#was him. but also why would they have a sexy picture of ryan's dad in their home if it's him

[littlekingbergara]

[bqstqnbruin]

Always be my plus one - part 2

Ok I know that I should use a different gif for each part but I'm not going to. But here's part 2! It's longer than the first part so have fun.

People to thank who are amazing and I owe my whole life to even though I'm probably forgetting someone because I'm the worst: @zinka8 (I CAN FINALLY TAG YOU) @hockeywocs @calgarycanuck @chara-hugs @justjosty anyone who sent in an anon and again I'm forgetting someone so if you helped me with this and I forgot, yell at me.

But here we go! This is about 9k words, and, fun fact, this is also my 5,000th post on this blog, so that's exciting!

Hope you like it!

Read part 1 here!

Series masterlist --------------------------------

New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day

New Year’s Eve is the last day of the Georgian calendar year, marked with celebrations that last well into the next day. Huge parties take place around the world, one of the most notable being the ball dropping in Times Square in New York City, marking the new year for the eastern coast of the United States, televised with Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve hosted by Ryan Seacrest. This special each year includes a packed Times Square, performances, interviews, and general excitement to put whatever happened in the past year behind them. Likewise, in Canada, the CBC has hosted a similar countdown special since 2017, including live music and coverage of festivities in each of the provinces and timezones the country spans.

New Year’s Day is the first day of the Georgian calendar year, again marked with celebrations. In the United States, various parades take place, including the Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena, California, or the Mummers Parade in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In addition, various sporting events take place as well, including the Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Florida, the Outback Bowl in Tampa Bay, Florida, the Rose Bowl Game in Pasadena, California, and the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans, Louisiana, all post-season college football games, and the National Hockey League's outdoor game, the Winter Classic, typical showcasing a major regional rivalry. The day typically includes people already failing at keeping up with their New Year’s resolutions, whatever it was they promised to do every day of the year (such as working out, flossing, getting more sleep) already not going well.

=============

December 27, 2021

Lucy had insisted Anne go with her to the mall to go shopping when she found out that she was going to a New Year’s Eve party with Tyson’s teammates. Once her older sister found out that Anne’s ‘mystery man’ was a professional hockey player, she went practically bat shit trying to figure out more information about the two of them since Anne had yet to tell her anything.

If only she knew there was nothing to tell.

“Come on, what about this?” Lucy asks, holding up a dress. Anne wasn't sure that it would go past her butt, not to mention the open back and the plunging neckline. Lucy had to know that Anne would never, on any occasion, wear a dress like that. It would look good on Lucy, and Lucy would be comfortable in it, but not Anne.

“No,” Anne tells her, continuing to look through the rack for anything that had more fabric to it than what Lucy was offering her. There was nothing wrong with the dresses, really, and Lucy was normally pretty good about picking things out that Anne would actually like, but something about this being a dress for what sort of was, sort of wasn’t a date with a guy she spilled her coffee all over was making her more nervous than she needed to me.

“But it’s for your man. On New Year’s Eve. It doesn’t hurt to look a little sexy,” Lucy begs, making sure to add a little shoulder shimmy at the word ‘sexy’ for emphasis.

‘He’s not my man,’ Anne wanted to say. But she wasn’t about to spill that secret before Lucy even met him. It would be easier to just tell them they broke up by Valentine’s Day. “Tyson wouldn’t want me to wear anything that would make me uncomfortable,” she lets out instead.

Lucy sighs, pulling out dress after dress to show to Anne. “Ok, how about this: what color do you want to wear and how long do you want it to be?” Anne shrugs, not having thought about it in the slightest. “Well what’s Tyson wearing? Are you matching with him?”

“I don’t think so?”

“Annie!” Lucy practically screams the nickname her family decided they were going to call her, a few of the other store patrons turning to glare at Lucy’s outburst. “How do you not know what your boyfriend is wearing to a Colorado Avalanche New Year’s Eve party?”

'Not my boyfriend' she thought. “I don’t dress him. Do you know what Jason is going to wear for every party?”

Rolling her eyes, she holds up another dress that Anne turns down. “Well, since I’ve known my man since we were in diapers, I know his style, and therefore, know what he could potentially wear before I tell him what he’s going to wear.”

Anne lets out a sigh, wandering away from her sister while she continues to go through what seemed to be endless rows of dresses. Part of Anne wished she was like her sister: lucky enough to find a man that she would love forever when she was young, never having to worry about anything. The other part of Anne wished her family wasn’t so annoying about her finding a man, wishing that Sebby didn’t steal her phone and see Tyson’s name, and that their mom hadn’t come down and jumped to conclusions before she had a chance to defend herself.

“Hey,” Lucy comes up to Anne, “Why don’t we grab some food and then try a different store.” Anne nods, Lucy linking her arm in her sisters before taking her out of the store. “Have you met any of Tyson’s teammates before? I mean, you have to mean a lot to him if he’s bringing around the guys he spends the most time with.”

“He’s told me a little bit about all of them, but I haven’t met them yet.”

“You know this is big, then, right?” Lucy says, finding a line at the food court for them to order from.

Even if Lucy hadn’t picked a place that Anne wasn’t too fond of, her words made Anne lose her appetite. As far as she knew, Anne’s family thought they were dating, which they weren’t, while Tyson’s teammates thought they were friends, which they were. That’s what they had agreed to. They just needed to make it to New Year’s Day and then this would all be over.

Lucy keeps talking, rattling off information about Tyson’s teammates that Anne was sure she had found on their Wikipedia pages, Lucy’s ‘top of her class,’ ‘photographic memory’ coming out while Anne stayed silent.

“Look, Anne,” Lucy says once she gets the food she ordered for both of them, “if he likes you enough to bring you around his teammates, that’s a good thing. Think of it like Jason asking me to go to his soccer games when we were freshmen. He wants you to be at something important for him.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Anne shrugs, “I’m worried about bringing him into the belly of the beast the next afternoon.”

“Why, because you’ll be hungover and Ma and Dad haven’t seen you that way yet?” Lucy asks, smiling with her fork between her teeth.

Throwing her head back and groaning, Anne starts, “No. Ideally, we’ll still be drunk and calling you or Matthew to come to pick us up. Remember what Mom was like when I introduced you all to Andy?”

“Well, yeah, it was hate at first sight. And she was right to feel that way, obviously. If you think Tyson is the ‘one,’ then you’ll be fine.”

Anne chokes on the fries she was picking at when Lucy says that. “The ‘one’? Please. I wouldn’t know if he was the ‘one’ at this point. Right now, he’s my ‘plus one' at best.”

Lucy shrugs, a sly smile on her face as the two of them continue to eat in silence.

The two of them venture to another store, Anne not having high hopes in finding a dress, knowing that she was going to have to resort to wearing something old that probably wouldn’t be very ‘New Year’s Eve’ themed, or borrow something from Lucy, who, albeit having great style, definitely didn’t have anything that she would want to wear. Maybe she could call Stephanie or her cousin Lauren and see if they could pity her enough to let her borrow something.

Lucy went to the dress rack, Anne just wandered around the store. At this point, she didn’t even care if she found a dress; a long shirt would be just fine. She was nowhere near her sister or the dresses, but she saw something out of place, a skirt and sleeves peeking out in the middle of pant legs. She picked up the dress, solid black, which would probably fit her like a glove, off the shoulder. A black choker, which she had, and a nice pair of heels would make the dress perfect. And it was even on sale. Someone had probably put it there in order to hide it, but Anne didn’t know that for a fact, so could she really feel bad about wearing it?

She practically ran through the store to find her sister, grabbing her by the arm to the dressing room despite the stack of dresses on Lucy’s arm that were probably going to end up back on the rack or in Lucy’s own closet.

Anne looked at herself in the mirror, excited for the first time for Tyson to see her on New Year’s Eve wearing something like that. The two had been talking nonstop, but Anne had made it clear they were friends and that she wasn’t looking for anything. If something came along, she would know it, and honestly, she didn’t know it with Tyson.

But picturing him seeing her in the dress gave her a glimmer of hope that it was Tyson, even if he wasn’t the ‘one’ like Lucy had been badgering her about earlier.

“Hey, Annie, come on!” Lucy snaps Anne out of her fantasy, banging on the door to show her, “Jason texted me that he and the girls are going to be home in an hour with dinner so you can’t take all day.”

“You really think putting on this dress is going to take an hour?” Anne huffs, opening the door from the dressing room stall.

“Well, it depends on how many dresses you try,” Lucy starts, cutting herself off when she sees her sister in the dress. “Oh, Anne.”

“You like it?” she asks, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks. It was a simple dress, knit and insignificant. She had no idea why she was so excited about it.

“I do,” Lucy says, coming up behind Anne and resting her chin on her sister’s shoulder as the two of them admire Anne in the mirror. “And you know who else is going to love it? Tyson.”

Anne took in a deep breath, Lucy rubbing her back between her shoulders before she let her get changed back into her clothes. ‘Tyson was going to love it.’ Anne hoped so.

=============

December 31, 2021

Tyson said he was going to be at Anne’s place at 9:15 to pick her up and drop off stuff at her place to stay over. Since they were going to be together all night, it was easier if Tyson stayed with Anne after the party before needing to drive to Anne’s uncle’s house the next afternoon.

But it was 9:30, and Anne was sitting on her couch, waiting for the boy who was supposed to fake being her boyfriend tomorrow to show up to take her to a party with a bunch of people who had no idea who she was or that this scenario was going to be happening the next day.

How did Anne end up like this? What if he didn’t show up? Why did she let her mom and siblings take over the conversation about her life and let them believe that Tyson was her boyfriend? And why did he agree to it?

Anne gets snapped out of her downward spiral of thoughts by her phone ringing, Tyson calling to hopefully tell her that he was waiting to be let in. “You said you were going to be here at 9:15,” she answers, not letting Tyson say anything.

“Well, traffic,” he explains, “It’s New Year’s Eve and I didn’t want to speed, either, and end up getting pulled over for that. Can you come let me in? It’s cold.”

Anne gets up from her couch, venturing downstairs in the slippers she was keeping on until the last minute. The heels Lucy had let her borrow weren’t uncomfortable, but she wasn’t about to wear them around her apartment building if she didn’t have to. She spots Tyson sitting on the couches in the lobby, going up to him. He was looking down at his phone, but seeing him made her heart race. He had on a white button-down with the top two buttons undone, a black jacket, and black pants on. She goes up to him, resting her hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

Tyson looks up, unable to find the words when he sees Anne. He stands up, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Anne sees this and lets out a small laugh. “Are you ok?” she asks, her nerves of seeing him dissipate while he acts like this.

“You’re,” he starts, letting out a breath as he looks her up and down. He shakes his head, a lazy smile on his face. “You’re beautiful.”

Anne laughs, grabbing his bag for him and leading him back upstairs to her apartment. “You’re not too bad yourself.”

“You know,” Tyson starts when the two of them get to her door, “pretending to be your boyfriend really isn’t going to be that difficult.”

“Yeah,” Anne scoffs, putting down Tyson’s bag with a thud by the couch, “and if you keep flirting with me like you mean it, then they’ll really believe you.” Anne’s back was turned to Tyson, so she didn’t see the look on his face, him biting his lip at her words that she thought he was just pretending. “You’re staying over for a night, what the hell could you have brought with you?” she asks him.

Tyson clears his throat, still not over Anne’s little dig about him pretending to flirt with her. He’s been flirting with her since they met, has she really not noticed? “Uh, you didn’t tell me how formal or casual this is at your uncle’s so I just packed a few options.”

“Huh, I never pegged you for a fashionista,” Anne teases, putting on her shoes and coat as Tyson orders the Uber to take them to the venue.

“Apparently you’re never going to peg me at all,” Tyson mumbles, not loud enough for Anne to hear.

“Sorry?”

“Uh, the Uber will be here in a few minutes so we should get downstairs,” he tries to save himself.

