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bestillmyslashyheart · 5 years ago

Text

The Red Name pt 4

part one || part two || part three

The bed was cold when Michael woke up. The sun was high in the sky and Alex was long gone. All that was left in the whole cabin were the sheets on the bed and Michael’s phone on Alex’s pillow. The notification light was blinking and Michael already didn’t care about what anyone had to say to him right now.

He unlocked it anyway when he saw the new email icon. He never got emails.

It was from Alex.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

We should’ve talked. That was always our problem, if we’re honest. Too much sex and not enough talking.

I’m glad we didn’t though. You were right, we’d just make each other sad and angry and that’s not how I wanted to spend my last night with you. Because that’s what it was. Regardless of what happens on my deployment, we both know this thing between us is in the past and it’s time I gave up and moved on like you’ve managed to do.

Over the last two years I wrote you a lot of emails. Basically whenever I wanted to talk to you but couldn’t I’d write an email. I’m not sure why I’m doing this now but I just sent all of them to you. You can read them or delete them, it’s up to you, I guess.

I love you. That hasn’t changed and it never will.

Goodbye Michael.

Michael blinked away the sudden tears that sprung to his eyes. For all that he’d shoved Alex away over the last few years and flaunted the fact that he could move on, Alex telling him goodbye broke his heart. Michael wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to this point. It felt like one thing after another just piled on until there was no hope left. He wanted to fix it, even when he’d been with Maria part of him had wanted to fix it, he just didn’t know how. And now it was too late.

Rereading the email, he spotted the part about new emails and quickly exited out of that one. And there they were. Michael scrolled down to find the oldest one but it was impossible to tell. They didn’t seem to be in any particular order so he just clicked one and then another and then another.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I saw you at the Pony today. You looked like shit. Have you been sleeping? Eating? Or are you just existing on alcohol and acetone?

I hope it’s making you feel better because it’s not helping anyone. Not your sister, who really needs you right now by the way, not me, not Maria, and certainly not Max.

I wish you’d let me help you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You drive me crazy sometimes you know that? First, you want nothing to do with me or Project Shepherd. And now it’s all you care about. Well, Project Shepherd at least. You still don’t seem to want anything to do with me.

Am I suddenly that repulsive to you? Because of my father? Fuck him. Seriously, Guerin, fuck. him. Don’t let him do this to us.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You could’ve at least done me the courtesy of telling me you were dating Maria instead of letting me find out by walking in on you two.

Fuck you Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You need to pull yourself together. Your sister is drowning and she needs you and you don’t even notice. Liz and I should not be the ones keeping her afloat. She needs her brother, dammit.

If only I could get you to stay in the same room as me for longer than 2 seconds

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I can’t decide if you’re oblivious or stupid or just plain cruel

I get it, okay. You moved on. You’re happy. I’m happy you’re happy but I really don’t need a front row seat to you sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat okay? Would it kill you to cool it on the pda?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Max is back. You weren’t there.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m drunk. I shouldn’t bother with this it’s not like you’re going to read it anyway but I’m drunk and I’m lonely and it’s my birthday

Ten years apart and you never missed my birthday but now that I’m back you can’t be bothered? I want to be mad at you but I’m too sad to be mad

What did I do wrong Michael? Why are you doing this?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You ever throw something anywhere near the vicinity of Maria again and I swear to god I will knock you on your ass

Don’t touch her. Don’t even get close. I don’t give a shit how drunk you are

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s the anniversary of Caulfield and I don’t want you to be alone but you won’t let me near you

I hope you told Maria what day it is or Isobel or someone. I hope you’re not alone.

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You look happy

I miss you

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I never thought of us as having an anniversary, not really, but if we had one it would be today

I was ready, Michael. I was fucking ready dammit. Why’d you have to pick then to finally be the one to walk away? I mean I know I deserved it after all the times I left you but your timing sucks.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I got my new posting. Also got new orders to deploy. I’m leaving Roswell and I don’t think I’m coming back this time

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You came by today. I’m pretty sure it's the first time you’ve been out here since you told me in no uncertain terms that we were done. You wanted more info on Project Shepherd, on the Alighting that Noah mentioned. You could barely look me in the eyes. It was like I was just a colleague and not even one you particularly liked that much and it hurt.

I get that we’re never going to be together but why can’t we be friends? Is it really that impossible? We’re either fucking or not looking each other in the eye? No in between? That’s bullshit

Why do you get to decide everything? When do I get a say in this? What if I want more? Do you even care what I want?

Don’t answer that. It’s pretty fucking obvious you don’t.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I had lunch with Liz and Rosa and Maria today. It was awkward and painful. I’ve never hated you before but I think I hate you for fucking up my friendship with Maria. She was all I had for years and now it’s ruined because of you

Be happy with her. Make it worth it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s not your fault. Me and Maria I mean. We fucked that up all on our own and neither one of us have really tried to fix it. You played a part, yeah, but don’t blame yourself for this too. You put too much on yourself already, you shouldn’t add this to it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You make a beautiful couple

Better than we ever did. Not that we were ever a couple. Not like you and Maria

We wouldn’t have worked right? That’s why you left? Because we would’ve crashed and burned?

Merry Christmas Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

For someone who got angry every time I mentioned the Air Force you really didn’t seem to care that I re-upped. I don’t know what to make of that.

I’m going to protect you Michael, I promise. My father will never get his hands on you or your family ever again.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Why can’t I get over you? I’ve tried fucking other guys, dating other guys, it doesn’t matter.

I’ve never been able to get over you. I don’t know why I thought now would be any different.

All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted is you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Full disclosure - I’ve had a lot to drink. Liek a lot

Did you know that your people essentially mate for life? Yep. Turn 30 and the true essence of your heart will reveal itself on your skin and name the person you love most. It will stay there forever. Cant be cut off or inked over. Cant change neither. Once its there its there

Your turning 30 in a few months

I wont survive seeing her name on you i wont

I filed papers for a transfer today. Project Shepherd is basically dead and by the time the transfer comes through it will be really dead and i cant stay here anymore im not strong enough. I need to be not here when her name comes

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Its my name. Fucking hell Michael its MY name??

