#watching anna try to get a networking job is so scary.

[tiktaalic]

The good thing about stem. Is that. The job interview are like. So you have your degree? Cool. You can start next month? Cool. I’ll poke HR and you’ll start getting paperwork soon.

[the-y-generation]

Not My Type (Chapter 5)

Summary: “Do you know how you stop a craving? You give in to it.”

When she signed on to be a road manager, she had no idea it was going to be for one of the biggest bands in the world, much less how they were going to turn her life upside down, nor how she was about to flip theirs too. Especially one irritating frequently-late vocalist who knew exactly how charming he could be.

Pairing: Idol!Jimin / Manager!Original Character (I personally haven’t written in “y/n” format, so I just gave the reader a name, but barely even mention it)

Genre/Themes: fluff, angst, friends with benefits, friends to lovers

Rating: M for this chapter

Warnings: Unprotected sex (be smart, kids!), oral (female receiving), JIMIN (let’s face it, he’s a warning all on his own!)

Status: Ongoing (Masterlist)

Just like that, without anyone noticing, not even her, a year went by in the blink of an eye.

Her one year anniversary with the band was spent waiting in the wings with near-deaf ears, watching them serenade a sold-out stadium of screaming fans. It was like any other day, and she barely realized it until Manager Sejin congratulated her on surviving. The day started and ended business as usual - Jimin rolled out of her bed in the morning, she rounded them up for breakfast, and ushered them through interviews, rehearsals, then the show. It was a good day.

Since the Grammys, things have exploded for the band, which is ridiculous to fathom considering that they were already the biggest boyband in the world. They were splattered across Times Square, their Twitter crashed from a surge of followers (again), their songs streamed by the millions across every platform, and the band appeared on every major talk show and network in various continents. 

And since the Grammys, they didn’t talk about it, like most things between the road manager and Jimin. The night he, for whatever reason, rushed back to the hotel just to watch Netflix and fall asleep next to her. But it did happen, and it sat like an elephant in the room sometimes. 

An elephant that sat on her throat and made its presence felt every time Jimin placed a gentle hand on the small of her back. Every time he’d whisper some inside joke, his breath ghosting warmly on the shell of her ear. Every time he’d put a few extra fries on her plate, even when she insists she isn’t hungry because he just knows she wants them (and he’s always right). Every time he’d compliment her over the littlest thing - for looking beautiful even without makeup, for not losing her patience when something took too long, for being scary good at her job and not letting him get off too easy.

Every time she caught herself looking at him too long, entranced by some small detail about him. Sometimes he’d catch her staring.

Just like now.

They were in his hotel room tonight, having decided to finish the series they began watching some two countries or so ago. At times like this, she’d marvel at the difference a year can make.

When she first started, she and Jimin had a strictly professional relationship that bordered on begrudging tolerance. There were countless arguments, cold shoulders, and rough tugs in an effort to get his stubborn ass in line. But now, Jimin was like the slow song that put her into a peaceful sleep. He was sunshine and morning dew. 

Granted, as his road manager, he was still a pain in the ass. But once they were off the clock, he was the closest thing to home. 

Anna lay on top of the covers, feeling slightly gross as she was still in her “work” clothes while he sat diagonal from her, fresh-faced and showered. Even in this state, he was beautiful, and painfully so. His hair was freshly cut and colored, making him look damn near edible and immaculate. 

“Yah.” Jimin softly called out, snapping her out of her reverie.

She blinked her hazy eyes back into attention, averting her gaze back to the TV. “Sorry.” She muttered.

“You were staring for a while.” He remarked casually, but she knew him enough not to miss the teasing tone that underscored his words. “I know I’m sexy, but…”

She rolled her eyes and sighed at him. “Shut up. I’ve just been on edge these days.”

“Why’s that?” Jimin absently asked, crawling from his cross-legged position to lay down next to her. There was enough space between them to wiggle around without actually touching each other.

“I dunno,” She shrugged, settling into the bed and closing her eyes. “Maybe it’s been too long since I’ve had sex.”

It’s not a maybe, it’s a fact. It’s been waaaay too long since she’s had some, and hey, a girl has needs too! She used to be able to tide herself over on her own. But in recent months, the itch became too much for her to fix by herself. In the showers, or nights when Jimin wouldn’t insist on invading her bed space, she’d try to chase the high with her hands. But each orgasm became less and less satisfying, her body only reacting to stimulus instead of real pleasure.

Jimin didn’t answer right away, She didn’t really expect him to. The words easily fell from her lips, and passed between them along with the onscreen dialogue. It still surprised her sometimes how nothing seemed to intimate or intimidating to be shared with Jimin.

“Well, why haven’t you had sex?” He chimed in. Enough time had passed that she turned to look at him, mildly confused that that was where his mind was still at.

“Um, hello? You realize I have a 24/7 job, right?” She smirked sarcastically at him. “It’s not like I have a lot of time to go out on dates, or at least find a decent one night stand.”

“You have off-days.” Jimin countered.

“Which I spend sleeping.” She huffed. “And anyway, I’m not you. I don’t have an endless line of people wanting to fuck me.”

“But men do want to fuck you.” He answered casually, almost crassly, that she lifted an eyebrow at him. He chuckled and looked back at the TV. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re gorgeous; even a blind person would say so.”

“Pfft.” She childishly replied. “You’re just being nice. And besides, I’m resigned to my sexless life while I work for you-”

“With us.”

He hates insinuations that she, or anyone for that matter, is inferior to him.

“Ugh! With you, fine.” She waves him away. “But the point is, no guy in their right mind would want to sleep with me. Being on the road with 7 of Korea’s most attractive men, surrounded by males 24/7, doesn’t exactly call all the boys to my yard.”

In the middle of her little rant, she caught the way Jimin’s eyes rake over her body slowly and registered the strange direction of the conversation. 

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable by staring at you, okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize I was staring.” She apologized, looking away again. “I wish I had hormones to blame, but it’s not that time of the month. I’m just really...craving, I guess.”

Jimin smirked, turning on his side to face her. “Do you know the best way to stop a craving?”

She shook her head. 

“You give in to it.” He said, a devilish grin tugging the side of his lips. There was something in his tone that sounded an alarm in her head, but she simply looked back at him, confused.

“Duh, genius. But haven’t you been listening? The problem is, who am I supposed to have sex with?” She challenged.

Jimin simply stared at her, his eyes getting darker by the second with amusement and a tinge of something she couldn’t decipher.

“What?” She asked, unnerved by his stare and his silence. But he maintained his wordless gaze, patiently waiting for the pieces to click in her head.

Eventually, they did. 

“Are you-?” She began, her mind slowly arriving at a conclusion. “No, wait a minute. What are you implying?”

“What do you think I’m implying?” He bit his plump lower lip in an effort to keep a straight face.

“Uh-uh.” She shook her head. “I’m not playing this game with you.”

Jimin laughed out loud, pushing his head into the pillow as his eyes disappeared into crescents and mouth hidden behind his hand. She tried not to take offense at his apparent joke and salvaged her pride by ignoring him. But when the laughter subsided, Jimin’s eyes became serious again, glinting with mischief that tickled something below her navel. 

“You know what I’m trying to say.” He said, voice low and gravelly. Her breath caught in her throat, but she managed to save face.

“Actually, no, I don’t because you haven't said anything.” She bit back.

He laughed again, earning a glare from her.

“Okay, okay.” He managed to wheeze out between chuckles. “What I’m saying is...if you have a craving, I’d be a willing participant.”

She let his words sink in, settling heavy between them. He watched her turn his offer over in her head, and then-

“That doesn’t make any sense.” She replied. “That won’t work. You don’t even find me attractive.”

“Are you crazy?! I just called you gorgeous!” He argued, mock offended.

“That doesn’t mean you want to have sex with me!”

“For your information, I have thought about having sex with you.”

Whatever argument she had died in her throat, thoughts chased away by his revelation. Jimin smirked cockily at her, evidently pleased at his ability to render her speechless. 

“And I know you’ve thought about it too.” He continued, referencing the earlier fact that he caught her staring.

This smug prick.

“No, thank you. I don’t want your pity fuck.” She scowled. It angered her that any reaction just seemed to amuse him more.

“It’s not pity. There’s something in it for me too.” Jimin said softly.

The shift in his tone prompted her to look him, finding only sincerity and, if his blown pupils were anything to go by, simmering arousal. 

“You’re serious.” She remarked, more of a statement than a question.

Jimin chuckled, the sound deliciously reverberating from his chest, as he rolled over to cut the distance between them. He landed right next to her, on his stomach and propped up on his elbows to look down at her.

“I thought it would be an easy choice. Should I be offended that you’re taking so long to decide?” He teased, close enough now that she felt the warmth of his body next to hers.

She pondered his offer again, schooling her face in careful nonchalance just in case he doubled back and admitted to playing a joke on her. But the other shoe didn’t drop. Instead, he peered at her with wide eyes.

"But...why?" She couldn't help but ask. The logic didn't add up in her head. 

"Why not?" Jimin smiled, brushing her hair from her eyes. He had done this before, but in the context of their situation, she shivered at his touch. "We're two consenting adults with needs. I'm attracted to you - no, don't even fight me on this - and you're attracted to me. What's there to think about?"

She bit her lip, turning his proposition in her head. On one hand, it made sense. People have this sort of arrangement all the time, and they both seemed up for it, so why not? It’s not like she had better options, and let’s face it - even if she did, can she really do any better than Jimin? But on the other hand, it could go terribly wrong. He was her good friend, maybe even best friend if she was feeling extremely sentimental. Engaging in...extra-curricular activities...with him might endanger the relationship they had worked so hard to build over the past year.

But the optimism in Jimin’s face was infectious and altogether confident that she couldn’t help but believe that he knew what he was doing.

“You have to promise me that things between us won’t change?” 

“I promise.” He nodded dramatically. “This is for biology.”

“Pinky promise.” She demanded, raising a pinky at him.

At the sound of his pained groan, she smirked, knowing how he hated any allusions to his pinky. But nonetheless, he gave in and intertwined his pinky with hers.

With the promise sealed, she looked at him expectantly, unsure how to proceed. Do they go at it now? Should they schedule something? 

To her surprise, Jimin rolled over and jumped out of bed. When she looked up, he leveled her with a gaze that shot electricity down her spine. It was a look that made countless hearts race, tore excited screams from hundreds of throats, and even made hetero men question their sexuality. But in the stillness of the hotel room, with no one else around and the inevitable hanging in the air, Jimin was even more potent and dangerous. 

“And...is this just one time or…?” She asked as he sauntered out of sight. She looked down and fiddled with her hands, immediately regretting having asked the follow-up question.

Her ears perked up at the sound of a latch clicking into place. The door was now double locked.

Then the lights switched off, leaving only the bedside lamps to bathe the room in a warm incandescent glow.

“I’ll guess we’ll find out,” Jimin replied, making his way back to her. His graceful gait was effortlessly fluid as if every particle of his being was meant to stir desire. She watched him with a racing pulse, blood roaring in her ears in anticipation of what was to come. The room was suddenly a million degrees, yet her skin itched to be touched.

Standing at the foot of the bed, Jimin gestured to her, wordlessly prompting her to come to him. She sucked in a calming breath, trying her best to maintain composure as she stood up and made her way to him. She stopped before him, just a breath away, holding his dark eyes. The way he hypnotized her, it was almost like he could already see all of her, despite both still being fully clothed.

Sparks danced on her skin as Jimin cupped her cheek, thumb tracing her lips until they parted for him. Before she could say the words he could just feel were trapped in her throat, he dived in and cut the remaining inches between them.

His sigh ticked the back of her throat as she latched onto his mouth, succumbing to his direction. He gripped her firmly, an arm around her waist and the other tangled in her hair, gripping her head to his as he controlled the fervent kiss. She let him lead, melting instinctively against him, allowing the initial spark to develop into a full blaze that ignited her core with need.

While she reciprocated timidly, there was no hesitation or doubt. Her hands clasped the front of his shirt like an anchor, keeping her flush against his chest to keep her knees from giving out under her. Jimin, to his credit, was patient. He set the bar then remained steady, giving her time to adjust and catch up to his pace. 

Logic threatened to break her trance, but with a swipe of his tongue over hers, all thought disappeared. The world narrowed into a single room, and there was now only Jimin. Fear and adrenaline coursed through her veins, but fuck, he left her breathless with the exhilarating and mind-numbing things he did to her mouth. She let her hands wander - one reached up to lace a hand through his snow-smooth hair, while the other ran low to wound to his back. She marveled at the feel of his body beneath her fingers, muscles moving and contracting, reacting to her touch.

Feeling her compliant and at ease with him, Jimin tugged at her blouse, easing it out from its perfect tuck in her jeans. Once the material was loose, he moved his hands up, momentarily cupping her jaw before traveling south. Jimin pulled away slowly, leaving her with one, two, three pecks until he was far enough for her eyes to gain focus on him.

Her lips were pink and swollen from his needy sucks, her pupils dilated with unfiltered want. She looked absolutely delicious, and the sight of her licked the flames below his gut. 

Jimin’s intentions were clear, his desire apparent and digging into her hip, but he looked her in the eyes as his fingers traveled down her collarbones, giving her the chance to plead out before he went any further. But she gave him no indication that she wanted him to stop. She grabbed him by the collar and locked her lips on his, kicking his senses into overdrive. Throwing caution to the wind, Jimin nimbly undid her blouse buttons, and she wasted no time in discarding the material once it was fully open. 

Tossing the garment to the side, she grabbed at the end of his shirt and greedily pulled it up, needing his skin on hers. Needing him as open and vulnerable as she was. Jimin seemed to be thinking the same thing, breaking the kiss to help her tug it off in one fluid movement. She stole a quick look at him, unable to stifle the soft gasp that escaped without consent.

See, the thing is Jimin is hot. That’s old news. Yes, he has a toned chest, and abs, and a v-cut that ran low into his pants to make the imagination run wild. That’s all well and good, and common knowledge since the early days of BTS.

But what struck her was how truly beautiful he was. Jimin was a stunning shade of moonlight, with tantalizing lines and curves that begged to be ravished and kissed. He was soft and smooth to the touch, neither too muscular or lean, but perfect. 

Jimin grabbed her by the waist, momentarily startling her at the contact with her bare skin, pulling her flush against his torso. He was warm, and she wanted to burn in him. Her thighs clenched as a flame tickled sensually below her navel, and her pulse roared in her ears.

He reached down and made quick work of her pants, undoing the button and zipper. He gently eased it off her waist and ass, moving away briefly to allow her to step out of the material. When she straightened back up, Jimin melted her to him again. He ducked his head to suck at a tender spot under her jaw, and she felt him chuckle smugly against her skin when this earned a needy whine from her.

She scratched at his back, hands moving lower to slip into his sweatpants, palms resting on the curves of his ass. She tugged him closer so he stumbled forward, pressing his length against her to warrant a lusty groan.

Without needing to be told, he moved quickly moved out of his sweatpants, leaving them both in their underwear. As she kissed along the length of his throat, Jimin maneuvered them back until her knees hit the bed. He pushed her gently down into the mattress and crawled over her, feasting on the skin of her neck and collar with wet sucks and gentle nips.

Her nerves set in again at the realization that they were now in bed, almost completely bare to each other. Her muscles seize when Jimin reached behind her to unclip her bra. Feeling her tense against him, he pulled back, hands still on her back, to look at her imploringly. But her worries were quickly squashed by the blazing concern in his eyes. 

Not wanting him to stop, she leaned up to capture his mouth in another searing kiss, thrusting her hips up to grind against him, to chase his concern away. Once her chest was bare to him, Jimin slipped downwards, taking a peak into his eager mouth while gently kneading the other. He relished at her moan that ghosted across his hairline. 

Without thinking, in between moans, she pressed a feather-light kiss on his forehead. Jimin tried his best to ignore the pleasurable pain that twisted in his chest at the gesture. 

Unable to keep his restraint any longer, Jimin reached a hand down between their bodies to wriggle out of his boxers, eager to feel her flesh on his. 

Her eyes widened as he sprung free, her mind still processing that this was all real. Before he could settle over her, she pushed at his shoulder, prompting him to turn them over so that he lay on his back this time. Straddling him, she balanced a hand on the side of his head while the other reached between them to take him in her hand.

Uncertain of herself but wanting to at least try, she furrowed her brows in concentration as she pumped her fist around him, reveling in the sinful sounds that rumbled from his chest and throat. She looked up to find him staring at her, jaw slack and gorgeous lips parted as he breathed heavily through his pleasure.

His hips twitched and Jimin thrust in her hand, simultaneously bending upwards to pepper kisses on her chest and breast. Perhaps it really had just been a while, or perhaps because it was Jimin. But she swore that the sight of his needy, beautiful man underneath her may be enough to make her climax. 

"God, I need to be inside you." Jimin groaned, abruptly stopping and flipping them over so that he was on all fours over her. 

He slipped his thumbs under the waistband of her underwear, and with stunning patience, he slowly slipped them off her thighs, knees, and feet. 

Feeling the cold rush of air sweep over her bare skin, she instinctively felt self-conscious at her nakedness. But there was something about the way Jimin looked at her, feral and hungry, at made her feel powerful and beautiful in her exposed state. 

Jimin moved back up to cover her body with his, and now, completely feeling his flesh on hers, her entire body was aflame with his heat and desire. A small part of her brain worried at what he must think of her, visibly vibrating in pleasure and need as he traveled south of her body again, licking and sucking his way over her breast, stomach, abdomen. When she realized what he intended to do, she hastily grasped at his shoulder.

"You don't have to." She said. He peered up, lips already at her hip bone, to give her a curious glance. "If you don't want to."

He smirked up at her, resuming downwards.

"Haven't you ever had this done to you before?" Jimin murmured hotly against her skin. He hovered over her center, breath ghosting hotly over her flesh. Despite her many worries, her body was reacting to him well, her center glistening with her need. 

"I have but-" She choked on the rest of her words, feeling him press a finger on her receptive bud. She moaned gracelessly, shamelessly, as he stroked her gently.

"But?" He paused his fingers between her thighs, waiting for her to continue.

