#way I feel for you never victor never
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I could write a whole essay about how Victor Vale and Kell Maresh are two sides of the same coin, opposites yet somehow similar when it comes to their relationship with pain
#kell maresh#victor vale#adsom#vicious#to be fair I have not read Vengeful yet so idk if that adds some key details to this topic or not but#Victor basically died a horribly painful death and then came back to never feel any again#it was by his own decision out of curiosity and hunger for power and foolishness but oh it was agonising#so much so that it irrevocably marked the rest of his life#Kell suffered an injury because of sheer bad luck just an unlucky turn of events while trying to save the whole world#and he spent the next seven years in unbearable pain any time he tried to use his power#he saved someone he loved and defied the laws of life itself to do it because he could not bear to lose that person#and in exchange forever lives with experiencing not only his own pain but that of that other person too#books#shrews ramblings#here I listed more the ways in which they're opposites but you see#they're the same in how pain shaped them both#pain does things to you that don't always pass when the feeling itself is over#idk idk I'm emotional about them#actions and consequences and the cruel hand of fate#and what it means to be human and what it means to be rid of the thing that made you who you are#hmmm for Victor 'he came back to never feel any pain again' is per se inaccurate but you get what I mean!!!#he has complete control over pain#both his own and that of others#Kell has none
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The urge to headcanon every pathologic character as aroallo is getting harder to resist each day
They'd each fall differently on the Aversed/Neutral/favoured spectrum for romance. Some would go for a relationship, and others would prefer a fwb situation. Some are poly by default while others prefer monogomy.
#YOU'RE ARO AND YOU'RE ARO AND YOU'RE ARO AND EVERYONE HERE IS ARO#Lara is so Aro codded you CANNOT tell me otherwise#Honestly Aglaya might be the only non-aro character ironically enough#Actually Eva too#BUT ARTEMY? ALL ARO#VICTOR KAIN?? AROOOO. EVEN NINA KAINA FUCK YEAH ARO QUEEN#Rubin is aro but doesn't know what aro is so he assumes everyone is just the same#DANIIL DANKOVSKY THE AROALLO KING#Peter👀👀👀👀 Yes#Andrey too actually#LISTEN vlad#the younger obv#the older is so smitten in love and it's so beautiful#Capella actually feels aro to me the way she says she doesn't love khan but still cares and wants to be with him#ik it's for the town future but when pushed she admits he doesn't love her yet but he will eventually#but she doesn't say anything about her loving him eventually#Yulia is aro too you're not escaping the aro ray#Maria is romance repulsed aro she doesn't want a relationship either no matter what kind#But Artemy is romance favoured aro#Anna? Aro. BUT she likes peaple admiring her and getting crushed tho she will never reciprocite#ASPITY? AROOOOO all the way. Familial love is the whole world to her and everything else is second place#I don't see Katerina and Alexander being aro BUT they're very supportive parents of Clara being aro#By supportive I mean extremely embarrassed also completely misunderstanding it#Alexander Block looks at Clara like “What you're describing is what everyone feels tho right?” not realising he too is aro#He has intense platonic love and care for others#♧several characters
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Considering the amount of extreme devotion and codependency to the point of disregarding clear red flags like "holy shit there's fuckin bodies in your lab" I'm slowly realizing that what Victor and Henry had going probably wouldn't have ended any other way than the death of one or both of them, eventually, Creature or not
#does anyone have the ''you two are perfect for each other but please don't get anyone else involved in whatever you do''#like honestly i feel like victor would end up fucking up somewhere either way and henry would just never question it#honestly dunno if they'd ever even confront each other about anything#they're ride or die babey#frankenstein#the modern prometheus#victor frankenstein#henry clerval
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I want Garnet as a romance option so bad 😭
#I feel like she's not going to win because my faves never do#But her and Stev need to win the vote#Also my crack theory is that Victor is actually Aadit and that's why he's got no art#Because if they're making a conscious choice to limit the romance options but tell more compelling stories (which i love)#Why would you not have art for one of the six options but have art for everyone else (unless it would be a spoiler)#my time at evershine#Also no offense to the team but Stev Rudy Atticus and Waylen are all WAY hotter and more interesting visually than Ragnar#Anyways my ideal world six would be: Garnet Hua Ines Stev Waylen Rudy
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[CN] Victor’s Glacier Date (Eng Translation)
⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 雪川之约, that is yet to be released in the global server! ♡
[Translation Under The Cut]
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
–
✧ [Chapter 1] ✧
“If you should find the time to speak, Then speak to me I’d never keep, You from your…”
The brisk music flows from the stereo, but it’s unable to wash off the slightly low-spirited atmosphere in the car.
MC: [whimpering noise] woo woo woo…
Victor: [sighs helplessly] You’ve been “woo woo-ing” for ten minutes.
Victor: Even if you keep on whimpering, the service area won’t appear any sooner.
MC: I’m just a little depressed. If only I had paid a bit more attention…
–
[FLASHBACK BEGINS]
Three hours ago.
Victor: Are you sure you want to switch with me?
MC: Absolutely!
I bar the car door, speaking righteously.
MC: You were busy dealing with LFG’s affairs till the middle of the night last night and didn’t even get a proper rest. And then you drove all morning today.
MC: Keeping the matter of sound driving in mind, I should share the burden a little too.
MC: And you didn’t let me drive when we went to the desert the last time. So, shouldn’t you satisfy me this time?
–
[Tidbits]: MC is referring to their “Long Journey Date” in EN~
–
MC: Will you, please? Please, please, Victor… don’t you believe in my skills on the highway?
I blink hard and express my sincerity to Victor. He looks at me for a moment, sighing.
Victor: …we’ll switch back after getting to the next service area.
MC: No problem!
I gleefully pull the front passenger door open for Victor and salute him, brimming with confidence.
MC: Passenger, please fasten your seatbelt. Let’s continue our happy trip~
–
After the successful completion of our self-drive tour to the desert last time, Victor and I planned our next trip.
Since we already saw the scorching yellow sands, this time, we’ve planned to head to Northwest China to see the icy, crystal-clear glacier.
Right now, since I’ve got the rare opportunity to be Victor’s long-distance driver, it’s only natural that I must display my most professional side.
However, to be on the safe side, Victor is still occasionally voicing the pointers for me.
Victor: There’s a big car ahead. Steer left.
MC: Mm, I won’t drive in parallel with it.
Victor: Be careful not to squeeze in when turning right... very good.
Victor: It seems that a certain someone really doesn’t need me to remind her anything.
MC: That’s for sure! You can rest easy~
Victor smiles, relaxes his shoulders, and leans back in his seat.
Accompanied by the smooth road and the relaxing music, it doesn’t take long before the breathing next to me becomes light and even.
I quietly give Victor a sidelong glance. His eyes are closed, and a relaxed curve has now crested between his always-taut brows.
I turn down the volume of the navigation and shift away the wind direction of the air conditioner in silence.
MC: The next service area is still forty minutes away. Just have a good rest for forty minutes, big dummy.
Forty minutes later.
MC: The service area is packed!? That…
I look at the electronic signboard standing on the roadside and the densely packed vehicles in the service area ahead. The feeling finally dawns on me that we’ve arrived on a popular tourist route.
The highway is unlike the desert roads from before. On the desert roads, we could stop at any time to look for directions, but this now requires me to make an immediate judgment.
Victor, next to me, is still asleep. So I hesitate for a moment before turning the steering wheel and continuing to move forward.
MC: ...alright, I’ll let you rest for a little longer then.
One and a half hours later.
MC: Service area... service area...
MC: Darn it, did I miss this one just now by forgetting to get off the bridge...
MC: Where can I turn to change direction... oh come on, I’m already so far off to make a turn back...
MC: Whatever. Let’s leave it be. He’s still asleep anyway, so I won’t just tell him––
Victor: Who said I am asleep?
MC: !!!
I don’t know when but Victor has already opened his eyes at some point. He takes a quick look at the gradually darkening sky outside, then sweeps his gaze over the navigation.
Victor: [adorable mixture of yawning and sighing] I don’t remember seeing the route like this before falling asleep.
MC: That... I just took a little detour...
MC: But don’t you worry. I’ll make sure to strictly follow the navigation guidance from here on and will drive back to the service area!
Navigation: 80 km to the service area. Please continue straight ahead.
Victor: ...80 km. It will be dark by the time we get back.
Hearing Victor say this, I feel even more guilty. Just as I’m about to apologize to him, I see him already reaching out to cancel the navigation.
MC: Eh?
Victor: Since this is already the case, it’d be better not to turn back. Let’s change our destination.
His tone is calm and unperturbed, as though my mistakes are nothing worth mentioning in his eyes.
MC: But we had planned to see the Mige Glacier on this trip. We won’t be able to see it if we change our destination...
Victor: I remember that the glacier was simply one of the plans. We originally started out intending to spend our time on this self-drive tour comfortably, am I right?
Victor: If there’s a “pouty teapot” woo-woo-wooing next to me the whole distance, I won’t feel comfortable.
As he says this, I immediately deflate my mouth, causing Victor to laugh out loud. Subsequently, the originally low-spirited atmosphere also loosens up.
MC: So, where are we heading next?
Victor: We still have plenty of time anyway. As a passenger, I’m at the complete mercy of the “driver” and must comply with her plans.
He pauses, raising an eyebrow as he adds.
Victor: A certain someone audaciously dared to venture out on the desert roads. And now, when the signal is good, and the road is smooth, she’s afraid?
MC: Says who?
With such a little provocation from Victor, my enthusiasm is rekindled. I sit up straight again and step on the accelerator.
MC: Eeny meenie miney mo. Wherever we’re headed, that will be our destination for the night!
[FLASHBACK ENDS]
—
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
—
✧ [Chapter 2] ✧
Unburdened, I candidly choose a fork in the road relying on intuition and drive down the deviated road.
After turning around a mountain, a stream of beautiful lights appears before our eyes in the twilight.
Colorful flags fluttering on the roadside seem to guide us to the small town in the embrace of the mountains.
MC: “Welcome to LeGong”... Victor, there’s a small town up ahead!
MC: Let’s just get some rest there, shall we?
I breathe a long sigh of relief at the thought of finally being able to rest and dash towards the brilliant rays unrelentingly.
—
After driving another two kilometers down the road, other vehicles from the nearby streets begin to converge, and before long, the entire route is blocked.
MC: Oh, come on…
A vague sense of foreboding sprouts in my heart, and sure enough, several youngsters dressed in local clothes trot over a few moments later and wave vigorously at the vehicles behind.
Youngster: Go, go!
Victor: Hello, is there something wrong at the front?
Youngster: What’s wrong! It’s just the hotels in the town are all full! Don’t stop! Go, go, go!
Victor: All full? There isn’t even a single room?
Youngster: Gosh, we didn’t have anyone coming here before. But no idea why it became so popular this year, and people have been coming like a swarm of bees!
MC: [sarcastically] …did we accidentally arrive at some online celebrity’s scenic spot or something?
Victor and I look at each other, helplessness rushing in our eyes. He contemplates for a moment before calling out to the youngster again.
Victor: Excuse me, we have another question. How far is the nearest town from here?
Youngster: It’s still about a hundred kilometers or so, I think. But all these cars must be heading there now, so it’s likely that there won’t be any place to stay.
Youngster: Oh right, if you guys have the equipment, you can drive to the east.
Youngster: There is a new camping site ten kilometers from here, and there shouldn’t be much of a crowd!
Victor thanks him, and the youth goes off to busy himself with clearing the traffic at the back. I poke him cautiously.
MC: Why don’t we go to the campsite then? From what he said, perhaps we won’t find any place to stop if we keep driving…
Victor: Okay. Get off, and let’s switch places.
MC: What for? We have ten kilometers to go. I can…
Before I can retort, Victor has already opened the car door and stepped out.
First, he goes to the back seat and brings out a black cat doll. And then he skirts around and knocks on my window.