What the fuck have the last two years been if its mY FUCKING NAME?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It hurt before when i thought you’d truly moved on but this? Oh this takes the cake

You love me. More than LITERALLY anything. And you still dont care enough to be with me

This is…

You should’ve left me in Caulfield and just saved yourself

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You left a birthday present in my car. Why?

Thank you

I love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Her name is Mara.

She used to sing to the other prisoners when they were scared. She had such a beautiful voice.

You won’t let me tell you about her but I think you should know. This was your mother, you should know who she was.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to find out the right way. I really am.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I saw you on the street today. You were outside the jewelry store.

I wish you both a long happy life together. You both deserve it.

There were more. So many more. Michael had to stop and pace himself or he’d start breaking things.

It took him weeks to get through all of them. Some made him cry, some made him smash every fragile thing in Max’s house (he owed him new windows), but some made him smile.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I got a dog. Her name is Buffy. If anything happens to her I will kill everyone involved and then myself

Pics attached since I don’t know when I’ll see you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Wilson’s getting married, can you believe it? I would’ve bet good money he’d die a happy bachelor. It’ll be so good to see the squad again. He invited everyone, even O’Brien.

He’s making me wear a tux, though, no uniforms :(

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I think you’ve cursed me. I used to very happily not give a shit about football fuck you very much

(Eagles made the playoffs fuck yeah)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

There’s this new prosthetic prototype the military wants to try out and somehow I landed on the shortlist of candidates to get it

It��s supposed to be so amazing you don’t even know. It’ll be waterproof! I can stand in the shower!

(its the little things sometimes)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve really fucking missed Rosa. I know you miss your brother and I’m sorry but I never really let myself process how much I missed her

I promise to do everything I can to bring Max back. I owe him one

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rosa doesn’t like the jacket. She’s gotta go

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m going to LA Pride next week. I’d ask you to come with me but you seem a little busy passing out on the floor of the Pony every night

I’m taking Isobel instead

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve got this new project at work that’s actually really interesting. I keep staying late to work on it and so Project Shepherd is falling behind but fuck Michael I love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

There was a crazy meteor shower last night. You would’ve loved it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

The sunsets out here are unreal. I’ve been in a few deserts and seen a few coasts but nothing, NOTHING, beats this view

Its beautiful

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s cheating on the Wild Pony, I know, but if you go over to Dexter there’s a great little bar that does open mic night on Thursdays.

It’s been a long time since I sang. I’ve missed it. You should come sometimes.

Michael missed out on a lot while he was with Maria. He never wanted to miss those moments again.

In the five weeks it took him to get through all of the emails, no one heard from Alex. He’d warned them he’d be out of touch but it was still jarring. Michael took to driving out to the cabin or bugging Rosa to let him play with Buffy just so he could feel close to Alex.

A week after he finished Alex’s emails he started writing his own.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You’ve been gone six weeks. I miss you. I’m pretty sure I lost the right to say that but I don’t care. I do.

I read all of your emails

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I thought about responding to some of your emails individually but then I thought maybe just one would do it.

I’m sorry. I was a colossal jackass and you didn’t deserve any of it. I never should have blamed you for what your father did. You aren’t him, Alex.

There are only two people in my life that I trust to always be there: Isobel and you. Even when you walked away you always came back and I got used to that, I guess. When everything was spiraling out of control I needed someone to be angry at and I needed it to be someone who wouldn’t leave. Isobel was already going through hell so I picked you. I pushed you away as hard as I could and you stayed. You re-upped to protect me. You stayed in Roswell because you knew I needed you even though I refused to admit it. I put you through hell and you never said a word. Thank you. I should’ve said it a long time ago and I’m sorry I didn’t.

I’m sorry I finally pushed hard enough that you had to leave. Roswell’s your home and these people are your family. When you get back from your deployment you should come home and see them. I can leave if it’ll make it easier for you but you shouldn’t leave them just because I’m an ass.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I think Liz is actually dating both Kyle and Max. I’m also pretty sure Max and Kyle are not dating each other. Sometimes though...how sure are you that Kyle is straight?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I can’t decide if it’s too weird or not weird enough watching my sister and my ex girlfriend try to date.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You said you didn’t love me. Why did you say that if you did?

I don’t know that I would have done anything different but I’d like to think I’d have been more considerate about Maria had I known. I thought you were over me. You said you were.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s been three years since Caulfield and I’m alone. One of your emails mentioned that you didn’t want me to be alone but I am. I always am. No one understands. No one can possibly understand.

Kyle gave me a bottle of whiskey this morning. I’m trying to drink less but now that I’ve got a doctor’s seal of approval, I might just need to enjoy it.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I left my mom to die for you. I don’t think I would’ve left for anyone else.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I miss you. I think I’ve been missing you for years but you were right there so I didn’t realize it

Be safe. Come home

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m a little obsessed with my mark ngl

It’s in my own handwriting but I wish it was yours. So it would actually be a piece of you with me

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s crazy. When you were here all I could think about when I saw you was your dad and your brothers and Caulfield. I know it’s not fair and it’s not right but I can’t control it

But now you’re not here. And I look around the cabin and all I see is you making breakfast or burning the popcorn that one night we tried to watch a movie and ended up making out instead. I can’t sleep at the Airstream without thinking of you. Did I ever tell you that you’re the only person I ever brought home? Every other person I ever hooked up I either went to their place or found somewhere else. But not you. You came home with me.

Liz wanted a group outing to the drive in. But I said no. I can’t go there anymore.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

My eyes are burning. Too much naked sister

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

First I see my sister having sex and now my brother’s asking me for gay sex tips

I can’t

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

When we broke up Maria accused me of being with her because I loved her less, because then she couldn’t hurt me. I thought she was crazy but now I think she had a point. I literally just walked in on her in bed with someone else (I’ve completely blocked out the memory of who it was) and it didn’t hurt. I’m just...happy for her. She smiles more these days than she has in a while

It's nothing like when I saw you on a date that one time and had the sudden urge to beat the guy into a bloody mess with my bare hands. It's a nice change of pace

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s been four months since anyone’s heard from you. I hope you’re okay and just not allowed to contact anyone.

