#was it the perfect excuse to procrastinate doing actual work? you fucking bet!!!!

[karma-was-taken]

https://youtu.be/qfT6vvaaGjA

(quote starts at 1:10)

«I swear I will not be brief. […] It really seems like an absurd situation to me, but before you realize the mistake you've made, I'll go on with my thanks. [...] 

I would like to thank Pietro Marcello, my director, for his dedication, for his honesty, for his courage, because he gradually let me discover his soul and I was blinded by it, thank you for trusting me and for gifting me this adventure. I would like to thank the other beautiful souls who are Dario Zonta, Maurizio Braucci, the whole cast and the whole crew, Naples who gave itself in body and image to this film. Then I would like to thank the producers Rai Cinema and IBC, the co-producers Match Factory and Shellac. Let me turn the page. 

I would like to thank Officine Artistiche, Daniele Orazi, who is more than an agent to me and who has put up with me for 10 years. [...] I would like to thank all the people I have met in these years: friends, brothers, sisters, teachers, who have formed my being an actor today. I would like to thank all my family, all my friends, for loving in such a secure way. And then I would like to thank my wife and my two wonderful children, who endure and support me in this crazy and wonderful job and who caress my soul with their presence and their smiles. 

I would like to finish by saying this: I have this award in my hands also thanks to a man named Jack London, who created this wonderful character, a sailor who was looking for the truth. That is why I would like to dedicate this award to all the wonderful people who are at sea, to save other human beings fleeing from unimaginable situations. And thank you also for saving us from embarrassing ourselves and others. To humanity, and to love. Thank you.»

- Luca Marinelli winning the Coppa Volpi, Venezia 2019.

[jonahlovescoffee]

Mistletoe | J.M.

a/n: i suck at writing. the only thing im good at is procrastinating my procrastination so send help pls :/ this fic was supposed to be up before Christmas but i just finished writing it today and i’m not even proud of it :’) anyways, happy reading and be sure to tell me what you think in the end <3

summary: all you wanted to do was kiss your boyfriend under the mistletoe, but things didn’t work out as planned.

warning: secondhand embarrassment, fluff & some mildly suggestive themes in the end bc i couldn’t help it lmao

word count: 2407

“And that’s what I call a perfect plan,” Emily threw her arms up in the air excitedly, thankfully not getting the attention of anyone else in the cafe. She had just finished explaining the details of her stupid plan to make your boyfriend finally kiss you that was admittedly not so stupid after you ran through the whole thing once again in your head. What’s the worst possible outcome of her plan? Him hating you forevermore? You highly doubt that’d happen so maybe this plan was actually worth a try after all.

“Do you think this is a good idea though, I mean I don’t wanna come off as too needy or anything...” you rambled on nervously, your hands fidgeting with the hem of the beige sweater you were wearing.

“You always overthink everything,” Emily landed a firm reassuring pat on your shoulder. “Don’t worry. It’ll be completely fine. Couples kiss each other all the time! And it’s about time for that dip to do the same to you too.”

You and Jonah had been dating for quite a while now — nearly a month and a half to be exact — but you both had never kissed. His previous girlfriend had left him heavily scarred and this was your first romantic relationship with anyone, meaning that you were too inexperienced in this relationship department to know how it works, so of course both of you had agreed to take it slow. Don’t get you wrong, he did shower you with affection all the time through other methods, mainly through intimate gestures but he didn’t make a move to take it any further and you being the useless coward you were, you didn’t even dare to initiate it either even though you’d gotten comfortable enough with Jonah to the point where you do want to kiss him. Very badly.

Now, you knew that each and every relationship was different and there was nothing wrong with not choosing to express one’s love through something as absurd as kisses, but after Daniel accidentally let the fact that Jonah actually kissed his ex on their first date slip during one of your conversations with him, you started to wonder whether you were the problem. Were you not pretty enough? Not capable enough?

Your worsened insecurities didn’t go unnoticed by your best friend, which was exactly why she dragged you out to a cafe that late autumn day to offer you her so-called ‘foolproof’ plan that couldn’t go wrong.

So when winter rolled around and it was time to put up Christmas decorations around your house, maybe it was because of the indescribable Christmas magic in the air, or maybe it was because of the delightful festive cheer, you eventually decided to follow her advice and hung a mistletoe above the door. Now all there’s left was for you to greet him at the door, inconspicuously gaze at the mistletoe above you, say something along the lines of, “Wow, I wonder how that mistletoe got there!”, and then hope he’d get the hint and was ready for a cute Christmas kiss — If he did go along with the plan, that is.

Which explained why here you were right now leaning against a wall of your living room, shifting your weight from one foot to another repeatedly while biting your nails as you stare intensely at the clock, trying your best to soothe the nerves in your stomach. You had just invited him over for dinner like usual and was now waiting for his arrival anxiously like something big was about to happen although you knew very well that a kiss was hardly considered that big of a deal.

The loud chime of the doorbell that sounded moments later disrupted your train of thought, startling you a little. You hurriedly smoothed your attire and took a deep breath to calm yourself down before making your way to answer the door. You flung open the front door with a cheeky smile plastered on your face.

“Hey, ba....Corbyn?! What are you doing here?” Your voice raised a pitch in the end of your sentence from how shocked you were when you were greeted with the sight of Corbyn standing on your doorstep instead of your boyfriend whom you were expecting, your eyes widening in disbelief so much that you swore they almost popped out of your sockets.

“Just here to pass your present before I return to my hometown tomorrow for Christmas,” he answered, passing you the rectangular shaped present that was beautifully wrapped with vibrant Christmas-themed wrapping paper. Under normal circumstances, you would’ve thanked him profusely and proceed with guessing excitedly about what he might’ve gotten you (because he is an amazing gift-giver) but this time was different. You had a mistletoe dangling from the ceiling above your head and your friend was not supposed to be here now. Out of all the times he could’ve passed you your present, he had chosen today to do it. Great.

“But isn’t that Jonah’s car?” You asked, pointing at the black Audi that was parked in your driveway, completely ignoring the present that was now in your hand.

Please don’t see the mistletoe. Please don’t see the mistletoe....

“Not even a thank you?” Corbyn cocked a brow but sighed and gave you a reply to your question when he realised you were scowling at him. “Yeah, I caught a ride with him since we’re heading to the same place and he wants me to wash his car afterwards. This dumbass is too lazy to do anything by himself,” he explained and rolled his eyes.

“He’s in the car now talking on the phone with our manager, so yeah,” he added, still not noticing the mistletoe, even when he looked up a little and scratched the back of his head. Luck was definitely on your side today.

“And I bet you have tons to pack for your trip tomorrow, don’t you? So you better hurry home and get ready,” this was the best excuse you had to get him to leave before things got awkward.

“Hello? It’s me you’re talking about,” Corbyn ruffled your hair with his hand. “My stuff is all packed and ready a week ago.”

“But I guess I should get going anyway,” he said, clapping his hands. Jonah can be seen walking towards you both. “The last thing I want is to third wheel your date so see ya’ soon,” he bid his goodbye and you felt a weight lifted from your chest when he still paid no attention to the stupid plant.

But someone else sure did. You watched as a smirk grew on Jonah’s face when his gaze lifted higher to see the mistletoe above you. He was about to walk away when Jonah stopped him by putting an arm over his shoulder.

“Hey, Corbyn, don’t you think it’s extremely rude to leave a girl standing under a mistletoe without a kiss?” His simple question had you internally cursing him with a long string of profanities as embarrassment flooded your veins instantly, heat spreading from the tips of your ears to all over your face.

“Oh,” He dragged out the one syllable word when he finally took notice of the mistletoe as realization hit him. “No wonder you were acting all weird just now! Because you wanted a kiss from me but you didn’t have the guts to say it, huh?”

“No, I absolutely don’t want anything from you!” You waved your hands frantically in front of you in denial.

“Including your present? So give it back to me,” Corbyn instructed, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, in which you responded with another deep scowl.

“No, the present is mine now so you can’t take it back!” You practically screamed at him as you tightened your hands around the said object protectively. You friendly banter went on for a while more, with Corbyn teasing you and you shooting your crafty retorts back at him.

Jonah watched the exchange between you and his best friend silently with an amused smile and couldn’t help but burst into laughter when Corbyn suddenly said “you’re so annoying! It makes me want to kiss you to shut you up” in the midst of your playful bickering, making your cheeks redden even more and from the way you open and close your mouth without any words coming out of it, it was evident that you were at a loss of words too.

“Then kiss her, bro,” Jonah urged him with a nudge of his shoulder. “But not on the lips. Those are mine,” he said in a serious tone, the former cheekiness all gone. It was merely a simple sentence but little did he know butterflies erupted in your stomach just from hearing it.

“As much as I’d not want to kiss you, this is tradition and we can’t break it,” with a hopeless sigh, Corbyn scrunched up his nose in disgust but proceeded to lean in and give you a brief kiss on your cheek before pulling away almost immediately. “There, that’s settled. Hang your mistletoe elsewhere next time. The last thing I want is to fucking kiss my best friend again,” he left with a wave of his hand at you and Jonah.

“I guess it’s just the two of us now,” Jonah stated the obvious as his car pulled out of the driveway a moment later by Corbyn.

“Shut up and get lost, I don’t wanna talk to you,” you crossed your arms in front of your chest, looking away from him, still mad that he made your friend kiss you. It was nothing more than a kiss on the cheek but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t awkward.

“But why are you still standing here then? Right under the mistletoe,” he moved closer and wrapped his strong arms around your waist, kicking the door shut behind him. You were engulfed in his uplifting and clean scent of autumn that you loved so dearly, considering that autumn is your utmost favourite season of all. “Wonder how did that get here. I don’t remember seeing the mistletoe the last time I visited.”

“Fuck you, Jonah.”

“Here? Against the wall? Damn, darling, you sure are one kinky girl,” he joked, earning a playful smack from you.

“Stop,” you whined and buried your face in his chest to hide your blushing face that was already as red as a tomato or even redder at this point. He chuckled, his hand moving to cradle your face and pushed it backwards gently before tilting it upwards.

“Sometimes I forget how delicate and innocent you actually are,” he breathed and you could feel heart doing jumping jacks when your gaze met with his intense one. Your mind went totally haywire when he started to lean in, your breaths mingling with each other’s. “And you have no idea how much I’ve thought about doing this.”

When your lips connected at long last, the wonderful sensation was like nothing you had experienced before. The kiss was soft and moist and hot and breathy, not trying to win a battle but seeking union and closeness and the sharing of one breath, one sensation, one timeless and passionate moment. You yearned for more — you wanted so badly to feel so, so much more of him — so you didn’t hesitate to comply to his wish when he bit your lip lightly for permission for his tongue to slip into your mouth.

The heat rose in your cheeks as your tongues entwined, quick and electric and delicious, then firmer, more determined, more curious about the heat that lay within, seeking to chase down that elusive liquid lightning that reached through both of you. Instinctively, you grabbed fistfuls of the soft material at the front of his coat to pull him closer and deepen the kiss. He groaned when you bucked your hips against his as his grip on your waist tightened to prevent you from repeating the same action because his self-control was reaching its limit. One more time and he might not be able to restrain himself from pinning you against the wall and ripping off your clothes to devour you.

Plus, he knew that you weren’t ready for that either.

“That was amazing,” you said in awe when you finally pulled apart to catch your breath, breathless from the heated kiss-turned-makeout session with your boyfriend. “If I can get kissed like that everytime I stand under a mistletoe, I think I might go against Corbyn’s advice and hang more of those around my house.”

“You don’t need a stupid mistletoe to kiss me, idiot. You can do it whenever you like,” he replied, his thumb caressing your cheek gently, as if you were his most prized possession that he was more than reluctant to let go of (which you were).

“But why haven’t you done that before?” You asked, staring quizzically into his hazel eyes that were the softest brown infused with green, as if he held the new spring growth inside.

“I wanted your first kiss to be special,” he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “There’re a lot of things that I want to do with you and do to you that I haven’t done yet, love, so you gotta be patient,” he promised and took your hands in his, squeezing them once.

“But what if I want you to show me what you want to do to me now?” You wanted to take the question back right after you said it out loud. His lips curled into a smirk which made you even more embarrassed than you already were, not saying a word. “No, I mean what am I even talking about...” you trailed off, pulling your lower lip between your teeth tentatively, not on purpose but because that was what you did everytime you were nervous, only to find his jaw slightly clenched as you did so before using his thumb to softly pull your lip back out.

“Desperate now, are we?” He teased, holding your hand as he led you towards the dining room where the various dishes you had prepared for dinner sat on the table. “Maybe I would, but let’s have dinner first, okay? Dessert will come later.”

It took you a moment to understand what he meant and when you finally did, your face turned red all over again.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Just Like You - Kenny McCormick(South Park)

I wrote this a really long time ago when I was obsessed with South Park. I don’t know why lmao, but here it is. 

