#we kissed at the park and went on a gay aquarium date

[fagtendo64]

forgot to post anything for tdov because i was too busy being trans and gay

[alex-ruins-everything]

Turning Pages - Chapter 8

Intrulogical bookshop au! Read the whole thing on ao3 here. 

Remus had really tried not to be stalker-y when he texted Virgil for Logan’s work hours that morning. He just wanted to surprise the cute boy who had been filling his thoughts up! And it had worked, because here Logan was letting him drag him out for dinner. Not only that...but Logan trusted him! It made his gay little heart sing.

“A diner?” Logan questioned as they sat down in a booth. The place was mostly deserted despite it being peak season on the boardwalk. Luckily their home town was just far enough from the water to not be a tourist trap.

“My favorite diner. It...used to be better, but the owner died a while ago and his daughter didn’t wanna inherit the place. But she did. At least she kept the staff because Ed in the back knows how to make a killer burger,” Remus explained with a grin. “You wore your new tie today.”

“I did, and though it was mostly hidden behind the apron, it was a somewhat nice change to my usual rounds of blue ties,” Logan said, looking over the menu with slight distrust. “I saw you and Cthuwu had a wonderful day together. I liked the pictures you updated me with throughout the day.”

“I’m glad! I took him to meet Jan and Jan’s snakes, and then him and I went on a ride and I’m immensely happy he didn’t fall off the back of the bike. He’s in the saddle bag now, napping I imagine. It’s been a long day for a little stuffed octopus.”

“You’re quite good at giving personalities to inanimate objects,” Logan observed, deciding he was just going to get whatever Remus got since the other clearly knew the place better.

“Yeah, it’s a skill of mine.”

“Is this akin to an average day of yours? Just...filling your time with whatever you want to do?”

“Well. yeah. I’m not a college person, and I’ve hit a wall with the latest piece I’ve been working on. Apparently being an artist is just as bad as being a writer when it comes to creative blocks…”

“You’re an artist?” Logan asked with a small smile. “I should have known. You had paint smeared on your cheek when you came to Patton’s book reading. I assumed you were just messy.”

“Well, I am messy, but absolutely, Loganberry. I’ll show you my stuff sometime. I can never pick a medium, so it’s pretty inconsistent.”

“Somehow that does fit in with your, ah…’vibe’. Did I use that correctly?”

“Sure did, babes,” Remus winked.

The waiter came over to take their orders and Remus put his in for a bacon cheeseburger and asked for a note to be put down for Ed in the back that it was him. Logan asked for the same thing, just with no tomatoes.

“You got a tomato vendetta?” Remus asked with a chuckle.

“Awful texture. Slimy goo with little seeds inside...I cannot stand them,” Logan replied, scrunching his nose up.

“Aw...you’re adorable, you know that?” Remus said, leaning forward on his hands.

“Oh, well…” Logan’s cheeks started to turn pink. “I suppose if you find a hatred of Solanum lycopersicums adorable then, yes.”

“Solanum...I have no clue what you said, but I certainly liked the way you said it,” Remus grinned. “Though your hatred of tomatoes isn’t the sexiest thing about you, it certainly makes the list.”

“Well, now you’re just flirting.”

“Yes,” Remus laughed. “Have been for a while, but thank you for finally noticing, Specs.”

“Oh, apologies. I’m not the best at picking up on such things.” “I noticed” Remus smiled. “But it’s okay. According to many people, I never know when to shut the fuck up or tone it down, so we both suck.”

“You’ve been quite good thus far, I hadn’t noticed. Well, except when you screamed in the bookshop. That was rather crass.”

“That bookshop,” Remus smiled fondly. “Do you wanna tell me what’s up with you and that bookshop? I can tell you really love that place. There has to be a story there, right?”

“A story? Hardly. I simply did not connect with my peers as a child, and as a result I spent most of my time in Mr. Sanders’ shop and then started working there when I was of age,” Logan shrugged. “I find the shop comforting, and I am in charge when Mr. Sanders goes away, which is quite often actually. But I don’t mind. The bookshop makes me happy.”

“That’s totally a story, babes,” Remus chuckled, nodding a thanks as their food was brought out. Nothing special, exactly what you would expect from a run down diner, though a bottle of hot sauce was placed on the table right after which he happily grabbed. “And it’s cute. It’s nice that you have something like that.”

“Do you have a metaphorical - or physical - bookshop?” Logan asked, taking the ketchup bottle from the end of the table. Seems his hatred of tomatoes only applied to solid ones.

“Do I have a thing that makes me happy?” Remus asked. “I dunno. Lots of stuff. I like riding my motorcycle and watching horror movies...and visiting Duke at the aquarium. Painting, Halloween, going to the Renaissance fair with Ro...all those are things that make me happy.”

“Those are valid, but I meant in a larger sense,” Logan said. “For example, at the bookshop I feel as if I have a purpose which is psychologically very important for humans. I suppose I’m asking if you feel as though you have something that gives you that.”

“Pretty deep for second date conversation,” Remus said, smile faltering for a moment as he looked down at his food.

“Apologies, I did not-”

“No, no. It’s all good,” he assured. “I’m not one to really keep secrets or anything. I just...don’t. Have a purpose that is. I’m workin’ on finding it, but nothing ever really seems to fit right. Y’know? And, hey, I’m a lucky enough person to be able to try stuff out until I find a fit. Not everyone has that luxury.”

Logan nodded, giving Remus a slight smile. “That’s okay, I’m certain you’ll find your metaphorical bookshop one day.”

“Thanks, Lo,” Remus replied, expression softening at the other for a moment before he took a deep breath. “Okay! Okay, pro tip here...douse everything in hot sauce. You’ll thank me.”

Logan did not douse everything in hot sauce, he claimed he wasn’t a fan of spicy foods. Remus was, though, and did just what he had suggested. They talked more about what they each did in their free time, and Remus really found he liked spending time with Logan. He was cute, sure...but he was adorable on the inside too. Remus was definitely developing more than a crush on Mr. Berry. When the time came to pay he covered the check without a second thought.

“We could have split it,” Logan said after he had paid.

“Why? This is a date. I wanted to pay,” Remus shrugged, looking outside. It was sunset. “Wanna go for a beach walk? You said you could tolerate sand.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?” Logan said, looking out to the beach. “Very well. We can go for a walk.”

Remus grinned, standing up the second his card was handed back and taking Logan’s hand which he noticed got another pink cheeked reaction from the nerd. They headed down to the beach, walking along the edge of the water, far enough away that nobody’s shoes would get wet. The summer nights were quite chilly on the shore, so the beach wasn’t terribly full. Remus only let go of Logan’s hand to go chase some seagulls, regretting the choice when the seagulls chased him back. Birds had been doing that a lot to him lately, there must be an anti-Remus bird conspiracy going. That was what he explained to Logan as he grabbed the other’s hand and fled from the birds. Their walk ended as the sun was gone from below the horizon with them both slightly out of breath and back at Remus’ motorcycle.

“In my defense...they usually don’t chase back,” he explained.

“It would seem this time they did,” Logan replied, brushing a hand through his hair to keep it neat. “But...that was certainly exhilarating in it’s own way. I can’t say I’ve ever run from seagulls before.”

“First time for everything,” Remus laughed, meeting Logan’s eye.

And, shit. He wanted to kiss Logan. He really wanted to kiss Logan. It would be so easy, just lean forward and smooch...but it was their second date and what if Logan didn’t want to kiss him.

“Remus, are you alright?” Logan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, yeah. Totally, Specs,” Remus said, pulling himself out of that moment. “C’mon, let's get you home.”

“Yes, home seems good. I forget the sun goes down quite late sometimes,” Logan said, taking his borrowed helmet when it was offered to him. “I’m actually starting to somewhat enjoy riding the motorcycle with you.”

“Well, good! I like riding with you too, mon amour.”

Remus shoved his own helmet onto his head, getting on the bike and starting it as Logan climbed onto the back. He smiled when he felt the other’s arms secure around his waist and headed off. He parked outside of Logan’s building, getting off after Lo to say a proper goodbye.

“I will see you next time I see you,” Remus said, taking Logan’s helmet back with a smile. “I had fun on our spontaneous little date.”

Logan seemed to ponder for a moment before taking a deep breath and speaking, “Would you like to come up for some tea? I usually have a cup to relax around this time anyway...and I have lots of tea…”

“Heh, sure, Loganberry. I’ll come up for some tea,” Remus smiled, taking Logan’s hand again and following him inside.

TAGLIST:

@theiwatobiicepic

[writings-of-the-unkown]

Questions Are Best Dealt With Love

request status: yes

pairing: Hope Solo x Reader

Y/N- your name

Y/M- your middle name

Y/L- your last name

Y/P- your position at company

Y/C- your company/employer

This told from Hope’s pov

Warning: GAY (sorry not sorry :|),tooth-rotting fluff

 Words: 1725

A/N: THIS IS FICTION ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE

THUD

I rolled out of bed as soon as my brain registered the noise. I was at the top of the stairs when I heard my girlfriend call out to her four year old.

“Maria Margaret Y/L! Don’t make me count!” My girlfriend yelled at her daughter. 

I treadded down the stairs so I hopefully wouldn’t contribute to Y/N’s anger this morning. Maria is Y/N’s four year old daughter from a previous relationship. I started dating Y/N about two years ago and I just moved in with her and Maria under a year ago. Y/N wanted to wait for me to move in with them until Maria was old enough to somewhat understand what was going on. 

I made my way into our kitchen and spotted Maria running circles around the island and Y/N chasing after her. Maria didn’t see me and in turn slammed into my legs. I picked her up and and put her in her chair. Y/N looked like she was gonna cry. I wrapped her in a bear hug, she laid her head on my chest. 

“Why does she have to do this now? I don’t have time for this today” my girlfriend mutter into my chest.

I lifted her head so she was looking me in the eyes.

“Baby, I’ll take care of her. You just focus on giving the best possible presentation” I whispered.

“Have I told you that I love you recently?” She asked as a smile spread across her face.

“Yeah but you can say it again” I laughed.

“Well then, I love you” She leaned up and gave me a kiss. She is a few inches shorter than me.

“Ew!” I felt something hit my head.

We broke apart and both looked to Maria. She was no longer wearing both shoes. 

“I’m done” Y/N grabbed her travel coffee mug and headed towards the door. I followed her that way I could close the door after her.

“Bye, I love you both! Try not to kill each other while I’m gone” she blew kisses at both of us as I closed the door behind her.

Maria ran to the window so she could see Y/N pull away from our house. We waved to her as she headed to change lives. 

“Okay Squirt, now that your momma is gone, what do you wanna do?” I asked her after her attention left the window.

“Fishys! Fishys!” She chanted. 

“Okay, let me go get dressed and we can go see the fish” I said as I carried her upstairs. She giggled.

I threw her onto our bed and I noticed Y/N’s German Shepherd, Ace, hopped up on the bed. He climbed into Maria’s lap and curled up. I headed to the closet to grab a t-shirt and shorts. The shirt I grabbed was one of Y/N’s workplace. She is a Y/P at Y/C. 

I finished getting dressed and came out of the closet. Maria was propped up against pillows, had Ace and Astro, Y/N’s other dog, a Doberman, sleeping on her. I smiled at them while I took a mental picture.

I got Maria up and we got ready to go. We made our way out to the car and I got her buckled in her seat. I opened my door, threw my purse on the passenger seat and started the car. Slowly I backed out of the garage. 

“Hopey? Can we listen to our song?” I heard Maria ask from behind me.

“Of course, Mimi” I said as I turned on Maria’s favorite song. Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride.

I glanced back at her through the rear view mirror and she was swaying to the beat. I couldn’t help but smile. In what felt like no time at all, we pulled into the members parking lot of the Seattle Aquarium. Y/N has a membership to the aquarium for Maria, so after I got her out of her car seat we headed to the gate.

She was bouncing on the balls of her feat with excitement. When it was our turn to get in, I gave them the membership card as well as my drivers license. We got the nod of approval and Maria started pulling on my hand. 

“Mimi! Wait up, Sweetheart!” I called to her. 

I finally caught up to her in front of the entrance to the dolphins.

“Can we go there Hopey?” She asked me very hopefully.

“Of course, Mimi. The day is yours” she pulled me towards the dolphins.

She ran right up to the glass viewing window and laid a hand on the glass. A dolphin swam over, obviously intrigued by Maria standing at the window. She giggled as the dolphin did flips in front of her. I stood near the back of the room and took a picture of her and the dolphin.

A young boy came up next to Maria and his mom was standing next to me.

“You’re so cute with your daughter. She’s lucky to have a mom that takes off work to go to the aquarium with her” she said.

“Well, actually. Maria is my girlfriend’s daughter and she had to work today so I offered to spend the day with her” I replied.

“Oh, then she is lucky to have you” she reworded. 

“Is that your son?” I asked her.

“Yeah, Lucas James. I’m Sara”.

“Hope,” I stuck out my hand for a handshake.

Sara returned the gesture. We talked for a bit, until Lucas got restless watching one species of animal for as long as he had been. I said goodbye to Sara and continued to watch Mimi play with the dolphins.

An aquarium employee came over to Maria and asked if she wanted to go topside if the exhibit. She ran over to me and the employee told me the same things she told Maria. Maria looked at me with pleading eyes. I couldn’t help but say yes to her. 

“Bye the way, my name is Lauren and I’ve been here at the aquarium for just about five years now. I am one of our dolphin trainers here and I couldn’t help but notice your daughter’s enthusiasm for our dolphins” she said as she lead us to a door that was labeled “No Unauthorized Entry Beyond This Point, Staff Only”. 

Lauren lead us to an elevator that took us above the exhibit. She had us follow her, step into a disinfectant to help prevent the dolphins from getting sick, and then we’d be able to meet the dolphins.

“We have four dolphins here, they are all bottlenose dolphins. All of them were deemed non-releasable, so we gave them a forever home. We have two males and two females. Our two boys are Haku, he’s our oldest dolphin here, and our youngest is Kaiko. Our two girls are Ailani, our oldest female and she and Haku are mates. Kaiko is their son. Where as Akeela, our newest dolphin here, was rescued about a year ago and we placed Akeela with Ailani and Haku”. 

Maria was so excited to meet the dolphins that she just ignored Lauren.

The doors opened to reveal a beautiful topside of the exhibit. I was in awe of the trainers and everyone working with these creatures. 

“If you want to follow me this way, you can meet Akeela” Lauren gestured. 

We were at the edge of the pool and Lauren leaned over to another trainer.

“Hi! I’m Erin, I work very closely with Akeela. If you want to step down onto this platform, I will call Akeela over” Erin said. 

Maria walked over to the edge of the main floor. Erin was already on the platform. She looked to me for permission to touch Mimi and bring her down to the ledge. I nodded to her. She grabbed Mimi and set down her down next on the ledge. I used the ladder that was next to me. 

Erin whistled for Akeela. The dolphin swam over with enthusiasm. Mimi was bouncing with excitement. 

“Here, put your hand out. Just like this” Erin showed Maria how to hold her hand out for Akeela.

Akeela propelled herself out of the water and tapped Mimi’s hand. Mimi let out a giggle.

What felt like hours upon hours passed until Mimi finally got bored of the dolphins and we headed back down to the main floor of the aquarium. Mimi dragged me again but this time towards the jellyfish. She was pressed up against the glass, where as I found a ledge on the back wall and sat down. I pulled out my phone and went to post on Instagram.

I finally was able to drag Mimi away from the different exhibits, she was fighting to keep her eyes open. I pushed open the door that leads from the garage to the house. My bag dropped from my hands and my feet shuffled to the couch. As soon as my but hit the couch, my eyes started to fight the losing battle against sleep deprivation. A weight dropped onto my chest and I saw my favorite little girl. She leaned her head against my chest, I felt her breathing even out. I soon followed suit. 

When I woke, Maria wasn’t on my chest. I started to panic, until I saw Y/N’s work bag near the door and the love of my life making dinner with her daughter. I checked my phone and saw that Y/N posted a picture of me and Maria.

I couldn’t help the smile that came over my face. I knew what to do.

I wrapped my hands around her waist and I lied my head on her shoulder. 

