#we didnt win but it rly shows the game sense we all had

[pybun]

the most impatiently patient octane

[theday]

mx in sg: the experience

FHJGDGHSHGFGGHD as usual starting off with the keyboard smash anyway! ill be talking about my experience seeing mx live yesterday (3/3) second part is abt when mx were on stage but its quite dry bc i dont remember much

ill be going in chronological order so [jooheon voice] lets get it

i was gonna meet my friend (karissa) at 3:30 because we were going to meet the person selling us our tickets at 4pm but that got delayed until like 5pm which was fine though

anyway i met her and we started queueing because although official queuing was supposed to start at 6pm they pushed it forward to 3pm (which was unfortunate for those who were busy and couldnt come until much later - the organizer never released an official statement saying the queuing started earlier) 

so as soon as karissa and i arrived at like. the place (near the venue) we got lost for about a whole 5 minutes lmao so i texted james asking him where the hell . they were and we made it and joined the queue immediately (we were the last few people of the second batch) 

we just sat there and. collected freebies and our banners (for the fan events) while we waited for the seller to come give us our tickets 

when they came i was like . fucking screaming because one of the seller was someone i knew from primary school (4 years ago) and i was likeudghdgghdhsh??????? that was the highlight of the daydhfhs

after we bought the tickets and shit we were slightly concerned they wouldnt work lmao but they did god bless

while we waited for the doors to open and stuff a group of people did dance covers of mx songs and later other groups too everyone was cheering for them which was nice fgfghdgh

the hype died down and we just waited quietly until it hit 6pm and i started listening to the day6 stream LMAO but after 4 songs i had to stop because suddenly everyone was standing up?? 

for nothing though because we sat down like 30 minutes later at around 7? 7:30? everyone stood up again and this time people were given wrist tag things u kno.. ya there were three (?) kinds i think gold for those who held a superfan ticket, pink for general admission and some other colour for those who got tickets for free and could sit on chairs dhdghs 

it was a free standing event in an outdoor space so superfan ticket holders got to stand closer to the stage? and those with general admission had to stand behind us and it was separated by a barricade 

we entered at like 8pm because we were the second batch (there was a third batch behind us) and it was already filled?? not exactly but from where we were standing we couldn’t really see the stage 

in the end we were in the middle which wasnt exactly the best but its definitely better than those standing all the way at the back rip 

i think at like 7:45 they started playing the music videos and everyone was shouting the lyrics it was cute i loved it but my throat told me to die after i yelled for like all of their mvsjhdgdghd 

also when all in played u bet my ass i jumped up and downdhg

also water wasnt allowed inside which i think is normal so i chugged mine down as fast as i could before entering (i had a little left and the lady let me in with it thanks queen) (i drank it all before they even came on stage)

the hype was real though and it was great 

when it hit 8:30pm the introduction video started and suddenly i was getting pushed forward and wow . dont go if ur not a fan of people invading your personal bubble. i wish fans had more sense to Not push around and stuff but what can we do rip 

other than that when they came out oh gOD when they came out i was likebfhgddgs??!?!??!?! i had to stand on my tip toes to see them

they started with beautiful and i was liek. dissociating i jsut sang along and shit it was amazing?????? 

the first person i saw was kihyun and then minhyuk?? i dont remember who else i saw but iw ss losing my fucking mind over how good everyone looked

anyway after that was um.............. fuck. .... i dont know..........

IFMFHGHSGF IM CRYING MY BRAIN TOLD ME TO DIE

white love maybe? i think they did like an introduction of themselves ??

anyway ill figure the songs out later they started playing games i think or was that another time im bad at this clearly 

ask james for the details of the songs i dont remember shit from that i just remember singing along to the songs badly and moving my arm back and forthhfgsgh 

also team work makes the dream work because karissa was recording and i helped her to zoom in and ensure they looked human with the brightness and stuff fhjdgsgh 

but !! everyone did the fanchants really well it was so heartworming 

also during white love they made us do that one part u know the one and it was awesome!!!!! during white sugar they threw m&m’s and i got to get a good look at their faces without having to look at the screen!! 

honestly was good too god im so happie 

hm. they did a mon-story time and showed us pics from previous eras (trespass > i dnt remmeber fuck > beautiful world tour > mxray > first win) ?? might be wrong dghdgs and they talked about stuff that happened i blanked out though so i dont know what they said 

also when they flashed the first win part they started throwing hands @ each other usual mx shit dhjgsgd

we chanted monsta x and they chanted monbebe back at us :-( i love them

i think changkyun said he doesnt wnat to do another season of mxray LMAODHFGHHGS fucking loser 

the translator made me laugh he was super monotone fhgdghfsh

then they played mon-ccaso dghghfsh and drew what they wanted to eat with singaporean mbb!!

