#we aren't even at the sad part yet guys idk how I'm gonna do it

[lovesosweeet]

fellow sad fic writers.... do you cry writing your own fics? bc i do.

[kalakilo]

ranking nightmare time episodes

under the cut because this is gonna be a long post and it is only for me and no one else<3

i recently finished all the nmt episodes and now that i have no more new hatchetfield content to consume i need to dish out feelings and opinions and i like ranking things i like. this is based on vibes mostly. and my attachment to these characters. i love all of these episodes and the entire cast and nick & matt lang for giving me so much lore to chew on. here is the brutal order of ranking my children

13. daddy

somebody had to be last......first of all i just wanna say jaime lyn beatty is a literal god for performing the double role of sherman and sheila young here, she IS versatility in human form. however young at heart just isn't one of my favourite songs and sherman & frank really aren't as compelling characters to me as some other ones in the hatchetverse and i feel like it doesn't offer that much more lore to me.

i do find that there is a lot to be said about the way sheila holds frank & toy zone hostage with her money and it's yet another case of characters using their money for power and glory in hatchetfield and how those characters eventually become victims of the lords in black and characters that abuse their power. i still had so much to say about this even though it's last on this list and that also speaks to how GOOD this series is okay

12. perky's buds

this one is just absurd????? i truly think perky's buds, jane's a car and hey melissa are the holy trinity of batshit nmt episodes.

this is essentially the most we ever learn about the hatchetmen and their descendants (the metzgers) which makes me a little sad, that lore i am still a bit lost on and honestly the amount of lore (and this being grace chasity's first appearance in canon) is mostly the only reason i prefer this one over daddy. also the fact that joey richter plays a monotone talking bird + emma finally gets her pot farm (even if it all burns down in the end</3). this one is just a little silly to me and the song isn't my favourite either, it's a taste of characters (like the metzgers and ziggs) and lore about the history of hatchetfield and i just wish we knew more

11. forever and always

this is my official apology to paulkins nation for having this ep so low lmao sorry guys

if i'm being honest my favourite part about this episode is how it weaves together with time bastard. idk if i'm allowed to say this out loud because i fear i'll get crucified by starkid / hatchetverse people but honestly i'm not *that* invested in paulkins as a ship.......i love that in this iteration they are just so fucked up and weird, i remember in the hotel scene thinking there is NO way paul wouldn't kill emdroid here. she is an EVIL ANDROID!!!! and then the reveal that he's actually paul 23 made so much sense. anyway i like this one and i REALLY like the song!! it's so fun having such a heartfelt sounding song at the top of the episode and then it actually being so fucked up by the end.

10. hey, melissa!

tbh i wanted this one to be higher because it was SO absurd in a way perky's buds could never even fucking dream of, i truly want to know what possessed nick & matt lang to think that the side character who has maybe four lines in tgwdlm likes dehumanizing men and turning them into her pets???

all this being said i think hey melissa gets a bit of a bad rep in the fandom. i actually think it's a very interesting episode, i will never ever stop thinking about WHY paul makes the decision at the end as he does? i think there is so much to dissect there and in general about paul as a character in this episode. we really don't learn a lot about paul in tgwdlm and in contrast, in the timeline of hey melissa we hear an entire story from his childhood that clearly impacted him a lot? and it's something he thinks about to this day!

i also really wonder the question of if he hadn't told that story, would melissa still have him held captive?? obviously melissa is not a very reliable character in the early part of the story, but paul's memory clearly affects her a lot? does she actually lose faith in him in that moment? and that's why she decides to keep him as her dog (of course he doesn't end up being one lmao) ? i just think there's a lot to be said about this episode! still, i am def forever haunted by this and can't never hear it the same when humans say bark or meow. also what do you MEAN you'd have to NEUTER him to let him OUTSIDE

9. the hatchetfield ape-man

this one has such a special place in my heart for whatever reason<33 full disclosure angela as lucy stockworth is also maybe 80% of why this is higher than the others so far, it's just so fun seeing her play a character who seemingly is just so innocent and sweet and has such a big heart but then who's also very aware of what she's doing and schemes a bit herself. i can't believe this is the only iteration of lucy stockworth what is she doing in the other timelines. i want to know.