“Marry me?”

“What?” she spun around so that she was now facing me.

“You heard me, Y/N Y/M Y/L. You are the love of my life. Today proved that to me. I know that your life revolves around Maria, so here to help settle your nerves. Mimi, I would like to marry your momma. Is that okay with you?” I faced her, she nodded. I looked back to Y/N, I continued, “Now that Mimi is on board, you are the love of my life. Please, would you make me the happiest person alive and marry me?”

[kweebtrash]

Just Say Goodnight and Go (M)

Messy Chapter 7

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, The fluff chapter TM

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: alcohol, night terrors/ panic attacks, minimal talk about assault. 

Features: body worship, choking/breathing denial, talk about oral fixation, thigh high kink, a bunch of makeout sessions, a little bit of a handjob, still exploring the daddy kink a bit, overstretching, rough sex and semi-soft sex, really bad drunk decisions.

Word Count: around 17.6k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose. I didn’t exactly hit 20k like I thought but I was damn close lol. Note: In case you don’t know Rilakkuma is a Japanese character (like Hello Kitty) but from the brand San-X. This chapter has got a bunch of fluff in it, but ya’ll know fluff aint my usual thing that I write about. So tell me if it was good or bad please.

Messy Masterlist    Buy me a Ko-Fi    Other Stories

“What do people like….do on dates?”

“Eri, what the hell kind of question is that? You act like you never been on one before.” Quinn said before squinting in the mirror to viciously measure if their eyeliner wings were even.

“Like i mean...i have but also i'm antisocial and some if the best times i've had with people were just like hanging out and doing nothing. Like Yuta and i just lay around and watch anime-”

“While he fingers you.”

“Lucas and I play video games.”

“Until his attention span goes to eating you out.”

I huffed. “Listen…”

“You went out on dates with Jungwoo, didn't you?”

“Yeah but we would like go to parks during the spring and walk around, or he'd follow me around the mall and blush if I so much as mentioned going to look at underwear in a store. We went to an aquarium solely because i just wanted to hear him say the word in his adorable accent all day. But those are things that I did when like…” i sighed and set my eyeshadow brush down. “When I was in love.”

“And you're not in love with Johnny?”

“Johnny's a fuckboy. You really think he'd hold my hand and push me on a swing set at the park? Please. He's gonna take one look at these thigh highs and want to fuck as soon as we start this so called date and that's a-ok with me.”

“Eri, you're a bad liar.”

“You're the one who suggested going on a stupid date with Jaehyun! What do you two do all the time when you hang out anyway, hmm?”

Quinn squinted again, glaring at their uneven ink line before handing the eyeliner pen to me. “Fix itttttttt.” they whined. I sighed and grabbed a makeup wipe to try and clean up some of the unevenness before filling it out with the ink again. “But we honestly fuck a lot. Like a lot a lot. He heard about Taeil helping me study and wanted to help too but instead of being NICE he fingered me and wouldn't let me cum until i got an answer right-which is very hard when his stupid hot long fingers are digging inside you. Then one time I decided to cook for him, because i'm perfect wifey material and he lasted a whole minute of helping me in the kitchen before he was grabbing at my ass.”

“Great, a bigger slut. So why the hell did you come up with this boba date idea in the first place?!” I painted on the small wings in short strokes, connecting it to the already thickened lined that covered Quinn's lashline.

They shrugged, which made me purse my lips and glare down at them for moving. “I don't know. I basically said, Jaehyun you're taking me to get Boba and then I thought it'd be nice for you to come along because you’re maybe-kinda- sorta-my security blanket. Then i realized i asked him out on a date without meaning for it to sound like a date and then i gay panicked and asked you to come but that only made it a DOUBLE DATE and then i had to pretend that everything was natural and I-”

“Quinn. I should stab you in the eye with this pen.”

“I CANT HELP IT! Sometimes he's really stupid and cute and i hate his fuckin’ perfect teeth and perfect smile and those STUPID dimples. I want to punch his face but also kiss him endlessly. I especially hate it when he's like...nice and not a complete asshole because it just makes me want to be around him more!” They sighed.

I finished correcting the wing on their other eye and plopped back down in my desk chair. “I know what you mean...after the party Johnny and I spent the entire night together and it was definitely a journey. I found out things about him that i never could even imagine happening to someone like him. And it just...it made me sad. All i wanted to do was see him happy. I wanted to make him happy.”

“What do you mean? What happened to him?”

“I shouldn't tell you…” i whispered.

“Eri, we're best friends.”

“Yeah but...he's starting to trust me and I don't want to mess that up.”

“I wouldn't ever tell anyone. You know that.”

I fidgeted in my seat as i felt my morals be compromised a bit. Quinn was my best friend that I told practically everything to but Johnny was my...fuckbuddy who had gone through enough for a lifetime and needed someone who would be there for him. I still yearned to be that someone and wanted to solidify my place as a friend he could count on. I knew Quinn wouldn't tell a soul so I was sure the secret was safe but it still made me feel a bit uneasy. “I...i...don't know…”

“Was it about that chick at the party? The like weird looking one that was all over him?”

I nodded then grabbed their little hands, squeezing them tight. “Just swear on our friendship you won't ever say anything. Not even to Jae.”

“I swear.”

“Ok...and don't think or treat of him any different. Go on hating him like normal. It's ok.”

“Yes, Eri, I will. I swear.”

“She...that girl...assaulted him while he was coming down from a bad high and was sick. And you know, he's a big dude. He's tall and muscular and shit- everyone would think he'd be able to fight her off but he can only remember bits and pieces because he was so messed up. Then he described to me how he felt like...how he felt so numb and helpless. It was hard for him…”

“Eri, the same has happened to me. Why would you think I would tell anyone about this?”

“I know,” i practically whimpered. “I didn't mean it like that. I just...i kinda care about him now. I want to be there for him but without making stuff too complicated. I honestly just think he needs someone he can rely on.”

“But then you fell in love with him.”

“I'm going to need you and Doyoung to stop saying that. Are you two conspiring against me?”

“It's just a bit obvious to people that aren't only here to fuck you.” Quinn kissed me gently and returned my little hand squeeze. “It's good that you're there for him. He needs it. I wish we could've been friends sooner so you would've been there for me. You have a good ability to be a pillar of strength for people. But don't let that consume you either. He needs to get through it on his own too.”

“I know. I want him to but this is where the stubborn fuck boy part still remains and makes me want to throw his giant ass across the room.”

“Yeah, he's still stupid about a lot of things but any step towards healing is progress.”

I pouted and gave myself another glance in the mirror before adding more smokiness to my outer crease. “Yeah, I know. It's still fresh though so I can't rush him. I just need to make sure it doesn't get too messy.”

“And also make sure he somehow becomes your boyfriend?”

“WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?! WHY DON'T YOU GO BE JAE'S BOYFRIEND, YA LIL TURD.”

“Eww no. I don't want to be near his stupid abs and dimples and perfect teeth and soft hair all day. Absolutely not.”

We both glared at each other for a moment. Our weak facades to our feelings were no match for one another and we couldread each other like open books. Things were getting to be a little bit too serious for the both of us and I may have admitted it to myself during my talk with Doyoung but there was no way in hell that I was ever going to say that I had feelings for Johnny out loud. I hoped that I would eventually get over him enough to just keep things casual. I was sure my fear of love was the perfect blockade for that. Nothing could get past that impenetrable wall. So i felt safe for now. Quinn nudged me, breaking our glaring contest and making us both laugh.

“How did we end up like this?” I asked.

“Like what? Stringing along a bunch of hot guys waiting to do whatever we want them to do? Pure talent. We're amazing. And i am making them pay for the boba.”

“Well duh. If they don't we can just throw them out and solidify our relationship with Lucas. I mean he has everything they have anyway: big dick, deep voice, nice lips, can reach things on the top shelf. It's all we need.” I added a final touch of setting spray and wiped at the powder fallout that covered the top of my boobs. “Oh, by the way, do I look ok in this?”

I stood up so Quinn could see my black ensemble of a Simple Plan t-shirt I had since I was 15, a suspender skirt, black thigh highs and matching high-top converses. They squinted and looked me up and down, even making me turn for them. “It's okay.” They stated simply.

“Ok? What do you mean ok? Do I look fat or something?”

“No it's just...i mean it's very you.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“Like very...high school emo. But your hair and makeup is really cute and he'll like the thigh highs. What are you wearing underneath?”

“Underneath?” I hadn't given much thought to my underwear. “I just picked whatever was in my drawer.”

“Well do you want to entice him a bit?”

I shrugged. “I guess a little. Really make this date worthwhile since i'm sure he's gonna be a jerk about the whole thing. I’m not even sure why he agreed to go.”

“Duh,” Quinn said. “Because he likes you. If he isn't a shitty date then you can give him a little something. And if he is, don't show him at all. I have a cute white lace set you'd look good in. You should wear that.”

“Wear lingerie the entire time? That underwire is gonna kill me.”

“You know I hate bras as much as you do but it'll be cute. Trust me.” Quinn got up from my bed and went over to their room leaving me to follow. When they pulled out the set from their drawer I almost couldn't believe how small it was.

“Uh...you want me to put all of my ass in that?”

“Didn't you say he likes your butt? With this and the thigh highs you can ask him to eat you out and i bet he finally would.”

“Oh...right.” I took the small underwear and bra and started to change into them, not bothering to bring up his previous trauma surrounding oral. It was just easier not going into more into detail about it. I slithered out of my old underwear and into the lace panties which seemed to morph into a thong between my ass cheeks. I adjusted myself over and over in the bra, trying to stuff myself into the seemingly small cups. “Should I really look this desperate? I mean we've fucked like half a dozen times before.”

“It's not desperate! Just trust me. Do that whole femdom thing you do and feel sexy. It may make you feel less nervous if you just pretend you have confidence.”

“Pfft, i doubt it.” I pulled my shirt back over my head, practically feeling my tits at my throat. I stepped over to Quinn's full length mirror and adjusted myself over and over again. Feigning confidence I could do sometimes but alcohol was a lot more helpful with that.

“Will you stop fussing? You're making me more nervous than I already am. We have to be cool sluts not….stupid schoolgirls!” Quinn hissed.

“Yeah, well….i am a stupid schoolgirl and I hate it! I don't want it Quinn!”

“It's just boba! We got this! It's not like-” Suddenly we heard three sharp raps against our door. Our mouths snapped shut and panic washed over us. We looked at each other as if we didn't know what to do. “You do it.” They whispered.

“No, no! You! It was your idea that got us into this mess in the first place!” I planted my hands on their back and forced then towards the door. “Go!”

“You come with me! What are you gonna do?Just stay in here?!”

“Yes! And maybe die alone so i don't have to be embarrassed!” A few more knocks came again and Quinn and I fussed with our hair, our clothes, checking our breaths and if we had things in our teeth. Eventually we stood in front of the door, squaring our shoulders and pretending like everything was totally fine. I was the one who set my hand on the door handle, swinging it open to see my worst nightmare.

The four of us stared at one another like lost children, wide eyed and scared. It was so strange seeing them dressed up that it was like a shock to the system. I was used to the Johnny in sweatpants or basketball shorts and hoodies but now he was...God, he was stunning. Everything; from his hair, his lips, his eyes behind the round wire frames he wore, and his incredibly perfect long legs trapped in his torn up skinny jeans. I hated to admit it-absolutely loathed it- but he looked like complete boyfriend material; so soft and cozy yet still oozing sexiness and a little bit of mystery. I especially loved the leather jacket that hung over him. It made me want to throw myself into his arms and get lost in a sea of his kisses. My heart was fluttering, pathetically so, and it was almost impossible to breathe.

I saw his eyes travel up and down my body, stopping at certain places he wanted to linger a bit longer on. I waited nervously for him to say something, anything at all. He seemed to be stuck, his eyes fluctuating through thought processes and possible scenarios. I nibbled at my lip and casually looked over and Quinn and Jae. Jae looked quite handsome himself; a soft sweet rendition of a guy i didn't quite like and was surprised to see like this. He looked comfy in his hoodie and jacket combo. A warm beanie was perched on his head and his light wash jeans were a perfect compliment. His dimples were on full display along with his perfect teeth Quinn so happily gushed about. I could see them already swooning over him, and probably thinking of a way to get into his pants.

“You look,” My eyes cut back to Johnny as I heard his deep voice finally. “You look um...c-cute.” The olive tone of his skin flared with peachy pinks as soon as that word left his lips.

Cute.

This fuckboy thought I was cute. My heart was in my shoes, a melted puddle of teenage passion and urgency for romance. I giggled nervously and stared down at our feet, noticing his checkered vans and my black converses. “U-um...thank you. I think you look really handsome.” I tucked a stray hair back and gazed up at him. His expression was nothing short of flustered and he cleared his throat to break up the awkwardness.

“Are we just gonna stand here looking like idiots or are we gonna go? I need coffee.” He said.

Jaehyun broke from leaning against the doorframe and boldly took Quinn's hand. “Yeah, let's go. Johnny, you driving or am i?”

Johnny tossed his keys over to Jae who caught them with his free hand. “I'll just drive when we come back.”

Jae and Quinn started heading downstairs, leaving me to rush to get my purse and lock the door behind me. The minuscule walk down to the parking lot of the apartment complex was enough to keep the awkward silence between Johnny and I. I had no idea what I should say or if we should even strike up a conversation at all. I realized that i really didn't know much about him other than his traumatic past and insecurities surrounding it. It seemed trivial but even something like learning his favorite color was starting to become appealing to me. “So…”

He looked back at me from midway down the steps. “So?”

“Boba, huh?” I wish i couldn't speak.

“Yes? Boba?” He seemed just as confused as I was and i rushed to sprint the rest of the way to the car. It didn't take him long to catch up and we were in the back seat and on our way in practically seconds. I kept to my side of the seat against the door, leaving a gaping space between us. Quinn and Jae seemed lost in their own conversation that seemed as natural as the moon controlling the tides. I almost envied them. When the hell did they get so buddy buddy? I briefly looked over at Johnny who seemed to be more interested in gazing out the window then having any interaction with me. I shifted uncomfortably and slid one leg over the other. I adjusted my skirt a bit, trying to make sure I remained decent but it was just a little too short even for me.

I thought I felt Johnny's eyes on me but when i turned to glance at him, he was back to being distracted by the scenery outside his eyes. I checked my phone, trying to use it as a way to ignore my self deprecating and nervous thoughts as well as to make the time go by. It wasn't until Jae cut a harsh turn that I was sent flying from my sacred spot and into Johnny.

“Dude, chill with that!” Johnny reprimanded.

“My bad! Stupid GPS said it at the last second!” Jae replied.

I tried squirming away from Johnny but Jae's lead foot on the gas pedal was making it harder to adjust myself. I felt Johnny's hand grip at my waist almost as if he wanted to keep me close to him. “You okay?” He said in a hushed tone.

I nodded and tried not to look at the warm hazel of his eyes. “I guess your roommate is fuckin’ speed racer.”

“Yeah, he's not the best driver. He only got his license last year.”

I sat up, finally able to regain my balance when Jae's speeding evened out. I inched myself away from Johnny but found his strength keeping me plastered to him. His arm shifted from my waist to around my shoulders, leaving plenty of opportunity for my head to rest on his chest. I looked up at him but he still avoided me at all cost. Tentatively, i laid against him. I could hear the quick beats of his heart and couldn't help but wonder if he was nervous too.

What did we have to be nervous about? Getting to actually know each other? Hadn't we done that? Did he even want to learn about me? I guess it would be better to just keep it about sex even with him confiding in me. It would add layers to our fun and could attribute more to the fun we had in our fuck buddy relationship. But my heart remained in a place of wishful thinking and i was pleading for it to stop fucking with my rationality.

I tried to focus on the physicality of it all instead and I was trying to convince myself that a simple hookup was the main goal for today. Get good food, good Boba, and good dick. That would be all. Maybe the date (or fake date, whatever you wanted to call it) wouldn't last long and I could just go home and curl up in my room and stuff all my feelings away under lock and key. I sighed and pulled myself away from being stuck in my brain for a moment. I happened to notice the woodsy notes of his cologne while my head remained tucked under his chin. I craned my lips up to his neck, giving his warm skin a sheepish peck. The scent was of course stronger here and almost sent my head spinning.

