#we also call herons cranes too lol

[brutal-out-here]

(feel free to say where in the world you live, I’m curious if that effects you’re answer in any way)

[buytheticket]

i moved AND had my meta consult 

i had my consult on 6/22 and have been wanting to write about it but i haven’t had a chance to sit and really collect my thoughts since i had to hustle on my move (moved in with my bf, it’s been really wonderful but that’s for another post)

read more for my detailed experience with the consult

my surgeon (dr Purohit) practices out of mount sinai so i had to go down to the city. it was an all day event- the train time i was able to get and the time of the appointment meant that i needed to take off work. my boyfriend and i took the train down to nyc. i had a bit of a sour start because my time anxiety kicked in and i was afraid we’d miss the train but we had plenty of time and my bf was really reassuring and i felt immediatly better as soon as we pulled into the station’s parking lot

 it was a really nice ride i really enjoy taking the train. the route goes right along the hudson river. saw so many bald eagles, herons, and cranes that i lost count! also got super stoned and relaxed on the ride down

i also took the time (the trip was just under 3 hours) to review the questions i had for the surgeon (i need to transcribe them, i wrote down a lot) to make sure i covered everything i could possibly think of

we got into the city around 11 and went straight to a diner since we didnt get a chance to eat before we left. it was pretty good! we had some time to kill before the appointment so we took the subway to greenwich village because i thought it’d be interesting to check out where stonewall is since neither of us had been. i’d never been to that area of manhatten so walking around the area was cool (ended up seeing a lot since we kept getting turned around the whole trip lol) stonewall inn was very unassuming as i had heard but it was also cool just to see it in person once. i was kinda hoping for a more indepth idk monument? i think i should just find a queer history museum. there’s gotta be one lol

we didn’t stay long since i had to take a piss and it was impossible to find a bathroom so we decided to head up to the dr’s office (ended up finding one in a subway station and a guard had to buzz me in and the stall was like something out of a movie lol)

as we got closer to the office and appointment time i started getting more and more anxious and irritable. i also skipped my adderall and my patience level plummets and i’m more susceptible to moodiness if something is stressful or challenging to me so it was kinda a double whammy.

my bf was such a angel though- i was getting stressed out trying to navigate so he took over and guided us and we had a good talk before my appointment about why i was feeling so moody and that helped too.

on the walk over to the office i got incredibly anxious. like the worst i’d been in a long, long time. meeting a new medical professional always gives me anxiety especially when it’s for transition related care. plus like hearing about some negative experiences with some staff and just like the general state of the world i was pretty much a walking wreck

we got lost going into the office and wound up in an apartment building. very funny in retrospect but i was like pissed off and having a melt down! my bf was very kind and helpful and we made it to the office (it was one door over but the office and apartment shared a street number. confusing!) 

i checked in and we sat down and my bf held my hand and helped keep me calm. i had been so worried that they would turn me away and cancel my appointment! a few days before i got a call from the office saying that my insurance was out of network. i had brought this up when i scheduled and sent over what my insurance needed for prior authorization so someone fucked up and for once it wasn’t me lol

they called me back and i hopped up on the table. dr purohit’s fellow came in with a nurse who was taking notes i think. i think he was from eastern europe based on his name and accent and he was learning how to do metas! he asked me some questions and i threw a ton of mine at him lol but he answered them all!

or tried to lol when i said i want to keep at least an ovary he was confused why and my bf helped explain that us trans folk might not always have access to t because of the way of things rn and that was a pretty interesting experience! i hope it was a teaching moment. i think dr’s should really be in step with current events and be advocates, know what their patients have to deal with day to day and truly strive to be an ally  

dr purohit came in after a bit (he was wrapping up another appoint which i didnt mind at all! i feel it means he makes sure everything is covered) and wow! i really like him and he made me feel so at ease and it was incredibly reassuring. i knew right away that he was gonna do everything to get as close to my needs as possible

i gave him a run down of what i wanted (simple release, mons resection, no ul/v-ectomy/scrotoplasty) and we had like a real convo!

then i had to drop my drawers so he could see what he was working with. this was my first time having to show my cock n balls to a medical professional. really wasnt bad at all! very professional touch. but like the fellow was observing and the dr was going over my configuration with him. i have “substantial growth” of my clit

like i have a medically certified hog, 100% usda grade a beef, baby! pretty sure i gave my bf some kind of shit eating expression when i heard the dr say that. like...it was very affirming tbh!

it was very quick and after i pulled my pants up we jumped into an overview of the meta process. he broke down all my possible options and went over everything in detail and explained possible pros and cons and reasonings for each option/his technique. my bf took notes and i will try and transcribe them. i think it’s very useful info for anyone seeking a meta- there are so many different options! you really can pick and choose what you want (so long as your ok with risks. like a ul with no v-ectomy has like a 50% to 70% rate of fistula development. the body is weird!)

