#wanna gobble all of em for breakfast

[nekomanager]

you're welcome

iwaizumi → kuroo → bokuto

osamu → sakusa → akaashi

[vicious-vixxxen]

Kirishima x Male!Reader: First ‘I Love You’

I’m back on my Kirishima shit, so just bare with me- he really is one of my fav bois, and he’s just so sweet, can you even blame me? Though I’m almost finished with season 4 finally, and Tamaki is quickly closing in as the bestest sweet boi ;)  But yes, enjoy this little blurb, as I continue working on actual prompt fills- I just keep getting distracted, don’t @ Me  Enjoy <3  Kirishima x Male!Reader

Saturday nights in the dorms usually went one of two ways. Most of, if not all of class 1A were walking corpses, after accepting an extra day of training, not often offered by Aizawa in the first place: which is why they all usually accepted. Though that usually meant back at the dorms by two, and once everyone was showered, given a chance to finally catch their breath, and come together to make dinner, it was pushing six, and by then everyone was taking a note out of Bakugou’s book and crashing early. Some not even making it back to their rooms- sprawling out across the common area, and groggily rising too early the next morning, stiff necked and a little grumpy. /But/, if classes let out normally on Friday, and everyone was in bed at a reasonable enough time, Saturday’s were the absolute SHIT. A group breakfast to start, always. Bakugou aggressively whipping together a horde of spicy cinnamon french toast, and bacon, everyone stuffing their faces, discussing the previous week’s accomplishments. Areas in need of improvement, etcetera. Though without the added pressure of being in the midst of classes, and homework. They could reflect calmly, gather and offer tips, all smiles and jokes and general good naturedness. After breakfast, everyone split off to get ready for the day. Keeping the dorm stocked was a responsibility up to you all, which meant splitting the allotted weekly allowance the class was given, and separating into groups to get all the shopping for the coming week done. Groceries, cleaning supplies, toiletries, /unmentionables/. You all worked as a group, and allowing for a few stray hours of wandering, and personal shopping, visiting with family, you’d all be back around five. With the groceries put away, all errands run, the dorm dissolved into pure chaos. Different types of music blaring from individual rooms- dance dance revolution set up in the common room, the loudest of them all- all the dorm room doors open, save for Tokoyami’s, of course- and passing by any would give you a curious glimpse into the comfortable life the occupants had taken up there. “Wanna help me...ya know?” Kiri whispered into your ear, standing behind the sofa, bent down to nuzzle your temple, and speak. Blushing lightly, and giving you a sharp, lopsided grin as you broke your gaze from Denki’s...bold choice in dance movements against Mina. Noting Kirishima’s gaze moving up and down, before he jerked his head back in the direction of his room. Oh. Guess it was time for a touch up, huh?

