#watch me pick apart smth for real-life basis

[cheswirls]

i cant believe i dug myself down another rabbit hole w sheba's clothing and then my internet went to being like .03 speed again which slowed the whole process a ton and now its. almost 11. and i havent done anything for school tmrw yet. its like i didnt learn the first time i tried this in hs.

actually i was a little more successful this time so might as well share what ive found. this applies to all the magicians of alma toran that the arc focuses on.

my main (actual) breaking point was the discovery of red knotted sashes worn around the waist of egyptian royals. i guess i had been going about searching once i fell down that particular rabbit hole as if sheba's rope were red, and then it took me a minute to back up and remember it was blue.

this wasn't completely out of the loop, though. all eight magicians with a divine staff are designed through the first two parts of the arc relatively the same (minus sheba until after the first timeskip, but she gets there) with a red shawl that falls to the waist. after a lot of time thinking on it i'm still not sure if the red that wraps around the waist is part of the same shawl, or a different one that forms the outer layer of the skirt, and then trails one piece further down (or its one rly long shawl that goes through the red skirt layer to the ground. regardless)

both would make sense, but i bring up the double-layer skirt because its another egyptian style. also when i saw shawl, its the red cloth that wraps around one shoulder (what would modernly be called a sash) instead of the top that solomon wears in the last part of the arc (or the white that sinbad wears pre-final arc) that could also be called a shawl, but in a different culture. the alma toran version is most similar to the hebrew-style shawl that was influenced by an earlier ancestor, the canaan people.

i'll bring this up more, but in general, alma toran clothing takes basis from two main styles: phoenician and egyptian. they both share ancestors and take style influence in turn, so to say the reference is exactly these two may not be true! it's jus what ive found evidence of.

after that tangent and a half let me swing back around: the red sashes were looped and worn around the waist of high egyptian royals. but there was also a blue sash worn by lower-ranked royals. that realization made me recall sheba's sash is blue, and not red. and it is very similar -it's rope-like, knotted, worn around the waist, and worn together with red cloth. and its worn by solomon and the magicians exclusively. but there is another thing, actually.

because, after ascending higher to king, solomon's sash changes to red. you could say there was symbolism with the red rope he wore as a necklace earlier in the arc, but near the end, he is definitely in red instead of blue. add that with aladdin's sash in the final arc, and it rly makes me wish david got good colored art in a divine status, just to see if that symbol was still there. the red sash marked solomon's departure from the others as everyone elevated him to king of the realm. and the rest falls into place from there.

going back to the to the two reference styles! because everything that follows could honestly originate from any of these. egyptian style traces back to assyrian roots, loosely, which traces back to sumerian culture. likewise, phoenician culture is pretty much remnants of canaan ancestors (hebrew people share canaan ancestors with phoenicians, which explains some similarities in ancient clothing.) both groups originate from close mesopotamian ancestors, and the sumerians eventually morph to form the babylonian empire, upon which alma toran itself is based. that was a long drawl, so basically, things are closely related culture-wise. everything eventually falls back into one.

phoenician clothes are known for being dyed rich colors, while still maintaining white. in particular, there are popular depictions of an open-chested phoenician shirt with sleeves and style very similar to the divine magicians early in the arc. gold-rimmed white, lots of lines and gold accents. dyed blue and red and purple. (purple isnt a color depicted in alma torran clothing, but theres established emphasis on the relation between blue and red, so)

both phoenician and egyptian clothing share their loose and tunic-y style, definitely due to their geographical location, but probably also from shared ancestors. egyptians in particular wore lots of plain linen, but the higher in status you were, the fancier the fabric. one popular was a thin material thats credited with all the depictions we have today of egyptian women clad in see-through garments. this in particular reminds me of the red shawl sheba (and others) wear, and also leans more to the idea that the red material around the waist isn't part of the same shawl.

another egyptian trait among those of higher status is multi-layered skirts. the style is wrap-around, which is another trait shared with the magicians, especially at the end of the arc concerning the three magi. but while the skirt style is more egyptian, the design is inherently phoenician, from the patterns and fringe decorating the ends. (this is common in high-ranked assyrians' clothing as well! esp accenting white with gold and red elements) the multiple layers were held up by a sash at the waist, and the overskirt layers were thinner and more sheer. the shawls worn during this time were long, near 15 feet (so i could see one draped over the front and back around the shoulder and still landing near knees at least.)