Warning: Also wrote this when I was an edgy teen™, so cringe and possible trigger warning.

~~~~~~~~~~

Welp, today’s the day...

New town. New house. New school.

My parents had gotten a better job offer here in this little town of South Park, much to my dismay. I love traveling, but moving from a large city in New York to a small mountain town in Colorado is a lot.

It should be interesting though, more opportunities that I’ve never gotten before. Although, I still have to go to school. The local South Park high school.

I put on my outfit for school and wear my black coat over it. It seems to always snow here, only on rare occasions it gets warm. I run downstairs and grab a piece of toast my mother made from the kitchen. I find a note on the counter.

Have a good first day of school, hon. Try to make some friends, and yes, that means being nice to people. Your father and I will not be back until tomorrow morning, so keep those memories of your first day in you head until we can hear about it. Love you!

My mother is a freak, I love her, but she’s a freak. I’m surprised my father has a job with all the day drinking he does. It helps him get work done, I guess.

I walk to school still eating my buttered toast. Approaching the school, I take in its features. It’s an ugly yellow color. Although, I think all bright colors are ugly. I walk in the school and all eyes are on me. I pretend not to notice. I get my class schedule and such from the receptionist and make my way towards my locker.

“You must be new. I think I would’ve recognized an ass that fine before.” A brunette says to me. I roll my eyes and huff.

“As a matter of fact, I am new. I was hoping for something better than a lame catcall on my first day, but at least you tried.” I said and patted him on the shoulder. He glared, tears filling in his eyes, and stomped off.

I bet he’s never been rejected in his entire life, poor soul.

I walk into my first class and immediately get called on. “Well, hello there! You must be the new student. Y/N right? Well, I’m Mr. Garrison and this here is my little friend Mr. Hat. Say hello Mr. Hat!”

Okay...already creeped the fuck out. Something about his southern accent and oh yeah, his fucking creepy ass puppet just rubs me the wrong way.

“Now, please, go take a seat. Wait...are you a troublemaker?” He asks.

“Oh no. Not at all, sir.” I lie. It’s easy to lie. I have a natural talent for it.

“Oh alright, I guess you can sit next to Kenny. That boy in the orange coat. You can keep him in check.”

Will do, you creepy old fuck.

I take my seat next to the blonde haired boy. He’s kinda cute actually. After class a group of boys came up to me, including that Kenny kid.

“Hi, new kid! Just thought we’d introduce ourselves. I’m Kyle. This here’s Stan, Cartman, and Kenny.” The redhead said.

“Holy shit, look at those tits!”

“Cartman!” Kyle scolded.

“Well, first off. It’s Y/N, not new kid. And nice to meet you too...I guess.” I said and walked off. 

Yeah, I don’t have great people skills. My harshness has pushed people away. I’m trying to work on it. But determined from what the fatass said I probably don’t wanna be friends with those dudes.

Off to lunch, finally. Hopefully the lunch here is better than the ones at my old school. I took my tray and looked around the lunchroom. Everyone in groups or pairs. I see one empty table. I head towards it and sit down.

The food isn’t that bad, but I’ll definitely be bringing my own from now on. While I was eating I noticed people staring at me. One, that Kenny kid, and two, that guy that used that lame catcall. I got uncomfortable real quick.

The rest of school was a bust. It was boring. Now, I want something fun to do. I heard that there’s a pond near here, that sounds like fun. I asked directions to where the pond was, which I found out was called Stark’s Pond, and headed there.

I approached and noticed no one was there. Perfect.

I looked around in my bookbag for some rope, and luckily I carry some around with me at all times. I look a heavy looking rock and tie it to the rope. I’m not that heavy so it should work.

I tie the other end of the rope around my ankle. I throw the boulder into the pond and it yanks me down, breaking my ankle. It drags me down until the rock rests at the bottom of the pond.

It’s dark and cold. I’m floating, suspended in time. I look up and see the sunlight breaking through the surface of the water, but it’s not enough to reach me. My hair flies around, loose and tangling each other. I reach up and run my fingers through my soft hair.

It starts...I try to gasp for breath but it isn’t there. My lungs start to burn with fire as no oxygen reaches them and they only fill with water as I struggle for air.

I always find this part of drowning so fascinating. Your survival instincts kick in and you try so desperately to fight to survive but come up short when your lungs fill completely with water and your body becomes stiff and frozen.

I black out.

*The Next Morning*

I gasp and bolt upright from my bed.

I sigh in relief to see that I’m back again, in my new home. Every time I die, there’s always a part of me that’s afraid I’ll never come back, and yet I always do.

The first time it happened, I was 10. I was at a birthday party. It was my friend’s party cake that killed me. Someone, while making the cake, accidentally put poison in it. I don’t know how in the hell someone “accidentally” puts poison in a cake, but it happened.

I started to feel hungry, it wasn’t time eat yet but the cake was on the kitchen table and I couldn’t help myself. I took a small piece of cake, it was delicious but it caused me to foam out the mouth and have a seizure. I died almost instantly. Good thing I died otherwise the rest of those kids would’ve had a bad day.

Then I woke up in my bed the next morning.

The hardest part was that no one remembered that I died, but I did. I remember the whole painful experience, and my parents didn’t even believe me. They took me to counseling after that, not that it helped.

One day, a few weeks after the first time I died, I tried crossing the road without my parents. I looked both ways and no cars were coming as far as I could tell. As soon as I almost crossed the, a car came out of no where and completely wrecked me. Again, I woke up in my bed like nothing happened.

The day after I built up the courage enough to test out the theory that I was unkillable. My dad had a 9 mil in his safe. I shot myself, and just like that, I woke up in my bed the next day.

At first, I was insanely afraid of myself and it wasn’t until last year that I realized it could be fun.

I’ve tested out so many ways of dying. Yesterday at the pond was my first time drowning, but I wanted to get over it cause I knew I’d drown soon even if I avoided it. Next on my list is falling to my death, but besides drowning heights is my biggest fear. Heights might be a good excuse to procrastinate getting that done.

I get up out of bed and take a quick shower. I wonder if I’ll ever stop being immortal? It’s probably a good thing I am since I’ve become so accident prone.

After my shower, I quickly got dressed and jogged down the stairs, almost falling in the process. I walked into the kitchen where I saw my parents.

“Y/N! Hello, sweetie!” My mom said and gave me a hug.

“Hey.” I said.

My mom was making waffles and my dad was just sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Dick never pays any attention to me.

“So, how was your first day of school? Did you make any friends?”

“Uh, not really. Some guys introduced themselves to me, but you know how I am with people. And school was fine, learned a lot, teachers are a freaky though.” I paused. “Oh, and I drowned myself at Stark’s Pond.” I said nonchalantly.

My mom sighed. “That’s nice dear.”

Ever since I’ve been experimenting with dying over and over, I’ve been telling my parents about it. They never believe me of course. Even when one time I purposely hurt myself and bled to death in front of them, but they never remember. My dad didn’t really give a shit though. Anyway...

“I’m going to school now. Later!” I said, walking out the door.

Hmm, maybe I should take the bus. I wait at the bus stop, cause I don’t feel like walking to school.

“Y/N!” I flinch when I heard my name being called out. I turn to see Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman walking up to me. “I didn’t know you took the bus.” Kyle went on to say.

“Didn’t really feel like walking to school today.” I said, looking down and kicking the ground beneath me absentmindedly.

The bus finally arrived and we all walked on, I sat in the very back by myself. Until Kenny decided to sit next to me.

“Mmph!” He said, well I don’t exactly know he said. His bright orange parka covering his face made his voice muffled. I’m just gonna assume he said hi.

“Hi.” I replied.

“Mmph mmph mmph mph mmmph mmph!”

“Uh...huh?”

He rolled his eyes and took off his hood, revealing a mop of messy dirty blonde hair. “I said, how are you liking school so far?” He said.

“Oh, um. It’s okay, I guess.” I smiled.

“You guess? Okay, so I take it you don’t really like it.”

“Well, it always sucks when you’re the new kid and you have no friends.” I sighed.

“No friends, huh? Well, I’ll be you friend. I’m sure Kyle and Stan will too!” He said, making me blush. Darn. “Aw, you’re blushing!”

“Shut up. I always blush.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kenny smirked.

When we finally got to school Kenny walked me to class, which was nice. He’s actually really nice and funny, also really adorable.

*A Week Later*

School so far has been good. I’ve grown really close to Kenny, since he’s basically my only friend. 

Kenny invited me to sit with him at his table, I agreed. Stan and Kyle seemed to enjoy my company though, Cartman didn’t. Didn’t like me for some reason, although he could be just an asshole all the time.

As the talk started to slow down and lunch was almost over, I looked around the lunchroom to avoid small talk. I saw the guy with brown hair staring at me again, but looked away when I saw him. “Hey, Kenny?”

“Yeah?”

“Who is that guy over there?” I ask, discreetly pointing at him.

“Oh, that guy in the red coat is Clyde. Why?” Kenny asked.

“Oh, no reason. He was just staring at me my first day here and also today. He also kinda catcalled me that day too.”

Kenny noticeably frowned. “He has?”

“Yeah, but it’s probably nothing.” I stuttered a little. Kenny giggled. 

“You’re cute when you stutter.” He smiled, which made me blush. “Aw, you’re blushing again.” He poked my blushing cheeks.

“Ugh, stop.” I whined, and shoved his hand away.

The rest of school was okay. Kenny stayed by my side the whole day, I didn’t mind, but he seemed like he was in a clingy mood which was weird. “I’ll walk you home.” Kenny said.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that.” I said.

“Nah, I insist.” He said.

Well, who could say no to Kenny. We were almost to my house, we had to cross the street first. We both walked side by side, Kenny had his arm around my shoulders to which I giggled. I suddenly hear a loud horn, I tried to push Kenny out of harm’s way but it was too late.

We’d both been run over by a semi-truck. 

I gasp and bolt upright from my bed in a cold sweat.

Oh, god. Kenny. We both got hit. I tried to get Kenny out of the way, but I was too late. I let him get run over. He’s probably dead because of me.

I start to sob. He’s dead and it’s my fault. My fucking fault. God no. Why couldn’t it have just been me? I wouldn’t even care if I wasn’t able to come back, I just want Kenny to still be alive.

My alarm went off. I smashed it. I’m not going to school today. I can’t. Everyone probably knows Kenny’s dead and they’re mourning him school. I can’t be knowing it’s my fault.

My doorbell rings.

Ugh...I don’t feel answering the door. The person is now beating on the door, damn they’re persistent.

I get up to yell at the person who’s beating down my door. I mumble profanities as I answer it. My heart stops. Not literally but it feels like it. 

“K-Kenny?” I start sobbing as I take the blonde haired boy in my arms, holding tightly. “I thought you died!” I sob. I pull away. His face looks like he’s in shock, also confused.

“You...you remember?” He asks.

“Of course I do! I tried pushing you out of the way of that truck, I guess I succeeded.” I sigh in relief.

“But...how? I thought you died too.” He said, flabbergasted.

“What do you mean too? Wait, you remembered I died?” I ask, also so confused.

“Y/N, I died. You didn’t push me out of the way in time, but I didn’t save you either. We both died,” he paused, “and we both remember.”

Suddenly, Kenny grabs both my upper arms and pulls me close to him and gives me a passionate kiss. 

I pull away, shocked. “Woah....what was that for?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just...nobody has ever remembered me dying. No one, but you can.” Kenny explained.

“And you remember me dying?” I ask.

Kenny nods. “You’re the first person that remembers me dying too.” He says.

I don’t know what to say or do. This has never happened to me before. I think Kenny feels the same, since we’re both just stood awkwardly at my front door. I finally break the silence.

“Kenny, I thought you died, and I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.” I said, with still a few salty tears flowing down my red cheeks.

“I was too.” Kenny said. “Well, looks like we have more in common than I originally thought.” He giggled.

~~~~~~~~~~

[bitchslapthatboy]

Even More HP Recs

Because, to quote CNN (who was decidedly NOT talking about this in any way), my totally random posting schedule is “An absolute shit show.” and y’all deserve some delicious goodness in the form of fan fiction right about now. At least until I post the next chapters or the world ends... whichever comes first. 

(And just so we’re clear, I’m betting on Armageddon.)

