#watch as I turn into the dreaded food blogger

[fluentisonus]

Making Cato the Elder’s ‘Savillum’

Disclaimer: I’m an incredibly average baker who had never made cheesecake in her life up until this point. I’m sure there’s plenty of (better) adaptions of this recipe, but it was a fun challenge to work entirely from an Ancient Roman recipe with little to no modern help, so I haven’t seen them!

Cato’s De Agri Cultura 

There are several different cheesecake recipes De Agri Cultura (also written De Agricultura), ranging from libum (a sort of savory cheesecake with bay leaves) to placenta (a sort of layered sweet cheesecake with several crusts), with many variations besides. Savillum most closely resembled what we think of as a cheesecake in the modern day, and is relatively simple in both process and ingredients.

Original Latin Text

Savillum hoc modo facito. Farinae selibram, casei P. II S una conmisceto quasi libum, mellis P. et ovum unum. Catinum fictile oleo unguito. Ubi omnia bene conmiscueris, in catinum indito, catinum testo operito. Videto ut bene percocas medium, ubi altissimum est. Ubi coctum erit, catinum eximito, melle unguito, papaver infriato, sub testum subde paulisper, postea eximito. Ita pone cum catillo et lingula.

English Translation

“Recipe for the savillum: Take 1/2 pound* of flour, 2 1/2 pounds of cheese, and mix together as for the libum**; add 1/4 pound of honey and 1 egg. Grease an earthenware dish with oil. When you have mixed thoroughly, pour into a dish and cover with a crock. See that you bake the centre thoroughly, for it is deepest there. When it is done, remove the dish, cover with honey, sprinkle with poppy-seed, place back under the crock for a while, then remove from the fire. Serve in the dish, with a spoon.”

(translation via Loeb Classical Library)

*Note: a Roman pound (libra) is not the same as a modern pound, 1 Roman pound = .725 modern pounds

**From the recipe for libum: “Bray 2 pounds of cheese thoroughly in a mortar; when it is thoroughly macerated, add 1 pound of wheat flour, or, if you wish the cake to be more dainty, 1/2 pound of fine flour, and mix thoroughly with the cheese.”

Recipe

Ingredients

2 1/2 roman pounds (1.8 modern pounds) (29 oz.) fresh goat cheese

1/2 roman pound (.4 modern pounds) (5.8 oz) wheat flour

1/4 roman pound (.2 modern pounds) (2.9 oz) honey

1 egg

oil for greasing 

poppy seeds 

Some notes on ingredients:

This recipe itself doesn’t specify goat cheese, however the other similar recipes for cheesecake that come before this do, so it seemed like a safe assumption; it’s also got a great flavor that comes though, and is in my opinion even nicer than cream cheese.

I used my own honey from our bees, so it was raw and closer to what the Romans would have used, but I don’t think store bought pasteurized honey would make much difference 

The type of oil is not specified, however I used light olive oil, olive oil being something the Romans used plenty of, and light so it didn’t effect the flavor too much

Temperature

There are no temperature specifications here for the oven (a modern oven, I didn’t go as far as to find a Roman one). Being nervous about cheesecake, I made a compromise and looked into the Joy of Cooking cheesecake recipe, which specifies 500ºF (260ºC) for the first 10 minutes (give the oven time to preheat!) and 200ºF (93ºC) for another hour after that. My oven is finicky and ended up closer to 450ºF for the 10 minutes and 300ºF for the hour, however it baked very well and was done on time.

My Process

I skipped the instructions for braying the cheese, as it was store bought and pretty smooth already, and instead crumbled it straight into the bowl and began to knead the flour in.

At first it seemed like all the flour might not go in, but it does, and pretty perfectly at that; the result is a nice dough.

The egg and honey loosen the consistency of the dough (and make it sticky), but still smooth and fairly easy to handle. There are no instructions for adding the egg, but I beat mine before kneading it in, and added the honey afterwards.

I unfortunately don’t have an earthenware baking dish that has any sort of lid (for the crock); I had to compromise with pyrex (which does have a lid). 

It does need pressing into place, as it holds it’s shape relatively well. The drawback of this is that there will be gaps and bubbles at the bottom of the dish if you’re not careful how you press it in (I wasn’t). 

Ready to go into the oven!

The centre was a little soft, but the golden colour was surprising and pleasing. I added only a few tablespoons of honey to the top, however I think it’s meant to be much more; the cheese soaks up the honey much more than I’d thought and it’s nice to have it a little sweeter than it came out for me.

Remember to do as Cato says and use a spoon to serve! (I confess to using a knife after the first spoonful)

Conclusion

It tastes great! Seriously, I was surprised by how good it tastes! The taste of the cheese comes through in a really nice way without being overwhelming, the poppy seeds definitely work, it’s got a surprisingly good texture, and it definitely tastes like cheesecake.

Be warned that the cheesecake itself is not very sweet. If you prefer it a little sweeter, I would definitely add more honey to the dough initially, or put plenty on top before you put in back in the oven with the poppy seeds. However, if you want, like me, to do it exactly as stated, it’s never too late to put more honey over the top after you serve it, it still balances out very well!

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 22 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Thank you for being patient with our slower posting schedule. We love you so much and we’re so grateful for any feedback! Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Everyone survived the Galactica runway show.  

This Chapter: Time for the afterparty! (And after-afterparty, in the case of one couple.)

***

“The Grand Hotel, please.”

“Right away ma’am.”

Katya checked her bag, just to make sure that she had the paper invitation to the Galactica afterparty that Trixie had given her. The Galactica parties were legendary and Trixie’s phone had been ringing off the hook since Pearl had announced on her twitter that the location had been booked.

Galactica had rented out the entire hotel for the party, and they had even booked a selected amount of hotel rooms for VIP guests if anyone ended up partying too hard. By the time that Katya’s taxi pulled up to the curb of the hotel, the paparazzi was there, their flashes and cameras going off again and again as they took pictures of the designers, bloggers, socialites, models and fashion editors who were arriving. Katya took a deep breath, but thankfully no one noticed her.

“Hey sugarbutt.” Trixie smiled brightly as he spotted Katya making her way towards him. She was beautiful as always, but tonight it was like she was glowing, a sight for sore eyes after Trixie had spent three days looking at angry, moody models who never smiled.

The two kissed, and Trixie held out a glass for Katya.

“It’s sparkling cider. Violet found one in the exact same shade as the champagne.” Katya smiled, thankful for the fact that she wouldn’t have to explain herself all night.

“She thinks of everything, doesn’t she?”

“It’s almost freaky.”

Katya giggled and took a small sip of her drink, before flagging down a waiter who was carrying around a tray of canapés.

“So how has your day been?” Trixie had found a bench for them to sit at, so he was now tucked into Katya’s side, occasionally getting a bite or two from the food Katya had collected along with sips of her drink which Trixie liked a lot more than the champagne he had gotten himself.

“Pretty good. One of the kids offered me a cigarette from his locker stash, and said he had more if I agreed to go on a date with him behind the bike shed. Unfortunately he was seven, so I had to confiscate everything; imagine the great romance I killed.” Katya laughed and gave Trixie one of the salmon hors d'oeuvres from her plate.

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova, destroyer of hearts.”

***

Courtney stood with Adore and Tati, telling them all about her encounter that morning with Willam. She still didn’t know quite what to make of the boy. It wasn’t the first time she’d been on the receiving end of such eager advances, but there was something a bit off about it. Courtney couldn’t exactly put her finger on it.

“I mean, the roses were really sweet, you know?” she said. “And anyone who likes Sólseturstríðsmenn has to be at least a little awesome, right?”

“Totally!” Adore enthused.

“Eh, I don’t know.” Tati sipped her cocktail. “He sounds pretty creepy to me.”

“He doesn’t feel creepy. Just a bit…” Courtney searched for the right word, but found herself at a loss. “He’s just really different from all the guys I’ve dated before. But like, considering my history, maybe that’s a good thing.”

“I’ll say! Remember we used to call you the Douche Magnet?” Adore laughed.

“Yeah, I loved that,” Courtney told her, grimacing. “And one date can’t hurt, right?”

“Carpe diem, bitch!” Adore agreed, then began waving excitedly to someone over Courtney’s shoulder. “B!”

Courtney turned to see Adore’s sister, Bianca, approaching them. She’d only met Bianca twice before, but of course she knew all about her: how she was one of the most powerful women in New York, how she took care of Adore, basically like a second mother. And how, in spite of being siblings, she was as unlike Adore as night and day.

Adore was tall and lanky, with an easy laugh and charmingly youthful demeanor. She managed to look cool with randomly thrown-together outfits and messy hair that told the world she didn’t give a fuck.

Bianca, on the other hand, couldn’t have been more of a perfectionist. Every detail of her appearance was intentional, from her elaborate updo with not a hair out of place, to the pressed seams on her perfectly tailored designer clothes, the blue dress she was wearing today fitting her like a glove, hugging every curve--another difference from Adore. As she wrapped her arm around her little sister’s waist, Courtney saw clearly just how different they looked, Bianca smaller and curvier, with rounded hips, a tiny waist, and a bigger chest than Adore’s. Much bigger, Courtney couldn’t help but notice, accentuated by her low neckline.

It wasn’t until Adore spoke next that Courtney caught herself staring, a blush rising to her cheeks as she looked up quickly to Bianca’s face, brown eyes staring directly into hers, dimples appearing in her cheeks as she smiled.

“B, you remember my friends, Tatianna…”

Tati grinned, sticking out her hand, thrilled to be meeting the famous editor-in-chief.

“Hi! Omigod, it’s such an honor to finally meet you-”

“Yeah, hi,” Bianca said, giving her a cursory pat on the shoulder, her eyes never leaving Courtney’s.

“...and Courtney.”

“Hey.” Courtney managed a smile in spite of her painfully hot cheeks, praying that she didn’t embarrass herself in front of this important woman.  

“Hi there. I hear you’re working at Galactica,” Bianca said.

“Yeah, about a month now.”

“Impressive.”

“Thank you.” A thrill rippled down Courtney’s spine. That was the first time anyone who meant anything had implied that what she was doing was something to be proud of. Knowing that she’d made even the slightest impression on Bianca made her feel invincible.  

“You’re in Fame’s office, right?” Bianca’s head cocked slightly to the side, and Courtney felt a little bit of that familiar dread creep into her stomach, praying that she didn’t seem anything other than grateful to be working for Miss Fame.

“Yes. I’m her second assistant.” She forced another smile.  

“In that case, I think we better get you a stronger drink,” Bianca said, with a conspiratorial wink and another flash of those dimples.

Courtney bit her lip. The light shade at her boss made her feel special, almost like they had a secret between them. Bianca was one of Fame’s best friends, but unlike Adore, she was also a work colleague. So it made sense that she had a bit more insight into the way she ran her office. Of course, if Courtney agreed too enthusiastically, there was a chance that she’d ruin this very tentative new alliance, so instead she just giggled charmingly and shook her head.

“That’s okay. I’m still technically on the clock, and I have to work tomorrow, so...better stick with this thimbleful of champagne.” She held up her glass, lashes fluttering.  

“Very responsible,” Bianca said, then turned to Adore and asked, “How is she your friend?”  

“Opposites attract?” Adore guessed.

“Humanity is a rich tapestry,” Courtney added, taking a delicate sip of her champagne as Bianca cackled gleefully.

“That it is.” She held Courtney’s gaze for a few more moments, before noticing someone nearby flagging her and sighing slightly, turning to Adore with an eye roll. “I guess I better go work the room some more. We still on for Saturday?” she asked, giving Adore another squeeze.

“If you’re paying, I’m there!” Adore agreed cheerfully, accepting a kiss on the cheek.

“Perfect.” Bianca turned back to Courtney. “Nice seeing you again.”

“Yeah, you too,” Courtney said, swallowing. All this focused attention was making her feel a bit lightheaded.

“Bye kiddos, have fun. But not too much!”

“No promises!” called Adore.

“Byee,” Courtney breathed, watching her leave, a strangely wistful feeling curling in her stomach. She took another sip of her drink, wondering what it was she was feeling...she supposed it was mostly envy, which made her a bit ashamed. As much as she loved her best friend, she had to admit that right now, she couldn’t help but be jealous that she had Bianca in her life, a constant and reassuring presence supporting everything she did. After all, how different would Courtney’s life be if her brother had even a tenth of the influence or respect (or money) that Bianca had? She shook the thought out of her mind, sighing slightly. It was no use wishing for something that wasn’t possible.

She was so buried in her own thoughts that she completely missed the pointed look that Adore and Tati exchanged over her head, nodding distractedly when Tati announced that she was getting another drink.

***

The party was going well. Very well. Violet was leaning against a wall, an empty and clean champagne glass in her hand. She had nicked it from one of the party planners, the women out mingling with the party guests, the only thing singling them out the clear plastic earpieces all of them wore.

Violet was keeping an eye on Fame, her boss looking like a vision in white. On anyone else, it would have looked bridal, but Fame always managed to carry herself with grace, wisdom and dignity like an aura around her.

Violet felt a presence besides her, someone sliding in right next to her, the scent of tobacco and cedarwood catching her nose.

“Hello lovely eyes.”

“Hey,” Violet turned her head, unable to help the smile blooming on her lips, and the sense of pride that settled in the bottom of her stomach.

He leaned in for a kiss, and even though Violet hesitated for just a second, she couldn’t resist the siren call, the fact that she was in public be damned.

“Mmh-” Sutan broke their kiss, a smirk on his lips. Violet smiled, and turned her head. “You look gorgeous.”

Violet had gotten dressed in the bathroom, changing from her daytime look and into something appropriate for a night out. It had been a bit of a struggle, but she had managed, her hair twirled into a French twist that she hoped suited the soft lilac of her dress.

“I could say the same to you.” The praise was an absolute understatement, Sutan looking downright hot in a perfectly fitted suit, an ochre shirt causing his skin to practically glow.

“So-” Sutan leaned back against the wall, apparently more than content to hang out on the edge of the party, no one looking their way. “Have you had a good day?”

Viole wasn’t sure if it was good, trying to predict Fame’s mood when she was outside of the office even harder than normal, but it was Fashion Week, and that meant she could withstand any challenge.

“Yeah, and you?”