"But they never seemed to want to." She admitted, chest heaving from the sudden on-and-off of sensation.

Jimin smiled slyly, and she watched as a devilish expression took over his handsome features. "Don't worry. I want to."

She should have been embarrassed at the guttural sound that ripped itself from her chest when his lips met her center. Her fingers threaded into his hair, hips quivering to chase and deepen his ministrations. She hissed when he slipped a finger inside her, helping her prepare for him.

"Fuck, you're so tight." Jimin groaned as he circled a digit inside her. It wasn't meant to be dirty talk, it was a fact. Her walls were clenched at a fever pitch around his finger.

"Like I said," She gasped. "It's been a while."

Jimin opened his eyes and slowly made his way back up locking onto her mouth again, letting her taste herself on his tongue. He felt her clench around his finger, practically suffocating it, when he pressed his thumb over her most sensitive spot. He could already tell that she was going to feel fucking fantastic, but he wants her to enjoy this too. 

Jimin wrapped her legs around his waist, stretching her wider for him, and slipped a second finger inside her. He shoved his impatience aside and ignored his throbbing length, praying to whatever deity there may be to help her relax. After a few long minutes of her delicious sighs, Jimin felt her unclench around him, and decided he had done all he could to prepare her. 

Pulling his fingers out, Jimin aligned himself over her entrance. He locked his eyes on her as she wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him on. 

"Go slow." She requested, leaning up to steal a chaste, calming kiss from him. Jimin nodded, understanding just how much she had given him in that moment.

"Trust me?" He asked, locking his eyes on her as he rubbed comforting circles on her side. 

"I trust you." She replied.

He finally entered her, unable to help his velvety hiss as she dragged him in. All sensation rushed south that he barely registered his nails digging into his back. He was right; she was wet and tight, and it felt blindly fantastic. But the uncomfortable way she bit her lip was like a shot of cold water in his veins.

"Relax." Jimin breathed, pressing his forehead against hers. "I got you."

He knew that she needed time to adjust, so he reigned in his urges and forced himself to hold still. He pressed his lips against the sensitive spot under her jaw, remembering how she moaned when he sucked there earlier. She sighed against him, panic slowly leaving her body as she succumbed to the pleasure of his touch.

Jimin carefully eased in and out, giving her time to get used to the sensation, until her nails eased up from his back.

Sensing she was alright now, he quickened his pace gradually. She began to lose concentration as the pain subsided, replaced only by the swell of desire in her gut. With each stroke, getting deeper and harder, Jimin fanned a flame inside her, and she thrust her hips up to meet him there, eager for more. He lifted his head, hovering his mouth over hers, tasting her breath on his tongue as he pushed into her. 

Their glazed gazes locked as she felt the knot in her gut swell and tingle.

"Are you close?" Jimin asked, his heaving chest brushing against her breast.

Too lost in a haze, she could only nod at him. Jimin snaked an arm around her waist and sat up, bringing her up with him. He rested back on his haunches as she fell flush against his chest. He adjusted them to the new angle, holding her head to kiss her fervently, like a madman in need of oxygen. He rocked his hips against hers quickly, barely pulling out now, knowing it would rub against her bud. 

The room was filled with her dulcet moans and his pleasured grunts, the sounds of skin on skin, as he freckled open-mouthed kisses over her chest and breasts. Her hammering heart beneath his lips, and her quivering walls around him told Jimin that she was close. Reaching up, he pushed her hair back, needing to see her come undone for him.

The knot in her navel snapped, and she sputtered out a cry as heat exploded from her core all the way to her fingertips. Her insides clenched around him, and it took everything Jimin had not to let go at the sensation. She shook in his arms, allowing the tides to consume her, barely registering Jimin's tight grip on her waist as the waves washed over. 

With a few more pounds of his hips, Jimin knew he wouldn't last any longer. He quickly rested her back down on the mattress and pulled out of her. She shuddered at the loss of contact, still light-headed from her orgasm. With hooded eyes, she absently stroked his back and hair as she peeked to see him take himself in his hand.

With a few purposeful pumps, he let go too and pour himself over her mound and abdomen. He was hot on her skin, but she didn't mind, too lost in the wonder in his eyes as pleasure overtook him. She soothed him as he muffled his growl in her neck, body shaking as he rode out his high and he nuzzled his face against her when he came back down. 

When the buzz began to fade and his breathing calmed, Jimin's limbs were suddenly lead-heavy. He let himself rest his weight on her, as she stroked easy patterns on his back. He was weak in her arms and they rested their heads together as she trickled lazy kisses over his shoulders, allowing the comfortable silence to envelop them. 

When he had gathered some strength, Jimin disentangled himself from her and began to roll away.

"You don't have to hurry." She whispered quietly, almost as if she hadn't meant for him to hear her. The way she nervously chewed on her lip made him wonder what she meant by that, but something inside him told him it wasn't the right time to ask.

"I just need to clean up." He replied, gesturing to the mess he made over her skin.

"Oh, right." 

He didn't say anything, but Jimin could swear it was relief he saw in her eyes. So for that reason, and that reason alone, he leaned over to press a quick kiss to her lips before he bolted to the bathroom. He returned with a warm washcloth to clean herself up with.

Once that was done, Jimin turned off the bedside lamps and climbed back into bed, absently pulling the covers over them both. Now that their bodies and nerves have settled, the cold of the room began to seep into their bare skin.

Jimin turned to her when he had settled, observing the nervous girl next to him as her eyes fluttered and she bit her lip again. An awkward silence seemed just around the corner, and he waited patiently for her to explain herself.

"Do you want me to go?" 

Her question stunned him, and Jimin found himself opening and closing his mouth several times, unable to provide a quick answer. Contrary to the perception of easy fucks and one night stands, he had never been asked to leave nor asked anyone to leave. Sure, mornings after can be awkward, but never so much as to avoid staying the night altogether. 

On the other hand, they were different. He's had sex with strangers and acquaintances, but never someone he considered a friend. Best friend even. And there's no handbook that tells you what to do when you go from friends to friends-who-fucked in the pan of a night. 

He took too long to answer.

She took his silence as a yes, and smiled sadly, trying her best to maintain composure as she began to roll out of bed. At her movement, Jimin panicked and grabbed her wrist.

"Stay." He gasped out, tugging her gently back under the covers.

She looked at him in confusion but complied. When she rested back down, the truth slipped from his lips. "I always sleep better with you."

She smiled softly, and relief flooded his system. The spike of panic drained from him, and he absentmindedly brushed her hair away from her eyes as he let out a long yawn.

"Rest now." She whispered, tracing his brows with a gentle finger. "You have a 10am interview tomorrow."

He chuckled lightly, finding humor in the fact that she still managed to remember their schedule despite having just been fucked senseless. But the waves of drowsiness pulled him in and sleep stole Jimin before he could respond.

[joybooth]

Vogue 73 questions with Mike Lawson and Ginny Baker

“Hey Mike, what’s going on?”

“Not much, lookin’ forward to doing this interview.”

“I am too. Are you guys ready to answer 73 questions?”

“Sure, let’s go find Ginny.”

It turned out they found her sitting on a lounge by the pool in leggings and a t-shirt.

“So, you guys just finished playing in the World Series, any regrets?”

“No, we were excited to get there again this year,” Mike answered sitting next to Ginny.

“I mean, I hate to lose, but we played hard and that’s all you can do.”

“How many baseball games do you think you’ve played in your life?”

“For me? I have no idea. I’ve been playing since I was 5. That’s 35 years, between little league, AA, AAA and the majors? Let’s just say a lot,” Mike laughed.

“Same, minus 10 years,” Ginny added.

“Which of your competitors has helped you improve your game the most?”

“I would say Aaron Judge, a great hitter always makes me work that much harder for a strike.”

“Nolan, Nolan Arenado. I like to steal, but he keeps me honest.”

“If you could play any other sport, what would it be?”

“Tennis?” Ginny shrugged.

“I’ve always liked hockey.”

“Past or present who would you love to play with?”

“I gotta say Babe Ruth,” Mike said.

“For me, Cy Young or Yogi Berra.”

“What’s are you superstitious about?”

“I like a certain practice cage. I don’t know if it is a superstition, but I always go for that one if it’s available, and Mike used to sleep with his bat on game days.”

“Where do you go when you need to relax?”

“If I told you that, it wouldn’t be relaxing anymore,” Mike joked.

“We spend a lot of time at home, but we just took a vacation to Baja and that was really nice.”

“What is your nickname?”

“I call him old man.”

“And I call her rookie.”

“Who is the funniest person you know?”

“Dwayne,” Ginny answered after a moment of thought.

Mike nodded. “He is great. We were at a fundraiser for his foundation the other day, and everyone at the table was laughing crying.”

“Wait, do you mean Dwayne Johnson?” the interviewer asked.  

“Yeah, we met at the Espys and get together every now and then. He throws a great BBQ every year.”

“OK, what is your go to karaoke song?”

“Baker loves anything by Beyoncé or Katy Perry. I stick to the Eagles and Duran Duran.”

“What song always makes you want to dance?”

“He is right. I love Katy Perry and Beyoncé, but Uptown Funk is my jam.”

“I don’t dance much, but no one can resist Love Shack.”

“What is your walk out song?”

“I have a mix I listen to, it’s mostly instrumentals to help me clear my head.”

“I go for the classic, eye of the tiger.”

“If you could only read one book from now on, what would it be?”

“Treasure Island has been my favorite for a long time. I’ve read it 5-6 times, and I wouldn’t mind reading it again.”

“That is really hard for me, because I don’t read things more than once very often, but… I’m going to say Esperanza Rising. I know it is a kid’s book, but I still have the copy I read in 5th grade. Someday I want to be able to share it with my kid.”

“Most absurd rule in baseball?”

“It’s not really a written rule, but there is this thing where everyone must be involved in am on-field fight. When Gin went after the Mountain, our assistant coach had to walk out there and hold onto the other coach. These guys are in their 60’s hugging on the field so it is nice and even numbers. I mean I get it, but it can look pretty silly.”

“Describe your style in one word?”

“Comfy?” Ginny ventured.

“If you could raid anyone’s closet who would it be?”

“David Beckham,” Mike answered quickly.

“Serena Williams.”

“Any hidden talents?”

“I love to knit.”

“No kidding. I can’t tell you how many times she got me with one of her needles on the bus.”

“On purpose?”

“No, he is just clumsy and doesn’t look before he sits down.”

“I did get some cute hats and that blanket over there out of it, though.” He gestured to a knit blue and white blanket with a Padre’s logo on it draped over a leather chair.

“Looks nice, now for a hard one. What is love?”

“Baby don’t hurt me?” Mike joked, Ginny batted his arm. “No, seriously, love is different for different for different people but for me, it is a commitment to something that you care deeply about.”

“That and finding someone to see the best in you even when you can’t see it in yourself.”

“What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for each other?”

“He leaves me notes in my locker on days when we don’t work together.”  

“She rubs my back.”

“Best or worst pick up line someone has ever used with you?”

“I thought it was funny when this guy said, I was so distracted by you that I ran into that wall over there. So, I am going to need you name and phone number for insurance purposes.”

“Who said that?” Mike asked.

“Never mind, what’s yours?”

“A girl just walked up, put her hand out and asked me I could hold it while she went for a walk.”

“Did you?” the interviewer asked.

“I did,” Mike smiled, then he reached out and squeezed Ginny’s hand.  

“Who was your childhood crush?”

“This guy.”

“She finally admits it. She had my poster on her wall, but now I have hers too.”

“What was the last show you binged?”

“We just got done rewatching all of Brooklyn 99.”

“He was a thing for Rosa.”

“She does too.”

“I mean, doesn’t everyone?”

“Name one thing you can’t live without.”

“Air?” Mike joked.

“A good wifi network,” Ginny groaned. “I hate when I’m on the road and we finally get to a hotel and they have super slow internet. I just want to relax and watch Youtube or scroll tumblr.”

“Name something you are terrible at.”

“Bowling,” Ginny answered.

“I suck at word games, scrabble, boggle, all that stuff. She usually beats me by at least 100 points.”

“What is the most nervous you’ve ever been?”

“My first game in the majors.”

“Same. Mine, not hers. I wasn’t really nervous for her because we didn’t know each other, but I remember almost blacking out the first time I walked onto the field.”  

“Name one bad habit you just can’t break.”

“I bite my fingernails, so I have to keep them super short, but that’s fine, because I would have to for pitching anyway.”

“I am an emotional shopper. When things aren’t going well in life, I use retail therapy way too much.”

“He is not kidding. The good thing is he cleans his closet out once every six months and donates a lot of impulse buys to charity.”

“Craziest fan moment?” “A lady told me she named her baby after me and asked me to sign her. I signed her little shirt, but it was a little weird.”

“What is one phrase you use too much?”

“I’m just sayin’. She keeps reminding me how much it annoys her, but it just rolls off my tongue.”

“That’s ok, I always say my bad, and he hates that, so we are even.”

“If you could be any animal, what would it be?”

“I want to say something bad ass, but really I’m a house cat.”

“I can totally see that. I am a… a bear, but mostly because I just want to sleep and be left alone sometimes.”

“Can you say something in a different language?”

“Que bola? Its Cuban for what’s up. I picked it up from Livan.”

“I speak some Indonesian, from my mom. Tidak apa apa is no worries, which is what I use most in like everyday conversation.”

“What is one cause you care deeply about?”

“It is hard to name one, but I work a lot with our local children’s hospital,” Mike answered.

“I support NAACP legal defense fund, Equal justice initiative and the African wildlife foundation.”

“How do you celebrate your wins?”

“Ice cream or beer depending on the day.”

“How do you deal with loses?”

“I try to figure out what went wrong, so I can do it differently next time,” Ginny said thoughtfully.

“How do you deal with haters?”

Ginny laughed, “You just gotta block’em out.”

“If you could redo one game which would it be?”

“The game where I messed up my knee the first time.”

“Yeah, when I almost got the no hitter and instead messed up my arm, that was pretty bad.”

“Besides baseball what would you like to be remembered for?”

“Being a good person.”

“If you weren’t baseball players, what else would you be?”

“I would do something with cars.”

“I would do something with history? Teaching or maybe be an anthropologist?”

“Do you have a pregame ritual?”

“I have a pump mix but mostly I like to meditate and mentally prepare. I usually go over the lineup one last time with Mike.”

“How many MLB teams can you name in ten seconds?”

“The Padres, the Braves, the Dodgers, the A’s, the Rockies, the Yankees, Sox, Cubs, Phillies, Astros, Mariners…”

Mike took over, “Jays, Giants, Angels, Brewers…”

“And that’s time, good job. Name the best baseball player who ever lived.” “Babe Ruth.”

“Willie Mays.”

“If you could only eat one thing forever, what would it be?”

“Pizza?” Mike answered.

“Burgers, but they have to come with fries,” Ginny chimed in.

 “What movie always makes you cry?”

“Field of dreams.”

“The Lion King.”

“What movie makes you scream in terror?”

“My friends dragged me to the Omen once, which was pretty scary, but mostly I don’t watch scary movies.”

“I watched the exorcist way too young, and that pretty much put me off scary movies for life.”

“What is the most inspirational sports film of all time?”

“I always liked Cinderella Man with Russel Crow.”

“I really liked the Life of Pi.”

“Who do you want to play you in the movie of your life?”

“I don’t know that they would make a movie of my life, but when they make hers I think Ryan Gossling is a good choice, or Ryan Reynolds, or any of the Marvel Chrises.”

“If they made a movie… I would say… Letitia Wright maybe?”

“What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?”

“As a kid I broke my ankle trying to do a skate board trick,” Mike scratched the back of his neck and flushed slightly.

“What is one skill you wish you had but you don’t?”

“I am trying to learn to cook, but Mike still does it most of the time.”

“If you were a super hero, what would your name be?”

“Black Diamond.”

“Beard-Man.”

“Who’s your most famous follower on twitter?”

“I don’t have a twitter.”

“A lot of people follow me to hear about Ginny, I would say Anna Kendrick is the most famous.”

“You travel a lot for work, what are three things you take with you everywhere?”

“My headphones, a neck pillow, and my phone charger.” “Same.”

“Do you have an pets?”

“We have a dog,” Ginny whistled, and a mini pie ball dachshund call running out. “This is Chip. I named her after the cup from beauty and the beast. She is a super sweet girl.”

“What’s your zodiac sign?”

“I am a Libra and Ginny is a Leo.”

“What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

“He likes coffee or half-baked and I like Cherry Garcia.”

“What’s one household chore you hate to do?”

“We both hate the dishes, so we do them together, so we can get it over with quickly.”

“Do you have any collections?”

“I have a snow globe collection, and Mike collects baseball memorabilia.”

“Who is more competitive?“

“Me!” they both said quickly, then looked at the other and laughed.

  “What is your go to date night?”

“We like to go see comedians.”

“He just got us tickets to see Ali Wong for our anniversary.”

“If you could go anywhere on vacation where would it be?”

“We are going to Kenya next month, and I am really excited about that,” Ginny answered.

“Me too.”

“What is your love language?”

“I like acts of service and words of affirmation,” Mike answered seriously for once.

“and for me, it is quality time.”

“Sleep in or rise early?”

“Sleep in!” Mike grinned.

“Read a book or watch TV?”

“Watch tv,” they agreed.

“Kiss or hug?”

“Kiss,” they both snapped.

“Strength training or cardio?”

“Cardio,” Ginny answered automatically

“I like strength training,” Mike added.

“You guys recently got married, what was the biggest change?”

“Not really anything? We already lived together.”

“Calling him my husband, is weird sometimes.”

“What was your favorite part of the wedding?”

“When we left?” Ginny laughed.

“What kind of cake did you have?”

“Just plain yellow cake with chocolate frosting,” Mike answered.

“Who caught the bouquet?”

“My agent, Amelia.”

“What song was your first dance to?”

“Unforgettable.”

“What are you doing today?”

“We’re going to the farmer’s market, then coming home for dinner with some friends.” Ginny answered, walking toward the door.

“Can I come along?”

Ginny made a face. “No, thanks for stopping by though.”