there was a bug in front of wonho and he got !!!! fhdgh cute .

shownu: ????? what was it ?? a drink it looked like a cocktail and kihyun was like “non alcoholic” dghffsgs

wonho: ice cream!!! hes so cute his drawing was so cute also he wrote monbebe before they announced the game his handwriting is so pretty tf

minhyuk: ramyeon lmao (in his words: traditional korean noodles) 

kihyun: uh oH HE DREW A CRABFGHGSHS and said chili and pepper crab!!!

hyungwon: he drew a shrimpfhggdgs fucking . it was so cute

jooheon: mandu!! or dumplings :D

changkyun: water. JHDHGDGSG KING HONESTLY IW AS LIKE JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT!! love me a water stan 

anyway they talked about what they drew and when it came to minhyuk’s turn he was like guess and everyone just shit on him DHJDHSHG 

some examples: “hair” Gghdhg and some fans (including me) screamed cucumberhjfghgs let this man live 

minhyuk also tried to make fun of jooheons drawing but it failed bc none of us understood his joke

so they made us vote by screaming and they each stood up while holding their sketchbooks and we’d scream

winner was changkyun (i yelled my heart out and jumped bitch)

FHGSGG W INNER HAD TO DO AEGYO THOUGHDG played urself

they did oppaya and i think there are fancams somewhere

then they made wonho do it hhdggs best 1 minute of my life

after that was uhh??????? brain machine broke i dont know im not even going in order anymore

they either did from zero first or the fan videos were shown first

if so the fan videos were of fans talking about how much they love/appreciate mx and it was sweet after that we raised our banners for the fan vid

and then the CAKE came for wonho and we sang happy birthday to wonho (kihyun asked us to sing once too at the start hjdghgsg we did that in english this time it was in korean) 

also funny hfgdhgs thing... they talked in korean and a lot of people replied in korean so they got shockedhfgh FUCJ DAY6 ok safe im listening now

i think they (minhyuk?) asked who thought/if he was handsome and got rly happie when we said yea

after him someone asked too LOLJHDGSG

back 2 whatever fdsh um oh yeah the cake was done to look like ramyeon in a pot :D ill add a link

wonho cut himself with the knife D-: babie 

he kept wanting to eat it though so hopefully he liked it 

maybe after that they did from zero???? ufhffghsgghdg idk

after that was hero!!!!!!! god we were all so pumped 

shine forever next 

and then they stopped to take a break i thinkfhgshgd 

at some point they asked fans (a jooheon stan and a wonho one) what songs they liked :-D the jooheon one said beautiful and the other said ill be there if im not wrong

they also made the rappers sing bits from some songs hfgsg i dont remember which songs tho hdhs

changkyun tried his besthjdg

they did their ending ment and went to dramarama!! 

after that it was silent for like 5 minutes max as we chanted mx and for encore

they came out and did ill be there (?) (first verse to chorus) and talked again before doing 5:14! 

they were dressed in casual tshirts which was a relief hjghgdh because it was reallly fuckng hot hdh changkyun mentioned the weather too sorry dude thats life

they waved at fans and played amongst themselves kihyun dumped water on jooheon LMAO i got a clear view of that

stay hydrated !

they just kept dumping water on each other i love a family :-D

and then they said bye and left

jooheon kept going byEE though dhgdhs hes so cute :-( 

ok heres what i thought abt the monstas themselves

kihyun looked especially good with that tie by the way 

jesus i got to see wonho with dark hair i truly. died

ALSO SHOWNU LOOKS SO HANDSOME IRL!!!! MY WIG WAS SNATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!

hyungwon was rly cute too when he interacted with the fans :-(

there was one time wonho smiled and it was caught on the screen i . felt my heart burst in that moment

alsowwhen minhyuk took center position for their choreos he has this ?? charisma ??? its amazong like the one smirk/grin he does u know that? yeah i saw it in beautoful and died

joohoen and changkyun also did their best hyping mbbs up by yelling to sing along and stuff ihdjgf i love them

this is just mx loving hours 

also kihyun did the DHDHHSH EYE SMILE!!! HE DID IT SO MANY TIMES HE WAS SO HAPPIE I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didnt get to see jooheon much but he was so playful with minhyuk it was so cute!!!!!!! 

they all look so good and sound even better live!!! kihyuns adlibs god help me. 

i love them so much. i really do fhhdghghs im happy i went no more regrets and no more telling myself i didnt have a blast because i!!!! i loved every second of it even when i got someones hair stuck to my arm LMAO 

after it ended we immediately left for the exit andggdghs WOW standing up i was fine but moving?? moving was HELL my legs hurt so bad

ok so we got home and thats that but like.... heres where my self reflection comes in

so you dont have to read this part

i think. the reason i dont remember much is because.. i dont want to? like. at some point i got a clear view of wonho in the Flesh and i was thinkng about how i was really seeing them? for real????? and i got. really sad i think?? 

