#we don't gatekeep joy from ourselves or others

[whensuddenlycats]

Idk who, if anyone, needs to hear this, but you're allowed to brush your teeth with kids toothpaste even if you tolerate mint. Hell, even if you like mint, but want some variety, you can buy however many toothpaste flavors you like! Get some strawberry flavor, grape flavor, bubblegum, and some, idk, cinnamon, and alternate to your hearts content. You can even mix flavors if you want! Anything that makes it more fun and enjoyable to brush your teeth is a good thing.

Just another There Are No Rules if you're not hurting anyone and want to create more joy / make something more accessible.

Also get the spiderman toothbrush, you deserve it 💚

[disillusioneddanny]

DPxDC Negativity

Hey this is just a friendly reminder that I'm going to put in the plainest terms that I can.

If you are telling people how they should and should not participate in fandom you are GATEKEEPING

If you are telling people that they need to read more comics before writing fanfic you are GATEKEEPING

If you are telling people that they need to do more research into canon in any form, whether that be reading wikis, reading comics, watching shows, whatever you are GATEKEEPING

If you are telling people that what they are writing is not canon compliant and therefore not a valid way to participate in fandom you are GATEKEEPING

Fandom is supposed to be fun

Fanfiction is supposed to be fun

We are not writing these stories for anyone but ourselves. And to tell someone that they are participating in fandom wrong is GATEKEEPING

There are plenty of fanfics in the DC only sphere and the DP sphere that are so far away from canon it's unreal and that's totally okay!

People are allowed to enjoy fandom in however the hell they please. If that means they are writing a crap ton of Batfam/Danny Phantom content and not very much Justice League/DP content, that's totally okay.

If someone read the Wayne Family Adventures Webtoon and decided that they want to write Danny being adopted into a loving and crazy Batfamily that is totally one hundred percent fine.

If someone wants to write Danny with abusive and neglectful parents guess what? they can.

If they want to write Vlad as being a nurturing and loving godfather to Danny, they can.

What I'm trying to explain to you all is that it's okay to write things that are not canon compliant. It's okay to write things that are so far away from canon it's not even recognizable--I mean have you even read a fantasy au or a no capes au? That's basically just slapping a characters name and face to an OC. And guess what? THAT'S OKAY.

It's also okay to want to see more people interact with the canon lore, to want to share resources and tell people about your special interests. But the moment you start doing it and it makes people feel bad-- even if that is not your intention you are GATEKEEPING.

Gatekeeping is defined as the activity of controlling, and usually limiting, general access to something.

By you telling others what they should and should not write, you are being a gatekeeper.

I get it, you want to share lore, you want to show that you know all these cool things about DC. You want more than just batfam and DP content. That's totally valid and really cool.

Do it yourself.

Don't take someone else's joy away simply because it's not what you want to see. They aren't writing it for you, they're writing it for themselves. You're just a lucky person who gets to see the beautiful works that they are putting time and effort into.

When I joined DPxDC I knew absolute shit about DC. Over the last year, I've read over 400 issues of the Batman comics, read all of the Red Robin series, and a smattering of random other comics with plans to read others. But when I started writing? I knew jackshit. My knowledge came from the Teen Titans cartoon, the Batman animated series, and vague memories of watching the Justice League animated series as a kid.

And if Dis from a year ago saw this gatekeeping shit, they would have never started writing for the fandom because they would have been too scared to be told they were doing it wrong.

Now? I'm writing DC only fics based off of what I learned in the comics and it's a lot of fun.

But I did that because I wanted to, I was starting to get more and more interested in DC and I wanted to know more. And I had access to pay for DC Infinite so that I could get access to the comics. Not everyone has that luxury.

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to read them from free sites either. Maybe they have to use a public computer that doesn't have ad blockers. Maybe their local libraries don't have access to the comics. You don't know what their situation is.

Maybe you're being well intentioned. Maybe you're just wanting to share your wealth of knowledge with the fandom. But remember, if just one person is getting hurt by your statements, that means you're no longer being helpful. You're being harmful. You're scaring off a new fan who was super insanely excited to start sharing their headcanons.

You're making people feel unwelcome. And that's not fucking cool.

