#wanted to let people figure it out for themselves but google translate uses bitch instead of mom they don't get slang lol

[anawkwardlady]

[dragonastra]

1-100 on the DnD questions, for Deah >:3

Wow you're sure as hell fishing to kill me huh xD

I'll answer these under a read more cuz FUCK. I'll also try to keep it spoiler free -- I may mention stuff that hasn't come up in game but it would be stuff that might not ever come up explicitly anyway. Everything else has either been said or can be gleaned.

If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead Probably what she had been doing -- being a pirate

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life Probably Maddie and/or Gael. Maddie is a divine soul sorcerer and probably the one Deah is closest to. Gael is our barbarian/paladin who is probably the emotional backbone of the group? He is very earnest and genuine, and also hits like a brick house.

What are your character’s core moral beliefs? [Brushes off notes I made like a year ago] Promises must be kept, and debts one day fulfilled. Clean up the messes you made. Family is more important than self. Survival means not letting the past define you. (Not all morals but those are her ideals)

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings? She has a twin brother, whom she would die for. Their relationship used to be solid, but theyve currently broken apart somewhat due to lies and building tension, and the brother needing to go his own way. She is still very broken up about it. Her parents are both dead, and she has not spoken of much closeness there, but describes them as "they tried their best." Her pirate captain was basically a surrogate father for her teenage years and onward until their separation, and she... misses him.

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races? Not really. She probably doesnt trust ratfolk based on where she grew up, but beyond that? If you're good, you're good.

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority? (: fuck em. She is... shall we say... less inclined to help rich people.

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc. She's grown out her undercut so she has an asymmetrical style, one side of her head buzzed. She is still wearing her bright red pirate coat, but now wears a dark brown vest with purple accents underneath, as well as a long black sleeve to cover magical scars she received when she accepted a warlock pact with the hunter god. Also covering her scars is a gauntlet made by Maddie, so that they can't be detected by Detect Good and Evil and such.

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most? Sometimes she still thinks about that nap she had on the beach at a random island they had stopped at to restock on food.

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship? As i mentioned, she has a pact with the hunter god, Erastil. She does not worship him. In fact, she rather doesnt like gods much. She doesnt really understand other worshippers, but if they're not hurting anyone with it she doesn't really care. Their worship doesnt affect her.

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be? Let's get this binch some navigator's tools finally!

Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right. We are entirely online so we don't really have table seating. Based on the order of our nicknames in discord though, that would be... Haru, our new kitsune Oracle who joined us to fill a gap while some other players went on hiatus. Deah is uncertain about him, and she is generally pretty wary about strangers in her party, but he is useful. Their relationship is not deep by any means tbh.

What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence? Stop the lord of the sea, and stop Aleksander.

Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.? ;) you'll have to ask her

Has your character ever been in love? Before the campaign, certainly not. She's hella ace, and doesn't open up easily, so she's got some confusing feelings right now for Maddie ;)

What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character The battle against Tokt, since this was the battle that she was able to help save a person from being possessed by a demon -- something she figured out beforehand and convinced her team about.

If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead? I mean... probably a fighter???? Or maybe a full warlock, if she was desperate enough.

What is your character’s favorite season? Probably the fall? Sailing is usually good during that time, plus the harvest is coming in on land, so there's a lot of fresh food.

What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology? She would be an Aries based on her birthday! Our homebrew world just uses "Season Day" as time markers, with 90 days each season. She was born on Spring 12, which would translate to the first week of April.

Where in the world does your character most want to visit? She's been all over as an adventurer and a sailor. The place she'd like to visit the most is one she doesn't know about -- somewhere important to her old captain.

What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made? Deah would maybe even say joining the pirates. It was the happiest she'd ever been, but it led her brother to a path he regrets and feels pain over, and she feels a... bit guilty about that.

Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories? The only scars she has are from her pact to Erastil. She hides them, though. She's not ashamed of them, but she likes to keep them to herself... she's private like that.

What animal best represents your character? I always liken her to a hawk, especially a sea hawk. In some ways she’s like a cobra or a porcupine too -- kind of hard to get close to!

If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be? 😬

Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with? I don't know about most in common, really, but she gets along easiest with Ro, our halfling. Their banter is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻. Honestly though? She probably has the most in common with Mercy, our tiefling fighter/paladin.

Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made? She probably regrets the party not staying behind in a certain town after a powerful enemy escaped. They thought the immediate threat had been dealt with and that another team from their guild could keep watch over the town, but then that team got surprised by an undead and two of them died. She feels at least partially responsible for that.

What would your character say their best trait would be? Her ability to perceive and track things. She has the observant feat plus the invocation that lets her see through even magical darkness!

What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational? Being abandoned.

What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party? No where else to go, really. Like, sure, she likes at least most of them and they've been through a lot!!! And she DOES you know, feel like this is a stable job, and she does feel good helping people. But... she really does have no where else to go. :(

What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class? She does enjoy reading, though she's a little slow. Her favorite books are detective/mystery novels! She also sometimes likes to practice magic tricks (like... sleight of hand stuff). And technically this isnt outside of her class, but she really does enjoy training. Let's her burn off steam.

What would most people think when they first see your character? Pretty little waif, but that resting bitch face looks like she will cut me of I even say hello (this is by design).

What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?) [Googles five man band] probably Lancer. Initially she wanted to be the Leader type but with the group dynamics and her own insecurities and issues, that isnt really truly possible for her. But she still tries to lead...

