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theparanormalperiodical · 5 years ago

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The True Story Behind The Amityville Horror (1979) And The 9 Other Times Paranormal Evidence Was Used In Court

I can hear the birds singing.

I can see a brilliant blue sky as it bathes my small Kentish town in the year’s first rays of light.

And I can feel the first thawe of February.

F*ck off winter, and hello spring!

As I sit on my bed, looking outside my window at the resurrection of the once-green landscape of my hometown, I am reminded of the true meaning of this season: life.

The mating season begins for most small, furry creatures, daffodils stand proudly as the first flower to mark their territory, and, like, there’s something about Jesus but I don’t think that had that much of an impact on the world, did it?

But I’m not the first person who was eager to turn their back on winter - the season of death - and look forward to a brighter year.

I’m sure the Lutz family, having fled their family home in mid-January, were just as ready to quash their terrifying experiences that were only darkened by the brutal winter months.

“Lutz… I know that name.”

Unless you were only until recently within a cult and decided to turn your back on Almighty Zarp Goddess Of Destruction, you’ll probably have heard that surname before. But who were they?

Well, to jog your memory, they were a small All-American family who lived in a small All-American town known as Amityville.

Yeah, there you go, now you know where I’m heading with this.

(Or you read the title of this post.)

Amityville is a town in New York which set the scene for probably the most famous haunting the world has ever witnessed. And with several families undergoing intense happenings - from murders to manic paranormal activity - this house has earned its place in the history books.

Oh, and on the big screen, too; 16 feature films have retold the story, including one film which featured Mr Pool himself, Ryan Reynolds.

So, as your favourite paranormal blogger, I thought I’d devote an article to the insanity that was Amityville, and dissect how real the reality shown in the films was for the 2 families that once lived at 112 Ocean Drive.

And I’m not stopping there.

What made this haunting so iconic was how it planted its paranormal feet into the legal system as a result of the murder case the hauntings are linked to. But the thing is, Amityville is far from alone when it comes to legal courts having to deal with the supernatural.

There are actually 9 other prominent legal cases from which the courts have had to debate and discuss the paranormal.

And I’m gon’ tell you all about ‘em.

*Bangs gavel*

Before We Get Spooky, Let’s Summarise What The Films Had To Say About This Haunting

(And they’ve got a lot to say.)

Like I said, there are 16 films that claim they document the events witnessed by the Lutz family in their short stay. No, really, they were there for less than 28 days.

From 1979 all the way up to 2017, we have a variety of films that explore what went down in that house, and, given they are horror films, we also get a few laughs along the way.

Like the 1992 classic Amityville: It’s About Time, which sounds like it might star Vin Diesel in a Fast and Furious crossover.

Or maybe how in the same year Amityville: Playhouse and Amityville: Death House hit the theatres.

And even the rendition of the Amityville Horror from which the realtor having shown the new occupants around the house died in the driveway when he attempted to leave the property!

So, to cut out that crap, I’ve decided to just recap what occurs in the 3 most popular movies of this franchise:

The Amityville Horror (1979), The Amityville Horror (2005), and Amityville: Awakening (2017).

The Amityville Horror (1979)

Sharing the same title as the book supposedly based on the real events witnessed by the Lutz family, this film was the first to share the story of the DeFeo family and the following inhabitants of the house. . The film starts by showing us the final moments of the DeFeo family, from which some bloke kills all of ‘em. From there we bear witness to a new family moving into the home.

And things get spooky quickly.

A visit from a priest gives us the first signs of the supernatural as he experiences a variety of attacks from beyond the grave, whether its swarms of flies to a blistered hand when trying to warn Kathy, the mother of the family, about. An angry spirit then tells him to ‘get out’, triggering his complete mental breakdown.

The paranormal forces then encroach on the patriarch of the famalam - George - leaving him to split firewood to keep the constant cold at bay. Unexplained events begin to haunt the entire family:

The young daughter of the family mentions an imaginary friend, and a pig with glowing red eyes is seen by her bedroom window. The doggo then becomes cray-cray about the basement which is later revealed to conceal a small, hidden room that has red walls.

Things then get weirder. George begins to wake up at 3.15am every morning to check on the boathouse, and Kathy has nightmares which reveal details of what down in the first scene of the movie. A quick trip to the archives later, and she deduces that this house is built on a Shinnecock (Native American) burial ground, and that a satan worshipper - John Ketchum - once lived there.