[newstechreviews]

When Caitie Bossart returned to the U.S. from a weeklong trip to the U.K., her dating life ought to have been the least of her problems. A part-time nanny looking for full-time work, she found her inbox filled with messages from companies that had instituted hiring freezes and from families who no longer wanted to bring a babysitter into their homes in response to the spread of COVID-19. Her aunt, whom she had been living with, prevailed upon Bossart to isolate herself at an Airbnb for 14 days upon her return, even as Bossart’s economic future looked uncertain.

At least Bossart wouldn’t be alone: She had met a great guy on the dating app Hinge about a month before her trip and had gone on five dates with him. She liked him, more than anyone she’d ever dated. When their state issued stay-at-home orders, they decided to hole up together. They ordered takeout and watched movies. In lieu of visiting museums or restaurants, they took long walks. They built a bond that felt at once artificial—trying to keep things light, they avoided the grimmer coronavirus-related topics that might dim the honeymoon period of a relationship—and promising. Under no other circumstance would they have spent such uninterrupted time together, and over the course of their confinement, her feelings for him grew.

But six days into it, Bossart’s crush was ordered to self-isolate for 14 days so he could take up a six-month job posting abroad. On top of job anxiety, worries about her living situation and stress about her family’s health, Bossart faced the prospect of not seeing this man for the better part of a year.

“I’m 35, which is that ‘dreaded age’ for women, or whatever,” she says. “I don’t know if I should wait, if I can wait. It’s scary.”

Since COVID-19 swept across the U.S., much has been made—and rightly so—of the plights of families facing economic and social upheaval: how co-habitating couples are adapting to sharing a workspace at home, how parents are juggling work with teaching their children trigonometry while schools are closed, how people cannot visit their parents or older relatives, even on their deathbeds, for fear of spreading the virus.

The challenges faced by singles, though, particularly millennials and those of Gen Z, have often been fodder for comedy. Instagram users are creating accounts dedicated to screenshotting terrible dating app pickup lines like, “If the virus doesn’t take you out, can I?” Twitter users have jumped to compare the situation with the Netflix reality series Love Is Blind, in which contestants talk to each other in isolated pods, unable to see or touch their dates. But for singles who have yet to find partners much less start families, isolation means the loss of that portion of life most young adults count on to forge grown-up friendships and romantic relationships.

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

These digital natives, who through online apps have enjoyed a freedom to manage their social lives and romantic entanglements that previous generations lacked—swiping left or right, ghosting a bore, scheduling a late-night hookup—now find themselves unable to exercise that independence. And for those who graduated from college into the last great recession with heavy student debt, there is the added worry of staring into another financial abyss as everything from gig work to full-time employment evaporates. Just as they were on the cusp of full-on adulthood, their futures are more in doubt than ever.

A 28-year-old woman who works in fashion and lives alone in New York echoed Bossart’s sentiments about her life being derailed. “The loneliness has definitely started to hit. I have great friends and family, but a relationship is still missing, and who knows when that will be back up and running,” she says. “I would be lying if I said my biological clock hadn’t crossed my mind. I have plenty of time, but if this lasts 6 months—it just means that much longer before I can eventually have a baby.”

Keep up to date with our daily coronavirus newsletter by clicking here.

That sense of mild dread is legitimate and widely shared, if rarely spoken aloud, and will only become more common as orders to isolate spread across the country.

Dacher Keltner, a University of California, Berkeley sociologist who studies the impact of touch, worries about the long-term impact of social distancing on singles who live alone. He contends the fabric of society is held together by even the smallest physical contact. “Touch is as important a social condition as anything,” Keltner says. “It reduces stress. It makes people trust one another. It allows for cooperation. When you look at people in solitary confinement suffering from touch deprivation, you see that people lose a sense that someone’s got their back, that they’re part of a community and connected to others.”

Worse still, loneliness can affect an individual’s health. Studies have shown extreme loneliness is associated with the immune system increasing inflammation. “Under normal circumstances, when you feel lonely, you run the risk of a stressed, compromised health profile,” Keltner says. “Add to that the quarantine, and that really elevates the severity.”

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

And then there’s the obvious carnal problem. The New York Board of Health issued guidelines on sex in the time of coronavirus, encouraging New Yorkers to avoid hookups and gently suggesting substituting masturbation for intercourse: “You are your safest sex partner.” The hilariously blatant government warning quickly went viral on social networks, but as the reality of abstinence has set in for New Yorkers, people are starting to wonder how their comfort with physical intimacy may forever be changed. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases and a key member of the White House’s coronavirus task force, has already said, “I don’t think we should ever shake hands ever again.” Keltner adds that singles might fundamentally alter how they interact with strangers on first dates: Even once there is a cure for the coronavirus or the pandemic passes, an entire generation will think twice before hugging a stranger on a first, second, even third date.

“Right now, sex feels like something I may never have again,” said the anonymous New Yorker working in fashion. “People are going to have to start getting creative in terms of contact with men. Skype sex may get really popular. But how long can that last?” How we date during coronavirus is already shifting, perhaps permanently.

We are social creatures and of course will find ways to continue to date—primarily via Skype, FaceTime, Zoom and other video call apps. “Romantic love will never die,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at the Kinsey Institute who has conducted hundreds of MRI scans on smitten people to see love’s effect on our brains. She says that our brains treat romantic love as a central need, like thirst and hunger. “Thirst and hunger aren’t going to die, and neither are feelings of love and attachment that allow you to pass your DNA to the next generation,” she says. Plus, novel times trigger dopamine in the brain, and we are certainly living through novel times.

Home, alone and in some cases without a job, single people are spending more time swiping right on dating apps to find love, particularly in the cities hardest hit by the virus: Bumble reports a 21% increase in messages sent in Seattle, 23% increase in New York City and 26% increase in San Francisco since March 12, a day after the World Health Organization labeled the coronavirus a global pandemic. The use of in-app video chatting on Bumble, a feature many users didn’t even know existed before the coronavirus spread, increased 93% across the country between March 13—the day President Donald Trump declared a national emergency—and March 27, with in-app calls and video chats averaging 29 minutes. Hinge, similarly, saw a 30% increase in messaging on the app in March, compared to February, and has responded by launching an in-app “date from home” feature that, if both users agree, launches a video chat or phone call.

Even those resistant to dating online are open to changing their habits. “I told my parents if this is why I die alone, it will be truly tragic,” jokes Tina Chen, 28. Chen works for a professional volleyball league and travels the country for tournaments, a routine that is on hold while COVID-19 spreads. Chen’s temporary move to her parents’ home in Los Angeles feels increasingly permanent as stay-at-home orders drag on. Chen has never been into online dating but admits if the quarantine lasts several more months, that may change. “If my time were to go soon-ish,” she says, “I want to have had the experience of life-long love.”

Some singles are getting creative. Chelsea Mao and Anna Li, students at the Wharton Business School at the University of Pennsylvania, started a Love Is Blind experiment, inspired by the Netflix series, for business school students to meet and talk through emails. They floated the idea to classmates and received 2200 submissions from students at 21 schools across the U.S.

Mao and Li, who are also participating, have received long, thoughtful missives via email, far different from the pithy chats on dating apps that tend to focus on sorting out logistics for in-person meetings. “But without that as an option, the conversations have been longer and more meaningful,” says Li, who exchanged notes with a mystery date about their backgrounds and personal struggles.

Adds Mao: “I have learned more about some of these people from a few emails than I would have from months of dating them in the usual school setting.”

Still, in-person chemistry is hard to replicate. A charmer over text might turn out to be a dud in person without the time, thesaurus or roommate to aid in witty repartee. And texting conversations on apps can drag on for days, weeks or even months and never lead to an actual date.

That’s why Fisher used to offer one cardinal piece of advice to people on dating apps: Meet the person as soon as possible. And yet, in the age of COVID-19, she has become surprisingly bullish on dating at a distance. “Everybody thinks this is a bad time for dating. I think this is an extremely good time for dating,” she says. “Sex is off the table, so you actually have to sit down and really get to know someone. Because the most important thing to look for in a partner is having a good conversation.”

Katia RepinaA couple having a conversation in Prospect Park, Brooklyn on April 5th, 2020.

Stripped of the ambiance of a restaurant or the taste of food, the quality of the conversation on a date comes into focus. “People definitely have to improve their conversation skills. There’s more talking on video chat than there would be in a loud bar,” says David, a 25-year-old engineer in Philadelphia who did not want to be identified by his last name for work-related reasons. “It’s also definitely helped my wallet.” He usually pays for the first date but calculates he is saving hundreds by not going out, a factor no doubt high in the minds of many online daters as unemployment soars.

Across the country, Bumble is seeing more “quality chats”—based on the length of messages people exchange in the app and how long the conversations last. And studies show a longer courting period translates to a more stable marriage. Fisher is confident this quarantine period will lead to a boom in weddings.

In theory, everyone on dating apps shares something in common right now and thus has the perfect opening conversation. That can build a sense of solidarity and even empathy among strangers trying to navigate the same challenges together, but singles who spoke with TIME—mostly in their 20s and 30s but also a handful older than 50—complained it also feels impossible to transition to other topics. Trying to suss out someone’s politics? The conversation will likely focus on Trump’s handling of the outbreak. Like sports? Debates over whether LeBron James is the greatest of all time came to a halt when the NBA postponed the season. Want to talk movies? The discussion inevitably winds its way to the fact that Tom Hanks tested positive for COVID-19. Viruses do not make for light conversation.

That’s particularly true for people like Bossart, who are weighed down by financial concerns. “A guy messaged me on a dating app, ‘how are you doing?’” she says. “I didn’t even know what to say because I’m not feeling great about my job situation right now. So I just stopped responding.”

Assuming singles find a connection, video dates can only go so far. Zachary Wobensmith, a 50-year-old actor in New York City, has remained skeptical of video chatting. Not only does dating during the pandemic sound like more work—coming up with creative ways to maintain the spark even as the lockdown drags on—he wonders if he’s got the willpower to resist temptation and abide by the rules of social isolation. “This sounds terrible, but if I found someone I liked, at a certain point I would risk it and meet them in person,” he says. “Human contact is difficult to go without.”

Courtesy of Gretchen Wobensmith Zachary Wobensmith on his 50th birthday in New York.

The Wharton students conducting the Love Is Blind experiment have heard rumors of couples who connected through the program meeting up for long-distance walks together. “It feels like we live in such innocent times that we were scandalized by people going on walks, but we are,” says Li.

Fisher has her own view: “We are a touching animal, if this carries on, I think we’re going to see speakeasies emerge where people meet in clandestine fashion and hug or even have sex.”

Whether pop-up hugging speakeasies take off or not, we don’t yet know the long-term consequences of coronavirus on our day-to-day interactions. Several singles TIME interviewed speculated that even after social distancing rules are lifted, they would continue to use distance dating as a step in the courtship process, a way to screen people before they actually meet in person. Others suggested it would take months or even years before they are comfortable shaking hands with a stranger or hugging them on a first date.

Keltner, the touch expert at Berkeley, worries about the long-term mental health ramifications on a society in isolation. Statistics on solitary confinement are difficult to acquire because the prison system limits studies on prisoners, but data suggest that people deprived of social interactions for even just a few weeks are 30-40% more likely to suffer from depression and suicidal ideation. While social distancing in an apartment with virtual access to friends, family and coworkers is hardly the same as extreme isolation, public health experts are worried about spikes in anxiety and depression during the pandemic—feelings that will not automatically disappear when people go outside again.

“If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, for millions of years we had tactile contact like hugs,” says Keltner. “Every relationship has been built and held together by complicated nonverbal language, beginning with parent and child. It’s part of our social fabric. I worry about what happens when as a society we lose those modes of communication for a time.”

Yet some of those searching online for their long-term partners are optimistic that COVID-19 might fundamentally change people’s behavior for the better.

Rebecca, a New York City doctor who asked that her last name be excluded for work-related reasons, says she has been able to learn plenty about her dates virtually—perhaps even more than if she met them on-line, since a glimpse into their apartments on video chat is a glimpse into their daily lives. She says she’s able to determine about “80%” of in-person chemistry on her virtual dates, and while it’s difficult to resist flouting the rules and meeting up, “if it is worth it, you will make it work,” she says. “It’s physical distancing, not social distancing. And I’m determined to continue to be social.”

Alex Muetzel, 29, who works in recruiting for New York University but is currently self-quarantining in his parents’ basement in Ohio, is spending less time on dating apps overall, but more time talking to the men he meets on them — a change from the days when he might quickly move on if there was not an immediate spark.

Courtesy of Florian KrischAlex Muetzel in Miami, Florida.

“I’ve met a lot of guys who I’m sure are great, but if you’re not really into it right away, you have so many other options on the apps, you don’t give them a second chance,” he says. Now, without the opportunity to meet someone for a quick coffee or drink, there’s time for conversation, even with people he might not have spent time with before.

“I wonder if people will change their priorities,” he says.

Rebecca already has. She’s found it easy to rule out an entire category of online suitors: those who reveal they’re not respecting quarantine rules. Clearly, such a reckless person is not boyfriend material.

[itsfinancethings]

April 11, 2020 at 07:00AM

When Caitie Bossart returned to the U.S. from a weeklong trip to the U.K., her dating life ought to have been the least of her problems. A part-time nanny looking for full-time work, she found her inbox filled with messages from companies that had instituted hiring freezes and from families who no longer wanted to bring a babysitter into their homes in response to the spread of COVID-19. Her aunt, whom she had been living with, prevailed upon Bossart to isolate herself at an Airbnb for 14 days upon her return, even as Bossart’s economic future looked uncertain.

At least Bossart wouldn’t be alone: She had met a great guy on the dating app Hinge about a month before her trip and had gone on five dates with him. She liked him, more than anyone she’d ever dated. When their state issued stay-at-home orders, they decided to hole up together. They ordered takeout and watched movies. In lieu of visiting museums or restaurants, they took long walks. They built a bond that felt at once artificial—trying to keep things light, they avoided the grimmer coronavirus-related topics that might dim the honeymoon period of a relationship—and promising. Under no other circumstance would they have spent such uninterrupted time together, and over the course of their confinement, her feelings for him grew.

But six days into it, Bossart’s crush was ordered to self-isolate for 14 days so he could take up a six-month job posting abroad. On top of job anxiety, worries about her living situation and stress about her family’s health, Bossart faced the prospect of not seeing this man for the better part of a year.

“I’m 35, which is that ‘dreaded age’ for women, or whatever,” she says. “I don’t know if I should wait, if I can wait. It’s scary.”

Since COVID-19 swept across the U.S., much has been made—and rightly so—of the plights of families facing economic and social upheaval: how co-habitating couples are adapting to sharing a workspace at home, how parents are juggling work with teaching their children trigonometry while schools are closed, how people cannot visit their parents or older relatives, even on their deathbeds, for fear of spreading the virus.

The challenges faced by singles, though, particularly millennials and those of Gen Z, have often been fodder for comedy. Instagram users are creating accounts dedicated to screenshotting terrible dating app pickup lines like, “If the virus doesn’t take you out, can I?” Twitter users have jumped to compare the situation with the Netflix reality series Love Is Blind, in which contestants talk to each other in isolated pods, unable to see or touch their dates. But for singles who have yet to find partners much less start families, isolation means the loss of that portion of life most young adults count on to forge grown-up friendships and romantic relationships.

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

These digital natives, who through online apps have enjoyed a freedom to manage their social lives and romantic entanglements that previous generations lacked—swiping left or right, ghosting a bore, scheduling a late-night hookup—now find themselves unable to exercise that independence. And for those who graduated from college into the last great recession with heavy student debt, there is the added worry of staring into another financial abyss as everything from gig work to full-time employment evaporates. Just as they were on the cusp of full-on adulthood, their futures are more in doubt than ever.

A 28-year-old woman who works in fashion and lives alone in New York echoed Bossart’s sentiments about her life being derailed. “The loneliness has definitely started to hit. I have great friends and family, but a relationship is still missing, and who knows when that will be back up and running,” she says. “I would be lying if I said my biological clock hadn’t crossed my mind. I have plenty of time, but if this lasts 6 months—it just means that much longer before I can eventually have a baby.”

Keep up to date with our daily coronavirus newsletter by clicking here.

That sense of mild dread is legitimate and widely shared, if rarely spoken aloud, and will only become more common as orders to isolate spread across the country.

Dacher Keltner, a University of California, Berkeley sociologist who studies the impact of touch, worries about the long-term impact of social distancing on singles who live alone. He contends the fabric of society is held together by even the smallest physical contact. “Touch is as important a social condition as anything,” Keltner says. “It reduces stress. It makes people trust one another. It allows for cooperation. When you look at people in solitary confinement suffering from touch deprivation, you see that people lose a sense that someone’s got their back, that they’re part of a community and connected to others.”

Worse still, loneliness can affect an individual’s health. Studies have shown extreme loneliness is associated with the immune system increasing inflammation. “Under normal circumstances, when you feel lonely, you run the risk of a stressed, compromised health profile,” Keltner says. “Add to that the quarantine, and that really elevates the severity.”

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

And then there’s the obvious carnal problem. The New York Board of Health issued guidelines on sex in the time of coronavirus, encouraging New Yorkers to avoid hookups and gently suggesting substituting masturbation for intercourse: “You are your safest sex partner.” The hilariously blatant government warning quickly went viral on social networks, but as the reality of abstinence has set in for New Yorkers, people are starting to wonder how their comfort with physical intimacy may forever be changed. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases and a key member of the White House’s coronavirus task force, has already said, “I don’t think we should ever shake hands ever again.” Keltner adds that singles might fundamentally alter how they interact with strangers on first dates: Even once there is a cure for the coronavirus or the pandemic passes, an entire generation will think twice before hugging a stranger on a first, second, even third date.

“Right now, sex feels like something I may never have again,” said the anonymous New Yorker working in fashion. “People are going to have to start getting creative in terms of contact with men. Skype sex may get really popular. But how long can that last?” How we date during coronavirus is already shifting, perhaps permanently.

