#we all have blindspots & i don't wanna like

[nexility-sims]

what's something you'd like to see more of on royal simblr?

the timing of this was brilliant, actually, because i had been thinking for several days that i would like to make some sort of entirely uncalled for, roughly edited psa post about What I Think Royal Simblr Needs To Prioritize More :^) anyway, you also touched on this in your own answer, so it’s an echo of that too :^) it's very long, but i had a lot to say about the topic i've chosen. i should also preface by saying that it's not meant as a blanket negative statement or even an objective prescription; it's just based on my own observation and anecdotal experience.

in short, royal simblr needs more cultural diversity !

there are two big reasons why i feel this way: one, the entire premise is suspect because it so easily verges into uncritically reproducing and whitewashing an awful institution; and two, cultural diversity is actually more engaging and interesting than a community that feels monocultural (esp when said culture is a hegemonic colonial product whose dominance is based on plunder, oppression, and destruction of both entire peoples and the planet itself).

personally, i want to be part of a community where folks are 1) actively curious about the wider world and its cultures and 2) comfortable incorporating their own cultures in their stories. it’s true that the bias is perhaps partly because many royalty references in the real world may not have great english sources for a predominantly english-speaking community to use. but, i don’t think that’s a get-out-of-jail-free card. i am absolutely not a person who likes to consciously write myself into my stories, to be clear. that being said, i do ask myself, “what experiences or knowledge do i have that deserve representation?” we write our stories for ourselves but, frankly, i would venture many of us have internalized messages that make us devalue our own backgrounds or doubt others will be interested in content outside of the often white, often western mainstream. in my experience, the royal simblr community places high value on researching and replicating the norms of contemporary western european royalty—particularly the british royal family. the truth is that same care and respect could be put into other histories and perspectives, if the motivation existed to do so.

so, another approach, beyond drawing on your own experiences, is doing the research to respectfully depict or be inspired by a culture that isn't your own. the onus for representation cannot be squarely on the most marginalized of us, even if we'd likely produce the best version of it. if i had chosen to write a story about a fake british royal family, i'd have felt guilty about not writing a story full of brown people from the americas; that representation wouldn't really exist if i wasn't making it for myself. consequently, culture shifts require everyone to do their part, whether as creators, collaborators, or readers. i'd also venture that most of us appreciate when outsiders believe our cultures are valuable and beautiful—when they want to know or experience our clothing, food, and music in ways that are not fetishizing, exploitative, or appropriating. that's part of why tumblr is filled with guides and tutorials to writing characters from all walks of life, from ethnicity to disability to gender; the resources exist, and people want to see them used. it doesn't even have to be your entire story ! individual characters or plot lines can give good representation if you make that a priority.

in my own story, i've blended the two approaches. i think about my own, my family's, and my friends' experiences of indigeneity in what's currently the united states; i've also blended it with my interests in iberian and latin american histories, especially indigenous mexico, among other elements closer to u.s. history. my story isn't a direct replica of any real world place or people, but the culture is based on imagination, research, and feedback. if someone has a critique or feels offended for whatever reason, i want to be humble enough to accept it and make changes. one of the amazing things about this corner of tumblr is that our community loves to help others. learning in public—experimenting, sharing parts of yourself, being creative—is never easy, but it's easier to do when you're part of a community that offers grace and encouragement. my opinion is also that people are more willing to share their expertise and welcome your work if you demonstrate, not just good intentions, but that you've done your homework to the best of your ability.

i want to be clear, too: there's a place for storytelling as conscious critique of the institution, and there are storytellers in this community whose cultures happen to be the ones that are overrepresented. this isn't an indictment of the good stories and good fun people are having. i'm just taking this as an opportunity to offer constructive criticism and give people the encouragement or permission to try something different. why not use your creativity to incorporate other sources of inspiration—or to imagine a different and better world, even?

at the end of the day, everyone can do whatever they want with their hobbies. we can't all be doing social justice on simblr dot com and, frankly, probably shouldn't be ! it is nonetheless true that some of us don't get to enjoy our hobbies uncritically. we can't log onto tumblr and scroll through sims stories and be blissfully unaware of the politics of representation. "royalty" doesn't just connote pretty tiaras and fancy titles for all of us. people who are marginalized in the real world are part of this community. its representation signals to us how welcome we and the stories we have to tell really are.

most or all of us are imagining our countries to be part of the same fictional world. it's just my personal opinion, but i don’t think that world should be mostly fake europe plus specifically the settler colonial parts of fake non-europe. my challenge to everyone would be to think about whether your story could or should meaningfully contribute to a fuller, more realistic representation of the world we've created as a collective within this community.

[olderthannetfic]

Quote from a post: "the things created within fandom aren’t real - an individual fic can’t cause actual, material harm to a reader, even if it contains tropes that would be harmful or distressing if they happened in that reader’s real life; an author’s use of certain tropes or interest in certain characters is not indicative of their actual morals and values in real life; thought crimes are not real crimes - but fanfiction is produced by human beings who are themselves products of the societies and communities in which we all live, and these societies and communities all have flaws and failings.

which is to say, those of us who prefer to read male friendships as romantic do need to be aware that, no matter how enlightened on gender and its foibles we think ourselves to be, we are nonetheless influenced as modern humans by a modern tendency to discourage platonic physical and emotional closeness between men - especially straight men - on the grounds that two men having this sort of relationship is inherently queer and, in being queer, implicitly sexual [an understanding of queerness which is another powerful societal influence on our thought, even if we know we don’t agree with it.]"

Okay this is from a big post from a big fandom account here please don't speculate who it is this is not about them specifically and has nothing to do with them i genuinely respect this poster and they are nothing but a supportive space and don't have any anti-nonsense. But I wanna talk about this point that they are making "the society is queering straight friendships" which is something also the anti-fujoshi crowd is saying and honestly I can't agree with that point.

I don't think its us the people who make fandom are queering the relationships between two straight men but the patriarchal system we live under and straight men themselves are doing it to themselves. They can't show love and affection to each other lest other dudes will call them gay not because there are secret fujoshis around that sexualize them. They can be vulnerable period lest everyone calls them whiney like women. I feel like (and most of the things I say here are vibes, not facts) men having close friendships with other men are green flags, and most women are excited to see men who have exact the strong relationship that are portrayed in media.

I'm confused by this talking point to be honest. I also understand that by saying everything I said above I sort of said the same thing as the original poster. In a sense that society is the problem here and we live in a society as we know, but... idk I feel like what they say is "we live in a society where everyone by default is sexualizing male friendships" which sounds like the standard anti-fujoshi talking point to me.

And regarding the point of romantic relationships being prioritized over platonic— I feel like is a complete bullshit to be honest.

Romantic relationships are prioritized over platonic ones across the board. Straight couples leave their straight friends behind when they get further into relationship too! I don't understand this impulse to constantly talk about romantic vs platonic thing when its about queer ships, and maybe there is somewhere straight ship discourse about romantic vs plantonic but its not as big as with mlm or wlw ships.

And honestly even with this take I feel like romantic relationships are also not prioritized but rather are more encouraged. And there is difference between encouraging and actually prioritizing I think.

(I want to add here that I'm not aroace so maybe its a blindspot and from that identitys point of view the dynamics might be different)

In reality I think both are equally hard to obtain and maintain. I always felt like the fandom being so shipping focused was not about people being hellbent on romance but just the fact that good love stories are few and far between both in fiction and IRL and we can't help but try to make something at least remotely good, or interesting or satisfying.

Again, my main problems is: 1) I don't agree that romantic relationships are prioritized to that high degree over the friendships like everyone claims. 2) I don't think that every single person is actually a secret fujoshi waiting to make any straight male friendship gay. 3) Fandoms are romantic ship centric because people just want more narratively satisfying romantic stories that are underrepresented in media (or they don't get to experience it IRL) rather than they are vehemently against platonic ships.

I don't know this hopefully came out coherent.

--

The person who wrote that sounds like a pretentious twatwaffle, and I am so sick of seeing otherwise reasonable people spout that crap. That's been true since the 90s and probably before.

The reality is that Western culture enshrines male friendship as the highest form of affection possible. This goes back to the Classical world. And, yes, they were probably fucking too back then, but the thing that all of the media is about is friendship.

The entire backbone of Western culture is built on the idea that men are spiritually, biologically, inherently more capable than women of this highest form of relationship. Romance is the big thing for women because we're not eligible for The Pure And Holy Friendship Between Two Men.

The epidemic of male loneliness is real, but we haven't gotten any less "Bros before hos". Fandom and m/m shipping behavior are irrelevant to this.

--

Furthermore, fandom has plenty of people who don't focus on shipping.

AO3 was built by slashers, so ship type is a top-level category, and the site obviously signals that it's about shipping and particularly non heterosexual shipping since you can filter out het.

Past sites often had more metadata that wasn't around ships (e.g. FFN's genres that work like bookstore genres) and almost never let you get rid of het. You might have been able to filter in The Gay, but straight stuff was literally unmarked.

~We do need to be aware of~

Bite me.

This naggy phrase is everywhere, and nothing good comes of it.

The only thing we need to be aware of is that Blorbo is great and s/he should be mashed together with Other Blorbo. If that's in gen adventures, you do you.

[odusseus-xvi]

(Disclaimer : I'm not saying either side is right or wrong, I do think both BBH's and Forever's side has good and bad points, and ultimately it's both rp, and I just wanna see some drama so I don't care who's right or not. Dont @ me)

I was finishing Antoine's vod, and at the end of it he's talking with BebouBoyHalo, and though it was an offhand comment it made my laugh with what happened later that night and what we are all excpecting. BBH joked that he didn't know he lost the election and Antoine went immediatly "Yeah no, Forever won. BUT you can always overthrow him !"

