#we go there at 4am and left at 12 pm

[ragingtwilight]

Guess who went to hopital for the third time within a year and spent 10 fucking hours in the waiting room LMAOOO

[liveyun]

you’re an idiot (so am i) | j.jk

pairing. jeon jungkook x fem oc/reader

rating. M

genre. enemies to 👀, university AU, neighbours AU, comedy, drama, romance, angst, slight smut

warnings. coarse language, crACK like lOTS OF IT, theyre both idiots. excessive bickering,,, gym related stuff,,, Medical school itself is a warning,, unhealthy amounts of protein mentions,, i’m Sorry if you’re a gymbro 😭🙏🏾, awkwardness, oc gets slightly injured, it gets slightly smutty 👀, unspoken feelings bc they both suck at communicating, some Cute stuff, that should be it but lmk if i missed any, its 4am

wc. 4.5k +

if this writing style flops, i’ll probably quit writing too 💀

it’s 7:04 AM

or is it really. what is the time again

unfortunately you are awake.

and it’s not by choice.

it’s because your protein 💪 PROTEIN 💪 MORE PROTEIN 🏋️ gymrat neighbour is up, doing burpees in his living room

and the walls between your apartments are criminally thin

and you’re convinced he’s trying to invent a new form of torture through burpees because the sQUEAKING OF HIS DAMN SHOES ARE JUST AS LOUD AS AN ALARM CLOCK!!

why is he even awake at this ungodly hour, you wonder for the 8293838th time since moving in

you feel like crying

for rEAL.

it was around 5:30 am when u finally had let out a sigh of relief at having finally completed your assignment

you roll out of bed, hair resembling a bird’s nest

what else is bed hair supposed to look like

“O YEA!”

here we go

again

you feel like ripping your already damaged hair bc why does he have to be so damn loud

has no occupant not filed a complaint against him yet?

so now u consider knocking on his door to complain... but you remember what happened the last time you tried

jungkook had answered the door holding two dumbbells liKe they were extensions of his arms, shirtless, smiling so brightly it could cure vitamin D deficiency

you knew you were cooked the moment smirked at you gawkinG at his physique and you felt your cheeks warming up

“oh, hey, Y/N,” he’d said, casually flexing mid-sentence with that stupid grin on his face “need something? Or just admiring the view?”

you haven’t known peace ever since

by 8:15 AM, you’ve surrendered to fate and shuffled into the kitchen for coffee

you swEar you hear Jungkook’s blender whirring as he makes another one of his infamous protein shakes

does he even eat anything which does not have protein powder

like ok you understand the value of protein

but anything which has that stupid thing in it automatically tastes like the Biggest Piece of Dogshit

and somehow that’s what you neighbour has 24/7

last week he had accidentally left one in the communal fridge

it smelled like death and regret.

absolute L

anyway u think u need to get something in ur system too and thats when u open your fridge

and sigh

it’s empty.

except for a jar of pickles and a, uh, questionable carton of oat milk

yea. you’ll have to get brunch today. no futher questions asked

10:32 AM

ur first class of the day

and guess what

u have made the mistake of sitting near Jungkook in the lecture hall.

again! 😍

u swear that u are trying to focus on the lecture but is it really your fault that jungkook looks extra,,,...,,,

beefy

his notebook is open, but instead of notes, he’s drawing a disturbingly accurate diagram of biceps

and the shading looks pretty accurate too

he notices you staring, oof “anatomy is about more than just books, Y/N.”

you feel a muscle near your eye twitch

“i really don’t remember asking.”

ouch

that came out a bit too rude. . .

you feel like u should say sorry or something but he just flashes you that golden retriever grin

and somehow, you’re the one who feels stupid

12:10 PM

you’d think a med school lunch break would feel like a break

but no

the first thing you hear is the unmistakable pop of jungkook’s tupperware lid. it’s like pavlov’s bell, but instead of a dog, it triggers your impending irritation

of course it’s chicken, broccoli, and rice. gymrat starter pack™

does this man even know other foods exist?

atleast it doesn’t look unseasoned so maybe you can take it

you’re not the one having it anyway

“bon appétit,” he says with that smug grin, shoveling a forkful into his mouth like he’s filming a mukbang

you side-eye your sad excuse of a sandwich. “don’t you ever get bored of eating that?”

he gasps like a victorian man having seen the ankle of his wife for the first time

“bored? of gains? never.”

the chewing. oh god, the chewing. it’s so loud you’re convinced he’s doing it on purpose

crunch. chew. sip of water from the world’s largest bottle. repeat.

“do you have to eat like a vacuum?”

he pauses, fork mid-air, and looks at you with wide, innocent eyes. then he grins. “do you have to be this cute when you’re annoyed?”

wha— cough!!

did you just choke at your sandwich infront of him?

-100 aura points

your brain just blue-screens

what the hell are you supposed to do with that information

12:22 pm

you haven’t touched your chips yet. you’re saving them for after jungkook’s food massacre ends

his tupperware is licked clean but he’s already eyeing your bag of chips like a hawk

“you gonna eat those?”

“yes, jungkook, i’m gonna eat my chips”

“cool”

c r u n c h

he’s already eaten half the bag.

u are genuinely considering homicide now

the girl from the next table suddenly waves at him, all giggly and twirling her hair like she’s auditioning for a romcom

“hey, jungkook! you should totally sit with us!”

he glances at you, one brow raised. “should i?”

“why are you asking me?” you snap, already annoyed (but like, annoyed in a normal way, not jealous. definitely not jealous)

you miss the way his lips quirk in the corners

“nah, i think i’ll stay here,” he says, smirking. “you’re better company anyway”

...

why is your face heating up. why. stop it

1:00 PM

you’re walking to your next class when jungkook catches up, sipping his protein shake. the smell is somewhere between expired yogurt and pure evil

“so, lunch was fun,” he says casually, like he didn’t commit multiple crimes against your sanity earlier

“for who?” you mumble, giving him the nastiest bombastic side eye

“for both of us,” he replies, grinning. “don’t lie, y/n, you’d miss me if i wasn’t around”

“i’d miss the peace”

he laughs heartily and it’s the kind of laugh that makes you want to both strangle him and maybe... smile a little

1:12 PM

ur phone dings

dumb(bell)kook : (now) bring more chips tomorrow

or don’t. i’ll just steal them again

>:D

you stare at your screen for a second, debating whether to respond or block his number

you type back

you : (1:13PM) touch my chips again and i’ll report you to student conduct

his reply is instant.

dumb(bell)kook : (now) bet they’d let me off for good behavior 😛

2:47 pm.

group project time!

otherwise known as “watch y/n slowly lose her sanity” time

you're hunched over your notes, trying to come up with literally anything for this cursed assignment while everyone else is glued to their phones

“guys, any ideas?” you try, for the fifth time, because teamwork makes the dream work, right?

wrong. dead silence. you can practically hear your soul exiting your body

one guy mutters, "we could... idk, make a powerpoint?" and goes back to scrolling on instagram. helpful king

you’re about three seconds away from making a powerpoint on why you hate everyone here when the door swings open

in walks jungkook, twenty minutes late, balancing a protein shake in one hand and a clipboard in the other

like he’s about to announce his plan for world domination

he slides into the chair next to you, annoyingly fresh, as if he hasn’t just already benched three cows at the gym

“did i miss anything?” he asks, sipping his shake and eyeing you with those boba lookalike peepers like he’s the main character

why are his eyes so

cute

“yeah, we solved climate change and made contact with aliens. you're late.”

he smirks. smirks. “nice. guess i’ll tackle world hunger next.”

one of your lab mates looks up from her phone just to whisper, “he’s so hot..”

my ass.

“he’s useless”

you’re about to drop-kick the clipboard out of his hands when he lazily stretches and says, “so what’s the plan, y/n? you always have the best ideas”

and just like that, everyone turns to you like a pack of hyenas waiting for their next meal

you might actually murder him. right after you finish this stupid project.

>:-)

midnight.

you’re staring at your notes like they’re written in ancient alien hieroglyphics. focus? yup, that’s a myth

through the wall, you hear it. again.

jungkook’s obnoxious gym playlist thumping loud enough to summon the gods of protein.

how about you just summon the reaper to maybe reap your soul or his

you try to ignore it. you really do. but then the bass drops, and you swear the walls start vibrating

ARGH

that’s it. you’ve snapped. you slam your pen down and march out of your apartment like a woman on a mission

by the time you’re at his door, you’re already regretting this decision

but sleep-deprived y/n? she’s not known for her impulse control

you bang on the door like your life depends on it

>:-(

after a moment, jungkook opens up, looking like he just stepped out of a gym rat rom-com. damp hair, earbuds in, wearing a tank top that shows off way too much arm.

good lord, those tattoos..

“what’s up?” he asks casually, pulling out an earbud, as if you didn’t just nearly break his door down

whats up? what thE hELL DOES HE MEAN WHATS UP??

“it’s midnight!” you yell, waving a hand in the general direction of your apartment. “some of us need sleep to survive!”

he blinks at you, tilting his head like a confused golden retriever. “but you’re awake now. want to do a quick set of push-ups?

you stare at him. you need to go to the store from where he bought the audacity. “push-ups?!”

“yeah,” he says, dead serious. “it’s a good way to burn off frustration. i do them all the time when i’m annoyed.”

“maybe i should start,” you mutter, narrowing your eyes. “because i’m annoyed right now.”

jungkook grins like the demon he is. “great! i’ll grab my mat.”

before you can stop him, he’s already turned back into his apartment. you briefly consider running, but it’s too late.

this is your life now.

five minutes later, you’re on the floor of his apartment, struggling to do one (1) push-up while he effortlessly does twenty in the same time it takes you to collapse in defeat

you feel like someone has bathed you in sweat

“this is humiliating,” you groan, face smushed into the mat

maybe you should’ve just slept

“nah, you’re doing great,” he says, way too cheerfully for someone torturing you. “just three more and you’ll hit... like, five total.”

you debate throwing a dumbbell at him but decide against it

jail isn’t worth it.

yet.

five minutes later you’re on the floor of his apartment, now two (2) push-ups deep and already regretting every decision you’ve made up to this point

you try again, your arms shaking with the effort, your brain screaming for mercy, when—

crack

“ow, ow, ow!” you yelp as your shoulder protests in a way that’s probably not supposed to happen

“that’s it, i’m dOne” you wince, face red from the sheer humiliation and pain

jungkook is standing there with a weirdly sympathetic expression that’s 90% amusement and 10% concern

he’s crouching beside you now, and you can't help but notice his Bambi eyes, all big and concerned, looking at your shoulder like he's actually worried for you

fml

this is so unfair

“u good?” he asks, voice unusually soft, and you can’t help but notice that barely there scar on his left cheek pulling slightly as he frowns and looks down at you

you glare at him, wincing a little more than you’d like to admit

does it look like ur good lol

“i think i pulled something” you mutter, still holding your shoulder, and mentally kicking yourself for agreeing to do this in the first place

you knew you shouldn’t have agreed to him

“mm,” he hums thoughtfully, his gaze flicking to your face, and then down to your shoulder with that gentle focus you didn’t think he was capable of

oUuu

“you should’ve asked for help, rookie” he says with that familiar cocky grin, but you catch the slight crinkle of concern in his brow, the mole beneath his lips almost beckoning you to stare at it

why is he so dumb but also so stupidly handsome?

and then his fingers are brushing against your shoulder again, carefully massaging the area in a way that’s too intimate for someone who’s just your annoying gym-obsessed neighbor

your heart rate spikes, and suddenly the injury doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore

“i’m fine, really,” you lie, trying to brush it off, but the way his Bambi eyes are looking at you—all soft and worried—has your head spinning

oh god

“i don’t think you are” he mutters, voice low, as he places a hand gently on your waist, pulling you just a little closer

god, stop being so touchy

the fact that he smells like musk and with some citrus-y notes underneath doesn’t help either

you feel your cheeks warming and lips parting

you feel yourself leaning in despite all logic telling you to stop, and then his eyes flicker down to your lips and back to your eyes, slow and cautious, like he’s waiting for your permission

you really cannot help but feel your heart skip a beat at how beautiful he looks. no like for real, his hair is slightly overgrown, curled at the ends which fall gracefully over his face

and how soft his lips look

your brain is too far gone, and the next thing you know, you’re kissing him, hand tangled in his hair, pulling him even closer

his hair feels so silky soft

but his lips are even softer, but there’s a desperate edge to the kiss, and you don’t know if it's because of your injury or the fact that you’ve both been playing this weird tension game for far too long

you feel like u can finally die kissing him like this

his hand slides down your back, pressing you into him as if you might disappear, and you pull away, gasping for air

jungkook’s eyes are wide, his pupils blown and heavy-lidded, his chest rising and falling quickly as he looks at you with an unreadable expression

“shit, i… i didn’t think i was actually going to do that” he murmurs, his voice rough and nearly trembling if u hear closely

you stare at his lips again, the mole under them, the way he looks so dumb but also so dumb handsome

his mouth parts to say something stupid again but you shush him with your pointer on his lips

“shut up and kiss me again, you idiot” you mutter, pulling him back in without a second thought

oH WOW

Jungkook doesn’t need any more encouragement. this time, it’s all teeth and heat, a kiss that feels like it might burn the air around you both

and your shoulder? completely forgotten, left in the dust

the kiss doesn’t end in some grand, romantic crescendo like the movies promised

you both were shamelessly making out on his mat

you were perched on his lap and both of u were busy eating eachother’s mouths (it sounds gross but that’s what exactly u two were doing) when suddenly you give his hair a tug

and you hear a moan spilling from him

his hips buck up and you gasp, but it ends with him abruptly pulling away

he’s breathing like he just ran an hour on the treadmill. cheeks all flushed, lips shining with saliva and eyes wide

and your heart is hammering in your chest like it’s trying to escape

jungkook stares at you, lips slightly swollen, eyes wide and wild, and for once, the idiot looks just as lost as you feel

“i—uh—” you stammer, the words tangling in your throat because what the hell are you supposed to say after something like that

“y- yeah,” he cuts in, his voice rough and strained like he’s been punched in the gut, “same”

same? SAME?!

you glare at him, more out of panic than anger, because suddenly the room feels too small, and his scent—something annoyingly musky and Jungkook-ish—is now overwhelming you

“i, uh, should go” you blurt out, scrambling to your feet and clutching your sore shoulder like a lifeline

jungkook doesn’t stop you, just sits there on the floor, looking up at you with a furrowed brow and an expression you can’t quite place

