#we all are! a field where the top climate scientists are too afraid to talk about agricultural processes that feed into air pollution

[theburialofstrawberries]

So grateful for my earth systems science class this semester I just did not know how to read or think about climate I was so pedagogically impoverished

[lilnasxvevo]

KINGSMAN 2 SPOILERS

Okay I have a lot of thoughts about Kingsman and I am going to share them with you. They are silly and disjointed thoughts. This post is extremely long. 

Uh the fight scenes in this movie were fucking top notch. No single scene beat the true majesty of The Church Scene in the first Kingsman, but overall the quality of fight scenes was higher.

This movie was also a lot grosser than the first one tho? I did not need ANY of that meat grinder shit. Literally did not enjoy a single second of it. Kingsman has gone from campy violence to Coen brothers violence, and while I absolutely love the Coen brothers, I didn’t like that level of violence in Kingsman.

Listen. Roxy isn’t dead. Brandon isn’t dead. JB isn’t dead. Whiskey isn’t dead. Merlin isn’t dead. Nobody is dead. No one has ever died. Those deaths were so bullshit and I hated all of them and I haven’t emotionally processed any of them but I am probably going to cry my heart out the next time I watch this movie. (Here’s my rationale: Mark Strong has already teased that Merlin might still be alive so obviously he’s alive--plus  I covered my eyes when he died because I was afraid it would be super gross. We didn’t see the bodies of Roxy, Brandon, or JB, so obviously they’re still alive. Finally, that wasn’t Whiskey at the end of the movie, it was...his evil twin. That’s all I got on that one.)

I LOVE AGENT WHISKEY and I literally refuse to believe he was a bad guy. That was so sloppily done. At the very least they should have explained how Harry knew that Whiskey was a bad guy--that might have gone a little ways towards convincing me. But in general, Kingsman’s shit-ass treatment of people of color has got to stop. Whiskey could have just been a good guy but apparently Kingsman as a franchise has devoted itself to taking men of color down a notch. It sucks. There have been, what, four named men of color in two movies? And out of all four, Jamal is the only one who’s still alive. Fuck that shit a lot. (I believe half of the named women of color have died--I can only think of two across both movies.) 

I was suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper disappointed that there wasn’t more Agent Tequila. The trailers and the whole premise of the movie made it seem like he would be an actual character and not a guy who gets three appearances and ends up in a damn cryo pod for most of the movie. 

I wish this whole movie had just been about Ginger Ale. Okay, here’s a more realistic wish: I wish Ginger Ale had gone with the Kingsman guys instead of Whiskey. When she told Merlin that she really wanted to be a field agent, he should have stood up for her when the time came to decide who went on literally either or both of the field missions in the movie. (Honestly, she probably would have been more help in Italy than Harry--no offense, Harry, but you almost killed Eggsy twice and Whiskey three times.) 

Elton John was fucking stellar in this movie. Totally divine. I love him. I ship him with Harry now.

I’m literally going to cry for the rest of my life about the fact that Harry wanted to be a butterfly scientist. Regressed amnesiac Harry was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Scratch that, it’s the second cutest thing--the cutest thing was Harry in the flashback in the plaid Kingsman trainee jumpsuit that they’ve apparently been using since time immemorial. 

I was unclear on this, but surely if Harry remembered everything else about being 20-something, he would remember his own name. “We didn’t know who he was so we didn’t know what to do with him” Bullshit. Do a fuckin google search for “Harry Hart,” which is both his legal name and the name he introduces himself by to literally everyone despite the fact that he has a code name. 

I love Tilde. I really love Tilde. I promise I love Tilde so much--I think she is cool and funny and down-to-earth and smart and kind. But. Why did she and Eggsy get fucking married. Really? Someone who is royalty dates a foreign commoner for like a year and they decide that’s enough time to know whether or not they wanted to get married? Plus, at the music festival, Eggsy literally sounded zero percent into the idea. I’m so mad. 

Speaking of the music festival...Why? Why? I get that Kingsman logic is the logic of the absurd, but that was way too much Plot Gymnastics just to get in a pseudo sex scene. Fuck off with that bullshit. “Mucous membrane.” Just stick your finger up her nose and run away!

