#was ist messy as hell? 100%

[aurianashifts]

Last night i had a dream about an Arcane x winx club dr (don't ask me how and why lmao, i was tired asf) and now i wanna go back, it was beautiful 😭😭

[vacantgodling]

well 447 pages later i have finished the book

a review of sorts:

it picked up a bit in entertainment and intrigue and was everything i thought it was going to be from jump for the last like 100 pages or so. but tbh i was already so exhausted from how annoying, ridiculous, pretentious, and —ist it was (as an aside i use ‘—ist’ to refer to a multitude of bigoted views all at once so like antisemitic, racist, misogynistic, etc all at once) from the beginning that it was extremely hard to even appreciate it. the beginning and middle especially are muddled with pages and pages of tangents about virtually nothing in relation to the plot; just the author rambling on and on about his hamfisted viewpoints that he will then backtrack and “apologize” for (with zero remorse for wasting my fucking TIME) or he’ll claim are not his views (which he’s fucking lying!!!) ntm the adoration the characters all have for trilby herself it feels. shallow. and the characterization in GENERAL especially for little billee is so goddamn annoying that i wanted to just lay down!!! these characters have no flaws; the only flaws they have to speak of seems to be in the expression of human emotion in a way that isn’t socially acceptable (which given the time period makes sense but Still). yet the villain character is so fundamentally “evil” from jump with virtually no redeeming qualities. it doesn’t help once again that this is all tied to racial/ethnic relations; the author time and time again not just with svengali but also with other characters makes broad swathing assumptions about their character based on their country of origin or his own personal —ist ass beliefs about them.

the narrator in this story is PARTICULARLY grating not just because of the tangents but because of its inconsistencies. something i particularly appreciate about the phantom of the opera is that it deigns to explain to me who the hell is narrating and why they’re writing. gaston leroux (the character) is writing the phantom of the opera as a book as a journalist set to uncover the truth about erik being a real person and not just some ghost. it’s a good framing device and it’s consistent throughout the entire book. meanwhile This Fucking Asshole will alternate between being a random “scribe” writing all these events down (but doesn’t place himself in the narrative in any way so you’re left wondering who the fuck is Speaking when it suddenly goes from third person to sentences of first), then he’ll break the fourth wall and out himself as the author of these events (towards the end of the book he says “oh when you make a character…” — not in those words but essentially referring to the writing process of making a character) and it’s just ???? what are you DOING.

i bring up the phantom of the opera because i’m researching this book as well before i started reading it it apparently inspired what would become the phantom of the opera in 1910. however y’all know i love the phantom and the book is just chefs kiss to me and it is much much better like honestly i don’t even know if this book is worth the three days it took me to read (probably would’ve been one if i didn’t have to work bc it’s not particularly long but it is taxing to read. looking again at that aforementioned 107 word long sentence that was so utterly useless to the narrative and also fucking —ist i’m so tired)

i think i came to enjoy Some of the characters at the end? taffy and laird are likable and even though i think trilby isn’t really given enough agency of her own in a book named after her for gods sake, i realize that this book isn’t about her so much as it surrounds her. this book is an ode to the ideas of the bohemia movement in france and calls on the dark and sinister winding elements of gothic literature to tell its story but it’s just so fucking muddled and messy through the beginning with explaining it that it’s a wonder if you can??? make it to the end to get to the parts that actually focus on the plot. genuinely this book could be so so condensed and you’d get the same points across just take out all the meaningless drivel from the author who can’t fucking resist adding it in for some reason. just edit it out!!!!! fuck!!!!!!

and as much as i hate the mantra of show don’t tell this book (and many books from this time period) could use that advice. so much of what i’m supposed to feel for the characters is just TOLD to me. i’m told i should like little billee but i hate him. he’s whiny and vapid and misogynistic and stupid and he’s just overall EXHAUSTING. what an exhausting fucking character man. but like. this entire book is just EXHAUSTING. i can usually read for long swathes of time in one sitting but between authorial pretentiousness, the story just Not. Fucking. Going. Anywhere until page like 330??? and how fucking shallow everything is?? like my god.