[i had a point for the headwraps specifically worn by the two female magi but i cannot for the life of me retrace the source at this point. if i find it ill go back and add]

i mentioned solomon's shawl later on in the arc so lets swing back around to that. thats most likely based on the egyptian equivalent, longer in back and ties in front. the long drape the remaining magicians wear after the last timeskip is close to assyrian style. (the pattern suggests closer ties with the hebrew version, though)

wow k between other things its closer to 1 in the morning now so.. thats a wrap!! not everything but its what ive got compiled into one

[clerichs-xi]

Getting real on main here bc I'm kinda tired of keeping everything in my head so I'm gonna ramble for a bit bc my blog my posts

Starting to realize more and more i don't know how to interact with people and im kinda starting to wonder if im neurodivergent or if im socially anxious

It's not just I don't know how to interact socially it's more like I don't know how to react in social so I end up mimicking what other ppl do in order to not get a negative reaction/keep up the convo in a natural way. I find I do it more online bc I have time to think about what I do+look back on messages and I end up being so paranoid about what I say or how my messages could get construed differently or how people could negatively react. Maybe it's more that I'm extremely prone to overthinking stuff but either way it makes me feel miserable sometimes, like I can't open up ever and most of the time I end up not opening up. I'm afraid of negative reactions and criticism bc I'm so prone to criticizing others myself. Also i grew up having most of my stuff (achievements, work, expressed thoughts) being reacted to with either neutral reactions or criticism on the basis of humility. Whoa that just got deep lol. Anyways after typing all of this out I feel like my issue mostly lies with my fears of being seen in a negative way or being disliked after saying something so I just end up. overthinking every single thing I want to say or not saying anything at all or both. It's wild how afraid I am of receiving any remotely negative feedback bc the moment I do I'll take to heart way too much and beat myself up over it!! Itll all I focus on and then I'll pick apart every single thing I ever did or said and make myself feel even more miserable!! I'm perfectly capable of discerning when something is my fault just. not when im talking to someone.

Tangent but since I'm here rambling already ill talk abt it and also kinda related. I never feel comfortable enough venting abt my life to close friends bc a) I'm seen as the functional one in the group; b) it seems everyone else's problems are bigger than mine and c) I'll feel like I'm complaining for no good reason mostly bc of a). I did have someone in my friend group say "what do u have to complain abt u have a functional family lol" once and that hurt. And that's why I never share anything anymore lol!!! Bc everyone I know says my life is perfect but a lot I wish I weren't me and I feel so trapped. It's gotten better bc I have been in situations b4 where I vented during really bad situations but I still don't rlly. And the fact that I only feel ok with venting in situations/with feelings that, in my mind, constituted as on par with other people's issues or of a certain level severity that was worth sharing and wouldn't face backlash for is. fucked up to say the least I think. Sometimes I think social media has played a role in fostering this idea bc of ppl constantly comparing and trying to 1-up others with their struggles. or ppl usinh catastrophic world events to go to other ppl saying "ur life will never be as bad as that so suck it up"

Uh anyways I think the neurodivergent part mostly bc i get uncomfortable when I'm not doing something and I can't really stand not doing smth. Ive seen some posts of neurodivergent people (esp posts abt adhd/ppl with adhd talking abt it) and kinda find myself relating to stimulation issues to a degree? I hate not doing anything productive eg drawing, writing. Sometimes I can't even stand just watching tv or reading bc sometimes I don't feel involved enough. If I'm interested in a piece of media I'll binge it for a couple of days and then the next day I'll feel nothing at all for it. Like idk maybe I'm thinking too hard and I don't actually know what I'm talking abt but at this rate I'd rather be wrong while try to explore this/put it into words then keep everything to myself just because I'm afraid of getting backlash or whatever from the 3 real people and 20 pornbots that follow me. Chances are this post wont receive any attention like literally anything else I've ever posted except it not getting attention will be what I want haha.