***

Sink So Low (by Ciule): A Voldemort/Hermione fic that truly just blew me away. It's dark, fair warning. But it's incredibly well-written and a great look at a SANE Tom Riddle who relies on power and charm to get away with what he wants. This isn't necessarily a happy ending fic and be know that it does deal with some major triggers, especially in the first few chapters, but is definitely worth the read if you like exploring darker characters and agendas within the HP universe. (Complete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21544054/chapters/51358246

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Praises (by cecemarty & LumosLyra): A triad fic starring Hermione, Thorfinn, and Antonin Dolohov that has left me speechless at it's deliciousness. Like seriously, do NOT read this in public it's impossible not to squeal in glee and squirm at the smutty, smutty perfection. It is a work in progress but they are very good at posting regularly and GAH, just read it. Like right now. (WIP)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25298110/chapters/61336096

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Little Moonlight (by Kittenshift17): A little one-shot with Hermione and Fenrir Greyback that just warms me right down to my toes with it's sweet (and sexy) little glimpse into their lives after the war. Just give it a read, I promise that you'll enjoy it. (Complete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25211959

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To Serve The Most Noble House of Black (by Snaperipper): This one's really just getting started but is already well on it's way to being a thing of beauty. I can't say too much because I honestly don't know too much past what's already been posted but this is one of those fics that I JUMP on as soon as an updated is posted. It's GOOD. (WIP)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18204302/chapters/43064345

***

Lies of War (by Freya_Ishtar): Even though they're currently on hiatus, this fic is really really fucking good and totally worth the read. It follows Hermione in the direct aftermath of the war finding out that Remus's body is missing and the hunt for him. It's technically a Remus/Fenrir/Hermione fic and let me tell you, it is GOOD. Really, really fucking good, y'all. (WIP)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14110776/chapters/32512794

***

Dancer Adjusting Her Shoulder Strap (by adathoroughgood2018): This is one of the first fics that truly took my breath away (I'm actually in the middle of rereading it now) and it is HEAVENLY. It's a Dramione, my main ship because they should have been fucking endgame but God FUCKINg DAMN this is perfection. Like how could this possibly be the first fanfic they've ever written? It's perfect. Just read it, trust me. (WIP with only one chapter to go)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515783/chapters/31000848

***

Silence Miss Granger (by alyssarey): Okay forewarning, this is pure fucking smut. Like just straight fucking. I should know, I've read it SEVERAL times. Yeah, no shame here at all. But if you love a good Snape x Hermione smutty one shot, give this one a whirl under the cover of darkness. It's good if you're in search of something for a little me time. And it's LONGGGGGGGG for a one shot so it's definitely got the potential for multiple orgasms if that suits your fancy. *wink wink* (Complete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20974706

***

That's MY Bucky Bear! (by emma98): Okay, so this one is obviously not an HP fic but it is fucking GLORIOUS. It's one of the first de-aged avengers fics I've ever read and I LOVE it with alllllll of my fucking heart. While I typically ship Bucky with Darcy and Steve with Nat (or really anyone, let's be honest) seeing the interactions between kid Darcy and kid Steve just sets my fucking soul on fire. This is the perfect fic for a rainy day when you just need a little fluffy goodness in your life. (Complete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10721358/chapters/23755683

***

And that’s all I’ve got. Excuse me while I go procrastinate some more by browsing Netflix for three hours before settling on watching Schitt’s Creek again. For the third time this month. (Yes, I’m aware we’re only twelve days into the month of October.) 

[doverly]

For a Soul

A young soul-eater comes across what it thinks is a perfect target. After a bit of observation it decides that the time has come to make a deal.

~3k

After school Ria liked to decompress, I learned that quickly. Taking off her shoes, lying on her bed still all dolled up and just taking a moment to exist. Her parents thought that she was just procrastinating on starting her homework, but I could see that for Ria it was a necessary process. 

The day I made contact with her she was doing just that. Lying in bed, backpack out of sight, out of mind under her bed, just scrolling through Instagram. And while she was technically unwinding, Ria was anything but relaxed. It was the jealousy, that burning envy that made Ria fume that afternoon. Every girl or guy she followed seemed hotter, happier, more skilled, more successful. That was the reason she followed them after all, because they seemed so much better than her. So unreachably amazing that she just couldn’t take her eyes off of them. One post especially got Ria’s blood boiling. A woman, a black woman just like her, standing in front of a store. She owned it, she had just opened her own business.

“Of course,” Ria scoffed to herself, she didn’t really like letting anyone in her bedroom, “Look at her, pretty, well connected, I bet she’s fucking ivy league. Black girl magic? Fuck her, if I had everything she had I could do that too.”

Ria hearted the post and continued scrolling, each posting evoking this kind of response from her. Eventually she turned her phone off and got out her backpack, finally getting to her homework. It was crunch time, as her dad called it. She put her blonde wig up into a bun and sat down at her desk. Five minutes choosing what song to listen to and then she actually got started. A shaky start sure but it was a start. If someone knocked on her door now she would have to stop for the day, her concentration broken. Ria secretly hoped someone would. 

But no one did, her mom wasn’t back from work yet and her older brother was probably practicing for the chess tournament that weekend. Her dad was sleeping, he worked nights so he had to get his sleep. Ria wondered as she was filling out graphs for math, what would happen if she woke him up. He would probably yell at her and that would be another excuse not to do her homework. She didn’t though, dinner was already going to be hard so why would she make it harder. 

Dinner eventually came, it was nothing special just leftover pasta from the previous day. Ria’s mom came back from work, her dad woke up to have his before work meal, and her and her brother left their rooms. Ria was done with math and science, but she hadn’t even begun to tackle her history yet. Picking out a new playlist to listen to had taken up a lot of time so by the time dinner was ready Ria wasn’t even close to done. 

The dining table was crammed into the entryway between the stairs and the front door, somewhere more for guests than for the Bryan family. There was a table in the kitchen that they usually ate at but Ria’s mom had been on a family unity kick, that’s why they were even having dinner together in the first place. Ria hoped that her mom moved onto something else soon, maybe that anti-sugar thing that took over her mind every couple of months, because she hated sitting around the table. They all barely had anything in common so it was silent most of the time.

Ria ate her pasta quickly, school lunch was terrible so she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. The pasta was good, red sauce that wasn’t spicy, box pasta that wasn’t overcooked. But the green cushions on the chairs were cold and the atmosphere at the table awkward in a suffocating way. Ria definitely wasn’t getting seconds.

“Do you need a ride to the tournament on Saturday?” Ria’s dad asked her brother.

“No,” Samuel responded, “Lin and I are doing a carpool, she’s picking everyone up.”

Their dad nodded and everyone continued eating their meal in silence. Their dad because he was thinking of work, their mom because she was tired from work, Samuel because he was thinking of the tournament, and Ria because she just didn’t have anything to say.

“Have y’all finished your homework?” their mom asked?

Samuel responded yes immediately, like it was an insult to ask him. While Ria took another forkful of pasta and realized that she had never in her life said ya'll. 

“Have you?” her mom asked again.

Ria thought about how to phrase it, “I just have history left.”

Her mom shook her head, “You need to be more proactive, you can’t do extra credit if you don’t do all your homework. If you work harder this semester you can get all As, colleges will be looking at your grades Ria.”

Her dad joined in but Ria wasn’t listening, she had become a master at tuning out lectures. In middle school it had been get better grades, join the debate team, join the soccer team, you need to prepare for college. And now in highschool it’s been get better grades, do more volunteer work, join an honor society, prepare for college. When the lecture ended, with Samuel saying nothing, Ria nodded and said that she would work harder. She finished dinner, not too fast, she didn’t want them to think she was mad at them, and then went upstairs. Her parents thought that she was going to do the rest of her homework, but she had already resolved to do it in the morning. Her parents berating her had already provided her the perfect excuse not to do her homework.

Instead she plopped down on her bed and started scrolling through Instagram. I got to see the pattern in who she was following then. Models, students, hiking pages, along with a lot of flower arrangers. That made a lot of sense, Ria cared a lot about her appearance and even though she hated doing her homework she wished that she was a better student. And while she wasn’t on instagram she was hiking through the woods behind her house, looking for flowers she thought was neat. 

Between the study inspo and the delicate vases of flowers Ria came upon one of her favorite influencers. A girl, a senior in highschool in fact, living in New York City. She was holding up a college acceptance letter, several in fact. Columbia, Harvard, Yale, this girl was definitely Ivy League. “Guess my hard work is paying off lol, don’t worry with a little dedication I’ll see you guys there soon!”

This caption put Ria over the edge. She didn’t throw her phone across the room, her parents wouldn’t pay if she broke it, but she closed the app and put it down slowly. Head on her knees she started laughing, those angry, jealous, emotional tears were running down her face.

“Hard work?” Ria yelled just quiet enough that her family wouldn’t hear her, “Hard work? Bitch your parents are engineers, you live in New York City and you’re skinny as fuck. Hard work? Give me a fucking break! If I could just, if I just had....”

Ria was crying too much to rage anymore, her envy at the Instagram girl and her anger at her own poor performance spilling over into just pure emotion. 

I had been keeping track of her for a while and I had decided that it was time for us to make our deal. She was bunched up on her bed so I manifested a form I thought she would like and came up behind her, brushing her shoulders in a way that I hoped was reassuring. Ria turned around quickly, as anyone might turn around when someone touched them when they thought they were alone. 

Finding no one behind her, Ria just faced forward again and was about to continue crying. And she almost did, until she saw me. Ria didn’t cry out immediately, I had a calming effect on people by design, instead while I studied her up close she studied me. Watching people on the metaphysical plane was nice but it tended to blur out some of the color, some of the details of looking at people with eyes. Now that I was actually standing in front of her I could see that her long curly wig was dirty blonde, and her eyeliner was running. She sniffled and tried to clean up her smudged lip-gloss, taking all of me in. My form was a bunch of Instagram models that Ria had seen with skin darker than hers and short curly black hair. Ria started playing with her hair, and I laughed. It was adorable that she found me attractive. 

I sat down on the foot of her bed and smiled, “What if you could.”

The mixture of her attraction to me and my natural calming factor was working wonders, “Could what?”

“If you could have that, if you could do that, if you could be that?” I asked her, “What would you do then?”

Ria sniffled but I think she got it, “I would relax.”

Relax, she wanted to relax. I resisted the urge to smirk. If she wished to relax then there would be a lot of room to play around with that. Have her sleep forever, in a coma that is, like sleeping beauty? Or maybe I could just kill her and take her soul that way. After all death is eternal rest. 

“I can give you that, you’ll be able to relax as long as you want.” 

Ria thought for a second then shook her head, “I don’t want to just relax, I want to be able to relax. To not have to work hard, to just be able to relax and still excel in life. I don’t want to have to break myself in order to succeed.”

I cocked my head a bit, “But working hard gets you what you want in life, you need to work hard in order to succeed.”

“Do you think half the millionaires in this world worked hard!?” Ria exploded, “Why do they get to relax and have everything while I need to. I need to work 10 times as hard in order to just get a fraction of what they have! Mom works 50 hours a week and I never see Dad during the day.” Ria’s tears were hot and free flowing by this point. I scooted closer to her and rubbed her back a bit, “Samuel never has time to hike with me anymore, he says he needs to constantly be practicing in order to be captain of the chess team. And the only thing Jonathan can say about law school is how little he sleeps nowadays.”

I could infer that Jonathan was her oldest brother, already in law school while his little siblings were still in highschool. I wondered what the story was about that. Ria dissolved into tears, tears for her family that didn’t have time for her anymore, tears for her parents that were working hard for a daughter that didn’t want to, and tears for her siblings that were missing out on life.

She leaned into my chest, she must have been really sad. From what I understood the targets normally didn’t let their guards down that much.

“I can’t do it, I can’t do it,” she whispered, “I wish I could but I can’t. Mom always tells me to work hard and Dad is already suggesting majors to me. I don’t want to be the disappointment, that’s why I still get As, but I can’t keep doing this.”

“Tell me what you want, Ria.” I whispered into her ear, I was fully hugging her at this point, “Tell me and I can give it to you.”

She broke away from me at this point, her cheeks were wet but the black shirt I was wearing wasn’t. This I think tipped her off, but still somehow she wasn’t panicking. 

“Who are you?” she said softly, I think all of the crying had worn away at her voice.

I petted her head, listing what I was could be scary and I wanted to keep her relaxed in my presence. 

“I am the eyes you know are in the darkness, the teeth in the shadows, the one watching you from the starless sky.” I said softly, and she didn’t seem to panic, “I am the thing in the darkness and I know you.”

“How do you know me,” her dark brown eyes looked into mine. In that moment I put something behind the infinite darkness of my eyes. I wondered if she would ever stare long enough to find out what it was.

I laughed a bit, trying to get her to think I was a little embarrassed, “I’ve been watching you for about a week now Ria, I noticed that you have something that you really wanted in life and I wanted to give that to you.”

She pulled on her hair, it seems like she really was embarrassed, “You didn’t need to do that, you could have just asked me a week ago.”

I brushed her face with my hand, it was still wet and a little sticky but she had stopped crying at least, “I wanted to get to know you Ria. And now I do. What do you want, tell me and I can give it to you.”

She thought for a second, it was more like she was thinking about how to phrase it. Ria already knew what she wanted, she just didn’t know how to wish for it. 

