#wanted to give a nice clean access to the transcript tho

[onceuponymous]

[TRANSCRIPT]

[Reddit thread on r/redlettermedia, post by u/banananutnightmare]

Theory: Was Jack and Jill (2011) a front to rescue Katie Holmes?

My fellow hack frauds,

It's beyond speculation at this point Adam Sandler produces cheap projects to get his friends paid big money. In the Half in the Bag review of Jack and Jill, Mike observes that in 2011 Katie Holmes isn't seen much outside the tabloids anymore and thinks she was in this film because it was one that her husband Tom Cruise, notoriously controlling, would give his permission to, simply because it would be a fat paycheck.

But why did Adam Sandler choose Katie Holmes? The women who played his partners in his most recent preceding films were Jennifer Aniston and Leslie Mann (both very experienced comedy actors) and Salma Hayek (if you can pay anyone to pretend to be your wife, you cast Salma Hayek, makes sense). The couple of love interests after Katie Holmes were Drew Barrymore and Academy Award Winner Susan Sarandon (both very experienced comedy actors) and Salma Hayek again (Salma Hayek). He's also been friends with Aniston since they were kids and has hired Barrymore repeatedly since she sought him out and begged to work together. It makes sense they're on his list of loyal buddies who make it on the payroll when they want a job.

So why Katie Holmes?

We now know that Katie Holmes secretly, meticulously planned her divorce from Tom Cruise. She had to repeatedly meet with lawyers, secure a secret getaway apartment, bank account, cell phone, to ensure a quick, safe escape with full custody of their daughter. All without him, or the Church of Scientology, suspecting a thing.

As Mike repeatedly points out, Holmes was given "nothing" to do in the film. The job provided her not just money but, maybe it even more importantly provided an alibi. Maybe Jack and Jill was a cover that gave her an excuse to be out on the loose, but also gave her enough free time since she hardly had any lines or need to rehearse real acting, that she could meet with lawyers and plan her escape.

I think Adam Sandler hired Katie Holmes for this reason. This was the last project Holmes would work on before her divorce a few months later. I would even go so far as to suggest he slapped the whole film together specifically as a cover for her.

I also don't think this is the only time he's done something like this. The following year he cast sports reporter Erin Andrews in a small role as a receptionist in That's My Boy (2012).

In 2008 Andrews was stalked by a man named Michael Barrett who filmed naked videos of her through peepholes at a Marriott hotel in Nashville and again at a Radisson in Milwaukee. In 2009 he posted the Marriott video online. She filed lawsuits against Barrett, Marriott, and Radisson. Employees at the hotels told her stalker what room she was in and gave him the room next door, how he was able to film in the first place. When Adam Sandler hired her, she was simultaneously trying to get the video removed from websites, was fired from ESPN for refusing to talk about the incident on air, and was fighting Marriott's army of lawyers in court. (She eventually won her suit and $55mil years later.) A nice paycheck for an easy job would've been a big help, and I don't think there's any other logical explanation for the film to exist, other than to help Erin Andrews when she was in such a desperate situation.

What if all of Adam Sandler's terrible money laundering scheme movies are fronts he tosses together ASAP in order to provide fast help to victimized women?

Is Adam Sandler a secret hero?

[Comment  section]

undead_tortoiseX

I choose to believe this just because it would make the world just a little better.

THECapedCaper

Honestly most of hi projects are him just hanging out with his friends while they all collect a steady paycheck.  When he's dialed in as a director or actor he really shines, but if he can shit out a 3/10 movie in two weeks to help someone then hey more power to him.

undead_tortoiseX

Right, and it doesn't have to be an either/or decision.  He could be running a project just to hangout with his friends while also occasionally casting someone who could desperately need the opportunity in their situation.

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Kabe59

He single handedly keeps Rob Schneider fed and well

AsaltGrain

He only does it single-handedly because Schneider bit the other one clean off.

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chupathingy99

With all the horrible product placement, you'd need a swarm of lawyers to be on set at all times.

One of them could've been a divorce lawyer.  You might be on to something.

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JohnnySodapop

I reject reality and substitute this.

bubbasawyer3

I reject your hypothesis!

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BlackSpinedPlinketto

I really like this, it's very sweet.

I've been judging him on the content of his movies which was disgusting and sexist.  Instead you can tell he's a smart guy who has worked out a formula for success, and used it to furnish his friends with money and nice location jobs.