Fandom is supposed to be a welcoming space for everyone, it's supposed to uplift and bring joy. Not make people feel bad for not knowing enough, or for feeling too anxious to even begin figuring out where in the 75 year history of DC they should start reading.

I know that's what kept me from reading the comics for a long time. it was just too overwhelming. It still is overwhelming for me and thats with having friends telling me where to start and what comics are best to read.

Before I end this super hella long rant I want to remind you of one last thing.

You don't know what someone has read or researched before writing their fic. You don't know just how much they know about that character or universe. For all you know, they may have read, watched, consumed every single piece of DC media in existence. But they may still interpret it different than you did and that does not mean that their Bruce Wayne is OOC because it doesn't align with how you interpret Bruce Wayne. it just means that they view his character differently than you do.

And that's such a beautiful fucking thing don't you think? That a single character, a single universe, a single fucking line can be interpreted hundreds of different ways by hundreds of different people and it's still valid.

It's what makes fandom so freaking cool in the first place.

Like one day someone woke up and they were watching Danny Phantom and they thought hm, what if I had Danny Fenton go to Gotham one day and hang out with the bats? And next thing you know, now we have thousands upon thousands of different fanfics, fan art and HCs, all because of it. All because someone had that one idea and shared it and others saw it, interpreted it their own way, and decided to create even more.

And now we're here! And this fandom is beautiful and thriving. There are so many amazing and lovely people in this fandom. There are so many discords to talk about fandom, there's so many events, a DPxDC Bang is the works, a DPxDC fanzine is in the works.

That's so fucking cool and we should be celebrating that! Not making others feel bad for not knowing as much as others.

[angelofsmalldeath-codeine]

What we lose in art when blogs leave the platform

Last night I was working on my fics database (I’m the spreadsheet kinda autistic) and checking if the links I had were still working and trying to fetch links for the ones I had recently added. I was upset about the number of blogs gone (some might have changed name and I haven't kept up and that one is on me). Some really amazing stories, art and overall fun is all gone. Precious interactions that help build the community totally vanished.

The vitriol and unjustified hate I see spewed everywhere has gotten to unbearable levels. I’ve been in fandoms and fanfic communities since the days of printed zines and yahoo/geocities groups that were uber hard to get into. I have survived all the websites that shutdown leading us to mourn the loss of that work. Fanfic was akin to contraband and harshly judged. We know we are weirdos, hence why we find community in alternative spaces away from the mainstream.

It feels like people want us to go underground again. Cool, we can do that, but we gonna be gatekeeping the hell outta these spaces then.

What peeves me the most is the puritanical take that has been recently brought into the space and how that’s used to measure others and judge them on some standards they are not even aware of until they start getting hate. Said hate is usually delivered via anon asks, of course, because god forbid them having the decency of defending their shitty takes, right?

Still on the puritanical take, the goalpost seems to change often too. It is self-serving. Kink shaming/topic judging is the default mode until someone decides they like that particular thing and it is no longer controversial. Why are you censoring your peers? Why do you assume that everyone subscribes to your beliefs, tastes, preferred topics and tropes? The performative activism isn't a good look either.

Sometimes this fandom feels like the mormons who do the soaking thing so they can get off before marriage without actually fucking. If the cock goes in because my friend is jumping on the mattress, that is on the mattress, not on me. I digress but y'all get the gist.

I have been on this hellsite since its launch and have seen many fandoms come and go. The assholes eventually fuck off to be toxic somewhere else, but they do tend to jump from fandom to fandom for a while until their reputation and toxicity catches up with them. It takes too long and the damage they cause is often quite extensive.

We are not in competition with each other here. I have said it so many times... Tumblr isn't a monetised platform and fanfic is a gift economy. Leave your fucking TikTok and Instagram cut throat mentality at the door. We don't tear each other down trying to build ourselves up in this house.

During the pandemic fanfic came into the mainstream mostly because of people on TikTok. Great! We are a welcoming bunch and it makes us happy that more people can find joy in consuming fan made art of their favourite shows and ships in whatever form they choose.

It is not because we've opened the door that we will let y'all trash the room. I'm sure you were raised better than that.