Like no kidding the french are waiting for Forever to do the slightest mistake to jump on him, they are 2 steps away from actual revolution. And honestly if it does happen, OH THE ANGST !! THE ANGST !! Because I know Etoiles will certainly be on side revolution, he felt betrayed by the islanders when he received that little votes AND he will always side with BBH, as he is one of the only ones seeing this demon's actual power (for those who wouldn't know Etoiles has HUGE respect for Bad and considers him the strongest of the island. And he's been waiting for him to show that to the others), that'll either strenghten how the island views him (a warrior), or play into the thing he didn't want, the people will start to fear him. Baghz will almost certainly side with the revolution as she was anti election since day one. Oh and if she does... OHOH The break up of the siblings will TEAR MY HEART APART (I'm waiting for that). And then Antoine, who's very much anti presidency and was wary of both Forever and Cellbit since day one. Though he would be part of the revolution if you gave him a choice, I don't see him doing much about it. But we can be suprised I suppose.

The only french I have no idea how he would react is Aypierre. And THAT is what scares me the most. Because Etoiles and BBH can be as strong as they are, Aypierre knows minecraft mechanics and server inworkings like his backpocket and can kill pretty much anything if people let him do his thing. He is a federation blindspot. But we also know that he is the definition of Opportunist. He could side with either side. (I could even see a change of side from him multiple times, he is the definition of unpredictable when it comes to these things.)

Anyway, can you see how hype I would be for a revolution arc ?!!! (not it's not because I'm french. Well maybe a little...)

(The only thing that makes me dread it is this part of the fandom that would immeciatly jump on BBH, Baghera and Etoiles for "bEtRayInG" Forever, not understanding it is rp. But let's hope they do understand.)

(And again this is in no way saying who is right or wrong, this is just me seeing the tension rise up in the povs I watch and getting exxcited with what could come out of it.)

[hawkzeyes]

hey i'm so sorry i know you've linked to it probably a million times but i can't find it: can i have the link to your hawkeye reading list pleaseee and thank you 🥳

Hi Hi!! Please never apologize for asking I have the most unorganized blog in all hawkeye accounts LMFAOOO so not being able to find recs in here is understandable

Im assuming you mean Clint, but just in case not I will add Kate's in at the end!

So First of course is this icon's first appearance in

Tales of Suspense #57 (1964) - (he also shows up a few more times in tales of suspense but obviously this is the most important one!)

The Avengers #16 (1965) is when he joins and becomes our favorite little Avenging Archer (forewarning he is a little shit here. His favroite pass time in the beginning is driving Steve up a wall. I personally find this dynamic very funny but some dont)

He is with the Avengers for a really long time. Like more than 150+ comics(he isn't Hawkeye the whole time though as he does have a little bit I believe that starts in Avengers #63-#98 where he is Goliath. He comes back to us as Hawkeye in Avenger #99)

Hawkeye (1983) is his first solo ever! It's a mini series but its one of my personal favroites!

West Coast Avengers (1984)- this is where we get to see him take lead in a brand new team in California!

The West Coast Avengers (1985)- this is just a contitnuation of the previous mentioned!

Solo Avengers (1987)- We find out more tea about Clint's life prior to avenging here

He stays with the West Coast Avengers for a hot minute before we get his second solo

Hawkeye (1994) he's reaaaaal tough guy big feelings in this one

then he shows up in Avengers again in 1995 (yeah I know but hey he is the avenging archer so that's where youre gonna find him the most) He even gets a new lil fit and everything (he looks like he belongs in a boyband and I love it)

Thunderbolts (1998) is where Clint shows up ( in 2001 I believe) and takes over the team! He essentially helps try to guide them into being a good hero team and if I remember correctly I think its either #74-#75 where he leaves the Thunderbolts (I can't remember exactly I'm sorry)

Hawkeye (2003)- a third solo!!! look at our little guy go!!!

Then he... well he dies LMFAOOO in Avengers (2004) and the Clint Barton you knew and love is about to change forever

The New Avengers #26 (2006) if i remember correctly and it's.. well it's a sad one and he isn't the lovely Hawkeye when he comes back either. This is where Clint becomes Ronin, which is a rather dark time for Clint.

Secret Invasion (2008) This is also sad im sorry LMFAOOO Clint's morals are tested often as Ronin

The New Avengers (2009) Again he is ronin here so if youre looking for Clint just as Hawkeye he isn't here but don't worry he is back as Hawkeye soon enough

New Avengers: The Reunion (2009) whooooo's he getting a reunon with ;)

Hawkeye & Mockingbird (2010) guess what, that's who he got a reunion with I LOVE THIS COMIC

Widowmaker (2010) is basically a continue on of ^ with Nat involved

Avengers: Solo (2011) CLINT!!!! AS!!! HAWKEYE!!! Doin Hawkeye shit

Hawkeye: Blindspot (2011) do you like family angst? Good. Here. Have the family angst.

There is an event going on around this time called Fear Itself that he is involved in and also he is in Secret Avengers (2012) starting #21 or #22 where he becomes the leader.

Hawkeye (2012) We all know and love this bad boy. You could fit so many tears into it.

Secret Avengers (2013) again??? yes again.

Secret Avengers (2014) haha yeah again

Hawkeye Vs Deadpool (2014) it's fun! it's cute! Wade makes me laugh and he has a soft spot for the Hawkeyes

All-New Hawkeye (2015) there is some retconning done here

I don't wanna talk about Civil War II (2016) it makes me really sad LMFAOOO but yes he is in it and it should be read because well.. he makes a BIGGGGGG choice here that I feel has def echoed in his characterization since and has caused lots of misleading beliefs about Clint

Occupy Avengers (2016) Woooooooh I like this one it's fun

Secret Empire (2017) He is in it if I remember correctly but I grouch about this whole concept because I thought it was stupid. It gives the same energy as "What if Superman was evil" and I'm sure as a DC fan you know how annoying that concept is.

Generations: Hawkeye(2017) This is soooo cute I love this one. Kate meets a younger Clint in it and they run around together

Tales of Suspense #101 (2018) This will never not make me laugh. Him and Bucky working together is always funny

He is also involved in Kate's Hawkeye run during this time but I've got that on her list

West Coast Avengers (2018) I liked this. I love when Kate and Clint work together and I liked seeing the nods to the original WCA

Hawkeye: Freefall (2020) crying puking throwing up it's so good and fun until it's not fun anymore

Black Widow (2020) Not my favroite run for Nat... feels like the tone is off but he is in it

Thunderbolts (2022) I liked this...would have been super cool if Marvel had kept it as a continuing run because I feel like it didn't get to finish it's story. I'm still sour about it.

NOW obviously this is not everything ever he has ever been in and I'm certainly not perfect enough to have read every. single. appearance. So please forgive me if I missed something important cause sometimes my brain is not so greeat with memory.

x Kate Reading List!

[sneezemonster15]

A lot of adults women behave like incels but less violent and more manipulative. They usually love the cringe romance movies where the main girl is average looking and not like the other girls and manage to make the badboy soft. Generally they hate hot girls bc they are jealous (see the way Skr stans talk abt Ino and feel victorious bc they "won" against her, the hot girl). Those women are full of insecurities, thats why Skr is so relatable.

The way Skr tries to not think about the fact Sske dont wanna spend time with her is the same way some irl women ignore that their husbands are cheating, and if they cant ignore it they will attack the other women but they will NEVER leave the guy. All their self worth is based on having a bf/husband.

Then there are some lesbian/bi women who stan her as an act of feminism. She is a female character who got what she wanted so its a win apparently. Fortunatly those ppl are minority bc as a queer woman and feminist, it is very embarrassing to read those takes. I'm all for uplifting women and for them to get everything they desire but not at the expense of non sexist men. Plus, Skr dont even look so happy at the end of the day. So is it really a win for her and women?

Yeah that makes sense. But it's sad isn't it? Because even trying to have a dialogue with them isn't helpful. There's no point having it if they aren't ready to be receptive to it.

Sakura really sees no contradiction between what she says and what she does.

And yet...

Lol. Till only two days ago, she was found styling her hair in the middle of chuunin exams, all skinned knees and having suffered minor injuries, while her team mates were working. She let her hair grow in the first place because she thought Sasuke liked it. Lol.

What impression can it possibly give to the reader? Kishi had to stress on it too, with another character this time.

Why would Kishi stress so much on Sakura and her obsession with her hair, just to make her say something totally hypocritical five chapters down? Lol. Kishi is very clever about writing his characters act according to the character traits given to them. Like for example, the panel below, Kakashi acts according to his character (where he has a blindspot for Sakura's negative shades) thinks Sakura is not the type to brag when she is actually exactly the type to brag.

Lol, Sakura's whole personality is about being obsessive for Sasuke which in turn makes her violently jealous of Naruto and Ino. She beats Naruto up regularly for no apparent reason and harasses Ino, even though that girl did nothing but try to help her. And she brags, it's the only thing she does properly. Lol.

And yet, she is always bragging, showing off. From start to end.

And I am positive I am missing some panels here lol. She is always looking for external validation. She revels in it. While external validation itself is not a bad thing, since humans need some amount of external validation to measure their abilities, and Naruto does it too, but for him, it's rooted in his quest for acknowledgement and acceptance, so he could make friends and not be ostracized from community. Sakura does it because of her ego. While Naruto has his principles rooted in his belief systems, his emotions and his dream that egg him on to do better, Sakura finds her motivation in the desire to show off and impress people, mostly Sasuke.

She disrespects Ino, Tsunade, and she fights Kaguya while she says this?

Girl, why are you so embarrassing? If you wanna attack her, just do it. Why even mention her being a woman? She wasn't mocking you, she barely even noticed you. You aren't worthy enough for her to notice.

Lol. And things she says about being a woman are just so cringe lol.

No one underestimates her because she is a girl, in fact Kakashi coddles her because she is a girl. She is underestimated because despite training, she is just weak and unskilled, as compared to her cohorts. And if she is skillful, we don't see it in the same proportion measured against the way she talks about herself. Tsunade never had to sing about her being a woman and yet people are bloody scared of her strength. Temari never had to mention it, neither did Kushina. Chiyo certainly briefly talks about how women always get the short end of the stick in their male driven society, but she not only belongs to a much older generation that has seen a hell lot, she is a master puppeteer and a superior warrior in her own right, she has earned it.

