#we also might be starting at level 1 which makes me very scared for Adrian's safety lol

[vampirecatboy]

got the ok from the dm to play Adrian as a dhampir \o/

she also gave me inspiration for which skills he's going to get expertise in :3c

[purvishraick]

A TALE OF ALWAYS AND FOREVER

CHAPTER 7

Fanfiction : Bloodbound (Choices)

Pairing : Adrian Raines x Amy Richard Parker (MC)

Warning : none

Rating: Teen

TAG LIST : @otherworldlypresents ​  , @evelynistic ​   , @silma-words ​ , @fireycookie , @lauren-raines-x , @nala-raines

If anyone wanna be tagged in future do let me know….

read previous chapter here ….. Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4 , Chapter 5 , Chapter 6

So here i promised this last night but sorry it got delayed ...got stuck in some important work .... now here i am .... i hope u like it

Amy had to forcefully cut the call, in order to shut her brother and she new that this will make him angry. But she didn’t need a pep talk for not getting wasted in the club before her interview. She could handle her brother afterwards and the interview was important. She wandered here and there and settled on the bench. She felt like she is being watched from behind but didn’t find someone. Just then a stunning woman with an icy demeanor came towards her.

“Amy?” stern woman said .

“ yes that’s me “ she replied .

“I am Nicole Anderson, VP of operations at Raines Corp. I will interview you . “ she said .

Amy was surprised to see that she was going to be interviewed by someone so high at post but her queries were eased when she reminded her that they take their hiring process very seriously and she followed her in the conference room keeping her confident look .

“ now then. The Raines Corporation is a global leader in technology and innovation . Why exactly are you interested in being the executive assistant to our CEO ? “

“well…” Amy took a deep breath and continued , “ I’d love to help make the world a better place . what I admire most about the Raines Corporation is your dedication to global innovation and improvement. The clean – water initiative …the vaccine for the cerella virus …the green energy project… you guys aren’t just getting rich. You’re trying to help people, to make technology that’ll save the planet. I can’t think of anything better than being a part of that.”

“hmm……a good answer. A bit cloying , perhaps, but Adrian might actually like that “ Nicole said with an appreciative look.

Just as she was going to speak the next thing , the door at the back of the room swings open , and a handsome man in a perfectly – tailored suit strolls in.

Intelligence sparks through his eyes . He was extremely charming , with his black obsidian eyes assessing her , her already killer nervousness now peaked a whole new level.

“ Adrian I wasn’t expecting you…” Nicole asked unable to hide the surprise in her voice .

Adrian as in Adrian Raines …well all escalated very quickly for her .

“ I had a free minute. Is this the candidate ?” he asked taking the authority in his hands as he decided.

Professionalism and seriousness reflected in his voice .

“ yes …but I’ve just started the interview and—“ Nicole asked stammering .

“ I’ll take over from here “ he cut her off not wanting to take any excuses .

“……of course sir , go right ahead “ she surrendered .

Adrian sat across Amy , eyes burning right through her . He has never seen such a beautiful person in his entire existence , god knows how would she be as a person .

Amy’s nervousness grew even more when his eyes bore through her but she remembered once more , she is Amy Richard Parker and nothing in this world ever scares her , she remembered her brothers’ advices on professionality and confidence and recalled her dad’s proud thought about her and her mother’s loving smile . Now that was enough to calm her down , so she put on the brave and fearless smile again on her face and straightened her back.

“ Amy , is it ? “ Adrian looked at her and saw her hazel brown eyes which her so hypnotizing , with all his strength he prevented himself from being lost in them .

“ that’s right “ she said interrupting his thoughts .

“ tell me Amy , what do you desire ? “ he asked her and she was surprised at the question .

Amy was already so mesmerized from him that this question surprised her.

“ You mean ……why do I want this job ? Because I – “ but was interrupted by Adrian .

“ I didn’t ask why you want this job. I asked what do you desire . “ he asked seriously and professionally.

“ I desire ……PASSION “ she answered after thinking fir a while .

“ oh , really ? “ he asked , his brows raising , he was in true sense intrigued by her answer .

“Sorry , if that is too personal but I am just being honest . I want to feel deeply. I want to experience life , live every moment like my last. We never know when is our last moment , it is better to live our life to the fullest than to regret it afterwards . That’s what I desire “ she answered honestly and it was the true answer she saw what happened to her family everything was good and happy then suddenly they lost everything , she do not want to regret anything .

“ I can relate“ Adrian was impressed internally but didn’t expressed it. He supressed a smile to reach his face. He was truly impressed by her desire to live and feel and experience. He now looked at her resume .

“ lets see here … graduated college 3 years ago …masters in communication …interned at Mannon financial…volunteered in San Torbida and France abroad for a year “ he read out and again was impressed from her but wondered why it took her an extra year to sign up for this interview or for that matter any other one .

“ yep that’s right “ she said .

“ well , how was that tell me in three words “ he asked .

“ difficult. Enlighting. Rewarding. “ she replied easily .

“ good , this job can be challenging and unpredictable , are you comfortable running unusual errands ?”

“Absolutely “

I have been doing them since a long time now , she thought to herself , smiling .

“ Handling confidential information ? “

“ I can keep a secret “

You wont even realise how many I am keeping right now too , she thought again and smirked .

“ Working nights ? “

“ Always been a night owl “

Okay , I atleast told him one thing fully without strings attached , she smiled while thinking .

“ Good , Anything else I should know about you ? “

“ Hmmmm …… I have got WORLD CLASS people skills “ , she said with a proud smile .

“ Oh , really ? “ he asked with questioning eyes .

“ I was voted ‘ most likable ‘ in my high school class . Also ‘ most popular ‘ and ‘ best smile ‘ . Technichally you are not supposed to win in multiple categories , but I was able to persuade them . And also the cherry on the top I was the PROM QUEEN “ , she stated out all of her achievements proudly and remembered how happy and proud her father was to see her that day . She and her brothers has always been the brightest in the whole family , anyways. Suddenly feeling nostalgic and tears building in her eyes she averted her gaze on the floor.

“ Thus proving your point “ said a grinning and impressed Adrian , but he saw a glint of sadness in her eyes and he doubted that he saw tears too , and was unable to understand why counting her proud moments made her sad .

“ exactly” Amy said after controlling her emotions and forcing a smile.

“ one more question “ Adrian leaned forward hands folded on the table and with an intense expression , told her the story of a man who got a genie lamp and destroyed everything , and then finally asked her about what should his final wish should be .

“I think his final wish should be to undo his first two wishes “ she said after thinking for a while .

“because ?” Adrian asked curious to know her theory .

“ because he already had everything he could ask for a family and many friends …what could he ask for more it was more than enough …all he wanted or ever needed was right there in front of him …this is a story of temptation and greed …he should have never played this game …all now he can do is making things as they were before “

Her answer was something totally honest … Adrian glanced at her and then noticed how true each and every word was . she was not only beautiful but also quite intelligent …in true sense beauty with brains.

She was quite interesting too …Adrian personally never saw such a person in his entire life … and he needed to know her …he knew that it is a huge risk and a mistake but he already did that when he decided to interview her himself …now he couldn’t resist her … so then he does the only thing he could do …he knew that Nicole will be a big trouble after this but guess he was okay with that if it was what would keep this girl around .

Then he grins brightly at Amy and says

“ You’re hired “

“wait what ? …seriously “ Amy asked with wide eyes , she was surprised , how in world is it possible that someone gets hired so fast …this was weird to her … but of course she was happy .

Adrian left an inside giggle watching her surprised reaction …she looked adorable with those wide eyes …his smile grew even wider … and he extends his hand …which obviously she took .

‘ oh my god …his skin is impossibly smooth…and hold so firm …wow he is really handso-……no no no …stop brain stop thinking …no eyes …don’t look in his eyes for too long … fuck …, I am a disaster …stop cheeks don’t turn red …god please ‘ she thought .

Good god if god wanted to kill her please kill her in this exact moment …someone save her from this embarrassment …she was a disaster with wide eyes blushing cheeks …FUCK.

Adrian saw her flustered reaction which was by far the cutest thing he saw in his life … his vampire senses made her blushing cheeks clearly visible …the dark pink tint on her cheek made her impossibly adorable.

“welcome to Raines Corporation “ , he said with a bright smile

They made eye contact for just moment but everything stood still for that particular moment …it was mesmerising .

In that moment Adrian didn’t knew about Amy but he knew that they were going to go a long way .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@choicesficwriterscreations

[clansayeed]

Bound by Destiny II, part 1 ― Chapter 3: The Truth

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny II, part 1 ⥽

While struggling with nightmares of lives she’s never lived, a shadow from the past looming over her city, and the proposed idea that her life may just be a little bit too weird to handle alone, Nadya makes sure to tell herself that everything is perfect just the way it is. If only. When the self-proclaimed King of Vampires (and Maker of her sometimes-girlfriend and always-boss, can’t forget that little tidbit) Gaius Augustine returns intent on claiming Manhattan as the throne that was promised, she and her friends find themselves forced into the task of saving the world. But with millennia-old vampires and an Order of hunters on their heels as well as allies hiding catastrophic secrets at their backs… it won’t be an easy task. Too bad destiny didn’t exactly ask for her input.

Bound by Destiny II and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing dramatic retelling project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off, Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

*Let me know if you would like to be added to the Destiny II tag list!

⥼ Chapter Summary ⥽

As it turns out the Trinity is still in New York. A desperate Nadya agrees to meet Valdas and his promise of answers, but is she ready for the truth behind her visions?

[READ IT ON AO3]

Nadya, Lily, and Jax agree to wait until the seventh and final night of Valdas’ offer.

So, naturally, Nadya goes the night before on her own.

The vampire watches her with an uncomfortable curiosity. It doesn’t carry the usual weight of immortality she associates with him. A year ago he moved like every limb was dragging Atlas’ burden by iron chains but now he’s… well he’s just different.

“You know, I was convinced you would wait until the last day to come.”

Nadya shifts uncomfortably in her chair. “I can go if you want,” though she really can’t and hopes he doesn’t take her up on it, “and come back tomorrow.”

“No no, that isn’t what I meant at all. I’m merely surprised. Help remind me to ask for cash back when we’re finished here, would you? I owe Isseya a few hundred for the bet.”

There’s something just… so wrong about a man over two thousand years old talking about ‘cash back.’  Maybe that’s why Kamilah always insists on paying where Nadya can’t see.

But the mention of his partner makes Nadya uneasy. They’ve always been joined at the hip. “She won’t be joining us?”

Valdas shakes his head. “No, not tonight at least. I thought it best we keep this an intimate affair.”

“Ew.”

He gives her a chastising look but says nothing more on it.

Nadya doesn’t know what she was expecting; what she would have done if she had waited for her friends to come along as backup, or if she’d sucked it up and told Adrian and Kamilah about going behind their backs in the worst way. It’s not hard to imagine their looks of disappointment.

Even not knowing what to expect, though, didn’t mean Nadya had prepared herself for a place that’s actually kind of cute. An inside that smells like fresh coffee grinds and vanilla and a surprisingly decent bit of sidewalk real estate gated off with a wooden fence painted glossy black.

Not that any of that eases her worry. She’s prepared herself for the worst — tenses up at every passerby, catches herself halfway reaching for the stake in her purse when the vampire across so much as shifts in his seat.