“But,” Anne says, locking her door and following Tyson back down to the lobby, “You can pretty much wear anything to Uncle Vince’s house as long as it isn’t a Juventus shirt.”

“Juventus?”

“That’s Napoli’s biggest rival. It would be like me wearing, I don’t know,” Anne says as they both get into the car that had pulled up, “a Red Wings or a Wild shirt to something for you guys.”

Tyson can’t help but smile, even though he knows it’s probably meaningless. Anne had made it clear that the two of them were just friends. But what if, “you like hockey?”

Anne shrugs, looking out the window as they drove into the city. “I don’t hate it, but I couldn’t tell you much about it. I’m more of a basketball girl, honestly.” Tyson scoffs, Anne turning to him. She had a smile on her face, trying to hide the slight insult she felt by the noise he made. “What?”

“Hockey is clearly better.”

“You’re just biased.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong,” he teases her, reaching over and nudging her arm. His hand lingers on her arm for a little bit, not really thinking about Anne’s noticeable settling into his touch. “Um,” he clears his throat, taking his arm back and praying that it was dark enough that Anne couldn’t see the red on his face, “What are your teams?”

“Men’s are the Nuggets, of course, women are the Seattle Storm, and college I go for UConn.”

“Did you go there?”

Anne shakes her head, Tyson admiring the way her hair framed her face, thankful that she was looking out the window instead of at him. “Nope, I went to CU Denver. My dad’s other brother, Johnny, went to UConn, and when I was born, that was around the start of the women’s dynasty that they have. When my dad was away on trips and mom was working, he and Aunt Lisa would watch the four of us and always have the UConn games on. I fell in love with Diana Taurasi, Sue Bird, Maya Moore, Stephanie Dolson. I grew up wanting to play basketball and be like them, so I played basketball.”

“Did you in college?”

“No,” Anne laughs, looking at the building they were pulling up to. “I played until high school, and was definitely not good enough to play in college. I still love it, though.”

Tyson smiles at her, getting out of the car and rushing to the other side to help her out, linking his arm in hers to escort her in. “I love that,” he whispers to her, walking in and thankful that he had Anne on his arm that night.

The guys weren’t necessarily on his case about finding someone the way it seemed like Anne’s parents were, but that didn’t stop the chirping about him never having a girlfriend for as long as he was on the team. They knew she was his friend, but, hey, it was better than nothing.

Anne had no idea where Tyson took her, not recognizing the building they had walked into, but she was speechless at the sight of the grand ballroom, the lighting just dim enough that she couldn’t help but feel at peace, the noise from Tyson’s teammates and their families taking that away and leaving her overwhelmed. Tyson had slipped away to hang up their coats and grab drinks, leaving Anne to fend for herself for the time being.

She knew they weren’t late by any means but based on the sobriety, or lack thereof, that everyone was displaying, an outsider would think that Tyson and Anne had shown up hours late, everyone seemingly on at least their third drink of the night, if not more. Anne worked her way to the side of the room, giving herself a good view of the bar where Tyson was, hoping that he could find her after he was done chatting with whoever it was that had his attention.

“You look almost too comfortable for someone just watching everyone on the side. Who are you here with?” someone interrupts her thoughts. She snaps her attention to the mystery man standing next to her, leaning against the wall and looking out at the crowd as they danced and sang, drank and had fun. He was the same height as Tyson, just about, probably not that much younger but the rosiness on his cheeks made him look years younger than both her and Tyson.

“I’m here with Tyson,” she tells him, waving to the guy who was supposed to be by her side that night.

“You’re the girl who spilled her coffee on him when we went to the hospital for the charity event,” Rosy Boy laughs.

Anne scoffs, “I wish that wasn’t my legacy, but here we are.”

The two of them stand and watch everyone, laughing as some of the kids pretend to chase around the adults, one of them catching someone by the leg as the man pretended to fall down. “That’s our captain, Gabe,” Rosy Boy tells her, “being chased by Naylah, Nazem’s daughter.”

“So, Gabe, Nazem, Tyson,” Anne says, pointing at the only three men of the Avalanche that she knew, “You?”

“Cale Makar.”

“Anne DeFormicola.”

Cale smiles at her, turning his body so he was facing her directly. “A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Anne could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks, thankful that her hair was down to cover the red that she knew had appeared on her ears. “Uh, are you and Tyson together?” Cale asks, his voice shaking as he prayed he didn’t make the mistake of flirting with one of his teammate’s girls.

“No,” Anne tells him, “We’re just friends.”

Cale lets out a sigh of relief. “Good, I, uh,” he stammers, Anne’s confused look making him nervous despite the smile that was on her face, “I mean, good, good for me. You? Us? I don’t know what I’m saying.”

The two of them laugh together, Anne seeing Tyson out of the corner of her eye. He didn’t look particularly thrilled as he watched her and Cale talking, the distance between them shrinking as the conversation proceeded.

Before she knew it, Tyson was by her side, a glass of wine in hand for her that he practically thrust in her hand. “So, how’s Cale treating you?” Tyson asks, not hiding the discontent he felt seeing Anne and Cale so obviously flirting.

Anne watches Tyson down his drink, a little too fast for her liking, especially considering Cale was obviously uncomfortable by what his teammate was doing in that moment. “Very well, we were having a good conversation.” Anne sips her wine, Cale mumbling something and slipping away. “What was that about?”

“I want you to be careful?” Tyson says as if it were obvious, even though he was lying. He didn’t want to have to see Anne flirting with his teammate all night.

“Of who, Cale? Didn’t you tell me he was the human equivalent of a puppy?” Tyson rolls his eyes, looking over to the bar and already wishing he had more to drink before having this conversation. “What’s the worst he’s going to do? Bite my ankles? Bark when he wants to go play outside?”

“Ok, you’re being mean.”

“And you’re being ridiculous.” Anne studies his face, the way he bit his lip as he tried to find his words. “You remind me of Sebby.”

“Your little brother?” Tyson asks, not really wanting to be compared to him.

“He’s really protective of me. We’re all protective of each other, but he’s especially protective of me. You’re probably the same way with Kacey, right?”

Tyson swallows hard, nodding. “Yeah.” He wasn’t even just friend-zoned: he was sibling-zoned.

“You just don’t want me to get hurt,” Anne reasons, already finishing her wine. It’s not like it was that much in the glass. “I think if anyone was going to hurt me, it wouldn’t be Cale.”

The two of them stand there, watching Tyson’s teammates dancing as the music changed to something more upbeat. On the nearest table, Tyson put down his and Anne’s empty glasses, extending his hand out to Anne in a bid to lead her to the dance floor. Anne hesitates, not really too fond of dancing, but then Tyson smiled at her, raising his eyebrows, and for whatever reason, she felt like she had to go with him.

His hand found the small of her back, holding her close enough that they could still talk over the blaring from the music, his other hand in hers as he tried to get her to move to the rhythm of the song. It’s not that Anne was uncoordinated, but she just wasn’t that great with dancing. “I would have thought you were better at this,” Tyson teases her, looking down at their feet as Anne steps on for what he thought was the fourth time.

“I will gladly go back to my place against the wall and watch you make a fool out of yourself by yourself instead,” she jokes, rolling her eyes as Tyson spins her around.

He pulls her in closer than before, the music changing to a slower song. “I don’t think you want to do that,” Tyson tells her, his forehead pressed against hers. He could kiss her right now if she let him. This was technically their second date, if they considered the coffee place their first. And Tyson did. He didn’t know why he wanted this girl in front of him so badly so fast, but there was just something about her that he had to be with her.

Before Anne could say anything, she feels someone tapping on her shoulder. Pulling away from Tyson, she sees Cale standing there, his hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet. His entire face was red, clearly nervous, as he started, “Uh, sorry, but I was wondering if I could dance with Anne?”

Anne smiles at him, looking over at Tyson to signal that she wanted to. Cale was adorable, and something about him left Anne unable to say no to him. Tyson gives a sad smile, releasing Anne from his grasp. “I’m going to go get another drink,” he says, leaving his date and teammate alone to be closer than they were before. He couldn’t be with a girl that didn’t want to be with him, he thought, downing the drink he got probably too fast. At least tomorrow he could pretend that the two of them were together, pretending that he was hers and she was his.

But for now, he had to watch Anne smiling and staring at Cale, his teammate holding her so close that Tyson wanted nothing more than to be Cale.

Tyson had his back against the bar, watching Cale and Anne dance and have fun when JT came up to him. “Didn’t you bring a date?” JT was the only one Tyson had told about the fake dating plan between him and Anne.

“Yep.”

“She in the bathroom?”

“She’s dancing with Cale,” Tyson says, raising what he thinks was his third drink in their direction. He was praying that they couldn’t get any closer than they were now, but the way Anne was smiling, he knew that was what she wanted.

JT looks between Anne and Cale together and Tyson’s near angry expression as he took another sip of his drink. “Oh, I get it,” JT realizes, Tyson side-eyeing his friend. “You like her, and now you’re seeing her with Cale and you’re jealous.”

Tyson could feel himself start to panic. He did like her, but he wasn’t about to let everyone know that. “No,” he lies, JT scoffing at him. He hated that he knew him so well. “Maybe.”

“Well, then why aren’t you the one dancing with her?” JT asks, Tyson watching Anne throw her head back laughing, Cale burying his head in her shoulder, a smile just as big as hers on his face.

“She wanted to dance with him. What was I going to do, say ‘no?’

“Yes.”

“No,” he rebuts, signaling the bartender for yet another drink. “At least I can pretend to date her around her family,” he shrugs.

“Yeah, until she pretends to dump you because she’s really dating Cale.”

“Maybe in the new year you should try to be more helpful instead of whatever you are now,” Tyson snaps. “Sorry,” he mumbles into the fresh drink he was bringing to his lips, planning on downing it as fast as he got it. If he had to watch Anne dancing with Cale, he might as well be drunk so he can’t remember it in the morning.

“It’s almost midnight,” Cale whispers to Anne.

“Yeah,” she smirks, having a feeling she knew where this was going, especially judging by the way his grip tightened around her waist.

“Uh,” he clears his throat, getting nervous about what he wanted to ask her. “Who are you kissing at midnight?"

Anne can’t help but smile, his innocence endearing to her. Tyson and JT were still watching the two of them dance even though Anne and Cale were too focused on each other to notice. “I think it depends on your answer,” she flirts.

“I was kind of hoping it would be you,” he tells her.

Anne laughs, “Yeah, I got that,” she tells him, running her hand through his hair at the nape of his neck, sending a chill down his spine. “I was hoping it would be you, too,” she tells him, closing her eyes with their foreheads pressed against each other. She almost wished she had spilled her coffee on Cale instead of Tyson, not needing to pretend to date him tomorrow and instead just date Cale and date him for real. It might have been the alcohol or the night that was making her feel this way, but Cale was not a hard guy to like.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Tyson mumbles, not wanting to see Anne and Cale anymore, setting his drink down and leaving the room before JT could protest.

Soon after, everyone began their countdown to midnight, chanting while Anne and Cale stayed silent.

Anne knew Cale wanted to kiss her before the countdown was over. He was hovering against her lips as soon as someone yelled ‘ten!’ She didn’t know what it was about him, but she was ready to kiss him, not waiting for everyone to get past ‘five’ before she connected with him for a second, already wanting more as soon as they started.

Cale pulled away fast, smiling, moving his hands from her waist to cup her face, kissing her as soon as everyone around them was screaming ‘Happy New Year!’ When they finally pulled away, Cale’s entire face was red, and Anne knew that there was some color on her cheeks, too. Kissing Cale was something else, but something was missing. She just couldn’t put her finger on it.

=============

January 1, 2022

Anne and Cale danced a little longer, some of the guys and their families starting to leave.

“I think I have to go find Tyson,” Anne tells Cale, realizing she hadn’t seen the boy she came with for the better part of an hour.