We are social creatures and of course will find ways to continue to date—primarily via Skype, FaceTime, Zoom and other video call apps. “Romantic love will never die,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at the Kinsey Institute who has conducted hundreds of MRI scans on smitten people to see love’s effect on our brains. She says that our brains treat romantic love as a central need, like thirst and hunger. “Thirst and hunger aren’t going to die, and neither are feelings of love and attachment that allow you to pass your DNA to the next generation,” she says. Plus, novel times trigger dopamine in the brain, and we are certainly living through novel times.

Home, alone and in some cases without a job, single people are spending more time swiping right on dating apps to find love, particularly in the cities hardest hit by the virus: Bumble reports a 21% increase in messages sent in Seattle, 23% increase in New York City and 26% increase in San Francisco since March 12, a day after the World Health Organization labeled the coronavirus a global pandemic. The use of in-app video chatting on Bumble, a feature many users didn’t even know existed before the coronavirus spread, increased 93% across the country between March 13—the day President Donald Trump declared a national emergency—and March 27, with in-app calls and video chats averaging 29 minutes. Hinge, similarly, saw a 30% increase in messaging on the app in March, compared to February, and has responded by launching an in-app “date from home” feature that, if both users agree, launches a video chat or phone call.

Even those resistant to dating online are open to changing their habits. “I told my parents if this is why I die alone, it will be truly tragic,” jokes Tina Chen, 28. Chen works for a professional volleyball league and travels the country for tournaments, a routine that is on hold while COVID-19 spreads. Chen’s temporary move to her parents’ home in Los Angeles feels increasingly permanent as stay-at-home orders drag on. Chen has never been into online dating but admits if the quarantine lasts several more months, that may change. “If my time were to go soon-ish,” she says, “I want to have had the experience of life-long love.”

Some singles are getting creative. Chelsea Mao and Anna Li, students at the Wharton Business School at the University of Pennsylvania, started a Love Is Blind experiment, inspired by the Netflix series, for business school students to meet and talk through emails. They floated the idea to classmates and received 2200 submissions from students at 21 schools across the U.S.

Mao and Li, who are also participating, have received long, thoughtful missives via email, far different from the pithy chats on dating apps that tend to focus on sorting out logistics for in-person meetings. “But without that as an option, the conversations have been longer and more meaningful,” says Li, who exchanged notes with a mystery date about their backgrounds and personal struggles.

Adds Mao: “I have learned more about some of these people from a few emails than I would have from months of dating them in the usual school setting.”

Still, in-person chemistry is hard to replicate. A charmer over text might turn out to be a dud in person without the time, thesaurus or roommate to aid in witty repartee. And texting conversations on apps can drag on for days, weeks or even months and never lead to an actual date.

That’s why Fisher used to offer one cardinal piece of advice to people on dating apps: Meet the person as soon as possible. And yet, in the age of COVID-19, she has become surprisingly bullish on dating at a distance. “Everybody thinks this is a bad time for dating. I think this is an extremely good time for dating,” she says. “Sex is off the table, so you actually have to sit down and really get to know someone. Because the most important thing to look for in a partner is having a good conversation.”

Katia RepinaA couple having a conversation in Prospect Park, Brooklyn on April 5th, 2020.

Stripped of the ambiance of a restaurant or the taste of food, the quality of the conversation on a date comes into focus. “People definitely have to improve their conversation skills. There’s more talking on video chat than there would be in a loud bar,” says David, a 25-year-old engineer in Philadelphia who did not want to be identified by his last name for work-related reasons. “It’s also definitely helped my wallet.” He usually pays for the first date but calculates he is saving hundreds by not going out, a factor no doubt high in the minds of many online daters as unemployment soars.

Across the country, Bumble is seeing more “quality chats”—based on the length of messages people exchange in the app and how long the conversations last. And studies show a longer courting period translates to a more stable marriage. Fisher is confident this quarantine period will lead to a boom in weddings.

In theory, everyone on dating apps shares something in common right now and thus has the perfect opening conversation. That can build a sense of solidarity and even empathy among strangers trying to navigate the same challenges together, but singles who spoke with TIME—mostly in their 20s and 30s but also a handful older than 50—complained it also feels impossible to transition to other topics. Trying to suss out someone’s politics? The conversation will likely focus on Trump’s handling of the outbreak. Like sports? Debates over whether LeBron James is the greatest of all time came to a halt when the NBA postponed the season. Want to talk movies? The discussion inevitably winds its way to the fact that Tom Hanks tested positive for COVID-19. Viruses do not make for light conversation.

That’s particularly true for people like Bossart, who are weighed down by financial concerns. “A guy messaged me on a dating app, ‘how are you doing?’” she says. “I didn’t even know what to say because I’m not feeling great about my job situation right now. So I just stopped responding.”

Assuming singles find a connection, video dates can only go so far. Zachary Wobensmith, a 50-year-old actor in New York City, has remained skeptical of video chatting. Not only does dating during the pandemic sound like more work—coming up with creative ways to maintain the spark even as the lockdown drags on—he wonders if he’s got the willpower to resist temptation and abide by the rules of social isolation. “This sounds terrible, but if I found someone I liked, at a certain point I would risk it and meet them in person,” he says. “Human contact is difficult to go without.”

Courtesy of Gretchen Wobensmith Zachary Wobensmith on his 50th birthday in New York.

The Wharton students conducting the Love Is Blind experiment have heard rumors of couples who connected through the program meeting up for long-distance walks together. “It feels like we live in such innocent times that we were scandalized by people going on walks, but we are,” says Li.

Fisher has her own view: “We are a touching animal, if this carries on, I think we’re going to see speakeasies emerge where people meet in clandestine fashion and hug or even have sex.”

Whether pop-up hugging speakeasies take off or not, we don’t yet know the long-term consequences of coronavirus on our day-to-day interactions. Several singles TIME interviewed speculated that even after social distancing rules are lifted, they would continue to use distance dating as a step in the courtship process, a way to screen people before they actually meet in person. Others suggested it would take months or even years before they are comfortable shaking hands with a stranger or hugging them on a first date.

Keltner, the touch expert at Berkeley, worries about the long-term mental health ramifications on a society in isolation. Statistics on solitary confinement are difficult to acquire because the prison system limits studies on prisoners, but data suggest that people deprived of social interactions for even just a few weeks are 30-40% more likely to suffer from depression and suicidal ideation. While social distancing in an apartment with virtual access to friends, family and coworkers is hardly the same as extreme isolation, public health experts are worried about spikes in anxiety and depression during the pandemic—feelings that will not automatically disappear when people go outside again.

“If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, for millions of years we had tactile contact like hugs,” says Keltner. “Every relationship has been built and held together by complicated nonverbal language, beginning with parent and child. It’s part of our social fabric. I worry about what happens when as a society we lose those modes of communication for a time.”

Yet some of those searching online for their long-term partners are optimistic that COVID-19 might fundamentally change people’s behavior for the better.

Rebecca, a New York City doctor who asked that her last name be excluded for work-related reasons, says she has been able to learn plenty about her dates virtually—perhaps even more than if she met them on-line, since a glimpse into their apartments on video chat is a glimpse into their daily lives. She says she’s able to determine about “80%” of in-person chemistry on her virtual dates, and while it’s difficult to resist flouting the rules and meeting up, “if it is worth it, you will make it work,” she says. “It’s physical distancing, not social distancing. And I’m determined to continue to be social.”

Alex Muetzel, 29, who works in recruiting for New York University but is currently self-quarantining in his parents’ basement in Ohio, is spending less time on dating apps overall, but more time talking to the men he meets on them — a change from the days when he might quickly move on if there was not an immediate spark.

Courtesy of Florian KrischAlex Muetzel in Miami, Florida.

“I’ve met a lot of guys who I’m sure are great, but if you’re not really into it right away, you have so many other options on the apps, you don’t give them a second chance,” he says. Now, without the opportunity to meet someone for a quick coffee or drink, there’s time for conversation, even with people he might not have spent time with before.

“I wonder if people will change their priorities,” he says.

Rebecca already has. She’s found it easy to rule out an entire category of online suitors: those who reveal they’re not respecting quarantine rules. Clearly, such a reckless person is not boyfriend material.

[newagesispage]

                                                                    SEPTEMBER       2019  

PAGE   RIB

 July 2019 was the hottest month in human history.

*****

This Ordinary Life has sent the world their new EP, Sadderdays!! Give it a listen!

*****

Judd Apatow is putting out a book about Garry Shandling.

*****

Debbie Harry: Face it will be out on Oct. 1

*****

This year the Kennedy center will honor Big Bird, Linda Ronstadt, Earth, Wind and Fire, Michael Tilson Thomas, and Sally Field.

*****

Kentucky principal Phillip Wilson who banned books from his high school in 2009 for homosexual content has been arrested on possession and distribution of child porn.

*****

In Illinois, the capital bill is funded through a doubling of gas tax and an increase in license plate fees. The money is supposed to be for roads, public buildings and bridges. The state constitution tells us the state shall not pay for aid in any school, academy, seminary, college, university or other literary or scientific institution controlled by any church or sectarian denomination. Organizations that are now receiving some of the funding are, Catholic charities, The ARK of Sabina, Inner-city Muslim action network, Gifts from God ministry, Chicago center for Torah and Chesed, Hatzalah, Keshet, Jewish united fund, Lewis University, St. Ann Catholic school and Mt. Sinai hospital, among others.

*****

Gary Busey will appear in the off Broadway musical, Only Human where he will play God.

*****

Eastwood’s The Ballad of Richard Jewell is in production with Sam Rockwell, Olivia Wilde, Kathy Bates and Jon Hamm.

*****

For a look into Brian Jones death catch the doc ‘Who killed Christopher Robin?’

*****

Dale Jr. and family were in a plane crash but everybody seems to be ok.

*****

I hear that Porn hub is planting a tree for every 100 videos watched.

*****

Days alert: Rex is out. What about Chloe? Who will love her now? They still had the chemistry. Oh, never mind, Chloe is gone too!** Ted is out. Tripp is out. Jordan will be back briefly.** OMG How my heart fluttered when Tony and Anna saw each other again. Oh, the magic of a soap!! **At last Robin Strasser is on the way as Vivian. ** Greg Vaughan is dating Angie Harmon and they are a pretty adorable couple.**Why don’t they try to charge Kristen with Holly’s murder? She may want to tell them where they are then.  And I am so sick of Eric leaving sweet women to sniff after Nicole, enough. He used to be one of my favorite characters but it has gotten old. ** Please Please put Xander and Sarah together!!!!!

*****

Dolly Parton’s America: A podcast will begin this fall.

*****

The new owners of the LA sex club that was known as Snctm are taking apps and promising carnal bliss.

*****

Scary Clown told workers in a GM plant in Michigan not to sell their homes. He promised the plant would not shut down and guess what? Lie!** Trump owes El Paso 470 thousand for his MAGA rally. ** Perhaps we should all refer to him as he refers to himself, Ttump.** A Nazi rally in Germany handed out hats inspired by the Trump campaign that read: Make Germany Hate Again.** We have to hit him where it hurts..$.. This is all he understands.** The evangelicals finally got a little upset when Trump took the lords name in vain. ** Trump wanted to buy Greenland, they wouldn’t bite and he cancelled his trip to Denmark.** Now he is The King of Isreal? The chosen one? The second coming of God? ** Word is that half of Trumps twitter followers are fake. Also, the US Labor Dept. says America created 500,000 fewer jobs in 2018 and 2019 than previously reported. **Rural farmers are 50-50 on Trump like the rest of us. Why do we categorize people? Things like this show that our differences don’t usually have anything to do with our religion, the color of our skin,$, job or location. We are different at our cores in what we think and feel about others and the world around us.** Scary Clown has told some staff to get this wall started no matter the coast and to just, ”take the land” if necessary and he will pardon them later. He has taken FEMA money to get the ball rolling as a hurricane bears down on the U.S.

*****

Why do we vote in those that allow the drug, insurance and credit card, lender companies to make all the dough?? Let’s ALL enjoy America.

*****

A newly invented bag can be dissolved in water after use.

*****

Pardon Blagoevich?? What??

*****

The Black Jewel Coal Co. has filed for bankruptcy. The miner’s last paychecks bounced. Nobody will answer their questions about their 4o1k’s. Since they are not technically laid off yet, they can’t receive unemployment. The company got 5 mil in emergency funds from the bank and they owe 976 thousand in fines.

*****

Kelly Craft, a major Trump donor is the new UN ambassador.**US ambassador to Russia, Jon Huntsman is out.

*****

I have to say, I don’t get why people aren’t more excited about the democratic candidates. There are a few that could go away but there are some really fabulous ideas there. I hope they put their egos aside when the last is standing. The lot of them would compose a great cabinet. And how do you not get excited about the future of our country?? How can you be so inside your own head that you put our own day to day ahead of your country? We all have to pay our bills, work, care for others and enjoy our passions from time to time but this is crunch time people!!! Pay attention!!** Beto’s REAL reaction to the El Paso shootings did more for him than all his relaunches. He was himself and not what he thought he should be. Trump and Biden were giving sympathy to the wrong cities for goodness sake!  Trump couldn’t even show any true feelings as he gave the thumbs up beside an orphan and tweeted about how lousy Shep Smith as he flew to the next photo op of victims.** It’s hard to look away from the freak show.** The next Dem debate is Sept.12.

*****

With no notice, immigrants who are here for life saving treatments have been given 33 days to clear out of the country.** Scary Clown is fighting with Comey again. What an unhappy schmuck this President is.

*****

It seems to me that if 2 people had run for student council president and the winner cheated and abused his office, they would make him step down. Would they have another vote or let the opponent step in?? The President of the US post is a bit more important than student council President. ** Now Trump is thinking that nuking hurricanes might be a good idea.

*****

If elected, Bernie says he will tell us what is known about aliens from outer space.** Hickenlooper is out.** Seth Moulton is out.**Jay Inslee is out (oooh, that one hurts). I love ya Jay!! He is now running for reelection as Governor.** Gillibrand is out** Former Illinois congressman Joe Walsh and former Massachusetts  Governor Bill Weld are in for the Republican side.

*****

Some studies show that over 50% of inmates have dyslexia.

*****

Jim Gaffigan made some jokes about craft beers including how labels might have say a penguin wrestling a cactus. Well, a small brewery in NY has made it happen with their blend called Penguin and Cactus

*****

6000 people of Oklahoma are dead from opiods and Johnson and Johnson have been ordered to pay $572 mil per the court verdict.

*****

The International wildlife regulator has banned the capture and export of baby African elephants.

*****

Leslie Jones is out at SNL.

*****

“Under the Trump administration, the pledge ”the right to bear arms,”  has morphed into “Don’t just stand there, shoot somebody.” – Carl Reiner

*****

In the event I am killed, organize, mobilize and get the peace plan passed and put my body on the NRA’s doorstep in Fairfax, Va. – David Hogg

*****

The trailer for this Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix, Marc Maron and Robert DeNiro looks fucking amazing!! Hurry up Oct.4!!

*****

The NRA has 5 million members but one still has to wonder why the rights of gun owners supersede the rights of everybody else. Why don’t we hear more about their money scandals? Just when you hear that Trump is asking his people behind the scenes if the NRA still has power, he and LaPierre talk and the Pres backs off his tough gun talk. We know who is Wayne’s bitch. ** A group of surgeons have been showing X-Rays of what a gun can do as they protest gun violence.** The world now has bulletproof backpacks.**New schools are being designed to cut down the number of victims of a shooter. Hallways are curved and classrooms can lock.

*****

The Firearm dealer license certification act in Illinois requires those who hold a Federal firearm license to also obtain a state certificate of license and comply with state regulations. All dealers will be required to have security alarms where guns are stored in case of intrusion. Dealers will also have to keep electronic records of their inventory. Gun dealers and the Illinois state rifle association are challenging, of course before this all takes effect in 2020.

*****

“We don’t have an actual Presidency right now. We have a reality show whose ratings have begun to slide and whose fading star sees cancellation on the way.” – Eugene Robinson.

*****

The Bruce Lee philosophy , Be Water, is being used by the Hong Kong protesters. Be Strong like ice. Be fluid like water. Gather like Dew. Scatter like mist.

*****

As the crackdown on immigrants continues, word is that Trump still employs many undocumented workers. And why aren’t the employers arrested?** The administration wants to make it easy  for the wealthy and educated immigrants to come to this country. Again, only the rich have rights.** Trump has moved $150 mil from FEMA to the immigration courts as hurricane Dorian heads this way. ** He is telling his staff to just “take the land” and build the wall, disregard environmental rules and he will pardon them. A joke?? I wouldn’t be so sure.**

*****

Jews against Ice really let ‘em have it. They shut down Amazon as they marched against the internment of immigrants. The rally cry: We will not stay silent while tech companies profit off of cruelty.

*****

Jeff Epstein is dead and the conspiracy theories have begun. Many are glad that Epstein is dead and some wish he had lived to pay for his crimes. Would he have turned on his high end friends?  David Koch is also dead.** Word is that in 2008 Epstein bought female undies from the jail shop.

*****

A recent survey shows that 45% of people wear underwear for 2 days, 13% for a week. Tell me this can’t be true.

*****

Chris Christie and Anthony Scaramuchi are always everywhere and now Sean Spicer on Dancing with the Stars?? OMG.. Can we stop seeing these people?** Sarah Huckabee Sanders is joining Fox news.

*****

White Supremacy is officially the majority of domestic terrorism in the U.S. Now, let me see, who seems to want to be their leader?** Advertisers pulled out of Tucker Carlson’s show after he called white supremacy ,’not a thing.’

*****

Truckers have been really hurt by the tax cuts. Longer hours and less money have come since they can’t deduct expenses the way they used to. Regulations have been relaxed that limits hours on the road.

*****

The Department of labor is proposing a rule that would allow government contractors to fire workers who are unmarried and pregnant or LGBTQ.

*****

David Gilmour sold his guitars for 20 thou and used the money to fight climate change.

*****

Michael Cohen claims that Jerry Falwell Jr., his wife and a pool boy they met at a hotel became fast friends. Eventually Cohen had to intervene because of some lurid photos. He claims that the Falwell’s are quite kinky. The couple gave the pool boy over a mil to buy a resort that has become trendy with the LGBTQ community.  Apparently nobody else knows what is on those photos that Cohen brokered a deal for.