Victor: Vent whatever frustration you have on it. And now, the autocratic capitalist is asking you to give up the driver’s seat.
With that, Victor’s finger is already pressed against my lips. As his finger pad makes its way downward, only then do I realize––
I’ve turned into a “pouty teapot” again!
MC: [makes sobbing noise] …woo!
–
I know clearly in my heart that Victor is trying to ease my mood. After all, misfortunes coming one after another like this have indeed made me a little frustrated.
When I get into the front passenger seat, the black cat doll in my hand becomes a fitting outlet to vent my feelings, and I continue to poke it back and forth indignantly.
My index finger dips into the soft fur of the black cat doll, again and again.
I sneak a glance at Victor. His side profile is as calm as ever, as though all the mishaps just now never even happened.
–
As we get off the highway and wait at the red light, I softly make a “humph” sound, my evil fingers furtively shifting from the doll to the side.
MC: Poking once… poking twice…
First, I poke Victor’s cufflinks. Second, I poke the back of Victor’s hand. And the third time, he’s already clutched my fingertips before they even touch his skin.
Victor: Can’t you behave a little bit?
Victor: I especially gave you a doll. But poking it wasn’t enough, and now you have to mess with the driver?
His thumb runs upwards, gently drawing a punishing scrape against the thin skin on the inner side of my wrist. I give a startled yelp and immediately withdraw my hand.
MC: Humph!
—
Mercifully, we haven’t had any more turmoil along the rest of the journey, and we arrive at the camping base before darkness completely veils everything.
As that local person said, there really aren’t many people here. There was only a group of backpackers outside and a few scattered RVs stationed before we arrived here.
After communicating with the person in charge of the camp, we begin to set up our camping equipment.
When we finally get into the tent, I practically fling myself onto the sleeping bag at once.
MC: At long last, I can lie down…
Before I can finish my deep sigh, I feel a shadow coming up as it covers my head.
Victor supports himself on his elbow on my side, his breaths landing on my cheek.
Victor: Why are you sighing again?
MC: I thought my “eenie meenie miney mo” would be able to pick a unique and unmatched route belonging to the two of us.
MC: But in the end, I didn’t expect that there would still be people everywhere we go.
Victor: Are you upset about there being too many people or about not being able to find a unique and unmatched route?
MC: Both… after all, the opportunity of being able to make arrangements for you is so rare, and you must have hopes for being at least a little surprised.
MC: Why don’t I take a look if there’s any scenic spot nearby where we can go?
Just as I’m about to fish out my phone to search the map, Victor holds my hand down and slowly pulls the phone out of my hand.
Victor: It’s too late. Don’t look.
MC: But…
I still try to take back the phone, but Victor has already clamped my wrists irresistibly, tossing my phone on the other side of the tent while doing so.
Victor: A surprise that is sought after deliberately is not called a “surprise.” If a certain someone can rest peacefully now, that will be a surprise for me.
I open my mouth to protest, but Victor doesn’t give me the slightest opportunity to do so, blocking up all my words directly and efficiently.
Trapped in his breath and arms, that little anxiety of mine gradually dissipates, and I close my eyes.
—
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
—
✧ [Chapter 3] ✧
Perhaps the fatigue of the long drive during the day has done it, but unexpectedly, I have an unusually sound night’s sleep.
That is until I feel something cool brushing against my cheeks. I can’t help myself from sneezing, opening my eyes in a daze.
I don’t know when, but the tent door has been opened at some point, bringing not only the glittering light into the dusky tent but also a refreshingly cool temperature.
A tall figure is sitting in the doorway of the tent, head lowered as he looks at his phone, shielding me from most of the cold wind outside.
Seemingly hearing my sneeze, he puts down his phone and turns his head, smiling.
Victor: [laughs so preciously] Willing to wake up now?
MC: Victor, why did you wake up so early… WOW, IT’S A GLACIER!!!
The sight in front of me causes my words to take a turn, and I can’t help but gape in excitement––
Behind Victor are awe-inspiringly lofty snow-capped mountains!
The snow-capped mountains are majestic and magnificent. The sunlight draws the outlines of their continuously undulating edges in a golden hue, reminiscent of a landscape that can only be seen in oil paintings.
If the wide-open tent door is regarded as a frame, Victor is like the guardian of this glacier, just like the most crowning touch of the scenery to bring it to life.
Too excited to put on clothes, I simply wrap myself in the sleeping bag and arch up to him.
MC: How come there’s a glacier here?
Victor: I asked someone at the camp just earlier. He said that the glacier in front of us is called “Yukun Glacier,” and the campsite was developed precisely for the view here.
Victor: He was very surprised when he heard me ask, probably wondering how could a tourist come here without knowing anything about the area.
MC: Pffft… that’s an accident on my part, isn’t it?
Victor: From a certain perspective, you did reach your goal by accident–– “to see the glacier.”
Victor casually smooths down my bangs which are in a complete mess, smiling.
Victor: Are you surprised now?
Within a split second, all the depression from yesterday vanishes like smoke in thin air. I wrap my arms around Victor’s neck and give him a big kiss.
MC: Of course! I’m too surprised!
Victor: Take your arms back. Aren’t you afraid of freezing?
MC: Just for a little bit. I’m not cold one bit~
MC: Watching the glacier in the early morning with the person you like by your side is so romantic and beautiful. Don’t you think so, Victor~
Victor: …what’s the beauty about a certain someone being all bundled up like a caterpillar?
Despite saying so, Victor has already pulled me into his arms.
Through the layer of the sleeping bag, I can still feel how firmly Victor’s hands are clasped around my waist.
His chin is rested against my forehead while our warm breaths mingle with the cold air, the early morning kisses lingering ambiguously between our breaths.
Just as I’m thinking about spending a little more lovey-dovey moments with him, a voice suddenly resounds from not far away.
??: Excuse me, are you Mr. Victor?
Victor: [panting mixed with a surprised gasp] …!
Eagle-eyed and agile-handed, Victor immediately stuffs me back into the tent, whose clothing situation is in complete disarray.
Victor: [blushing] Put your clothes on.
With a snort, he’s already zipped shut the tent door.
MC: HAHAHAHAHA…!
It’s very rare to see Victor in such a flustered state. I can’t help but cover my face while bursting into laughter.
My cheeks are still tinged with the heat of his breaths, and my heart is thumping at a blazing speed because of the sweetness that just came to an abrupt end.
After toning down my laughter, I put my sweater on. Very soon, the tent door is opened again, and a shadowy figure lunges on me.
MC: [sound effect of Victor kitty-pouncing on MC] …!
Unable to dodge in time, I’m captured by Victor head-on.
Victor: [alarmingly sexy, deliberately slowed down, low voice] What were you laughing at? I could hear everything from outside.
MC: Pffftt… because the way CEO Victor got flustered earlier, it really looked like…
Victor: [and now he sulks] Looked like what?
MC: It… it… it seemed like we were a young couple caught in the act by the head teacher at school, HAHAHAHA!
Victor: Didn’t I get flustered because a certain someone was being careless?
MC: But you didn’t reject me, did you? And you still wanted to kiss me earlier!
Victor: …
Victor chokes on his words, which is a rare sight. Clearly, he is unable to find any justifications to retort.
Victor: It was the camp’s staff member who came to see me just now.
MC: Victor, are you changing the subject?
Victor: [return of the alarmingly sexy, low voice] …you’re really getting bolder by the day.
MC: No, no, I’m all ears! Why did the staff member come to see you just now?
Not daring to continue messing with him, I immediately hold up my hands in surrender.
Victor: He said that the backpacker group was leaving today, and the cabin in the camp happened to be empty. So, we could rent it if we still wanted to spend the night.
MC: So that means we don’t need to stay in the tent?
Victor: Mm. It depends on what you wish, and if you want to stay here another day.
MC: Of course!
MC: Since we’ve already found our surprise, let’s stay another day and look for more surprises!
—
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
—
✧ [Chapter 4] ✧
After that backpacker group leaves, the glacier suddenly becomes our world consisting of only two people.
This time, we don’t intentionally search on the internet or ask around for information about the nearby attractions. We simply drive around the nearby places according to our will.
To the north of the camp is a waterlogged lake near the glacier, where we take lots and lots of photos;
To the east of the camp is an unexplored area of forest, where a little squirrel runs away with a piece of cookie from me, and then we also let it have a taste of Victor’s craftsmanship;
On the south side of the camp, we meet herdsmen who train saddle horses, and Victor also displays his equestrian skills to them;
On the west side of the camp… is the way back to LeGong. And to my surprise, there is a Sichuan restaurant in town, and the food there is unexpectedly delicious! [...]
–
[Tidbits]: Sichuan is a special Chinese cuisine originating from the Sichuan Province~
–
When the sky begins to darken gradually, and the layers of clouds are covered in a gray-blue veil once again, we return to the camping base perfectly satisfied.
The wooden cabin is indeed not luxurious compared to the lodges Victor and I have stayed in on our previous trips, but it does have all the needed facilities available.
The most special feature of this wooden cabin is that one side of the roof is made of frosted glass, which at the moment is glowing with a translucent silver light as the evening twilight filters in.
Pushing open the door, the warm airflow in the room is cozy that it immediately makes me squint my eyes.
For a split second, I suddenly feel that we are not next to the distant glacier, but have returned to the warmth of our home.
I stretch my back and turn my head with a smile.
MC: How was that? I’ve done a pretty good job at being an “aimless tour guide” today, haven’t I?
Victor: [laughs preciously] Mm. Occasionally, a certain someone’s intuition is indeed very amazing.
MC: If I ask you to choose, which was the place you liked the most among the ones we visited today?
Victor: There were things I liked in all of the places.
MC: Eh, since when do you talk with soft-soap like this?
Victor: [chuckles helplessly] It’s not soft-soap. It’s the truth.
Victor gives me a glance. Then, he browses the photo album in the camera in his hand and replies to me simultaneously.
Victor: The waves of the lake were like a fluttering skirt, the ponies were lively and hopping up and down, and the squirrel was also very cute…
Victor: So, there were things I liked in each of the places.
MC: Victor, how come I didn’t realize that you’ve become so good at aggrandized compliments lately?
Victor: [teasingly] I’m just giving aggrandized compliments to the views, nothing more.
Humph, that’s just you being duplicitous. My heart feels as sweet as if I have eaten a hundred caramel puddings. So, I don’t unmask him and just shuffle closer as I sit next to him.
MC: By the way, didn’t the herdsmen we met today say there was a snow-capped mountain around here that we could drive up to?
MC: Let’s go there tomorrow! I’m sure it will be even more magnificent that looking up at the scenery from the foot of the mountain today!
Victor: It depends on the situation. We may not be able to go tomorrow.
MC: Eh?
Victor: It’s gonna be snowing here in this area tonight. And if it snows too hard, there’s a good chance that the road to the mountain will be closed.
MC: It’s gonna be snowing tonight? So can’t we go watch the snow, then?!
Victor: [laughs softly] …so that’s your focus now?
I nod earnestly, giving him an ear-to-ear grin.
MC: Isn’t the biggest lesson I’ve learned on this trip “to take things as they come?”
MC: Even if the plan doesn’t go smoothly, we will find the interesting aspects of the not-so-good things!
Victor is stunned, then the corners of his lips bloom into a gentle and soft curve.
MC: It seems that today a certain someone is not a dummy, but a smart devil.
MC: Hehe~ And sure enough, I like it even more when you praise me so straightforwardly~
MC: Come on, let’s go see the snow!
I’m just about to pull Victor out of the door, but he points me in another direction.
Victor: We don’t need to go out. Let’s go upstairs.
He takes my hand and leads me to the attic of the wooden cabin, where there’s actually a window on the glass roof that can be opened.
Victor pushes open the window, and the rampant cold air from outside comes rushing in the next second.
MC: Ooh… so cold!
I wrap the blanket tightly around me and look out. At this moment, a tiny snowflake just happens to drift in and clings to my cufflinks.
