#wasnt nice. i.e i got changed before they left for bar at friend’s accom
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previous post continued sorry i need to vent
#he straight up just said i seemed so sad sometimes and that he was worried abt me and that i got all dressed up only to go home n that it#wasnt nice. i.e i got changed before they left for bar at friend’s accom#it was. kind of surreal?#was it noticeable?#has it always been noticeable? ive been so much worse in fromt of more people. CLOSER people. and theyve never ever said anyrhing#he even made me say goodbye even tho i literally never ever do#^irish goodbye number1 fan(they dont notice im gone anyway )#hm.#and since i think he likes me#and the others were making jokes. im worried he might get a little heartbroken and we not be friends anymore#my boyfriend is. online. i wont lie#i hate it. i hate online dating sm but i like Him like my bf#but. i just. i cant fully. like. he cant see me he Doesnt see me. its just so so hard to properly#snd even! i canr really talk to him properly 1 on 1 bc my houses walls are so thinLOL.#so im just in this limbo where. i want all the things dating someonein the REAL could provide but cant#and now someone might actually want all that w me and Know what i look like and Still like me. it feels#bad.#it feels bad.#i should talk more to the bf about it because genuinely its been really upsetting me. i have said it to him but maybe i shoukd bring it up#again. i just keep burying down thes efeelings but they keep coming back up#^of not being able do things#its just.#ugh.#i hate myself so much.#every part
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