we also went over what the procedure would be like and what i should do to prep. he gave me a “poor man’s pump” ( i said it was DIY! very punk rock) - a 50ml syringe that he said to saw the tip off and use the plunger to create the seal (i’ll take a pic [just the pump], easier to show than tell). never thought i’d be pumping my dick but it’s dr’s orders!

he even called the gyno (dr tran) who wll be doing my hysto to ask about her opinion  on me keeping an ovary and she said it def was a good option so i will keep one (the one opposite of the one my bf kept lol) i was also worried about vagina prolapse if i get my cervix removed but she said the risk was very very low (i’ve also been doing pelvic floor exercises to ease my mind lol). she was nice to talk with too and i’m looking forward to meeting her in person

but yea it was really great to meet dr purohit and it was really reassuring to do my consult and i felt so much better after

we wrapped up with him and the patient liaison came in and she gave us a run down of the next steps. i had a letter from my pcp and my therapist recommending me for the procedure. i still need to do thru their psych and social worker and md...she took my letters though and acknowledge that the process was silly and frustrating  (my therapist says the hospital prob does this to get more money from insurance companies lmao the gall of these fuckers)

i’m in touch with their trans clinic and playing phone tag to get the appointments set up. i can do the social worker appoint over the internet but i need to see the md and the psych in person plus a pre-op appointment with the dr. hopefully i can get the psych and md appointments in one day. i’ll also need to stay in the city for at least a week post-op. i have my fingers crossed my insurance coverage will go smooth (my copay would be $75....) so i can budget for a nice room with a kitchenette.

we got outta the office and took a sec to like gather our thoughts! i wasn’t expecting it to be so emotional but i was getting choked up throughout the rest of the evening and ended up taking the following day off work; i was exhausted

(i got my other appointments set up but i had this sitting in my drafts so i’ll end this one here and do another post for all that) 

[the-iron-orchid]

“You can beg better than that, I think.” Just dominate Julian. Do it! - vesuvian-disaster

It’s even canon to our continuity! :D

Pairing: Jinana x Julian

Warnings: Bondage, pegging, domination, marking, general graphic-ness lol

[Context: while Jinana and Julian were away on their boat trip, Heron took it upon himself to replace Jinana’s tiny, lumpy bed with one big enough for Julian to stretch out on. It also has a few additional features... like hidden attachment points. Because Heron is a Good Friend who wants them to have a Nice Time. He’s also gifted them with a copy of an erotic grimoire.]

🍋 🔞 18+ only, minors dni  🔞 🍋

Motivation is the key to learning. Julian has been learning a great deal lately, as evidenced by how quickly he manages to undo the wards on the door to the shop.

He is highly motivated.

I take my time replacing the wards, while he dashes up the stairs at speed. I hear the sounds of splashing water emerge from the bathroom.

He is also well-trained. I am demanding, and like nothing more than a freshly-washed submissive.

I leisurely set the shop to rights, then take a moment to freshen myself up magically. (It’s so much faster.) When I do finally make my way upstairs, I find that Julian has arranged himself on the new bed in the most seductive manner he can manage, wearing nothing but a smile. Arrayed before him are the things he’s taken from the drawers under the bed: a set of leather cuffs, and a quantity of silk-sheathed cord. 

A nice time, indeed.

I take the grimoire from my bag and place it safely upon the dresser, open to a specific page. The thing Julian is interested in is simple enough; I’m sure I can do it. But first… there’s something I am interested in. I’m sure he will be, too.

“And what shall we do with you, hmm?” I pick up one of the cuffs, inspecting it. They’re new, well-made of soft sturdy leather, and much less likely to leave abrasions… though it’s not impossible. He does like to struggle.

But Julian doesn’t struggle at all as I place them around his wrists, buckling them securely. I run a length of cord through the ring on each one, and through convenient attachment points on either side of the bed, holding his arms down and slightly away from his body. 

And here is where the magic comes in. I push one of his legs up, folding it, draping the silk cord over it. I trace a few simple symbols over his skin with the tip of one nail, speaking words of magic, and energy flows into the cord, animating it. Julian’s eyes go very wide as the cord snakes around the limb under its own power, binding it simply but effectively in a bent position. I do the same for the other leg, and now Julian is very exposed to me indeed, a flush staining his face, neck and chest. I take more lengths of cord and run them between the previous bonds, securing his wrists to his ankles.

He isn’t going anywhere. Now he does struggle, testing his bonds, his flush growing deeper as he finds them to be unyielding.