Johnny finally looked at me for longer than a few seconds but he didn't say anything at first. He returned my neck kiss with a small press to my lips, giving my shoulder a small squeeze. I decided to speak and hoped that I wouldn't retreat back to my state of being a bumbling idiot. “You smell good.” Well….i could have definitely said something worse.

He chuckled lowly. “Yeah? You like it?” He kissed me again and my hand trailed upwards to cup his face. I simply nodded and closed my eyes, preferring to get lost in him than back in my own thoughts and feelings. I felt his long fingers fall to my knee, trailing higher and barely grazing over the top of my thigh highs where he stopped suddenly. There was tension within him now and i swore I could almost hear a low growl fall on my tongue. “Eri.” He said in a voice so stern my thighs clenched together in response.

“Yes?” I asked, rather innocently.

“You...you wore this on purpose, didn't you?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” I played innocently.

He sat back and scoffed, an unsurprised look on his face. I covered my mouth in an attempt to hide my giggle. “You're gonna get your little ass beat.” He whispered.

“Is that a threat or a promise, daddy?” I teased. He nudged me instantly, wide eyed and afraid that Jae or Quinn had heard me.

“Shut up!”

I giggled again turning into full blown laughter at his embarrassment. It was kind of cute to tease him like that even though during the thick of it I would be the more embarrassed one. Quinn turned around then, curious as ever. “What are you laughing at?”

Johnny and I both stiffened up as if we were being scolded in the back seat. My laugh died down a bit and I was able to finally talk. “N-nothing!” I squeaked.

Johnny fussed with his glasses and nervously pushed back his hair, not even acknowledging Quinn. They squinted, judging us and still wondering what had made me laugh. They didn't get to pry any further as Jae pulled into the parking lot of the small cafe. Johnny was the first to get out, not even bothering to wait for us. He just stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and headed towards the cafe door. I pouted, annoyed that he didn't even have the courtesy to wait for us. Jae was the one that held the door open for Quinn and I, leaving me to scowl at Johnny. He ignored me and headed towards the line, towering over the few people ahead of him. I stood by his side, looking over the menu, while Jae and Quinn joined the line behind us. 

As I was debating over Rosehip or Lavender flavors I felt a brush against my hand. I thought it may have been an accident but suddenly Johnny’s pinky was curled around mine. I glanced down, making sure I wasn't imagining it and was pleasantly surprised. I smiled for a second until I heard Jae whisper a teasing, “gayyyyy” while Quinn poked at my side. I swatted their hand away and shot both of them a glare which only made Quinn giggle again. The line moved then and Johnny and I stepped forward. He finally spoke to me. 

“Do you know what you want?”

“i can't decide between the Lavender or Rosehip one. Both are yummy. Maybe Rosehip and Strawberry? Wait, no, Lavender Vanilla.”

He crinkled his nose in disgust at my flavor choices. “Well, figure it out. We're next.”

“Hush! I know that!” I pouted. He moved up again and discarded my pinky in favor of grabbing his wallet out of his pocket. He ordered a coffee flavor then looked at me.

“Go.”

“Oh, right...uh...” I still had no idea what I wanted and panicked as I felt like I was holding up the line.

“Just order.” I shuffled my weight on either foot while finally deciding on the Rosehip Strawberry with bursting bubbles. I watched as he paid for us then stepped off to the side to wait for the drinks to be completed. “Wanna get a table?”

I nodded. “U-um...thanks for the…”

He looked at me for awhile to the point where I got a bit uncomfortable before kissing me on the cheek. “It's whatever. Go sit down.”

I touched the warm spot of my cheek where his lips had been and scurried away trying not to show my giddiness. Why was I acting so stupid over him? I plopped down at a table, sighing to myself as the others ordered and waited for the drinks. It was only a few more minutes before Johnny joined me, sliding the cup and big straw my way. We stood quiet as we stabbed our straws into the plastic, sipping slowly and glancing at our phones. I didn't know how to talk to him about normal stuff really and was sure I was going to continuously make a fool out of myself.

“So….what's your favorite color?”

He looked at me questioningly. “What?”

“Your favorite color...sorry, i'm just trying to make conversation.”

“Oh...blue. What's yours? Black?” He chuckled then took a sip of his tea.

“Pastel pink.”

He choked a bit then chewed through the pearls. “Wait, seriously?”

“Yes, why is that hard to believe? I happen to be a multifaceted person that likes a bunch of things. I like cute things, video games, anime, comics, a whole bunch of nerd crap. I'm not just a stereotype.”

“Well, do you still think I'm a stereotype?”

I sucked in air through my teeth before propping my chin in the palm of my hand. “Sometimes you can be. You're stubborn and hard headed and a jerk most of the time but sometimes you can be….cute.” I diverted my attention to my drink again, hoping that my compliment didn't make things more awkward.

“What's so cute about me?” He asked. His eyes were focused right on me now as if he truly wanted to know.

“Oh well...physically of personality wise?”

“You tell me, princess.”

I pouted at my title. I guess he was returning my tease from earlier. “Well, i like that you trust me. I like that you're willing to try things with me. I think your photography is nice and i’m glad you have a passion. I think that it's cute when you spoon me or hold my pinky like you do.”

His face brightened to a heavy rose color and he straightened up as soon as Jae and Quinn came to the table. Jae tossed the car keys onto the table and sat down beside Quinn, rather than across from one another like Johnny and I were. They barely seemed to pay attention to us or their drinks and instead got wrapped up in their own little world full of intense kisses. Johnny and I face palmed at the same time.

“Were in public.” I groaned. “Cut it out.”

“Don't ruin our fun just because you two are weird and awkward.” Jae said.

“If ya'll were just gonna make out why did we even come out here? I could've stayed home.” Johnny interjected.

“I still wanted bubble tea. And we can get food later. I'm just a bit preoccupied now.” Quinn said.

I rolled my eyes and diverted my attention back to my phone which was a better sight than our best friends sucking the soul out of one another.

Im ready to die why are they like this

I texted Johnny.

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: we should just ditch them tbh

Omg, we cant. They rode with us. How would they get back?

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: who cares lmao

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: they can figure it out later

Be nice. Theyre still our friends

But would you care if I got some food after this? Im starving

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: fuck yeah. Where do you wanna go babe?

I smiled and looked up at him. He glanced up at me and returned my smile before nodding back at his phone, waiting for me to answer. Somehow texting made the both of us more comfortable than talking face to face. Blame it on on our generations addiction to technology or rather our crippling social anxiety.

Not to be weeb trash but there’s a japanese book store around here and it’s over by a bakery and a restaurant. I go there all the time. They have the best fried chicken

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: lets do it then

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: btw i watched naruto so i know anime

I couldn’t help the snort that got coupled with my laughter. I covered my mouth when i noticed the gross sound which made Johnny laugh too. 

Oh my god, stop right there. I can’t believe you just said that!!!

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: I still remember like half of the opening songs

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: dont make me serenade you

There is nothing more I want in this world than you to sing fighting dreamers while squawking like a parrot

Literally nothing would turn me on more johnathan

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: lol, bet. You’re gonna get just that tonight

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: also you know my name is just john right lol

Not anymore. You’re forever johnathan

😂😂😂😂😂

Johnathan’s cute. I like johnathan

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕:  i like johnny. I have like 4 different names and thats the least fucking complicated one

I know what you mean, i have too many names too and I hate all of them.

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: there’s more than just Eri?

Way more unfortunately. My 1st name has 12 letters in it

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: wtf lol

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: what is it?

Never telling. Ever. its a dead name to me. Im just eri

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: boooo ur no fun

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: i’ll tell you my korean name if you tell me your full name

Absolutely not. If i tell you i’ll have to kill you. Thats the rule

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: does quinn know it?

Don’t bring them into this. Quinn knows a lot of things about me that must never be spoken of

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: ahh so you ARE a serial killer then

Shhhhhhh dont let anyone know.

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: i dont think i can hide the fact that youre a serial killer eri lol

I can hide you

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: why do I have a weird feeling that was your attempt at flirting with me

Please ignore me i dont know how to have actual normal conversations

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: apparently we can only have them about traumatic experiences and kinks

Thats basically the basis of a successful relationship duh

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: relationship?

You know what i mean

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: do i?

I looked up at him as he was casually sipping and waiting for my response. Before i could say something or even think of what to say, the chair screeched back and Quinn stood up suddenly. “I'm gonna go to the bathroom, i'll be right back.” They announced.

I shrugged. “Oh...alright. We'll be here.” I watched them walk off towards the restrooms in the back of the cafe and saw that Jae was doing the same.

“I gotta piss too..” He left then too, following Quinn in a half jog, and i wanted to scream. Really? Right now? Right in front of my boba? I rolled my eyes and sighed.

“They're going to go fuck.” I said, when he was out of ear shot.

Johnny looked back at the direction of the bathrooms then back at me. “Time to get food then.” He stood up and grabbed the keys from the center of the table. “Come on.”

“Wait, no we really shouldn't!” I protested. “I'd feel bad if we left them here.”

“Do you feel bad that they ditched us to fuck in the bathroom?”

“Well….maybe not so much.”

“Than come on.”

I grabbed my drink and followed after Johnny as he headed back to the car. We got in and I directed him to the bookstore, our conversation still at a minimum. After we arrived, he resumed holding my pinky and following me as i strung him along to look at stationery and the large collection of manga on the upper floor. I wanted to buy everything and practically cried when I saw my fave series or even a figure that i was desperate to have. Johnny seemed to get a kick out of every time I geeked out and listened patiently when I explained something to him like an overly excited teenager. He even told me about some of the anime’s he used to watch as a kid, a few we had in common.

I took him down another row of filled shelves looking for a specific title I had in mind. This section was only filled with the Japanese prints making Johnny question my intentions. "You can't read Japanese. Don't they have English ones?"

"Mhm," i nodded as i bent over slightly searching for the right volume. "It's for Yuta. He's collecting My Hero Academia right now. I wanted to see if they had the next volume he needs."

"Hm." He scoffed. "Yuta."

"There's nothing wrong with looking for something for a friend."

"Never said there was. It's whatever."

I finally found the volume and snapped a quick picture of it to send to Yuta and asked him to come back down here when he had time. I started searching for another series he had in mind of starting when i felt something creep up my thigh. Johnny was behind me now, his fingers just barely under my skirt and rubbing across the band of my thigh highs. I straightened up and swatted at him. "Quit being a perv!" He smirked and set a kiss on my lips holding it long enough for me to worry about our PDA. "Dont make us like Quinn and Jae!" I whispered harshly.

"Sorry, i won't. I just needed it."

"Needed a kiss?"

He shrugged and kissed me again, this time quicker before he moved away from me and disappeared to another aisle leaving me to stay flustered. I grumbled and switched to find the English volumes of the manga section but got distracted by a rack of Rilakkuma plushies. The adorable teddy bear was one of my vices and I had spent more than I needed too on a few of the plushies here. There was one in particular that I didn't have that shone like a beacon of light in the sea of others. I crushed the plushie to my chest, happy at how soft and perfectly squishable it was. I looked at the price tag and winced, setting my dream plush down and retreating to the manga which i could afford.

I wasted almost a half hour mulling over which series I should buy- one i was close to finishing or another I had always wanted to collect. I sighed and picked the cheaper option, which still made me happy. I needed a new job asap but it was slim pickings in this stupid college town and the surrounding areas. I was flipping through the volume in my hand when Johnny appeared beside me, startling me.

"Hey, not to be a buzzkill but I'm hungry as fuck. Would you care if we went to go eat now?"

"Oh yeah! Sorry, i was reading through some of the volumes and got distracted with deciding what I wanted. We can go." I noticed he had a bag in his hand as he had apparently bought something. "Found something you liked?"

He simply nodded and i tried to sneak a peek to see what it was. He yanked the bag away and held it high above his head where he knew he couldn't reach. "Don't be nosey. Go pay for your stuff." He kissed the top of my head and I pouted before walking to the register and paying. The restaurant wasn't too far from the bookstore so we took the scenic route, walking hand in hand. I loved the way his fingers engulfed mine and made my entire hand disappear. I gave him a few squeezes to guide him in a new direction until we arrived. I pulled the door open for us and kept our hands entwined as we went to the line to order again.

Almost a half hour later we were still eating and actually laughing and having a flowing conversation. His laugh was so charmingly awkward that it resembled music to my ears. I could listen to him talk all day when he was passionate about something, his little lisp becoming more adorable to me by the second. I watched every motion his mouth made, falling into my secret oral fixation and noticing everything i found attractive- his overbite, his lisp again, his tongue reaching out to lick his lips, the small hiss he made as he sucked in air through his teeth when he was trying to think of something, and every once in awhile when he would sink his teeth into his bottom lip. He quirked an eyebrow at me, stopping mid sentence.

"What are you looking at?"

I snapped myself out of my daydream like state. "N-nothing, i'm just listening to you."

"I feel like you're staring, you weirdo." He chucked the balled up straw wrapper at me and i returned with my napkin ammo.

"I was not staring! I was just interested in what you were saying but now you're just being a jerk."

"I am not, whiny princess. I could just tell. Do i have something stuck in my teeth? Sauce on my face?"

I shook my head. "Nope, you're all clean."

He nudged his foot against my leg from beneath the table. "Then tell meeee."

"You'll laugh at me!"

"I'll always laugh at you but it's all in good fun."

I sighed and set my hands on my forehead, making a visor of my fingers and trying to block him from looking at me directly. "It's just a thing i have with mouths, ok?"

"Fuck, was i chewing too loud or something?"

I shook my head. "No it wasn't really when you were eating food it was more like when you were talking and stuff. It's just...a thing I have."

"I don't get it…"

"It's like a….like a fixation, ok? Can we move on before i embarrass myself more?"

"Fixation? Is this like a kink thing again?" He asked.

"No...a little. But not really I suppose. Just stuff I find attractive that draws me in i guess."

"So you just like notice stuff I do with my mouth?"

I set my head on the table wondering why i couldn't be a normal human being who didn't make a fool of themselves when they were with a boy they liked (read: loved). "Y-yeah…"

"So what did you notice, i'm curious. Is this more stuff that you think is cute about me? Hmm?"

"Yes...for the most part."

"Then tell me."

I sighed again and kept my voice low. "I watched you chew on your fork while you were talking. And i like your lisp."

"Please no."

I looked up at him and he was covering his mouth instantly. Great. Now i freaked him out for good. "'M sorry." I grumbled.

"I hate my lisp, it's the worst. Why do you even think it's cute?"

I shrugged. "I dont know. Maybe because i think you're cute. Maybe because i like how it adds to your accent. Maybe i'm just extra weird."

"You're the first person to ever tell me that, you know."

"I figured as much. I don't mention it often because it weirds people out. So, again, i'm sorry."

He chucked the napkin back at me making me look up at him. "What you think is weird is your normal. And hell yeah i think you're weird but you're interesting too. You keep me guessing and I never have any idea what you’re gonna say or make me feel next.” Johnny looked down at the small amount of food he had left and poked at it with his fork, taking his turn to avoid looking at me.

“Correct me if i’m wrong but are you being nice to me, Johnathan?”

“Don’t be gross.” He laughed. “You’re cute too, i guess.”

“Thanks, i’m flattered.” I rolled my eyes playfully and stood up. “I’ll be back, I’m gonna use the bathroom.”

“Sure, you don’t want me to come with you?” He joked.

“Please don’t. I actually have to pee.” I nudged his head as I walked by him and headed towards the bathroom. I checked my phone to see if Quinn had texted me or noticed that we were gone. There was nothing but an excited text from Yuta along with a kissy face selfie. I responded to him and finished up quickly before returning back to the table. I stopped when I was about to sit down as i was face to face with the Rilakkuma plush I had wanted back at the bookstore. “What did you do?”

Johnny shrugged. “I saw you looking at it so...i don’t know. I thought you might want it.”