Only Valdas is the epitome of a gentleman. He plays the part he’s dressed for almost too well. Still, Nadya reminds herself not to be fooled, not even for a second. She’s seen what he can become; what he can do. Sometimes she still tastes Vega’s ashes tickling at the back of her throat.

He glances up at the strings of yellowed lights crossed aimlessly over their heads. “It’s a rather charming place, wouldn’t you say? And, I hope, agreeable to your anxieties. Though I wish you would have let me take you somewhere —”

“Somewhere what,” interrupts Nadya; words bursting with accusation, “somewhere secluded and private, or with leather and torture devices?”

Valdas raises a single dark eyebrow in an ‘are you quite finished?’ way and no, she’s not — not by a long shot. But she’s willing to admit (silently, to herself, not out loud whatsoever) she might be making it worse for herself at this point.

Especially when he answers.

“Somewhere proper; with enough courses to get us through what I’m sure will be a difficult if enlightening conversation for you and I to have, Nadya.”

Yeah, especially then.

“Oh. No — this is fine.”

Someone clears their throat behind her; makes Nadya almost jump out of her seat in a heart attack. The barista does his level best not to laugh at her while he adjusts his tray bearing a steaming mug on a saucer and a plate of tiny finger sandwiches. “Oh, we didn’t —”

“Here will be fine,” Valdas pushes his folded newspaper aside, “thank you.”

He’s young; one of those obviously-New York types with several studs in his ears and a streak of blue in his blond hair, and likely a long-time server judging by the way his face goes red at Valdas’ simple act of common decency. Run, she wants to shout because she’s seen that darkly alluring smile before and nothing good can come of it, run while you still can.

Instead Nadya mouths a voiceless thanks. They are left alone.

“I didn’t order anything.”

“I took it upon myself.”

“But you didn’t know which night I would show up.”

“Indeed. After the third night they knew my order by heart.” He glances appraisingly towards the inside cafe — Nadya on the other hand can’t focus on anything but their reflections in the glass. “It’s hard to find attention to detail like that these days outside of hired help.”

With pursed lips Nadya pushes the latte away. “You really shouldn’t have. I can’t —”

“It’s soy milk, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Uhm, what? Yeah — only one of them finds her surprise funny and hint; it’s not Nadya.

“At the Awakening Ball, shortly after our first introductions. You were rather loudly threatening Raines and Sayeed with what I believe was a platter of artisan cheeses?”

“That’s… very diligent of you.” Creepy. It’s creepy. It’s so so freakin’ creepy.

Valdas gives a soft snort of amusement. “I’m old, Nadya, but not antiquated. In fact I’ve been looking for someone to discuss the latest season of The Crown & the Flame with, should you have time after our business is concluded.”

“That’s not —” This is so getting out of hand; more than that its wasting time.

She can’t let this chance slip through her fingers. “What are you trying to do? I didn’t come here to have small talk or drink coffee or talk TV, and I’m pretty dang sure that’s not why you invited me but if it is then tell me now because I don’t have time for it.”

“Very well,” he says just a little too flippantly for her growing irritation, “I thought you might be more comfortable this way. I apologize.”

“Apology only accepted if you start talking.”

The vampire leans forward a little too quickly for Nadya’s liking. All that arrogance, immortality; suddenly so plain on his expression he might as well have ‘VAMPIRE’ painted on his forehead.

It takes everything in her not to move away.

So many questions and now she can finally get her answers. But it leaves Nadya a bit stalled on where to start. But Valdas stays eerily patient.

Okay, big questions. “Am I dying?”

“You’re mortal, you are dying from the moment you’re birthed.” Which is not the answer Nadya’s looking for and he knows it. “But no, not more than any other.”

“Do you plan on killing me?”

“No; you are far too valuable for that.”

“What does that mean?”

Valdas carefully chooses every word to answer; “It means… that we are very happy you are alive, Nadya.” And his not-answers feel a little too close on the family tree to Nadya’s mostly-truths.

Though if he thinks she missed that “we” thing he’s very much mistaken.

“So my nightmares, what exactly are they?”

He’s too casual — plucking one of the sandwiches on the tray and nibbling it idly. Nadya entertains the image of her throwing it in his face… it’s a nice one.

“Nightmares, you say? So the visions only come to you when you sleep?”

“Visions?”

“Visions, mental images, nightmares — name them what you will but they are the same thing. Events you never witnessed, lives you never lived…”

“People I’ve never killed?”

The words come out of her so scared, so broken; and Nadya’s almost angry for it. A sound so pitiful that even Valdas — the same man who threatened Jax so easily, hurt Adrian and Kamilah so easily, killed Vega so easily — lets sympathy slip through the seams of him.

“And those, yes. They are all a part of you; they have been all your life even if you were once unaware, and they will remain that way from this day to your last day.”

Nadya shakes her head so hard it hurts. “No. No way I — I can’t feel like this forever. I won’t survive it. I… I won’t. I feel less and less like me every time I wake up. There won’t be enough of me left.” I worry there isn’t enough already.

And he really sits there without an answer for her? Two thousand years and this is all he’s good for; making her feel like her life is already over? What good is it to live for so freakin’ long if it can’t help her; save her?

“What did you do to me,” it feels good to ask; really good — better than she’s felt in a while, “why did you do it? How do I stop it, or make it hurt less, or make it happen less, or —”

“Forgive me —” —she doesn’t— “— but… you believe I am somehow responsible for these visions? When I just told you they were yours from your first breath.”

“Well what else am I supposed to think?” Nadya snaps. “My head almost explodes, you do some weird psychic mojo that makes it better but also makes it worse, and the last thing your bonkers girlfriend—who conveniently isn’t here—says to me is “enjoy my gift?” I gotta say — that all seems pretty freakin’ responsible to me!”

The last time she raised her voice at Valdas, Nadya had Kamilah and Adrian combined to back her up. Yet here she is, no immortality at her back, and honestly she doesn’t even care.

“I am scared, okay? So, so scared — scared enough that I’m doing stupid things that I know I shouldn’t be doing, lying to the people I love, going behind their backs and putting myself in danger and you know why?”

“Because fear is an irrational motivator.”

“Shut up. It’s because I would do all of that again and again and again if it helps me find a way to make this stop. If it takes away all of these horrible feelings that aren’t even my own and… and stops tearing me up inside.”

Who are you, Nadya asks herself, because they may be her words in her voice but they’re so wrong — so not Nadya. And that just adds onto her already existing fear.

It’s not fair.

None of this is fair.

Valdas waits until Nadya catches her breath; until he can hear the slowing down of her heart. “Are you quite done?”

“I dunno,” her face is still flushed, “but… sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

“For telling you to shut up.” Because she’s pretty dang certain if anyone else had tried that they wouldn’t have gotten to finish saying their piece.

But she did. Valdas let her get it out until she was pink in the face and more than a little hot under her coat collar despite the bitter night breeze. Why?

“No one should ever feel the need to apologize for their grief.”

Nadya glances up from her white-knuckled hands; but Valdas isn’t there — not mentally, anyway. His focus is far off and distant… millennia away. “Grief is a complex thing felt in complex ways. It kills us inside… but the pain of it is proof we are alive, too.”

“I’m not grieving though. I can’t grieve. I have to hope there’s a way to fix it.”

“If my efforts to ebb the storm still leave you this way Nadya, I must admit I’m doubtful of it.”

How is it something so bleak leaves her so breathless?

“What do you mean,” she chokes out, “what—what efforts?”

“The ones you would so quickly write off as malice. Though I suppose I’ll give you one thing — my beloved Iss’ has a knack for making most things sound malicious.”

“That’s an understatement…” and apparently the only bad thing he’ll ever say about her, “so—so wait. I don’t… I don’t understand.”

Valdas does the decent thing and turns his face away, but that doesn’t mean Nadya misses the color me surprised raised brow.

“Psychic prominence can be innate, yes, but when you reach a certain age most talents are easily learned. I had hoped the web I was allowed to spin in your mind that night at the Musea Sanguis would hold long enough to bring us to this point naturally. Sadly this was not the case.”

He offers his hand out palm-up between them. He could just as easily take what he wants from her but no, he’s offering.

And the more she thinks about it the more Nadya realizes Valdas had done the same that night. “I thought… when I touched this—this column I could’ve sworn I… that something to do with you had…”

Valdas nods with growing understanding.

“Well that’s to be expected. When psychic abilities grate up against one another it’s a bit like grit-paper on stone; the outer layer of the stone crumbles into a fine powder, yes? The influence that was being pressed unto you turned you into the grit — the rest of the world; your stone.”

“So it’s all in… in touch?” Nadya looks down at her hands as she asks.

“No, but given the borders of your capabilities…” The curl of his fingers draws them both down to watch. “Physical contact is a tether in any instance. But objects have memories just like people do, Nadya. And we vampires are an odd in-between of the two.

“I could show you — if you wish.”

Their fingertips couldn’t be more than four—five inches apart. But to Nadya it looks like miles; like ages stretching out across the tabletop.

Two thousand years of history, of life; of love. And the very idea of inducing this terror upon herself has Nadya actually questioning her sanity — and rightly so. But there’s a power in it, too; in controlling it, not letting it control her.

The last of her reservations are dashed when her mind unhelpfully supplies the memory of Kamilah in the penthouse kitchen — hands hesitant to hold her, to hurt her; fear hidden in the familiar dark of her eyes, fear both of and for Nadya. Because she’s not torturing herself enough already, apparently.

“You don’t have to. The choice is yours.” Really though — is it?

No. “No, it’s not.”

Nadya sucks in a deep breath and dives in headfirst by giving Valdas her hand.

In his dreams they do this bathed in sunlight. But dreams are for the young and the innocent. He is the Made-God Valdemaras and he is neither.

The rapier catches in the grooves of his vest and bends dangerously close to snapping. Behind him, Isseya laughs giddy and without care.

“You know, you really should be cheering on your Maker, darling girl.”

Valdas rounds on her but she meets him petulantly prideful. “Should I? Lucky for me that I am free to champion whomever I wish.”

“Fair enough. I would champion him too, if I could.”

They both look to watch him pull the ribbon from his hair; it falls damp around his shoulders — little golden wisps clinging to the sweat on his forehead. The exhaustion of his efforts flashes bright in the deep red of his eyes but his smile is as unwavering as his beauty.

“I’m flattered, truly,” Cynbel croons to the pair of them, “but that would leave me with no one worthy of a good spar and you know how troublesome my spells of boredom can be.”

Likely that he thinks the wink he gives their girl is a charming one. But taken with him as they are their love does not blind them — not anymore.

“Indeed.” Valdas clicks his tongue and begins to undo the clasps of his suit. “But that is enough sparring for tonight, I think.”

“And what of my prize?”

Before he can say another word strong arms embrace him close; hold him in the rough-hewn fingertips that claim Valdas’ body as easily as they cradle it. When he looks up it’s to the familiar sight of adoring eyes; of endless devotion.

As if the kiss Cynbel steals from him doesn’t say as such enough on its own.

“Satisfactory?” Valdas asks his Golden Son — though he already knows the answer.

“Rather I would call it divine.”

He decides he will commit this, right here, to the parts of his memory that will never wane with the ages.

At the very least he is owed that. They all are.