What is your character the most insecure about? :)

What person does your character admire most? Her old ship captain. Her DEAD ship captain :(

What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left? She admires maddie's strength and kindness (and to a degree, innocence). Maddie's cooking skills. Maddie's family. She dislikes how nervous/anxious and possibly depressed Maddie can get :c

Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)? Her lowest stat is strength, and her second lowest is constitution. This is because she grew up poor, and was at times starving and definitely malnourished. Once she was om the pirate ship, she was regularly fed though.

What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music? I've been saying if she was in modern time, her favorite band would be Florence and the Machine. There's just something about the Florence sound that speaks to her. She'd definitely be into that kind of music, plus some heavier stuff leaning more towards metal or symphonic metal...

What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.) She's got the soul of a goth but the hobbies of a jock (in our team's college AU she's totally on the fencing and sailing teams). When I've drawn her in modern day she is usually wearing athleisure (capris leggings, loose tank top, sports bra, e.g.) but also it's mostly dark colors. She's Joth.

What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them? Toby :) just kidding, the pseudodragon isn't an item!!! Specifically collected during the adventure, probably her force blade. Her brother had found it, but had given it to her, near the beginning of the adventure.

Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find? She's not really looking out for items, no.

Where does your character feel the most at home? On the beach, on the ship. Specific locations to call home, she does finally feel like she has a stable place to call home in the patty's estate.

Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people? She's worn disguises and fake names before, but that's mostly to protect herself during her pirate years. She doesn't care a whole lot, but she does want to appear somewhat intimidating so that unsavoury people won't approach her LMAO. But she also wants to be seen as nice by children and poor folk, so she does soften a bit when they're around.

What does your character think is the true meaning of life? Happiness. Safety. Survival. Family/community.

What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.) She's always got a slight scent of salt on her, reminding you just a bit of the sea. For herself, she prefers to just smell... clean, so there's a fresher floral scent lingering...

Does your character think more with their heart or their brain? She tries to think more with her brain but sometimes the bottled up emotions get to be a bit much.

What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare? BEING. ABANDONED.

What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.) She hates (most) rich people and used to be a pirate, so you can kind of figure it out.

How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends? :(

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?) I dunno man she is just taking things one step at a time.

What colors are associated with your character? Red is her primary color. She also uses blacks/dark grays and a light purple as an accent. She's using more brown now tho to represent her connection to the hunter god.

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances? Maddie always. Then Ro. Then Gael. Haru would probably be up there because he is squishy and also mostly blind.

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos? A mix of pathos and logos is most effective on Deah. Logos probably most of all, but there are pathos buttons that hold away above all that... if you know which buttons to press.

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for? Currently? To bring back her pirate captain. She knows its selfish but...

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.? Her favorite spell is stab with rapier.

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party? She keeps secrets pretty regularly! Basically if the party needs to know, then the secret should be shared. But if it doesnt really affect the group or something important, and the person doesnt want to share, then go ahead and keep the secret.

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by? Dragons probably, at this point. Definitely an influence by me the player, haha, but it's buoyed by an early meeting with a particular dragon that sparked her interest.

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she didnt have life plans as a kid. She just wanted her and her brother to live.

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond? That's already happened LMAO. Deah didnt know how to react so her brain blur screened and she ran away from the situation for a bit.

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with? If it only involved herself, Deah would probably go do it. But if it was a huge net loss for the group, she wouldn't, if that makes sense? It's hard to make sweeping statements like that.

Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s? She values her own interest for sure, but she would prioritize the party's if one meant dunking on the other. She knows what it's like to sail with a tight knit crew; sometimes you sacrifice to make the group as a whole better/happier.

What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group? Oh gosh, uh.... I mean, if they decide to help her enemies (not likely to happen, there are a couple shared ones). If they don't let her do something she REALLY wants... I can't really think of anything specific.

How does your character imagine the way they will die? Tragically. 

What is your character’s greatest achievement? Taming her pseudodragon ;w;

Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal? Hmm... not to a certain degree. Eh, probably not. She only really wants to risk herself, not others. Risking others doesn't give them the choice.

What is your character’s opinion on killing others? She does it all the time!! But if they're defenseless or not fighting back, she won't.

What is your character’s favorite food? Beverage? She really loves fresh baked bread!! As for beverage, uh.... I guess she'd like water with like, something fruity mixed in???

How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know? To the poor and to kids? Very. Also, recently, she gave all of the money she got from a quest to a townsperson to help them rebuild their city a bit (secretly of course. Not even her team knows she did that, though maybe some of them suspect hahaha)

What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party? Once again... probably most envious of Maddie!! She comes up a lot doesn't she ;P

The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe? Maddie vs Haru? Shed probably lean towards Maddie :p

What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex? I've described Deah as Panromantic Asexual. She is rather sex averse and has difficulty pinpointing romantic feelings as well, being rather prickly at times.

What is your character’s biggest pet peeve? When people try to dig into something she doesn't want to share at the moment.

Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc. The current objective/situation involves her backstory, so you'll see soon ;)

Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret? Maddie of course! She trusts Gael, but not with secrets. Similarly, she trusts Mercy to hold an oath to the best of her ability, but not if a secret comes up -- same with Rudi. Ro does what she wants LMAO and she isnt telling Haru anything personal atm.

If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life? I dont want to think about that question and neither does Deah

What makes your character feel safe? Having her weapons. Having her pact/her pact scars.

If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be? Nah, she likes Fortune's Blades

What memory does your character want to forget the most? Cal leaving. It's probably her most painful memory.

If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so? She's already multi classed and her reasons for becoming a warlock are kind of muddied. She explained them initially but maaaaybe wasn't 100% truthful. If she had to pick a third, probably uh.... fighter?????

