handle the streets any more than I could handle running a daycare by day and raising 6 kids by night.

FRIDAY, MAY 9, 2014 The burning and itching down there stopped, but I still have these little bumps that feel like zits. I guess a pap really is in order after the carpet.

I was relieved to hear from Alison today. The poor girl was in the hospital for 3 weeks with a bad skin infection. She says she’s recovering and will catch up on messages soon. She thanked me for not deleting her on Facebook. I considered it for a minute too, figuring there was no point in giving her a better glimpse into my life if she really didn’t want to remain friends. But deep down I figured something was more likely wrong than that she’d gone and dumped me.

Having become not so much a private person as much as I’ve become less open, I turned all my blogs private for now, but my current Prosebox book is viewable to members. Besides, the past doesn’t matter or interest people as much as the present does anyway. So each year that I create a new book on Prosebox I will probably turn the old ones private. That way nothing older than a year is out there for any potential evildoers to see.

Once Molly is released from Marbridge, God help me because I would think she’ll be back online pretty much anytime she wants to be with Mommy Dearest, who will probably have custody of the crazy child-woman until she dies or gets too old to keep up with her, quick to make excuses for her poor behavior. Well, I’m not going to go back to those days. Those days are over. There’s been no contact since last fall, but she does still peek in on me (or try to) about once a month. Probably has to sneak online somehow to do it. She was in on 3/21, 4/21, and then on 5/7.

As for Kim – I can’t say if she’s still following me because she always did it in a way that I couldn’t detect. I would guess she finally got me out of her system, especially since getting into big trouble with that impersonation obsession of hers.

For now, I prefer to stick to places they’re less likely to know about and that have user blocking.

My LiveJournal blog may become public again but since I have so much talk time on my cell I may make that a voice blog. I switched the phone number from my MagicJack line to the cell. It’s much easier to call in than deal with setting up microphones and having that interfere with my sound output later on and all that shit. Because Molly will latch onto it like a bee to a brightly colored flower once she discovers it, I have to be careful what I say. I don’t want to say the same things I write about anyway. Some of it may be, but I may think of more unusual topics to discuss. I thought of something ideal last night but can’t remember it now.

Exchanged hellos with Bob who was bopping around his carport for a bit earlier. He commented on the new car.

Our tentative plans are to touch up the rooms that have been painted this weekend. Next week we’ll have them come out to measure for the carpet and hopefully they can install it within a few days.

THURSDAY, MAY 8, 2014 Went out walking for nearly an hour with a bit of running mixed in, as always. It was a brisk night out there so I wore long sleeves. Had myself a little scare when I was partway down the outer main road. Keeping to the middle of the road at night was definitely a smart thing to do. I saw something emerge from the shadows and up to the curb on the side of the road that leads down into this woodsy area where the ditch is. It stopped and stared at me and I first thought it was a possum… until I saw the white stripe on its tail sticking up. It almost looked at me as if to say, “Go ahead, bitch. I dare you to pass me.”

But instead of turning around and running, I doubled back instead. At first I thought the thing was going to chase me, but it just casually crossed the street and disappeared around the corner. This is the most likely street to have possums and skunks lurking about too, as there is plenty of shelter and water for them in this area.

Determined not to be afraid of a skunk, I waited a few minutes, then continued on.

I don’t know why Andy felt he had to tell me this over the phone and not online, LOL, but he hates to discuss money online, even if it doesn’t pertain to him. So I called and he said he wasn’t trying to push me, but he had a good job idea in mind for me and what to charge. He thinks I should offer to clean people’s houses around here. Tom said it’s up to me, of course, but he doesn’t think that’s a good thing to be doing around here because it’s soliciting. Andy only considers it soliciting when you’re trying to sell a product or something like the Avon lady. But I gotta agree with Tom that it still constitutes soliciting as long as you’re trying to profit and sell something, even if it’s your services and not an actual object.

It is a great idea and even I’ve considered it, but it’s something I should only bring up if I’m having a conversation with someone at the pool or something like that. So there are some people I could casually ask, but I’m not going to advertise anywhere. There is a monthly flier in which some people advertise their services, but these are usually known companies and not individuals.

Still, it’s definitely something to think about when I’m chatting with people here, even though it’s easier for me to make money online cuz I can do it 24/7, even if I don’t make much while I’m at it.

Tom accidentally set the car alarm off yesterday at 5:30 in the morning before work, LOL. Hope it didn’t wake anyone up!

WEDNESDAY, MAY 7, 2014 Each time we move I get a new problem. In Maricopa, it was the blacks. In the duplex, it was my ear. In the dump house, it was my toe. In the Jes pest trailer, it was thrush. Here it’s a burning, itchy pussy. Definitely gotta make an appointment after the carpet’s in. If we ever do move to FL, maybe it will be cancer.