If that wasn’t enough, she discovers the story of the DeFeo family, and notes that Ronald DeFeo - the murderer - looks uncomfortably similar to George.

It all comes to a head when blood oozes down the staircase and Jody (you know, the sweet adorable imaginary friend who is actually a pig) is seen through the window. Oh, and George tries to kill everyone with an axe.

Kathy brings him out of his trance, and they both get the f*ck outta the house.

We are told that they didn’t return for their belongings.

The Amityville Horror (2005)

For this modern retelling of the original film, the scenes are re-arranged, the hauntings are more minimalist, and just a dash of Ryan Reynolds is added.

And is he playing Ryan Reynolds? ‘Course.

But the major difference between the OG and this icon is that the basis for the hauntings is explored in a much more artistic and developed way:

We see the Native Americans that were supposedly tortured and killed by some guy called Ketchum, and we even see Ketchum himself! Well, for a very brief moment; he simply recreates his suicide and spews blood over Ryan Reynolds George.

This possesses him, and causes him to try and kill the rest of his family as they try to escape the house.

Kathy knocks Ryan Reynolds George out and takes him off the property to release him from Ketchum’s control.

Aside from the greater detail regarding Ketchum - that is, we discover that he was in a cult and was a reverend - we also see Jodie for the first time. No, she’s not the demonic pig we see in the first film. She’s a young creepy-ass girl instead.

What a trade!

The film ends just like the OG, with a title card explaining that they pissed off and never returned to the house. But once again, a divergence with the 1970s version is revealed.

No, not the questionable hairstyles and cinematic style that looks like it was filmed with a toaster:

The final scene shows Jodie scream in terror inside the house as the furniture rearranges itself. She is then dragged beneath the floorboards by two hands, and the screen fades to black…

This confirms that this movie - alongside the later renditions of the story - don’t necessarily point to a specific haunting, but rather look at the house as the source of the haunting. In fact, they just skip out the DeFeos altogether!

This is down to the fact that the movies are directly based on the book of the same name which was released in 1977. Based off 45 hours worth of tapes from the Lutz family, this book wasn’t necessarily written with the family, but clearly had enough information to brew this highly controversial book.

The events charted in the book will be discussed later in this post.

Amityville: Awakening (2017)

The latest film in this franchise swaps out one famous face for another - Bella Thorne stars as a teen that moves into the infamous house with her family and brain-dead brother.

But instead of retelling the Lutz’s story yet again, it explores the power of the house as it slowly begins to possess the brother until he begins to carry out the murders that plague the house.

It is even revealed that the mother brought them to the house in the hope that the demonic energy would help the brother. But, with a gaggle of friends who know the story of the house - and even show the main character the 2005 film - they help her defend against the powers of the house.

The film ends with the sister dragging her brother out of the house and beyond the magic circle she drew, ending the power of the house over the brother after he begins murdering various family members.

The final scene notes that the main character is being questioned by the police, bringing us back to the main point of this post:

This haunting set itself apart by roping in the legal courts.

But how true were these films to the real claims made by the family? And what really happened on November 13th 1974?

What Really Happened At 112 Ocean Avenue?

Whenever someone mentions Amityville, someone gets sued.

Some guy writes a book? They get taken to court. Another bloke makes a film? Lawyers get pissy about the new details added in.

But obviously, this all started in 1974, when Ronald DeFeo killed all 6 members of his family at 112 Ocean Avenue. The courts definitely got involved then, and they are still are - he is currently serving time having been convicted of second degree murder in 1975.

The DeFeo’s deaths were rather peculiar though, mirroring an almost ritualistic scene; each victim was found lying in their bed, face down. At first he ran out of the house and reported that his family had been shot, only confessing days later that he was the killer.

The family had lived in the house since 1965, and thus spent a decade in what many presume to be a haunted due to the experiences of the Lutzes. Could this have caused the murders?

According to some, the paranormal forces could’ve been at the house before the DeFeos moved in as the insanity defense pedalled by DeFeo’s lawyers claimed that he heard the voices of his family plotting against him.

"Once I started, I just couldn't stop. It went so fast" - Ronald DeFeo

I’m sure this mirrors the beliefs and actions of most murderers, but this sense of being out of control or maybe even not yourself certainly fits the bill of possession that the movies always pin on George Lutz.

The isolation of the George figure we see in the film and the voices heard throughout suggest this, but the DeFeo story is often skipped in the films and the books.