“You...you didn’t have to…” I whispered. I was practically speechless and couldn’t even move. I just kept staring at it. I had never once expected him to do anything like this for me. This made everything absolutely worse. Not only did I have feelings for him but now he was being adorable and sweet and thoughtful. What a fuckin’ asshole! This was the last thing I needed from someone who only saw me as a fuck buddy. It was also going to mess with my head and my heart more and I was a total glutton for punishment. What the hell was I going to do with myself?

“Do you like it? You’re looking at it like it’s a bomb.”

I finally sat down and swiftly took the plush off the table and held it in my lap. “Thank you.”

“It’s not problem. I got a keychain too. One where he’s sleeping.”

“You got a Rilakkuma keychain?” I asked, stunned.

He unclipped it from his belt loop and held it up for me to see. “Yeah, why not? I liked it.”

“I just...didn’t peg you for a guy that would buy a stuffed animal for himself.”

“It kinda reminds me of you.”

We both looked at each other not sure of what had transpired. We were frozen in place and I could almost hear my heart thundering between my ears. I squeezed onto one of the plush ears trying to stabilize my anxious thoughts. Johnny swallowed hard and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but a loud vibration of his phone on the table scared us both. I saw that it was Jae calling and Johnny picked it up.

“Dude, where the fuck are you!?’ I could hear him yelling through the phone.

“We left. We weren’t going to wait for you two to finish fucking and being gross.”

“Come back here and get us!”

“No way. You guys can find your own way home. Eri and I are going back to her place and then we’re gonna fuck.”

“Shut up!” I whispered harshly. “We can just go pick them up. It’s not big deal.”

Johnny shook his head at me, holding the phone a bit aways from his ear as Jae continued to yell. “No way in hell.” He mouthed at me.

I kicked at him under the table and gave him a stern look. “Go back.”

“They don’t deserve it.” Johnny hung up on his best friend and got up from the table. “C’mon. Let’s get going.” He grabbed our trays and tossed the garbage in the trash while i gathered my plush and purse.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? We’re never going to hear the end of it.”

“And? It’s time for us to have our own fun now. Don’t worry about them.” He pulled me close to him and kissed me. “You ready?”

I knew it was wrong to leave Quinn and Jae behind butttt a part of me was still annoyed that they ditched us to go fuck. At least Johnny and I were going to hook up in the sanctity of my apartment and not in the middle of hanging out with friends. Besides, I did want to spend some alone time with him now. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have some fun of our own. “Yeah, I’m ready Johnny.”

--

“Jesus, it's cold in here!” I said as i opened the door to my apartment. “I'm gonna get a blanket for us if you wanna find something to watch.”

“Sure.” Johnny shrugged and kicked off his shoes as he sat down on the couch. I went to my room and tossed my purse and plush on my bed before gathering my fleece blanket. I nudged my own shoes off and made my way back to the couch, barely being able to see with the blanket balled up in my face. Just as i was hoping that i wouldn't trip, my foot caught onto Johnny's vans and i almost landed face first on the floor. He caught me instantly though and I was plenty grateful. Knowing my luck i would’ve slammed my head on the side of the coffee table. “And you think I’m clumsy.”

“Shush!” I said, pawing at his hands on my waist. “You shouldn't have left your clown shoes in the way!” He forced me to face him, my body poised between his legs and hands firmly on my hips. “What?”

He remained silent and gently eased me forward as he relaxed back into the couch. I got the message and crawled into his lap, straddling him. His lips busied themselves with pressing tender kisses to my neck while his hands crawled along my thighs. The gentle actions were enough to make me shiver just a bit. I pushed his hair back gently and took his wire frames between my fingers, pulling them away from his face. He blinked a few times as if his eyes had to readjust. I reclined back to set them onto the coffee table before returning my attention to him. “Well…” I began. “Here we are.”

“I've been wanting to fuck you all day you know that?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, i get it. The thigh highs. You're a slut.” I pouted. “I kinda...maybe…” I lowered my voice to just above a whisper. “I didn't mind hanging out with you today. I had a really nice time.” I was already kicking myself but i couldn't bare to hide my disappointment of my own true feelings. I did have fun with him. He made me laugh, genuinely laugh, and feel good. And the Rilakkuma he bought me would be something I cherished for a long time. I liked our date but I couldn't ask him out again, especially if he just wanted to fuck. Of course, that was my intention at the beginning as well but as usual I got caught up in trivial things that made me feel like I was actually important to someone.

“O-oh…” he said as if he wasn't even sure how to respond. I kept my gaze casted downward as my fingers twiddled away at a stray thread hanging from his shirt. “I mean...it was like cool and all I guess.”

He guessed. It stung. It really did. Even after the hand holding, kissing, and buying me things I was still nothing. But at least I knew what i was good for with him. “Yeah...Do you wanna….just get to watching stuff?”

He set his curled index finger beneath my chin and raised my head. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong, I'm fine.” I pushed his hand away and went to crawl off his lap but he instantly seized my waist again.

“Eri.” I hated the way his voice sounded when he was stern and reprimanding. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and had my whole body melting into gooey mess.

“What?” I grunted.

“Tell me.”

“It’s nothing! I just thought you-it's stupid just forget about it.”

“Eri.” There it was again. Still after all these months his voice still drew me back in. I rolled my eyes and practically whined, despising that he was trying to make me talk about how i felt when he was the king of emotional suppression. It just wasn’t fair.

I tugged on the loose thread again, pulling it from the shirt completely. “I thought maybe you would've liked our date...the hang out thing I mean.”

“What makes you think i didn't?”

“You just said ‘it was cool and all i guess’. It sounds like you didn’t give a shit about it at all…”

“You want me to care about a date?”

“Yes! Wait, no! No, i do not.”

He raised a brow and squinted his eyes in confusion. “You don't?”

“I just- will you let me go? I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. Let's just fuck and get it over with.” I tried prying at his hands but he still wouldn't let me go, even when I started squirming.

“Eri.”

“Stop saying my name like that!” I snapped. I was failing at making it look like he wasn’t capable of making me lose my sanity. 

“Say it like what?”

“Like all….UGH! You're frustrating!”

“I think you're frustrating yourself.” He chuckled which made my entire face heat up.

“I am not! I don't care if you don't care about the date but was it even a date like i had a really good time but you didn't and now i feel all weird and i don't wanna feel weird but i do and you're just here just not caring and i don't know! Ok?! I don't know!” I rambled in one breath.

“Shut up, you idiot.” He cupped my face in his hands, practically engulfing my entire head before pulling me to his lips. He was right of course. I was frustrating myself and letting my emotions mix with my anxiety to create this brutal concoction of frustration and confusion. I wanted to push him away so i could breathe and probably run away yet he was taking his sweet time as if he needed every caress of my lips. “I did have a good time.” He licked at the soft fullness of them before landing another kiss  “A really good time. Why are you worried that I didn't?”

“Fuck if i know.” I whimpered. “You're fucking with my head.”

“Welcome to my world.” He pushed my hair away from my neck and planted kisses along my jugular. “Also do you not like it when i say your name?” His breath was dangerously close to my ear, his words a whisper that made my fingers dig into his shoulders harder.

“You were saying it all...harsh and commanding.”

“Did it scare you? I didn't mean to.”

I shook my head. “N-no. It um...actually turned me on.”

“Oh.” He pulled away from me. “Is it...like part of the daddy thing? Am i doing a good job? I really didn't notice.” He was blushing now but a small smile was creeping onto his lips as if he was proud of himself.

I returned the smile, my head feeling just a bit clearer. My ability to overthink everything was annoying when it swallowed my entire thought process. But his words were comforting enough to encourage me to breath and relax against him. “Yeah, you did a good job. You know you're kind of already a bit dominant right?”

“Uh really? I just thought I was being normal.”

“Remember your normal isn't the same as everyone else's. You just didn't notice or it seemed natural to you. It works. I also kinda like how growly you get.”

“Growly? I notice i do do that sometimes. I d-dont really mean to…” he said softly.

“Do it more often. Like a lot more often but don't force it. I like it when you do it when you’re fucking me from behind.”

“Wow uh, well ok.” He laughed nervously and darted his eyes away from me. “I will um...try and keep that in mind. For next time.”

“Now, you mean?” I set my hands on his chest and rubbed at the firm muscles beneath his shirt.

“Well...y-yeah, i guess.”

“It was your idea. Thigh highs remember.”

His gaze went back to my thighs instantly. “How could i fucking forget.” He slid his hands under my skirt and grabbed at my ass roughly. “What else do you have underneath here?”

“Do you think i'm going to show you that easily?” I smirked.

“You will. Get up.”

I ignored him and instead buried my face in his neck to give him small bites and licks. He didn't seemed too pleased with that as he landed a harsh smack to my ass, making me hiss. "F-fuck...jerk."

"Get up, Eri."

I shimmed off him and stood between his legs as he resumed his reclined position and rested his arms across the back of the couch. Slowly, i unzipped the back of my skirt, pulling away the suspenders and letting it fall to the floor. I pulled my shirt over my head, adjusting my hair once it was free and let him drink in the small fitting lingerie set. His eyes widened and his adam's apple bobbed within the tightness of his throat.

"What?" I started covering myself, suddenly becoming self conscious.

"W-wow…" was all he said.

"Wow, what?"

"Sorry, you just look…" he licked his lips and opened his legs a little wider. "You look hot."

"O-oh...” Was all I really managed to say. He took my hips in his hands again, pulling me gently to sit on the couch beside him. He caressed every inch of me while his lips crept closer to mine until they melted together. I trailed my hands beneath his shirt rubbing the softness of his stomach and begging to get it off so I could drink in his perfect body. Instead, he ignored my prying hands and pushed me down gently. I slipped one of the pillows that always resided on the couch behind my head while Johnny settled himself between my thighs. He focused his attention in trailing hot open mouth kisses and bites over my chest and winding down my stomach. Every bite was coupled with a soothing lick and a small whimper from me. I edged my hips up towards his mouth wanting him to mark my favorite spots. He dodged pleasing the place I wanted the most and grabbed a hold of my right thigh. He lifted my leg up to meet his lips and spent minutes on end kissing and rubbing every inch of it. I relaxed into his touches, feeling myself heat up at all the attention. “If this is how you’re gonna act every time I wear thigh highs then I’ll wear them more often.” I teased.

His eyes flickered up towards me but he remained silent. His lips went back to my inner thigh, kissing down to hover over my center, his bangs gently masking his face. I nibbled my lip nervously, wondering exactly what he was thinking and planning. The kiss was swift, pressed just above my clit and gone in an instant. I didn't ask him for more. That little act was enough progress for him and I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud. I smiled as I petted his hair back, whispering praises about how good he was making me feel. Again, he said nothing, seeming to be completely focused on giving the same attention to my left leg. His fingers danced across the soft fabric on my calf as his lips remained heated and eager. When he reached my ankle, he sat back on his knees and I heard the soft zip of his pants coming undone. He pulled off his button up, followed by his undershirt, yanking it up by the the collar and leaving them both by his shoes.

I pulled him close to me so we were flush together and wasted no time feeling the strong muscles in his arms. We locked eyes for a moment, smiling at one another before diving head first into another heated session of push and pull of our tongues. His hand rested over my neck, alternating between adding and releasing pressure while his hips ground into my budding wetness. I squeezed my legs around him, finding it a bit difficult to work around the minimal space we had on the couch. He didn't seem to care though and he was perfectly content with keeping his big body against me. I took in every degree of his warmth, grateful as i was about to be stark naked in a cold apartment.

"Take them off." I whispered between a kiss and suck to my tongue. I pulled at the nearest belt loop my fingers could reach. He let out a breathy sigh and worked them off. I could already see how filled out his boxer briefs were. The fabric was straining around him, barely keeping him in place. "Did my thigh highs turn you on that much?"

He didn't answer and instead buried his face in my neck while his hands worked my panties down around my ankles. After, he pulled my hand between us, setting it over his hardness. His breath cradled my ear in a plea. "Touch me." He whispered. My free hand dug into his hair while the other pulled the waistband down and set him free. He seemed thankful to finally get a bit of relief and the beautiful moan that he let out when i wrapped my hand around him was enough to almost make me cum right there. I shuddered a bit as that noise tickled my nerves and sent me into a fit of desperate hormones ready to take in every single inch of him.

He was already leaking so much that i could coat his sensitive skin with smooth glides and gentle squeezes. His teeth sunk into my collarbone, pinching my skin between the perfect rows and adding tenderness to the area. I flexed my fingers around his head, focusing rough pulls there as he started rutting his hips. He matched my pumps almost perfectly, shuddering curse words and vocal approvals into my skin. I eased his cock closer and he shifted his hips to press against my lower lips. My eyes fluttered closed as he rocked himself through my slickness. I circled my hips each time the tip of his cock flowed over my clit and ignited my lustful greed for him. A stiffer groan bubbled in his throat as he grabbed my hips firmly, keeping me steady so he could control all the movements. That small bit of control made me squirm beneath him, impatiently wanting to feel more of his fire fueled veins ride through my lips.

My thighs trembled ever so slightly, feeling the ridge of his head tease my clit once more. I let out a small mewl and felt as the mellow rocks of his hips slowed so he could press himself against my entrance. “W-wait, Johnny.” I pleaded.

“Hm?” He stopped entirely, waiting for me.

“We should use a...ya know.”

“What for? We’ve already done it without one.”

“Yeah but I don’t want to make a habit out of it. I’d rather be safe than sorry, ok?”

He sighed and bowed his head before getting up from the couch. “They’re in that box still, right?”

“Yeah.” I said softly. He wasn’t going to guilt me into fucking him again without a condom. I didn’t play that, no matter how good it felt only a week ago (or how much I kept thinking about it for that matter). While I waited for him to return I slipped my hand between my thighs, coating myself in my wetness and pressing two fingers inside. I sighed softly and closed my eyes, concentrating on the self pleasure. A few moments later, I felt the couch dip again and heard him chuckle lowly.

"Please. Don't let me interrupt." He kissed my knee and kept my thighs wide open to enjoy the view. I adjusted myself a bit lower on the couch and added a third finger before stretching myself open for him to see. I moved my fingers up towards my clit adding a few circles against it that made my back arch. I felt Johnny hover over me, taking my chin in his hand and making me face him. "You're not gonna cum like that."

"I know i'm not." I smirked and set my cum coated fingers in my mouth, enjoying the way his eyes widened and pupils dilated at the sight. I grabbed his ass, pulling him to me again before forcing myself down onto his length. He pressed me wide open, stretching me and filling me perfectly. His bottom lip was caught in his teeth and he moved my legs to rest on his shoulders. I had no idea what possessed him with the thought that I was some sort of contortionist pretzel but as soon as i felt him hit deep within me my eyes fluttered closed once more and i clutched onto his arms. I could barely handle it. Every move he made was  absolutely flawless and heavy with lust that it made me moan more than i'd ever done before.

My breath was barely existent and he took the opportunity to capture me in another kiss, digging his fingers into my hair to keep me close. He seemed different somehow. More attentive, more touchy, more focused on us. It was like he wanted to spend hours within me and torturing me with orgasm after orgasm. He began rolling his hips, my calves jerking and toes curling around his head. I whispered his name against his lips, a scarcely audible beg for him to never stop. The sensation was so overwhelming i could feel tears edging to my waterline.

"You feel so fucking amazing, Eri." He said as his brows furrowed and sweat beaded across his temples. My body warmed at his praise, rolling against him to beg for more for more and clawing at the back of the couch. "C-can i try something?"

I raised a brow, confused at the timing of his sudden question. "H-huh? What? I don’t want you to stop, please."

"No, i know, me either but...i thought you might like this." He removed his arms from keeping himself propped above me and instead clamped one around my throat and the other over my mouth. He dug his fingers into my neck sending a shock wave to my system. My eyes widened as I never excepted him to get so into choking me. I was sure that he was still tentative to the whole action but the fact that he was doing this for me made my heart flutter with the prospect of love once more. "Is this ok?"