Please be okay Alex. I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Some idiot decided to put in a record store on Main St. Who even buys records anymore?

It has open mic night almost every night though. You’d love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I seem to have moved into your cabin. Oops

The bed doesn't smell like you anymore :(

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not here and I don’t even know if you’d want to see me if you were but let me just say this:

You’re an asshole and I love it

You care so much about people, about your family (the real one not the jackasses named Manes), and you give so much of yourself for other people I’m constantly in awe of you

You named your dog after a vampire slayer; what a dork (next one should be Faith)

You are the strongest person I know. I put you through hell and you’re still standing and you somehow still love me. I don’t understand but I can’t complain

I miss watching movies with you even if your constant commentary can be annoying as hell

I can’t eat omelets at restaurants anymore, you’ve ruined me for life

Your voice is breathtaking; you should never stop singing

I love you

Happy Valentine’s Day Alex

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Please just tell me when you’re home so I know you’re safe

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rosa has a boyfriend. It’s weird. We can’t talk around him. Too many secrets.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I broke the ship. Most of its still in the bunker but I scattered some pieces around town. The Airstream, Isobel’s, Max’s, the Crashdown, the Pony, other places too

The biggest piece is right here at the cabin. I needed it to be with you

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Jenna’s back

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Happy Birthday Alex

I’m sorry I missed one. I promise not to miss any ever again.

They probably don't have any good cake where you’re at so I’ll just have to take you out for some when you get home

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve co-opted Buffy from Rosa. She’s not getting her back

Over six months after Alex left, Michael received his first new email.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: YOUR EYES ONLY

You’re unbelievable. Asshole

827 Willowbrook Cir #231

Marlow Heights, MD 20746

P.S. Don’t forget Buffy

#malex fic #rnm #my fic #this one is 100% malex #ch5 will be 0% malex to offset it #next time i decide to format a fic/chapter like this somebody punch me #i've had to reformat it 3 times and im DONE

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chromium7sky · 6 years ago

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Damirae week day 3 : Drunk|(You all) that I want.

A/n: Continue from I'm a sucker series lol. Enjoy

Raven keeping her low profile as she reached the bar called Jackal's Sanctuary. Another forecast she felt this time she seen the venue and the time on digital clock which shows 11.11pm.

As she leaning to the lamp post nearby, she pulled out her handphone and look at the time and it seems the digital clock shows. 8.11 pm, another four hours to go.

As she put on her wireless headphone and starting to scroll some of her playlist on spotify, she felt like someone is watching her.

Keep her cool face as she attentively listen to the latest Jonas Brothers song, she's been in the same situation before and who she call? Damian.

Speaking of Damian, he sould be arrive right now judging from the time they set up to meet. She sighed as she shoved her phone into her pocket. Still the feeling of her being watch still lingering and she felt it from the alley a few block behind her.

It took her alot of courage to take a look over her shoulder at it seems it was just a kitten who licking itself after having their meal. Is that a can of tuna?

She just shrug off the feeling.

"Sorry for kept you waiting."

Raven jolted then she turn around. It was him. The guy who shared her forecast with. She crossed her arm and arched her brow, "I thought you couldn't make it."

"There's some business that I can't simply avoid." he sighed as he adjusting his brown sweatshirt sleeves.

"By the way, i did try to recall what time when that incident will happen." Raven put down her headphone as she talk to him. "11.11pm." she added.

"Want to grab something to eat before we come back to this place?" Damian looked at his screen phone as he suggest.

"Why not?"

"There's a restaurant nearby and, where are you going?" Damian sees Raven went to the opposite street.

"There's a kebab stall over there!" raven shouted as she reached the other pavement.

Damian silent for a while then walk to where the stall is.

As soon as that young lad joined Raven, she ordered herself a chicken honey. Damian took his time and ordered Chicken tikka.

--------------

"Did you see it?" Dick whispered in their intercom as he's on the roof of the building nearby.

"Found the love birds!" Steph exclaimed as she and Cass appear at the building a bit nearer with Raven and Damian.

"Tim! Have you taken the picture?!" Jason who is now at the alley where the kitten raven saw earlier.

" I was trying to get a good shot, be patience!' Tim huffed as he concentrated on his camera lens.

"Do you have to drag me along , Dick?" Duke appeared beside Dick as he using enhanced binocular spying on his little brother.

"Damian went out with a girl is a rare occasion!" Babs using her grappling gun as she reached the rooftops. "Its an oppoturnity that won't be missed!" as she clasped her hand together. ----------

Something makes Damian annoyed and he looked at the rooftop building. Seems like nothing.

"What's the matter?" Raven asked after she bite her kebab.

"I felt someone watching us." as he stared the the building opposite to them then he stare real hard at that area.

"And i thought I was the only one." Raven mumbled as she bite down her food.

--------------

"Guys, I think he knows we're here." as Duke looked at them through Dick's binocular. As he refocused on the couple. He saw Damian who makes beheaded gesture while looking straight to him as if he saw them.Quickly Duke pass the device to Dick abruptly.

"What did you see?" Dick ask as soon as he had the binocular.

"He's gonna kill us." Duke muttered.

"Awwwww...."

"What do you mean awwww...."

"Little D is harmless , don't worry." Dick give his best smile.

"You didn't know how he almost kill the criminal in his closed case before?! He practically put them in trauma unit and there one guy end up like broken record!" Duke shivers.

"Well, he DIDN'T kill the guy, that's an improvement."

"Oh that guy deserve it, he turn the kidnap children into a living puppet. A puppet!" as Barbara took the binocular as she spy on the couple.

"Oh, Duke. He was frustrated at that time because he cant save children that has been modify but he manage to save a dozen of kids in the cage. You should seen him that time. "

"Still..."

"That doesn't change my perspective about him." Tim voice on intercom.

"Perspective?" Duke curious about the brilliant Detective Tim Drake opinion.

"A haughty brat who push me down the stairs."

"Come on, Tim. He was 10 at that time, it was 10 years ago."

"No, Nu-uh. The last time I try to be reasonable with him, he destroy my coffee machine! That was my elixir!"

"Timbo, you're becoming coffee zombie, talk about you went into coffee deprived coma." Steph's turn to talk.