While she was thinking her mom came upstairs, wanted to ask her if she had finished her homework. With just a thought I put some darkness around the door, nothing big, just enough to deter any normal human being from approaching it. I wished that I could control her mind, manipulate her limbs, or make her just disappear. But at this point I was still a young soul-eater, Ria would be my first soul. Once I had eaten her soul I would get more power, and it seemed like I was almost there.

“I want to be irresistible and for everything I make or put effort into be irresistible as well.” I smiled, she had really put some thought into it, “I want everything to give me what I want and think of me positively. This goes especially for job and college applications as well, no matter what I always want to be accepted.”

That sounded like hell, how would you know if you are actually good at something or if it was just the wish? I didn’t even need to put a negative spin on Ria’s wish, give it three months and she would be begging me to take away her soul. An amazing deal for a brand new-soul eater. I had worked hard to become who I was, and I knew that without hard work, without that feeling of accomplishment life would be nothing.

“Alright,” I said, “I can give you that. But I do need one thing from you.”

“What is it?”

This was where I could lose her, “It's really the promise that I need. The energy of you promising something important to me is what will give me the energy to grant your wish. Don’t think too hard about the sticker price, think instead about what you will be getting.”

She nodded, “What do you need me to promise you for it to work?”

Again I petted her hair and the look she gave me was so trusting. I guess an attractive wish granter promising the world, promising everything she knew could never happen, would put anyone in a state of complete bliss.

Technically what I told her was true, the energy from her promise would power the wish. But what I didn’t tell her was that I needed to eventually get her soul. The potential energy needed to be converted to kinetic energy for it all to work. I would need to get her soul. She hadn’t thought enough about her wish, I could almost feel the slippery, sunlit energy of her soul.

“I need your soul, Ria.”

I must have done a good job talking to her, she didn’t jump away from me just looked a little concerned. Like she had cracked her phone screen and was worried about the price.

“But what will I do without a soul?” she asked.

I shook my head and for good measure laughed, “It's just a promise remember. Like how even though Audible could take away your books for any reason it doesn’t. Think of it like signing a contract, it's just paper. Don’t worry, just think about how great your life will be. No need to work for anything, you’ll have the space to relax.”

This seemed to bolster her confidence, “Alright, you can have my soul-”

She stopped and for a second I thought she had rethought everything, “Actually what’s your name?”

I knew that some of the older soul-eaters had names, names that would send shivers down your spine, names that would blind you just for thinking of them, names that would make you melt. But when Ria asked me that I didn’t have anything to say to her.

“Call me whatever you wish, Ria.” I smiled.

“Alright,” she said, but she didn’t even suggest any names, “I’m ready to promise me your soul.”

As much as I wanted her soul I was shocked and intrigued at how little she was thinking of this. What was she thinking? Was I missing something? It was my first deal I didn’t want to get tricked.

“Would you really promise your soul just so you don’t have to work hard?” I asked her, then, pushing the boundaries a bit I cupped her face, “You’re smart, you’re pretty, you could get far in life if you worked hard. Is this promise worth it for you?”

She laughed bitterly, her sadness having seamlessly converted to anger, “Nathaniel’s in law school now. He doesn’t have friends, he has connections, he’s studying 12 hours a day after his 5 hours of classes, he has like two side hustles. And I know that he thinks it's worth it, but I don’t. I don’t want to be exhausted when I grow up, I want to live, not just hustle.”

Even if she didn’t want to be exhausted I thought that she was underestimating how much the satisfaction of hard work played in her life. She was angry, just thinking about what she didn’t want instead of what she actually wanted her life to be. I could have talked her down, could have reminded her how amazing life could be with that satisfaction. But I wasn’t there to be her therapist, I was there to get her soul.

“Alright, how long do you want the wish to last?” I asked her, in order for it to work every promise would need to have a time limit. Some predestined date where all of the potential energy would start to convert. 

“Forever,” Ria responded.

I laughed, “Nothing can last forever, Ria.” And then seeing that she was getting apprehensive again I decided to go for a compromise, “But things can last a lifetime, things can last ten years, however long you wish Ria.”

She nodded, “Alright I want it to last the rest of my life.”

I had the promise, the time frame, and what she wanted. It was ready, I could almost taste her soul. Before Ria had any more time to think I grabbed her face, sinking my fingers into her cheeks. I looked deep into her eyes, deeper than any human could. Her retinas, her optic nerve, I saw her brain. When I could see the lighting jumping between her neurons the deal was sealed and I disappeared.

Ria was left lying on her bed, feet dangling over the edge, with a light buzzing in her head. She got up to do her homework, wondering if it had all been real.

I recently read The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and it kind of inspired this story. I’m trying to put more emotion into my stories. Please tell me if Ria’s character felt believable or if I got her emotions across. Have an amazing weekend! 

[okiefuckindokie]

In My Eyes

I know for a fact that I do have a few requests to get to AND I'M SO SORRY. Life just fucking hates me right now. As for “Now and Then”, it’s still a work in progress!! As the new year is coming around, I wanna get back into this, writing. And DON’T be afraid to tell me to get my ass in gear!! I can procrastinate like a motherfucker lmao. 

As AHWM came out, I was just gathering more intel on the new Egos. So, here I whipped up a small drabble with one of the egos that has my whole ass heart, Illinois!

Hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Illinois x Gender Neutral Character

TW: Blood, Body insecurities/ shaming, language, violence

    You never thought you’d be at this part of your life. Going on adventures, getting yourself into danger at every turn. Not to mention meeting a man who constantly flirts with you. And here you thought it was only the first time you met was he really going to lay down the charm………. nope. You were never one to actually accept compliments in general, mainly because you believe it isn’t true. It’s not that you feel uncomfortable hearing them; it just sounds better for someone else. Illinois is no doubt great of many things; one thing for sure he’s a damn expert for.. is intuition. And if you were wondering if he knew how you felt; you might have just answered your own question.

    You continue to daydream in the helicopter while Illinois reads over his notes of where the next treasure may be. He tends to think out loud en route, not really directing it at anyone but you like to respond to his curiosity. “If we can find this cave, it may be able to lead us into an underground mine.”, he lets out a breathy laugh, “bet you can’t count how many traps are down there. Biggest one being my heart.” He looks over to you. Your eyes still glued to the window. Illinois notices your silence as if it was a cry for help. He needs to pull you back to reality.. what it really is.

He calls to you, “Hey, Y/n. Are you feeling okay?” You look back to him with a slightly dazed face, “Huh? Oh.. uh, yeah. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, Illy.” Your tone wasn’t all that reassuring. Neither was your expression. You two have been together on adventures for quite some time. Although he boasts about a lot of things, Illinois is not a man of trust, at least not right away. He’s mentioned that his past partners have never lasted long. No say about death, though. Only that they’ve just left.. Some couldn’t handle it. So many times he felt this feeling of uncertainty with a new partner, he figured it’d be easier to be distant. Will that change this time around?

The helicopter lands in a clearing next to some woods. You and Illinois exit and thank the pilot and wish them a safe trip back. As the pilot takes off, you both turn around and head toward yet another journey. You’ve made a game for yourself to see how long can Illinois not make a shot at you on the way there. His high score is 5 minutes.. maybe less. The path to the cave is sort of physically exhausting. The traps appear more often as you get closer to your destination. You tend to follow Illy from behind as he’s a little more aware of the traps. But your mind has made you wander a bit farther than you’d like from Illy. Your foot steps on a metal plate, making a small click sound. Illy was the first to notice it and immediately turned his attention on you. “Y/N!!!”, he screamed. He then lunges at you with great force. Arrows fly quickly from the left as they graze against your face. Both of you hit the ground hard. The weight of Illy’s body almost knocked the wind out of you. He holds you close for a moment. His breath hitting your neck heavily. You take a moment to gather yourself before speaking, “Ouch….” He gently lifts up and examines you carefully. His eyes are filled with worry, “You okay?”. You reply. “Yeah, I think so.”. Illinois takes a stray hair away from your face and you quickly wince from pain. A small trickle of blood streams down your left temple. Illy doesn’t hesitate to tend to your wounds. He became so accustomed to having you tend to his own, making sure he is okay and just… take care of him. He wants to return the favor, of course in a different way but it’s a start.

You thank him for patching you up. “Anytime.”, he says with a wink. You playfully roll your eyes and you two continue on the path. You eventually reach the cave entrance. Most caves are predictable but… there’s something about this one that doesn’t feel right. Illy takes the lead. The air is heavy. You take your next steps very carefully, practically clinging onto Illy. Small drops of water echo from within the cave as you venture on. You pass a small pocket beside you in the cave. It was dark in there, but the lighting was bright enough for you to see something; it had a shine to it. It's a flask. It looked almost too new.

You stop Illy dead in your tracks and say in a low voice, "I-Illy, I don't think we're alone..". A loud clash comes from in front of you. Two men stand in front of a bright light. You can hardly see their faces. One is shorter than the other. The tall one speaks, "You two don't belong down here…" Illinois immediately steps in front of you, firmly putting his arm across your body assuring you nothing will harm you, not as long as he's here. "Yeah? What makes you so sure you two asshats aren't either?", Illinois replies. The shorter one finally speaks,"It's called 'mind your own fucking business', prick.". Illinois's stare is cold. They make one move and they'll regret it. He's getting annoyed, fast. There's nothing worse than having a big challenge getting in the way of his goal, much less ones that he can kick their asses. 

The shorter one speaks again, " Well, well, well… looks like the asshole brought us a toy to play with.". The light may be bright but you can't mistake that shit eating grin this guy's got. You try to hide behind Illy. This is the line nobody on this Earth will ever cross with him. "Toy? This fat little sac of ugly shit is just a sorry excuse of- AGH..". In a split second, Illinois grabs his whip and wraps it swiftly around the taller man's neck. He pulls hard, making the man hit his face so hard on the floor, you can feel the thump as he went down, instantly knocking him out. The shorter one went for his pistol. Illy swung and snapped at his hand and deflected his gun, nearly breaking both hand and gun. Illinois swings it again, only to wrap it around his wrist and drag the other man down directly to him. Illy takes him and punches him for what felt like a lifetime. His rage is a force to be reckoned with. He wasn't going to let anyone talk about the one he cares for like this. 

It wasn't until you screamed, "ILLINOIS, STOP!". The second you spoke, he stopped. The man's face is covered in blood. Mostly his own, but some from Illy's hand as well. His expression…. It was almost primal. Almost… terrifying. You never thought that this could come from him. Illinois notices your shock. Your tears streaming down your face. He looks at the man, then back at you. Nobody has made him this protective like he is now. He takes one last look at the man and says in low, growling voice, "If I ever see you or any of your men near us again, I promise you that you will not be walking out… alive.", And with that, he finished him with one final punch, knocking him out cold. 

Illinois stands up and walks to you. He takes your hand in his non-bloody one.  "Y/n.. I'm so sorry you had to see that. I couldn't stand the way they were talking about you." His voice slightly breaks at the end. You horribly try to lighten the mood by saying, "Well, I guess he wasn't totally lying…" Illinois interrupted, "No. Nothing they said were true.", He cups your cheek ever so gently and lifts your face for you to meet his gaze, "In my eyes, I knew you were perfect since the moment I met you.". Before you know it, his lips were met with yours. There was a moment of hesitation with you but it was too hard to not melt into it. You gave him the same love and passion into it as he did for you. Illinois pulled away before it got too heated. He kissed your forehead and held your hand. "C'mon. Let's get out of here." The man whose heart you thought could not be tamed, is now eternally yours.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

alright well i work best under pressure so given that i now have an hour and 20 minutes before i start a voice call with someone i think it’s the perfect time to do that one video analysis so i can actually start finishing up that maya post... man i really should’ve pumped that shit out earlier, but i kept procrastinating until we got new info. then more new info. and i mean we DO have lots of new updated info, bc i have a whole thing in there about Punk girl i gotta edit out now lmao

anyway

Zane Flynt? this trailer killed me, it’s the only thing i’ve watched all day. like. on repeat.

ive said it before and ill say it again, 3 months ago i call zane attractive on reddit and get ridiculed but then we find out he’s an irish bastard and everyone jumps on the fuck train

anyway

elpis is looking good and not explody/teleporty, so that’s always a good sign

so the locale plus the twang immediately had me thinking of lynchwood but that’s not right

the bar itself looks a lot like that mine area we see, so i’d be willing to guess it’s nearby, you know, if it’s an area in the game at all lmao

like the windows are similar plus the wood

the bar itself is giving me some mixed signals here, but im gonna bet it was taken over by the CoV from the crimson raiders (recruitment banner, but then the CoV logo is on the wall/screen over there)

That, plus the rose on the counter next to Zane seems sus

another mine looking building in the back

also lmao

it’s time to enter the BONEEEE ZONNEEE

no more DAHL dumpsters? F

okay this area looks super familiar

that plus the varkids, this is 100% the same place as this

which is interesting

looks like Zane’s been hanging out on Pandora for a while... kinda upset we didn’t hear about his brothers at all in this trailer, but it was still fuckin hilarious and well worth the wait

those canisters? vats? look like the ones near the burger launcher vid hang on

also some in the back here

so yeah more than likely the same area

also

`lines up the perfect shot`

`completely missed both shots`

lovey, bravo, champagne, sloooow clap

anyway i’d wager this is an old dahl mining camp? probably mining for iridium

you can see the 

conveyor belt thingie here

and also all the minecarts and rails are very reminiscent of the caustic caverns

which probably would have dropped iridium into the vat below it, if said vat wasn’t tipped over onto its side

more shots of the building he’s in

closeup of the rails. which, weird as it sounds, is really great to see because sometimes in bl2 and even tps when you got super close up to a texture, it wouldn’t look too hot, even on the best settings. the textures in 3 are so CRISP i love them

varkid 🤮 i hate bugs. model looks fantastic tho! i just... hate bugs

see the camera is flipped upside down, so miles this cultist is not falling, he’s rising- he’s being lifted up

how nice

im getting percy jackson flashbacks here. this is 100% how clarisse shoved percy into the toilet, right?

with the way the cultist isn’t even trying to get out im afraid zane just shoved a corpse into the dook hut. i mean all the power to ya, man

he’s stuck

also

this building in the back is new

i won’t say it

you know what im thinking

i won’t say it

i promise

~smile~

there’s also what i think is a smiley face sticker on the wall to his right

water physics lookin fine 👌

also the way zane jumps back. bonelesspotter i know you read these, are you picking up what i’m putting down?