Nane’s been having it rough. She missed her plane and had to pay an additional 550 euros and now she has a Trojan virus.

Started reading what I’ve got so far on my newest story and while it may be well written, the story itself is so lame. Yup, I’m a better blogger than I am a storyteller. I’m still having fun with it, though.

I’m a lousy cook with no patience or desire to learn any more than I care to learn tennis, so I buy premade stuff and share it with the rats. They love it. This isn’t the 70s or 80s, so not all frozen or refrigerated food is unhealthy as long as it’s not fried or battered. There’s enough unprocessed stuff out there; it just costs more than buying everything raw and having to cook it yourself. I do buy uncooked chicken wings and pork chops at times, though, which I season with paprika, garlic salt and things like that. I also like chunky soups and cereal at times too, some of it healthy, some of it sugary crap I go sparingly on. Captain Crunch just isn’t as healthy as Grape Nuts.

Running has been getting harder for me lately and I wonder if I’m just getting too heavy for it, especially when I’m PMSing and carrying an extra few pounds of water. Also, my right knee has been bothering me. Because of it I have been walking more and running less. Oh well, I am 48 after all and not 28. Besides, running may elevate your heart rate better, but it’s definitely not the greatest source of exercise as it does have an impact on the joints over the years. So instead of doing 20-30 minute runs, I’m making 35-45 minute walks, though I am still doing some running. Not enough to lose weight with, of course, because my calories are still too high and I’m usually taking in more than I’m putting out.

I love getting out there at around midnight. It’s so peaceful. All you hear is distant freeway traffic. I love, love, love the way the flowers smell, too. The scent of jasmine seems to be heavier at night, and having the nose of a bloodhound, as I do, I could smell other things along the way. Last night I caught a whiff of the rubbery smell of balloons for a minute, as well as rubbing alcohol. I love the lack of traffic, too. I stay in the middle of the road where no skunks or pissed-off possums can jump out at me from behind any bushes.

In a few hours, next door should be heading out for their first of many trips during the day. It hit me that despite their age, they very well could own a business or store of some kind. Why else would a couple of retirees be in and out so much? If I'm right then the trips in and out will probably go on until they die. At least they're usually quiet about it.

In last night’s dream, I was at some store and Tom was in an adjoining room. I was inspecting a small doll I had custom-made on the shop side and then I went over to Tom who was on the phone with the police describing a woman with “dangerous-looking eyes”. Then he hung up and said she tried to strangle him and seemed very weak.

“Ok, what have we got?” I said, meaning what stuff did we have to gather up that we’d gotten so we could get the hell out of there before the lunatic had a chance to return.

In another “scene,” Tammy was expected to come out to our two-story home (why do we always have two-story houses in my dreams?) but it seemed more like it was because something was wrong with me than just to visit. Tom was talking about dropping to part-time while she was there and as he was getting ready for work I asked, “Do you think I’ll be ok today?”

Later…

Molly had a 12-second run of my Blogger blog really early this morning, according to GA, and a 2-minute run of LiveJournal in which all she could see were old posts from 2002. I’m turning each entry that I proofread from private to public as I go through them.

For a minute I was tempted to run and hide even more, like I usually am when I see her on my tracker. I was going to make all known blogs to her private, then said, nah. I’m not changing my life for this forever-obsessed nut. It’s more important to me that I’m not contacted anyway, as opposed to what she can read. I’d still love to piss her off by disappearing and know she was going through the frustration of trying to find me, but her feelings don’t matter to me nearly as much as doing what I want to do. I’m too selfish to disappear on her, but I am not going to give her the satisfaction of having ways to reach out to me. She can only send me a message on Facebook and of course I’d block her if she did. She doesn’t appear to have found me on Prosebox yet.

I only have the Austin IP blocked now, not Harlingen. With my shit luck, Mommy back home will one day decide to comb through my Blogger blog when I’m not around to catch and block her. I know her. If anyone does anything to her precious daughter, she’ll look for me, Aly, Kim – anyone she thinks may either be responsible or have any information – and what better way than to comb through my blog, not that she’ll ever get that I don’t give a shit about picking on her daughter. I just want her eyes kept out of my business. Nothing I do in life concerns her and so what I write about shouldn’t matter.

What I wonder is why Molly and Mommy haven’t figured out how to disable their cookies. If Molly did that I would think she’d be able to have free reign of my blog, but I wouldn’t know it, of course. Ignorance may be bliss, but it would also make me curious. Hell, I still wonder about Kim at times. Does she ever peek in on me? I hope not for the same reasons I hope Molly isn’t, but I do wonder at times. Natural curiosity, I guess.