also the lack of direct translation for half this fucking book is fucking ANNOYING to me. many of the characters are multi lingual and there will literally be paragraphs and paragraphs of text in just straight french sometimes which the author will hastily explain it just not explain at all with the just? expectation that whoever is reading this is trilingual bc the same happens with german every now and again as well. and it’s a particular choice to do so which good for him yknow dunk on me stupid american blah blah but it’s just tiring. i gave up going back and forth to google translate and just skimmed over it bc the paragraphs and dialogues in french aren’t even that relevant to the plot so much as it feels like the author just wants to flex that he knows it. nothing of any importance is said at any given point where someone is speaking another language.

anyway there’s probably more that i could say in a proper review which is sort of why i think i want to make a video talking about it—and other stuff i read, which i might but like. bruh. exhaustion. this book is just miserable to read lowkey.

1.5/5 jfc.

[defilerwyrm]

⭐️ Bei Mir Bist Du Schön

FIC SPOILERS AHEAD!

Bei Mir Bist Du Schön on AO3

He opened his mouth to thank Essek but what came out instead was, “Deine Augen sind wunderschön.”

Essek stared at him, perfectly neutral save for the subtle rise of stark white eyebrows. “I don’t speak Zemnian,” he said, flashing his customary, placid little smile.

This is early Essek, well before c2e097, so this is a fully calculated move. That stare is him running simulations in his head, as it were, weighing his options, and he finally decides that he can learn more about Caleb if the guy thinks he doesn’t understand these little asides.

And boy did he ever just learn something juicy.

The second time, he was feeling petulant. Essek was normally a very patient and talented teacher, but there came a time when they butted heads over the best way to work a spell: Essek’s experience and Caleb’s contradicted each other, and neither was willing to admit that he was wrong because they weren’t. Caleb couldn’t have said why they were getting spirited over it. It was unlike them to lock horns this way, and the condescension chafed fiercely.

To my understanding, Wildemount never—at least post-Calamity—had a continent-spanning culture like the Roman Empire that would standardize learning across regions, and the Empire and Dynasty have utterly lacked in cultural exchange pretty much throughout their histories; so I reason that their approach to magic must be very damn different right down to the fundamentals. But, I also reason, magic is like math, in that there’s more than one way to come to a given conclusion—so the same spell cast by an Imperial mage might use different theory and somatic/verbal components with the same results.

I love fic that plays homage to cultural differences, so I figured that there must surely come a point where Caleb and Essek quibble about how to do a thing, with the crux being that they’re both right.

In a fit of pique, he muttered, “Du hast Glück, dass du abartig schön bist, denn du bist so ein Arsch.”

Essek’s head whipped up so fast that, for a moment, Caleb thought maybe he understood after all—but Essek just squinted at him without recognition and said, “I beg your pardon?”

Essek’s poker face is doing triple duty here because Caleb just said he’s hot af but also a dick, and this isn’t a sentiment Essek hasn’t heard before, but it hasn’t really gotten under his skin like it does this time.

Caleb passed a hand over his face and scratched at the beard he desperately needed to shave off. “Nothing,” he lied, “just annoyed with myself. This should be a moment of discovery, now that we know this can go either way. A door has unlocked and we’re both pulling it shut. Can we start again?”

The slip, and Essek’s reaction to it, made Caleb realize that they were both being dillweeds about the whole thing and it wasn’t going to move them forward at all.

It was—of course, of fucking course the intonation mattered. “A tonal shift,” he breathed. He took Essek by the lapels of his robe and shook him gently, and blurted out, “Ich könnte dein Gehirn küssen und dann deinen Mund.”

“What the hell is going on,” Nott squeaked at the same time as Essek chuckled almost nervously, “Caleb, I don’t—”

Hot boi damn near let the cat out of the bag right here. It’s certainly not that he specifically did not want to be smooched at all, but more that 1) Nott was RIGHT THERE so it would be mortifying, 2) he’s still very D: about physical contact and this point, and 3) he’s still very privately going “fuck fuck fuck WHY a HUMAN” about his own attraction to Caleb. There is very much a part of him that Wants That, but the rest of him is just not coping with it at all just yet.

The following morning, though, all he could think about was Dein Bett wäre besser and Essek’s careful fingers touching his face.