MAGIC CUP MAGIC CUP ALL HAIL

see the lack of drink is supposed to parallel hi s lack of companio- im sorry hahahaaha i can’t do this

rose. it’s a SIGN

there’s so much going on in the background here lemme just

im sitting here like >:( because i know i’ve seen that type of wall before and for the life of me can’t remember where

my brain is screaming sanctuary

the actual middle piece looks super familiar

is that what they attach the out of bounds turrets to? possibly.

this bit

also it looks like there’s a dam or something in the back back?

tbh im a lot more interested in the skyway all the way at the top, it reminds me a lot of bloodshot ramparts

cuz it also used to be a skyway

also zane is doing his pose for the main menu screen of the game

and i would say it’s possible this could’ve been the main menu, but the cliff is different, and there’s supposed to be a boxcar/shipping crate on the right (as when u go to options it moves over to it)

more vats! what is the deal with this mine? why is it featured so heavily in this video gearbox tell me your s e c r e t s

you’d think, with zane being the one who’s been around the proverbial block over his years, he’d be on multiple planets throughout his entire trailer. but like 80% of it is pandora. maybe the other VHs are getting featured on other planets? at least he has a reason to be on pandora outside of the main story (maybe looking for his brothers, maybe trying to piss on their graves, who knows)

i don’t know what he’s reaching for but uh

perhapeth the blades are activated by swinging his arm out? could be a hold over from when they were like... actual metal blades and needed to be knocked out into position

i love that he returns the wave after shoving this guy off the cliff

it’s not like he can see you man

go off i guess though

some bar on eden-6 (finally! a new planet!) also i like that the theme here is zane getting into fights in bars. good shit boys

get wrecked kid

i really like the design of this building. i love the windows. maybe part of jakobs manor? looks like maybe it’s a greenhouse or smth given it’s in this garden/courtyard area

which should look somewhat familiar

looks very similar to this area, but it doesn’t look like there’s a building on the left in this shot. maybe they added it in for the trailer 🤷‍♂️

the trees behind the big one (and next to the iron wrought fence) match up perfectly tho

i just really like this shot ngl

i love these fuckign expressions i cant

Friend

okay im sorry here’s a smiley boy

the facial animations are so fucking good this time around

that is all i am doing.

just appreciating the new animations.

SOMEONE HELP THIS TINY MAN HE’S TRAPPED IN A SQUARE

fuck dude we didn’t deserve this man

MAGIC CUP MAGIC CUP ALL HAIL

seriously tho, the glass is gone. idk where it went. im just gonna pretend he was practicing that one iconic Kingsman scene while talking to himself and providing us with flashbacks

manners.

maketh.

man.

also this is my new favorite reaction image

it’s ‘perfect in every way’

you want more booze?

what are your thoughts on the new guns?

where’d you hide the body?

(it’s in the dumpster)

also unlike the magic cup

the rose is still here

Cultist coming to see why the windows of their bar are glowing neon yellow and blue im sure

>shit

it’s cool to know the clone can actually emote

given in the So Happy Together it was basically an expressionless blue demon

still no cup. all hail

some more CoV graffiti!

boops

i am sad we didn’t get to see zoomer in this video at all

zoomer is cute

i like zoomer

anyway

that’s all for the trailer folks

i love the implication that he’s just sitting in this empty CoV bar, talking to himself, waiting for someone to notice and come confront him so he can kick their asses.

anyway this post 100% wasn’t an excuse to rewatch the entire trailer frame by frame or anything

maya post coming soon! wahoo

also i have 10 minutes left lmao nice

[juniemunie]

HTTYD Books: How To Ride a Dragon’s Storm Commentary :P (w/text pictures!)

((shoutout to astrid-the-fearless that started the whole thing and giving me permission <3))

Yoooo this is how far I’m in the books right now thanks to the blessing of pdfs and I thought; “Hey? Lemme try reacting to this!!” 

Mind you, this is ridiculously long and it’s all because of the pictures I added in lmao so peruse for your amusement ((I might continue this just for kicks :P))

So it begins!

-everything went wrong when the fire nation attacked

-OOh! Swimming competition?? Don’t count me in!! I’m terrible at swimming, in  fact, I don’t know how to do it at all!!! :DDD

-of course the competition has to have a spice of suicidal bravery and possible death

-clueless, tf dude

-aRE WE GONNa TIME TRaVEL??? WHaTS THE WHOLE aLaRM THING OLD WRINKLY??? EXPLaINNNN HoW DID U EVEN KNOW????

-the judges are basically 99% old dudes 99% of the time

-aweeee toothless u cutie

-snotlout my boy, sometimes i really want to strangle u, u know

-yooo sTOICK U'RE DOING UR BEST THE BEST ISNT aLaWYS THE MOST OBVIOUS he's trying im proud that he's trying

-good ol teamwork

-nONONONONO DONT TRUST EM 

-u got bamboozled 

-only in the near end of his life, yeah

-oh man hes gonna kill em again 

-same

-awe, she's just like meatlug

-uh oh

-bet y'all it gets worse

-damn straight

-sHOOT CaMI NOOO-

-i hear the Jaw's theme song guys

-tOOTHLESS KEEPS TRYING ;-;

-well you're a jolly dragon23

-how was this marketed for children again

-brUH U SERIOUS?? I JUST THOUGHT IT Was only nORBERT

-woh fist time getting a look on nobert and he looks cool

-whoops u gon axe him again??

-u mean an unfortunate series of events??? wink wink

-i wouldn't go there if i were you its completely messy there

-buddy this dude has survived so many times out of pure dumb luck

-theres still more to go hiccup so much more

-awww this is such a throwback to the first book

-norbert is a crazy inventive dude i wanna see how well he goes with movie hiccup in the right circumstances :/

-thats a problem

-im not sure whether to be terrified or impressed

-yoooo hiccup youre right youre prize is absolute misery

oh no

-whoops i guess this is where he became a slave??

-bitter grandma is bitter than all my mates when discussing love42

-oH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD THIS IS IT HES GOING TO BECOME a SLaVE  HOLD ME

-nONONONONONONONO NOOOOOOOO

-my poor boy my POOR BOY

-oh man i knew this already but its still giving me shivers

-look at these drunk cuties lmao

-perfect excuse toothless hiccup totally believes u

-yOOO dragon nip exists in the books too!!!??

-This is one happy lot

-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

-Uh oh

-Look at this happy boy <3

-U sure??? I don’t think so

-Oh shit.

-oHHHH shitTTTT

-u aint wrong tho

-hahahaAHAHAHAHA not yET

-well fuck

-YO. WATCH YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE.

-Oh. My fucking god.

-pHYSICS  WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY US-

-Knock knock its death’s doorstep

-Chances are, it wont.

-yEP

-“dafuq, why the hell is he running at us??” “maybe he’s given up”

“is it just me or is that an eye back there? “oh sHIT-“

-Y’all these kids know the drill already

-Toothless’ still asleep during the whole ordeal lmao

-So that’s how it works…69

-Stuff like that usually happens boyo they’ll prolly be back

-Poor Ronald.

-Not anOTHER ONE

-Shouldve made a spare and changed it while you were still in the border smh *Cinema Sins Ding*

-same

-a terrifying but intriguing thought.

-These sweet loyal kids backin up their parents yo ((Poor Fishlegs))

-i like the books that they portray a more worrier Stoick but the movieversion is also great too

-DON’T BELIEVE IT STOICK

-This LITTLE SHIT

-what??? really?? That’s a dumb revenge excuse :/

-We DON’T

-Holy shit he survived ((just like his third son cOUGH COUGH))

-In short; “Sorry to disappoint the masses, but I AM STILL ALIVE”83

-YOOOOO OLD WRINKLY KNEW??? HE’S AWESOME aND INSaNE!

-Poor stoick, tbh if he was movie stoick he’d have a heartattack by now

-Shit I feel bit teary in the eyes-DON’T LOOK AT ME!

-True just like this post that has way too much pictures like tf

-Sweet, but WHY WOULD yOU LEaVE THEM BEHIND???

-tbh this is both true

-Basically every country that was going to pillage America

-Oh shit times up

-whA-AA-At???

-Hiccup u little shit

-Discrimination between hair color too??? Jesus. Just when I thought skin colors -were ridiculous

-Have I told y’all I love sword fighting hiccup?? Because I do

-Nooo not his poor beard agaIN

-Oh. Oh no.

-fuck.

-Godzilla??? That u??

-tHINK aGaIN

-Tbh cats are sometimes really cruel ; - ;

-Nope. Theres always a chance of death bro

-OF COURSE IT WaS.

-This ridiculously huge shit

-Geezus. You’re fucked hiccup.

-Press F to pay respect

-ToothLESS HICCUP IS GONNa FUCKIN DIE

-TOOTHLESS U LITTLE SHIT

-Tbh, he does have a point

-Friendly reminder hiccup wrote this himself

-Hiccup the Insane. Sounds about right

-Me procrastinating some stuff i cant procrastinate while everything is going wrong

-yOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

-yOOOOOOOO tf he doin??

-“yo bro”

“yeah loki?”

“some kid’s asking for your help. It’s getting pretty intense.”

“really? Lemme see”

“see?”

*whistles* “wow, he’s crazy. I like it.”

-“wtf is this dumb redhead doing??” everyone thought simultaneously

-oHHHHHH LIGHTNING LIKES METaL!!!!

-Benjamin Franklin can eat HIS HEaRT OUT123

“wow thor, you actually helped”

“¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

“how tf did you say that”

-Ship: If I die, I die with STYLE.((Like Grimbeard fucker sang to his death while burning his entire kingdom down))

-SWIM FISHLEGS SWIM ((wow he c an swim now amazing what near death experiences teach you))

-Poor toothless ; - ;126

-Itsss the cirrccccleeeeee the ciiirrrccclleeeee of liiiiiifeeeee

-Lets hope I wont learn to swim in this emotionally draining way 0-0

-Tbh this is kinda terrifying imagine if they died this way 0-0

-I KNEW THEYD BE BaCK YOU BETTER BRING HICCUP aBOaRD U LITTLE SHIT

-Oh thank god

-In short; “we have ship standards, peasants.”

-LaTE FOR a VERY IMPORTaNT DaTE

-G G. u did ur best lol

-yEEEE YOU BEST KNOW IT HICCUP Me BOYYY

-They gONNa FLYYYYY

-FISHLEGS MY BOY WERE GONNa DO IT WHETHER U WaNT TO OR NOT

-That’s THE TRUE CHIEFTaN WaY BOIS EXaCTLY HOW STOICK DIED- I mean shit uh

-Awww berk would love u back in their own way too

-*sobbing in the distance* ((fuckin alvin))

-yOU BET THEY ALL ARE

-“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!” screamed the Reader.

-Happy sweet old senile future guessing dudes make me happy ; v ;

-How tf would it be deer

-Just like Grimbeard did.

-YOOOO IM SO PROUD OF YOU FISHLEGSSSS

-“IM SORRY TO DISAPPOINT THE MASSES, BUT I AM STILL ALIVE.”

-SNOTLOUT DO U WANT TO BE DEAD??? ((before your proper death))

-When Old Wrinkly is mad at u, you better be ashamed of urself.