It would have been fine if only Sakura had actually consistently kept her word, proven herself through actions and not just empty words. Because when she doesn't, it reduces the value of those words. I don't know if she really meant it when she said women were fickle. Who? Tsunade? Kushina? Chiyo? Temari? Nope, they didn't give any such impression.

She constantly condescends to Naruto despite him having proved himself to be skillful, strong, the one who wins team seven several battles while she stands in a corner shaking and sweating. Thing is, she realises she makes mistakes. She acknowledges Naruto's strength as well, but she doesn't do anything to change. The whole point of a realization is to work on it and correct your behaviour. She is condescending towards Naruto till the end. Konohamaru takes her down a peg when she is being disparaging towards him and Naruto when they are doing the oiroke jutsu contest. She even hits Konohamaru, and he gets pissed off. So he makes a reverse oiroke jutsu just to show her true face, and that face has a streak of blood trickling down her nose lol. But when Naruto uses it against Kaguya, she again condescends to him. Narusakus are kinda embarrassing tbh, Sakura doesn't get Naruto. She thinks she does but she doesn't. She thinks she gets Sasuke but she obviously doesn't. And yet, she makes her 'strategies' in kage arc around her knowledge of Naruto and fake confesses to him. Naruto rejects her. Lol. She goes to Sasuke and tries to kill him (with a kunai...) by tricking him, only to be attacked, twice. Even when she drugs her cohorts before going to Sasuke, they clock her real plan. Lol.

She overestimates herself, even though it's clear that if she only thought things through, she would be much more successful. She is really blind to her own shortcomings even though she tries but remains unsuccessful, which is even sadder.

She does know Sasuke doesn't wanna spend time with her, she also gets a sense that she will always be much lesser than Naruto in Sasuke's eyes, she knows but she doesn't care. Even if it means long term misery for everyone involved.

Yes, I am sure some women find her character relatable. But relatable doesn't mean everything. I relate to Sasuke and I am very wary of establishing emotional connections but I know it's not something ideal or healthy. Connection is what people thrive on. If I ever started to relate with Sakura, I would really be compelled to take a hard look at myself. Lol.

[thezombieprostitute]

Hi Zombie😌❤️ For your return trip:

I've read about intergalactic fics recently, and there's a particular interesting setting that soldiers could develop their spiritual animal that could fight alongside of them in a physical form.

Suppose you are one of the soldiers on the intergalactic battle field, who do you want to fight alongside with and why?(you could come up with their spiritual animals)

A. Ari, who always comes up with the craziest ideas and encourages you to jump from the fleet to the Bug's nest like he does. Crazy, but his plans always work out. Your superiors order you to pair up with him to train him to care about casualties.

B. Steve, who you can always count on to have your six. But he is even more reckless than Ari. You could only pray that he gets lucky and escape Death in the next battle. Your superiors order you to pair up with him so he doesn't go solo as he always wants to.

C. Curtis, who was born in Project Wilford, one of the deadliest soldiers alive. Rumor is he has gutted hundreds of Bugs in one battle, and made it out alive. He's mysterious and silent, and you can't help but wonder if he is a man or a literal killing machine. Your superiors pair you up with him to keep an eye on him, in case he runs wild.

Bonus Extra: D, Winter Soldier. The real Killing Machine. Losing an arm in a battle before scientists made him a robotic one. The only reason why your superiors ask you to pair up with him is because the winter soldier is highly unstable, and that he had asked to see you (why is that? You don't have the slightest clue)

Most of my contemplation on this has gone into what my own inner beast is/would be. I've settled on "Mutt". While different breeds can specialize in types of training, a mutt has the potential for all types, especially if it's a military service dog. So let's go through your list!

++

Ari - I'm gonna say his inner beast (in this scenario) is a Firehawk. A bird that starts fires in order to flush out its prey with no consideration for the damage it causes.

For this, I'd probably be a mutt with guide dog training. Ari has this huge blindspot in his vision when it comes to casualties so I've been assigned to guide him through the parts he can't see. Additionally, guide dogs can practice selective disobedience so that they don't accidentally walk their human into traffic just because they got the command to walk. This will be very helpful for working with Ari and helping him to navigate casualty costs.

++

Steve - I kinda wanna make Steve's inner beast a honey badger for this one. They are intelligent, fierce and survive a lot of things they shouldn't.

To help Steve's survivability, and to increase the likelihood he'll actually want to keep working with me, I think my inner beast would have to be a mutt trained for medical service. Whether it's getting him medical care or getting him out of danger until rescue can arrive, a medical service mutt would likely be most helpful.

++

Curtis - I'm actually not sure what his inner beast would be. I'm torn between a shark and a large feline (i.e. Jaguar).

Either way, my inner mutt clearly needs PTSD/psychiatric support training. Learning to read his body language since he doesn't talk but also helping him find his voice again. Being a barrier between him and others when he needs it. Protecting him. Reminding him of his humanity and caring.

++

Bucky - I'm sure a lot of people think Bucky's inner beast is a wolf. After all, one of his nicknames is White Wolf. But I don't think so. He's a sniper first. Silent, attacks from a distance, patient, solitary. His inner beast is an owl.

The reason he's asked for me is because, in this scenario, my inner beast is a mutt with military training in bomb detection. He lost his arm because, from his bird's eye view, he missed some traps that were set out. He's not gonna risk that again so he's asked for me to accompany him so we can keep each other safe. I'm his scout, his trap disarmer, bomb defuser, etc.

++

I hope you find these answers satisfactory!

[antlerqueer]

i'm tired of the "jackie taylor couldn't be mean" concept because people can be mean even with the best intentions, and while i don't think she would purposely hurt anyone without reason, she's not immune from being an ignorant teenager.

(long post, if you wanna argue i'll be annoyed bc this is just what i think and i GET why ppl are saying what they're saying.)

she was a privileged, selfish teenager. those aren't negative things, but they do mean she's got blindspots.

there are so many explicit times she isn't kind to shauna and thinks she's being helpful in the pilot alone; she shuts off shauna's music the moment she gets into her car and insults it, she offers randy (who is clearly disgusting) to shauna as though he's on her radar, she insults shauna 3x before telling her "you're the best friend I've ever had, you know that, right?". sure, part of this is shauna's fault for not calling her out when she hurts her, but that doesn't change that it happened. are these all heinous, terrible things? no. but they grow on someone.

she's learned love from an abusive mother. she doesn't know how to express it in a healthy way. she is a teenager, teenagers rarely have that emotional intelligence.

the reason jackie's ghost is kinda mean is because it's exaggerating what shauna's memory of jackie is. we have to believe what shauna says about jackie pre-crash because the evidence supports it.

when jackie does absolutely nothing to help the girls in the wilderness? no one is surprised, they don't bother her about it because there's no use - she only listens to shauna.

when the girls figure out she's gone off with travis? van says "that is so jackie".

when she insults nat and slut shames her? no one looks surprised.

taissa, actually, looks surprised when jackie says something nice and true about her in the pilot.

we also see her purposely be mean to shauna (which shauna deserved don't get me wrong) when she says "I'm just trying to get you help for your baby" and "I wouldn't want us to fight over some guy" and when she forces shauna to tell everyone she's pregnant.

jackie may not INTEND to be cruel, but she is capable of it. to say she couldn't say something mean is to ignore reality - people can be hurtful even if they don't mean to be. and she did hurt shauna, even if shauna waited until the last possible minute to tell her, even if she didn't mean to.

like i've been the jackie in this scenario before. she doesn't know she's hurting anyone! that's not her fault! she's just selfish! she can be well-intentioned and bitchy sometimes, it's the duality of fucking existence. let your faves have flaws.

[prowerprojects]

Heh, they both have some selfish wants that clashes their goals. But sometimes, you have to come down to compromises.

I've been thinking that too. Sonic seeing the charred remains of Nine's surprise for him.

I mean more like they hijack Nine's plans as a setup for his redemption/sacrifice later. Ultimately, something has appear to change his mind for a final team up or this will end in a heart-wrenching battle to the "death". (It really would've help if Tails showed some Nine traits before this. The closest we got was him being miffed about Sonic not listening to him; which Nine does show anger to.)

But yeah he's not, but considering he does know how to use the shards' power, he might end up unintentionally draining the other verses of their life force as he builds the Grim. (Might even end up accidentally being corrupted by them.)

Yeah, since the counterparts are implied to be broken, unbalanced pieces of the original Tails, would they be the last to "get together"? And I mean like, fuse to get the definitive Tails back. (If they do something of the sort, then the Tailses are definitely being saved for last. All the counterparts have to end up in one space by the finale, right? The Amys have a good lead, Renegade and Dread clashed leaving Gnarly left, and the Rouges probably won't have much issue teaming up.)

Agreed, though it's hard for me to see what kind of compromise we could get there, since I don't think the realities that they want could coexist.

Yep... it would be heartbreaking.

I think what would change his mind would be the bottomless pit trying to kill him/j

Honestly I don't know if I want him and Sonic to make up, it would be kinda cool to see Sonic's actions to have consequences and that he can't just make everything better by just saying sorry the same way he did with Tails... on the other hand – that'd be pretty sad.

Hmmm... idk about sacrifice, you can't really kill off a part of Tails if you're planning on putting them back together again.

Who knows. The Prism lore is a big blindspot for me here, I could try to predict what the characters would do, but with this it could literally be anything.

Ooohhh interesting. I just wanna see more of Sails and Mangey I'll be honest. Sails reacted very strongly when the pirates thought Sonic had betrayed them, he was kinda standing in front of everyone when they were confronting him and everything. I wonder what he'd think about Nine's actions.