Both of them are fully mortified with themselves. They’re ridiculous. I see Caleb heading back to the Xhorhaus with shoulders bunched up, brow furrowed, and wide eyes glued to his own feet as his brain screams “DEIN BETT WÄRE BESSER” at him, mockingly, over and over. Slipping up and confessing your attraction to your crush is relatably horrifying (gods, I’ve been there, it’s awful) and Caleb is predisposed to beat himself up to begin with. Add in the rest of the party making a big deal over the fact that he spent the night over at Essek’s towers and you’ve got an abject storm in that little ginger head of his.

It did not help matters that no matter how much he insisted that nothing happened, the Mighty Nein were dead set on believing that he’d slept with his mentor, and they spent the next three days teasing him about it, none of them aware that he was simultaneously tormenting himself.

Okay so I try to be good and not talk shit about my own work these days, but that sentence just landed in a belly flop for me. I’m not sure it actually gets across what I’d meant, which was that Caleb was beating himself up for a different reason than what they all thought.

In the midst of a messy ambush by three of the wolf-cat eye-beasts, one of them managed to get the drop on Caleb, and it pinned him, screaming, to the ground. Its claws dug fiery punctures into either side of his chest. He thrashed, trying to get both hands up to cast, but it would be too late—his reflexes weren’t good enough. His body had never been nearly as sharp as his mind, and he was about to pay the price in the form of massive, dagger-like fangs lunging towards his throat. He screamed again, chest nearly frozen with fear, when—

Adventurers are generally made of tough stock, but I really wanted to dig into the POV of someone who’s being attacked by a terrifying cerature intent on ripping them apart. “You take 12 piercing damage and are knocked prone” is mechanical and dry; I wanted to show the full in-character implications of those mechanics.

Another fic that represents game mechanics narratively to absolutely stunning affect is Hard Mouth by road_rhythm, which I cannot recommend highly enough. I wrote Bei Mir before Hard Mouth started posting but had it been the other way around, it 100% would have been an inspiration in that regard.

He could not help but murmur, “Götter, ich bins so verschossen in dich.”

Fun fact: I got myself the book Talking Dirty German specifically for writing Caleb dialogue, and it really came in handy here. This idiom is from that book, as did abartig schön. The literal translation is “Gods, I am so shot into you,” which coming to think of it sounds a wee bit dirty but is figuratively very sappy.

Speaking of sappy….

“Das Gefühl ist Gegenseitig,” came the warm and sleepy reply.

Part of this is Essek being barely-conscious, but the bulk of it is this—and this is basically giving away the whole way the fic progresses: pretending not to know Zemnian began as a manipulation tactic to get intel, then became a game of “Let’s see how long it takes you to figure this out, smart boy” as their bond grew and Essek stopped deliberately trying to throw Caleb off, and finally when they were a couple he figured it would be cruel and pointless to keep up the ruse, especially since he’d been growing to appreciate pet names in their mother tongues.

Caleb took a deep breath, set his tea aside, and launched himself at Essek, who yelped, laughing, and danced out of his grasp. Essek led him on a merry chase around the kitchen and held out as long as he could before crying mercy at Caleb’s vicious tickling.

You know, I probably shouldn’t point this out in case my readers hadn’t cottoned onto it yet either, but it wasn’t until like a week after publishing this that I stopped and thought, “WTF happened to Essek’s teacup? Did he take the time to set it down? Did it get dropped and shatter? Did he show off and levitate it?? Did he bring it with him and get tea all over the place and himself?!” Smh…. Choose your own explanation, I guess, lmao.

The rolls were a little burnt that morning, but Caleb had no regrets.

Part of me feels like this is kind of a weak ending, but I justify it to myself by remembering how hard Caleb regretted his slip-ups over the course of the fic. He spends a good bit of copy beating himself up over them, so ultimately I think it fits, even if it kinda lacks punch.