“cool” he mutters, dragging a hand through his messy hair as his jaw clenches

you don’t say anything else, don’t even look back as you practically bolt out of his apartment and into the safety of your own, slamming the door shut behind you

breathe, you tell yourself, leaning against the door, your heart still racing, your lips still tingling from his kiss

you won’t lie, you really didn’t think it would take just a tug of hair to have Mr. Muscle moaning under you

and that kind of inflated ur ego too

>:-)

but now

as u stand behind your closed door

the warmth that had filled your chest moments ago is quickly replaced by a knot of confusion and panic

because this wasn’t supposed to happen, not with Jungkook of all people

he’s my annoying gym-rat neighbor. this is… this is stupid

or is this really?..

no matter how much you try to convince yourself, your fingers keep brushing your lips absentmindedly, and your brain replays the moment over and over again like some kind of cruel joke

the next morning, you half expect him to blast his gym playlist at full volume to piss you off like he always does

but it’s quiet

too quiet

jungkook doesn’t blast music. doesn’t clank weights around. doesn’t do anything to make his presence known, and it’s driving you insane

you don’t know why it bothers you so much, but it does

when you leave for class, you catch a glimpse of him locking his door, but he doesn’t even glance your way

just slings his backpack over his shoulder and walks off like you don’t exist

asshole

yea that hurt. a Lot. like a good amount, because you are sure that you felt that pain in the centre of your chest

but it’s not like you’re any better

you bury yourself in your textbooks, pretending the kiss never happened, even though your stupid brain refuses to let it go

your chest feels tight every time you hear his door open or his voice filter through the thin walls

and you hate how you feel disappointed every time he doesn’t acknowledge you

like you really are a stranger to him

:-(

it’s pathetic, but you can’t help it

the silence between the two of you stretches on like an invisible barrier

days pass, and the two of you become masters of the fine art of avoidance

there’s a strange art to it, like walking on eggshells in your own apartment

even if u two live in separate apartments, it just feels

weird

you are so used to him being so noisy and what not

but the silence is heavy, uncomfortable, like an unfinished sentence hanging in the air

and it’s clEar neither of you know how to handle whatever the hell this is

you can’t figure out whether it’s a relief or suffocating

and every time you pass him in the hallway or see him through your apartment window, it’s like a silent conversation you’re not having

and that, somehow, feels worse than everything else

you want him to say something. anything.

but he doesn’t

and neither do you

and it makes you sick how easy it is to fall back into the rhythm of pretending he doesn’t exist

even when he’s right there.

you go to class and he’s there

sitting three rows ahead of you like he’s deliberately trying to ignore you

and with that girl who cannot seem to have her hands off his bicep

and you’re… fine with it

totally fine

you are just hoping that your glare is enough to burn a hole in her skull

it’s just that you can’t stop staring at the back of his head

like maybe he’ll turn around and say something but nope

the entire lecture passes and he doesn’t even glance over

and you try not to overthink it but you’re pretty sure jungkook is doing the same thing to you

ignoring you

on purpose

you’re not imagining it, right?

lunch rolls around and you sit down at your usual spot

jungkook’s sitting at the table next to you with his back to you

he doesn’t even look up when you sit down

normally, he would’ve sent you a little half-smile or asked about your day or whatever. .

but now? nothing

it’s like you’re invisible

and that’s fine. you don’t care.

but deep down, you feel this weird lump in your chest

because you didn’t expect this coldness from him

even after everything that’s happened

and you’d even unconsciously brought his favourite flavour of chips he especially likes..

:(

then you see him texting on his phone

and you can’t help but peek over at his screen

jungkook is texting someone

and it’s not you

for some reason, that stings more than it should, but you swallow it down and pretend you didn’t notice

the silence between the two of you stretches out for days

it’s like the entire universe is pretending you never had that moment together

the night when everything took a wild ass turn

but jungkook’s acting like it never happened

and so are you.

and maybe, just maybe, that’s better

maybe he regrets kissing you.

maybe you even made him uncomfortable?..

and maybe this is easier

you can’t decide if it hurts or if you’re just overthinking it

either way, you stop checking his texts, stop wondering what he’s doing in his apartment

you try your best to pretend it’s okay

but deep down, you miss the stupid moments

the ones where he wasn’t so distant where it feels like something ended between you two before it could even start.

it feels like it’s been over a decade

:(

and you hate it.

but you push it aside

it’s just… the silence is way too loud now.

you’re sitting in your room, trying to convince yourself that letting go of jungkook is the right thing to do

and perhaps ur failing miserably lol

but it’s hard because every five minutes you catch yourself staring at something that reminds you of him

your notes? he doodled on them during lectures

your hoodie? yeah, it’s his. he lent it to you one day and never asked for it back

your heart? yeah. he kind of stole that too

you’re spiraling between sleep and insanity when there’s a knock on your door

no, wait—it’s not a knock

it’s banging — like someone’s fist is about to break through the wood

WHO CALLED THE COPS ON YOU ONG

you jump up, your heart pounding, and open the door

and there he is

jungkook—standing there, looking like he just ran a marathon and fought a bear at the same time

hair all messy, slight bags underneath his eyes and kinda disheveled outfit

for a split second, you freeze, your breath catching in your throat

oh

it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him, and suddenly having him standing in front of you is making your heart race like crazy

“i can’t—” he stops, breathless, hands on his knees like he’s about to collapse

you’re standing there, eyes wide, totally taken aback by the sight of him, feeling a mix of relief and something else you can’t quite place

yet

“i can’t take it anymore,” he says, looking up at you with that ridiculous face of his

you grab that meaty bicep of him, ushering him to stand up

“what are you talking about?” you ask, completely confused

“you. i’m talking about you,” he says, taking a step closer

hUH

the air around you feels like it’s being sucked out of the room

your head is spinning because after all this time, here he is, right in front of you

“i like you. i’ve always liked you. and i didn’t know how to tell you, so i…”

“i got all this gym equipment just to bother you. i’d turn the music up way too loud, and i thought that’d make you notice me. i sat next to you at lunch, even in lectures, doing everything to annoy you because i didn’t know how else to approach you, i really thought—”

“jungkook.”

you blink, processing everything in a blur, your heart still hammering in your chest

but he doesn’t quite listen to you. “i knew you liked my sketches we had during cardio lectures, so i always made sure to draw—”

“juNGKOOK!”

you cut him off, smacking his idiotic shoulders “you’re an idiot.”

jungkook stops, eyes widening a little, but there’s this look of relief on his face

like a huge weight has just been lifted off him

almost like when u get to pee after holding it in for hours

“i know,” he says softly, and for the first time, you realize how vulnerable he looks standing there

he somehow looks

small.

“then why didn’t you just talk to me like a normal person?” you ask, your voice a mix of exasperation and amusement

jungkook smiles sheepishly, his pearly whites flashing. “i guess i thought this would be easier.”

easier.

only if he knew that each moment without him felt like the earth opening up and swallowing you

AND!!! HIS FAVOURITE ONION VINEGAR FLAVORED CHIPS!! which used to be your absolutely hated flavour but somehow you’ve caught a liking to them recently

how ironic

the room feels heavy with tension as you both stand there, unsure of what to say next, but his gaze is so intense, it makes your heart skip

“say something,” he says, his voice quieter now, almost pleading. “please.”

you can feel the heat rising in your cheeks, still flustered, but there’s something about his earnestness that makes everything else fade into the background

and the way his caramel brown eyes nearly sparkle underneath your dimly lit apartment lights

you shake your head with a smile.

“you’re an idiot.”

but you're smiling like a total fool because what else are you supposed to do when the guy you’ve been in love with just confessed to you?

jungkook’s face softens, and then he smiles too

a smile which looks so adorable you feel your heart will burst

and it’s over for you

“so, uh…” he scratches the back of his neck, looking bashful. “does that mean you like me too?”

you roll your eyes, your heart racing all over again, and grab the front of his shirt to pull him inside

“kiss me already”

the door slams shut behind you.

and the rest

as they say, is history

:-)

a/n : i love them bad :’(

mlist | let me know what you think anonymously :))

[aprikotea]

The Tea Party!!!

I had to get up at 4am because I was meeting my teacher at 6:30am. Everyone was wearing a kimono on that day, so I had bought a 2nd-hand kimono as well. But since I am in no way able to put it on myself, I met my teacher early in the morning, so she and another fellow student could dress me.

The tea party took place at a temple in Kita-Kamakura - the same one where I attended my first tea party as a guest in summer. Around 8am everyone else was arriving and we were allowed to join a ceremony with the monks.

9:00 AM - The First Session Starts

Each session one of us would perform the temae we were practicing the last weeks. And the other ones would help in the mizuya - preparing or cleaning stuff - or as hanto - bringing the sweets plates and tea bowls in and out of the tea room. My teacher would sit close to the exit of the tea room and talk to the guests. Each session took 45 minutes and consisted of 12 guests. We had 9 sessions, so we served 108 guests in total.

The guests were kind of random people. The temple announced on their website that they’ll hold a tea ceremony and people could apply for a seat. Some of them were acquaintances of our teachers, like other teachers and their students. But for most of us students they were unknown people.

Each and everyone of us was super nervous. Therefore, the first session was the toughest one. But everyone was putting in their hearts and we improved tiny details with each session. Since it would take a lot of time to prepare 12 bowl of matcha by the temae in side the tea room, they would only prepare the matcha for the first and second guest, also known as shokyaku and jikyaku. The matcha for the third guest and everyone else would be prepared in the mizuya. As hanto, which is basically an assistant, each session started quite busy, because we would bring in the sweets plates and had to pick them up a few moments later. Afterwards, we had kind of a waiting period until it was time to prepare additional matcha bowls. And then it would get quite busy again, since we had to bring the bowls in the tea room and of course pick them up again.

12:00 PM - My Turn

Just two sessions before it was my turn to be temae, I started to get super nervous. At some point it sat down and went through all the steps in my head and kind of mimicked the movements with my hands. One of the older students told me, that there's no need to do that and it'll all go well. And it kind of did. At the beginning I almost dropped the hishaku. But besides that, I made no bigger mistake. At one point, I realised I took the tea bowl with the wrong hand. But than I remembered what one of my teacher told me: If you notice you make a mistake, just act like you didn't and it's just "how we do things". And well, nobody probably even noticed it. My teacher also talked with the guests about me not being Japanese but still having a big passion for tea ceremony. She even praised my teacher in Germany and myself as well. This was a little awkward while being in the room, but I might just not be good with compliments in general.

Afterwards, I got a little break which we all took in turns. We had ordered bentos with some traditional Japanese food for that day. I was lucky to have my temae session before eating. I guess otherwise I would have not been able to get any food into my body.

4:00 PM - Finally Done

Around 4pm we finished the last session and everyone got really happy and relaxed. We talked about everything that happened, took pictures, drank matcha and also started to tidy everything up. My teachers and a lot of the guest brought some gifts for us, which we divided into little bags to take them home. And by 6pm most of us left the temple and started our way back home.

Overall the whole day was really exciting, but it was also exhausting. I hold so many precious memories, learned so many new things and got a little bit closer with everyone.

[ynseincanada]

dinsdag 29/08/2023

Dag twee in Canada. Nogal een late update, maar met weinig wifi en toch wel wat last van het uurverschil, heb ik nog niet veel tijd gehad.

Mama en ik zijn zondagavond laat (in België rond 4 uur ‘s ochtends) toegekomen. Na 17 uur onderweg te zijn, konden we nog altijd niet geloven dat we eigenlijk in een ander continent waren.

Na een verfrissende douche zijn we zo goed als meteen ons bed ingekropen. We waren de volgende dag dan ook al om 4 uur (12 uur Belgische tijd) wakker. Na een Canadees ontbijt (bagels met cream cheese en wafels) vertrokken we richting de stad.

Om 9 uur zijn we mijn sleutel gaan ophalen, en hebben we een klein stukje van de campus ontdekt. Mama vond iedereen zo vriendelijk (het is Canada, eh). Op mijn apartementje hebben we ook al twee van mijn kamergenoten ontmoet. Jin uit Calgary (de andere grootstad in Alberta) en Haruka uit Japan. Buiten een bed en een bureau is er nog niets, dus mama en ik gaan vandaag naar de IKEA en naar goodwill.

Mama en ik zijn ook voor de eerste keer naar de Canadese supermarkt gegaan. Alles is hier in gigantische verpakkingen. (Serieus, wie heeft er ooit zoveel boter nodig?). We wouden gisteren pasta maken, maar ik ben rond 17 uur (1 uur in België) in slaap gevallen. Geen avondmaaltijd, dus, en opnieuw vroeg wakker.

Mama zit hier nu over mij aan de ontbijttafel in mijn boekje te lezen, waarin mijn vrienden en familie lieve berichtjes hebben geschreven voor mijn vertrek Ze is aan het wenen (door jou, Djim). We gaan ons direct klaar maken om te vertrekken. Hopelijk kan ik het vandaag wat langer volhouden zonder in slaap te donderen.

Tot snel!

x Ynse

tuesday 29/08/2023

Day two in Canada. Quite a late update, but with little wifi and some trouble with the hour difference, I haven't had much time.

Mum and I arrived late Sunday night (around 4am in Belgium). After a 17 hours trip, we still couldn't believe we were actually in another continent. After a refreshing shower, we pretty much crawled straight into bed.

So it wasn’t a big surprise when we were awake by 4 am (12 pm Belgian time) the next day. After a Canadian breakfast (bagels with cream cheese and waffles) we left for the city.

At 9 o'clock we went to pick up my key, and explored a small part of the campus. Mum found everyone so friendly (it's Canada, eh). At my little apartment, we already met two of my roommates. Jin from Calgary and Haruka from Kyoto,Japan. Apart from a bed and a desk, there's nothing yet, so Mum and I will go to IKEA today.

Mum and I also went to the Canadian supermarket for the first time. Everything here comes in giant packages. (Seriously, who ever needs that much butter?). We wanted to make pasta yesterday, but I fell asleep around 5pm (1am in Belgium). So, no supper, and again waking up early.

Mum is now sitting here over me at the breakfast table reading in my little notebook, in which my friends and family have written sweet messages. She is weeping (because of you, Djim). We are going to get ready to soon. Hopefully I can last a bit longer today without falling asleep.