What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?) I would HOPE she would be friends with Elizabeth Swan (: but idk lol

What unusual talents does your character possess? Sharp senses and magic tricks.

How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower? It's rather situational. She tries to be a leader type, but she also realizes she's not at the top of the leader chain (and, with her party, at times different people take the head, so it's almost more consult-y like).

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?) The player of Cal, her brother, chose his name first from a generator. I like to construct my names sometimes from different name elements, so I made hers to match the sound of her twin's (that is, make it sound like it came from the same language). Her name is constructed of "Feld-" (field) and "-Deah" (dye) so her first name translates roughly to "field of dye." Her original last name is Shearwater, which is a real life sea bird but also follows the traditional elven naming convention (their dad was an elf). She never felt much of an attachment to her last name. She recently changed her last name to Blackheart, which was the moniker of her captain.

Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert? Introvert for sure

How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all? She would go as far as she needs to, but would never force others to make that same decision.

What does your character want to be remembered by? At one point she thought she would eventually be a famous pirate captain. But mostly I think she just wants to be remembered by those who love her and by those she helped...

What would be your character’s major in college? Fuck, uh... I had discussed this before.... I think I made her pre-law??? Math major???

Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else? Something else. She doesn't really care about that, she's just Being.

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character? I believe last it was discussed I had picked the Chariot for her.

Where does your character see themselves in 20 years? If not dead from adventuring, then settled somewhere nice, hopefully...

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it? For a long time she was the Sokka of the group, the only non-magic user. Then she got her pact. She's still kind of awkward about it, and at times really doesn't like magic, but she sees it as a tool. A means to an end.

Who is your character’s biggest rival? Rival?????? I guess Morrigan tbh??? Cuz a rival isn't an enemy, and she had a thing going with Morrigan (her player is on hiatus tho). In some ways she rivals Mercy too. A dance of similarities and differences.

What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure? Fine, beautiful dresses. She doesn't own any, because it's a waste of money, but.... she wants them. Secretly.

What does your character hope for the afterlife? Peace and rest.

Who in the party does your character trust the least? Haru, currently, simply by virtue of being new.

What is your character’s biggest flaw? BIGGEST flaw???? Uhhhmmm..... Her secrecy probably. Her tendency to run away from really big, painful problems, to bottle up her emotions around that until everything just gets worse.

How did your character learn the languages that they speak? Common, prucrician and Elvish she learned just growing up. Deep, she just... mysteriously knows. Doesn't know why she can speak it. Draconic she learned at first from Rudi, and then from a dragonborn NPC to finish her lessons during a timeskip.

What is your character’s favorite school of magic/type of weaponry? Rapier

What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness? Why must she choose? Wealth, because that brings health and happiness in her eyes. (Because money buys food and when you have food.....)

What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves? I know it's hard, but open up more. You don't have to keep it to yourself to protect others. Your brother can be your friend as well... you don't have to just keep holding yourself back for your friends and family.

Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about? She doesn't feel super strongly about politics, having been a pirate. She feels strongly about protecting children and poor though, as I've mentioned.

What, currently, is your character the most curious about? The afterlife. Erastil, but specifically just that one god. Her ship captain.

[yeet-nhl]

there’s a reason {a.kempe}

A/N: finally, something new eh? this is longer than i originally intended but i had an idea so i just rolled with it where ever it took me. also i used google translate for the swedish so if it doesn’t translate correctly i apologize :/

requested: yes / no

word count: 2.4k

title song: there’s a reason by wet

warnings: none

“Remind me again why you decided to drag me out this early, and why you have me bringing clothes?” you sighed as you walked up to meet Adrian outside your apartment building.

“We’re doing some bonding, come on Alex and Marty are already in the car.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Just trust me, you’re gonna have fun.” He said, grabbing your hand and guiding you toward Alex’s car. Alex was in the passenger seat and Alec in the drivers. It was a weird friend group in all honesty, but they were the ones that Adrian had introduced you to when you first moved to LA.

You climbed in the back seat with Adrian as the other two said a quick hello to you. The time for conversation was short lived as Alec hit play on his phone and you turned onto the road, taking you who knows where. It would sound sketchy if it weren’t for the fact that off the ice all three of the men you were with were huge softies. In all honesty you trusted them more than most other people in the world.

A song you didn’t know continued to play over the speakers in the car as you watched out the window, trying to get an idea for what the others had planned. You were heading away from the city and going towards more urban areas. Adrian didn’t seem to be paying attention as he obnoxiously sang with Alex. You watched him with a small smile as he nodded his head in time with the song, his hair flopping all over the place. He noticed you watching and directed his singing towards you, taking your hands and moving them along to the beat. You rolled your eyes and started dancing along with him as well.

As the song ended Adrian dropped your hands and grabbed Alec’s phone to queue some more songs. From what you saw they would be mostly in swedish and you would only understand a little, as would Alex and Alec. The first notes of the next song started and Adrian leaned back into the seat and just seemed to be enjoying the music that only made sense to him in the moment. The LA sun was beating through the window and onto him, small strands of hair covering parts of his face as he mouthed the words to whatever was playing.

Oh no.

You quickly turned away, facing the window again. You couldn’t be thinking this way now. He was one of your best friends, you couldn’t be catching feelings right? It was perfectly understandable to think he was good looking, since after all he was. You’ve had this suspicion for a while that you might have wanted something more but you had just kept pushing it off. It wasn’t something that could ever happen, you didn’t want to risk ruining your closest friendship. Deciding this time would be no different, you ignored your gut and willed the thought away.

Being completely lost in your thoughts for a moment, you totally missed the conversation that had been happening.