Yet despite DeFeo’s confession, the murders are still bathed in mystery. The police were puzzled by the fact that the corpses showed no sign of struggle, and were confused by the sheer scale and speed that the killings would have required. On top of this, neighbours didn’t hear the shots despite the gun not having a silencer.

Even the motive was uncertain.

Sure, DeFeo did ask about his father’s life insurance very quickly following his death, but many didn’t think that was reason enough to kill one’s entire family.

DeFeo’s story has twisted and turned overtime, but one thing is for sure: no haunting is ever mentioned in this side of the story.

None. Nada. Zilch.

This is why any retelling of Amityville focuses on the murders that took place there, but also tries to trace back the haunting to a satanic cause buried in the history of the house.

To this day the question still stands: what really caused the haunting of Amityville?

The book The Amityville Horror (1977) tries to answer this question, and charts each claim of the Lutz family. And unfortunately, it confirms that the films portray an uncomfortably accurate haunting.

The hauntings noted by the Lutz family are nothing short of incredible - however you interpret my use of that word..

The spooky goings-on reported include:

A priest being told to ‘get out’ and his subsequent telephone call warning the family to stay out of a room being cut short

George would wake up at 3.15am an check the boathouse - this was the estimated time of the murders

Flies would swarm the house despite their arrival in mid-winter

Kathy would have violent and detailed nightmares about the murders

The family members all began to sleep on their stomachs

Missy, the daughter, made an imaginary friend called Jodie, a pig with red glowing eyes

Green slime oozed from walls

Hoof prints similar to that of a pig were spotted in the snow

However, the most intriguing piece of the paranormal discovered at Amityville was that small room with red walls that was found in the basement - a room considered to be the source of the evil in the house. And, just like in the films, the family dog had severe reactions to it such as cowering and refusing to go near it.

It was only when they fled to a relative’s house and saw slime coming up the stairs towards them that they decided that they would not be returning to 112 Ocean Avenue.

Evidently the silver screen tapped into the nature of the hauntings, but the possession of George Lutz? According to the Lutzes, it only went as far as George noticing that he bore a resemblance to Ronald.

What about Reverend Ketchum? And the Native American burial ground?

Doesn’t exist and didn’t happen.

Well, okay, some bloke called Ketchum would have existed - this was a popular name for settlers from England. But there’s no evidence that he spent his spare time in a cult or murdered Native Americans there. And the Shinnecock Native Americans? Sure, they exist, but leaders claimed this was not a burial ground.

In reality, all we have is a chaotic level of activity.

Or do we?

The book has encountered a fair share of controversy, with most major details being overturned.

Hoof prints in the snow? It didn’t snow that day.

The red room? It was a closet, and it wasn't concealed.

The claims by the priest? He never said they were of paranormal origin.

"Nothing weird ever happened, except for people coming by because of the book and the movie." - The couple that lived there after the Lutzes.

The 9 Other Cases Of Evidence Of The Paranormal Being Used In Court

I love me a ghost.

The problem is, there’s a lot of ‘em.

You’d think Amityville was like the only case where the paranormal made their way into court cases, stamping the supernatural into legal files and sending shivers down the jury’s spine…

But unfortunately, that is not true.

It turns out that tales of haunting are actually clogging up legal archives. And no, I don’t mean cases where a woman would sneeze in the 16th century and they would legally have some right to burn her cause clearly she was a witch.

In fact, some of these mysterious mentions have founded laws!

“Alexa, play the Legally Blonde soundtrack.”

#1 - The Greenbrier Ghost

Woman dies. Husband acts suspicious. Husband acts more suspicious. Ghost tells mother the husband did it. Case closed.

No, seriously - that’s what happened.

Elva Zona Heaster was murdered in 1897 at the hands of her husband. Having broken her neck, he claimed complications with pregnancy killed her, and dressed the corpse to prevent people seeing the real cause of her death.

The grandmother was the first to become unsure of his story having washed the scarf that was tied around her daughter’s definitely-not-f*cked-up neck and being unable to wash out a blood stain. She began to pray, and her daughter’s spirit explained to her what occurred.

She even did an Exorcist and twisted her head round to confirm just in case her mam didn’t get the message.

She reported the sighting, and the deputies immediately questioned people of interest. The body was reinvestigated, and the husband arrested.

Boom. Ghosted.

