#was supposed to write it in one setting last monday hahaha

[mildlymaddy]

A little canon OTRA Lilo, rated M, for @umthatsliam coz you’re pretty.  😘

...

“C’mon, try.”

“I don't want to.”

“C’mon… For me?”

Louis huffs. Using his puppy eyes on him… Liam's playing dirty. “I feel stupid,” he says, because he does. The arena looks ghostly and foreboding in the starlit night, and the stage is intimidating in a way it never is when the five… four of them are on it. “There isn't any music.”

“M’afraid blasting Girl Almighty might attract attention, Tommo,” Liam says with a chuckle, right into Louis's ear. Louis shivers. Liam is standing altogether too close for comfort, less than an inch of space between Louis's back and Liam’s front, Liam’s broad hands firmly placed on Louis's hips in an attempt at guiding him.

“C’mon, just try,” Liam says again, before launching into Act My Age, voice low and deep, gently pushing Louis's hips this way and that.

“I'm not sure a shimmy is the best choreography for this song,” Louis quips, feeling his cheeks flush and hoping Liam might mistake it for deep embarrassment, which isn't completely off the mark, either.

“First you shimmy, then you jump,” Liam says, getting back into the song.

Louis knows there’s no point arguing, so he tries to move his hips, feeling like a fool the entire time. He didn’t use to care about his stage presence. But ever since Z- ever since it’s only the four of them up there, he’s been feeling put on the spot. Harry is all over the place like a discombobulated giraffe, Niall’s got his guitar, and Liam… Louis can never look at Liam too much when he’s on stage or he starts forgetting the words to the songs. And then there’s him, standing in place like a flower pot.

He didn’t use to care, but… things are different now.

Which is why when Liam offers to coach Louis a little on “getting his groove on”, Louis readily accepts. The fact that this will score him some very alone time with Liam is honestly just a bonus.

At first.

Because now Liam’s hands are on his hips, fingers brushing against Louis’s skin when his t-shirt rides up from all the moving around, and sometimes Louis takes a step back when Liam takes a step forward and his arse bumps against Liam’s crotch and he can’t. fucking. breathe anymore. He doesn’t know why hitting Liam in the gonads in front of thousands of screaming girls leaves him perfectly unfazed and bumping against him when they’re alone makes his heart skip a bit, but there it is.

“Maybe we can try something else,” Liam says after a while, which Louis takes to mean he can’t even shimmy properly.

Liam places himself right besides Louis and jumps twice, two tiny hops from left to right, and Louis’s shaking his head before he even realizes where Liam’s going with this. “Oh no,” he says, raising his hands as Liam starts walking sideways in the little routine he and Niall always follow. “I’m not doing that.”

“C’mon!” Liam says, grinning, walking back to him the same way. “It’s not a hard one, and it’s fun!”

“It’s you and Nialler’s thing.”

“I’m not telling you to do it on stage, I’m just telling you to try it now,” Liam says, and why does he have to be so bloody reasonable, it’s infuriating.

Still, Louis executes himself. But where Liam looks playful and weirdly sexy, Louis just looks like a rusted up robot. “It's useless,” he says once they're both back in the center of the stage, wrapping his arms protectively around himself.

“That wasn’t so bad!” Liam lies, walking to stand in front of Louis with a smile altogether too kind considering Louis’s piss-poor performance.

“That was pathetic and you know it.”

Liam doesn’t say anything to that, but there’s a dangerous glint in his eyes as he takes one step forward, gently pulling Louis’s arms away from his torso to wrap his own arms around it instead.

“What are you doing?” Louis asks, feeling his heart picking up. Liam standing so close to him earlier was bad enough, but now they’re face to face, and alarms are blaring inside Louis’s head, telling him to get out of this jam as fast as he possibly can.

Liam’s lips are curled up in a small mischievous smile that turns Louis’s throat dry. “It doesn't matter how you move,” Liam says, moving one foot, then the other, taking Louis along with him. “You just need to get started. Even a slow dance will do,” he says, and that’s what it is, Louis realizes as his feet follow Liam’s lead. They’re slow dancing. At night. On a starlit stage. Perfectly alone.

Liam starts humming the opening bars to Night Changes, leaning forward so his stubble brushes against Louis’s cheek, and Louis steps away, forcing Liam’s arms off of him.

“I’m never gonna slow dance on stage,” he says, raking both hands through his hair to keep himself from touching Liam in any way.

“Who knows, we could,” Liam teases, reaching out for him, but Louis pushes him away, staggering backwards. His heart is pounding so hard he’s feeling a little sick with it.

“Fucking drop it!” he says, louder than he intended to. That stops Liam from reaching out again, at least, and Louis forges on, every inch of his body thrumming with the force of each heartbeat. “It’s a fucking stupid idea, is what it is. This entire thing’s stupid.”

He sees the hurt on Liam’s face, clear as day because Liam can never hide anything, never seems to want to learn. It should make him stop, but somehow it only makes it easier to continue digging his own grave, voice rising with every word. “I never even asked you for help, why the fuck do you insist so much? I'm a fucking embarrassment, is that it?!”

Liam looks crestfallen for a second, but then his features harden. “Of course not,” he says, voice so clipped it sounds like an insult and not a reassurance. “How could you think… I only wanted… I thought it’d be fun!”

“Well it’s not,” Louis says. There is a very sick kind of pleasure to be found in saying lies, like he's taken a step back and is watching himself spewing at the mouth with the detachment of someone watching a car crash. “Go be a good samaritan with someone else. Maybe Harry needs some help getting his arse kissed!”

The words are loud in the silent arena, each of them wrong in so many different ways that Louis can’t believe he’s said them. He doesn’t even know why he’s dragging Harry into this, why he needs to act like an arsehole just to make sure Liam doesn’t get too close. It makes no sense, but as he stares at Liam, chest heaving, he can’t seem to make himself take the words back.

Liam looks at him blankly, then shakes his head, and when he next turns his eyes to Louis he looks disgusted. It’s not a look Louis’s seen often on his face, and definitely not a look he’d ever seen directed at himself. Louis shivers, suddenly keenly aware of how cold it is inside the arena.

“I don't - You know what? Fine. Don't accept my help,” Liam finally says, hands curling into fists at his sides. “Heck, maybe don't accept my friendship, either. Let's just go back to the hotel.”

He’s gone before Louis can think of anything to say.

--

The ride back to the hotel is excruciating. Ten times, Louis opens his mouth to apologize, but the dark look on Liam’s face makes him falter. He's never been in a car with Liam without talking to him. He's never been anywhere with Liam without talking to him.

By the time they’re both standing in the elevator, Louis feels like crawling out of his skin. Liam hasn’t looked at him since Louis’s outburst at the arena, and he looks shut off in a way Louis’s never seen him. Even when they have fights (and they’re bound to, living on each other more than 300 days a year), Liam still talks to him, even if he pouts in that horribly adorable way of his while doing so. Not this time, though. Liam heads off for his room without a backward glance as soon as the elevator doors open.

“Well, that all went splendidly,” Louis tells himself ten minutes later, lying on his back and staring at the beige ceiling of his bedroom. He can’t believe how badly he’s just screwed this up.

He’s made it through everything: wrestling matches on the bus couch after too many beers and too little sleep, hurried showers taken together when they were too late for a gig or too tired to wait, early mornings crawling into each other’s beds when one or the other couldn’t sleep... all that, and he never did anything more stupid than press a kiss to Liam’s throat and pretend it was a tease, or let his gaze linger slightly too long down Liam’s body while Liam’s washing his hair.

But now he’s gone and made a mess of it all, and all for what? Some slow dancing in the dark.

“I’ve got to fix this,” he says to the ceiling, which does not offer any advice. He takes one steadying breath, then rolls off his bed, not bothering to put his shoes back on before padding down the hallway to Liam’s room.

Liam’s already stripped down to his pants and a fresh t-shirt when he opens the door. Playing dirty, again.

“What do you want?” Liam asks, looking guarded in that unnatural way that makes Louis want to kick himself.

“Can I come in?” Louis forges ahead without waiting for an answer, and Liam steps aside, which Louis decides to take as a good sign, but it’s still hard to turn back to him and get the words out. “Look, I… I wanted to apologize. I really appreciate you trying to help. I was a jerk for letting my frustration out on you.”

“... it's okay,” Liam says, and it’s so clearly a lie Louis wants to yell at him, except that would defeat the purpose of his coming here. “You were right, anyway. I shouldn't have forced this on you. Let's just call it a day.”

Louis wants to scream. “No,” he says, trying really hard to keep his voice soft. “I wanna try again. Please.”

“Louis, you don't have to… I'm a grown man,” Liam says, and Louis wants to tell him that he knows, because Liam’s standing there in just pants and a t-shirt and Louis can see how much of a grown man he is, it’s making his mouth water. “You don't have to pretend. I'm not hurt.”

“You're a man child and I'm not pretending,” Louis says, rolling his eyes. At least being sassy always comes easy to him. “Please. I really wanna try again.”

Liam looks at him long and hard, then turns away, walking to his bed. Louis deflates. Well, it was worth a-

The first chord of Girl Almighty erupts from hidden speakers, not very loud but still unexpected enough to startle Louis.

“At least we have music here,” Liam says with a little smile, walking back to where Louis's still standing. His eyes are twinkling with mirth as if he’s already forgotten all the crap Louis’s thrown at him, like a dog falling back in love with its owner the second they stop yelling, and his body’s already starting to move with the beat.

Louis can feel his palms getting clammy. Suddenly he’s not sure why he came back. He didn’t want Liam to be mad, but now he’s right back where it started, torn between saving himself and storming out, hurting Liam’s feelings again, or...

Just then Liam does that little move he always does when singing that song, hand clenched around an invisible mike, punching the air with it, and Louis’s brain short circuits. Taking a couple hurried steps forward, ignoring the pain as Liam’s elbow collides with his upper arm, Louis slips a hand to the back of Liam’s neck and tilts his own face up, crashing his lips against Liam’s in what is undoubtedly the most awkward excuse for a kiss he’s ever been guilty of giving.

It’s over in a flash, and Louis’s barely leaned away that he already can’t remember how it felt, having his lips against Liam’s. The shock of it kickstarts his brain back on, at least, and he steps back, cheeks aflame, instantly resolving to act like nothing’s happened, because what other choice does he have, really.

“So, um, like that?” he says, not meeting Liam’s eye, forcing his body to move in an approximation of Liam’s earlier beat. It’s probably terrible - he’s bad at this at the best of times and right now the music isn’t registering as anything but random sounds to his panicked brain - but for once he can’t find it in himself to care.

The problem is that Liam’s not moving. His fist is still held in the air, and when Louis dares glance at his face, it too looks frozen, Liam’s lips half open in a silent “oh”, his eyes unblinking.

“Liam, c’mon, show me,” Louis asks again, jumping awkwardly into place in the hope the movement might bring Liam back to his senses.

Liam blinks, then shakes his head slightly, as if to clear it, and stumbles to where Louis’s still jumping, extending his hands to rest them on Louis’s hips. Louis breathes a sigh of relief; he can still salvage this, he can-

He realizes what Liam’s going to do a split second before Liam’s lips brush against his, Liam’s eyes gazing nervously into his own before slowly falling shut. This kiss is soft, and goes on for long enough that Louis can finally take it all in, how plump Liam’s lips feel against his, the pressure exactly right until there’s no pressure anymore, just Liam’s half-parted lips touching Louis’s, a kiss that isn’t really a kiss but a caress that spreads like warmth through Louis’s veins. He’s still staring at Liam’s cheek, so he sees Liam’s eyelid fluttering before Liam opens his eyes, one worried pupil staring back at him, the both of them frozen in place.

Weirdly enough, with Liam’s eyes opened, it’s easier for Louis to let his own eyes fall shut and return the kiss, then another, and another, until somehow Liam’s hands are in his hair and Louis’s standing on tiptoes, and there’s not even tongues involved but Louis’s already breathless. Then Liam gently takes Louis’s lower lip between his teeth and tugs, wrenching a groan from Louis’s throat, and suddenly Louis finds himself pressed against something, he’s not sure what until he’s actually sitting on it, a chest of drawers that’s the perfect height for Liam to step between his legs, slide his hands to Louis’s arse and push him forward until their chests are flush against one another, Louis’s arms wrapping around Liam’s neck as they kiss. They’re properly snogging now and Liam’s letting out these high-pitched, eager sounds that make Louis desperate to hear more, brain flooded with all the thoughts he usually tries his best to keep at bay.

They only stop kissing when they can’t breathe anymore, foreheads pressed together and mouths open, taking in big gulps of air. In the speakers, Harry’s singing about not regretting falling for someone, and Louis can’t help but grin as he leans away, just enough so he can see the look on Liam’s face. If this is just a temporary lapse of reason, he’d rather know straight away.

Liam looks dazed, to be sure, but he also looks happy, the corner of his lips twitching up like a nervous tic as his eyes roam over Louis’s face, always coming back to his lips, getting wider when Louis bites on his lower lip, slow and deliberate.

“You kissed me,” Liam finally says, sounding awed.

“Well, to be fair, you kissed me a lot more than I kissed you,” Louis quips, punctuating his statement with another peck to Liam’s lips. He’s feeling bold in an entirely new way, and he intends to make the best of it.

“I did,” Liam says, grinning. Then his features fall. “That’s okay… right?”