*****

Kathy Griffin: A Hell of a story won the Freedom of Speech award at the Traverse city film fest. She announced the release of the film by giving a heads up to hashtag emmyless Donald.

*****

California is trying to make those that run for President show us their tax returns. Illinois rejected that idea.

*****

Blaze it forward

*****

U.S. Fencer, Rick Imboden took a knee during the national anthem after taking gold at the Pan Am games.

*****

Stumptown looks like a good show but boy what a terrible name.

*****

Check out the new book, Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow.

*****

Ron Burgundy has been making the rounds.

*****

Yada Yada Yada politics has made its way into our thoughts with Marianne Williamson warning us of business as usual.

*****

Geena Davis is getting the humanitarian Oscar.

*****

In a joke that Seth Meyers told he said, ”Cleveland Browns win Super Bowl!”  So it may never happen but it was nice to hear.

*****

Chairman of the parent company of Equinox and Soul Cycle and owner of the Dolphins, Stephen Ross, caused a stir when he held a fundraiser for Trump.

*****

Liam and Miley broke up.

*****

Someone started a little joke about renaming the street in front of Trump tower. But people have started to take it seriously and NY is considering the name President Barack Obama Avenue.

*****

The administration is rolling back regs on the endangered species act. It has been a great success but Trump and the lobbyists think it just stands in the way of their profits.

*****

28% of delivery drivers have eaten some of your food.

*****

The Rolling Stones are trying to push a green agenda on the latest tour. At some venues fans can purchase a tones cup for $3, use it all night and then take it home or turn it in for your $3 back.** In 1964 the first Stones album came out and the Mariner 4 fly by satellite had its first look at Mars. In November last year the Insight lander thrusters disturbed a rock on Mars which has been dubbed Rolling Stones rock.

*****

Studies show that the most dangerous years of our lives are the year we are born and the year we retire. Depression spikes 40% after retirement. In Okinawa, Japan they don’t even have a word for retire. On the whole they eat a lot of fresh seafood and eat smaller portions. They seem to live the longest, healthiest lives.

*****

The green shirt guy was a thing for a few minutes.

*****

Wal Mart is really cracking down on security, one store at a time. Some people are asking the store to stop selling guns and donating to NRA backed lawmakers.

*****

The Black lady sketch show is Robin Thede’s new thing which is good but her last show was good too.

 R.I.P. Saoirse Kennedy Hill, Hal Prince, the El Paso and Dayton and Odessa/Midland shooting victims, D.A. Pennebaker, Toni Morrison, Jimmy Aldaoud, Valerie Harper and Peter Fonda.

[monkeyandelf]

New Post has been published on https://www.monkeyandelf.com/why-i-quit-being-a-digital-nomad-and-moved-back-to-the-us/

Why I Quit Being A Digital Nomad (And Moved Back To The US)

I’m No Longer A Digital Nomad

Personal Stories

Last week I spent all day packing up a small U-haul trailer with my belongings, preparing to move to Los Angeles, California. It felt a bit surreal after 7 years living as a digital nomad.

A bed. A couch. A TV. A desk. Cat toys. A cat (no, he’s not going in the U-haul). Pulling it all behind a new Jeep. I haven’t owned this much stuff in years!

What the hell happened? When did I stop being a full-time vagabond, traveling the world while living out of a backpack?

Well, it’s a long story. And it’s about time I shared it with you.

2010: My First Backpacking Trip in Mexico

Becoming A Digital Nomad

So if you’ve been following my journey for a while, you’ll know that back in 2010 I decided to save some money, quit my job, sold most of my belongings, and started backpacking around the world, blogging about it as I went.

It was a super scary decision at the time, and I had no idea what the future would bring. My guess was that I’d travel for a year, run out of money, then move back to the US and get a “real” job again.

What actually happened? I managed to build a successful business from my travel blog, and continued to travel almost non-stop for the next 7 years.

Working as a digital nomad from my computer anywhere there was a wifi connection. It was a relatively new kind of lifestyle at the time, and everyone thought I was crazy for attempting it.

During those 7 years without a home, I visited over 50 countries. I lived for months at a time in places like Thailand, Mexico, Turkey, Spain, Nicaragua, and South Africa.

Everything I owned fit into a pair of backpacks — I was completely nomadic. Working for myself. An expert vagabond (hence the name).

I was living the digital nomad dream!

But then my dreams began to change. As they often do over time.

The Downsides of Nomadic Living

Digital Nomad Burnout

I started noticing a change after about 5 years into my fully nomadic lifestyle. Constantly moving from place to place came with it’s own set of problems that became increasingly annoying as the years went by.

Traveling around the world and making money online sounds incredible, I know. And it is in many ways! I’m not complaining. This lifestyle has been very good to me.

However there are also downsides to being a digital nomad.

THIS LIFESTYLE IS EXHAUSTING

Many digital nomads hang out in a country or city for a few weeks before moving on to the next. But you can’t earn money if you’re not working, so now you’re trying to cram work & vacation into a short period of time.

Just when you get into a comfortable routine, it’s time to move and start all over again. Packing up, navigating your way around a new city, a new culture, and all the challenges that go along with those things. It gets tiring!

THIS LIFESTYLE IS LONELY

Yes, you get to meet all kinds of cool people around the world when you’re constantly traveling. But because everyone is always coming or going, it’s tough to form a meaningful connection with anyone.

I missed having a regular group of friends to hang out with. I missed being so far away from family. And unless you plan to date fellow digital nomads, relationships are complicated when only one of you can travel freely.

THIS LIFESTYLE IS UNPRODUCTIVE

Well, I should say less productive than it could be. Sure I managed to build a business while traveling, but it wasn’t easy, and I think I could have grown faster if I worked from a home-base instead of hostels & coffee shops.

Trying to juggle a normal work routine when you’re also trying to figure out where to sleep next week just isn’t ideal. Often, I never wrote much about the places I was living because I was too busy catching up with work after months of traveling.

Nothing Is Perfect

Basically, there is no perfect way to live. By becoming a digital nomad, you simply trade one set of problems for a completely different kind.

“Instead of an addiction to status and possessions, we are addicted to experience and novelty. And the end result is the same. Our relationships, our connections to what’s real, sometimes suffer.” ~ Mark Manson

Maybe, like me, you won’t be bothered by these things for a few years — it was still far more exciting than my previous life in the rat race! But eventually the problems amplify over time… and you’ll have a choice to make.

View of Los Angeles, California

Moving Back To America

As the negatives piled up, I began renting apartments for 3 months at a time. Eventually I signed a year-long lease in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. I was slowing down, taking trips that lasted 1-3 weeks, and enjoying them more.

It was nice having a base, a place to call “home” for a while.

However as much as I loved living in Mexico, I soon felt an urge to return to the United States. To spend more time with family & friends. To pursue more lucrative business opportunities there.

And, to participate more fully in my own country’s democratic process, no longer content watching from the sidelines as the United States seemed to spiral into a depressing (dangerous?) abyss of ignorance & hate.

But where to go? Moving from Mexico with my girlfriend Anna, we decided to try Boulder, Colorado for the summer. We’ve been living there with our new cat Poofy (yes, he’s on Instagram!) for the past 5 months.

Boulder was pretty, but not exactly what we were looking for. It was kinda small, very homogeneous, and full of families & students. With our unconventional lifestyles, we felt a bit out of place there.

So now we’re off to California to give Los Angeles a try.

Marriage: Our Next Adventure!

Plus We Got Married!

Surprise! It’s been a busy year. I first met Anna in 2015 at a travel blogging conference called TBEX in Florida, where travel personalities and companies come together to network.

She’s in the same line of work as I am, running a popular travel/fashion blog and Instagram account.

We hit it off right away, with a common love of travel, cats, and working online. The city girl and the adventure guy, both taking risks & working hard to pursue our dreams.

Anna is a remarkable woman. Originally from Poland, she’s been traveling the world for longer than I have. She holds degrees in International Law, Journalism, and Fashion Marketing from multiple universities (including Harvard). She’s fluent in 5 languages, and has lived in places like Mexico City, Cape Town, London, Miami, and LA.

Soon after we met in Florida, Anna came down to Mexico, where we began dating. Eventually we moved in together, using Mexico as a base to travel from. It was one of the happiest periods of my life, and I fell in love.

After a year and a half of dating, living, working, and traveling together, I proposed early one morning at a remote mountain cabin in Colorado. We eloped in Las Vegas a few weeks later at the famous Graceland Chapel!

It was spontaneous, non-traditional, and fun, just like our lives up to this point.

Hiking in Afghanistan

Are You Giving Up Vagabonding?

Yes and no. Yes, I’m giving up on the pipe-dream of constantly moving from place to place, living out of a bag for the rest of my life. What initially sounded romantic, adventurous, and free has become a burden over time.

My goal for this wild experiment has always been to experience as much of our large & diverse world as possible NOW, while I’m relatively young. Not stuck behind a desk working to make someone else rich.

Sharing my travel experiences to help and inspire others, while earning a living on my own terms.

The freedom to do as I please. No approval needed. No bosses to report to. Following my passion and making a living through adventure travel & photography.

Well, I’ve achieved these goals. I am completely location independent. I work for myself, setting my own hours, traveling when and where I want to. I’ve also been fortunate to make a great living doing what I love.

Am I just getting older and feeling a need to slow down? I’m 36 now. Have I simply become financially independent enough that I’m no longer forced to live in cheap backpacker destinations in order to get by?

I think these may have been factors in my decision too.

Chilling In Morocco

Choosing Location Independence

I wouldn’t trade the last 7 years of my life working as a traveling digital nomad for anything else. It’s been a wild ride, and the experience has taught me so much about myself and the world in general.

However I now realize that I prefer location independence over fully nomadic living. Because there’s a difference.

Location independence simply means you are free to choose where you live, not stuck living somewhere you hate because of a particular job. Being a digital nomad means you’re always traveling, with no real home.

We spent the summer in Colorado. We’re planning to spend 2018 in Los Angeles. Maybe after that, we’ll decide to move somewhere else. Italy? Spain? Iceland? Kansas?

With location independence, all our options are open!

The important part, is the freedom to choose my location, and the ability to update that choice at any time.

For those of you who are interested in becoming digital nomads, I don’t want to completely discourage you. The lifestyle does have plenty of benefits, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t give it a shot.

However after 7 years living as a homeless digital nomad, I personally no longer think it’s sustainable (or healthy) on a long-term basis.

I’m not the only one who thinks this way either — it seems to be a common choice for many after a few years on the road:

The Beginning Of The End – Nomadic Matt

9 Years Of Legal Nomads – Legal Nomads

Leaving Is Easy, Fighting Is Harder – Adventurous Kate

The Dark Side Of The Digital Nomad – Mark Manson

My Nomadic Lifestyle Comes To An End – Ottsworld

After 70 Countries, Why I Moved To Portugal – Neverending Footsteps

Life Is A Highway, And I Wanna Ride It

What’s Next?

Honestly, not much is changing. I’m still planning to travel a ton, about 6 months every year. The only difference is now I have a wife, a home, and a cat to come back to once my trips are over!

Sometimes Anna & I will travel together, sometimes I’ll be on my own. I’ll continue sharing my wild travel adventures with you from around the world through blog posts, YouTube videos, and travel photography.

Having a home-base simply means I’ll be more productive, creating useful travel guides, sharing fun travel stories, and teaching tips & tricks I’ve learned after 7 years working as a professional travel blogger & photographer.

To kick off the change, next spring I’m co-leading my first adventure travel & photography tour in a remote part of Russia (click here for details)!

After moving to Los Angeles this week, Anna & I are researching the possibility of TV and media appearances while continuing to build our businesses here in the United States.

Having LAX airport as our travel hub will keep flight costs low, allowing us both to travel often. We have friends here, and more pass through all the time.

There is a wide variety of epic coastline, mountains, deserts, canyons, and forests within a day’s driving distance from the city if I want to get outside into nature for a while.

I know some readers may be disappointed in this change. Those of you who romanticize living on the road out of a backpack. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been putting off publishing this blog post for so long… I was scared.

I built my brand as a vagabond, what happens once I have a home again?

Unfortunately there’s not much I can do about what other people think. I’ve lived as a vagabond for years, and don’t regret my choice, but my passion for constantly moving began to fade.

When you stop loving something completely, it’s time for a change.

I don’t spend my life trying to make everyone else happy with my choices, if I did that, I’d never be where I am now.

So onwards! To the next chapter of my life — I hope you’ll continue to follow along on my future travel adventures, wherever they may lead. ★

READ MORE TRAVEL TIPS

How To Save Money For Travel Best Jobs To Make Money While Traveling Becoming A Professional Travel Blogger This Is How I Get Paid To Travel

Have any questions about the digital nomad lifestyle? Could you live this way? Drop me a message in the comments below!

This is a post from The Expert Vagabond adventure blog.

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[touristguidebuzz]

Why I Quit Being A Digital Nomad (And Moved Back To The US)

I’m No Longer A Digital Nomad

Personal Stories

Last week I spent all day packing up a small U-haul trailer with my belongings, preparing to move to Los Angeles, California. It felt a bit surreal after 7 years living as a digital nomad.

A bed. A couch. A TV. A desk. Cat toys. A cat (no, he’s not going in the U-haul). Pulling it all behind a new Jeep. I haven’t owned this much stuff in years!

What the hell happened? When did I stop being a full-time vagabond, traveling the world while living out of a backpack?

Well, it’s a long story. And it’s about time I shared it with you.

2010: My First Backpacking Trip in Mexico

Becoming A Digital Nomad

So if you’ve been following my journey for a while, you’ll know that back in 2010 I decided to save some money, quit my job, sold most of my belongings, and started backpacking around the world, blogging about it as I went.

It was a super scary decision at the time, and I had no idea what the future would bring. My guess was that I’d travel for a year, run out of money, then move back to the US and get a “real” job again.

What actually happened? I managed to build a successful business from my travel blog, and continued to travel almost non-stop for the next 7 years.

Working as a digital nomad from my computer anywhere there was a wifi connection. It was a relatively new kind of lifestyle at the time, and everyone thought I was crazy for attempting it.

During those 7 years without a home, I visited over 50 countries. I lived for months at a time in places like Thailand, Mexico, Turkey, Spain, Nicaragua, and South Africa.

Everything I owned fit into a pair of backpacks — I was completely nomadic. Working for myself. An expert vagabond (hence the name).

I was living the digital nomad dream!

But then my dreams began to change. As they often do over time.

The Downsides of Nomadic Living

Digital Nomad Burnout

I started noticing a change after about 5 years into my fully nomadic lifestyle. Constantly moving from place to place came with it’s own set of problems that became increasingly annoying as the years went by.

Traveling around the world and making money online sounds incredible, I know. And it is in many ways! I’m not complaining. This lifestyle has been very good to me.

However there are also downsides to being a digital nomad.

THIS LIFESTYLE IS EXHAUSTING

Many digital nomads hang out in a country or city for a few weeks before moving on to the next. But you can’t earn money if you’re not working, so now you’re trying to cram work & vacation into a short period of time.

Just when you get into a comfortable routine, it’s time to move and start all over again. Packing up, navigating your way around a new city, a new culture, and all the challenges that go along with those things. It gets tiring!

THIS LIFESTYLE IS LONELY

Yes, you get to meet all kinds of cool people around the world when you’re constantly traveling. But because everyone is always coming or going, it’s tough to form a meaningful connection with anyone.

I missed having a regular group of friends to hang out with. I missed being so far away from family. And unless you plan to date fellow digital nomads, relationships are complicated when only one of you can travel freely.

THIS LIFESTYLE IS UNPRODUCTIVE

Well, I should say less productive than it could be. Sure I managed to build a business while traveling, but it wasn’t easy, and I think I could have grown faster if I worked from a home-base instead of hostels & coffee shops.

Trying to juggle a normal work routine when you’re also trying to figure out where to sleep next week just isn’t ideal. Often, I never wrote much about the places I was living because I was too busy catching up with work after months of traveling.

Nothing Is Perfect

Basically, there is no perfect way to live. By becoming a digital nomad, you simply trade one set of problems for a completely different kind.

“Instead of an addiction to status and possessions, we are addicted to experience and novelty. And the end result is the same. Our relationships, our connections to what’s real, sometimes suffer.” ~ Mark Manson

Maybe, like me, you won’t be bothered by these things for a few years — it was still far more exciting than my previous life in the rat race! But eventually the problems amplify over time… and you’ll have a choice to make.

View of Los Angeles, California

Moving Back To America

As the negatives piled up, I began renting apartments for 3 months at a time. Eventually I signed a year-long lease in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. I was slowing down, taking trips that lasted 1-3 weeks, and enjoying them more.

It was nice having a base, a place to call “home” for a while.

However as much as I loved living in Mexico, I soon felt an urge to return to the United States. To spend more time with family & friends. To pursue more lucrative business opportunities there.

And, to participate more fully in my own country’s democratic process, no longer content watching from the sidelines as the United States seemed to spiral into a depressing (dangerous?) abyss of ignorance & hate.

But where to go? Moving from Mexico with my girlfriend Anna, we decided to try Boulder, Colorado for the summer. We’ve been living there with our new cat Poofy (yes, he’s on Instagram!) for the past 5 months.

Boulder was pretty, but not exactly what we were looking for. It was kinda small, very homogeneous, and full of families & students. With our unconventional lifestyles, we felt a bit out of place there.

So now we’re off to California to give Los Angeles a try.

Marriage: Our Next Adventure!

Plus We Got Married!

Surprise! It’s been a busy year. I first met Anna in 2015 at a travel blogging conference called TBEX in Florida, where travel personalities and companies come together to network.

She’s in the same line of work as I am, running a popular travel/fashion blog and Instagram account.

We hit it off right away, with a common love of travel, cats, and working online. The city girl and the adventure guy, both taking risks & working hard to pursue our dreams.

Anna is a remarkable woman. Originally from Poland, she’s been traveling the world for longer than I have. She holds degrees in International Law, Journalism, and Fashion Marketing from multiple universities (including Harvard). She’s fluent in 5 languages, and has lived in places like Mexico City, Cape Town, London, Miami, and LA.