“Uh, wait,” Cale says as Anne starts to pull away, Anne stopping as Cale smiles at her. He puts on her jaw, tilting her head up to kiss her again. “Can I see you again?”

Anne smiles, biting her lip. “I’d like that. But I really have to find Tyson.”

The two of them start walking around, trying to locate their lost boy. “Are you coming back with us?”

“Us?”

“Tys and I live in the same building,” Cale explains, part of him wanting to ask Anne to go home with him.

Before he can, Anne starts, “No, Tyson is staying at my place tonight. We have something tomorrow. Today,” she corrects herself.

“Oh, ok. Well, then, can I get your number?”

“When we find Tyson because he has the ticket for our coats and my phone is in my coat,” she explains, regretting giving everything to Tyson.

“Anne!” they hear someone yell, turning around to see Tyson stumbling over despite JT trying to help him up. Anne hadn’t told him not to get very drunk out of caution for having to deal with her family in a few hours, but now she was regretting forgetting.

“How much did he drink?” Anne panics, slinging Tyson's free arm around her shoulder.

“When I got to him he was already on four and I think he had at least three more while I was with him. I couldn’t tell you what he had on his own,” JT explains, the four of them getting their stuff and trying to get out while Tyson could barely walk.

Tyson mumbles something, trying to lean his head against Anne’s shoulder while they walked, despite the three-inch height difference that would have been bigger had Anne not been wearing heels. JT asks him to repeat it while he orders and Uber to get Tyson and Anne home. “Anne’s so pretty,” Tyson says, practically screaming it in Anne’s ear.

“Thank you, Tyson,” she says, trying to be as sweet as she could despite her anger she felt for him getting this drunk.

Tyson keeps babbling incoherently, none of them wanting to try to figure out what he was saying while they were waiting in their Ubers.

“Hey, Anne, hand me your phone,” JT asks, trying to reach out to her with his free hand while also making sure Tyson didn’t fall over or fall on Anne. She does as he asks, Cale standing there wondering why he didn’t just do that in the first place. “Text me when you two get back to your place and let me know how he is before you leave for your Uncle’s.”

“Yeah, of course,” Anne says, not even thinking about how he would have known where the two of you were going later.

Before Cale can ask for Anne’s phone, the Uber for her and Tyson pulls up. “Are you sure you’re good to get him back?” Cale asks her while JT gets Tyson in the car safely.

Anne nods, putting her hand on Cale’s bicep to reassure him. “Yeah, he should sober up enough to walk with just me during the drive back. Thank you, though,” she says, giving him a quick kiss before climbing into the car.

“I wish it was me,” Tyson slurs, his head on Anne’s shoulder as the Uber pulls away.

“What’s that, Tyson?” Anne asks.

“I wish it was me that was kissing you.”

Anne looks at him, his eyes closed as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “When?”

“At midnight. I wanted to kiss you at midnight. I just hope you didn’t kiss Cale. That would make me sad,” he says, letting out a yawn.

Before Anne could say anything to respond, Tyson was asleep, leaving her alone with her thoughts, and the Uber driver probably hoping they remembered this to tell their friends in the morning. Why would he have wanted to kiss her? They were just friends. They had both made it very clear that everything they were doing was just out of friendship because they both needed someone to be there for the other and just pretend they were something they were not.

This wasn’t going to be like one of those ‘fake dating’ tropes that Anne had read in books when she was a teenager or in rom coms. Those weren’t real life. That didn’t happen.

Anne gets Tyson up to her apartment, surprised that she was able to drag him out of the Uber and balance him long enough that he didn’t fall over and take her with him to the ground. She practically threw him onto her bed, getting him in position so no matter what happened he would be fine. He was asleep almost immediately, a soft snore coming from his lips.

Anne pulls out her phone to text JT that his teammate was asleep, getting herself ready to go sleep on the couch.

The next morning, Anne woke up to Tyson sitting at her kitchen table, already having helped himself to a cup of coffee. “You look like you’re feeling great,” Anne commented, Tyson clearly hungover from the night before.

“Why did I wake up in your bed and not your couch?” Tyson asked.

Anne shrugs, fixing herself a cup of coffee to join him. “You’re my guest and the couch isn’t the most comfortable thing to fall asleep on if you aren’t used to it.”

“You are?”

“I’ve fallen asleep plenty of times while I was reading on that couch,” Anne tells him, wishing she had something to offer him to eat. “Uh, when we get to my uncle’s house, there’s going to be a ton of food so if we didn’t eat now, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.”

Tyson nods, looking down at his coffee. He wished that he didn’t have to pretend to be Anne’s boyfriend. He already wanted to be more, but Cale was already closer to that in one night than Tyson was in how many weeks. “What do I need to know about your family before I meet them?”

Anne starts rambling about her family: her grandparents moved back to New York which was where they grew up so she hasn’t seen them in a while because they’re too old to make the trip out here and she hasn’t had time to make the trip to see them. They were going to her Uncle Vince’s house, her dad’s older brother. He has three kids, Michael, Emily, and Spencer, all of them dating someone. Then there’s Uncle Johnny, her dad’s younger brother, who has two kids, Lauren and Landon, and three grandkids from Lauren: Christopher, Lydia, and Henry.

Tyson didn’t even know if he was going to remember everything she was saying; from the food that Johnny brings just for Landon because of allergies, or the food that was designated as ‘the kid's food’ which was absolutely off-limits unless you were under the age of five years old. The Sam Adams’ beer is only meant for Aunt Lisa and Aunt Laura unless they offer it to you, but the wine is a free for all because it’s guaranteed that everyone of age brought their own bottle anyway, including Anne.

“Wait, but I don’t have a bottle,” Tyson asks, both of them getting up to get ready.

Anne smiles at him, going into one of her cabinets. “You want white or red?” she asks, holding up two bottles. “Because, as you know, I’m partial to red.”

Tyson laughs, taking the bottle of white wine from her, not even sure if he should be drinking anything given the night before. He was just lucky he somehow didn't feel worse despite how much he had. “I knew you were my kind of girl.”

They stand there for a second, neither of them sure how to react or what to do. “We should go get ready,” Anne says, bringing the bottles over to where she kept her keys so she wouldn’t forget them.

She retreats to her room, leaving Tyson to get ready out in the open of the rest of her apartment. That wasn’t a moment they just had in her kitchen, she tells herself. She puts on a pair of jeans, trying to find a shirt suitable enough for her mom to not nag her about, finally settling on a sweater that she was almost sure was Lucy’s that she stole a few months ago.

“Hey, Anne,” she hears Tyson calling her. “Someone’s calling you.”

An unknown number flashed on her screen in Tyson's hand, her forgetting she left the phone by the couch. Normally an unsaved contact was something that she wouldn’t answer, but the Calgary area code, for no reason whatsoever, told her that she had to answer it. “Hello?”

“Anne? It’s Cale. Sorry, I got your number from JT.”

Anne smiles, looking at Tyson who could hear his teammate's voice just loud enough that it made him upset. Tyson’s words from the night before rang through Anne’s mind as she finally answered him back, “Hey, no, it’s fine. What’s up?” Anne goes back into her room to finish getting ready, putting Cale on speaker as she does.

“I just wanted to check on you. And Tyson, I mean, that you were ok with him last night.”

Anne laughs at his nerves, the same ones that came through when they were first talking last night that she was thankful had faded as time went on. “Yeah, we’re fine. We’re getting ready to head out, though.”

“Any idea what time you would be done? I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner tonight?”

She could hear his voice shaking, wishing that she could say yes. “I can’t tonight, but maybe another time?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he says, both of them saying goodbye as Anne grabs what she needs to head out.

“You ready?” she asks Tyson. He looked good, a simple black button-down he had paired with jeans. Why did he have to look good? Tyson nods, grabbing the wine while Anne grabbed her keys.

The two of them drive in silence, her phone plugged into her car with Cale and JT’s contacts popping up on the screen on her center console as they were texting her. “I’m glad you got along with some of the guys last night,” Tyson tells her, finally breaking the silence between them.

“Yeah, me too. Especially since someone seemed to enjoy the bar more than anything else,” she teases.

“Hey, the bartender was attractive, and giving free drinks, what was I supposed to do?”

Anne laughs, knowing that wasn’t the real reason he was there the entire night. She didn’t know what that reason was, but it wasn’t because of the looks of the person giving Tyson drinks. “What do you remember from last night?”

Tyson hesitates, really not sure what to answer. “I remember the drinks and you were dancing with Cale at some point.”

“You remember none of the Uber drive back?”

He almost did. He knew he had fallen on Anne’s shoulder, but he didn’t remember getting into the car with her. He wasn’t even sure that Anne was the one that got him in the car. “Not really, no.”

“Ok,” Anne says, partially thankful for that. She wasn’t sure she would want to relive the part of the night, nor did she think Tyson would either.

She pulls up to her uncle’s house, already seeing Lucy’s car and her cousin Spencer's sitting in the driveway. “Ready to enter the belly of the beast?” she asks him, patting his thigh as a sign of encouragement.

Tyson looks out to the house, seeing someone standing in the doorway waiting for them to get out of the car. “We’ve gotta start acting like a couple, now, don’t we?” he says, leaning closer to her across the center console.

Anne rolls her eyes, knowing that he wanted a kiss or something, anything to show Aunt Laura that Tyson was actually her boyfriend. She does kiss him, sweet and slow. Tyson was sure if they weren’t being watched, he would have gone for more, but knowing he couldn’t was killing him. He had to make the most of the time he had with Anne’s family.

When Anne pulled away, she reached up to Tysons face, grazing her thumb along his beard as his hand connected with hers. She didn’t know why, but she kissed him again, their foreheads pressed together as they sat there in her car. It was different kissing him compared to Cale. A good different, and like last night, she couldn't put her finger on why. She almost forgot where they were, startled by Aunt Laura knocking on her window.

Anne’s face had to be bright red, embarrassed that her aunt saw whatever moment, real or fake or whatever that was, while sitting in the driveway of her house. She greets her aunt as she gets out of the car, handing her the two bottles of wine.

“You must be Tyson!” she says, more excited than Anne thought she would be. “Teresa’s told us so much about you, come in, come in,” she gestures. Anne was sure that she would have dragged him in by the collar of his shirt if she didn’t have the wine in her hands already.

Tyson looks at Anne, confused. “I have no idea what my mom could have said to her,” Anne says. Tyson shrugs, grabbing Anne’s hand as she leads him into the house.

Lucy comes running up as soon as Anne steps through the door, a baby that couldn’t be more than a year old in her arms. “Hey there, Hazel,” Anne coos, taking her goddaughter from her sister. Hazel reaches out, grabbing Anne’s hair as Anne winces at the slight pain from the baby’s pull. “This is Tyson.”

“Hi, pretty girl,” Tyson says, Hazel reaching out, squirming to get away from Anne and into Tyson’s arms. “Is it ok if I hold her?” he asks Lucy, waiting for her to nod before Anne passes her off to him.

Lucy pulls her sister aside, a silly grin on her face. “He’s perfect,” she gushes, “Look at him!” Tyson was bouncing Hazel up and down, Hazel shrieking with glee with him.

“He’s not perfect,” Anne says, “but he might be close.” The sisters laugh, Lucy hugging Anne from behind while they continue to watch Anne’s ‘boyfriend’ interact with Lucy’s youngest daughter. Anne wasn’t even sure if she was really pretending as the rest of her family came into her uncle’s house.

Teresa was practically attached to Tyson the entire time, as were Skylar and Harper once Tyson started playing with them. Literally, Tyson was walking around Uncle Vince’s house with Skylar and Harper clinging to each of his legs. Tyson was the center of attention, Anne wishing that it wasn’t because everyone was just finally excited that Anne found a man.

“What do you think of him?” Anne asks Sebby, the two of them watching Tyson and Matthew talking as if there was no one else was in the room. She had heard ‘touchdown’ and ‘linebacker’ come up in conversation, meaning Matthew was going on a rant about the Broncos, something that he did way too often.

