#was gonna make something with the adult designs but that wasnt working rn so i decided to be self endulgant

[koszmarnybudyn]

Another magical girl au design? its more likely than you think

[3liza]

hey im not gonna spread your weird social media-mediated brain infection on my blog, instead here are some cool studies to look at about how the "beautiful people have an easier life, every day, all the time" is a simplistic view, and is also patriarchal as fuck. more recent studies on "beauty privilege" are finding that the issue is complex, and that perceived beauty acts as a negative pressure in some/many social situations. i have always wondered why my experiences varied so much from the apparent wonderland the pop-science concept of "beauty privilege" paints, and more recent studies (often designed by women this time, imagine) are getting into the complexity there.

you personally may want to think about not reading my social media accounts if they are making you feel and act like this. i think i am not going to interact with you anymore if i can help it because i feel bad about what it is doing to you. anyway.

the short version is that beauty is beneficial in heterosexual social situations when dealing with the opposite sex, but detrimental when dealing with the same sex. this aspect of the research is usually ignored because who needs nuance in their pop psychology, right? not this guy (pointing 2 self)

very simply put, a beautiful woman can flirt her way out of a ticket from a heterosexual male cop. if she tries it on a person who doesnt consider her a potential romantic partner, there may be (and apparenly often are) negative consequences.

similarly in my own life i find that 99% of the apparent opportunities i'd been given for being young and fuckable were predicated on me actually fucking* the person who "offered" them, and most of them turned out to be fake/insincere opportunities anyway. tumblr refers to this as "grooming" when applied to child subjects (which i was, for much of it) but the behavior persists into the target's adulthood, middle age, and even old age if certain conditions are met. i can't find any studies on this because you can't put a Sleazy Guy in a lab setting and ask him "hey were you actually going to hire this woman on hte up-and-up, or were you going to 'hire' her and then spend 16 months making increasingly deranged sexual harassment attempts before reporting her to HR for made-up reasons and then finally firing her or hamstringing her career? just wondering".

i always think about that episode of Always Sunny where Mac goes nuts because every kid in his class was molested by the gym teacher and he imagines this to be some sort of privilege, even though charlie was one of the victims and is clearly devastated by it. thats what this conversation feels like every time it gets to the level of anons making fake tumblr accounts to KEEP pestering me about this stuff. remember that thing i said earlier about blood in the water, and how i dont post about bad shit that happened to me because it attracts the wrong kind of attention??? hehuehueheuheuhuehriuhgfidsrhru

actually thats a whole other realm of study: why victims of sexual assault and abuse are often re-victimized. until recently it was assumed that the victims were making bad decisions in who to trust, and this is sooorrrrtt of true, but doesn't tell the whole story. i read a study once that i am trying to find and will post later if i find it, that took video of adult women study subjects (who had agreed to be filmed) walking normally just down the street publically, and showed this video to male test subjects. if im remembering the study correctly, which i may not be, the male subjects who scored higher on psychopathy indices were better able to indentify the women in the test footage who had been sexually assaulted at some point in their former lives.

something to think about is a lot of "attractive" qualities (including proccupation with physical appearance leading to altering that appearance to be more beautiful), especially in the manic pixie archetype, are very strongly represented in trauma victims, especially sexual assault survivors (as is the opposite, intentionally trying to be "unattractive" to avoid further victimization). this includes "seductiveness", one of the adjectives used to diagnose child sexual abuse victims before the verbiage in the literature got cleaned up. obviouly a child cant be "seductive" and thats pretty offensive and fucked up to say. what they meant is that the childs behavior has been altered by trauma to become sexualized to appease attackers. this is part of the "fawn" sector of emergency responses in humans (along with fight, flight, and freeze).

so when we talk so cavalierly of "beauty" and "attractive people" vs "unattractive people" we are simplifying an issue that is so complex it is difficult even to think about. this complexity makes me go "hmm" every time theres a study on it, much less a popular belief. a lot of it sort of doesnt square with easily-observable phenomena: if physical beauty is so correlated to success, why are the 1% of wealthy people, politicians, actual power-holders, hell even the CEOs of normal companies, very very rarely what you would consider physically beautiful, even when they havent aged out of what the culture thinks is the maximum span of time someone can be "hot"? some of this is just personal preference, and it's real hard to study any of this because of how complex that issue becomes. but where are all these hot successful people i keep hearing about? are they all trophy spouses and retired from the public eye? you can definitely cherrypick examples of "influencers" etc but thats an extremely narrow line of work, and not representative.