[refriedrambles]

unpolished notes on mysterious mysteries (why am I starting here? why not)

It gets long

the conspiracy theorists are odd balls I need to rewatch first episode they're in to see if the whole "alien said to listen to the blob" means anything

The host is at the end of his rope and desperate to keep his job (I'm kinda wondering what was going on behind the scenes here)

Pig foot drives him to look back into the archives despite the scar he received "last time" (god this is fic bait. I might need to write something for eventually. Just have Dib give this man ptsd)

HC: MM Host tried to sue for his injuries but the same network owns both the stations MM and Membrane's show run on and they persuaded him to settle out of court. He only got his bills covered cause the rest of that money could go in REAL science.

There is so much in the Dib archives. It's bigger then the room they started in.

Host immediately see the potential in the video. (Senpai noticed acknowledged you Dib!)

Host is VERY quick to make his thoughts about Dib known despite trying to stay professional.

HC: Dib totally sent in that clip of himself as a toddler. Probably years ago with some sort of fucking fan mail. "I wanna be like you when I grow up! This show is my favorite! Praise me! I'm so young and I've been doing this so long. Pretty cool, right? I know." (Verm's on the money about the Zim and the Tallest parallels to Dib and Host)

Baby Gaz only gets frustated when the blocks read aliens. So I'm gonna assume Membrane was already making comments about it at this point.

Dib's so full of himself in his retelling. He's trying to sound so serious and professional/smart yet humble as he narrates into it. Full blown boasting. He's failing the assignment.

Whether his hero complex is fogging his recollection of things and he geniunely believes this is how it when down or he's embellishing is an interesting question. (Dib is kinda one of my blindspots) It's likely a bit of both.

I do believe he views Gaz as a sidekick. I wonder if he actually views Gaz as a scared little girl despite how terrifying she. It's actually pretty likely that he doesn't really know her at all despite living with her and being family. It's a very Membrane thing. Could be part of the reason Gaz is how she is. She has no reason to trust Dib if he's too busy with his paranormal shit to even know her by now.

He's obviously making Zim out to be a bigger threat. I do think he's purposely embellishing here. Mostly about Zim shooting at him.

Emphasizing things through redundent rephrasing. (don't look at me)

Really getting into the straight up lies now. "But I was too much for him." You were not.

He's so fucking sure of himself. Nothing else has worked Dib. Stop trying to be cool infront of your idol it's not gonna do anything.

Dib's day has been ruined.

Zim's so quick to look into the camera as he acts. He flinches at alien, has his tiny tyraid and then snapping quickly back to acting.

I reiterate. Dib's day has been ruined. The sad look he gives to host, when he's talking to Zim.

It's interesting that when he says he's playing "like a human earth larva" he's up in the tree with Gir. Were you just fucking around trying to keep the robot distracted Zim? Or was that the actors just getting ready for the next shoot?

We know Zim's bullshitting to some degree. Very clearly about the lunch monzies. But I do think on some level he just sees Dib's bullshit as bullying.

The little cowaring and sobbing, love Zim's lies here. He's absolutely playing the victim for sympathy cause it's a strategy that normally works for him (on earth), but damn if Host wasn't the perfect target for it. Like the man clearly views Dib as a menace. It wouldn't take alot to sway him.

Day further ruined. Dad's not even here and he's still killing your dreams, Dib. (How'd you get the world's most famous scientist as your expert, huh, Host?) I bet Membrane fucking jumped on the oppurtiny to debunk something on Dib's favorite show. He loves to be seen. He's correcting "misinformation" with REAL science. And his son is going to be watching! Even better. I bet he didn't even know Dib was on the show.

"He told me my daddy is a yeti." Starts to breakdown. "My daddy's not a yeti! HE'S NOT A YEEETTTI!!!" Those were some strong thumps. How much did Dib harass this kid?

"Well, Dib," distain clear in his voice.

So full of himself. Also repetition.

Zim was so ready to eat that thing.

I think Host's fear of Dib extended to Gaz, but he's more open about it cause she's more outwardly aggressive. It's not that he got shit thrown at his head. But the fact he's fully expecting to get hurt again while filming this episode and he feels like he's being forced to do this.

Also the budget's getting pretty low, huh? Hosts typically aren't camera men.

Gaz being very clear about how she views most people. I do think the view that she's smarter then everyone else is also a Membrane trait. And she maybe right in the show, but she also just sees nothing but stupidity in everyone else.

"Restrain him!" AAAAAGGHHHAAAAH!!!! It almost sounds like he's being punched.

Stacy: WITNESS. GIR isn't even bothering with a disguise. Zim called him in and he's just like Ookie Dookie! Waves at camera.

"LET HER TALK! Can't you see she's upset." Zim quiets without a fuss.

Is- is that a zombie in the squirrel suit?

"I feel bad for the ugly green kid," you were primed to sir. You were primed to. But like Zim did make the best case here. In isolation perhaps Dib's would be as strong, but with his mischaracterization of Gaz his story takes a major hit. (Dib can't make a compelling case to save his life. He was only staying to cool at the begin because of who he was talking to. He didn't want to come off badly. If he took that adittude into more of his arguement I think more people would be willing to hear him out at the very least.)

"But not an alien." I absolutely love the delivery of that line. I love it!

Tiny yeeee! and he walks off with gir.

HC: Host is the creator of Mysterious Mysteries and has basically bankrupted himself keeping it a float. The man is deep in debt and the network has him by the balls.

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I feel like Zim was giving Host a similiar amount of respect to what he gives Ms. Bitters.

This is definitely one of my favorite episodes. From the delivery of the lines, to the staging of the story, to host's slow crumbling until he just breakdown on set and of course an appearance from the Professor.

[delusion-of-negation]

You don't need to respond if you don't wanna, or if you think this is too personal, since I'm just looking for varied opinions. As another disabled person, I've seen an uptick in people claiming ableist behaviour, and talking points are rooted in racism and white supremacy/anti-Poc mentality. Some claiming ableism is a direct result of other issues. Some mutuals have also claimed disability is NEVER its own issue. I'd like to know if sentiment is more isolated, or has become more common. Thanks.

people have their own bugbears - some people want the system ultimately to boil down to one The Man, be he capitalism, white supremacy, patriarchy, or something else, maybe not as the one simple sole reason, but as the core, as the worst, as the rot that could free us of other rot if purged. ableism is a spanner in every single one of those theories - right down to "bigotry is hating an individual for how they were born" types of sentiment. however, ableism is a severe systemic issue that isn't just capitalism, and definitely isn't just patriarchy or white supremacy. japan's heavy culture of work is ableist, for example. the people claiming every issue is just rooted in their bugbear don't understand how these things work, they don't understand intersectionality, and they're usually pretty new activists who are throwing themselves into a specific issue and connecting dots that don't connect, because they're hyperfixating on their new calling in life, it's something a person needs to grow past if they want to actually help however. because if you don't, you're simply another manifestation of the blindspot society has to our problems, another person saying at best that we don't know what's best for us and at worst that our problems don't exist. I've seen people claim that activism for the issues faced by disabled people is detracting from real issues, it would be racist/sexist/capitalist to not center their bugbear. the problem is that the whole point of intersectionality is to explain interlocking webs of systems, and no one person is equipped to comprehend and contend with the entire web, we do need to be able to have our own bugbears, one issue we can focus on and a different person can be trusted to focus on another, or else we'll overwork ourselves to the point of uselessness. the problem I'm pointing at isn't someone caring more about poc issues than an increase in the cost of living without disability benefits similarly increasing, the problem is people who say that you can't do that around disability issues, that you're actually wrong and it's all an obvious distraction from them, that you have to say "of course x group would be more affected..." whenever you mention the way you're unable to afford food, and I've even seen people say such things to people they didn't know were of x group. the system is multifaceted but we're individuals, so we need to work together apart, we need to work apart together. so yes, I've seen this shit, however it's not more common, it's more visible - when I was an activist in my teens irl, when I was still well enough to protest, it wasn't uncommon to meet young people like myself with those bugbears, heck sometimes older people who had got so fixated saying "have you considered homophobia isn't just capitalism?" literally set them on a rant, and from what I know from activists older than me who I'd talk to, things were like that forever. what manifestation you see of it online is the vocal people who make contentious or incorrect statements being blasted out by shitty algorithms that prey on outrage. it's not an isolated problem, it's definitely one activists have noticed forever, but the way it goes absolutely viral every time and the confirmation bias and closed subcultures formed by people who reinforce obsession with the bugbear of their choosing, that's definitely new and problematic because it's massively hindering the ability to work side by side. mutuals of yours are likely uncritically reblogging posts because nobody wants to be the person who adds "maybe the black guy saying this is just racism is wrong" if someone says ableism isn't actually real and is just white supremacy, with far more words to obfuscate that and confuse what it's saying, especially when it's going to result in a dogpile, and people saying you just don't get what's really being said, emperor's new clothes style. nobody is comfortable telling the emperor he's simply a naked ableist tbf.