“Yes,” Louis says, pressing another kiss to Liam’s mouth. It’s a good thing Four’s still playing, else he might actually break into a song. “It’s okay.” Another kiss. “You idiot.”

Liam beams, eyes turning into happy wrinkles, and Louis kisses him again, kisses his smile right off his face, as if he could taste it; and it feels like he can, a bit, as Liam responds in kind, slipping his tongue inside Louis’s mouth, still tasting vaguely of the beers they shared before sneaking into the arena. Louis clings to Liam’s neck as Liam pushes him backwards, wrapping his arms around Louis’s back to keep him up, and Louis wonders for a second if Liam intends to push him back onto the chest of cupboards, take him there like Louis’s a secretary in a 90’s porn movie. The thought probably shouldn’t turn him on quite so much.

Liam leans away when Louis’s head comes bumping against the wall, the furniture not wide enough to accommodate him. “Why are you sitting on this thing?” Liam asks, frowning at Louis’s lap.

“You put me there,” Louis says, trailing his lips down Liam’s neck, fingers coming up to tug at the collar of Liam’s t-shirt.

“Did I?” Liam says, groaning in a most satisfying way when Louis takes an experimental bite at his collarbone. He’s read somewhere once that sometimes when you love something too much it’s almost like you want to hurt it. Liam makes him feel like that; he wants to scratch and bite him, claim him for his own with love bites and carpet burn, and he wants to do it all in a way that’ll make Liam come his brains out.

“Yes,” he says, slipping his hands under the hem of Liam’s t-shirt and dragging his nails down Liam’s back, not too hard, but hard enough to show he means it.

He’s a bit fuzzy on what happens next, but Liam growls and then suddenly Louis’s lying on his back on the bed, Liam carefully straddling his body on hands and knees. He thinks Liam may have carried him there, which he’d usually protest about, but Liam bends down to press his lips against the hollow of Louis’s throat and all thoughts about complaining fly right out of his head.

“Okay?” Liam asks him when he leans back up, raising his eyebrows.

“Are you going to ask me if everything’s okay?” Louis asks, a little light-headed with how much he wants all of this. “Because in case you’re wondering, I’m okay with you putting your hand down my pants, just leaving it out there.”

His heart does a little somersault as he says the words, voice slightly strangled, but it’s nothing compared to the bungee-jumping it does when Liam cups Louis’s crotch, palm warm and firm.

“Like that?” Liam asks, and there’s nothing Louis can do to keep down the broken moan that comes out of his throat. He’s already half-hard, and it’d be mortifying if Liam didn’t look so pleased with it all, lips slowly stretching into a delighted smile. “I did that?” he asks, fingers curling down and making Louis arch back under him.

“Fuck! Of course you made me... hard. I'm only… human,” Louis gets out, one hand gripping the bed sheets and the other clenching down on Liam’s arm. It feels like being 14 again and wanting a girl so much she only has to brush her fingers against your crotch for you to blow your load, not that that’s ever happened to him. “Look I just want you to know,” he adds, not able to hide the slight panic from his voice as Liam presses two fingertips up the length of Louis’s cock over his flies, hard enough for Louis to feel them despite the heavy material of his jeans, “if I come in the next two seconds… I usually last longer than this.”

Liam chuckles, but his hand leaves Louis’s cock all the same, like he wants the moment to last. He trails his fingers over Louis’s t-shirt instead, stopping to tweak Louis’s nipple, eyebrow raising playfully.

“Oh shut up,” Louis says, forcing Liam’s head down so he can kiss the smugness out of him and hide the flush that’s spreading on his cheeks. Liam laughs into the kiss, and Louis thinks that coming might not be the only thing he’ll do too soon.

Knowing him though, Liam will probably meet him halfway.

[rogershoe]

Lights, Camera, Action

Part four

(Part three)

Masterlist

Summary: You’re a production assistant on the set of Cursed. The night before your first day at work, you opened your laptop to shockingly realise you’d be working with Daniel Sharman (and a plethora of other amazing actors), someone you’d been watching on screen since you were a teenager. You kept your expectations low, the PAs rarely got to interact with the talent…what was your chance?

Word count: 3.8k

Tag list: @sxperncturalimpala67 @mrsaaronkeener @tinygardensoul @disasterday​ @5am-cigarette @lancelotapricot @demoiselle-en-detresse00 @slytherlight @18somethingpsyche @ceruleanmusings@glxctt @cavillxhenry@lovelyapplessss@hereagainsstuff@linkpk88 @aliceperdida@weeping-redemption@magicalsaladnacho @lancelotapricot@ineedyourskulls@fandomarstrash @cheythefangirl @pure-ghost @estrielle @tessxblxckthorn @isaac-lahey-is-bae​ @bubblyanis

Warnings: age gap between reader and Daniel, swearing, slow burn

Notes: This has definitely been the most fun chapter to write out of all four so please let me know how you liked it!! Also I realised that Cursed was actually filmed in England so for the sake of the story we’re just gonna pretend like it was filmed in LA hahaha. 

Sunday, January 13th, 2019

10:31 am

You rubbed your eyes, swiping across your phone’s screen to turn your alarm off. The sun’s light bled through your curtain, giving your room an eery glow. 

It had been almost a week since Huey had informed you that you’d be working with the make-up/costume department as well. You thought you would start on Tuesday of last week (the day after you got the message), but Huey had apparently “forgotten” to inform you that you would actually be starting in a week. On Monday. Meaning tomorrow. 

To say you were a bundle of nerves was an understatement. Naomi had also approached you last week warning you about how you’d be working with the actors a lot more and how you should work on “being completely comfortable” around them. Had she really been that intuitive? Still, you hadn’t had any interaction with them at all since you’d delivered Daniel’s costume to his trailer on Monday. You’d only seen them shoot scenes and talk to the director and other crew members from far off. (Never to the production assistants.) 

You tried to ignore the nerve-wracking thoughts of having to actually interact with the actors and instead focused on Bradley. Yes, Bradley.

 He had invited you to have breakfast with him at the Original Pantry Cafe, a breakfast place he had said was the “very best in LA”. To be completely honest, you were a bit taken aback when he had asked you….did he mean as in a date? You of course, being the idiot that you were, didn’t bother to clarify, so now you had no idea whether you were just meeting him as friends or something more. You hoped to god it was just as friends. You couldn’t deal with dating at this point… especially with Mr. Daniel Sharman on your mind 24/7. 

11:13 am

The sun warmed your face as you stepped out of your parked car. You had just pulled up to the cafe and proceeded to subtly peek through the window as you walked to the door. Bradley was sitting on a small table inside by the window. Thankfully he was on his phone so he didn’t see you staring. You entered the shop, a small bell tingling above you. The warm smell of fresh bread and eggs and syrup wafted towards your nose. For a second, your belly rumbled and you forgot about all your worries. You glanced towards Bradley and saw that he was now walking towards you, a huge smile on his face. An uneasy feeling suddenly grew inside you as you realised he might think that this was some sort of date. 

“Y/N! How are you?” 

You both started walking back to the table after you gave him a hug, “I’m good” you shrugged off your maroon jacket laughing, “Tired too”

“Really? When’d you sleep last night?” he suddenly swerved around you and pulled out your chair.

“Thanks” you said, sitting down, a funny look spread across your face, “I slept around 4:00”

“Seriously?” his eyes widened.

“Yeah…found a good series on Netflix” you rolled your eyes, smiling.

“I still don’t have Netflix” he sat down and pushed a menu towards you that you then proceeded to open.

“Really?” you laughed loudly, “You’re working on a Netflix show and you don’t even have Netflix?”

He smirked slightly, “I guess I’ll get it once Cursed comes out…anyways, what do you wanna get?”

You flipped through the menu, chuckling, “A coffee for sure”

“Well….. the pancakes are really good….. and so are their omelettes” he said pointing towards a mouth watering picture of a stack of chocolate pancakes. Healthy eating could go out the window for today. 

“Oh, I’ll definitely get those..how about you?”

“I’ll go for the bacon cheese omelette I think”

“Sounds yummy” you said and closed your menu

Bradley called the waitress over and you both gave her your orders. He also ordered a lemon raspberry smoothie. There was an awkward silence when she picked your menus up and left. 

You clasped you hands together resting them on the table, “Bradley?” he looked up at you, “I have a silly question to ask ” you smiled slightly, a nervous feeling growing inside you.

“Shoot” he said grinning.

“Was this meant to be a date?….Or-“ before you could continue, he thankfully interrupted, 

“Do you want it to be?”

Your mind went blank. Of course you didn’t want it to be…but judging by his answer he probably did. 

“Well..” you tilted your head, raising your eyebrows slightly

“You don’t do you?”

You shook your head slowly, a sorry expression on your face, “Did you?”

“Doesn’t really matter now, does it?” he said tightening his lips.

Before you could respond, the waitress suddenly came up to your table carrying two plates of mouth watering food. 

“One order of chocolate pancakes” she placed your dish in front of you, “and one bacon cheese omelette…..Enjoy!”

“Thank you!” you and Bradley both said simultaneously.

You grabbed your utensils, spooning a large bite into your mouth. You couldn’t deny that they were delicious..maybe this was the best breakfast place in LA.

“How is it?” Bradley laughed, cutting up his own omelette in from of you. You chewed quickly and swallowed. 

“Delicious Bradley…how about yours?”

He had taken a bite, “Just as good as it was the last twenty times I had it”

You giggled, going back to your own food. The next half an hour was thankfully not awkward at all. Both of you talked about Cursed, the actors, what jobs you had had before….and of course, your little, “promotion”. 

“I’m nervous……how much do you even have to talk with the actors on a day to day basis?” you asked

“Oh barely for me” he said finishing off his omelette, “I mostly work with the basecamp and costume department’s crew…when I accompany the actors to their set it’s usually a silent walk unless they feel like making conversation…which is rarely”

“So you’re saying I won’t have to talk to them as much either?”

“No Y/N you definitely will” he laughed at your widened eyes, “You’re essentially going to be helping the departments get the actors ready for the day…you might not have too much one on one conversation but you will be spending loads of time with them”

“You know that scares the shit out of me” you said scraping the remaining chocolate sauce off of your plate, 

“Aw don’t be….they’re only humans like us after all”

You supposed they were.

12:22 pm 

The second you got home and into your apartment, you shed your jacket, pulled out your phone, opened your contacts and called Talia. You two had met in university and been inseparable ever since. There was no friend you were closer to than her. 

She picked up on the second ring.

“Y/N!! It was meant to be a date right? I knew he was into you!”

You chuckled putting your keys on the table and falling onto your couch. “Slow down Tal…he didn’t say that”

“Well then what did he say?”

“He asked me if I wanted it to be a date”

You could practically hear her eyes roll back into her head, “You idiot…! If it wasn’t meant to be a date, he would’ve been straight up with you and just said so”

“Are you sure?”

“Obviously! Even if it wasn’t meant to be a formal date, he’s definitely into you”

‘What am I supposed to do now?” you huffed

“Is that a serious question?”

“…….Yeah” you said after a pause, guilt lacing your words.

“You go out with him again!” you rubbed your eyes and groaned after hearing her say that. 

She ignored you, “Then hopefully he’ll forgive you for being so clueless and in three or four years I’ll be an aunt to three little kids” she said laughing

You laughed too, “Talia! I’m being completely serious…..I only see him as a friend anyways”

“Why Y/N? If you saw a guy this cute, with a great personality I might add, two weeks ago, you would’ve been head over heels for him”

“That’s not true!”

“You know it is Y/N…..what changed?”

“I don’t know……I guess it might be my little crush on Daniel”

“Daniel?….You’re really going to let a tiny celebrity crush hold you back from true love?”

“I know it sounds bad Talia! And in the past I wouldn’t have…but now that I’m working with him things are….. different”

“Have you even talked to him?”

You paused thinking, “Yeah I have”

“And was that more or less than five words?”

“Less” you said scowling..”But it still counts!”

“Ugh Y/N, fine…If you see Bradley as just friends that’s okay….but don’t let Daniel cloud your real feelings for other guys okay? It’s not healthy to stay loyal to a guy who doesn’t even know your name”

“Okay Talia…thanks…I won’t” you said. She always did give the best advice.

Monday, January 14th, 2019

6:48 am

“Y/N! You excited to work on basecamp?” 

You turned to see Louis standing behind you in the studio next to the crafts (snacks) table.

“More nervous than excited” you said laughing.

“Well Huey wanted me to tell you that the timings have been changed and you’ll be helping the basecamp from 7 to 9 not from 8 to 10”

You checked you watch and your eyes widened, “ But that’s in ten minutes!”

“I know Y/N….you know how Huey is with his last minute changes” he said comfortingly

“Oh I know alright” you said sighing, “I guess I should get going…wish me luck”

He gave you a warm smile, “You’re gonna do great…you’ll have Pandora to keep you company anyways”

You faked a smile….Pandora was better than nothing you supposed.

You walked out of the building, cold damp air hit your face as you let the heavy door close behind you. There was not a hint of blue in the sky, just grey clouds. It had been raining when you had gotten to work and by the looks of it, it was going to rain again later. The ground was wet and you had to walk around dark puddles to prevent your shoes from getting wet.

You went up to the same trailers Bradley had taken you to yesterday. You didn’t know anyone except Siara….thankfully you saw her through the open door of one of the trailers. 