anyway! lot of the "do beautiful people get more stuff" research is from quite a while ago, wasnt designed well, and was based on a work and social culture that was quite a bit different than it is now. but even older studies document this effect. ive spent like many minutes typing about this stupid bullshit so im bored and annoyed now and i dont want to type about it anymore

1. Effects of Self-Esteem Threat on Physical Attractiveness Stereotypes

2. Does being attractive always help? positive and negative effects of attractiveness on social decision making (cant find the sci-hub version, alas, but documents a negative effect we're actually seeing an anecdotal example of in my inbox rn)

3. Is beauty a gift or a curse? The influence of an offender’s physical attractiveness on forgiveness

* often it wasnt even just a sex thing. it's very very often a romance/relationship that is desired by the perpetrator. it's a misapprehension of the public that sexual harassment/grooming is "just about sex" or even less accurately "just about power", it isnt

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all 92 😘

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?no way man she’d probably dom the fuck out of me

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?nope.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?n o p e

4. Is trust a big issue for you?YEAH

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?like in terms of romantic??? no. like in terms of “we have a really weird relationship and idfk how i feel @ you”? yeah.

6. What are you excited for?april 19th!!! my friend and i are going to go see phoebe bridgers in madison!!!!

7. What happened tonight?its 10am so ill roll with last night: i played nv and got killed in a beautiful cacophony of deathclaws and the legion :) and then my game crashed.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?no bc id be right there with them

9. Is confidence cute?very

10. What is the last beverage you had?i think some water? okay not the last but: hot water is so good with wildflower honey pls just drink some its good for your soul okay???

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?opposite is bullshit but i guess like,, 3? half my friends are nonbinary so counting EVERYONE regardless of gender and shit id say 6 people

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?im a proud supporter of boys in skinny jeans and i own 2 or 3 pairs

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?my main ho @thebonerfoy is coming up to visit me and were probably gonna pack all my shit in her car and play cards against humanity

14. What are you going to spend money on next? lmao probably my student loans. unless i can get the hours i asked for at work or a sugar daddy, then im gonna buy a proper lid for my fishtank bc my poor kid has a piece of cardboard rn.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?yeah. even in a state of stagnation were changing somehow.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?probably amanda, but im working on trying to be better with everyone

18. The last time you felt broken?my dude, im broken right now. its okay though. like i said, im working on it. were all fckn broken somehow.

19. Have you had sex today?not unless a ghost and i got in on in my sleep. which would be pretty cool ngl

20. Are you starting to realize anything?on a deep level: i deserve respect and a lot of my issues relate directly to my upbringing, including my inability to receive praise or speak well of myselfon a not-deep level: kinda hungry.

21. Are you in a good mood?i think i just heard fedex or ups outside so my mood just skyrocketed

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?maybe like. nurse sharks. theyre really cute.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?yeah

24. What do you want right this second?to take a day to go into the city with all my friends that i cant see on a regular basis

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?probably be upset unless we discussed it beforehand. then id be fckn cheering for them like you go get some!!!! do it man!!!! in general tho: if i wasnt with them and they didnt show interest in me and showed interest in someone else id just move tf on.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?half of it is bc my roots are growing out

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?no. too boring.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?okay so i went to renew my library books and one of my favorite youtubers is on the library website dressed as one of his characters and i completely flipped because i watch his gaming channel and now hes interviewing authors for my library??? he doesnt even live in my town!! hes in madison!!

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?no? im enjoying my solitude atm

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?depends on the person

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?no! hes my friend and gives really good advice!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i think so. i mean, were kind of a thing.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?yeah.

34. Listening to?killer - phoebe bridgers

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?only if im doing a rough journal spread, which i dont normally do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?hes probably in class right now. 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?love at first sight? no. some sort of mutual infatuation/attraction? yes.

38. Who did you last call?my mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?dancing with as in both dancing at the same time? probably amanda or my mom.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?we were dating and he was cute lmao

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? a couple months ago? 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?no bc she leaves for work before i wake up

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?constantly.

44. Do you tan in the nude?lmao no.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?no. as previously stated, i liked the guy and he was cute. why would i take that back?