[bobbimorses]

hi! i had a question about something and was wondering if you could help out. i've read a lot of fics where clint is extremely resistant to accepting medical care when he is injured, stubbornly refusing to go to the hospital or medical wing or whatever. is there any sort of canonical basis for this in the comics? thank you!! (and no pressure, and no worries if you don't have time/interest to answer!)

ok wow your timing is impeccable bc i was involving this in a thing after the previous fic ask!

in the comics, i would say it's situational on the injury and period of time (it'll make sense when i get to these examples)

in avengers #231, clint breaks his leg in battle, and is shown next issue to not exactly be compliant with medical treatment, including a dislike for anesthetic

(a sentiment echoed in the iron age #1, which takes place shortly after)

in this instance, clint’s denial about the extent of his injury, or what he doesn’t like about being declared medically unwell, is the fact that he’ll lose his spot on the team, which is like his whole deal:

he also doesn’t like being “mother-hen’d,” and at this time is in his jerk stage, so that, combined with getting kicked off the team, makes him lash out in said jerk-mode:

so it could be said he can be very crabby when visibly injured

in hawkeye v1 #4, clint doesn’t want bobbi to know he’s just gone deaf bc he “couldn’t stomach pity,” and she basically has to chase him down to admit it and probably is the one to drag him to a doctor

in the west coast avengers’ lost in time arc, there’s a whole new dynamic to clint’s treatment of his injuries; clint’s now a team leader and wants to keep up morale, and prevent the team from stopping frequently so they can get forward in time (into the past) as quickly as possible (don’t ask). so that’s a whole “take a hit for the team, don’t wanna slow them down” thing.

wonder man blows up a bunch of guns in front of clint, burning him. of course, his primary concern with an injury as always is “i can still use bow???”:

(from west coast avengers #19. tigra....why.)

but he keeps transparency with his team and doesn’t deny that he’s injured (even admitting he has a fever), or that he needs a doctor, and doesn’t refuse stopping for one; he just kinda tries to...push it aside a bit until he can’t any longer.

(shortly after this, he dies, is revived by khonshu, and invents moon knight’s weapons so. all in a day’s work)

in avengers spotlight #22, he goes to a marriage counselor with bobbi, and the office is then ambushed by some mercenaries. clint ends up getting chased and battling a whole multitude of mercenaries. 3 issues later, he ends up injured in the sewers, and it turns out the doctor was in on the whole thing:

so in avengers spotlight #27, after he’s apparently been showing symptoms of illness for a while, he refuses to undergo tests bc of his newfound distrust:

and now his denial of sickness also has a new element of “we have bigger fish to fry”

(turns out he had a bladder infection). also right as he was leaving this doctor, a supervillain blew up the sidewalk underneath him, so clint really had a terrible streak with going to doctors here

in widowmaker #4, he gets smacked at the back of the head hard enough to draw blood, but refuses to get looked at, which we can again assume is part of his dislike of being fussed over

which culminates in hawkeye: blindspot, where he’s been ignoring symptoms while avengering that turn out to be him going blind.

after being told this by tony, steve, and dr. blake, he still continues to run around doing business even though he’s not been cleared for duty and they want him to stay at avengers tower. so obvs his response is to beat up cap when he tries to ground him for his wellbeing (yes they look like clones):

we’ve got twofold reasons here: he initially ignored the symptoms bc his whole schtick is impeccable aim reliant on eyesight. then, he refused to be cooped up under medical supervision bc he was more determined to see-through the investigation of his (evil) mentor’s death

anyways, now that we’ve gone through these, i wouldn’t say clint has a hatred of doctors or denial of obvious injuries or anything, and he’s gone to the hospital on multiple occasions. in fact, avengers: no road home #8 stipulates that he’s apparently done so a lot, which, ow:

but would i say he’s more comfortable healing up with the avengers instead of a hospital like in fics? well, i guess possibly? the thing is, the avengers didn’t consistently use an infirmary for the longest time. so for decades of issues, people were just going to the hospital for anything that needed more attention than setting a limb etc. (ok a baby was delivered once but we don’t talk about that). but in avengers v3, wanda is healing clint with new healing magic she learned after he’s beaten grievously by the wrecking crew, so i’d say that would both be more convenient and preferred by him...if she didn’t end up killing him a few issues later bc i don’t recall any ally avengers using “healing magic” on him again.

so i think my answer to every aspect of your question is, essentially, “idk it depends” but also “yes.” on one hand, he doesn’t like to face when his status as an ace archer or avenger is threatened. on the other, he does get injuries treated to prevent as much, but sometimes it’s only after it becomes way too apparent. or sometimes he just wants to push through to get the job done. and he doesn’t like feeling helpless or pitied. so, you’ve got your base elements, but it’s not like a phobia of hospitals or anything (except for that stretch with all the doctors blowing him up and trying to cut off his limbs for a bounty. that was fair)

[nachosncheeze]

Music of Blindspot - end of season 2!

Music of Blindspot 2x22 - Lepers Repel

To begin, as always, I have to acknowledge that everything contained below is the ramblings of a regular, unaffiliated dork. The works of genius I'll be rambling about is the work of the brilliant Blake Neely, Sherri Chung, and their amazing team. I just... really love what they've done. Buy the Season 1 OST if you haven't already. All that crunchy, driving percussion is worth your time.

This week is less a music post and more a love letter. I wish that the company would release more music from this series officially, and this last episode of season two is in my top 2 reasons why (the other is 3x22. If we wanna talk top 3? 5x11.) Neely, Chung, and the rest of the team were scoring, recording, and mixing 5 episodes per week - one for each of 5 different shows (they also did Riverdale and the DC universe). I always find the fact that they created such a distinct set of sounds and themes for Blindspot amazing in itself. But the season finales are, absolutely, some of the best. In every single one, they managed to come up with a ton of music that doesn't directly reference anything specific, but just sounds like Blindspot... and they managed to make heartwrenching use of one or two existing themes at key moments. In 1x23, it was the main theme on strings and a short revival of the opening track from 1x01 in the safehouse, and before that the Oscar and Jane theme - released on the OST as See You on the Other Side - in the barn.