See you soon!

x Ynse

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 2 June 1839

7 ¾

12 ¼

fine but dullish morning till after 9  F54° inside and 56° outside at 9 1/4am – breakfast about 9 20/.. in about ½ hour then at accounts till 1 ½ except read aloud with A- the collect epistle and gospel and psalm for the day – and she so terrible it interrupted me sadly – off to church about 2 40/.. and there in good time – Mr. Horsfall did all the duty – preached 35 minutes from Mark vi. 20 Herod knew that John Baptist was a just man and holy – a sort of terrifying sermon to some of his congregation – A- would not let me name to her aunt our going – 18 minutes at Cliff hill – Mrs. AW. well as of late – home at 5 10/.. found Booth here – he gave me the writ – the sum claimed is ‘£447.18.10 for debt, and £2.13.6 for costs’ and B- also gave me the letter I gave him (Tuesday 21st ultimo) that I would not receive but that man left at the house for me – it is a triade against Mr. Harper; and adding that if I did not give a satisfactory answer by the bearer Mr. David Crossley solicitor Bradford the writer would commence law proceedings against me – this letter and the writ to be given to Mr. Adam tomorrow morning – I had thought in church to advertise the colliery to let by ticket – I mistrust Holt and his calculations of the colliery paying – better see how the land lies before proceeding beyond Airgate pit – talked this over with Booth – I thought before letting Holt

SH:7/ML/E/23/0057

the farm. it would be well to know who was to have the colliery – if I let it, could B- make the land pay me the rent I could let it at (£3 per DW. tenant paying taxes)? yes! – and John B- might take care of, - looking after – six cows and take care of the garden or very nearly – 20 DW. of this land would keep 6 cows – told B- I did not feel quite certain that everyone would be of Holts’ mind as to the immediate opening of WP. for a sale-pit – at any rate, the thing would be a £30 job before it was done with – a house for the banksman etc. etc. would eventually be wanted – and the coal if sold for a 1d. a load more, would be dib coal and to get 2 acres a year there must be 2 gin-horses –

get an estimate of the 80 yards mine – driving ....... per yard expense of gin horse ....... per day etc. etc. said nothing about going to Mrs. AW. A- begged for she must leave   oh oh is she at this again  I got her out of it before we reached home but she is a broken reed to trust and a melancholy one into the bargain – stood talking to B- till dinner at 6 ¾ A- read French – asleep on the sofa – coffee – skimmed over the newspaper – came upstairs at 9 ½ and wrote all but the first lines of today till now 9 55/.. – before I was dressed this morning came note from Mr. Adam to me saying it would oblige him much if he could come tomorrow instead of this evening – wrote back by the bearer on a slip of his own paper ‘Shibden hall 2 June 1830 – at 10am tomorrow if you please’ – during this bad that is low and crying as she was A- copied her rentals from my drawing up  she begins to be impatient to be off and lets herself shew it in this queer unaccountable senseless way – from 10 to 11 ¼ (A- came to me before 11 for ¼ hour) at accounts – finished entering in my rough book the bills DB- paid yesterday – out of the £280 A- gave me + £3.5.4 I received from Roper for old metal = £283.5.4 DB.

paid for me 152.2.8

for A- 82.15.5

234.18.1

fine day F43° outside and 53° inside at 11 ¼ pm

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

An explanation of recent events

Hi all. I am posting a timeline of the recent events that have ended up with me inviting some of the mods I trust from @advicetotraumasurvivors to this blog. It is incomplete; as of this posting (4pm CST, August 23, 2021), nobody has admitted any wrongdoing, but I know a lot of you aren't really sure what happened at all. I apologize in advance for the verb tense shift midway through. I unfortunately don't have the spoons to edit it.

Hayden does not plan to stay with the blog. Olive plans to stay at least for now. I will likely stay. I'm not sure about Henrie or Berry at the moment. Those are the only mods that currently have access to this blog. (Edit from Mod Henrie: I’ll be staying.)

The timeline will be under the cut as it is fairly long. All times are in Central Standard Time.

Around 5:30pm CST last night, April messaged the Discord telling us she was leaving the blog. She left both the Discord and the blog shortly thereafter. We got some anons asking about why she'd left and I directed those towards her @traumasurvivors blog because I didn't feel comfortable trying to speak for her, One of them felt my answers was dismissive. That anon ended up being a mod in the Discord who was triggered by my tone. We received more asks from them, one passive-aggressive and one outright guilt-trippy.

At 7:30pm CST Henrie made an announcement that everyone who participates in the blog is a volunteer. Several mods offered in the Discord to mediate since the mod who was upset didn't feel comfortable addressing the issue with me directly.

Around 9:00pm CST we started getting some positive messages to the blog. I started to think maybe the situation had blown over. I tried to answer one of the positive anons. Tumblr gave me an error code.

We discovered the upset mod had deleted all of our inbox messages.

At 9:30pm CST Berry noticed posts were disappearing from our blog. I had noticed some weren't showing up for me, but because Tumblr is a Hellsite I figured they were there and it was just a glitch. Even the pinned post got deleted.

I panicked and asked what if the Carrd got deleted. Unfortunately, whoever the mod was, saw that and changed the email and password to the Carrd.

At 9:36pm I started adding Henrie, Hayden, Berry, and Olive to this side blog. This ended up taking several hours because we were all disoriented and triggered pretty badly by then.

At 9:45 pm I noticed they deleted my mod tag. We kept trying to encourage them to stop. Henrie reblogged all the asks that were still there to their personal in case they got deleted.

At 9:55pm I left the server and asked Berry to invite me to the new one they said they'd make so the handful of us could discuss the situation while feeling a bit more safe. There's a gap of about 20 minutes in the timeline here but I'm not sure anything super important happened during it.

Olive rescues most of the info from the Carrd by 10:21pm. April offers to transcribe the pinned post that I managed to screenshot on my phone.

Hayden makes a post around this time saying we've moved URLs. The upset mod deletes it.

I ask April if she will write down the URLs of all of our followers on advicetotraumasurvivors and send asks to them one by one to let them know what's going on. An extremely inefficient method, but at this point I'm at a loss. Henrie starts sending the asks to our followers. April finishes transcribing the pinned post at about 10:30.

At this point I have taken my sleep med and am losing reading comprehension rapidly. I say I'm going to bed but end up not sleeping until something like 4am.

At 10:31 Olive discovers that the upset mod has password-protected the blog. Henrie copy pastes the only ask in the inbox. It came in after the others were deleted.

At 11pm Olive announces she has a download/export of the blog in progress to hopefully preserve some of the posts and information on it. I ask April to boost the new URL. Henrie asks Tumblr's customer service system about uploading the file to the new blog.

At 11:10 Berry notices the queue is being messed with. Several mods go back and forth with the saboteur mod changing how often the queue posts. I suggest that we reblog ask games to the new blog so people can get to know us better once this all dies down.

At 11:21 Hayden announces the blog title has been changed to DON'T TALK TO US. A few minutes later Olive says some extremely tasteless tags are being added to queued posts, including the r slur and the n word. We won't go to any more detail about any of the other things that were said because they were extremely triggering, but we are deeply sorry to any followers (and mods) that may have seen those tags.

11: 38pm: Henrie makes posts on both blogs saying it's not us typing these awful things and to block advicetotraumasurvivors.

11:40pm: We decide to delete all the posts on the blog and the whole queue. April starts mass deleting.

11:53pm: I screenshot all the asks in the drafts. We delete all the drafts. The upset mod continues to change the blog title to triggering and inflammatory things.

1am today (Monday): Henrie asks if it's okay to announce to the original server that we moved discords and blogs. I ask if we can avoid adding people to the new discord until we know who the mod is that's upset. We eventually agree to hold off on adding people into the new discord.

2:44am: April gets an anon apologizing for their poor/inflammatory actions on her traumasurvivors blog and posts a response separate from the ask. We wait, hoping that the anon will message April.

3am: We get a similar apology on the new blog. It gets screenshotted and sent the new Discord so everyone can see it. I delete the ask from the inbox with everyone's permission because it feels very guilt trippy to me.

3:23 April gets more anons blaming her for the situation spiraling out of control, presumably from the upset mod.

12:22pm: April has more anons when we all wake up. All of us in the new server agree that we're tired and just want the situation resolved. No one comes forward.

Edit from mod Henrie: This is a timeline of all of the “major events”, but it doesn’t convey how frantic we all were. We were all feverishly working on deleting triggering tags/deleting posts/trying to find out who was doing this/etc. in between each of these times. It was chaotic and messy and incredibly exhausting for everyone involved.

[seungminji]

Studying as a korean

Hi! My name is Seung Min (성민) and I am currently studying in an international system outside of Korea. This blog is entirely personal and I don’t think I’ll receive much attention.

Through the years I’ve lived abroad, I’ve discovered many good things about the western studying system and also aplying some of the techniques I used to do back in Korea!

 Simple is always better. Using many colors may make your notes look very nice and neat, but when you have many pages to do, it can become unbearable. I discovered this on my first year, I used to make very pretty and clean notes but I ended up despising them because of how many hours I would spend decorationg those. That same summer I discovered muji and all their stationery, and let me tell you it was a game changer. I decided to get more into minimalism and this helped me with my note-taking skills so much. I use black gel pens for everything, using thicker ones on the introduction and parts I consider to be more important, after that I do a pretty but simple title using midliners. I have a color code for everything and my notes have looked the same ever since I started applying this method. The material I use is linked in other blog so if you are curious check it out!

Routines. Motivation can be great, we all love to study in a state of flow, but it is not the best long-term wise because it is volatile. I recommend creating routines in the first month of school, in which you will probably be very motivated. I have a schedule for finals and other one for mid-terms.At the end you’ll see my mid-term season daily routine. Total studied hours: 11 hours 15 minutes. Total slept hours: 4 hours. This schedule is quite extreme, but my friends in Korea are studying 14 hours a day, this motivates me a lot. Please, remember that rest is important, and soemtimes excesive studying can lead to poor performance. 

Planning ahead: Please, always have a study plan on hand and make sure you know your syllabus, making sure you know what contents you’ll be studying per smester. Make a study plan and prioratize on certain subjects depending on your chosen major. I a plan with my subjects and the grades I expect to get form each one of them. This is a link to my goals per class taken. I haven’t started with my study plan yet, because school is a long way to come (I’m in vacation) but when I finish it I’ll put a link to it as well.

Motivation: As I already said motivation is not the best when it comes to studying, but a little will walways make routines easier to follow. That’s why planners and study time trackers are so great.

This example does not belong to me and I don’t know the original source because I got this image form Pinterest (I link the website of the image, it’s in Japanese and gives good study advice too! google translate works for this part). In the left upper corner we see the date. On the right upper corner, we see the days left until the test. You should write the goal of the day. E.g: Finish chapters 7 and 8 and maths practice tests. Then a ‘To do list’ with everything that you will do in order to achieve your goal. The time table is very simple, going from 4am to 3am on the next day. The color code this person uses is: Gray for sleeping, blue for school, orange for studued time and pink for free time. She also marks other activities by writing them with a black pen. Usually the time table has 6 squares horizontally, each one being 10 minutes, let’s say you studied 1 hour and 20 minutes so you would highlight a whole row (60 minutes) and two squares form the next hour. In this person also added something they have to do and a song they’ve listened to that day as well as a task for the next day. You can also buy the pre-made version of it. Koyoko campus and 10 minute planner that is a more expensive verion but it it cuter I have to admit. I recomend giving it a first try hand made first before buying something you don’t know if it will work for you. You can use this planner to plan ahead as well as keeping track of your study time! But remember the study time must be actual study time.

Measuring study time: You can use anything you want, but a cooking timer works the best for me (look for study stopwatch on amazon, this one is my personal faourite and the one I’ve been using) and stop it if you are not focused! That way you’ll know how much actual time you studied.

4:00 AM- 4:15 AM Waking up.

 4:15 AM- 7:00 AM Study (2 hours 45 minutes). 

7:00 AM- 8:30 AM Get to school (20 minutes). 

8:30 AM- 11:45 AM Classes. 

11:55 AM- 1:00 PM Study (1 hour 5 minutes). 

1:00 PM- 4:00 PM Classes. 

4:00 PM- 6:20 PM Study (2 hours 20 minutes). 

6:20 PM- 7:00 PM Transportation (20 minutes) 

7:05 PM- 7:30 PM Study (25 minutes). 

7:30 PM- 8:00 PM Night routine and dinner. 

8:00 PM- 12:00 AM Study (4 hours)

With all that said thank you for listening and make sure to let me know if you ever try this!

[challelerc-supermax]

Thank you for tagging me @havertzs <3

1. what is the colour of your hair brush? aqua

2. name of a food you never eat? sushi

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? 50-50

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? doing another one of these tag games, or I was on my phone

5. what’s your favourite candy bar? bounty

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? not yet

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? “nagyon cuki vagy” (you’re very cute) to my sister’s dog

8. what is your favourite ice cream? just simple chocolate, and there’s a city not so far from my hometown where they sell snickers ice cream and I love that too

9. what is the last thing you had to drink? water

10. do you like your wallet? yes, my sister got me for christmas in 2017 or 2018

11. what was the last thing you ate? pizza

12. did you buy any new clothes last week? I ordered a t-shirt this week, but I didn’t buy anything last week

13. last sporting event you watched? replay of the formula 1 2010 european grand prix

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn? buttered

15. who was the last person you sent a message to? my sister

16. ever go camping? Fishing with my dad, lots of times

17. do you take vitamins? nowadays I take vitamin c

18. do you go to church every sunday? no, the last time I was in the church was last august or september

19. do you have a tan? nope

20. do you prefer chinese food or pizza? pizza

21. do you drink soda with a straw? no

22. what colour socks do you wear? any color

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? I can only ride a bike, and I’m not that fast hahahahaha

24. what terrifies you? lots of things, I don’t want to write it down now, because it would take so much time

25. look to your left what do you see? our garden through a window

26. what chore do you hate? all of them

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? I can’t even recognize it sometimes to be honest, and I don’t know... australia probably lmao

28. what’s your favourite soda? I don’t drink soda anymore, but it was pepsi

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru? we go in, we don’t have drive thru places in my county if I remember right

30. who was the last person you talked to? my sister

31. favourite cut of beef? I barely eat beef

32. last song you listened to? let me get me by selena gomez 

33. last book you read? emlékezz rám by leiner laura, but I still have more than half of it to read

34. can you say the alphabet backwards? nope

35. how do you like your coffee? with lots of milk

36. favourite pair of shoes? one pair of my black boots

37. the time you normally go to bed? in the past few days it was 2-4am, but yesterday I fell asleep at like 11 pm, so it depends

38. the time you normally wake up? 8-9 am

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets? sunrise

40. how many blankets are on your bed? 3, but I only use 1 to cover myself with

41. describe your kitchen plates? plain white plates, and spaghetti themed (this sounds so weird to write)

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? I don’t like alcohol

43. do you play cards? yes

44. what colour is your car? I don’t have a car, and I don’t even know in what color I would want a car

45. can you change a tire? I’ve never tried before, so I don’t know, I guess that means no

46. your favourite province? we have counties in hungary, and I don’t have a favorite one

47. favourite job you’ve had? I’ve never had a job so far

48. how did you get your biggest scar? I accidentally cut my left leg with a wire

49. what did you do today that made someone happy? I have no idea

If you want to do this, consider yourself tagged! :)

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 1

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 1: Last night Boris called it, today we’re doing it. I had started working from home (wfh) yesterday as had most people at my work (RCI)..last week I had been preparing laptops as fast as poss for everyone. Even just today, the idea of going into work seems alien and dangerous. Now lockdown (ld) means that it would soon be illegal to do so unless utterly necessary.