Nadya and Valdas realize it at the same time. The trembling of their joined hands isn’t Nadya’s fault at all, but rather the rarest and greatest slip of the vampire’s composure.

But he doesn’t let her go. He can’t, she accepts solemnly, because this wasn’t about showing me anything. It was about seeing.

It was about him.

So Nadya spares him the indignity and brings her hand back to rest in her lap. Valdas startles as if from a deep sleep; runs his hands over his face and Nadya can’t help but hurt for him as she watches that careful mask slide back into place.

“Forgive me,” he clears his throat abruptly, “I wasn’t expecting you to be this, ahem, advanced — for you to be able to project the, erm —”

“‘No one should ever feel the need to apologize for their grief.’”

The vampire focuses on her sharply — the look he gives her makes her feel complex and worth studying. Or maybe she’s just feeling him still; feeling the things that break his heart with every passing day. When he realizes then that she’s sincere — that Nadya repeats his earlier sentiments because she believes they will heal him somehow — he visibly eases.

“You are wiser than your years, you know.”

“Lately they aren’t exactly my years though, are they?”

In her lap Nadya digs around in her purse and pulls out a small journal. Even just the sight of it makes her queasy but she has no one to blame but herself. When she tries to toss it down between them Nadya finds her grip only tightening — her fear of its discovery so innate she has a hard time letting it go even willingly.

Valdas sees this and reaches out; strangely careful to avoid touching Nadya directly as he pries it free. “What is this?”

“A journal.”

“Yes, I can see that.” He begins flipping through the book; eyes roaming over Nadya’s neat scrawl. Page after page of it; filled from top to bottom in various colored pens and then some. Tabbed notes and scribbled margins — but the closer he gets to the end the more chaotic the entries become.

Careful recall hours later turned into hasty ramblings in the throes of panic. The ravings of a mad woman.

“I don’t always remember,” explains Nadya, “but I write down what I can.”

“What you can remember?”

“What I can stomach.”

If anyone understands it would be him. He’s practically dripping in blood; it oozes from his pores just like his infallible persona. And Nadya hates that she knows this with certainty.

Valdas stops on a page near the end; leans forward intensely as he tries to decipher her cursive’s best impression of wet noodles. Do you know how hard it is to write with gel pens, hands shaking and slippery from sweaty palms, in a blacked out room when you can’t tell the difference between the pages and the bodies piling up before your eyes?

Pretty freakin’ hard.

The way he reads it though — like some riveting tale to stand the test of time. In a way it does, maybe. “I was here for this,” and he sounds a little too amused for her liking; nothing in that awful book is amusing, “we all were, even dear Kamilah. From the tone with which you write I would say this is the petit Lafayette’s account of the siege of his township.

“You write with great passion; ever considered a career in fiction?” He pushes the journal back her way with a single finger. Nadya practically snatches it up to be buried back in her bag. Underneath the work notepad and pens, her glasses case and the stake she is never without.

Only when her secrets are six feet under does Nadya relax.

“I wouldn’t dream of exposing the world to those terrible things.”

“The world has already been exposed to them.”

“Well I shouldn’t have been, but I didn’t really get the chance to choose did I?” Nadya stares at him hard. Valdas has the good sense not to justify a reply.

Already the city is well into bed with the night around them. The cafe window bathes the pair and the sidewalk in soft yellowing light but directly across the street neon pinks and blues flicker out of the corner of her sight.

How long have they been here, she wonders, but can’t muster up the courage to look at her phone. They have to know by now; they have to. Lily’s probably already GPSed her and they’re all on their way, crammed into Jax’s fake plumbing van, ready to jump out and hog tie Valdas while shoving a dirty rag into his mouth… actually maybe he’s on to something with this ‘fiction writer’ idea.

“Why didn’t I get to choose, Valdas?” Because he’s old — he’s so old which means he has to know. He has to. That’s why she’s here. That’s why she’s risking everything to be here.

“Rarely are we given the opportunity to choose our own destiny.”

“But it’s possible, right?”

He gives a reluctant nod. “Yes… for others. But not for you, Nadya. I would have thought this, here—tonight—had given you clarity of that.”

Clarity? More like the exact opposite. Nadya feels deeper in the fog than ever and that’s just fact. But is it so wrong for her to hold out even a crumb of hope?

Valdas sees this — her resistance — and maybe he even admires her for it. The man lifts his hand and Nadya readies herself to flinch away—don’t touch me pleasedon’ttouchme I don’t want to see any more please—but he hovers it just shy of her skin. So close he can feel the heat of her cheek against his palm.

“It’s unfortunate what little control you did have was taken from you so soon.”

“I don’t understand.”

His brow furrows. “I said as such, remember? You were always meant to walk this path but Jameson’s influence sped the world up beneath your feet; sent you along farther than you were meant to be.”

Shut the front door.

Nadya recoils so hard her chair legs scrape against the concrete loud and jarring. Suddenly all the little beautiful things around them — the lights, the baristas winding down inside, even the people just passing by beyond the gate — seem dull; lifeless.

“Ja—Jameson? What are you talking about?”

He had even agreed with her: it made sense to think Valdas was the one doing all the pulling of the strings. But okay — so it isn’t him. Jameson, though? “Jameson. Jameson, Jameson. Like the weird little librarian guy; the one from Adrian’s trial. That. Jameson.”

“Yes…” answers Valdas, and Nadya really isn’t a fan of how hesitant he says it, “He’s the only prominent psychic in the country. Moreso than myself, even.”

Holy… crap. Totally not a conclusion she would have even put under the ‘Extremely Unlikely Possibilities’ category — like at all. But the wild thing is the more the idea has time to marinate the more Nadya’s starting to get it. The more she’s starting to believe him because somehow it makes… sense?

“No,” no, remember who this is, remember how he lied so easily and condemned Adrian to death, “no no, that’s not… he’s a member of Kamilah’s clan!”

Which apparently is news. “Is he really? That’s surprisingly deceptive of him.”

Surprisingly deceptive. Ha!

This is too much to process. Nadya’s still reeling — she’s still him in a way, still feeling the pressure of his eternal life crushing her own heart in a stone grip. It doesn’t make sense and it also makes total sense; she just isn’t certain which one of them is real.

That doubt screams at her through the pain still growing. How dare you trust him, it growls; a monster hiding under the bed, after what he did to Adrian, after what they did to Adrian, to Kamilah, to you! Are you really so desperate and so far gone?

Of course she remembers his lies. So easy and flawless and done on the thinnest whim because of what — a rumor; a ghost hidden behind another man’s face? The pain he’d caused them all…

“You can’t expect me to trust you.”

“Perhaps not ‘expect’ so much as hope I’ve proven enough to you tonight that such trust comes willingly.”

“Do you really think it’s that easy?” She bites the words off her tongue in chunks of anger; frustration. “Or is it that you think I’m still just some dumb human who will believe the scary old vampire without even a question otherwise.”

“Quite the opposite. I think you resilient, resourceful, and yet reticent to act on impulse — when you’re of sound mind that is.”

“So you’re calling me nuts.”

“I’m saying the fault isn’t yours. And if you’re still hesitant to believe me then there’s a very simple way to prove the truth.”

The second time Nadya holds his hand is much less reluctant. Maybe part of her wants to get it over with. Maybe whatever’s left hopes she’ll find something wrong in him; his intentions. Like a validation.

She squeezes so hard it hurts her palm but what is feeble mortal strength compared to, well, him? And…

“Nothing?”

He keeps them connected — really just completely dedicated to this whole proving himself trustworthy thing, apparently. “Don’t sound so disappointed.”

But really; there’s nothing. Not the low-key anticipatory bombardment of visions and the feelings that come with them. Not voices or sensations that aren’t her own. And not even some weird warm glow of altruism either.

It’s comforting as much as it is worrisome but in the absence Nadya realizes just how tired she is.

“You’ve helped me, tonight.” There are so many things to tell Kamilah, Adrian. Finally a step closer and she gets to rub being right in their faces on top of it. “Really… really helped — maybe more than you know.”

His chin raises slightly. “Is that a ‘thank you?’”

“It’s a question.”

Why did you do it?

Valdas’ thumb tickles the bare skin of her wrist in gentle motions. It’s intimate — weirdly so. Which means Nadya is completely justified when she takes her hand back.

Until he squeezes tighter, that is.

“This was the last act of my own free will. Perhaps not forever—hopefully not forever; I’ve had quite a few forevers already and they are dreadfully long.”

Nadya tugs again in vain. It’s like a completely different man sitting across from her, now. Darker; deeper and digging deeper still. She doesn’t want to dig deeper, though, but the longer Valdas holds on the more the choice is taken from her.

Another thing taken from her.

Her voice cracks slightly. “Valdas… please let me go.” They’re still out in the open air but it breathes heavy and stifling in her lungs. Reeking of dust and mothballs and other old, ancient things.

It’s the Musea Sanguis all over again. The onyx coffin that haunts her nightmares — the ones that belong solely to Nadya Al Jamil.

She meets Valdas’ eyes and the fathoms of them are too many to count.

“I wanted to help you, Nadya. I wanted this, the act before the sin, to be one that mattered — one that meant something.”

“W-What sin?”

“Forgive me.”

“Val—”

He’s holding her too close — Nadya can’t pull back far enough. But someone, probably Kamilah — definitely Kamilah, should be proud of her that she struggles every moment.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I wish that were the case.”

All the way up until his fingertips brush her temple and the world goes dark.

LINEHERE

In between waking and being awake there is a place where all is calm and well. Where she feels safe and warm and at peace. How often does she get that these days? Is it any wonder she clings to it desperately?

Long fingers brush through her hair. There is a warmth about them, even dark as they are — even though they haven’t seen the sunlight in so many years.

Lost, lonely — yet they comfort her even now.

Nadya opens her eyes and the first thing she sees is the shifting canopy of leaves overhead. No—not leaves. Dark green fabric, sheer and draped around the four posters at each corner of the bed and over her head like an old ritual dance. One that called upon forgotten things and spoke in relic tongues. She can taste the words of them; bright mint and heavy sage. All she need do is open her mouth.

“Ssh… not yet, my darling.”

The hand slips from her hair and Nadya keens at the loss. Turns towards where the touch might have come from like a child comforted in a storm.

The woman beside her has been wandering the dark for so long. Nadya can smell crisp groundwater on Her skin; salt on the back of Her tongue. The rich caramel of Her covered in the brightest white she’s ever seen.

“I’m scared,” Nadya tells Her. Is it possible to know a stranger all her life?

Perhaps it is. Just as it’s possible for the woman to laugh above her, face just out of sight, and for it to sound like every song she’s ever known or loved and also like nothing she’s ever had the luck to hear before.

“I know. But you must be brave.”

“I’m tired of being brave.”

“I was, too,” Nadya sighs as she feels an arm come around her shoulders; strong and more certain than she’ll ever be, “but that does not mean your trials are done. Be brave for yourself; and be brave for the both of us.”

She’s about to protest when the door opens on the other side of the room.

Nadya sits upright at the sound; fights through the waves of nausea and vertigo that wash over her and blind her with colorless spots of light behind her open eyes. She reaches out — waits for the stranger woman’s touch — but it doesn’t come.

When she can see everything right again Nadya doesn’t understand why she was waiting for someone there, anyway. The bed is barely rumpled. She’s alone.