#2 - The Hammersmith Ghost Murder

You’d expect most cases mentioned here to involve someone being murdered and their ghost being the problem, right?

This bad boy bucks the trend.

Its 1803, and we are in fair London town. A ghost is on the loose from, I don’t know, hell, and is wandering the streets. An armed patrol is in the area to protect the citizens when a figure emerges, wearing all white.

“Looks pretty ghosty to me, must shoot ghost” thinks one of the armed patrol guys. They shoot ghost, but ghost is actually a bricklayer.

F*ck.

The British courts thus debate whether attacking or killing someone out of a misunderstanding counts as a crime. It officially becomes a part of UK law that stands to this day that such an act is not worthy of a sentence as if the crime was intentionally committed.

#3 - Stambovsky vs. Ackley

Also known as The Ghostbusters Ruling, this takes us to the other side of the Pond, all the way to New York. Oh, and this time we aren’t in the 19th century, it's 1991, instead.

The story goes a buyer bought a house that was widely believed to be haunted, but they weren't aware of these claims. Thus, they asked for a recission of the contract and claimed that this sale was fraudulent as they concealed the haunting to avoid lowering the sale price.

The courts - after much mocking and deliberation - finally came to the conclusion that legally the house was haunted, and therefore houses that are supposedly haunted must be presented in this way.

#4 - The Devil Made Me Do It Case

This case does what it says on the tin, and is even set to be the basis for the next instalment of The Conjuring franchise.

The trial of Arne Cheyenne Johnson has already been covered by this blog (that awesome post about The Conjuring 3), but for those not up-to-date on all the amazing articles I do, I guess I’ll just have to fill you in:

The story goes that whilst clearing out a house they just rented, David Johnson encountered an old man - who we now believe to be a demon - that began to slowly possess him.

David was only 12 years old, so, to protect him, Arne (his father) asked for the demon to possess him instead.

However, it was during an altercation with their landlord, Alan Bono, that the demon reportedly influenced Arne’s actions and assisted in his murder. In fact, it was Lorraine Warren that was the first to go to the police and make the initial claim that it was the demon that caused the murder.

The legal team roped in lawyers who had worked on similar cases abroad, and exorcism specialists were encouraged to speak up and defend Arne.

Their efforts did not prove successful, however, and Arne was handed a sentence of 20 years. He only served 5.

#5 - Booty vs. Barnaby

No, this isn’t the title of the next Cardi B album. Instead, it's another historic tale from my homeland.

Our story starts in 1687, when some bloke called Captain Barnaby is on holibobs in Stromboli. When he’s not busy shooting innocent animals, he’s watching his next door neighbour from London Town getting chased by a phantom into the mouth of an active volcano.

No, I’m serious.

The neighbour’s wife thought the story sounded ridiculous too, which is why she had him arrested for slander. But then 30 of his crew supported his claims, clearing his name, and leaving a rather peculiar tale clogging up our court records.

#6 - The Haunting Of Lowes Cottage, Derbyshire

For some reason, every person buying a house in the ‘90s was using the hottest new way to bag a bargain: just say it's haunted or somethin’!

And that’s exactly what happened in fair Derbyshire. The Smith family were keen to move into their new cosy ‘lil cottage, but the oozing walls, ghostly hands sexually assaulting family members, the pig faced boy and other strange occurrences were a cause for concern.

(Obviously.)

Having withheld payment for the property due to the events noted, they took the sellers to court, saying it should be reduced by £50,000. Even the vicar threw in his two cents, offering up the evidence which sounded a lot like a little house in a place called Amityville.

Ever heard of it?

The case was eventually thrown out of court by the judge.

#7 - Reed vs. King

Before the DeFeos were murdered, and before the Lutzes even made the mistake of telling their furniture movers to head to 112 Ocean Avenue, a court case regarding a haunted house first hit the legal scene.

Our story starts in Grass Valley. A family moved into a new home, but the estranged husband paid a visit one night, and murdered 5 of the family members and injured 2 others.

Many years passed, and the Reed family shacked up here. However, it was only when they were told of the true events that transpired that the new residents became concerned. Sure, no one mentioned a haunting per say, but they claimed that the house “retained an echo”.

Small bloody footprints, blood stains smeared on the walls - no, it's not the bathroom after I’ve emptied my Diva Cup - it’s what Reed began to see throughout the house.