TUESDAY, MAY 6, 2014 Tom was right on with his guess as to where the “panel bees” were coming in from (an old vent inside a cupboard) that we’d find up in the kitchen ceiling’s opaque panels. I shined a light up to the screen he used to cap off the bottom of the pipe and could see 5 dead yellow jackets.

Love what these target ads come up with based on the words in my journals. For “panel bees” it’s bee repellent and solar panels. What would they advertise to me for The People in the Hill? Those are the dead bodies that live in the cemetery on the hill.

Anyway, what is it with me and sex dreams lately? Most of my dreams are short and vague, but this one was rather long and detailed and it involved Adonis and Nane.

Adonis, a good cyber friend in Amsterdam, bought me for 10k and rented me out for a fee to whatever horny guys wanted to have sex with me. I must’ve been young and thin again, LOL. The whole thing was really taking its toll on me physically and I asked Nane to hide me out at her place one night when she showed up with some guys for “service.” Or maybe she actually bought me for the night, IDK.

I begged her to let me stay with her since I didn’t see any other way out and she said, “I can’t. Slaves cost 10k and I don’t have 10k. Even if I did, I couldn’t get enough female customers, as you would prefer, to make up that amount fast enough, let alone a profit.”

I tried to convince Nane she didn’t need to buy or sell me and that I’d clean her house for her if she let me stay in a room of the two-story house she had, but she decided I wasn’t worth saving and she didn’t need a housekeeper bad enough. So I knew I had to come up with some other plan of escape.

I was heading downstairs one day when Nane was at work and saw Adonis peering in a window. He had a silk shirt on that was mostly unbuttoned. I realized he must suspect Nane was hiding me out and then I woke up as I was crouching in a corner somewhere and hoping he didn’t break in, as I wasn’t “all paid for” yet.

MONDAY, MAY 5, 2014 Complaint #1 of the day: Unexpected rain has a way of pissing you off when you want to go out and run, though it did finally stop. Went out at 11pm and mixed running and walking for 46 minutes. It was a chilly 54°.

Complaint #2 of the day: Will people please stop telling me what I already know? LOL Yes, I know exercise alone won't usually cut it (especially in older women) because a standard 30-60 min. workout doesn't usually expend enough to be taking in less than we're putting out and all that fun stuff, and I know how working out usually just gets you in shape and makes diets work better, but we still have to cut enough calories to take in less than we put out, blah, blah, blah.

The only ways I’ve lost weight in the past were diet alone or diet and exercise. Hell, I didn’t even lose weight as a dancer 22 years ago, not that I had much fat to spare at the time and not that I was dieting, of course. Sure got into great shape for being the smoker that I was, though.

In 2000 I was 10-15 pounds overweight and we bought a Bowflex machine and I thought, yeah, I can eat all I want now! Wrong. I didn’t lose much more than a few pounds, but I sure did muscle up. I then did some online research and this is when I started learning about how things work and all that.

Although Tom feels confident I’ll lose weight once my medication is adjusted, I don’t see how or why I would simply because the vast majority of people over 40 also complain that losing weight is damn near impossible. Do they all have bum thyroids, too? Unlikely!

The calorie requirement to lose at this age is simply way too low to stand and sustain, and what if I could suddenly snap my fingers and be at an ideal weight? I’d still have to diet at least most of the time or else it would come right back. No thanks! I’d rather just work out to stay fit, eat as sensibly as I can, and just deal with the extra weight. Still, I thank people for their input, even if it’s stuff I’ve heard and have been over a thousand times before.

SUNDAY, MAY 4, 2014 As I “tweeted” on Histofme, I realized how much I’ve changed over the years as far as what I’ll be dumb enough to fall for and what I’ll be dumb enough to put up with. I put up with sooo much shit from sooo many people and in some ways that was almost as bad as a woman who puts up with abuse. When I realized how different my reaction would be to “Teddy Bear” showing up today vs. years ago, that pretty much told me something right there. I’m definitely not nearly as tolerant and forgiving as I once was. In the past, had Teddy Bear apologized for blowing me off and asked to be forgiven, I probably would've forgiven her and agreed to move on as friends. Now I'd be like, "Get the fuck out of my face! Just get out." Really, I don't forgive and I definitely don't forget.

When I read through the part where she opens the cell door and says, “Here, give me your hand,” then shakes it and tells me good luck, I immediately thought to myself, “There! She just dismissed me. Why didn’t I fucking see this 13 years ago?”