Here in the season two finale, there are two brilliant reappearances of important themes. (please be aware that there is a lil 3x01 spoiler at the end of this post, if you're finding this as a new fan and haven't watched it yet)

~~~~~

The first is, of course, Torn Apart. But not just any section or mix of Torn Apart. Very specifically, they have gifted us with a new recording of the Remi and Roman theme.

Here's the original version, with the video if you want some visual context for it. This theme is the moment she met her brother. The first time someone showed her real kindness after the black site. The first human touch she's had that didn't hurt, since the moment Kurt turned on her. And it's also every other time she remembers them as children, clutching onto one another. That's it. That's the whole piece.

Here in 2x22, she had to make a choice for Roman: do what Kurt did to her, knowing exactly where he would go; or give him what he's begging for... the thing the nukes didn't.

But she remembers what they were, and she just. can't. Do It. (this is the 2x22 version)

Excuse me while I go sob a moment.

💔

The other is the Jeller theme, which is included in the stunning wonderful perfect two years later montage in Nepal. The music for that scene might honestly be my second favorite in the entire series. To my very, very great disappointment it has never, to my knowledge, been put out there in any capacity. So I made my own! (note that I don't know the first effing thing about sound editing - I basically just stripped the dialogue and pressed the volume to make it roughly level, since it fades in and out dramatically around the dialogue.... Yes the wind and crickets are still there, and the glow worm tattoo battery zappy sound; couldn't be helped, but actually, I kind of love them so whatever! xD). Okay, seriously though, I kept humming along to it in my internal brain stereo when I was trying to write so I figured I'd put some version of it through actual speakers. Maybe someone else will find some inspo too. :)

This piece starts, when Jane is climbing, with an expansion of the music from when Jane recovered her first memory, at the Statue of Liberty in 1x01. That carries through until she's back inside.

What we usually consider the Jeller theme is actually a mix off The Truth Can Save You from the season one OST. I won't tell you what scene that original mix is from because it would make me very unpopular and maybe ruin some people's day. We don't say the quiet part out loud, right? IT'S THE JELLER THEME. IT WAS NEVER USED FOR ANY OTHER SITUATION(s)* EVER. End of discussion.

In that spirit, the [definitely truly first and only time] it appears on screen is for The Scene in 1x10. I adore this mix they've put in 2x22. Everything before and after is sweeping, epic, angsty, evocative, tense, dramatic. Shout out to the strings and the timpanist!! But the Jeller theme nestled in the middle there is just... perfect. The timing to things on the screen - that Weller sound that kept dropping in and out of Torn Apart, coming into this mix just as he comes through the door, their two voices meeting in the middle, then hers again as she realizes what it means that, yeah, he is still wearing his ring. Somehow, it recaptures this sort of... sense of discovery, that hasn't been heard in it since that first appearance in 1x10, and frankly I'm not sure we ever quite hear again. I couldn't quite name what it is. The tempo, maybe? The Weller vs Jane vocals meeting at just the right point? The piano waiting its turn? Whatever it is, there's a sort of sweet, simple, fraught wonder in it, much like the reacquaintance happening on screen. It's just... *chef's kiss*

And then there's the not-so-subtle similarity between the driving crescendo, melody and overall sound when the new tattoos are revealed, and the... *drumroll*... Remi and Roman theme. ;D WELL DONE music team, you clever cookies. 😍

Now lest this get any ramblier or gushier than it is, That Scene in between the two aforementioned masterpieces. @indelibleevidence got there literally years before me, but for completion's sake: Make it Wit Chu by Queens of the Stone Age. :D *hypothetically if there were situation(s) there might be two. anyone feeling masochistic and/or chaotic? hmu i can maim you with facts and/or we can scream about it

[princeofcyberpunk]

yay!

Named After Anyone?

Nope! I named myself but I just picked one I thought was cool

Last time you cried?

uhhh like a couple weeks ago maybe? school sucks lol

Do you have kids?

No, and I don't want any! I don't think I'd be a very good parent for a lot of reasons. I collect plushies and love animals tho, so I think those count?

Any sports you play?

I have been permanently turned off from playing any sport due to vicious bullying during PE classes LOL (it's not that deep Tyler we are playing soccer to PASS A CLASS not win the world cup jesus christ)

Do you use sarcasm?

All the time! Problem is is that due to autism I have a 60% chance of not realizing others are being sarcastic most days

First thing you notice about people?

Their interests! Due to the aforementioned autism I don't like looking at people's faces so typically I make friends by looking at what people are wearing or what they have on their bag or something!

Eye color?

brown!

Scary movie or happy ending?

Happy ending, but I also like survival horror games so that's tough lol

Any talents?

Drawing! I also can tell you basically anything about Pokemon lore or the history of console gaming (and I've been looking into learning music bcus it's one of my creative blindspots so watch out!!!)

Where were you born?

USA! (gross!)

Any pets?

I used to have an Australian Shepherd mix named Charlie, but he passed in late 2022. Hes a goofy guy who liked to take up as much couch as possible and stare at you with his human eyes (and bark at absolutely nothing)

What are your hobbies?

Video game collecting!! also general toy collecting and Pokemon card collecting. I like collecting lol

How tall are you?

Due to going to the doctor like. 4 times a year cuz of scoliosis the past two and a half years I am very aware of my height and for the past year it has been stuck at 169 cm lol haha funny number. in feet tho I think that's 5'6/5'7

Favorite school subject?

uhhh all I really have rn is English, US History and Art. the art class isn't rlly that fun but when I went to normal high school I really liked my theatre and graphic design classes

Dream job?

Indie game dev! Been working to make that real for a while, stay tuned !!!!!

passes this to @drizzileiscool (if u wanna)

15 questions for 15 friends!

tagged by @peanutbutterex :)) (Tysm for tagging me :>)

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? when my mum was pregnant with me she went to a place with a pool and a really nice lady worked there, so i was named after her.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I cant remember a specific time but i think at some point in the last week.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nope

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? I do ballet and have done it for quite a while, also ive done other sports that were compulsory for PE at school if that counts lol.

DO YOU USE SARCASM? absolutely

WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? i think their hair? idk

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR? greenish-grey

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings 100%

ANY TALENTS? im pretty decent at maths if that counts, and can do timetables pretty fast. also can solve 2x2, 3x3, and 4x4 rubiks cubes.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? israel

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? cubing, drawing a bit, idrk what else.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? no :( i used to have 2 fish but they died

HOW TALL ARE YOU? last time i checked i was 164cm but idk if that was true and also i havent checked for a while now.

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? maths

DREAM JOB? maths teacher

I'll tag: @ihavenoideawhattotypehere @fyrerainy @goodlookingforagirl @insert-clever-username-1133 @gerardwaygirlmoments @magic-coffee @whateverhappenedididnotdoit @ninetimesbluedemo @marleighdrinkscoffee @thegayallofus @ssl0t @melancholic-pigeon and anyone else who wants to join in :))

[cruciatusforeplay]

This is part two of a hella big post. Check out part one here. These are all a lot more recent, so I'm gonna try to be less spoilery, but there are gonna be some.

A not-so-brief history of Hawkeye in Comics Part Two (spoilers below the cut)

A note on events, dying and doubling down on Hawkeyes

Comics love doing big events, and I'm not covering them in here. Partly because they are huge and complex and to just focus on Hawkeye would be an injustice to the stories, but also because the amount of stuff I would need to spoil would be way beyond just a little Hawkeye. Clint was involved in Secret Wars (1984), which was one of the first crossover events of its kind. Another notable era is 2004-2009, where there is an incredible amount of superhero politics driving big narratives. If you're new to comics, you might not know that characters dying is common and rarely permanent. This is relevant because while I said that I wouldn't talk about events, I think it would be pretty uncool to not mention that Hawkeye dies and is brought back to life (Avengers Disassembled, House of M, New Avengers #26). It's around here that Clint picks up the Ronin mantle.

This is also when Dark Reign/Dark Avengers is going on. For anyone who'd like some Clint whump from this era, there's a top notch naked torture scene in New Avengers Annual (2009). Clint is involved in several other big events and crossovers over later years, but that's definitely a seperate list.

In the time where Clint is dead, Captain America is hanging out with a group of newly formed Young Avengers, including archery badass Kate Bishop. Cap suggests to her that she take up the Hawkeye mantle and gives her Clint's old bow. After Clint returns, he becomes initially her mentor, before they form a very close friendship. Clint is initially doing Ronin things, but even when he lays down ninja robes, they decide to be very Hawkeye about the whole thing and both keep calling themselves Hawkeye, despite the obvious confusion this causes.

Hawkeye's ears: Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #0-4 (2014)

This is a fun little miniseries that you could treat as a Halloween special if you so desired. It's set in the time after Fraction's run and there are a few callbacks, but nothing major if you've not read that. Clint is a little short-tempered and hypermasculine in this run for my personal taste, but it's got lots of grumpy Clint Vs sassy Wade while they vaguely attempt to team up. The thing this run does really well is Clint's deafness, despite the lack of visible hearing aids. There are comments around lip-reading, wearing aids when wearing other headgear, there's some sign language, and this is the run where Deadpool pulls his mask up so Clint can lipread and see his face while he signs (facial expressions are really key in sign language). It's lovely. Otherwise the run gives you a Kate cameo, some Deadpool and Hawkeye disaster/shenanigans, and perhaps most importantly, the return of the skycycle.

Key background: All New Hawkeye #1-6 (2015)

This run is often overlooked, but the art in the flashbacks is beautiful. We get some key information around Clint and Barney's abusive home situation - with their dad who drank and beat them, and how they ended up in care after their parents died, and subsequently their early days in the circus. There is a definite shift in how Barney is characterized as a bad influence compared to the 2003 run. It parallels with the rest of the arc which focuses on Clint and Kate Bishop working together to get some kids out of a very bad situation. The rest of Lemires run is a little weird and has no major repurcussions for anyone except Barney (which I won't elaborate on because it's relevant to the Fraction run).

Back to your roots: Tales of Suspense #100-104 (2017)

Seeing Clint cycle back and return to Tales of Suspense is really lovely. This comic is one of my all time favourites. It's incredibly tight story-telling with a great plot and really fun dynamic. The premise is Clint and Bucky teaming up to figure out the body trail being left after Black Widow's death. Clint is obnoxious and a delightful mess, Bucky is sporting a permanent scowl and is hilariously level-headed. It's a lot of fun and it's a lovely build on the tension and teamwork between these two idiots (who I, as an avid Winterhawk shipper, am completely gone for, but even without that, this is a great comic.) It also has some killer covers, and the facial expressions are absolutely hilarious.

Hawkeyes together: Hawkeye #13-16 (2017) and West Coast Avengers #1-10 (2018)

The Hawkeye run is Kate Bishops run and it has a larger continuing storyline that runs from the beginning of her Hawkeye and way into WCA, but I've listed the issues that you'll want for Kate and Clint shenanigans, and you should be able to catch up without the rest if you don't want it. These comics are ridiculously fun, especially West Coast Avengers, which has Kate leading the team this time. There's loads of jokes, and it strikes a nice balance between Hawkeyes being disasters and being hyper competent. Truthfully, this is Kate's show, and Clint takes a backseat, but their dynamic is killer here so I think is deserves a mention. There are also plenty of Clint related wardrobe malfunctions and Lucky the Pizza Dog is around.

Our most recent boy: Hawkeye freefall #1-6 (2020)