MC: It’s really snowing!
On the windowsill, on the branches of the trees, on the tents in the camp… the snow has already accumulated in bits and pieces, drawing this place completely into a winter world.
The delicate, crystalline snow continues to flutter down in a spiral. Amid the silence of the wilderness, the only sound that can be heard is the very soft, occasional rustling of the pine forest in the distance.
Victor holds up the hurricane lamp, and a warm yellow light softens our vision.
The snowflakes descend onto the glass cover of the oil lamp and soon melt from the heat, turning into tiny frozen rivers that flow down the glass and then disappear.
At the far end of our line of sights, the glacier shining with a silvery glow has been dyed with a layer of heavy indigo, staring at us in silence.
Victor: Cold?
I subconsciously shake my head, pause halfway, and then nod again vigorously. Victor laughs and pulls me into his arms.
Victor: [laughs softly, whispering into your heart] No one will be disturbing us now. We can watch it for a long time.
I lean on Victor’s chest, listening to his steady, powerful heartbeat. After a while, I softly open my mouth.
MC: Victor.
Victor: Hm?
MC: Victor~
Victor: What is it?
MC: Nothing. I just wanted to say your name. Because I think… you’re just so wonderful, extraordinarily wonderful.
MC: Even though today you said that you’d follow me to play around in the nearby places aimlessly, in reality, you already did your research on the surroundings ahead of time, didn’t you?
MC: I originally had no plans to take cookies with us, but you reminded me to do so;
MC: And when we went to the lakeside to take pictures, I was still trying to find a suitable attractive spot, but you were already in position;
MC: And that Sichuan restaurant. It rather seemed like you took me down that road at dinner time on purpose…
Victor: [laughs helplessly and a little shyly at being exposed] I don’t possess such remarkable abilities. Some of them were merely coincidences.
MC: So that means some of them were not coincidences?
Victor: [continuation x2] I got up early today, so I just casually asked around a little more, that’s all.
Victor’s reply does not match up with my grilling, yet it has already answered all my questions.
He is always like this. He is akin to the safest backstop and insurance. Even if the path ahead is uncertain, he will steadily stand side by side with me.
My heartbeat gradually becomes one with his. Amid the quietude, it seems to be the one and only sound that knocks on my eardrums.
The snow begins to fall harder. And in the distance, we can see the flashing headlights of a car. It seems that new travelers are coming to this camping base.
MC: Victor, tomorrow I’ll get up early together with you.
Victor: Still thinking about watching the snow?
I shake my head, turn around, and bury myself in his arms, looking up with a smile on my face.
MC: Before setting off, I’d like to share the surprises we’ve found here with them too.
—
[Calls]: Here!
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#LOOK AT HIM BLUSHYYYY HNNNNGNNNN WHY ARE YOU SO FRIGGIN PRECIOUS AND ADORABLE#i read several analyses on this date saying “Victor x MC’s relationship makes you feel so happy yet so jealous simultaneously”––#“they make ‘love’ seem so easy yet it leaves you wondering that you might never find something like that bcz what they have is THAT surreal”#& it’s so true!! their relationship is so solid& pure& mature with a clear direction & they’re also childish& rowdy in their unique way LOL#AND THIS MAN. REALLY A MOUNTAIN. THE WAY HE CONTINUES TO RAISE THE BAR OF BEING A PERFECT LOVER AND PARTNER UP TO AND BEYOND... *sighs*#mlqc victor#mlqc li zeyan#mlqc#mr love victor#mr love queen's choice#恋与制作人#李泽言#love and producer#mlqc cn#mlqc spoilers#mlqc translations
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thinking about frankenstein's monster again, not anything in particular just kinda brain rotating him like he's the well liked side character of a bad shonen anime
#i'm always thinking about jekyll and hyde though i've been obsessed with those guys since i was way younger#but mister frankenstein's monster has wormed his way into my heart#i'm much too sleepy right now to finish it but when i wake up i hope to continue a video i was watching about the original novel#the concept of frankenstein's monster itself just astounds me it's so great#just everything about it#it feels like a commentary of sorts and maybe it is maybe it isn't#i thought to be thy adam but i am rather the fallen angel#victor is his creator and while not necessarily his god the monster is HIS adam#while the monster had to learn the customs of man he did not truly have to learn how to be man itself#he was created with emotion and the abilities man posses#all he ever wanted was to live and as a creature born with the passion to live amongst men as much as any other man he couldn’t#a hell within itself#and a hell that he did not deserve#a tragedy he could not help and a series of tragedies that overcame him#to not be able to be loved by man and yet be surrounded by him is a worse fate than death#he surely would have rather never lived at all#or maybe been invisible to man entirely#i have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe#if i cannot satisfy the one i will indulge the other#he is a creature of emotion cursed to a life of blind rage#in any other world would he have met a different fate? not at all#man cannot change and he cannot change how he first perceived man and how he was perceived by him#maybe im crazy though#i am crazy im a crazy person!!!#nimposting
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this how that one conversation went btw
#pls this is so funny#e:oh! i shall never feel happiness ever again#victor : in agony#litterally#it's litterally how he's described in the book#frankenstein#victor frankenstein#the way he curse at his creature when he meets him for the first time will never be not funny#oh! you devil! you fiend! you vile insect! i abhor you!#thy creature is just a lil bit angsty victor dont be mean
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Every time I think about the Frankenstein musical or Frankenstein ballet I cannot get out of my mind just how much better they are then every single film adaptation of the story.
#while the ballet obviously misses out the creatures tale it’s still incredibly good at communicating his anguish and pain at the hand he#has been dealt allowing you to feel the same sense of pity as conveyed in the novels#and also it really captures the heart of the story far better and the tragedy - I always felt like the film adaptations never communicated#the tragic nature of the story properly - never communicated the pain and the suffering of both the creature and Victor in the same way the#book does - whereas the musical and ballet do that so well#Frankenstein is one of most beautifully tragic tales out there but I’ve never felt that through film adaptations which is so weird to me
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what are the ot3's pet names for each other?
Alice: Well, I've gotten into the habit of calling Victor "darling," and he tends to call me "love." And Smiler often refers to me as their "bestie," while I often refer to them as "goofball."
Smiler: [grinning] And I call Victor whatever pops into my head, and he calls me --
Victor: [softly] Sunshine.
Smiler: [blinks, looks at Victor]
Victor: [rubs the back of his head] It's -- you know the song, "You Are My Sunshine?" I -- I was thinking about it, and -- [shrug] You -- you are. My sunshine.
Smiler: [expression equal parts "touched" and "horrified realization that they have to come up with a legit pet name for Victor now"] ...oh.
#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~M: a glimpse between worlds (meta)#love life questions#~C: Victor Van Dort#~C: Alice Liddell#~C: Smiler Alton#((decided I wanted to answer this one in character but not tie it specifically to a verse#and yes the 'sunshine' thing is a new idea I had#after thinking about that song and realizing#Victor DOES consider Smiler his sunshine#and he doesn't want them taken away#(I mean he feels the same way about Alice but#she already had a pet name)#Alice: Wait I thought you established Victor as calling Smiler 'Honey' in a ship meme?#Yeah but I was never married to it#Victor: For what it's worth I liked Smiler calling me 'Sweetheart' in that same meme#Smiler: SWEETHEART IS NOW OFFICIAL))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue
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Okay, so the new hunger games is so bad actually i mean i knew it would be trash but this is just sad
#like there was potential!! i see what they were going for but it was so badly done like i could write an entire paper about it#the whole ppint of the hunger games is so cheapened in this every scene where you're supose to get the gut punch is so drab like this#movie is way too concerned with showing you easter eggs of the previous ones that it completely loses itself in it#and president snow.....uh#instead of showing him as a stone cold power hungry man that could've struggled with this new feelings of emapthy and love and how#ultimately it's a harsh world in which he chooses to be a victor at any cost esp woth the whole war history we get him as a sweetheart#who wants to help his family but also cares for other but not rlly but actually does and falls for the girl but betrayes his friends but he#loves him but but but and it's just all too weak like they tried but faild in depicting it right like you could've done something great wit#this and you got us another marvel/dc like bullshit there's no real feelings in this movie it's all so fake and try hard#where's the ruthlessness the cruelty there's nothing we haven't seen before actually it's a complete mish mash of those 4 movies not a#original thought in sight it's so bad i just had to rant#bc there's so many stupid things and plot holes if i can rewrite the cript better then you know how bad it is and also why is this so long?#it never ends it just keeps going you can't even feel current events bc they just skip onto the next one#bad work!
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once again on my frankenstein bullshit because i’m sure it’s a very nice bookend but it is baffling that so many fix it attempts for this story are built on frankenstein asking the creature’s forgiveness in the arctic because like??? no??? the only time victor was ever in the position of “hey you should really say sorry to this guy” is after he first ran away. everything else after that should be the creature fucking groveling and saying “hey sorry i murdered your brother and then framed your friend so she’d be executed and then murdered your boyfriend and the murdered your wife which made your dad weaken and die” because in the scales of who’s been wronged more, guy whose father was mean to him is very much trumped by guy who had everyone he loves wiped the fuck out because his son threw a temper tantrum.
sorry.
#personal#frankenstein#i myself love an attempted frankenstein fix it where these two can attempt to heal#or even something where they at least have a good moment before victor dies#but this idea that the creature is the only one owed an apology for the shit that goes down in the story is ludicrous#i feel bad for him i do my heart bleeds for our lil adam but like#what he went through 'at victor's hands' (and i say that with a big ole grain of salt)#is nothing compared to what victor went through at his hands. what victor suffered because of what the creature did.#like they both wronged each other enormously but there is a certain point where one kinda overpowers the other#for me i think that point came when the creature not only murdered a little kid but pinned it on an innocent lady for no reason#like am i crazy? am i dumb or something? why is 'abandoning the creature' worthy of constant self flagellation#but literally decimating victor's entire family and support system of people who loved him just something that can be brushed over??#like no if you wanna make it truly meaningful (and i'm not talking like fanfic here i'm talking literal reimaginings of the story)#then they both need to have a moment where they realize they fucked up and hurt someone who shouldn't have been hurt that way#i mean hell it's not even about the creature feeling sympathy for victor how about just ANY emotion#for the literal half dozen people whose deaths are on his hands!!! shouldn't that be a huge part of any arc or growth!!!#realizing that what he did wasn't right not just to victor but to the actual victims themselves who never did him any harm#god i'm once again mad at the people who have such a shallow understanding of this story
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So I know, I know, we all hate it when people add comments and especially lengthy ones to posts that are no openly encouraging them. Nevertheless, I'm gonna do so in this particular case because the novel that I was writing in the tags just got too too long and I was frighteningly close to the tag limit.
The things that would fix Esteban Flores are (in roughly this order)
A found family (preferably one totally divorced from connections to his bio family) and/or a small child to take care of.
A heartfelt apology from his biological family (definitely Luisa, probably Elena, and maybe Francisco as well).
A hug x1000
Being shaken
Enough sleep
But most especially the first two.
Esteban's issues stem from being made to feel like an afterthought and/or an obligation to his family of origin. In his mind, he was not chosen or wanted. He was liked, loved even--but he was loved because he was familia--not because he was Esteban. He was not enough in and of himself, especially not when compared to Elena.
Do you know why he continued to tend the cacao trees during the Dark Times? Yes, it was out of love for his family, but I think there's a bit more to it than that. His abuela shared something private and meaningful (i.e. how to take care of the cacao trees) with him that she didn't also share with Elena. He was welcomed into Luisa's world--if only for a moment. This was his, the rare thing that he didn't have to sacrifice to or share with Elena. No one could take this away from him--the moment of feeling seen and chosen. Not even the fact that this moment was very very much an anomaly and the rest of his youth (and his adulthood) consisted of him being shoved into the corner of some family portraits and left out of others entirely---and no one noticing this for years.