Who Teddy Bear was is a long story. She can be found in my Maricopa book. I’ll just quickly say she was a detention officer who did a fine job of leading me on with false promises and all kinds of BS. I never expected or wanted to trade in my husband for her, of course, but she gave me every reason to believe she’d be a fun and interesting addition to my life and I was dumb enough to fall for it, too.

Do I like the newer, smarter, less tolerant me? I do. I wish to hell I’d had this attitude years ago as it would’ve saved me a lot of grief. It’s not that I won’t give anyone in the future the time of day; it just means I’m not as naïve and gullible as I once was.

The same can be said for my mother. Had she died 20 years earlier I’d have been all tears and quick to run into her arms if there’s an afterlife where we all meet up with each other. Now, I not only didn’t shed a tear when she died two years ago, each day I am closer to my own death and that means I’m one day closer to beating the shit out of her in the afterlife and giving her a double dose of the pain she once inflicted upon me if that’s ever a possibility. Then again, I suppose that’s just wishful thinking and I’m being as naïve and gullible as I used to be. God will stand in my way and protect her just like He did when she was alive. If He let her hurt me in this life, why would He let me feed her a taste of her own medicine in that life? He did nothing to stop her because He either wanted her to hurt me or He just didn’t care. I see no reason that would change in the afterlife, but if I’m wrong, I’ll get your ass, bitch, in about 30-35 years. That’s one form of revenge I will definitely not pass up if I ever have a chance to act on it with no consequences or harm to myself. So… I’d probably spare my brother and maybe even my father and the evil grandmother that made my mother who she was, but if Mommy Dearest and anyone involved in the framing is there…

Andy knew what he was talking about when he said I was the shortest, angriest person he knew, but then there's Aileen Wuornos. Anger can make you stronger or it can make you as crazy as it made Aileen, whose childhood actually made mine seem not half bad. I could go on and on listing all kinds of things my parents did to me, but the one thing I never had to fear was going to bed and wondering if I’d wake up to find my father molesting me.

Later…

Haha, Andy woke the brat up next door blasting music. Then it was coo-coo time as Mommy tried to get it back to sleep. Andy then felt bad.

I’m amazed the kid’s not in daycare and the mother isn’t back to work already. Not only can most moms, single or not, not afford to take the time off, but you know how it is today with those under 65 not working, new moms or not. It’s seen as a bad thing, and most guys refuse to support their GFs/wives, so she’s lucky.

Yesterday I fantasized about the idea of each day passing that brings me a day closer to death meaning that I get to return all the pain and suffering to my mother in the afterlife that she inflicted upon me in my earthly life. My punishment for that was a dream of moving into a new house with them, LOL. Only I seemed to be quite thrilled about it, actually.

It was either getting late or we had other things to do because we could only make one trip over there as soon as we got the keys. We all grabbed what we could and drove over there, me riding in the back seat.

Upon arriving at the long 3-bedroom ranch-style house, I ran to pick out my bedroom. I chose a small room with a toilet in one corner (LOL) with green carpet and pink-flowered walls.

The room in the middle was colorless and ordinary. The master bedroom was done in deep reds and had a fireplace in it. “This room’s for you,” I told my folks, knowing they’d want it anyway.

The kitchen had an angled wall with a shelf on it. Some stuff sat on it, including my most valuable collectible doll, which someone had brought over. “Oh, so Bailey’s the first to go home,” I said, and then I ran back into my new bedroom where Tom and some mysterious lady suddenly appeared. The previous owners left their beds and we were all discussing not wanting to sleep on sheets someone else had already slept on.

Later…

Three rats that are about to be served cheesy broccoli can be funny as hell, haha. I took out their bowl and started filling it up outside the cage so they wouldn’t run and grab it and make a mess, and as they were waiting they were bouncing back and forth like a person needing to pee, twirling, etc. Sooo damn funny!

Hoodie is growing up fast and is an official beggar. He knows how to “ask” for treats, come to the door to beg to be let out, be a pest, and all that fun stuff when his mommy is trying to write.

A new diet idea just popped into mind that may not leave me feeling like I’m starving my ass off. I know, I know, I’m predestined to fail and there’s no “magic” diet. If there was, I’d have figured it out long ago and so would others. I’ve still got a bum thyroid, I’m still middle-aged, and I’m still a woman. It was based on that 7-item menu where I eat every 2 hours, starting after being up 2 hours. Maybe I’ll try it next week if only because it certainly can’t hurt even if it doesn’t help.

We need a new microwave cuz ours is starting to rust. I want something simple that doesn’t have a million buttons.

Andy had a point when he said that although he enjoys my writing, I often complain and blame too much on God. I’m an outspoken individual, all right. Some may say I was making up for lost time and that due to being forced to keep things in as a child, I grew up determined to really let it out. Besides, I’m not the kind to play down or sugarcoat things. If something is irritating, I’ll say so.