-He really is Grimbeard’s Heir ain’t he? ; v ;

-Uhhh more common than u think boyo *turns to Harry Potter*

-oooHHH u done for gumboil

-My heart kindly says mercy, but my mind screams revenge

-SHit stop giving me ides to draWWWWW

-Somethings are often just found at home <3 like my MISSING PENCIL WHERE TF IS IT

-Summary of Httyd 2 Hiccup

-SO MUCH WISDOM IN THE EPILOGUE HICCUP SLOW DOWN

-Nooo HICCUPPPP- THE DRagONSSSSS

-DON’T REMIND ME OF THE SLaVEMaRK U CRUEL BEING

wow

that was a ride from start to end. (pUN INTENDED)

things are getting intensee

*scrambles to read the next book*

[mattyrambles]

20:18

It’s coming up to half eight, when Penelope wanders downstairs. The house - quiet, a distant hum of the record she had left spinning upstairs, and a static of voices drifting from the lounge, Matty and the telly.

Kitchen - dimly lit, much like the rest of the rooms. Dark outside - although it was the beginning of March, spring - the weather told a different story. Weather warnings of snow storms, plummeting temperatures had littered the news. The snow was beginning to take its toll, weighting outside from what Penelope can figure, see - face pressed to glass, window. A shiver - instinct, turning back on the heating and switching on the kettle, picking at dried paint on her thigh.

Lounge - finding Matty sprawled on the couch, laptop balanced on his stomach, seemingly engrossed. Queer Eye. Setting his tea down on the coffee table.

Fingers - ruffling through bleach blonde as she passes, he glances up lazily - a muffled ‘thanks, love’ through a yawn, stretching but not making any attempt to reach for the tea, legs over her lap when she sits at the opposite end of the sofa. She eyes him - doubtfully, while he giggles at something that’s just been said. Earlier in the evening he had told her he was going to work on some stuff, album stuff - after spending the afternoon spread across the bed with Allen doing much of the same as he was now. She thinks now it was just a ploy, an excuse to be alone, an escape from her constant fidgeting.

Cabin fever was beginning to creep up on Penelope - earlier in the day, aimlessly wandering between her studio and art corner of the bedroom. Angsty and tiresome, restless. Mood - mirroring the weather.

Like Matty she had intended to get some work done - illustration, instead ending up on the bedroom floor, sketching and half finishing a canvas portrait of Allen, who spent most of the day curled up on the bed, an equally sulky state. It wasn’t the day for trying to work, built on procrastination and dense atmosphere, and Penelope was getting increasingly exasperated with how little attention Matty was giving her. Alone time was over - as far as she was concerned, but his gaze still didn’t shift from his laptop, no matter how long she stared.

Until finally - albeit there was a pause, the next episode loading, dark hazel meeting indigo; “What’re you looking at?”

Penelope - taking that as a cue, cold cups of tea, closing his Mac and shifting it off him, despite halfhearted protests of ‘oi’, and ‘’m watching sommat’.

“For someone who’s about to announce to the world how much they hate technology - you’ve been using it a fair deal to fucking ignore me all day.”

Vexatious complaints - maneuvering, thighs either side of his ribs, stomach.

“Sorry darling, what was that?” A lopsided smirk, glancing up at her while thumbs moved haphazardly over his phone screen. She didn’t need to ask - knowing it was George, stranded somewhere in Ireland with Kelsey. Snow.

Fingers - plucking the phone from him, tossing it across the room, the other couch. Matty raises brows in a silent questioning - before he can say anything, she collapses into him, face burrowing into his neck. A whine, scratchy sound resembling his name.

Something he chortles at, resounding her name, an amused tone, fingers - trailing down her spine. Comforting - content with his touch, smell, until he begins to speak again, after having time to mull over what she had said.

“And actually I don’t hate technology, you’re missing the point - it’s about how subversive-”

Penelope - a groan, shushing him, nipping at his neck. She had heard this speech, rant - over and over and over again, the past few months. She could recite it back to him, or some variation - his spiel on it was ever changing. Mumbling - key words, concepts from ‘Kanye’ to ‘Black Mirror’ to ‘Obsolescence’, between kisses, his neck.  

She continues until he interrupts, complaining about being too warm, asking if she had turned the heating back on, she meets his complaints with her own - cold. Something he scoffs at. 

“Because you have no fucking clothes on.”

Warm hands, bare skin - her thighs, highlighting his point. Only one of his Gucci tshirts, underwear. Comments that transpire into a minor argument over the heating, and heating bills, and overheating, and Allen’s dislike of the sounds the boiler and radiators made, and how it makes Matty’s nose all stuffy. Domestic. The kind of domestic that would make George utterly repulsed if he was present. 

Until it’s giggles, and kisses. Kisses that grow quite heated, quite fast, after she tries to sit back up, lips chasing. Hands wandering - her thighs, hips, under her tshirt. All hot breaths, soft sounds, and suppressed smirks - between mouths. A heavy scent of sandalwood, from earlier candles. Frost tinting window panes. 

Slow - but still with a hint of urgency. His jeans - pushed down just far enough, her, or his, tshirt ends up on the floor, following a bit of a struggle his jumper joins it. Swollen lips - pressing kisses, her lips, jaw. Fingers - pushing aside, underwear, rather than struggling to take them off, cramped space and bad coordination, something that would most likely end with him knocking her onto the floor, and killing the mood. 

Muted gasps - when fingertips brush against sensitive skin, echoing sounds from Matty - when her fingers wrap around him. Air thicker, heat rising - blood rushing, messy tongues and soft sounds. Penelope - hips gyrating, in search of more friction, a mewl resembling his name tumbling from her lips, fingers dipping into her. Thighs - trembling against him, nails grazing skin.

Impatience - rising after a few minutes, a lazy kind of rhythm between them both, his fingers, her hand. Slow and tormenting - setting off sparks, fueling the heat, radiating. Fingers - tugging at his wrist, hazel focusing on blown out pupils as she leans back down, lips hot against his, telling him that she wants to feel him, while nails graze across ink, tattoos.

Instead of attempting to change positions, cramped and partially because of his own impatience, heat spiraling through his veins - fingers grip her hips, guiding her on to him. Perfect angle - to watch her face, reaction as he fills her. How her lips part with scattered expletives, brow furrowing, fingers imprinting against his ribs. Naturally - taking a few minutes to gain some sort of rhythm, momentum. Not something he minded - relishing in the feeling of her, the soft sounds that surpassed her lips. A mutual desire, rippling through bodies. 

Later - much later, bedroom. Penelope finding Matty once again on his phone, giggling to himself, when she returns from the bathroom, pajamas and brushed teeth. The living room escapade had transpired, traveled to the bedroom - between cool sheets, when hands and mouths grew peripatetic once more.

Horizontal - head on Matty’s stomach, fingers playing with her hair, twirling curls. Announcing - out of seemingly nowhere that George and Kelsey are going to be the first to have a kid. Indigo - glancing up, an amused smirk, asking him what made him think that. 

He shrugs, tossing him phone down - “was reading some article, said there’s gonna be an influx in babies born in December ‘cause of the snow, people have nowt else to do but shag apparently. So what’s the bet that we’ll have a cute, but very odd new little drummer by next year?”

Penelope only scoffed at his logic, shaking her head. 

“Fine be like that, Ross will bet me.” - picking back up his phone, eyes lighting up with immature excitement. Penelope - burrowing her way under the duvet, “they’re staying with her parents, I doubt they’re spending their weekend trapped in the house shagging.” 

“Never stopped us did it, darlin’?” 

She didn’t have to look at him to know that that stupid sly grin was tilting his lips, turning off the light, but letting out a low chuckle all the same. 

“Oh my God, go to sleep - Matty.” 

It’s quiet for a while,once Matty had finished sending Ross his preposition for the bet, much like earlier in the night. Only sounds of wind outside, and the sparse creeks of the house. Penelope - drifting in and out of sleep, until Matty’s voice, a whisper - her ear, clearly in deep thought over the matter. 

“Babe, what colour do you think I should dye my hair next?”

[georgiabread]

98 or 99 ;3

simmer down

prompt: 98 - “Take a deep breath.”

a/n: for @p-hantasticpheels. this one is slightly longer and more average than i’d hoped, but i hope you enjoy it and thanks for asking ily :))

send me prompts!

Dan’s footis falling asleep under his bum. He can feel the pin-pricks like raindropsinside his socks. How long it’s stayed there, he doesn’t know. Two hours or so?He’s been immersed in his writing for a while; the butt chair has started toprod at his bones, and he can’t remember when it got dark. But he ignores thediscomfort of it all, eyes suction-cupped to the ironic fanfiction on hiscomputer screen.

But rightnow, he isn’t writing. Cumbersome fingers twitch against the surface of thekeys. His brain is blank, his imagination zone fizzled out. Three-quarters ofthe way in, his story comes to an abrupt stop mid-sentence. Dan has no ideawhere to go next.

He thoughta story with homoerotic undertones about Phil coming back from the dead as avampire would be easy to write. His audience does it every second day, andthey’re teenagers. But even creatingsomething this low-quality is a struggle. There are plot and characters tothink about, and there’s writer’s block and the actual forming of ideas. And Dan– eyes damp around the edges from the monitor’s glare, watching the cursor blinkon his document, willing the words to write themselves – feels on the verge ofgiving up.

A drawn-outsigh leaves his lips, and he mumbles, “I’ve been staring at this screen for toolong, are my eyes bleeding?”

Only a fewrooms away and crammed into a Skype window in the top right corner of hisscreen is Phil. Elbow on the desk, chin propped up in hand, he pauses for amoment and types something on his own computer. “That’s another sentence for Things Overheard,” he announcesunenthusiastically. “And yes. I can see it running down your face. Must be asign of sleep deprivation.”

“Oh, sodoff. D’ya wanna make me a coffee?”

“Dan, we’regetting dangerously close to one AM. I’m not making you a coffee.”

“Please, Phil. Or I’ll never get thisdone.”

“Nocaffeine at bedtime, you know that. Besides, you’re closest to the kitchen.”

“Rude. Ibet you’ve got five steps less than me. Go on.”

“You go on.I’m not your slave.” Phil stretcheshis mouth around the word.

“I’mliterally ten inches deep in this story right now. I can’t break focus.”

“I’mliterally ten inches deep in your mum.”

“Your dickisn’t that long, Phil.”

Phil’s faceshoots up, pixelated jaw plunging. Rife with scandal. Then he narrows his eyes.“Shut up. You’re just trying to change the subject.”

A sharplaugh bursts from Dan’s lips and simmers down to a giggle as he leans back inhis butt chair. He coos at the pout forming on Phil’s chin. “Sure, sure. Ormaybe the poor baby can’t handle the truth?”

“Close yourmouth, Dan Howell,” Phil murmurs, eyes flicking over his own screen. “And incase you missed it with all that smart-ass talk, you’re not having coffee.”

“Don’t callme a smart-ass,” Dan grumbles, but it’s punctured by a yawn.

“See!You’re tired,” Phil grins. “Now save the thing and come to bed.”

“Just giveme a few more minutes.”

“Nope. Thatstory will still be there tomorrow.”

“That’s thething. I don’t have time–”

“Stopmaking excuses, mister. Let’s go.”

“Phil, I’mnot–”

“Don’t makeme come over there.”

“Oh mygod.” Dan pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I will come to bedlater. Just let me finish the story.”

There’ssilence on the other end. Dan peers through his palms at the Skype window andfinds Phil giving him a pointed look, brows arched. And part of him knows Phil is right and he does want tosleep, but that’s overpowered by a bigger, prouder, more frustrated part thatwants to get this thing done. He hasto, now. Because tomorrow they have meetings and filming to do, and there’s aphotoshoot the day after, and he’ll procrastinate when he has free time and thedocument will sit untouched in his files for days.

Dan looksaway with a curt sigh, scuffing his fringe off his face. “Sorry. I’m writing.”

Thefanfiction frowns back at him. The hilarity of it dribbles away, and the morehe stares the faster it becomes only words and failure. He doesn’t want to makethis a big deal – it’s only a crappy story for their book. But their book is abig deal. It’s the most important thing he’s worked on in his life, and if thisisn’t perfect, then none of it is perfect.

Dan glancesat the Skype window again, and Phil is gone. Finally, he can let his shoulderssag and his eyelids droop. With nothing else to do, he hits the save button alittle too hard and slouches there. The cursor still flashes on the screen likean alarm, stirring anger into his exhaustion. He wants to erase everything he’swritten. He wants to scream.

And then –warm fingers squeezing his shoulder, moving to comb through his rumpled hair.

“Pleasecome to bed. You can do this in the morning,” Phil says softly.

Dan wantsnothing more than to close his eyes and lean into Phil’s touch, but his wordsrub off the wrong way. Dan’s shoulders harden. He doesn’t look away from thescreen. “You’re wrong, actually.”