“Ease yourself, Nadya. Your heart sounds like a racehorse.”

Oh, hell no.

She doesn’t have to see him to know the dark figure that watches her with the closed door at his back.

Valdas crosses the room in several long strides and holds something out to her. She knows the glint of her glasses in the otherwise dim light and snatches them from him; but tosses them onto the bedspread to be abandoned.

She doesn’t want to see him; the false sympathy in his eyes. He’s lied to Nadya enough already.

“Where am I?”

“Putting your glasses on might help.”

“I don’t want to look at your face.”

Valdas sighs. “Nadya…”

“Don’t you dare,” the rage that seethes from her clenched teeth surprises them both but gotta say — Nadya’s kind of a fan of it, “don’t. you. dare say my name like that. When you…”

She looks around again. Tries to keep dignified through wide eyes even though everything is a blur. Now it’s the principle of the thing. She can just make out the cut frame of the door beyond him.

Nadya spreads her fingers out on the coverlet like she’s searching. Can’t see Valdas’ face but she knows—she knows him maybe a little better than she knows herself right now. Just like she knows when he thinks he realizes what she’s doing and reaches out to grab them; to help her.

She clutches a blind hand desperately around the tassel of a pillow and whips it at his face as hard as she can.

“Asshole!”

The pillow does about as much damage to the millennia-old vampire as, well, a pillow would. But it gives her an opening and Nadya takes it.

Launches herself from the bed and hits the ground running; stumbling — her depth perception absolutely shot — but clear of him and with the black seam of freedom just barely in her sights.

It takes two steps for her to feel an ironclad weight clasping around her arm to pull her back.

“No—no nono!” Nadya screams; struggles against Valdas’ hold but the vampire is too strong. She might as well be trying to tear down a skyscraper with her bare hands.

He wraps both arms around her middle and knocks the breath from her lungs. But desperation — it’s a funny thing. Gives Nadya just that little kick of adrenaline she needs to keep fighting even if she chokes on every effort.

“Please stop this,” he growls in her ear, “the only one you’re hurting is yourself!”

“You’re insane. You’re a psychopath!” I’m a fool for trusting you.

“Nadya I can explain —”

“Don’t wanna hear it! Guh— lemme go!”

“I was the lesser of two evils I assure you!”

“Bull!” She pops her ankle and feels it collide between his legs with a fleeting satisfaction. Valdas crumples slightly, hisses at the pain that lances through him. Just enough for her to pry free and make another, equally mad dash for freedom.

The moment Nadya clutches at the door handle it jerks open; sends her flying backwards where she collides painfully with the rug.

“Grief, Valdas, she’s a fucking human child. How hard can it be?”

She almost doesn’t recognize Isseya at first — the proud woman of the abyss Nadya had last seen in the Council Chambers barely even a shadow flickered on her face.

In the time it takes the other vampire to assess the situation, though, Nadya is already scrambling ready to crawl her way out if that’s what it will take.

Valdas growls around his injury. “Iss’—”

“Yes yes, I’m not a fool.” Then Nadya screams, loud as she possibly can — tries to tear through the claw raking its way through her hair such a violent touch where was the kindness of the dark from before but it hurts too much too much and no matter how hard she hits Isseya’s grip doesn’t let up in the slightest.

She yanks Nadya up by her hair like a puppet on strings. “And I think you’ll find it a little bit harder to incapacitate me in such a way.”

“Let me go!”

“Need I even humor that with an answer?”

Valdas comes into view through the pain prickling at the edges of her vision. “Let her go, beloved.”

Behind her Isseya’s voice drips with irritation. “But —”

“Isseya. You know our orders.”

“Well I’ve harmed more than a few hairs on her head. Better to ask forgiveness, no?”

“No.”

Finally she’s released and the suddenness of it sends Nadya flying forward. Her hands and knees burning against thick wool fibers everything blurrier than blurry from the tears and she tries not to think too hard about the hairs she had felt torn from her head.

But, really, it’s her fault in the end — for thinking it was gonna be that easy.

When is anything ever that easy?

“Are you mostly unharmed?”

His legs come into her smudged view before Nadya can even blink. Valdas reaches out a hand in offering; she smacks it away instead. “Like I’d fall for that twice,” she mutters ragged; feels the last breaths of her screams for help itching in the back of her throat but knows, ultimately, they’re of no use. Standing alone is an effort but she manages it because she will not look weaker than she already is.

“Am I…” Nadya’s scoff is a bitter surprise in her mouth, “are you really doing this right now? Good vampire, bad vampire?”

“You think this is bad, just wait until the appetizer,” says Isseya — too close says Nadya’s entire nervous system and every hair on the back of her neck; has her jumping back but that puts her closer to Valdas and crap on a cracker they have her pinned.

“The appetizer being me, I’m guessing?”

To her surprise, the vampiress laughs. “No, I’d be looking forward to the evening far more if that were the case.”

The evening. It has Nadya running across the room to the large fuzzy shape of floor-to-ceiling curtains. There’s no way — absolutely no way it isn’t dawn yet.

And she’s kind of right. But this is one of those situations where that means about as much as being wrong.

The sherbet gradients of the setting sun bring a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. “It’s been… a whole day?” And they haven’t come for me? Not Adrian, not Kamilah… nobody?

Valdas, ever vigilant of the sun, is careful as he comes up beside her. Nadya’s glasses catch the light in his hand.

He almost sounds relieved when Nadya finally takes them, practically crushing the lenses against her face. “I confess I had hoped extending our evening would give them time to find you. But the years have made your friends soft and trusting.”

“What does that mean?

Isseya comes around to join them — awkward, all of them, too domestic for the pain she still feels at her failed escape — and keeps to the shadows too as she sits. She nods to the window. “Open your eyes, see for yourself.”

Nadya has to shade her eyes with her hand to see much of anything. Wherever they are there aren’t any buildings to block the path of light.

When the garden finally comes into view down below Nadya chokes on her own breath.

It takes a bit of searching but she finds the bridge and familiar pond just at the edge of her window’s view. It had been over a year now but suddenly it feels like no time has passed at all; like the Ball is still in full swing and she’s still Cinderella before the apocalypse.

At least she knows where she is now. Upstate New York; five hours’ ride by old-fashioned locomotive. She remembers the journey to Marcel’s castle and the Awakening Ball like it was yesterday.

[onlyonewoman]

Me rambling about Deran and Adrian

One of the things I love the most about Deran’s love life developement with Adrian and his character developement as a whole, is how much more restrained he is when it comes to act out on impulse. I know Smurf and J are the brains of the family and Pope has the cautiousness and, when his illness isn’t controlling him too much, actually the stable part who neither Smurf nor J can manipulate that easily. With Angela there’s another story, but we leave her manipulative ass out for the moment.  Craig might be a dumbass, but he’s not very impulsive and I’m very happy he made Deran realise that being even close to a cop bar was a very bad idea. Thank you, for being a good brother, Craig. (And yes, if you stay off the coke and actually start thinking ahead like you just did with Deran, you might have a chance to become pretty decent dad. Well, if Renn doesn’t decide to take off with the kid, of course.) Deran, I think, has shown that he’s not only starting to think ahead a lot more - we’ve seen that develope ever since he brought the bar and began to carve out a life for himself - but he’s also shown that he’s: - No longer living on the edge as he did in the first two seasons. He’s not goofing around at parties or raising hell just for the sake of it. He’s no longer the guy who makes jackass skateboard jumps off the pier to get an adrenaline rush and keeping up a reputation as a badass.  - Very much aware of how his family works. He trusts Craig, but that’s about it. He knows that THIS brother has his back no matter what, and in this episode he also showed that he’s taking his advices because yeah, Craig isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, but he’s the only one in the family who Deran knows wont hurt Adrian willingly.  - Listening to Adrian. Deran wont hurt kids, I’m somehow pretty sure about that, because that would cross a line that I think both him and Adrian know could be the end of their relationship because, and this is important: that’s not who Deran is and Adrian isn’t ready to protect himself at the cost of Deran crossing that line. They’ve come so fucking far in communication since first season. - No longer trying to deal with things on his own, away from Adrian. Yes, he killed Colby, but it was a big deal for him. He’s not a sociopath and wasn’t in any way comfortable crossing that line. It didn’t come natural to him and, ironically, I think this might be the closest thing he’s come to something that reminds of Smurf’s brutality - only he clearly has a conscience which his mother lacks. - Not seeking a position of power over anyone to just feel in control, as he did in the first two seasons. It clearly became less of that as soon as he got the bar, but I love how he’s using his newfound stability (stable in comparison to being controlled by Smurf and his brothers) to look to the future and not needing someone to control to feel confident. That’s one MAJOR difference from the way he was raised and the development has come, in my opinion, very naturally ever since Adrian rejected him in season 1. I think that loss and the realisation that it was his toxic relationship with Smurf that ruined not just the thing with Adrian, but everything in his life. - Taking emotional responsibility and yes, I know a lot of people are rooting for the original underdog J, but listen: while J is developing towards the toxic Cody webb even when he’s trying not to, Deran has both his head and his heart in place now. J has the brains, but he’s on full survival mode and only thinks about himself. I don’t blame him, but it’s been clear to me that since he left Nicky outside the E.R., because no matter her faults, she was a truly kind person and a good friend who was no more and no less bad as any other teenager in her situation. And J, ever since her dad told him off at the hospital, seems completely fine with ditching any contact with the one person outside the family who actually was nice and supportive towards him as a person. Deran, on the other hand, has gone in the opposite direction and the show has dropped little bits of that developement really well as in: 1. Accepting Adrian not wanting him anymore and staying away after the thing with Dave in season 1. 2. Embracing the fact that while Adrian is his one true love, Deran isn’t gay just for him. (Remember: ”No, not guys! It’s just you!” in season 1?) He’s accepting himself as a gay man, with or without Adrian and that, my friends, is actually a really big step because all too many people denying who they are, find it impossible to see themselves as gay, only accepting that they “do things that gay people do”. 3. Showing that he can be protective without getting possessive. In season one he sent Pope to beat up Dave because he felt so threatened but didn’t dare to do it himself, which was equally evil and cowardly. He didn’t show remorse at first, getting all cocky when Adrian confronted him, but as he’s LISTENING TO CRAIG and Craig actually has some really good relationship advices as well as a completely natural lack of homophobia (he’s one of the best big brother allies ever!) Deran clearly feels remorse and tries to tell Adrian he wants it to be okay. 4. Showing himself all vulnerable to Adrian that night in season 1 after the party - he’s crying ffs! - and when his instinct to lash out comes, he’s restraining it, grunting in frustration and clenching his fists because he KNOWS he’s lost the man he loves (although he’s not capable of knowing that it’s love because he’s so emotionally suppressed) but he also JUST KNOWS that he has no right to demand Adrian to give him something he can’t. I think that’s the first time we see that Deran clearly knows on some level, unconsciously, that trying to force Adrian back to him in any way, would mean he’s becoming Smurf and that’s what he hates about himself. Not the gay, but the Smurf part. 5. Letting himself embrace and explore his sexuality in more healthy ways, experiencing both rejection (Mark Liston) and being the one rejecting someone (Linc). Yes, Linc was “scared away”, but it was pretty clear that the good, hot and sweet nurse wanted to get more serious and Deran didn’t, so he didn’t pretend he was and sure, he didn’t like the guy, but considering how he responded to even the idea of rejection (Dave and Adrian outside the restaurant) and how he let Smurf control him out of fear of being on his own, he’s developed a lot more healthy attitude towards relationships in general: he no longer tries to control his sexuality in ways that hurt himself or others.  6. Slowly taking the steps first towards a life on his own and then towards a life with someone he’s choosing and who’s choosing him. I like how the show presents the domestic life with Adrian as something very natural and I personally think that comes from their time in Belize. They don’t need a getting used to one another being around, because they already know it works. I like the pace of it and how it wasn’t rushed. 7. Letting Deran show Adrian, time and again in lots of ways, that he’s sorry for all the bad things he did. (I don’t remember the actual quote from Adrian but it was something like “You don’t have to keep saying you’re sorry”, which, in case people still wondered if Adrian had forgiven him, shows he really has.) Deran earned his forgiveness by making things - and himself - better. He’s not once shown violent or overly controlling tendencies towards Adrian since they started seeing each other again. No one, and I mean NO ONE of the other characters have shown that kind of self-awareness AND responsibility in a relationship. I also love how the first completely private scene with them in season 1, not only was in Adrian’s home but also at night, as if Deran was afraid to show even ONE neighbor that he was seeing him. He didn’t even use the door, but broke in through a window like the criminal he is/was, because that was literally his idea of getting what he wanted, and how he’s now, three seasons later, not just is all out and open, but is making huge efforts for them to be together and for Adrian to be comfortable (”you need a real bed”), making him breakfast, and then, this season, they’re not only open, but living together as a couple, cuddling in bed in the mornings and how Deran, instead of taking Adrian from behind in the darkness, is fucking in FRONT OF THE BATHROOM MIRROR, snuggling in the morning light, petting and kissing and sorry, guys, but are we really appreciating this developement enough?  The show gave us angry, toxic closet momma boy gay controlling his partner both emotionally and physically and while I hoped for SOME development, never in my wildest dreams could I, not even when Adrian kissed Deran in the office in season 2 episode 11 (”The Leopard”) and I’m just asking: were is the reckognition from especially LGBTQ media? This relationship is not only the best in the show, or one of the best in the LGBT section in years, but it’s also in general a really good fucking love storyline. I feel blessed and whatever happens, I just want them to be safe.