It isn’t that I don’t blame those who do bad things or my own self when I make some stupid mistake in life. I do blame us humans. But if God is the mastermind of the universe and the people in it, it’s hard not to blame him, too. Like the man who silently sits by while his girlfriend or wife abuses their kid. I blame my mother for abusing me as a kid and my dad for looking the other way. But I also blame God for letting my mother abuse me and letting my dad look the other way. I know, however, that who’s really to blame for this, this and that is really a matter of opinion. Some blame the government for global warming, while most blame the human species as a whole.

Instead of trying to change who I am and complain less often, I will try to add more positive things to my entries as a sort of compromise. As always, no one’s obligated to read my journals because I’m going to write them whether I have 1 reader, 50 readers, 1000 readers, or no readers at all. I began writing many years before they were shared.

I also realize I can come across as hard on myself, though I really do try to just change what I can for the better and accept what I can’t. For every negative, there is usually a positive anyway. I’m fat, but I’m in shape and I’m not ugly, even if this too, may be a matter of opinion and wouldn’t matter or change anything if I were ugly. I have shitty vision, but I have glasses that help me to see. God may hate me, but my husband loves me unconditionally and has never complained about my shortcomings or made fun of my fears/phobias. I can’t control when I sleep, but I’m up 16-18 hours just like most people. I’m not fluent in every single language I’ve studied, but I can read, write, and speak enough of them. Hypothyroidism sucks, but it’s better than cancer. I wouldn’t turn heads if I was single and looking, but I would do a great job of turning off the perverts as well.

SATURDAY, MAY 3, 2014 Over the years I have learned so, so much, like most of us do as we age. Or at least like most of us should learn and hope to learn. When I was young I once believed from the bottom of my heart that all homeless people were lazy or on drugs or alcohol and “asked” to be on the streets. I believed all fat people ate tons of sugary sweets and too much of it. I believed anyone could lose weight so long as they wanted to, ate right, and worked out. I believed God loved everyone, too.

Then one day I grew up and reality hit me, not just from firsthand experience but from what I’ve seen and observed and witnessed with my very own eyes as well, be it in person, from a friend, the internet…wherever.

In 2007 my husband and I spent 36 hours on the streets and suffered years of poverty. We were not lazy. We were not drunk. We were not on drugs. We didn’t ask for it. Instead, the greedy bankers that caused the economy to collapse took it upon themselves to give it to us, no questions asked.

A young adult female my height can be 100-110 pounds. As she matures her bones grow in density and she acquires more muscle, especially if she works out. She should then be 120-125 pounds. I work out, eat healthy every day but Saturday, and consume less than the standard 2000-calorie-a-day recommendation. Even so, I’m usually 148-152 pounds and diet and exercise could never get a pound or an inch to budge from me unless I were damn near starved every day of my life, thanks to hypothyroidism.

I have been abused as a child and was legally victimized by a corrupt cop who was friends with our old neighbors (welfare bums whom we lodged a complaint against). Although I was ultimately vindicated after losing 6 months of my life, thousands of dollars, and suffering an untold amount of stress and anger, these are just a few of the hardships I’ve endured in life with some people suffering much, much worse than I have. So no, God does not love us all equally. If He does, then something else up there doesn’t, and just the fact that He does nothing to step in and pull us out of the water when we’re drowning, to me, is like a man watching his GF or wife beat their kid and doing nothing to stop it.

We no longer rent a dumpy old single-wide trailer and drive a 20-year-old car. Instead, we own a doublewide house and drive an 11-year-old luxury car.

But I still hate God and I’m still fat and that’s ok. The point in this? I guess it’s just to say that not all stereotypes and beliefs are true, and no matter how you see the world, we all gotta just make the best of it. :)

It’s Saturday folks. Bake a batch of cookies and enjoy. :) We’re all gonna die someday anyway.

Later…

Although I hated to do it because I’m not a fan of Facebook, I created another account there just for pictures I’ve taken. Facebook may suck overall, but it doesn’t run snail-slow like Photobucket has been, and I don’t intend to ever add any friends to my second account. That way the account can be public and I can have a way of sharing pics with non-Facebook friends without exposing my real Facebook friends that have left comments on pics in my main account.

Although I have not heard from those who have stalked me in nearly half a year, and although they never actually harassed my friends on Facebook (they reached out to them on other sites, though), I feel “naked” exposing my Facebook circle to the public. It’s no one’s business, stalker or not, who I interact with there. Other sites, it doesn’t matter, but when it comes to my “real” Facebook account, I like to keep it closed to outside eyes.