“No major emergencies.” Sutan pushed a gentle elbow into her side, and Violet could see the smile on his face. He was obviously teasing her, mischief in his eyes, but Violet also knew how fast things could go sour when models were involved, the girl who had torn a dress thankfully not one of Sutan’s hires.

“Really all we can aim for.”

Sutan chuckled, and Violet felt that heat return, her stomach doing a pleasant flop.

“Can I get you a drink?” Sutan nodded to Violet’s empty glass. She shot a quick glance at Fame, her boss completely caught up in conversation, a bright smile on her face, Patrick at her side, and Violet decided to take the chance, to actually give in to Sutan’s temptations for once.

“I’d like that.”

***

“Well, we’ve done it again!” Raja exclaimed, one arm tight around Raven’s waist as she toasted her friends.

“Cheers!” Raven cried, clinging to her fiancée as everyone clinked their glasses, her hair still smelling like the spray the makeup team always preferred.

It had taken forever to get everyone together in the bar, to take a moment with her nearest and dearest, but as Raja looked around, the hassle had been absolutely worth it.

“Cheers indeed.” Fame giggled, already adorably tipsy on champagne and adrenaline.  “Thank you so much for all of your support...”

Raja took a moment, a little afraid that Fame would start crying, finishing a collection always exhausting her, but she didn’t have to worry.

“Like we have a choice, Blondie,” Bianca joked as she joined the group, tugging lightly on Fame’s hair.

“On a personal note, I’m a little sad that no models fell off the runway or tripped on their hems where we could see them,” said Detox, earning some side-eye from his wife, Juju giving him that warning look before he quickly added, “But I’m super proud of you. Great show.”

Raja smiled, looking around at her friend’s gorgeous faces, before realizing that her brother was nowhere to be found.

Where was Sutan?

***

“Nh-” Violet bit her lip, swallowing a moan as Sutan placed a kiss against her neck, his stumble scratching her in the most delicious way.

She hadn’t seen Sutan all week, his touch just as good as she remembered it, the temptation to fall into him and disappear almost too great to withstand.

If you asked Violet how she had ended up tucked away in a dark corner on the building's patio, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to answer. Sutan had asked if she wanted to go outside, his hand in hers before she had made up her mind. There were people up there, the faint sound of chatter almost reaching her ears, but it didn’t feel like it mattered, Violet completely lost to the world.

“Ah” Violet gasped, her fingers desperately tightening, grabbing the fabric of Sutan’s jacket. “Please-”

“Mmh?”

Violet could practically feel the smirk, Sutan humming against her skin.

“Feels good?”

It felt good, very, very good.

Violet was practically in a daze, Sutan’s touch so very pleasant, but then, she felt fingers on her neck, fingertips brushing her skin as Sutan reached up, up, up.

“No-” Violet grabbed Sutan’s wrist, stopping him inches from her head. “Don’t touch my hair.”

There was still a chance she’d have to be presentable, still a risk Fame would call on her. She had reacted without thinking, Sutan looking at her, and for a minute, Violet worried if he would get mad, but then, he chuckled, his face breaking into a smile.

“Of course, lovely eyes.”

***

Pearl strolled through the party, wondering how much longer she had to walk around engaging in small talk and sipping on weak cocktails before she could leave. One of her friends had tweeted about a new club in Queens and she was hoping to check it out, but she really wanted to go home and change first.

Pearl knew she looked good in her skin tight black dress, but she knew that she’d look even better in the slutty cropped number she had at home.

She glanced at the exit.

Would Fame get upset if she left? She had made an appearance, so what more could she be expected to do?

Pearl made her way towards the door, giving the cursory smiles and waves as she went, when someone caught her eye. Adore Delano was standing with a couple of girls at a cocktail table, gazing at her longingly, cheeks immediately turning a deep red when Pearl gave her a smile in return.

When Pearl first met Adore, she’d seemed so young, and it was easy to dismiss her as a sweet kid. Sure, she flirted harmlessly with her, but nothing ever went beyond that. But the way she was eyeing her up at the moment, Pearl couldn’t help thinking what a fun little adventure she’d be. For all her bravado and tough girl front, Pearl had a sneaking suspicion that she could quite easily be reduced to a whimpering, needy mess.

She approached the group, slipping in beside Adore to say hello.

“Hi, Pearl!” Courtney said cheerfully.

“Hey, Courtney.” Pearl could feel Adore shift beside her, but decided to hold off on giving her any attention for a moment, concentrating on her friend. “People are totally obsessed with that picture of you from Monday.”

“Really?!” Courtney squealed, her eyes lighting up.

“It was cute,” Pearl said, amused by how easily excitable her young coworker was. “We should do it again some time.”

Courtney’s mouth dropped open.

“Sure!” she said.

Pearl then shifted her gaze to Adore, touching her wrist lightly.

“Hi, Adore.”

“Hiii,” Adore breathed. “Um...can I buy you a drink?”

“It’s an open bar,” Courtney pointed out, and Adore elbowed her in the ribs. Seeming to catch on to the situation, Courtney cleared her throat and grabbed the hand of their other friend, saying, “You know what? I need to go introduce Tati to...uh...Max!”

She yanked the girl away, leaving Pearl alone with Adore, fingers still lingering on her wrist.

“So, um…” Adore swallowed. “Drink?”

“I have a better idea,” Pearl said, leaning in close to say, “My friend just told me about a party in Queens, and I was gonna head there now. Wanna join?”

Adore nodded, hypnotized. She threw back the rest of her drink and slung her mini-backpack over her shoulder.

“Thanks for the invite,” she said, lashes fluttering.

Pearl grinned, telling her, “You can thank me later,” and tossing in a wink for good measure.

Adore opened her mouth, but nothing came out except the cutest little sigh. Oh yeah. She was going to be fun.

***

“Max!”

Max turned around, a plate of finger foods in hand. He spotted Courtney, the girl bouncing as she came towards him, her blonde hair now a candy floss pink.

“Hello Courtney.”

“This is my friend-” Courtney pulled someone forward, “Tatianna Santolini. She’s a model.”

Max wasn’t surprised in the least. Tatianna was the perfect height, slim, but not unhealthy, the slight muscles in her arms promising a hidden strength. Her skin was a wonderful caramel, her eyes a lovely hazel.

“Courtney!” Tatianna pushed her friend, a smile on her lips, and Max saw that her teeth checked out too, her smile bright and perfectly in place. “I’m not a model.”

“You’re not?” Max was confused, a girl that was that pretty and apparently also humble in Manhattan a rare occurrence.

“Yet!” Courtney held up a finger. “She just moved here.”

“Ah.” That made a lot more sense. “Do you have any potentials?”

“Potentials?” Tatianna looked like she didn’t understand him, and Max realised that she was really and truly not a model.

“Know what?” Max looked at her. “Let me take your picture. I know someone who’d be very interested.”

***

Adore was in absolute heaven, pressed up against Pearl on the dance floor, the crush of bodies around them forcing them to stay close. They’d taken some Molly when they arrived, and were now blissfully rolling, the electricity of the music pumping through Adore’s blood.

Pearl’s breath against her cheek felt amazing, and Adore rubbed against her, face seeking out the warmth of her neck. When they finally kissed, Adore thought she might swoon, her entire body tingling with pleasure.

“You’re so fucking hot…” Adore said, and Pearl laughed, taking Adore’s face in her hands and looking her up and down.

“Look who’s talking,” said Pearl, and Adore pressed in closer, feeling her knees start to buckle.

What little that remained of Adore’s self-control had dissolved by now, and she gripped Pearl’s waist tightly, hips rutting against her.

“I need you,” she whimpered.

Pearl smiled--a slow, lazy smirk spreading across her face like the cat that caught the canary. “Oh yeah? Then I guess we should get out of here…”

***

Fame bit her lip. Her feet ached, her dress was uncomfortable, her hairstyle hurt and even though she was tipsy, she was cold.

The only thing that made the wait bearable was the fact that Patrick was with her, both Violet and Courtney gone when Fame had felt ready to call for a car.

The Galactica party had gone well, the night living up to her expectations, but Fame was tired, and she wanted to go home.

“Uh! Taxi-” Fame held out her hand, but the yellow car went right by her, causing her to swear loudly.

Before she had realized what she was doing, her Louboutin was already off, Fame’s brain more than ready to throw the shoe after the car, but Patrick wrapped his arms around her.

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Patrick laughed and took the shoe from her. Fame blushed, holding onto Patrick so her stocking wouldn’t get soiled on the pavement. “We’ll get the next one.”

***

The way Adore’s breath hitched in her throat as Pearl leaned in to kiss her neck was adorable.

Adore was all puffy lips, heavy eyes and the most buttery soft skin Pearl had felt in a long time. What began as a fun little experiment--how quickly could she reduce her to a whimpering mess--quickly became an even more exciting challenge.

How long could she keep her on the edge, clawing desperately at Pearl’s shoulders, moaning in blissful agony? The way she begged shamelessly, dripping wet all over Pearl’s fingers, was so sexy that Pearl could have come herself.

“Please, please, Pearl…”

Pearl silenced her with a kiss, biting gently on her perfect upper lip, tongue teasing her mouth open.

“Careful, baby...don’t come until I say so.”

Pearl’s fingers slowed, thumb first brushing lightly against her clit, then pressing down on it, making her cry out, hips desperately rocking back onto Pearl’s hand.

“Please, oh God, please.”

“Not yet.”

Pearl smiled and twisted her fingers, working even faster.

Adore was gasping now, little tits bouncing with each breath, purple hair fanned out over the pillow, skin glistening with sweat, and it made Pearl want to lick her all over.

“Hold on, honey,” she whispered into Adore’s neck, “Just a bit longer. You can do it for me.”

Pearl laughed as Adore whined; she loved the power she had when a girl was breaking apart in her hands, even if her arm was cramping and her jaw ached from the two orgasms she had already wrung out of her. Pearl might not be a saint, but she never left a girl unsatisfied.

Adore, bless her, was not going to last much longer. She was tense and rolling her hips to meet every thrust of Pearl’s hand. Her nails raked down Pearl’s back, fingers digging into her ass, panting. As Pearl looked into her desperate, unfocused eyes, she decided to have mercy on her.

“Okay.”

Pearl curled her fingers forward, stroking her g spot, thumb rubbing her clit in vigorous circles.

Adore groaned as she came, hips pumping frantically before slumping against her, still gasping for air.

Pearl eased her fingers out, stroking her gently as she came down, finding the bruises she’d left on her neck and licking them softly.

“Good girl,” she said, chuckling against her skin, damp with sweat.

“Fuuuuuck…” Adore sighed, and Pearl laughed some more, nuzzling into her neck.

Not normally much of a cuddler, Pearl would usually leave right after fucking a girl, but there was something charming about the way Adore immediately wrapped her long arms and legs around Pearl’s body. As she tangled their limbs together, her purple hair tickling Pearl’s nose, Pearl found herself relaxing into the younger girl’s soft flannel sheets. One night wouldn’t kill her.

[wndamaximov]

Of Love And Secrets

Part 2: First Date

Main Masterlist                      Series Masterlist

Summary: While y/n was initially stuck in the book store because of the rain, she stayed longer for the handsome stranger that kept her company. But this handsome stranger has a secret- one he’d rather not let see the light of day.

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Abusive Boyfriend, PTSD

Words: 1, 436

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

<< prev

Y/n’s POV

Y/n deftly maneuvered her way through the crowds of New York, having a heated conversation with the person on the other line. Even though they hadn't been in the weapon business for around 4 years, the publicity around the decision had yet to cease. Although it did die down, the occasional desperate reporter would try to write a critical article on how business was failing ever since the arms division was shut down. Christine Everhart was the worst- and the most relentless. 

Yup, ever since y/n's nice, relaxing time at the bookstore, her life had gone back to its usual chaos. 

"Alright, will they be needing anything else?" she asked politely, to the voice on the other end. She was nearing the Stark Tower, and really wanted to be done with this call by then. She was itching to talk to somebody about last night.

It had ended perfectly, and she'd texted Steve yesterday  just after she reached her apartment.

Y/n: Hey, would you be interested in coming to The Palm with me this Friday? I heard they have the best steak in town. No blue food though :(

Steve: I'd love to! :)

Y/n: :) 

It wasn't much, but those three lines meant a lot to y/n. 

"Hello? Ms y/l/n, are you still there?" Crap. She'd forgotten all about the person in her ear. 

"Yeah, sorry, please continue." She sighed, thinking about how today was going to be a very long day.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Steve’s POV

Steve pushed open the door to Bucky's store, bracing himself for the lecture that was bound to come.

“How stupid could you be?” Bucky was walking towards him a book in one hand, coffee in the other, a pencil stuck through his bun and another tucked behind his ear.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more stupid, you did!”

“I know, I know, it was a mistake,” he admitted.

“Oh, thank God. I thought I was going to have to do more convincing.” He was about to leave, but Steve opened his mouth once more.

“But…” Steve continued, Bucky’s glare getting more and more intense, “we’re meeting next week.”

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky whispered angrily, running a hand through his hair, forgetting it was tied. He then stomped away to the “Sci-Fi and Mystery” section, shoving the book in his hand into its proper spot.

Steve followed him, making sure to keep at least a foot of distance between them. “I’m sorry, Buck-”

Bucky whirled around, jabbing his index finger into Steve’s chest, the coffee from his cup spilling a tiny bit over the edge and down his hand. “No! You don’t get to be sorry. You could go to jail, you understand?”

Steve looked down, guilty. “I can’t help it Buck.”

“I know you can’t, punk.” Bucky’s gaze softened, just for a split second. “But don’t come crying to me when something inexplicably goes wrong.”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Y/n’s POV

“You get ‘em off our back?” Pepper and y/n walked down one of the seemingly endless hallways of the tower discussing business.

“I got ‘em off our back.” Y/n had been able to shake the glorified blogger about ten minutes earlier. 

“Was it Everhart?”

“Not this time, no. You’d think there’d be more buzz on the September Foundation, but people really love bringing back dead news. In order to put Stark Industries back on the headlines for the Foundation, I’d suggest hosting a press conference.” 

Someone passed Pepper something and asked for her signature. After signing the document, Pepper replied. “That can be arranged. Will Tony have to be there?”

“Well, it was his idea.” 