so to prevent myself from getting sad i probably tried to forget? everything?? theres also my bad memory of course but i cant even remember their faces i feel like its because im trying to forget or some deep shit 

anyway i think im also makig myself not be happy??? this is phrased v bad but its like im trying to kill the fun and only think abt the negatives of the whole event

which wasnt even much so its like. my minds blankfhjfhd

talking about it here helps though like i get to. share and actually talk about what happened so yeah i can say that i had fun even though i couldnt see them i had a blast singing along it was awesome

the only bad part was how i didnt like watching from the screens because it felt like i wasnt seeing them live?? ooMGHDDS DAY6 ARE DOING BETTTER BTTER

tldr; im not that upset over it now thank god and i can proudly say i had fun and although i cant remember much it was a great experience

thank you for coming to my tedtalk if you did <3

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #10: “ I'm a fucking Virgo. If you burn me I will never forget it.” - Jess

Dear Alyssa,

For someone who claims to have a HUGE interest in Astrology.... you seem to have forgotten the fact that I'm a fucking Virgo. If you burn me I will never forget it. You declared war and that's on YOU.

i hate this “we only start talking an hour before tribal” nonsense that this merge tribe has going on. like pls get your lives together sooner. i don’t even message ppl anymore bc we just do the “yaaa i haven’t heard anything” “me either” back and forth

i feel pretty hopeless in the game i’m ngl, fully think we should just wrap it up now and give zach the win

alyssa is an emotional and illogical player who came into the merge with the goal of miguel and luke being voted out for voting against her premerge. she didn’t think of the long term, only revenge. it’s embarrassing.

i don’t rly have an endgame path. or anything anymore. i miss luke and stephen.

So, yesterday was a bit of blindside for me. Not even really because Luke left, I woke up that morning willing to vote him out myself, but because I was unable to get Karth, Tim, or Alyssa on my side. I don't think any of them are truly "against me" at this point but it's a little worrying that Luke left over Jake, who I still don't really have a strategic relationship with.

Alyssa confronted me last night saying that other people had gone to her and said that I was planning to target her once Jake was gone. This isn't exactly true, but it has enough basis in reality since I have talked in the "4-elements" alliance about how we should target Jake before going after Alyssa. I'm not sure who went to her with this idea, nor do I know if she was even approached with it in the first place. Alyssa has deceived me for 2 votes now. First, she outright lied to me about voting Zach out at F10 (I still don't technically have confirmation of this, but it makes sense that she'd take out Luke/Miguel as soon as possible). More evidence supporting that she lied is that the former Kato2.0 side decided to vote Luke out next, which would be odd if he was the one to flip to their side at the first merge vote.

The second thing she lied about was being on the fence at this last tribal council.  After Luke was gone she told Jess that we "should've known she didn't want Jake out" despite her never saying that to us. It's clear that Alyssa had planned to vote Luke out as soon as she knew this would be a 5-4 vote. But she lied to me about that and wasted my time up until the very last minute.

Basically, what I'm saying is... it's getting exhausting to try and work with her strategically. It's not like Ally/Jess/Karth, who I feel I can talk frankly and honestly with. I want her and Jake gone. Jake hasn't really "wronged" me in anyway, but I can tell him and Alyssa have to at least be a little close so the jury can have both of them. Honestly, I kinda want them both gone more than Zach at this point. I'm doing my best to win this upcoming immunity challenge so people stop going behind my back, but if Zach were to win.. well... I certainly have a few alternatives in mind.

I am feeling a bit stuck in this game. With Zach in the game I feel my game is pretty restricted and I would feel too bad to backstab him. I already felt bad for voting Luke. I just dont know what to do here.

i have no idea what’s happening

zach and karth have reached out to me about potentially trying to reconcile and ofc i’m open to that

i’m kinda worried they’re voting jess out and i hope not bc i love her

i wish i had any kind of idea what i was doing

i wish luke didn’t get voted out

i wish this idol search made sense

i wish i was a little bit taller i wish i was a baller

So apparently Zach and Jake are throwing around Stephen's name with my name as an alternative. I'm not surprised at all at this rate. I figured this would happen as soon as I took my strike at both Zach and Jake.

The only possible saving grace from this all is that both Alyssa and Tim let me know about it. This kind of gives me a glimmer of hope that both of them aren't willing to at least vote me out at this stage in the game. If they'd did.. they'll look like idiots because I'm playing such a horrible game. I have yet to make a big move or win an immunity, I don't have any solid alliances aside from "The Last Hope" which honestly just a circumstantial alliance and most likely we die soon. Taking me at this point is ridiculous because I'm literally the perfect person to sit final 3 with right now.