Tldr I'm just tired of trying to please people and bottling stuff up just bc I want ppl to like me and bc I don't want to burden others. I want to open up and have actual social interactions where I'm not overthinking everything I do. And I'm posting this to prove to myself that I'm going to change and get over it.

[defwang]

This conversation/skeleton outline of a fic between me and @fightmejaebum is inspired by Jackson getting Jaebum to say “Netflix and chill” even though I am 100% sure he knows that Jaebum doesn’t even know what it means. And this just really spiralled out of control bc I am me 😬

(this is so messy idk if you guys can even read it but it’s there :\)

jaebum asking jackson over to netflix and chill because he thinks it's totally innocent and he just really wants to catch up on whatever tv show

BUT JACKSON IS PANICKING!!! BC HOLY SHIT JAEBUM WANTS TO DO THE DO WITH HIM!!!!

JACKSON WOULD BE SO NERVOUS!! AND JAEBUM WOULD JUST BE LIKE 😊 U WANNA WATCH A MOVIE OR TV

and jackson is calculating. because he doesn’t wanna watch a tv show he’s actually interested in or else he’s gonna get spoilers while sucking jaebum’s face

and he’s taking a considerable amount of time thinking and jaebum just thinks that jackson must have a lot of things he must want to watch

Oh my god 🙈 so jaebum is like!! It's ok if you have a few you wanna watch we can do this another time too!!

And Jackson is like 😵🙌🏼👌🏼 he wants to Netflix and chill with me on a regular basis

Maybe Jackson gets real fidgety, gets real close up to Jaebum and Jaebum doesn’t think much of it bc Jackson is always touch hungry

Oooooh and does Jackson like grab jaebum's hand in an action scene or smth and Jaebum is like.. ok guess he was just a bit scared he'll let go soon... right?... riiight?!!

JAEBUM REACHES FOR A SNACK OR SMTH AND JACKSON IS AN ANXIOUS MESS AND IS LIKE!! THIS IS IT!! HES LEANING IN TO KISS ME!! AND CLOSES HIS EYES AND IS LIKE 😚 AND JAEBUM IS JUST LIKE UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WYD

Paula: AWWWWW NOOOO BABYYYY!!! AND THEN WHAT???? Nicola: IDK!!! THIS IS UR IDEA FIRST OF ALL DOES JAEBUM ACTUALLY KNOW HE LIKE LIKES JACKSON PRE ASKING HIM TO NETFLIX AND CHILL Paula: I MEAN. HE THINKS JACKSON IS ALRIGHT????? COMFY TO BE AROUND????? Nicola: DOES HE SORTA REALISE WHEN JACKSON IS STAMMERING AND TRYNA RUN FOR THE DOOR. Aw comfy to be around that's a cute thing Paula: yeah like that’s why he wanted to watch movies with jackson in the first place. thinks jackson’s squealing and over zealous reactions are really cute. HOW DO THEY ADDRESS THE FACT THAT JAEBUM DOESN’T KNOW WHAT NETFLIX AND CHILL INSINUATES THO. Omg he probably heard it from mark tbh during another conversation Nicola: Omg this is how jaebum discovers jinyoung and Mark lowkey banging cus he overhears Mark ask jinyoung to Netflix and chill. And at the time he didn't know Paula: OMG!!!!!!!! I LOVE DRAMA

But Jackson is scrambling and is like?? U said u wanted to Netflix and chill!! And jaebum is like? That's what we're doing right?? and Jackson is like 😓

And Jackson has to explain to jaebum what Netflix and chill means and jaebum's life flashes before his eyes for 2 different reasons

Cus he overheard his friend asking for a booty call from his other friend AND WORSE HE THEN ACCIDENTALLY ASKED JACKSON IF HE WANTED TO HOOK UP  

awww poor bb jackson is probably feeling real embarrassed now :C

and he’s a little disappointed but he’s trying not to let it be seen on his face like “Look I get it, this was a mistake and I’m sorry I misread everything. I … I’m gonna go now. Get some air and stuff”