In "Something I Would Never Do," Esteban outright states "Years ago/ I did not know/Just how much they cared for me." He's just now realizing after 40+ years that his family just might love him (50+ years if you go back to when Esteban moved into palace); he's genuinely surprised about it and terrified that he's going to fuck it all up. Yes, Esteban has atrocious self-esteem, but these impressions did not come from nothing. Even now, his family keeps him largely at arm's length. He doesn't appear (or isn't even mentioned) in the two family vacation episodes, suggesting he was left behind. His Navidad plans (the ones he has been dreaming of , all alone for 41 years!) are rejected outright by Luisa, and no one even bothers to ask what the Dark Times were like or how he is coping. Everything has changed and yet nothing has changed. He's there, sometimes he is shown attention and affection, but he's still made to feel that he's not really a part of the family in the same way the others were.
All this is pretty bad in and of itself, but it's made worse by the fact that he's not getting his emotional needs fulfilled from outside the family any more than he is within it. As far as we can tell, Esteban's only real friends as a child were Elena and Victor. (Maybe Felicia as well, but she was far more Elena's friend than his). And neither Victor nor Elena could give Esteban what he needed: the feeling of being liked and chosen for himself and that alone.
Elena is family--the same family has made Esteban feel like an afterthought and obligation, merely liked at best and tolerated at worst. But that's oversimplifying things. Elena is also the impossible gold standard that Esteban will always be measuring himself against. (And it's especially galling that she was 1-2 years younger than him, and he was still nowhere near her level). She's the favorite (and Luisa is not subtle about hiding that fact), the priority, the important one. She's the one who has always been and will always be secure in power and confidence and their familia's love--the exact opposite of Esteban.
Victor, meanwhile, was a horrible influence on Esteban, and not just where Shuriki was concerned. His selfishness rubbed off on his amigo, and his competitiveness and callousness brought out every one of Esteban's insecurities and worst tendencies. It's also very strongly implied that their friendship (at least on Victor's side) was rooted in how 'useful' Esteban was. Through El Segundo, Victor got closer to power/the crown and also found someone that he could feel "superior" to. Someone that Victor could consistently beat at races, so that he could feel like a winner. Someone who wouldn't tell Victor to go to hell if he subjected unflattering nicknames upon.
So yeah, Esteban's childhood primary source of affection/attention outside his family were two people who exacerbated Esteban's already huge inferiority complex. One of whom was part of said family that enabled said inferiority complex in the first place, and the other of whom is wrapped up in the event that caused Esteban to lose his family as well.
And then, Elena was trapped in the amulet and Victor was banished from Avalor, and Esteban was without anyone at all for 41 years. His primary source of attention and affection during this time was the woman who conquered his kingdom and took away his family. Someone who had preyed upon his vulnerabilities from the very start and who kept him alive only so long as he remains obedient and "useful" to her. There's nothing even remotely close to equal or mutual about this dynamic, and Shuriki did even more damage on Esteban's already battered psyche than all of the others combined and multiplied by ten.
Even after Shuriki is gone, Esteban still doesn't have anyone in his life that voluntarily chose to be in his life. His entire social circle is comprised of people that he knows through his family and/or his role as chancellor (and later his magical abilities). There's Naomi, except there isn't, because their dynamic is rooted exclusively in their shared devotion to Elena and their roles on the Grand Council (which is also directly tied to Elena).
Similarly, Doña Paloma interacts with Esteban almost exclusively in reference to his role as Chancellor. Would she give him the time of day if he had no political power or influence?. Doubtful, especially as she seems to really dislike him most of the time. There's a bit more potential for a genuine friendship to develop with Julio or Professor Mendoza, but again, these connections were formed through Esteban's job and we don't really see any interactions that aren't in service to that.
Higgins is explicitly Esteban's employee and given how insensitive he can be to Esteban, it seems unlikely that he has any real non-professional loyalty or affection to him. Same with Armando, except things do seem to a bit more cordial between them.
Esteban seems to have a good rapport with Avalor's allies, especially Toshi and Shoji, but these are unlikely to be anything more than friendly diplomatic connections and ones separated by distance.
So yeah, my boy literally does not interact with a single character on the show without at least one of them doing so out of obligation/duty/job requirement and/or ulterior motive. Fifty years later and almost nothing has changed, Esteban still has nothing and no one to call his own.
#esteban flores#elena of avalor#honestly it pisses me off that esteban never met chloe and barely interacted w/ valentina#because he has a lot in common with them#(and yeah it's not exactly ideal since these friendships too would be connected to job and family)#but still...there are things about chloe and valentina that elena just can't fully understand but esteban can#elena does not know what it feels like to grow up in elena castillo flores' shadow; but esteban DOES and valentina is doing it right now#unlike chloe and esteban; elena has always been popular and made friends easily; she doesn't know how hard it can be#how it can feel like you're doing everything wrong or even if you're doing everything right and its still not working out the way you want#and second-guessing whether people only want to spend time w/ you because you are royal and therefore useful#and elena's friends genuinely like her for her--and not her role#there's a whole dang AU episode in which she and the amigos find and choose each other w/o her having been the princess#whereas with chloe (pre-maliga at least) and esteban; there's always gonna be that doubt that elena never had.#'do you like me for me or for what I can give you? will you still like me when i inevitably disappoint you?'#reason no.1000 that elena of avalor should've gotten an s4: so esteban could make an actual friend and/or get an s.o.#preferably one who has no idea at first of who he is and who he's connected to#so that esteban knows that he himself is what the friend/lover finds interesting and not his power/connection#i mean don't get me wrong; i am still gonna ship him with elena and victor and naomi but can't help but feel like he deserves better#doña paloma is my notp and while i've seen him shipped with chatana and prof mendoza before and like it well enough#there's almost nothing in canon to work with#maybe one of the agama brothers? but we see so little of them tbh#i'm guessing that this is why he gets shipped with OCs so often#the 'right' partner with whom he could have a truly healthy; healing and sustaining relationship doesn't exist in canon#and all the most interesting esteban ships aren't necessarily healthy#since they are with people who either have already fucked esteban up or who aren't interested/qualified in helping him heal#am intrigued by esteban/ivy tho so i may have to rewatch stf soonish and evaluate further
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the show never confirmed it but victor and patty definitely had a shotgun wedding. i have decided this and thus it is canon.
#it just makes the most sense yk???#like patty would have been 19 when prue was conceived and i honestly cant picture her getting married as a teen#especially with grams' influence#plus it fits with victors whole character#he would be all like yeah i know your mother hates me but im committed to you and we're going to do it the old fashioned way#even though your mother wont let you or our kid take my name ????#and patty would be in too much shock to be like oh yeah i never told him im a witch and she accepts anyway#so penny and pennys mum (who is still alive) are like babe u have to tell him#and shes like yep no worries i will 👍#but she keeps wimping out#and then they get married before patty is even showing and victor still has no idea#and then prue is born and victor STILL has no idea#havent decided when he finds out but i feel like it should be around dec 1970 when baxter dies#like prue's wiccaning or something?#idk the point is i have a vision and you guys better be seeing it#bri rambles
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a darling and a virgin | f. odair
masterlist
summary: you are a victor from district four, having just ended your first victory tour. after being confronted by president snow, you have no choice but to lose your virginity. luckily, your previous mentor is willing to provide some guidance.
pairing: finnick odair x reader
warnings: mentions of forced prostitution, angst, gentle smut, loss of virginity, fingering, lots of consent, praise, happy but also unhappy ending??, reader takes contraceptives.
notes: i’ve recently found that i’m incapable of writing short smut one shots so… i’m sorry y’all. love describing every detail too much.
word count: 6.8k
Your hands were clasped over the balcony railing of the penthouse you were spending the night in, the vibrant artificial lights of the Capitol burning your retinas as you overlooked the city. You had finally completed your first Victory Tour and were offered one more night in the Capitol to enjoy its ‘luxury’ and ‘generosity’ before returning to District Four in the morning.
For the past two weeks, you had read fabricated speeches to each District, resurfacing both your trauma from the Games and the families of the tributes you had murdered in the arena. The toll it was taking on you was heavy, but you managed to put on a splitting grin for every interview, speech, and disturbing congratulation. But not for your previous mentor, Finnick Odair.
Finnick had been there for you through the whole nightmare, even during the week before your Games. His support was unwavering which was one of the many reasons you had managed to survive from the moment you were Reaped to the end of the Tour. It was hard to tell when his mentorship had turned into something more complicated, but it had. It had become more about feelings than simply survival. Not a relationship per se, but not just a friendship either. You teetered on the line between the two, never crossing it and never discussing the fact that you were both aware of it either.
For six whole months.
When the final destination of the Tour came—the grand celebration at President Snow’s mansion—Finnick had told you it was the easiest part. All you had to do was manage a happy face, mingle with obnoxious Capitol citizens, and eat an abhorrent amount of food. He would have been right if you were a different person. If President Snow hadn’t demanded your singular presence at the end of the night.
You exhaled a shaky breath, watching the white mist drift into the light-polluted sky. The President’s words bounced around your head: Desirable… Customers... Family. The conversation played on a loop in your mind. You could remember the repugnant smell of roses, the overwhelming whiteness in the room, and the way his too-pleasant face lit up as fireworks exploded outside the window.
Shivers trickled down your spine, forming goosebumps that were borderline painful. The fact that you were on the ninetieth floor and wearing flimsy pyjama shorts and a thin long-sleeve shirt wasn’t helping either. The crisp wind blew against your body, but you had no intentions of moving to seek warmth. It felt appropriate to stay in the cold when your body would soon know nothing but unwelcome heat.
So lost in your spiralling thoughts, you failed to notice as another body silently took up space beside yours, warming up the side of your arm. This heat was welcome.
“Pretty cold out here.”
A startled gasp escaped your mouth. You straightened up and turned to the owner of the voice, only to find Finnick leaning against the railing, forearms over the edge the same as you.
“Sorry.” He chuckled. “I know my presence can be a little breathtaking sometimes. Nice shorts by the way.”
He turned his head turned to you, revealing his infamous flirtatious smirk. The dimples in his cheeks were prominent and charming. His bronze hair was perfectly dishevelled as usual, as if someone had purposefully placed each strand to give him the ‘sexy bed hair’ look. He was still wearing his white button-up and black trousers; the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows and a few buttons were undone, revealing his toned chest. The outfit had been accessorised with a metallic golden corset-like belt among other decorations that made him fit in with the Capitol crowd, but he must have taken them off. Now the outfit sort of resembled one that a boy would wear to a Reaping. Simple yet formal. Still gorgeous, not that he needed reminding.
Normally, you would retort with a snarky remark or, on the off occasion, flirt back, but instead, you resumed your previous position over the railings. You weren’t immune to Finnick’s charms; you praised anyone who was. You would usually be internally swooning at the sight of him, especially with the way he looked right now and his obvious flirting. But this night was much different. Flirting and swooning were at the back of your mind. All you could think about was your interaction with the president; the way his guards manhandled and escorted you to his study. The conversation that destroyed your hopes of a peaceful future.
Desirable. One word that sent ice coursing through your veins. Or snow, to be more poetic.
“I don’t think you’ve said a word since we got back,” said Finnick, still a hint of playfulness in his tone. He watched your gaze—eyes distant though not really seeing. It was clear something was wrong, so he continued, this time more softly. “You were gone during the fireworks.”
You remained unmoving, staring straight ahead at the city. Only when he uttered your name did he finally gain your attention. As you turned your head to face him, tears began to well up in your eyes.
Finnick noticed the silent distress in your expression and straightened up his stance. He towered over you, brows knitted together whilst his sea-green eyes flickered across your face, looking as if pieces were slowly falling together in his mind.
“He spoke with you, didn’t he?” he said. “Snow.”
To answer his question for you, a tear escaped your eye, but you were quick to swipe it away with a sniffle.