Sebby looks him up and down, pursing his lips while he thought about it. “I’m not sure I trust him.”

“Oh, come on,” Anne whines.

“He’s an athlete. And a professional one, at that,” Sebby throws his hands up in defense. Growing up, Sebby was the only one who didn’t really like sports, feeling they were a waste of time when he could be doing something like reading or studying. Sports were only relevant when his siblings were involved, otherwise, he hated them.

“Give him a chance. Please?” Anne begs, not even sure if it were necessary. “He’s not Andy.”

Sebby narrows his eyes at his sister, jumping slightly as Tyson and Matthew start laughing. “Why didn’t you mention him before Christmas?”

“If you remember, I didn’t mention him at Christmas, you did,” Anne scolds him, trying to figure out what story to tell her brother. “And, it was still new. I didn’t want to say anything if it wasn’t going to be something.”

“Is it?”

“Maybe. I think so,” Anne lies. At least, she thought she was lying.

Tyson comes over to Anne while she was talking with Sebby about his upcoming semester, his last one before he graduated from college and hopefully entered law school. He wraps his arms around her, kissing her cheek before resting his chin on her shoulder. “You think I could steal her for a second?” he asks.

Sebby narrows his eyes, Tyson a little thrown off by her brother’s reaction. “Sure.”

Tyson brings Anne into another room, praying that no one would walk in on them. “We didn’t talk about anything we could say to your family about how we met,” he brings up.

“I was planning on deferring that to you since I normally can’t get a word in otherwise,” she admits, even though she hadn’t thought about it before.

“That’s not fair,” Tyson says, looking over Anne’s shoulder to see someone in her family looking at the two of them. “Your family is watching.”

Anne follows Tyson’s gaze, turning and waving at Landon and Lauren. She reaches up and puts her hand on Tyson’s cheek, Tyson taking it with his own and kissing the palm of her hand. “When you see how I get pushed aside at dinner, you’ll understand why it’s fair.”

The two of them continue talking about how they were going to go on with the rest of the day, Anne telling Tyson she was fine with everything he had done so far and really didn’t care if he kept doing it. Anne, not wanting to tell Tyson, liked what he was doing. It felt right for some reason. Was Tyson right that it should have been the two of them kissing at midnight and not her and Cale?

Tyson’s drunken confession from the night before was still ringing in her mind when everyone got called to sit down for dinner. Tyson was still, unsurprisingly, the center of attention. His hand was on Anne’s thigh for most of dinner, Lucy’s eyes never leaving as Anne rested her’s in his. The usual rounds of conversation started, asking Lucy about her medical practice, Jason about Andersen’s, his restaurant that bore his family’s name, Matthew and Steph about work at United, Sebby about how he was feeling going into this last semester of college.

Then the conversation was supposed to turn to Anne, normally swamped with questions about Anne’s lack of love life. Instead, of course, the conversation turned to Tyson.

“How did you two meet?” Teresa asks, giving a smug look to her daughter, “Anne hasn’t told us anything about you.”

Tyson hesitates, figuring Anne wouldn’t want her family knowing they met when she spilled her coffee on him. “I was out with some of my teammates after practice one day,” he starts, hoping that whatever was about to come out of his mouth was good enough. “We were at a coffee shop, and I saw Anne there grabbing something before her shift at the hospital. I saw her smile at the barista when she thanked him for taking her order and,” he looks at her, taking Anne and putting it on the table for her family to see. “Something about that smile of hers I just knew I had to talk to her. I needed her in my life and I’m happy she’s in it.”

He kisses the side of her head, whispering, “we have to remember that story now,” against her skin. When he pulls away, Anne smiles at him, signaling that she would. There was no way she could forget that honestly. Why was pretending to like him so easy?

The conversation stays on him for a little longer, Anne never being asked anything. Finally, Emily stands up with Jimmy, saying they had an announcement. “We’re engaged!” she squeals, holding up her left hand with the ring that she either just put on, or no one noticed as the family congratulated her. Jimmy had proposed at midnight, down on one knee right as whoever they were with said ‘Happy New Year!’

“Another wedding!” Teresa yells, Tony rolling his eyes next to her. He didn’t hate weddings, he hated his wife’s need to spend an extravagant amount of money on a new dress and presents for the couple every time. “And then maybe we’ll have one for Anne in the next year, too, oh Tony we’ll get to plan another wedding.”

“Mom!” Anne scolds, Tyson’s face getting bright red. “That ringing in your ears is not wedding bells.”

The rest of the dinner goes on fine, Anne and her siblings off in one of the rooms while their spouses and Tyson were nowhere to be found.

“I think Tyson’s scared of me,” Lucy says, examining her nails.

“He might just be intimidated by you, Signoria Perfezione,” Anne teases her with the nickname Lucy got when she was little, her need for order prevalent from a young age.

“Yeah, he said that Anne told him how smart you were and he didn’t want to feel stupid around you,” Matthew points out.

“Well, shouldn’t he be intimidated by Anne?” Sebby asks.

“I know you’re trying to compliment me, but your tone says otherwise,” Anne says. “Why don’t you like him?”

The three of them look at their youngest siblings. “There’s something off,” he starts, Anne feeling her heart start to race. “He’s like borderline pretending to be with you.”

“Come on, man, you’re paranoid,” Matthew scoffs, Lucy agreeing.

“I mean,” Sebby explains, “He looks at Anne like he wants to be with her, not like he actually is with her.”

“You’re just over analyzing. We’re together. Probably more together than you and Collins are,” Anne fires back, part of her hating that she was lying to her siblings, the other part of her wondering how much of it was a lie.

Sebby shrugs, “Well yeah, because we broke up.” Anne’s jaw drops, Matthew raises his eyebrows in shock, Lucy the only one to scream and actually make a verbal acknowledgment of what he just said. “Yeah, the other night. She finally blew up over the whole, ‘I don’t want to move to Boston or California,’ thing and said if I wasn’t willing to move to be with her then I wasn’t good enough for her.”

“Oh, I don’t like that,” Anne says.

"Why didn't you tell us," Lucy asks.

"I see how they act about Anne never being with someone," he says, Anne glaring at him. "I'll just find someone in law school and not say anything unless they ask. Plus, I don’t want to be that far away from you guys. Why would I stay with someone who wants me to do that?” he admits.

“Aw, you do like us!” Lucy teases him, her and Matthew tackling him in a hug while Sebby yells for them to get off, yelling louder when Anne joins in.

“Hey, um,” Tyson interrupts, “Sorry, you’re having a moment.”

“No, no, what’s up?” Anne breaks off, going over to him.

“Your aunt said dessert is out,” he tells them, or, rather, tells Anne with her siblings in earshot.

“See, you’re delusional,” Lucy tells Sebby as they walk past Anne and Tyson into the next room.

Tyson looks at her confused, waiting for an explanation. “I think Sebby’s catching on to us pretending,” she shrugs, really not that worried. She and Tyson could talk later about how long this would go on, and if anyone in the family were to find out that it was fake, Sebby would be the one to keep it quiet.

She goes into the next room, leaving Tyson there by himself. “Yeah, pretending,” he says to himself.

[eadanga]

Secret Romance Part 2

Summary: Nate the popular guy lifeguard falls for MC the girl next door. They struggle to keep their love secret especially when another girl is determined to make him hers

Paring: NatexMC

MC wakes up the next day and quickly heads home to get ready for school. Once she gets dressed and walks out the front door she sees a red rose with a note on the porch. She smiles and picks it up and smells the flower she reads the note

We dine at 7

MC giggles and puts the note in her pocket the walks off to school. She walks to her locker and begins taking out her books

“Hey girl!” Sasha walks up to her

MC quickly hides the rose and closes her locker “Hey”

“I think Ryan was checking me out today”

MC rolls her eyes “You think every boy is checking you out”

“This time it’s legit he winked at me and even said I looked nice today”

MC smiles at her boy crazy best friend “If you say so come on we gotta go to chemistry”

Sasha rolls her eyes and groans “Ugh I don’t wanna go that class is so boring”

MC laughs and takes her arm “Come on”

“Yes mom”

MC laughs harder as she drags her to the classroom. She sees Jade blowing kisses at Nate which he ignores. She couldn’t help but feel a ping of jealousy.

Jade notices them and scoffs “Nice outfits losers”

“Nice hair sale at the dollar store”

“Why you…”

They walk past her and take their seats in the back. As MC takes notes her phone buzzes

You look beautiful today

MC smiles

Thanks

Did you get my note?

Yeah you’re so cheesy

You love my cheesiness. So are we dining tonight?

Yes now pay attention

Believe me I am

MC stifles a laugh

Not on me you doofus

But you’re the only thing that’s interesting about this class

Ok don’t blame me if you fail

Alright I’ll just think about all things I wanna do to you

MC blushes

You’re cute when you’re pink

Shut up

LOL

MC puts her phone away and tries to pay attention then her phone buzzes again

I love you baby

MC smiles

I love you too

The bell rings and everyone begins shuffling out

“Don’t forget the assignment for tomorrow”

Dammit MC quickly catches up to Sasha “Hey Sasha what was the assignment?”

“You don’t know”

“I was distracted”

“Yeah I noticed you were on your phone the entire class. After you were dragging me along” She rolls her eyes as MC laughs “Here you are”

“Thanks” I’m gonna kill Nate for that

As they walk down the hallway they see Jade chatting with Nate She bats her eyelashes “So I was thinking we could go to the movies later”

“No Jade”

She crosses her arms “Why?”

“Cause I’ve got other plans”

“Oh just cancel them I promise hanging out with me is so much better” Nate rolls his eyes and walks away as Jade walks after him “Babe where you going?”

“Far away from you and I’m not your babe”

Jade stomps her foot and walks away as MC and Sasha laugh

“That girl doesn’t give up does she?”

“Nope she crazy obsessed with him”

MC grits her teeth That bitch needs to stay away from my boyfriend

“No way he’s gonna go out with her”

“So why does she keep going after him if he keeps rejecting her?”

Sasha leans against the wall “Mean girl wants what she wants she doesn’t take no for an answer”

“She needs to”

They walk out of school and Sasha smirks “Oh there’s Ryan let me show you that he wants me”

MC rolls her eyes as Sasha struts towards Ryan. Out the corner of her eye she sees Nate nodding his head towards the bleachers she runs over to him.

“Hey”

“Hey beautiful” He kisses her deeply as she moans then she pulls back giggling

“I thought you wanted to keep this a secret we can’t be doing this here”

“I don’t believe I see anyone around” He kisses her again “Besides I want to kiss my girl”

He kisses her passionately as his arms go around her waist pulling her closer.

“Nate…” Her arms go around his neck. He trails kisses down her neck as she sighs

“MC?”

They startle apart and turn to see Sasha standing behind them “Sasha…hey”

Her stunned expression turns into a huge grin “What is this?”

“We were just…”

“Sucking each others faces off?” She laughs “I wanna know everything”

“I should leave you guys to talk”

“Oh no surfer boy you are in this too”

“I’ll tell you everything as long as you promise not to say anything”

“Cross my heart now let’s go how did this start?”

MC smiles at Nate “Well it started about a month ago…”

****

MC stands on top of the rocks taking pictures This is a beautiful view I can’t wait to show these to dad when he gets back. She moves around trying to get the best shot when she slips and falls “Ow! Dammit!”

“Hey you ok?”

She looks over her shoulder and sees Nate running towards her

“Yeah just fine”

Nate kneels down and examines her foot “Luckily it’s just sprained” He helps her up and supports her as she hops on one foot “Come on let’s get you to the tower” He walks her to the tower and sets her on a chair and puts an ice pack on her foot

“Thanks Nate that feels good”

“You know who I am?”

“Everyone at school knows about the hot lifeguard”

“Hot?” He smirks raising an eyebrow

MC blushes “Did I just say that out loud?”