“Hey Y/N!” she said as you walked through the door, wiping your feet on the mat inside the vehicle. 

“Hi Siara…..do I just help you out or is there someone else I’m answerable to now?” you said smiling and tucking your hands into you back pockets. 

“I was told that Huey or Naomi would guide you and Pandora” she responded, going through a rack of dirty looking costumes

As if on cue, a voice sounded through your headset, “Pandora and Y/N, please report to trailer nine”

You tapped on your earphone indicating to Siara that they had just told you and walked out of the trailer.

“Good luck!” you heard her yell.

“Thanks!!”

When you got to trailer nine, you walked inside to find it was huge, almost double or even triple the size of what Daniel’s had been. It had long mirrors on both sides of the van and six white chairs on each side instead of three. There were almost 9 people in the trailer (which you would think would be a lot but in the huge vehicle it seemed like barely any). You looked around and saw Naomi and Pandora standing together in a corner opposite from the trailer’s door. You went up to them.

“Y/N!, how’ve you been?” Pandora said, a huge smile stretching itself across her face. Why was she being so nice to you all of a sudden?

“Good, how about you?”

“Ladies! We don’t have time for chit chat. The talent and extras will be here any second and you need to be ready”

You nodded crossing your arms over your chest. “I told all this to Pandora but I’ll repeat myself”

 She turned towards her,  “Pandora, you will be helping out mainly with the extras since they have such extensive make-up and costumes…you might help with the talent if they need it too depending on the day” 

Then she turned to you, “Y/N, you on the other hand will also be helping out with the readying of the extras and-“ she checked her watch and you could almost see the tension paint itself across her face. “And you’ll be giving a hand to Daniel Sharman’s make-up crew…since two of them resigned”

For a second you didn’t hear what she said and your mind fixated on just Daniel’s name. You nodded subconsciously, swallowing hard. A rush of adrenaline and nerves hit you when you processed that you’d be working with his make-up crew. You honestly still didn’t know what that meant but you were both nervous and insanely excited to find out. Naomi then without another word rushed down the stairs of the trailer and out into the gloomy weather. 

Did this mean you’d get to talk to Daniel? Would he actually notice you now? Or would you just be another part of the huge make up crew? Before you could bombard your poor mind with more intriguing questions, you froze in your spot when you saw the door to the trailer open. Multiple people walked through…extras. 

You let go of the breath you didn’t know you were holding and looked towards Pandora to see her also watching the extras. A realisation suddenly dawned on you that she was probably being nice to you because she knew beforehand that you were working with the Daniel. You honestly didn’t mind…it was better than when she was in a pissed off mood. 

“I guess we should start helping out?” you said looking at Pandora

She nodded going over to the chairs where the extras were getting seated, the make up crew bustling around them. There were even more of them now, they must have trickled in when you were speaking with Naomi. You saw Jasmine and the blonde make-up artist enter through the trailer…Daniel’s makeup artist. You suddenly gasped, only realising after you did so. 

Pandora looked at you with a funny expression, “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing…sorry” you said shaking your head and walking over to her. Your back faced the trailer door. 

A man, most likely a makeup artist from the looks of it (he had a belt around his waist with multiple makeup brushes and other tools), came up to the both of you. 

“Are you the extra help?”

“Yes” Pandora said

‘Great..” he looked around the trailer, “You guys won’t be doing anything crazy…just acting as assistants essentially to anyone who needs it” You saw his eyes widen as he looked over your shoulder most likely at the trailer door. You didn’t want to seem rude but you couldn’t help yourself as you turned around to find Daniel walking through the door of the trailer. He didn’t have his keys or anything for that matter on him so he must have left them in his personal trailer. His hair wasn’t tied up in a bun today and looked wet…it must’ve started raining outside. 

“Sorry I’m late!” your heart stopped for a second when you thought that he was talking to you, but he was actually looking over your shoulder at the crew member you and Pandora had been talking to. 

He quickly rushed past you and to Daniel, “Oh no no Daniel, you’re just on time!”

He smiled and walked past him to a chair where Jasmine and that other woman were setting up their supplies. You really had to learn her name. You knew you should go to them seeing as you were supposed to help but you were frozen in your spot, you heart beat thudding through your ears. 

“Y/N! You’re helping us today right?” you tore your eyes from Daniel and to Jasmine who was calling out to you from her place next to him. How she knew your name you had no idea…Naomi must’ve told her. 

You opened your mouth to talk but realised that it was better to just go over and see what they need help with. Your mouth tended to go dry when you were extremely nervous (or even excited). 

You walked over to the three of them. Daniel saw you through the mirror and maybe it was just you but you could’ve sworn there was a hint of recognition in his eyes. The second you caught his blue eyes you looked away and at Jasmine. 

‘What can I help with?”

She bent down and pulled out a white cape looking sheet from a shelf and put it on the long table. 

“It’s similar to a hair salon really” she opened a drawer and got multiple long clips out, then proceeding to go stand behind Daniel, “I’ll teach you the little tasks you’ll have to do so don’t worry…the basics are the same for the extras’ makeup as well”

You kept looking at Jasmine not wanting to be caught staring or even looking at Daniel through the mirror. She took a brush and brushed his hair back, using the different coloured clips to clip it out of his face, most likely to get him ready for the makeup. You had never been this close to any of the actors you knew and loved. It felt a bit like a dream really. Maybe it even was. 

You were snapped back to reality when you heard Daniel’s voice. “I know…aren’t we all” he said laughing. 

He must have been responding to something Jasmine or the other woman said, you wished you had been listening. 

“If you pick up things quickly you can be doing all this and I can focus more on the makeup” you heard Jasmine say. She had picked up the white sheet and was now putting it around Daniel’s neck, making sure it was covering his clothes. 

You nodded smiling and suddenly felt his eyes on you. You took a sudden risk and looked in the mirror right at him. His eyes were darting across the trailer now, thankfully not looking at you anymore. You crossed you arms over your chest, an act of subconscious self defence at how self conscious you were feeling at this moment. 

“Can you pass me the makeup wipes?” you heard Jasmine say. She was pointing at a white box on the counter. You quickly grabbed them and handed them to her. She didn’t take them from you but instead pulled a couple wipes out of it. 

“His makeup is essentially the same everyday” she said. She then proceeded to take the wipe and gently rub it across his face, most likely to make sure there was no oil or residue and so they could have a fresh canvas for the makeup. “The tears are the hardest and longest part to do so you’ll probably be needed most then” 

You felt a bit more comfortable now and spoke, "Do you do those too?”

You glanced in the mirror and saw Daniel grin a bit. Jasmine smiled too shaking her head, “Oh no, I’m still learning. Cassandra does the tears and most of his main makeup. Hopefully by the end of the process I’ll be able to do some of it though”

You smiled feeling like a bit of a fool, of course she was still learning. 

You heard Daniel’s voice and assumed he was talking to Jasmine, “You’re a production assistant right?” 

He wasn’t. 

You looked over at him through the mirror to see him looking directly at you. You nodded, smiling. You wanted to say something but the words just wouldn’t make their way out of your mouth. God,  you probably looked like such a starstruck dumbass. 

Cassandra had seemed to disappear, you looked around the trailer and she was nowhere to be seen. You swallowed and breathed deeply trying to calm the adrenaline still making it’s way through your body. 

“Will I just be watching today?” you asked, curious to know how much actual work you’d do.

“I guess so…Cassandra will let you know when she comes back” she said shrugging. She threw the makeup wipe into the bin and smiled. 

“Daniel probably has some of the best skin I’ve ever worked with” she said laughing, “There’s barely any oil….ever” 

He laughed too, “I doubt that” 

Your eyes suddenly fixated themselves on his smile and you found yourself beaming too. 

You quickly snapped yourself out of whatever day dream world you were living in. 

What in the living hell was wrong with you? He was an actor and suddenly just because you had seen him in real life you were falling for him? You had to get your act together….otherwise it could end up being a real and unnecessary distraction. 

You tore your eyes from him and looked at the door to see Cassandra walk back in. 

“Have you shown Y/N the basics?” she asked walking over to you three.

“Yes ma’am…I believe so” she said smiling.

Cassandra smirked looking skeptical, “Has she Daniel?” she said jokingly.

He nodded, lifting a hand to run it through his hair but dropping it at the last moment when he remembered his head was adorned with clips, “I think she has”.

You smiled feeling a bit nervous…Cassandra was a tad more intimidating than Jasmine. “You have to pick up things fast okay Y/N?” She went up in front of Daniel and grabbed what looked to be translucent powder and a brush, handing it to Jasmine. “We don’t have the time to slow ourselves down for you or Pandora”

You didn’t know what else to say other than, “Okay…of course”. You had no room for error apparently, you just had to get into Cassandra’s good books and you’d be fine. She wasn’t as sweet as she’d been on that day where you were still only a set PA. 

You looked at Daniel and found that he had closed his eyes and Jasmine was dabbing a bit of powder over his T zone…probably to absorb the excess oil that she had proudly told you he didn’t have. 

“Do you do a lot of makeup yourself?” Jasmine asked you

“Not usually but sometimes I guess” you said

“So you know all the different brushes?”

 You thought back to the hours of mindless makeup videos you would spend hours watching at 3:00 am when you couldn’t sleep. 

“Yep, I do actually” you said confidently. Thank god you weren’t completely clueless in this new endeavour.

Part five

[lambourngb]

Post finale thoughts: I watched live, I never do that since I am usually spending time with my partner on Monday nights, and he doesn’t watch the show. I pulled the ‘it was just my birthday during the plague card’ and won. (Or lost?? hahaha) Anyway. Long rambling thoughts under the break.

It’s like they heard my complaints about the pacing of 2x11 and 2x12, and said “hold my beer” for 2x13. So much happened, and happened so fast, I could barely get invested or get mad about it. Is that a victory?  Are we not allowed to sit and breathe in any of the emotionally destroying scenes?

I listened to malex shippers through this season say “don’t worry, Miluca is breaking up in the finale” and I kept shaking my head going, “No? Like they seem solid? They really care about each other?” and then it actually happened- immediately after an “I love you” exchange no-less... and I’m like, what the hell? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that’s over but it still felt emotionally empty. But no time for that feeling because there’s more to go---

I absolutely loved the 1947 stories though, and now I wonder about Tripp. He really loved Nora. How did he survive watching her pace the cage in Caulfield? Pre-season 2 I was very meh about the flashbacks because I had enough to feast with the main cast, but now, I take it all back. I would have loved more of ‘47 and less of the Stef storyline. I want to know how long that skeleton was there. Do we have only Jesse’s word that Tripp was an old man in 1987? Does Arturo remember him? Also Harlan is a moron because a body under a wooden floor would have had some significant decomp smells for weeks and months. I guess no one walked by the shed while that was going on....

ETA: Okay Alex told Michael when the shed was built by Harlan when he was 70, so what year was that ? Tripp was alive in 1987 according to Jesse but I still don’t trust anything Jesse said about Tripp being factual since he was only sharing that to manipulate Alex into trusting him (and somehow getting the ship piece from Michael). I want to like Tripp but....yeah. 

Liz- I love her and still do, but I was rather waiting for the hubris of science experiments to come into play and I felt rather robbed it didn’t materialize, that the conflicts between her and Max were very set in the relationship dynamic? Wanting to know who she was outside of him? Lots of build up over ethics and exposure, but then it came down to it, it was boundaries and preservation of self while in a soulmate relationship....Though if anyone studies Stef and her recovery too closely, that hubris card will still be in play.

Other things I was looking forward to and was left a little empty by- Jesse Manes dying. It was... very quick and I could barely enjoy the moment. I will have to re-watch the town gossip scenes to figure out how a veteran getting shot during a fire is dying a hero? Was Michelle Valenti just so happy Jesse was dead, she didn’t investigate the discharge of a firearm? Again, I’m happy he’s dead although it was something I didn’t anticipate happening with how the show was trending toward redemption messages. Jesse was a lost cause, but Flint is not? Both radicalized young but one you still have time to save? Okay. 

I absolutely loved the shed scene. Michael going for the hammer, Alex still flinching a bit away from it, before he is reassured by Michael? I could have lived in that scene. Maria sending Michael with food- what a choice, bringing a casserole to the family of the man who killed yours- I loved that growth for Michael. He showed up for Alex and for Gregory. Good god I would have loved the look on Greg’s face when Michael shoved a dish in his hands, “thanks for killing him but also I really wanted to do that myself, here have this meatloaf?”

As for the song and the ending Malex scene, I enjoyed it. I didn’t want Michael hopping from one relationship to another, so I get why he didn’t immediately drop to his knees with a marriage proposal. I do wish he had stayed in the bar, listened to the song, let Alex know that he was still working on meeting him halfway.

And the Forrest stuff? So I dunno if this is unpopular or what, but I do not ship it for the same reasons I never shipped Maria and Michael. I am an OTP diehard, cosmic soulmates or bust. I blacklisted Forlex last October once his name was released and have no intentions of whitelisting it. With the departure of Jesse, there’s room for a reoccurring guest star, and as much as I would love Gregory Manes stepping in, I am pretty sure those minutes are going to go to Forrest in S3. My pre-season 2 thoughts were, “okay they can both date other people at the same time and move back together when the time is right” and now it’s shaping up to be another round of “watch one date and the other be alone” ? Do not want. I didn’t like it with Alex, and I don’t like it with Michael.