I nodded eagerly, tapping at his hips to remind him to keep fucking me as he took every breath from my lungs. My head dove into a fuzzing space of semi consciousness and pleasure, drowning in my deprivation. My walls clenched tight, holding the pressure and sucking him in as if he could go any further within me. His entire frame shuddered and his palm pressed harder into me, sinking against my windpipe. I worked my hips back against him, a bit quicker as i needed the fast pace to add to my imminent orgasm.  "Mo-more?" He asked softly, through his uneven breaths.

All i could do was nod again, helplessly, as my scream was blocked out by the hand over my mouth and he plowed into me relentlessly. I could barely keep my sanity let alone my orgasm at bay, especially when his movements were coupled with those deep groans he made. My lungs were aching at this point and my stomach tightened. Every muscle in my lower half tensed and just as I tapped his forearm to free myself from his restriction, my back arched and sent my body into a spasm. It was intense, definitely more intense than my previous orgasms with him and I gulped down heavy breaths just to keep myself from going dizzy. He pulled me into his arms, keeping me against his chest and cradling my head as if to steady me. "Ssh, i got you." He said.

The light above me was blinding and i blinked rapidly as another shock wave zipped through me from head to toe. He edged my legs down from his shoulders leaving me to finally relax a bit more. I clutched onto him and squeezed my eyes so tight i could see colors flashing in the darkness of my lids. It took another minute or two until i had calmed down enough, feeling like a bit of a fool for having to completely recover from an orgasm. I hid myself in his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't think it was weird. He kissed my neck, my cheek, then my temple, before pulling away so my chest could fully expand.

"Can you get on your knees for me?" He asked as he sat back again. I instantly looked down at his cock which seemed to be painfully swollen and throbbing just a tiny bit. I wanted to take care of him and slowly eased myself up into his favorite position. It wasn't easy, especially with my legs feeling like utter jello but i managed to get there. I gripped the armrest and spread my knees to the width of the couch cushion. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed into me, making me wince. He stopped and slowed a bit, giving time for my tender walls to readjust to his girth. My shoulders dipped and i bowed my head, panting as he worked my hips back against him. I shifted a bit until it felt comfortable again.

He slid his warm hands up my sides to between my shoulders, unclipping my bra and pulling it down towards my wrists. I flung it away and let him engulf my breast in his hands, kneading harshly and pressing his torso against me. He held onto me tight and forced brutal thrusts into me, barely allowing me to keep up. I was already becoming a giant mess of emotions and couldn't bare another breathtaking orgasm no matter how much I craved it. I curled my nails into the fabric of the couch as I felt his thumb rub over my nipple between rough gropes. I breathed out his name like a swear and dipped my stomach downwards, allowing him to nudge at the sensitive bundle of nerves only a few inches within me. Every once in awhile he would pop out completely, just to fuck me ever so slightly with his tip before crashing back in. That simplistic addition was practically making my eyes roll into the back of my head.

I could already feel myself tiptoeing on that fine line of a second orgasm but I was holding back as much as i could. With the way his muscles were flexing against me I could tell he was trying not to lose his cool just yet either but was very close to failing. "Johnny…" I mewled and wiggled my hips back against him, trying to coax him to spill into the condom. He growled low and deep within his throat, naturally and without thought, as I looked back to see him still in deep concentration. I bit my lip and smirked to myself over my favorite sound he made.

"OH MY GOD!" 

My perfect fantasy world was ripped apart when my eyes flew open and i was staring directly at Quinn and Jae who had come in through the front door. I screamed and scrambled to get the discarded blanket from the floor and pull it to my chest. Johnny quickly pulled out and balled up his clothes to try and shield himself from view. "ERI! RIGHT ON THE COUCH?!"

I could tell my face was beat red and i had no idea what to even say. Jae was covering his eyes, avoiding us at all cost. "Dude, gross. Put some clothes on!"

"Shut up! You weren't supposed to be here!" Johnny yelled.

"THIS IS MY HOUSE TOO! FIRST YOU DITCH US AT THE BOBA PLACE AND NOW YOU’RE FUCKIN’ OUT IN THE OPEN?!” Quinn continued to yell.

“Excuse me! You guys were being gross and LEFT US to go fuck in the bathroom first! We had every right to leave you because we weren’t going to wait until ya’ll got your rocks off!” I yelled back.

“Can ya’ll like...leave? I don’t even want to sit on the couch now.” Jae said, peeking between his fingers.

“Fuck you, dude!” Johnny got up, still holding his clothes in front of him. “Fuckin’ idiots.” He turned and headed towards my room making Jae groan when he saw Johnny’s ass.

“Bro! Come onnnnnnnnnn! Gross!” He groaned.

“Well what the fuck do you want me to do, huh?! It’s kinda difficult to put skinny jeans on with a goddamn hard on!”

I got up as well, in no mood to continue to be in front of them and wanting to shrink away immediately. I wrapped the blanket around myself and sprinted to push Johnny into my room and slam the door shut. I threw myself face down on my bed and screamed into my pillow. “I want to fucking die!”

Johnny tossed his clothes to the floor and crawled in beside me, pulling my spare pillow over his face and groaning. “Why are they like this? Why do they always have to ruin everything, i swear to god!”

“Please put me out of my misery. I can’t believe Jae saw me naked. Not only naked but getting fucking plowed!”

“I swear if he mentions anything about the way you looked i’m decking him in the face.” Johnny snapped.

“Wait do you think i looked gross? Oh my god, i probably looked gross.”

“Why are you worrying what he thinks?!”

“Well, i mean- if i’m gonna be naked in front of someone I at least want to look good!” I buried my face deeper into the mattress, mumbling a “nevermind.” Johnny pulled the pillow off his face and sighed. He snapped off the condom, tossing it into the trash beside my desk as I finally pulled my face up from the mattress. He set the pillow under his head and stared at the ceiling a permanent scowl on his face. I inched my way closer and set my head on his chest, sighing deeply. “What are we going to do now?”

He set an arm behind his head and looked over at me. “I don’t know. I’m not going back out there. Maybe i’ll just nap or some shit.”

I bit my lip. “I mean...We could finish…”

“Are you really still worked up after getting embarrassed like that?"

"Well they're not gonna see us in here! And i'd rather not think about what Quinn is gonna say about seeing your whole ass when you go home and I have to face them."

He ran both if his hands over his face and groaned again. "Christ…"

"Besides they act like I've never done shit on the couch! I gave Lucas a blowjob there!"

Johnny glared at me before rolling over. "Seriously?"

"What?" I asked confused. "What happened?"

He adjusted himself as best he could and didn't say another word. I shook his shoulder gently. "Whaaaattt?" He still didn't say anything which made me pout. "Johnny, why are you being grumpy?"

He shrugged me off his shoulder but I set my head on it instead. "Daddyyyy, tell me." I rubbed his chest and slid my hand down his stomach.

"Dont even." He grumbled.

"Then tell me."

"I'm fine."

I kissed at his shoulder then moved to his neck. "Nah-uh. You got all grumpy all of a sudden and i need to know why." I tiptoed my fingers lower, trailing down his body hair to grip his base. He grunted and still tried to ignore me. I made a hard bite just beneath his jaw before grabbing a handful of his hair and pulling back harshly. He hissed and grabbed at my wrist. "Tell me." I commanded. His eyes turned into slits as he gave me a death glare before tackling me, however with my bed being so small, we completely rolled over and fell onto the floor with a hard thud. I landed on top of him, straddling his lap. We looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"We can't win, can we?" I giggled.

"I guess not." He smiled as he pulled me down onto his chest and kissed me, pushing my hair out of my face. "I took the condom off because I figured you wouldn't wanna keep going."

"Hmm, i could go all night with you." I gave him a kiss and he rose to prop himself of his elbows.

"Well damn, i'm all for that." He smirked.

I shimmied off him and grabbed another from my box, eager to get back into action. He got up from the floor and back onto the bed while i tore the wrapper open and got between his knees. "You know...it was really hot when you choked me like that."

"I could tell you really liked it. I thought you were having an exorcism with the way you came so hard."

I rolled my eyes and blushed. "Don't flatter yourself too much." I rolled the rubber onto him and pushed him down onto the bed. He dragged me with him, positioning me to be his little spoon and pulling my legs open. I bit my lip and hid shyly into my pillow as he guided himself back into me. He sighed softly against my heated skin and kept my leg secured in his arm. I encouraged his thrusts, grinding myself back against him while his other arm slipped under my head and crossed over my neck, crushing my throat once more. I gripped the blanket beneath me tight, trying to steady myself in any way possible. Johnny bit at the back of my neck, keeping his control over me. I let out a strangled whimper when his hips sped up, snapping harshly against my ass.

I gripped at his hand that rested by my propped up leg and carried his fingers to my wetness. I wanted attention to my excited bundle of nerves but instead I felt his middle finger press into me in conjunction with his cock. I arched against him as that little extra addition stretched me further than i thought I could ever go. My fingers flexed with tension, practically shaking as my mind went blank. I could barely make out his cocky strangled whispers as I slipped closer towards another orgasm. He was curling his finger as much as he could while digging deep to the hilt inside me. I was squirming desperately and clamping down around him. He moaned my name deeply after a hard clench, his cock throbbing with his release. As he filled me, he slipped his finger out and gently rubbed at my clit, adding to the sensitivity. His hold across my neck loosened and i laid my head back on his shoulder, feeding into the loving attention. He stayed within me, his warmth filling my lower half while my cum covered him completely with my second orgasm, slightly dripping down between my cheeks.

We laid together for awhile, not saying much while we recuperated our breaths. He set my leg down and instead wrapped his arm around my waist keeping his chest pressed against me. I sighed and joined my fingers with his, giving his hand a slight squeeze. He nuzzled the back of my neck and stayed like that, drifting into sleep. It took me a bit longer to try and rest and i found myself distracted by the Rilakkuma plush that had fallen to the floor. I stretched my arm all the way out, reaching for it while trying not to disturb Johnny too much. My fingertips just barely grabbed it by the ear and I pulled it close, snuggling it to my chest.

I felt happy, more so than I was used to and the fact that it was caused by Johnny scared me the most.

--

We had spent days texting each other, sending stupid memes, videos, and sweet good morning snapchats. He would occasionally send me short clips of him playing around on his keyboard which made me feel warm with hope that he was getting his creativity back. I dared to share videos of me practicing guitar but never me singing. I was always out of frame too as i was still too shy to show him all of me. Quinn would grill me every time i stopped whatever i was doing to answer him immediately. Those little messages were starting to carry a lot of weight and even more so when they turned into late night facetime sessions or the occasional phone sex. I had even saved a selfie of him as his contact photo that would pop up every time he called.

Our little bit of free time was spent together, watching shows on Netflix, episode by episode, or even having online Overwatch matches where we would curse each other out. I never wanted to be healer and he wouldn't cover me when i needed him most. It was a pain but still proved to be a good time and we almost always ended up laughing in the midst of battle. He was even patient with listening to some of my band recommendations though he still wasn't too keen on some of the heavier stuff I listened too. I appreciated him trying though. It would suck when we would have to work and couldn't pay attention to our phones to respond as much. Tonight was one of those nights. I knew he was closing at the cafe and i was eagerly waiting for his response for when we could hang out next. Somewhere around 10:30 i got a phone call from him instead.

"Heyyyyyy beauutifullll." He said with such saccharine sweetness i knew he was up to something.

"What do you want?" I said flatly, needing to get past his little cover up.

"So...remember like a week or so ago when we went to get Boba and left Jae and Quinn at the place?"

"Yes?"

"So….he kinda got back at me."

"What do you mean?"

I heard him sigh deeply. "So this morning he said something was wrong with his car and asked to borrow mine. He promised to take me to work and pick me up while he tried to figure out what was wrong. Well i've been trying for like over a half hour to call him and even tried Quinn but neither one of them are answering. And uh...this isn't my pay week so I'm broke as fuck and cant afford an uber. Sooo….would you be able to come pick me up?"

"See, i told you we should've gone back to get them! But noooo, you had to be so headass about it!"

"Yeah yeah! Save your 'i told you so's'. Can you just pick me up? Please? It's cold out here and I'm freezing my ass off. It's starting to snow."

I sucked my teeth. "Fine. You owe me."

"I'll steal you some cake pops and breakfast sandwiches tomorrow."

"Deal. Give me 10 minutes. I'll be there."

"Thanks, you're awesome."

"No shit." I smiled. "I'll see you."

He hummed a goodbye and we hung up. I pulled on my fleece lined sweatpants and my winter layers before trudging out to my car. There was only a thin layer of snow on the windshield so i thankfully didn't have to stand outside and dust it off. I cranked up the heat as soon as I got in and headed towards his job. It didn't take me long to see his dark figure in the stillness of the parking lot. He ran up to the car, his breath visible puffs and nose bright red.

"Fuck, it's cold! Thanks, babe." He climbed in and shut the door and I noticed he looked completely drained and tired. His dark circles were more prominent and his smile seemed a bit forced.

"Are you ok?" I asked, concerned.

"Huh? Yeah, i guess. Why?"

"You seem like you could pass out at any minute. Have you been getting enough sleep?"

He chuckled. "Uh, no. When do I ever? I'm running on coffee and energy drinks."

"That isn't good Johnny…" i set my hand over his. "You need a break."

"Yeah tell my bosses that. It ain't gonna happen, princess."

"Have you eaten?"

"Don't have money too. Too busy at work to eat either. I'll figure something out when i get home."

"Johnny, what the fuck." I sighed and put my car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot. "You're coming home with me." I switched into drive and headed back to my apartment.

"No offense, but i'm not particularly in the mood to fuck right now. I know, shocking, but my feet and back are killing me."

"I'm going to feed you and you're getting a bubble bath."

"A what? I don't take bubble baths. That's like...girl stuff…"

"I will slap you. Bubble baths aren't a gendered activity, idiot. Everyone needs to get clean." I rolled my eyes. "You're doing what I say and i'm not getting any back talk about it, got it?"

He put his hands up in mock defense. "Fine, fine. Whatever you say." He closed his eyes and rested his head back in the seat and I was sure he was dead asleep in seconds.

I took my time driving home, letting him enjoy his quick nap. I gently shook him awake when i pulled into my lot and he shuffled out of the car like a zombie, following me to my door. We tossed our coats and hats on the floor, not bothering to hang them up and set our wet shoes on the doormat. I went to work cooking pasta (the quickest and cheapest thing I had to fill him up) while he stretched out on the couch to fall asleep again. He woke up instantly once I held the steaming bowl of finished spaghetti by his face and devoured it like a ravenous dog, asking for seconds soon after. I filled up his bowl again and set some aside for me, eating much slower than he was.

"I'm gonna get the bath going for you, ok?" I said once I was done.

"I can just shower you know."

"Baths help relax your muscles. Didn't I say no back talk?"

He rolled his eyes and left me to my own devices. I made sure the water wasn't too boiling before adding a bath bomb and a ton of bubble bath soap, bath oil, and some epsom salt. I even tossed in some soap flower petals I had gotten from the local dollar store and always used when i took my baths. I lit the candle that stayed on the top of the toilet tank and surveyed my handiwork. It was about to be a fun time. "Johnny!" I called out to him. "It's ready!"

He came into the bathroom and took one look at the bath and almost walked out. "What the hell is all of this?"

"Clothes off. Get in."

"Eri, this is ridicu-"

I pulled at his shirt. "You smell like sweat and gross coffee. Naked. Now."

He pulled his shirt over his head and nudged his socks off with his toes. "Don't you think it's-"

"Pants. Lets go."

He pursed his lips and slid off his dress pants and underwear. "Alright, fine. I'll get in." He walked over to the tub as if it was going to attack him and dipped his foot in slowly. "You want me to boil in there?! Why is it so hot?"

I rolled my eyes at him acting like a baby and turned on the cold water to bring it to a better temperature for him. "Try that."

He dipped his foot in again and seemed satisfied with it. He slowly sunk down and settled as best as he could given his long limbs. He stood quiet for a second before looking up at me. "This is the shit."

"Oh my god. I told you! You're over here with your fragile masculinity about taking a bath. It's the best thing ever! Hashtag self care, homie."

"Get in here with me." He grinned.

"Oh, and where am i gonna fit when you take up the entire tub?"

"We'll figure it out, just come in here. The water's niceeeee."