Can you not be assholes? Much appreciated.

P.S.: I am too old to care and have zero fucks left to give about anyone's feelings getting offended over this. Fuck you very much.

[askagamedev]

As someone who makes games as a living, what you think about this "git gud" attitude?

Humans tend to project our own wants, desires, feelings, etc. onto others - that is, we tend to assume other people believe what we believe, like what we like, dislike what we dislike, etc. This tendency has many far-reaching side effects such as conflating criticism of the thing we like as criticism of ourselves, which leads to arguments on gaming message boards and forums because players often assume that what they like is what the entire player base likes, even if they are actually only a small minority and/or that any criticism about the game is a judgement on them as people.

The "git gud" attitude among players is also one such side effect. Belief in the "git gud" mantra tells me that the player very much likes things the way they are, and would rather keep out the others that don't agree than risk the game being changed to something the player doesn't like. In order to mentally justify this, the player divides the community into two groups - those who agree (those who are "gud") and those who do not belong (those who need to "git gud"). As you might have guessed, this tends to be bad for player base growth, since it tends to chase many new players away.

From a developer’s perspective, we have two major goals: 

Provide players a specific intended experience (including aspects like difficulty and execution) 

Secure enough players/engagement/revenue to hit our business targets so we can keep making games and paying bills

As a result, we devs sometimes find ourselves in a position where what players want isn’t necessarily congruous with the intended game experience. The basic response here would be to tell the players who ask for a different kind of game experience that this is what we intended (which could be construed by our more fervent fans as “git gud”). While these might be somewhat similar on external inspection, what the hardcore fan believes is intended and what is actually intended are typically not the same thing. 

As a developer, I want as many people as I can get to play and enjoy my game. My joy comes from seeing players play my games, finding all the extra little touches I put in, and generally have fun with them. I dislike it when I see fans gatekeeping, because it means that they’re chasing away players who might otherwise have enjoyed my game for their own reasons. I don’t think it should be up to the fans to decide who is allowed to play the game and how. I don’t think that the game needs fans defend it on forums. I think that the game should be able to stand on its own and that it’s ok to like something that has flaws. I actually welcome criticism and negative feedback because it helps me identify issues that we weren’t aware of before and provides additional perspective on design decisions we made that we might not have thought of. We devs generally don’t need defending.

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[bisexualsdeservebetter]

1) don't call people pet names. i'm not your "hun". you know who does that shit? people that know they're wrong and are trying to infantialize the person pointing out their bigotry to make themselves feel/look smarter than they really are.

2) i'm fully transitioned. i've never felt dysphoria and i don't feel it now, and i work to make sure others get the care they need. because this bullshit medical gatekeeping is hurting trans people right now. but it mostly targets trans people of color, disabled trans people, fat trans people, and trans people in extreme poverty. people that aren't privileged, like your entitled ass. it's always the most marginalized that are hurt first. and that's not you. which seems to piss you off because you can't play the most victimized victim. so, you hate on other trans people, which brings me to:

3) i've never hated trans people, like you do. which is why i know we don't need to hate ourselves to be trans. you can't understand a trans person not hating themselves. you can't understand a trans person feeling euphoria and joy, instead of dysphoria and misery. that's a you problem, but you're trying to make it everyone else's problem too. "misery loves company" is a saying for a reason.

4) i CAN screenshot it but you will, as you just did, claim you're not talking about "real" trans people. you'll never acknowledge it because you genuinely believe there's "fake" trans people (there's not).

5) you're claiming that these "fake" "confused" trans people are going to take your hormones and surgeries from you. instead of the cis people that are actually doing that, and those same cis people using medical gatekeeping at the starting point for actually taking your hormones and surgeries. you really think other transphobes won't come for you next? you really think they'll spare you because you told them who's neck to step on first?

6) you're claiming that you're protecting those "fake" "confused" people by gatekeeping medical care (which belongs only to the "real" trans people, just like oh-so-special you!) hmm, why does the "fake and confused so we have to protect them from themselves" thing sound so familiar? oh right, it's used by every transphobe ever. it's used by every anti-lgbt person ever. newsflash. you talk like them because you believe the same things they do.