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower?sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?yEAH

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?yes i love my bow :’) its so good and wow i love archery

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?picture day junior year of highschool, and if that doesnt count: my mother took me in at jcp to have pictures taken when i graduated 8th grade and theyre awful bc my hair is so long and its so not me

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?excuse me, how dare you,, in this house we ask for war and peace for christmas because npgc1812 is so good and then get addicted to ghost quartet (@ anyone reading this: pls listen to ghost quartet it is so so so good)

53. Is Christmas stressful?depends on the year, but i hope in the future i can spend it with my friends :)

54. Ever eat a pierogi?i just had some last night for dinner and im probably going to eat the leftovers in a couple minutes. also, my mother is polish and we see her family for holidays, so yeah. lots of pierogi in this house.

update: i got the leftovers

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?idk??? apple? im basic okay i dont eat pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?1. teacher2. ballerina3. both 1 & 2, simultaneously4. paleontologist5. archaeologist6. both 4 & 5, simultaneously7. librarian8. game designer9. author/illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?almost daily

59. Take a vitamin daily?im supposed to ;) vitamin d deficiency like a real champ

60. Wear slippers?real talk i never liked slippers but then i bought these cute pig slippers @ walmart for $10 and i love them so much i tried wearing them to sleep last night. also im wearing them rn theyre so cute

61. Wear a bath robe?i live in a dorm, so yeah. to the bathroom and back when i take a shower. sometimes im lazy and i just run around in a towel but so do half the people on my side of the hall lmao were all lazy and dead inside

62. What do you wear to bed?fluffy pajama pants or sweats, tshirt or hoodie, socks, sometimes slippers.. once i fell asleep with a beanie on. when im being an Adult i wear my actual pajamas!!! like a legit shirt and pants that match

63. First concert?none that i was old enough to remember :’) apparently my mom took me to the rodeo when we lived in texas and saw some country group but i was like 2 so idfk

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?TARGET I AM A CERTIFIED TARGET GAY

65. Nike or Adidas?adidas bc my feet are too wide to fit in nikes

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?yall real talk i used to love cheetos but i think im allergic to them now? last time i had them my throat got all swollen and hurt for like 3 days so im gonna have to say fritos. plus theyre really good if you put them in chili

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?sunflower seeds bc im a slut for anything i can have a spitting contest with

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?lmao i used to like her when i was like. 11. not my scene anymore

69. Ever take dance lessons?i dont think so?

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?anything that makes them happy, but also something fun!!!! like wedding photographer or a baker or maybe zookeeper?

71. Can you curl your tongue?idk??? kinda????? i can tie a cherry stem so i want to say yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?no i always got out bc my anxiety made me stutter/rush and miss letters, so i never even got past the classroom levels to the real thing

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?a lot!!! i laugh so hard i cry and get a stomach ache more than id like to admit

74. What is your favorite book?eleanor & park by rainbow rowell :) OR alice’s adventures in wonderland by lewis caroll

75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on if i can get into hyperfocus mode or not. if not, then i pick one song and put it on loop and blast it until it fades and is just loud background noise, but if i can focus then silence is best

76. Regularly burn incense?i used to but no burning anything in the dorms :( then i came home for break and it started giving me a headache

77. Ever been in love?i think so

78. Who would you like to see in concert?kesha, against me!, my chemical romance (rip), bigbang (also rip)

79. What was the last concert you saw?the one i mentioned earlier @ a rodeo

80. Hot tea or cold tea?hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?i live on coffee but i love tea too so both

82. Favorite type of cookie?mmm snickerdoodle. or just sugar cookies. chocolate chip is good when theyre hot and melty but not as good when theyre cold

83. Can you swim well?yeah! i love swimming!

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah?

85. Are you patient?hahahahahahhahahahhahahhaa

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?oo. oooooo. okay so dj would have more variety of music but im a sucker for live music??? idk i feel like a band would be more memorable, but what if they fuck up your favorite song??? but what if they make it more special???????

87. Ever won a contest?yeah! i won an art contest once and got my drawing printed on christmas cards for a nonprofit that did things for cancer patients!

88. Ever have plastic surgery?im 17 i dont have that kind of money

89. Which are better black or green olives?depends on what theyre in?

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?good. live your life fuck the rules

91. Best room for a fireplace?bedroom!!! i love fireplaces in bedrooms its such a Look

92. Do you want to get married?idk. if it happens then it happens. im not planning on it though.