"Yeah because i made it that way." I left the bathroom adding that i would return in a second. I went back to the kitchen and pulled out the last two beers I had, flicked off the caps and took it back to the bathroom.

"Helllll yeahhhh." Johnny perked up when he saw what i had in tow. I handed them over to him to hold while i discarded my clothes and maneuvered myself between his legs with plenty of difficulty. My tub wasn't made for a giant and me put together. Eventually we settled into a mostly comfortable position and i rested my head back against his chest, sipping at my beer. He seemed to be preoccupied by gathering suds in his hands and squishing the bubbles like a big kid. I took another sip and set the glass bottle onto the floor a little bit aways from the tub.

"You look like a toddler playing with the bubbles like that." I laughed.

"I'm just having fun. Besides, i can do this with them." He smooshed a handful of suds into the side of my face, catching me completely off guard.

"Oh you ass!" I wiped my face and flung the bubbles at him, getting it in his hair and face. He set his beer down beside mine and tried grabbing me, making water splash over the edge of the tub. I was a giggling fit as we tried to see who could cover who in the most bubbles. He splattered more into my hair though I was trying to block him as much as I could. I had closed my eyes for fear of getting soap in them and swatted at him until i felt him grabs my wrists and pull me close. We were still laughing out asses off until i wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Isn't this better than some boring shower?" I smiled.

"Yeah, everything's better with you...but i do actually have to get clean. My hair is greasy as fuck."

"Oh, hold on. I grabbed my shampoo from the corner of the tub and pumped some into my palms. I slathered it into his hair, pushing it back before dipping my hands in the water. I scratched at his scalp, rubbing the shampoo in and making sure any didn't get into his face. He didn't protest at all and instead leaned into my chest, letting me take care of the rest. I wiggled onto my knees to get better access to him and he of course took the opportunity to grabs my ass, laughing when he slapped it and made suds fly about. I smacked the back of his head playfully and demanded he stay still when my nails were digging into his scalp.

He kissed my chest and neck, promising he would be a 'good boy' and making me roll my eyes. Eventually, i grabbed the shower head and rinsed off his hair though he shook the water from it like a dog and doused me. I proceeded to force the shower spray in his face which only made him grab me again and practically dunk me into the water. He was barely relaxing but definitely smiling and having fun which i guess was still a win. When i slid back up he wiped the suds away from me and kissed me, keeping me cornered between the edge of the tub and his body. I smiled into the kiss and wrapped my arms around him again getting lost in my usual happy place.

We stayed like that until the water ran cold and made us shiver. I drained the tub and turned the shower on letting him fully wash up and get conditioner in his hair. There was a bit of a distraction when he was "helping me get clean" and his hands dove between my thighs. I almost fell for it because he always knew how to work me up in seconds but i was able to keep him at bay and make him rinse off. I stepped out the shower first, wrapping my hair in a towel and getting another for around my body. I padded out to the linen closet to get a spare and tossed it at him while he stood dripping in the tub. I went to my room to scope out some of Lucas' clothes that Johnny could wear for pajamas- well if he wanted to. He always did sleep naked. He came into the room a few minutes later, towel wrapped around his waist and still dripping just a bit.

"Did you actually want to sleep in clothes tonight? It is pretty cold." I asked.

"Yeah tha’ts fine….is that my hoodie?" He asked as he caught sight of his hoodie that rested over my desk chair. I had kept it since the night after the Halloween party.

"O-oh….yeah, uh… do you want to wear that?"

"I almost forgot you had it. It's like my favorite hoodie too." He grabbed it and briefly gave the hood a sniff. "Hm…"

"What?" I asked before pulling a pair of sweatpants out of the drawer for him.

"Nothing, it just smells like you now."

I raised a brow. "Uh...sorry?"

"Nah, its cool...how often were you wearing it?"

I didnt need him to know i slept with it on almost every night so i shrugged coolly. "Eh, once or twice. I didn’t really pay attention to it."

"Mhm." Was all he said before I handed him the sweatpants and he pulled them on. He crashed face down onto my bed, groaning happily as he finally got to lay down. I finished drying my hair, tying it up, and pulled on my comfy oversized pjs. I got in bed beside him and kissed at his bare shoulders.

"Do your muscles still hurt?" I asked.

"A little. Mostly my lower back. It was truck day so of course i had to get all the boxes of coffee and shit organized and lift every thing. I'm just ready to sleep."

I slipped over his hips and ran my hands over the small of his back. "Do you want a massage?"

He looked back at me. "What?"

"A massage. Like you know, to relieve some of the tension?"

"Oh...ok?"

"What? You never gotten one before?" I laughed at his incredulousness.

"Not really. I usually do it for girls to get them in the mood or whatever. Touch their tits."

"You're definitely the romantic." I shook my head and dug my palms into his lower back hearing a few vertebrae crack. He cursed softly and i felt his entire body relax beneath me. "There you go, dummy. That’s better."

I worked my hands over his muscles, sliding them across his shoulders and working my thumbs into the back of his neck. "Damn Eri, what did I do to deserve you?" He chuckled.

"I mean, i'm definitely the best you've ever had and the best you'll ever get." So why don't you ask me to be your girlfriend already?

He snorted. "Yeah, sure. I will say though that you've got the best ass and you're turning me into an ass man for sure."

"And a thigh man too."

"All of it." He smirked.

"Get into anal, then we'll talk." I cracked a bit more of of his spine before leaning down to kiss his cheek.

"Hm, doubt it." He closed his eyes and pulled my Rilakkuma plushie that had become my sleeping partner close to him. Why did he have to be so fucking cute? It was getting impossible to ignore my feelings for him no matter how hard i tried to suppress them. It was bad enough that he made me laugh and smile but we were actually getting along pretty well. He was starting to seem absolutely perfect and yet...he would never have feelings for me. I sighed internally as i slid off him and pressed myself into his back, becoming the big spoon. He didn't move or shrug me off so I assumed he didn't care. That or he was already passed out which seemed like the most logical explanation.

I pulled the covers over us and wrapped my arm tight around his waist. Eventually the stillness of the air around us and the calmness of his breathing got to me. Slowly, i started falling asleep, encased by his warmth and my feelings of never wanting him to let go.

--

Johnny's POV

I felt hands grabbing at me, clutching at my shoulders and chest. I tried to block them, shove them away. I pleaded for them not to touch me. I didn't need to feel used again. Or dirty. Or weak. I screamed then, burning my lungs as tears rolled down my face.

"JOHNNY! WAKE UP!"

The voice was different then what I was expecting and I opened my eyes to see her face full of worry with a red mark on her cheek. "E-Eri?" I could barely speak.

"I think you were having another night terror. I-i was trying wake you up but you kept fighting…"

"D-d-did I hit you?"

"I mean...i know it was an accident. You were in a state of panic." She dragged her thumb across my cheek and I could feel her wipe at the tears there. They hadn't stopped flowing and i realized how much of a fool I was. I never cried in front of anyone. I would never show that side to me. Not only had I told her my deepest secrets but she had watched me have not one but two night terrors. Now here I was crying-no, sobbing- like a little bitch. I had to leave. I shoved her away quickly, probably harder then i needed to and got up from the bed. I was in a rush to pull on my hoodie and get to the front door while she was calling out to me to slow down. I couldn't bare too.

I ran out of her room, wiping furiously at my face. I gathered my coat from the floor and shoved my feet into my work boots. Quinn was just coming through the door and stopped as she saw me. "Johnny? Are you ok?"

"Did Jae drop you off?! Is he still downstairs?!"

"Wh-what? Yeah. Did something happen between you and Eri?"

"Johnny!" I heard Eri cry out. I moved Quinn out of the way and took the stairs two at a time, calling out to Jae as another wave of tears threatened to push through. I threw the front door open and waved at him, his eyes widening as he sat in my car. I got in the passenger seat as fast as I could.

"Johnny, i can explain-"

"Drive!"

"What? What happened?"

"JUST DRIVE!"

"Fuck! Ok!" He hit reverse and backed out before speeding away from the apartment. "What's going on, bro?"

I covered my face with my hands and rested my elbows on my knees. "I can't do this anymore. They're getting worse. I cant fucking do this."

"What's getting worse? Did Eri do something to you? I'll turn this car around right now, i swear to god."

"No. No. Just go home. Please just take me home."

"You need to tell me what's happening. I mean it." He said, sternly.

"Not right now. Later. I can't...fuck, i can't…" i sniffled and rubbed at my eyes again, trying to make sure I didn't shed another tear. Jae didn't say anything after that but I could tell he wanted to. I just needed to know why I couldn’t get over this. It had been over a month since it initially happened but only a couple weeks since she had left me alone for good. I had spent so much time with Eri that I thought it would be over but she could only do so much. And now i had hit her, an accident, but it still brought me back to how I felt when the bruises were all that were left of Rixi’s torture. I pressed my head against the cold glass of the window and watched as the street lamps passed by.

"I really worry about you…" Jae said in Korean, which meant he was completely serious.

"Yoonoh, i said not now." I replied. My Korean wasn't the best of the best and my accent was complete shit compared to his but I could at least hold a conversation.

"I know not now, we don't have to get into it but i still wanted you to know. I'm here for you and if she so much as hurt you-"

"She didn't. Eri would never. I know she wouldn't. But...I just keep reliving what happened and can’t let it go. That's all."

"Maybe...you should try like therapy, man. They have those groups for survivors and-"

"I'm not a fuckin' charity case and i don't need therapy. I'm not gonna sit there being the only dude and get laughed at. I can deal with it on my own." I snapped.

"Can you? Because it doesn't seem like it." He said, softly.

"I don't even know anymore…"

He pulled up to our place and i walked ahead of him which was when i realized i had left everything in Eri's room. I sighed and set my head against the door wondering if Jae would go back and get my keys, wallet, and cell phone for me. I didn't want to face her. After all how did you face the person you had feelings for when you just cried right in front of them.

--

Eri's POV

He hadn't talked to me in a couple weeks again which was starting to become the most annoying and frustrating thing about him. Just when i thought i was breaking his walls down he would block me off again. It was like all those perfect moments we shared together meant nothing at all and we were back to square one- or square zero for that matter. I kept promising myself that no matter what Johnny did to try and weasel his way back into my life I wouldn't let him. I couldn't fix him, i couldn't stop his night terrors or anxiety, and I sure as hell couldn't get him to admit that he needed more help than i could give. It wasn't my job to build him back up even if i was okay helping him out a little. I still did care about him and didn't want him to suffer but I also had to move on for my sake.

However, the way I coped with everything was my favorite self destructive habit. The other lead singer of my band, André, had invited me over for a house party with some of the other people we normally played with at the club. Even a few of our friends who were on tour had come down to our shitty little college town to see us. It had been about a year since they had gone on tour and I was so damn happy to see them. Too many drinks later we were jumping on the couch and breaking shit, playing riff after riff on our guitars and laughing our asses off at stupid stories. I had no idea how many people I kissed or how many times someone asked me to hook up with them. Headbanging made me dizzy but i did it anyway. Hanging around a bunch of metalhead dudes was not the time to punk out. I stopped myself from puking a few times and managed to get a round of Three Amigos in; my specialty. One shot of Fireball, one shot of Honey Whiskey and a last shot of Bourbon.

That pushed me over the edge into bad decision territory. I stepped out of the apartment for a minute in a fit of drunken giggles. I unlocked my phone and trailed through my contact list ready to make a fool of myself. I dialed the number and waited. It only rang two times before he answered.

"Eri?" He sounded confused and a little bit sleepy. My sense of time was distorted.

"Heyyyyyy cutie. How's it going?" I giggled.

"Fuck, you're drunk."

"Absolutely not! I'm just a little tipsy, that's all baby, I swear."

"Yeah, no. You're drunk. I'm the last person you'd be calling."

"I miss your dick though. A lot. I think about it sometimes. It felt good. So good…"

His tone changed a bit, voice getting a little deeper. "Oh? Yeah? I guess I can admit I’ve thought about you a few times too."

"But you hate me!" I whined. "You're always so mean to me and you never talk to me!"

"I don't hate you I just hate the shit surrounding you is all. It's too much drama. I just want to fuck you without any problems."

"You can fuck me. Please fuck me."

"Eri…" I heard him sigh softly. "I can't, baby. You're drunk. That's literally illegal."

"Nooooo, no. I'm not I swear. Can I come over in a bit? Will you stay up for me? I'll make it worth your while."

"If you come over i'm just gonna have to babysit you and make sure you don't choke on your own vomit."

I let out a frustrated grunt, his name coming out short and snippy. "For the last time i'm not drunk. I want you to fuck me, ok? All these idiots at this party want me but I don't want any of them. I want you. I want you...all of you. For the rest of the night."

"Why do you do this? You're a heartbreaker and a fucking tease, you know that?"

"That's how I get them to keep coming back." I smirked. "Do you really not hate me? Like...for real."

"I meant what I said. I really don't hate you. I've thought about you more than enough. I've thought about when I was inside you, when we kissed, the way you looked at me when you came, how good you looked at the summer party. I've wanted you for awhile but never had the guts to say so, and always hated the shit you brought around."

"I'm a good girl, i swear. I won't cause any trouble. I really need you. Please?"

"Ok, ok...promise me you'll sober up first. And for the love of god don't drive. I'll call you an uber if you need one."

"Hmm, no. I'll be ok. I'll be there soon. Just be ready for me."

"You're a pain in the ass, i hope you know that."

"So are you, jerk." I giggled. "Bye." I hug up my phone, biting my lip as I was happy to get my hook up for the night. I missed him a little and needed to get my mind off of everything and he was the perfect distraction. Suddenly, the door swung open and my arm was grabbed.

"Why are you out here?! We need you to show Justin that he doesn't know shit about a good solo!" André said. "You need to kick his ass!"

"Ok! Ok! But only one. I've got to get somewhere after and sober up."

"Boooooo! That's boring! Where the hell do you need to go?"

"To get laid, duh! Where else would I go?"

"Oh great. Did Crystal call you up again? She was supposed to be coming soon." He said.

"Nah, not Crystal. An old flame. But tell her that she's more than welcome to get back in my bed and be tied up." I set my arm around his shoulder and lead him back into the apartment. "Now let's show that dumbass who's the head bitch in charge around here."

It was another hour or so before I left. I wanted to at least get some water in me before I headed over to his place. The snow on the ground had turned into slush as the past few days had been rainy. Tonight was barely any different. When I had gotten into the uber it was drizzling but as soon as I got to the apartment it had turned into a torrential downpour. The quick walk to the front door had me soaked in seconds and absolutely freezing. I knocked on the door fast hoping he was still up like he promised.

It took a minute but he opened the door. His eyes widened at my shivering state and pulled me in quickly. "Jesus, what happened to you?"

"It's p-pouring and like 30 degrees out. I'm f-fuck-fucking freezing."

He pushed the wet hair away from my face and cupped my face in his hands. I clutched onto his tank top, desperate for warmth and for his touch. He kissed my trembling lips and after such a long time of not being with him i realized exactly what made me hook up with him in the first place. He was always so attentive and ready to please me that it made my heart burst into a fast paced sprint. "Let's get you a hot shower, ok? Don't need you catching a cold, angel."

"Hmm, you know i'm far from an angel, but I will take the shower with you.” He closed the door as i took off my leather jacket and untied my combat boots, yanking them off and almost stumbling to the floor. He caught my shoulder and helped me straighten up.

"You good?"

I giggled. "Yeah, definitely." I took his hand and headed towards his bathroom. "C'mon Taeyong, I promised to make it worth your while didn't I?"

[quoth-the-sparrow]

Jellyfish

A Sanders Sides One-Shot

Warnings: Food mention, Sympathetic Deceit (if I need to add anything please let me know)

Pairings: Logicality and Anaroceit (aka Roman x Virgil x Deceit)

Description: Based off a one word prompt given to me by @dutifullystrangekingdom and an anon!

Word Count: 941

A/N: This can also be found on ao3 here

Patton sat on his living room floor, surrounded by scraps and strips of wrapping paper. He huffed out a sigh of irritation as he cut a new piece off in hopes that this attempt would finally be the one. He knew unwrapping and re-wrapping the box was a waste but it had to look perfect. Unfortunately, nothing he had done so far looked good enough.