My game plan at least now is.. I want either Zach or Jake to go. If I can work the angle of Jake or Zach trying to get me out as a way to sway people who think I'm their best friend in this game... yeet. If not I am dead and I will write my own eulogy....

If I get voted out because I lost immunity by 1 point.. I WILL FUCKING RIOT.

Ok so sorry for the lack of confessionals going on I have a lot (of good things) happening in my life atm. Anyways, I got sent to the basement which sux and now the vote is super stressful!!! I'm pretty much pulling a lot of strings within the tribe atm and trying to balance it all! I have Zach and Jake in my pocket completely!! Jake and Alyssa are like on my coat tail and Jess/Stephen/and Ally are in their grave ready to be destroyed lmaoo. Fingers crossed I don't go home.

im vulnerable, and it's an hour til tribal. i'm unsure of what's going to happen. here's a quick recap:

A - i go to ally/stephen to encourage reconciling. i think this is genuinely smart as we are all 'big threats' and it's stupid to let middle players slide by while helping pin bigger threats against one another. they basically end up agreeing (more so stephen). B - alyssa and tim come to me (separately) saying that they are throwing my name around, and tim goes even further to say that they want to split between me / jake. this sounds really believable based on track record. C - ally pms me saying that she heard X told Jess who told her that i'm targeting stephen. i say it's true, but under the circumstances that people are saying they are going after me. D - we talk in the "alliance" chat and come to a conclusion that jake should be the vote as he best fits the "middle player" role, thus being dangerous. though i disagree, i'm in no position to bury karthik/tim in a hole. E - with karthik spearheading, i help flip the vote from stephen to jess. this is because jess will weaken that side, and i don't trust her. at all. on top of that, it helps me not worry as much abt alyssa being sketchy & it keeps my promise 2 stephen/ally in the sense of not voting stephen (and i can argue saying that with them lying at merge, i had to be reaaaalllllyyyy cautious). F - i'm unsure about my idol. it could still happen. right now i'm leaning towards playing my idol because i want it GONE. by using this idol, here are the outcomes: F.1 - the vote is 4-4 or even more slanted, and i idol successfully, meaning jess will leave this game. F.2 - i receive 0 votes and completely waste it. this makes me more vulnerable, but also, could help if i utilize it correctly/effectively. F.3 - I receive 3 votes (give or take) and it's ineffective but shows that i can't trust ally/stephen and by attachment, jess (who should be gone). i guess my preferred order would be F1 -> F3 -> F2 just because if i use it, i want it to be as effective as possible since wasting an idol isn't going to help my case at FTC (which is already weak LSDGKDSLGDSH).

my gut is really sick (as always bar f9.. so just f10). i don't THINK i'm getting any votes, but u can never be too sure. to elaborate on the entire point of 'F', i want to go over pros n cons of idolling (and wasting it). PROS: - no more paranoia for me (GOD BLESS) - i'm much more vulnerable, meaning they may not target me (double-sided) - im 100% safe regardless, and in f7. CONS: - im more vulnerable; easier to target. - ppl are shook bc i dont trust them/ didnt tell them - its wasted and doesnt help my FTC case.

and lastly, who has the idols? [based on tribe idols] CONFIRMED: me . (OG Takagi idol) LIKELY: alyssa (the only person who could have two) COULD POSSIBLY HAVE ONE: stephen (someone probs has attila, i think itd be him or alyssa). karthik (basement king, but def not tribal idol probs .) jake (og kato, could have the kato idol). NOT LIKELY: tim (og takagi/nu-kato. both idols were gone, so i doubt it. but, maybe basement??) jess (unless she worked w alissa n found attalia, it's no) DEFINITELY NOT: ally (was on OG Takagi (my idol) and takagi post-swap, so unless swap idol, N/A).

Jess is voted out 5-3. She becomes the fourth member of our jury.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode 14: “It’s Five Guys Burgers and Fries” - Mo

AAAAAA AHRRE IS GONE!!! IM IN FINAL 5!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS SO FUCKING EXCITING

its been so nervewracking this entire game holding my idol... not knowing when to play it... being a paranoid mess?? but im legit in f5. here. about to play my idol and show everyone that i had the social + strategical game to be able to NOT ONLY KEEP IT BUT FIND IT. like knowing im in f4 is so fucking validating and ik im not there yet but i'm not pulling a loris and giving myself 5th lol. and even better than that ryan has had his idol from fucking like day 2 and we've been able to keep them in this long and i love him soooooo much hes honestly one of my bestest friends nnnn