also idk why but the reveal that ted was just playing konk fucked me UP!!! like that was insane. also as the first episode that has the cast and nick & matt still figuring everything out it's just very sweet and heartwarming which you cant say about a lot of hatchetfield content<33 honestly no real explanations for this one i just love angela giarratana and also jamie lyn beatty for singing HERE'S A LITTLE STORY BOUT THE HATCHETFIELD APE-MAN

8. watcher world

the scenes with the sniggles???? genuinely horrifying. the idea in itself that someone is always watching is so creepy, i think blinky is maybe actually the most terrifying lord in black. at least he manages to have the most terrifying nmt episode. the fact that he somehow makes a father and daughter almost kill each other and wants to watch for his own enjoyment like........this one actually haunts me sm!!!! wtf is that scene with alice and the blinky mascot!!!!!!

it's also one of the only hatchetfield stories with a genuinely happy ending with basically no catch. and after bill and alice's tragic fate in tgwdlm i'm so glad they also get a good ending<33 it's also just so lovely to see them actually bond in this story and we learn a lot about alice !

this one also has so many songs and i am of the opinion that snoozle town is genuinely heartbreaking and the way angela can just do that while singing the most insane shit like "and we'll have two snoozles that can snozzle / our own bayou where the boogle boggles flow with goo" is beautiful

7. jane's a car

GOT MY FOOT ON THE GAS ok im SORRY im sorry its just. funny

tbh i am a little sad this gets reduced to the car sex episode, i think it does have a lot to say about navigating grief when you feel like you've finally been able to move on and live life again and suddenly the person you lost is back in your life. and they're also a car.

not to mention the ending???? is fucking terrifying????? poor becky quite literally dies and the "mommy's home" paired with the way the script narrates the moment as "becky sits down and jane smiles". like that's. cunt

anyway just to conclude i really wish more people understood the more compelling parts of this episode and not just tom fucks a car!!!! dont overstimulate the cupholders!!!!!

6. honey queen

i was GAGGED seeing the editing quality step up from nmt 1. this is truly the cuntiest nmt episode because we pit two beautiful queens each other and BOTH just fucking perish lmao (that editing step up also contributed so much to the final scene being so terrifying. it's an incredible introduction to nibbly and the scene being followed by the nibbly ditty is just SO gooooooooooooooood)

something i did already mention when talking about daddy is the continued sort of "motif" that rich people either still always lose to the lords in black or (something that i didn't bring up last time) they themselves are corrupt and have essentially sold their souls to the lords in black. like gerald & linda lie, cheat, steal and kill their way to win this pageant and yet. they still both die.

also also!!!!! i love that we learn how linda ended up so incredibly cold and uncaring. like it's not just from being rich as fuck, it's also trauma from being mocked, ridiculed and ignored throughout your entire childhood. i think roman murray might genuinely be the most evil character in hatchetfield and i loooove how jon matteson plays him. king shit

i also just love. gerald and linda. they are so fucked up and so perfect for each other. the way gerald helps her so much to sabotage the pageant and is her BIGGEST cheerleader, knows that deep down linda does not like her father and is afraid of him and literally gets himself killed essentially in support of her.............i love them.

5. time bastard

i'm gonna be honest i wasn't ted's biggest fan after tgwdlm so i didn't reaaaally understand the love i saw for him in the fandom, but after time bastard i really got it. time bastard actually fleshes out ted as a character and even though by the end he kind of is still a dumbass we do still learn a lot about him!! tinky and his little box are both objectively terrifying and being stuck in his box honestly sounds like a worse fate than hell. i feel bad for ted ngl

the reveal that homeless guy is ted spankoffski is also so insane. like the fact that these two exist in the same timeline a lot of the time is so interesting and also brings up the question of did the homeless guy ever try to go into ccrp and try to take his job back??? or did he just resign to his fate. we dont know. speaking of ccrp also learning more lore about what a fucked company it actually is super interesting, especially knowing they too tried to harness tinky's power.

my one and only gripe with time bastard is that it gets a little too complicated for me at some points but that's more a me problem, it just feels slightly hard to wrap my head around it while also connecting it to the events of forever and always. i do love complicated lore but this one fucks w my head sometimes