After the seventh time, he decided to give up and put the gift inside what he'd bought as a backup, which was a galaxy printed gift bag with a silver ribbon to tie the handles together.

"Finally," Patton muttered under his breath as he flopped onto the floor. He felt drained from all the stress he'd been dealing with lately, but today was a rare day off. And he had plans to spend it with his best friend who he may or may not totally have a crush on.

He meant to lay there on the floor until he had to get up and shower, but his phone chimed. He rolled over onto his stomach and reached for his phone, grabbing it from the coffee table. It was a message from the aptly named Gay Panic group chat.

Danger Noodle: Hey Patton

Danger Noodle: Just wanted to check up on you

Fall Out Gay: Yea how r u holding up

Prince Charming: Padre, my dear, you simply must flirt with Logan tonight!!!

Pawton: I'm feeling nervous but I have Logan's present all wrapped up~ Flirt? I don't know if I can do that...

Fall Out Gay: I know its scary but u got this

Pawton: Maybe? I mean what if Logan doesn't feel the same way about me?

Danger Noodle: Oh yes, someone who is constantly trying to impress you and is always looking around for you and asking about you isn't into you at all

Fall Out Gay: Cmon D dont b so sarcastic

Danger Noodle: Sarcastic? Me? Never

Prince Charming: Okay, you two edgelords, that's enough! Padre, Logan is definitely, totally, completely head over heels for you! You're so cute; who wouldn't be?! ;)

Pawton: Dee, you jokester, you~ And okay, I can do this, maybe, hopefully~ It's already almost 4pm, I should probably go shower?

Prince Charming: Good idea! Have fun on your date ;) I'm expecting you to provide all the details when you get back!

Fall Out Gay: Only if u want 2 Pat

Danger Noodle: You've really nothing to worry about

Danger Noodle: Have fun, and my advice? Wear that baby blue mini skirt of yours

Danger Noodle: Nerd boi will love it

Pawton: Oh, um... with my fishnets or knee high socks?

Prince Charming: The fishnets!!! Ooh want me to come over and do your makeup? Just say the word and I'll be there!

Pawton: No that's okay, I think I got it~ Thank you all so much! I'm gonna go get ready now, see y'all tomorrow for movie night?

Fall Out Gay: U bet

Danger Noodle: Yes, I'll bring the pizzas this time if Roman can bring dessert

Prince Charming: Honey, I am the dessert ;)

Fall Out Gay: ...ur ridiculous bring cookies

Prince Charming: Ridiculously attractive, I think you mean! But yes, of course, cookies it is!

Patton chuckled at his friends' antics and left them to it while he went to get ready

***Later that evening***

Pawton: Is anyone on?

Prince Charming: Yes!!! How did it go did you two kiss tell me everything!!!!

Fall Out Gay: Whoa Princey chill dude

Danger Noodle: I don't think our dear royal knows the meaning of the word

Fall Out Gay: ur rite

Prince Charming: Offended Princey Noises

Pawton: :D It went way better than I thought it would! Logan loved his jellyfish plushie I got him! He even liked that it was pink, which I didn't expect either?! So I'm really glad I went with that instead of the green one~ Dee, Roman, you were both so right, he likes me too!

Danger Noodle: Told you so, darling

Fall Out Gay: Im happy 4 u Pat

Prince Charming: Did he say anything about that smokin' outfit of yours?!

Pawton: Oh, um, aaahhhh~ I think he really did like it? He was blushing when he saw me so I'm assuming he liked it? We held hands! We haven't kissed yet but we have a date planned for Sunday afternoon! We're going to the aquarium across town~

Fall Out Gay: Thats gr8 Pat u 2 r cute 2gether

Danger Noodle: Honestly it's about time you two clueless disaster gays got together

Danger Noodle: It was obvious Logan had a thing for you the moment he laid his blue eyes on you, darling

Prince Charming: You two are absolutely adorable together! I'm so happy it turned out so well, I knew it would! Oooh does this mean we can all go out on dates together? It would be fun to go bowling or to an amusement park together!

Pawton: That would be fun! I'll mention it to Logan and see what he thinks but I'm all for it if it means I get to spend time with everyone I love!

Fall Out Gay: Not 2 b a hypocrite but thats gay

Danger Noodle: Uh yeah I sure hope it is

Pawton: xD You two are hilarious!

Fall Out Gay: I aim 2 please but i gotta get some sleep so good nite

Danger Noodle: Good idea; besides I think Remy is in need of makeup tips and wants to video chat

Danger Noodle: See you all tomorrow evening for movie night

Prince Charming: Good night my loves!

Pawton: Good night! Can't wait for tomorrow~

A/N 2: I hope you all enjoyed that! This is the first time I’ve ever really written in this format so if you’d like to see more of this kind of writing from me, let me know! Please re-blog and let me know your thoughts; I love hearing from y’all! Also: i’m cutting down my taglist since it’s kinda gotten out of hand and a lot of people on it are inactive so if you’d like to be tagged let me know! I also post all my writing to ao3 at Storytelling_Sparrow

Taglist: @ironwoman359 @today-only-happens-once @lala-the-rebel @galaxywitchwolf13 @virgil-in-a-necktie @areyousirius-noheisdead @princeyssash @virgil-has-a-houseplant @randomslasher @i-sold-my-soul-to-thefandom @madly-handsome @milomeepit @princelogical @icecoldparadise @anxie-teaa @vblood13 @the-better-bard @ahoardofsides @silversmith-91 @fandomsofrandom @hissesssss @hamilin-manuel-miranda @phlying-squirrel @creativenostalgiastuff @hghrules @grey-lysander @reba-andthesides @cloudxaffections @iwritegayshit @xxladystarlightxx @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @poisonedapples @romanamongthestars @queen-of-all-things-snuggly @irrelevantbutfabulous @purple---skye @ab-artist @ninjago2020 @anuninspiredpoet @eggheadinthemaking @theresneverenoughfandoms @obsessedfanofmanythings @chemically-imbalanced-romance @finger-gunsss @potterhead2468 @tired-fanboy @gemini-the-kitsune-rp @magicallygrimmwiccan

[trasshmammals]

You Too Sunshine...

This story takes place when Tracer (Lena) is off duty, as well as Emily.

It was the weekend, Lena and Emily were the only ones in out of their friends. Usually when they’re off and at home, they relax since Lena has such a stressful job. Occasionally she comes home with bumps, cuts, and bruises that Emily tends to, but it’s very rare considering Lena is friends with Angela (Mercy). A few nights a week they go out for drinks or just for dinner despite the lack of energy, Lena loves Emily and wants to make her happy in every way possible.

Lena: Hey Em?

Emily: Hm..?

Lena: I know you and I rarely spend time together, besides the nights, but I feel bad… I want you to be happy and us to be happy.

Emily: Babe… I’m happy with you. Anytime I get to see you, hear you, hug you, or kiss you, I’m happy. How about you and I go out next weekend?

Lena: Woah… Really?! You mean it?!

Emily: Duh!!

Lena: YAY!! WE CAN DO SO MANY THINGS!!-

Emily: Ok, ok, calm dow-

Lena: WE CAN GO ROLLER SKATING, HIKING, WE CAN DRIVE AROUND LONDON, GO EAT EXOTIC FOODS, GO TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK, OH MY GOD THERE’S SO MANY CHOICES!! AGHH-

Emily: *laughing* Calm down, you little ball of energy!!

Lena: I’M SORRY I’M JUST SO DAMN EXCITED!! *jumping around*

Emily: *puts hand on Lena’s face* Calm down… *kisses her forehead*

Lena: *hugs Em* Love you…

Emily: You too sunshine… *her mind: cute…*

The night goes on, Emily and Lena enjoy their time together with dinner, a movie, and a king sized bed awaiting it’s Queens slumber. =========== Time passes =========== Evening has passed, Lena and Emily, now relaxing in their bed looking in each other’s eyes…

Emily: Without freaking out, where do you wanna go?

Lena: I don’t really know… we never go out, so it’s hard to chose.

Emily: How about…

*Lena’s phone rings*

Lena: Ugh!! Now?!

*picks up*

Lena: Who this be?

Emily: *laying flat on her back* *her mind: why does she have to be so busy? I just want to spend time with my baby… Is that too much to ask?!*

*call ends*

Emily: *sits up* Who was that?

Lena: Commander Morrison.

Emily: Oh? What did he need?

Lena: He said next week I have 2 options, take off or come in for overtime…

Emily: *her mind: OHMYGODWHATEVENISMYLIFE?!* *says quietly outloud* YES!!

Lena: ‘Didja say somethin ‘ere?

Emily: Nope~ *leans and kisses Lena*

Emily placed her hand on Lena’s leg as the kiss passed on, Lena cupped her face on one side and laid her down slowly… Lena’s arms straddled Emily’s upper body, she leaned down and kissed Emily slowly and softly, the kiss lasted for a good while until she pulled away slowly. Lena rolled over on her back, head propped against the headboard of their bed, she took her accelerator off to charge by their bedside table, then she relaxed with her eyes closed and a smile on her face. Emily rolled over and rested her head on Lena’s chest with a smile on her face as well, she turned her head to look up at Lena’s sparkling hazel eyes while Lena opened hers to look at Emily’s glistening green eyes. As their eyes met they both laughed slightly.

Lena: *giggles* You’re so cute…

Emily: *blushes* Aw, baby…

Lena: I know where we should go…

Emily: Hm…?

Lena: The aquarium!! You love fish!!

Emily: That’s perfect!!

Lena: Then it’s a date.

Emily: *lays head back on Lena’s chest* You know… I miss this… everyday I watch the clock hoping time goes faster and faster just so I can see you. I miss you.

Lena: *pulls Emily closer* I miss you too… but you know I have stuff to do…

Emily: *nuzzles her shoulder* I know… but it’s hard. You’re out there, risking your life, any second you could be killed and then this bed wouldn’t be warm at night… on either side… *tears*

Lena: *tears* Baby…

Emily: *sits up crying* And I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t because I never want to see you go and your accelerator could be broken and you’d be gone.

Lena: *sits up and covers mouth while crying* *looks at Emily*

Emily: *screaming and crying* DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD DO TO ME LENA?! *looks at her*

Lena: *paused with tears running down her face* Em-

Emily: *breaks down on hands and knees on bed sobbing* *cracking voice* I don’t want to see you go… not again…

Lena: *hugs Emily tightly with tears running down her face* *whispers* I’m not going anywhere baby…

Emily: *wraps arms around Lena tightly* *sobs*

Lena: shhhh… it’s gonna be ok, love…

Emily: *tears in eyes, she looks up at Lena* Promise me?

Lena: *Looks at Emily with tears in her eyes* ‘Ave I ever broken one?

Emily: *tilts head down* *smiles and blushes*

Lena: Hey look at me… *puts finger under Em’s chin* *tilts her head back up to her face*

Lena: I love you…

Emily: You too sunshine…

Emily rests her head back on Lena’s chest and falls asleep knowing how safe she is in her embrace. =========== Time passes =========== Night passes and it’s now morning… Emily is the early riser in this relationship lol. Emily wakes up to her on Lena’s chest and her beautiful girlfriend sleeping soundly.

Emily: You’re so cute when you’re asleep… *kisses her forehead*

Emily gets out of bed, hair a wreck, dried tears on her face…

Emily: Ugh… how did she fall in love with this mess?

She did what she normally did in the morning, brushed her hair, brushed her teeth, made tea for Lena and coffee for her, opened the blinds in the room and living room, and waited for Lena to wake up.

Lena: *Wakes up* *mumbled* Ugh… Why do mornings exiiiiist….

Lena managed to crawl out of bed looking like a depressed porcupine and did what she did in the morning, brushed her hair, gelled it up, brushed her teeth, put her glasses on, and yet still remained pants-less… with her British flag boyshortts out for show, Emily snuck into the bathroom behind her and hugged her waist.

Emily: *kisses Lena’s cheek* Good morning beautiful!!

Lena: *blushes* Morning love… Sleep alright?

Emily: As long as you’re there with me…

Emily gave Lena her the tea she always makes for her and they both walked out to their kitchen. Lena sat down still no pants and half asleep, awaiting Emily and breakfast. Emily always makes them the best English breakfasts in the world, she sat the plate in front of Lena and they both dug into it like it was their last meals.

Lena: *pulls out phone*

Emily: Anything new?

Lena: No, but Brooke keeps talking about her one night stands.. *laughs*

Emily: *laughs* Jeez, what a whore… How many has she had?

Lena: Pfft, too many to count… I wouldn’t be surprised if she got AIDS…

Emily: Ugh, I pitty her…

=========== Time passes ===========

Lena did the dished after breakfast. She always does.

Emily: BABE!!!

Lena: YEA?!

Emily: WHERE ARE MY LEGGINGS?!

Lena: HOW THE BLOODY HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!

Emily: YOU’D KNOW BECAUSE WE SHARE THE SAME DAMN CLOSET!!

Lena: JESUS CHRIST WOMAN!! YOU ‘AVE MILLIONS OF PAIRS OF SLACKS PICK A DAMN PAIR!!

Emily: IT’S NOT THAT EASY!! YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND!! MS. I ONLY WEAR JEANS AND CROCS OR CONVERSE!!

Lena: *deep breaths* OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GAY AND HOLY!! I’M COMING…

Lena knows where everything is in their apartment and hates it when Emily “doesn’t have shit to wear”, but considering she only wears jeans, t-shirts, and converse or crocs it’s easy for her… this is always a struggle… but she always finds what her girl wants.

Lena: *walks into their room* Whatcha lookin for…

Emily: My leggings, the black ones!!

Lena: *looking Emily dead in the eyes with a blank resting bitch face points at the leggings*

Emily: Oh…

Lena: Get dressed, I have to change as well…

They both get dressed, Lena is wearing a white tee with blue jeans, her pilot jacket, and white converse and Emily is wearing a sweater with black leggings and brown boots. It’s a relatively chilly day in London, so they wear what’s comfy for them.

Lena: Smashing outfit babe!! You look beautiful as always. *winks*

Emily: *laughs* You’re a dork…

Lena: But I’m your dork!!

Emily: Yeah, all mine… *smiles*

Emily and Lena head out for the day doing basic errands… grocery shopping, clothes shopping, paying bills, other stuff… just boring adulting.

Lena: *has hella groceries in her hands* UGH!! BLOODY HELL!!

Emily: Something wrong baby?

Lena: Babe can you get the keys? I left ‘em in the car… and my hands are full.

Emily: Yeah hold up… *gets keys and unlocks house*

Lena: *laughs* DAMN FOOD!!

Emily: *laughs* I’ll put it all away, you go relax.

Lena: Why can’t I help?

Emily: Because I said so.

Tracer: Oh, ok? Love you…

Emily: You too…

Lena felt uneasy, Emily always says sunshine after “you too”.

Lena: *talking to herself* That’s weird, Em always calls me sunshine after I tell 'er I love 'er… Maybe she’s just tired..? What if she’s mad…? Did I do something wrong…?

Lena started to worry but the reason Emily didn’t say sunshine was because she felt something come over her… she finally noticed that she never tells Lena she loves her, she always says “you too” not “I love you too” or “not as much as I love you” or anything like that… it’s always “You too sunshine…” She didn’t know that Lena didn’t care that she didn’t say I love you back, she just loved hearing the word sunshine.

============== A few days pass ==============

Lena was concerned for Emily and the aquarium is in two days, was she gonna be in a good enough mood for the date still?

========== It’s morning ==========

The girls did their thing but today was different, they didn’t wake up on each other, Emily didn’t bring her tea, and they both ate plain buttered toast for breakfast.

Lena: *her mind: somethings wrong…*

Lena looked at her girlfriend, she had no smile, no emotion on her face, Emily felt like a complete dick. She has never told Lena she loved her, it crushed her. Emily had her hand sitting out on the table tapping her nails in a wave motion, Lena moved her own hand on hers, looked at her and smiled. Emily didn’t look up. She didn’t move. And the nail tapping stopped. She stood up and walked into the living room and flopped on their couch.

