#watching him claw his way to a cup with edmonton like a proud mother who would die for her son

[crow-talks-hockey]

ok but not enough people are intrigued and obsessed and fascinated by connor mcdavid in the way i and others on this site are. like yes, yes i could ramble on and on about his skill. he is the best player in the world. period. you can't challenge that and if you are... are you blind? potentially uhm, how do i say this lightly, not smart? etc? there's no contention there, everyone knows it. and he's fast, and whatever. but i don't care about that. that's mcdavid. that's the man that i used to be so annoyed with because no one would shut up about him even when he wasn't even playing (and that's still annoying to me tbh it just happens less now). that's the star player on a team i used to hate when the avs played them ( idk why, i just always hated playing the oilers even when i started getting a soft spot for them). but, and i've said it before, mcdavid isn't connor.

connor is the one i'm so fascinated and intrigued by. it's not his hockey iq or his speed or anything. what i'm obsessed with is that haunted aura he carries everywhere and i mean everywhere. he just seems so... out of place? like you can almost tell he doesn't quite fit in. which is a little ironic and sad for the best player in the world, isn't it? but accurate, too. he's so unique and set apart and burdened with expectations that he wouldn't be allowed to be normal even if he tried. and you can see it clear as day. everyone jokes around about him having no personality but what else is he supposed to do when he gets asked the same question a million times anymore? i'd look just as haunted and annoyed if i were him.

but here's the thing. he's not just that broken boy either. he's a bit of a goof, actually. and it still surprises me, but he is. he's a silly fucking guy. i mean he goes out there and just lights it up, every night. and then you come to find out that he was the one organizing those stupid post-game berets and the plungers and shit? like i'm sorry? you're telling me the face of the league and one of the guys known for being incredibly dry, did that? and that he's out here helping with the all-star stuff, being sweet and showing (at least in part) some of his real self to these little kids who are growing up idolizing him, and being lovey with teammates. he's slipping on the ice hugging the team made of people he loves with all the passion he can muster because god he just wants to win it here. with them. FOR them. he wants to so so bad and it hurts.

like seriously i could go on and on about this guy. about how if people would just give a shit they would see the real person he is - haunted and silly in full - behind the layers of stress about expectations so high they're unachievable, annoyance with the same stupid questions being thrown at him, and the pressure to be the perfect star. if they would just care enough to pay attention to how he smiles at leon or how he cellys or how he hugs his teammates like they're his lifeline they would see connor, not just mcdavid. they would see the love and the care that shapes those haunted eyes. maybe. just maybe.

anyway connor mcdavid is an enigma and a weirdo and i love him so so much and i'm so so fascinated by him 🫠🫶