“Okay, I’ll get Tony to come. You just concentrate on alerting the press.”

“Will do. Oh, and can I take Friday evening off?” Pepper stopped moving and turned around, a knowing smile on her face.

"And what's on Friday?"

Y/n let the words, the ones she'd been waiting forever to say, tumble out of her mouth. "I have a date."

"Oh my God, finally! It's been what, five years?" Y/n's heart suddenly stopped, remembering her last boyfriend, Brock. They'd had a whirlwind romance that was amazing before he became abusive. It was the worst year of y/n's life, and the reason why she hadn't been on a date in so long. Thank God Brock was in jail, serving out his sentence. 

Pepper realized what she said, and continued, hoping to make y/n forget about Rumlow, at least for a while. "What's his name- tell me everything about him." And just like that, everything work, and Brock, related left both of their minds. Y/n talked while Pepper listened, hanging onto every word.

"He sounds perfect." And not anything like Brock, is probably what she was thinking.

Before continuing on to the elevator, Pepper told y/n to not even bother coming in on Friday. "Don't worry, I'll take care of everything. Plus, you really need a break. I swear, even the birds and squirrels here know you too well."

Y/n pretended to look offended. "Are you insinuating that everyone's sick of me?"

"No, I'm insinuating that you work too much." Pepper pushed her floor's button, and y/n watched her friend disappear behind the closing doors. 

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Friday, Y/n’s POV

Beams of sunlight hit y/n's face, coaxing her out of a deep sleep. It was the first time in a long time that she hadn't woken up to an alarm blaring, startling her awake.

She wiped the sleep from her eyes and stretched herself out on the bed. Today was the day of her big date, and she cold feel the butterflies fluttering around her stomach.

When reading romance novels, the butterflies sound so glamorous, only being a light case of nerves. For y/n, however, she felt like throwing up.

She still remembered her first date with Brock, how nice and sweet he was, just like Steve, before turning into something dark, twisted, and ugly. All of a sudden y/n didn't feel like going on a date anymore.

Just as she was about to text Steve to cancel, her doorbell rang. It was Pepper.

"You were going to cancel, weren't you?" 

"How did you know?"

"Because I know you. Also, you look like you've been crying." Y/n touched her face, surprised to find it wet. She hadn't even realized.

"Oh, and I brought backup." 

Just then, Tony Stark passed through her door, playing Shoot To Thrill by AC/DC, and said, "It's Britney Bitch."

Y/n laughed, wiping away her tears, and walked up to hug him. "Thanks, but you guys didn't need to come."

"Yeah, we did. Pepper- hair, makeup, and wardrobe STAT! I'll stay here and make sure she doesn't cancel."

Pepper rolled her eyes. "Of course, you get the easy job." 

Y/n didn't care who did what, as long as she had her friends next to her. 

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Time of date, Steve’s POV

Steve sat at their table, fidgeting with the fork and knife. This place was so out of his budget, what with the whole fancy design and immaculately dressed patrons. He felt out of place with his rented tux. 

He took a sip of water, and mid swallow, he saw her. She looked gorgeous, with a flowery, sleeveless top that flowed into a gown cut short. It was the color of blood, a deep scarlet.

He stood up to help her get seated. "You look... beautiful."

"Thanks- you do too." They shared a soft smile.

"So, work keeping you busy?" They easily fell into the rhythm they had at the book store. It was only broken twice by the waiter taking their order. Then came the time Steve was dreading- the check came.

"I gotta be honest." Steve was almost as red as y/n's dress at this point. "This place is way out of my league," he whispered, leaning close so that only y/n could hear.

She laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. Steve sat back in his seat, unsure of what to make of the situation.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh, that was rude." She took a sip of her water, then dropped her card onto the plate containing the check. She didn't even let Steve protest.

"What's mine is yours," y/n said when he tried to object.

Other than that minor hiccup, the night was perfect. It ended with a mind-shattering kiss, where it felt like time had stopped and they were the only ones truly living. Not to mention, his secret was still safe.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

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[thestudyfeels]

How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.) 

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

   To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

   They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.  

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

   And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

   If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.  

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

   To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to…  Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

   I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway: 

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.   

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway: 

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

   Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

   Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway: 

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway: 

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.  

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

   If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

   (play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

 With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

   I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[lachalaine]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

Can be used for RP and non-RP blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

1. FIRST NAME: J / Lady  2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I’m honestly such a severe worry wart that as soon as I get even the mildest thought of my loved ones potentially being in danger, I can’t get it out of my head. So I end up knocking on all the wood in the area, and step away a bit to focus on seeing them in my minds eyes, to imagine that they’re safe and healthy and have a little shield around them to keep them out of harms way, while also praying a lot for them in the back of my mind. I’ll be doing one thing but the reality is that my brain is still focused on the prayer.  In fact, I’ve been doing it consecutively for 3 days now because my dad was in the hospital the other day and now my brain is on overdrive from it and it’s actually such a strain on my focus that my head hurts. 

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: Eyes, hair, and smile tbh. I have a really bad weakness for curly haired guys tho, they’re always so cute 💕💕 4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: CRAB. SHRIMP. LOBSTER. SCALLOP. SQUID.  5. A FOOD YOU HATE: Ampalaya aka Bitter Melon. 6. GUILTY PLEASURE: Having art made of Jackie???? In all the outfits ??? In all the designs??? In all the poses and styles ?? I love her so much, I will never let her go????? Because honestly speaking, idek how much I’ve spent having art made of her at this point in my life, but I’m 5 years in on this venture and I refuse to stop now!  It’s like $700 and counting. 7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Shorts and  t-shirts. 8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: Serious relationships. 9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: I would go back to a very particular day just last week, where I accidentally moved my chair and tugged my brand new laptop down with it, where thankfully the laptop was safe, but now the charger is bent out of shape 🙃 The good news is: It still works! The bad news is: my OCD irritates me because I keep trying to fix it back straight and now I’m torn between the possibility of breaking it even further or just leaving it be. 🙃 10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: Yes, yes and yes! I hug my friends and family and kiss them on the cheek sometimes and I hold their hands a lot and lean on them and I say I love you too much all the time but they love me too so its okie 💕💕 11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: Rise of the Guardians. God, I love JACK FROST SO MUCH!!!  12. FAVORITE BOOK: Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman 13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Otters and Rabbits!!! They’re so cute! 14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS: Jackie x Chesh, Jackie x Razvan, Jackie x Kavik, Jackie x Kyrin, Jackie x Loke, basically Jackie x all of her ships with Momo’s muses! But also !! Tifa Lockheart x Cloud Strike and also Tifa Lockheart x Zack Fair :)  15. PIE OR CAKE: Cake 16. FAVORITE SCENT:  Lanvin Éclat d'Arpège and Victoria’s Secret Amber Romance  17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: HARRY STYLES !!!  18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: London, again. But also Maldives and Paris.  19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: Introvert  20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: Yes, which is why I hate anything to do with ghosts or anything too genuinely horrifying. I tend to linger on the dread of such thoughts and can’t manage to sleep because I’m so scared, so I’d rather not ever have it cross my mind at all.  21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: iPhone. 22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: Yeeees, I play Pokemon, Persona, Harvest Moon, Final Fantasy 14 and Ragnarok Online, and also 30 more games that are too long to list.  23. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Move to the states, get a house in LA, make sure my dad and mom are taken care of and then save the rest for a rainy day. But also treat myself with Seafood and Japanese food and also some more Jackie art 💕 24. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: It’s not so much the character that I hate, but I do despise the fanfiction narrative that the Female Warrior of Light in Final Fantasy 14 has to be a Mi’qote all the time. There are literally so many other races in that game, why the heck is the fandom always using the Miqo’te as their basis for the character, it’s so frustrating !! 25. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: I started out in the K Project fandom, where I had Jackie set up as a OC in that verse. She was a part of HOMRA for a long while there, and then some crap went down in the fandom and I turned her fandomless. And the rest, as they say, is history ✨

Tagged: stolen ! Tagging: @aquoreus​ again hi ily 💕

[thefaeriereview]

Tour: Flowers On Her Grave

https://ift.tt/3f1F6eI

We're thrilled to be a part of the virtual book tour for FLOWERS ON HER GRAVE by crime thriller author Jennifer Chase. Scroll down to find out how you can pick up a copy of her book!

FLOWERS ON HER GRAVE By Jennifer Chase Crime Thriller On the floor, amongst the piles of freshly pressed laundry, lay the woman’s lifeless body, her pale yellow nightdress soaked in blood.  “I didn’t do it…” came a whisper from the corner of the room.  Detective Katie Scott has never seen two people more in love than her aunt and uncle as they danced on the decking the night of their wedding anniversary party. But the next morning, when Katie finds her aunt’s body sprawled across the floor, that perfect image is shattered forever. All fingers point to Katie’s uncle, Pine Valley’s beloved sheriff and protector – after all, his prints are all over the antique knife found at the scene. Grieving, but certain of her uncle’s innocence, Katie is consigned to the cold case division after she’s discovered searching the house for clues. Does someone want to keep her as far away from this investigation as possible? Ignoring warnings from her team, Katie digs into her uncle’s old case files and discovers photographs of the body of a young girl found tied to a tree after a hike in search of a rare flower. Her body is covered with the same unusual lacerations her aunt suffered. Katie knows it can’t be a coincidence, but every lead she follows takes her to a dead end. Moments before the sheriff is arrested, Katie realizes that a single piece of thread she found at the crime scene could be the missing link that will stitch old crimes to new. But how can she prove her uncle’s innocence without throwing herself directly into the line of fire? She doesn’t have a choice, he’s the only family she has left…

5 out of 5 fairies

Flowers on Her Grave is chilling. Katie is a powerful and relatable heroine. Her loyalty and determination in the face of such overwhelming odds is amazing. The story will absolutely chill you to the bone - a brutal murder, one family member gone and the only remaining one with their life on the line - how far would you go? An absolutely captivating story.

PRAISE FOR FLOWERS ON HER GRAVE:

Her Last Whisper is a work of crime and detective fiction penned by author Jennifer Chase. Written as the second book in the Detective Katie Scott series, this action-packed thriller sees the return of our anxiety-ridden heroine as she battles both her PTSD and a whole new mystery. When local nurse Amanda Payton is found dead, Katie uncovers a trail leading back to a case that was overlooked some weeks ago. And when a new young woman also fails to arrive at work and is linked to Amanda, Katie soon realizes that she’s uncovering a whole pattern of victims she must endeavor to save. Gripping, emotive and highly realistic, this is a fantastic and in-depth crime mystery for fans to devour. Katie is a capable heroine, ex-military with lots of sharp mental connections made and a strong stomach, but she also has real-life struggles that many ex-military personnel have and it makes her really endearing as a central figure to investigate the mystery. Author Jennifer Chase doesn’t spoon-feed information either but lets it weave naturally into the descriptions and dialogue, allowing us as readers to piece the clues together with Katie in what is definitely a well thought out plot. The conclusions are exciting but also satisfying when all loose ends are tied up, though it makes for a harrowing journey along the way. Overall, Her Last Whisper is a fantastic and thrilling crime read which is sure to please fans of the genre for its depth and development. — K.C. Finn for Readers’ Favorite

Amazon → https://amzn.to/2IOsQQW

  PROLOGUE

Stepping from the main hiking trail, the park ranger took a moment in the shade to catch his breath and stomp the caked dirt from his hiking boots before beginning his search of the camping ground. Just as he was finishing the last dregs of his water, the static from his walkie-talkie interrupted the quiet of the forest around him. “Rob, are you there yet? Over.” Pressing the button, he replied. “Just got here. Over.” “See anything? Over.” Looking around the campsite, he saw a pot with remnants of soup, two bottles of water, and a blue tent. Everything looked normal, until he saw some blue shreds of fabric tangled in the low-lying bushes. Curious, he walked over to them, leaned down, and pulled one of the long pieces of fabric out of the brush between his fingers. Something dark spattered the end of the fabric. “Rob? You there? Over,” headquarters asked again. “I’ll get back to you. Over,” he said securing the walkie-talkie to his belt. “10-4. Over and out.” And then the radio went quiet. Rob turned, searching the nearby area. “Hello?” he called out. “Hello?” he said again—this time louder. “Cynthia? Cynthia Andrews?” No response. Rob scanned every tree and bush within the vicinity, but there was no sign of the missing grad student. Perhaps the girl’s family was right to be concerned that she hadn’t contacted them in several days. He let out a sigh and watched as a light breeze swirled dust clouds on the dry earth in the distance. And that’s when he saw it. The shredded remains of a tent. His first thought was a bear attack, but few inhabited this area. His hand twitched at the gun in his holster, readying himself for what, or who, he was about to encounter as he approached. Camping gear was scattered around the area: a large canteen lying on its side; two extra gallons of water; several packets of freeze-dried foods; a small skillet and a boiling pot. Ten feet away there was an open journal lying next to a pink hoodie. He pulled out a small digital camera and took several photos to see if Cynthia’s family recognized anything as hers—if it came to that. He’d watched enough forensic shows to understand documentation was extremely important for any type of search or investigation. Reaching for the sweatshirt he flipped it over to find one of the sleeves stained with dark blood, almost brown in color. He dropped the garment on the ground in horror as the forest closed in and a flock of birds burst from the trees above him. Eyes darting, he noticed large heavy footprints moving north accompanied by a set of smaller, barefoot prints heading in the same direction, as one followed the other—or chased. He felt the hair rise on the back of his neck and down his arms as he followed the trail through clustered pine trees. Deep into the woodland the footprints disappeared, replaced by divots and drag marks, the obvious signs of a struggle in the dirt. Where did they go? The wind, picking up, whipped and whispered through the trees forcing a shower of pine needles and cones to drop around him. He spied an area where small branches had been broken and followed the trail into a clearing where he was surprised to find ropes tied around a large tree trunk in unusual knots. Slowly, filled with dread, he walked around the tree. What he saw on the other side would be burned into his memory forever, he thought. The excessive violence. The horrifying, gaping wounds. The terror in her glassy eyes. It took every ounce of strength he had to take in the devastating scene before him. The young woman, barely clothed in a workout t-shirt that read “No Pain, No Gain” and a pair of panties, had been bound to the tree with ropes across her chest, hips, and thighs. Her arms were fixed above her head, which now flopped forward limply. In between the restraints were wounds, huge slices down each side of her stomach, allowing her intestines to spill out. It was unclear if the wounds were caused by her killer or wild animals. Chunks of her thighs and calves were missing. Rob stepped back as her hair stirred in the wind and stuck against her face, caught in her slightly open mouth. He ran back to the original base camp and fumbled for his radio. “Dispatch, we need the police up at the first camp area from Dodge Ridge as soon as possible. We have… there’s a…” he couldn’t find the words. He cleared his throat and tried it again, “Dispatch, we have a dead body.”