i just feel really bad bc ive acted to tobi that im his #1 for so long.. i told him about my idol.. i tricked him into voting ahrre @ 6 so that we could vote ryan at 5 knowing he has the idol like. idk if hes gunna forgive me. LOL ALNFJBFG but its just something i need to prove at ftc ):

i jus treally dont want 3rd again. i dont think i'll get 4th. i just. want a chance to showcase my game bc i'm so fucking proud of it you have no idea like.. i've been with the majority.. i've never voted wrong. ): i've had the social. i've had the strategy. i dont know what more i could possibly do to prove that this is a winning game and the most nervewracking thing is doing a live tribal where idk how the jurors are gonna react bc half of them probably hate me and i'm legit gonna put my heart and soul into speaking my game into like 5 mins and im just scared that the jurors r gonna discredit it like ya i was a cunt alkjfhbfg but i know i played one of the best games here n idk how i'd react on call liek id probably just full on leave.. alkjfnfg

idk this is just a really long confessional bc i needed to get my feelings out there lol im just rly close and itll really suck to go home so close after controllin this game

Okay, so Im here. Yay. I knew I was getting voted and others didnt want to split votes. So im happy Ahrre didnt have an idol. So im wondering now, its final 5... have there been ANY idols?. Have we just been blindsiding them all with their idols?  Like what. So I need immunity just incase everyone but me has an idol.

So I feel like I really need to win this challenge. One because its final 5 and Idols. Two because I NEED Tobi to go this round. I brought up the idea to Scott and he said ye, but the conversation quickly ended after that, which scares me tbh. Regardless if I win or not, I am still going for Tobi, I recon he has the greatest chance of winning out of this final 5, so I need him gone. He is also good at immunities which just puts more stress on me making the finale. I think there is a chance I could win against Tobi, but there is a much better chance without him there next to me. Besides this is looking like a final 2 now, which makes my chances of getting to the end, relying on winning immunity

I WON IMMUNITY WOOO. HEHEHE

uhm. so i lost immunity. again. ALNFHBG reoccurring trend...

its cute tho. me and rhys are so similar and i love him sm and i cant wait to get to the end of this game with him hehe. :*

n then me and ryan are idolling and its like :)) yay. love him as well.

feel bad 4 tobi tho rofl

It’s Five Guys Burgers and Fries and APPARENTLY, Tobi and Ryan are targeting eachother which of course I’m like screaming with excitement on the inside because I think I’m going to beat my personal record of 5th. I might even make it to final tribal council, like I know that’s a stretch but IM SO HAPPY.

it's only day 35 huh.... we really have a final 2 HUH...... anyway yay Tobi didn't win immunity so yay we can take him out <3 Scott tells me him and Mo are under the impression i'm leaving but lol they got another thing coming. Rhys is also down to take out Tobi so whew. should be a cute moment at tribal with me n scott playing our idols but we'll see hehe

So it may be a final 3 now that I think about the days idk.

Regardless Tobi needs to go this round. Hardly anyone has started to talk which would scare me, if I didn’t have immunity. If Tobi goes this round I want to take Mo to the end. I know I can beat him then I just have to worry about Scott or Ryan.

i cant wait 2 IDOL!! i sure wont be using it successfully. bc im legit getting no votes NNNNN but. the point is. i'm here 2 stay. lol.

bye bye tobi hope u dont hate me in jury x

im so excited to use my idol and blast tobi out of this game tn.... not that i need the idol to do that exactly, but i'm excited for both hehe. it's kinda weird how this game has ended up unraveling... like, everything has gone my way pretty much and it didn't require all that much effort from me?? does that mean i played poorly omg or is that just how it be sometimes? hm. i can't say i'm 100% confident my game can earn me the win but i definitely feel like i played decently? i'm kinda sad it's probably gonna end up being a final 2 bc i wanted rhys and scott at ftc with me but oh well. i'm confirmed final 4, practically guaranteed a firemaking at least bc i dont think scott will turn on me at all and i wouldnt turn on him, so wig i have really good chances of making final 3 yayyyy. i've been thinking a lot about tribal tonight and what to say when i use the idol... i wanna make it good and impactful and send a message to the jury that hypes up my game a bit hopefully. idk we'll see if my shyness allows me to be extra lfkasd

the two truly vulnerable ppl at tonight's tribal, aka Mo and Tobi, are voting together for me instead of for each other hnnnnn i have to laugh. i think scott been playing them like a fiddle and i'm lowkey hoping they both end up really bitter at him so i can maybe win their jury vote hehe. also ugh i need to rack up at least 3 more votes so i can snatch the most votes crown from Michael... it would look better on me hm. i think i can do it if those 2 really vote me tonight and unless i dont go on an immunity run which... i wouldnt hate either

at this point i really hate luck comps this late into the game... like ugh but what can i do about it... rhys winning is better than ryan winning BUT it wouldve been nicer if me/scott/mo couldve won in case ryan pulls out an idol... we have a lot less flexibility going into tribal