There were not one but two puppies in this movie. I am pleased. It almost makes up for the fact that I am meant to believe that JB is dead. Which he isn’t. Because reasons. (I have always been and always will be a “IF WE DIDN’T SEE THE BODY THEY AREN’T DEAD” kind of fan.)

Harry is gay. Harry is literally gay. Literally everything about him suggests that he is gay and I really wish someone would just mention that he likes men. He’s gay. In both movies, he got into a bar fight because someone who just met him called him gay in an insulting way. I know straight men are like really into that brand of insult, but that’s just excessive, especially the bar fight in this movie--someone approached him to call him homophobic slurs just because the sheer force of Harry’s gay aura offended him. I believe this counts as deliberate queerbaiting but because I don’t have any self-respect I’m totally falling for it because I need positive gay male role models. (Harry counts as a positive role model, doesn’t he? ...Doesn’t he?)

Ginger Ale is a lesbian. Roxy is (PRESENT TENSE BECAUSE SHE’S STILL ALIVE) a lesbian. Everyone in these movies is gay or bi. It is law.

I wasn’t expecting the president to be so Trumplike. I appreciate that he was impeached. I’m a little troubled because this movie is supposed to take place in 2015 and so the president would still be Obama like it was in the last movie. I thought for a moment that maybe Kingsman!Obama accepted Valentine’s invitation and was killed during the head explosion part, but Kingsman!Obama is likely a Democrat just like the real Obama, and the president in this movie was C L E A R L Y a Republican, when in real life it would be Obama’s vice president, who would also be a Democrat. So just a plot hole I guess. 

Weird that just like last movie, the villain was a person with a reasonable goal (stop climate change, legalize drugs) going about it in an incredibly unreasonable and genocidal way. I think both movies are going for positive social messages, but it...it’s just weird. IDK.

Boy, Kingsman sure is getting a lot of mileage out of those mountain-camouflage white snow suits. Where’s the next movie going to take place, Siberia?

Charlie better stay dead this time. I hate that bastard. 

Did I mention Elton John was great in this movie?

Ginger looked so good at the wedding. I love her. 

I did like that this movie showed that most people who do drugs are just normal people. 

I liked that Statesman was more diverse than Kingsman but I straight up saw like one Asian woman and one black man (and Whiskey) and then a ton of white guys. Call me back when Statesman is half women with just...considerably more people of color. Considerably more. It’s cool that Ginger is an agent now but keep working.

Are code names linked to your position in Statesman like in Kingsman? Is Ginger now Agent Whiskey, or still Agent Ginger Ale? (I didn’t like that the only woman was the only non-alcoholic beverage, by the way. I get that it miiiight be tied to her being the only non-field-agent but I still hate it.) Also, how do they not run out of beverage names? Can people be named after their favorite mixed drink? Agent Cosmopolitan? Agent Screwdriver?

Oh my god here are some agent names that totally exist within Statesman: Agent Beer. Agent Wine. Agent Scotch. Agent Brandy. Agent Gin (hard to say). I love this stupid organization. I hope Agent Beer is from Wisconsin. 

Eggsy jumping through Whiskey’s lasso was so fucking sick. I saw the movie with three other people and we all SCREAMED. 

Colin Firth in a wet white shirt can only ever make me think of Pride and Prejudice. Thanks for that, Kingsman. 

I knew I was forgetting something I really wanted to talk about: GOD SHITTING FUCK I CAN’T BELIEVE EGGSY AND TILDE MOVED INTO HARRY’S OLD HOUSE. I GET THAT IT MIGHT BE TIED TO THE GALAHAD POSITION BUT GOD FUCKING DAMN. It’s been a year and they haven’t redecorated? Possibly at all? That one bathroom is still full of butterflies and Mr Pickle is still mounted on the wall? 

Eggsy’s voice breaking and his lip quivering when he and Tilde talk about Harry. Kill me.

THE BREAKFAST SCENE MADE IT INTO A MOVIE PLEASE KILL ME

Harry and Eggsy are in love? They’re in love

I love Roxy so much. Did I mention she’s still alive? 

Agent Tequila’s thighs when they take him out of deep freeze. God damn. 

Just remembered that Eggsy was like “this dinner is really important to me” and everyone assumes that it’s the dinner with Tilde’s parents from the trailer but it’s his friend Brandon’s birthday party. ;___________;

I think that’s all I got.