Lena: *tears in her eyes*

Lena wanted to cry, but instead she stood, she went into their room and laid back in their bed. Covered in blankets, Lena rolled over to see Emily standing in the door way staring at her. Emily saw the tears in Lena’s eyes, she went over to her and crouched to her head.

Emily: Baby… are you ok?

Lena: *mumbles* I could ask you the same thing…

Emily tried to stroke her head but she missed the opportunity as Lena turned to her other side to only stare at the empty space she so badly wanted Em to fill. Emily went to the other side of the bed and laid down beside her.

Lena: Do you still wanna go to the aquarium tomorrow love?

Emily: Only if you do…

Lena didn’t know what she wanted to do, but finally came to the decision to go.

Lena: Yeah, a little social interaction won’t kill us…

As the day carried on they both laid in bed all day, no errands, no TV, nothing was done…

=========== Time passes ===========

It’s an early morning this morning, Emily woke at five when her usual was seven, the reason she woke up was the bed was cold where Lena usually was. Emily was barely awake but as soon as she felt the cold spot and saw no dim blue light beside Lena’s table she got worried.

Emily: Lena…

Emily progressively worried more as the seconds went by.

Emily: Lena, baby this isn’t funny!! Come out, it’s not a joke!!

Emily screamed for Lena as loud as she could.

Emily: LENA!! BABE SERIOUSLY!! STOP!!

Emily got out of bed and tore the house apart, yelling for her girlfriend.

Emily: BABY?! LENA!!

Emily went out to their balcony and nearly froze as soon as the cold air hit her, she fell to her knees from the cold. She sat out there for an hour waiting for Lena to come back.

Emily: *whispers with chattering teeth and crying eyes* c-come b-b-back… I-I’m s-sorry…

Lena then soon arrived from a morning jog that she went on to find her girlfriend freezing outside with only a t-shirt and Lena’s British flag shorts on. Lena immediately threw her brown jacket on Emily whom was passed out on the balcony on her knees. Lena picked up Emily and took her inside, she turned on their TV in their room and sat with Emily cradled in her arms with blankets covering them, Emily awoke to the smell of Lena’s perfume from her jacket on her shoulders, she looked up to see Lena and felt the warmth of her arms surrounding her. Lena was talking to herself thinking Emily couldn’t hear her.

Lena: Man, sure is a shame we can’t go to the aquarium… awful cold outside today, and with Em’s condition I don’t think she’ll want to either. *lightly chuckles*

Emily shifted her body on top on Lena’s resting her legs beside Lena’s and her head on her shoulder. Lena didn’t know that she was awake, she kisses the top of her cold head. Emily wrapped her arms around Lena tightly. She looked up at her again while she was distracted watching TV, she put her hand on Lena’s face.

Lena: *softly speaking* Hey frosty… you alright?

Emily: I’m *sniff* ok…

Lena: *still speaking softly* You’re in no condition to go to the aquarium today love… Maybe another day, alright?

Emily: *nods* Where did you go? I got scared…

Lena: *lightly laughs* I just went on a jog… I wasn’t gone for long.

Emily: It felt like forever… I was terrified, I looked everywhere for you but I couldn’t find you…

Lena: Why so scared love?

Emily: You’re always here to protect me, you’re strong, brave, pretty, nice, funny, and you make me happy… I don’t like it when you go away…

Lena: Em… I’m not going anywhere… ever.

Emily: Baby…

Lena: Hm…?

Emily perked up to Lena’s head and kissed her.

Emily: *pulls away* I love you…

Lena puts their foreheads together and looks in her eyes…

Lena: You too sunshine…

Emily laughs and they both snuggle the day away… END

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

[actuallymaglor]

1, 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 25, 26, 27, 29, 30

1. Describe your idea of a perfect date.

i’ve nearly been on it tbh. we go to a park and the weather’s nice and it’s relatively quiet (excusing the ambient sounds) and we work on separate things but our hands are on each other the whole time, and after we head home we’re barely through the door before we start kissing and then maybe more

2. What’s your “type”?

nice to people, thoughtful, cute, passionate about something, receptive to my interests (i think is the way to phrase it). historically all the people i’ve dated have also been short + younger than me and pretty straight-forward, but i do not think that’s my “type”

5. Describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on.

me + danny’s one-year anniversary. we went to the aquarium in tampa, and they excitedly dragged me around the place while jumping at every opportunity to explain anything about anything. it was the cutest shit ever

6. Describe your experience having sex for the first time. (Were you nervous? Or was it easy peasy?)

oh i was so nervous oh man

i don’t think my family was home? so i don’t think it was about that, but more because i had 0 idea what i was doing and they had 0 idea what they were doing and also i have Issues with certain things and i have Issues with new things sometimes. plus i’m kinda super self-conscious (more so then than now) and that was a thing too

8. Opinion on nap dates?

100% in favor they’re comfy and sleepy boyfriends are adorable

9. Opinion on brown eyes?

they’re the SHIT oh my god i have So Many Feelings about brown eyes bc they’re so deep and they look amazing when you can see the sunlight hitting them and being looked at affectionately by someone with deep brown eyes feels nice and idk why

10. Dog gay or cat gay?

both 100% i will not pick

12. What’s a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone?

mean to people. intolerant. bad at conversation. BAD TEXTER. no sense of humor.

13. What is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

i didn’t really have any? i found out that being gay was a thing after @possiblyaghost (older sib) came out to me and i do not remember a period of questioning it at all.

14. What is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

think before you do things. your actions and words affect other people.

15. Do you have different “types” for different genders?

nope. 100% pan with no preferences. see #2 for what i’m into.

17. Night club gay or café gay?

café, loud noises and crowds scare me and also i am not a fan of alcohol

19. Video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

pls don’t make me choose

if i had to, books.

20. Favorite gay ship? (canon or not)

SAM AND FRODO FROM LORD OF THE RINGS

25. How do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone?

i do not my dude. i guess and just kinda get that i’m not attracted to them.

26. Favorite lgb musician/band?

BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG (he’s bi)

27. What is a piece of advice you have for young/baby gays?

find other gays!!! they exist and are amazing and you can (generally) be yourself around them. GSA is a good place to find them.

29. What is the most uncomfortable/strange coming out experience you have?

i casually mentioned i had a boyfriend and some guy at the table i was sitting at was like “was did you say boyfriend?” and i responded “yes i did” and he responded “i didn’t know you were gay” and i responded “well now you do” and that was all

30. What is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality?

revel in places that are safe for you. if you can’t be out at home but you can at school, take advantage of that. you shouldn’t need to hide anywhere, but being able to express yourself in at least some environments is helpful. also: if people don’t accept you, it says more about them than it does about you. you don’t gotta change for anybody. you’re not wrong for being for you are, they’re wrong for being unable to accept that.

[thehawkarmy]

Do We Have To Talk About Kevin?

I love going to grocery stores. I love everything about them: the florescent lights that incubate all of the food and patrons like little baby chickens, the tired people behind the registers that probably fantasize about bagging up the bodies of the customers in their line, the other customers who are lost and confused amongst the isles like they are Lewis and Clark or something. Grocery Stores are like the watering hole of the city, you see everyone there. Once someone looked at my basket for too long and I growled at them. I don’t know why I did this. It was completely instinctual, but I certainly do not regret it. I really enjoy looking at all of the brands and there are so many brands! If something is on the top shelf I will bounce up and down like a little dog trying to snatch a treat from it’s owner, in order to assess the box. If something is on the bottom shelf I will sit Indian style on the floor to properly study it. I take my time, but not as much time as I used to.

I used to count calories, all of them, even the handfuls of granola that I snuck from the pantry that no one even knew about. I had this app on my phone that kept track of it all for me. I had a band to put on my wrist that counted my steps. I only took it off at night when I remembered to, like a dog and its collar. I was wearing this when I met Kevin.

Kevin ate a lot on our first date. He looked thicker in person than he had on the Internet. His hair was short and his face was plump. He was white and he sweated the entire time we were together. I pretended that he looked like he did on the Internet. We went to this shitty Mexican place by my house and ate outside. It was July so he continued to sweat. He had enchiladas with beef in them. His dish looked like sour roadkill. I had a bottle of red wine. He told me that my lips and mouth turned purple. This made me laugh. Kevin laughed because I laughed. His stomach shook while he did this. He couldn’t finish his meal. I finished the wine.

We had sex a few weeks later. He was nervous to take his shirt off in front of me. He told me that he hadn’t worked out in awhile. And he hadn’t. He insisted that we closed the blinds even though that we were consenting adults in the city. I looked out past the other buildings and people, to the lake, as the blinds crashed down to the windowsill. He got on top of me. He sweat so much that it pooled in my mouth. It was salty and as he rocked my body back and forth. I felt like someone who had just fallen overboard a Carnival Cruise, somewhere in the Caribbean. We fell asleep in a puddle of his juice.

The next morning we went to a diner by my house. He got a lox-omelet and I got a bagel. The diner has mirrors on all of the walls. I watched him eat the whole thing from the reflection in the mirror next to our booth. It was greasy and he chewed it with his mouth open. I could smell the salmon from across the table. It was like I was in Alaska or something. I pictured a school of them swimming around in his stomach. He burped a piece of lox up into his napkin. I imagine that it was because one of them tried to jump out of the acid in his stomach. I stared at his plate and started to space out. We were silent as I spread the cream cheese cautiously around my bagel and he folded the omelet with a tiny fork into his mouth over and over again.

Travis used to pronounce salmon all wrong. He said it like, “sal-moun”. He was my ex boyfriend who had left me two years prior to move to the desert in Tucson. We used to go to this small school on the edge of Lake Michigan in a forest somewhere. We would walk out to the lake at night and lay on the docks while it swayed on top of the water. He’d always point out to the landmass into the distance. His hair would be flowing in the Chicago-land wind like a god or a warrior or a leader of some ancient civilization. He claimed that it was Canada. I told him that it was Wisconsin or maybe Michigan, but he assured me that it was Canada. We both laughed into each other’s mouths while we kissed. The steam would roll out of our throats as we fooled around on the dock like two dragons jousting. Later that year, I told him that I loved him at the lake. We were both looking into the water and he grabbed my hand and he told me that he loved me too. We both kept looking out, squinting hard enough so we could see, all the way to Canada.

We had sex so often that we often missed dinner at the one cafeteria on campus. I began to slim down dangerously and so did he. Our bones looked like they were prisoners attempting to escape from our bodies. Our ribs would tangle together like a man and a woman holding hands when we lay on top of each other. When Kevin was on top of me I felt nothing. It was like holding the hand of a deceased person at their funeral or a phantom limb or an annoying schizophrenic episode that just wouldn’t go away.

“It’s ke-vin. You called me Travis.” Kevin said to me in my bed.

This made me think more about Travis. Everything makes me think about Travis. Everything; the word salmon even when it’s pronounced correctly, boys, any two syllabled words, food, calories, sex, mouths, Canada, water - everything reminds me of him.

“You’re out of condoms.” Kevin said topless, rifling through my underwear drawer.

Kevin insisted that we use condoms even though we were gay. I just don’t like condoms. It feels like someone is poking me with a plastic bag, like how people pick up their dogs shit in Lincoln Park. My doctor told me to use protection after I went to get checked for HIV once. I had sex with this guy named Jessie. I didn’t want to, but I was too drunk to find my car keys so he thrusted into me all night. I pretended he was Travis. He kissed me when I left the next morning and the whiskers of his mustache lingered on my skin like a magnet being taken off of the fridge.  

           Kevin and I threw on our clothes and went to the grocery store, right by my house.  His shirt was on backwards, but I didn’t notice until we were inside. It was really bright in there, like the light you see right before you die. We walked past the produce, which was getting spritzed by its hourly shower coming from overhead. I looked at the bell peppers longingly; the red, the yellow, and the green. They looked like a renaissance painting just waiting to happen. We walked past the lobsters too. They were all crawling on each other like people in an orgy. Their claws were clasped together by thin rubber bands. They looked supremely unhappy. This little girl, with pigtails, started tapping on the glass. They all perked up and began swishing around the bottom of the tank. Kevin laughed as her mom scolded her and sat her in the little seat in the shopping cart, she fastened the belt extra tight and the metallic bars separated her legs. The girl shook the cart back and forth with her body and screamed louder than the sounds of the intercom calling a manager to register nine. The mom ordered thinly sliced salmon from the guy behind the fish counter. He slid the knife through the fish delicately, like it was flesh, like he had been planning this  for some time. He got salmon juice all over his hands and rinsed it off in the sink.

           Kevin wanted Trojan but I wasn’t so sure. I wanted to take my time with deciding. I looked at the wall of condoms, all in their different colored boxes, picking each box up and holding it to the light like someone picking out a new color for their living room at Home Depot. Kevin was embarrassed and he started sweating again. We ended up getting The Trojans. He paid for them. I paid for the Astroglide.

           After we had sex he asked if I had any food. He said that he had worked up an appetite. His skin was drenched, like a sponge after the dishes. I didn’t even finish. Kevin ate the rest of my granola and fell asleep hard, like a bear in hibernation. His arms were wrapped around me like the glass of an aquarium. I flopped around so I could look out the window. I looked as far and as long as I could. I looked past the grocery store, past the other buildings and the blurring lights of the city in the dark. I watched the waves roll in straight, from Canada.

           When Travis and I stopped eating we never really started again. We would go to the Jewel-Osco, in the small town, so he could buy drugs from his dealer that sat on the bench outside. We never went inside. Travis did a lot of acid that year. His brain started to mush. He would crawl around all over me in bed while he was tripping, like one of those lobsters in the tank. I started doing all of his biology assignments for him even though I was an English major. He broke up with me in spring of that year. He told me that he had hurt me too much. This hurt me even more. He said that the world didn’t want us to be together. And he was right; the world did not want us to be together, and neither did he, but I did.  Often I think about how we will grow up and marry other people. We will have children that are not a product of our relationship. We will be buried next to different bodies. I pretend like I am okay with this. I eat three meals a day now. But the truth – I don’t want to.

Travis and I both transferred schools after that year, me to the city with skyscrapers, and him to the desert with cacti. He went to rehab outside of Flagstaff for a while, but I heard that he still smokes weed occasionally.  This is how I know that he still loves me. He knows that I still love him because of all of the calories that I count.

           “230 calories per serving, 6 servings per box.”

I read it aloud to myself. I checked the box two or three more times to make sure I read it correctly. I fried Kevin up the bisquic Pancakes before he woke up. It’s weird how food looks in the box. It’s all just starch and liquid, until you make it. I hated cooking. It felt like punishment. I hate pancakes. They make me feel lumpy and slow.  To me the symbolize indulgence.  I cooked them and drizzled syrup on top of the stack of six. It really sunk into them, like cheap lotion into skin.

I told Kevin that I had already eaten mine when he strolled out of the bedroom, still shirtless. He ate five of the six. I watched the particles of food travel down his throat, through his esophagus, and watched his waist expand as they plopped into his stomach. Kevin was disgusting. He was just a mass of bacteria and acne walking around. He looked like a moldy loaf of bread.

I told Kevin that I loved him that morning, even though that I didn’t. He told me that he loved me too. I pretended that the last pancake was Travis and I drowned it in more syrup, until I couldn’t see it anymore. I cut it up into little tiny pieces with my knife, so forcefully that you could see scares in the wood of the dining room table. I swallowed it over and over again. Kevin and I went to the lake that day and Kevin started crying.  He told me about his friend in high school who did so much acid that he committed suicide. It was overcast and rain was misting us lightly, every once and awhile, like the produce in grocery stores. I kissed him because I didn’t know what to say. His lips were limp on the other end. I pushed my tongue in his mouth forcefully, like my tongue was trying to give his CPR or something. We walked back to my apartment without speaking. We crawled back into my bed, stained with the liquid discharge from the night before, and went to sleep without having sex. I checked my watch and I had accumulated 22,000 steps. That was a pretty standard amount for me. It wasn’t my worst, but it certainly wasn’t my best. Kevin put his arms around me and I kissed his neck. It was sunburned, irritated and pink, like a salmon in-season. I kissed it until I fell asleep, or until I died, or until the world ended, whatever came first.