Jennifer Chase is a multi award-winning and best-selling crime fiction author, as well as a consulting criminologist. Jennifer holds a bachelor degree in police forensics and a master’s degree in criminology & criminal justice. These academic pursuits developed out of her curiosity about the criminal mind as well as from her own experience with a violent psychopath, providing Jennifer with deep personal investment in every story she tells. In addition, she holds certifications in serial crime and criminal profiling.  She is an affiliate member of the International Association of Forensic Criminologists, and member of the International Thriller Writers.

Website: https://authorjenniferchase.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/JChaseNovelist

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJenniferChase/

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[empresstress13]

10 Questions! (Double, NO Quadruple Trouble!)

So I was tagged by both the magnificent @dreadhobo AND the fantastic @mommadreadwolf  AND the awesome @elfsplaining AND the splendid @adventuresinastrangeworld!

Rules:  Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag some friends!

This got long so I’m putting it under the cut! 

Dreadhobo’s questions:

1. Coffee, hot chocolate or tea?

All of them! Although tea and coffee are probably above hot chocolate. I think I prefer tea a bit, but I drink significantly more coffee. . . .I probably bleed coffee. 

2. What food have you never eaten but would really like to try? 

hmmm. . . .I’m willing to try anything at least once! I’m not a fan of organ meats though . . . although @extravagantlies was telling me about these pancakes in Holland that I want to try now! I’m a huge carb fiend. 

3. What’s something people don’t worry about but really should?

Um. . . . I’m a complete worrier, so I’d be inclined to say everything? I can think of a lot to be worried about . . . .and I’m also not sure I trust my judgement on what people in general are commonly worried about. My view on that may be biased based off my own circle of acquaintances and that could lean one way or another. . . 

4. if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

. . . This is difficult for me. I’d kind of like to return to Japan or Norway, but I really, really want to visit New Zealand as well. I’ll go with New Zealand! 

5. What’s the funniest joke you know by heart? 

I’m not funny. Seriously can’t think of any jokes, most of what humor I have is based off of sarcasm or dry responses. 

6. Languages you wish you could speak? 

(ALL OF THEM) Gaelic, Korean, Welsh, ASL, Spanish, German, Czech, Arabic. . . 

7. What game have you spent the most hours playing? 

I’m not 100% sure because I have no way to check how many hours I played Neverwinter Nights or Diablo 2. I would guess overall the highest would be Neverwinter Nights. More recently Diablo 3 and Dragon Age: Inquisition have pretty high counts, but I’d bet that NWN is still higher. 

8. Favourite video games? 

Dragon Age series, Diablo series, Neverwinter Nights, Civilization, KOTOR series. . . 

9. Best childhood memory? 

I have plenty of great childhood memories; “best” is difficult. I remember playing on the swing set with my grandmother, learning cards from my grandfather, being extremely close with my mom. Sitting outside on a blanket and cloud watching with her. Singing along to show tunes in the car. I remember watching Star Wars for the first time and becoming obsessed with Princess Leia. I remember when I realized that reading was fun. 

10. Favourite songs?

Cosmic Love by Florence + the Machine,   Bonny Swans by Loreena McKennitt,   20+∞Century Boys by Acid Black Cherry,   Midgard by Therion,   Wait For It from Hamilton,   Burn from Hamilton,   Organs from Of Monster and Men,   Empire by Shakira,   Between by Vienna Teng,   Numb by Marina and the Diamonds,   Never Look Away by Vienna Teng,   Starships by Nicki Minaj,   Koe by Amano Tsukiko,   Moutain Sound by Of Monsters and Men,   A Rose For The Dead by Theatre of Tragedy,   La Nuit M’appelle from 1789,   Konayuki by Remioromen,   Les Rois du Monde from Romeo & Juliette,   Home from Beauty & the Beast,   Take Me to the Riot by Stars,   Umbrella by Rihanna,   What You Own from Rent,   When I Grow Up from Matilda,   Moonfall from The Mystery of Edwin Drood,   Nemo by Nightwish . . . . and many, many more . . .. 

Momma Dread Wolf’s questions: 

1) What is the one thing guaranteed to make you smile?

Hugs! Hugs and cuddles from a loved one always make me smile. :) 

2) What did you want to be when you were little?

I wanted to be an actress on Broadway. 

3) What’s your guilty pleasure?

Probably eating why to many breads and other carbs? To an extent I suppose fandom is also a guilty pleasure? 

4) When did you first start getting into games?

I first started watching my dad and uncle play the original Diablo when I was about 4.

5) Any game (excluding DA), film or book that really moved you?

I’m super emotional so A LOT of movies and books move me. It’s not difficult at all. I even will get emotional when listening to songs and soundtracks y’all. Seriously, I was listening to Hamilton earlier and I started crying. Then I listened to Ragtime and started crying. Then Les Miz and started crying.

. . . .My first thought was all the great bloggers on here that I’d love to meet in person! XD I have a feeling that’s not what your meant though? Barack Obama maybe? Barak and Michelle Obama! 

7) Historical figure you admire?

I don’t know if admire is the right word but I’ve had a weird obsession with Eleanor of Aquitaine since I was in middle school. I do admire Josephine Baker quite a bit. 

8) You’ve been given a teleporter!! Where would you go??

Where wouldn’t I go?!? World vacations time! 

9) You can turn invisible!! What would you do?

hmmm. . . . Concerts, musicals, and plays probably! 

10) You’ve just discovered you have magic powers!! Like fireball and lightening strike! How would you react??

O.O . . . . .I mean on one had I think that’s cool! On the other hand . . . . .I’m worried? I feel like that could easily get out of hand. How do I control it? 

Adventures questions: 

1) What sort of pen do you prefer for writing? Ballpoint? Gel? Ink color(s)?

Usually black, blue, or purple ballpoint. 

2) What’s a question you’ve spent a lot to time thinking about your answer to, but have never been asked?

“Hey, how is Elrond related to all the Caliquendi Eldar royal houses AND the line of Thingol again?” “I’m so glad you asked. . . “

3) Bar soap or body wash?

Both! I have both in my shower AND I use both. 

4) Smells you 100% absolutely cannot stand?

Certain fermented smells. Fermented soy beans for one. Certain . . . .chemical sweet smells as well.

5) How many books do you have right now that you haven’t read yet?

At least 10? I can’t not buy something when I’m at a bookstore. It’s a problem.

6) You can hear your neighbor enjoying a session of the horizontal polka. Do you: a) Put headphones on and crank up the volume b) Blair “Let’s Get it On’” loud enough that your neighbor knows that you know c) Bang on the door and tell them they need to keep it down d) Leave an anonymous note for them to find in the morning?

Probably A and then D, but the note would probably be . . . .pretty lighthearted? Just to make sure that they know they were hear-able and that they know I’m requesting for them to tone it down a bit? 

7) What are your favorite shoes like? (pics?)

I don’t have pictures of them, but I have really fun over-the-knee black boots that I love! 

8) What is the best way to wake you up in the morning?

. . . Pray? I am not a morning person. 

9) Road trips or air travel?

I actually don’t mind either at all! 

10) Something you’re really picky about?

I hate cartilage in meat ( I know some people love cartilage/ connective tissue, but it really grosses me out! Sorry! You can have my helping if you like it!).

Elfsplaining’s Questions: 

1. Crunchy peanut butter or smooth?

It depends on what I’m doing with the peanut butter, but generally crunchy.

2. Are you a city person or a country person?

Small city! 

3. Do you have pets?

Not currently. :( 

4. What was the first video game you ever played?

I think it was Neverwinter Nights but it easily may have been Diablo 2? 

5. What is your favorite subject to study?

I really enjoy studying usually. Maybe history? 

6. Are you religious or spiritual?

I’m . . . . . . I was raised Catholic, still the vaguest of Catholic-”light”, somewhere between agnostic and something else. So spiritual? Yes. Still trying to figure out religion. 

7. What’s in your purse/backpack right now?

8. What’s your favorite kind of cookie?

ALL KINDS. ALL. 

9. Who was your first Bioware romance?

Alistair! 

10. What is your favorite instrument?

Well since I use to play the harp I feel I need to say that? Although I really like the nyckelharpa too.

My 10 questions:

1. If you could choose any city in the world to live in, where would you choose?

2. What are your favorite hobbies? 

3. What is your favorite word to use in writing? when speaking? 

4. If given the chance to see the future, would you want to? Why?

5. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? 

6. What is a skill you would like to pick up? Why?

7. Would you rather visit 100 years in the past or 100 years in the future? Why? 

8. What is your favorite food to make? 

9. When did you first become interested in video games? 

10. Most annoying video game boss? Why? 

If you would like, and have time, tagging: @thema-sal-shiral , @wardsarefunctioning , @buttsonthebeach, @ethadahlen, @circadian-rhythm, @l-a-v-e-l-l-a-n, @extravagantlies, @katalyna-rose, @dragynfox , @lycheejellytea , @deleriumofyou

[lundsandbyerlys]

Dark Chocolate Brown Butter Brownies

Brown butter adds a rich, nutty flavor to these fudgy brownies. Twin Cities food blogger greens & chocolate shares her new go-to brownie recipe!

I’m a firm believer that brown butter makes any baked good better. It’s such an easy way to take a recipe from good to great, especially baked goods. I just love the nutty flavor it lends to whatever it is used in.  

These Dark Chocolate Brown Butter Brownies are no exception and now are my new go-to brownie recipe. Let’s talk about the reasons why.

First off, they’re made with cocoa powder. Dark cocoa powder to be exact. This means there’s no chocolate chopping that stands between me and a pan of brownies. Maybe it’s just me being lazy, but I dread the thought of having to do that.  

Second, it’s all made in one pot! Let me be clear, it’s all made in one pot IF you use a big enough pot. Don’t go melting your butter in a tiny saucepan and expect all of the brownie batter to fit. But you knew that.  

Third, the brown butter. This is an obvious one, right? The brown butter just gives these brownies that SOMETHING, y’know? That thing that will make people stop and go, “Wow. . . that’s a REALLY good brownie.” Then you can smile back at them knowing you didn’t have to chop any chocolate and it only required one pan.

Fourth (yes, I’m still going), it doesn’t make a huge pan. This recipe is written for a 9x9 pan (you can also use an 8x8 pan for thicker brownies; you’ll just want to add 5-8 minutes to your baking time), which means I’m not stuck with a huge pan of brownies for only me and my husband.

Fifth, the dark chocolate. It’s not only made with dark cocoa powder but there are dark chocolate chips all throughout, too. I’m a chocoholic, what can I say?

Lastly, the crackly tops. Before I finally struck gold with this recipe, I kept coming out with batches of brownies that were fudgy, but the tops weren’t crackly. I just need that crackly top, y’know?! I finally got it with these, which solidifies that this recipe is the one.  

Dark Chocolate Brown Butter Brownies

Makes one 9x9 pan of brownies Preparation time: 50 minutes

Ingredients

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter

2 cups granulated sugar

¾ cup dark cocoa powder

2 large eggs

1 egg yolk

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

¾ cup all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon salt

1 cup dark chocolate chips

Directions

Heat oven to 325 F. Spray a 9x9 baking pan with cooking spray.  

In a medium saucepan, add the butter over medium heat. Tip: Using a light-colored pan will make it easier to tell when the butter has browned.

Swirl the pan occasionally, but try not to stir. As the butter melts, it will foam and the color will turn from lemony-yellow to an amber brown. This takes anywhere between 5-10 minutes. Just be sure to watch carefully, as you do not want it to burn.

Once the butter is amber colored, immediately remove from heat. Let cool slightly for 10-15 minutes.

Once slightly cooled, add sugar and stir well to combine. Note: you can either do this in the pan you melted the butter in or, if it’s too small, transfer butter to a large bowl.

Add cocoa powder and stir until well combined.

Add eggs, one at a time, stirring until well combined and the batter is shiny.

Add vanilla and stir to combine.

Add flour and salt, stirring until combined, and then give the batter 60 good strokes with your spatula.

Fold in dark chocolate chips.  

Transfer batter to prepared pan.  

Bake for 28-32 minutes for 9x9 pan (add another 5-8 minutes baking time for an 8x8 pan), until the edges are crackly and the middle is set but slightly jiggly. A toothpick should come out with just a few crumbs on it.  

Cool, slice and enjoy!  

[heartlikethunder]

The Art of Healing - My Personal Initiatives to Face my Depression

I’m 22 and I have severe clinical depression as a result of many things including poor relations with my parents, school, and of course, the current political climate. I’m a pre-med and I have lots of things I want to accomplish. All of my relationships around me are becoming toxic because I keep poisoning them. And most importantly, I don’t like the person I’m starting to become. I don’t want to discuss in too much detail as to what has brought me to this point in my life, but I do want to talk about a few initiatives I’ve taken to bring me to a happier place. 

A little bit about me briefly – I graduate from college with a BS in Microbiology. I don’t have a job right now because I’m taking some time off to (try) studying for the MCAT. I live at home with my parents and used to commute from my house to school. I didn’t get my license until last year – I was 21 – and even then my mom continued to drive me to and from places. Finally I don’t have many friends. Most of the people I have met are in relationships and thus their significant other is all they need or they try to push them onto their friends as well or they are interested in drinking and partying – again, not of my interest. I’ve been forced into an environment which is very isolated from the rest of the world. I spend a lot of my time in my room with little to no conversation with anyone. I’m lonely. And my goals are so far away I don’t feel like I’ve gotten closer to any of them. 

Hence, I’ve started a few initiatives to help me overcome this moment in my life:

Drinking a lot of water. Water is a great healing agent and I drink many cups throughout the day – it completely revitalizes me. Avoid juice and sugary/oily foods. Keep things light and clean. Eat smaller portion sizes too to not feel “overstuffed,” which will help you to become more active and it’s easier to move around with none of that food slowing you down or jostling around in your belly. 