[fraeulein-elster]

For the ask thing: all of em (if you want)

omg okay challenge accepted:1. What is you middle name?Ann2. How old are you?273. When is your birthday?the 6th of september4. What is your zodiac sign?Virgo5.What is your favorite color?blue and pastel pink

6.What’s your lucky number?3

7.Do you have any pets?not anymore, no :(

8.Where are you from?good ol’ Germany. Northern Germany

9.How tall are you?5′8′’

10.What shoe size are you?european 41 (US 7)

11.How many pairs of shoes do you own?honestly I have no idea. I have at least 3 or 4 different kinds of black high heels, 2 or 3 pairs of other high heels, I have my ranger boots, my pastel pink winter boots, my normal black boots, I have 2 pairs of black boots that I bought for cosplay.. don’t make me count them all :D

12.What was your last dream about?it was something absolutely random and I remember my mom being in it. but I have no idea what it was about.

13.What talents do you have?my talents include overthinking, being depressed and lonely and isolating myself and also hating myself, I’m really good at this.

14.Are you psychic in any way?not that I know of. I have a pretty good intuition most of the time though.

15.Favorite song?atm it’s “Kætteren” by Myrkur

16.Favorite movie?Spirited Away

17.Who would be your ideal partner?I don’t think about that too much. I’d be happy with someone equally weird as me, nice and considerate, respectful and open minded. I tend to fall for unusual people.

18.Do you want children?yes and no. I love children and would love to have kids of my own but I also don’t want them to experience this fucked up world. I would just feel guilty and the need to protect them from everything.

19.Do you want a church wedding?fuck no. what am I supposed to do in a church?

20.Are you religious?kinda. I am what the kids call a filthy heathen.

21.Have you ever been to the hospital?nope. only to visit others. and for my own birth of course, lol.

22.Have you ever got in trouble with the law?no. I’m a good noodle.

23.Have you ever met any celebrities?sadly not.

24.Baths or showers?well if I had a proper bath tub I would take a bath more often but I only have a shower so yeah.

25.What color socks are you wearing?beige

26.Have you ever been famous?hahaha what no. well there was a time back in 2012 when everyone and their mom lost their shit about some pictures featuring me and my dearest friend @fahrlight in our Natasha Romanoff + Loki cosplays. that was wild. but people quickly lost interest in me (and I don’t blame them, I’m not a frequent cosplayer and also a potato face)

27.Would you like to be a big celebrity?nah not really. I would like to be a good actress though.so anyone wanna hire me for their film projects? I’m not a trained actress but I’m very passionate about it xD

28.What type of music do you like?metal. heck yeah.

29.Have you ever been skinny dipping?nope.

30. how many pillows do you sleep with?only one and that one’s pretty flat because I get headaches when my head is too high up while sleeping and I have problems breathing when my face is buried in fabric and fluffiness.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?fetal probably xD or on my belly (my boobs hate me for that but I like it too much to stop)

32.How big is your house?my apartment is about 60 square meters.

33.What do you typically have for breakfast?an apple and 3-4 slices of bread mostly (when I’m at work)on the weekends I’ll have anything that’s close enough to grab without moving too much.

34.Have you ever fired a gun?not a gun but a crossbow.

35.Have you ever tried archery?not really no. but I’d love to.

36.Favorite clean word?crunchy

37.Favorite swear word?I say fuck a lot. like, a LOT!

38.What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?I like sleep too much so I think about 20 - 24 hours?

39.Do you have any scars?yup.

40.Have you ever had a secret admirer?hahahahaha no I don’t think so. I’m disgusting.

41.Are you a good liar?I think so? maybe??

42.Are you a good judge of character?most of the time, yes.

43.Can you do any other accents other than your own?nah, sometimes I like to switch between germany dialects but that’s all. anything else besides our northern german dialect sounds stupid anyway ;) kidding, you guys are okay.

44.Do you have a strong accent?hahaha apparently I do. one friend (who is from another state in germany) told me “you really sound like a northern german” and I never really realized that before :D

45.What is your favorite accent?wtf’s up with accents anyway? I don’t have a favorite besides our own of course xD but I do like listening to foreigners speaking german.

46.What is your personality type?INFP (if this is what the question is about)

47.What is your most expensive piece of clothing?I have no idea, I try not to waste too much money on one piece of clothing.

48.Can you curl your tongue?yes I can.

49.Are you an innie or an outie?both actually :D

50.Left or right handed?right.

51.Are you scared of spiders?ugh, yes I am. they’re disgusting.

