#we fixed the quad lag and my complete lack of ability to straighten the leg
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2024 affirmation: I will not dislocate my knee
#genuinely will be my thirteenth reason if this happens again and i’m not joking#i don’t think most of the people in my life get it. they don’t get what it’s like for every single step you take to cause you pain#for MONTHS on end. this started in MAY#and they don’t get what it’s like to have pain when you’re just standing up. or to worry that your knee is randomly going to give out on you#and that that’s going to be it this time and you’re going to need a knee replacement#OR; maybe worse; that your Other knee which has never given you a single problem will suddenly decide to give out (maybe due to all the#strain that’s been on it) and you’ll have to walk like a crab until that one heals#or to wonder if you’re just malingering and being too lazy. meanwhile doing all the exercises that your physio recommends you#+ taking a pilates class + buying a walking pad and trying to walk on it 5 days a week#+ going on a diet; cutting down on salt and overly processed food in the hope it’ll give you more energy#so you can exercise more and drop some excess weight so there’s maybe less strain on your knees and ankles#(or at the very least build muscle rather than fat so that the muscles are just better)#not to mention that nobody knows what the fuck is wrong with me. x-ray came back clear apart from ‘fluid on the knee’#which by the way - has never actually gone away? that x-ray happened on the 5th of july. i’d been injured for 6 weeks already by then#i still get this godawful like.. almost Bubble of fluid on the top right of my kneecap whenever i’ve been walking a lot#coming up on five months and i still have swelling. why. i’ve iced it into fucking oblivion#my doctor thought i had a hamstring tear. nope. my physio can’t find anything structurally wrong with me#we fixed the quad lag and my complete lack of ability to straighten the leg#but i still have pain and i still have discomfort and i still limp and i still feel like my kneecap is floating in a fucking soup#at this point i wonder if i have arthritis and nobody has noticed. the knee is crunchy. 🥴#all of it just makes me feel like i’m going insane. i fell and i was like ‘oh i’ll be fine in two weeks’#two weeks later i couldn’t even walk unassisted. like.#what did i doooooooo. why does no one seem to know. why does nothing show up on tests. idgi#personal#rant
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