4. abstinence camp

as a grace chasity girl it is illegal for me to have this episode any lower than in the top 5. these top 4 episodes truly expose my favourite hatchetfield characters so bad lmao

god abstinence camp is SO funny!! the writing here is hilarious, just grace's first appearance is so silly and angela does such a stellar job. i love her in this role so much. along w her i'm so glad this story introduced us to boy jerry and girl jeri who i am begging to see again in another timeline like i need to see their backstory!! how did they find each other the first time and how did they end up abandoning their faith to have a child!!!! jon matteson and kim whalen are so good in these roles

we also cant talk about abstinence camp without mentioning that virginity rocks is objectively the BEST nmt song. jon and kim are serving absolute vocals it is such a banger and the fact that they paired it with axe man is so fucking sick

3. killer track

killer track is the only nmt episode so far that's made me actually cry. god. he was watching the fireworks.

to be completely honest i. don't even know what to comment on for this episode i'm just stuck in never ending holloweane brainrot. god he's so in love with her. AND SO AM I!!! miss holloway is such a compelling character and this nmt episode especially teases a lot about how she ended up the way she is. we also learn about her past and just like everything about her is so interesting to me, i love her protective nature but also that she's so calculated in her every move. and somehow always knows exactly what to do. also i love duke keane i can't leave him out of this

the concept of this episode is also just so viscerally horrifying, it's essentially something i used to have nightmares about like something scary that's ringing so loudly in your ears that nothing can block it out so this genuinely hit like a sort of irrational fear that i pretty much used to have as a kid. it's not so bad that i can't watch but still hit me in a sort of way that reminded me of my own fears. maybe that's also why i love miss holloway she would save me if i ever ended up in that situation

2. the witch in the web

i feel like witch in the web is very underrated?? i don't see a lot of people talking about it compared to some other episodes which i think is such a shame because it's so incredible

the scene where hannah thinks she's seeing lex and then it turns out to be the witch was SO spooky watching it the first time, seeing angela play out this sort of over-excited version of lex and it slooowly becoming more and more sinister is so insane especially with her pulling out the dolls of the lords in black. it's such a great scene!!

also the lore we learn about the witchwood forest and what originally happened to willabella muckwab and how the black book came to be is so integral to the entire lore, and i love the way it's told with hannah & miss holloway sort of walking in this old dreamlike world. plus the confrontation with wilbur cross in the starlight GOD this episode has so many cool moments and it can do so much because they're in nightmare time and not in actual hatchetfield most of the time. i do, however, despise the idea that lex foster is serving what FOUR years in prison in this timeline. dont do that to my girl

1. yellow jacket

the scene where hannah & ethan come home and lex is waiting for them, so disappointed in herself not only for forgetting hannah's birthday but also for failing the test, angry at ethan for not reminding her about hannah's birthday.....that scene is probably my favourite moment in the entire hatchetverse? angela just fucking blew me away she plays it so well and not to mention joey richter ethan just. kills

yellow jacket just had to be first here, i'm so invested in these relationships and their past and how it led them to where they are here, the way this episode portrays how hard it is for lex and ethan because they're just trying to survive on what little resources they have while lex is also taking care of hannah: she cares for her so much that she's wanted to move them out of their mom's trailer. of course hannah would feel responsible and maybe guilty because lex has so much to worry about, of course hannah wants to take the first opportunity she gets to make them copious amounts of money, of course she's willing to put herself in terrible danger, all to help lex.

i love seeing this perspective on hannah, especially since in black friday we mostly see lex (and ethan) protecting and saving hannah when she's in trouble (although she definitely can fend for herself a little!). in yellow jacket we really see how responsible hannah must feel. when her and ethan see the ipad as a possible prize, her first thought isn't all the fun things you could use the ipad for, it's how much money they could get selling it. she doesn't understand the sheer danger of fighting pokey, which makes sense since she doesn't know that that is quite literally an eldritch god, she just wants to support lex.

this episode is just incredible in its every element: the portrayal of the characters, the story and the way it talks about the influence that money has on people's lives. not to mention watching literal children fight each other for entertainment. it's brutal but the core relationships are what eventually survive despite the circumstances

well. this was long

[chemicalcarousel]

questions taken from this post

just answering all of these for myself because i can and i don't wanna wait for potential asks

Hi! Who are you right now?