I checked into other picture-sharing sites but found a problem with all of them. Too complicated to navigate, too limited, too this, too that, so that’s why I ended up creating an additional Facebook account. Really wish MyOpera hadn’t shut down their blog/photo site.

I could load pics on Blogger and other sites, but I can’t group them into albums like I’d like to do. I’m uploading tons of albums tonight. Some have just a handful of pics, others have hundreds.

I made myself as hard to contact as I could. You can send me messages there, but only friends of friends can add me so that stamps out any chance of anyone requesting to add me. You’re welcome to follow me, though. I’ve got very little personal info. Again, the point is to share pics on this account and not socialize. I thought of making a group on my main account, but if I had a public group I not only still couldn’t group them into albums, but I couldn’t keep my friends out of it that way. I wanted a place where anyone could see my pics, but not my friends and our communications. I’m not going to bother to organize the pics within the albums, though.

In last night’s dream, I was 10 years younger, receiving disability benefits (I think), and living with my foster parents. I didn’t know Tom. We all lived in a huge house and they decided to make one attempt to sell the place and leave it to fate. They even had a party where everyone dressed up. It didn’t sell, though.

After picking up Lady Di’s receipt for $175 worth of makeup which I found on the floor, I was bound and determined to try to beat my sleep disorder and get a nearby job (as a waitress?). It was in some building where it was snowing only on one side of it.

Fearing I’d miss the last bus, I hurried home and decided I would tell Mom and Dad about my sleep issues and that I hoped to try to overcome them, not that what I’ve got is “overcomeable.” If I couldn’t beat it, though, I would pay them some rent in other ways, be it cleaning for them, etc.

FRIDAY, MAY 2, 2014 Went out running and felt a pain in my knee and then my hamstring. So I walked instead and the pain let up. I decided to take advantage of the pain and detoured to the lake since I’d never been there before. It was so nice and peaceful. The ducks were asleep. The fountains have lights in the centers of them. I sat on the bench for a few minutes and enjoyed the peace and quiet. All I heard was the water spraying from the fountains and a couple of horn honks. I said to myself, what’s wrong with this picture? Why is it so quiet, not a soul around, early on a Friday night?

Yeah, you guessed it. That’s just a retirement park for you. I laughed to myself knowing that if young people lived here the place would be rocking like it was New Year’s Eve! I was only out there for 20 minutes, but some time is better than no time.

Funny Andy should mention Stacey when catching up on my journals and past dreams because I had my first dream about her in a long time. She drove through the Cypress trees and into the carport, and then she exited her car and thanked me for something.

Poor Andy. I feel so bad for him. He’s already tired of hearing the baby next door cry and the mother cooing to it. Why people even have kids in attached dwellings is beyond me. Just like they have places for older folks, they should have a place for families so the singles can live in peace. Andy shouldn’t have to live with it any more than I should have in Norwich and Phoenix. Part of the reason I didn’t want kids was because I couldn’t stand all the noise (besides the time and money it would steal). So it kinda defeats the purpose when you get stuck having to deal with other people’s kids. Wait till that thing starts running up and down the stairs. Those have got to be awfully thin walls if he can hear Mom cooing to the thing. And why do they bother with the cooing anyway? It’s a baby for God’s sake. It’s not going to shut up for years. Cooing to it is as useless as cooing to a cow. Familiar voices may comfort it to a degree, but there is only so much comfort you can give something that just doesn’t know any better yet.

THURSDAY, MAY 1, 2014 I suspect that as long as there’s nothing serious going on like any kind of an infection, the burning and itching I get down there is probably caused by my feminine spray as well as shaving. I hate that unsanitary feeling that comes with being too bushy down there, but maybe I should just limit the areas I trim. After not using these items for a while I hope that the bumps I have around my clit go away. If not I guess I’ll have to make a pap app.

Andy and his “nigga” pics! Again I have to wonder if it isn’t aimed at me. It’s like he’s trying to annoy me. Unfortunately, I’m not psychic enough to see into his head, but if he isn’t trying to annoy or offend me, then this guy’s no “friend.”

One way you can tell fewer people are having kids these days is the lack of screaming brats in restaurants and fast food joints. It used to be that just about every time we’d go to one, some kid would be screaming its head off, its mother not giving a shit, as usual. Today we can eat in peace most of the time, most places we go.

Got a new wind chime, wind twister, and wind spinner at Rite Aid the other day. The chime is the biggest one I’ve ever had. Its longest chime is at least two feet. The twister is another one of those with crystals – two clear and one blue. The wind spinner would be nice if it had some wind to go with it, but between now and the fall there won’t be much of that.

I can run in warmer temps when it’s dark, so I left at 73° and returned at 68° at around 11pm last night. Tonight’s my night off from that. I’ll work my arms and abs.