“Kan du vara mer uppenbar?” Alec said from the front seat with an eye roll. You hadn’t even began to process that somehow Alec knew swedish before Adrian shot back a reply.

“Vem sa att jag skulle bli subtil! hon vet när tiden är rätt.” The true swede said as he grabbed the phone once more, switching back to english music.

“Did I miss something here? Alec since when can you speak swedish.” You questioned, sitting up a little straighter.

“Dunno, picked some up from the other guys over time I guess. Shouldn’t you be asking where we’re going instead?” It was a clear effort to change the topic but you really did want to know where you were headed.

“Fine, where are we going?” You had been driving awhile and honestly had no clue where you were.

“I’m glad you asked, we’re going camping!”

“Alec are you serious? This has to have been Alex’s idea…”

“Hey!” Alex butted in quickly.

“I’m serious. We have a cabin by the lake so we figured it would be fun to go hang out there for a bit. Some of the other guys and their girlfriends are coming tomorrow too, so you won’t just be stuck with us all weekend.” Alec said, disregarding Alex’s comment.

“Alright that does sound kinda fun, how much longer till we’re there?”

“25 minutes or so, not too much longer.” He said, flipping through some more music.

You turned your attention back to Adrian, who had a slight smirk on his face as he watched you try and figure out how you agreed to spend the weekend with these fools. “You could have at least told me that was the plan” you said with a smack on his arm, “I would have brought cuter clothes for the occasion.”

He laughed as you fell back into the seat once more, leaning against him and decided on scrolling through your phone for the remainder of the drive. It wasn’t an unusual behavior for you two to be touchy, so when he wrapped his arm around you and rested his head on yours it didn’t phase you like you expected. You forced your earlier thoughts to the back of your mind once more, knowing it was just what you wished it could be.

Alex turned slightly, catching a glimpse of the two of you and giving you a look as if he knew something you didn’t. You gave him a confused glare as he shrugged and turned back to his conversation with Alec.

A short time later, the car stopped and you sat up to see where you were. There was a large cabin with a patio and a view of a nearby lake, surrounded by trees. It looked like beyond the patio there was a pool and a balcony coming off of the top floor. The sight of it alone made any doubts you had of this weekend go away as you took in the scenery around you. It was beautiful and you shared a smile with Adrian as he took your hand to exit the car.

“Alec this is stunning! How’d you find this place?”

“I didn’t, he did.” Alex said as he pointed toward Adrian, who was standing next to you with an even goofier smile than he had be giving before. He gave a small shrug as he grabbed some of the bags they had brought and headed towards the front door. Going to grab your own, you realized he already had it with him and you followed him up to the door.

The inside of the cabin was equally as amazing. There was a large kitchen and sitting area with a door leading out to the patio, a large window facing the lake, and a second floor that included all the bedrooms and another smaller sitting area in the center. You wandered up to the second floor, trying to decide on the room that you would pick for the night. Adrian trailed behind you with your bag.

“Which one do you want? I’ll let you have first pick before the other two bitch about it.” Adrian said as he held up your stuff.

The room by the back with cute nature decorations caught your eye, “that one.”

He went in and set your stuff down and walked back out, stopping to stand in front of you. Something was up, you didn’t realize it until now but something was definitely up with him. Before you had the chance to ask anything, Alex came in to ask Adrian to help with the rest of the stuff. They had been more prepared for this little weekend trip than you realized, which was surprising since they usually never had a plan.

Something was definitely up.

Adrian went back downstairs as you leaned over the railing of the second floor to watch the boys move everything out of the trunk of the car and into the cabin. You decided to go and see what else the cabin had to offer and noticed a fireplace downstairs, a grill on the patio, and a gaming counsel set up by the TV that the others most definitely had set up themselves. They were done moving everything in by now so you joined them in the kitchen, taking a seat next to Adrian who was sitting at the island in the middle. From what you could tell, they were talking about the plans for the night and who else would be coming the following day.

Eventually you all decided to make some food first and then go from there. Alex went out to the patio to use the grill and Alec was attempting to make something else at the kitchen counter. You wanted to go for a walk since the surrounding area was so gorgeous, but you didn’t want to go alone.

“Adrian, wanna come with me?” You questioned as he looked up from his phone and gave a quick nod and walking over to you. The two of of you left to go towards the nearest hiking trail that you had spotted when you first arrived. Looping your arm through Adrian’s, you two walked side by side, making idle conversation as you walked among the trees.

You could still tell something was off, but you didn’t want to address it just yet. He had been saying very little besides the short answers to whatever you had been saying. But as you headed back the shift in him become even more evident.

Having walked the trail and back, you stood outside the cabin once more. The thoughts once again crept back into your mind as you looked at Adrian in the fading sunlight, eyes meeting for only a second before you walked back in to meet Alex and Alec for dinner.

Surprisingly, Alex was an amazing cook. He had grilled some fancy fish-based dish you had never heard of and it was delicious. You all shared stories of past camping experiences, including Alec’s dramatic retelling of an encounter with a bear that he was surely making up, but the whole time you kept catching Adrian sneaking glances at you. Somehow as you cleaned up the dishes your mind kept wandering back to that, and you knew you had to address it.

After a couple more hours of discussion and watching the boys play video games, you all decided to sleep at a timely 1am. Each of you headed to your respective rooms and as you turned out the small light on your night stand and were about to put your headphones in, you heard a small knock at the door.

Adrian walked in, shutting the door behind him quietly as to not disturb the others and he walked over to sit at the edge of your bed. He had changed into some sweatpants and a tight fitting grey shirt, doing nothing but increase how attractive you found him.