Reed thus decided to sue the sellers of the house, claiming that they tried to conceal the murders to avoid a wowcher.com-esque deal. But, when the case went to court, Reed didn’t mention hide nor hare of potential ghosts - instead, the potential haunting was used against them to prove how ridiculous the claims were.

#8 - The Death Of Estefania Guitterez Lazaro

It’s been discussed, dissected, and even given a Netflix contract - the death of this Madrid teen in 1992 is officially one of the most prominent cases of possession to date.

Despite slipping under the radar, this tale is known not for its rather simple story, but because it was the first modern-day haunting that was verified by police reports.

The story goes that Estefania died following a session using a Ouija board with her friends in school. When interrupted by a teacher for trying to contact the dead, Estefania became possessed. A strange vapour began to enter her mouth and nose, and from there her seizures and hallucinations began.

After her death in hospital, the family claimed there was a variety of paranormal activity occurring throughout the family home. From the picture of Estefania catching fire of its own accord, to unexplained noises and a rather slimy, broken crucifix, the police had seen enough.

A report was filed citing the unexplained events and confirmed it was the paranormal.

#9 - The Exorcism Of Anneliese Michel

This is one of the most tragic tales I’ve ever had to write about.

Anneliese Michel’s story has been detailed on this blog many-a-time, and has received its fair share of attention in popular culture, including in the film The Exorcism Of Anneliese Michel.

But the main reason it’s been recognised as possibly the most famous case of possession is because it brought the paranormal firmly into the legal courts. Due to Michel’s extremely weak state at the time of her death - including weighing only 68 pounds at the time of her death - the priests that carried out the exorcisms were charged with negligent homicide.

However, it's not the fact that they were charged that puts the supernatural spin on this case.

To fight their corner, the priests used tapes that recorded Michel’s exorcism to bolster their claims of her possession and had her body exhumed.

Their mere 6 month stint in jail was down to the jury’s beliefs that they didn’t intend to harm her, nor neglect her. And the suspension of their time behind bars confirms that their case was backed up by their claims.

But let it not be mistaken: the jury weren’t convinced that Michel was in fact possessed - they were convinced that Michel’s belief in her possession could only be alleviated by the priests’ actions.

*Bangs gavel* What’s your verdict?

Is the jury out? Are you pissin’ on my leg and telling me it’s raining?

Or are you still awake at 3am and waiting to see the glowing red eyes of little Missy’s childhood bestie?

If so, why not fill the rest of your evening with the rest of my awesome articles on real paranormal activity just like this... Don’t forget to hit follow, too, to get a new ghost story in your feed everyday!

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rissaroundtheworld · 7 years ago

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The Journey to Colombia: How a One Day Trip Turned into Four, and All of the Rules We Broke Along the Way

It feels like we just arrived in San Blas, but here we are in Cartagena, Colombia. This trip is one of both personal necessity and immigration law evasion: Nate recently invested in some property in Medellin and needed to oversee the final stages of the renovation, and I decided that would be the perfect opportunity to go back home and see my family and friends. Seems like a simple idea, but this is Panama! Land of beautiful beaches and nonsensical rules. The country recently introduced a law stating that foreigners must leave the country every six months, and that when we leave, we must stay out for a month. This is incredibly inconvenient when you're operating a semi-illegal business (1) in said country. But, we decided to make the best of it and get some (actual) sailing and some new adventures under our belt. I'll briefly describe our original plan, and then go into detail on exactly how this all changed, how we're now 4+ days into this journey, and I will even number all of the rules we broke while doing so (see #1 above).

THE ORIGINAL PLAN (OP) We wrapped up our final charter, a really really fun group who indulged my love of Bananagrams and also brought me sliced bread. At this point, this (or ice cream) may be the way into my icy cold heart. We spent a few days regrouping, during which we mostly ate leftovers, didn't wash dishes, and watched a ridiculous amount of my new favorite show, Qi. Our plan was as follows: knock off a few "must-do" items prior to leaving, including laundry, obtaining food (don't mistake this for grocery shopping, that would give you a false impression of the ridiculous lengths we go to to get food here), doing a few things on the internet, and getting our exit paperwork: a small but very important document called a Zarpe. The Zarpe (the only item on this list that absolutely could not be skipped) would be obtained on an island in northern San Blas called Por Venir, and from there we would sail directly across the ocean to Cartagena, Colombia. The trip would be non stop for about 36 hours, and when we arrived we would immediately go out to eat and I wouldn't cook the food and I wouldn't do the dishes and we would walk on solid ground and maybe I would even wear pants. Maybe. Easy, yeah! ... no.