I'm Levi ✌

How do know its you thats out? What are your usual cues?

Uhh good fucking question. i feel like a guy ig (dysphoria). and i have very strong feelings of justice and i get very pissed when ppl aren't treated right (im super vengeful). i also dissociate a lot when im confronted with my source and i think my voice is lower and im less "all over the place" than some of the other alters? i'm more "relaxed" ig, even if my emotions can get very strong and bordering black/white

Do you like it when people know its You and not the collective whole? Is it situational, or depends on the person?

It's complicated. i feel very exposed and i'm nervous what other people will think of me since i'm a fictional introject of a very popular anime character. i'm also worrying about which impression we as a collective have on the people around us, and if they know we are a DID system and which alters we got, then they might treat us in some weird fucking way (and let's be honest - that's the reality of it) but on the other hand, i feel so lonely and invisible when i'm talking to my friends and they don't know that i even exist, ya kno? i'd wish i could be myself around my friends and i'm still trying to find out if that is possible

What sort of aesthetics do you draw to?

i guess darker ones? like black and red. i like grunge and punk too. i also fuck with traumacore, again especially black/white and red shit. angry shit. im an edgy little man

What do you look like?

pretty much like my source, i just wear different clothes ig here's some pics xoxo

What sort of emotions do you feel mostly when you’re out?

anger, grief, vengefulness, idk man i'm ready to punch a bitch lol

What sort of situations are you out in most of the time?

I'm a host, but other than that i'm always the one going to sleep and i am the one that doesn't hate ourselves ig. i'm not gonna blame us for what other people did or do to us, ya kno. i'm a protector

Are there other parts like you in the same system?

we have another introject of the same character, but he's nothing like me or our source. so no, i think i'm the only alter like me in this body?

Are you part of a subsystem?

no, i don't think we have subsystems

What’s your relationship like to the parts nearest to you right now?

idk, kinda like roommates or "found family"? i'm not sure who's close rn tho, but i'm chill with all the alters i know

Do you have vague memories of before you came out, or do they feel blocked out?

i have no idea what this means. i think it means before i fronted and yeah we kinda have a "shared consciousness", but sometimes i realise i don't have all the pieces of what happened, but it's mostly greyouts and emotional amnesia

What’s your favorite way to ground?

nature, fidget toys, drinking something tasty

Do you have a favorite snack or drink?

idk i love coffee ig. i like food in general lol

Do you have a favorite item in the present world?

hmm... can't think of one item, but i have some clothing and other stuff that i like. i love flannel shirts and i love pretty teacups

Do you have an inner world? Do you have a place you like in there?

nah, not really. it's just a black void. we haven't been able to construct one and nothing has seemed to pop up yet

Whats a simple way other parts might describe you to like a therapist or something?(they’re the fierce one, the sad one, ect)

the angry/vengeful one/the fight response one

What’s the safest thing you can imagine right now?

so pathetic, but ig that's a part of why i was created. but the safest thing i can imagine is the guy i see as my soulmate (erwin), but he's a fucking anime character from my source and has never and will never be real. but he's such a comfort for me and thereby the entire system. i just wish he was actually real lol i definitely haven't cried myself to sleep because he's a drawing ahahaha :')

What’s something you wish the system would do more of?

stand up for ourselves. but i do understand why other parts don't do this and i don't blame them. i'd just wish they didn't feel this fear and shame

What’s your handwriting like?

idk ugly? i think all of us have an ugly handwriting lmfao

Free space! Tell me a random fact about you or something you’re thinking about

uhh rn im dissociating bc we are opening up to a friend about our DID and it's making all of us nervous, so that's what's in my thoughts. a random fact could be that i fucking love making fun of my source and i love making fans mad lmfao

[khaleesiofalicante]

bestie do you really think it's funny to make me cry?

OK WHERE DO I START AUJHUJHDSDUJHFV

deep bre-INCOHERENT SCREAMING

That's it. that's all I have to say.