He chuckles “Yeah you did and thanks for the compliment”

“Your welcome”

He bandages up her foot and helps her to her feet “Are you ok getting home?”

“It’s a little painful but I should be ok”

“Well I’m still gonna walk you home” He gives her his support as the walk home together.

She smiles “Thanks”

“Your welcome”

The next day MC walks to go get the paper and she spots Nate “Hey just thought I check on you how’s the foot?”

“Fine it’s not as painful”

“I’m glad”

“Should you even be here I don’t think your girlfriend would like that”

“Girlfriend? What girlfriend?”

“You know Jade”

He walks up to her  “Jade is not my girlfriend”

“Really? But she’s always calling you babe and baby”

“And you know how many times I’ve told her to stop” He shakes his head “I would never date that girl”

“Good” He smiles at her and she tilts her head to the side “What?”

“Nothing it’s just you look really nice”

MC giggles “Really? But in my sweatpants”

“Doesn’t matter to me”

MC laughs “Well thank you and you look nice too”

He takes a step closer to her “Your smile is also beautiful”

“Nate…”

“Not to mention your eyes”

“Oh my God stop!” She shoves him away playfully as he chuckles “Did you come here just to flirt with me?”

“If I said yes would you leave?”

MC giggles “No”

“Would you say no if I asked you to get a cup of coffee with me?”

“You’re asking me out? Why?”

“Well I’ve had my eye on you for a while”

“You have?”

“Yeah I always see you taking pictures and painting by the rocks. I've been trying to talk to you but I never know what to say”

MC giggles “The most popular guy in school is nervous to talk to me?”

He chuckles “Don’t make fun!”

MC laughs then smiles “I would love to have coffee with you”

“Great let’s go”

“Right now? At least let me change”

He takes her hand and smiles “Doesn’t matter what you wear you still look beautiful”

MC smiles as they head off to the café

****

“After that we just started seeing more of each other”

Sasha smiles “Good catch MC” She turns to Nate “You better not hurt her”

“I won’t”

“I’m watching you”

Nate nods “I’ll see you tonight” He kisses her on the cheek and walks off

“You won’t say anything right?”

“No but you know Jade…”

“I know that’s why we’re keeping it a secret”

“I’ll solve the problem”

“No ass kicking until I tell you”

Sasha sighs “Fine but we are having a serious talk about this keeping secrets from your bestie thing”

MC giggles as they walk home together

****

MC arrives at a secret spot on the beach she sees Nate with a candle lit picnic dinner. She smiles “This is beautiful”

“I hope you'll enjoy the food I made it myself”

“You did? I didn’t know you could cook”

“My mom may have helped me a bit” MC giggles “But it was worth the smile on your face”

MC blushes and digs into the food she grins “This is delicious I see you having a promising career as a chef”

Nate chuckles “I don’t think so I like my lifeguard job” He smirks “Beside if I was a chef you won’t be able to see me shirtless”  MC laughs and shoves him away playfully. He grins and wraps an arm around her “Have I told you how beautiful you look today”

MC rolls her eyes “Yes all day”

“Getting tired of that word? Let me fix that” He lowers her down into the sand and kisses her neck as he speaks “You’re gorgeous, stunning, sexy, absolutely breathtaking-“

“Nate”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and kiss me”

Nate grins and kisses her deeply as her arms go around his neck pulling him closer. She moans as his hands go up her sides. Her phone buzzes in her pocket she reaches for it but Nate catches her hand “Ignore it” He wraps her leg around his waist and he runs his hands along her thighs “I love you so much”

“I love you too” Her phone buzzes again and Nate sighs and rolls off her as she giggles and pulls out her phone “It’s my alarm reminding me about my curfew”

“You have a curfew?”

“Yeah because someone kept me out late last night”

Nate chuckles and stands and lifts her up “Well we better get you home before you’re grounded till you turn 40”

MC laughs as they gather up their things and head home

Tags: @annekebbphotography @indiacater @cora-nova @the-soot-sprite @hopefulmoonobject @mfackenthal

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s03e18 The Crossing - or more aptly named, the episode which seems like a filler, but is actually super important :O

Episode 18 – The Crossing

Hey guys! So whew, last episode was hot on the Shemar eye-candy, and I’m not even sorry for throwing those bunches of screenshots out there.

Now, let’s see what happens cuz this is the most bland name for an episode ever.

Why is that lady paranoid about people hearing her phone number? That’s so weird.

Why is that lady paranoid about people hearing where she lives? That’s beyond weird.

Why is she freaked out about flowers on her doorstep? That’s sweet.

Oh fuck!

What is that? Why does that envelope have a picture of an arm? That’s freaky.

Aw, that’s nice, Aaron and David giving out a seminar. Impressive.

Wow. That lady is seriously fierce. I love her.

So basically she had a stalker back at home, and now she’s moved, he followed her again. Oh my god.

“Those are the people who you’ll be calling when you find me dead.”

Talk about dramatic, lady. JJ just said she’s presenting the case to her team. Come on.

Have a little faith.

(still not getting the episode’s title)

“Where’s mom and dad?”

And cue the fanfics XD

“None of his face. That’s very telling.”

“He’s either trying to protect his identity or he has self-image issues.”

“Okay, so the guy’s clearly delusional, but what makes this a BAU case?”

Um, how about he travelled to a different state 600 miles away just to stalk her?

“That is unusual. Typically, a stalker will change his focus to another woman if the object of his affection moves away.” Oh poodle, you so smart.

Yay, yummycakes approves!

Christian Nestell Bovee: “No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities.” Well, that is true to some extent, I mean, we cannot live to our fullest potential if we don’t dream or fantasize about something that we want to accomplish, or believe we can achieve more and become more than who we are, otherwise we are just stuck in a sort of status quo and it’s just not healthy. Oh god, did I just go all philosophical on that shit? SORRY.

Wait. So my goddess couldn’t find any actual evidence of that killer woman’s existence? That makes no freaking sense.

Come on, goddess, you can do better.

Wait. So there’s insurance for their son, but their daughter is the beneficiary of the policies? What the fuck is going on here?

“We construct behavioral profiles for a variety of investigative scenarios. That includes stalking.”

“We’ve seen this kind of thing before, and it can get ugly real fast.”

POODLE FACE

“You and me both.”

Oh, puppy, I know you would fight to the death for your lovely sisters. I just know it.

“Bureaucratic red tape. Every case we take, I have to explain why in terms of cost and size relative to the BAU. They don’t always think it’s worth it.” DAMN. Jayje has to deal with all of that? Impressive.

“Right now I don’t care about limited resources.” I love you JJ, and I love your tenacity, you are amazing, lady!

All I can think of is naughty Derek/Spencer teacher/student fics. Anyone got them? XD I’m terrible.

“He actually wrote the date on the card, March 21st, 2006.”

Reid: “That was on a Tuesday.”

HOW?

So the new photos of the stalker are more toned and tan? Oh boy. He’s trying to impress her. Damn.

Hey! That guy played a creep photographer on Castle. Wonder if something will happen this time or he’s just playing the standoffish boyfriend.

Ew. He’s sent her his granny’s earrings? Ew. Old lady jewelry from a stranger isn’t sexy.

Wait. So they say their mother was abusing their dad? That he had to put up with her not buying the wrong things? Not cleaning properly? What the fuck is going on here?

“She’d get all the wrong things. Wrong brands, too much or too little of something.”

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

“She’s not bright.”

“You mean she’s mentally challenged?” “No, I mean she’s stupid.”

“This is your mother we’re talking about here.”

“No, we’re talking about a woman who killed the only real parent we’ve ever had.” WHAT?!

“So if your father didn’t abuse your mother, why did she kill him?” yeah, Aaron is onto something. Something isn’t right in this family. Oh my goodness gracious.

So the fucker took their dog? Oh boy.

He took THAT dog and nobody saw them and did anything? WHAT THE FUCK?

That’s one of the biggest dogs I’ve ever seen.

“Taking the dog might not seem like much to you, but it tells us that he’s desperately trying to feel close to her.”

Absolutely. If someone took my dog, I’d fillet them and hang them by their ankles to dry! No one touches my baby! And it also means he has some serious small ones, cuz who nabs a dog? Not nice.

“Ryan could be next.”

Oh damn.

“The kids said she couldn’t keep house.”

Um, that house is meticulous to a fault!

So the dad and the kids bullied the mom? And she killed the dad? Oh boy.

So the guy is a spineless dweeb who got into a fantasy too deep.

“His move here means that he’s committed, and unless he’s caught, he’ll never break that commitment.”

“Yet if he perceives that she has … we all know domestic disputes can be some of the most violent.”

Damn.

Rossi looking over photos while eating. Aw, baby! You look so cute!

“I’m not sure if me and the idea of being married is a good mix.”

Well, you can’t always please everybody.

“I might have tried harder if there were children involved.”

Oh baby.

“I tried.”

Oh baby. That wasn’t a pass against you. Rossi isn’t a daddy. You are one amazing dude, and Hayley’s a fucking bitch for not seeing that.

“Hey, Hotch, what the hell do I know? The only people I’ve ever made happy were divorce lawyers.”

Oh I love it when they break the tension with a good joke.

I LOVE ROSSI AND HOTCH SCENES!

“Jayje, I’m used to doing this to America’s Most Creepy, but digging through Keri’s life like this makes me feel all gross and ugh.”

Oh darling, I love you and your hair and your face and your everything.

Penelope’s digging through everything in Keri’s life, JJ can explain away and everything, and then –

“And her private doctor was voted Atlanta’s best. So why did she go to the Atlanta Women’s Health Clinic not once, not twice, but three time?”

BOOM.

Mic drop. My girl is amazing.

So she had an abortion and didn’t actually tell her fiancé?

And then he comes behind her.

Damn.

Oh boy.

Drama.

Fuck. Someone bust the window of his car. That’s like a Jazmine Sullivan song right there. Damn.

Oh dear god, JJ is taking this way personally. What’s up?

And she finally knows who her stalker is. Damn.

She had to shoot her husband? What?

Oh god, they completely destroyed her with verbal abuse. Oh my god.

Sure, the woman isn’t always the victim, but come on, lady, you asked for professionals for their opinion, they’re giving it to you. Why be a bitch about it?

Hey! Why is that fucker walking their dog? Damn.

Oh snap! He’s totally hitting him! Damn.

Oh shit. The stalker is inside. Oh damn.

Keri, oh my god.

God, that asshole is smart. He used the dog as a distraction to get to Keri. Damn.

Oh god, Keri is good. She’s using all the tactics that Jayje and Emily taught her, she’s so amazing.

Come on Garcia, give me something.

“Thanks, baby girl.”

You have no idea how much I missed hearing that phrase.

Oh god, that lady is good. The kids and husband totally manipulated her into becoming a subservient wench. Ugh. At least she gets a trial and will be charged for less than an intentional murder.

Oh god, that idiot is completely gross.

Oh god, I am so sorry, Keri, I’m sorry that fucker is kissing you. I’m sorry.

So he loves, her yet he’s taking a gun. Damn.

Oh Keri is awesome.

Susan B. Anthony: “A woman must not depend on the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself.”

I WORSHIP SUSAN B ANTHONY!

Powerful shot of Rossi.

What’s going on with JJ? I’m curious.

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! JJ IS PREGNANT WITH WILL’S BABY! AAAAAHHHHH MY EMOTIONS ARE FLYING EVERYWHERE! I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!!!!

 So this episode was weird as fuck because they were working two cases at once, and it was werid switching between the two. But I loved how they didn’t just sweep Aaron’s divorce under the rug, and addressed the ugly issues. It was a beautiful episode. And that last little curveball through me in for a loop. I bet their babies would be gorgeous.

It was weird for me to see Rossi making a wry joke, but then it was needed, this episode severely lacked on the funny component, and I miss it.

Hope there’s more in the next episode.