[justanotherdumpingground]

Chapter Reviews: June 4-8, 2019

Wishful Thinking Chapter 9:

Man, that was mildly depressing to say the least, especially on the MC and Ellen bickering. At least there's Jaime and the pets to keep me company. Honestly, those three kept me from feeling down in this chapter. I didn't pick the premium option to be with Jaime, but I consider picking him as my LI, so it's likely I'll pick it, and all other scenes with him, in the future.

To be honest, I'm not "celebrating" Ellen getting fired despite how much of a jerk she is. In fact, what she said about the MC in a viper den comes off as ominous. As now-former head reporter, her words sound like a warning on Charlie, who has been acting fishy since his debut. Considering Ellen's level of experience on the field, it's hardly a surprise. Not to mention that Anna having something to say in the end of a chapter seems to take my suspicions into account.

Note to self: get Alec fired and replaced by someone else with a better judgment on the importance levels of news. That would be the ultimate cathartic moment. I heard that he suspends Ellen for a month if the MC says Ellen has been scaring guests like Anna, whereas he fires Ellen if the MC says she caught Ellen snooping around his office. I get that his privacy needs to be respected, but he should also be mindful of guests, and his job includes making sure they're respected. I certainly dislike Ellen for her behavior, but at least she has made the occasional point (e.g. her frustration at her story on environmental disaster sidelined in favor of MC's story on the local library losing a book), and she also has at least one moment that feel human (e.g. overworked but choosing to hide it out of fear of people seeing it as a weakness). They don't paint her in positive light, but at least she still makes sense as a character. Alec, on the other hand, has none of that and therefore deserves none of my respect.

Nightbound Chapter 8:

I'm glad the plot continues to move onward from the previous chapter. I love Vera's dress, and my MC in a period outfit looks fine. A pity I didn't buy it.

Well, hello Josephine Vance. Man, I miss the It Lives series and hope it returns in October as usual. As for Katherine, I have to comfort her and help her move on from her loss. I admire PB giving her some fleshing out on her insecurities, but still miffed that this information is paywalled. Nevertheless, it was a no brainer for me to pick it.

Man, the fight against the ghosts was tough, and it was fun to use the premium dagger and punch a ghost. Not to mention my respect for Cal and Vera has just increased when they chose to protect the MC from danger. Bonus points for Vera, who finally resolves to user her power for good.

Now that we're going to meet The Fate, I'm just anxious how ths figure will react and when we'll encounter Lord Elric again. Looking at the mirror in the premium scene with Katherine shows his reflection looking back at the MC, so it might be possible his monster tear will be acquired at some point.

Passport to Romance Chapter 13:

I think it's for the best for Elliot to be kicked out of his family's company's board of directors. All he does is mooch off of his brother's money as he travels around the globe. It's time he grows up.

The competition between Sumire and Bronwyn (premium scene but I can't resist it) is fun to watch. I have no love for Bronwyn and Carlisle, even if Bronwyn gave meaningful critique Sumire can use to improve her art. It was satisfying to watch Sumire win and call Bronwyn out for looking down on others and touting her own art as superior. Bonus points for the rooftop garden scene with Sumire, where her victory was mentioned, even though she and the MC got cockblocked.

To be honest, I paid less attention to the showdown between Marisa and Carlisle than to the drawing contest. Sure it was great to see Marisa winning against Carlisle, but that was because of Elliot distracting him, which lessened the satisfaction. I swear, Carlisle's worse than Bronwyn, who may be a jerk but still gave valid criticism in the previous chapter. Carlisle, on the other hand, is just a jerk who acts sore for the sake of it. As for Yvette, she made another point on the MC's friends moping too much on their emotional crises. At least Marisa has gotten over it, and I kinda helped with Sumire. Nevertheless, all four of them need to sort out their own messes while MC has to devote their focus on the vlog.

A Courtesan of Rome Chapter 20:

I had to recruit Sabina to my cause, but as an added bonus, it also features her talking about what she wants to do after Caesar has been dealt with. I may not be romancing her, but I have faith she'll get her plans sorted out, especially if she chooses to take over Locusta's apothecary.

Honestly, what was PB doing to Xanthe? Not digging into her character is already a huge disservice to her and the potentially meaningful commentary she can provide as a "regular citizen" trying to get on with her life. Shipping her to Sicily as a way to write her out reeks of human trafficking, which is a very. Moreover, I'm pissed that PB used hee to tear her down and make the MC look good in the process. I don't like Xanthe, but PB's use of the female rival trope just to tear her down reeks of misogyny. This doesn't give women a free pass. Instead, it means PB should write them with the care and nuance they deserve as part of their characterization.

Anyway, off to the gaining allies part. I managed to convince Cleopatra and Senator Lucius, but failed to convince Senator Cornelius because I don't have a high enough reputation. No matter. At least I have the support of gladiators thanks to Victus and Cingerix, so the finale better be epic.

Platinum Chapter 3:

I feel like there's not much to say in this chapter aside from this story starting to remind me of America's Most Eligible. Made up story about one's past, tough competition, and the pressures of being on the big screen. Jaylen should train under a more sensible singer instead of Ryder, and I feel like that won't be the last time we'll see Shane. What if we see him on occasion?

As for how this story is so far, I'd say it's okay. I've been losing interest in the romance aspect as of late, so I'm just focusing on how the MC's story unfolds. It better not make her rise to fame too easy, however.

Open Heart Chapter 17:

The hearing was surprisingly smooth. Only two doctors opposed the MC because of Deflan's meddling, I'm not sure of some other doctors, and I'm glad Naveen arrived to have my MC reinstated. The patients I treated or their relatives (I picked Shonda, who thought the panel's lame, Remy, who thanked me for giving him a reason to surf to the fullest, Sharon, who said I was a bit distracted but still credited me, and Annie, who was nice about my MC e-mailing her often) and the doctors I persuaded helped, though I cringed at Dr. Calais saying that the MC's skill at golf is enough to prove their good character. My only regret is that I didn't pick the option to punch Declan. At least Ethan managed to persuade Mrs. Martinez's son to drop the lawsuit by showing him a picture of his mother in Paris.

Man, I'm glad Aurora stood up to her aunt by saying that she had enough of being assigned cases and told her that the MC has proven to be a capable doctor. It appears that this scene affected Harper's decision to vote in my favor, and I'm thankful for that. Even better, she's planning to move to the MC's apartment now that Landry has moved out and transferred to Mass Kenmore.

Speaking of Landry, I decided to talk to him before it's too late. I'm still angry that he got away with disrupting patient care when he sabotaged the MC, and him bringing Naveen into the courtroom doesn't erase what he did. At least I don't have to deal with him and his unrepentant ass anymore, though at least I said good luck to him.

One thing I noticed is that since Ride or Die, there's no announcement for a sequel at the end of the finale. Instead, it's announced by PB itself outside the story. I guess this is gonna be a new thing from now on. Whatever that is, I'll get used to it.

Man, this story surprised me. I thought it's gonna be average because of my doubt in the quality of the stories as of late. It turned out to be better than I thought because of the colorful cast of characters and emotional moments when treating patients. It was sad to hear of the deaths of Dolores and Mrs. Martinez, heartwarming to watch Remy decide to make every moment to use his limbs count, and scary to treat the patients during the triage. There are also moments to feel awesome, such as helping Sienna break up with Wayne and getting reinstated at Edenbrook. I really look forward to Book 2.

Red Carpet Diaries Chapter 1:

I nearly considered writing into detail on how much I still have no love for this series, but because I don't want to rain on other people's parades, and my own anger has receded somehow, I'm not doing it.

Not surprised that there's no option to say I have no love interest. I may already have one, but I don't think this story should end in a wedding. On the bright side, I get to be with Victoria.

A pity I couldn't bring my beloved ocelot with me on vacation, though at least everyone else is doing well, though what's with Hunt having a beard? It makes me cringe.

Who on earth thinks it's a good idea to feature a boat accident during a vacation? That's just bizarre. And no way am I ignoring Victoria when she's trying to put on a life vest. Especially when she proposed to me at the end of the chapter.

Bloodbound Chapter 4:

Dang, this is one awesome chapter! MC is a cunning badass by tricking Mr. Klempf into freeing her, then the fight scene where she uses a giant mace on him, followed by another fight scene with the love interests and Cal. Man, everything is so intense that I have to applaud the inner circle and Cal for their badassery.

I'm starting to feel worried for Adrian after he killed Langdon in cold blood. I wonder whether this is the result of the serum injected to his body that causes him to become more like the First Vampire, who I'm convinced is Rheya. I also wonder whether she turned more people into vampires besides Xenocrates and Gaius.

Sad that I couldn't afford to find and free the other fantastic creatures. I would've freed them for a backup army like the Baron's prisoners back in Book 1. And that dream MC had with Adrian is starting to make me wonder if Adrian will really turn to the dark side.

[wdcornelison]

Coco: The World Es Mi Familia

I was super excited to be given a chance to see the new Pixar movie Coco before it officially comes out in theaters on Thanksgiving Day. All opinions are my own.