52.Favorite food?pasta, fish, tomatos, kale, coleslaw (!)

53.Favorite foreign food?sushi

54.Are you a clean or messy person?kinda both

55.Most used phrased?in german I say “das ist ja nicht so knusprig” a lot, which translates to “that’s not very crunchy” and I say that to everything. I’m fucking weird.

56.Most used word?probably “fuck”

57.How long does it take for you to get ready?on work days about 45 minutes for showering, brushing teeth, preparing my breakfast for work, putting on make up and getting dressed.

58.Do you have much of an ego?I’m pretty positive I lost it somewhere.

59.Do you suck or bite lollipops?I only bite them when they’re almost gone.

60.Do you talk to yourself?all the fucking time. every day. I also talk to my dolls and call them my children.

61.Do you sing to yourself?yes

62.Are you a good singer?nah, not really. but also not super bad.

63.Biggest Fear?fire, strangers, spiders

64.Are you a gossip?not really but I sure do like listening to people spilling some tea sometimes.

65.Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?I don’t really pay attention to the genre when I’m watching a movie.

66.Do you like long or short hair?depends on the person but I do have a preference for long hair, also on myself.

67.Can you name all 50 states of America?of course not, I’m from germany. the last time I was in school learning about that was at least 10 years ago.

68.Favorite school subject?english, in which I had even better grades than in german, don’t ask me why.

69.Extrovert or Introvert?I would say occasionally outgoing introvert

70.Have you ever been scuba diving?no but I’d also love to do that!

71.What makes you nervous?social interactions of any kind.

72.Are you scared of the dark?nope. to me the dark is rather calming.

73.Do you correct people when they make mistakes?depends on the situation, the person and the mistake. but I remember getting shit for being a know-it-all so I tend to bite my tongue more often.

74.Are you ticklish?yes and if anyone tries to tickle me they will have to be prepared to get their teeth kicked in.

75.Have you ever started a rumor?oh hell no.

76.Have you ever been in a position of authority?I kind of am, I work with children.

77.Have you ever drank underage?yup, I started with 14. my mom said it was okay as long as I didn’t get caught by the police. parenting done right, yeah :D

78.Have you ever done drugs?nope and I don’t want to start.

79.Who was your first real crush?oh shit I have no idea. it might be that one girl that I got introduced to by a friend. I really can’t remember, it was so long ago. I am old!

80.How many piercings do you have?2 right now, my nose and my belly button. I used to have my bottom lip pierced but I took it out a while ago because it’s hard applying lipstick with that shit.

81.Can you roll your Rs?yes!

82.How fast can you type?pretty fast but not super duper fast.

83.How fast can you run?not as fast as I could run back in my school years.

84.What color is your hair?dyed black atm. I might go back to brown.

85.What color is your eyes?blue

86.What are you allergic to?besides dust, nothing really.

87.Do you keep a journal?nope

88.What do your parents do?my mom has never finished a training because she got pregnant with my sorry self before she could. she’s currently hired as a cleaner. my dad is a post man.

89.Do you like your age?it’s okay I guess.

90.What makes you angry?everything inconvenient, disrespectful people, sheer stupidity and 274805 other things.

91.Do you like your own name?I used to hate it but it’s kinda growing on me.

92.Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?of course omg every girl I know has thought of potential baby names. I’d like Ivar but not (only) because of (historical) Ivar but also because I like the sound of it. and for a girl I’d like Idun.

93.Do you want a boy or a girl for a child?I couldn’t care less.

94.What are your strengths?I’m loyal and also I’m not an asshole so yeah..

95.What are your weaknesses?all of them. I’m impatient and angry a lot.

96.How did you get your name?my mom really liked the actress Deborah Rennard. that’s why she named me Deborah. and since my mom also has a middle name, I had to have one too. there’s not a lot that goes with Deborah, so she finally came up with Deborah Ann. the problem is that I’m from germany and everyone’s pronouncing it incorrectly. that’s why I used to hate my name so much.

97.Were your ancestors royalty?I have no idea. probably not xD

98.Do you have any scars?am I mistaken or didn’t I already answer that question? well yes I do have scars.

99.Color of your bedspread?pink atm.

100. Color of your room?all my walls are white.