I haven't read this one yet, but it's been extremely well received by the fandom. As a result, good news: no spoilers! It's a short run, which may have had something to do with it being published during 2020, and specifically around a time when Marvel were experiencing some major distribution issues (which would have led to digital release only and as a result lower sales), but that's all guesswork because I haven't actually researched it. This run has someone dressing as Ronin and letting Clint take the blame for their nefarious deeds (oh no!). Clint makes some classic Clint (read: dumpster fire) decisions, and the art looks fun and vibrant. Can't really give you more without reading it myself 😅 If you need more Clint still, he's also rumoured to be knocking around in the 2020 Black Widow run, but I've not had the money to get my mitts on that yet either.

Notable AUs:

Marvel is a big fan of throwing a well known cast into an alternative universes, so there are a few other places to look for him.

The Ultimates universe was largely speaking a bit of a shitshow, but they did give us a very dark and gritty Clint, so if that's your jam, ultimate hawkeye is the place to be. Old Man Hawkeye appears alongside Old Man Logan, and they are both, you guessed it, old. It's not the only time we get Clint as a wrinkly dude (the second half Lemire's run also has some timey-wimey stuff happening), but this is a version of Clint who is going blind (granted we've seen that before too, but this is a darker vibe than Blindspot). Wanna know who the greatest marksman is without his sight - old man Hawkeye for you! Finally there's the Zombie 'verse: zombie Clint is a little confused, but he's got the spirit. Clint got zombiefied and then left in some rubble as only a head for 40 years before getting picked up, so he's a little worse for wear. If you need that in your life then Marvel Zombies is your universe. For a full rundown of all the universes including animated and MCU, click here.

Notable aliases:

Clint's been a few other people than Hawkeye in the 616 universe (the main Marvel Comics universe). He used one of Hank Pyms growth serums and became a giant strongman in Avengers #63 (1969) and stuck around in his Goliath form for more than a few issues. After Cap had died, Clint returned from the dead and tried on Captain America for all of one issue in Fallen Son #3 (2007). He decided (with a little help from Kate) that it wasn't right to wear the uniform, which in turn led to some interesting tension between him and Bucky Barnes when Buck did become the new Captain America. Finally, there's his most well-known alternate persona: Ronin. Clint becomes Ronin after returning from the dead, wanting a break from his Hawkeye persona and an opportunity to become Ronin arises in New Avengers #27 (2007). Clint is not the only person to have used these aliases. Additionally, Hawkeye has been used not only by Clint and Kate Bishop, but also by Bullseye during the Dark Reign.

The things we haven't talked about

Like I said at the very beginning, there is a lot of Clint Barton knocking around in comics and even with all this there's a lot of content I haven't focused on. For instance, I've not talked a lot about his relationships, beyond his marriage to mockingbird (and really I only scratched the surface with that), and honestly once you start getting into interpersonal relationships we're starting to move on from what can be done in a Tumblr thread.

There are also some topic specific threads floating around, which you might like to look at too.

@vaguelyrotten has done a run down of some great dumpster fire Clint Barton comics (some of which I haven't listed) and you can see that here.

@bobbimorses did a great summary of Clint's historical deafness for instance which you can find here.

There's also this little bit all about Clint and Bucky in canon (thanks to @nightwideopen ) and how Winterhawk became a thing (thanks to @1000-directions )

This is slight sidenote, but @clintscoffeepot did a really great comprehensive of Fraction Clint's apartment which is just a really useful writing resource and you can get that here.

There is also this website which I stumbled across fairly far into writing this post which does actually look like it might be comprehensive.

If I've missed anything major, or listed something incorrectly or you just have some Clint related opinions that I need to know about, do hit me up.

[blindspot-repata]

High School Blindspot

Chapter 5 - Party

Natasha arrived early at the Patterson’s house, as she had agreed to help her friend with some preparations to wait for all the staff. They owned a large and imposing house. The parents were scientists and were able to earn very well from their research. Patty was thinking of pursuing their parents career, but not so much Freddy, he was very smart, but it seemed that the world was small for the boy. At the age of twenty he had not yet met, while he loved to hold parties with friends. The preparations were ready and some young people had arrived.

“Natasha, how are you handling everything? You know what I'm talking about, don't you?” Patty was always very worried about her friend and tried to help when she was in trouble, followed her relationship with Ricky from the beginning and never had the courage to give an opinion about it, but clearly saw how bad this dating did to the brunette.

“Look, I didn't measure the consequences, and my relationship with Ricky has gotten out of hand. There was no love, I don't know what I feel anymore. I just know I don't want to see him anymore. I hope he leaves me alone. I want to start my life over. The Latin girl seemed determined on the subject. Something seemed to have changed inside her.

“And how do you think to do that? Have you got a plan?” Natasha turned to the door and found Edgar who had just entered with Kurt, her friend followed her with the look and the smile of both became very clear to the blonde.

“I'll be back!” Natasha announced heading quickly towards the door.

“All right!” The brunette didn’t hear what she said and Patty smiled at the scene. If there was one person in this world who could do Natasha good, it was Edgar.

“Hi Ed, hi Kurt. Glad you came.” Natasha addressed the boy as soon as she reached him at the door.

"It's not like I'm hanging around. I worked almost all day and wanted to get some rest before coming.” The girl's smile enchanted him and he couldn’t stop looking at her. Natasha was beautiful, the tight black dress accentuated her qualities, the platform heels made her a few inches taller, she wasn’t at all vulgar but very beautiful and sensual. The boy didn't know what was happening to him, but he was very fascinated with her.

“Funny. Come on, let's have fun.” She pulled him out of his trance by pulling him by the hand.

They went to the counter that was filled with food and drinks. The two didn’t drink alcohol often. They grabbed a soda and headed outside to join the rest of the already crowding people.

Kurt had searched the whole party and had not seen Remi anywhere. Maybe she didn't really come. He grabbed another beer and leaned against the counter already regretting his hopes. It was best to forget whatever it was that she was awakening inside him. Maybe he should have brought Allie, not that she hadn't insisted, but he'd been categorical about the breakup, only she didn't want to accept the facts. That's when the blond boy came in and Kurt kept an eye out, but didn't see his sister with him. Already giving up, he turned his back to join the rest of the crowd when Roman called him.

“She's out there. I think two girls got her talking. Why don't you go there.” Roman had noticed from the beginning the connection between the two, he wasn’t to interfere with his sister's relationships, but realized how the other boy seemed disappointed to not see her.

Kurt didn't think twice and headed for the exit where he found her talking and laughing with Patty and another girl he didn't remember the name. Then she saw him and he waved at her from the door. The girl was dressed in tight, low waisted black trousers, a long sleeved black blouse that left most of her belly out, she looked perfect. She said something to the girls and came to meet him.

“Hi. You took too long. I mean, it's none of my business. Do you want to come in? Eat something, dance.” Kurt's clumsiness with her was visible. What happened to him? It looked like she was the first girl to talk to.

“ I couldn't leave before, I was late.” Shyness was on her face. Maybe because she didn't know a lot of people at the party and all the people already seemed clumsy. She escorted him to the outside area where a metallic sound and a little too loud came out of two huge boxes located at both corners of the porch. Remi waved to Natasha who was talking animatedly with Edgar and some other friends. If those two didn't have something she couldn't say anything else, because to her their relationship seemed to go far beyond just friendship. Rich came to meet them very excited.

“Hey, you two! You need to try this drink.” Rich held a bottle in one hand and a half full glass in the other. The contents weren’t identified by both, as the bottle had no label. “It will leave you two crazy people to catch each other!” The short man spoke in a lower tone.

“Rich! Get out!” Kurt shouted at Rich because he could ruin anything the boy intended with Remi. Rich was a total clueless.

“Rich, come on, this is starting another song.” Boston came pulling him by the hand.

“I'm sorry for his nasty comments.” Kurt apologized to Remi, who had gone very red.

“Don’t worry. I know how he is.”

The party went well and many were already drunk, as they could not see drinks available and control themselves to drink little. The style of music changed to something quieter and soon the romantic songs that rolled over at the end of the holidays began and some couples were already forming on the dance floor.

“ Remi, dance with me?" Kurt ventured, for he had nothing to lose and would not stand still knowing that tonight could be a great opportunity for him to approach her.

“ I'm not very good and...”

“ No problem. I conduce you. Come on."     Kurt held her by the waist and Remi wrapped his arms around the boy's neck. Their faces were very close arousing many sensations between them. He led her down the track to the rhythm of the song and with a few steps they were already in tune.

 “Hey, do you wanna dance?”

Natasha was coming back from the house with a glass of drink in her hand when she was surprised by a boy she had rarely seen.

The girl looked around the room and didn’t find Edgar. She knew how annoying it was to refuse a dance. It could make you embarrassed. “All right.” She was taken by the hand to the dance floor and the boy held her by the waist, she was careful not to get too close. They both danced with a visible lack of tune and the music seemed endless.

“My turn.” The music stopped and Edgar was beside them on the track. Natasha flashed a smile that didn't hide her satisfaction at seeing him.

"I thought you weren't coming anymore." Natasha spoke softly as he approached.

Edgar, in turn, pulled her to him and their bodies were very close together. Natasha laid her head on his shoulder, put an arm around his neck and his other hand rested on the boy's shoulder. She closed her eyes and let the melody seem to have carried them to another dimension. She could hear his strong heartbeat, which made her happy to think a little might be for her. The girl was realizing that what he aroused in her was reciprocal.

 “Hey Roman, do you dance?” Patty risked talking to the boy who always seemed angry.

“ No. I don't like it very much.”

“ Me neither. Do you want to know my lab?”

“ What?” Roman didn’t know what was hidden in the invitation, because he could see from the beginning the way the girl looked at him.

“My lab, come on, I'll show you.”

She led him into the basement and when she turned on the light Roman was as surprised as she was disappointed.

“You thought that was what? An excuse for me to be alone with you? Maybe it is too.” Patty approached him and saw that he was red so decided to take it easy. “I'm kidding. I'll show you my little things.”

“ You look tired. If you want to go I'll take you.” Kurt and Remi danced a little and went out for a breath. It was a little late and the girl's tiredness was visible.

“Okay, but I don't want to go home now. If you don’ mind.”

“Okay, we go for a drive and when you want I'll take you.”

“I need to warn my brother.”

They didn't find him so they asked some friends to let them know they were gone.

“ Where were you?”

Natasha was a little startled by Patty's appearance upon returning from the interior of the house. Her hair was very messy and the buttons on her shirt were buttoned all wrong. The brunette looked back and realized the reason for her disorder also coming from inside the house. Roman had a rumpled shirt and a mischievous smile. She started laughing and gave Remi's message to him.

“Patty, I'm tired and I can't stay to help you, but I think you already have a helper. She said pointing to the blond boy. “ Edgar will take me home.”

“All right. You can go and enjoy and have fun both of you.” The girl clearly had drunk too much to say that making Natasha and Edgar totally embarrassed.

 “What is here?” Remi wanted to know as soon as Kurt stopped the car in front of the ruins of an ancient church. They got out and stood against the side of the car.

“I came here with a friend when we were kids. Remi felt a pang of sadness in his words. “She passed away, was murdered, and never had a chance to grow up and live so many things that might be waiting for her.

“I'm so sorry.” Remi held tried to bring some comfort to the boy.

"Somehow you remind me of he. Not just for looks, but for determination, the way you look. They were now facing each other and Kurt's gaze was so penetrating that Remi hardly blinked. "I just wanted to make one thing clear. I didn't drink Rich's drink, but I have a crazy urge to kiss you.”