Soon after we met in Florida, Anna came down to Mexico, where we began dating. Eventually we moved in together, using Mexico as a base to travel from. It was one of the happiest periods of my life, and I fell in love.

After a year and a half of dating, living, working, and traveling together, I proposed early one morning at a remote mountain cabin in Colorado. We eloped in Las Vegas a few weeks later at the famous Graceland Chapel!

It was spontaneous, non-traditional, and fun, just like our lives up to this point.

Hiking in Afghanistan

Are You Giving Up Vagabonding?

Yes and no. Yes, I’m giving up on the pipe-dream of constantly moving from place to place, living out of a bag for the rest of my life. What initially sounded romantic, adventurous, and free has become a burden over time.

My goal for this wild experiment has always been to experience as much of our large & diverse world as possible NOW, while I’m relatively young. Not stuck behind a desk working to make someone else rich.

Sharing my travel experiences to help and inspire others, while earning a living on my own terms.

The freedom to do as I please. No approval needed. No bosses to report to. Following my passion and making a living through adventure travel & photography.

Well, I’ve achieved these goals. I am completely location independent. I work for myself, setting my own hours, traveling when and where I want to. I’ve also been fortunate to make a great living doing what I love.

Am I just getting older and feeling a need to slow down? I’m 36 now. Have I simply become financially independent enough that I’m no longer forced to live in cheap backpacker destinations in order to get by?

I think these may have been factors in my decision too.

Chilling In Morocco

Choosing Location Independence

I wouldn’t trade the last 7 years of my life working as a traveling digital nomad for anything else. It’s been a wild ride, and the experience has taught me so much about myself and the world in general.

However I now realize that I prefer location independence over fully nomadic living. Because there’s a difference.

Location independence simply means you are free to choose where you live, not stuck living somewhere you hate because of a particular job. Being a digital nomad means you’re always traveling, with no real home.

We spent the summer in Colorado. We’re planning to spend 2018 in Los Angeles. Maybe after that, we’ll decide to move somewhere else. Italy? Spain? Iceland? Kansas?

With location independence, all our options are open!

The important part, is the freedom to choose my location, and the ability to update that choice at any time.

For those of you who are interested in becoming digital nomads, I don’t want to completely discourage you. The lifestyle does have plenty of benefits, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t give it a shot.

However after 7 years living as a homeless digital nomad, I personally no longer think it’s sustainable (or healthy) on a long-term basis.

I’m not the only one who thinks this way either — it seems to be a common choice for many after a few years on the road:

The Beginning Of The End – Nomadic Matt

9 Years Of Legal Nomads – Legal Nomads

Leaving Is Easy, Fighting Is Harder – Adventurous Kate

The Dark Side Of The Digital Nomad – Mark Manson

My Nomadic Lifestyle Comes To An End – Ottsworld

After 70 Countries, Why I Moved To Portugal – Neverending Footsteps

Life Is A Highway, And I Wanna Ride It

What’s Next?

Honestly, not much is changing. I’m still planning to travel a ton, about 6 months every year. The only difference is now I have a wife, a home, and a cat to come back to once my trips are over!

Sometimes Anna & I will travel together, sometimes I’ll be on my own. I’ll continue sharing my wild travel adventures with you from around the world through blog posts, YouTube videos, and travel photography.

Having a home-base simply means I’ll be more productive, creating useful travel guides, sharing fun travel stories, and teaching tips & tricks I’ve learned after 7 years working as a professional travel blogger & photographer.

To kick off the change, next spring I’m co-leading my first adventure travel & photography tour in a remote part of Russia (sign up to my newsletter for details)!

After moving to Los Angeles this week, Anna & I are researching the possibility of TV and media appearances while continuing to build our businesses here in the United States.

Having LAX airport as our travel hub will keep flight costs low, allowing us both to travel often. We have friends here, and more pass through all the time.

There is a wide variety of epic coastline, mountains, deserts, canyons, and forests within a day’s driving distance from the city if I want to get outside into nature for a while.

I know some of you may be disappointed in this change. Those who romanticize living on the road out of a backpack. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been putting off publishing this blog post for so long… I was scared.

Unfortunately there’s not much I can do about what other people think. I’ve lived as a vagabond for years, and don’t regret my choice, but my passion for constantly moving began to fade.

When you stop loving something, it’s time for a change.

I don’t spend my life trying to make everyone else happy with my choices, if I did that, I’d never be where I am now.

So onwards! To the next chapter of my life — I hope you’ll continue to follow along on my travel adventures, wherever they may lead. ★

READ MORE TRAVEL TIPS

How To Save Money For Travel Best Jobs To Make Money While Traveling Becoming A Professional Travel Blogger

Have any questions about the digital nomad lifestyle? Could you live this way? Drop me a message in the comments below!

This is a post from The Expert Vagabond adventure blog.

[djangogirls]

Your Django Story: Meet Aleksandra Kłapcińska

This is a post in our Your Django Story series where we highlight awesome ladies who work with Django. Read more about it here.

How did your story with code start?

The first experience with “coding” I had, were some HTML pages I created back in junior high school. I have not published any of those, but I still remember the joy of creating something. Writing some text in files, and then looking at what I’ve created.

Later on in high school I had Information Technology classes, during which we learned some programming. We used Pascal. I really enjoyed it. I even wrote some programs at home. One of those was a small program which would print out “Stop playing solitaire” and beep. Then I linked it to the solitaire icon. My dad stopped playing solitaire for a few months, after seeing this scary black window, with white letters.

But my real coding adventure started at university. We started with C. Iterations, ifs and functions suddenly become simple if you have to learn what a pointer is. It took me a while but I got there. Sleepless nights spent on finding where the segfault is coming from. But also a lot of joy when everything was finally working.

Then, around my 3rd year I started to learn Python, as a fast language to implement projects for university courses.

  What did you do before becoming a programmer?

I was a student. I chose this path pretty early. I liked computers, and I knew that it can guarantee me a good job. So I took my chance and I do not regret it.

  What do you love the most about coding?

There are many things. First of all the ability to create something. To solve a problem. You see something and think how you can code it, to solve it. And the best part is that you can just do it.

But then there is this change in thinking about everything. I remember how I started to see classes, layers of abstractions and responsibilities everywhere. Programing gives you a framework for thinking in a more abstract way, which makes you understand many processes much more easily. Sometimes it makes communication with normal people a bit harder, but it is totally worth it.

As time and lines I’ve written went by, I’ve started to appreciate simplicity in code more and more. Thinking about how to divide modules, define APIs and name functions in a way that code will be easy to understand. It is not an easy task, and usually it takes me a few iterations to get to a code I like, but the moment I get there, is what I love.

  Why Django?

Because of Python. When I was starting my professional career, it was the only choice for web applications for Python. Also, Django provided a lot of tutorials and had a big community, what really helped me in the beginning.

The nice thing about Django is that it is really easy to start, get something done. But if you want some more sophisticated behaviors, you can still find a lot of help online.

What cool projects are you working on at the moment/planning on working on in the near future?

So I have this problem with the light switch in my bedroom. If I go to bed and forget to turn off the light, I have to get back to the coldness of out-of-bed-space, to get back to the switch. In my previous apartment I had this string hanging from the wall above my bed which would turn the lights off. So I thought about getting my raspberry Pi to help me with this problem. I haven’t thought much about technical details yet. But using my cell phone to switch off the lights sounds tempting.

  What are you the most proud of?

I do not have any outstanding thing I’m proud of. Some time ago I was proud of some piece of code which made some part of infrastructure much more flexible. It was nice, well tested code. I’m also proud of being a geek feminist and fighting for more women in IT. I’m usually proud of the success of people I helped.

  What are you curious about?

Currently I’m really curious about big computer systems. Everything. From how the Linux kernel works through building distributed, high performace systems up to how to connect it all with networks. There is so much knowledge and so little time to read it all. I love investigating problems, finding bugs, and knowing the environment makes it all so much easier.

  What do you like doing in your free time? What’s your hobby?

Definitly reading. Books, news, manual pages, white papers. I also enjoy watching TV series. Recently I thought about getting 4x4 car, which has been my dream for a few years now. I love traveling, and I would like to take the oportunity to do some sight seeing in UK outside of London. I also like sailing.

  Do you have any advice/tips for programming beginners?

Keep trying. Keep asking. And do not give up. At beginning a lot of things are new, and it is not easy to connect all dots, understand how it works and get things done. So just keep trying. If something doesn’t work it does not mean you are not smart enough to do it. It just mean that you should try again. And learn how to learn.

When you ask questions, even if it sounds stupid to you, remember, there is no such thing as stupid question. Really. If someone says you asked a stupid question, the person probably doesn’t know how to answer, or just wanted to boost his/her ego at your cost. So don’t care, and find someone else.

Thanks Aleksandra! :)

Anna Ossowski

@OssAnna16

[stiles-wtf]

Can I Still Foster a Dog if I Have a Job? (Answer: YES)

Bark & Co employees, of the human and canine variety. Credit: Bark & Co.

Can I Still Foster a Dog Even Though I Have a Full-Time Job? 

Short answer: YES!

We received the following request from a new foster parent, via our Facebook foster support page: “I think it would be cool to do a feature on how people make fostering work with their schedules! I know a lot of people feel like they can’t foster because they work outside the home, so maybe people could share how they handle walks and such?”

This request encouraged us to share some advice from experienced NYC foster volunteers. Read below for some real-world, practical input on fostering a shelter dog, written by our network of volunteer foster parents.

Fitting Fostering into Your Schedule

“Fostering while also working full time is challenging at first but once you get a schedule and routine going it’s a breeze. I’m a single mom who is also working as a detective for the NYPD and currently have 3 pets of my own. I try to foster one pet at a time so I can spread my time between all my pets as well as have time to review applications, meet prospective Adopters and conduct home visits. I love rescuing; there are days where it can be overwhelming but it’s like having a child – for all the challenging days there’s always that one moment that makes it all worth it. That’s how I see my rescues and fosters, no matter how many tiresome days I have I know at the end of my day he or she lays with me and looks at me with those big sweet eyes and I know that to them I am their whole world and their affection is their way of saying ‘thank you.'” – Ileen E

“Make sure your foster fits with your lifestyle and your schedule. As much as I want to play with puppies right now, when I’m gone 14-15 hrs a day, it’s out of the question. I stock up on a lot of chews and puzzle toys to keep them occupied while I’m out.” – Anna T

Anna and Snowflake. Credit: Marshall Boprey at our Foster Pack Walk

To walk or not to walk, that is the question.

“I’m very selective about the dogs I foster. I always try my best to schedule a meet and greet just to get a general idea if the dog’s personality will work with my lifestyle. For example, I tend to foster dogs that are older and housebroken since I work long hours. My dog-walker is very helpful and typically gives me a good rate if he has to walk a foster along with my pup.” – Kevin H

“If you work a lot and can’t afford a dog walker also. Consider fostering seniors. Small ones are usually content using pee pads and they want to sleep most of the day away. It might seem obvious but some people don’t understand fostering a puppy isn’t always the best fit if you work long days and no one can check in mid day. Also remember being alone in your apartment is much nicer than spending their days in a shelter. You can always do the relaxing pet music playlist on YouTube and freeze a kong and an older adult dog will be content all day without you enough that your feelings might get hurt haha. As cute as the puppies are though, seniors are so rewarding and can be much easier to get used to a long work schedule.” – Megan P

Foster Pack Walk in Central Park. Photo: Nina Ciofalo

“My walker, Mobile Mutts Dog Walking and Cat Sitting, walks foster dogs for free if you’re already paying for your own dog, or charges half price if your foster is your only pup. And they’re great about giving detailed updates about foster behavior so that you have another set of eyes watching out for any aggression, fearfulness, health concerns, etc.” – Erin W

(Going off of Erin’s thought above:) “Mobile Mutts is the best! They made all the difference in me being able to foster when I was working in an office 5 days a week. Also they put up with insane foster logistics like ‘please carry (35 lbs!) Gracie through the living room, we’re still working on her relationship with the cats.'” – Taylor C

“A lot of dog walkers who don’t work for companies and instead do gigs like Rover.com will sneak your foster in for a free check-in or walk once in a while. That’s by chance though.” – Megan P

Whisper & Alaska at our Haymaker’s event. Credit: Sarah Brasky

You Don’t Need a Big Budget

“My boyfriend and I are both graduate students (re: negative income), which has both positives and negatives in terms of fostering. Positive: one of us is home to walk the dog during lunchtime 3 out of the 5 weekdays – yay! Negative: that means 2 days we need to hire a dog-walker… which, given that whole no income thing, feels a little overwhelming at times. We have found local walkers on Rover to have less expensive rates than places like Wag, and some will advertise themselves as not charging more for a second dog. We have also found that some of our non-dog-owning neighbors love our fosters, and want to hang out with them without committing to fostering/adopting themselves. If you know them well, feel safe with them in your home, and your foster has met them and liked them, you can always ‘offer’ the neighbor a chance to check in on the dog during the day.” – Elspeth H

Separation Anxiety & Keeping an Eye on the Dog

Melissa and Brinkley. Credit: Stacey Axelrod

“When I first got Brinkley, I thought he wasn’t house-trained, on top of having separation anxiety. Either I’m a really good house-trainer or it was just nerves. We are still dealing with separation anxiety a few weeks later, but when I discovered it, I took immediate action. I got him a thunder shirt (helped him feel more secure, same idea as swaddling a baby), rescue remedy (natural stress relief from the health food store), and borrowed a crate from my neighbor. Thank goodness he was crate trained, the combo plus some background cartoons has worked wonders! We go for a long walk in the morning and he sleeps in his crate while I’m at work. If I’m running late, my neighbor or someone I found on Rover.com takes him for a walk. Been pretty easy so far, I ended up adopting!” – Melissa O

“We bought a camera form Amazon that we use to monitor with an app, but there are also inexpensive ones like Dog Monitor ($4.99) where if you have an iPad (or unused smart phone) you can set it up facing the crate and it works well.” – Samantha C

Spend the First Couple Days Together

“When I’m fostering I try to get my foster dog on the weekend so I can acclimate them before having to go off to work all day. I spend time over the weekend getting them comfy in their crate and when I do leave for work I leave a noise machine between the crate and the door to block those scary hallway noises that new fosters are often startled by. I use a dog walker that provides a discount for foster dogs so they get a midday walk if I’m at the office all day. Oh, and taking a break between fosters can be a great way to keep you (or your partner/roommates/coworkers/boss) from getting frustrated or burned-out.” – Taylor C

Bear with foster parents. Photo: Milla Chappell

Having a Routine Helps

Gabby M shared her entire routine for our readers: I work full-time, foster on my own, take classes after work and have a dog of my own. I started fostering six months ago and have fostered puppies all the way to seniors with medical issues. It’s all about being as prepared as possible, but also knowing that there will be surprises. I’ve found that if you take it seriously and really put your mind to it you can make it work. My biggest tip is to keep very on top of your schedule and time your daily routine.

Wake up and morning walk: 6:30 am, give 20 minutes to make myself and the dogs presentable to go to the dog park. I know it takes 15-20 minutes to get to the dog park depending on the pace of the dog.

Getting ready for work: If I leave the dog park by 7:50am, I’ll get home by 8:10. That gives me until 8:45 to clean up the dogs, feed them, get ready for work, and make sure their water bowl is full and they each have a kong/chew toy/antler.

Heading back home: I make sure I leave work by 5:30pm at the latest to get home by 6:00pm. I schedule all my classes at 7:30 or later which gives me an entire hour to go for a brisk walk, feeding time and some breathing room in case I leave work a little late or the walk takes longer than expected. Then after class, I take them out again. Get them ready for bed and then do it all again.

Of course I have a social life too, so I make sure to schedule those things on nights I don’t have class or on the weekends when I have a lot more flexibility.

From experience, if I get off my schedule by sleeping in etc. it all goes to hell. Oh, and making sure your own life is in order helps a lot too. I meal prep to maximize cooking time and finances, keep all dog stuff organized and easily accessible (i.e. hang the leash and collar right beside their feeding area so I don’t spend time untangling or walking back and forth across the room), and stay very on top of my work and social calendars at all times.

Erin T. and her pup Scout. Credit: Bark & Co.

Dogs at Work

“I happen to work in an industry that allows dogs at work. My foster dog Onyx lived in a shelter for 5 years so she was not used to a daily routine of commuting and going to work each day. She easily fell into the routine and would get so happy when walking into the office. I could see having a dog with you at work can help immensely in socializing a dog. So many people stop by and say ‘hi’ to her during the day. Onyx sits comfortably on her bed all day and is patient as I work. I actually feel guilty when we don’t go into the office because she loves it so much. There have been days that I have not taken her to work; since she is crate trained, I am able to walk her in the morning before work and then again right after work. Although I know she is much happier going into the office, if I work in a dog friendly environment, I know I would be able to manage having her at home during the day. We are lucky enough to walk to work each day but we do sometimes take the subway and I carry Onyx in a tote.” – Lesa H.

Getting Others Excited

“I let my boss know whenever I take in a new foster and I keep her and my coworkers updated about how the pup is doing and how the adoption process is going. I put pictures of my foster pup on my computer wallpaper and around my cube. It can look pretty nerdy, but I’ve found that my coworkers get invested in my foster dog and naturally become understanding about the occasional day I need to work from home, come in late, etc. Plus, coworkers are another pool of possible adopters!” – Erin W

Reaching Out for Help When You Need It

“I’ve actually had a lot of success with posting in the Facebook group [Foster Forum] and asking for dog walkers/sitters. People who are between jobs or working from home or just looking to hang with pups have been more than happy to hang out and have become friends through just dog interaction (shoutout Jen B, Angie T, Emilie H). This group has been an amazing resource not just for advice but for in-person help too.” – Samantha C

Fanny with Fospice parents. Credit: Sarah Brasky

Enjoy the foster experience, and seek advice when you need it! We’re all in this together. Learn more about fostering on our site!

Note: these are independent views, and do not directly reflect the opinions of Foster Dogs, Inc.