Also some of the discourse around that final scene- the whole “good it’s time for Michael to pine” or “Make Michael stew in jealousy” - makes me intensely uncomfortable and it’s directly counter to what Alex wrote in his song- he doesn’t want to keep score anymore with Michael. So can we just stop with that idea that Michael needs to be punished while he sits on the sidelines during this whole Alex dates Forrest thing? I get why people want it, because that’s how fandom saw Alex while Maria and Michael dated but it’s not what the character Alex Manes wants?

Anyway, still have no idea what this show is supposed to be about. Is it cosmic soul mates with alien imprinting? Is it you can love many people at the same time? Is it have fun with someone else until you settle down forever?

Final thought- Listen, I can write a fixit with a dead girl coming back to life and Noah getting flambéed. That fit very nicely with a crime story/investigation frame. What am I supposed to do with clone (?) Max? Or Max’s dad? How am I supposed to make that make sense?

Staring down the barrel of a long hiatus with the carrot of “happier and lighter Malex” in s3 held out in front again, with the whole promise that Carina wants Malex’s reunion to be emotionally earned.... and 2x13 is littered with unearned plot resolutions. So. Still a clown I guess. Still here.

[sierrabinondo]

woodland creatures tour - day 8 (falls church)

finally got around to starting the final journal. life picks back up so quickly for me when i return from going anywhere, really, so it’s hard to stick to little projects like this. but i probably could have benefited from writing this sooner after the actual last day of tour haha. it’s funny how we only leave for a week or so but it feels like our lives shift so drastically during that time. it really does take time to snap back into reality and accept normalcy.

after a good night of bullshitting until super late (we tried to put on hot ones around 2:00 am but all passed out shortly after) we grabbed coffee and breakfast at coffeeology (i THINK that’s the name) in greensboro. we stopped at a shop literally across the street from the venue we played last year, new york pizza. seeing that place again reminded us of playing to literally our tourmates destination dimension and maybe like 3 other people in the room, versus the couple dozen we played to last night. the main band that played the gig that night literally sat outside the entire show with their friends and only came inside for when they had to play. it was disheartening, to say the least. this time, we didn’t play to a crowd that was there for us, but we played to so many more people who actually stayed inside to watch us. 

i wish i could remember this drive, i didn’t have any work to do so i think this was the day i bought untitled goose game and i was playing it a little bit haha. we listened to some music and just enjoyed the trek to our last gig on this run. of course, we started to hit traffic as we approached falls church, which is in the DC area for anyone not familiar. however, we were still making okay time. we could make a detour to drop our bags at the hotel in vienna, get food, and then run our dual band cover of uneasy hearts with pulses. forgot to mention this in the jacksonville journal lmao, i approached kevin with this idea for the last show of tour super casually and we did end up deciding as a whole to go through with it! 

the hotel in vienna was such a strange spot, but it was kind of cool? we stayed at the vienna wolf trap hotel hahaha. all of the decor was SO DATED but it was still pretty okay. the guy at the desk was nice, we somehow got on the topic that we were a band on tour rand he gave us late check-in for free! ended up not needing it. but it’s the thought that counts haha. we arrive to the venue and jaime’s girlfriend rebecca is there to greet us :’) poor girl drove their RV all the way down to virginia alone, and that thing drives slowly. but then that meant jaime could ride back up to jersey with her which was good. 

it is insane how at home we feel at falls church. i guess everyone south of maryland is just way fucking cooler than the northeast lmao, but it’s like pulling up to play somewhere at home in jersey and running into old friends. i can’t get over that we have that in a state hundreds of miles from home. it was good to see familiar faces and be back at the vfw. our friends’ band to michigan, with love was also on the gig, and our newer friends in science penguin joined us on the show as well! it was an all-around homie fest. i rolled up to the venue with the remainder of the trulys i purchased the night before, and shoved the box in the fridge haha. i was ready to just chillll. 

because we have played here a handful of times, it is also now tradition to walk across the parking lot and go get korean fried chicken at the restaurant next door. it fucking sucks, we always arrive just in time to eat before doors and i normally can’t eat jack shit because of fried/spicy food being horrible for my voice. i ordered bibimbap and then 12 wings to go, for after the show lmao. or a snack after we play!! but i ended up forgetting to FUCKING eat them AND they just sat out overnight in the van so they were toast. goddamnit. i think the restaurant is literally just called bbq fried chicken, the way they fry their chicken is just perfect. the sauces are all delicious and everything besides that on the menu is also tasty. 

i wanted so badly to break my last set of tour curse. it’s definitely a self-imposed, silly, superstitious thing, but my last set of tour iS ALWAYS HOT GARBAGE. i always for sure mess up. and this was probably the best last set of tour i’ve had but still not my best performance all of tour haha. i got lost the bridge of murder mountain and couldn’t hear my bandmates for some reason? fucking embarrassing but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot stress enough how much fun it was. it truly was. fucking, we’re about to play pixelated and i’m trying to give my SHPIEL about not being a JERK musician and i hear the sounds of “smooth” by carlos santana featuring rob thomas faintly playing through my in-ears. i rip them off and i’m like, what the fuck is going on LMAO. surprise, the pulses. gang were behind it, and tyler, taylor and kevin come dancing up to the stage. i was DEAD. we never do last day of tour pranks so we were fuuuully unprepared hahaha. it was so funny. my meme now takes on a whole new meaning!! 

most importantly this show felt like such a fun celebration of tour. pulses., as they did all tour, hyped us up during almost every song and went off for synapse fires. we are too fucking lucky to have them as friends. they really helped make every set and every show feel worth the hours of travel and sometimes stress. to look out and see their faces in the crowd and singing the words uplifted us each night. it’s unfair that we live so far apart. it’s like how they say your soulmate could be literally anywhere in the world but you won’t know until you go look??? it’s like that but with finding supportive friends. i’m not sure if we’ve stressed this enough but this tour gave us strength to keep going as musicians, due in part to their friendship. we always joked like how the fuck we’re supposed to just go on not playing shows together or seeing each other all the time but it really does suck lmao. i was in my feelings in both a good and bad way, soooo i immediately scurried off the stage to go grab a truly the second we were done HAHA

it’s always so sad to watch your friends play their last set of tour, too. well moreso bittersweet! but you know that it’ll be your last time seeing them play for a while. i enjoyed every single minute. i love watching them play hometown shows, too. halfway through we jumped on stage to do the uneasy hearts cover, completely unrehearsed, and i’d say we did a pretty damn good job. such a fun way to send off the woodland creatures tour. i had always wanted to do something like this, where two bands play on stage at once (holla me versus i nd the artwork of). the energy the whole song was so infectious, it was fun to see people in the crowd go off too. also, fucking KRIS KHUNACHAK shot this video with TWO ANGLES holding both his cameras at the same time. i still can’t get over that.

i love that pulses. played you already know as their closer, it was the perfect way to wrap up their set and the best bookend to the setlist they chose. kevin would get on the mic every night and speak to the crowd, dude is just really good at being a performer and resonating with people. in jacksonville he sat down and everyone followed his lead haha. it was fun to dance one last time with everyone as we watched pulses. kill it before the tour came to an official end. we then gathered outside to take group pictures. it’s the part you don’t wanna get to, because it signals farewells in the near future, but we took some really great ones. 

post-gig taco bell plans were foiled, but someone recommended the silver dollar diner nearby. diners outside of jersey are normally horrifying but i trusted the people we were with. we piled back in our vehicles and rolled 20 heads deep to the diner. it was actually a really sick diner with tons of vegan dishes and pretty tasty food. i got chicken noodle soup, red wine and an ice cream sundae because i am a freak of nature. we ate up like 3 tables and sat altogether, just bitching about having to return to real life the following monday. but also, trying to plan the next time we would see each other. already!! and!! talking about doing more shows together. we try to work with different people all the time but there are a select few bands we would tour with or gig with again and again and again and pulses. are one of them. after how much fun this run was it’s pretty hard to imagine not doing this again. it just... makes sense. so much sense. and it feels wrong to not do it again lmao.  

goodbyes were bittersweet. we huddled in the parking lot by our van to say goodnight and see ya later, one by one. fuckin, tyler is moving to nashville very soon so we all probably won’t see him for a hot minute :’----------( thankfully everyone else really isn’t that far if we planned a weekend trip to meet halfway or if we wanted to make the trip out to each other, thank god!!! i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t always have a part of this tour with me, somehow or some way.

afterword

was thinking of adding a lengthy epilogue but it’s essentially just me openly sobbing in the van the entire ride home hahaha. you’d think that every single time it would get easier to come home but it doesn’t. i know why touring impacts me as much as it does emotionally, but when the bittersweet acceptance of coming home pours over into tears like it does, i feel kinda silly. i’m sure that there are musicians who are constantly gigging that would love nothing more than to be home more, and i know that if i was in their shoes i would come to dread touring, too. 

i really, truly wish i was in a place, or that my bandmates and i, were in a place to tour more often, but for now we have what we have. and that’s okay. i want to share something beautiful our friend charlene posted today that deeply moved me: 

This is the moment. I’ve made it.

People always ask me “what are you gonna do when you’ve made it?” I need you to understand something; I’ve already made it. I am living out my dreams. It’s not easy and obviously I would only hope that’s I will continue to grow, to reach bigger goals, to push the limits. But I’ve already made it. This is the moment. I won’t let myself miss out on the beauty of life that’s right in front of me because I’m too worried about something that may or may not come tomorrow. This is the moment.

[thelifeoftuan]

Journalism Hell

There’s a little known fact about me. Or a fact that is usually forgotten. Either way. In college, apart from my Biochemistry major and pursuit of a career in medicine, I was also a Journalism major.