“Jinana…” he whispers, undulating against the surface of the bed. “I need you. Please…” His need is in fact very obvious, the way I’ve got him trussed up, his cock rigid against his lower belly. But I haven’t yet cast the spell that he truly wants. The bondage is just my gift to him.

“Oh, darling,” I say sweetly, running the tip of one finger along the underside of his shaft. “You can beg better than that, I think.” I smile as he shudders strongly, wriggling in his bonds. He looks so cute like that. “Tell me what you want.”

He makes an inarticulate noise. “Please… I want you to fuck me. I’ll do anything… “

“I’m certain you will. But there are so many ways to fuck someone, Julian. Be specific.”

He writhes a little against the bed. “I want you… to fuck me... in the ass,” he finally manages to say. As if this causes a dam to break, words start spilling out of him in senseless succession. “Oh god, please, I want it so much. Fuck me as hard as you can. Use me however you want, just please fuck me. I’m begging you, Jinana.” 

He’s putting on quite a show; he’s even tearing up a little, his lips trembling.

“I don’t know, my love… I can always use you however I want.” Julian lets out a desperate little whine. “But you are cute when you’re so needy.”

I make a big show of relenting, kneeling on the bed before his spread legs. I reach for a little jar of lubricant and take my time preparing him; this only makes him more desperate. His inner muscles grip hungrily at my fingers as I spread the lubricant inside of him, and he moans aloud, shameless, continuing his litany of pleading.

Finally, I speak more words of magic, calling into being a sort of double-ended phallus made of arcane force. It’s really very pretty, shimmering with magical energy, and unlike its mundane counterparts it does not require a harness to stay in place. The one end slips inside of me - all of this preparation has me quite ready - and the other juts forward from my body at an angle, ready to give Julian what he wants so very badly.

He cranes his neck to try and see as I position myself between his legs, and very slowly begin to push into him. “Relax, darling.” He’s so wound up, I can feel his body resisting the very thing he wants so much. And then the resistance melts away as he lets go and submits to me, his body relaxing in its bonds. I still move carefully, watching his face for signs of undue pain, until the other end of the magical phallus is entirely within him.

“Very good, my love.” He moans feverishly, and he tries to move his hips in his bonds. “Ah ah - I told you to relax.”

Once again, he does so, and I start to move my own hips. It’s a unique sensation, the one portion of the shaft moving slightly within me even as I move the other within him, the nexus of the two fitting just so against my clit. Julian groans and lets his head fall back, his eyes fast shut to close him in with the sensations. “Ohhhh, harder, please, fuck me hard,” he begs, and his body feels ready to take it, so I oblige. Each stroke forces a sound from him, a grunt or a little cry. 

I grip his narrow hips and fuck him for all I am worth, digging my nails into his flesh because I know he likes it. He likes it so much that he has to hold himself back a little, holding on as long as he can. He knows that he will be punished if he comes before I do... but if he controls himself, he will be rewarded.

Between the moving shaft inside of me and the friction against my clit with every movement, it doesn’t take all that long for climax to hit me. I rake my nails over Julian’s thighs and bite at the skin of his chest, shoving the magical phallus deep into him with every wave.

When it subsides, I pause briefly to catch my breath. Julian’s legs are to either side of me, and I can feel them shaking with his unfulfilled need, his chest heaving under me. But he knows he’ll get what he wants, if he can just hold on and keep still… even though it goes against all of his natural inclinations. Soon, I start to move my hips again, letting my hands wander over his torso to leave livid little scratches (his skin marks so beautifully), and play with his tiny nipples. I am not large, but still I am shaking his body with every thrust.

“Oh god oh fuck Jinana please I can’t - ” He’s barely holding on, now, but still waiting for permission.

“Come for me, Ilya.”

He doesn’t even need me to touch him; the verbal cue, the action of being fucked and the bouncing of his cock against his belly is enough. He gives a series of agonized groans, his back arching, the come jetting from him in little arcs that spatter his chest and belly.

When it’s over, Julian collapses back against the bed, his skin gleaming with sweat in the lamplight. I let the spells dissolve, and release his hands from the cuffs. There are slight marks; he’ll be happy about that. His hair is damp, sticking to his face and lips; I push it back gently, and lean in to give him a kiss.

“You did so well, darling,” I tell him, and his eyes flutter open to look at me. His lashes are spiky with sweat, or maybe tears. I gather my power one last time and pass my hand over his body, cleaning the mess left behind, and lay myself next to him, against his chest. His arms come around me, holding me tightly to him.

“How did I ever get this lucky?” he asks, his lips against my forehead. “...maybe don’t answer that.”

I laugh, running my hand over the red marks I’ve left on his flank. “Something good was bound to happen to us eventually,” I tell him.