Day 0: Gringos love the internet

While we were regrouping, we were fairly close to Por Venir (the check out point), but we REALLY needed to do some internet work (part of which was looking at the weather to know exactly when to leave), and so we decided to make the half day sail down to Green Island, where we knew we could (usually) get 3G. A quick note on Panamanian internet: first of all, 3G is a real luxury that should not be taken for granted (don't even begin to dream about 4G you goofballs.) Secondly, the cell phone plans here are different than those in the states. You pay per gigabyte by purchasing cards with a certain value associated with them. If you're running low you can sign onto the internet and re-up, but if you run out entirely... you're completely screwed because, guess what, you don't have internet! A stellar business model if I've ever heard of one. We've always felt pretty safe as we have 3 devices on board: two phones and a small wireless device which takes the same sim card. When one runs out, one of the others saves the day. But, fairly quickly into our stay in San Blas, Nate's phone decided to pull a Chris Cornell (too soon?!?) and is no longer with us. And as you may have gleaned by now... phone stores are DEFINITELY not a thing here here. So, down to 2 devices. A few days before our charter guests arrived, our wifi device decided to lock our account. Now our gringo-born thirst for internet was residing entirely in the hands (case?) of my little iPhone 5S. We sailed far away from the checkout point, signed online... and realized my phone was out of data. Zero devices. We both sat in front of our respective electronics repeating back and forth "hey mine's not working, is yours?" "You're taking up too much data, sign off so I can send this email." "Is Instagram really that important right now?" "Raise your phone up the mast, it probably just needs to be higher." Until, finally, we had to accept our fate: an internet-free evening. A box of wine and a kayak trip masked our frustration, and the next day we decided to backtrack entirely and just begin the process of checking out.

Day 1, take 1: Getting a Zarpe in a really hot place I'm not entirely sure how much of our previous experiences were illegal, but we had to rewrite our alibi for when we met with the migration officer, so I have reason to believe we've been a bit naughty. (2) I chose not to inquire too far into this. Luckily, when being asked difficult and important questions by a foreign official in another country, you can play the language barrier card! When he asked how long we've been here, I stared blankly and said "uhhh... no entiendo?" He seemed satisfied with my response. (3) We laid out our passports, all the necessary documents, and requested our Zarpe. My blank stare was promptly returned to me and the officer said that they no longer issued Zarpes. He pointed to a door which had cleared once said "maritime migration (migración marítima)" but had been hastily painted over with a nearly sheer coat of white paint. He explained to us that the migration officials found Por Venir to be too hot... so they left. You read that correctly. An official government organization (in a tropical country close to the equator!) closed their doors due to heat. Oh, Panama. The migration officer laid out our options for us. Option 1: backtrack another 50+ miles to Puerto Lindo, a fairly disgusting place which we had already visited, get our Zarpe, and then head straight across to Colombia from there. Option 2: rather than sail directly across the ocean to Cartagena, we could first sail south to the Panamanian/Colombia border (think Darien Gap! Yay human trafficking!), obtain our Zarpe there (he said he was PRETTY sure we could, but wouldn't commit 100%), and then sail north to Cartagena. Essentially taking the tangent of a triangle rather than the hypotenuse (I've been kind of bored and reading an Applied Physics book). Option 3: Roll the dice and head to Colombia without a Zarpe, and deal with the repercussions when we get there. The migration officer seemed particularly excited about option 3 and kept suggesting we try while grinning and shrugging his shoulders, but for some strangely rational reason we opted for option two. A new place, a new adventure(!!), and a longer but more broken up trip.

Day 1, take 2: An uneventful journey to the middle of nowhere

The second first day of our journey was incredibly unusual. What I mean by that is, nothing went wrong. We woke up on time. We made a healthy breakfast while the sun was rising, and as soon as we had a little light we headed out. We had some wind. When we didn't, the engines cooperated. The weather was beautiful, the journey was long (12 hours) but pretty, and we reached our destination, Los Pinos, just before sunset. We caught a great tuna on the way, and we had some cheese that needed to go soon, so we enjoyed some perfectly seared tuna with a side of disgustingly unhealthy mac and cheese. Balance, right?