AND JAEBUM JUST IS SORT OF SHELL SHOCKED and watching Jackson grab his phone and keys before leaving out the door

OH NOOOOO

JACKSON WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSED AND SAD BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS RLLY HAPPENING AND HE GOT HIS HOPES UP AND WAS SO NERVOUS BUT EXCITED

BUT JAEBUM IS JUST LIKE????? I DONT KNOW WHAT I JUST DID I DONT KNOW WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO NOW OH GOD OH GOD AND JACKSON WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH ME???

jaebum is freaking the fuck out and he needs to call jinyoung because jinyoung is his go-to man and he’s calling up because JACKSON JUST TRIED TO KISS ME???

and Jinyoung is unusually calm and replies with “So did you kiss him back???”

and why isn’t jinyoung in the least bit surprised???

and they have a long winded talk about how jackson started liking jaebum ever since jinyoung introduced them but jaebum was just really cool and emotionless-looking

But!! Jinyoung!! Being like!!! So is he a good kisser

Nicola: I'm so emotional this is so precious and Jaebum is rlly lost and confused and Jackson has liked him for so long and I'm 😭

Jaebum takes like 2 days, at least, thinking because yeah okay, Jackson is a pretty cool dude.  and he likes it when jackson cuddles up on his arm when they’re walking, and he likes how jackson is there for every one of his music class showcases

and yeah he guesses he could grow to like jackson as more than just a friend

AND FOR THE ENTIRE TWO DAYS JACKSON REFUSES TO LEAVE MARK’S AND HIS SHARED APARTMENT BECAUSE HE’S SO EMBARRASSED AND ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS HIDE UNDER HIS COVERS

Noooo Jackson 😥😥😥 of course he's so embarrassed!! The poor thing I would just want to flee the country and delete every trace of my existence he embarrassed himself of his crush AND GOOD FRIEND and everything is ruined

Omg please when jaebum gets his shit together can he please be really open with Jackson and explain to him everything and ends up saying really awkwardly and nervously (CUS JAEBUM NEEDS NERVOUS TIME TOO HE PUT JACKSON THROUGH A LOT) "so I guess it's a long shot but... u wanna do something Saturday night? We could watch Netflix 😅 and maybe even do some of that chilling too if you're still interested.."

Jinyoung has to kick Jaebum in the ass (it’s an encouraging and supportive kick) so Jaebum can hurry up and call and or text and to meet up with Jackson to clear things up because Jackson is almost literally DYING from humility

and Jinyoung wants the apartment bc it’s been a while since Mark and him have had their own netflix and chill

Markjin need their Netflix and chill time jinyoung has NEEDS

And Jackson has been laying in bed crying out randomly in despair and it really doesn't help set the mood

When they finally do experience the true meaning behind netflix and chill Jaebum confirms with Jinyoung that Yes, Jackson is a good kisser

Nicola: Does jaebum start using the term 24/7 like a kid who learns a new word. And Jackson thinks it's cute but jinyoung wants to die cus surprisingly he doesn't like to know so much information about their sex life

omg Jaebum will just ask Jackson over their table at lunch like “I haven’t got any assignments due this week, do you wanna head over to my place for a netflix and chill?”

and Jackson doesn’t really mind that the rest of the table knows that they’re gonna be banging this weekend and offers “Oh sure. Should I bring over “””supplies”””” which is Jackson’s attempt at being subtle

Nicola: !!!!!! SUPPLIES ORGANISED SAFE SEX ADVOCATE JACKSON

Jinyoung is thoroughly disgusted, and mildly disappointed because he was really enjoying his lunch today until he imagined jackbum doing the nasty

Oh no jinyoung made himself a fancy meal and is happily eating away and Jackson starts clumsily "hinting" that he picked up some different...  uh... snacks... to try out and jaebum is looking disgustingly dazed and Jackson is raising an eyebrow and he's done there goes his appetite and he should probably go to he bathroom cus he might just puke