We’ll backtrack a little bit. Spring 2010 of my sophomore year of college, following a meeting with my advisor within the College of Arts and Sciences for my Biochemistry degree towards the end of that semester, I sort of spun out of control into this existential crisis. Hahaha! Why, you might ask? Well, it was at that meeting that my advisor was reviewing all of my credits and told me that I was on track to graduate the following Spring. And I was like, “What?” He looked over all of my requirements and said that with some good planning, I am set to graduate the following year. And in my head, I, for some reason, started to panic. Hahaha! I was like, “Um, excuse me dude, I’m only a sophomore. I haven’t even taken the MCAT yet, let alone apply for medical school. I’m not ready to graduate.” I remember asking him what my options were, and he was like, either book it and take the MCAT two months ago and apply to medical school yesterday then saunter on over to the commencement department and get ready to apply for graduation... or, do something else. I went home and stewed. ...like stewed to the point where the stew burned. And I was like, “what the shit! I didn’t plan for this!” Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, why am I complaining, right? The prospect of graduating a year early from college isn’t something to be butt-hurt about. But at that time, I was definitely not ready, mentally or emotionally. Not to mention I was nowhere near ready to really plunge into the horrid process of applying for medical school. That would have required me to get together letters of recommendation, transcripts, take the MCAT (and do somewhat well), apply for our pre-medicine committee interview (a stupid and unnecessary process, honestly, in retrospect), decide where I wanted to try to go to medical school and get those applications together... within a matter of weeks, because if memory serves me right, the application cycles started in the summer. So after I (rather unnecessarily, I will admit) agonized about this, I was like, “nah bro, we’re staying the full four years.” And it was at that time that I then embarked on my existential crisis. What the crap was I gonna do that will effectively prolong my stay in college to the appropriate four years? And it took a couple of days. I didn’t want to squander my time (or money, to be honest) doing something that wasn’t worthwhile. But I also didn’t want to over-tax myself. At first, I was like, well? I’ve always seen myself as a writer, maybe I should delve down that route. I initially thought about picking up an English major or minor. I spent hours and hours pouring over the coursework and projecting my class schedules and how that would pan out or if it would even work. And I discovered that it would if I picked up an English minor. And this department was within the College of Arts and Sciences, and so I wouldn’t have to really branch out too far from “home base.” But then I delved further into the required classes and read up on the syllabi (syllabuses? ...silly buses?) and looked up the instructors on the university online database, and review after review for course after course... they were all mostly bad with, at best, a B- average for grades, and I was like, “...I actually don’t think this is for me.” Being a literature buff was not my thing, and I think the English minor/major at my university trains students for that... which, in my opinion, was not worth my time or energy. I barely knew how to read, let alone critically analyze literature. I definitely was not going to risk something that would take shots at my already teetering GPA if I could help it, especially if it was something additional I was taking on. At that point, I would’ve rather graduated a year early and figure it out from there. So I scrapped that idea. And then it was back to the drawing board. Another several days of searching and seeking counsel... and then one day, a random thought came into my head. There was this nice building at the southern corner of the campus that was one of the newer colleges of our university, the College of Journalism. I would always walk by this building but never ventured in. One nice summer day that Spring semester of 2010, I did. And immediately, I felt sort of the same “at home” vibe I had felt all those years ago when I decided I wanted to become a pediatrician. Another little known fact. I actually started writing (for lack of a better term, honestly) before I even decided medicine was my calling. I remember in kindergarten, I had started writing and I remember my teacher reading some of my stories to my classmates. It wasn’t talent. It was a whim. Some sort of strange whim that has carried me forward throughout the years, just like how my aspiration for a career in medicine did. Within the College of Journalism was a major known as Professional Writing. I went home immediately after that day and did all the research I could on this. There was, unfortunately, no minor offered for any of the journalism majors. But the more I read about the Professional Writing track, the more and more I was sold. This major would train me and give me the skills I needed to become a more proficient writer and actually give me an avenue and motivation to continue writing as a potential career. None of that literary crap that made me despise high school English class, but stories that I would actually enjoy writing. I meticulously planned out my current coursework remaining for my Biochemistry major and overlay the required coursework for a Journalism-Professional Writing major... and it was like over-packing for a trip (another one of my wondrous qualities), borderline impractical and insane, but doable if done correctly. I asked myself, “how invested are you in this, Tuan?” I remember taking an afternoon to think about this, seeking opinions from some of my friends. And then, by the end of the day, I decided to go for it. I scheduled a meeting with an advisor at the college who, honestly and I think appropriately, questioned my sanity. I concretely remember him, one, looking at me with his eyebrows raised when I told him my background and experience (or lack thereof), and two, asking me repeatedly, “Are you sure about this?” But when I expressed my extreme interest and drive, he complied and laid out the requirements for me. I would have to take an entrance competency exam (basically a reading and writing exam). Thank goodness the foreign language requirements were the same among colleges, because I was not about to go down that route again (Spanish 3 is a story for another time...). That summer of 2010 would end up being my busiest summer. Because I picked this new major, I would have to get the required prerequisites out of the way before I could even think about starting any Journalism classes. So this required me to take two journalism classes over the summer. And I had also enrolled in a Biochemistry course that summer. So, three classes during that fateful summer of 2010. Hahaha! Not my smartest decision. But it felt like this new endeavor into the world of Journalism breathed new meaning in my life, and I felt rejuvenated and excited. Well, that feeling did not last too long. Hahaha! Mind you, yes, the entire way until I graduated college, I loved my Journalism major and classes, and it was definitely a reprieve away from my science classes and the stress of applying for medical school. But the very first class I had to take, and I will always remember the course ID to this day, was JMC 2033: Writing for Mass Media (JMC stood for Journalism and Mass Communication and was the ID used for all Journalism classes at my university). This was the introductory “weed-out” class for Journalism majors... which shocked me when my teacher, an impassioned writer and, in my opinion, rather poorly directed masters student who took pride in making this class the hardest it could ever possibly be, said to us on our first day, “If you are taking this class in the summer thinking that it was going to be easier, think again.” In my head, I was like, “oh shit.” No biochemistry professor of mine ever said that in any of my classes on the first day, and here I am, at a place I thought was the greener side of things, and there’s this crazy 20-something-year-old lady with an ego the size of the screen projected at the front of the classroom ready to skewer each and every one of us for the next 8 weeks. ...and skewer us she did. She definitely found some sick joy torturing us students in that class that summer. And I was so out of my element. I knew that I had a disadvantage and that this wasn’t something I had a true strength in. Other people in my class seemed to have read all the time and knew how to pick apart articles, had an eye for ads and design, understood the basic workings of PR and broadcasting. Me? I was the lowly writer who really only had the skills of an unpolished kindergartener. ...but I will be damned if I let my first step into the Journalism world be a misstep. So that summer, even more than my Biochemistry class, I worked my ass off more than ever before. Because it was a summer class, we crammed 16 weeks of work into 8... which was not the healthiest thing, honestly, because that required working and studying every single night, because this lady would present us with quizzes almost every single day of class. And this class was Monday through Thursday. Not to mention you had to make a C average or above in this class to be accepted into the College of Journalism (which, yes, is a given for anything, really), but as you will see from the quiz averages of this particular class, that was kinda touch and go, and I feared for my life and the life of my classmates at several points. And thus arrives the main topic of this post. Hahaha! (That took a while, right?) These quizzes we were subjected to tested absolutely everything (but truthfully, essentially nothing) about the supposed skills a journalist should have. Looking back... honestly, it was mostly hogwash, as you’ll come to see. Hahaha! This class was so bad and so hard that I ended up making daily Facebook status posts about it and then compiling them all together in a singular post titled “Lessons in Journalism Hell” posted on my Blogspot exactly 9 years ago today. I think the funniest (and frankly most appalling) thing this teacher did for this class was each morning, she would post the quiz averages of the day before on the large projector in front of the class, which I always wrote down so that I could relay how horrid this class was, and she also put the highest score and the lowest score on the projector and always, without fail, revealed to the class who made the highest score. ...if she had revealed who made the lowest score, she probably would’ve been murdered, honestly, because no one in the class liked her. And if someone made a perfect score, she would put the student’s name up there for all to see. ...it was kinda insane what this lady did. I look back on this course with such comical contempt, because I was like, “if all of my Journalism classes are going to be like this, I have made a grave mistake.” Thankfully, this was not the case. JMC 2033 is, notoriously, and especially when taught by this one particular crazy lady, is the hardest class in the college. I think what made it hard was it was an introductory course that attempted to teach all Journalism majors the basic concepts of journalism and mass communication, which included advertising, broadcasting, PR, and professional writing, and incorporated the necessities of media literacy and competence. I will say that I learned a few things from this class. But was any of it particularly useful? I mean, a good majority of our assignments and preparation for quizzes was to read or watch or listen to something that was published within a specific time window the day/night before and remember every single goddamn detail we possibly could and hope that we even read, watched, or listened to the right thing so that we could answer quiz questions the following morning. ...perhaps that only useful thing I did pick up from this class was a stronger resilience and work ethic than what I had previously. Haha! And so, without further ado, I would like to repost my Lessons in Journalism Hell on my tumblr today, to commemorate a rather miserable yet pretty laughable time in my life 9 years ago when I decided to pursue a Journalism major the summer before my Junior year of college. Each lesson is numbered and dated with a short sentence or two I devised to describe what the quiz was about, followed by the class average (and often my own personal commentary on such average). I don’t remember my own grades from these quizzes, as I didn’t write them down. It felt like it was poor form. Also, the teacher took back our quizzes after we had five seconds to review them (for some dumbass reason I will never understand), so I don’t have them in any archives of mine. But anyway, I present to you, Lessons in Journalism Hell, June 9 - July 29, 2010. June 9 | Journalism Hell Lesson #1: Copy-editing marks. A journalist MUST learn how to copy-edit using the CORRECT symbols and marks. Class avg: 57.7/100 ...HOLY CRAP! June 10 | Journalism Hell Lesson #2: Making distinctions. A journalist MUST learn how and when to use who vs. whom. Class avg: 79.6/100 June 14 | Journalism Hell Lesson #3: AP Style. A journalist MUST learn how to use AP (Associated Press) style of writing. Class avg: 63/100... and teacher said she expected great things from this quiz -.- June 15 | Journalism Hell Lesson #4: Newspapers. A journalist MUST learn how to read a newspaper--and figure out what content the teacher will quiz over. Class avg: horrendously low... T_T June 16 | Journalism Hell Lesson #5: Language Lapses. A journalist MUST learn that you feel bad NOT badly, that mobs are always angry and beatings are usually brutal, and finally, that you are usually nauseated, NOT nauseous...unless you make OTHER people want to vomit. Class avg: 97.3/100 :] June 17 | Journalism Hell Lesson #6: Newspapers Round 2. A journalist MUST learn how to read the newspaper (again), analyze it, memorize important facts, and rely on sheer gut about what the heck the teacher will ask on the quiz. Class avg: 68.2/100 ...my Buddha. -.- June 21 | Journalism Hell Lesson #7: Diversity. A journalist MUST know the difference between an oreo and a twinkie. Enough said. Class avg: 75.7/100 June 22 | Journalism Hell Lesson #8: Diversity Part 2. A journalist MUST learn how to read online news sources about blacks, Native Americans, and gays. Class avg: 43.7/100 ...OH MY SNAPS! We're getting killed by these quizzes! June 23 | Journalism Hell Lesson #9: It's anyone's guess. A journalist MUST know that if he/she WERE smarter, he/she would have made a better grade on this quiz. Class avg: 77/100 June 24 | Journalism Hell Lesson #10: Huffingtonpost.com. A journalist MUST... oh, what the hell. This quiz was completely insane and taught me nothing besides how terribly vague and untimely the quiz content was. All I learned was that huffingtonpost.com updates multiple times and the time frame we journalism students were given was within a 10-hour time span. Class avg: 58.8/100 -- I'm starting to get worried... June 29 | Journalism Hell Lesson #11: AP style round 2. A journalist MUST continue to learn how to use AP (Associated Press) style of writing. Class avg: 70/100 June 30 | Journalism Hell Lesson #12: The Week (online magazine). A journalist MUST not give up. As we are all getting tired of this, refer back to lessons 4, 6, and 10. Class avg: 71.9/100 July 1 | Journalism Hell Lesson #JUST KIDDING: There was no quiz today. WHOOPEE! July 6 | Journalism Hell Lesson #13: Us Weekly. A journalist MUST not let his/her brain melt while reading this tabloid-esque trash. Class avg: 78.1/100 July 7 | Journalism Hell Lesson #14: AP style round 3. A journalist MUST continue to learn how to use AP style of writing. Class avg: 93.2/100 ...WOOHOO! July 8 | Journalism Hell Lesson #15: Pluralizing. It's bitches and hoes! Class avg: 85.9/100 July 12 | Journalism Hell Lesson #16: AP style round 4. Class avg: 85.9/100 July 13 | Journalism Hell Lesson #17: AP style round 5. Class avg. 82.1/100 July 15 | Journalism Hell Lesson #18: NPR. A journalist MUST listen to 20 stories of Morning Edition on NPR (National Public Radio) and remember all the details. Class avg. 76.4/100 July 19 | Journalism Hell Lesson #19: NBC Nightly News @ 5:30 p.m. A journalist MUST watch the 5:30 p.m. programming of NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams. Class avg. 89.3/100 July 20 | Journalism Hell Lesson #20: AP style round 6. Class avg. 85.7/100 July 21 | Journalism Hell Lesson #21: Advertising Age (AdAge.com). A journalist MUST be familiar with AdAge.com. Class avg. 70.9/100 ...and we were doing so well. -.- July 22 | Journalism Hell Lesson #22: PR Newswire (prnewswire.com). A journalist MUST be familiar with a PR tool website. Class avg. 72.9/100 July 26 | Journalism Hell Lesson #23: ESPN.com. A journalist MUST ...seriously?! This is by far the stupidest thing I've studied. Class avg. 75.4/100 July 27 | Journalism Hell Lesson #24: The First Amendment. A journalist MUST memorize the First Amendment... word for word. Class avg. 81.5/100. Awesomeness! July 28 | Journalism Hell Lesson #25: TMZ.com. A journalist MUST read more trash. Ugh. Class avg. 68.6/100. ...GEEZ! July 29 | Journalism Hell Lesson #26: Gawker.com. And so, the last lesson in Journalism Hell before the shit hits the fan. A journalist MUST read even MORE trash. -.- Class avg. 71.2/100 Hahaha! There you have it. Needless to say, I got through this class with an A (thank Buddha. I honestly would have been a little upset if the decision to pick up a second major in college brought down my GPA and further hurt my chances of getting into medical school). My teacher called out my name a number of times because I had made the highest grade on a quiz, and I think my name showed up on the board twice because I had made a perfect score on two quizzes. Each time, I just sunk into my seat and avoided eye contact. I definitely did not take these instances as accolades, because it made me feel really bad because the class averages were so low, and my classmates honestly were not having it with this lady, so I definitely did not appreciate her putting me on the spot. But regardless, I persevered and left JMC 2033 in the rear-view mirror as I started my actual Professional Writing classes the following fall semester. It gave me a giggle to go through this post again. Some comical memories of a pretty grueling summer, for sure, but productive and successful nonetheless. In the end, I definitely enjoyed my classes at the Journalism college, and it was definitely a decision that I did not regret. Anyway, just thought I’d trek through memory lane for a bit on this late night. Till next time. :]

[masteredshadows]

it’s not munday but I’m FREE I’M FREE I’M FREE so a long ooc post under the cut that you have no obligation to read but is just me fulfilling a need to babble to what appears to be a willing audience + update on writing and my intentions with threads (the first bit so you can read that then disappear)

tl;dr: my rushed artwork + inevitably broken promises to write

#long post warning / !!! if you’re on mobile and read mores are still fucking up I just saw a post that said you can block tags on mobile through settings > filtering or something like that now so yeah! do it! 

first! writing wise -- I’m not making promises to write tonight or even tomorrow or even sunday but I will be able to return to writing soon! and I really want to and now that I’ll be brute forcing myself onto a sleep schedule that isn’t stay-up-for-twenty-four-to-forty-hours-then-collapse-for-twelve I won’t be exhausted anymore and hopefully my writing will be up to a reasonable standard

I also have time and a desperate desire to read which should help with quality

my tentative plan is work through my asks first then anything saved in my drafts (minus headcanons and drabbles because I have several in there) then work through my thread tracker then creep through my activity + put a call out for anything missed

-- call out for anything missed starts now! if you have something you’d like me to reply to I’d like to think I have them all either in my thread tracker or drafts but there’s no harm whatsoever in reminding me now --

and I’ll intersperse drabbles in between as well as do stuff for other blogs under the same general order-schedule

I’d also like to lowkey plug @voidivus bc I want to open him up at one point but don’t feel like writing with people I don’t know lmfao

secondly! discord

I uninstalled it some time ago because of a sudden resurgence of depression but that was largely caused by assignments and now that that stress is free I’ll reinstall it soon tm

not yet

I don’t want to yet

but I’m tentatively saying monday, maybe, unless I really desperately get the urge sooner

that’s all dependent on moods though

thirdly! art art art! art!

