#we been knew that katagawa is gay but i say he’s also there for the stache just like me

[goldie-claws]

I know folks love joking that everyone does not like Rhys’ mustache, but in Katagawa’s case, I bet he secretly does like it and that’s why he’s so overly-friendly with Rhys to the point he might as well be flirting ghjkdfg.

[big-meows]

Borderlands 3 final thoughts

disclaimers:

Fuck randy pitchford. I mean, obviously i feel like that goes without saying, yes I bought the game, i like the series and sometimes a bitch just wants to sink 70+ hours into a hyper-violent but ultimately goofy, non-threatening video game in a stressful time, sue me.

to that end, yes I played on easy. I also played solo. 

i play for fun and i dont fuck with build culture or w/e. i picked moze because i know her VA personally, and that was my only deciding factor.

I play on the ps4 so frankly i have no horse in the epic/steam debacle. I dont really care.

i didnt play bl1 but ive played the others.

spoilers. all the spoilers.

Anthony burch deserved better. I cant believe i have to see “at least im not anthony burch” in the year of our lord 2019 but its still happening out there. He deserved better, and this game is proof. maybe bl2 was “memey,” but it had a solid foundation and a great villain. TPS was also good, i think, honestly i only played it once and I dont remember it super well. Tales is the best in the franchise, and yes it counts, shut up. Burch’s absence is felt here. the story is weak, the villains are flat, and everything is written with the energy of a man who thinks everything that comes out of his mouth is fucking hysterical. like, im not even mad at “big dock energy” or the other stupid, already dated goofs, Im mad that every NPC was painful to listen to, or that rhys, arguably one of the most developed characters in the BL universe by virtue of the game he came from, was 90% mustache jokes. All these characters are like the versions that come out of fandom a year later, flanderized and already boiled down to their one token joke and repeated forever and eternity. You just met Lorelei and she seems cool, but man she REALLY NEEDS HER COFFEE AND IT IS HER ONLY DEFINING PERSONALITY TRAIT LOL!!!

Vaughn is The WORST, BRO

i dont think anyone really grows imo. Im particularly irritated by ava, who i very much want to like! but she has like three stock phrases she uses throughout the entire game, so after maya gets evaporated, you go talk to her and shes like “WOW this ship is cool, so much shit to steal!” like, you couldnt program her to sulk or not want to see anyone for a while? come on.

influencers as villains could have been really powerful if it had been introduced gradually, but mostly it was just obnoxious and too on the nose. troy and tyreen were very hollow. you get brief glimpses of humanity in them, but they’re so rare it almost feel like an accident. You get one(?) mention of their childhood before you finally stumble fully into the plot in the last few hours of the game. troy’s “betrayal” could be spotted a mile away despite it being hardly developed. I honestly dont even know if they loved each other or not? Was tyreen hurt by troy’s betrayal and subsequent demise? did troy look up to her and want to be her equal, or did he want out from under her shadow? i dont know. did i miss those echo logs? should the majority of the lore in a game be MISSABLE?

jack tracked well as a villain because you, over time, learned exactly how awful he was beyond “cocky corporate asshole who wants you dead” re: angel being his daughter. the twins are just....flatline obnoxious the whole way through.

sucks to be leda, apparently extremely badass but ultimately an afterthought who lives and dies offscreen only in recollections of the past.

sucks even worse to be fiona. i can tell you right now i wont be fucking with DLC unless it brings back fiona.

hammerlock saved this fucking game, he brings a certain dignity to the table that really helped level the tone after the rhys-katagawa stuff. Eden-6 was actually my favorite section of the game. loved hammerlock, loved jakobs, loved clay, and LOVED the jakobs estate. dunno why?? maybe because that level had me thinking “i could almost pretend im playing bioshock rn”

my GF absolutely hates the new claptrap. she’s right though. a claptrap that experiences emotions outside of “delusional exuberance” isnt actually claptrap

can my boy mordecai catch one single fucking break

is the vault hunter ever actually there? its really distracting how they’re never actually involved in cut scenes.

zer0 was too chatty. kind of kills the air of mystery.

gripes aside, i DID clock like 76 hours as moze, and i will probably continue to fuck around in it post game to clean up some extra stuff. might even start a zane of fl4k. the reviews promised it would be “more borderlands, nothing special” and thats what we got. it came at a time when i needed to remove myself from social media for a few weeks and lose myself in something mindless and violent, and it provided me with exactly that. its not elevated from BL2/TPS at all. the only improvement i can think of off the top of my head is being able to change quest objectives without entering a menu (thank god). it falls short in a series that always kind of had a low bar to begin with. disappointed but not surprised. i knew burch and eddings were both gone and that their absence would be felt. but i wanted to be gay and do crime anyway. so. you know. whatever. i got approximately what i paid for.