"Seriously I can't even smoke in peace with that brat."

"You know he respect Alfred by doing his favor , Jason." Dick trying to defend his little brother.

"So, that was the reason why all of you guys into this 'Suicide mission'?" as Duke heard their reason.

"Yep." all of them answered it.

"What did he did to you, Cass?" Duke wonder about the assassin girl who speak less.

"He is happy."

"Look! Even Cass could tell he's happy with her!" Babs giggled.

" We didn't know anything about the girl's background." Duke shaking his head.

"This is a job for Spoiler to spill the bean." Steph let out her hearty laugh as she sharing the files in the Soaring bird database.

"Raven Roth, an art college student." Duke read her biodata.

"Wow! Check out the recognition she get! From Paris?" Babs look at Raven's photograph with her artwork called Librarian where she use text to form a potrait.

"An orphan." Cass speaks as she stared that Raven's mother section who is deceased.

"Still haven't found her father information though." Steph added.

"Poor girl." as Dick studied her profile picture.

-------------

"Uh, Damian. What's with that gesture?" Raven stared at him as he made the obvious gesture.

"A threat. Just to make sure that they'll stop following us." Damian answered with deep tone.

"I...hope it worked." Raven swallow her worriness.

"Hi, haven't seen you around before." a cheerful voice greets them.

As Raven looked at the person, Damian making hiss sound. Wait, he did that?

"Tt, Dick..." Damian grumbled.

"Uh, Sorry about my friend. He's kinda...." Raven tried to cover Damian's "curse".

"No, no, no. He's right."

"What?" Raven now puzzled.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Dick. Damian's elder brother." Dick held his hand towards her.

'Are you kidding me.' Raven completely dumbfound.

"Adoptive brother and how did you find us here?" Damian arched his brow. Just as he suspected, Jason had told them about it. Looks like the mission are getting more difficult but it seems there's only D....

"Mind if we're join in???!" a shrill voice were heard behind them.

Damian face palm, frustrating. Sounds like the whole Bat and Co. are coming.

"Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Steph! This is Cass and Babs." Steph immediately introduce herself and two other girls.

"Oh, Hi! Nice to meet you! I'm..."

"You must be Raven, right?" As Jason , Tim and Duke appear behind Dick.

"You voice sounds familiar, are you Mr.Wayne?" Raven asked politely.

Jason chuckled as soon as he heard it. "My apologise, Miss. I was playing on you to see your reaction. I'm Jason, this is Duke and Nerd Timbo over there." Tim let out annoying grunt as he looking on his tablet for his report.

"Oh." Raven speechless, now there's a swamp of Damian's sibling meeting her. This awkward situation.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" Damian growling beside the blue hair girl.

"It's a coincidence to find you here." Dick gives out his best smile. Duke hid behind Jason trying to cover his nervousness.

"As if I would believe that!" The green eyed man spit out. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked again.

"Kebab!" The Bat and Co turn to Duke. The atmosphere went silent for a while following with Damian's simple question.

"What?"

"We're here for the Kebab." Duke pointing at the Kebab stall.

"I told you this Kebab stall are famous." Raven whispers to Damian. Damian rolled his eyes in respond.

"Whatever you say." as Damian glanced at his watch. It stated 10.30pm.

"So, you two have plans right?" Babs asked the 'fake' couple.

"Uh..." Raven unsured what to answer.

"Don't mind us. Continue your dates." said Steph after she ordered her food from that stall.

Damian kept his suspicious face then pull Raven's arm as they crossed to the otherside of the street as they about to investigate Raven's forecast happening at the small bar called Jackal's Santuary.

The Bat and Co saw both of them entering the premise as they eat their food.

"Aren't they look cute..." Dick with gleaming eyes.

" Pfftt. "Jason finished his mutton honey kebab and took a couple of sip from his malt drink which he bought from the same stall."Seriously Dick, you had me when you're trying to be CUPID and drag all of us."

+++++++++++

As they enter the bar, it was noisy with polka theme song and apparently it's filled Russian culture.

"Here I thought the bar more like generic pub but this is something else." Damian commented.

"They are more friendly?" says Raven who actually never been into clubs.

"No. More like a place for 'the big name' to meet." The big name what Damian actually meant are Criminal Lords who is untouchable by police department and authority. Probably they sack them enough to pardon all their DEEDs.

As they settle down at the table nearby the exit, a waitress came up to them which made Raven almost jolted and Damian saw her reaction.

"Welcome to Jackal's Sanctuary. can I take ya orda?" a thick accent blonde woman greets them as well as held her tablet by her hands.

"Can you get me a beer?"

"Beer for the lad, how about the lady?"

"Uh, water please." Raven timidly say.

The waitress stared her then make a shrug. "Water fer lady then. Enjoy ya day." She smiled and went to the bartender.

"What's the matter, Raven? Why are you look surprised?"

"That's her. I've seen her in the Forecast."

"I guess we better kept an eye on her and the perp." Damian muttered as he crossed arm while he observed surrounding. Who knows, he might find some mob boss that made trouble back at Gotham city before that he could put it away. Talk about those Cobblepot and Nygma gang that causing some damage in some part of the city where the people went jobless due to accident happen causing the factory to explode. Damian sighed and shake his head as he recall the incident.

"What's the matter?" Raven were concerned as she could felt his tense.

"Nothing, just thought about a case when I see these mafia-like meeting."

"A huge one?" as Raven put her hand together on the table.

"Old and huge case."

Raven pressed her lip. As far as they were having 'fake' relationship, she never question his career seriously, when Damian said about the case, she might thought him as detective or undercover detective, like in the movies.

"I've been wondering, it's been 2 months we've known each other..." her words trailed off.

"And?" she got his attention.

"I've been wondering about what career are you in." she clasped her hand on the table.

There were silence between them.

"Let's just say, I consult the police."

"You seems to be serious about it." she chuckled.

"Of course or else they'll end up being useless department in my city." Damian put his chin on his hand as he stared at the entrance.

Then he saw a guy with suspicious character comes in.

As Damian eyeing on him, that guy spoke a few words to the bartender and went to the toilet, this is the cue where the interview starts.