Days 2 and 3: To Zarpe or not to Zarpe

Day 2 began with a bang, literally. Our intentions to wake up early were aided by a small and yet unresolved bug issue. The actual event is still unclear, but it resulted in two grown adults flailing around a tiny bedroom, jumping and throwing things and falling into doors. We might have bruises, and in true Nomad form minimal clothes were involved. I truly wish I could have been a fly (or the potential cockroach in question) on a wall for this one. The perp was never found and we quickly realized that going back to bed was not an option, so we pulled up the anchor and headed out around 4 am. Our destination was Puerto Obaldia, where we were prepared to either get our Zarpe or decide how many more immigration laws we were willing to roll the dice on. This leg was only about 6 hours and I spent four of them asleep on the couch, so it felt like we arrived there in the blink of an eye! Now was the tricky part: could we get a Zarpe? The conversation with migration in Por Venir was entirely in Spanish, and though we're both pretty good, there is always a risk of miscommunication. There's also always a risk that we heard correctly, but the migration officer didn't actually know/wasn't telling the truth/just didn't actually care (the last being most likely). Finally, it was Sunday, - would it even be open, or would all of Panama be observing the Sabbath!? We pulled up to the dock and walked around what felt like a seriously hopping town compared to what we've been used to, which means there were actual people and restaurants with chairs and probably menus, and even a store or two! What would we ever do!? But we were there to conduct business, so we walked directly to migration. The office was very clearly closed, so we asked the locals whether it was permanently closed, just closed because it was Sunday, or if the officials were maybe just taking a siesta. They yelled across to a restaurant (walls here are lacking), and we were delighted to hear that they would be opening in just a few hours. Apparently, migration only opens when a plane is arriving, or sometimes whenever they feel like it, but we luckily showed up on a flight-friendly day (where they fit an airport on this tiny island is still an unsolved mystery). We decided to sit down at the restaurant and grab a beer to celebrate possibly being able to continue our arduous journey. At this point, we were sure of one thing: we were not turning back. If they wouldn't issue us a Zarpe, we were going to go for option 3: just head to Colombia and hope we could bribe the officials into letting us in without arresting us (4). We sat down for a beer (which they didn't have), and immediately a Panamanian man sat down next to us. He said "I think I can help you" and slapped a badge down in front of us that said "migración marítima." Would this man give us our Zarpe?! We were skeptical, but it seemed like this might be our guy. Anyone with a badge has to be legit, right? The badge carrying "official" suggested that we let a small child take all of our important, irreplaceable documents to go make copies, which of course we agreed to. She returned and charged us $2 for about 5 pieces of paper, little nina hustler. The "officer" then suggested we follow the reggaeton music which was reverberating throughout the entire island if we wanted a beer (they were NOT observing the Sabbath), so we did. We enjoyed a few Balboas and lost at least a small amount of hearing while watching the clearly intoxicated locals groove/fall all over the place. Growing impatient, we took our beers over to the migration officer and asked if he would just help us now. Surprisingly, he agreed, and opened the migration office for us. We continued to enjoy our beverages while paying for an alarming amount of stamps. The only question the officer had for us (me) was "eres un actriz?" (Are you an actress?) to which I responded "no" and we both moved on. Finally, over a million(ish) stamps later we were handed our paperwork. The next step was to bring some paperwork over to the machine gun-wielding military police, where they would continue to add to our stamp collection and then inspect our boat. Though we had nothing to hide (....5?), we were hoping that we wouldn't have to deal with them pulling apart the boat and leaving us to put it back together. We had another country to get to!

The two officers jumped in the dingy and we drove them to Nomad. Upon arrival, we politely asked them to remove their shoes as we don't wear shoes on the boat. The plainclothes officer was happy to oblige, but the officer in full military regalia said he couldn't take his shoes off. Since he was military we assumed he was just going to come and dirty our floors, but instead he chose to stay in the dingy and simply ignore his work obligations (6). We rewarded him with some tuna (7?). The plainclothes officer boarded the boat, looked at absolutely nothing, then began to pry into our personal lives. Where we were from? Were we married? What were our full names so we could be friends on Facebook? (I am not kidding) Pleased with the acquisition of my WhatsApp number and two new social media contacts, he thanked us, told us to get married, and then left. And thus, our formal exit of Panama was successful. This was now early afternoon, and we had decided to relax and not sail the following day. Our current anchorage in front of Puerto Obaldia was not terribly inviting, and we knew there was a better island right around the corner.... but around the corner was Colombia. And there wasn't a check-in point, so technically, we were illegally crossing the border. Luckily, we both like to live dangerously, so on day 3 we spent 24+ hours unaccounted for in the country of Colombia, exploring the funky little area called Sapzurro (8). We hoped to find internet to check the weather, but this was clearly not an option here. We settled for ice cream and a beer (we've now switched from Balboa to Club Colombia), and enjoyed these luxuries while watching a bunch of Colombian toddlers grooving with moves I can't even dream of having. A miscommunication lead to me being left alone in Sapzurro while Nate had the dingy, which helped me semi accomplish my goal of hitchhiking! I won't give boat hitchhiking the same merit as with a car, but I did put myself at the mercy of a group of Argentinians (hi Pablo!) who kindly brought me back to my own boat just before I began to get nervous. Inspired by our time in town, we listened to the full Shaggy album before going to bed early to prepare for our final and longest leg of the trip.

