#wanted to get him but i have lost all motivation to log into genshin and so i missed him..

[chaewberry]

wriothesley the man that you are...

[witch-hazels-musings]

okay 🦷 anon here!! (for context i use he/they pronouns and my ex uses he/him pronouns)

so, i had been in a relationship with him for nearing a year and a half, everything had been going pretty good even through covid. we both have struggles with mental health in the first place, and quarantine didn’t really make it much better... around November (2020) he seemed more and more off, and i just tried to talk to him and he just didn’t answer me. he started to play more and more games online with his online friends, whom i had talked to maybe once or twice, not that it’s important, of course i respect is friendships and that friends will jokingly flirt, but, him and this guy- they flirted constantly, right in front of me and i made it known that it made me feel insecure and uncomfortable. he just brushed it off and told me it was nothing. it was still eating at my brain in January. i noticed more and more that he wasn’t replying how he normally would, he was giving me one word answers to my paragraph. i finally asked him a question that i didn’t want to know the answer to, it was late January when i asked; “why did we stop calling every night that we weren’t together physically? are you okay?” and the answer i got was “because i’ve been calling [the guy] every night to go to sleep, i promise you it’s nothing.” and he said this with a blank. fucking. expression- i just decided to trust his promise. i thought we were okay, i thought he loved me as much as i love(d) him. i was wrong. long story short, he breaks up with me the “day” after valentines, i say “day” because it was 1am, i had planned a date and everything (covid safe ofc) and he face times me, says that he’s ending things between us. he says he needs to be single for a while to figure himself out, and that if/when he was better, that he’d get back together with me if i still wanted to. i didn’t mention that my birthday is on the 21st of February, so i had that as well. i didn’t leave my bed for days, and i lost about 10 lbs in just under a week because i wasn’t eating anything other than water. i also only attended my zoom classes from my ipad so that i’d at least get counted as there, and didn’t do any work for a while. lil’ skip to the day after my birthday, i am notified by a mutual friend of ours that he started dating the guy, less than 24 hours after he “broke us off for his own health” and that just confused me and hurt me even more- i genuinely felt broken, i still feel somewhat broken. i feel like i’m just, nonexistent to myself anymore. my friend group wanted to cheer me up, so they introduced me to genshin, and i’ve been playing every single day since the 21st, if i’m unmotivated to play, i’ll at least log in, do the daily commissions, return and send characters on their expeditions and then log off. Thanks to genshin i have been able to channel my emotions and get entrapped in the world, in a good way. It has helped me cope, greatly, and i have grown into myself more. yeah, i have shitty days where i don’t want to do anything other than just sleep the entire day, and sometimes i’ll just let it happen. the game has helped me so much, plus, the characters voice-lines, learning about them, it just makes me feel almost loved? but yeah that’s my hella summarized yet extremely long tangent of what happened- i hope this wasn’t too much to read haha. thank you for listening. much love cuties! -🦷

hey, thanks for the patience in waiting for me to reply! what you’ve shared with me must have been hard to share ... and what you’ve been through is upsetting, to be with someone and to trust them with the level you did - only to have them turn around and betray that trust... i can’t even imagine the pain you must have felt to go through this and to then find out about what they did. 

(like honestly, that whole “i’ve been calling this other person” part ... the f* that’s so uncool and like wth, to just say that outright to your partner ... the level of rude is so high I can’t ...) 

There are days when distracting works so well, there are days when distracting never is enough and you’ll find your mind returning to it all ... it’s heartbreaking to give so much and to feel, to know it was one-sided. So, I am really relieved to know you have something that is motivating you and giving you some reprieve from this situation. To give you another thing to think of, to look at these characters and their story and to connect with them, laugh with them, be sad with them ... that’s why we are all here because we’ve connected with this game and these characters and to know they will be there for you -- humans strive connection, we reach for it, stretch our arms out to it, cry for it and when we find it, we hold onto it. I hope you can find some additional connections here and can bring a smile to your face once again ( a true, genuine, a for YOU smile!)

I want you to write this down so you have it when the days feel the worst and you can replace the words which spiral in your brain: 

I am a person who is: trusting, generous, considerate, patient, and loving. These parts of me make me WHOLE and I have the ability to make these shine so bright that I can stay true to who I am because I am me, I am _*your name*__

i hope reaching out and sharing this with me helped you, and that my words offered you something <3 <3 I am sending you all the warmth I can!