As always, here are some Derek and Spencer photos I took throughout the episode that were just irrelevant to the post above (regarding the comments, they are ALWAYS relevant to EVERY post)

And I’ll see you all next time, I’m so thankful for all of you for taking the time to read those crazy things I have all up in my head.

<3 I love you to the moon and back, lovelies

[middlecountries]

Quiet Heroes (2 of 2)

Zenek met Annie during his third week of school at Summerhall, the university’s former veterinary school turned arts hub and pub. Both he and Annie were at the pub and she was friends with one of his classmates who was there with Zenek. When they were introduced Zenek immediately noticed her espresso hair and blue eyes. Beyond her beauty, he was also attracted to the fact that she was a photographer. 

Zenek and Annie struck up a conversation about photography and art in general. Zenek told her what he was studying and the conversation moved to politics. Zenek learned that Annie was ardently socialist and he admired her it. Their conversation was punctuated by much laughter and light teasing in both directions.  

The night wore on and Zenek began to flirt more openly and Annie seemed receptive. But then as Annie was getting ready to leave and Zenek asked her for her phone number, her face darkened. ‘’Can you have my number’?’ she repeated in her thick Scottish accent. ‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’

‘Why not?’ Zenek said. 

‘Well, there’s someone waiting for me at home…’

‘Oh, I’m sorry. I completely misread the situation. I’m sorry.’

‘No-no. You didn’t. It’s not my boyfriend…it’s, uh, I…I have a five-year-old daughter...’

Zenek was taken aback but compared to the feeling of stupidity and embarrassment he’d just felt, it was a relief. ‘Oh, um, that’s cool. Kids are great,’ he said.

‘Well she’s a bloody handful. I’ll tell you that.’

There was another pause in their conversation and Annie broke eye contact for the first time all evening. ‘Anyhow, it was nice meeting you, Zenek. Hopefully I’ll see you around.’ 

She turned to leave but Zenek stopped her. ‘Wait. Does having a daughter mean you have no time to date?’

‘No, not entirely, but she takes up a lot of my time and most of my energy.’

‘Well, maybe I can tag along on some activity with you guys some time...’

Annie looked at him inquisitively. ‘That’s a pretty long road to take to get in my pants.’

Zenek laughed. ‘I-uh-I’m not trying to get in your pants.’

‘You’re not? Well now I’m really insulted.’

They smiled at each other some more. ‘What do you say?’ said Zenek. ‘Family-rated date with, uh, what’s your daughter’s name?’

‘Ali.’

‘With Ali?’

Again Annie’s face turned severe. ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘Give me a ring. But you should know in advance that no one comes before my daughter. Especially no charming Canadian boy. Got it?’

Zenek laughed. ‘Got it. No objections here.’

Annie gave Zenek her number and he walked her to the door of the bar where her friends were waiting for her. As she hugged Zenek goodbye, she whispered in his ear, ‘Call me soon, charming Canadian boy.’ Zenek smiled and skipped home feeling the happiest he had in years.

Zenek went to the children’s play area of the Meadows with Annie and Ali a week later. Ali was a pretty, happy girl. She looked at Zenek wearily at first but quickly warmed to his goofy, playful demeanour. Zenek found Annie even more attractive when he saw how she mothered her daughter. She treated the girl with dignity and lightness, a rare combination of behaviours he found in most adult interactions. 

They had a picnic after climbing and swinging and rolling around. After they’d eaten they walked back to Annie’s place, a two bedroom flat on Whitehouse Terrace. Annie asked Ali if she’d like to show Zenek her room and she said that she would, ‘very much’. 

They all went up to the apartment and Ali showed Zenek her room. Ali was the most proud of her book collection and her paintings from art class at school. Zenek noticed that her walls were covered in pictures taken of her in black and white at various younger ages. Some of them were shining and classically beautiful while others were underexposed and much more somber. Zenek started to wonder where Ali’s father fit into these pictures. He wondered if he’d left Ali like his mother had left him when he was just a small child.

Zenek lingered over the photographs and Ali began putting her books back on her shelf with great care. As if reading his mind, Annie walked into the room holding two beers. She handed one to Zenek and said, ‘Thought you might need this, however good you seem with children.’

‘Thanks. I’m having a great time but it wouldn’t hurt.’ They clinked bottles and watched Ali as she kneeled on the floor finishing tidying her books. 

‘Ali,’ her mother said after a moment. ‘Do you want to ask Zenek to stay for dinner?’

The child turned around and looked at Zenek then Annie then Zenek again. Suddenly she leapt to her feet and screaming, ‘Yeahhhhhhh.’ She ran up to Zenek and hugged his leg. Zenek liked the affection but couldn’t help feeling it somewhat out of proportion to the situation. After all, they’d just met and didn’t she wonder what his intentions were with her mother?  

As they were all finishing dinner that night Zenek began to wonder whether he should try to stay over. He’d never dated a woman with a child before and wasn’t sure of the proper etiquette. He thought that if he stayed he risked seeming duplicitous to Ali but if he left he risked insulting Annie. 

After dinner Annie suggested they all watch TV for a short bit. As they watched an episode of an animated children’s show, Zenek continued weighing his options. Fortunately, as the show ended, Annie made the decision for him. ‘Ali,’ she said, ‘do you want Zenek to read you a bedtime story?’ Ali smiled in approval. ‘Okay, go get changed and pick out a story then Zenek will come read it to you.’

Ali ran to her room and a few minutes later called for Zenek. Zenek went and read her two books. Half way through the second book he looked up to discover Ali was asleep. He put the book down gently, turned off the bedside light, and got up and left the room. 

Back in the living room Annie was channel-surfing and nursing another beer. She turned the TV off when she saw Zenek enter the room. ‘Hey, Charming Canadian Boy.’

‘Hey,’ he said and sat down on the couch. She swung her legs up and folded them under herself. She handed Zenek her beer bottle. ‘Sorry to volunteer you to read. She seemed really like you. You really don’t have a secret child somewhere you’re not mentioning?’

‘Haha. No. But I guess I took care of my younger sister a lot growing up. Maybe that’s got something to do with that.’

‘Well, whatever it is, it’s sexy as hell.’

Annie took the beer back from Zenek and took swig. ‘You seem like a pretty awesome mom,’ Zenek. ‘She’s a great kid.’

‘Mmm, I have my moments.’

Zenek hesitated to ask about where Ali’s father was but curiousity and his lowered inhibitions from the alcohol won out: ‘So, uh, where is Ali’s dad?’ Annie turned away from him and sighed. ‘He lives in Glasgow. He’s comes to see her once every month. He’s a decent guy but not a very active father. He sends what money he can but it’s not much.’

‘What does he do?’

‘He’s a photographer. We met in art school. We were young and idealistic and I thought I couldn’t get pregnant because I weighed almost nothing at the time and rarely even got my period.’ She took another sip of beer. ‘By the time I discovered I was pregnant, I was already three months along. It would have been really difficult to terminate that late and Ryan – Ali’s father – didn’t oppose having a child. We were so young and stupid we thought we were both going to be rich photographers in no time so it would all be a walk in the park.’

Annie stared straight ahead and didn’t say anything. She didn’t seem upset about the direction the conversation was going but she was definitely down-cast compared to a few minutes earlier. Zenek decided to continue his inquiry despite Annie’s depressed mood: ‘What happened with you and Ryan? How did things end?’ 

Annie sighed. ‘We tried to make a go of it but we were just babies ourselves. We had no money and really didn’t know each other that well. We started fighting nearly the minute Ali was born. We soon decided it would be better raised if we raised her in separate happy households, rather than one that one unhappy one. I moved to Edinburgh in 2006 to be closer to my mum and he didn’t object.’

Again Annie paused and stared ahead again. Zenek looked around the room and tried to think of another relevant question or comment. ‘Is it hard being a single mom?’

Annie tilted her head and looked at him. ‘Why do you think I have this so readily at hand?’ She lifted up the beer bottle. 

‘But seriously,’ she went on, ‘if it weren’t for money I’d have no complaints. Ali’s great. I love her more than anything. Some times I worry about her not having a strong male figure in her life but she doesn’t seem too damaged yet. Mostly it’s just making rent and getting her decently clothed and feed that worries me.’

‘What do you do for work?’

‘Well I have my photography but mostly I temp.’ 

‘Oh, that’s, uh…How do you like that?’

‘How do you think?’ she said lifting up her beer bottle again. 

This time Zenek paused and stared ahead. ‘Hmm, well, it’s getting kind of late and I have class in the morning. Thanks for the fun day. It was great hanging out with you guys.’

‘You mean you’re not going to try to get in my pants? You’re such a tease.’

‘I-I, uh, I just like to take things slow is all.’

‘’Slow’? Well aren’t you a gentleman. Okay. Maybe you can come see us again next Saturday. Sound good?’ 

‘Sounds great.’

They stood up and walked to the door. Zenek opened the door part way and stepped outside the apartment into the hallway. He turned around and faced Annie. ‘Goodnight, Annie.’

‘Goodnight Charming Canadian Boy.’

He put his hand on her hip and leaned in and kissed her. She smiled as they parted and so did he.

-

Being back in school was an adjustment for Zenek. Reading and writing papers was far different from learning and constructing computer code. The second task was much more self-contained. Occasionally his bosses at IBM had stern words for him or pressured him to work faster but at least he always knew where he stood or how much work he had left to do over what kind of time period. With his new program he had assignments with deadlines but he couldn’t tell what good they were for. Most of his professors weren’t terribly inspiring. Nearly none of them ever mentioned distributed systems or big picture issues at all. The majority of his readings and assignments focused on the existing agencies, mechanisms and technologies for environmental preservation. Some of these were interesting but they were the exception rather than the rule.

He also found his classmates to be far less idealistic than he was. Their goals and corresponding perspectives were generally to work for oil and gas companies or government agencies in their sustainability departments. These were secure, well-paying jobs but not likely to precipitate widespread social change the way Zenek wanted to. 

With this in his mental backdrop, Zenek was especially eager to see Annie and Ali the following Saturday. They went to the playground at the meadows again and got ice cream afterwards. From there they went out for Indian food for dinner. Zenek was in heaven watching Ali tear into naan and devour chicken tikka marsala. This and her enthusiasm for nearly everything took him out of his own head. The child’s zest for life made him better appreciate of the world around him – the mild fall day and deep green flora outside, the pleasant company and restaurant staff inside...  

After dinner they all went back to Annie’s flat and read books and Ali went to sleep. This time Zenek decided it was okay to spend the night. He and Annie went quickly from the couch to the bedroom after Ali had gone to sleep. 

The sex was good. Zenek and Annie had a strong physical connection and they both came easily. What was even more satisfying was the pillow talk afterwards. Zenek learned details about Annie’s life. She’d grown up without a very active father, not unlike Ali’s situation. Her father and mother split up when Annie was two and she had few memories of him from early life. He was an oil rig worker for British Petroleum and his contracts started taking him further and further abroad or so he gave as the reason to Annie for his absence in her life. Annie more so chalked up her dad’s truancy to character flaws and her mother. She thought her mother hadn’t done enough to encourage her dad to stay around. The general tone of Annie’s story was demure if not tragic. This made her all-the-more remarkable to Zenek. How someone of her circumstances was such an enthusiastic and upbeat mother amazed him. If he’d been through what Annie had he’d find it very hard to be optimistic. 

Zenek slept well that night but work up feeling weary. He worried he couldn’t benefit Annie and Ali’s situation as student very significantly. Annie should be with someone with a well-paying job not someone living off loans. How was he supposed to help anyone with growing debt and a spotty knowledge of sustainability, a money-eschewing discipline in the first place. 

He got up that morning and kissed Annie goodbye before Ali woke up. If he couldn’t help them with money, the least he could do was not create confusion or jealously within Ali over his relationship with her mom.