“Hi.” He spoke softly, looking a bit uncomfortable.

“Hey? What’s so predominantly on your mind at 2am that you had to come share?”

“I need to tell you something.”

Your heart jumped in your chest as he spoke. Surely there was no way he could tell you were hiding feelings for him, at least you thought that was the case. “Alright, what is it?”

He took a deep breath and finally met your eyes, “Look, this might damage our friendship if you don’t feel the same way but I can’t help but think we could be something more. I don’t know what it is about you, but I think you’re beautiful in every way. I want to know just how deep that beauty goes and you’re the only one who can make me smile the way I do, make me laugh the way you make me laugh, the only one who can look so ridiculously kissable while staring out a window in a car filled with dårar the way that you do.”

You laughed a bit at the last part as you began to process his words. It sank in that it wasn’t as crazy as you previously thought that this beautiful swede could be yours and that you really could have something. You took in his features once more as a smile found it’s way to your face. “God, I thought I was crazy for thinking we could ever be something. Of course I feel the same way Adrian.”

He breathed a sigh of relief as he crawled up closer to you in the bed, pulling you into his arms. He felt like safety, nothing in the world could touch this moment as the man you had be hiding feelings for for a long while held you close to his chest and landed a gentle kiss on your head.

You tilted up to face him and ran your thumb over his bottom lip, so stupidly happy. He finally took the initiative and brought his lips to your own as his hand found your waist. He deepened the kiss as you shifted to move on top of him, one leg on either side of his torso. Sitting up now, he moved his hand along the side of your body and sat up so you two were eye level. You broke away only for a moment to just look at each other and admire what you now had.

“Look at the stars, my love.” He rolled you two over lazily to reach over your body and point out the window and into the night sky as your gaze followed his finger. “Every night that would go by without me telling you how much I cared for you I would look at the sky. That’s the reason I wanted to be here when I told you, so you could see them just as clear as I’ve gotten to. I hope you’ll get to see them with me a lot more now.”

You nearly cried as he spoke, his voice so raw and honest. Curling up into his chest a little more, you took a moment to truly take in the sight as well as your surroundings. The sounds of the woods could be heard in the distance, the stars being slightly reflected in the lakes clear water, and Adrian’s gentle breaths. You traced along the tattoos of the arm he had wrapped around you as he kissed your cheek.

“I think we’re gonna share many nights like this together Adrian, there’s nothing I would want more.”

[tellcardtowrite]

stages of writing

1. Beginner

everything is scary

what is character?

development how?

exposition is scary 

i’ve read every writing advice thing i can find

how is this story only 2 thousand words?  i worked on it for five days.  it feels like a novel!  

honestly what else can you put into a story?  I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN. 

please help, please tell me if anything is right

ok, if its wrong, that’s ok. we all need constructive criticism to grow.  i’ll just be crying over here, over my keyboard, but it’s ok.  thank you for your honesty.  it’s fine

2. GOD MODE

i created it and i’m going to make it fucking suffer

“moderation” for fucking losers

i made this name up by taking the first letter of every ingredient listed on the cereal i was eating when i created the character.  meet: Csobpsrynzyytrboft.  For short we call her Bunny.

why are all my characters fucking beautiful?  because i like to start with a perfect canvas before i fuck them up

Bunny is the single most powerful thing ever created ever.  she can literally control time and move mountains and heal and--

everyone is fucking everyone else

and nobody is happy

fuck you, the human condition is agony

its not real writing if you leave it feeling good about yourself

comedy is the lowest form of art

I JUST WANT TO MAKE EVERYONE CRY

i took away Bunny’s powers to teach her a fucking lesson.

meet Mott, that’s a brand name of the applesauce I was buying when I thought him up.

Mott is here to fuck you up.  Mott is older than time.  Mott is all powerful.  Mott is so powerful he makes Bunny look like a toddler.  Mott is no hero, he’s uncontrollable chaos

but Mott has a soft side too, he’s really just a gentle, misunderstood abusive ex-boyfriend who only wants everyone in the world to do exactly what he wants

oh and Mott is hilarous

setting?  fuck it

dialogue: NON STOP WIT.  ONE LINERS.  EVERYONE IS TALKING, NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING

“Write what you know” bitch I think not.  

“all the stories in the world have already been written” motherfucker, you’ve never read mine!

Grammar?  that’s for bitches that care.  Watch me split a fucking infinitive into splinters.  I’m here to burn this industry down.

oh ho ho you thought Mott was badass, well meet T’pmg.  It’s named after some mail on my desk and it makes Mott look like a elderly man doing a puzzle.  T’Pmg is going to literally kill everyone.  Or marry Bunny

L O V E T R I A N G L E S 

and you can take your unhelpful, jealous constructive criticism and shove it right up your ass because I’m 704% better than any published author in the history of authors.

also how about you learn how to read, reviewers?  how about you take a look again and realize that LITERALLY NOTHING has ever been this level of perfection.  lol readers are all stupid.  you have to like, literally tell them how to think.  lol.

