#we also call herons cranes too lol

[brutal-out-here]

(feel free to say where in the world you live, I’m curious if that effects you’re answer in any way)

[buytheticket]

i moved AND had my meta consult 

i had my consult on 6/22 and have been wanting to write about it but i haven’t had a chance to sit and really collect my thoughts since i had to hustle on my move (moved in with my bf, it’s been really wonderful but that’s for another post)

read more for my detailed experience with the consult

my surgeon (dr Purohit) practices out of mount sinai so i had to go down to the city. it was an all day event- the train time i was able to get and the time of the appointment meant that i needed to take off work. my boyfriend and i took the train down to nyc. i had a bit of a sour start because my time anxiety kicked in and i was afraid we’d miss the train but we had plenty of time and my bf was really reassuring and i felt immediatly better as soon as we pulled into the station’s parking lot

 it was a really nice ride i really enjoy taking the train. the route goes right along the hudson river. saw so many bald eagles, herons, and cranes that i lost count! also got super stoned and relaxed on the ride down

i also took the time (the trip was just under 3 hours) to review the questions i had for the surgeon (i need to transcribe them, i wrote down a lot) to make sure i covered everything i could possibly think of

we got into the city around 11 and went straight to a diner since we didnt get a chance to eat before we left. it was pretty good! we had some time to kill before the appointment so we took the subway to greenwich village because i thought it’d be interesting to check out where stonewall is since neither of us had been. i’d never been to that area of manhatten so walking around the area was cool (ended up seeing a lot since we kept getting turned around the whole trip lol) stonewall inn was very unassuming as i had heard but it was also cool just to see it in person once. i was kinda hoping for a more indepth idk monument? i think i should just find a queer history museum. there’s gotta be one lol

we didn’t stay long since i had to take a piss and it was impossible to find a bathroom so we decided to head up to the dr’s office (ended up finding one in a subway station and a guard had to buzz me in and the stall was like something out of a movie lol)

as we got closer to the office and appointment time i started getting more and more anxious and irritable. i also skipped my adderall and my patience level plummets and i’m more susceptible to moodiness if something is stressful or challenging to me so it was kinda a double whammy.

my bf was such a angel though- i was getting stressed out trying to navigate so he took over and guided us and we had a good talk before my appointment about why i was feeling so moody and that helped too.

on the walk over to the office i got incredibly anxious. like the worst i’d been in a long, long time. meeting a new medical professional always gives me anxiety especially when it’s for transition related care. plus like hearing about some negative experiences with some staff and just like the general state of the world i was pretty much a walking wreck

we got lost going into the office and wound up in an apartment building. very funny in retrospect but i was like pissed off and having a melt down! my bf was very kind and helpful and we made it to the office (it was one door over but the office and apartment shared a street number. confusing!) 

i checked in and we sat down and my bf held my hand and helped keep me calm. i had been so worried that they would turn me away and cancel my appointment! a few days before i got a call from the office saying that my insurance was out of network. i had brought this up when i scheduled and sent over what my insurance needed for prior authorization so someone fucked up and for once it wasn’t me lol

they called me back and i hopped up on the table. dr purohit’s fellow came in with a nurse who was taking notes i think. i think he was from eastern europe based on his name and accent and he was learning how to do metas! he asked me some questions and i threw a ton of mine at him lol but he answered them all!

or tried to lol when i said i want to keep at least an ovary he was confused why and my bf helped explain that us trans folk might not always have access to t because of the way of things rn and that was a pretty interesting experience! i hope it was a teaching moment. i think dr’s should really be in step with current events and be advocates, know what their patients have to deal with day to day and truly strive to be an ally  

dr purohit came in after a bit (he was wrapping up another appoint which i didnt mind at all! i feel it means he makes sure everything is covered) and wow! i really like him and he made me feel so at ease and it was incredibly reassuring. i knew right away that he was gonna do everything to get as close to my needs as possible

i gave him a run down of what i wanted (simple release, mons resection, no ul/v-ectomy/scrotoplasty) and we had like a real convo!

then i had to drop my drawers so he could see what he was working with. this was my first time having to show my cock n balls to a medical professional. really wasnt bad at all! very professional touch. but like the fellow was observing and the dr was going over my configuration with him. i have “substantial growth” of my clit

like i have a medically certified hog, 100% usda grade a beef, baby! pretty sure i gave my bf some kind of shit eating expression when i heard the dr say that. like...it was very affirming tbh!

it was very quick and after i pulled my pants up we jumped into an overview of the meta process. he broke down all my possible options and went over everything in detail and explained possible pros and cons and reasonings for each option/his technique. my bf took notes and i will try and transcribe them. i think it’s very useful info for anyone seeking a meta- there are so many different options! you really can pick and choose what you want (so long as your ok with risks. like a ul with no v-ectomy has like a 50% to 70% rate of fistula development. the body is weird!)

we also went over what the procedure would be like and what i should do to prep. he gave me a “poor man’s pump” ( i said it was DIY! very punk rock) - a 50ml syringe that he said to saw the tip off and use the plunger to create the seal (i’ll take a pic [just the pump], easier to show than tell). never thought i’d be pumping my dick but it’s dr’s orders!

he even called the gyno (dr tran) who wll be doing my hysto to ask about her opinion  on me keeping an ovary and she said it def was a good option so i will keep one (the one opposite of the one my bf kept lol) i was also worried about vagina prolapse if i get my cervix removed but she said the risk was very very low (i’ve also been doing pelvic floor exercises to ease my mind lol). she was nice to talk with too and i’m looking forward to meeting her in person

but yea it was really great to meet dr purohit and it was really reassuring to do my consult and i felt so much better after

we wrapped up with him and the patient liaison came in and she gave us a run down of the next steps. i had a letter from my pcp and my therapist recommending me for the procedure. i still need to do thru their psych and social worker and md...she took my letters though and acknowledge that the process was silly and frustrating  (my therapist says the hospital prob does this to get more money from insurance companies lmao the gall of these fuckers)

i’m in touch with their trans clinic and playing phone tag to get the appointments set up. i can do the social worker appoint over the internet but i need to see the md and the psych in person plus a pre-op appointment with the dr. hopefully i can get the psych and md appointments in one day. i’ll also need to stay in the city for at least a week post-op. i have my fingers crossed my insurance coverage will go smooth (my copay would be $75....) so i can budget for a nice room with a kitchenette.

we got outta the office and took a sec to like gather our thoughts! i wasn’t expecting it to be so emotional but i was getting choked up throughout the rest of the evening and ended up taking the following day off work; i was exhausted

(i got my other appointments set up but i had this sitting in my drafts so i’ll end this one here and do another post for all that)