Your arms wound around your torso, hugging yourself as the words began flowing. “After I won my Games, when I was being crowned, he said something to me that I didn’t really understand." Your voice was gentle, just above a mere whisper. “Months passed and I’d forgotten all about it. Until now at least. He told me…” You swallowed the ache in your throat. “He told me, ‘I have big plans for you, Miss (L/N). I think you will be a very valuable asset to the Capitol citizens.’”
Finnick’s face had melted into an unreadable expression. His entire body turned to stone; it was like he was a marble statue portraying a Greek God. All of a sudden, he was sixteen again. He was in Snow’s study, being told that if he didn’t cooperate and essentially sell himself to the Capitol, his family would pay the price. And they did.
With a sad smile, you whispered, “I know what he meant now.”
Something inside him snapped and he broke from his stupor.
“No.” He vigorously shook his head. “He can’t do that. You can’t. I’ll go to him and—fuck!” His hand ran through his hair, making it even more dishevelled. The bright lights from the city were reflecting off his eyes, revealing the shine that was starting to gloss over them. “I can fix this for you, I swear I’ll—"
“Finnick.”
“He’s a fucking—”
“Finnick.” The plea in your voice ceased his panicked movements. He just stood there, looking completely and utterly helpless. You both did. Another tear slipped down your cheek as you stared at him, your voice wavering as you asked, “Can you hold me?”
He let out a breath as if the air had been knocked from his lungs and in one fell swoop, he stepped forward and pulled you into his arms. Silent tears began to flow more heavily, saturating his white shirt which he held you tightly against. There was a hand wrapped protectively around your lower back and another stroking the hair flowing over your neck.
You were certain Finnick let a few tears slip too because you could feel the cold breeze nip at the top of your head the slightest bit more. He mumbled the words “I’m so sorry” over and over into your hair but you just shook your head. You told him it wasn’t his fault, but he wouldn’t accept it. He had told you months ago about his arrangement with Snow. You couldn’t have imagined what it was like for him then, but you would be able to now. You would know every single little detail.
His embrace tightened as you turned your head and pressed your ear to his thumping chest.
The tears had stopped, and you managed to find your voice again. “Snow threatened to kill my family. What if the customers don’t think I’m good enough and he takes it out on them? I mean, I don’t have any experience.”
You remained silent, awaiting his response. When the hand stroking your hair halted, you realised your mistake. You realised what you had just admitted to him and mentally kicked yourself. Repeatedly.
Finnick moved both hands onto your forearms, gently pushing you away from him to get a clear view of your face. The surprise in his expression was enough to make you want to jump over the balcony ledge in embarrassment.
“You’re a virgin?”
Hearing the words out loud would have sent you over the edge—literally—if Finnick’s large hands weren’t wrapped around your arms. You tried to turn away from him, but his grip was unshakeable. Your eyes began to water again, and you felt pathetic.
“Hey,” he said tenderly as he tried to regain your eye contact. “It’s not a bad thing.”
Your distraught red-rimmed eyes snapped back to him. “Not a bad thing? Of course it’s a bad thing, Finnick! I have to give my body to a stranger despite never even having my first kiss! Let alone sex!” As you said the words, the full reality of your situation began to set in. Panic turned to sadness as you realised yet again, the Capitol was taking another innocence you thought was your own to give away. You looked down, your tone becoming quieter. “I thought my first time would be special. Or at least with someone I loved.”
God, you felt so embarrassed admitting that to him. Sure, a lot of your conversations were flirty and full of sensual banter. Sex, however, was not a topic that came up very frequently. You would never want to accidentally cross a line with Finnick, especially given what Snow forced upon him. So you liked to avoid the subject as much as possible. Now, it was inescapable.
He released his grip and sighed heavily, looking out toward the view as if he were deep in thought. The vivid city lights cast an unnatural hue on his usually golden-tanned skin; even now the Capitol was changing him into something he wasn’t. His eyes shut for a quick second before he reopened them and looked back at you. The only time he had looked this serious was the morning of your Games and the night you returned. It was a little intimidating.
His jaw ticked and his gaze bore down into your own. “Sweetheart, I’m going to ask you something,” he began, “and I want you to know you do not have to say ‘yes’ if you don’t want to, okay?”
Alright, now he was really starting to scare you.
“Okay,” you said warily.
The hardness on his face remained for a moment longer, but then his expression softened and became the most vulnerable you had ever seen.
His voice was gentle. “Do you want me to take your virginity?”
*************
You were sat on the edge of Finnick’s bed, toying with the black satin sheets with a frown. Your room didn’t get satin sheets. It was probably one of the benefits of being the Capitol Darling. Not that you envied him very much. He would probably be content with sleeping on a dirt floor if it meant he got his autonomy back.
Finnick was in the bathroom doing God knows what. You weren’t sure if he was trying to make himself more presentable or hyping himself up to have sex with you. The latter worried you. The last thing you wanted was to pressure him into something he didn’t want to do. Then again, he was the one who asked.
After you had told him “Yes, please”, he had tentatively but oh-so-gently taken your hand in his and guided you inside and to his room. Neither of you had spoken along the way; you just walked in silence toward something that would either ruin or deepen your relationship. Despite being two victors, this was still a mentor making sure his tribute stayed alive.
You heard the bathroom door slide open and looked up to see Finnick standing outside the door. Shirtless, pants still on, and towel in hand. It took everything in you to not stare at his perfectly sculptured torso, his equally toned arms, or his broad and muscular shoulders. Instead, your eyes met his for a split second before you returned to the satin sheets.
Blood rushed to your head and everything felt too real. Finnick Odair was standing before you, looking like an angel and willing to fu—
“You’re allowed to look, you know,” he chuckled.
But your gaze remained on the bed.
“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“You won’t.’” He spread the towel on the bed, positioning it in the middle. Then he stopped his movements as he realised what you meant. “It’s not like that. I’m not being forced to do this. I want to.”
Your head snapped up and your heart leapt as those three words left his lips—I want to. For a second, you believed him, but then reasoning came to deflate your hopefulness.
“You wouldn’t want to if I weren’t in this situation.”
He let go of the towel, sitting down mere inches beside you, his eyes amused despite the solemn context. “And how do you know that?”
“Because…” you trailed off, searching your brain for an explanation only to find none. “Because.”
He smirked. “We need to work on your argumentative skills, sweetheart.”
A small smile worked its way across your lips. He returned it with a comforting smile of his own, though the sense of playfulness never left. It never really did and that was one of the things you admired most about him. Even in the darkest of situations, he was able to provide some light.
Rosy heat crept into your cheeks and you were forced to break eye contact again. Hiding how much he affected you was pointless now; if this was going to work out, you needed to be vulnerable with him. With each other. You looked down at the space between your bodies. His hand was resting on the bed beside him and soon enough, it was slowly creeping across the sheets over to your own. He gently brushed his fingers across your knuckles before sliding his hand beneath your palm and interlocking it with yours. You couldn’t help but notice how small your hand looked compared to his, feeling butterflies flutter around your stomach at the small observation.
The both of you silently watched your intertwined hands. That is until Finnick decided to speak up.
“I would,” he said ambiguously, caressing the side of your hand with his thumb. “I would still want to. Even in different circumstances.”
The blush on your face reddened even more; your cheeks were on fire at this point. Even in different circumstances. Was that his way of confessing… that he did have feelings for you? It wasn’t exactly explicit, but it was certainly implied. Oh god, you didn’t know what to think.
You didn’t bother to reply; words probably would have failed you anyway. You just gave his hand a slight squeeze in acknowledgement—well, it was more in appreciation. It was obvious how hard he was trying to make you feel comfortable, but no matter how hard he tried, you couldn’t shake the nerves that were rattling your entire being.
Sex was a pretty big milestone—to you, at least—and here you were, on the precipice with someone you trusted with your life. Did you love Finnick? You weren’t sure. What you did know was that your feelings for him were deep, and even though neither of you had ever clearly confessed to each other, you knew he felt something for you too. Which made everything all the more daunting.
“Are you nervous?” he asked softly.
You nodded.
“We still don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
You shook your head, lifting your gaze to his. “No, I—”
His eyebrows pulled inwards, awaiting your answer. His eyes were so inviting and full of understanding, if you hadn’t lost the ability to form full sentences, you would have found yourself spilling all your secrets to him. He was so patient with you. So good. You had to rethink your uncertainty about loving him.
“I…” you tried again. Your eyes flickered back and forth from his sea-green eyes to his soft, pink lips. As shameful as it felt to admit, you had imagined what it would feel like to have his lips on yours many times before. Usually right before you went to sleep. Never would you have thought the day would come when it would actually happen.
He was still caressing the side of your palm, silently reassuring you, encouraging you to communicate with him. You sighed, closing your eyes. If he wanted you to communicate, then you would.
“Finnick,” you whispered. “Kiss me.”
Your words drifted into the air, stilling everything in the room—the air, Finnick’s hand. Your heart. He just stared at you, unblinking, unmoving, like someone had hit pause on the television at the tensest moment. The tension was tearing you apart and you almost got up and left the room. But you didn’t. Because suddenly, the sides of your face were cupped by large hands and his lips were on yours.
Finnick Odair was kissing you.
His lips pressed against yours once more in one long close-mouthed kiss before leaving again. Shock came and left within seconds and you found the courage to copy his actions. Your lips locked perfectly onto his, remaining still, enjoying the pressure and tingly warmth of simply having them connected. Then your lips moved to kiss him again. And again, and again until soon enough, his tongue had slyly slid into your mouth and you had somehow instantaneously become a master at French kissing.
This kiss felt familiar, despite it being your first. Like something you had done millions of times before, but only with him. Like having his lips on yours was the most natural thing to ever exist.
A hand moved onto your waist and suddenly you were being pulled onto his lap, legs straddling his lap. Your hands fell on his chest, mindlessly wandering and feeling the toned muscles ripple underneath your palms as he pulled you closer by the neck to deepen the kiss. Damn the people of the Capitol, but they were right to say he was an incredible kisser.
“Finn,” you huffed in between kisses, “have you got a rock in your pants?”
He pecked your lips once more with a smirk, resting his forehead against yours as you both attempted to catch your breaths. “No,” he chuckled. “I’ve just got a beautiful girl on my lap.”
Your eyes opened to see him grinning at you with mischief. Oh.
“Is that okay?” he asked.
You nodded jerkily. “Ye—Yes, that’s okay.”
“Okay, good.”
Biting your lip, you looked down between your bodies. Curiously, you rocked your hips along the length of his lap once, earning a quiet grunt from him.
He tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. “Careful,” his voice was low, tempting.
And of course, in full defiance, you did it again. His warning was a bluff. He made no real action to prevent you from grinding any further on his erection, so you kept moving, and he kept revealing how good it made him feel. The thin fabric of your shorts created a little barrier between his hard lap and the growing sensitivity between your thighs.
Meanwhile, you found yourself never wanting to be parted from Finnick’s lips. With every rock of your hips, your hands ran over every inch of his upper body, eventually settling in his hair. The way he kissed reminded you of stories of District Twelve. A district full of hunger and desperation. Only what Finnick was craving wasn’t the fullness of food in his stomach, but the desire to devour you whole. To ravage you. And by God, would you give anything to satiate him.
Forget what you thought before. This wasn’t just a victor keeping his tribute alive. As clear as the sea on a sunny day, this was a man giving himself over to a woman he loved. You. Finnick loved you.
When you pulled back to tentatively lift your shirt over your head, his eyes stayed on yours. Your breasts were literally bare and he just continued to scan the features of your face. However, you did notice the subtle shift in his breathing.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, stroking the side of your breast.
A shy, cheek-warming smile crept on your face and then suddenly, Finnick was rolling you over. Your head fell back onto the soft silk pillows, Finnick hovering above you. This position remained for a long while, the time spent simply kissing each other, alternating between deep tongue-filled kisses and soft sweet pecks. There were moments when you both stopped to flirt or giggle. These were the times you entirely forgot the whole reason you were doing this in the first place.