When the first trailer for Pixar's Coco was released, of course, I wanted to see it. Rarely is a Pixar or Disney movie released that I don't make a plan to see it somehow. But as the preview played, I started feeling uneasy and began wondering if I should see Coco. Afterall, there are skeletons and they talk about El Día De Los Muertos. The main character sees dead people!

Is it really okay for Christians to go see a movie like that?!

Pixar's Coco

Is it okay for Christians to see Pixar's Coco?

Yes, it is.

While my first viewing of the preview left me unsure, the more previews that were released the more I felt comfortable with our decision to see the movie. The overarching theme of the movie is family. While it's centered around the festivities of Dia De Los Muertos, there is more to the story.

The Story

“‘Coco’ is about a 12-year-old boy with big dreams,” says director Lee Unkrich. “It’s about a hardworking family with great traditions and a lot of love. But what’s so cool about ‘Coco’ is that the boy could be my son. That family could live next door. The sweet, bossy grandmother who insists on one more bite might be your grandma. There’s something familiar to us all in this story. That’s what makes it so special.”

The universal theme of family resonated with filmmakers. “We are all part of a family,” says co-director and screenwriter Adrian Molina. “Those relationships are beautiful and complicated. But our family shapes who we are, which made us wonder—if you had an opportunity to meet your ancestors, what would you recognize in them that you see in yourself?”

Adds Unkrich, “We recognized a common need to be remembered— to feel that we’ll matter long after our time here. Likewise, there’s a strong desire to keep alive the memories of our loved ones. By sharing their stories and creating our own, we build this connection across generations that is bigger than our day-to-day lives.”

Set in Mexico, “Coco” features two distinct worlds: the Land of the Living and the Land of the Dead. Miguel and his family hail from Santa Cecilia, a charming town with a bustling central plaza where residents congregate. The look and feel of Santa Cecilia is inspired by villages visited by the filmmakers during research trips—but those trips did so much more. “The story of ‘Coco’ is inspired by Mexico’s people, cultures, and traditions,” says Unkrich. “The people of Mexico made us think about our own families, our own histories and how that makes us who we are today. We are grateful for the opportunities afforded to us, and we can honestly say we are different people as a result of our experiences.”

Is it going to be scary for my children?

You know your children best.

We took our eight-year-old, seven-year-old, five-year-old, and three-year-old. While there were a few scenes that I thought were a little intense, if you ask them, they will tell you that Coco was not scary. They are ready to see it again!

If we do go see it, how do I talk to my kids about it about the movie?

Talk about it as you would anything else. There is absolutely nothing wrong with learning about other cultures and religions. Take the time to learn about Mexican culture and what exactly the celebration of El Día De Los Muertos is about.

It's possible that seeing the movie will bring up two very important questions.

After watching Coco, your kids may ask:

Where do we go when we die?

Can the dead communicate with the living?

You don't have to be uncomfortable answering their questions. Be prepared with an answer.

What is El Día De Los Muertos?

Things that we are unfamiliar with have a tendency to scare us. We fear the unknown. Let's start with El Día De Los Muertos. What is it?

El Día De Los Muertos, or the Day of the Dead, is a multi-day Mexican holiday that focuses on gatherings of family and friends to pray for and remember friends and family members who have died and help support their spiritual journey. Although this hasn't always been the case, it is associated with October 31, when deceased family members arrive, November 1, and November 2, when they depart.

During this time, families build private altars honoring the deceased using photos of their deceased family members, sugar skulls called Calaveras, marigolds, which are thought to attract souls of the dead to the offerings, and the favorite foods and beverages of the departed. This also includes visiting graves with these as gifts. Sometimes, visitors also leave possessions of the deceased at the graves.

Levels of the Altar

There are seven levels of the altars made for the deceased relatives during El Día De Los Muertos. First, all the elements have to be gathered: cut-out paper to signify air, drinks to represent water, candles stand for fire, and seeds represent the earth.

As for the seven levels, the first level holds the picture of a saint or virgin.

The second level holds candles and lights for the souls in purgatory in order to help them be released from purgatory.

The third level holds toys and salt figurines for the children who have passed away.

The fourth level holds pan de muerto which is sometimes decorated with red icing to signify blood.

The fifth level holds the departed’s favorite food and drinks, their tequila or mezcal.

The sixth level holds pictures of the deceased family, and the seventh level holds crosses and rosary beads, preferably made out of seeds because that represent earth.

The marigolds will guide the dead with their perfume and a salt cross shall work as a compass to allow them to reach the altar where they can meet again those who long for them.

El Día De Los Muertos and Christianity

Remember that El Día De Los Muertos is not morbid. Though it focuses on the dead, it is instead a “celebration of life.” Something that we might hold on the anniversary of a family member's death. A remembrance of them and celebration of their life.

Some Christians may associate El Día de los Muertos with paganism because some folklore suggests that during this holiday, the dead visit among the living. Although some people might still believe that communion with spirits happens, most that engage in this celebration simply use the day as an occasion to remember their loved ones, similar to Memorial Day.

The celebration of El Día De Los Muertos reminds us that longing for deceased family members transcends cultures. We all want to know what happens after we die. As Believers, we can remember the One who beat death and made a place for us in the family of God so that we can spend eternity with Him in Heaven.

El Día De Los Muertos Resources

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from Coco: The World Es Mi Familia

[survivorandalucia]

“Wokest Bitch of the West”- Petra

I'm fucking quitting why did you have to cast these fucking people

OMG I made it and it's started and I'm soooo ready

RHONE ! Bless.

i love men that means im not a lesbian

Ohhh bitch i am here! I was legit just having a mental brake down and now im here. Ohh boy!!! Im so excited to be here and now im seeing Amanda again! But me geting jenna out and willa ohh boy! Im gonna have to talk to willa and hopefully jenna isn't so harsh this time around! Ah im so excited i just hope im not a pre-juror boot because im going to be so emotional this game and hopefully play a villainous card!

toby marlow is sexy as fuck what the mhell

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS!!!! So far, not much has happened which can be good or bad. I'm a bit nervous to be playing with returnees being on the other tribe because they might be better at immunity challenges than us. I'm a bit nervous about Pine Boy being in this game because I heard that he's really good. So far I like Toph (Azores buddy <3), Sultana, Jacob, and Nick. Nick came to me right away and said he liked me and wanted an alliance with me. I was like sure!!! Who would I be to decline an alliance? An idiot, that's what I would be. I'm wondering how we're going to do idol hunting on this season and I hope we find out soon. I want to redeem myself from my Azores mess. That reminds me, Toph being here can be really bad for both of our games. If anyone know what Azores is, they know that I gave Toph my idol. They know that we were close, which can be really bad for our games. If people look at Azores and assume that we're still close (which we are), we're fucked in the long run. I love writing confessionals, I missed that in Azores. Sure, we had Ponderosa confessionals, but I wanted to talk more game shit in there. Another thing that I'm worried about: If Toph read my in-game confessionals during Azores, he knows that I'm reluctant to play by his side again. Or, if he has a brain, he can infer it from that. Hopefully, this wont all blow up in my face. I can't wait for the shit show to start after the immunity challenge.

I really am gonna have to fight the hosts

Not letting me idol search and putting me on this tribe. There is only ONE girl on my tribe. And rhone and the boys. I hate men fuck you all. Also Jake being on my tribe when he has the personality of a dead foot yikes. I hate this tribe i hate this game. Get me my shit i wanna leave now. 

Except jordan pines and daniel they cool.

Heyo! The name’s Johnny, from Survivor: India, the guy who went through only two tie votes in his seasons, and I guess I’m ready to swing at the sandbags again. I’m glad to be back and hopefully I don’t fall in the pits that I fell in last time. I’m not settling for premerge this time ‘round. So this tribe is definitely a lot bigger & badder than I expected. Lots of personalities, lots of players, and a shit ton of self-professed “bitches”, “villains”, and whatnot. I just want to survive a while in here so I’m ready to slap on the under-the-radar happy tribe mascot sticker. But of course, the twist is revealed. I tried for the advantage but as always, my luck runs dry and I’m beaten to it. Figured Jordan Pines had it and right I was - dude won immunity. Lucky fella. Oh well, better him than ~some~ people, because at least he probably won’t want me gone first. I’ve also had some decent chats with Issy & Daniel, a bit o’ back-and-forth with Chris, and barely anything with Jake, Isaiah, and LA. And Adrian & Rhone, as far as I know, is a no-show so far. I do know Adrian though, so hopefully that gives me some brownie points! Now we’re gonna go on a tribe call and if there’s anything I know about myself, I’m both awkward and quiet on large calls so… hopefully I leave a decent impression.

So the tribe call just ended with the understanding that a second one would start, and guess what didn’t happen? It does feel a smidgen shady so hopefully there isn’t some chat without me already made because THAT would suck. After the call, though, Jake comes to me all desperate asking “We’re good right? I won’t vote you.” Dang, this guy moves quick. He asks me what I want to do and when I say wait it out for a little bit, he says “Good plan, low key wanna help the tribe.” Mate, simmer down, no need to jump on the gameplay horse so quick. I feel like he has some bad connection with someone, but I’m just not quite sure who that’d be. I know nothing about Tumblr connections, sadly. I trust Jordan right now - not too much, of course, I’ve heard how good he is at this stuff - but I’ll give him a little info and hope he reciprocates. I just wanna live until I reach a point where I can go full India mode and explode onto the scene. We’ll have to see if I can suffer through this tribe, first… I’ll just suffer well.

GUESS WHO WON IMMUNITY PEEPS ANYWAYS so since im at least surviving 1 tribal i have time to build relationships with these people, i've been talking to amanda and she's cool, and atm im on call with jacob/toph/peyton and im waiting for someone to add me to an alliance because im so talented

Everything seems pretty tame but since there is a tribal coming up, that scares me. I like Madison, Taylor, Sultana, Toph, Jacob, and Nick as of now. I'm going to watch the videos right now to see where people's heads are at right now. If I can do that, I'll be able to get a better read on everyone. Hopefully, that will help me with figuring out who to vote out. I'll pray for the best while reading Animal Farm.

CONFESSIONAL: This is my first time in tumblr survivor history that I will be present at the premiere of the season. Pretty fucking excited. I'm like a survivor noob when it comes to the premiere. I've always been gone during it so this is my first premiere ever! I am hoping my 2nd and 1st place finishes don't put a early target on my back. I just need to make sure the tribe views me as an asset as opposed to a threat CONFESS: i think my status will help me. it says something about depression i think people will like that and that should be a convo starter

so me being the little bean that i am decided to have everyone join the call and now im an alliance called the "core fore" i mean like its me Payton, madison, and Jacob! okay that was just some basic ass info. here's my thoughts on everyone else! Amanda sledge: the only person i will trust in this game. she played an idol on me in Azores and if that isn't trust i don't know what else is. Payton: he seems ok, i mean he kinda seems Plainer then Rasin Bran but i mean her has a goat farm and litty. Madison: she seems woke and i would like to work with her given her immunity win and letting everything happen with this alliance already taylor: i mean he seems ok. But like he just got on call so ill keep you posted on him. Sultana: a woke ass queen! i really wanna work with her she seems super funny and chill and like a queen of everything she dose like harassing her mom for food! i would love to work with her will she wants too as well! the others: they have said nothing so like ima try and get one of them out now or payton. dfjbndofb Ok so currently i'm in about 2 alliances! Amanda, nick and myself are in one alliance. meanwhile i'm in an alliance with  Jacob, Payton, and Madison together so like i have no idea if this is good or not because i don't wanna be caught so i feel like i need to tell Amanda so she dose not get mad and i can work with her! I really have no clue on what is going to happen. I don't want to trust anyone yet because tomorrow we will see were the lines will be drawn. I am like 50% that someone inactive will be voted off. but not if i have anything to say about that! I want payton out because i feel like he is dry and kinda basic. after all i will try and be the villain of the season oops! i honestly really like Petra though and think shes very chill and interesting. lets hope she feels the same way. i'm hoping i can just stay calm for now and then go and cry about it latter. i honestly am very hungry right now though like i ugh. Ok that is besides the point. But i feel like i need to bring my paranoid level up to like a ten because i can't trust none of these bitches or i'm gonna be scared as hell. my ears are open to everything and i have a google docs open and im ready to kill some people. 