Grin to match, you nodded, taking Kiri’s hand when he offered it, and allowing him to tug you up and over the sofa, nearly tripping over each other in your haste to get back to his room. Thirty minutes later, with a look of concentration on your face, you gently applied hair dye to the other boy’s roots. Hips swaying left and right, as Kirishima tapped his feet, and played air drums dramatically- making it difficult, but not impossible for you to get at all his roots. This was routine at this point. Ever since the two of you had started dating the year before, Kirishima was quick to let you in on his hair care secrets. It was only a matter of time before you caught him with a little bit of black peeking through, so rip the bandaid off all at once, Kirishima thought. It really was adorable how concerned he’d been over it. Muttering like Midoriya, before standing tall and announcing you’d have to love him for his box dye, or not at all! And here you were. Touching up his roots for maybe the hundredth time? If he needed any more clarification. The moron. But he was your moron. Getting more aggressive in his drumming, no doubt trying to mimic Bakugou in his mind, the hopeless goof. You smiled, despite yourself, as the song switched over, and you tilted Kirishima’s head back to get at the front you’d sectioned off. Mouthing the remix down at your boyfriend, and closing your eyes briefly as the beat pumped, and your body felt relaxed enough to collapse. But in a totally cool way, not like, a narcoleptic way. You hoped. ‘I will always love you,” you breathed in time, voice barely audible over the array of noises in, and outside of the dorm, but Kirishima watched, enraptured, mouth slightly agape as he read your lips. ’-I’ll love you forever’ you continued. Opening your eyes again, and staring down at Kiri’s. Breath hitching as you took in his pure, unadulterated admiration. And…. “Mmph!” Kirishima hummed suddenly, against your lips, as you’d leaned down to kiss him- both of you giggling against each other’s lips afterwards, as you moved around him. Careful of your gloved hands, and the brush of dye in hand, as you straddled the boys lap, and scooted forward till you were comfortable. Kirishima’s hands instinctively coming to rest on your waist. Palms sliding up and around to rub your back, as you continued applying dye top his hair. The two of you were quiet after, taking in the sounds of the dorms, and feeling the music blaring through Kirishima’s radio. Until you’d finished applying the dye, finally, and set your tools aside. Peeling off your gloves, and wiggling your sweaty fingers in Kiri’s face. Laughing suddenly as he nipped at them with sharp teeth. “That felt like a threat,” You teased, wrinkling your nose cutely at your boyfriend- Kirishima, ever the fan of the expression, beaming up at you, and kissing at your collarbone, where your shirt had ridden down. “That’s me, the boyfriend eater. Hide your boyfriends or i’ll gobble em up, all manly like”, Kiri boasted, and you couldn’t help but snort- having to restrain yourself from running your hands through his hair. For now. “We both know you’re tasty enough,” Kirishima added, winking at you, and you rolled your eyes, smacking the boys chest gently, before wrapping your arms carefully around his neck, and shifting back and forth in his lap to the new rhythm from the radio. At some point though, as you stared down at Kirishima- matching grins on your faces, as Kiri raised a hand to boop at your nose, and your lips, something hot, and happy ran through you. A sudden realization, as you stared into those gorgeous red pools he called eyes. It seared through you, racing down your spine, and jolting you up in your boyfriend's lap so suddenly, he paused- always on red alert, brows raised in question. It had never been something either of you had worried about saying- had never even truly discussed it. You cared about each other deeply, your connection since beginning your journeys at UA unprecedented. You’d watched each other grow, been there for the ride. Helped each other. Loved each other. Because you did love Kirishima. And he knew that...but not until just then, the scent of dye clinging to the air, did you realize you were, in fact, in love with him. You were in love with Kirishima. Wow. Your face was unreadable for a few long moments, before you huffed- almost in disbelief- and kissed at Kiri’s questioning thumb, now brushing along your jaw, and lips. “What? Kirishima asked finally, unable to take the silence. “Just realizing how absolutely, unequivocally in love I am with you. Kinda jarring,” You admitted, candid as ever, noting the way Kirishima froze beneath you. Mouth agape, and eyes wide. “Was that lame?” You asked as an afterthought, lips slowly pulling into a grin as Kirishima opened and closed his mouth several times, before his hands found their way up and around your jaw. Hesitating again, just a moment, as through the process what he;d just heard once more- before smashing your lips together. Heat, and passion, and love, all pouring into that one intimate gesture, and fuck it. Your hands carded through the sticky red dye clinging to the boy's roots, as you kissed back. Kissing until you absolutely couldn’t breathe anymore, and breaking away to pant, though only centimeters away from each other’s mouths. Foreheads pressed together, red dye smearing between the two of them, completely forgotten. “I love you too,” Kirishima sighed, hugging you close, and peppering your face with kisses. “So, so much. Love you so much, holy- I love you? Haha! I love you! I love you!” He shouted, bringing a deep blush to your cheeks, almost as red as your forehead now was as you wondered idly if anyone could hear him. Until you realized, you didn’t give one shit if they did. “I love you too! Again!” You shouted back, bursting into a fit of laughter with Kirishima, as you kissed again. And again, and again, and again.

[burlybanner]

Syzygy -6

Syzygy - An AU of Infundo (post-Infundo Chronicles).

Chapter 6: S**t Gets Too Real

Chapter 6 Summary:  Tony Stark’s a genius. Sometimes he wishes he wasn’t.

 Gentle warning: Slob stuff and multiple stuffings ahoy.

Link to Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

** Surprisingly, Bruce got hungry pretty damn quick after Hulk's stuffing. He didn't think he'd feel hungry ever again but after eating a banana he'd soaked in a double portion of his gainer solution, his stomach roared to life soon after waking. Being so suddenly and frightfully hungry shocked him, but thank the chubby powers-that-be that Steve had a huge country breakfast waiting. Bruce gobbled multiple servings of buttery Belgian waffles soaked in syrup, several donuts, half a coffee cake from his favorite bakery, and a couple of spinach mushroom quiches.

Which, to be honest,  was nothing near lunch a few hours later at a private buffet ("to celebrate new growth," Tony'd told the manager). Bruce had rolled his eyes. Of course Tony said something that stupid out loud. They'd brought some of the gainer formula to the buffet, shook it over Bruce’s food, and Bruce tore into the portions like a bull in a glass factory. And it surprised him. It took an hour of heavy gorging before he almost felt full and he'd never eaten that much for that long before. But it felt...great. No, more than that. He felt incredibly pleased. Sated. Beyond high. 