I’m not necessarily happy with it but I don’t hate it

it being the two assignments I submitted for my course that I have yet to upload here (the first was that purple and orange girl from a while back)

i’m slapping them in this post bc why not

the above is a piece of environment concept art 

there are things I would change still if given the time but they would mostly require reworking it from the ground art so, as it stands, I’m content with it

I learned a lot from working on it and think I might try to do another environment piece over break in order to try to apply what I learned

I still need to push my value ranges further and my colours as well, alongside making heavier use of photobashing, but, yeah

then a comic which ... I’m definitely gonna find the time to eventually bring up to a standard I’m content with

stylisation is not my strong suit and I really need to study anatomy + I did the lighting for this entire thing in probably twenty, thirty minutes total at the very most

but hey! comic that’ll be super difficult to read when it’s forced into such a small format of a post

transcript:

Hi! Welcome to Maria’s general supply, How can I help you? (which i’m now realising I fuCKED up lmao too late to change it that’s what I get for pulling three all nighters in a week)

Uh-- Thanks. You sell, well, everything, right? I need... Food. Something filling, but small.

Bread. Bread would be good.

Coming right up!

--Also some cold medicine.

No problem.

That’ll cost--

 Y’know, I have a funny story about that whole ‘paying’ thing.

I’m not going to.

(WOW so EDGY 

again. im saving the PSDs and fixing this up at one point when I have the time)

HELP!

GET HIM!

I don’t see him...

He couldn’t have just disappeared.

I’m pretty sure he actually disappeared.

That is very impossible.

I mean, do you see any shady thieves?

(panels can’t be seen -- he climbs out of the garbage bin)

What am I supposed to tell the precinct? 

You’ll figure something out.

It’s me.

Big bro! (totally not stolen from p4 hahaha what)

Hey, little guy! (wow woW BAD) I got you some meds, and hopefully enough food to tide you over until I can get some more.

You can sleep. I’ve got your back. 

I’ll always be there for you.

Always.

there’s a lot I’d change about the comic

for one, it’d be a lot better in full colour than black and white or at the very least shading that takes into account the uh... I can’t remember the proper term but the base values of the materials, skin, etc, rather than just lighting

that said I only started polishing this at around 11 pm yesterday, so for about twelve hours of very on and off work, I think it’s alright (I had the general layout of the panels decided before, but the vast majority of the polishing happened last night)

the biggest lesson not learned is time management, but that’s an issue that plagued me all throughout IB but that I’m working to try to fix

nonetheless, this needs better values, more accurate anatomy, more consistency, and probably colours

and more natural dialogue and a better font.

you can also visually see how early I started working on each page last night/this morning and which pages were most polished before I started lmao

but it’s my first comic, and I’m not necessarily upset by it, I’d just like to take the time to bring it up to a polished state which I can be proud of.

regardless! that’s all where I’ve been

you’ll get your regularly scheduled edgelord soon, though probably with a few personality and portrayal and maybe a soft reset first

I’ll debate on that still

[sujing-sm]

been a long while, remember me?

*arrow pointing up* that’s the title of the fic, though it is fitting on how my presence on tumblr has been pretty... not me for the past few days...

So heya I’m back. i hope to write more soon, my hands are just itching... Lmao I realized that I just love to add the word ‘remember’ on to my fics, don’t I?

Just read On My Love by @min-min-minnie and I’m so shook especially the part where like Vitya skates to On My Love and I’m like??? I can ascend to heaven now???

My soul is screaming and at the same time I’m so emotional about this fic I can’t even describe so I wrote this little snippet to calm myself down. 

By the way if you haven’t read this fic yet it’s so good please read it you’re doing yourself a favor thanks. Who am I kidding who hasn’t read this yet. Oh wait, my friend. Like girl, you’re missing out on life. But then again I threw like how many anime & book & fanfic & song recs at her oops.

Click the ‘keep reading’ for what this post was for! (it was hijacked by my fangirling haha sorry)

Mondays. 

As far as Viktor has observed from the general populace throughout his entire working history at Ice Castle, Mondays have always been the most restless and painfully tiring of all the days of the week.

He loves it here; as the customers come pouring in, in need of a hot cup of cappuccino to fuel their sleep-deprived minds, the smell of grounded beans permeating the cafe, and the slight hum of voices in the background as they wait for the desired drink.

Doesn’t take away the fact that it is slightly exhausting, though.

He hands another plastic cup filled with goodness to the next customer of endless customers, and sighs.

Mondays.

Tuesdays are slightly less demanding, and Viktor can finally have a breather. Even after all these years he still can’t get used to the flow of things here. He thinks fondly back on the days when it used to be more bearable...

“Viktor.”

His coworker, Chris, calls out to him, and Viktor has no choice to go help out with the espresso machine. The man grins at him suggestively when he comes near him, and Viktor shoots him a politely confused look.

“So,” Christophe, who has been his partner for a long while now, flutters his long eyelashes at Viktor handsomely. He slings an arm over Viktor’s shoulder. “You’ve been pretty out of it lately. What’s been on your mind?”

“Hmm...” Viktor puts a finger to his lips wonderingly. “I don’t think so, no.”

“You can tell me anything, you know.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yup. Gonna spill anytime soon?”

“No.”

He spends Wednesday relatively free, as his shift ends sooner than expected with the slightly lesser amount of customers entering the shop; he retires early to watching video clips on his phone.

He is so absorbed that when Mila, a good friend of his, taps a finger on his phone-

He jumps.

“Are you okay?” she is concerned, he can tell. He smiles reassuringly at her.

“Yup!” He chirps cheerfully. “Just-” He gestures at his phone.

“Ah,” she nods knowingly. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” She leaves, looking much more mischievous than she ever had before.

Viktor stares exasperatedly at her back.

Thursday is much more busier, and in a way, louder than any of the days he has seen lately.

Yuri Plisetsky almost kicks down the door to the entrance in anger, and Viktor is to his service as soon as possible.

“My usual,” Yurio snarls in his own I’m-angry-and-you-shouldn’t-mess-with-me (yet quite endearing) way, but Viktor is not deterred by his attitude.

He cocks his head to the side, “I’m sorry, but what is your usual again? I seem to have forgotten.” He flashes a quick smile to the teenager, “You know how my memory is like, Yurio!”

“You bastard- my name is not- what do you mean, you forgot my usual?! I come here every week!”

“Hahaha!”

“Old man!”

His much more drawn-out resounding laughter only angers the boy more, but at least it helps Yuri relax for the first time since entering the shop. Viktor is glad.

Thursdays, he decides. Thursdays are great.

He remembers the first time the man walked in.

It had been a vivid Monday morning, just as the fifth or sixth customer had walked out of the coffee shop holding a hot cup of their preferred drinks.

Bright hazel-brown eyes behind a pair of blue-black spectacles, shortened black hair.

“Yuuri,” he had said, after Viktor had asked the name of the newcomer. “Katsuki Yuuri.”

“Hmm...” Viktor had replied back then. “We have another customer by the name of Yuri too. With a different surname, of course.”

“What would you like to order?”

“A caffè mocha, please.”

Fridays are supposed to be relaxing.

Here’s another fact that Viktor has gathered from working in Ice Castle: it is not.

Viktor hates Fridays.

That’s all.

Yuuri arrives on a Friday evening, looking a bit down.

Viktor hands him a  caffè mocha without prompting, knowing that the man needs some time to himself at the moment.

Yuuri keeps silent throughout his entire stay at Ice Castle, and Viktor stays quiet as a supportive figure all the while.

He cannot push Yuuri.

A few weeks later, Yuuri visits once again, on a Friday. Viktor is relieved, as Yuuri hasn’t been coming as frequently as he would’ve liked recently. 

Yuuri spills everything that has been plaguing his mind.

About his skating career, that has been in the dumps lately due to lack of inspiration. About his dog, who recently died in a car crash and he hasn’t seen in five years. About his family, who he just can’t let down.

“You figure skate? That’s so cool!” 

Excited, Viktor had then marathoned all of Yuuri’s skating programs right after Yuuri had left the shop. He had even been scolded by Yakov for not doing his job properly enough with the lack of concentration he had.

Yuuri had become the most beautiful person he had even seen in his entire life, after that. Nothing, not even Yuuri could change that.

Saturday.

Saturdays are lazy.

Even though the sun shines bright outside, and the birds chirp positively atop branches of the sky-high trees, work must go on.

Viktor squints at the one customer that looks vaguely familiar, one that Chris has served while he had been idling by the sink.

He looks... Really familiar.

Disappointment sets in right away when he takes a closer look at the person’s face.

It’s not him.

Somehow, subtly and irrevocably, Katsuki Yuuri has become a huge part of Viktor Nikiforov’s life.

Just like Yakov, Chris, Mila, Yura, Georgi; Yuuri is irreplaceable to him as an important person to cherish deeply.

Viktor can’t have it any other way.

He is... incredibly happy.

Sunday is an off-day for him.

Usually he spends his break lying on his sofa, hugging Makkachin close to him and checking his social media. He usually speaks to his friends casually over the phone, even Yurio who spits fire at him for wasting his precious time. 

But not today.

Today, he shuts off everything, turns off the notifications of his social media, mutes his phone and pulls Makkachin next to him to watch the video that’s streaming live in a couple of minutes.

The video stream is titled: “Katsuki Yuuri’s FS Live at the Rostelecom Cup”.

He is mesmerized, once again, as Yuuri skates across the beautifully crafted ice, performing jump after jump of phenomenal perfection, and he is in awe.

Yuuri is as graceful as he has ever been, all those years ago.

Viktor is aching with longing, wishing to reach out to the man that he has not seen in a long long time.

But all he can do is gaze at him through the clear screen, pining after the man he had once known.

All he can do is watch.

Because Yuuri probably doesn’t remember him, not anymore.

“I’m going back.”

“I’m going back... to Japan.”

All Viktor can do is gape at Yuuri, thunderstruck by the awfully shocking news he has been dropped with.

Yuuri... is going back to Japan. Japan, his hometown, with his family, who he hasn’t seen in years. Japan, which is the home he desperately misses.

Japan, which is miles away from here, from Russia.

“Alright,” he croaks out, hoping not to sound too heartbroken by it. God, he desperately hopes that Yuuri does not notice. “...When do you depart? I might sent you off at the airport. You are my favorite customer, after all.”

They both laugh, even the laugh is incredibly awkward and Viktor’s words seem so rushed and there is such a painful emphasis on the word customer-

Yuuri gazes back at Viktor, and softly whispers with a bittersweet smile, “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

No, don’t go, he thinks, and hates himself for it. He cannot control what Yuuri wants or does, and it’s just so agonizing.

He is going to miss him when he goes.

Viktor prepares one last caffè mocha for Yuuri.

It is Monday once again, and Viktor feels rightfully tired, what with the amount of replays he had done on the laptop well into the night. 

But still, work must go on.

Mondays are tiring, but he still enjoys the work.

Just as he starts up his energy for the day, a thought hits him.

Yuuri is in Russia. What if-

He shakes his head. There is no way. Yuuri has forgotten about him and this coffee shop; he is sure of it.

That doesn’t prevent him from glancing at the door every time it is pushed open, though.

He knows he is being irrational.

The door jingles right open.

A man steps right inside, panting and covered in sweat. It is almost time to close.

Viktor turns around from where he is cleaning the table tops. “Sorry, we’re closed...” The words dry by his throat when he sees who it is.

Katsuki Yuuri steps forward hesitantly, “Umm...”

Viktor looks right into his eyes, wide-eyed and shocked.

“I’m sorry, but can you please make an exception just this once?” Yuuri pleads. “Please, if it’s that much of a bother I’ll go once you make the drink.”

Viktor straightens up, finding his voice again. “Okay, please sit down then. You- you don’t need to go after I make the drink, it’s alright. Take your time.”

Yuuri’s eyes flashes in relief, and he takes a seat on the table he usually sits in. Viktor’s heart jumps to his throat.

Yuuri opens his mouth, words clumsy with the man he hasn’t spoken to in a while. “I-I’d like to have a-”

“A caffè mocha?” Viktor speaks without thinking.

Yuuri looks disbelievingly at Viktor. Viktor gazes right back at him. His pulse races right along with his thoughts. 

Together, at the same time, both of their lips slowly upturn with joy.

They remember.

Writing is fun. :)

Wow, how did I manage to write so much in such a short time??? It’s even longer than We Already Know, I think. I’ll post it on ao3 too, since it got too long.

Oh and I just realized I’ve written much more dialogue than usual. Yay

[rockrevoltmagazine]

Ohio band A Sense of Purpose brought in the crowd for the release show of their new EP, Mend. Applause and cheers broke out as they approached the stage to set up their gear. Kicking off, the band brought awesome energy and life to their new songs; they played some new tracks mixed with fan favorites. Throughout the set, the crowd was incredibly lively; jumping and moshing to the beats. I had the opportunity to sit down with the entire band for a conversation about the band and their new EP.

  Why don’t you guys go around and introduce yourselves and your role in the band.

My name is Seth and I play bass.

I’m John, I’m the vocalist.

I’m Chris, I’m the guitarist and vocalist.