Sleeping on time. Sleep is the foundation to easing MANY mental health related diseases or illnesses. Sleep by 10PM and try to wake up around 9AM. Don’t forget to turn you phone on silent. I have an amazing Do Not Disturb feature on my iPhone which I can set up to activate automatically during a time frame. For me I have it turn on at 7PM and shut off around 10AM/11AM. I have a really hard time going to bed because I keep thinking that I didn’t do anything today, I didn’t accomplish anything, and I dread what tomorrow will bring. You need to stop this. Some of your worst thoughts come in the darkest hours of the day. Plus the next morning when I wake up my head is pounding and aching and my eyes are puffy, sore, and bloodshot. I can barely sit straight I’m so exhausted and I become very sluggish. 

PURGE. I have some much stuff I’ve accumulated that it’s literally falling all over me, all around me. My drawers are overstuffed, my craft supplies are spread out over 3 rooms, I have so many books in our “extra room,” etc. Minimalism can be very freeing and you can focus on items that you really love. I try to take the time every couple of days to purge items that I no longer love nor enjoy. I also try to organize everything so it has a proper space (a LOT of it is very unorganized) that is easy to get to and easy to put back and I try to clean my room/house. I’m definitely a stress cleaner and I love the look and smell of a clean living space. 

There is a reason that your mental health has started to suffer. This can be any memory or moment in your life. It’s important for you to find those memories, address them, and start picking them apart in a positive light so you can heal. One of the things I like to do when I’m emotionally overwhelmed by something in my life is talk to myself about it and my feelings or to write down my feelings. I just leave it on my PC or in my notebook and every once in a while I will come across it and I’ll snort at just how silly I was for being so upset about something that really wasn’t that big of a deal. You can also write letters to someone else (maybe someone you feel that has wronged you or that you have wronged to help you move on). If you don’t feel comfortable talking to yourself you can also discuss your problems with a friend or a mentor (like a therapist or counselor). However, I would tread lightly with sharing with friends, because you’ll find that many of them don’t know how to “handle” your depression or some of them will leverage that information against you. They might not understand what you’re saying and they might also give you some very unhelpful advice. I’m not saying all people are like that – there are those who are better than that and their blood runs as thick as yours, but you have to be careful. You’re already in a fragile state – don’t let someone else break you into more. 

I like to keep my mind busy. When I read or learn something new my brain comes alive. I like to study and learn new science, I really love to read but lately have not had the time (I’m trying to put all my energy towards MCAT studying but after I finish studying I do have a list of books I plan on reading), and I read a lot of fanfiction and pick apart the stories. I like to look at the different skills the author used to get their point across. The stories are usually shorter than a full length novel. And overall they’re intriguing and fun. Personally I read mostly Harry Potter fics (especially Drarry), but I have also read some really incredible stories in other fandoms such as Lord of the Rings, Teen Wolf (Sterek) Transformers, Teen Titans, BBC Sherlock, The Hobbit, etc. Let me know if you’d like me to share a few fic recs. Also manga – some of it is very beautiful and engaging. You can easily find translations online and flip through a couple of chapters to unwind while looking at the art. 

Avoid a lot of TV. I know that a lot of my recent changes and dullness has come from all the TV rotting my brain. I’m going to lump in movies, anime, and Youtube into this as well. TV now a days is complete garbage. There is such terrible acting (while I do participate in the Teen Wolf fandom, I absolutely hate the actual TV show. There are many great actors but I don’t feel like the writing of the series gives them a chance to really blossom. My favorite is Dylan O’brien as Stiles, but lately as he has picked up new projects, I’ve noticed a change in his on-screen TV performance), horrifying plots WITH SO MANY PLOT HOLES, and the writing is just bad with multiple innuendos and profanities thrown in to make it more modern and cool. I’m also tired of the love triangles (The Shannara Chronicles made me want to cry), the poor representation of people of color, lack of depth and character development, etc. TV is just complete shit. And there are WAAAAY too many seasons of shows that should have been put to rest. I’ve mostly enjoyed Shameless (lots of great plots and subplots with tons of great character development) though that has started to wane a bit as I find some of the characters’ stories dragging and How to Get Away with Murder. I’ll occasionally watch an episode of another show here or there, but honestly, it’s all garbage. Instead take that time to read or do something else. I like movies – I mostly watch Disney – but I have noticed that when I’m bored and upset I just sit there eating and rewatching old films. While there isn’t anything wrong with that, doing that every day is going to eat away at your mental health. I feel the same way I do about anime as I do about TV shows. A lot of it is empty and honestly the classics were so much better like Fruits Basket. Finally, YouTube is an amazing community. There is so much to learn and discover on this platform. I follow a lot of channels including cooking, baking, gardening, fashion, beauty, etc. I also follow a lot of fashion/beauty bloggers. Here’s my opinion – don’t do it. A lot of them treat YouTube and their blogs as businesses. They get sent a lot of stuff for free. They’re always trying new stuff. That is their job. And realistically speaking, you cannot go out every time they rave about a new product, just because they deem it to be the best thing on the planet when you’re still in the middle of finishing your current one or already have a significant collection. Don’t do it. Also, stop watching them. They's a lot of rambling and talking about nonsense for the most part. A lot of them have very empty conversations and chatter that it’s tough to follow. Makeup doesn’t even look that great on me, and I’d never drop $100 on some silly foundation - I certainly don’t need to be watching 10 different videos on how to apply eyeshadow. I understand for many people they watch or continue to watch because it’s fun and they enjoy it. And if that is you then great, go for it – in moderation of course. However, I will say, always keep it in the back of your mind that eventually this might turn into an obsession if day in and day out this is all you’re “seeing.” Youtubers can really twist your views of the real world. I for one can personally attest to that. I have a very strong and wise head on my shoulders. I can pick up discreet social cues/messages hidden in the media and scoff at them - I’m alert and observant. But when I watch Youtubers and see many of them showcasing the same things and lifestyles repetitively, I immediately begin to think this is the way it is for many if not all girls on the planet. Suddenly spending $1000 on a Chanel bag is normal – a necessity to blossom into womanhood. Don’t forget, there are people out there scraping to make ends meet. There are plenty, if not MORE, people in the world that are living comfortable lifestyles not filled with materialistic things and spending their money wisely. Just be smart and don’t let their channels twist your perception of the world. If anyone is interested I’ll be happy to share some of the blogs I follow for outfit inspirations (I mostly just glance at the pics and never am overly obsessed with getting the same things they have on – other than Extrapetitie.com because her picks are wonderful and reasonably priced). I also find less Youtube, the less shopping I do, and less of purchasing frivolous things. On the same note when you do go shopping, tune into your inner feelings and ask yourself is this something you need and then ask yourself if you really want it. Don’t settle. Pick things that you look great in and boost your self esteem. I’m overweight and I’m also short. Aside from my stomach sticking out and having thick thighs, I also have very thick upper arms. A lot of stuff that might look great on my sister and mother (who are both a lot taller and thinner), look completely terrible on me. I always give in and get them in the end because my mother emotionally blackmails me into it, but I don’t enjoy wearing them and they make me feel like shit. I’ve recently acquired a few new pieces that I think are much better suited for myself and will be wearing those from now on. If you dress well, and you feel good in what you’re wearing, and if you look good, you’ll feel good. 

Take walks – nature can unwind you. I walk a round around my neighborhood. I think all together it is roughly 1.2 miles? There is also a very small park with a swingset in the middle that I like to stop at and swing away till my heart is content. This is when I listen to the new music I’ve discovered and come up with story ideas. Try to hit the gym. Sweat out the negativity in your life and I promise you, not only will your brain feel better, but you’ll physically look and feel a lot better too. Just get out of the house. This is a bit trickier for me because of my poor driving skills and my parents don’t let me go out much. When I do go out it’s mostly for groceries. I don’t enjoy eating out that much, but going out to eat a small something at a restaurant can be a very relaxing experience. Don’t feel like you HAVE to go with someone or that you have HAVE to eat a heavy/full meal. A lot of restaurants also have great rewards programs or newsletters you can sign up for to help you save on costs if you are in a financial pinch. Olive Garden always seems to be bringing around their famous pasta deal and fast food places such as Baskin Robbins have great promotions such as on the 31st of the month, each scoop of ice cream is $1.31. It’s not a bad deal for a casual outing to treat yo self and freshen up. The general consensus is to take care of yourself and relax. Something I do on my personal time is give myself a skincare treatment at night - a lovely facial with a facial massage, masks, etc. 

I love to write but I haven’t written in forever and I don’t have a lot of unique ideas/prompts. I do have one novelesque fanfic idea that I’m really excited and crazy about. I’m slowly and diligently writing it, but I still want to keep improving my writing and brush up on my writing skills during the in between. I suggest finding a fandom that you love – and if you can’t I highly recommend the Harry Potter fandom, because it’s huge and there are so many more opportunities here than other fandoms in my personal opinion – and write prompts and challenges. There are a ton of communities dedicated to prompts, challenges, gift exchanges, fic fests, etc. If you’re interested let me know – I have a huge list of some popular Harry Potter fests and such. Also, join and follow users who are active in the fandom as they too will sometimes offer opportunities to join networks or challenges they have created. There is a user who has created a drarry valentine’s fic exchange which is so cute and I recently started nooreva’s trope bingo for femslash february.  I’ve also claimed a fic prompt from HP kink fest. They’re not too time sensitive, and there is enough direction to help me from feeling lost, but still enough room for creativity to explore my writing. Let me know if you’d like any writing advice as well. I’m thinking of trying to get back into poetry while I’m here. 

I picked up some “pen pals.” It’s very new to me and I’m incredibly nervous. Snailmail revolution is huge right now, where people all over the world send attractive letters to one another and with it small goodies such as stickers, stationary, etc. I found a few people through Tumblr and Instagram for now. I have no idea how this is going to go because I don’t have money to be buying cute stationary and gifts – I’m already going to be spending a decent bit on stamps because I have picked up A LOT of pen pals to keep me busy – but I’m trying to keep on a positive note. It’s honestly very fun to get personal mail and to peek in and see all the lovely things people might have sent. I have written one letter so far and I did a lot of doodling, homemade stickers, and printing. I’ll keep you all posted on my experience as other letters start to come in. There is also a group that is focused on craftier snailmail that I’m a member of. It’s called pretty postal swap and I LOVE it. They have a theme every month and you exchange letters with other members based on that theme. Of course the goal is to be crafty so it’s a bit of a mix of scrapbooking and cardmaking. It’s a lot of fun. Some of the pics I have seen do appear to be a bit more upscale than what I can commit to right now, but I’m hoping it will go well. This is my first month trying it and the theme is an icy cold snowy envelope, with a warm and cozy card inside. I decided to create a simple snowy backdrop on my envelope with a shadow of a row of houses. For the cozy interior I made a homemade card with a sketch of an image on the front that I colored with colored pencils, I printed out some journaling cards of polar bears and some cute sweater designs, I printed some teacups which I colored with colored pencils and made them into homemade stickers which I placed into envelopes made from this gorgeous teal birdie wrapping paper, I’m going to be throwing in a bag of berry tea, and finally, I made a simple tag of a polar bear wearing a sweater. The final result is obviously homemade and I’m not sure what the group is going to think of it, but I have my fingers crossed and I put in a lot of time and effort into my final product. I also am a huge lover of scrapbooking and cardmaking, and while I do get a hefty fix of it via my snailmail art, there are tons of swaps and swap groups you can join as well. You can swap pocket letters, tags, tag books, embellishments, etc. I applied to join one but I cannot seem to recall the name or find the original sign up page. I believe they will be emailing me to confirm if I’ve been accepted but not sure about this one yet. If you’re curious to see what snailmailrevolution is I highly suggest looking up the #snailmailrevolution on instragram. If anyone wants to check out some youtube videos on the idea and what some of the packages look like in greater depth, let me know and I can share some links.

Finally I’ve also really gotten into doodling. I’m a terrible artist – my proportions are all over the place, but I’ve found myself enjoying following along with youtube doodlers and then sitting down and coloring them in. I’ve done quite a few already for my pen pal letters and would be happy to share some of the channels I follow for help and inspiration. To help me explore this new interest, I’ve joined the #doodlewithus challenge on instagram hosted by @alexandra_plans and @christina77star. Basically every month there is a daily challenge with an overall theme of what you should try to draw that day. For February the theme is space and every day we will be drawing a specific planet, space ships, rockets, etc. it’s so lovely and takes hardly any time. I highly recommend joining in the fun.

Volunteer - give your time to someone else. Focus on becoming humble. Look at the life people are living around you and learn to appreciate what you have. I personally work at a nonprofit clinic on some Sundays where I work in patient discharge in filing and scanning in patient records into the charting software. Personally I would prefer something more rewarding, but it’s very flexible and such an easy commitment. Turn your negatives in to positives. Give daily affirmations a try. I tried it myself but it was a little awkward and uncomfortable giving myself pep talks. However it is still a very powerful tool and I would recommend it. You could also try daily thanks and make a list of what you’re thankful for which is something a little more up my alley. 

So those are some new things I’m going to be trying out. I’ll give you an update in a few weeks after getting some responses and testing things out. It seems like a lot of stuff and in hindsight it is, but I think this is a great way to fill in some of those quiet hours in between my studying. This is by no means a definitive list. There are clearly some things I need to be work on or have in my life that I haven’t addressed in my list such as actual in person human contact, but it’s just not possible for me at this time. I also know a lot of people will redirect my in getting a job, but the MCAT is a beast, and if I can have the time to study for it distraction free and comfortably, with only that exam in mind, I’ll gladly take it. Some of these things might not work for you at all, this will not CURE you by any means, but it’s a start and hopefully will give you some new ideas to try and to expand your horizon. In the future I would like to get back into watercoloring, take swimming lessons and learn to properly swim (I finished up to level 4 or 5 – I stopped just short of the actual swimming part because I had trouble keeping my form), try a pottery class (I took a one day workshop at my school and it was amazing and frustrating. I would really love to go back and learn how to throw on the wheel properly), and maybe join a bookclub.