Online, FaceBook (fb) especially, is awash with reaction…a lot of calling out people who are out and about in greater numbers than 2, which is against ld rules.

Day 2: Just trying to let work occupy my thoughts and time which is easy enough ‘cos everyone I support (IT engineer) is new to wfh and is having teething problems with all the new laptops. Meanwhile, I keep abreast of comings and goings online…actually socially interacting more than I might otherwise, weirdly

Day 3: Highlight of the day is an online quiz organised by a chap called Jay Flynn on fb…a bunch of us took it as individuals while chatting on Messenger while Jay streamed quiz over fb live and YouTube. It was a good crack and I had two cans of Coors Light which got me pissed!

Day 4: Work is still mad - so many people with IT issues wfh…it’s challenging trying resolve all these probelms remotely but I am rising to it. I actually enjoy it. It satisfies my want for problem-solving.

The ld is in full swing but it’s very early days. The news is dominated, obviously, by Covid-19 and the ever changing stats of infections and deaths. Today, for example, the USA took over, from China, as the country with the most infections. I know there will be an end to all this and I am determined to be there, going out, getting pissed down the pub, gigging, shaking hands with my mates, hugging anyone and everyone who’ll let me - it’ll be a proper party. But I am filled with a dread that it’s going to be a fucking long time coming.

This evening was spent virtually with Foggy, Ham and Andy P…doing a quiz - a rehearsal for Foggy in the hope of doing one to a wider audience next week. It was good fun and great to have a few beers chatting with everyone, Later I video called Fog and we drank ‘til gone midnight, putting the world to rights. I was well pissed.

Day 5: First non-work day of the ld. Housework, daily walk, out for supplies (drop a script order off…queuing outside boots for 15 minues!, bread, baccy and booze). This evening, I’m listening to the next album in NME list of 1985 albums I’m working through - Grace Jones Slave to the Rhythm…fucking pain in the arse ‘cos it’s not on Spotify so I am searching for each song, in order, on YouTube. Plus eating and drinking, of course. Quick video chat with karen and Grace, Dan in the background. I wanted a tin of kidney beans for chilli but Karen hasn’t got one ffs. Burger it is. They are all playing scrabble - I’d love to join in…

Day 6: A quiet day…housework, cooking, daily walk. Highlight was a half hour chinwag with dad who, as I would expect, despite his 84 years, is coping and doing just fine. Most other people with a dad that age would have, on top of their own concerns, something more to worry about during this crisis….for me, it feels like I’ve got someone to turn to, should I need to.

Day 7: Work is starting to feel more routine but it’s a long way off being in the office, which is never routine anyway. That may seem surprising since I do IT support but it’s a varied role, especially at the modern dinosaur of an organisation that is RCI. I try to be as disciplined as possible but I miss not dressing for work, not driving to work, not needing to actually prepare lunch (until lunchtime). I don’t actually need to shower every morning. I don’t think I have to ordinarily but do because I’m mixing with others in the office. I certainly don;t need to now. I only mix with me, so showering becomes a chore but I’m doing it every other morning in the name of the aforementioned discipline. I am worried how long RCI can keep going before laying staff off. I dread being out of work full stop, let alone during this ld, or even thereafter. I think the economies of the world will need time to recover so finding work will be tough à la 2008. I think, if lay-offs were to occur, I’d be in real danger. Last in first out and all that. But, I’ll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

Day 8: At work there was a large online meeting whereby the MD told us that RCI are going to furlough some staff. The UK, and Ireland staff will be consulted this coming Thursday and Friday (it’s Tuesday today). I shall be reading up on what the furlough arrangements are in the UK due to Covid-19. I know the government have set aside some money, I need to know what I might get paid and how to claim it. In the past, when I’ve been out of work, I’ve been entitled to jack shit other than JSA, This time around, should I be laid off as I expect, I might not have to eat into my savings, fingers crossed. Meanwhile, I have decided to knock up another blog with a photo of myself each day of the ld (from now on) - it’s a sister to this diary.

Day 9: Actually typing this on day 10. Yesterday was a strange day as I contemplate being furloughed (hope for the best, expect the worst)…I’d be paid 80% of my wage according to what the government have said to assist in the Covid-19 crisis…so, were that to be true, I’d be OK money-wise, although still earning way less than I want to prepared for retirement (I am currently still waiting for feedback on a pay increase request I put in at work last year!) I’m more worried about how I would fill my day if I wasn’t working. So, that being said, I flopped and moped about all yesterday evening after my daily walk and, without achieving much at all, didn’t find time to write this entry on the right day…so maybe I can fill my days without much effort!

Day 10: I was furloughed today, starting 5pm tomorrow (Friday 3rd April) and it’s fucked me off. I know it’s not personal but, actually, do I? They’re cutting back the Kettering Desktop team by one, redacted It seems obvious to do this by the ‘last in, first out’ maxim but what about money? others are on more than me (redacted). What about offering it voluntarily - others might go for 80% pay for fuck all - others have family at home to occupy the day  (redacted) . A little bit of me thinks it might be preferable furlough me  (redacted) …others seems to be a favourite and that annoys me. It annoys me because I think I shoot myself in the foot too often. I’m too vocal about some of the (redacted) decisions and practices at work, plus other reasons that I know but can’t be bothered to type. But, my point, is I don’t play the politically correct, corporate game and therefore forget to look out for my own best interests. FUCK.

So, as of tomorrrow evening, I’ve no work to do. The challenge will be to find a way to occupy my day. I’ve already registered to volunteer for the NHS during the ld…let’s see what becomes of that. And I’ve signed up for web development course. I’m going to get fucking pissed this w/e, starting early tomorrow evening.

Day 11: It’s day 12 as I am writing this entry…that might tell any reader, and remind me, that I did as I promised and got pretty drunk. I spent the day geting my work affairs in order i.e. clearing down support tickets assigned to me. I did a good job, nothing left to handover to the remaining team (Jim, Cristina and Mark) and onky one ticket put into the assigned pool. Some nice converstaions were had with associates, many of whom are, too, being furloughed. Nice words were said and Jim and Mark both were supportive in conversations and messages - they both know I don’t wnat this and, I think, they are both relieved it’s not happening to them. 5 pm arrives and I shutdown my work laptop for the last time for at least 12 weeks. After my daily walk, I video chat with Karen, crack open a beer, make Chinese chicken curry (fucking loads, fucking tasty), finish watching The National Theatre stream of One Man, Two Guvnors (really good, see twoinchreview) and the caught up with, and talked bollocks with Andy, Marc and Ham - we tried getting Rog in on it, no dice. I then watched The Heat (I fucking love that film), ate some more, smoked several single-skinners, drank, in total, three cans, seven bottles. I went to bed shortly after 4am. I felt resigned to my furlough and pleasantly wasted.

Day 12: A subdued day…didn’t wake until gone 1:30pm. Jaded but not really suffering. Mooched about, social media, listening to music, watching telly, farting about on the iPad. My daily walk, over the last fews days, has taken a twist…I am trying to run parts of it. Mainly short distances, 80-100m (I estimate) three, maybe four times. It’s fucking knackering me out. I used to run everywhere when I was a teen. Attempting to run now just makes me feel fucking old. Well, I am, so that’s about right.

Day 13: Another day like yesterday except I got up at 10:30 and didn’t feel jaded. The subdued feeling comes from the realsiation that the ld isn’t being treated as seriously as it should be across the board. The news and even posts by locals on FB (Oundle chatter group) suggest groups still meeting up. The weather this w/e has been a factor - 17°c today. I think a total ld will be enforced soon and that would fuck me off. My daily walk is pretty essential for me nowadays not least for the ‘good for your soul’ benefits that dad has always mentioned. Even today’s walk saw a car parked at the gates to the field on the way to Ashton and people on a blanket soaking up the sun, dogs off their leads and people (looked like a family) playing footy on South Road field. Individually they are not presenting any danger, what with the fact they are either living together or far away from others. But they are flaunting the rules and the more that happens the less likely they’ll carry on getting away with it, which will mean total ld for all! I finished the 50 1985 albums today. It mostly confirms to me that I only listened to two albums released that year (Kate Bush, The Waterboys) any other vinyl I spun would have already been in my collection pre-85.

The sausage casserole I made for tea was fucking lush - 4 birdeye chillies. I saw and spoke with Dan and Grace this morning, they were just coming back from a walk. I am pleased to fuck they are together and sorted out the issues they had earlier this year.

Day 14: My first day proper of furlough. Finished my two inch review of the NME 50 albums. Long chat with Rita, quick one with dad. Messaged Sam about Romiley’s present - she’s 10 on the 9th April (Thursday) - ordered some Lego thing from Amazon. Turned the car engine over (reminded myself the driver-side wing mirror is fucked) and moved it to another spot in the Co-op car park - bumped into Matt T. He’s struggling - no work coming in and he can’t claim any of the money on offer ‘cos he’s not being totally honest about his circumstances - made me realise I’m not that bad off…..but I feel depressed about it all, especially with the news that Boris has gone into intensive care.

Day 15: I began a diploma (?) course on web design with Shaw Academy (it was free). They have actual classes (which are recorded) which you schedule yourself. The first one was, I have to say, really interesting - I look forward to continuing. On my walk today, I saw a car parked at the gate to the field at the bottom of Riverside Close; it was branded with Cunninghams Estate Agent with a 01536 number. I am pretty sure I saw the driver walking her dog (unleashed) on the field. I took a photo and rang the number. Yes, I ratted the culprit out…fucking annoys me that I had to. Better than reporting to the police, all round. Hopefully her work will put a stop to her doing it and, the more people that adhere to the rules without the police getting wind of infractions, the more likely we’ll be able to continue to exercise away from home.

Day16: More online learning including checking out other sites (pluralsight) for more learning opportunities. Coded my first web page, basic but mine, in HTML and CSS. A few beers & smokes and watching White Boy Rick in the evening, interspersed with the usual social media / messaging shit, incuding this entry, of course!

Day 17: Typing this on Day 18. After a few beers last night while chatting with Fog (twice - the first chat ended with him ‘having’ to go to bed. Later, I noticed he was commenting on FB, so I video called him…round two of chatting!). I got quite fucking pissed. Bed around 4am.

Day18: Up at 1pm. Long walk today, 7 km. Anything over 40 minutes, I’ve realised, results in a hypo.

Day19: Well, having gone to bed at gone 5am I got up at nearly 1pm feeling far better than I should have. Breakfast followed by a walk, spoke with Karen (mowing her front lawn) and Dan. He and Grace have split up which is sad news but he seems OK. Went shopping (milk and sweets) and ended up with a shit load of booze, the post of which on FB was quite amusing. Homemade burgers for tea (they’re in the fridge as I type) - gonna try and make Five Guys…

Day20: The Five Guys burger attempt didn’t go as well as I wanted. I think less than 5% fat mince just doesn’t bind that well. However, I managed to get something resembling a burger into the bun and, with cheese, hot sauce and jalapeños, it was tasty enough. More of the same when I finish typing this entry. Strange Easter Day today, as I knew it would be. The best thing I saw today was a video Tom posted on FB of him and Molly doing a mashup of Starsailor and George Michael - Tom on guitar singing the former, Molly singing the latter. It was fucking fantatstic.

Day 21: Easter Monday. Surreal…it’s feeling very surreal now, this lockdown.

Two things that bother me right now:

i) The political point scoring on FB. I get it, I really do…people like to bring up ‘obvious’ failings in the party’s mistakes. For example, Marc posting comparisons between UK and Germany’s figures of cases and deaths due to Covid-19. I doesn’t make impressive reading for the government and it should be held accountable. But not fucking now!

ii) Will they introduce rotational furloughing at RCI? It’s only been a week, 11 to go. And, it bothers me that I was furloughed rather than Mark. Pathetic of me, I know! But, should it last the 12 week stretch, I want to go back to work and let someone else have the chance to have fuck all to do all day! That being said, I’m still learning web design through Shaw Academy. Even today, bank holiday, I revised Lesson 2.

Day22: Nice catchup with Dad today - he and Rita seem to be more than OK with lockdown. I actually cannot wait until we can meet up at The Farmers again!

Day 23: While I had a Corvee engineer come to the house today to do a gas safety check (I waited upstairs while he was here, self-isolation and all that), and had the fourth online web design lesson, had a trip to Boots to pick up insulin, got milk from Tesco’s, saw American Rachel and had a chat (while we both queued to get into Tesco’s) and had a very nice walk along a different route from the norm, in the pleasant sunshine and watched Contagion on Netflix - all today - I AM STILL BORED AS FUCK!

Day 24: I had plans for today - revise the last two lessons of Shaw Academy’s web design course, investigate a ethical hacking course, do some washing, clean upstairs (or at least the bathroom) plus all the usual stuff. Then, as a reward, have some beers. Well, guess what. I am not having beers this evening. I managed the laundry. Plus I manged to subtitle my YouTube perfect snabby video (something I have been meaning to do for a while, but, come on!) It took me fucking ages. But it is funny! So, a fucking far from fruitful day. Plus the government announced at least 3 more weeks of lockdown. There’ll be loads more, I reckon. Tomorrow…I promise I’ll be better tomorrow…

Day 25: I did do better! Firstly the Corveee man fucked the boiler which I only noticed late yesterday but still managed to get sorted today. I did some excellent revision and learning of HTML (tags) and CSS. I cleaned the bathroom and hall. And I discovered TikTok (fucking excellent dancing and funny vids) plus discovered a new FaceBook word game (Sam sent me an invite) called WordBlitz and I am pretty good. Having beers now (nearly 11pm).