Phil’sfingers falter for a second. “What do you mean? We’re not–”

“We havetwo meetings in the morning.”

“Oh.”There’s an exhale. “I forgot.”

“Yeah.Yeah, and did you forget we have gaming videos to film as well? And then I’mdoing god knows what. Fucking exercises. I don’t know. And a day-longphotoshoot the next day. If I don’t get this done right now, I never will,cause I’m shit at being organised and I hold things off as long as possible and– and we have – our editor wants to see what we’ve done so far but I haven’teven–”

“Dan. Hey–”

“It’s just– it’s just not going to fucking work, Phil,”Dan cries. “So don’t tell me I can finish it later because I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t fucking doanything, it’s all just–” His voicestretches into a wail and his eyes grow wet and it’s not because of the screen.

Philcrouches against the chair, holds his arm. “Dan. Dan, Dan, Dan. Take a deepbreath, okay? It’ll be fine.”

“It won’tbe fucking fine. I need to–”

“No. I needyou to calm down. Look at me. Deep breath, that’s it. That’s good.”

Dan givesin, closes his eyes and sucks air into his lungs, face red with frustration. Hegrabs onto Phil’s hand anyway. Then – the dam breaks, and a tired sob burstsfrom his throat. Phil runs his fingers up and down his arm.

When hisshoulders lose their tremble, Dan stands shakily in search of a hug and Philmeets him there. He tucks his face into Phil’s chest, feeling stupid andguilty but losing himself in the warmth of the arms around his waist and thegradual calm around his heart. His muscles loosen as Phil rubs circles on thesmall of his back. With a sniffle, Dan considers falling asleep right there. But he just–

“I’msorry,” he blurts, muffled by the fabric of Phil’s shirt. He twists his fingersaround it. “I didn’t…I’m tired. I just wanted to finish it.”

Phil’sfingers slip into his hair and brush through the curls.  “I know. It’s okay, you don’t have toexplain.”

“I’m sorryfor getting angry at you.”

Philpresses his lips to Dan’s temple. “That’s okay too.”

Dan scrubsat the tear stains on his cheeks before resting his forehead on Phil’s shoulder.Then he remembers the fanfiction. It glowers at him from across the room.“Dammit. What am I gonna do?” he whimpers.

“Well,right now you’re going to sleep for several hours,” Phil says. “And when we gethome tomorrow, after you do your exercises, you can sit down to write with afresh mind. We don’t have to meet our editor until Saturday, so that gives youtime anyway.”

Dan shifts andkisses an exposed bit of skin, just above his collar. “Okay. I love you. Thankyou for putting up with all my melodramatic shit.”

“Youremotions are perfectly valid, Dan. And I love you too, despite them,” Phil says,stepping back and tucking his partner’s fringe back into place. He smilessoftly at the tenderness in Dan’s eyes. “Now, I think it’s bedtime for you.”

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

11/6/17, 4:00pm - Stories of a Wannabe Playboy Jerky Jerk

BIt’s hard to preface this entry without explaining why I’ve been gone so long.

I like to think that it’s simply because I write less when I’m staying busy and I’m happy with everything that’s going on. So my life must be pretty fantastic right now. But I’ve been kicking myself to get back into the groove of this and idk why I can’t. Maybe I’m too complacent? I know for damn sure it’s because I’ve gotten lazy as fuck. Well not lazy, but as an anime I’m watching called Nichijou puts it “peaceful.” My free days I’m laying around either happily getting an excess amount of sleep or binge watching another anime or visiting with friends. 

I could go back through my finances and my tweets and try to cover what happened day by day the past two months but that’s entirely too excessive and I think why I quit writing. It’s not creative enough? Or maybe just too mundane. But the entire reason I do this is to capture as much of my life as possible so I’ll be able to remember it later so I don’t really see how capturing the mundanity of it is a problem. I’d suppose it’s just another excuse to be lazy and just capture the highlights.

I don’t really know where to begin. Go backwards? Go forwards? 

I quit buying cigarettes again three weeks ago, been bumming them from people at bars, just bought a new pack today to smoke while I sit on the porch and chalk this out I don’t care if it takes hours or not. 

Ok so it’s a monday, I guess the first thing I want to write about is my past three monday+tuesdays. I’ve hung out with manu the past two weeks, drinking and playing the new south park game. Which was delightful and I’m glad me and manu finally beat a game again. On the mondays we’d stay at his place and on the tuesdays he’d come over to my place out here and weilin would hang out with us, we’d drink and play through as long as we could getting sleepy throughout the day hanging out. Tossed a frisbee around and talked a little about how life was going. Binge ate a fuckton of pizza and shit. Beautiful days. As was the monday before that, when weilin and I hung out. I had just gotten destroyed at the Arcadian this year, which was incredibly disappointing, so I wasn’t really feeling good about melee. Instead we went over to downtown greensboro and just walked around the city exploring. It was really fucking nice. Still going to board game nights intermittently, but september I was going to this tournament out in winston-salem instead because I was really trying to prepare hard. Shame that didn’t work out lol. My buddy marklar told me that maybe I put too much pressure on myself but I really feel like I need to hold myself to a higher standard or I’m not going to try to get any better. I’ll just idle in mediocrity. Which is very true I but I also can’t really imagine putting in the commitment to getting better.  My laptop is starting to break, the screen gets really fucked up lately and I have to smack it around to get it to work right. I want to get a real laptop instead of a chromebook so I can start playing games again. Maybe getting on a netplay grind would be how I get good. I don’t know. I don’t really like the thought of spending money though, since I’ve been doing really well at putting most of my income towards repairing my debt. As a checkup on that I still owe Weilin 8.25k, but I’m down to just 7.5k on my car now, which is kinda excellent. I’m in a much better spot than I was a year ago, that’s for sure. I had to buy a new phone and got the pixel, but dad gave me money for that and I’ve been procrastinating sending my old phone in until I can get the pictures off of it. But even that is a symbol of improvement because this is the first time in my life that I’ve been able to have a really New phone. Like new to everyone, not just to me. 

I think I’ve put on a little weight so I’ve been considering dieting again. Slightly considering. I really don’t care all that much. I went as scott pilgrim for halloween this year, and can compare myself now to how I looked four years ago. My hair even kind of looks the same (I finally cut off all the blonde and so now it’s kinda short brown again, but with a little bit of the yellow kinda dazzling the tips lol). I look a hell of a lot better. I’m getting way more action too lmao, but more on that later. I guess I’m pretty satisfied about who I am right now. Instead of feeling buried and crawling to get out I feel like I’m just jogging on a treadmill. I know I’m not really going anywhere but I’m also sort of making progress I suppose? I haven’t really been doing nearly as much melee this past month, my life is mostly work+going out drinking+anime bingeing and resting. Oh and I’ve consistently gone to karaoke on tuesdays, I’m a regular dive bar attendee lmao. It’s delightfully idle. Quit playing hearthstone and watching hearthstone streams and watching twitch almost completely so those are all good things. I’ll take fucktons of anime over that any day.

Speaking of anime let me write out all these shows I’ve watched.

Seen all the new rick and morty and south park, watched my hero academia, up to date on dragonball super, watching this new show Juni Taisen, watching all the new Shokugeki No Soma week to week, finally watched Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and now I’ve started the seasons I accidentally skipped, watching Nichijou, watched all of Haikyu, almost restarted kuroko no basket, and I think that’s everything lmao. Watching new Shokugeki No Somas is particularly enjoyable because it reminds me that I’m being more true to myself than I was when I was just idling smoking a fuckton. Like it still embarrasses me when I met up with Kailey the one time and she asked me if I had seen any of the then new season 2 and I hadn’t even heard it came out. “I thought you’d be more excited” still stings a bit, not gonna lie.

But let me take a second to try to list out the most eventful days the past two months to see if I can get this on track and write about the more interesting shit.

1. Brian wedding, 2. date with Taylor, 3. Ashleigh’s Birthday, 4. Tizzlefest Party, 5. Arcadian+afterparty, 6. Lesbian pool bet, 7. Winston Salem Weird group sex night, 8. Maya prehalloween party, 9. Mary Shenanigans+halloween, 10. General becky update, 11. notes of neighbor girl and angie and katie

Ok wow. So I haven’t updated since September 1st huh? 

1. So Brian’s Wedding. Well I didn’t get into the groomsmen so I don’t have a full weekend, just the day of the wedding and that night, but I just had to write how spectacular it was to hang out with Brian Manu Maya Oliver and Christina, as well as Reyad and Alyx and everyone. Getting drunk and stuffing my face with barbecue. Finally burnt through the Jack Daniels bottle I bought for that date with Stephanie like a fucking year ago. Drank more and played some jackbox stuff with people at the groomsman house, played some pool, chatted around a little fire, it was so nice. And even got pangs of nostalgia for Coolidge when I was the last one awake playing Splatoon and manu and christina started having sex so loud I could hear it three rooms away. Fucking classic lmao. Went to Brian’s parents for breakfast the next day. His wife is a sweetie. Then idk I think I went home to watch shitty horror movies with Becky, pretty great.

2. This girl Taylor. The story starts with this smashbros 64 tournament at Boxcar that I went to with my buddy Lex. He’d been talking trash for weeks and I just fucking love that game so we planned on winning the whole thing. Did not go as planned, turns out there’s someone in gboro who Actually plays and he fucking destroyed. But I got third and won a free tshirt! pretty excellent, except that the first time I wore it out I got a grease stain or something on it and it’s sullied already. Fucking rip. But so at this tournament there was another event going on for this deaf group, and so Lex’s gf and her roommate Taylor were there. I’m my normal flirty self when I meet her, and even though I didn’t Think I was hitting on her or anything when she walks away Lex tells me “just to let ya know, she’s actually a lesbian.” and I’m like ah well I wasn’t even really trying but w.e. But I keep chatting with her about movies and such and she’s like overly happy to talk to me and laughs loud at my jokes and shit so I’m kinda picking up on something. I ended up asking for her number before I left for the night, she gave it to me and I commended myself on being the ultimate victor of the evening. Texted lex something like “you Sure she’s not at least bi because I totally just got her number.” Lmfao. Anyway, we were originally talking about having a date going out to bars and doing karaoke or something but instead she just invited me over to her place to chill and drink. Perfect, I think. Not really, lex warns me, it’s probably going to be you and a bunch of dudes and my gf there because their apartment is a chill spot. Oh cool whatever, that’s fine too I think. So that date goes pretty exceptionally well. Her gay friends loved me because I’m bi and I laugh overly loud at their runway shows that they watch, and me and Taylor mostly made fun of them a fuckton for how they sucked at 2k. They all end up going to bed and Taylor’s talking about how everything went so well and how much she wants to go on a second date so I kiss her. And we made out. And I threw her up on the kitchen counter and onto the couch and we’re hardcore making out all over her apartment so I ask to just stay with her but she says no. Second date. I’m just whining like “but you have no idea how much I want to go down on you right now.” But she walks out to my car with me and we’re making out there and I did my stupid ass drunk thing where I start sliding my pants down like I’m a suave piece of shit and she laughs at me and says “you’re probably the type to want to have sex in public” and I’m like “that’s not fair that’s one of my kinks.” hit her with the “i had a vasectomy because I think the onus of birth control shouldn’t be on the woman” and she says something like “how do you know what to say to everything.” She crawls into the front seat of my car and sucks my dick a little, definitely one of the worse ones I’ve had in my life lmfao. I say we should go in the back seat and fool around so we do. It went awkwardly. I think I stuck my finger in her ass while I was going down on her and that probably didn’t help lmfaoooooo. I don’t think either of us got off and I asked her to at least suck me off a little more but she’s just like no. So I giggle and am just like allll righhhht, leaning against my car with my pants off shouting out “so when should I call you for that second date?” she says “like two days” or something. Here’s the catch. When we were making out on the side of my car she tells me that she doesn’t want to do anything because she’d actually never been with a guy before. I was like WOAH that makes so much sense. I don’t really want to push her into doing anything, but then I still went ahead and did all that like a fucking dummy.  I’m on top of the fucking world though, thinking that I have a new special notch in my belt for the lesbian girl who’s into me. I play one of the best tournaments I’ve ever played because I feel like I can’t fucking lose. I said something stupid as fuck in discord like “I think I just turned this 90-10 lesbian girl straight tonight.” But alas, it was not meant to be. She didn’t return my texts a few days later. Wouldn’t answer my calls. I left a voicemail apologizing because I realized she might’ve heard from lex about how I said that (She made me promise to “not do any of that gross guy talk about tonight, please”). But I think now what happened was that she just wasn’t really attracted to me as much as she thought she was because it’s exactly like how when I made out with that guy josh and wasn’t really feeling it like even a little bit the next day. Or maybe I fucked up sticking a finger in her ass. Who knows, really. She won’t tell me lmfao. So that beat me up a little bit. Quick trip back down to earth lol. So it goes. Really I think it’s for the best because I don’t want to be her first because I’ve technically sworn off virgins lmao plus I feel like it would just totally have fucked up her whole perspective of guys if she found out I was also seeing someone else. But I might have dropped becky for her and been committed. She was really fucking cool, I would’ve loved drinking and playing 2k with her a ton. But maybe that’s all silly to even think about too. Relationships are dumb, people are dumb, and I’m the dumbest of them all hahahaha. Anyway she knew I was kind of a hoe, she said something like “you’re probably just used to easy girls.” and instead of confessing that I don’t really get that many girls and being more sensitive about it I said something like “well yknow I don’t really see people as ‘easy,’ because all anybody wants is to have a good time.” and she liked that too. But I just made myself out to be a total playboy jerky jerk lmfao. Def wasn’t the strat but maybe that’s actually who I am a little bit. Just a funny cute hoebag lol.