[alanafsmith]

I quit the magic circle to become ‘the new Nigella’, and I have no regrets

Ali Alt waved goodbye to the City to be a full-time foodie

Image via baliboosta.com

Full-time food writer Ali Alt is living the dream. Her blog is nothing short of a foodie’s paradise; no wonder she has been dubbed “the new Nigella” by the Mail Online.

Yet just last year, 28-year-old Alt’s life was a far cry from pizza recipes and blog posts. Then, she was focused on getting through four demanding training seats at magic circle giant Linklaters. Stints in the firm’s corporate, project finance and real estate departments, plus a client secondment in Citibank, saw the King’s College London graduate battling 18-hour days. She didn’t mind:

I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for Linklaters.

A second year philosophy undergrad, Alt admits she was lacking direction. Seeking work experience in every field she possibly could, a taste of magic circle lawyer life at Freshfields got her hooked.

After converting into law, Alt started her Links TC in 2014. There were some exhausting moments — working long hours to tight deadlines is a sure fire social life killer, for starters. But she makes clear to us from the outset: “I didn’t leave Linklaters because I hated my job.”

Team spirit, interesting work, inspirational partners, second to none training and great friends spurred Alt through what could have been a really arduous two years. With, in her words, nothing but love for the top City firm and two associate offers on the table (corporate, litigation), her decision to quit may leave some readers perplexed. She explains:

My now husband used to work at Deutsche Bank, but he left and now owns a restaurant in the City. I watched him wake up everyday feeling so inspired. I began to realise I too could be that inspired by my job.

She continues:

I wanted to be able to dictate my own hours. I dreaded Monday mornings because I never knew how late I was going to be in the office or how my week was going to be. So I knew my career was going to go one of two ways: make partner, or leave and go it alone. And I knew if I went for the second, it would be harder and harder to leave once I’d qualified.

Quitting was a very difficult decision. The security and salary of a magic circle associate position was a pull, and Alt knows her new venture won’t be a money-spinner in the short-term. But, her ‘young working woman making magic in the kitchen’ brand depended on a quick exit. “You live once,” she reflects, “and I knew if I wanted to pursue a career in this field, I had to do it now.”

When you're wed shredding but dreaming of pizza

❤️ Check out my fave sweatshirts here @liketoknow.it or on my insta shop! #pizza #wedshred #food #foodie #liketkit http://liketk.it/2rxzA

A post shared by Ali Alt (@baliboosta) on May 31, 2017 at 3:03am PDT

Alt waved goodbye to the firm, and its sizeable salary, in July 2016 to dedicate her life to cooking and food writing. The dream, she says, is to write a weekly column in a magazine or newspaper. The bigger dream is to have a cooking show and product line. And it would appear Alt is well on her way to foodie fame. The lawyer turned blogger has already amassed over 60,000 followers on Instagram.

Regrets? Alt has none. Though her move out of the law was met with wariness from some, “it’s the best decision I ever made.” She adds:

There are certainly times I miss working with people. When you’re working for a company, especially a big company like Linklaters, there’s a ladder and a structure and people giving you praise and telling you you’re doing great. Now I’m making my own path. And sure, there are moments I miss Linklaters and I miss my friends there, but I really don’t regret what I’ve done with my career to date, not at all.

Not least because a legal training from one of the top firms in the world can only come in handy in her journey to Nigella-level stardom. Gazing over contracts, for example, is that much easier with commercial lawyer glasses on. “I know my training contract will help me in the future in everything I do,” she concludes, “how could I possibly regret it?”

For all the latest commercial awareness info, and advance notification of Legal Cheek’s careers events, sign up to the Legal Cheek Hub.

The post I quit the magic circle to become ‘the new Nigella’, and I have no regrets appeared first on Legal Cheek.

from All About Law https://www.legalcheek.com/2017/07/i-quit-the-magic-circle-to-become-the-new-nigella-and-i-have-no-regrets/

[ecotone99]

Isolated [MS]

The bright orange sun crept through the closed blinds in sharp slivers. The kitchen was cramped and dark barely showcasing the shadow of a man standing at the countertop mashing the medication into the food, she took them better that way. He loaded the tray with her food and his home-made remedies, lifting the tray up he strode into a grey empty hall and walked his routine path through the dust coating the black and white Lino floor. He then climbed the steps carefully as to make the least noise possible. Stepping towards the closest wooden door he turned the handle and walked to the bed. Placing the tray on the bed side table, he looked at her sweaty lined face and all his worries and anxiety cleared in his head, he whispered as to not wake her “hope you're getting better sweetheart, I love you” and crept out of the room. As soon as the door shut behind him the worry and dread filled him again, his one escape from the nightmare outside was also the source of his dread. He retreated back along the narrow path free of dust and noise back to the kitchen. He saw how little was left in the cabinet and felt for the first time in a while how hungry he was, he was afraid of going outside and had given most of what was left to his sweetheart. He hated leaving her alone in the house by herself and but also was wildly afraid to touch anything in the store without gloves or to go out with his face uncovered. He felt a pang of crippling hunger and eventually found something to ease the pain. Standing up he then traveled up to the room again standing outside for a moment, waiting for the day this would all be over. He entered the room again now seeing the plate was devoid of food and the bright orange bucket he had put out for her, as she couldn’t get out of bed, now again filled with vomit. She always disliked the taste of the pills and threw up half of everything she ate which exhausted her to the point of collapse. Picking up the tray he emptied the bucket. Once the room was reset, he left, once again quietly closing the door behind him only to be overwhelmed by his worries attacking him again with increasing heaviness. He went to the other slight dustier branch of the path in the hall that lead to the living room. He flicked on the old boxy portable tv and went to the news channel more desperate then ever for the news updates his world outside that room revolved around. For fifteen seconds he was more alert then ever reading headlines and listened out for that one piece of news he had been dreading but it never came so he was able to temporarily relax, the cycle starting again. He continued watching for a few more minutes until the hunger outweighed his anxiety and he prepared to travel outside. He put on a mask and long scarf that covered his face and pulled on a pair of his own disposable gloves. With the worry growing ever deeper he looked back in the direction of the room and shut the door.

He was nervous every moment he was away from her but his heart only plummeted further when he saw the police checkpoint ahead. Thick bullets of sweat lined his forehead betraying the anxiety he felt at leaving her back at the house alone and wouldn’t make a compelling case for his innocence. Pulse racing, he slowed down the car as he approached the officer noting that he was likely the first person to be checked as he was traveling on a dirt backroad rarely used by regular travers. Rolling down the window and trying to regain his composure, “what’s the purpose of your travel”, the officer asked “ just going to the shops for messages” he said as normally as possible trying to keep a quiver out of his voice as he avoided eye contact “Alright, go on”, the officer replied with a slight air of suspicion . The man sped on not rolling up his window for a full minute after the encounter.

Finally, inside the comfort of the front door the man breathed a breath of fresh air, now safe in the dark hall of the house. Walking to the kitchen he disrupted the dust that had laid there stagnant for weeks. He put the food back into the cabinets leaving that which he needed for her on the countertop. He looked at the clock and walked to the living room through his path, clear of dust, and into the living room, he sat on the tarp covered couch and stared at his reflection again in the tv. He flicked to tv on again only to have his heart plummet and his anger soar as he saw a picture of himself where his reflection had been coupled with the headline “prime suspect in kidnapping case located”

submitted by /u/David_Landy [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2CNPQjw

[brajeshupadhyay]

Surviving Cyclone Amphan: Kolkata, a city battling coronavirus, now faces flooded streets, broken buildings and trauma

On 20 May, I woke up to photographs and videos of a 33-day-old puppy adopted by my uncle and aunt on the other side of town, allowing me to blissfully ignore Cyclone Amphan warnings jostling for space in my inbox.

Thoughts of new toys, puppy food and pillow beds crowded my mind that Wednesday, as I tried introducing my three-year-old Labrador Retriever to his baby brother over video call. On the second floor of my 60-year-old home in south Kolkata, the sun was still alive and kicking — a common phenomenon brought about by new life on earth — even when a storm was brewing to monstrous proportions in our backyard.

The (short-lived) rose-tinted filters on my eyes sugarcoated the dark skies outside my window and masked the stench of piling neighbourhood filth that had been hurled into the air by winds that were only whistling so far. Clearly, oblivion and complacency are among the many privileges afforded to us by our pucca houses, until I found out that perhaps this time, even that might not be enough to ferry us safely to the other side of the storm.

By the time we were done with lunch, our WiFi had started to fumble, deferring delivery and receipt of messages. By four o'clock, both our dogs had sought shelter under furniture and in corners of their respective homes, where the rumble of the storm and battering of the rain were less audible.

By 6.30 pm, phone lines and communication channels in our home were dead and the lights had begun to flicker ominously too. For the first time in my life, I caught myself feeling, smelling and touching a storm as it seeped in through bolted doors and windows. Hearing and watching it was simply not enough, it demanded our undivided attention.

The asbestos sheet capping our three-storey ancestral home amplifies every drop of rain into what I call 'The Monsoon Orchestra'. It's my attempt at romanticising the otherwise dreadful, nagging phenomenon, occupying over a half of our calendars, to make it mildly more palatable.

With the arrival of Amphan, I witnessed the roof threatening to break free and take off into the whirlpool in the sky. It's the same roof that had withstood the tyranny of Aila in 2009,  a cyclone that left behind scars still visible in the subconscious of our everyday lives.

Even after losing steam by a notch, and turning into an 'extremely severe cyclonic storm' from a super-cyclone, Amphan was set to bring about more than ten times the wreckage witnessed over a decade ago.

"I am really scared. The roof will fly off any minute now," said my mother-in-law, who had turned blue in the face. I was almost defiant in my dismissal of the idea, unwilling to harbour thoughts that refused to seem outlandish anymore.

As I walked into our terrace-cum-balcony, the winds bellowed and whiplashed, forcing me to take support of the walls and every other heavy object on the way. The flower pots had been overturned and the space was flooded till the ankles.

Someone's window glass exploded in the distance, or maybe it was one of ours,  I couldn't tell; the canopy of trees enveloping our neighbourhood's sky showed cracks exposing ghastly red clouds. In about a minute, or perhaps ten (as time had warped into an unrecognisable lump), I saw the hutment behind my house get hacked neatly into two by a giant tree that snapped from its roots.

Shrieks emerging from underneath the debris were carried by the speeding winds and broadcast right into our homes floating a few feet above. As the wires and cables snapped too, a hollow of wet, pitch black swallowed us whole. I ran back into the living room and hugged my dog, as a heavy wooden door came nearly unhinged. This is how it ends, I thought to myself, and prayed to whoever would listen for my dogs to get miraculously saved, and find a loving new home once the nightmare ended.

As I type this on my laptop 18 hours after electricity was properly restored in our home, my mind keeps flitting back to the moment I walked back into my room (which is where I am right now) after the storm had passed.

It looked distinctly different from how I last saw it five hours ago. The passage leading to my room had flooded, with debris of unknown objects floating around and lodging themselves between our toes. On opening the door, I could hear the rain splatter onto my bed in echoing thuds rippling through the dark. Or perhaps it was the winds, now sluggish and exhausted, but just as cold.

A gaping hole that once used to be a part of the ceiling stared right back at me,  the ghoulish red of the sky bleeding all over me and my belongings that lay shrivelled like the wrinkling skin of an old man. My bed, books, clothes were all soaked to the bone. A tightly shut wooden window was now standing ajar, with the curtains and walls dripping from every last inch.

It took me a good while to realise that the sky above my head had literally come apart, chipping away at our roof and blowing away a chunk of it. Just when we thought that the world could possibly sink no further after being ravaged by a fatal virus, our only shields of protection against the contagion — the brick walls insulating us — had been left battered and blown into smithereens.

On venturing out the following morning in search of help, we passed by scenes of unprecedented devastation: uprooted trees, shattered buildings, splintered electric poles and listless, numb faces that had forgotten how to express or feel.

"Ei gacch ta shoraate ektu shahajjo korben, dada? (will you help us move this tree, dada?)" I asked a local rickshaw-puller, who sat on one of the dismembered branches of the tree's corpse. He looked at me with blank eyes and pointed to the remains of what seemed to be his once-faithful carriage, now buried under a pile of dead leaves and wood. I didn't have an answer; we decided to take a different route.

Hours later, as I watched the two kind repairmen — who agreed to help us restore the missing pieces of our ancient, weather-beaten house — at work, I reminded myself, yet again, to never take my privileges (especially the roof over my head) for granted. Pardon my pessimism, but if 2020 isn't out to kill us already, it surely means to teach us a lesson or two in humility.

As we stumble into day five since Amphan's visit, the clear blue skies have done little to reassure us of a normalcy stable or long enough to rebuild our homes, towns and villages. Relatives, friends and acquaintances continue to remain out of reach and possibly in an impenetrable darkness with communication channels hacked to death.

People wearing masks are rebelling on the streets, pleading for a way back to their mundane old lives, which now seem like distant realities, if not impossible dreams.

With politicking ensuing over the 80 dead and millions displaced in Bengal, people are left in the lurch yet again, caught in the inescapable crossfire of a brutal ongoing pandemic and the ghost of a deadly natural disaster.

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2Xu9Eyz

[wndamaximov]

Of Love and Secrets

Part 2: First Date

Series Masterlist

Summary: While y/n was initially stuck in the book store because of the rain, she stayed longer for the handsome stranger that kept her company. But this handsome stranger has a secret- one he’d rather not let see the light of day.

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Abusive Boyfriend, PTSD

Words: 1, 436

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

<< prev

Y/n’s POV

Y/n deftly maneuvered her way through the crowds of New York, having a heated conversation with the person on the other line. Even though they hadn’t been in the weapon business for around 4 years, the publicity around the decision had yet to cease. Although it did die down, the occasional desperate reporter would try to write a critical article on how business was failing ever since the arms division was shut down. Christine Everhart was the worst- and the most relentless.

Yup, ever since y/n’s nice, relaxing time at the bookstore, her life had gone back to its usual chaos.

“Alright, will they be needing anything else?” she asked politely, to the voice on the other end. She was nearing the Stark Tower, and really wanted to be done with this call by then. She was itching to talk to somebody about last night.

It had ended perfectly, and she’d texted Steve yesterday  just after she reached her apartment.