I’ve been sleeping more solidly since taking the new dosage, but don’t know if there’s a connection or not. I would usually wake up several times during my sleep, even though it was usually just for a second. I crashed at 7am and when I next opened my eyes, I thought it’d be 10-something, but nope. It was 3pm and I was wide-awake.

As expected, no weight loss. I could probably get some of it off on a 1000-calorie diet, but there’s just no way I can keep it that low every day. Better to just eat when I’m hungry and keep the fat.

Today I’m going to begin the proofreading of my book, but don’t have any plans to have it published on Amazon due to the lack of sales not making the effort worth it. I’m lucky to have made $30 off the last two. I can make 4 times that much a month working the Turk. I write because I enjoy it. It is a very black and white field. You’re either rich and famous from it or you’re a nothing nobody.

It just hit me that the only reason Maliheh showed up on my tracker wasn’t that she opened and read them, but just because she checked her mail. This may explain why most were usually “opened” 2-3 times and not just once. Then as new messages came in and mine would get older, she’d stop showing up on my tracker. She could’ve marked them as spam and only when she goes to check her spam box does she show up on my tracker. Or maybe she really did open and read them. She strikes me as the type, like the black bitch, to hope there’s something in it she could use against me.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 30, 2014 Kyla’s Secret was officially declared a winner just before midnight at 50,170 words! Between that and our new 2003 Cadillac Seville, life is good. :) Wish I could stay up and write more details about the Caddy, but I’m beat. I slept horribly yesterday. Don’t know why, but I kept waking up constantly. Don’t remember much in the way of dreams other than a spider on the wall and an ant trail on the floor. Maybe I was just a bit wound up cuz now that I finished the lower dosages of my medication, I started the 75 mcg of levothyroxine and worried about possible side effects like a racy heart, but I was fine.

For now, I will just say it saddens me that despite how mean and horrible the racist comment was made by the old Clipper’s coach, how can we call ourselves The Land of the Free when we can sue someone for words? Don’t actions speak louder than words. Words may be cruel, false and unfair, but my God! Words are still just words and words don’t mean shit without the actions to back them up. You know, sort of like telling someone you’re going to slap them vs. actually doing it?

Not only is it a shame that we can be sued for the words we say, but once again, here’s another classic case of those shitty dual standards we love to have seeing that the black guy who said oughta have an all-black league never got sued for his own racist comment. It’s pretty sad, that not only do we not have the freedom to express ourselves just because others may not want to hear it, but that if you’re black it’s ok to spew all the hate you want. Then people like me who are sick of the unfairness are automatically labeled “racist.”

I’m not going to apologize or feel ashamed or guilty for my own beliefs and opinions either. I don’t care if they’re in the “norm” or not. They are what they are. Period. :)

Later…

Went for my first ride in our new 2003 Cadillac Seville that looks brand spanking new, and wow! Just WOW! I know that most newer cars from 2005 on up have the same bells and whistles since they started implementing most luxury features in new vehicles, but after years and years of driving old shit, just the power windows/locks and a working AC is sheer luxury to us! As I told Tom before we got this car, we no longer live like bums, but we still drive like bums (even though he drives and I ride), LOL. But now we have a car that goes with this park. I still cannot believe we live in a beautiful home in a luxury park and own a luxury car! The only thing I don’t like about my new posh existence is the expenses. The space rent, mortgage and car payments total around $1200 a month. Once the house and car are paid off we’ll save about $500 a month.

The car was 5k and Tom was told by the loan lady that he was actually getting quite a deal on it since it’s worth more like 7k these days. It was 45k brand new. We got it on loan so that we’d still have cash on hand for emergencies. Just because you can pay for things like cars and carpet outright, doesn’t mean you should if you don’t want to drain most of your savings. We’ll pay it off before the 3 years are up, though.

The car isn’t in mint condition but it’s pretty damn close. We need to get the passenger window fixed because the mechanism that drives it up and down doesn’t work. It also needs a chip filled in in the windshield, and a new battery. The Ford has a new deluxe kick-ass battery and he’s going to see if it will fit in this car.

Although I won’t miss the Ford, I gotta admit it was not only very comfortable but was very reliable during the 7 years we’ve had it. It has a lot of little things wrong with it and Tom figured out what the knocking sound is that he’s been hearing when he slows down. He knew it was connected to the breaks, obviously, but I guess it has to do with cylinders and pads rubbing against each other. In February, when it comes time to relicense it, we’ll decide if it’s worth keeping as a backup or not. He has roadside assistance so that if the Caddy does break down they’ll tow it for nothing. There are other “amenities” of sorts and special treatment it gets I guess just for being a luxury car.