(5:05pm) 3. On that note, I had a great time at Ashleigh’s birthday party, hosted by the bar she works at, free beer for the night for all her guests. It was fucking sweeet. Just sippin on cheap beer hanging with my bud chris and aaron and ash and playing some beer pong. It was basically just another night out drinking, but I happened to run into my first greensboro hookup Brianna there. I introduced her to my friend chris, he asked how we knew each other and she playfully said oh he’s just a big hoe. So it kinda falls in the theme. Plus I decided that running into past hookups at your regular bar makes you an official townie, so I think I’m super at home in Greensboro now. Kinda wanna hit her up again sometime, but meh. She’s a strangeun. I guess all the girls I hook up with are, really. Strange people are the most interesting? Or maybe I think all people are just strange lol. 

4. Tizzlefest Party Ok so there was this big smash tournament house party, tizzle’s privileged tour 2 and I actually got off work so I could go drink with everyone. Second in dubz, smoked way too much weed and drank too many shots and got bopped in singles but it was hella fun. First time I got sicky drunk in a longgg time, I was like laying out on their brick porch for a long time lmao. (5:45, had to take a break lol) Played some beer pong and flip cup and mostly just hung out and talked to people, idk I got a little rekt and missed out on a lot. Tizzle’s got two 18yo twin sisters and even though me and my buddy rob were joking about having a threesome with them, I felt like more of a big brother status that night and didn’t even hit on them! Lmao you guys I’m not a total hoe bag i promise. It was a great night though, hung out with the one sister and her friend and my buddy flare most of the night. Stayed up til like 6 in the morning smoking and we had some tea and I finally crashed. After I woke up from being like comatose I didn’t really wanna hang and smash I mostly chilled joking around with these girls in their parents bed with like 6 people. Talking about fetishes and how the one can’t have an orgasm even though her bf’s dick is like 10 inches it was a funny night. Missed seeing some tits but like I said I don’t really care. Which is weird. Maybe it’s just because so many other guys were barking up their tree that I didn’t really feel like it? Or maybe 18 just really is too young for me now. Idk idk idk. Oh wait maybe it’s because they both knew me as “the shirtless guy” from my and tizzle’s mm last year llmfaooooooooo. Kinda would’ve shot any attempts to get with them in the foot for sure. Got super out drunk by my buddy rob though. we were supposed to try to go shot for shot and I had 5 before I finished playing in bracket, but when I got off the sticks he already had 21 i was like what in the fuckkkk. he ended up puking a few times and passing out and coming back and ended up with like 32 or some nonsense. Excited for the next one for sure though.

5. Arcadian I don’t really have too much to say about. It was hard to fall asleep after work because I was too excited. showed up pseudo rested and got fucking wobbled by this ICs first round and then lost to this samus I haven’t beaten going 1-2 felt really bad. Drank a whole lot and was shouting about traps and shit while I watched clem body everyone and take the win. Pretty proud of him tbh, it’s nice to see people who I started playing with do well but also really frustrating. Anyway what was great about that night was my raleigh crew actually stayed at my place in gboro for once. We got fucking lit and made tacos, it was wonderful. Then we went to smith street diner in the morning and had a dank ass breakfast, I had this deliccccious pork. God I love pork belly so much that taste is the fucking best. 

6. Ok so there’s this one night I went drinking with Aaron on a wednesday to this bar next to geeksboro. We drink a little and he’s like showing me how to play pool since he’s way better than me but there are these two girls playing next to us. I think I ended up saying hey and we all start talking smack about who would win. They wanna bet money but we don’t wanna take their money so we bet shots. The one is like 40 and she’s all about it, but the other is my age and she says that won’t work for her bc she’s trying to stay sober. On a whim she says alright well if we win we get to peg you in the ass. Instantly I’m like SOLD. First of all because I had confidence in Aaron and myself, but also because getting taken home by two lesbians sounds fucking hilarious. Pegging is gonna be the new eating ass for 2018 i swear. We ended up beating them, Aaron made me hit the 8ball so I saved my own ass, and we made a whole bunch of jokes about how he saved my ass and how I’m pretty clutch when my ass is on the line, good times. The 40 year old chick was fucking crazy though lmao humping me on the pool table and she ended up taking her shirt off, i think she wanted me to go home with them still but passed to go with aaron home to do somethingorother. Ended up giving my number to the other girl, we had had a nice talk on the porch about how I had fucked up with Taylor and about how she was kind of in a semiabusive relationship with that chick and she ended up texting me the next day but I haven’t heard from her since. She lives in Winston maybe I’ll hit her up one day. I just remember her long black hair and tight leather pants lol. Pretty fyne. But just a passing acquaintance.

7. Ok so like 3 weeks ago I don’t have work on a friday night so I’m chilling at home bingeing Haikyu. I decide I don’t really want to go out and if becky hits me up that’s cool because she’s out drinking with her friends. Becky asks me if I’m up to anything at like 1:30 in the morning and I’m like nah you wanna come over, and she passes out lol. So I’m still just hanging out watching anime when I get a message at 3:30 in the fucking morning from this guy I met at one of the winston monday tournaments. He says he’s over at his gf’s place at this all girls college and says her roommate’s looking for some male company. I’m like huwhaaaaaa. He gets her on fb video with me and she basically says “yeah I haven’t really been drinking in a bit, i’m just bored and horny now. So if you make it over here asap you have my explicit permission to fuck the shit out of me.” I’m like holy fucking shit wow. I knew she was gonna be a little chubby but I couldn’t bring myself to pass it up because i’m a fucking hoe and I thought it was hilarious that I was solicited for sex by a stranger at 3:30 in the morning. So I showered off real quick and sped the fuck over there. Weird ass night. They were locked out so his gf has to jump down this pit to get into the building and fucks up her foot, I attend to that medically, drink the last bit of my south carolinian everclear to make this all less weird, and have group sex with them basically. Got my cock stroked by two girls at the same time, we both had sex on this couch, fucked around with her for like a half hour, but I’m not gonna lie I was really struggling to stay hard. Fatties only make me think of work and diseases and stuff now hahahaha. Doesn’t matter, had sex. Now I have her as a booty call if I’m really desperate but not really lookin to do that again tbh.

8. Maya invited me to a halloween party at her place the weekend before halloween, and I tried to ask off work but couldn’t get the day off because my boss had patients scheduled three weeks in advance. I was like damn, but when I asked for my schedule that week it turned out that patient cancelled! So I got to go out to visit Maya and had a sweet night drinking and playing beer pong with manu christina pacos and rianne her roommate. Didn’t get too sloppy but was doing shots all night having a good time, maya showed me her apartment and her room and stuff she’s living in a pretty sweet spot. oh and remet a bunch of maya’s friends who I fucking forgot the names of againnnn dammit. Had a nice little moment chilling with pacos and christina on the couch catching up about stuff, talking about anal and all sorts of sexy weirdness lmao. Poor pacos’s dad though, such a shame about his condition. Lmao Christina and Manu disappeared at one point and pacos was like worried they left him there, so we walk around the house, check their car, check my car, couldn’t find them anywhere. Go back into the party and I’m like “oh my god I have an idea hold on stay here.” did what I would do and walked out the front door and immediately a few steps to the right and sure enough there they were fucking on top of an AC unit hahahaha. Manu was saying her back was scratched to fuck from that thing. Also I can’t remember what it was called but we were drinking this mix of bourbon and like spices that was really delicious.  Most of the girls there were kinda busted so I didn’t really flirt around and didn’t think anything would happen with her roommate, but as the night was winding down and I was helping them clean up a bit she started saying things like “damn I just wanted to fuck tonight.” and asked maya like four times “doesn’t he kinda look like that last guy I was hooking up with?” Made some moves and ended up having sex with her. It was phenomenal sex, too. Yknow that drunk sex where you just power through until you’re like on the brink of collapse because you’ve been fucking for like an hour straight? Holy shit, spent my whole refraction period (which wasn’t too too long) with her on my face. That second nut where you really have to give it your all is my shitttt. Lol trying to get my stuff in the morning was such a problem i couldn’t find shit like had to keep waking her up to find my wallet I hope she isn’t frustrated about that. Took Maya to the airport and jammed out to some My Chemical Romance, was great.

9. So this girl Mary. She’s another regular at my karaoke dive bar, and sept 20 (thanks, twitter) we start chatting a bunch and decide to sing some songs together. It was like the week after I had been jokingly hitting on her married stepsister, maybe I got a good word from her or something. But so I put my arm around her casually at the bar and my buddy zach says something like “if you touch her like that again I’ll fucking kill you.” So I tweeted out fucking challenge accepted hahahaha. So later that night she says like “hey I know this is a little forward or weird but do you want to go out sometime?” and I’m like “of course!” we plan out some picnic with sandwiches and make out a bunch at the bar. Then we’ve been snapchatting a whole lot since but never got around to the date because we’re both busy with whatever, she has a new normie job so our schedules don’t match up much. But on halloween we’re both at the bar, I’m hanging with aaron and ash and chris and the gang, and end up taking her home. She’s making me like a turkey sandwich and I notice her dad dressed like Jerry Garcia on the fridge. The Craziest shit is it turns out that she had the same kind of childhood I did where she went around the country going to dead and phish shows too, she even knew what fucking rainbow gathering was. I was talking about selling crystals in the parking lot and she was like same but grilled cheeses. So fucking weird I like her a lot now lol, even more than when we just talked about cartoons we were watching. And she’s pretty voracious too lol we had sex twice that night and twice in the morning. ANND she’s a squirter. Which is fucking neato. Always nice to know when you’re getting them off hahahaha. Dunno when we’re gonna hang out again but maybe soon? idk I’m not really trying hard at anything these days.

10. So that brings us to Becky. The past two months have been really cool. We hang out like every sunday, watch a bunch of shitty horror movies, binge watched stranger things 2 together, we usually have a bunch of sex. But things have been slightly falling off on the passion side I guess? idk she’s always been a little too passive for me. And I’m not as up for fucking up my sleep schedule to go to j club and learn japanese so idk. Lazy. We went to a cat cafe with her friend this weekend and didn’t hook up for the first time so maybe I’ll let things die off with her. But she also had to talk to her parents about how she’s taking another semester so maybe she was just stressed. I remember like the third time we hung out after we fucked she just says “god, I’ve been looking forward to that all week.” Made my day hahahaha. She’s really cool but we’ve been seeing each other so long it kinda makes me worry about the status of our relationship, but I think hopefully we’re on the same page that we’re still just friends with benefits. Hopefully. Kinda on a don’t ask don’t tell kinda deal with that though I’d rather not talk about feelings since I’m in a unique position of not having them for once. Very strange considering how until now I’ve still been the ‘serially monogamous’ type. But Becky’s cool I like her a lot too. Just definitely wouldn’t be able to commit to her I don’t think.

11. last, my neighbor finally hit me up to hang out. But she did it on a friday night when I had work so that sucks. Glad to know she didn’t just ghost me though. And Angie hit me up in september. I told her that I was kindasorta seeing becky to be courteous and we talk about life a little bit and she said that I’m “one of the good ones.” I like to hold onto compliments like that. I texted her a bit when I was at maya’s party too, she’s kindasorta seeing some guy too, so I’m not gonna try to rekindle anything with her I don’t think. And Katie I don’t really have anything to say about I just figured I’d mention her because she’s liked a fuckton of my tweets and every instagram pic I’ve posted lately even though she has that cute baby boyfriend of hers now. Just interesting.

So those are my playboy wanna be jerky jerk stories. Embraced becoming a regular Scott Pilgrim. Super satisfied about everything in my life, and happy about just about everything. Still lazy as fuck and not doing too much of anything but life is so good right now. Hope I didn’t forget any cool stories and probably could have gone into more detail but this is long as fucking enough.

It’s 6:30 now I’ve spent long enough writing. Til next time lol.