So like scott has been lowkey shady lately BUT idk there really isnt much i can do about it at this point if he's blindsiding me since he has an idol and rhys has immunity soooo like its tea really... i know mo is 100% on board with voting out ryan and he asked scott and scott said ryan as well BUT it could be a lie to mo to cover up a blindside on me and like its highkey annoying that scott is the flip vote this round because he has connections and whatnot but he was also down for taking out ryan and like... taking me out at this point makes no sense because ryan making it far is sooo bad for his game LKHDLKJSA like ryan has been targetted the entire merge and he's still here... bringing that to ftc is so dangerous like i went to ftc once with someone like that... did not end well LMFAOOOO but ya this vote is extremely important and i could either be thriving with this vote or I could be royally fucked

So, tribal is in 30 minuets, Its between Tobi and Ryan? Tobi hadnt approached me about voting Ryan, so it shows I was right about wanting Tobi out. However the fact that he went to Scott over me, shows that Scott is playing a good game aswell. (Or people think me and Ryan are a duo? which ive heard before).

Tobi is voted out 3-2.

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 9: “I'll Be a Fucking Pawn For Y'all If It Saves My Ass" - Carson

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHEN WILL THINGS ACTUALLY GO MY WAY?  NEVER. :/  

This sucks so much, y'all are awesome for getting Kait to her SECOND win.

That could've been cleaner. Yikes.

This vote obviously put me in something of a weird position. I was never going to vote Kait because of our alliance. And yes, I firmly believe she'd side with me over the alleged Malay-cult. She and I have been closer than a lot of allies I've had in these games so far. We're in lockstep, we're keeping each other sane, and we're not even talking exclusively strategy. The best alliances are formed by people who like each other's outlooks and attitudes, right? That's me and Kait right now.

I was also never going to vote Jack or Lydia because of our awesome Thotse quad with Wes. And I was not likely to vote Steffen unless there was a critical mass going his way. That left us with Ruthie (immune,) Carson and Jakey (on Kabru with me.) So, shit.

Anyway, I told MJ I might try to protect Jake if I could because they both want to work together. But the momentum started swinging his way, and it became even more locked in when he started targeting Kait. His best play would've been to target Steffen or Carson, and even then I'm not sure he could've rallied the votes. 

Not wanting to be totally screwed on Kabru after a blindside, I didn't really engage with Jake too much. He came to me asking me to vote with him, almost as a last resort I feel? We hadn't talked since the swap, and he only came to me at 6:30, even though I know for a fact he was talking with others throughout the day. He told me he had Ruthie, Jack and Steffen locked in. I knew the latter two just weren't true. So rather than give him false hope, I checked with the latter two that their votes hadn't changed, then told Jake the votes weren't as locked in as he thought. 

And he, somewhat predictably, lost his shit. He didn't want to accept that, telling me that if I voted for him, he'd stay... that my vote was the difference maker... that I was too far up Kait's ass to see it... that I needed to grow a fucking backbone... that I'm pathetic.... that I'm terrible at the game...

Yeah, I've played enough games by now to know nothing good comes from engaging in someone who's resorting to personal shots. So I disengaged. And I think Jake may have forgotten there's a second game going on, in his blind rage? As a multiple-time pre-juror, I know for a fact that it's so not worth getting upset over. Shit happens, the game doesn't break your way. But attacking people over it accomplishes exactly nothing. From what I hear, it sounds like I got off easy too. Apparently he ripped hard into Carson, Kait, Lydia and Jack too.

I don't like when people are sore losers. I don't like when people go for personal shots in a game that's meant to be fun. But I especially don't like when people do both of the above to my friends. Fuck that noise. Any chance of me wanting to work with Jake on Kabru went out the window with that, and I'm sure he feels likewise based on that vote. If it makes sense, I might vote with him as a matter of necessity, but he's not long for this game if I have my say. Bye Felicia.

Normally I would've been more upset about the vote being delayed a few hours, but between the extenuating circumstances out of the hosts' control and the fact that Jake still would've been in the One World chat anyway, nothing noticeably changed. So, fuck it, what's two hours of waiting?

Anyway I like slither.io. It's not my best game, but I enjoy it. Can't wait to put up a high score and show Jake that he's not God's gift to competitions. "Oh mind you I’m the best competitor on this tribe. Not tooting my own horn, just looking back at past performances."??? Like, fuck you? One unnecessarily long endurance run in an early comp doesn't mean we should all just bow down to your *~clear challenge superiority~*. Different people are skilled at different things. 

I'm so glad nobody responded to his diatribe in the OW chat. The last thing he needed was to be enabled. His perspective is just that – HIS perspective. It's clear he doesn't really have a grasp of how this game is playing out, or else he might not have been the one to go last night.