Day 26: Today I found myself calling 111. I had a pain in my side last night, I thought it might be constipation! That not being the case (!), today I went to 111.nhs.uk and, following their questions, it recommended I seek out a GP straightaway. Once I let the website know that is not possible, it directed me to visit walk in centres. I spoke with Karen thereafter - for advice about whether it’s a good idea to enter such an establishment - I really don’t want to increase me chances of catching the Covid-19 virus. Karen recommended ringing 111 since the website does not take into account my diabetes (so bloody sensible a suggestion!)

After ringing and answering many questions, the lady said she’d get an OOHS GP to call. The doctor called soon after and it seems most likely I have a grumbling appendix (chronic appendicitis) and to ring again (well, 999) if the pain becomes unbearable.

I now have a bag at the ready for hospital which I really hope I don’t have to use. Today, I  have, therefore, done fuck all - not even a walk - but I am having a beer now (midnight) and shall attempt to sleep as well as possible and hope this pain subsides naturally…

It occurs to me that I turn to Karen when things become flumoxing - my excuse, this time, is she works at the surgery but that was mere convenience.

Day 27: My ‘appendicitis pain was the same when I woke up (10:20) but no worse. I managed to change bed clothes and clean my bedroom but didn’t risk a walk (in case something drastic happens when I’m in a fucking field).

People’s responses and questions online have been heartening (Rachel Harris, Susie Grange, Bethan, Jo, Tracey Weber, Debbie De Prisco and, not least Dan). As the day progresses, I feel better but not right. I spoke with Dad about it and, as I told him, I shall ring Oundle GP tomorrow. Meanwhile, I did Sam Clew’s FB Live quiz, which was good, and am now having a beer or two.

Day 28: The pain in my side has definitley diminished. I called the Oundle surgery today to talk about what treatment I should have for ‘grumbling appendicitis’. The reseptionist organised a call back from a GP - Dr. Cash. Basically, he said he didn’t believe the condition existed, that acute appendicitis doesn’t happen after the age of 35, and ‘his gut felling��� is it will all just clear up.

I shall seek a more sensible diagnosis after lockdown and hope it doesn’t flare up again before then.

Day 29: I sent an email to the team at work today (Jim, Mark, Cristina and Sueanne). I hadn’t heard from them and I wanted to check in and, also, make a point that I will be posing the ‘rotational furlough’ question to HR at some point. It was as I wrote the email that I realised it’s only been two weeks and two days of furlough, and that includes Easter! Seems so much fucking longer. Anyway, everyone replied and it was good to hear from them….Mark came off his bike and broke ribs and collarbone! Lesson 5 of the Web Design course with Shaw Academy. It’s becoming apparent that, if you don’t pay for the course ‘toolkit’ it’s all rather patchy! The instructor dives into lines of code (HTML, CSS and Java) with no explanation….I feel like I did on the ifrst lesson of further maths ate Stamford School! I shall soldier on and beef up the missing parts with W3Schools (a great website and learning aid for coding). Two quick points. I am no longer running any part of my daily walk; hurts too much. I am addicted to Wordblitz and TikTok. Day30: I am writing this on day 31, I just forgot yesterday! It was a non eventful day. I did watch Midnight Run (again!) and had a couple of midweek beers though.

[brokendildo]

this is about to be a real personal post about my previous relationship so if you don’t care just scroll on by

anyways have y’all ever left a relationship that you thought was okay at first and eventually found yourself more and more unhappy? and once you’re finally out of it you can assess the damage it did to you and you finally see all the red flags that you chose not to notice before? like i put so much work and time and effort into my last relationship with a man who was clearly not stable mentally or emotionally and he’d gaslight the shit out of me. every time we had an argument (which was often) it was always my fault. he never not once apologized for the shit he’d do and i’m pretty sure he was cheating on me the whole time. and if not the whole them then at least more than once. we dated for a year and a few months on and off and that was the first red flag i should’ve seen. when you break up with someone over an argument and you feel you’re no longer right for each other just leave it at that. i kept going back four or five times and i regret it now. i wasted so much time with that asshole. and when i say mentally and emotionally unstable i mean like we’d be getting ready to leave his house (which was an hour away from mine and i made my work schedule work around my visits to see him and over that year and a half he came over to my place TWICE.) like we’d be in the car about to leave the driveway and he’s like I HAVE TO CHECK THE DOOR and i’m like it’s locked?? i locked it? and he’s like no you don’t know what you’re doing. like okay bitch and on top of that he was insanely paranoid like he would tear up receipts with the last four numbers of his credit card and his name on it. i know that’ll come from anxiety and ocd considering i have been diagnosed w both but he refused to get help and when i would mention therapy or even a simple doctors visit he’d flip out. all those were things i should’ve noticed but the main thing was how he treated me vs. how i treated him. just to clarify, at the time i was working in an extremely busy restaurant. i couldn’t get weekends off because of this so my schedule went something like this: school from 7am to 1 pm every week day and then work right after (i’d have to be in around 3) i’d work until 12 or 1 am and then get home and have to do homework until about 4am and i’d get zero sleep. then saturday’s id go in at 7am to work and get out around 3 or 4 depending on whether or not the person who was suppose to take over my station showed up on time. then i’d drive an hour to go to his house and he would never ask me about my day and when he did it was only because he felt he needed to. it always sounded forced and i knew he didn’t really give a shit about my day (or me honestly) but that became very clear when one day while telling him about how my day went (it was a really bad one) he starts yelling at me saying that i need to stop fucking complaining all the time. that shit hurts when it’s coming from someone who claims to love you. and the worst thing about this entire relationship is that it really fucked me up in the long run. i’m in a healthy relationship now and i couldn’t be happier with the person i’m dating and i honestly see a wonderful future for us but there’s still some issues that i’m trying to work through and it’s not easy and it doesn’t happen overnight. i apologize constantly i’m always trying to make sure that my partner is happy and i feel like i’m overcompensating and usually when people do that i’ve noticed it’s bc they feel guilty about something and i don’t want him to think that i have anything to be guilty about but i also don’t want him to just leave?? idk. don’t ignore your issues kids because they grow into ugly monsters.

[96flowers-writings]

A Trip Down Memory Lane Ch 2

Waking

The Doctor woke to find himself on a hospital bed with the covers tucked around him. He was slightly confused for a moment till his memories came rushing back. He sat up as quickly as he could and looked around the room. His bed was blocked from the rest of the room by a blue curtain, he was on the side closest to the window, the room was obviously meant for two patients. Looking towards the window he found the blinds pulled tightly closed and there was sunlight streaming in around the edges. Checking his ever present gold watch he found it to be just before 10am. The Doctor pulled the blankets off, swung his legs over the edge of the bed and gently stood to his feet. He quickly made his way over to the curtain dividing the room and pulled them apart.

He breathed a sigh of relief at seeing Clara asleep on the other bed. She was still very pale and she was on a heart monitor but she was alive and breathing unassisted. He walked over to her silently and gently took her hand and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Oh Clara,” The Doctor said shaking his head. “Everything we've been through and walked away from without a scratch and we get mugged and shot after a simple dinner. I'm just very glad you are going to be alright.”

She didn't respond. He didn't expect her too, she was still under the effects of the anesthesia from the surgery. The door to the room creaked open and a very familiar figure entered the room.

“Mickey Mouse,” The Doctor smiled before standing from the bed and meeting him in the middle. Mickey was dressed in a business casual suit, his jacket was off and over his arm, his sleeves were rolled up around his elbows, and his tie was undone and hanging around his shoulders.

“You got old Doc,” Mickey said straight faced. His eyes were moving all over the Timelord, taking in all the changes. “And Scottish, and heavy, I had to carry your heavy self in here after you fell asleep in the waiting room and nothing could wake you. Reminded me of Christmas with the Sycorax when Rose and I had to carry you from the flat to the TARDIS.”

Then Mickey smiled, threw his jacket over the nearby chair, and pulled the Timelord into a hug. The Doctor froze for a moment before returning the hug.

“Martha will be back in a few hours,” Mickey said as the pulled back. “She was dead on her feet so I took her home. Once she has slept for a minimum of 7 hours she’ll be back. She fell asleep about 4am so she'll be back by 2pm.”

“Was she okay? I know she was already at the end of her rope when we came in,” the Doctor asked worried as they sat in the two chairs in to room.

“Yeah, she was okay.” Mickey soothed, “She only got Clara into surgery then sat with you till I arrived. She has pushed herself so much worse and been much worse off than she was last night.”

“Good, good,” the Timelord sighed. “Tell me Mickey, any idea who did this?”

“At this point? No,” Mickey sighed sitting forward and bracing his elbows on his knees and chin on his clasped hands. “Recently, we've had several other cases similar to this one. From the description of the suspect, it seems to be the same man each time. Though this is the first where someone was shot. Till now he has been given what he wanted, the only other time he was denied he pistol whipped them and rifled through their pockets.”

“He’s escalating? Or do you think this was a one off?” The Doctor asked seriously.

“Honestly, if he follows the patterns left by other muggers like him, he will be escalating, getting more bold and confident,” Mickey said morosely. “I've seen it before. It's not pretty. He’s shot someone now, he’ll likely do it again, and soon. He will want to feel that adrenaline rush again. He likely doesn't care that he almost killed Clara. He probably spooked himself when he actually pulled the trigger. That's why he ran without checking your pockets. But now he knows what it feels like, he will either turn himself in out of guilt, or look to do it again.”

“How long does it take to turn themselves in or strike again?”

“Tonight, tomorrow night at the latest.”

“If there is anything I can do..,” the Doctor trailed off with a meaningful look.

“There probably won't be,” Mickey shook his head. “Scotland Yard is very strict on who can help with our cases. I'll let you know though if there is anything you can do. Right now we just have to wait for Clara to wake up so we can get her statement.”

The two were silent for a while. Mickey had been up all night filling out reports and arranging the transportation of the TARDIS, so he was dozing in his seat. The Doctor had moved from his seat not long after the man had started to nod off and was standing in front of the now open window. His mind was a million light years away, thinking about so much yet at the same time so little.

It was nearing 12:30 pm when the heart monitors on Clara showed an increase of her heart rate. The Doctor heard the change and was by her side a second later as she began to wake. Her eyes started to flutter before opening. She squinted at the light in the room for a moment before opening them all the way again. They quickly landed on the Doctor who was once again seated on the edge of her bed.

“Doctor,” she said in a raspy voice. She winced at the sandpaper feeling in her throat. He leaned over to the side-table where a pitcher of water rested. Quickly pouring out a cup and grabbing a bendy straw he brought it to Clara’s mouth to let her have a drink. She gave him a tired and grateful smile. In a still quiet voice she asked, “How long has it been?”

“You were shot at just before midnight last night, it is just now 12:30 pm the following afternoon,” he said softly putting the water back on the nightstand. “How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?”

“Not right now,” she replied after a moment. She shifted on the bed and tried to sit up but the Doctor’s hand on her shoulder kept her reclined. He reached over to the control panel on the side of the bed and raised the bed just a little so she was more upright than reclined but still not fully up. “I mostly feel fuzzy, which I am sure is from the drugs and blood loss.”

She looked around the room they were in and caught sight of the unfamiliar form of Mickey Smith still snoozing away in the chair by her side. She looked to the Doctor in confusion, “Who...?”

“Ah,” The Doctor smiled and looked over to him. “That is Detective Inspector Mickey Smith. He is from Scotland Yard and will be working our case. He also happens to be an old friend of mine. I knew him in my Ninth and Tenth regenerations. It just so happened he was assigned to our case without knowing that it was me. He is married to Doctor Martha Jones, who is one of your doctors, is also an old friend of mine from my Tenth regeneration.”

“I’ve wanted to meet others who have traveled with you to swap stories,” Clara smiled slightly at the idea. The doctor got a slightly scared look on his face at the idea of companions talking about him, flashing back to when Sarah-Jane and Rose meet for the first time.

“Oh it’s always fun,” Mickey said, startling the two. He chuckled slightly at the looks he got from the two of them. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I heard that last comment and couldn’t help but respond. He hates when old companions get together cause we talk about embarrassing stuff and it’s fun to watch him squirm.”

Clara gave a strained laugh and winced again, the doctor was by her side still holding her hand and gave it a worried squeeze. She squeezed back in a comforting way.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Detective,” Clara said with a smile. She held out her free hand, though it was trapped close by the IV. Mickey stepped over and gently shook her hand.

“The pleasure is mine Miss Oswald,” Mickey smiled. “Though, I insist that you call me Mickey. We are fellow companions, we are family.”

“Only if you call me Clara,” Clara countered. She leaned back after he released her hand. “I take it you need an official statement.”

“Yes, I do,” Mickey sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “We can wait if you want. It doesn't have to be right now, but it does need to be today.”

“Might as well do it now,” Clara said, she adjusted herself on the bed so she was facing Mickey a bit better. “Ask away.”

Mickey nodded and went to his jacket and pulled out his phone. He pulled open the recording app and set the phone down on the bed. “First, I would just like you to tell your story, we have already asked Mr. Smith to give his version but we would also like to hear it from you.”

“It was such a normal night,” Clara began with a shake of her head, she vaguely remembered the Doctor giving his name as John Smith when they brought in. “John and I went out to dinner to catch up, he used to work at the school I currently teach at. We were walking back towards the underground so that he could take me home when it happened.”

Here she paused, she coughed a little and motioned for the water. She took a few long sips before continuing.

“He seemed to come out of nowhere, he was probably under a dark tree nearby. He came up behind us, quiet as a mouse. I heard the unmistakable click of him cocking the gun before he said anything. At the sound John and I stopped moving and splayed our hands out to our sides. That was when he spoke,

’So you know what that sound is, good. Put your hands above your head and turn around slowly,’ his voice was low gravely. He was purposely changing it. When we finished turning I got a good look at him. He was taller than me but shorter than John, probably standing at 5 feet 10 or 11 inches. He was wearing all black and a baseball cap pulled as far down as he could manage. He had a cleft chin and a real narrow jaw, I could just make out the shine of glasses in the street light. He said, ‘Alright, turn out your pockets. I wary to see everything.’