THEY PASSED THE CHILD PROTECTION BILL I'M GONNA BE CRYING IN A CORNER IF ANYONE NEEDS ME

All those shadowhunters who ran back to Idris I hope you starve to death there. have fun!

Anjali is so awesome OH MY GOD I LOVE HER ALREADY

Rafael is THAT kid I see...it suits him so well.

It had been two very long years stuck in this small office room. But every time Alec saw the way David giggled when Lexi called her father Jalapeno poppers or some other equally ridiculous name, Alec knew it was worth all the trouble.

THIS OMG I'M NOT OK

Alec wondered if that’s why so many leaders before him had been awful. It was easy to be a bad leader. But it took effort to be a good one.

This is so true...I'm so proud of him...

Dani...bestie THAT IMMORTALITY CRISIS WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. I know it's gonna happen but I was having a very good day. why do you hurt me in such ways... (I'm pretty sure my family thinks I'm mentally unstable after the way I screamed reading)

“Anjali,” Diego sighed. “What have I told you about doors?”

“Knock them down?”

“I said knock on them!” Diego corrected, shaking his head. “Not knock them down!”

I'm in love.

HUHYUHKSDYKFVYUFVYU ALEC'S CONSUL VOICE I'M SCREAMING

SIMON BESTEST!! HIM SORTING THE STUDENTS INTO THESE GROUPS I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! AND ANJALI BESTIE GOOD LUCK AT BEATING THE SEELIES!! (good luck with stealing the weapons)

well, Rafael do you perhaps have a little crush? (Grammarly ik I'm writing in lowercase stfu)

ok ok I know this is pretty sad but every time someone gives Magnus or Alec the "you haven't talked to him yet?" look I start laughing-

ALEC'S SO CLUELESS ABOUT MAX AND DAVID I CANT-

“So, you are just going to leave me here and go to York then?” Max demanded now; all puppy dog eyes. “Like my mom left me at the academy?”

Yeah. He took the news a little too well.

MAX PLAYING THE ADOPTED CARD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Is it because you don’t like me?” Max pouted again. “Like my mom…Who left me all alone.”

“You can’t play the adopted card with me, you lil shit,” Rafael laughed. “I’m adopted too.”

I'M SO IN LOVE LEAVE ME ALONE

AWW MAX SEEING THE INSTITUTE AND IMMEDIATELY GOING "David would love this" ISTG THIS KID I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Weren’t you listening to a podcast on Mayan Civilization during breakfast?” Alec raised an eyebrow.

“Bapak said it’s historically accurate!” Rafe argued.

“Bapak is not that old!” Alec countered.

“Maybe he is,” Max said, analyzing the paintings on the walls. “Maybe you don’t know it.”

“Excuse me, I know how old my husband is,” Alec said indignantly.

“Then where are the receipts dad?” Max asked. “Show us the receipts!”

Where are the receipts, Alec? EXACTLY!

THANK GOD SOMEONE ELSE HAS CAUGHT ON TO MAX'S VERY OBVIOUS CRUSH

“I think he likes David,” Rafe whispered.

“Of course he does,” Alec whispered back. Why were they whispering? “David is a sweet boy.”

“No. I think he ‘likes him’ likes him,” Rafael giggled.

Alec looked at his son sharply. “But-He is..Da..They are children!”

“You’ve never heard a childhood crush?” Rafe grinned.

“No, I was too busy…studying,” Alec sniffed.

“That’s not what I heard,” Rafael bit his lip. “I heard you had a thing for boys in motorcycle jackets.”

“Okay that’s it! You are not allowed to hang out at Hotel Dumort anymore,” Alec said.

Really Alec? Studying? REALLY???

MAX AND RAFE RACING TO THE TRAINING ROOM!!!

the reference to the infernal devices...I'M GONNA KILL THE ALREADY DEAD STARKWEATHERS! I'M ABOUT TO DO SOME NECROMANCY SHIT TO BRING THOSE FUCKERS BACK JUST TO KILL THEM SLOWLY

Hugs max it's gonna be ok buddy.

In that moment, Alec remembered all the talks.

He remembered how his mother had lectured Izzy about not going out alone late at night, but she hadn’t said anything to Jace or Alec.