Y/n: Hey, would you be interested in coming to The Palm with me this Friday? I heard they have the best steak in town. No blue food though :(

Steve: I’d love to! :)

Y/n: :)

It wasn’t much, but those three lines meant a lot to y/n.

“Hello? Ms y/l/n, are you still there?” Crap. She’d forgotten all about the person in her ear.

“Yeah, sorry, please continue.” She sighed, thinking about how today was going to be a very long day.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Steve’s POV

Steve pushed open the door to Bucky’s store, bracing himself for the lecture that was bound to come.

“How stupid could you be?” Bucky was walking towards him a book in one hand, coffee in the other, a pencil stuck through his bun and another tucked behind his ear.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more stupid, you did!”

“I know, I know, it was a mistake,” he admitted.

“Oh, thank God. I thought I was going to have to do more convincing.” He was about to leave, but Steve opened his mouth once more.

“But…” Steve continued, Bucky’s glare getting more and more intense, “we’re meeting next week.”

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky whispered angrily, running a hand through his hair, forgetting it was tied. He then stomped away to the “Sci-Fi and Mystery” section, shoving the book in his hand into its proper spot.

Steve followed him, making sure to keep at least a foot of distance between them. “I’m sorry, Buck-”

Bucky whirled around, jabbing his index finger into Steve’s chest, the coffee from his cup spilling a tiny bit over the edge and down his hand. “No! You don’t get to be sorry. You could go to jail, you understand?”

Steve looked down, guilty. “I can’t help it Buck.”

“I know you can’t, punk.” Bucky’s gaze softened, just for a split second. “But don’t come crying to me when something inexplicably goes wrong.”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Y/n’s POV

“You get ‘em off our back?” Pepper and y/n walked down one of the seemingly endless hallways of the tower discussing business.

“I got ‘em off our back.” Y/n had been able to shake the glorified blogger about ten minutes earlier.

“Was it Everhart?”

“Not this time, no. You’d think there’d be more buzz on the September Foundation, but people really love bringing back dead news. In order to put Stark Industries back on the headlines for the Foundation, I’d suggest hosting a press conference.”

Someone passed Pepper something and asked for her signature. After signing the document, Pepper replied. “That can be arranged. Will Tony have to be there?”

“Well, it was his idea.”

“Okay, I’ll get Tony to come. You just concentrate on alerting the press.”

“Will do. Oh, and can I take Friday evening off?” Pepper stopped moving and turned around, a knowing smile on her face.

“And what’s on Friday?”

Y/n let the words, the ones she’d been waiting forever to say, tumble out of her mouth. “I have a date.”

“Oh my God, finally! It’s been what, five years?” Y/n’s heart suddenly stopped, remembering her last boyfriend, Brock. They’d had a whirlwind romance that was amazing before he became abusive. It was the worst year of y/n’s life, and the reason why she hadn’t been on a date in so long. Thank God Brock was in jail, serving out his sentence.

Pepper realized what she said, and continued, hoping to make y/n forget about Rumlow, at least for a while. “What’s his name- tell me everything about him.” And just like that, everything work, and Brock, related left both of their minds. Y/n talked while Pepper listened, hanging onto every word.

“He sounds perfect.” And not anything like Brock, is probably what she was thinking.

Before continuing on to the elevator, Pepper told y/n to not even bother coming in on Friday. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything. Plus, you really need a break. I swear, even the birds and squirrels here know you too well.”

Y/n pretended to look offended. “Are you insinuating that everyone’s sick of me?”

“No, I’m insinuating that you work too much.” Pepper pushed her floor’s button, and y/n watched her friend disappear behind the closing doors.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Friday, Y/n’s POV

Beams of sunlight hit y/n’s face, coaxing her out of a deep sleep. It was the first time in a long time that she hadn’t woken up to an alarm blaring, startling her awake.

She wiped the sleep from her eyes and stretched herself out on the bed. Today was the day of her big date, and she cold feel the butterflies fluttering around her stomach.

When reading romance novels, the butterflies sound so glamorous, only being a light case of nerves. For y/n, however, she felt like throwing up.

She still remembered her first date with Brock, how nice and sweet he was, just like Steve, before turning into something dark, twisted, and ugly. All of a sudden y/n didn’t feel like going on a date anymore.

Just as she was about to text Steve to cancel, her doorbell rang. It was Pepper.

“You were going to cancel, weren’t you?"

"How did you know?”

“Because I know you. Also, you look like you’ve been crying.” Y/n touched her face, surprised to find it wet. She hadn’t even realized.

“Oh, and I brought backup."

Just then, Tony Stark passed through her door, playing Shoot To Thrill by AC/DC, and said, "It’s Britney Bitch.”

Y/n laughed, wiping away her tears, and walked up to hug him. “Thanks, but you guys didn’t need to come.”

“Yeah, we did. Pepper- hair, makeup, and wardrobe STAT! I’ll stay here and make sure she doesn’t cancel.”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “Of course, you get the easy job."

Y/n didn’t care who did what, as long as she had her friends next to her.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Time of date, Steve’s POV

Steve sat at their table, fidgeting with the fork and knife. This place was so out of his budget, what with the whole fancy design and immaculately dressed patrons. He felt out of place with his rented tux.

He took a sip of water, and mid swallow, he saw her. She looked gorgeous, with a flowery, sleeveless top that flowed into a gown cut short. It was the color of blood, a deep scarlet.

He stood up to help her get seated. "You look… beautiful.”

“Thanks- you do too.” They shared a soft smile.

“So, work keeping you busy?” They easily fell into the rhythm they had at the book store. It was only broken twice by the waiter taking their order. Then came the time Steve was dreading- the check came.

“I gotta be honest.” Steve was almost as red as y/n’s dress at this point. “This place is way out of my league,” he whispered, leaning close so that only y/n could hear.

She laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. Steve sat back in his seat, unsure of what to make of the situation.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, that was rude.” She took a sip of her water, then dropped her card onto the plate containing the check. She didn’t even let Steve protest.

“What’s mine is yours,” y/n said when he tried to object.

Other than that minor hiccup, the night was perfect. It ended with a mind-shattering kiss, where it felt like time had stopped and they were the only ones truly living. Not to mention, his secret was still safe.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

next >>

Send me an ask if you want to be tagged in this series!

Angels: @rebelwriter95​ @jll72-blog​

Of Love and Secrets: @theadventurousqueen​ @marvelgirl7​ @little-ash-unicorn​ @diamonddia-mond​ @questionable-brimborion​

[avaycarter]

These 10 #Travel and #Tech Products are a must have for your Holidays 2018 Wish List! #CTATravel

Disclosure: This is an event recap. This post is NOT compensated.

I am woefully behind on Event Recaps thanks to a summer that brought a devastating fire on the Fourth of July due to someone sneaking up to the roof of my apartment building and throwing illegal fireworks, followed by a death in the family a week later, and culminating in me twisting BOTH my ankles and spraining my wrist a week after that!

To say it has been a "challenging' summer would be a complete understatement.

All the events I did get to attend before my world came crashing down were pretty amazing, and while it may take me awhile I promise I will get to each and every one of them.

I had the chance to attend the Techlicious/Consumer Technology Association/CES Lunch and Learn event at Quality Italian Restaurant in Midtown New York City.

I will start with the hot tech first and then lead into the great food!

These are the great products I was exposed to (these are NOT reviews, I got to see the products at the event, not road test them personally, so these are first impressions)

Since the nice reps from Roku were seated at my table, I will start with Roku first:

Roku Streaming Stick

I am totally getting sick of dealing with my Cable Company, and with features like Hotel and Dorm Connect the Roku Streaming Stick is perfect for both Travelers as well as College Kids hitting the dorm. Why pay the hotel a million bucks to rent a movie when you can just bring along your own streaming stick? Retail Price = $49.99 - these were in our gift bags but I didn't get a chance to test mine as it was lost in the fire, if Roku sends out a replacement I will definitely provide you guys with a full review.

The next brand has been at several events I regularly cover including The Luxury Review/The Luxury Tech Show and I haven't had a chance to take the demo or speak to the reps (in this instance it was my arrival time, at LTS my time at certain booths ran overtime during the Press Preview time period and once that event opened up to non-press it was just too crowded to get in there.) But I have wanted to take the demo and will have to make sure to do it next time I see HTC Vive.

HTC Vive

I love that Virtual Reality is being used by the travel/hospitality industry to help you tour a destination or a hotel room without ever leaving the comfort of your couch. Retail Price = $1,399 (definitely a splurge but Vive Pro definitely has one of the richest content libraries available on SteamVR and VIVEPORT.

Ashley Chloe Helix Cuff

You guys know I am called #TheOfficialTwitterPartyDJ via Twitter because I am a Twitter Party Hostess with the Mostest who LOVES Music and hasn't met the twitter party yet I couldn't find the right song for. I am always on the market for new audio and when I can combine my love of audio and tech with my love of fashion and accessories all the better! My Audio 'Form Meets Function' pick from the event is definitely The Ashley Chloe Helix Cuff. The world's first wearable wireless Bluetooth headphones with cVC noise reduction, AptX Technology, Smart Multipoint Connectivity and Bluetooth 4.1. Retail Price = $99.00 - $249.99 (The pricier one is the Helix 24K Gold Edition, love the exclusive color! I would have to listen to Bruno Mars 24K first on these!) Earbuds not getting twisted or destroyed in my cavernous handbag, PRICELESS!

myCharge Pride Limited Edition Power Bank

myCharge Pride Limited Edition Power Bank was donating 5% of Pride Month Power Bank Sales to The Trevor Project, and since later on this year I got to cross attending Ru Paul's Drag Con off my bucket list (full post to come) - this got me a thumbs up every time I pulled it out to keep my phone charged during the conference. This is a little bulkier than some of the Power Bank's I have used in the past, but love the on and off button, how fast it charges my devices and how long it holds its own charge. The plug for the wall flips out, and this charges itself AND the device simultaneously. This one definitely gets a thumbs up from me, and something like this can cross off nearly everyone on your list! Retails for $34.99

Hum by Verizon 

With holiday travel at it's peak and everyone driving to visit family and friends, the Hum by Verizon certainly helps prove that 'those who wander are not lost'.  With pinpoint roadside assistance, you can get the help you need by using the Hum App to request 24/7 roadside assistance, there is also a mechanics hotline, stolen vehicle assistance, maintenance reminders, you can check your safety score (this helps keeps insurance costs low), vehicle diagnostics and you can also turn your car into a Wi-Fi Hotspot allowing passengers to stream, surf and game on the road (eliminating the dreaded "Are We There Yet?" Questions, PRICELESS).

Sony WH-1000X M3 Wireless Headphones

The Sony WH-1000X M3 are pricey at $349.99, but these wireless, noise cancelling beauties offer five hours playback from a mere 10 minute charge, perfect for us frequent fliers who struggle to find an outlet or left our trusty powerbank behind. We were shown the M2's but the M3's are already out now. I need these in my life and am sad they were not in the gift bag!

Sony SP700N true wireless earphones

With extra bass and the Google Assistant built into these Sony SP700N true wireless earphones, you can make easy hands free at the click of a button, enjoy digital noise cancellation or ambient sound which lets you hear essential sounds. The compact carrying case not only keeps them secure, but holds an additional two full three hour charges, so you can power them on the go! These sound perfect for my morning commute, and I am bummed that these weren't in the gift bag either. These Retail for $149.99.

Sony RX100 Advanced Camera

Sony was showing their RX100 Advanced Camera with 1.0 Sensor, while it may be portable, the specs are definitely not 'lightweight'. It is a 20.2 MP, with a SteadyShot that reduces blur even in low light, HD video capabiity for beautiful video and full manual control for creative photography. It retails for $369.99. Not in the gift bag either, le sigh. I have had my eye on the Sony a7rIII which I played with last year during Fashion Week at Sony Square Space in NYC and then again at this year's Photo Plus Expo. I took a picture with it that served as a Best Buy contest entry during the Expo which is featured on my Instagram page here: https://www.instagram.com/p/BpbS1-TAXLt/ - I have to say I am bit more inclined to the A7RIII, but this has a $2,799 retail price tag making the RX100 a bit more holiday budget friendly. But as Photography is a huge part of my career, not just a hobby/passion, I am telling Santa I want the A7RIII (42.4 MP with 14-bit RAW output!) for Christmas! I really have been a very, very, very, good butterfly this year.

Speck Presidio for iPhone X

Speck Presidio for iPhone X offers 8 foot drop protection! While I am an Android girl and have never owned an iPhone, I have witnessed a ton of friends, family and colleagues drop their uber expensive phone and ended up walking around with a cracked screen - not cute. Why not make a small investment in protecting it instead? At $39.95 ($27.96 if you act fast to nab the extended Cyber Week deal) it gives you something absolutely PRICELESS - peace of mind!

Modobag - Motorized Luggage

See that image above? That is a grown man riding on Modobag - Motorized Luggage, it convinced me to give it a go:

Actually I watched TWO men ride this thing before I opted to get on it myself.

Zip through the airport terminals and never miss a flight, on a single charge the Modobag has the ability to travel up to 6+ miles based on a rider weight of 180 pounds, it has an indoor speed of 4 MPH, and outdoor speed of 7 MPH, three times a regular walking pace, and it goes to full charge in two hours. It also has two USB ports for individual or simultaneous charging. I totally want this for Christmas, as a Blogger this would be my portable office for press trips! I really want this! The Retail on Modobag is $1,495 - which considering designer luggage costs three times as much, and does not haul you around in addition to your stuff, this is actually a steal! I also wanted to share some photos of our meal:

CTA Travel Tech Lunch Menu

Above: CTA Travel Tech Lunch Menu

Shrimp Cocktail Appetizer

Above: Shrimp Cocktail Appetizer (shared by our table, I swear I didn't all that!)

Baby Kale Tricolore Salad

Above: Baby Kale Tricolore Salad

Sausage and Pepper Garlic Toast

Above: Sausage and Pepper Garlic Toast

Mediterranean Branzino, Pesto Rosso with Qi Tuscan Fries

Above: Mediterranean Branzino, Pesto Rosso with Qi Tuscan Fries (you know I usually go for the seafood/fish dish!

Above: Sometimes I am not fast enough to nab a shot before hungry Editors tear into something, but I oddly like this shot all the more for having some pieces missing!