"Blend in, Raven. I found someone that i need to TALK." Damian got up and went to the men's room.

"Alright then." she shrugged.

A few minutes later, the waitress come with their drinks. "Here's beer for the lad and water for the lady." she served a beer bottle and a shot glass to Raven.

Raven looked at the glass then at the waitress. "Really? In small glass?"

"This one is original from russia and its on the house." the waitress smiled and explained the drink.

"On house? That's lovely." Raven drink it one go and boy, she felt the burn run through her throat. She slammed the cup on the table and exhaled.

"Are you okay, lady?"

"This is the most unusual drink i have. Can i have another one?" Raven's loud voice causing the guys who seat near the bartender who witness it, shouted AY in merry way. Perhaps they are excited to watch a girl who appreciate the russian signature drink.

"Coming right up!" the lady giggled and went back to the bartender.

Each of the glass slammed on the table as she exhaled from drinking the 'water', they shouted AY and patted behind her. She is making history, in the club. Quite absurd but its true.

"What's happening here?" Damian come in as he saw the table being surrounded by the old guys russian as if Raven does drinking contest.

"Ow, Damian! This nice gentlemens giving me some water!" Raven laughed as her cheek burn red.

"Water?"

"Yeah, in small cup, maybe its special from Russia. I love it!" she held the glass and about to drink. Damian quickly snatch the cup from her and smelled it.

"Oh My God, this is Vodka." Damian put it at the side of the table that is unreachable for her.

"Wait, why are taking my water?" Raven whines as she tried to get it.

"Because you had enough of it." Damian glared at them and the crowd slowly disperse to their own table.

"Raven, look at the time." Damian shows at clock that shows 11.11pm but all she could see the clock arm spin faster.

"Make the clock stop, Damian."

Damian look at her as she try to focus on the clock. Oh no.

"How many water you're having?" Damian asked her as he crossed his arm.

"Uh..." Raven counting by fingers on both of her hands. " 3?" Damian look at the table, there's 6 glasses, he sighed. He shouldn't left her alone.

"It seems nothing happen by the way, we should go." He quickly get up and left a couple of bills on the table.

"Hey, lady. Why not stay a little longer? We have more stuff for you to see." an old russian who is one of the men that witness her drinking earlier.

"Oh! Damian, can't we stay abit longer, this nice gentlemen said wanna show me some of Russian roulette drink."

"You are my girlfriend and you are coming with me, now." Damian getting tensed.

"But..."

"I tell you what you want to know if you're coming with me." he sighed hoping she could follow him back.

"Oh! Okay then! Sorry, Mister. My boyfriend has something to tell me. Bye!" she waved like a kid and quickly follow the young lad out.

**********

"Pssttt....I just remember...aren't we fake boyfriend and fake girlfriend?" Raven whispered to Damian as he accompany her due to her drunken state.

"...It's our agreement."

"Are you the fake girlfriend then?"

"What?" that question really had him as he looked at her.

"If we're fake, I had to be fake boyfriend and you are the fake girlfriend." she giggled." Because I'm a girl and your friend, so I'm not your fake girlfriend."

He chuckled with her train of thoughts and pun attempted words. "That's not how it meant."

"So you are a fake boyfriend?" she looked at him from head to toes. " Does that means you are a fake boy? Or a fake friend?" Oh she got him speechless. "Which on is it?" as she poke his ribs.

"I think its the best way we go my apartment." as they reached at the high security gate. He couldn't afford to let this vulnerable Raven to sleep at her apartment especially after what happen to her roomie a few months ago. Damian use his card to enter, Raven were astonished and try to do the beep beep sound as if she goes into space ship. Before she attract more attention, Damian quickly grab her inside and went to the highest floor.

"What a huge room you got." as she walked in as soon as Damian open the door. He sighed. A bad decision to bring her to the club place.

Raven walk in happy tunes towards the huge window. "Amg, you have the best view!" She exclaimed.

He sighed and settle down her coat at the hanger and her purse on the table.

"Hey Damian!"

"What?"

"You still haven't answer."

"Answer what?" he tries to recall.

"That are you a fake boy or a fake friend?" Raven skidaddle towards him as she wanted to hear his answer.

"You really are drunk, Raven." he frowned.

"You are avoiding the answer! Are you a girl?! Oh we could have girls dates! go shopping together! Do sleepover, paint our nails!"

Never in their meeting Damian would seen Raven that's so cheerful, Raven that he usually met is sad and serious.

"I am a guy and a friend." at last he answer her.

"Hmmm...Good, I don't think I'm into girls like in sexual way, you made me confuse if you told me you're a girl." she giggled.

"What..." Damian blushes as he heard the words coming from her mouth. People say drunk people are honest to their words.

"Maybe I could paint your nails? I have that awesome nail polish green colour that match with you eyes." Raven grab his hand as she studied his finger nails, large and neat cut.

"Wait, Go back, You attracted to me?" Damian is confused state.

"Don't be silly. I like you." Raven shows her grin.

"Like...like like? Or just like?" he still uncertain with thing he heard from her mouth.

"You're funny. Like, like like!" she laughed and that made his face blushes.

"I'm quite certain that I'm not a fake girl." as she pull her collar blouse, look inside, at her torso.

"Raven."

"See?" she pull up her blouse and shows to Damian her upper body.

"STOP." Damian pull down her clothes as he looked away. She will kill him someday.

"You're not a fake girl either." as Raven tries to feel his chest but before she does, he grab both of her hands.

"I get it, we are not fake." he tried his best to keep his shit together.

"Good, you would make me question my sexuality if you were a girl and I like you as a boy." she smiled.

Raven has successfully made Damian Wayne flustered and blushed. Never in his life would meet a girl who had mess up his emotion like this moment.

"I never had girls party or sleepover before." she muttered as she remember her childhood. "Is this my first sleepover?"

"I...I don't know." Damian still find his words after being hitted by Raven's honest flirty words.

"It's my first sleepover yay!" she cheered. She's happy pacing as she bought him by pulling his hands along to the sofa. "So, what are we gonna do?" as both of them sit down.

"What?"

"This sleepover! Are we gonna have pillow fight?"