He remembered the way Jem spoken quietly to Mina in soft Mandarin about how people might call her names, but he hadn’t said anything to Kit.

He remembered the way Julian had told Ty to be careful about kissing his boyfriend in public, but he hadn’t said anything to Dru.

I hate this so damn much. I hate it. It sucks how there will always be people who will be targeted for being born the way they are. Whether it be skin color, sexuality, body type, or anything, people will always fucking talk and make the world unsafe for certain people just because they aren't generic male cishets. If you're a girl you're in danger. If you're a POC you're in danger, If you're neurodivergent you're in danger. If you're a member of the LGBTQ community you're in danger. If you're disabled you're in danger. If you're part of any minority you're in danger. If you dare to be different you're in danger. Fuck people. I'm a queer POC female and it's scary. I don't want to be always checking my surroundings when I'm out. I shouldn't have to feel this scared walking out of my own house but I do and it sucks. Ok, I feel like I'm derailing from the main point here.

Sorry for that just got really heated for a second there.

NO NOT THE NIGHTMARE. BABY NO

DAVID MY CHILD!! OMG, HE'S GONNA TAKE UP ARCHERY SOMEONE HOLD ME WHILE I CRY!

“This is who you are,” David said, his voice oddly soft now. Softer than usual. “And you’re beautiful.”

Alec blinked at that.

“Blue,” David said quickly. “I meant you’re blue. Uh, yes.”

BESTIE I SAW WHAT YOU SAID THERE. WE ALL DID

Also, alec sitting outside max's room...IM GONNA-

“David is in there,” Alec whispered. “I just wanted to…check…if everything was okay.”

“Alexander, are you spying on our child?” Magnus demanded. “Without me???”

“What? No! I-”

“Move over!” Magnus sank down next to him. “What are they saying? Are they kissing?”

“WHAT? They are not kissing!” Alec said in alarm. “Wait. Are they???”

He couldn’t hear anything now. Alec panicked.

“I haven’t talk to the kids about kissing yet,” Magnus pointed out. “We can’t talk to Max without talking to Rafael first.”

“Wait. Is Rafael kissing people???”

“Rafael is not kissing people,” Rafael replied as he walked past them to the kitchen. “Also, you guys are shit at whispering.”

Alec rolled his eyes at him and turned to Magnus. “It’s stressful enough that we need to talk about racism in the shadow world. Now we need to talk about kissing??”

“And other stuff,” Magnus chuckled.

Alec groaned into Magnus’ shoulder. “By the angel. Fine. We’ll just tell them there is no kissing. Until they are 30.”

“Hypocrite,” Rafael coughed into his hand as he walked back to the table with a bag of chips.

THIS WHOLE SCENE OH MY GOD.

And srsly alec? 30? really? whips out the extract "kissed" from cassie's website According to my files here-

“And David?”

“Yes, sir?”

“The bedroom door stays open from now on.”

David blinked, his cheeks pink. “I…What?”

“Door stays open,” Alec said, lowering his voice, just a register. “Is that understood?”

AYY ALEC DAD MODE YUCDUHDFHFUHJIUHC THIS IS SO AMAZING IM GONNA SCREAM

Alec advising David with the bow is so close to my heart...IDK WHY IT JUST IS

That conversation...PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK I HOPE HUMANS GO EXTINCT BECAUSE I SURE AM READY TO DIE SO LET'S TAKE THE EARTH DOWN-

“Why don’t shadowhunters have acne?”

"What?" Alec blinked.

“Their skin is like so freaking perfect and smooth and they can just freaking go through puberty without a one freaking pimple and don’t even get me started on the freaking dimples and then-”

Magnus started laughing. Alec felt a little confused.

EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS !!!!! THAT DAMN ANGEL BLOOD

That part about how we normalize these little things which are actually hurtful...I didn't realize that. I guess we really do, huh? This just made me want to be more careful with others and if I feel others do this with me, to stop them and correct them.

I loved this chapter so much. You're such a great writer.