So at the beginning of the game, me and Amanda talked alot and decided to team up. Then Amanda was good friends with Toph. So then we formed a three person alliance. While we were on call, me Amanda, Toph and Suitana formed an alliance. The twist was announced that both tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope I am not first out but I got a solid 4 person alliance called the Wig Snatchers with them.

I feel like I'm the least extra person here and some of them I think don't like that I'm not super extra

ok idk who 2 vot cuz im just a woke ass bitch and like i havent come across anyone that im rly annoyed with xcept payt TBH hes just awkward and like totally denies my humor via not laughing and everyones talking about this person called jenna they had tea drama with or smth so im like O _ O

I love being on tribe calls because late at night is when alliances are made! I'm currently in an alliance with Petra, Nick, and Toph (Seamus too). We don't have the majority yet, but I like Jacob and Madison. I hope they will vote Jenna with us. I heard nothing but bad things about her from Toph and she seemed cool, but I think right now it's our best option to get her out since she has no wifi at the moment.

Hey everyone, first confessional. I have not played in one of these games in a very long time so I feel very rusty. Anyway, this double tribal twist could really mess up my game but I can't worry about that at the moment. My plan is watch my tribemates videos and try to find common ground. I know Poteet is really embarrassed about going out premerge, and I went premerge too so we can talk about that. I need to take it one step at a time.

I have gained the trust of a good amount of the tribe, and they all are just kinda doing what I say, so i feel like i have some power suddenly. Not saying I'm on the path the a villain but we'll see what happens.

i want to die

Joy, oh joy. I wake up this morning (if 11:30 AM is considered morning) with Jake being the only message to me and I think, THAT can't be a good sign. So he reiterates him wanting to work with me, yadda yadda, badda bing, and says that he values we have history. I'm pretty sure our history is just like one or two Skype minis so unless I'm forgetting something, ripperoni. He also tells me he's "heard a few names floating around" but when I asked him who it was, no response. Go figure. Luckily, Chris Stoner messages me and tells me that as of now Jake is the vote (I'm assuming from the mind of Jordan Pines) so at least I have some solace there. I don't think I'll be going at the end of the day, but there's still the very real fear that my head's on the chopping block, and I don't want to be lynched tonight, nosiree.

So while my video confessional is uploading, it seems like I got Taylor's vote to get Jenna out! I'm really excited to not be the first boot, honestly. I'm sad though because she never got to send me pictures of her kittens. Maybe if I keep her she'll show me! Anyways, how's your day? My mom broke our snapchat streak and it's quite disappointing... like I came out of your vagina and you're going to treat me like this?? Oop my video confessional uploaded here it is in all its (not) glory!

So Jake said that Rhone had suggested Issy (due to their beef from another game, pretty sure it was a wiki game I viewed lmao) or Chris to go home. I found this a little bit fishy but then again I've found most of what Jake's been doing to be fishy. However Jake seems to think it'll be Issy going which is convenient. I also hopped on a call with Jordan Pines and we traded a bit of info - I'm not going to give him EVERYTHING persay (I've been told many stories about him so best to tread lightly) but luckily he gave me some. Jake had randomly made an alliance chat with Jordan and Rhone last night without informing either of them and both distrusted it. Jordan wants to keep some sorta secret information sharing pact between the two of us and I'm game, but I need to make sure he trusts me so I still have to actually give him credible tales. I've just gotta stay on his good side for now and be the nice, honest fella on the tribe. That'll keep me afloat until the swap (which seems like it'll be an auxillary situation. How fun). I do like Isaiah and Adrian a bit and I wouldn't mind working with those two, it'd be nice to get something rolling along with em. We'll have to see, though, because I'm not sure how social Adrian's been so far. As of now, our first boot should be Jake. Let's just hope we can stay strong and not lose to those meddlesome newbies.

I'm not going to lie... I'm a bit nervous. A tribal shouldn't be going this smoothly  unless there's something going on in the background. Dear god, let this work out. I will write more after tribal is over, I'm just too nervous right now. 

[survivormyanmar-blog]

Ep. #7 - “Who Knows What's Going on Anymore, Because I Don't Know What The Fuck Is Going On. I Never Have, I Never Will, Because I Will Always Be In The Minority. Whatever.” - Leah

The tribes merged and were given the day off to get to know each other.  Their first challenge was a reward challenge and the tribe was split into 2 teams of 6.  The reward ended up being Immunity and the winning team would not attend Tribal.  With only 6 people going to Tribal, 5 faves and 1 fan, the scrambling began.  Linus had showed everyone his Hidden Immunity Idol at the previous tribal council and was almost guaranteed to play it here.  The alliance of Steffen, Amanda, and Ashley still decided they should split the votes between Linus and Sam.  Jay and Sam had other plans though and used Linus to help take out Steffen in a 3-1-0 vote with Linus playing his idol and cancelling out two votes against him.  Steffen became the first member of the jury and passed the Legacy Advantage along to Ting Ting.

YES it’s a strategy for me to dumbly banter on tribe calls. If I can do anything to keep myself safe imma do it

GUESS WHICH BITCH IS READY TO BE QUEEN OF PONDEROSA

Wow a lot happened tonight. Starting with Togye tribal, Nehe is gone. Which was actually the result of Brett being brilliant. He essentially told Tommy that Nehe was being a snake and everyone ended up switching their votes to Nehe as a result (except me, cause I’m stupid and had no idea what was happening). Whether or not Nehe was always the target remains to be seen but Brett saved both of us. I owe him my life in this game. I’m not sure where I stand with Tommy, Sam, Ashley or Amanda so I’ll have to do a bit of damage control. Next, seeing Krysten being voted off Mata was a bit heart breaking. She was part of the Official Five alliance made on Day 1! That alliance was systematically picked off these last three votes leaving just Brett and myself. I was really hoping Krysten would survive until the merge. I trusted her more than Leah and Linus. On a super negative note, its now 8 faves vs 4 fans. So we’ve got a lot of digging and clawing to find a way into a solid place in this game. It’s certainly possible, Brett has a working relationship with Tommy and Sam (he saved Tommy, who was the intended vote instead of Nehe) and I’ve got sort of a relationship with Ashley (and to a lesser extent Amanda). Things might turn out well but it will take some effort.

If our tribe name truly ends up being Toga Tata, I will systematically vote out everyone who pulled for it, starting with Brett and ending with Steffen because we’re allies.

Day 15 HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING. If I leave on Day 18 or whenever, it officially doesn’t matter. With three hours before tribal, I did some serious shaking to get NEHE tossed the fuck out of this game. I have a lot to thank TOMMY for as well. He did some excellent work with the ladies and they never suspected the information came from me–they bought that NEHE did all the blabbing. And SAM was great, too. I don’t know why KEEGAN still voted for TOMMY. I told him it was NEHE all the way, but he was really adamant at the end that the girls were going to vote TOMMY out, it seems. I’m just glad he didn’t get me to change my vote because 4-3  would have meant game over for both of us. No girls, no glory. But this move to eliminate NEHE, 5-2 (I’d have loved 6-1, but won’t be greedy), was a ball that I started rolling and managed not to fuck up so that it actually happened! I got to keep my ride or die KEEGAN in and get a move on my resume! The merge has gone down and now I’m feeling less pressure. Twelve people can be very overwhelming, but with 8 Favorites and 4 Fans, I have no high expectations about my winning chances at all. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to get as far as I can though! There’s a palpable divide between SAM/TOMMY & AMANDA/ASHLEY. My plan is to get the fans I trust (KEEGAN & LINUS–who has an idol, by the way!) on board so we become a Party of 5. TOMMY wants to work with JAY and together we make 6! I think we can go after LEAH, another fan who I don’t trust even a little bit–this round so that the Favorites don’t suspect anything. Maybe even unanimously can her. And that would allow a new six of myself, JAY, KEEGAN, LINUS, SAM and TOMMY to steamroll CHRISTIAN, TING TING, ASHLEY, and AMANDA (STEFFEN, too, but I like the guy, so I’d keep him around a bit!). ASHLEY has tried to cover her tracks so laughably. Either AMANDA or she did admit in their vote that they were in a secret alliance with NEHE! That was so bad of whichever one of them to do! Every action done by NEHE, ASHLEY, and AMANDA in the last 24 hours has validated every claim I made to SAM and TOMMY and now I really feel like they know that they can trust me, TOMMY especially. I have yet to tell TOMMY one thing that hasn’t ended up proven true. I think that will be very valuable. The reward challenge takes place today and the teams are split 50-50, so it really doesn’t matter who wins to me, but I’d rather KEEGAN and TOMMY go to the cave, so I really hope we win.