Featured image credit: Bark & Co.

[newstfionline]

Russia’s RT Network: Is It More BBC or K.G.B.?

By Steven Erlanger, NY Times, March 8, 2017

LONDON--The London newsroom and studios of RT, the television channel and website formerly known as Russia Today, are ultramodern and spacious, with spectacular views from the 16th floor overlooking the Thames and the London Eye. And, its London bureau chief, Nikolay A. Bogachikhin, jokes, “We overlook MI5 and we’re near MI6,” Britain’s domestic and foreign intelligence agencies.

Mr. Bogachikhin was poking fun at the charge from Western governments, American and European, that RT is an agent of Kremlin policy and a tool directly used by President Vladimir V. Putin to undermine Western democracies--meddling in the recent American presidential election and, European security officials say, trying to do the same in the Netherlands, France and Germany, all of which vote later this year.

But the West is not laughing. Even as Russia insists that RT is just another global network like the BBC or France 24, albeit one offering “alternative views” to the Western-dominated news media, many Western countries regard RT as the slickly produced heart of a broad, often covert disinformation campaign designed to sow doubt about democratic institutions and destabilize the West.

Western attention focused on RT when the Obama administration and United States intelligence agencies judged with “high confidence” in January that Mr. Putin had ordered a campaign to “undermine public faith in the U.S. democratic process,” discredit Hillary Clinton through the hacking of Democratic Party internal emails and provide support for Donald J. Trump, who as a candidate said he wanted to improve relations with Russia.

The agencies issued a report saying the attack was carried out through the targeted use of real information, some open and some hacked, and the creation of false reports, or “fake news,” broadcast on state-funded news media like RT and its sibling, the internet news agency Sputnik. These reports were then amplified on social media, sometimes by computer “bots” that send out thousands of Facebook and Twitter messages.

Watching RT can be a dizzying experience. Hard news and top-notch graphics mix with interviews from all sorts of people: well known and obscure, left and right. They include favorites like Julian Assange of WikiLeaks and Noam Chomsky, the liberal critic of Western policies; odd voices like the actress Pamela Anderson; and cranks who think Washington is the source of all evil in the world.

But if there is any unifying character to RT, it is a deep skepticism of Western and American narratives of the world and a fundamental defensiveness about Russia and Mr. Putin.

Analysts are sharply divided about the influence of RT. Pointing to its minuscule ratings numbers, many caution against overstating its impact. Yet focusing on ratings may miss the point, says Peter Pomerantsev, who wrote a book three years ago that described Russia’s use of television for propaganda. “Ratings aren’t the main thing for them,” he said. “These are campaigns for financial, political and media influence.”

Whatever its impact, RT is unquestionably a case study in the complexity of modern propaganda. It is both a slick modern television network, dressed up with great visuals and stylish presenters, and a content farm that helps feed the European far right. Viewers find it difficult to discern exactly what is journalism and what is propaganda, what may be “fake news” and what is real but presented with a strong slant.

A recent evening featured reports of Britain refusing to condemn human rights violations in Bahrain and a “mainstream media firestorm” over Attorney General Jeff Sessions’s chats with the Russian ambassador to the United States. Other reports included the “liberation” of Palmyra by the Syrian Army with “the support of the Russian Air Force;” an interview with former British ambassador to Syria and a United States critic, Peter Ford; and a report about a London professor decrying the fall in British living standards.

There are “clickbait” videos on RT’s website and stranger pieces, too, like one about a petition to ban the financier George Soros from America for supposedly trying to “destabilize” the country and “drown it” with immigrants for a “globalist goal.”

Mr. Bogachikhin and Anna Belkina, RT’s head of communications in Moscow, insist it is absurd to lump together RT’s effort to provide “alternative views to the mainstream media” with the phenomena of fake news and social media propaganda.

“There’s an hysteria about RT,” Ms. Belkina said. “RT becomes a shorthand for everything.”

For example, she says, while RT was featured heavily in the American intelligence report, it was largely in a seven-page annex (of a 13-page report) that was written more than four years ago, in December 2012, a fact revealed only in a footnote on Page 6.

She flatly denies any suggestion that RT seeks to meddle in democratic elections anywhere. “The kind of scrutiny we’re under--we check everything.”

For RT and its viewers, the outlet is a refreshing alternative to what they see as complacent Western elitism and neo-liberalism, representing what the Russian Foreign Minister Sergey V. Lavrov recently called a “post-West world order.”

With its slogan, created by a Western ad agency, of “Question More,” RT is trying to fill a niche, Ms. Belkina said. “We want to complete the picture rather than add to the echo chamber of mainstream news; that’s how we find an audience.”

Nearly all the mainstream media came out against Mr. Trump during the campaign and much of the news coverage about him was negative, she said.

“This is why we exist,” Ms. Belkina said. “It’s important to watch RT to hear alternative voices. You might not agree with them, but it’s important to try to understand where they’re coming from and why.”

A French legislator, Nicolas Dhuicq, who has appeared on RT and went to Russian-annexed Crimea in 2015 as part of a delegation of French legislators, said that RT’s aim was “to make the voice of Russia heard, to make the Russian point of view on the world heard.”

Still, Mr. Dhuicq said, “the impact of RT, in my opinion, is very low.” He added: “There is enormous paranoia when we imagine that RT will change the face of the world, influence national or other elections.”

Michael McFaul, a Stanford professor who was the United States ambassador to Russia during the Obama years, said that RT should not be lightly dismissed. “There is a demand in certain countries for this alternative view, an appetite, and we arrogant Americans shouldn’t just think that no one cares.”

But there is a considerably darker view, too. For critics, RT and Sputnik are simply tools of a sophisticated Russian propaganda machine, created by the Kremlin to push its foreign policy, defend its aggression in Ukraine and undermine confidence in democracy, NATO and the world as we have known it.

Robert Pszczel, who ran NATO’s information office in Moscow and watches Russia and the western Balkans for NATO, said that RT and Sputnik were not meant for domestic consumption, unlike the BBC or CNN. Over time, he said, “It’s more about hard power and disinformation.”

The Kremlin doesn’t care “if you agree with Russian policy or think Putin is wonderful, so long as it does the job--you start having doubts, and of 10 outrageous points you take on one or two,” he said. “A bit of mud will always stick.”

Stefan Meister, who studies Russia and Central Europe for the German Council on Foreign Relations, agreed that “we shouldn’t overestimate RT. The main success of the Russians is the link to social media through bots and a network of different sources.” That network, he said, is “increasingly well organized, with more strategic and explicit links between sources and actors--Russian domestic media, troll factories, RT, people in social networks and maybe also the security services.”

“Open societies are very vulnerable,” Mr. Meister said, “and it’s cheaper than buying a new rocket.”

RT is part of the reality of the 21st century, Mr. Pomerantsev said. “Everyone will do it soon. It’s the world we have to live in.” Hacks and leaks are much more disruptive, he said. “If you can take out the electrical grid in Ukraine, that’s scary. It’s hard to get too scared about Larry King on RT.”

Mr. Pomerantsev agrees with Ms. Belkina that RT is not inventing popular mistrust about Western democracy. “The Russians are about sowing mistrust about institutions that is there already, feeding it,” he said. “How do we make our institutions more trustworthy?”

[thotyssey]

On Point With: Sherry Vine

She’s been a top New York City nightlife performer since the 1990′s, and one of a handful from that era to remain at the absolute top of her game. As one of the genre’s most prolific creators of song and video parodies, she’s worked with pretty much everyone in the biz (and major stars beyond), and has created tons of hilarious media over the years--she even produces her own online channel now, with constantly-added content. And she’s the rare queen who sings her own parodies live every week! In the years before “RuPaul’s Drag Race” made a million drag stars, she paved the way for queens to get their name and talent out there for the globe to behold. Thotyssey is honored to chat with this New York City Queen of Everything, Miss Sherry VIne!

Thotyssey: Hi Sherry, what an honor to speak to you, and Happy New Year! What were you doing while the ball dropped?

Sherry Vine: I was DJing and performing at Indochine, and did the countdown there. I’ve worked there about five times on NYE and it’s always the best time!

You were quite busy with your YouTube network SVTV this holiday season, posting a new song/video parody for each of the eight days of days of Hanukah! If I had to pick a favorite, it would be “Jappy.” Amazing! How long ago did you start writing, recording and filming those? It must’ve taken forever!

I love that you love “Jappy!” Well, I wanted to do it last year, but started too late. So I started recording the songs in early 2016, and we shot the first video in September. I knew it would be a lot of work, but had no idea how much--it was quite ambitious! But I am so proud of it. Not patting myself on the back, but we just pulled off a large feat with soooo many people working on it, for free. I think it’s an epic art project [laughs]! 

As the reigning queen of song parodies, what is your usual process? “I want to parody this song,” or “I have this funny idea, what song works best with it?” Or something else? 

Totally all of the above. If there’s a big hit, sometimes I force myself to write a parody of it--which can be more time-consuming. As opposed to having an idea for a song that just pops into my head: these I usually can write very quickly. Or sometimes people give me ideas, and I run with it. 

I used to spend so much time trying to stay current, but how many Taylor Swift parodies can a queen do? So lately I’ve been finding classics that everyone knows and doing parodies. Like “Hallelujah” or “Grindr Queen.” 

Parody is generally protected as free speech, but now we live in the world of the Intellectual Property Hair Trigger, especially online and especially on YouTube. Do you get grief from record labels--or YouTube itself--when you post the videos sometimes? 

OMG yes, I used to. I spent a year fighting Sony because they were making YouTube take down my Gaga videos! It was so frustrating and annoying, because the Fair Act law clearly states it’s allowed for internet use. I had a lawyer, an angel who was working with me for free, who really saved the day. But it was a full year of them removing my videos. Finally, Sony met with us and signed me as one of the first video artists l[laughs]!  They said it was too much to police all of YouTube, so now they have deals. 

Pretty much every damn queen is doing video parodies now, but you and your girl Jackie Beat were pioneers of this—and still the masters. Are you okay with this girth of parodies, or do you wish some queens would step off and do something different? 

Well, I certainly didn’t invent the art form! Jackie is the master, hands down! 

The only part I have a problem with is when some young queen thinks they are brilliant for coming up with an idea that anyone can come up with, and then they accuse me of stealing their idea. I’m like, “Girl, it doesn’t take a genius to get to ‘Hole of Glory’ from ‘Edge of ‘Glory!’” I know I don’t steal ideas, and I have enough confidence to just do my thing. 

I’m not threatened by other queens doing parodies, and when there’s one I love I’m the first to reach out and say “congrats” or “let’s do one together!” I’ve worked with many queens I admire and respect. 

You’ve been a beloved entertainer in NYC nightlife for a while now, but you’re a Florida native raised in the Baltimore area. I understand that you missed the Divine / John Waters era when you were going out there. What was cute in Baltimore when you were exploring that scene? 

Contrary to popular belief, I am too young to have been a part of the Divine scene in Baltimore [laughs]. But B’more was really fun in the 1980’s. I was so into the New Wave club scene, and saw every one-hit band you can name. 

I wasn’t into the drag scene then--it was very pageant, which is great, but wasn’t my interest at the time.

 You studied acting at USC MFA program under the great Anna Deavere Smith, pre-Sherry. What was the most important thing you learned from her?

We were pretty close then, and I was her assistant on one show there. She pulled me aside one day and said, “You will have a hard time in Hollywood, because you don’t fit any type. You need to carve out your own path; write or find writers to write for you, etc.” And that’s exactly what I did. I will always be thankful to her for that.

 What were some of your early acting roles?

Oh Honey, I did everything! Lots of musicals. General Bullmoose in Lil Abner, Fiddler, about five productions of South Pacific. Then when I was cast as Harold in Harold and Maude at a theatre in downtown Baltimore, I really pursued dramatic and character acting. It was also in one of Anna’s classes that I did my first “ladies” role; a monologue from For Colored Girls… and that’s when that seed began to blossom.

I love the story about the “crack house” that you’re named after--can you explain to those not in the know?

[Laughs] I was just Sherry at first, performing in LA at various clubs with Jackie Beat as a broken down torch singer. Someone told me that there was an apartment building on Vine Street called the Sherry (actually the Shari) and I drove by and it totally looked like a crack house. Boom: name! 

It was a pretty brave decision, I would think, to work as a drag queen in a pre-Drag Race world, when the job maybe wasn’t well understood by the generally homophobic public and there was even less job stability then there is now. Was it just about living in the moment and doing these great performances for you, or did you have like a long-term career plan? 

I didn’t have a long-term plan at first. I was just having fun and exploring, but once I committed to the idea of doing Sherry Vine projects and stopped auditioning as Keith, things just bloomed. We had a theatre company, Theatre Couture, that was very popular in the 1990’s. 

It was a bit harder before Drag Race, even before RuPaul became so famous. It could be quite scary! And there was a lot of drag-phobia in the gay “community.”

I’ve been lucky to travel all over the world: TV, films, YouTube, etc. Now there’s no Plan B, so it’s definitely long term!

When you arrived in New York it was huge clubs that ruled the day in the 90s--and amazing queens like you, Peppermint, Jackie Beat, Shequida, Vivacious, Dianne Brill and Sweetie were mixing it up with everyone. Did you feel a much more narrow gap between gay and straight nightlife at that time? 

Oh yes! The club scene in NYC was so mixed and pansexual. Squeezebox was the best example. You had to leave all labels outside! It was queens, gays, queer, girls, trans, hot straight rocker boys--everyone just dancing and partying together. There’s nothing like that now. 

You’ve worked and rubbed shoulders with so many amazing legends… OMG Madonna!  

I know - blessed! Being onstage with Madonna was pretty cool. Singing with Debbie Harry was another OMG moment. 

We’ve lost so many icons this year: David Bowie, Prince, George Michael, Pete Burns, Natalie Cole, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds… did you have any gigs or encounters with any of them?

I used to hang out with Pete Burns in the 1990’s - he came to Bar D’o a lot, and then we would all go to Jackie 60. We lost a lot of inspirations last year.

Tell us a little about Bar D’o. That was a pretty legendary venue where you performed famously with the likes of drag all-stars Raven-O and Joey Arias. You and Joey continue to perform at annual reunion shows for the bar at other venues (like Indochine in 2016). Can you describe what was so magical about the shows there?

I don’t know where to start. It was just a magical time in NYC nightlife. Bar D’o was another example of “mixed crowd.” One night, Meg Ryan was dancing on the sofa with a group of drag queens. Liv Tyler was there a lot. Almost any celeb you can name was probably there once. And the shenanigans in the bathrooms--shhhh! Raven and Joey are brilliant, and I learned so much from working with them. Family!

Of all the many countries and cities you performed in aside from NYC—and there are many—what’s your favorite?

I love going to places I never dreamed I would get to; like Estonia or Croatia. The people are so thrilled and excited that someone they have seen on YouTube is there. I mean they treat you like a rockstar [laughs]. I recently performed in Bucharest, and it was amazing. They just freaked out. And people were so kind and generous. 

I am a fangeek for the short-lived Queens of Drag: NYC web series which starred you, Peppermint, Bianca Del Rio and several others. It wasn’t too dishy like today’s reality TV (except maybe for Dallas and Logan’s segment), and I think it would’ve been great viewing to just watch you all live your lives and be real.  

It was really fun making that, and I think we all thought it would get picked up. But it’s all about timing.  And sadly, I do think people want train wrecks and “drama” when it comes to “reality TV”. But there was plenty of real drama that could have been explored if given a chance [laughs]! 

And you were also a model in the famous pre-Drag Race drag episode of Project Runway, where Ru was a judge! How did you enjoy that experience?

That was such a fun two days! I wish they had footage of the dressing room. Twelve queens stuffed into one room--we were laughing and cackling all day. And Heidi and Tim were super sweet.  A real blast! 

Drag Race has done wonderful things for drag no doubt: exposure, opportunities, etc. But do you think the show promotes a “type” of drag over others excessively?

No, I think all types are presented on the show. And certainly, there have been winners that break the mold.

One aspect of it that many point out as a negative, though: drag queen saturation. There are just too many young queens and not enough places for them all to work, it seems! What’s your advice for a young queen today that wants staying power? 

I’ve been doing this for 25 years, and I’ve been through several periods of what people referred to as “drag saturation.” Part of the challenge of being an entertainer is to stay relevant and fresh. If someone thinks drag is mainstream or homogenized, then turn up the volume! 

My advice to young queens is always: don’t try to be someone else. Find the thing that makes you special, unique and stand out, and then exploit that to the max.

I loved seeing you honored with a special legacy award at the GLAMs in December. Was that an emotional moment for you, or just fun with the gals? 

It’s always an honor to be recognized by your peers. I loved it. Some queens do take it was too seriously… but it’s great. There aren’t many occasions where everyone gets dolled up and goes out for free!

I loved how [hosts] Bob and Bianca were reading me and calling me old all night, but then Bianca’s introduction of me was sweet and sincere. I almost shed a tear--almost [laughs]! 

Have you seen Hurricane Bianca yet, by the way?

Literally just watched it! I saw Not Today, Bianca last week and was cracking up. And Hurricane Bianca is soooo great. I was impressed. It’s funny, smart, touching, silly and the acting is fantastic. I loved seeing Roy act—he’s good! And I thought it looked good, which is hard on movies that don’t have millions of dollars. Matt Kugelman did an awesome job.

You’re gonna be delivering a video tribute to Sweetie for her birthday bash on January 13th. Do you remember when you first met her? 

I first met Sweetie when she and Faux Pas were doing a show at Boy Bar. When I first moved here and started performing, they were the hot queens. We hit it off right away, and did many shows and projects together. She’s always been one of the absolute best lip sync artists ever! And she’s fucking funny as hell. She’s a hoot to hang out with. 

As far as your weekly gigs today, one popular night of yours is Bipolar Tuesdays at Therapy, which you co-host with Peppermint. What do you think the key is to how well you two work together so well? 