Chocolate Coffee Malt Cannoli with Pistachio Gelato

Above: Chocolate Coffee Malt Cannoli with Pistachio Gelato

QI Signature Lemon Meringue Tart

Above: QI Signature Lemon Meringue Tart MY TAKE: These items are perfect for anyone on your list, and are going to score major brownie points with travel lovers and tech enthusiasts of any age. Again these are impressions as I got to play with these products at the event. Should I get review units I will give those items their own day in the sun with full reviews.

My photos are watermarked, un-watermarked photos were used by media with permission. This is the second year I have attended this event, (the food is always amazing) just in case you missed last year's which focused heavily on Photography and Photography tips for getting better shots, check it out here: https://www.ascendingbutterfly.com/2017/10/techlicious-ctatech-ctaphotonyc-lunch.html This by far has been the second worse year of my life, second only to almost dying in 2011. It zapped every ounce of writing energy out of me. Not to mention left me without a computer until Black Friday Sales enabled me to get a laptop. I am just not one of those bloggers who can blog solely via phone. I do not have millenial thumbs and have no idea how they can get so much typing done on a mobile touch keypad. I am slowly but surely trying to get myself ramped up again. And am considering either a re-design or a complete re-branding. I do have some overdue giveaways so check back often. For those of you who have sent me personal emails checking in on me, Thank You! I know our Inspirational Messages of the Day and Gratitude Sundays have been missed, and I will find a way to bring them back soon. Let's just say getting myself motivated has been difficult enough lately. This event put some great products on my radar, I definitely wouldn't mind seeing any or all of these under my Christmas Tree or stuffed inside my stocking this year. Readers: Which of these do you want most? Do you already have any of them?

·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•●•٠·˙˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•●•٠·˙˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•●•٠·˙

FTC Disclosure: No monetary compensation has been received, and all opinions are 100% my own!  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission 16 CFR, Part 255 - Guides Concerning the use of endorsements and testimonials in advertising, you may check our Giveaway and Disclosure Page for additional information regarding Ascending Butterfly Disclosure.

These 10 #Travel and #Tech Products are a must have for your Holidays 2018 Wish List! #CTATravel published first on https://vsguides.tumblr.com/

[tsgaustintexas]

Making Your Holiday Cards Merry & Bright with Chelsea Lanes Letters

I am so thrilled to have Chelsea Richardson, the talented (and sweet!) lady behind Chelsea Lanes Letters, as our guest blogger today! She’s sharing some of her favorite tips & tricks that you can use to elevate this year’s holiday card. 

Keep reading after the jump to learn about how she turned her hobby into a career, her must-have tools of the trade, a secret talent (hint: she’s 5′10″) + a sneak peek at her own adorable family Christmas card! 

I may or may not be speaking from experience, but if you’re totally drowning in holiday engagements and trying to keep up with work - you can always phone a friend. Reach out to hello@chelsealanesletters.com and check a big item off your never-ending to-do list. The best part? My holiday cards have never looked better! Don’t forget to tell her that The Scout Guide sent you! XO - Leigh Ann 

Hi there. Chelsea Richardson here from ChelseaLanesLetters.

Christmas has always been extremely special and meaningful to me. When I decided to pursue a career in hand lettering and calligraphy, I quickly realized the holiday season would take on a whole new realm of excitement ... CHRISTMAS CARDS!! 

But before I address (get it?) how to master your Christmas cards this year - take a deep breath. The idea of sending out dozens of perfect holiday cards can sometimes feel overwhelming. Which is why I hope my tips and tricks help turn this ‘dreaded chore’ into a fun and festive project that wows your loved ones! 

Prep Your Mailing List The Old-Fashioned Way:  

Collecting addresses from all of your family and friends can be time-consuming, not to mention I always have the fear of leaving someone out. 

In the past, I was notoriously ‘that person’ that sent a last-minute text to all of my family and friends asking for their addresses. 

Something extremely helpful I did two years ago was keeping all the envelopes from that years’ Christmas cards, as well as party invites & announcements that we received as a family throughout the year.

Then I did myself a big favor and bought a new address book (I love this one and this one!) and consolidated my addresses. Boom. I was ready to go come Christmas time. 

Last but not least, my rule of thumb is that if you haven't conversed via phone, text, email or in person at some point in the last six months ... I usually don't send a Christmas card. Instead, I make it a priority to reconnect with them in the new year.

Find The Perfect Pen: 

Where do I even begin? I could spend an entire day doodling and trying out new pens + markers! 

But in order to save you time and money, here are a few of my favorites: 

Uni-Ball Signo Broad Point Gel Pen (White)

Uni-Ball Signo Broad Point Gel Pen (Gold)

MyLifeUNIT Metallic Marker Pens (Metalic Gold + Silver)

Marvy Uchida Bistro Chalk Markers (White)

It’s All In The Details 

A question I hear a lot is … what do I seal the envelope with? 

Wax, decorative tape or a personalized sticker? All are amazing and useful - but for this crazy busy time of year - let's keep it simple and stick to washi tape or a festive sticker. 

Here are a few of my favorite things:

Gold Dot Washi Tape

‘Joy’ Stickers  

‘Be Merry’ Stickers

Give It A Stamp Of Approval  

My last step is adding a festive stamp to complete the look! 

Don’t know where to start? Minted and Zazzle are my go-to sites.

Here are a few holiday stamps that I’ve had my eye on: 

Holiday Greenery 

Personalized Gold 

Gold Polka Dots 

On Your Mark, Get Set, Hand Letter! 

Over the years, my routine for addressing envelopes has changed and of course, progressed with time. 

I started off years ago lightly addressing the envelope in pencil first and then going over it with a thicker pen/marker (like one of the ones I mentioned earlier). 

However now, after years of practice, I freehand the entire envelope. It takes practice though, so don't get frustrated! Start small and take your time. 

Always remember to order extra envelopes for mess ups. I usually add 25% extra to my cart before checking out. 

Receiving a personalized and custom addressed Christmas card does far more than stand out. It shows the recipient how much love and care you put into it.

From my heart to yours, I wish you a happy Christmas & nothing but joy and blessings in the new year.

xo, Chelsea

TSG: What originally got you interested in hand lettering?

Chelsea: I have always had an interest in doodling, drawing, and writing since I was a young girl. Over the years I was always doing small projects for family and friends and finally decided to create a career out of a hobby.

TSG: You’re self-taught - any advice for beginners? 

Chelsea: Practice, practice and more practice! Also by watching videos and taking classes from this babe and this babe.

TSG: What's your favorite way to practice?

Chelsea: With a glass of wine, a record on and a fire burning.

TSG: What does your dream project entail?

Chelsea: My favorite types of projects are the little ones that add the perfect, finishing touch! Addressing envelopes, hand-crafted menus for a dessert bar, or name cards for a wedding,

TSG: Did it take you awhile to develop your own personal style? 

Chelsea: As I became more familiar with the art of hand lettering, my hand naturally took on a comfortable flow when writing something. My style is very unique and no two letters ever look the same. It's perfectly, imperfect.

TSG: Do you work in any other mediums?

Chelsea: Mostly just pens, markers, ink and paint. I would love to get into other mediums eventually, but I feel most comfortable using these tools for now.

TSG: Set the scene - you have 100 envelopes to address, what does your set-up look like?

Chelsea: See the note above about wine... The kitchen table is cleared. All of my supplies are laid out. I set up everything perfectly so I am able to work as efficiently as possible.

TSG: What's something about yourself that most people don't know?

Chelsea: I played Division 1 volleyball for the University of Northern Iowa.

TSG: What initially drew you to Austin and what made you want to stay?

Chelsea: My longtime boyfriend was living in Austin, and when I would visit him on the weekends, I quickly realized that I loved everything about the city! Mostly the food, but also the laid-back environment and outdoor adventures that Austin provided.

TSG: What does your perfect 'winter day’ in Austin look like?  

Chelsea: A morning run around Town Lake before everyone wakes up. Brunch at Tiny Boxwoods, shopping and walking around the Domain NORTHSIDE with my husband and daughter. Basically, I like to spend every minute possible outside - you can’t beat a December in Texas.

Stationary Photography by Chelsea Richardson || Family Portraits by Morgan Chidsey (Sea of Love) 

[blufury]

Circle of pain.

Nida looked at the scene in front of her emptily. She had just killed her torturers. But she didn't feel anything. If she had to live this way, so be it. She hated the world, hated it more than anything. No one had cared when she suffered. No one had asked why she always had bruises covering her body. No one cared what her family did to her. No, no one did. Instead, they laughed at her. And now, she was done with it.

########

-17 yeas before-

'Dada?' A small voice called. 'Dada?'

'Oh for god sakes, give it a break! What the hell do you want now?' said a grumpy voice, clearly unhappy. But the small Nida didn't recognize the grumpy tone and called 'Dada!' happily, and tried to climb over the larger dragon. Seeing that it was nothing but just a calling from the hatchling, Pib grumbled, and turned and looked back to the TV blaring in front of him. Not getting the attention she wanted, little Nida called her father a few more times, then wailed. Swearing, Pib got up and went to Nida and shook her bed roughly. Shocked, Nida looked up at Pib with wide eyes, and saw that the larger dragon was angry. She shrank down, trying to dig into the mattress. But the larger dragon wasn't fazed, and shouted 'Shut Up!' at her, and went back to his comfortable position, and continued watching TV.

Sulking, Nida tried go bo back to sleep, and closed her eyes. Unknowingly to her, a tear fell down and trickled down her face.

-12 years before-

'Mom?' Nida called. 'Mom?'

'What?' Ihca asked irritatedly.

'Can I have some juice?' Nida asked, looking at the floor. She was hoping that her mom wouldn't be angry with her today. 'Guess my hopes never come true...' She thought to herself.

'Whatever! Just don't interrupt me! I'm watching drama!' Her mom said, angry at her. Sighing softly to herself, she went to the frige and poured herself a glass of juice and drank.

-11 years before-

'Get out of the house, you useless piece of shit!' Her dad yelled at her, drunk. He had been fired from his work, and he drank, and now he was pouring his anger at her. Nida cringed and crept into the corner more. But her father continued towards her, and stopped in front of her. 'What good are you? You don't do anything worthy! You're worthless! You're just a endless pit that collects food, shelter, and other various resources! Get the fuck out of the house!' He yelled at her, eventhough she had done nothing wrong. She felt a tear roll down her face, and quickly wiped it before her dad saw it. Too late. Her dad saw it, and it enraged her dad even more. 'What? You're crying? What right do you have to cry? You've done nothing worthy of crying! Get that shit off your face!' But this made her cry even more. 'I said, get that shit off your face!' Her father yelled at her. But she couldn't stop crying. It had been like this to her, for the last 7 years. She was always bullied in the house eventhough she had done nothing wrong. Her parents hated her. Her grandparents were dead. Her neighbors ignored her. Her friends, as you call them, always made jokes of her and left her out of anything they did. She didn't know why she deserved this. She didn't do anything wrong, but everyday, she was bullied inside and out of the house. She had no one. Her dad, seeing her still crying, raised his claw, and striked her. Nida, shocked, instantly grabbed her chin, and looked at her claws. There was blood all over her claws. Shocked, she looked at her dad. But her father didn't seem to regret anything. He still looked at her with an angry expression, Crying, she ran to her room, and locked the door behind her. She could hear her father punching the door, trying to break it. Curled up in a corner, she cried herself to sleep. Why did she deserve this?

-5 years before-

Nida was covered in bruises. She was still bullied in school, and it had only gone worse. The boys called her a whore, and the girls spread fake rumors of her sleeping with somebody and called her a bitch. But it was nothing compared to what she was dealing with at home. Shakily, she opened the door of her... no, her dad's house, and crept in. Her dad never got another job after losing his, and was now an alcoholic mess. He had tried to rape her, struck her with his claws multiple times, and always called her a worthless shit. She saw her dad sprawled on the sofa, in front of the TV. As quietly as she could, she crept over to her room. But then a floorboard creaked, and hearing it, her father opened his eyes. Nida bolted towards her room, and she could hear her father swearing and trying to catch her. She looked back, and saw something horrifying.

Not only was there her dreadful father with his hated looks at her, but there was also a feral look in his eyes.

She bolted inside her room, and tried to lock the door. But she couldn't. With his bigger body and stronger strength, her father crashed into the door, and grabbed her by her neck. 'Where do you think you're going?' Her father growled at her, while she gasped for air and struggled against him. 'You're going no where, that's where.' Then he turned her, and beat her. She cried out in pain, howled, and yelled, but no one cared. Finally, exhausted, she submitted, only wincing everytime a claw or punch landed on her, hoping that she would get unconscious soon, But even more horrifying thing happened. Her dad laid her, beaten, and worn on the floor roughly, and locked the door behind him. Then he closed the curtains, making the room dark. As her foggy eyes slowly adjusted to darkness, she felt something pierce her. She cried out in pain, but her screams were soon drowned to nothing as her dad hit her in the head, hard, enough to make her get unconscious.

A few hours later, she woke up in her room, with a strange ache in her back. Her mind was still foggy, so she waited till her mind got clearer. Then she located the pain on her back, neck, and wings. There were numorous claw marks on her. Wincing, she crept into a corner, after making sure the door was locked, and looked at her wounds closely. Most of them were clogged with blood, but some were still bleeding. She licked her wounds clean, and crying, went to sleep. She didn't know why she deserved this.

-1 hour before-

She was done. Today, she was going to end this circle of pain herself. And she was halfway there. She grabbed the blood caked knife she in her claws, and headed towards her home.

-Now-

She thought of all the stuff that happened today. She had killed the bullies, and her parents who never thought of her except for a punch bag. Now only one step was left for her to end the circle of pain. She heard the police ciren blare outside her house, and looked at the loop in front of her. 'Till the end, no one cares about me. Funny.' She thought, and laughed. But it was a sad, bitter laugh. Making sure the binds were tight on her wings, she put her head through the loop and kicked the chair under her. She was struggled and choked for air.

Her last thoughts were 'Goodbye, cruel world. Let's never see each other again.'

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 I'm not going to ask for follows, likes, or comments this time. This is a contribution for the beaten. This kind of has my life story in it, and I know it's not right to ask for those. Please, please care for those who are around you.

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