3. Experimental

rational thought begins to return; but is immediately dismissed again

exposition really is the bane of all writers so how about instead of me telling you anything about what’s happening I’ll just go ahead and drop you literally in the middle of a war zone and you’ll just have to figure it out.  never mind even people in the middle of high stress environments think about why they are there and how to get out, this character thinks non-stop about flowers and his Mom.  good luck figuring out what the fuck this story is about

i wrote six of these scenes five years ago and the other 12 last night.  sure they don’t match in tone or story or make sense together but this is ART.

i wrote this entire novel in rhyming couplets

everyone is special, unique and useful

i have rediscovered that sometimes there is sunshine, and also that physical comedy is hard to translate into writing so instead i just decided to give my main character a pet that is actually an Octopus that ate 3/4ths of a vacuum before it got stuck.  the octopus is alive and the vacuum functions despite how this is Impossible(tm) so fuck you

Meet my protagonist his name is Pork and he is Quirky, not for any particular reason, but because I wanted him to be.  Basically he’s well-liked, rich, skilled, handsome, and destined to save mankind if he can just manage to walk in a straight line without falling over some plot hole or another.

spoiler alert: he can’t~

it was two hours after midnight i wrote this by candlelight its called stream of consciousness and flowers are beautiful i never got any flowers when i was dating but you know i really did like sending them and thats whats wrong with the world today punctuation would have been good right here but fuck periods and question marks because really punctuation is actually hold back all authors imagine what we could do if we were allowed to simply write and write and write and you know what i never did learn a single damn thing from a writing advice book because they are all aimed at getting everyone to fall into the status quo and i am FINALLY FREE

if you were ever going to write tentacle porn, this is that time.  go ahead, write your weird, physically improbable porn and enjoy it.

I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE THIS HOT FOR TENTACLES, RANDOM READER, BUT LETS TALK ABOUT YOUR KINK FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES A DAY BECAUSE WE CAN.

4. the rut

what is the point?

this is stupid

i don’t need this in my life

i’ll just day dream about my favorite characters and that’s all i need

words on paper?  that’s so bleh

blech

yuck

and exposition?  still sucks.  so i’ll be over here building an overly complicated, but beautiful detailed world in which to place my precious characters and they’ll be safe there.

nobody leaves reviews on my stuff so why do i bother

5. The Professional

actually, Timothy, if you don’t follow the 9,872,203,293 rules of writing outlined in this comprehensive About Writing Advice Manual that I found in the back of the library than you can’t consider yourself an Author.

that’s what I am, an Author.

a writer is what you call someone how is just doing it for fun.  I’m not doing this for fun, Timothy, I’m here to get Published.  I’m here to get on the New York Times bestseller list.  i’m here to polarize the writing industry with my hard-hitting, insightful novel about the perils of life in these modern times

so, TIM-BO, if you don’t want to follow the rules, if you don’t want to appreciate the work that goes into being an A U T H O R, if you aren’t willing to literally sell your soul to the DEVIL then you shouldn’t be in this writing group.

this writing group is for AUTHORS, TIMBO

and fanfiction?  not writing

children’s books?  not writing

YA Novels?  not writing?

i would literally wipe my ass with all of those.  because they’re shit.

lol, why can’t readers understand anything?  lol.  LEAVE ME NOTES.  

6.  Parent of Six 

yeah I had a story I think

look under the couch?  no not that couch, the other one.  

i mean you can’t escape exposition.  imagine the first day of school, now imagine it without all the teachers passing out a syllabus and telling you about themselves and how you have to turn your homework in on time.  you can’t.  imagine getting hired to a job but nobody tells you where to clock in or what to do so you’re just wearing the smock and wandering the aisles trying to look like you should get paid maybe.

the trick to writing is waiting as long as possible to get started.  that’s the secret.  there’s no other secret.  I tried everything, just put it off until you can’t put it off another minute

yeah this is Bunny.  she used to be a super powerful magical girl but now she’s just trying to figure out how to make potions and doing her best.

i used to write tentacle porn, you know?  i used to be wild.

now i’m up at 2 am googling what time period used cauldrons and wore pointed hats because my alternate-earth story needs to make sense 

i was going to give Bunny a love interest but now I think i’m going to give her a love adversary, as in this asshole won’t leave her alone while she’s trying to get shit done.

seriously Mott.  Bunny doesn’t love you.  she’s in a semi-committed relationship with her best girl friend Tippy.

I should probably make these names make more sense.  honestly fuck it

i wrote six thousand words yesterday but i had taken cold medicine so about four thousand of those words aren’t any recognizable language

thank you for reading.  i’d happily explain my every exact thought on writing if you asked.  seriously.

[element-effect-blog]

Being Nice at Work (& as a Leader) Doesn't Hold You Back

On a hot, Houston summer day this past June, Daniel (my husband) came home from work like any other day.

However, rather than greeting me in my office -- which sits right off our front door -- he found me at the kitchen table with a glass of red wine.

“What are you doing in here?” Daniel asked.

As soon as I opened my mouth to answer him, I burst into tears.

I started to tell him about my day -- unfortunately, I couldn't answer him in any sort of coherent way, through my sobs.

"Take a break, slow down," he said. "Start from the beginning." 

An Ordinary Meeting That Made Me Question Everything

I had just come off a nine-hour IMPACT leadership team meeting. (No, it wasn't the fact that it was nine hours that made me cry.)

Each month, the IMPACT leadership team gets together for a day to discuss progress against our organizational objectives, address issues that need to be addressed globally within the company, and talk about future business plans.

Even though it's a full day's worth of candid discussion, brainstorming, and problem-solving, I typically feel invigorated and ready to take on the next month, following those meetings.

I know I represent my department the best I can, fight for what I think is right for the company, and bring my A-game every time.

(I even put on jeans instead of my beloved yoga pants, even though my leadership team peers only see me from the shoulders up. #remotelife)

We don’t necessarily battle in these meetings, but things can get heated because we’re all so passionate.

I love getting to express this passion since I usually tend to be more reserved and collected, especially in front of those I manage. The leadership team meeting is a space where I can speak freely without judgement.

After a long day, as we were wrapping up and discussing how the meeting went, I was called "sweet."