His pants got so tight at the restaurant he'd had to undo his belt.

His fullness turned him on and he begged Tony and Steve to blow him in the limo, on the way back home. But they weren’t total heathens; they waited until they returned for stuffing sex, 

where one of his boyfriends fed him sickeningly sweet desserts while the other blew him, effectively creating double orgasms. 

God. They'd been ridiculously horny. Insatiable rabbits.

And then there was dinner. Holy shit, dinner turned into another orgy when they mixed the day's remaining formula into his meals. After several dishes and baskets of rolls Bruce couldn't suck in his gut to fasten his pants. His stomach bloated and swelled in his lap as he slurped down sweet sriracha chicken,  Thai coconut curry, and on and on. Food continued coming as fast as he ate it and he barely choked one meal down before the next course presented itself. He'd spilled a ton of food down his shirt, but he didn't care. He mindlessly gobbled everything up like a sloppy, greedy piggy wallowing in mess.

Then they sated themselves with sex. Again and again.

Bruce's body quivered from the memories and his dick jumped in his pants. He wondered how the rest of the night would go which dampened his enthusiasm. He had to fall asleep and his body would be taken over, forced to consume whatever Hulk desired. Thinking about Hulk's "meal" worked like ice water on his libido.

Bruce sighed and nervously squeezed his stomach. "You really found everything?"

"Sure did, Pooh."

"I would've...no. I wouldn't' have asked. I can't imagine what you went through to get it. After everything I ate today, I thought you would've been sick of catering to me."

Tony smiled gently and gave Bruce a quick kiss on the lips while slipping on a pair of sweatpants and his nano shirt. "For you? I'd buy the moon, Pooh Bear. Besides, today's good eatin' was to slick you up for tonight. You don't think Steve and I noticed your apprehension? Perish the thought. You're stuck with us."

"And how," Steve sighed, coming up behind him. Steve was still floating in a post-coital glow and his high was infectious. He wrapped his arms around Bruce's shoulders and gently swayed him side to side, palming Bruce’s spare tire while bouncing his heavy overhang. "Betcha gained a ton today, Porkpie."

Bruce shuddered with lust and kissed Steve's arm. "We'll see."

"We still have the bonus round," Tony told them. He snapped his fingers. "Bruce, bed. Steve, get him sleepy." He checked his watch. "I've got caterers to catch."

Bruce suddenly perked up. "They're here? Already?"

"In an hour. But I need to set up for Hulk. He likes his food ready and he likes getting messy, as you know."

Bruce snorted softly. "I saw."

"I've got a few things prepared. No worries, Brucie, it's not about you now. Rest up for the nightly pig-out."

Bruce chewed the inside of his cheek. "Be careful, yeah?"

"Always, Brucie Bear. Always." Tony winked and skittered out, but Bruce wasn't convinced. Tony could be notoriously bad at self-preservation and he'd need all of his skills for the Hulk.

Please be careful, he thought as a silent litany, even as Steve kissed his neck and led him to their bed.

**

"Yeah, lay it out."

The caterer and their helpers looked confused. "On the--"

"On the tarp, yeah. Line up the steno and servers in a line. The tarp's fireproof," Tony explained, although he doubted they thought that was the weird thing. "Set it up. I'll take care of the rest."

"Of course, Mr. Stark."

Fortunately they didn't bat an eye. He figured they'd seen weirder things. Probably from him, come think.

He gave the catering crew time to plate everything but kept checking his watch. He still had to prep before Bruce showed up.

When they lit the last steno he clapped his hands. Only one startled. Good. "Awesome. All finished? Wonderful. Someone'll drop off your gear tomorrow, or you can bill us. Jarvis, see 'em out. Thanks." He shoved a bunch of hundreds at the nearest person.

"If you would, please follow the lights as I direct you to the exits." A few of the newbies blinked around the room, but most of them knew the drill; they'd dealt with Jarvis before and knew their way out.

When the last one left the kitchen, Tony let out a slow puff of air and stilled his breathing. "How're we on time, J?"

"The last caterer will leave the building in approximately two-point-six minutes, sir. From what I've been observing with Captain Rogers, I estimate Doctor Banner will enter NREM sleep in approximately six minutes."

"Perfect. You clear on the plan?"

Tony could almost hear Jarvis sigh. The minute pauses mimicked one enough times. "Of course, sir. Although if I may interject?"