Zenek’s decision to leave school was more gradual than sudden. It was mostly because of problems with the program that he decided to drop out. He just didn’t feel any intellectual or moral connection with his classmates, professors or the material. If he was going to be a disinterested automaton in his chosen field he might as well go back into programming. At least with programming he was earning money instead of spending money. 

He tried not to look too far into the future as he got closer and closer to withdrawing from school. One possible flaw in his thinking was that it could be short sighted. He thought maybe sustainability would be more satisfying in the long run and if so, he should stick with it. But this was pure speculation. Compared to the fact that he was decidedly unhappy in the present, that possibility was a much lower quality of input, if not completely admissible. His dad and stepmom questioned whether he wasn’t making this decision for Annie’s sake and he dismissed them immediately. Sure he wanted to help with Ali and Annie’s standard of living but this was a corollary not a cause of his changing paths. He applied to work at small Edinburgh software developer specializing in financial products and was quickly hired. 

All this happened during Zenek first winter in Scotland. Winter wasn’t as cold as it was in Toronto but the sun only came up at 8:30 each morning and went down by 16:00 each afternoon. It was a physically dark time but emotionally bright one for Zenek. He liked his new job and things were developing quickly between Annie and him. He’d moved into Annie’s flat on Whitehaven and found the chores of childcare pleasantly exhausting. Ali’s curiousity and energy were perpetually engaging. His favourite part about living with the young family was being woken up each morning by an excited child rather than a joyless alarm clock. It really changed the perspective he started the day with. 

Annie’s personality unfolded further and further, which delighted him as well. With his help around the house she was less tired and quick to frustrate. With his income contribution she was able to take a day off of temping a week and devote it to her photography. This practice made her more mentally lively and passionate in all areas of her life. Early in the spring of that year Zenek decided he’d seen enough, that Annie and Ali were who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He went to a jeweler’s on the Golden Mile and bought a modest engagement ring. Then, on a night Ali was spending at her grandmother’s, he made Annie dinner and proposed. 

Annie covered her mouth and began to cry when she saw the ring. She’d never imagined such a small box could carry such happiness. She loved Zenek deeply and now knew how much he loved her back. Long swathes of her life unfurrowed in her mind. She remembered her disappointment at never seeing her dad as a kid. She remembered the way the other kids teased her she was a bastard and how inferior and alone this made her feel. She remembered her determination as a teenager to find love – or at least sex – to fill the void left by her dad. She remembered hers and Ryan’s relationship ending and though mostly happy about it, the dread that she might not ever meet anyone else and die alone…

She began to shake as Zenek walked around the table and hugged her. He couldn’t see inside Annie’s mind but he could feel her body exorcizing some demon or long-seated negativity. He’d never felt so connected to anyone and he started to cry too. He hadn’t intentionally sacrificed his dream of having a wider impact on the world for Annie but even if he had, he was now having a stronger impact on someone else’s life than he could have ever imagined having anywhere anyway. The coincidence of this made him think there may in fact be a higher power at work in the world.

But mostly what he felt was gratitude. He felt he was finally somewhere he belonged and with the people he belonged with. He fell to his knees, pressed his forehead to Annie’s and kissed her tear-streaked eyes, cheeks and mouth.

[adambstingus]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Malcolm, Go Back To Your Home On Whore Island

The worst/best show on television is back and lucky for you, the worst/best recapper you know is back too. You’re welcome.

TBH I was heavily considering not recapping this show because I was thinking about living my life and stuff, but then I saw this shit show of a cast (and also how bad the Bachelor is) and I just knew in the dark pits of my soul that I couldn’t let this show go.

LET’S BEGIN NOW

First major change—they are in New Orleans now. Probably a good thing. They weren’t getting too much variety in the Dominican Republic. You can only play with monkeys so many times until you’re like “so, where are the buildings with electricity?”

Also, Terrence J is the new host. RIP to the best father figure most of the contestants ever had, Ryan Devlin.

Let’s review some of the dumb things we learned/that were said during introductions to everyone:

TYLER: “I told her that I was okay with her hooking up with another guy and I wasn’t!” Cool story, Hansel.

UCHE: “I’m with all these guys I’m not supposed to be with! Football players, rappers, all the cool guys.” That’s a weird way of saying you’re a fuckin’ loser.

KEYANA: “I want to be everywhere with my boyfriend. I want to wear a vile of his blood around my neck and drink from it from time to time. What.” (paraphrase)

JOE’S MOM: “My son brings home idiots, which is amazing because he sells pot for a living and it shocks me that Harvard grads aren’t lining up to date him.”

NICOLE: “I’m trapped in this hookup culture!!!” She acts like she’s been kidnapped in a third world country rather than being asked for dick pics.

KAREEM: “Where I’m from, don’t nobody ever touch a million dollars.” Yeah, they clearly don’t read books or attend basic English classes either.

MICHAEL: “I get like 25-50 DM’s from girls a day wanting to date me. None of them speak English though, so lo siento bitches, no dates for you.” Also, Mike, they are all probs like 14. Judging from the acne on your face, you probably are too.

FIRST CHALLENGE

Terrence J shows the girls something the boys find important and the girls have to raise their hands if it’s important to them too. Moderate Instagram fame has to be on this list.

First is football. Audrey raises her hand and she’s like “Why do I like football? Why do I not like football?! I love football!!!”

AUDREY DURING FOOTBALL GAMES: 


Football was Malcolm’s pick and he’s like “I love football because that’s the only reason my dad loves me” and the girls are all like “AW THAT’S SO SWEET!” Nothing moisturizes the kitty like deep-rooted familial issues, amirite.

Next is the piano, and Keyana is like “I like music!” while the rest of the girls apparently prefer silence? Her match is Ethan, the guy who looks like Rob Dyrdek if he ate Rob Dyrdek. He’s very excited to go on his first date ever and is just itching to call his mom and tell her all about it.

Turns out he’s a rapper. Fuck. There is always one “rapper” every season and they are almost always bordering on albino.

ETHAN: “E-Money gets the girls, but Ethan doesn’t.” How many of you are there?

REAL PICTURE OF ETHAN:

Next picture is some religious stuff and the girls are like “I only go down on my knees for one thing, and it ain’t our lord and savior.” Too bad—it was Clinton’s pick and he’s a fine-ass mother fucker. Jesus wept making that fine specimen and that should tell you something, since I’m a Jew.

Next picture is a condom and Jada is like “HEEEEEEEEEEY.”

JADA’S ROLE ON THIS SHOW:

Chad is the one that picked a condom and he’s like “yeah, I like sex, so what?” Chad reminds me of the guy you tell your sorority little to avoid at frat parties.

CHAD: “Look at me, I’m the Chad!” I’M SORRY, unless you are Tom Green yelling to Drew Barrymore from a boat, you are not the fuckin’ Chad!!! Wait, is his name Shad? THAT IS EVEN WORSE.

Anyways, all the couples are going on a date. Thrilling.

ON TO THE HOUSE

Of course it’s time for shots and more introductions.

ZOE: “Guys don’t like me, they just want to wear my thighs as earmuffs.” Oddly specific but ok.

JOE: “I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and so far the only thing I have ever witnessed is me still being a virgin”

Joe’s going to be that castmate that I can’t tell is hot. He always looks like he is squinting into the sun but I would def let him in if he came knocking on my door wanting to sell a bible.

Keyana immediately tells Michael that she follows him on Instagram and he’s like “very cool, do you speak English?” Also, Keyana do you need to refill your shitty beer? Because you look fucking THIRSTY.

Ethan is already hating himself and saying that he’s going to sit in a corner all season and now I’m just upset. No one puts Ethan in a corner!

KEYANA: So you wear a shoe on each foot?


MIKE: Yeah


KEYANA: omg so do I. Let’s get married.

Uche and Chocolate Jesus (Clinton’s new nickname for the season—CJ) are def hitting it off.

CLINTON: “Girls tell me they love me on social media, but it’s like, I’m a person. Do you ever think there is more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking?”

Malcolm and every girl in the house start flirting. So that’s that.

MALCOLM: “I have ladies every day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…. The other days. You get it.”

He meets Diandra, who is wearing hoops so big that the Kardashian family is in awe. She’s like “if I start calling you Papi, I’m interested.” Good thing it sounds sexy in Spanish. If I started calling dudes “Daddy” they would immediately refer me to a therapist.

Keith and Alexis start bonding over lung disease and her possibly incestuous ways.

ALEXIS: So you have your cousins, and then your first cousins, and your cousins with teeth. They are all fair fucking game.

Apparently Alexis is trying to rid herself of the redneck stereotype but it’s hard to take her seriously when she’s downing Bud Light one second and chain smoking cigarettes the next.

Keith is like “you should stop smoking. How about every time you smoke I spank you?” Is this a Narcotics Anonymous-approved method of prevention? Also, Keith and Alexis look like the perfect Trump-voting couple.

KEITH: “How about every time you mention building the wall I smack my own ass, yeehaw.”

Theeeeennnn they start making out and talking about butt stuff, as one does 30 minutes after meeting someone. Off to the boom room they go to make more babies that Alexis’ cousin can possibly fuck.

Keith apparently rocks Alexis’ world and he’s like “yeah I have pretty good reviews on Yelp.” Which is a place for businesses so congrats, you’re an escort.

Michael and Keyana take the first shower makeout scene for me. She’s like “I’ve never met someone who asks me about myself” and it’s like, well how do you usually meet people? Does no one ask you, like, what your name is?

THE DATE


MTV has decided to get as close as possible to killing one of these cast members and takes them to a bar as their date. We’re really pushing these livers to the limit here.

Ethan is trying to make small talk with Keyana and she is acting like she would rather be lit on fire than be a kind of nice person to an overall really nice guy. He eventually is like “I get it, you like Michael.” And I swear to god she breathes a sigh of relief.

She says he “asked about her and he actually cared” and it’s like, really? It had nothing to do with the alcohol and fact that your hand was down his pants most of the time?

They are presented with booze and a jazz band comes in. They’re like “what are the odds you get shit faced and listen to jazz in New Orleans?!”

Audrey and Malcolm are hanging out and she’s like “you’re a player, I can tell” and he’s like “I’m 25 now! I’m serious now!” he says as he chugs alcohol on a reality show on national television.

He claims he isn’t a player anymore because a “female” cheated on him once and it hurt. Boo, sad story. Anyone who calls a girl a female is a hard no from me.

AUDREY: I hope he ends up being different then the guy I know he is and always has been.

BACK AT THE HOUSE


The house is debating who to put in the Truth Booth and Diandra is like “Malcolm looks like Trey Songz!” (which he does) and Nurys is like “YOU JUST WANNA FUCK HIM DON’T YOU?!” Okay there, I’m gonna need to you to pop a quick Xanax and take a lap for a second.

Nurys is like “I am a hugely aggressive girl for literally no reason and sometimes people don’t like me for that.” Hmm, wonder why.

TRUTH BOOTH

Ethan and Keyana go to the Truth Booth and Keyana is looking for the nearest knife to stick in her neck. She heard Mike has a neck fetish, so yeah.

Ethan and Keyana are like “we get it, we’re not compatible” and Keyana is thinking of getting it tattooed on her body. Let’s remember, they were voted in because they “both like music” which we all know, is a true stepping stone to a love connection.

Of course, they get a no match BUT that’s not the worst part of this whole thing. The WORST part is Keyana acting like a straight-up fucking bitch when they get a no match. I get it, you like Michael and you want to have his vanilla-ass babies so they can surf into the sunset and live a life full of missionary sex, HOWEVER you did not need to be like “YES, I’M PARTYING TONIGHT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT A MATCH!!!”

That’s not a paraphrase made by me, that’s a quote and frankly, it’s a fucked up one. And that’s coming from a fucked up person.

Ethan’s like “I’ve never seen someone so excited to get away from me” and I think every single person watching (aka me and 15 people who read this recap) were either a) about to cry for this actual nice guy or b) so fucking annoyed with Keyana for acting like she’s soooo much better than him. Anyone with a chest tattoo is not at the liberty to belittle people. That is a job strictly reserved for me. Now that we got that lecture out of the way…

OTHER STUFF

Ethan starts downing red wine and freestyle rapping. Aka me on any given night.