Okay, so much has happened since I last made a confessional. So apparently on the switched Togye tribe I was the target of a blindside with Keegan, Nehemiah, Ashley, and Amanda voting for me because of a secret alliance between  Nehemiah, Ashley, and Amanda. Nehemiah told Brett so Brett would vote me out, however since I made effort after the Adrian vote to get to know Brett we have bonded really well and he told me about everything. So I had to defuse the situation so said Nehemiah was the one who exposed the secret alliance of himself/Amanda/Ashley to me. Which caused Amanda/Ashley to get p.o.ed and I was able to convince them to vote out Nehemiah. It worked, and I was the supposed blindside plan as I got 2 votes at tribal but everything turned out fine. I narrowly escaped what woulda been the end of my game. Then Krysten left on the other tribe during the second part of the double tribal. Now it’s Final 12 and we recently merged. 8 Favorites and 4 Fans left in the game  but I feel as though it is time to switch it up and no longer go by tribal lines. It’s the merge and now it’s every man and woman for themselves. There are only 2 or 3 seats at Final Tribal so you have to be willing to make moves and get to the end without being taken out. Honestly after everything that happened last tribal I feel as though I’m near the bottom of the favorites, so no I’m not afraid to go work with the fans. They could be useful numbers! One thing I noticed which is really triggering is that Steffen is friends with everyone. This annoys me to no end because everyone wants to play with Steffen when in reality it’s not like everyone in the tribe is going to go to the end with Steffen. He needs to be taken out because people are so blinded and mystified by him. Jay and I are the only ones who have really been talking about some sort of rebellion against the favs but she wants to take out Amanda, which I personally believe is the wrong move. We have to take out Steffen, because if Amanda goes he’ll easily find someone else to replace her spot but this time make sure there isn’t a fighting chance that the minority can fight back. While if we take out Steffen now it might disband that entire alliance and leave all of em’ scattering. I think Jay and I can get a few people to vote with us. I think we can definitely get Brett, Linus, and Sam to vote with us because they know they don’t have many other options. We may be also able to trust Ting Ting, Christian, and Keegan, but not as strongly as the others. We only need 2 more and we’ll be fine. I’m gonna try to become more bubbly before tribal comes around and seem super Fav pride before tribal so that at this tribal coming up the other favs don’t really expect anything and don’t go after me. However, Steffen may know something is up if anything has already got leaked to him. Tonight I went on call with Linus and basically confirmed his vote with me, and I told him I’d be fine working with him long term game, which he accepted. I really don’t mind sitting next to a fan in the end because I just want to get there right now. It gives me a chance to plead my case to the jury as to why I should win, and having a chance to plea your case is better than being on the jury deciding who wins because you at least have a 33 or 50 percent shot at winning. Long term game I wanna cut out people who I don’t feel close to. So this means Steffen, Leah, Amanda, Keegan, Christian, and partially Ashley I want out. I would enjoy a Final 6 of Ting Ting, Jay, Sam, Brett, Linus, and Myself because I feel as though those are the people who I’m closest to in this game. I know though that’s probably not how it’s gonna be with all this cave junk and idols/double votes/immunity challenges. So my way to avoid being taken out of the game is I’m going to have to lower my activity level, and make people I’m not thinking as much as they may be thinking I am right now. I also need to strengthen my pre-existing relationships and build new ones if I have to. Lastly, just be a more trusting person and be a person who people feel safe to tell their secrets to. I really hope my team wins this reward so that way the favs who are going to follow Steffen don’t get to go to the cave and get these rewards. Also Amanda straight up lied to me saying her flashlight does nothing, Linus told me what that flashlight does and it helps with the cave. Like I’m over her, she lied to me and didn’t think I’d eventually find out. My plans for tomorrow are to talk to Jay about the possibility of taking out Steffen first instead of Amanda. Get in better terms with the fans. Talk to Ting Ting and Sam and try to make our game relationships tighter. Also casually talk to Steffen and Amanda so they don’t try to target me at this upcoming tribal council so I don’t get any votes.

MY FLASHLIGHT DOES STUFF?!?!?!?!?!

I am kinda scared. Due to some unseen circumstances I was unable to participate fully in our challenge, and our six now have to go to tribal. 5 faves and 1 fan. Yet Linus might have that idol he almost used last round but said he would save it. So now the faves are trying to come up with something. This may be when we have to start making moves…. RIP

I’m feeling unstoppable. Winning the second endurance challenge of the season and helping keep my closest ally safe is fantastic. Knowing that I don’t have to scramble and panic for this next tribal is great and Linus, my next closest ally, has a hidden immunity idol. So even though he’s going to tribal he’s not going home. It’s going to be so amazing watching the faves start to fall apart.

Whew! Not be first boot? Check. Not go pre-merge? Check. Not be the merge boot? Check. Make it to jury? Check! Thank god. My worry coming into the game was that I wasn’t going to make it to merge, and yet here I am. I’ve been pretty laid back and not as active in the tribe chat but I’ve been actively participating in challenges and helped my tribes pre-merge win immunities. But now that’s it’s jury phase I’m going to up my social game more(like in Sicily).  And most definitely after this tribal council which I don’t have to attend! I suck in individual challenges, so I’m trying to make it to FTC again. Meaning I have to use my social and strategic game as my advantages once again. I’m so happy red team won and reward gave us immunity and a chance to go to the cave (which I haven’t done yet). In the beginning of the game it said the cave could either be good or bad if you decide to go. And because I get paranoid, with just my like I’ll come across something bad. Plus I’m horrible at finding idols.

Oh my god……………oh my god…………………………………this vote. This fucking vote. First of all a big fucking fuck you to Trevor and Owen for the ‘only the blue team goes to tribal’ twist. If I ever get the chance to physically fight you, I fucking will. But anyway. This vote. Sam and I are planning on flipping on the faves to vote with Linus against Amanda or Steffen. I’m going to sell it to the faves like 'Linus is going to play the idol, so we should split it 3-2 between Linus and Sam to get rid of the idol and lose someone who’s not in our “'main alliance”“ but here’s the tea. Linus isn’t going to play the idol and Sam and I are going to flip. And you know why Linus isn’t going to play the idol? He’s going to give it to me. He wants to test my and Sam’s trust so we can all go forward after this vote. And if he gets voted out because Sam flips, he wants me to have it. So this will be my first time ever holding an idol in any game, ever, because I'ma huge flop. I’m just praying this all works out but, hey, if it doesn’t and Linus goes home, I’ll have an idol, so it won’t be all bad.

Update: we’re going for Steffen. Fuck. The three of us decided that it’s just going to be too hard to rally the numbers in the future and this may be our only opportunity. Godt.

WOOOW, I sure have sucked at confessionals this round :P . Been to crazy to record whats going on. So lets just give a brief recap. I exposed the fuck outta myself for having an idol, everyones telling me different stories and for the sake of my own sanity I’ve chosen to believe (To an extent at least) Jay and Tommy. We should be voting Steffen, I’ve been told I don’t need to play my idol, Im having an existential crisis about whether to play it or not, I probably will play it because I cant afford to fuck this up. If the plan works hopefully we have majority next round, if it fails rip fans. And that gets us strategically to where we are. Onto the fun part, if Steffen does go I’ll be sad because literally my favourite new pastime is fucking with him, check this out xD. https://gyazo.com/cfe385f4aab56405a733929c380d14e1 https://gyazo.com/299d379c7bb0583df1b8955d7e3b617e I also made an idol necklace to wear at tribal so that should be pretty iconic :^). I was wanting to give Jay a fake idol to try and show an allegiance to her, but apparently I can’t get hosts to confirm the realness of a fake idol or even just hand it off to her, so that plan went up in flames haha. I was even tempted to give her the real one temperarily because right now I need to be set up for next round too. Sitting and playing passive will not work until my game stabilizes, and I was willing to take the risk of going home this round if it meant I got an ally who would be loyal going forward, but I opted against it. Wish me luck at tribal!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3XE4RSMT1A

MERGE MERGE MERGE MERGE YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY AHHHHHHHHHH IM SO PUMPED. I beat my placement and finally made merge which was my goal so i feel like a weight of pressure i was putting on myself has been released which is great. That being said though BRETT IS A PIECE OF SHIT. He’s literally so fake he goes around running his mouth telling lies about me to ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS (Leah) so of course she tells me and then he messages me being like "oh em gee lol haha blah blah blah” no bitch. Dont talk to me. He literally disgusts me and i want nothing more than for him to leave but SOME PEOPLE DECIDED TO GIVE HALF THE PEOPLE IMMUNITY WHICH IS STUPID. It actually isnt stupid its a great twist from a hosts perspective im just annoyed that everyone i want gone is safe. So i made a chat with leah and steffen within seconds of seeing the merge post cause theyre my bitches and i love them so much so thats lit. And then i still have my chat with Ashley which is cute. But here’s something new we have a chat with me steffen ashley and jay for this tribal. The plan is to have me and ashley vote linus and steffen and jay vote sam just in case linus plays his idol. Im a bit nervous that theres a secret plan with jay sam and linus to get us to split the votes and then vote out me ash or steffen but idk im a paranoid bitch so i might just be crazy. Im putting my faith in the plan and if i go i go. If i stay than ill fight my ASS off to get bretts fake ass out of here next week :)

I only have a few minutes to jam this out, so let’s do this! With the tribe merged, we went into a reward challenge that ended up being an immunity challenge in disguise. It was another endurance challenge with posts every 30 minutes and penalties, but no eliminations. I wasn’t going to let KEEGAN take all the burden once again and I gave it my best, lasting to the end with him and TOMMY when STEFFEN finally conceded. In the process, I deceived JAY at the beginning of the game and she got 2 penalties for her team because of it–it helped us win the challenge sooner, but as a potential ally, JAY probably didn’t get a great first impression of me. Oops! There’s nothing in the Cave of Wonders for me ever. Oh well. As for winning immunity accidentally, it’s good and it’s bad. It’s bad because KEEGAN and I want to be in control of our fate as much as we can and we will not have votes this week. The good news is that there’s a pact forming between KEEGAN, LINUS, SAM, TOMMY, JAY, and myself as the loyal Fans (LEAH doesn’t count) and the despondent bottom-rung Favorites. As my suspicions of LEAH have all along been correct (insofar as we know), it seems that she has pre-existing relations with AMANDA and STEFFEN from the ORG community and she is loyal to them. It all makes sense to me now! Even if it’s not true, I’ve never had confidence in LEAH or cared to really work with her, so it’s no sweat off my back if she’s actually innocent. Anyway, with immunity given to half the tribe (who are also unable to vote), 3 of the 6 of our newly-formed alliance are in the mix (JAY, LINUS, SAM) along with 3 of the opposition (AMANDA, ASHLEY, and STEFFEN). The plan is to get the opposition to believe that the collective Favorites (everyone but LINUS) should split their votes–4 on LINUS and 1 on JAY. However, JAY and SAM will actually vote for AMANDA with LINUS and the vote will be 3-2-1 to eliminate AMANDA. LINUS is unsure whether or not he should play his idol as a surefire safety. I think he should because we don’t know if we can completely trust JAY yet and even SAM acts a bit fishy sometimes. When he told me elements of the plan, he wouldn’t paint the whole picture and told me it’s best if I’m in the dark about some things. I like knowing things, so that doesn’t really fly with me. So just in case, I do think LINUS should play his idol. If AMANDA goes home, my heart goes out to her, but she really had her chance. She empathized with the Fans since her last season was Fans vs. Favorites and her Fans alliance was decimated and she was eliminated pre-merge. So she did what others did unto her in her last season only to possibly go out only one placement higher and on the same day! She was voted out Day 17 of her previous season. It’ll be crazy if she suffers the same fate. And while I’d rather ASHLEY leave, AMANDA dug her own grave if this plan does indeed end up working. Hopefully everyone does what they should.

Me finding out tribal isnt until 10:30 and i have to sit waiting for this shit to hit the fan even longer : https://66.media.tumblr.com/cafd74179121e455c36ecd78471a2010/tumblr_nkpzoyDeZL1uokvyoo1_500.gif https://38.media.tumblr.com/b70024042064b56ef426ec84ae9a718d/tumblr_nl2nniuLvi1sklh5yo1_500.gif http://67.media.tumblr.com/703de63229d0a1f1a68613e55922c0e2/tumblr_nl0jxfn2DA1sqbiv1o6_400.gif http://67.media.tumblr.com/dc2e888c514c483f923c8372a1f9552d/tumblr_nkeojciu3U1sqbiv1o6_400.gif http://66.media.tumblr.com/222dc48daa17ff70e6de8d68978ae30c/tumblr_nlhc34HyPw1u4mldxo2_400.gif http://66.media.tumblr.com/bc5a3ddd89f33e312ca93bdf69935660/tumblr_nl0jxfn2DA1sqbiv1o3_400.gif https://38.media.tumblr.com/2374f1cd234ec529796ca676307de037/tumblr_nlc7tpkqsp1sklh5yo1_540.gif