"Adult sleepover with boyfriends means something else." Damian tried to kept his cool.

"What does it means?" Raven tilt her heard in curiousity.

"Sleep. Just Sleep." He didn't tell the actual thing.

"That's no fun at all. You must have 'boring' sleepover. Oh!! Maybe you never had any, just like me!!" she giggled.

'Does this girl knows what she's talking about?' his mind irritated with the statement.

"I don't sleep at other people's house or invite them to my apartment." Damian kept his serious face.

"Am I the first one to sleepover here?" she grab both of his hand. "I promise I'll make this sleepover fun!"

"Fun?" Damian arched his brow.

"Fun!" Raven with her gleaming eyes stared at him like a little girl.

"Do you have any extra clothes to wear? Mine is kinda smelly for this sleepover." she smelled her clothes and it reeks with sweat and smokes from the club before.

"Stay here. I'll go get some." Damian got up and when to his wardrobe.

********

"Here, use this." Damian gives her his shirt and shorts.

"Oh." as Raven received it , she about to pull out her blouse.

"Not here, Damn it!" Damian once again pull down her blouse, grab her and the clothes the walk to the bathroom.

"Change your clothes in here." Damian shade of red grew to his ears as he put the clean clothes on the dry sink then he close the door.

"This shirt is so comfy!" as soon as she come out from the batroom.

"....you should wear some pants." as he seen her twiddling around as if she's wearing a dress.

" I don't need pants, it has cover my butt and you can't see it." as she pull the shirt that reached her thighs. Damian gulped as his eyes trailed on it.

"Alright , miss energetic. You better get some sleep or you'll end up with a headache." he walk to his bedroom which is huge and roomy. Neat with exquisite and modern furniture and the bed is a king size.

"Ohhh...this is comfy!" as she landed on the bed then rolled over to the edge of the bed. Damian just stood there unsure how to reach when she just casually rolled on his bed.

"You must be having fun before sleep." as she jumped on it.

"The bed is for sleeping, Raven."

"And PILLOW FIGHT!!" a pillow hit his face, bullseye.

"I win!" she held both of her hands high."I win i win i win!" she cheers as she jump on the bed.

"You can't win if I didn't forfeit." Damian grab the pillow that has been send by her.

"Or maybe you're just a sore lo-" Damian cut her words by smack her face with pillow he had.

"I win."

Raven fell on her bed and start to throw her tantrum. "It's not fair!"

"There is no rules in pillow fight."

"Oh, yeah?" Raven smack his face with two pillow causing him to fell on his bed.

Damian tried to get but Raven now on top of him, and held her pillow high.

"I win!" she exclaimed.

Damian were stunned with position he's in and hell, he try not to lose it. A girl in his shirt, on top of him in his bed. Consider it his lucky strike.

Shaking his head as he denied desire that stirred in his body. "Get off of me." he hissed.

Raven still on top of him hugging the pillow."No."

Damian groaned as his head hit the soft mattress beneath him. He felt her movement as she lean towards him. "What are you doing?" he scowled.

"You have very pretty eyes." Raven cup both of his cheek as her eyes studied his. Those eyes has blue and a bits of golden mixture that made them look like precious auric malachite gems. Raven slowly leaned towards him until both of their nose touch each other.

"Raven." Damian whispers then Raven plant a kis on his lips. Soft and chaste.

Damian can't help it as he closed his eyes feeling the soft of her lips, soft and lavender fragrance of her hair. His hands touch her arms, then her back moving down to her waist. He can hear her heart same pace as his. Faster.

Raven withdrawn as she take the air amused him. "Why are you laughing?"

"Why are you gasping?"

"I thought we hold our breath while we kissing?"

"Pfft. Let me show you."

He put his hand at the back of her back an pulled towards him. He crushed both their lips and savour it.

Raven felt like euphorial as they kissed in sensual way. As soon as they withdrawn, both of them panting, sucking oxygen filling their lungs.

"Wow."

"Wow?"

"I've never kiss anyone before."

"But you kissed me." Damian furrowed his brows.

"You're the first." She giggled then she landed her head on his chest.

"Raven?"

"Wake me up when September end , Damian." she whispered.

"Wait, What? After that kiss you just-" then he heard small snores came from her. Damian sighed, pull the pillow and landed his head on it.

"It's not even September." He sighed. "She wear MY clothes, rolling and jumping on MY bed, kissed ME and now sleep on TOP of ME" He mumbled under his breath as he stroke her hair. "This girl is unbelievable."

Using remote, he turn the lights into night lamp mode and closed his eyes as he's ready to enter slumberland.

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gutsybitsies · 7 years ago

Text

Bullet fic

scifi au, kinda: Bitty was kidnapped by a group for superpower experimentation, and presumed dead by everyone, including his husband. When he finally manages to escape, Jack’s moved on without him. Warnings for human experimentation (not very graphic), and presumed character death. This turned out to be very, very long.

It’s years after Bitty graduated and he and Jack are married. As in, jack proposed and they got their marriage license immediately afterwards. they’re planning on jack coming out soon and holding a huge wedding reception after.

jack’s signed a no trade clause and bought this nice, huge house a few blocks away from marty’s place. there’s a yard. jack built bitty a patio, and he built a swing set “for the kids in the future”

one day bitty’s invited to a fancy party with some other college alumns, and faulty wiring and a gas leak in the building blows everything up and theyre all pronounced dead or missing. bitty was one of the missing bc they couldn’t find anything in there that identified as him.

but they weren’t actually dead or caught in the explosion: they were taken by a group who needed human bodies to experiment powers and run tests on. while bitty’s being strapped to a gurney and reliving his worst nightmare of being trapped, jack’s suffering a panic attack because he just got news that his husband died in a freak accident

it gets long loll.

bitty doesnt remember most of the experimentation, because they have him under anaesthesia and hypnosis and a number of other drugs. he does notice that the group of scientists were trying to create humans with superpowers, and most of the test experiments react badly and die.

the alumn group do well, as in most of them don’t die when injected with the drugs. some even exhibit powers, such as super strength, etc.