I did as asked, I have nothing to hide. John...John is a consultant to UNIT. His phone has contact information to important people and has classified information. We couldn't let his phone be taken. So he only partially turned out his pockets. He knew, I don't know how, but he knew John hadn't given everything. He focused the gun on John. He demanded,

‘I said everything. I know there is more. All of it or you eat a bullet.’

I wanted to try and reason with him. Or at least distract him long enough for someone to notice what was happening. I took a tiny step forward and he swung the gun at me. He didn't even hesitate. He pulled the trigger. I can't remember if I screamed or not. Everything after that kinda runs together. I remember John yelling and another shot. I remember a nice man hovering over me with his hands on my chest, his lips were moving but I couldn't hear him. There were sirens in the distance. I remember being transferred to the ambulance and John hovering with blood dripping down his face. I remember the lights and sounds of the hospital. I remember a woman, a doctor, she was nice. She kept talking to me and stayed by my side with John till I was taken to surgery. Then nothing.”

“Thank you Miss Oswald,” Mickey said and reached for his phone. “You covered everything well. No further questions at this time.”

He then tapped the screen and the recording stopped.

“UNIT consultant?” The Doctor asked amused.

“Well it's true,” Clara defended. She gently flicked his ear. “You’ve pulled their asses out of the fire enough.”

“I can attest to that,” A voice laughed from the door. The three turned to see Martha in the door wearing casual clothes. “I'm glad you are awake and alert.”

“You must be Doctor Smith-Jones,” Clara smiled.

“Just Martha will do,” she said and came to the side if the bed. She took the chart from the foot of the bed a flipped through the notes from the surgeon. “Well you were very lucky. The bullet missed everything vital, your lungs, heart and arteries. They retrieved the bullet in one piece, cleaned the wound and closed it. You'll be in pain for about a week and sore for a month or so but you'll live with no permanent injury save for a small scar.”

Clara smiled wider and went to respond but yawned instead.

“Sleep Clara,” Martha said softly. She walked to the controls on the side of the bed and lowered it back to a more reclined position. “You've been through alot and need rest.”

Clara nodded tiredly, the Doctor gently adjusted her blankets and gave her a kiss on the forehead and she was out.

[matty-colt-blog]

how to be three and a half hours late. // timeline.

subject: the ride up to the mountains & related hijinks.

characters: @matty-colt, @mvcnessa, @cassandra-rainwater, @eamon-eldridge

setting: day one, eight am to three-thirty pm.

content warning: drinking & driving.

tl;dr: the girls took forever to get ready, eamon almost bailed, matty had a run-in with a cop, and the gang got stupid lost in the mountains (thanks, linda).

note: this timeline was written one character at a time, starting with matty, then passed onto peach for vanessa’s perspective, then to jess for cassie’s, then to john for eamon’s. finally it got a few edits by yours truly and then was sent back in its entirety to all the writers for any final adjustments. what resulted was a much more complete picture of the drive up, and it was a fun way to get around the whole multiple-muses-one-event issue without doing a 4-way para or a bunch of canon-diverging self-paras. if anyone wants to try this in the future, i'd recommend it! 

the good stuff’s under the cut.

Cassie, 7:55 AM: God, no, is that my alarm already? Nessa and I stayed up way too damn late last night.

Vanessa, 8:03 AM:Whose idea was it to get up at 8?

Cassie, 8:35 AM: Okay, shower done. I need to dry my hair and then I should probably help Nessa finish packing.

Vanessa, 8:37 AM: I’ve finally made it into the shower, but it was probably a bad idea to get in last since I’m not completely finished packing… Oops.

Cassie, 9:25 AM: Shit, where are my boots? Please don’t tell me I left them at home.

Eamon, 9:30 AM: My third alarm’s gone off but I’m still laying in bed.  Matty’s supposed to be here with his car in like a half hour and I haven’t even showered. Shit, I should definitely shower. 

Matty, 9:32 AM: Car packed, XM station picked (Road Trip Favourites), ready to hit the road. Next stop: V’s place. Let’s all pray that the girls are ready. We’re on a tight schedule here.

Vanessa, 9:44 AM: Matty’s here and we’re still not ready. I’m getting my last minute things together, but I don’t really know where Cass went? I yell for her.

Cassie, 9:44 AM: Nessa’s calling for me and I still haven’t found my boots. Fuck.

Matty, 9:51 AM: Been outside V’s place for about five minutes. I wanna go in and check on them but god knows if I do we’ll never get out of here.

Matty, 9:57 AM: Texted V. She says they’ll be five minutes, so it’ll be at least fifteen.

Eamon, 9:58 AM:  And I still haven’t showered.  Instead I’m looking at Cassie’s Facebook feeling like a loser.  Wow, how the fuck am I supposed to face her?  Or anyone.  I text Matty to give me like, five-ten extra minutes and hit the shower.

Matty, 10:00 AM: I text E back three robot faces. Hopefully that gets the point across. At this point, I have no idea when we'll get to his place.

Vanessa, 10:02 AM: Where the fuck is my backpack???

Cassie, 10:03 AM: Found my boots, but now Nessa can’t find her backpack. We’re never going to leave.

Matty, 10:05 AM: Rush comes on the radio. Nice. Jam out for a while.

Matty, 10:12 AM: Going a little stir crazy. Got my ball and started doing drills up the sidewalk. Got bored with that and just started seeing how high up in the air I could throw it.

Eamon, 10:13 AM:  I get out of the shower and start moving downstairs.  I put all my stuff together last night at like, 4AM because I couldn’t sleep.  At least it’s saving my ass now that I’m late.

Matty 10:18 AM: Apologized to Mrs. Martin across the street for throwing a basketball into her prize rosebush.

Vanessa, 10:19 AM: Just watched Matty assault Mrs. Martin’s garden. Not to be mean, but her reaction was hilarious. I swear I saw Matty laugh.

Cassie, 10:19 AM: Matty just ruined Mrs. Martin’s rosebush. I half expected her to turn him over he knee in the middle of the street. It was amazing.

Matty, 10:20 AM: THE DOOR IS OPEN. HALLELUJAH.

Eamon, 10:20 AM: Where the fuck are they?

Matty, 10:22 AM: Give Mrs. Moore a hug and shake Mr. Moore’s hand. Tell him he better lock up the Missus or I’m gonna scoop her up for myself. They both laugh. She is pretty hot, though. In a MILF-y way. V’s gonna age real well.

Vanessa, 10:22 AM: They laughed, but they don’t really know him. I roll my eyes before hugging my parents goodbye.

Matty, 10:25 AM: V and Cassie are still standing in the foyer trying to figure out who’s gonna carry what to the car. I’m losing my mind waiting, so I tell them I’ll take it all. V looks skeptical. Cassie outright laughs.

Eamon, 10:29 AM: I’ve convinced myself they’ve ditched me and start pacing the foyer of my apartment complex.  I start berating myself for thinking anyone wanted me to come on this stupid trip.  Sam probably only sent the event to me out of pity.

Matty, 10:32 AM: Okay, so, the important part is that we all know that I am very strong and got all of the bags and the cooler, like, three-quarters of the way to the car before I tripped on a decorative rock. In my defense, the cooler was blocking my view of the ground.

Cassie, 10:34 AM: I’m never letting Matty try to show off again. (That’s a lie. It’s kind of cute when he does.)

Vanessa, 10:35 AM: Matty ate shit trying to play strong man and carrying our stuff to the car. I appreciated it to begin with, but after laughing so hard I nearly fell to the ground myself I have a new found love for that kid.

Matty, 10:36 AM: The girls seem... charmed? Apparently I'm so lovable I can pull off the hapless idiot look. Nice.

Matty, 10:40 AM: Car packed, road drinks distributed (none for me until we’re out of city limits), radio on (although this station seems to have taken a distinctly country turn). Cassie called shotgun infinity when we were like ten (a source of much debate, but I don’t fight her on it), so she’s up front.

Cassie, 10:41 AM: Settled in my forever seat up front with road drink numero uno. This is going to be a fabulous trip. Although this Kenny Chesney song is killing me slowly.

Eamon, 10:41 AM: I think about texting Matty but decide against it.  It would just seem desperate at this point.

Matty, 10:43 AM: Back on the road, forty-three minutes behind schedule.

Vanessa, 10:44 AM: Oh. My. God! MR. AMAN in his pink shorts!!! I can’t believe he still runs this route every day! Literally nothing has changed in this place.

Matty, 10:44 AM: Vanessa nearly screams and I jump. She points at Mr. Aman, running the same route he has since we were toddlers in his same ridiculous pink short-shorts. We all laugh and wave. Some things never change.

Cassie, 10:44 AM: I cannot believe Mr. Aman is still running around scarring children for life in those shorts. That guy’s gotta be like 90 or something now right?

Eamon 10:45 AM: Fuck it, I’m going back upstairs.  I start lugging my gear back towards the elevator.

Vanessa, 11:02 AM: I forgot that Eamon was driving up with us for a second, we’re so close to the mall. He’s lucky he lives so close… Did I bring my other boots?

Cassie, 11:04 AM: I totally forgot Eamon was coming with us. Haven’t spoken to him since senior year. This is gonna be hella awkward.

Matty, 11:06 AM: Finally get to E’s place. The proximity to the mall makes me nervous that V’s gonna suddenly remember something she needs.

Eamon, 11:07 AM: I’m finally finished getting the three of my bags and my iced tea back upstairs when I get the ‘We're here’ text.  I plunge deeper into self-loathing as I text him back, claiming to still be running late as I hurriedly get all my shit back into the elevator.

Vanessa, 11:07 AM: I can feel Matty staring at me through the rear view mirror. I’m gonna ask Cass if she remembers if I brought those boots, they’re a necessity.

Cassie, 11:08 AM: Thankfully Nessa didn’t forget her boots, but part of me is tempted to pretend that she did just to give us an excuse to go to the mall for a bit. I don’t think Matty would appreciate it though.

Eamon, 11:17 AM: I’m super out of breath but I try to play it off, waving at everyone as I finish dragging everything back out towards the car.

Matty, 11:18 AM: Get out to help him with his stuff. Go for a hug, and regret it immediately. I don’t think he’s into it.

Eamon, 11:18 AM: Matty goes to hug me and I shrink away.  I don’t want to give away how sweaty I am.

Matty, 11:20 AM: …I’m pretty sure one of these bags is just candy.

Matty, 11:23 AM: Car packed, radio on, second round of road drinks distributed (this time I take a swig of Cassie’s, wink at E in the back.) This is how an efficient pick up is done. Take note, ladies.

Eamon, 11:23 AM: I sit in the very back, avoiding eye contact with both of the girls.  I’m not still mad at Cassie, but I’m sure she’s still pissed at me.  I look up at the front and notice Matty taking a swig of something definitely alcoholic and he winks at me.  Dear Jesus, this was a horrible idea and we’re all going to die.

Matty, 11:25 AM: On the road, headed towards the 60. I yell back an apology to E, explaining that some people don’t just wake up as naturally stunning as he does. I smirk at the girls.

Eamon, 11:26 AM: I tell Matty I didn’t mind and that it gave me time to herd out the guys from last night’s orgy.  I am immediately filled with regret and decide to dig into the pixi stix in my bag.

Matty, 11:26 AM:I make some joke like 'Where was my invite?' but I say it too quiet and Cassie's the only one that hears.

Cassie, 11:27 AM: Only Matty has the ability to make me roll my eyes twice in as many minutes.

Matty, 11:29 AM: Getting sick of this XM station. Too much John Denver. Switch to Club Hits. The girls seem into it. I don’t think E knows I can see him rolling his eyes in the rear-view mirror.

Eamon, 11:29 AM: I should have expected to have my ears assaulted like this.  Fucking hell, why did I forget my fucking earphones.

Cassie, 11:31 AM: Now this is a station I can jam to. I’m the right amount of tipsy for it.

Vanessa, 11:32 AM: Finally, some fun music. One whole not-water bottle later I’m a little too lit for acoustic, Cass clearly agrees. I try to get E to jam with us.

Eamon, 11:32 AM: Nessa’s positivity is infectious, so I laugh and tell her that I had a reputation to uphold as resident music snob.  I can’t be seen dancing to this.  I don’t mention how I’m pretty sure the whole car would make fun of me if I did.

Matty, 11:45 AM: Third round of drinks. I take a swig of V’s this time. I follow it with a shit ton of Gatorade, so don’t freak out or anything, it’s fine. Kinda gotta piss, though.

Matty, 11:55 AM: Nope. I really gotta piss.

Matty, 11:57 AM: We’re not quite out of civilization yet, but we’re a good half hour from the Last Chance gas station, so I pull up to the side of the road and tell the gang I’ll be right back. (Eye rolls, a “Gross, Matt”. They’re just jealous none of them can do it.)

Eamon, 11:57 AM: I give Matty a hard time, but…I’m jealous.  Fuck.

Matty, 11:59 AM: Sweet relief.

Matty, 12:00 PM: I swear to god, that cop car appeared out of thin air. Do people get booked for public urination? It’s gotta be a fine, right?

Eamon, 12:05 PM: I am melting into my seat when the police officer pulls us over.  I’ve done nothing wrong, but they’ve always just made me nervous.

Matty, 12:21 PM: Good news! The kindly officer of the law was a Devils fan! Once he realized who I was, he ripped up the ticket and we took a couple selfies and shot the shit. A little bit of a hold up, but we’re off scott-free! Gotta admit, there are some serious perks to this line of work.

Vanessa, 12:22 PM: Who would’ve thought Matty’s basketball career would save us? I’m just relieved I didn’t have to call my dad to get us out of it.

Cassie, 12:22 PM: I cannot believe Matty managed to not get a ticket because he plays basketball. What fucking luck.

Eamon, 12:22 PM:  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you God.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Matty, 12:23 PM: Wow. I am so lucky he didn’t look in the car. So many open containers.

Matty, 12:42 PM: We are officially off the beaten path! Well, I mean, I guess it’s still the highway, but theres nothing but red dirt and cacti ahead of us, and not so many cars on the road. It’s not like the Superstition Mountains are exactly a vacation hot spot.

Vanessa, 12:47 PM: I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen the red sand. It feels like I’ve been gone for so long… It also makes me kind of miss California.

Cassie: 12:52 PM: Spending the last few years in Massachusetts has made me forget just how big and sparse this place can be. I kind of miss it a bit.

Eamon, 12:53 PM: On days like this, I get really nostalgic for the green trees in Montana.  Being able to look so far you can see the curve of the earth has always made me feel lonely.