[burlesque-articulation]

The more I think about "canon" the more I just wanna toss the majority of it into a gasoline soaked bag and set it alight; letting the flames fuel the depths of my rage.

Anyways! I kinda went off below the cut so...

Cuz it's real interesting that we technically wouldn't have any idea why Maliwan wanted to take over Atlas if it weren't for stuff that was stated outside of actual canon—but even then, the whole schtick about "Katagawa just really wants to be friends with Rhys." makes absolutely no canonical sense.

Like, okay, let's look at what we know about Katagawa—or actually, what we've been told about Katagawa—, he apparently doesn't know how to makes friends. No, we have no idea if this is because he's never actually had friends before, or due to some other reason; his given reason for wanting to burn Atlas to the ground, is so he can make friends with Rhys Strongfork, by force, because... He likes Rhys? For who he is?

No. No, I don't— I can't— accept that as valid at all. No offense, but BL3 Rhys.. he's suuuper pathetic. We all know that he didn't 'work his way up the corporate ladder' to become the Atlas CEO, so much as the position fell into his lap after he crashed Helios Station and stole the Atlas deed. And he's not even really all that great at his job from what we, as the player character, get to see anyways. He just happens to be surrounded by people who are actually competent. And it's also made pretty damn obvious that if the Vault Hunter hadn't shown up when they did, Atlas would have lost against Maliwan. But I'm getting ahead of myself here— because none of this is all that important in regards to what I actually wanted to focus on.

So, back to the point, which is, why would Katagawa be interested in Rhys Strongfork? Is it because he crashed Helios? But would that even public knowledge? ((As an aside; it's doubtful that Hyperion would want it getting out that some twink took down their advanced, multimillion space station with nothing but a stun-baton; but hey this never really gets addressed in BL3 canon anyways)) Or is it because he "used to be a Vault Hunter (but not technically)", even though that never gets any real attention either?

If we look solely at Rhys' character, as he's shown in BL3 canon, I honestly can't see a damn thing about him that would make Katagawa want to wage war against him, specifically. But if we take that nonsense plot point away, then what other reason does Katagawa have to wage war across Promethea?

Well, making Atlas a Maliwan subsidiary is one hell of a fucking power move from the standpoint of someone who's looking to become CEO someday but is being held back by being the literal last in line to inherit; and still seems to be an after thought even after he takes care of that problem by committing mass fratricide, because whoopsy, one of his siblings is still kickin– uh oh! But let's say the takeover of Atlas is successful, Maliwan now has all of the Atlas Corporation's assets as their own, including all the fun eridian tech that might still be kicking around; paired with an agreement with the CoV that when the Promethean Vault is located and opened, Maliwan gets that too. That certainly might put points in his favour to becoming the next CEO.

Where would Rhysie be in all of this though? Had things turned out in Maliwan's favour? Well, Katagawa actually had some idea for that. "Vice President of Beach Drinks."

Yes, because that's exactly the kind of position you give someone you respect and hope to form a good alliance with. /s

No, no that's where you throw someone after they've played their part and you want them out of the way, but you still want it to look like you're playing nice. Give 'em a nice, cushiony job that would have zero (0) actual power in the grand scheme of things. And then ya forget that they're there because they've served their purpose.

But like, all that shite aside- post TFTBL Rhys, with that new suit, and the shiny chrome arm? That bitch would have gotten along swimmingly with Katagawa. Like he definitely still wouldn't have sold out Atlas but the banter? The Drama™? It would've been absolutely delightful. Post TFTBL Rhys knew his aesthetic, and was still a quality bitch when need be— the entire Promethea Arc could have been phenomenal petty gay drama from start to finish and it would have fun. BL3 Rhys just doesn't have the same spark to him. He's got no glam, or sense for the dramatiques, he's just... ┐( ˘_˘)┌