It was just you and Finnick. Two new lovers in a perfect world.
After a while, your lips had swollen with warm, passionate heat. You were flushed and you didn’t even need to look to know your hair was already a tangled mess. But you didn’t care.
One of Finnick’s hands had begun to wander down your stomach, breaking the established pattern of merely making out. You knew what was coming and surprisingly, you weren’t afraid. Unlike outside the penthouse apartment, there was no danger. Not in this room, in this bed, or in the hands that caressed you. He grazed across the skin beneath your belly button, causing your body to flinch up into his.
Of course, he smirked at that—the smug asshole.
He returned to your lips before lowering down to your neck and sucking soft, red marks into your fragile skin. His fingers found the edge of your waistband. At this point, you were already breathing like a marathoner.
His lips detached from your neck. “Can Itouch you?”
“Yes, please,” you breathed.
As he travelled down, down beneath your waistband, he pecked your reddened lips once more. A soft gasp escaped you and warmth tingled between your thighs. His fingers were gentle as he began circling that sweet, sensitive spot only you had ever touched. Having someone else touch you felt so much more different, so much more exquisite. Your body responded to his touch immediately, hips following each movement of his fingers, breaths quickening in pace.
Finnick gazed down at you, observing each pleasured twist of your expression. He began to pick up the pace as he noticed your body familiarising itself with the sensation. More pressure was applied and the gasps leaving your mouth were gradually turning into quiet moans.
“This feel okay?” he asked. Obviously, he knew the answer, but after years of having others take advantage of him, he couldn’t help but want to hear your willingness. Your consent.
But you weren’t sure if the words could form. Everything felt like it was vibrating. All you could do was focus on the pleasure his fingers were building.
“Come on, sweetheart. You can tell me.”
His voice had taken on that seductive purr he was well-known for and you just couldn’t deny him. It took everything inside you to muster up the words. “It—it feels so good.”
He smiled and pressed a kiss to your forehead. The gesture was so sweet, you could have cried. So sweet even with his hand stroking between your legs and his hard cock pressing against your thigh. Time slowed as his fingers sped up. Muscles in your stomach were tightening. Your insides were churning—not like when you first entered your Games’ arena, but in the best way possible. It was a sensation you had never felt before, but before it could build any more, Finnick’s hand stilled. And you genuinely whined at the loss of friction.
Then his hand moved even lower, resting a singular finger over your slick entrance. Your eyes were wide, unsure of how to feel with the sudden turn of events.
Finnick’s eyes flickered between your own. "You trust me?”
You weren’t sure if an easier question existed. “I do.”
And his lips were on yours again, deep and sensual. His tongue rolled over your own, pushing forward and then retreating in a perfect rhythm. He almost successfully distracted you from the feeling of his middle finger sinking into you knuckle-by-knuckle. Some sort of sound resembling a mix of discomfort and surprise vibrated in your throat as his finger bottomed out.
There wasn’t much pain. It was just an odd feeling.
Your lips parted from his and he looked down at you, his eyes holding an immense amount of security as he communicated through your shared gaze.
Does it hurt?
You gave him a gentle smile. No. Keep touching me.
He returned your smile with a grin. Gladly.
His buried finger curled, shooting a sharp pang up into your stomach which caused your back to arch up against his bare torso. Whether you considered it painful or pleasurable was uncertain. Perhaps a mix of both. He did it again. This time you settled on describing it as a tight twinge in your lower stomach which sent a wave of chills down your legs. Definitely pleasurable. Only, he stopped indulging you with the sensation after the second time.
Instead, you felt another finger slowly slip inside you and whimpered. Now that hurt. You felt your inner walls stretch with the second addition and it stung. Especially when he began to scissor his fingers inside you. This was him preparing you for the real deal. How you were supposed to have Finnick inside you when just his fingers had you stuffed was incomprehensible. But you allowed him to keep going, trying to enjoy the comforting kisses he pampered onto you.
“You’re doing so well, sweetheart,” he said.
Your hands moved to push back his messy bronze hair as he hovered above you. His dimples deepened with a grin and you swore you would endure any pain to keep them etched on his face. After he deemed you stretched out enough, he slowly rose to his knees, unbuttoning his trousers and throwing them aside. You couldn’t do anything but stare. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath.
The way you gulped was almost cartoonish. How the hell was he supposed to fit? You had never seen a man naked before—you weren’t even sure Finnick was human. He had a body sculptured by the Gods, a face carved by angels, and a… well, let’s just say he didn’t disappoint in any other areas. You weren’t sure if the smug look on his face was real or a carefully curated mask created for his Capitol customers. By the way it quickly washed away, you could tell it was the latter.
He began sliding your shorts down your legs, tossing them to the floor. Suddenly, you felt extremely vulnerable. Almost inferior. Your knees fell together, concealing the most private part of yourself from him. You avoided his gaze, cheeks becoming red and hot as he observed your naked frame. He had a way of looking at you as if you were a long-forgotten masterpiece, rediscovered from centuries of being lost. No one had looked at you like that before him.
Gently, he pried apart your legs and you didn’t bother trying to resist. Only when he descended and settled between your legs did the insecurity dwindle into the background of your mind. Your naked bodies were hot against each other. His weight pinned you against the bed. Everything that was yours touched all that was his. You thought this experience would feel like a dream, but it all felt so real. You were nervous, you were trembling, and your breaths were shaky.
Finnick was quick to recognise the nervousness radiating off you. His arm curled beneath you, somehow pulling you even closer, meanwhile, his other arm rested beside your head. He brushed strands of hair away from your face, soothing you with his tender touch.
“Tell me to stop and I will.”
You nodded. You wanted this—wanted Finnick. It was just the anticipation that was killing you. Your thighs squeezed his sides to tell him you were ready. For a few moments longer, he restarted the pattern of sweet kisses, rolling tongues, and the warmth of blood rushing to your head. His hand was caressing your cheek; yours were splayed on his back, gliding over the rippled muscles.
Then finally, he shifted, his hand moving south to align himself with your entrance. All you could do was watch his focused expression. This was the moment. The threshold of your relationship would be crossed as soon as he pushed forward. There was no one else you wanted to share the experience with because you knew this wasn’t just sex. Not for him or for you; it was more than that. Something bordering spiritual, breaking the bounds of physical pleasure and entering into a deep emotional connection. Something no paying customer of the Capitol could provide.
He was gazing down at you, half-cradling your head as he began to say, “Are you su—" But before he could finish, you had pressed your lips to his, answering his question. You were sure. He nodded in response.
His eyes were hesitant he began to push his tip between your folds. Your fingers dug into his back, more from anxiety than anything else. It became a game of stopping and starting as he moved deeper inside inch-by-inch, allowing your walls time to adjust around him. Never had you seen someone’s face filled with so many emotions—concentration, controlled gratification, affection. So many feelings twisted his expression. Meanwhile, yours held only one. Discomfort. He was so big; you felt like you were being split apart and he wasn’t even fully inside yet.
Finally, when his pelvis connected with yours, you exhaled a heavy breath. It hurt. Bad. Finnick had the right idea to lay down a towel because you definitely needed it. He had you filled to the brim, stretched out and stuffed. Even the slightest shift in his position had your hands flying to his shoulders in pain.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Yes, just—” You bit your lip in an attempt to suppress a whimper. “Just go slow.”
He nodded. You smiled. Then for some odd reason, you laughed. And then so did he. Finnick’s face fell into the crook of your neck, muffling his boyish laughs into your skin. The added movements had your insides dully aching, but you didn’t pay it much attention. The moment was so innocently intimate that you wanted to stay in it forever. He lifted his head to press his grinning lips to yours and the laughter began to dissipate. Your mouths moved slowly together, full of heat and fervent emotion, and suddenly, Finnick’s body began to move too.
Careful as not to harm you, he slid himself backward in one slow motion and then pushed forward again in another. Pain stung at your inner walls and your lips left his as a gasp escaped your mouth. You were tempted to close your eyes whilst riding out the discomfort but couldn’t bring yourself to look away from Finnick’s face. He was so mesmerizingly beautiful.
His cheeks were a baby pink. Lips were a rosy red. There was a thin sheen covering his forehead, slightly wrinkled by his furrowed brows. Those messy bronze locks you adored so much fell in strands across his forehead. The evident concentration and care on his face just made him look all the more picturesque.
While you admired his features, you started to notice the pain accompanying his slow thrusts was becoming more tolerable. There was still a sting, but also a dull twinge in your stomach that had you biting your bottom lip. It felt sort of… nice. And you wanted to experiment with that feeling.
Your hands were hooked around his shoulders. “Faster.”
Are you sure? His lustful eyes spoke.
You pulled him back down to your mouth. Absolutely.
And so, his hips started to rock back and forth at a faster pace. You could feel yourself clench around his cock from the change of rhythm but forced yourself to relax. He thrust in and out, rubbing against the ripples of your walls, tip brushing at a spot inside you that was anything but pain. That is what you focused on—that one sweet spot.
Time went on and he gradually increased his speed. Your lips were swollen and red, no doubt from the way he would nip and suck on your bottom lip in between each flick of his tongue. His breaths were coming out louder, heavier, as were your own. Soon enough, you were in a rhythm that was both pleasurable for him and for you. The pain lingered but it was no longer unbearable. A shudder ran down your body and your pussy fluttered around him. Finnick broke away from your lips with a breathy groan that you swore you could feel in the pit of your stomach.
“Fuck,” he breathed.
His thrusts became a little faster, a little more painful. A hand slipped down between your bodies and the pain faded quicker than it came. He was rubbing circles around your clit, occasionally running his fingers across it which caused you to lurch upward. All of a sudden, you came to the realisation that everything bad that had been clouding your mind had disappeared. The ache, the confrontation with Snow. Everything. The only thing you could focus on was the pleasure slowly building between your thighs and in your stomach. And Finnick. His tantalising eyes. His wicked mouth. His throbbing cock.
People always said your first time would be horrible; this was anything but. Maybe it had to do with the fact that you… loved him? Yeah, you loved him. Also because he was something of an expert at sex. You were in a pretty unlucky predicament but having Finnick willingly fucking you was a blessing.
His fingers were relentless, applying the perfect amount of pleasure that had you writhing beneath him. And added with the sensation of his cock repeatedly hitting that spot inside you, your uneven breaths turned into soft moans. He fucked, he rubbed, he nipped and sucked at the delicate skin of your neck. Heat was enveloping your entire body.
“Finnick,” you moaned.
“I know, sweetheart. I know.” His voice was strained and hoarse.
His hand left your clit, hooking around your thigh, and curling it around his back so he could thrust even deeper. He restarted his rhythm of rubbing circles, but his thrusts felt different. Instead of just brushing that sensitiveness deep inside you, he was mercilessly hitting it. Over and over. Your moans were louder now; Finnick was more vocal too, grunting and occasionally uttering words of praise.
This went on for a while. His stamina was incredible—if you had a moment to think, you would have realised the depressing reasoning behind it. But you couldn’t think at all. Your heel was digging into his back; nails scratching at his skin. Both of you had a layer of sweat covering your bodies, skin wet, slapping and sliding over one another. Your pheromones had filled the room with the smell of sex, driving your need to finish.
Finnick’s mouth had been everywhere at this point. Your lips, your neck, shoulders, and breasts. Everywhere except your pussy, not that it really mattered anymore.
It was hard for you to comprehend how fucking amazing the sensations you felt were. There was heat and pressure pooling in your stomach, increasing at a slow pace, and growing more powerful by the minute. Finnick’s hips moved at a steady pace, but his hand had begun to slow. Even he had to succumb to fatigue at some point. He sounded like he had run for miles though was obviously pushing himself on for your benefit.
Instead of ceasing his tiring hand movements entirely, he switched hands. And that was when the heat in your stomach turned into a blazing inferno. He was much faster now. Applied more pressure. Your head fell back against the pillow with a cry. His cock was throbbing inside you at the sound.