Matty, 12:54 PM: The Last Chance gas station. Dirty as fuck, but they’ve got the essentials. I fill up the tank and grab a sugar-free red bull and some jerky I probably won't eat. Flirt with Cassie a little while V and Eamon use the washrooms. Fiddle with the hem of her shirt. Stare at her lips and ask how her fiance is. I’m a bad person.

Cassie, 12:54 PM: This place is disgusting there’s no way in hell I’m peeing here. I’ll just hold it until we get to the campsite or something. And to be honest I’ve kind of missed Matty’s blatant flirting too. Sending nudes just isn’t the same. He asks about Kate and I just chuckle and tell her she’s doing fine. I know he doesn’t really care.

Eamon, 12:56 PM: As much as I truly loath public restrooms, I’m not looking forward to having to squat outside.  I regret never getting the hang of an STP.  It hits me just how dysphoric this trip is going to make me feel.  I decide to take a few moments to look in the mirror and focus on good changes.  Like the fact my facial hair is coming in nicely, and that my scars have faded enough that I can actually take my shirt off on this trip.

Vanessa, 12:57 PM: These bathrooms are disgusting. Everything is stained red from the sand, covered in scuffs and scratches; and god only knows what else. I would honestly rather pee outside, it’d probably be more sanitary. Matty had the right idea.

Matty, 12:59 PM: V comes around the side of the building and I wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her in with me and Cassie. The Three Amigos. Just like the old days. We’re gonna have a reaaaaal good time together up on that big, scary mountain. They roll their eyes in such perfect unison that I could’ve sworn they practiced it. V elbows me in the side and Cassie laughs. Ah, friendship.

Vanessa, 1:02 PM: Things are starting to feel more like home. I really missed these guys.

Cassie, 1:04 PM: The three musketeers are back together again. It’s amazing that it took so long for all three of us to be back in the same place at the same time. I worry that Eamon is feeling left out, though.

Eamon, 1:05 PM: I finally get out of the bathroom and see everyone laughing and talking and I feel my stomach drop.  I debate getting a pack of cigarettes to help feel better, but I decide against it since I can never remember DD’s brand.  Instead I head back to the car without so much as making eye contact.

Matty, 1:13 PM: Back on the road for the last leg of the trip. I crack a beer of my own now that we’re well and truly clear of any patrolling officers.

Eamon, 1:13 PM: I think about saying something about the beer, but I know Matty has a high tolerance and I’m knee deep in self-loathing so I leave him to it.

Cassie, 1:14 PM: I totally should have gone to the bathroom at the Last Chance gas station. Shit. I’m gonna have to ask Matty to pull over. 

Cassie, 1:16 PM: Thank god I had the foresight to pack some toilet paper.

Cassie, 1:30 PM: Okay, back in the car. Here we go.

Matty, 1:30 PM: I try to give Cass a public-urination-solidarity high-five, but she looks at me with an unprecedented level of disgust. And that's really saying something. I've said some weird shit to her in bed.

Matty, 1:35 PM: Wow. I forget how big mountains are up close.

Matty, 1:41 PM: The road is getting pretty bad. The car handles it fine, but it’s too bumpy to drink any more. Bottoms up!

Vanessa, 1:42 PM: All of us trying to chug the what was left of our drinks while Matty continued up the road was as challenging as it was funny. We surprisingly didn’t make a mess and managed to finish every last drop. The fact that we’re that good makes me think we love alcohol a little too much, but it’s 5′o’clock somewhere.

Cassie, 1:42 PM: Wow, I am honestly so proud of us for not spilling any of our alcohol.

Matty, 1:50 PM: Thank god for satellite GPS. I named this one Linda. Thank you, Linda.

Cassie, 1:51 PM: I can’t believe he named his GPS Linda. What the hell kind of name is Linda?

Matty 1:55 PM: Linda, are you sure?

Matty, 2:02 PM: This can’t be right.

Matty, 2:14 PM: Linda, where the fuck are we?

Vanessa, 2:15 PM: Listening to Matty have a one sided argument with “Linda” had to be the highlight of this entire car ride.

Matty, 2:17 PM: Okay, fuck GPS. We are strong, capable men and women. We can do this.

Matty, 2:32 PM: We’re never gonna find them. We’re gonna die up here.

Matty, 2:35 PM: We get out of that fucking car to brainstorm (and have another beer).

Vanessa, 2:37 PM: None of us know where the fuck we are. It probably doesn’t help that we’re not only a little drowsy but tipsy, too. It’s fine though… It’s fine. We’re fine. (Not fine.)

Cassie, 2:38 PM: I have absolutely no clue where we are or how to get where we need to go. I just got out of the car so I could have an excuse to drink another beer.

Matty, 2:41 PM: We get back in the car. The car has AC.

Eamon, 2:42 PM: I am the only one not diluted with alcohol so I stay outside of the car and try to find a landmark of some kind.  This should not be the near-sighted-one’s job, but here we are.

Eamon, 2:55 PM: Eventually I think I spot a familiar blur on the horizon and try and get Matty’s attention to confirm what I see.

Matty, 2:57 PM: EAMON SPOTTED ASH’S CAR. WE’RE SAVED.

Cassie, 2:58 PM: GOD BLESS, EAMON.

Vanessa, 2:58 PM: Thank God for E. I hugged him.

Eamon, 2:58 PM: I am suddenly being showered in praise and attention.  I actually hug Vanessa back and get back into the car feeling good about myself.

Matty, 2:59 PM: Okay, so, we’re on the wrong peak of the mountain. We have to drive back down and then up again, but I don’t really mind. At least we know where the fuck we’re going now. Bless you, E.

Matty, 3:32 PM: We have arrived! Reunions, hugs, awkward handshakes! Another, much needed, beer! And only…. Oh fuck. Three and a half hours late.

Vanessa, 3:32 PM: Reunited and it feels so weird, but so good. Time for hugs! This trip was definitely the right thing to do.

Cassie, 3:32 PM: I have never been so happy to be at the top of a mountain. Also, I’m not getting in a car for at least three days. Now for more drinks.

Eamon, 3:32 PM: Now that we’re actually here, it’s time to try and make amends with all the people I disappeared on.  First thing’s first: Peach O’s.

[t-he-art-of-beauty]

what did become of your military thing? I'm curious!

So, I actually completely forgot about this. (And I haven’t even noticed that I had an anon messaging me… Sorry. Tumblr notifications are weird.)

By now, I’m practically and officially out of the military and I’m done serving my eleven months (I extended by one, because of money, pretty much. And because I had a lot of vacation time left.) The first three months I spent in basic training and the past months since the beginning of 2017 I’ve been serving on a German warship, the frigate “Augsburg”. 

There are so many stories to tell and so many things I could go into detail with, but I’ll just try to keep it brief and concise for now (I’m in the US right now and it’s like 11:30 pm… For some reason I’m tired.)

Basic training was a lot of fun. I loved the pressure, getting yelled at, crawling in the mud, camping outside, the weapon training, my drill instructors, the uniform, my amazing, amazing platoon with all my comrades in it, pretty much everything. 

There were issues, we had almost no time for physical exercise, we spent a lot of time unnecessarily waiting and there was quite some disorganization and conflict in our team of drill instructors. But in the end, I like to focus on the positive things and all in all it was a unique experience I will definitely never forget.

My time on the ship afterward was varying in how much I enjoyed it. I spent a lot of time being bored to death and just sitting there waiting for duty to be over. Especially in the port, not being on a voyage of any kind, stripped me of almost all my duties and left me with nothing to do. 

On the overall nine weeks (split up into two missions, a six week and a three week one) of training missions I went on, I was still bored a lot, but in between, there were a lot of great moments and I did learn a lot about myself and my ability to adjust to my environment. 

Let’s just sum this up real quick:

- I lived together with seven other girls in a small room with three beds stacked over each other on three sides of the room

- The hours on sea are kind of weird and always changing, it messes with your metabolism and biorhythm. A lot. from 7 am to 5 pm you have to be awake. In addition to that on every first day of three I had duty from 12:00 pm to 4am, on every second day from 4 am to 8 am and from 6 pm to 12pm and on every third day of three no extra duty (but you have to be up for duty at 12 am again). Once you get into a routine it is fun though and I kind of enjoyed dealing with the different challenges and privileges of each watch and looking forward to them.

- You don’t see a lot of sunlight. There are no windows.

- I get seasick. ALL THE TIME.

- The food is not that great. 

- The room I worked in was always cold. Freezing cold. On some days I spent almost 20 hours straight in the cold.

- Cleaning duty. I got used to it, at some point it becomes almost meditative, but one hour a day, on Thursdays two hours kind of sucks a little bit. 

All in all, these are the general specifications and challenges of life on sea. Looking back, I really enjoyed it. Highlights included our combat exercises, playing an injured soldier, getting a real-live infusion by our ship’s doctor (for practise purposes), seeing Eurofighters fly training attack maneuvers on our ship, and the last week, where everybody (including my first officer and my direct superior officer) desperately tried to keep me there/make me sign up as an officer (not in a bad way though, they were so nice…). I got to work in other areas than my own, I got a tour through all the engine rooms of the ship, and on the final day, I witnessed a beautiful sunrise on the bridge and actually got to steer the gigantic warship I had served on for only half a year. 

I am leaving the Navy with an amazing employer’s reference, the support of all my superior officers, an official military acknowledgment for fulfilling my duty exceptionally well, but first and foremost I have experienced amazing, unique and once-in-a-lifetime moments, I have met an amazing crew and I am thankful for all the support and the friendly reception I experienced. 

All of this already feels so distant to me, because right now I’m in the US for two semesters of studying film production in California. Thanks for bringing that up again, anon, it’s great to review all the things that happened from some kind of emotional distance. 

If you’re interested in any further specifics, just ask me more questions, I’ll absolutely answer them, but it could take a few days.

Stuff’s busy, stuff’s great. 

[bangtanbombimagines]

89 with Taehyung please

Lessons in Love (Taehyung x Reader Fluff)

Prompt request: “Are you hitting on me?”Summary: Taehyung flirts like a 12-year-old, but you’re able to figure everything out anyways.Word count: 1.5k words

“I don’t know if this is a good idea,” you frowned, looking at your friend, Yuna, who had dragged you to her mathematics study group. “You know I’m terrible at math.”

“So this is a chance to learn!” Yuna answered with a smile. “We’ll help you study, it’s not a problem.”

“You and your friends are so smart,” you whined as Yuna dragged you through the library towards the private rooms. “I’ll look so dumb in comparison.”

“Trust me, they’re not like that!” Yuna comforted, finally stopping in front of a closed door. It led to the room her study group booked every Wednesday. “Besides, you’re like the English god, so if anyone needs help with that you can pay back the favour.”

“If you’re sure,” you conceded, albeit hesitantly. Yuna nodded enthusiastically and turned the knob, swinging the door open to reveal the small room behind.

There was a single table surrounded by three other students. One girl, who you vaguely recognized, was sitting closest to the door. The head of the table was a boy named Namjoon, the certified genius on campus. Beside him was another boy, but this one you didn’t recognize.

He had messy brown hair and tanned skin. His lips were a little pouty, and his nose was strong. When your gaze traveled up, you saw that his dark, long eyes were ringed by thick eyelashes. He was also staring right back at you.

Blushing, you quickly averted your gaze and turned uncomfortably to Yuna.

“Hey guys!” she chirped. “This is my friend, Y/N. She’s in the other class, so that’s probably why you don’t recognize her.”

“Just to preface this, I’m pretty shit at math,” you said, wanting to address your discomfort immediately. “I know you guys are all really smart but I don’t want you to think I’m, like, taking advantage of you. If you need help in literally any other subject, I’m here.”

“Nah, no worries,” Namjoon responded with an easy smile. “We’re not math elitists or some shit. I’m Namjoon, by the way.”

“I’m Jisoo,” the girl added dully, briefly glancing up from her laptop in front of her. You smiled, but Jisoo turned back to her screen too quickly to catch it.

You turned to the handsome boy beside Namjoon, waiting for him to introduce himself. He blinked owlishly at you for a moment, his face expressionless. Slowly, his eyes met yours and his mouth began to open.

“Your shirt looks weird,” he said. You looked down at your t-shirt, which had a print of an old anime series you used to watch.

“I, uh–you–okay?” you spluttered, confused by the boy’s comment.

“What the hell, Tae?” Namjoon asked, bewildered. He turned to his friend, his eyes narrowed. “I thought you liked–ow!”

The boy turned to glare at his friend, and when you looked back at Yuna in confusion, she just rolled her eyes at you.

“Just ignore Taehyung,” Yuna snorted, grabbing your arm and leading you to the table. She pulled you down into the seat beside hers and turned to address the group. “So! Let’s start reviewing for the quiz next week.”

You glanced at the clock beside your computer. It read 3:04 AM. Groaning, you looked at the stacks of sheets in front of you, and then at the textbook filled with highlighted text and sticky notes. But for the hours you had spent studying, you learned next to nothing.

In a moment of desperation, you logged into Facebook and open your study group chat, which you had been added to after your first sit-in.

Y/N 3:06 AM

SOS!!! Is anyone online!!!

Tae Tae 3:10 AM

ya sup

Y/N 3:11 AM

I don’t understand anything??? Pls help

Immediately after you hit “enter,” Taehyung viewed the message. But no response came, and the typing bubble didn’t appear either. You broke out into a nervous sweat, overwhelmed by the fast approaching quiz and your lack of understanding of math in general.

Then, a message notification popped up onto your screen. Taehyung had messaged you separately from the group chat.

Taehyung 3:14 AM

lets just dm. dont wanna annoy the others

Y/N 3:14 AM

Ok

Taehyung 3:15 AM

so what don’t u understand?

Y/N 3:16 AM

Everything!!!! All the stuff we went over last meeting has completely left my brain.

Taehyung 3:17 AM

ok prepare urself this is gonna be a long lesson

So, for the next hour, Taehyung did his best to explain the different concepts and methods to you, while you scribbled notes furiously on your worn notebook. By the time he had went through all the material, your hand was throbbing and it was well past 4AM.

Y/N 4:37 AM

Thank you sooooooo much Taehyung! I owe you my life

Taehyung 4:38 AM

no thnx

Y/N 4:39 AM

Ok, rude. But seriously, thanks. I don’t know what I would have done otherwise

Taehyung 4:39 AM

no probs. but u owe me now so don’t forget

Y/N 4:40 AM

I won’t!!!!! You’re the best!