Now to go over some of the features, though there are so many I’m sure I’ll forget some. The most important thing is reliability. The cool features are just a bonus. The reason he opted for an older lux car instead of a newer economy car was that then we’d be more likely to get a working AC for the amount we wanted to spend. I hated not having an AC in the summers even though it’s not nearly as unbearable as down in the desert. I also hate how open windows make my hair whip into my face and even my lip gloss.

My parents always had Cadillacs and Lincolns, but the Caddy they had in the 70s looks nothing like this. Theirs was huge and ugly. It was a dull and flat ugly yellowy gold and the back sides kind of stuck up like fins. Might’ve been the El Dorado.

Anyway, the dealership started to piss Tom off that he almost left. They were being pushy with trying to get names and addresses supposedly for credit. Over and over Tom had to tell them “no,” since he didn’t need to worry about his credit because he had a check in his hand to pay for the thing in full. He knew what they really wanted was a mailing list. When he threatened to walk out, they finally shut up. I hate pushy people! Be it those trying to cram religion down my throat or to get me to do/be something I’m not interested in pisses me off almost as much as being lied to. I have close to zero tolerance for those types and will dump them almost as fast as I would a bipolar, delusional nutjob.

Anyway, the speedometer and that area look cool cuz it’s 3D, so the red needle is in front of the green letters and numbers underneath. It can go 140 MPH, though I can’t imagine where you’d drive that fast. It has an alarm, tells you when it’s time to change the oil, the engine’s temp, if the battery’s low, a million ways to adjust the steering wheel and seats, sensors in back to help warn you if you’re going to back into something, and basically the same things newer cars have, but that’s cool to one who has yet to experience these fun extras.

There’s a digital compass in the rearview mirror, you can warm it up via remote from inside the house before you go out in colder weather. No LED headlights, but it’s got halogen lights which are pretty bright, and heated back seats. Can’t imagine anyone ever being back there, though, other than Andy when we pick him up from the airport, LOL.

One of the coolest things – again, I know this has gotten pretty standard, but it’s new to us – is the dual AC zone. It has a digital temp display that can be adjusted individually. So Tom could be 76° if he wanted to be while I was 78°. I believe the back has its own adjuster too, in back of the front seat that you can program. It has tinted windows which are nice and is thunder gray. Boring but not ugly like I thought it’d be. It’s amazingly shiny and when you look at it in the direct sunlight you can see glitter in it that’s way cool.

No GPS screen, but surprisingly it has a CD player AND a cassette deck. I’m surprised because it’s an ’03, not a ’93, but I guess Cadillac tends to cater to older folks, LOL. I’m just glad we don’t live in a seedy neighborhood with no garage!

The trunk is nice and roomy. When he showed it to me I said, “Wow, you could fit two bodies in there,” and then Tom jokingly replied, “Yeah, that’s what I always look for when I buy a new car; how many bodies I can fit in the trunk. When you accidentally lock yourself in it, just pull this lever.”

I thought he was joking at first, but sure enough, there really is a lever you can pull, haha.

Again, I know you guys are probably rolling your eyes saying, “But all cars have that these days,” but it also has what I call a grocery net. It’s to hold things securely in the trunk.

It’s 5” wider than the Taurus and 7” longer, though it doesn’t seem it. It gets about the same mileage gas-wise as the Taurus. So it’s not a gas-guzzler but not a great deal either. He paid $60 to fill it up when we went out earlier.

Not sure but I think that as with newer cars, it may have a voice that tells you when you’re low on gas besides just words that indicate it, but I’m not positive on that one.

One really cool thing is that not only does any music playing get louder the more traffic noise it detects, but if you set the fan speed of the heat/AC to auto, the fan speeds up as the car gets warmer when you’re using the AC, then slows down when it gets cooler. Again, I’m guessing this is standard in ‘05s and up, but new to us.

The leather seats are firmer and more comfortable than the Ford’s cloth seats, but I prefer cloth to leather because the leather burns when it’s really hot. I can easily get a cushion for my side later on.

It has this thing where Tom could program the gate code, but the idiots forgot to enclose the extra key. They’re mailing it to us. I guess you can’t just go get duplicates cuz there’s a transmitter inside the key that needs to be programmed to match the car. Plus you have to go through a series of maneuvers to get it to work the first time. Like locking and unlocking the doors 3 times, lowering the window twice, etc.

The ride is way smoother. The car doesn’t rock like the Taurus would if you hit a bump. I feel silly going on and on about all these wonderful features that are now pretty standard, but that’s how long we had to do without these extras in life. Hell, I still can’t believe I can walk up to a readily hooked-up and available full-size washer anytime I want!

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