I wanted to share something of my own now!! I FINALLY GOT MY COPY FOR RWARB!!!! I told my parents it was a thriller about how the first son and the prince forge a friendship and discover secrets about the government and the monarchy-

The place I bought it from sent me a very cute bookmark. It's a pride bookmark and it's just my first ever pride merch and I'm close to tears. Let's just say my family isn't the most accepting so this bookmark's really precious to me

Sorry, the quality isn't the best. I was in a hurry. It's almost 4 am now I'm gonna try and sleep (I'm gonna reorganize my bookshelf). See you on Tuesday!!

Thank you so much. I love reading your comments. They are so honest and full of life. You are going to LOVE rwrb. It's such a good book and it's so romantic and raw and perfect. Lmao about your parents. What they don't know can't hurt them ;) And I loooooooooove your bookmark. Be gay. Do crime.

PS -

"It sucks how there will always be people who will be targeted for being born the way they are. Whether it be skin color, sexuality, body type, or anything, people will always fucking talk and make the world unsafe for certain people just because they aren't generic male cishets. If you're a girl you're in danger. If you're a POC you're in danger, If you're neurodivergent you're in danger. If you're a member of the LGBTQ community you're in danger. If you're disabled you're in danger. If you're part of any minority you're in danger. If you dare to be different you're in danger. Fuck people. I'm a queer POC female and it's scary. I don't want to be always checking my surroundings when I'm out. I shouldn't have to feel this scared walking out of my own house but I do and it sucks. Ok, I feel like I'm derailing from the main point here."

THIS IS THE MAIN POINT. YOU GOT IT. SO CONGRATS <3

[thispabulum-blog]

I'm Running Out of Ways to Say I'm Boring

What's the Tea? Tuesday

What did I do this week? Fuck all. Have some memes.

Wednesday Cuddlebug brought me home, because I was feeling really mentally gross and just wanted to be at home in my own bed, where I watched the classic film Speed and ate Chef Boyardee ravioli from a can because it was better than not eating and easier than getting up to heat it. Yay depression.

Thursday I did some painting, and that helped a bit. Gotta do more art. Meeko Neko came home with food; I got pansexual kisses and a homophobic sandwich. This roommate stuff is pretty alright.

Friday I spilled an entire container of water on my floor, and was suddenly very glad I have hardwood floors. Then I took a weird nap in the evening and had a nightmare that I gave birth to a baby and Dr. Strangelove's mom was raising it - a horrible fate, and then I stayed up until 7am watching an entire season of The Masked Singer (season 4, if you're curious. I've got some catching up to do). Meeko Neko joined for cuddles at some point.

Saturday I did some organizing of my art supplies, and then put up wallpaper over my art desk and hung up some art. It's a very cute part of my room now, and will make a good background for job interviews/meetings/assorted video calls.

I discovered that one problem with getting into erotic painting is that now I don't know where to hang a lot of things. If you're a friend of mine, you might be getting an erotic art gift at some point. Have fun figuring out where to put it.

I talked to Cuddlebug at some point about how I wasn't sure about having dates over at my new place yet because things aren't totally sorted, and he offered to let me have boys over at his place. A cute boyfriend, for sure. I don't know if it entirely solves my problems, but I might have to try it at some point.

Sunday I emptied a spare Ramen seasoning packet into a bag of popcorn, and I feel I may be onto something. Aside from a sodium overload.

Swipe Right did a Twitch stream from his backyard pool, so I got to watch him and his very cute cousin get drunk on Truly and do crab dances for like 5 hours.

I also started watching Loki, and got through the first two episodes. I may have to re-watch the second one because my attention drifted, but it's a good time.

I was getting ready for bed and there was a big gross waterbug on my blanket, and I made Meeko Neko come kill it for me. Living with boys comes in handy.

Monday I started talking to a guy from Hinge who seemed kinda okay if a bit gung-ho, but then I asked him to send pictures of himself and he sent me 6 pictures in the exact same pose, in the exact same location, with the exact same facial expression. Only the clothes were different. And idk, that level of boring just doesn't appeal to me, so I'm never talking to him again.

But I also started talking to a different guy from Hinge who's gonna be called Deep Dish, which seems like a perfectly fine name. He's 25, has two kids, and has no experience with polyamory. Oh boy. I don't think he's a Sad Boy, but he is short, so we're gonna give him a shot. The vibes are good and we may try to get together sometime soon.