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Jungies

I firmly believe that the only reason Richard "Jaws" Kiel was in Happy Gilmore is because he was old, and in ill-health; and Sandler knew giving him a couple of lines in his movie would re-up his Screen Actor's Guild health insurance.

TL,DR: Adam Sandler's a bastard.

Numitor453

Angela Lansbury did the same thing with Murder, She Wrote

badluckartist

That woman was a fucking angel.  Rest in power, you murderous queen.

I choose to incorporate this into my worldview.

[askfallenroyalty]

im getting really off-track here and am sorry to disturb from the main storyline but im very curious what fate ralsei holds in your universe because i think? this is one of the most unique endings i saw him getting? not that ive seen much besides all of the fountains closing or rals being a villain/someone from ut partially i just wanna know how he's doing. he seemed so disappointed when leaving

oh! i can actually show it. i WANT to clean up and make the drawn comic panels i did on the dark world stream publicly available but i just never find the time for it KLFLSf it'd be a bit of an effort because i didn't know to use the webtoon feature so everything is by a LARGE folder instead of separate canvases... wild i used to work that way. hell on earth.

ok so. I WILL transcribe this comic when i do the above ^ so apologies to those who need it for now. under the cut is Ralsei's ending, minus most of the context. i want to emphasizes, THIS IS A TEMPORARY POSTING LMAO. it will be accessible and fully contextualized later

Uh. Spoilers for Darkworld Arc (the Sam's Biggest Mistake in AFR History Arc). Does it count as a spoiler if i'm a lazy ass who hasn't gotten around to cleaning this story up?

again transcript will be added in the actual release. alongside the unfinished "music" video (the audio was never composed as the vid wasn't finshed.) it has SOME merit tho.

After the Big Battle with Gaster the knight returns (is anyone surprised? no) and posseses Lancer to help give an epilogue to the kids.

(skipping ahead a little because i DO want this scene to mostly be unspoiled, even after all this time)

...apparently this is where either my tablet died again or i was burnt out after drawing for like, idk, 12 hours on stream SKFJSLDF. this is the last panel.

mwuah. a master piece.

ANYWAY. Ralsie (at this point he's been reunited with the kids at the end of the battle. i DO have art for that but i'm just going to show the aftermath)

anyway with Tazetta being crowned princess and given a fresh new life, (again, details vauge cause it's a cute scene that works best with full context) she and ralsei are set up to be new siblings -a brother and a sister!

Kris and Susie got the chance to be proper heroes to defeat Gaster (saving Ralsie in the process) so everyone's on good terms -Susie feels redeemed for attacking Feylow and Knight-Kris (Knis???), Kris got a big Hero Moment and feels validated in their ability to choose their destiny, Ralsei gets to feel the prophecy wasn't a total lie, and he's been given a full chance to live his own life now without the Knight being a turd about it

anyway with the Knight

(AGAIN trying my best not to spoil the scene (fine with talking story beats but not in detail) so deal with being out of context as possible) the knight literally ends the fight by putting gaster in a time out and deciding to become a better person for the darkner's benefit.

yeah. jeeze. really wild how chapter 2 completely recontextualized things huh.

Also, since it's been a year :grimace emoji: i can saftely say the knight is WAY out of character and way to nice and "forgivable" in this dark world. back then I was thinking: "hm, maybe the Knight can be more redeemed and once in Darkworld, they could have a change of heart :)"

yeah thats. that's WAY off the table for Angel's Lullaby as it is now. the "will they or won't they redeem themself" is still on the table but its a WAY bigger fight to accomplish (or fail) than what was depicted here, sharing Kris' SOUL or not.

I think i was just toying with the idea of the Knight's redemption to foreshadow Asriel being flowey and not believing their SOUL was real. I felt this would help justify/foreshadow why Asriel was wrong ahead of time. or something. now i just think it hurts the story by having the knight involved, it undermines that story's intentional confusion if Asriel was right or not a ton!

yeah a big reason why the DW arc was Bad was because 1) outdated for both Angel's AND deltarune LMAO 2) bad in context of Asriel's arc 3) Feylow is kinda a big mess and overly ambitious of a writing metaphor for my skill level at the time 4) litearllyyyy hate the narrative i built for frisk and ralsei and i couldn't really salvage that x-x

ANYWAY sorry for the mean tangent. hopefully this gave you some insight to Ralsei's story arc even if I didn't show the full extent of it