“That feel good? Huh?” he practically moaned.
He left kisses across the stretch of your neck, running his tongue over the skin and leaving behind red marks.
“Yes!” you cried out.
Your entire body felt like it was being dipped into a white-hot flame of pleasure and the feeling was only increasing. It was clear Finnick felt the same way. His thrusts were becoming more frantic, he was cursing left and right, and he was practically pulsing inside you.
The heat in your stomach was overwhelming but you needed more.
“Finnick, I feel—I feel—” You couldn’t even describe it.
Finnick nodded, breathing heavily above you. God, he looked gorgeous. “You’re gonna come.”
Your half-lidded needy eyes met his. Something about him saying those words sent a wave of acceleration through your body. You hadn’t known what the edge was until you were on the brink of coming, and there was no stopping it. His cock plunged in and out, pushing deep inside you, practically rocketing your orgasm to the surface with each thrust. His fingers moved at such an intense pace you didn’t even know was physically possible.
As your eyes fluttered shut, your mouth fell open and every frantic breath, moan, and cry was able to escape. Finnick had the same problem. Fuck, he sounded so sexy, it only spurred you on.
Then it hit you all at once. “Fu—"
Every inch of your body tensed. You were sent into a space where white noise filled your hearing and bliss was all you knew. No pain. No sadness. Just ecstasy. Electric sparks jolted up and down your body, rising to your head, and causing you to see stars behind your closed eyes. Your moans were uncontrollable and desperate, voicing Finnick’s name over and over.
His thrusts were frenzied and sloppy, prolonging your orgasm as long as he could. He had lifted your lower back into an arch, enhancing the sensation coursing through your body. Your walls were clenching and pulsing around him, so much that he was abruptly thrown into his own high. His hips stuttered and eventually, his cock filled you as deep as he could, spurting out warm strings of white that coated your inner walls.
He collapsed on top of you, face buried in the crook of your neck. Your fingers wound into his hair, clinging to him as the aftershocks of your orgasm ravaged your body. Legs trembling and mouth panting, you lay there allowing yourself to regain your breath and ability to move.
After pressing a lazy kiss to your neck, Finnick slid off you, falling onto the bed beside you. Hopefully the towel was enough to save the silk sheets.
Now that you were resting, exhaustion had the chance to cloud your mind. You weren’t sure what the customs were after sex—whether you made conversation or simply went to sleep. The latter sounded pretty good though. A warm hand slipped beneath your back, turning your body sideways and pulling you so you were half strewn across Finnick’s chest and legs. You made no effort to resist.
Eyes closed, you listened to the heart beating inside his ribs. Thrumming intensely though starting to return to a normal rate.
“Are you okay?” he asked with a murmur, sounding utterly drained.
His thumb drew gentle patterns on the skin of your waist.
You nodded against his chest, remaining silent. After a little while you finally decided to speak. “I’m glad it was you.” And then after a few more moments of silence, you added, “I wish it was just you.”
You felt him press his lips to the top of your head. A long and emotional kiss. The whole reasoning behind losing your virginity returned to mind. It felt heavy, weighing down the atmosphere in the room. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, what was coming was inevitable. You wouldn’t get to stay with Finnick in this bed. You wouldn’t get to belong to him, or he you. You both belonged to the Capitol. To Snow. No matter how much you wished to belong to each other.
He whispered, “Me too.”
#wife-of-all-dilfs ✍️#finnick odair#finnick x reader#finnick odair x reader#finnick odair x you#finnick x you#finnick imagine#thg finnick#sam claflin#catching fire#the hunger games#mockingjay#katniss and peeta#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#finnick odair fanfic#finnick odair smut#finnick odair fluff#finnick x oc#thg fanfiction
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Atonement: Feyd-Rautha x Reader
A/N: fic i wrote with @triluvial 's lovely idea
tw: 18+, smut but pretty soft, oral (f recieving), so so so so much angst, fluff after tho dw, swearing, hints of sa and pedophilia from the baron, baron is also creepy to reader but not explicitly, u gotta bear with my yapping in the beginning but it gets good i promise, inkpie
wc: 3.9k
headcanons for this universe
When you married Feyd-Rautha, you were warned of many things. His cruelty, both in and out of the bedroom, his bloodlust, his uncontrollable rage, his violence, his complete and utter lack of mercy. They told you he was psychotic, he was a cold blooded murderer, he was insatiable and that you’d be lucky to last a year with him, and yet, they never cautioned you of his sheer, unerring indifference.
Before your marriage, you fancied that he’d be like fire; raging, searing to touch. You went as far as to wish to tame his inferno. Late at night, when you could not sleep and doubt wreathed your thoughts, you also considered that he’d be like ice, like the colour of his piercing eyes, glacial and cold, devoid of anything soft or sweet.
As a child, you saw him fight in the arena. There he blazed with passion, his victor’s smile a cruel curve upon his face, his knife blade stained dark with fresh blood: he was mesmerising. At that time you were beginning to understand that your future had been sold to this violent man, and you resented your parents for it - now you realise that it went deeper than that, that it was rooted in generations of religion, of whisperings of the Bene Gesserit. Still, even then, you found the way he burned intriguing, and you were drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
But you were wrong. He turned out to be neither fire nor ice, just stingingly, dismissively apathetic. His eyes slide right over you when he happens to pass you in the corridors, as if you’re lower than a servant, lower than the rare rats that survive Giedi Prime’s conditions. You suspected your marriage would be painful, wedded to a man such as he was, but you didn’t think it would be this damn lonely.
You wished he hated you.
That way, at least you’d mean something to your husband. At least then vehement, savage emotion would rise within his gaze whenever he looked at you, not that horrible, polarising blankness. You wish you disgusted him, because then he’d at least he’d speak his mind - you had learnt that he spoke with brutal honesty, uncaring of the consequences.
Maybe to him, that’s all you are. A consequence of being high born, of being the na-Baron. You mean nothing to him, and he treats you as such; to him, you are less than the speck of dust on the floor, less than a grain of sand in his beloved arena.
It’s not that you wish for him to dote on you, nor love you or devote himself to you. You just wish he would look you in the eye and feel something; you’d rather him stare at you in revulsion and call you names that you can’t even think up yourself than the dead, lifeless detachment that clouds his face when he sees you in your shared chambers.
Feyd-Rautha has never laid a hand on you in violence; in fact he rarely touches you at all. The last, and only time he kissed you was during the wedding day, and he makes no moves to be in bodily contact with you any more than he has to be. You are obliged to produce an heir from him, yet even in these infrequent encounters it seems as if it is a chore for him - he takes no pleasure in your body nor does he try to pleasure you, and he makes no sound when he takes you, staying as long as it takes for his seed to fill your womb before leaving without a word. On those nights, your thighs tremble as you stumble to the bathroom, only allowing your tears to fall once the shower water is searing on your skin.
During the first month of your marriage, you did everything in your power to please him. You thought maybe you weren’t pretty enough for him, maybe you were not desirable as a wife, so you always smiled at him, made an effort to fill the silence that pervaded the air around him, bringing up topics you knew he would enjoy, like the arena, like his love for knives and duels. To even that he would not reply, rebutting your questions with monosyllables or simply ignoring you. You stopped once he began to leave the room while you were mid sentence.
It is now your fourth month locked in this marriage with an uncaring man, and all you feel is bleak, crushing resignation. Somehow, Feyd-Rautha seems to take more interest in conversing with his brother than you.
You wonder if he has forgotten your name. He addresses you simply as ‘wife’ - that, and nothing more, the title leaving his lips like an accusatory curse, reminding you that if you did not serve a purpose to him, and if decorum did not restrain him, he’d have disposed of you by now, either by slitting your throat or simply abandoning you outside the palace grounds, not even bothering to end you himself.
The palace in question is lonely, but you feel the loneliest when you lay awake at night, shivering on your side of the bed as Feyd-Rautha slumbers to your right. Tears always prick your eyes during those moments, but you stifle them, afraid that you’ll rouse him with your crying; you do not know what you’ve done to garner his mistrust, but many times you’ve glimpsed the knife he keeps beneath his pillow, the cold blade glinting in the moonlight.
Often you wonder if he has a secret lover, and that is why he does not bother with you. You wake up sometimes and he is gone, but soon you realised that he would visit his concubines, especially after he had bred you. You would finish your shower, unable to wash off the feel that you were dirty, you were just an animal, a mindless thing to produce an heir for him, and he would be lounging in the antechambers of your quarters, ignoring your presence with the three harpies wrapped around him, whispering in his ears and caressing his moonlight skin. They accompanied him everywhere he wished, even in public, and to begin with, you felt humiliated that he would so explicitly show that you were not to his satisfaction.
Now, it just makes the solitude even worse.
You find solace in no one. More than once, you have walked in on the servants laughing behind your back, and as it became evident your husband was uninterested in you, they did not hide their mocking. The Baron’s other nephew you hardly saw, and the Baron himself terrified you: there was something in the way that he stared at you, his beady eyes glittering from where they were set deep within his putrid flesh, that made you feel more soiled than even after Feyd-Rautha took you.
So you remain isolated, speaking only when spoken to, drifting through the palace’s wide, dark hallways like a ghoul, a mourning spectre. You can barely remember your life before, just wisps and fleeting flashes of colour that ridicule rather than comfort you.
To Feyd, it is obvious who you are. A spy, commanded by his uncle to report every single one of his doings to you; he cannot slip up once around you, cannot reveal his weaknesses, that he is desperate to be loved, to be seen as someone whose only use is not war. He sees the way his uncle looks at you, hungry for information you do not have because he does not impart it, the way the Baron comments on you and the way you flinch at his words, pretending that you do not report to him.
Feyd is determined in his resolve to give nothing away. His uncle has held power over him since he was young, he refuses to give him even an inch over him now. He still has nightmares of it, which he wakes up from with his pale skin sheened in clammy sweat, clammy like the hands of his uncle.
Sometimes, he sees the tears in your eyes after he fucks you. The first time, he almost stopped, almost asked you where it hurt, but you turned away before he could, acting, always acting; acting when you smile graciously at him, acting when you ask him what his favourite type of blade is, what his favourite form of swordsmanship is. You are good at pretending, but of course you are - his uncle is the Baron, a man who bathes in power. No doubt he would get only the best of spies.
Tonight, you are not where you normally are. At this hour, you are usually asleep, or feigning it in the very least, curled up small on your side of the mattress, yet the bed is still made, the sheets unrumpled and smoothed down as they were this morning. Feyd thinks that maybe he might catch you reporting to his uncle, so he strides out of your shared chambers, pausing in the doorway to listen carefully; as a boy, he hunted in forests that have now been chopped down and industrialised, but he has maintained his keen ears long after the last wild plant on Giedi Prime’s surface choked on the fumes of pollution.
There’s a soft noise, barely perceptible, that echoes down the corridor to his right. Silently, he tracks it down the labyrinthine passages of the palace, servants scurrying out of his warpath, bowing their heads to him - he wonders if they too report to his uncle, if they travel now to his quarters to inform him of his beloved nephew’s whereabouts.
Feyd wishes he and Rabban were brothers first before rivals. Then he could have someone to rely on, someone who he trusted in this palace built on lies.
Pausing, Feyd cocks his head. You huddle in a crumpled heap at the end of the corridor, your knees hugged tightly to your chest, head low as if under a crushing weight. It occurs to him that maybe the Baron was displeased with your efforts to gain information and made it known to you - a pang of pity tugs at him, for he knows what his uncle’s wrath is like. At least you have been spared from the sole thing worse than that - the Baron’s thirst.
‘What are you doing, wife?’
Your head snaps up, Feyd-Rautha’s unfeeling voice kindling a rare burst of temper from you. Is it not evident to him what you are doing? Or is he just too blind to see the tears streaking down your cheeks? Your words are injected with venom when you speak, and you hope that it stings him for leaving you alone in this cold, dark place.