Gage is super duper cute! But he never responds to my messages, so I am super duper not happy about that! Like, Gage, please. C'mon, Gage. Get it together. C'mon. I sent him what I did in the adventure, and you know the response I got? It was a riveting, rambling silence. Like...? What!? Didn't Gage WIN once or something?? How did he manage that??? Did he sleepwalk there, or were the other people in the final tribal council just that bad? I am completely befuddled.

Oh MJ really just threw me under the bus eh? I can't believe I got the full Olympics experience in one night. Choke.

Oh not me getting one of the highest scores on both my tribes for a flash game!? What a foreign concept. 

safe in both games, so i have time to work on RELATIONSHIPS and read my book on how to win survivor so i can win this!!!!

please help

mj and pat treating me like pawns for the adventure! love it.

ill be a fucking pawn for yall if it saves my ass but an idol or something WOULD be nice.

In other news, Jimmy is the bee's knees. Yes, he is! He is so very cool! Yes, he's hip!

me and kait on call

i think theres an imbalance of trust between mj and i.

i trust him wholeheartedly as hes my only close ally, but he sees me as expendable from what i get from our conversations. he barely responds and i obviously seem to be of lesser priority? but idk maybe im just paranoid, but im holding on for dear life

me pressuring mj into sending his screenshots of his latest chats and seeing almost all of them are about the game! how iconic.

LISTEN I REALLY WANNA KILL THE OA TONIGHT. LIKE I WANT OWEN TO LEAVE. i'm just in this STUPID FUCKENING SPOT in the middle of jenn and jimmy and LOGI-WAN????????? IS LEAKING SHIT TO JENN THAT I WANT JENN OUT ??? OR SOME SHIT LIKE WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT SDGJSDKLSD;  GOD. 

i have more to say but i will wait for after class but i'm still like i legit don't know what i wanna do

i'm gonna need a pair of cargo shorts for all the people logi-wan thinks i have in my pockets!!!

Sorry that I've been kinda AWOL but it's because I've been feeling pretty shitty about my position in the game as a whole. I'm very lucky to have Matt in the game who is always willing to have strategic conversations that I know will provide me with a secure outlet that's not going to make my position even worse. I told him I planned on making a fake idol but idk if I'll go ahead with exposing that I have an "idol" to my tribe due to current changes in circumstances that I'll talk about later. Jakey's exposing of the tight Malaysian core alliance has made them change their tune which I'm really happy about because I'm sure I'm the target tonight (thanks Owen, you suck), but thankfully Jimmy exists and wants to work with me to pull off some move because the Malaysian's are going whack and he is thankful I saved him all that time ago back in Easter Island? I- I didn't do that much except kill my own game but thank you for willing to switch shit up! 

It looks like their might be a chance I will stay tonight, however there are several different stories being played out on this tribe. Logan told me flat out it's me. However Jimmy told me Logan approached him and Jenn to vote out Gage? I don't get why when clearly Gage showed him loyalty? I'm not complaining cuz it means the vote would not be on me. But I think it's gonna be on me since Jenn reassured that it probably was. So it would come down to MJ voting with Jenn/Jimmy over Owen/Logan. Alternatively I could be a total bitch and expose a plan if I'm totally unsure what to do, or 10 minutes before tribal I could post my fake messages and idol that I found to hopefully send them into a panic and switch their votes off me and onto someone not me. It's a tough position to be in cuz I don't want to reveal I've an idol and for it to backfire somehow, but also how it may look untrustworthy to my alliance if I "had" an idol and didnt "play" it. So hmm. I'm concerned because Gage seems to be going after Logan now but is trying to get Owen? I fear this is where it could blow up. 4 of these people are going to both tribals so it's a very tricky situation. If the plan falls apart, the votes might just all fall back onto me because I'm the "easy vote". I have to see what happens and make a calculated decision before tribal that will work in my favour.  

It could be game over, or game on. 

So like, I want Gage to go home. He is going to both tribals like Jenn, Jimmy, and Owen. Lydia and Owen are in the minority in Game B, so I'm thinking they're going to be easy boots because Gage is close to Kait. Well, I don't want that to happen, obviously. They're both my allies. But I'm also on good terms with Jenn and Jimmy, so I don't want them to go. Kait isn't an option because Kait isn't going to both tribals, and no one wants an angry, scorned Kait in the game. That's like leaving a provoked bear in the game. No thanks! Plus I'm good with her, too. That leaves Gage, and he made it super easy for me to want him gone by not speaking to me at all, lol. I sent you the receipts of my adventure, the least you can do is respond! Rude!!! Anyways, yeah, Gage should go. Also, he is trying to target me, I guess? Which is also not cool. Good Guy Gage is going down.