Day 4: The final countdown

Day four was my day of most trepidation. We expected at least a full 24 hour sail, and due to the lack of internet/basic civilized things in Sapzurro, we weren't entirely sure of the weather. The only overnight sail I had participated in was from Bocas del Toro to Puerto Lindo, and there were a total of 5 people on the boat. We each took two hours shifts overnight, meaning only one shift each, but we were all still miserable by the next morning. Someone left the Hozier album on repeat for 2 straight shifts, and though I think its a great album, "Take Me To Church" now makes me want to throw myself into the depths of the ocean. This time, we only had the two of us to make it through the long night. Luckily, we had a LOT of daylight thanks to our 5 AM alarm (no one will believe me, but I've actually been waking up early nearly everyday! Its a whole new me!) We began our venture up the coast of Colombia, still very much illegal aliens. (9) Living on the edge! Entertainment options on the boat while on passage are fairly limited, so the goal is to fish. We "troll" - I always thought this meant the laborious process of obtaining every ounce of someone's personal information on the internet, but apparently it also means dragging fishing lines behind your boat. Neither of these things have anything to do with actual trolls, which I still find bothersome. About halfway through the day one of the lines started ripping, and for some still unknown reason Nate suggested I reel it in. Let me give you a quick run-down on my fishing experience: Prior to this new boat life, I had fished zero times ever. On our first passage, I was asked to reel in one of the lines to check for weeds. There was a tuna on my line, and I was so inexperienced that I didn't know until it was practically hanging off the edge of my rod. This should teach you that A) I don't know a goddamn thing about fishing, and B) this was now how I expected all fishing to be. As usual... joke’s on me. The fish on this line was a mother-effing marlin! As I began to reel it in it jumped out of the water, and I was pretty sure it was either a whale or an alien spacecraft. Nate estimated it to be 400 lbs or so. Surprisingly, he continued to deem me capable of reeling it in, and I fought this thing with everything I had (which was not impressive whatsoever). When I started really struggling, I was given the job of driving the boat while Nate pulled the fish in... an equally questionable distribution of power. The privileges one receives when there are no better alternatives! We hoped to get the marlin close enough to the boat to get a picture and we came really, really close, but we lost him in the last minute. About 30 minutes later, we rinsed and repeated. Let me just say - my right arm got a serious workout today!

Finally we nailed ourselves another tuna, so I think its fair to say we'll be devouring sushi in the near future. The rest of the ride was, once again, uneventful. The bat shit amazing seasickness patch that our prior guest Kristin shared with me (THANK YOU KRISTIN) was a complete lifesaver - turns out when you're not curled up in a ball of agony, sailing is actually quite fun! (Sidenote: currently seeking individuals with low co-pays to commit insurance fraud and get me more, any takers!?) The only thing better than traveling to a new place is being able to do it in your home. No need to pack, just bring it all! So I relaxed, did some leisure reading, continued my study of applied physics, made some hemp bracelets, ate a lot of food because there wasn't much else to do, took catnaps for the same reason, and marveled at the beautiful night with a super bright moon.

We saw dolphins and whales, zero other human beings, took 2-3 hour night shifts which felt like forever... but we made it. We're exhausted, cranky, and sweltering in this heat (we both agreed that we miss the temperatures in San Blas, which are generally in the mid nineties and 70+% humidity - that should say a lot). We have a lot of work to do while we're here, but have built in plenty of time for play - Cartagena is a really fun city with lots to do (and 3G everywhere!!!!) So adios for now my friends, but thanks to being in civilization - talk soon!!

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