7) there are steps to getting surgeries, ALL surgeries, that prevent people from going "wild" with them. it's informed consent and if a surgeon feels like the patient is rushing/isn't ready, they can put it off for a while to give them time to think about it. which is NOT what you're talking about because that's not what gatekeeping is. there are steps for getting any medication, hormones included. you're acting like trans people are going to "abuse" them. this whole idea you have about people "damaging" themselves by just suddenly jumping into these things... is just wrong and uneducated.

8) some cis people are figuring out their gender, yeah. but they've never taken it so far as to get on hormones and have surgery before realizing it's not for them. the trans people that have de-transitioned and gone back into the closet have done so because of the extreme transphobia they faced. they're not suddenly "cis" because they fear for their safety. the same way a gay/lesbian or bisexual person going back into the closet isn't suddenly "straight". you're hating on the victims of transphobia instead of the transphobes. it's almost as if you completely agree with other transphobes. (and before you "sources???" this one - just google it. there's TONS of writing from closeted trans people about this. learn to leave your echo chamber)

1) cool, I don't 'know I'm wrong', I'm pretty confident in my views actually.

2) I actively am not playing the most victimized victim, nor do I claim to. I purposely don't share any information about myself because I don't want assholes like you or Terfs using any of it as a gotcha in some way, y'all love doing that shit. You have literally no idea what my race, religion, ability, etc.. is and I'm not going to share any of it. Also forgive me if I don't believe you're fully transitioned and never felt dysphoria because you're some cowardly weirdo harassing me in my inbox and you could say literally anything to try and prove me wrong.

3) I don't hate myself, and I don't believe you need to have yourself to be trans. That isn't what dysphoria is. Youre an idiot lmao.

4) "I CAN screenshot it but I'm not going to" you're a fucking pussy lmao I've never said it so you can Screenshot it, you are so full of shit and you know it. You just wanna make a trans person you hate look bad

5) have you ever heard of detransitioners..? Tell me how much you hate them too I guess bc they disprove all your bullshit

6) again have you heard of detrans ppl because crazily enough you can't just choose to be trans and nondysphoric ppl who take hrt wind up with problems because of it :/

7) I'm well aware given I HAVE to go through all of it. As in I don't have a choice if I want to be happy. You literally hate dysphoric people so much oh my goodness

8) "no one who has ever gone on HRT or identified as something for an extended period of time and if they go back or realise they were wrong they are actually not, it's just bc of bigotry" wow I didn't expect you to tell me in this ask how much you hate detrans people. Youre actually just an awful vitriolic, violently transphobic person huh

[ghost-roads]

Babe, not that you need permission from ANYONE to identify the way that feel right to you, but I've been happily identifying as a lesbian for about 6 years now and, do I have complicated feelings about spike from buffy? Sure! Is it gender envy or a crush?? I don't know!! Does it affect the way I interact with people in real life and experience genuine love and attraction to real people??? Sure doesn't!!! Attraction is such a messy thing and none of us are ever gonna be fully free from the influence of comp het, but for me the moment things clicked was when i fell for a girl and those feelings were so joyous and real that they overshadowed everything else. And I've questioned it since, but every time that happened I'd find myself experiencing attraction to a girl I'd meet and I'd realise all over again how natural and good those feelings are to me. If identifying as a lesbian feels right for you in this moment, then fuck anybody else's opinions and go for it. If you change your mind down the line, then that's OK too, but the label exists for your comfort and your joy in using it and those are the only important factors. I, for one, have no doubt that you're a part of our community if you want to be ❤️ xx

Sorry I didn’t reply right away, I’ve...had a day lol.

Thank you for the lovely message! ❤️ I’ve identified as a lesbian for a few years now, but there’s always a mix of comp het and projecting onto fictional characters (who aren’t like. actual men lol) that gets in the way of feeling 100% confident with it. Plus there are always gold star lesbian trolls ready to ruin your day ✌️ Lesbian does feel 100% right to me, there’s just a tiny part of me that doesn’t feel valid? But then again when do I ever feel valid in anything jhkjsdf

The bottom line is I feel safe and at home around women in a way that I never could with men. I have never been attracted to a man in a sustainable way or wanted to be in a relationship with one. Do I sometimes think “oh this dude is pretty”? Sure. Do I ever think about actually starting a relationship with a pretty boy? Absolutely not ever.