‘So now I am of concern to you?’
Feyd is taken aback by the indignant arch of your brows, the resentment displayed in your eyes. It takes him a moment to register the harshness lacing your voice - you have never addressed him in this way - and another to digest your words. There’s a bleakness in your wet, tear stained face as you stare up at him, and shock too, as if you did not expect yourself to speak against him this way.
Something clicks into place.
Feyd recognises that look in your eyes. He recognises it, because he’s seen it in the mirror a hundred times before; haunted, harrowed, lonely. He remembers nights when he trembled beneath the cold sheets of his bed, when he was small enough that he felt like he was drowning in the black satin, his eyes wide as the fabric seemed to wend around his limbs, tying him there as he lay fearful of everyone, fearful that his uncle would summon him. Even young, he was so terribly aware of not knowing who he could trust and who would turn to the Baron, bearing information like knives to split open his childish skin and spill his guts on the freezing stone floor.
It broke him. He is barely a shell of a sentient being, repressed emotions wreathing like ghosts around his frame, his eyes hollow, his heart decaying. In his fear, he was blinded, and he pushed you to the place where he had been all those years ago, so terribly, terribly alone - you are stronger than him, for lasting this long.
Sharp, plunging, dread sinks in his stomach, weighs down his soul; he has done unspeakable things to you, treated you like a dog, like a whore - worse. How can you look at him without hatred in your eyes, spite?
Bile rises in his throat, his heart seized by a dark, burning anger. He has done this to you, he has slashed your skin and left you bleeding, and yet all you did was try to please him. In an effort to save himself, he trampled you under foot; in order to keep you out, he left you surrounded by shadows. Feyd has never hated himself so much, has never despised who he has become with this much furor.
Slowly, he crouches before you. Eyes wide, you shrink away, misreading the direction of his rage, flinching when he reaches out a hand. Pressing your back against the wall behind you, you turn your head away from him, fear causing tears to spill down your cheeks: he sees the way you will the stone to swallow you up, knows the feeling.
‘Please don’t hurt me,’ you choke out, hands trembling uncontrollably.
Something deep within Feyd’s soul withers and dies at your words. Forcing his jaw to unclench, his hands to release the fists they held, he shoves down his anger. The fury is for later, for when he has made things right - for now it is you that is his priority. Too late, a voice whispers in his ears, too late, too late, too late -
Gods, he deserves to burn at the fucking stake for this. He deserves eternal hell for this, he deserves worse. He is a fool: a blind, blundering fool, stuffed to the brim with paranoia and cynicism.
He sucks in a breath. ‘I will not hurt you. You have my word, whatever it is worth to you. I - I have made an irredeemable mistake, I - ’
After his first sentence, you have not heard him. Tears of relief soak your face, and you whisper needless apologies for them; it is an arrow through his heart that you fear him so - yet the pain is where it is due, justifiable for the way he has shamed you, belittled you.
‘May I - may I touch you, my wife?’
You do not know why you nod in reply of your husband’s strange request, but the moment you do, strong arms pull you into a solid chest, and a sob leaves you - he is so warm, warm enough to banish the seeping cold embedded in your bones, warm enough to let your sorrow flow anew, soaking his shirt as your hands bunch in its fabric, so that if he is cruel enough to leave you here, at least he will have to fight to do so. You have not been held in a long time.
Each of your shuddering sobs is a knife blade twisting in Feyd’s spirit. He lets the pain wash over him, clings to the way you burrow into his arms, a kind creature in the embrace of a monster. At one point, in the throes of your crying, you beat at his chest, telling him that you hate him, and he takes it with a bowed head, stroking your hair and holding you tighter once you exhaust yourself; this is only a fraction of his atonement.
You fall asleep in his arms. He carries you back to your quarters, and only once the door is closed behind him does he let his tears mingle with yours. Keeping you cradled to his chest like a child, he pours a glass of water for you to drink in the morning, knowing you will be dehydrated; he sets it on your bedside table before laying you down on the mattress.
You don’t let go of him, even in your sleep. His heart clenches, tight in his chest, and he drops a kiss in your hair before lying down beside you.
He believes he will love you, if you will let him.
Consciousness leaks slowly into your mind, and you blink, squinting through the beam of light that filters in through the curtains. From your months spent here, you’ve realised that Giedi Prime’s atmosphere is normally churned up with violent storms and choked with pollution, so this ray of sun that falls against your pillow, warming your face is far from unwanted - nor is the pale forearm tucked around your waist, firmly so, but not trapping you either.
Your husband’s chest fits snugly against your back, his breath warm and steady against your skin; his fingers splay out across your stomach, gentle, communicating so many things that were left unsaid. Vaguely, you remember falling asleep, nestled against his chest, tears drying on your cheeks.
When you roll over, you’re unsurprised that he’s already awake. With blue eyes softened by the sunlight, he regards you, fingers settled at the small of your waist. Something clouds his gaze, and he shifts, propping himself up on his elbows.
‘I owe you an explanation.’
You wait silently, unperturbed by the way he clenches his jaw. He vowed to you last night that he would not hurt you, and you trust that. Wordlessly, his lips open, then close, and you patiently watch him, far too well acquainted with how this man struggles to let down his guard - even now, you cannot read the twisting of his features, the way his eyes squint as he looks at you.
‘I - I thought you were a spy sent by my uncle,’ he finally confesses. ‘My uncle… when I was younger, he,’
Reaching out, you cup his jaw in your hand, running your thumb along his cheekbone until he relaxes. You see the battle in his eyes, to let go, to tell you the knowledge that he thinks you deserve, but you see with it the years of hurt, of solitude. Something hopeful, something beautiful blossoms within you - the realisation that this wounded beast before you is someone that you could grow to love; you want him to bare his scars to you, those that are long healed and those that still seep with blood.
‘All in good time, Feyd,’ you assure him quietly.
He sighs, touches his lips against your palm. ‘I am sorry, my wife.’
Slipping your hand down to grip his shoulder, you lean closer towards him so you can kiss him. An anguished sound leaves him, and you see clearly how he realises that he has wronged you, how it pains him, and yet how the taste of you awakens something tender within him - you marvel at it, that it has survived, buried within him for so long. Perhaps he will let you love him.
Feyd is neither forward nor insatiable in the way he kisses you. In fact, he pulls away first, moving to get up from the bed despite the way your hands grip his shoulders, and you almost doubt that he wants you before you glimpse the longing in his eyes that lingers before he pushes it down. You wonder if this man knows how to make love or if he just knows how to fuck, you wonder if he feels the same molten feeling in his stomach that you feel and that is why his movements are tinged with nerves as he gently escapes your grasp. It is clear to you: he does not want to scare you.
‘Must you go?’ You ask, tugging at his fingers.
He tilts his head. ‘I don’t know if you want me here, after what I have inflicted upon you.’
A streak of bravery takes ahold of you. ‘Please, Feyd, I want you.’
You delight at the fire that ignites in his eyes upon your words. He wastes no time in returning to your side, dropping a sweet tasting kiss to your lips before taking your chin in his hand, eyes searching yours as he sits between your thighs.
‘Tell me if you want to stop,’ he says. ‘Yes?’
‘Yes,’ you echo, blood heating your cheeks.
Feyd kisses you again, giving you time to rescind your reply if you want, but you just tug at the hem of his shirt, drinking in his sculpted chest when he pulls the black cloth over his head. Delicately, he trails his lips down your skin as he undresses you, his broad hands warm where they encircle your waist, holding you flush to him as his calloused palms explore your body, skimming over your spine and caressing your breasts before settling on your thighs and pulling them open.
You’re terribly aware of how wet you are when his eyes settle on your pussy. Instinctively, your knees tip inwards, your face growing hot at the hunger in his gaze, but his broad shoulders block your legs from closing, followed closely by his hands which gently push them back open. He smiles at the blush high on your cheeks, rubbing his thumb over your ankle in order to put you at ease.
The sound you make when he pushes his fingers into your cunt and curls them almost makes Feyd moan. You tremble for him, bashful, and he can feel himself rock hard against the mattress, aching for the tight clamp of your velvet walls. He wants to bury himself between your thighs, and so he does, your sweet slick exquisite on his tongue - he presses kisses like butterflies to your thighs, your hips, worshipping you as his fingers pump in and out of you to the same pace as your heaving chest.
You look beautiful, gilded by the sunlight, lower lip trapped between your teeth, but he doesn’t miss the way you grip the sheets with one hand, the other clapped over your mouth, panting as he pleases you. Stroking your thigh, he pauses, licking your slick off his lips.
‘Let me hear you,’ he bids.
You blush again but obey him, tremors wracking your body as he sucks on your clit, laving his tongue over it until you throw your head back, eyes rolling as you come, your honeyed moans and hot release exquisite upon his senses. He wants more, needs more of the taste of you, but you tug at his shoulders, whining for his cock, and he’d rather die than deny you.
The way you say his name when he buries himself inside you sets his soul on fire. You look beautiful beneath him, shaking and whimpering from the hot pulse of his length, clawing at his shoulders until he wears red marks that he’s proud to bear, moaning into his mouth when he kisses you. It seems you cannot get enough of him, and Feyd is more than fine with that because he finds himself addicted to the feel of you under his hands, begging him for more.
Feyd remains entranced long after he comes inside you, with you, your cunt spasming around him. You draw close to him, intertwining your legs with his as he kisses your face, your neck, your chest, making sure he has not hurt you, making sure you are sated. Curling your fingers under his jaw, stopping him, you look him in the eye and smile before kissing him, and he finds himself mesmerised again by you.
He is certain you will let him love you. He is yours.
#bald freak supremacy#feyd rautha#feyd rautha harkonnen#feyd rautha smut#austin butler#austin butler smut#dune#dune two#dune part two#dune 2#dune part 2#dune ii#dune part ii#feyd smut#feyd rautha fic#feyd rautha fanfiction#feyd-rautha#dune fanfiction#dune smut#atreides#house harkonnen#feyd rautha x reader#feyd x reader#feyd x you#feyd rautha x you#dune x you#feyd oneshot#feyd x y/n#dune x y/n#feyd angst
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I love spreading harmless misinfo, yes X character is a lesbian! I also enjoy reading the source material 😭 there are some ppl who will just lie about anything to anyone. like not even headcanon or fanon, fully straight up noncanon info being passed as canon. there is nuance between playing headcanon and just not telling the truth
looks awkwardly at idv. Sorry about my rant and notes ur very cool tothechaos
sometimes you see a post from a fandom and you can just tell that the fanon regurgitation circle jerk echo chamber situation is fucking dire
#i can yap forever about IDV lore and ppl lieing about jt#I will be real#its not important qt the end of the day#but i do feel just a little hurt when someone tries to leak and share information and that information is fully just wrong#if you know you know about the painter backstory#i dont mind headcanons or fanon#its just the part where someone fully spread the wrong info#this happens in other fandoms too#i feel as though there's so much info about the characters and the story that it can sometimes be confusing#there's also situations where its intended to be confusing as well#it's not like im saying you can never ever be wrong. im saying that lieing about a story because you dont like it is wrong#i feel i can just list characters names and ppl who know will just fucking know#yima. servais. patricia. kreacher. phillipe. ganji. annie. aesop. victor.#tbf the victor thing was so epic it became canon and u actually really like him being mute. like that was good headcanon.#so good the devs where like. lets put it in.#im sure there's even more examples but it's so much.#the way i wanna put orpheus down is so real but i cant because he's so fucking vague#girl idek if he's a deross. i really dont think he is. its like speculation and not really confirmed rn.#anyways. hate this game's lore it's literally so annoying and it gets worse when we just lie#i had a whole bit on ranting about phillipe fans qnd defenders#just know i know who and what you are lol. ur annoying the shit out of me#not gonna clog my notes with phillipe hate. hes a well written and designed character regardless of meta. i hope he has fans#im his hater. yes he is very hot.
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