Chex Mix is frequently in touch, but I still need him to cool off a bit before I want to hang out with him.

Eclipse might come by sometime this week. I want to play Nightmare Before Christmas Monopoly with him and watch something spooky.

Cuddlebug is planning to come pick me up Thursday or Friday, and I'm supposed to have a date with Item 9 on Saturday. We'll see how that goes.

[wolfyender690]

So many things are happening so here's a Spoiler warning cause I wanna talk about them so

SPOILERS REGARDING BFB 22

Go watch it if you haven't watched it yet, you won't regret it it's really good!!! Don't read if you haven't watched it yet since idk if this read more thing with work on mobile.

<!--more-->

Ok so idk if that work but here's my thoughts on the new episode

So Bfb 22 is probably now my newest favorite episode. I honestly love it and heck when my pointed out how long it was, I realized "Wait their gonna do something aren't they?" and they did! I was wondering what happened after Firey and Leafy flew away on the hang glider, I thought they had forgotten it! But no they didn't but while heck don't get me started. The part where Firey and Leafy finally made up, that hit me hard with emotions. THEY FINALLY MADE UP AND MY GOD AM I HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!! Leafy even took the blame for Firey, my heart! QwQ

I know Leafy still gets shit for what she did in the pass but if anything, I think that everything she did this episode and last episode proves she's trying to improve herself or at least that's how I see it. Last episode she gave that kind message that honest mention a lot, this episode she did a couple of things. She was suggesting to let the other team inside, she went to go visit them and say hi, she knew Teardrop can't talk and found a way around it with giving her a typewriter not to mention was proud of her and gave Teardrop head pats, she made thing up with Firey, took the blame for Firey since she's used to it and didn't want the same thing to happen to Firey, and even offered to help him with cleaning the tracks.

I honestly think Leafy is changing and getting better and to be honest, I feel bad for her still getting treat badly especially when she knows she is too. I swear I can relate so much to her with what's happened to me in the past and it's honestly one of the reasons why Leafy is one of my favorite and one of my comfort characters. I'm not saying Leafy is perfect cause she's not, she has her flaws and I feel like she's trying to improve herself while still making mistakes sometimes. We all make mistakes we're not proud of but that's why we try to push pass them, learn from them, and try to make ourselves better people and I think Leafy is doing just that. There's always gonna me small mistakes that still happen even when ya try to improve yourself but that's why you do let it keep you from trying to improve. So I'm glad that this still shows she's not perfect but also shows that Leafy is still trying to get better and that means a lot to me honestly.

Plus not to mention the fact she's still being or trys to nice even when she gets treat like garbage. Heck when she left to go visit the other team just to be nice, her own team threw a party when she finally left. Wtf guys! I mean I get that some of the objects still hate her but it still makes me mad when they do shit like that cause they hate her. For personal reasons that shit triggers me like if you hate her, just straight up say it instead of hiding it from her to make her feel more bad later. I'm surprised Leafy is still nice to her team when they do stuff like this. But as much as I'm mad about it, I still think it's great character wise too. It's kinda an example of how some people can be in the real world when you make a mistake, someone are able to move on while others don't and just pretend they did and it's honestly sad that's how life is sometimes. But if anything that just gives another reason to want to improve ourselves so.

Sorry for the cheese, wholesome, and kinda sad stuff but of its hard for me not to relate and talk about it but anyways, onto the rest.

I'm excited to see where this new alliance goes as think it's an interesting alliance. I never would have thought of it but like it just weirdly works. Plus I also loved the conflict between Flower and Lolli this episode, it made me laugh it's just perfect. XD And heck I love the wholesome thing with Teardrop making a comic about her going on a pirate adventure. That was adorable!

Honestly there's so much I love about this episode and I think it's clear the highlight of this for me was Leafy and Firey finally becoming friends again and not to mention, getting context for what happens after they flew away.

And then next thing you know we go II 14 news the day after and I'm excited for August 1st! I can't wait to see it and I bet it's gonna me worth the wait. I'll probably talk about that too when it comes out if you guys wanna hear my thoughts on it.

But anyways that's all I wanted to talk about and if you read threw all of this, thank you for putting up with me talking about objects. •w•