nothing happens with bitty. he’s poked and prodded and injected and nothing happens to him. it’s painful, but he doesn’t die, but he also doesnt exhibit any kind of ability.

that’s weird, so the scientists decide to basically freeze him away until further notice, and he’s begging and crying for them not to put him in the small and cramped cryo-unit, but of course there’s no recourse.

the next thing he knows, the door is opening and someone from somewhere called “samwell”, a government agency, is rescuing him from this hellhole.

they take him to a private hospital, and he sees himself in the mirror for the first time in a while. and he’s hideous. his face was riddled with scars, and his eyes look dead and sunken.

the samwell agency has already sent out notifications to his family that he’s been found, because he’s been missing around five years, so technically there was an ongoing search for him and he wasn’t pronounced dead yet.

and meanwhile bitty catches up to the world. and he finds out that jack zimmermann has a public fianceè.

jack had come out as bisexual, had created a foundation in the name of eric bittle for lgbt youth, and had moved on from him apparently.

jack did all the right things. he grieved, and he grieved. he gave himself time for the loss, he dedicated time and energy to making sure eric bittle was remembered, he stayed in contact with friends and family, he joined support groups and did grief counseling and got better.

and he met someone, and fell in love again, and is planning on a life together with Katy. bitty’s heart broke as he scrolled through happy instagram and twitter posts by Katy about her beautiful boyfriend jack zimmermann who was an over the top romantic, who bored her with history channel, and let her wear his jerseys. they were two beautiful people leading beautiful lives, and bitty’s can only look at his own weak limbs and face and think about how he’ll never deserve jack again.

jack’s one of the people to receive a notification that bitty was alive and found, because technically he was still married to bitty (he and kate had decided to wait until the date passed that bitty was officially pronounced dead, bc jack couldn’t bear to speed the process up).

all bitty had wanted was to run home to providence and into the arms of his husband, but instead he called his parents. They were ecstatic that he was alive, and he prepared for the trip back to georgia. bitty doesn’t want to look at jack’s happy life and ruin it, and he doesn’t want jack to see him with his scarred face. but he does call jack, because he knows he owes jack that.

“Sweetpea?” He involuntarily called out, then berating himself because Jack has someone else now.

“Bitty?” Jack’s heart thumped as he finally heard the voice he’d been missing for so many years. Katy was holding his hand, and his grip tightens.

“Jack, I-I’m back.” Bitty cried, and Jack could almost hear the tears rolling down his face. He remembered how easily Bitty cried. “I can’t believe Beyonce released two new albums since I was out!” And it was as if Bitty never left.

“Where are you? You should come back home.” Before Jack realized that he sold the house they lived in together, when he decided that it was too painful to live there alone.

“I’m back in Madison. I saw the news, about Katy. I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not intruding, I’ll book-,” Jack began to say, but Katy was looking blank and scared and he realized that she was afraid that he was going to dump her. And Jack doesn’t fucking know what to do.

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” Jack finally said, breaking down as Bitty continued to sob into the phone. “I’m just so happy you’re alive.”

so one of the logistical problems that happens is that jack is technically still married to bitty. but he’s engaged to another person. and jack’s lawyer is raring to go.

“don’t you worry, mr. zimmermann. i’ll take care of this in a jiffy so you can go ahead and marry your beautiful Katy. and don’t worry about alimony, i’ll make sure he takes nothing away from this marriage, even if there was no prenup.”

bitty, selfless as ever, comes up north to solve the problem himself. he’s willing to file for divorce papers with jack, and doesn’t request any alimony.

jack, on the phone as bitty’s in the airport: “you don’t have to do this, you just escaped from that terrible place, you have to rest yourself before you do anything.”

bitty: “oh sweetp- jack. it must’ve been so hard for you to move on, i dont want you to suffer anymore. you’ve built up a life without me, and if i saunter back in anytime later i’ll ruin everything. it’s better to do everything now.” before bitty regrets it.

part of the reason jack didn’t drop everything and run to bitty is bc jack is very all or nothing. it hasn’t hit home yet that bitty was back. but when he and the rest of bitty’s friend are there in the airport seeing bitty walk in, jack finally felt it.

grief counseling helped jack a lot, but there was always a piece of him missing, and even though he accepted it and his counselor said it was normal, it was only when he saw bitty again that he felt that missing piece return inside him.

bitty had sent pictures to his friends to warn them about how he looked, but he didn’t send one to jack because he can’t bear jack seeing him scarred up like that. and he wore sunglasses and a cold mask on after exiting the plane because he wanted to avoid the moment of jack seeing his face for a bit longer.

and when bitty sees his friends waving at him he runs over and instinctually hugs jack first. his sunglasses were knocked off and his mask was askew in the collision and jack’s expression when he saw bitty’s face was terrible.

“bitty, what did they do to you?” cupped bitty’s face gently, still looking at bitty with love. bitty moves in closer and cupped jack’s hands, but he felt the engagement ring, and then backed off to say hello to everyone else.

katy, jack’s fianceé, is conflicted. on the one hand, she’s really really happy that jack’s husband is alive, because she knows that jack has been grieving him for ages and had finally walked out of grief. on the other, she’s so in love with jack, and she’s deathly afraid that bitty being back meant that jack was going to leave her.

when she saw bitty at the small gathering held in his honor and saw all his scars, she horrified herself by being glad that he was disfigured. “How can I be this disgusting that I’m happy for his misfortune?? But I can’t help it, GAH!!”

so the next day, bitty’s meeting with jack and katy, and their lawyers. jack and katy’s lawyer Smith, and bitty’s lawyer Shitty (bitty was like, i dont need a lawyer, and shitty was like, BRAH).

Smith: “How much alimony do you want? My client,” looks down disdainfully at his paper, “is prepared to offer you half his estate.”

Katy, “what the FUCK jack you didn’t tell me that! half of your estate? jack that’s crazy! we’re getting married i should know!”

“I’m really sorry, it was a last minute arrangement. Bitty needs it.”

Bitty’s really touched, he really is. But he refuses the alimony because “the whole reason i’m here is because i don’t want to cause any more trouble, jack. you can’t just give me half of what you have. you dont have to give me anything.”

katy, “that’s nonsense, you should still receive something. and you should also have your belongings from the storage unit, too.”

when jack sold the house and moved into a smaller place, he placed some of bitty’s stuff into a storage unit. when he started dating katy, he moved the rest bitty’s stuff into storage.