And I don’t think anyone should have to justify using a certain word to talk about themselves anyway, no one else but you can know what’s right for you. Gatekeeping in the LGBT community genuinely scares me so much. Who are we to decide who can or cannot identify as this or that, honestly it’s hard enough being queer in this world without other queer people making us feel bad about ourselves too!

Anyway, I hope you have a great rest of your day, and thanks again for taking the time to write this 💕 Mwah 🍓

[macil]

Balance

I've been at this gate in my life before but this is the farthest I've ever stepped through. I've never published my words before (without ripping everything down), or shared some of my creative work. I've never been so totally and wholly committed to achieving the life that I want to live where I feel almost detached from life altogether. I'm closer to embodying what I call “wonderment” than ever before.

I want to talk about something that has come up every time I've approached this gate before that has gotten me to turn back. It is irritatingly effective. Primarily this “gatekeeper” manifests in arguments from The Other, but I can't blame the Other for continually buying it. I've certainly talked myself out of passing this gate before with the same argument. I'm making it a point to put it here so I know there's no excuses.

It concerns the nature of work & play.

We often think that work is “anything we need to do, but don't want to do.”

And we often think that play is “anything we want to do, but don't need to do.”

You may already see the problem if you're clever, but let's continue.

When we are on “the path” (as I call Ex Inanis), we are attempting to sculpt our lives into something holistic, or organic. We are ruthlessly looking for pockets of resistance and blockages to remove. We are seeking to remove all the “divides” within ourselves. That is, we are attempting to create an environment for ourselves to live in that effortlessly produces the life (the consciousness) that we want to embody.

Our holy grail is a state of effortless 24/7 flow.

We do not want to keep having to put “effort” into maintaining a particular stand of mind or life. It should automate itself.

This absolutely means we cannot continue participating in practices that actually run contrary to what we are trying to do. That seems obvious. Yet, if it was so obvious, we would not so often compromise with ourselves.

So, what is the the justification that has so often turned me back from doing the things that I want to do? What has created more complacency than anything else?

“You need to relax. No one can work all the time. You'll burn out. You need to unwind. Enjoy life."

This is a good example of mixing truth and lies. Ex Inanis would never tell you not to enjoy yourself. Ex Inanis is about achieving the ultimate joy.

I never needed a break from gaming -- I could game until my eyes bled. So why do I need a break from “work” that I want to do?

The problem is obvious -- perceiving the work as ‘work’ and perceiving the ‘play’ as ‘play' (as we have defined above.) Don't understand?

I have many goals I want to achieve in life but I will just give one example: I want to become a professional artist. So, the argument always goes: “Well, you can't draw all the time. Everyone needs time off.”

Every time my heart has just gone “Huh? That doesn't make any sense. Why can't I draw all the time? Why would I burn out?"

I perceived the art as “work”, so it was something that I needed to do, but didn't want to do (even though I did).

I perceived the games as “play.” I never thought I would burn out on video games -- so I didn't. So what is stopping us from applying the same perception to ANY ACTIVITY IN LIFE? Nothing. Nothing at all. Except this whole “work/play” polarity. That's the trap.

Work drives you into the arms of play and play abuses you until you need to work. Should we glorify this as “balance” or a clever ruse to keep you running in circles?

We remove the divide. We merge work and play. Then it becomes -- “anything we need to do, we want to do" and its inverse is implied -- "anything we want to do, we need to do.”

Now there is no blockage.

Balance emerges when we are living Authentically, or in concert with the heart. We can't necessarily predict what that balance will look like -- we just trust that it will arise.

There are complications here, of course -- the primary fault of gaming, in my opinion, is the sense of satisfaction / achievement it creates. Removing our hunger from our heart's desires or self improvement is a recipe -- for you guessed it -- Nonsense/complacency/entropy. So gaming was always a "double whammy", but gaming could just as well have been any human vice.

But that is the gist. Now we practice removing any idea of work & play from our lives, transmute this into just "being" or "doing" and start enjoying the activities that embody the life that we want to live.