They start playing a game of sexy truth or dare, because they are original like that.

Malcolm and Diandre make out, Clinton and Uche make out, Michael licks Keyana, it’s all pretty generic.

Shad or Chad or whatever his fucking name is asks Alexis to kiss everyone in the house and she’s like okay and says “mama didn’t raise no bitch.” Incredible. I want that on a cross stitch. She proceeds to make out with everyone. Just like her mama intended.

KEITH: “She’s a little wild and idk if I trust her.” Really? This is the hard line for you? Not when she implied that she fucks her cousins?

Geles and Michael bond over the fact that they have large Hispanic families and it’s like, who is going to send me some tamales? Hit me up.

Nurys is getting pissed because DD (Diandre) is still talking to Malcolm when she likes him. She’s like “DD is obviously insecure!” and it’s like, hmmm okay sweetie.

Second shower makeout session goes to DD and Malcolm. Really? Now it’s just getting cliché. Isn’t there a closet you can take this to?

Of course, the moment DD goes to sleep Nurys is like DGAF and her and Malcolm start making out. DAMN. Okay. That’s how it’s gonna be. Then he hops back into bed with DD.

MALCOLM: I’m not a player. I promise I’m not a player.

Okay, Big Pun. Anyway, see you all next week.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-malcolm-go-back-to-your-home-on-whore-island/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/180768851792

[allofbeercom]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Malcolm, Go Back To Your Home On Whore Island

The worst/best show on television is back and lucky for you, the worst/best recapper you know is back too. You’re welcome.

TBH I was heavily considering not recapping this show because I was thinking about living my life and stuff, but then I saw this shit show of a cast (and also how bad the Bachelor is) and I just knew in the dark pits of my soul that I couldn’t let this show go.

LET’S BEGIN NOW

First major change—they are in New Orleans now. Probably a good thing. They weren’t getting too much variety in the Dominican Republic. You can only play with monkeys so many times until you’re like “so, where are the buildings with electricity?”

Also, Terrence J is the new host. RIP to the best father figure most of the contestants ever had, Ryan Devlin.

Let’s review some of the dumb things we learned/that were said during introductions to everyone:

TYLER: “I told her that I was okay with her hooking up with another guy and I wasn’t!” Cool story, Hansel.

UCHE: “I’m with all these guys I’m not supposed to be with! Football players, rappers, all the cool guys.” That’s a weird way of saying you’re a fuckin’ loser.

KEYANA: “I want to be everywhere with my boyfriend. I want to wear a vile of his blood around my neck and drink from it from time to time. What.” (paraphrase)

JOE’S MOM: “My son brings home idiots, which is amazing because he sells pot for a living and it shocks me that Harvard grads aren’t lining up to date him.”

NICOLE: “I’m trapped in this hookup culture!!!” She acts like she’s been kidnapped in a third world country rather than being asked for dick pics.

KAREEM: “Where I’m from, don’t nobody ever touch a million dollars.” Yeah, they clearly don’t read books or attend basic English classes either.

MICHAEL: “I get like 25-50 DM’s from girls a day wanting to date me. None of them speak English though, so lo siento bitches, no dates for you.” Also, Mike, they are all probs like 14. Judging from the acne on your face, you probably are too.

FIRST CHALLENGE

Terrence J shows the girls something the boys find important and the girls have to raise their hands if it’s important to them too. Moderate Instagram fame has to be on this list.

First is football. Audrey raises her hand and she’s like “Why do I like football? Why do I not like football?! I love football!!!”

AUDREY DURING FOOTBALL GAMES: 


Football was Malcolm’s pick and he’s like “I love football because that’s the only reason my dad loves me” and the girls are all like “AW THAT’S SO SWEET!” Nothing moisturizes the kitty like deep-rooted familial issues, amirite.

Next is the piano, and Keyana is like “I like music!” while the rest of the girls apparently prefer silence? Her match is Ethan, the guy who looks like Rob Dyrdek if he ate Rob Dyrdek. He’s very excited to go on his first date ever and is just itching to call his mom and tell her all about it.

Turns out he’s a rapper. Fuck. There is always one “rapper” every season and they are almost always bordering on albino.

ETHAN: “E-Money gets the girls, but Ethan doesn’t.” How many of you are there?

REAL PICTURE OF ETHAN:

Next picture is some religious stuff and the girls are like “I only go down on my knees for one thing, and it ain’t our lord and savior.” Too bad—it was Clinton’s pick and he’s a fine-ass mother fucker. Jesus wept making that fine specimen and that should tell you something, since I’m a Jew.

Next picture is a condom and Jada is like “HEEEEEEEEEEY.”

JADA’S ROLE ON THIS SHOW:

Chad is the one that picked a condom and he’s like “yeah, I like sex, so what?” Chad reminds me of the guy you tell your sorority little to avoid at frat parties.

CHAD: “Look at me, I’m the Chad!” I’M SORRY, unless you are Tom Green yelling to Drew Barrymore from a boat, you are not the fuckin’ Chad!!! Wait, is his name Shad? THAT IS EVEN WORSE.

Anyways, all the couples are going on a date. Thrilling.

ON TO THE HOUSE

Of course it’s time for shots and more introductions.

ZOE: “Guys don’t like me, they just want to wear my thighs as earmuffs.” Oddly specific but ok.

JOE: “I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and so far the only thing I have ever witnessed is me still being a virgin”

Joe’s going to be that castmate that I can’t tell is hot. He always looks like he is squinting into the sun but I would def let him in if he came knocking on my door wanting to sell a bible.

Keyana immediately tells Michael that she follows him on Instagram and he’s like “very cool, do you speak English?” Also, Keyana do you need to refill your shitty beer? Because you look fucking THIRSTY.

Ethan is already hating himself and saying that he’s going to sit in a corner all season and now I’m just upset. No one puts Ethan in a corner!

KEYANA: So you wear a shoe on each foot?


MIKE: Yeah


KEYANA: omg so do I. Let’s get married.

Uche and Chocolate Jesus (Clinton’s new nickname for the season—CJ) are def hitting it off.

CLINTON: “Girls tell me they love me on social media, but it’s like, I’m a person. Do you ever think there is more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking?”

Malcolm and every girl in the house start flirting. So that’s that.

MALCOLM: “I have ladies every day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…. The other days. You get it.”

He meets Diandra, who is wearing hoops so big that the Kardashian family is in awe. She’s like “if I start calling you Papi, I’m interested.” Good thing it sounds sexy in Spanish. If I started calling dudes “Daddy” they would immediately refer me to a therapist.

Keith and Alexis start bonding over lung disease and her possibly incestuous ways.

ALEXIS: So you have your cousins, and then your first cousins, and your cousins with teeth. They are all fair fucking game.

Apparently Alexis is trying to rid herself of the redneck stereotype but it’s hard to take her seriously when she’s downing Bud Light one second and chain smoking cigarettes the next.

Keith is like “you should stop smoking. How about every time you smoke I spank you?” Is this a Narcotics Anonymous-approved method of prevention? Also, Keith and Alexis look like the perfect Trump-voting couple.

KEITH: “How about every time you mention building the wall I smack my own ass, yeehaw.”

Theeeeennnn they start making out and talking about butt stuff, as one does 30 minutes after meeting someone. Off to the boom room they go to make more babies that Alexis’ cousin can possibly fuck.

Keith apparently rocks Alexis’ world and he’s like “yeah I have pretty good reviews on Yelp.” Which is a place for businesses so congrats, you’re an escort.

Michael and Keyana take the first shower makeout scene for me. She’s like “I’ve never met someone who asks me about myself” and it’s like, well how do you usually meet people? Does no one ask you, like, what your name is?

THE DATE


MTV has decided to get as close as possible to killing one of these cast members and takes them to a bar as their date. We’re really pushing these livers to the limit here.

Ethan is trying to make small talk with Keyana and she is acting like she would rather be lit on fire than be a kind of nice person to an overall really nice guy. He eventually is like “I get it, you like Michael.” And I swear to god she breathes a sigh of relief.

She says he “asked about her and he actually cared” and it’s like, really? It had nothing to do with the alcohol and fact that your hand was down his pants most of the time?

They are presented with booze and a jazz band comes in. They’re like “what are the odds you get shit faced and listen to jazz in New Orleans?!”

Audrey and Malcolm are hanging out and she’s like “you’re a player, I can tell” and he’s like “I’m 25 now! I’m serious now!” he says as he chugs alcohol on a reality show on national television.

He claims he isn’t a player anymore because a “female” cheated on him once and it hurt. Boo, sad story. Anyone who calls a girl a female is a hard no from me.

AUDREY: I hope he ends up being different then the guy I know he is and always has been.

BACK AT THE HOUSE


The house is debating who to put in the Truth Booth and Diandra is like “Malcolm looks like Trey Songz!” (which he does) and Nurys is like “YOU JUST WANNA FUCK HIM DON’T YOU?!” Okay there, I’m gonna need to you to pop a quick Xanax and take a lap for a second.

Nurys is like “I am a hugely aggressive girl for literally no reason and sometimes people don’t like me for that.” Hmm, wonder why.

TRUTH BOOTH

Ethan and Keyana go to the Truth Booth and Keyana is looking for the nearest knife to stick in her neck. She heard Mike has a neck fetish, so yeah.

Ethan and Keyana are like “we get it, we’re not compatible” and Keyana is thinking of getting it tattooed on her body. Let’s remember, they were voted in because they “both like music” which we all know, is a true stepping stone to a love connection.

Of course, they get a no match BUT that’s not the worst part of this whole thing. The WORST part is Keyana acting like a straight-up fucking bitch when they get a no match. I get it, you like Michael and you want to have his vanilla-ass babies so they can surf into the sunset and live a life full of missionary sex, HOWEVER you did not need to be like “YES, I’M PARTYING TONIGHT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT A MATCH!!!”

That’s not a paraphrase made by me, that’s a quote and frankly, it’s a fucked up one. And that’s coming from a fucked up person.

Ethan’s like “I’ve never seen someone so excited to get away from me” and I think every single person watching (aka me and 15 people who read this recap) were either a) about to cry for this actual nice guy or b) so fucking annoyed with Keyana for acting like she’s soooo much better than him. Anyone with a chest tattoo is not at the liberty to belittle people. That is a job strictly reserved for me. Now that we got that lecture out of the way…

OTHER STUFF

Ethan starts downing red wine and freestyle rapping. Aka me on any given night.

They start playing a game of sexy truth or dare, because they are original like that.

Malcolm and Diandre make out, Clinton and Uche make out, Michael licks Keyana, it’s all pretty generic.

Shad or Chad or whatever his fucking name is asks Alexis to kiss everyone in the house and she’s like okay and says “mama didn’t raise no bitch.” Incredible. I want that on a cross stitch. She proceeds to make out with everyone. Just like her mama intended.

KEITH: “She’s a little wild and idk if I trust her.” Really? This is the hard line for you? Not when she implied that she fucks her cousins?

Geles and Michael bond over the fact that they have large Hispanic families and it’s like, who is going to send me some tamales? Hit me up.

Nurys is getting pissed because DD (Diandre) is still talking to Malcolm when she likes him. She’s like “DD is obviously insecure!” and it’s like, hmmm okay sweetie.

Second shower makeout session goes to DD and Malcolm. Really? Now it’s just getting cliché. Isn’t there a closet you can take this to?

Of course, the moment DD goes to sleep Nurys is like DGAF and her and Malcolm start making out. DAMN. Okay. That’s how it’s gonna be. Then he hops back into bed with DD.

MALCOLM: I’m not a player. I promise I’m not a player.

Okay, Big Pun. Anyway, see you all next week.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-malcolm-go-back-to-your-home-on-whore-island/