No, it wasn't a compliment. It was a direct answer to the question of how we could improve -- and I, specifically, was advised that I could stop being so nice.

My immediate reaction is that I was being called weak, or someone who lacked the necessary passion to be a leader.

So, whereas I normally walk away from these meetings feeling like I communicated effectively -- that I’m strong and that I’m meant to be in a leadership position -- that comment made me question everything.

But then I decided questioning myself was a stupid exercise.

I started my career at 22 as a graphic designer for a small resort in middle-of-nowhere Missouri.

I didn't achieve that in spite of being nice. I've gotten to where I am because I'm nice.

Mad Men Is Alive & Well in Some Corners of New York City

I love being nice. In fact, I pride myself on it.

When I was in second grade, I remember vividly my dad picking me up from a friend’s house and talking to my friend’s parents while I fiddled around a little more.

On the way home, he told me that my friend’s mom said I was the nicest girl her daughter knew. He also told me, with a boastful smile, it wasn’t the first time he’s heard that from other parents.

This moment of making my dad proud by being myself has stuck with me ever since. Being nice matters to people.

Fast-forward to my junior year of college, I went on a trip to New York City through the Mizzou School of Journalism strategic communications program.

We visited seven advertising agencies to learn more about the industry and where we could fall within it once we graduated.

How did it go? Well, I'll say this... 

Even though the Mad Men-era was 50 years ago, the culture of advertising being a dog-eat-dog world is still alive and well -- especially on the famous Madison Avenue. Sadly, this culture is also romanticized, even though we all see fault in it.

So, quite frankly, while I didn't meet everyone at each of the agency's we visited, a large majority of those I did meet on that that trip were jerks.

(That may sound flippant, but when I say “jerk,” I mean six out of the seven agencies we went to were full of people who must have been directly transported from 1965 through some sort of time machine.)

They were proud to step on their peers’ toes to win a pitch.

They thought it was funny how they could waste client money for “big ideas” whether they got results or not.

They stopped working in the early afternoon to drink in their fully stocked bar in the break room.

In general, they were more attracted to the idea of the Mad Men culture than doing good work for clients who genuinely needed help.

I decided right then that I would never move to New York City to work at a big, traditional agency. This was not my tribe.

An Agency That Believed in the Power of Nice

Kaplan Thaler -- now part of Publicis, a global agency based in Paris -- stood out from all of the rest. Of all the agencies we went to, it was the only one with memorable work we all actually knew.

(If you’ve ever heard of the Aflac commercials, you might also be familiar with their work.)

As we walked in their conference room for a presentation about their agency, I expected the owner to stand up and say how amazing they are for a couple hours. Then, they would get us drinks to show us how hip they are.

Instead, the creatives behind the Aflac campaign introduced themselves and told us the story of how the duck came to life. They were funny, engaging, and exuded passion for their work.

When they were done, Linda Kaplan Thaler, the agency principal, closed out our session.

Thaler talked about her agency -- but not in a misplaced, prideful way. She talked about their culture, and how we, as students, could get ahead by following one simple rule:

In the advertising world. In New York City.

Nice Translates into Healthier Organizations

In the book, Thaler talks about how “nice” companies have lower employee turnover, lower recruitment costs, and higher productivity. She also gives personal examples of how being nice can serve you in making more money in life, and being happier and healthier.

This book could not have come into my life at a better time.

The University of Missouri School of Journalism is an amazing educational program, but it is not always a nice place. 

My friends and I seemed like the only people who realized that one day we might all be coworkers and should focus on building ourselves up, not tearing each other down.

That's why, when I read The Power of Nice, I was relieved.

It was a gentle reminder that I was operating under my values and didn’t have to change to conform to some strange culture within the education system or business world.

There’s an odd sense of purpose when you stop trying to be something you’re not.

I’ve noticed a recurring theme in myself that the universe always provides nice wakeup call moments like this -- and that is when I start to cave under the pressure to act a certain way that is not inherently myself, I fail.

Conformity Is Not a Necessity

When I first started at IMPACT, I was on the receiving end of a lot of coaching around needing to be more assertive.

I was working as a strategist with clients who needed to trust me. When I’d discuss communication challenges I was having with my mentors, I was told I wasn’t confident and needed to be more bold.

The only issue is I was confident. That wasn't a problem.

(By the way, telling a confident person to be more confident is very confusing advice.)

I knew I was smart and I knew the strategy I was prescribing was the right thing to do. I knew I could educate and obtain buy-in from my clients.

After so much feedback stating the opposite of how I felt, I started to doubt myself.

I googled things like, “how to be more assertive.” 

But I only found worthless articles like these:

11 Ways To Stop Being Too Nice At Work & Start Being Assertive(but...I like being nice. We’ve established this. Why can’t I be both?)

Stop Being Nice All the Time and Start Embracing Your Inner Bitch(Ugh! Since when does bitch equate to leadership?)

(How does doing more lead to apologizing less? And there’s that “bitch” word again…)

Even googling "being nice at work" is demoralizing:

Then, I realized something.

Why do I have to be a bitch to get ahead?

I’m going to go into this at some point in another article at a later date, but I do want to acknowledge here that there is a problem with our society coaching women to be a bitch to get ahead.

You don’t need to be a bitch, and neither do I.

But back to this moment when I had given up on Google.

Whenever I start to doubt myself -- which was starting to happen in this moment, since I couldn’t figure out my client communication issues and was being told it was because I wasn’t assertive -- I ground myself by listing out my accomplishments.