It’s funny, because we are so different... but for some reason it just works. We truly love each other and respect each other, so that’s a big part of it. I love that Peppermint will go anywhere--she never says no onstage. If I start scatting, she jumps right in. She’s funny, and a real sweetheart. I think people love the show because I’m dirty, she’s soulful and dances, and then together we are all of that. Plus, where else in NYC can you can see two live-singing queens?

By the way, your “Telephone” parody with Pep is probably my favorite overall video of yours. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that! Did that stick out as being a particularly fun one to make?

It’s definitely one of my favorites also. I can’t watch most of my videos--once, and then they’re up, and that’s it. But “Telephone” I am proud of because it took two 18 hour days, a cast of 50, a team doing costumes, wigs, props, etc--all for free!  I think as far as drag parody videos go, it’s pretty good.

Do you ever have to really “sell” an idea of a video parody to other performers when you want them to appear in the videos, or are most of them like, “It’s Sherry, so I’m on board”?

Honey, I am blessed. I’m always surprised when someone says yes lol. I also will do anything for them and luckily most of the people I’ve asked to work together say yes. 

Your other weekly show is a solo, Adult Content Wednesday nights at Industry. That’s where you do a lot of your song parodies live, play games, kvetch, etc. How fun and freeing is it to have this weekly gig where it’s just you doing your thing? 

I stopped doing other weekly shows in NYC because I really wanted to focus on Adult Content. And Industry has been really supportive. I feel this way: if people want to see my dirty material and videos, they have to come there. And it’s very international--the audience is always full of people from all over the world.  And I’m usually off Thursdays, so it’s my drinking night!

Let’s talk about “SVTV,” your YouTube channel which functions basically as an online TV network. We can find all of your parodies on there, and lots of other segments you do as well; plus features from other nightlife figures. It’s become a really ambitious enterprise, with programs ranging from Trade2Trade where Monet X Change and Kalle Westerling have sexyfun interviews with gogo boys and pornstars, to Know Your Gay-B-Cs which profiles historical nightlife legends. So, how much of your life is dedicated to managing the content of the channel?

Literally 90 percent. I’m not kidding. It’s all-consuming.That is absolutely not a complaint--I live for it, and I would die if I couldn’t create. It’s been a lot of work. My creative/business partner Josh Rosenzweig has also been working tirelessly. But we love it. I wish more people would watch stuff [laughs], but we are going to keep going. February 2017 will be one year! 

There is something for everyone--so much content, and so many talented artists. It’s a dream come true, if your dream is to spend all your time and money on a project that pays nothing back [laughs]!  But, yes, it is my dream. But where’s the money [laughs]!?

I’m sure you pick who participates on the channel very carefully, but has anyone really blown you away, like “OMGI had know idea that (s)he would be so good on camera?”

Busted. She has no idea how funny she is. There have been times when I can’t stop laughing, and that doesn’t happen often. I think Anita is brilliant, and of course Chris is a superstar.  Also, Pickles: she’s outrageous, and I don’t know if she gets it!. 

I love watching videos of you and Jackie Beat performing together. I also love The Golden Girls. And now I hate that I’m not in Los Angeles, because that’s where you and Jackie will be performing some drag reenactments of Golden Girls episodes (Jan. 11-15 at the Cavern Club Theater) along with Drew “Chloe Sevigny” Droege and Sam Pancake! You’re Blanche and Jackie’s Dorothy. Those must be the two Girls that all the queens fight over in these shows, right? 

There was no fight or even discussion at all. Jackie and I wanted to do it and there was no question who was who. I think we asked Sam and Drew who they wanted to play. But I was born to be Blanche, and Bea Arthur is Jackie’s spirit animal. 

You’re doing the one where little Mario Lopez gets deported. So timely! And I hope the actor has the jheri curls. 

Mario Diaz always brings it! 

On a more serious note, we’re looking at some pretty dark times, and lots of disenfranchised people (particularly in the LGBT world) are going to be very defensive and sensitive to the type of un-PC humor that you’ll usually see in a drag show. Should drag queens be accommodating this new sensitive era? 

Fuck no! This is the time to push the boundaries. I have noticed already a change in the mood, but I’m determined to fight it--with humor. 

What do you think that this presidential election result says about Americans today? 

I am absolutely sick of talking about it [laughs]! Sorry! I have turned it off, but I’m ready to march when the time comes! 

Another deathly serious question: what are you more looking forward to, Bette Midler in Hello Dolly, or Idina Menzel as Bette Midler in the Beaches remake?

Um--Bette in Hello Dolly! 

Good call! Anything else to mention? 

Please subscribe to Gaysvtvworld on my YouTube channel! It’s so important. And watch our shit, please!

Okay, last question: what is the very worst thing about being a drag queen for you, and what is the very best thing? 

The very worst right now is the pain in my poor old feet [laughs]. Doctors told me years ago the day would come when I would pay for wearing 6-inch stilettos all the time, and that time is upon me. 

But the best is, I still love drag as much today as I did when I started. I still have tons of things I want to do as Sherry: more theatre, more film, more YouTube, more music, more collaborations - more, more, more!

Never stop! We love you, Sherry!

Sherry Vine co-hosts “Bi-Polar Tuesdays” at Therapy with Peppermint (11pm) and hosts “Adult Content” at Industry on Wednesday nights (11pm). She produces original content for her YouTube channel on a near-daily basis, and can otherwise be followed on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Sherry also has a website.

On Point Archives

[itsfinancethings]

When Caitie Bossart returned to the U.S. from a weeklong trip to the U.K., her dating life ought to have been the least of her problems. A part-time nanny looking for full-time work, she found her inbox filled with messages from companies that had instituted hiring freezes and from families who no longer wanted to bring a babysitter into their homes in response to the spread of COVID-19. Her aunt, whom she had been living with, prevailed upon Bossart to isolate herself at an Airbnb for 14 days upon her return, even as Bossart’s economic future looked uncertain.

At least Bossart wouldn’t be alone: She had met a great guy on the dating app Hinge about a month before her trip and had gone on five dates with him. She liked him, more than anyone she’d ever dated. When their state issued stay-at-home orders, they decided to hole up together. They ordered takeout and watched movies. In lieu of visiting museums or restaurants, they took long walks. They built a bond that felt at once artificial—trying to keep things light, they avoided the grimmer coronavirus-related topics that might dim the honeymoon period of a relationship—and promising. Under no other circumstance would they have spent such uninterrupted time together, and over the course of their confinement, her feelings for him grew.

But six days into it, Bossart’s crush was ordered to self-isolate for 14 days so he could take up a six-month job posting abroad. On top of job anxiety, worries about her living situation and stress about her family’s health, Bossart faced the prospect of not seeing this man for the better part of a year.

“I’m 35, which is that ‘dreaded age’ for women, or whatever,” she says. “I don’t know if I should wait, if I can wait. It’s scary.”

Since COVID-19 swept across the U.S., much has been made—and rightly so—of the plights of families facing economic and social upheaval: how co-habitating couples are adapting to sharing a workspace at home, how parents are juggling work with teaching their children trigonometry while schools are closed, how people cannot visit their parents or older relatives, even on their deathbeds, for fear of spreading the virus.

The challenges faced by singles, though, particularly millennials and those of Gen Z, have often been fodder for comedy. Instagram users are creating accounts dedicated to screenshotting terrible dating app pickup lines like, “If the virus doesn’t take you out, can I?” Twitter users have jumped to compare the situation with the Netflix reality series Love Is Blind, in which contestants talk to each other in isolated pods, unable to see or touch their dates. But for singles who have yet to find partners much less start families, isolation means the loss of that portion of life most young adults count on to forge grown-up friendships and romantic relationships.

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

These digital natives, who through online apps have enjoyed a freedom to manage their social lives and romantic entanglements that previous generations lacked—swiping left or right, ghosting a bore, scheduling a late-night hookup—now find themselves unable to exercise that independence. And for those who graduated from college into the last great recession with heavy student debt, there is the added worry of staring into another financial abyss as everything from gig work to full-time employment evaporates. Just as they were on the cusp of full-on adulthood, their futures are more in doubt than ever.

A 28-year-old woman who works in fashion and lives alone in New York echoed Bossart’s sentiments about her life being derailed. “The loneliness has definitely started to hit. I have great friends and family, but a relationship is still missing, and who knows when that will be back up and running,” she says. “I would be lying if I said my biological clock hadn’t crossed my mind. I have plenty of time, but if this lasts 6 months—it just means that much longer before I can eventually have a baby.”

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That sense of mild dread is legitimate and widely shared, if rarely spoken aloud, and will only become more common as orders to isolate spread across the country.

Dacher Keltner, a University of California, Berkeley sociologist who studies the impact of touch, worries about the long-term impact of social distancing on singles who live alone. He contends the fabric of society is held together by even the smallest physical contact. “Touch is as important a social condition as anything,” Keltner says. “It reduces stress. It makes people trust one another. It allows for cooperation. When you look at people in solitary confinement suffering from touch deprivation, you see that people lose a sense that someone’s got their back, that they’re part of a community and connected to others.”

Worse still, loneliness can affect an individual’s health. Studies have shown extreme loneliness is associated with the immune system increasing inflammation. “Under normal circumstances, when you feel lonely, you run the risk of a stressed, compromised health profile,” Keltner says. “Add to that the quarantine, and that really elevates the severity.”

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

And then there’s the obvious carnal problem. The New York Board of Health issued guidelines on sex in the time of coronavirus, encouraging New Yorkers to avoid hookups and gently suggesting substituting masturbation for intercourse: “You are your safest sex partner.” The hilariously blatant government warning quickly went viral on social networks, but as the reality of abstinence has set in for New Yorkers, people are starting to wonder how their comfort with physical intimacy may forever be changed. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases and a key member of the White House’s coronavirus task force, has already said, “I don’t think we should ever shake hands ever again.” Keltner adds that singles might fundamentally alter how they interact with strangers on first dates: Even once there is a cure for the coronavirus or the pandemic passes, an entire generation will think twice before hugging a stranger on a first, second, even third date.

“Right now, sex feels like something I may never have again,” said the anonymous New Yorker working in fashion. “People are going to have to start getting creative in terms of contact with men. Skype sex may get really popular. But how long can that last?” How we date during coronavirus is already shifting, perhaps permanently.

We are social creatures and of course will find ways to continue to date—primarily via Skype, FaceTime, Zoom and other video call apps. “Romantic love will never die,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at the Kinsey Institute who has conducted hundreds of MRI scans on smitten people to see love’s effect on our brains. She says that our brains treat romantic love as a central need, like thirst and hunger. “Thirst and hunger aren’t going to die, and neither are feelings of love and attachment that allow you to pass your DNA to the next generation,” she says. Plus, novel times trigger dopamine in the brain, and we are certainly living through novel times.

Home, alone and in some cases without a job, single people are spending more time swiping right on dating apps to find love, particularly in the cities hardest hit by the virus: Bumble reports a 21% increase in messages sent in Seattle, 23% increase in New York City and 26% increase in San Francisco since March 12, a day after the World Health Organization labeled the coronavirus a global pandemic. The use of in-app video chatting on Bumble, a feature many users didn’t even know existed before the coronavirus spread, increased 93% across the country between March 13—the day President Donald Trump declared a national emergency—and March 27, with in-app calls and video chats averaging 29 minutes. Hinge, similarly, saw a 30% increase in messaging on the app in March, compared to February, and has responded by launching an in-app “date from home” feature that, if both users agree, launches a video chat or phone call.

Even those resistant to dating online are open to changing their habits. “I told my parents if this is why I die alone, it will be truly tragic,” jokes Tina Chen, 28. Chen works for a professional volleyball league and travels the country for tournaments, a routine that is on hold while COVID-19 spreads. Chen’s temporary move to her parents’ home in Los Angeles feels increasingly permanent as stay-at-home orders drag on. Chen has never been into online dating but admits if the quarantine lasts several more months, that may change. “If my time were to go soon-ish,” she says, “I want to have had the experience of life-long love.”

Some singles are getting creative. Chelsea Mao and Anna Li, students at the Wharton Business School at the University of Pennsylvania, started a Love Is Blind experiment, inspired by the Netflix series, for business school students to meet and talk through emails. They floated the idea to classmates and received 2200 submissions from students at 21 schools across the U.S.

Mao and Li, who are also participating, have received long, thoughtful missives via email, far different from the pithy chats on dating apps that tend to focus on sorting out logistics for in-person meetings. “But without that as an option, the conversations have been longer and more meaningful,” says Li, who exchanged notes with a mystery date about their backgrounds and personal struggles.

Adds Mao: “I have learned more about some of these people from a few emails than I would have from months of dating them in the usual school setting.”

Still, in-person chemistry is hard to replicate. A charmer over text might turn out to be a dud in person without the time, thesaurus or roommate to aid in witty repartee. And texting conversations on apps can drag on for days, weeks or even months and never lead to an actual date.

That’s why Fisher used to offer one cardinal piece of advice to people on dating apps: Meet the person as soon as possible. And yet, in the age of COVID-19, she has become surprisingly bullish on dating at a distance. “Everybody thinks this is a bad time for dating. I think this is an extremely good time for dating,” she says. “Sex is off the table, so you actually have to sit down and really get to know someone. Because the most important thing to look for in a partner is having a good conversation.”

Katia RepinaA couple having a conversation in Prospect Park, Brooklyn on April 5th, 2020.

Stripped of the ambiance of a restaurant or the taste of food, the quality of the conversation on a date comes into focus. “People definitely have to improve their conversation skills. There’s more talking on video chat than there would be in a loud bar,” says David, a 25-year-old engineer in Philadelphia who did not want to be identified by his last name for work-related reasons. “It’s also definitely helped my wallet.” He usually pays for the first date but calculates he is saving hundreds by not going out, a factor no doubt high in the minds of many online daters as unemployment soars.

Across the country, Bumble is seeing more “quality chats”—based on the length of messages people exchange in the app and how long the conversations last. And studies show a longer courting period translates to a more stable marriage. Fisher is confident this quarantine period will lead to a boom in weddings.

In theory, everyone on dating apps shares something in common right now and thus has the perfect opening conversation. That can build a sense of solidarity and even empathy among strangers trying to navigate the same challenges together, but singles who spoke with TIME—mostly in their 20s and 30s but also a handful older than 50—complained it also feels impossible to transition to other topics. Trying to suss out someone’s politics? The conversation will likely focus on Trump’s handling of the outbreak. Like sports? Debates over whether LeBron James is the greatest of all time came to a halt when the NBA postponed the season. Want to talk movies? The discussion inevitably winds its way to the fact that Tom Hanks tested positive for COVID-19. Viruses do not make for light conversation.

That’s particularly true for people like Bossart, who are weighed down by financial concerns. “A guy messaged me on a dating app, ‘how are you doing?’” she says. “I didn’t even know what to say because I’m not feeling great about my job situation right now. So I just stopped responding.”

Assuming singles find a connection, video dates can only go so far. Zachary Wobensmith, a 50-year-old actor in New York City, has remained skeptical of video chatting. Not only does dating during the pandemic sound like more work—coming up with creative ways to maintain the spark even as the lockdown drags on—he wonders if he’s got the willpower to resist temptation and abide by the rules of social isolation. “This sounds terrible, but if I found someone I liked, at a certain point I would risk it and meet them in person,” he says. “Human contact is difficult to go without.”

Courtesy of Gretchen Wobensmith Zachary Wobensmith on his 50th birthday in New York.

The Wharton students conducting the Love Is Blind experiment have heard rumors of couples who connected through the program meeting up for long-distance walks together. “It feels like we live in such innocent times that we were scandalized by people going on walks, but we are,” says Li.

Fisher has her own view: “We are a touching animal, if this carries on, I think we’re going to see speakeasies emerge where people meet in clandestine fashion and hug or even have sex.”

Whether pop-up hugging speakeasies take off or not, we don’t yet know the long-term consequences of coronavirus on our day-to-day interactions. Several singles TIME interviewed speculated that even after social distancing rules are lifted, they would continue to use distance dating as a step in the courtship process, a way to screen people before they actually meet in person. Others suggested it would take months or even years before they are comfortable shaking hands with a stranger or hugging them on a first date.

Keltner, the touch expert at Berkeley, worries about the long-term mental health ramifications on a society in isolation. Statistics on solitary confinement are difficult to acquire because the prison system limits studies on prisoners, but data suggest that people deprived of social interactions for even just a few weeks are 30-40% more likely to suffer from depression and suicidal ideation. While social distancing in an apartment with virtual access to friends, family and coworkers is hardly the same as extreme isolation, public health experts are worried about spikes in anxiety and depression during the pandemic—feelings that will not automatically disappear when people go outside again.

“If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, for millions of years we had tactile contact like hugs,” says Keltner. “Every relationship has been built and held together by complicated nonverbal language, beginning with parent and child. It’s part of our social fabric. I worry about what happens when as a society we lose those modes of communication for a time.”

Yet some of those searching online for their long-term partners are optimistic that COVID-19 might fundamentally change people’s behavior for the better.

Rebecca, a New York City doctor who asked that her last name be excluded for work-related reasons, says she has been able to learn plenty about her dates virtually—perhaps even more than if she met them on-line, since a glimpse into their apartments on video chat is a glimpse into their daily lives. She says she’s able to determine about “80%” of in-person chemistry on her virtual dates, and while it’s difficult to resist flouting the rules and meeting up, “if it is worth it, you will make it work,” she says. “It’s physical distancing, not social distancing. And I’m determined to continue to be social.”

Alex Muetzel, 29, who works in recruiting for New York University but is currently self-quarantining in his parents’ basement in Ohio, is spending less time on dating apps overall, but more time talking to the men he meets on them — a change from the days when he might quickly move on if there was not an immediate spark.

Courtesy of Florian KrischAlex Muetzel in Miami, Florida.

“I’ve met a lot of guys who I’m sure are great, but if you’re not really into it right away, you have so many other options on the apps, you don’t give them a second chance,” he says. Now, without the opportunity to meet someone for a quick coffee or drink, there’s time for conversation, even with people he might not have spent time with before.

“I wonder if people will change their priorities,” he says.

Rebecca already has. She’s found it easy to rule out an entire category of online suitors: those who reveal they’re not respecting quarantine rules. Clearly, such a reckless person is not boyfriend material.