Shitty: “Bits, I know you don’t want to bother Jack more, but you’ve just gone through a really traumatic experience. You kind of need the support Jack’s offering you to get you back on your track with ease.” They agree to an amount that bitty’s comfortable with.

Bitty, suddenly near the end, realizing that he was about to divorce the man who he still loves very, very much: “I cant do this today. I’m sorry, you were right, jack. I need to leave now. I can’t. I’m so sorry. I’m going.” And he leaves, with jack chasing after him. he waved off shitty and katy, told them to stay while he took care of it.

“Bitty, Bits! Wait up,” he caught up to Bitty, and convinced him to come sit in Jack’s car. “Hey bud.” He sat next to bitty, who is trying not to cry in public. “Do you want me to take you back home?”

“Home’s gone, Jack.” Bitty said softly.

Jack’s throat tightened, because it was the same for him, too. The home that he’d made with Bitty was gone. And while he was able to build a new one, Bitty came back to nothing.

Jack reached into the backpack that he was carrying around, and pulled out señor bun. “I’m sorry, this is the only thing I can think of that would make you feel better. I meant to give him back to you at the beginning of the talk, but it felt weird to take him out in front of everyone.”

Bitty cried softly into señor bun, while Jack held him.

“I’m so sorry, sweet-I mean, Jack. I didn’t want to burden you. I didn’t want to show up with my ugly, terrible, face to disgust you and all this baggage and bother you. I just wanted you to be happy, and now I’m messing it all up.”

Jack smoothed over Bitty’s tears and thumbed the scar tissue on his face. He never, ever felt disgusted. Bitty was the same Bitty, only hurt a lot more. He was still kind, still self sacrificing, still everything that Jack fell in love with years ago. And Jack still thought he was beautiful.

“Let’s go to a place where it still feels like home, okay?” He texted Shitty and Katy to let them know that he’s canceling today’s meeting and they’ll discuss the matter later, and he drove Bitty to the storage unit that held all of Bitty’s stuff.

“It was really hard putting these away in boxes, it felt like finally saying goodbye to you. ” Jack said, letting Bitty and himself inside. “I had our friends and family help, because then it felt like we were remembering you and all the good that you brought us, instead of like we were boxing you away.”

All the boxes were meticulously labelled, some in Jack’s handwriting, some in Lardo’s, mish mashes of Bitty’s friends and family coming together. Bitty picked up a small box that wasn’t labelled, and opened it.

“Sweetheart,” he breathed out. “You kept my post it notes.”

Bitty opened a box labeled Clothes Bitty stole from me, “First of all, your stuff looked darn good on me-oh. This was your favorite game day hoodie, Jack. You should’ve just kept it instead of boxing it away.”

“You loved to wear it, too. So I couldn’t bear looking at it.”

“These were the salt and pepper shakers we bought at the flea market.”

“Oh, you kept the kitchenaid gathering dust here? At least use it, Jack.”

“My Ivy Park collection! But there’s more clothes here than I remember having bought.”

“It was a bad phase where I went on a shopping spree and bought a lot of that brand online. It felt like I was buying them for you. You should definitely wear them, you’ll look great.”

Jack continued to show Bitty the boxes. “And this is weird, but these are the planks from the swing set in our backyard. I took it apart for some reason, and I couldn’t do anything with it…I put your socks here with your underwear and color coded everything…the scrapbooks that we made together isn’t here, I gave those to Suzanne…the recipe book you were writing up I gave to my maman…our souvenirs from our trip to Venice is in this box, the duck I carved you during that terrible woodwork workshop is also in here…”

Bitty touched his cheeks, and found that they were wet again. He looked at Jack, whose cheeks was also wet with tears as he explained every box that contained their life together.

“What are we doing, Jack?” He asked. “I don’t even know why I thought this was a good idea, seeing you again. I thought this was the best way, to let you live your life without me. But now all I am is a selfish ol’ fool who’s begging you to-” he sobs, “-begging you to bring our old life back.”

And Jack has that moment of clarity again, where everything finally slotted together in his mind and in his life.

“I want that,” Jack said, taking Bitty’s hand. “I want our life back together again. How could I have been so slow? You’re back, and I still love you, no matter what happened.”

Katy was understandably distraught when Jack had that difficult conversation with her. She tried to persuade Jack otherwise, but gave up and wished him luck when she saw that stubborn look in Jack’s eyes. She actually thinks its very touching that jack’s still in love with someone who he thought died years ago, but thinks that its just her bad fucking luck that she had to be the person who’s abandoned. Bitty bakes her a guilt pie and she’s shameless enough to ask him for more, and he’s happy enough that she’s taking his guilt pie to bake her more.

like i want to make it clear here that katy’s not a villain or an antagonist or anything, she’s just a person at the wrong place at the wrong time having pretty normal reactions and ultimately not doing any harm.

and jack and bitty finally hold that wedding reception that they’ve been waiting for for years. there’s still a lot of problems, like bitty has really severe ptsd, but jack’s nearing retirement and has a lot more time to brainstorm with bitty and his therapists on how to deal with it.

and of course when bitty accidentally cut off his finger and saw it grow back, there were more questions regarding what exactly did the organization do to him.

but those were things he and jack faced together.

#omgcp #zimbits #jack zimmermann #eric bittle #words #bullet point fic #deadpool au

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deadgwen · 8 years ago

Text

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias @jiilys MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START.

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU.

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH.

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but.

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED*

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

#I LOVE YOU SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT MY POINT STANDS #ALSO SORRY FOR THE SHITTINESS AND IF SOMETHING LOOKS WEIRD BC I EDITED IT SO MANY TIMES IT IS PORBABLY MOST DEFINITELY FUCKED UP SOMEHWERE #@ MYSELF I DONT TRUST U #fucshias #jiilys #I LOVE U BAE HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY HAPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY #*SINGS* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU #my BIG GOAT UR 17 NOW I AM ZCRYING RN I SWEAR I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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