I’m Nick and I’m the drummer.

I’m Kyle and I play guitar and kind of yell at everyone I guess. Band dad.

  How are you feeling about the reception for your EP Mend coming out?

Nick: Haven’t seen any trashy things yet haha.

Seth: Generally I feel like it’s been well received, but that’s just based off of like, social media posts or people just coming up and talking to you about it.

John: Yeah, I guess that remains to be seen. Maybe we’ll find out tonight; we’re playing a lot of these songs for the first time.

Kyle: It’s kind of hard to really build I guess a concrete set of expectations too; previous singles do kind of okay, but we don’t really know what to expect in any real sense. Anything that happens is just a good feeling at this point.

Seth: Yeah, all specific responses I’ve gotten on it so far have been generally very positive, so I think that’s a good sign.

Good! Everything I’ve seen has been really positive. So, congratulations on that guys!

  All: Thank you!

Chris: Hey I own that hat [referring to the Sorry Mom hat I was wearing].

  Haha, everybody owns this hat. It’s a fantastic hat. It’s funny because I’ve had multiple people come up to me, and when they don’t know the band they see ‘sorry mom’ written on the back and they’re like ahhhh thats hilarious! I’m like ha yeah… it’s actually a band though you should check them out… Well… was a band.

  All: Yeah hahaha, RIP.

In writing this EP has there been any difference in your creative process from previous work to this new record?

  Nick: We did drums last this time.

John: Seth wrote more lyrics, I think.

Seth: Yeah, maybe just lyrically I kind of chipped in a little bit to take the load off of Chris with the recording process.

  Gotcha, so Chris you’re the primary writer?

Chris: Yeah. Writing this time around I tried to have a little more focus, direction, more cohesive song writing; a little less extravagant and progressive… Only a little haha. It still gets kind of proggy and technical, but I think the songs are just more focused, heavier emphasis on melody, more hooks, more singing than previous stuff. NO guitar solos, actually. We went from… a LOT of guitar solos to.. None.

Seth: Yeah haha, I think every track on our last record had one. All of them. Also no real breakdown-type parts on this record.

John: Yeah not really, it’s more groovy. It may come off as lighter to some people haha. Some kind of like, heavy purists have commented but like it’s all been positive.

Do you guys have any plans coming out for touring or have anything in the pipeline for future tours?

Seth: Well we just got picked up by Artery Global, and definitely they helped with booking. It’s our intent to put together a more aggressive touring schedule and agenda going forward; kind of build our resume.

John: As far as things actually booked, we’re doing a five day run with the release of Mend. It started last night in Columbus, and then tonight in Lakewood. Tomorrow we’re playing in Cincinnati, Monday is in Detroit, Tuesday is in the Chicago area. So it’s like the longest cohesive run that we’ve ever had haha. All the other ones have been broken up, they haven’t been consistent.

Kyle: It’s been kind of a tough break because the last tour we were supposed to go on the headliner ended up dropping because a lot of the shows were falling through. Through a variety of different factors I guess it was really unfortunate, but we were really excited about it.

John: It went from 12 days to 6 days to 4 days to like 3 days in the span of like a week and a half before it started.

  Damn, yeah that’s rough.

  John: Yeah like we requested off work and everything.

Nick: I lost my job for it hahaha.

John: Haha yeah so now we got like 3 days, only one of them is outside of Ohio. Shit happens.

  I know some bands are typically more touring oriented vs studio-based. Do you guys have a preference?

  Nick: I hate the studio because we’re paying for it.

All: Hahah yeah that sucks.

  Haha ok yeah that’s fair.

  John: Yeah it’s definitely a time crunch, at least our experience so far has been we haven’t had the luxury of writing in the studio or something like that. Most of the creativity is sort of precalculated, we do a lot of stuff outside of the actual studio to make sure that the time we spend in the studio is as efficient as it can be, just to keep costs down and stuff.

Chris: The recording process is really fun though and slightly challenging. I enjoy. Also, we haven’t spent a lot of time being a touring band, but I definitely think that’s our collective goal; to definitely be some road warriors for a while. We definitely want to get out as much as we can.

John: Playing live is such a different experience, obviously, for most bands instead of listening to a finished product. Listening to it in a live setting sets a completely different light.

Seth: It’s one thing to put music out there and have people listen to a recorded version and get response based on that. It’s another thing to be in the room with them playing the song and see the reaction.

John: It’s harder to fake too haha. We try but it’s harder to fake.

  Something I always like to ask people because they hate this question; if you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

  Nick: Time traveling so I can win the lottery over and over.

  Ok, I like it, but I feel like you would get flagged, like I feel like they would be like “this guy has won like 6 times… what’s going on here?

  Kyle: I would do just teleportation. It would be so nice, you guys would leave and I’d be like “ok I’ll just see you later when you get there.”

John: Um… invisibility would be sick too, the standards, really.

Chris: I’d go with flying, honestly. It’s kind of like teleportation but fun.

John: Sounds dangerous haha.

Chris: Unless it’s like Harry Potter where you’re holding someone’s entire weight.

Kyle: Yeah you might have to work out a little to be able to do that haha.

Seth: I might have to go with Kyle on this, teleportation would be good. I just hate traffic so much.

  I feel that so hard.

  Kyle: It’s really telling of our character that we don’t have any nefarious purpose for teleporting, no its like “traffic fucking sucks, I want to teleport.”

Seth: Hahah yeah traffic is just the worst.

Nick: Yeah but no one in the band has to deal with traffic because I drive.

Seth: Ok so all four of us could teleport then Nick just has to drive.

All: Ahhh yes hahahah

Seth: Just by yourself with all of the gear.

  Ok those are good haha. If you don’t mind, take me through your writing process. Do you guys write a lot of material before you get those few songs that are great?

  John: Yeeeep. There’s more unheard music then there is that we’ve put out there.

  Would you ever release any of those? Like a demo and b-side record?

  John: Well, most of them are just working demos, not really worth releasing haha.

Seth: In our Drive I have probably like 50 or 60 songs, maybe 30 or so are completely written lyrically and arranged. Obviously they’d need some fine-tuning and stuff, but most of them are fully formed and demoed. Through funding the recording costs and trimming the fat we ended up with 6. For Mend we juggled around with what, 14 to 15 songs?

John: Yeah we easily had enough for a full-length and our manager pushed us to maybe pursue that, but in the self-funded realm without label support, its hard. When you’re funding it yourself you pay by like the song, generally.

Kyle: There’s definitely some songs that were around before this EP came out that I think we definitely still want to release.

John: Yeah absolutely. Songs that almost made the cut. We made some last minute changes right before we hit the studio.

Chris: When we were right about to go into the studio I wrote Numb. That song wasn’t even in our minds.

Nick: Yeah that song was written like a week and a half before we started recording.

Seth: I think Evergreen was pretty new too.

John: Oh yeah! I think with Evergreen and Numb, we were deciding on where to go. It changed the overall tone of the record. The songs we swapped out for those two were heavier.

Chris: Yeah we had a more progressive heavier sound, but when we added those we went with a more focused melodic sound.

Kyle: It’s kind of all over the place because Numb was very last minute, but by contrast we had the demo for Retrace in like, late 2016.

Chris: Yeah that song is old as fuck. Same thing with An Apparition.

Seth: Those are both the oldest songs.

Chris: Those are both from around September of 2016.

John: So that was post-Zoetic era. So our last record was like two years ago. Some of those songs are from around then. Yeah, there’s never a shortage of music haha.

Chris: …I write a lot…

  I mean I feel like that’s how you do it. Do you have any specific shows that stand out as memorable? Either as awesome or horrific?

  All: Ohhhhh we’ve got horror stories haha.

  Ok hit me with one.

  Chris: The senior center.

John: It was some hardcore festival, it was like 2 days and 20 bands or something like that.

Kyle: There was at least 10+ bands each day. But it was in some senior center in West Virginia.

John: It was in the absolute middle of fucking nowhere.

Seth: Hurricane, West Virginia.

Nick: We slept in a Walmart!

John: We got there so early so we could have a good parking spot. We got there hours before the promoters even showed up. The promoters ended up being like… teenagers.

Nick: It was a sick parking spot though.

John: That’s true, it was sick.

Nick: We sat there for like… 8 hours.

John: We got a bunch of alcohol and just killed time.

Kyle: It was some charity event, it was actually pretty impressive that some high school kids were able to put this together. We passed time just sitting there drinking Strawberry… something. Strawberita Bud-Light things.

Chris: AND it was in West Virginia so we got moonshine. It was fucking gross.

  Helllll yeah!

  John: They had like… old people rocking chairs in the space that we played. With pictures of old people on the walls and stuff. It was like some senior community center. We had to move all the chairs to the mess hall area, I think they all had those tennis balls on the legs and everything.

  Wait… you didn’t like, play for a bunch of old people did you? Was it a younger crowd?

  John: No! Not at all hahahah. It was a typical metal/hardcore crowd.

  Oh ok good! Shit I was gonna say… Jesus I don’t think they would appreciate that genre very much haha.

  John: Yeah it just happened to be IN a senior center.

  Ok, I got you, I got you.

  Chris: Yeah like Dorris broke her hip moshing too hard hahaha.

John: Yeah man, they throw down hard haha.

Seth: For all the gripes and grievances, as Kyle said, the people that put it together were teenagers. They actually did a solid job though.

All: Absolutely!

Seth: I mean when I was 15 I was like… putting my boogers underneath desks in science class and shit.

Chris: Just gettin high in graveyards, man!

Nick: The worst show was definitely Ruby Tuesdays in Columbus, though.

John: Noooo way.

Nick: I couldn’t hear myself at all! We got off time.

John: That was rough but it wasn’t that bad.

Kyle: My personal worst show was this house show in Akron where the basement that we played on, the floor or foundation was eroded or something. There was just dirt on the ground. As we were playing and jumping around it was kicking up into our faces. I was coughing and dirt was coming out of my nose.

John: We were blowing dirt out of our noses.

Chris: I was so drunk I didn’t even notice…

Nick: I actually almost puked because of all the dust.

  Yeah that sounds absolutely awful.

  John: We’ve done lots of basements, pizza shops, and basements of pizza shops.

  Wrapping up, do you have anything you guys want to say? Now’s the time to freestyle.

  Chris: Umm… my seventh grade reading teacher; Mrs. Caesar, she told me I read too fast. She can go fuck herself.

Nick: This is actually the best time to announce: Kyle you’re being replaced.

Kyle: Alright, peace.

John: So obviously, listen to Mend. We’re on all major streaming platforms. You can buy it if you want. It’s 5 bucks.

  Okay! That’s all I got, thanks so much everyone!

  All: Thank you!

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          Interview and Photos by Dan Cornelius, RockRevolt Journalist/Photojournalist

Connect with A Sense of Purpose (click icons):

A Sense of Purpose Interview: Tour with New EP “Mend” Ohio band A Sense of Purpose brought in the crowd for the release show of their new EP, Mend.

[usha10777]

I haven’t written in a while as the last couple weeks have been pretty hectic. I kept meaning to write about some things as they happened, but they just kept piling on. So, here’s a bit of everything that I can remember and not a whole lot of details so this, hopefully, doesn’t put anyone to sleep. Saturday June 16 was a good day – Jeff and I went to the mountains and Estes Park – got some good pictures and had a lovely time with my husband.

I guess sometimes it’s just too much to expect more than one good day in a row…lol. Sunday June 17 started out fine. We stayed up late the night before watching a movie, so we got up pretty late in the morning. By pretty late, I mean around 7am or so. We had the dogs out in the backyard around 9am when I heard a loud “crack”. I asked Jeff what the heck that was and he replied, “BB gun”. I looked towards where I thought the sound came from and I saw a squirrel flopping around just inside our yard. I freaked. Someone shot a squirrel in our yard where my husband, my little dogs and I were. I was so pissed off. Our next-door neighbors knew who did it and they even had holes in the back of their house from previous instances. I called the police. The police came and talked to the boy’s parents. The cop actually knew the boy from school (he’s a resource officer at the high school). The officer said the parents had no idea it was happening and were upset and took the gun away and it won’t happen again. We’ll see. I’m definitely more paranoid when bringing the dogs out back now. Later on, Nacho started throwing up and then Dory joined her. The next day there was more stomach upset and it didn’t stick with just the pups…hahaha. That was Monday. I had a mandatory orientation for unemployment that I attended in the morning. I was a few minutes late because one of the places I sent my resume called me just as I was supposed to go in. I took the call and had a bit of a phone interview and they said they’d call later to set up an in-person interview. Woohoo! They did and the interview was scheduled for Tuesday at 9am. I was supposed to go back to the workforce center and take a WRC thing to certify that I am awesome…lol. Something about soft skills – I passed all, but my lowest score was for professionalism…haha. Seems like I have worked in several laidback and comfy environments. 😊 My interview seemed to go pretty well and the lady who interviewed me asked if I would come back to meet the owners of the company as soon as she could set it up. Of course, I said yes! Later on Tuesday, we had some pretty bad storms along with hail larger than quarter sized. New jeep got pummeled and we have an appointment tomorrow afternoon to get an estimate for the damage. I shoveled quite a lot of hail and moved the glider cages out of their room as the carpet was soaked. Also had water in some closets and some hail came through the window with the swamp cooler in it. Tons of fun. I found a bird who had been severely injured by the hail and my next door neighbor helped it cross the bridge. We were both really sad about the poor pretty pigeon.