Taehyung changed your nickname to “idiot.”

The day of the quiz came quickly, but when you sat down at your desk, you felt more relaxed than in any other math class. This time, you were actually prepared and confident in your abilities. So when the quiz arrived, you whizzed through every page.

Everything Taehyung had explained to you was on the quiz. You were sure that if you found the quiz easy, Taehyung could probably do it in his sleep. Even though you thought he was a bit annoying, he still had saved your ass.

When the test period finally finished, you grabbed all your belongings and darted from the testing centre. You spotted one of your friends, Jungkook, dashing towards the exit as well.

“Hey, Jungkook!” you called. He turned around, and once he spotted you, he smiled and waited for you to catch up. “How was the quiz?”

“You know I’m the fucking worst at math,” Jungkook scowled, crossing his arms as you walked together. “Fuck, why is this a mandatory course. I’m in liberal arts for a reason.”

“Tell me about it,” you replied, laughing humourlessly. “Luckily, this time I had help. The quiz wasn’t so–”

“Y/N!” someone yelled suddenly, their deep voice booming throughout the hall. Startled, you glanced up, spotting Taehyung a few meters away from you. He hurried over, nearly tripping over himself in the process. “How’d the quiz go?”

“Really well, actually,” you replied. “Everything you explained to me was on it, so I could answer all the questions.”

“No way,” Jungkook snorted. “Y/N, good at math? That’s fucking new.”

“What the fuck?” Taehyung growled, narrowing his eyes at Jungkook. “Watch yourself, you prick. Y/N isn’t stupid.”

“Woah, chill man,” Jungkook replied, putting his hands up in surrender. “I was making a joke. Calm yourself.”

“Let’s all just relax a little bit!” you exclaimed tightly, grabbing Taehyung’s arm and pulling him away from a very volatile Jungkook. He put up little resistance, letting himself be led around the building. When you reached an emptier hallway, you stopped and look back at Taehyung. “What was that all about?”

“He was implying you were stupid,” Taehyung mumbled, his eyes downcast. “And you tried really hard to study for this quiz.”

“You probably tried harder than me, if I’m being honest,” you said. “Plus, you call me stupid all the time. Are you the only one who can say that?”

“No,” he muttered, still unable to meet your eyes. He said something, but he was speaking too quietly for you to understand.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said,” Taehyung began, clearing his throat awkwardly, “your hair looks bad.”

Reflexively, you reached for your long hair. You had slept with it in a bun last night, so your hair fell in loose waves. Objectively, you knew it looked pretty nice. You looked at Taehyung, confused, but when you saw his expression, suddenly everything clicked.

His cheeks were dusted in pink, and his eyes were darting around everywhere but your face.

“Are you–are you hitting on me?” you asked slowly. Taehyung’s cheeks darkened into a deeper red, and he bit his lip. “Oh my god, seriously? Are you twelve or something?”

“What!?” Taehyung whined. “You’re cute and it’s intimidating! What else can I do?”

“Ask me for my number or something?” you suggested, trying to hold back laughter. “Like a normal person our age?”

“Well, if that’s the case,” Taehyung said, finally lifting his gaze to your face as he scratched his nape awkwardly, “can I cash in my favour for your number?”

“I think I can do that,” you smiled, reaching for Taehyung’s phone once he fished it out of his pocket. “I might even say yes to a date, too.”

RECEIVED 4:07 PM

hey dumbo

- Girl in Luv

Wow I’m done and it’s 3AM. Nice. This is unedited, so I’ll go back and make corrections later. Hope you all checked out our masterlist! Happy 3k woot woot! Thanks for everyone who’s stuck with us. We’re so glad you guys are enjoying our imagines. Happy reading

[loveunbreakable-blog1]

Chapter 8

I had a really nice night with Thais. We got to the pub around 9 pm. We invited some close friends to go with us. Mike, David and Taylor were already there when we got in.

-          Look if it’s not the most sustainable girl in Paris. And the girl who worked in the best project in London – Mike said smiling

-          Hi Mike – I said giving him a hug – You have no idea how I missed you

-          I missed you too sweetheart – Mike was an incredible person. He was a fashion designer so he was always around Europe attending to a lot of fashion events. He was quite famous around there. I met Mike when I got my first award in Scotland. One of the dresses they made me wear was designed by him and I remember complaining about how hot it was in the backstage and how that dress was making me sweat and he was just behind me looking with some disapprovement. I can’t quite remember what happened next cause I was drunk. I just remember he calling me next day to see if I was okay. Since this day we are friends.

-          Come here you little award collector – David said giving me the tightest hug I have ever had. David and I had a lot of history. We met on high school and a few years late we grow closer when we were backpacking in Australia. He was a wonderful guy. A bit lost like me.

-          Hey it’s nice to finally see you – Taylor said hugging Thais. Taylor was one of Thais’ high school friends. I didn’t even know her. I met her somedays ago in an inauguration party of one of Thais’ projects in LA. But we didn’t really talk. I wasn’t feeling really good so I just cut the party short and flew home.  – Hi Jackie. It’s nice to see you again.

-          Hi Taylor! I am glad you could make it here today.

-          Me too

-          So what are you having girls? – Mike asked looking at the menu

-          If you guys excuse me I have to see if Bernard is around here. – I said leaving the table.

-          Yeah. I saw him earlier – David said

-          So I’ll find him. Thanks Davs.

-          You’re welcome

I couldn’t simply walk there without talking to Mr. Jeffrey. I mean Bernard. He was one of the reasons I chose that place. I needed to give him the news in person. He has supported me so much and I really wanted to share this happy moment with him. He never abandoned me when I needed him and I intended to dedicate that award in his honor. I came closer to the balcony and saw him on the other side holding a tequila bottle.

-          Hey don’t go hard on it – I said laughing and pointing to the bottle

-          Jackie! It is so good to see you again. I was starting to worry about you. It’s been a while since your last stop here.

-          Yeah. But If you analyze every time I come here I get out drunk so I was probably safe at home hahahahaha

-          Don’t say that you hurt my feelings this way – He said joking

-          I missed you Bernard. Anyway, I wanted to tell you in person that I have been nominated to a new award in London. Best design project. So I am going there next week!

-          I can’t believe it! Another one? You’re really amazing you know that?

-          Thanks. If I really win this award I will dedicate it for you. You helped me so much. And you took care of me. You kept me motivated. And when I really needed you were there for me. I wanna thank you for that Bernard. I admire you a lot.

-          Don’t do this to me. I will cry – He was really attempting to cry. – You’re family to me. You know that right?

-          Yeah I guess you said something about it – I said laughing and hugging him at the same time. – I gotta go now. I have some friends waiting for me on the table 12. Ahh Do you remember Thais right?

-          Yeah. The one you brought last time you were here.

-          She was nominated too. She got the best sustainable project in Paris.

-          You too are a hell of a pair hun.

-          Hahahaha I guess we are – I said while I was leaving

When I got back to our table everyone was laughing

-          What’s happening here?

-          I am telling everyone how we met and how you were a bitch with me hahahahah – Mike said

-          I wasn’t a bitch I was sweating come on hahaha

-          Anyways. What are you having? Everyone ordered there’s just you. – David said

-          Hum… Some French fries, salad and a milkshake

-          A milkshake really?

-          I am driving tonight

-          Do you intend to go back home tonight? hahaha  

-          True hahaha

Thais that was talking to Taylor just got up and left the table. I followed her with the eyes. She was talking on the phone.

-          What did you order David – I asked trying to get back into the conversation

-          A bottle of tequila and some fries

-          Having problems at home already? Hahaha – David was recently wed. He married a dancer called Jennifer. She used to teach ballet to kids from elementary school. She wasn’t a very sociable person so he never showed up in public places with her. I only saw her once in their weeding.

-          Let’s not think about that today hun? Today is your day.

-          So… Taylor how are things in your job – Mike asked.

-          They’re fine. Thanks for asking.

They kept talking and I was just in my bubble again. I was starting to worry with Thais. She couldn’t be talking on the phone for so long. She hated to answer calls. That’s why we always texted each other.

-          Guys I will be right back I need to check something – I said leaving the table

-          Alright – Mike said

The first place I went was the bathroom. Maybe she was there. I had a place in mind where I was almost sure she was but I wanted to check every other place first in case she wasn’t there. I even checked the storage room. But no sign of her. So I went there. My secret spot. Our secret spot. I didn’t take Mike, David and Taylor there today cause I wasn’t ready to share that place yet even though they were my friends. I just didn’t feel like it was right. When I got there she looked at me surprised.

-          How did you know I was here? – She was crying again

-        �� I showed you this place remember?

-          Oh, yeah. I guess you did.

-          What happened? Talk to me

-          My mom called – Well, I knew this story. When I left the house my mom called too. She asked me to come back over and over again. And that was the worst part of it. I had to be strong time and time again to tell her I didn’t want to come back. I had to make that decision a thousand times. I had to choose me over everything over and over again.  – She was crying. She was desperate – She started crying harder – I didn’t know what to do…

-          Shiiu. Calm down. Do you want me to get some water for you? – She nodded. I went to the balcony and got a bottle of water. And then came back

-          Here. You’ll feel better. Drink – Water seemed to have a special tranquilizer cause it worked every time.

-          Thank you Jackie

-          Can you tell me exactly what happened now? Do you wanna talk about it?

-          She called me. She told me she was missing me. She told me I should come home. She told me my dad didn’t mean it. That he was sorry for everything that happened. She said she loved me – She started crying all over again.

-          What did you say to her? – I didn’t want to see my friend that way. I didn’t want her to get hurt but I needed her to talk. Talking makes it real. She needed to take that out of her chest. Keeping things to yourself never help you in anything.

-          I told her I wasn’t coming back that I have made my decision. And I wouldn’t change my mind. But it was so hard. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to see her crying. I never wanted to do this with her.

-          I know. I know. And this won’t be easier. I won’t tell you that things will be easier from now on cause they won’t. That was just the first call. There will be others. Breaking out of the nest is never easy. I know you have always been independent. You always took care of your stuff. You have always worked. But this is a whole new thing. For her it’s like she’s losing you. While you are just asking for space. She’s always gonna see you as her little baby. And what you need now is get away of this environment you need to learn how to fly. She will understand that with time. She will see you are able to take care of yourself alone and she will accept that she is not your whole life now. She will see that she is a part of your life. But she is not who you are. And you will also see that the two of you are two different people. You won’t have to do things just to please her anymore. You will be free to be who you are or whoever you want to be. And even though it hurts now you will see that this is the best choice you have ever made.

-          I hope I will

-          I will be here to help you in all the steps. I know all of them. I have been where you are and I am telling you that you will heal.

-          Thank you Jackie; Really. Thank you

-          You know I am always here for you. You can always count on me. Believe me, we will face this together. It will be a lot easier for you than it was for me.

-          Thank you. I guess we should go back to our friends right?

-          They are probably asking where we are.

-          I bet. Let’s go.

We went back to our table and everyone was really worried about us. I made an excuse and we all forgot about what happened. I didn’t want to expose her that’s why I didn’t tell them the truth. That was something personal it was up to her tell them or not.

The rest of the night was calm and fun. I had a great time with them. We left the pub at 4am. David was right. I could never leave that place during the night. Somehow in a very strange way I was happy. Happy to have a new good memory to keep. I was happy I had them in my life.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 2 June 1839

7 ¾

12 ¼

fine but dullish morning till after 9  F54° inside and 56° outside at 9 1/4am – breakfast about 9 20/.. in about ½ hour then at accounts till 1 ½ except read aloud with A- the collect epistle and gospel and psalm for the day – and she so terrible it interrupted me sadly – off to church about 2 40/.. and there in good time – Mr. Horsfall did all the duty – preached 35 minutes from Mark vi. 20 Herod knew that John Baptist was a just man and holy – a sort of terrifying sermon to some of his congregation – A- would not let me name to her aunt our going – 18 minutes at Cliff hill – Mrs. AW. well as of late – home at 5 10/.. found Booth here – he gave me the writ – the sum claimed is ‘£447.18.10 for debt, and £2.13.6 for costs’ and B- also gave me the letter I gave him (Tuesday 21st ultimo) that I would not receive but that man left at the house for me – it is a triade against Mr. Harper; and adding that if I did not give a satisfactory answer by the bearer Mr. David Crossley solicitor Bradford the writer would commence law proceedings against me – this letter and the writ to be given to Mr. Adam tomorrow morning – I had thought in church to advertise the colliery to let by ticket – I mistrust Holt and his calculations of the colliery paying – better see how the land lies before proceeding beyond Airgate pit – talked this over with Booth – I thought before letting Holt

SH:7/ML/E/23/0057

the farm. it would be well to know who was to have the colliery – if I let it, could B- make the land pay me the rent I could let it at (£3 per DW. tenant paying taxes)? yes! – and John B- might take care of, - looking after – six cows and take care of the garden or very nearly – 20 DW. of this land would keep 6 cows – told B- I did not feel quite certain that everyone would be of Holts’ mind as to the immediate opening of WP. for a sale-pit – at any rate, the thing would be a £30 job before it was done with – a house for the banksman etc. etc. would eventually be wanted – and the coal if sold for a 1d. a load more, would be dib coal and to get 2 acres a year there must be 2 gin-horses –

get an estate of the 80 yards mine – driving ....... per yard expense of gin horse ....... per day etc. etc. said nothing about going to Mrs. AW. A- begged for she must leave   oh oh is she at this again  I got her out of it before we reached home but she is a broken reed to trust and a melancholy one into the bargain – stood talking to B- till dinner at 6 ¾ A- read French – asleep on the sofa – coffee – skimmed over the newspaper – came upstairs at 9 ½ and wrote all but the first lines of today till now 9 55/.. – before I was dressed this morning came note from Mr. Adam to me saying it would oblige him much if he could come tomorrow instead of this evening – wrote back by the bearer on a slip of his own paper ‘Shibden hall 2 June 1830 – at 10am tomorrow if you please’ – during this bad that is low and crying as she was A- copied her rentals from my drawing up  she begins to be impatient to be off and lets herself shew it in this queer unaccountable senseless way – from 10 to 11 ¼ (A- came to me before 11 for ¼ hour) at accounts – finished entering in my rough book the bills DB- paid yesterday – out of the £280 A- gave me + £3.5.4 I received from Roper for old metal = £283.5.4 DB.

paid for me 152.2.8

for A- 82.15.5

234.18.1

fine day F43° outside and 53° inside at 11 ¼ pm