This helps me remember that I don’t completely suck at life and this one little blip doesn’t define me. Looking at my list gives me a wake up call to focus on the real issue rather than let self-doubt navigate and muddy my thought process.

I sat down in that moment and made a list in my Evernote called “Things.”

I blurred it out, but, as you can see, it’s really called “Things.”

Turns out it was a pretty long list.

I could stop worrying that I wasn’t doing a good job or in the wrong profession, because I clearly was and just needed to fix this one problem.

When I fully contemplated the real issue, and how it was perceived that I wasn’t assertive enough, I realized that I was communicating to the C-suite level contacts within my accounts the same way I was communicating to the marketing managers.

I was giving way too much detail, talking way too long before getting to the point and providing data that wasn’t helpful to them.

I instead worked on improving the real issue -- focusing on tailoring my messaging based on my audience in conversations, not my confidence.

Earn Trust by Trusting Yourself

As I’ve stepped into in a leadership role at IMPACT, I have had to play my list game more times than I’d like to admit.

The problems I’ve uncovered about myself are not as simple as tweaking how I communicate.

The larger problem is any advice I seek out online is so twisted and stereotypical into how a leader should act.

This stressed me out when I first became a manager. The advice I’d read simply did not align with my values.

(I don’t want to be a bitch, okay?)

So, instead of trying to fit into the archaic mold of leadership, I focused on what I could control and the levers that would catapult me the quickest into becoming an effective leader; that being my strengths.

If you haven’t heard of , it’s a book and concept that says to focus on your strengths vs. trying to improve your weaknesses.

You take an assessment and find out what your top strengths are, and each one is categorized into four themes: Strategic Thinking, Executing, Influencing, and Relationship Building.

According to my assessment, my top strengths are:

Strategy (Strategic Thinking)

Achiever (Executing)

Competition (Relationship Building)

Ideation (Strategic Thinking)

Focus (Executing).

In looking at my own strengths, I am equally strong in strategy and execution, but have zero influencing strengths.

I have a team of directors that report to me, and I bet you can guess which strength theme I was looking for to complement the team.

Once I started to focus on myself over what books and articles told me to be, I started growing faster in my career than I ever have.

Being Called "Sweet" Was a Gut Punch

"Wait, what about that leadership meeting?" 

To illustrate the full blow of being called sweet in the context of that leadership meeting in June, let me backup to start of this year.

Prior to forming The Sales Lion, Marcus ran a swimming pool company that cracked the code on inbound marketing, which he wrote about extensively in his book.

A lot of people know him from his teachings -- but for me, I had been a fan of his since 2011, when I was working in a digital marketing agency that specializes in swimming pool marketing.

I have followed his career ever since.

So, when his career led him to IMPACT, it was a surreal moment for me. He sits on our leadership team, and now I’m in a strategic business meeting with someone I’ve admired for so many years.

He was the one who called me “sweet,” and when he did, I was crushed.

Immediately, I thought, “Great. Marcus Sheridan thinks I’m weak.”

Why "Sweet" Sounded Like "Weak" to Me

To be fair, Marcus wasn’t trying to insinuate anything other than I was perhaps holding back. He’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and further proves the point of the title of this article.

But, at the time, I didn’t know Marcus very well.

We had been in a handful of meetings together, but hadn’t had a full conversation with just the two of us yet.

I don’t even remember the full conversation of how saying I was sweet was a negative thing -- but my instant reaction was that he was trying to make me fit a mold of being an “assertive, bitch boss,” that I would never want to be.

It also struck a nerve because it pointed out an area I already know is not a strength -- my influence over others.

As much as I know focusing on my strengths has helped me improve the most, the fact of the matter is I still lead a department and need to find some kind of way to influence and motivate others.

The combination of feeling resentful that I was being misjudged and my insecurities spilling over that I wasn’t influential is what made me so upset.

I let the noise of my fear cloud the real issue he was trying to address.

Getting to the Bottom of the Real Issue

Chris suggested I reach out to Marcus to build a better relationship with him. He knew him better than I did at the time and could see the our lack of alignment happening in real-time.

I took his advice, and I set up a call and learned more about where Marcus was coming from with his feedback.

In our meeting, he said I am intelligent with visible passion for our organization, but have a tendency to undersell myself and my ideas.

"Oh. That wasn’t so bad.He didn’t tell me I’m completely inadequate to do my job," I thought to myself.

Was he telling me I need to yell in those meetings? No.

Was he telling me I need to be more assertive? No.

Was he telling me to be a bitch boss? Hell no.

He coached me on choosing better words and remaining firm in my delivery of an idea. That makes a lot more sense to someone who is already confident. My delivery is off.

I have since caught myself on three occasions using passive language vs. active language when stating my idea. So, in my head, I changed up how I was going to say something at the last minute and used a calm, but firm tone to show how I really felt about it. And it worked.

Once I was able to -- again -- let go of the worry around what was happening and focus instead on the real issue, and what I could control to fix it, I was able to grow.

Find & Master Your Own Style

I share all of this to you, you confident, calm, reserved, thoughtful leader, to show you that you don’t have to change what’s good about you.

Instead, focus on how to make what makes you great, even better. You can have your own style and still be effective.

Maybe you like being weird. Maybe you have pink hair. Maybe you love Star Wars -- hi, Chris. Whatever is your thing, it’s okay!

You don’t need to fit into the age-old mold of what a great leader is. You only need to focus on the real challenges you’re experiencing from a lense of what you can control and improve on your own.

Being nice is perfectly acceptable.

In fact, , most of whom I’ve met are nice, end up creating the strongest teams of high performers.

Keep your chin up. The world needs more nice people like you.

This content was originally published here.