In the absence of answers Kurt took it as a consent. He approached the girl and placed his lips over hers, the kiss was nothing angelic but intense and firm, the two there in the moonlight and the stars let their bodies speak for themselves.

“Today was perfect.” Natasha said as soon as Edgar stopped the car at the door of his house.

“Yes, it was a long time ago I didn't have fun or dance that much.” You dance very well.

Natasha laughed at the compliment. “Some say I get the hang of it.” I'm going down. It's late, and Grandma must be worried about my delay.”

Edgar wanted to say so many things, he didn't want to let the night's charm end like this, because tomorrow they would just be friends again, as usual. The boy didn't even know if they could be anything else, but when they danced together he had her in his arms and she was his for a few minutes, there was nothing between them, not Ricky, not Sarah, or any other ghost that could stop them from enjoy, this moment was just theirs. He took her hand and delicately intertwined her fingers with his.

"Natasha..." He dipped into her gaze and the girl bent over him and pressed his lips to hers. It was just a quick kiss that lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to make it clear that there might be something more between them in the future, who knows.

Neither of them took the next step or said anything. Natasha went home and fell into her bed with feelings swirling.

Edgar had a restless sleep, closed his eyes and felt her in his arms with her lips glued to his, he wanted more, much more. Now that she had taken this step he knew he was ready to talk about his feelings.

He woke up with the phone ringing nonstop, he didn't want to answer it. He looked at his watch and it was four in the morning, had slept less than two hours. Who would this time be? The mother was not home and Lis was sleeping.

“Hello! His voice was sleepy and angry.

“Edgar.” It was Natasha on the other end of the line. “ You can come? I need you! Please...”

[dzpenumbra]

9/17/22

Today was the first good day I've had in a while. I got a full night's sleep, I'm sure that helped. I got groceries delivered - a habit I got into during the pandemic that I'm just kinda still goin with. I had a green textured-can Monster and a bowl of Cookie Crisp for breakfast, because apparently I'm on a health kick now. But you know what, before you judge me, I had an apple too, so you know. That balances out or something.

I did a tarot reading, let's see if I remember it. So I... there's the whole brother thing... I'll come back to that. Wanna get the tarot before I forget. 3 card spread: 1 - Ten of Spheres inverted, 2 - The Fool, 3 - The Lovers inverted. The Lovers inverted messed with me a bit throughout the day. I've never gotten The Lovers in any context before, and I've had dating on the mind a lot lately, so it just makes me a bit anxious. Something to keep an eye on, I guess. And it doesn't necessarily mean a romantic relationship, too, which is important to remember.

I started the day wanting to reach out to my brother. I offered him that deal doing music for my stream, he did a few songs and agreed to meet up and chat logistics and promotion and all that. He blew me off, and never followed up. Still hasn't. I was going to message him on Discord and see if he'd be down to go on a walk at the river with me and catch up a bit. Or maybe chat on Discord. I opted to call my Mom instead. I floated the idea with her and she agreed that it might be a bit... much for him. I have no idea what his obsession and paranoia bout all this is, it feels like PTSD conflict avoidance. Like I'm a walking timebomb and he's just keeping himself safe. I ended up just going on a walk at the river alone.

While talking with my Mom, I went over this idea... See, my brother deleted the last fight we had from the Discord logs... and the only thing he left there was this thing about Jungian archetypes. He said his Trickster was like... not being able to connect with other peoples' experience. And I do that compulsively, and share my honest perspective compulsively as well. So, in my eyes... that's like... a no brainer that I should be able to help him on that. But he's so fucking obsessed with doing shit himself. So him sending that message, it really feels like a "remember, this is something that's a defining trait about me, so don't expect me to be able to do this". As though his Trickster has the fucking microphone, cranked it up to 10 and screamed "Look at me, I'm the fucking captain now". Either that, or it's a cry for help to the one person that could help him the most. You wanna roll the dice on that one?! I already have like twice, when it gets bad, it gets fuckin scary. When he fights, he fights like my Dad - childish, obviously enjoying it and clearly inexperienced, but no hesitation to throw low punches. Enduring it is similar to what I would imagine standing on hot coals would be like. You can take it, but man are you gonna hate yourself for it tomorrow.

I was glad to get the concept out there of my current thoughts on that Trickster thing... and the fact that I've been facing it all over the place. And how I can immediately identify those fuckers, and they absolutely hate the fact that I can see them. Then I start to get paranoid about mine, where it might be, how it manifests itself. Apparently it's Extroverted Sensation? So... afraid of how others perceive me? I don't know, it seems like it's environmental awareness, situational awareness, which I really just sorta train all the time. Maybe I get cocky with it? Maybe I think I've read a situation literally, but I can fill in the blanks? I don't know. Everything I'm reading on it just doesn't feel familiar, so... yeah.

But I really just... I don't know how to navigate that. If someone just leaves a note that says "this is my blindspot". So you say to them - "You are experiencing your blind spot right now, you need to put in extra effort to do that right now. I can help you if you need it." And they attack you for it, they paranoidly accuse you of manipulating. They strike hard and deep. They bring in the kitchen sink, they bring up fights years ago about unrelated things. For what? Because I want to move on, and I volunteer to help with it. But... I guess they aren't. And that's a really important point that my Mom and I commiserated on today. The "parent feeling". Wanting to help, trying so goddamn hard to, offering everything possible - and seen as a bad person for it. Knowing exactly what to do (from experience), offering them something you never had, seeing them reflexively refuse out of pride and... having to walk away. For years, possibly just for good.

It is such a dark feeling. It's just... Comparable to having to like... put a pet down or something. Well... its a bit different than that, at least it was for me, but my dog was really sick and it was an act of mercy at that point so maybe my gauge is a bit off for that. It's in the same ballpark though, a real just... "fuck..." moment. Like punch a pillow and sob and just yell "snap out of it, please!"

But that's life. That's just... part of life. That's the dark side for ya. It's a sneaky bitch, and it lives in all of us. I think it's well worth getting to know it, so you are familiar with how it feels and what it looks like when it comes around, because it does frequently and it can be very sneaky and convincing. I think Christians call this "the Devil", or "sin" or something, I'm not really that well versed. I read Genesis but I've never been to church a day in my life, so I wouldn't really know.

The river was nice. I saw a car there, a familiar bumper sticker from other visits. I was barefoot wearing a hoodie and eating an apple, I was happy as a clam to be back. I walked by the river and saw a young woman playing and throwing sticks to her dog, it was like a beagle mix, full of energy. I was beaming just watching, I miss that kind of play and energy in my life. Max gets it in bursts sometimes, but it's mainly just a few minutes at a time and before bed. She's not as young and spry as she used to be. Though she did meet a friend tonight at the back door - a neighbor's cat must have gotten out or something and was outside the door. Max was hissing at it. I went to check on it and see if it was okay, but it ran away. I feel horrible about that, it's cold out tonight, I wanted to make sure it was okay and it was 1AM, so I'm sure it was out for the night. I still feel very emotional about that. I wanted to let it in and make sure it was safe overnight, there's been a fox hunting around the area every night and I... well, I don't know if it would bother with a cat, but still, indoor cats aren't the most experienced out there. I just wanted to make sure it was safe. Then I guess I would try to contact neighbors the next day. I ran the scenario in my head a few times, it made sense. But it was long gone by the time I went outside, so... I hope it's doing okay. :(

So back to the chick at the river. I couldn't really see her very well for some reason, she was far enough away. Couldn't really gauge an age, though she didn't have grey hair at all, which is pretty surprising for the area and a friday afternoon. She was very absorbed in playing with her dog and I wanted to check on my art installation, so we were just ships in the night. Not sure if that was some kind of missed connection, but I'm only here for 2 more months anyway so... yeah. I went to visit the installation, it was still completely intact, I was pretty shocked. It's been probably over a month, maybe even closer to two at this point. I left my apple core in the center as tribute. A little cliche ritual. Let's see if that is still there next time I go, I bet you it won't be. XD

On the walk back, I was thinking about the chick with the dog... then The Lovers inverted... and as I was starting to engage it, I stepped on something very sharp. I stepped on it pretty hard, right in the arch of my foot. I haven't gotten myself that bad in a few years, and I barefoot hike regularly every year. I checked it, no skin broken, just ouchies. I started laughing. Of course, the second I engage with anxiety I hurt myself. I reminded myself that analyzing and min-maxing tarot is probably not the most peaceful thing I could be doing that afternoon. I went to find cool looking rocks instead.

So the rest of the night was cooking buffalo mac and cheese with celery, watching a Penta stream and playing Minecraft on my multiplayer server by myself while not streaming. Because I'm fucking bummed and I just didn't wanna babysit honestly. But I got to do some building, which was fun. Overall, it wasn't a bad night/day, just... a bit lonely.

I'll get back into streaming soon, I'm just a bit offput by my only fan also streaming (though he says its a hobby) in the same time slot. The only other chatting regular is a kid that is pretty obviously still in highschool. No offense to younger people, but if I have to choose who I'm going to be spending my time with on a Friday evening, it would be a bit weird for me to say a 16 year old. Because in about a month, I'll be 20 years older than you, like literally old enough to be your father. So... it may not be weird for you... I'm not sure why it wouldn't be, when I was 16 I was not hanging out with 35 year olds... but yeah... no offense, but if I'm gonna spend my evening chilling with you, I should be getting paid. Even if we have common hobbies. Sorry, dude.

Being a small streamer is really hard. You have to like... convince people that you're not a hobbyist. And they always outbid you, somehow. It just absolutely crushes your ego sometimes. Like... I had to hard-sell this kid on watching my own YouTube series of the same game I was streaming, that he had been to the past 3 full 4-hour streams of. And he has assured me he does not plan on subscribing at any point, and feels like $5 per month is pricey. And this is my current audience. A hobbyist streamer who streams the same time slot, and a kid who assured me will never subscribe. And it's been like this for like a year and a half.

I need to meet people in other places and bring them over to my stream. That just needs to happen. Maybe I go back to fucking around in Overwatch again? Maybe I fire up League of Legends again? Maybe I advertise my Minecraft server? Or join an RP server? I don't know, man. I'm so out of practice. I haven't done this shit solo since... Obama was in office? So... a while. It's so much easier if you have friends. I swear. Sigh.

Welp. Here's the benefit of being a nobody. I can go do pranks and shit, my generation would call it joking around or like... Jackass shit. I guess newer generations would call it "trolling", I just hate that fucking word. Prank doesn't really fit either. Just like... fucking with people. Like I described last night. Improv jokes, playing characters, doing weird performance art things like fucking with people through voice chat. I need to do that shit again. And I need a fuckin group to play Jackbox with, that's a big one too. So maybe it's time to come up with some funny RP or random queue activities and maybe stream those. Like fucking with people in Overwatch, but goddammit Xbox won't let you stream voice chat. Because goddamn kids, of course. Fucking corporate bullshit bleaching my content.

Cool, I've got some ideas. Maybe I grab clips from my streams and pop them on Tik Tok or something, that could pull some peoples' attention. Idk. Anyway, I've had to piss for a bit so I'm gonna go do that. I hope you all have a wonderful day, anyone who has the time to read this far, fuck knows if anyone does anymore but if you do... this is for you. I hope you take a chunk out of the day tomorrow and do something that really makes you proud of yourself, something meaningful and fulfilling. Engage in a passion of yours, whatever it may be, even if its only for 5 minutes. Let me know how it goes. :D