please god

WHOA I WON THAT IMMUNITY HUH!!!!!! im honestly not that worried if we lose just bc ik i have mj ruthie and matt on my side no matter what and that would at least tie it. but basically i tried to go on call with owen and kait to smooth over some relationships... i rly intended to work with owen if he would let me but he went and told kait the one piece of information i told him which was that i heard that lydia and kait made a deal to stay.. owen u rly know how to piss me OFF huh

i had a pretty good call with kait and i hope it was enough that if mj did keep me if we lose on tribe b, she wouldn't flip her shit and come after mj. mj is literally the saving grace of my game and ill do anything for him in this game. if that means i gotta be fake with kait and pretend like i wanna smooth things over and work together then ill do that. anyway ruthie is a legend and will win this season bookmark THAT

I've been laying SUPER low.  Like, I apologized to Kait and told her I was close to voting her out because she scares me as a player or whatever, but that I really wanted to work with her because we didn't get a chance to work together in Trashy, and then I also threw in how my good friend Ashley Sarah liked playing with her so much when Kait was catfishing in Canaries and hopefully we bonded a bit.  SHE FREAKING TERRIFIES ME but if working with her keeps me around longer, I'm all for it.  I'm not going to try to make anymore big moves for awhile because as much as I want to, I don't want to piss off the rest of the people in the tribes.  

My goal now is to stay close with Steffen, Steve and keep talking to Pat because he's just so nice.  He's genuinely the nicest person playing in my opinion.  I'm also going to stay close to Jakey, he's my number one, and I'm going to stay close to Carson as well, and just try to stay on his good side and stuff.  I don't want to take Carson to the end, there is no way.  As much as I love Steffen I'd rather not take him to the end either.  Jakey I could see, going all the way with but we both have to stay in order for anything like that to actually happen.  

I don't know if I made the right choice in putting my foot down about voting Jimmy over Gage. Every option seems bad in my opinion, but I think I've made it pretty clear I want Gage around, just to turn my back and vote him next time... I don't know. This will probably bite me in the ass somehow, like maybe Gage is lying to me and Lydia will end up going, or idk god knows what will happen....

Nobody has really talked to me since I went to dinner at 6:30... So part of me just feels like I'm getting clocked on both tribes. Either way, I guess I'll see what happens. 

I don't want this to be the end, really, and I don't know if it's smart to try and take control in a game where everything spreads like fire and is painfully obvious. I just gotta keep crossing my fingers, huH!

Time off???? from this game????? A concept! I don't know what to do with my hands.

gage is leaving????? maybe.... even tho i'd prefer owen leaving but... everything is so risky and shaky at this point im so KJDFHJKDHS NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 

This may be my last confessional! I decided against playing the fake idol card because I didn't want it to blow up the plan currently in place. If it goes how I hope I should survive but I've still got low expectations. Secondly, I'm a bad explainer of things and I didn't want to get caught out and laughed at because I made a silly idol. It's a card I'll keep in my pocket if I survive. If not, I'll be thankful to those who tried to keep me in the game and I'll wish my allies luck in surviving. But fingers crossed and all the other stereotypical survival things to say. Lets goooooooo

I guess Gage is coming for me, so I had to switch my vote against him. If he knew how much I'd been doing to protect his ass, maybe he'd think differently.

It's a shame when people's stupid decisions prevent others from doing the right thing. Oh well! STUPID.

I had three calls the hour before tribal with Jenn, Lydia, and Owen and they were all concerned with getting Gage out, and then he gets voted out unanimously in both games. I'm glad all that time I spent trying to get him out wasn't wasted. Bye-bye, Gage! Don't target me next time, okay?

Whew I am so happy I survived but extremely sad that it came at Gage's expense. I really would've loved to work with him because he's honest, caring, charming etc. He's just a all round good guy and buddy. I'm also interested that suddenly I'm making a whole pack of new friends? Kait (although drunk) is talking to me for the first time since day 1 and secondly Owen has found his voice to chat to me! So I'm very interested to see what position this could put me in. I'm also shook that Matt thought my idol was real? I told him it was fake before I made it gdfihgkol. Maybe I should pull it out if it's convincing enough! Also I'm surprised Lydia came to me and goes "you're welcome". Um. I'm not sure you swung the vote on my tribe to Gage considering there was talk of it being him at lunchtime today? Like. I'm crediting Jenn and Jimmy for that one so sorry this isn't Port Royal and I'm a different player. Just cuz I'm in a shitty position doesn't mean I'm not beginning around for whatever scraps I can find. I HOPE this tribal is  turning point for me, but you hosts are sending us all to tribal again so I'll probably get taken out as the easy vote, but I trust Jenn/Jimmy to at least tie it for us.