Wednesday afternoon was spent cleaning up outside and in the garage which had also gotten some water and we wanted to make room for the jeep…too little too late, but oh well. Thursday I had a meeting with someone at the workforce center to talk about my job search and my resume and all that fun stuff. Friday, I got a phone call from the lady I interviewed with on Monday – yay! Scheduled an interview with the owners for Monday morning. Also on Friday, I had quite an upsetting and unsettling experience that was expected, but very unwelcome. It was a hearing (over the phone) regarding my unemployment. I still have not found out what the ruling is but hope to soon. This hearing included some people that caused me to have a bit of an anxiety attack while on the phone, but I hope I sounded at least mostly coherent. I had hoped to be done with something but was forced to relive a bit of it and that made for a very rough evening and night. Saturday morning was spent in the mountains again and that really helped lift my mood. Then that afternoon we went to Fort Vasquez museum with a very good friend. We have driven by Fort Vasquez so many times in the last 6 years and I had always wanted to stop but never did so I was all too happy to go with our friend who was going for school. I really enjoyed the museum and want to go back again. We went out to dinner and then watched a movie when we got back home. The Full Monty is one of my favorite movies and I hadn’t seen it in far too long. Laughter really is some damn good medicine.

Sunday was spent cleaning up around the house and in the yard from the storms the previous Tuesday. Monday morning was the interview with the owners of the company that I was really hoping to work for. They offered me the job and I accepted! 😊 I start on June 9th so the last few days were and the next several days will be spent getting ready to start a new job. A new career, a new company, a new chapter in my life. I am beyond ready and so excited to see what comes next (assuming the poopy stuff takes a break for a while!) I’m Still Here, I swear! I haven’t written in a while as the last couple weeks have been pretty hectic. I kept meaning to write about some things as they happened, but they just kept piling on.

[rockrevoltmagazine]

A Sense of Purpose Interview: Tour with New EP "Mend"

Ohio band A Sense of Purpose brought in the crowd for the release show of their new EP, Mend. Applause and cheers broke out as they approached the stage to set up their gear. Kicking off, the band brought awesome energy and life to their new songs; they played some new tracks mixed with fan favorites. Throughout the set, the crowd was incredibly lively; jumping and moshing to the beats. I had the opportunity to sit down with the entire band for a conversation about the band and their new EP.

  Why don’t you guys go around and introduce yourselves and your role in the band.

My name is Seth and I play bass.

I’m John, I’m the vocalist.

I’m Chris, I’m the guitarist and vocalist.

I’m Nick and I’m the drummer.

I’m Kyle and I play guitar and kind of yell at everyone I guess. Band dad.

  How are you feeling about the reception for your EP Mend coming out?

Nick: Haven’t seen any trashy things yet haha.

Seth: Generally I feel like it’s been well received, but that’s just based off of like, social media posts or people just coming up and talking to you about it.

John: Yeah, I guess that remains to be seen. Maybe we’ll find out tonight; we’re playing a lot of these songs for the first time.

Kyle: It’s kind of hard to really build I guess a concrete set of expectations too; previous singles do kind of okay, but we don’t really know what to expect in any real sense. Anything that happens is just a good feeling at this point.

Seth: Yeah, all specific responses I’ve gotten on it so far have been generally very positive, so I think that’s a good sign.

Good! Everything I’ve seen has been really positive. So, congratulations on that guys!

  All: Thank you!

Chris: Hey I own that hat [referring to the Sorry Mom hat I was wearing].

  Haha, everybody owns this hat. It’s a fantastic hat. It’s funny because I’ve had multiple people come up to me, and when they don’t know the band they see ‘sorry mom’ written on the back and they’re like ahhhh thats hilarious! I’m like ha yeah… it’s actually a band though you should check them out… Well… was a band.

  All: Yeah hahaha, RIP.

In writing this EP has there been any difference in your creative process from previous work to this new record?

  Nick: We did drums last this time.

John: Seth wrote more lyrics, I think.

Seth: Yeah, maybe just lyrically I kind of chipped in a little bit to take the load off of Chris with the recording process.

  Gotcha, so Chris you’re the primary writer?

Chris: Yeah. Writing this time around I tried to have a little more focus, direction, more cohesive song writing; a little less extravagant and progressive… Only a little haha. It still gets kind of proggy and technical, but I think the songs are just more focused, heavier emphasis on melody, more hooks, more singing than previous stuff. NO guitar solos, actually. We went from… a LOT of guitar solos to.. None.

Seth: Yeah haha, I think every track on our last record had one. All of them. Also no real breakdown-type parts on this record.

John: Yeah not really, it’s more groovy. It may come off as lighter to some people haha. Some kind of like, heavy purists have commented but like it’s all been positive.

Do you guys have any plans coming out for touring or have anything in the pipeline for future tours?

Seth: Well we just got picked up by Artery Global, and definitely they helped with booking. It’s our intent to put together a more aggressive touring schedule and agenda going forward; kind of build our resume.

John: As far as things actually booked, we’re doing a five day run with the release of Mend. It started last night in Columbus, and then tonight in Lakewood. Tomorrow we’re playing in Cincinnati, Monday is in Detroit, Tuesday is in the Chicago area. So it’s like the longest cohesive run that we’ve ever had haha. All the other ones have been broken up, they haven’t been consistent.

Kyle: It’s been kind of a tough break because the last tour we were supposed to go on the headliner ended up dropping because a lot of the shows were falling through. Through a variety of different factors I guess it was really unfortunate, but we were really excited about it.

John: It went from 12 days to 6 days to 4 days to like 3 days in the span of like a week and a half before it started.

  Damn, yeah that’s rough.

  John: Yeah like we requested off work and everything.

Nick: I lost my job for it hahaha.

John: Haha yeah so now we got like 3 days, only one of them is outside of Ohio. Shit happens.

  I know some bands are typically more touring oriented vs studio-based. Do you guys have a preference?

  Nick: I hate the studio because we’re paying for it.

All: Hahah yeah that sucks.

  Haha ok yeah that’s fair.

  John: Yeah it’s definitely a time crunch, at least our experience so far has been we haven’t had the luxury of writing in the studio or something like that. Most of the creativity is sort of precalculated, we do a lot of stuff outside of the actual studio to make sure that the time we spend in the studio is as efficient as it can be, just to keep costs down and stuff.

Chris: The recording process is really fun though and slightly challenging. I enjoy. Also, we haven’t spent a lot of time being a touring band, but I definitely think that’s our collective goal; to definitely be some road warriors for a while. We definitely want to get out as much as we can.

John: Playing live is such a different experience, obviously, for most bands instead of listening to a finished product. Listening to it in a live setting sets a completely different light.

Seth: It’s one thing to put music out there and have people listen to a recorded version and get response based on that. It’s another thing to be in the room with them playing the song and see the reaction.

John: It’s harder to fake too haha. We try but it’s harder to fake.

  Something I always like to ask people because they hate this question; if you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

  Nick: Time traveling so I can win the lottery over and over.

  Ok, I like it, but I feel like you would get flagged, like I feel like they would be like “this guy has won like 6 times… what’s going on here?

  Kyle: I would do just teleportation. It would be so nice, you guys would leave and I’d be like “ok I’ll just see you later when you get there.”

John: Um… invisibility would be sick too, the standards, really.

Chris: I’d go with flying, honestly. It’s kind of like teleportation but fun.

John: Sounds dangerous haha.

Chris: Unless it’s like Harry Potter where you’re holding someone’s entire weight.

Kyle: Yeah you might have to work out a little to be able to do that haha.

Seth: I might have to go with Kyle on this, teleportation would be good. I just hate traffic so much.

  I feel that so hard.

  Kyle: It’s really telling of our character that we don’t have any nefarious purpose for teleporting, no its like “traffic fucking sucks, I want to teleport.”

Seth: Hahah yeah traffic is just the worst.

Nick: Yeah but no one in the band has to deal with traffic because I drive.

Seth: Ok so all four of us could teleport then Nick just has to drive.

All: Ahhh yes hahahah

Seth: Just by yourself with all of the gear.

  Ok those are good haha. If you don’t mind, take me through your writing process. Do you guys write a lot of material before you get those few songs that are great?

  John: Yeeeep. There’s more unheard music then there is that we’ve put out there.

  Would you ever release any of those? Like a demo and b-side record?

  John: Well, most of them are just working demos, not really worth releasing haha.

Seth: In our Drive I have probably like 50 or 60 songs, maybe 30 or so are completely written lyrically and arranged. Obviously they’d need some fine-tuning and stuff, but most of them are fully formed and demoed. Through funding the recording costs and trimming the fat we ended up with 6. For Mend we juggled around with what, 14 to 15 songs?

John: Yeah we easily had enough for a full-length and our manager pushed us to maybe pursue that, but in the self-funded realm without label support, its hard. When you’re funding it yourself you pay by like the song, generally.

Kyle: There’s definitely some songs that were around before this EP came out that I think we definitely still want to release.

John: Yeah absolutely. Songs that almost made the cut. We made some last minute changes right before we hit the studio.

Chris: When we were right about to go into the studio I wrote Numb. That song wasn’t even in our minds.

Nick: Yeah that song was written like a week and a half before we started recording.

Seth: I think Evergreen was pretty new too.

John: Oh yeah! I think with Evergreen and Numb, we were deciding on where to go. It changed the overall tone of the record. The songs we swapped out for those two were heavier.

Chris: Yeah we had a more progressive heavier sound, but when we added those we went with a more focused melodic sound.

Kyle: It’s kind of all over the place because Numb was very last minute, but by contrast we had the demo for Retrace in like, late 2016.

Chris: Yeah that song is old as fuck. Same thing with An Apparition.

Seth: Those are both the oldest songs.

Chris: Those are both from around September of 2016.

John: So that was post-Zoetic era. So our last record was like two years ago. Some of those songs are from around then. Yeah, there’s never a shortage of music haha.

Chris: …I write a lot…

  I mean I feel like that’s how you do it. Do you have any specific shows that stand out as memorable? Either as awesome or horrific?

  All: Ohhhhh we’ve got horror stories haha.

  Ok hit me with one.

  Chris: The senior center.

John: It was some hardcore festival, it was like 2 days and 20 bands or something like that.

Kyle: There was at least 10+ bands each day. But it was in some senior center in West Virginia.

John: It was in the absolute middle of fucking nowhere.

Seth: Hurricane, West Virginia.

Nick: We slept in a Walmart!

John: We got there so early so we could have a good parking spot. We got there hours before the promoters even showed up. The promoters ended up being like… teenagers.

Nick: It was a sick parking spot though.

John: That’s true, it was sick.

Nick: We sat there for like… 8 hours.

John: We got a bunch of alcohol and just killed time.

Kyle: It was some charity event, it was actually pretty impressive that some high school kids were able to put this together. We passed time just sitting there drinking Strawberry… something. Strawberita Bud-Light things.

Chris: AND it was in West Virginia so we got moonshine. It was fucking gross.

  Helllll yeah!

  John: They had like… old people rocking chairs in the space that we played. With pictures of old people on the walls and stuff. It was like some senior community center. We had to move all the chairs to the mess hall area, I think they all had those tennis balls on the legs and everything.

  Wait… you didn’t like, play for a bunch of old people did you? Was it a younger crowd?

  John: No! Not at all hahahah. It was a typical metal/hardcore crowd.

  Oh ok good! Shit I was gonna say… Jesus I don’t think they would appreciate that genre very much haha.

  John: Yeah it just happened to be IN a senior center.

  Ok, I got you, I got you.

  Chris: Yeah like Dorris broke her hip moshing too hard hahaha.

John: Yeah man, they throw down hard haha.

Seth: For all the gripes and grievances, as Kyle said, the people that put it together were teenagers. They actually did a solid job though.

All: Absolutely!

Seth: I mean when I was 15 I was like… putting my boogers underneath desks in science class and shit.

Chris: Just gettin high in graveyards, man!

Nick: The worst show was definitely Ruby Tuesdays in Columbus, though.

John: Noooo way.

Nick: I couldn’t hear myself at all! We got off time.

John: That was rough but it wasn’t that bad.

Kyle: My personal worst show was this house show in Akron where the basement that we played on, the floor or foundation was eroded or something. There was just dirt on the ground. As we were playing and jumping around it was kicking up into our faces. I was coughing and dirt was coming out of my nose.

John: We were blowing dirt out of our noses.

Chris: I was so drunk I didn’t even notice…

Nick: I actually almost puked because of all the dust.

  Yeah that sounds absolutely awful.

  John: We’ve done lots of basements, pizza shops, and basements of pizza shops.

  Wrapping up, do you have anything you guys want to say? Now’s the time to freestyle.

  Chris: Umm… my seventh grade reading teacher; Mrs. Caesar, she told me I read too fast. She can go fuck herself.

Nick: This is actually the best time to announce: Kyle you’re being replaced.

Kyle: Alright, peace.

John: So obviously, listen to Mend. We’re on all major streaming platforms. You can buy it if you want. It’s 5 bucks.

  Okay! That’s all I got, thanks so much everyone!

  All: Thank you!

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          Interview and Photos by Dan Cornelius, RockRevolt Journalist

Connect with A Sense of Purpose (click icons):

A Sense of Purpose Interview: Tour with New EP “Mend” was originally published on RockRevolt Mag