"Shoot." Tony darted around, finishing the set up before Bruce-Hulk lumbered in.

"I assume Doctor Banner will want--"

"Nope, no," Tony said, cutting off his AI. "This is a need-to-know op only and Banner doesn't need to know. Not until there's conclusive proof. You cut the feed on my mark, got it? Don't go all HAL on me."

"Perish the thought, sir." Jarvis would be chuckling, if he were human. "But I felt I needed to voice my concerns, considering your current relationship status."

"Duly noted. Bruce will...well." Tony gestured flippantly. "Either way we'll know conclusively and I'll apologize to Bruciekins tomorrow. I'll have to drag the rest out of him later anyway."

"Easier to ask for forgiveness than permission?"

"You got it, J."

**

Within ten minutes of Tony's talk with Jarvis heavy feet slapped the kitchen floor. Not as heavy as Hulk's actual feet but it wasn't Bruce's footfalls either; Bruce's tread was normally softer and shuffled more. The new steps were definitely steps of purpose and power.

"Hey, Hulk, it's Tony. I'm over here."

"Tin Man?"

Bruce - no, Hulk - poked his head into the formal dining room. It was damn weird, but Tony had no problem differentiating between Hulk taking Bruce's body, and Bruce himself.

"Yeah, it's me. Have a seat. I got your grub."

Hulk snuffled and snorted the air, and plopped heavily next to Tony. "Smells good. What's that?" He poked a server, and Tony lifted it.

"Twice fried ostrich wings, like you requested. Cajun spiced, using a seasoning mix from that guy you remembered on TV."

"Prudhomme magic," Hulk rumbled, and Tony stopped short from reeling in surprise. No. Definitely not stupid. At all.

He'd have to keep on his toes.

"That's right. Chef Prudhomme's legendary seasonings." He watched as Hulk took an ostrich wing and sniffed it cautiously. Laughing, he stuck half in his mouth and crunched it, bones and all.

"Good. Good ostrich!"

“Some of the best chefs in Louisiana fried it up and sent it to you. We've also got your--" he tore off another lid, "--deep fried Rocky Mountain Oysters, swimming in white gravy, and..." he removed another server lid and stopped short of shuddering. “Crocodile and alligator tripe, simmering in an alligator head with the eyeballs still attached. Just like you wanted."

Hulk grunted his approval, scooped a hand in the warm stew, and slurped it. "Good. Very good. Where's main dish?"

Tony sighed deeply. "Big Green, you've got some unique tastes and I'm diggin' the vibe. But just know for Bruce's sake we couldn't serve it to you raw."

Hulk slammed his fist on the floor, but it was still Bruce's fist. So Tony called it a win despite his tantrum. "Cap said anything!"

"Yeah, he did. But think about it. You wanna do Bruce a solid, right? Make him big and cuddly, like you?"

Hulk snorted, but folded his arms in a childish pout. "Yeah."

"And you wanna make sure you can do this again, right?"

"Hmph."

"Then you gotta do right by him. You're in his body, so take it easy." Tony removed the last lid. "Ta-daa...frog and rattlesnake stir fry. Not quite raw but as close to raw as we could make it without making Bruce sick."

Hulk grabbed a handful of the hot dish and shoved it in his mouth. "Banner not get sick," he muttered. A frog leg tumbled from his lips as he talked with a full mouth. "Banner has Hulk's immunity. No poison can kill Hulk!"

"True, true," Tony said. "But it can hurt Bruce temporarily. He wouldn't want that, and he'd kinda hate you for it."

"Mm." Tony could tell Hulk was mulling it over as he continued shoving the food into his mouth with his bare hands. The last server had the deep fried andouille sausage with crayfish gumbo in it (crayfish heads still attached, of course), but Tony figured Hulk would get to that eventually. It was definitely the messiest of all the dishes. Who knew Hulk was such a foodie of weird foods?

"Andrew Zimmern ain't got nothin' on you," Tony muttered.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, Hulk. Go back to feasting."

Hulk nodded vigorously and scooped fistfulls of one dish, then the other, and poured them into his mouth. A lot fell to the tarp, but Hulk scraped up the scraps. Waste not, want not, he supposed.

After five minutes of watching Hulk develop an easy eating rhythm Tony licked his lips. "Hey, Jarv," he said quietly.

Jarvis relayed his response to Tony's hidden earpiece: "Understood, sir."

Although Bruce pinned a GoPro to his robe Tony'd hacked the camera days ago. He had Jarvis loop the feed so it'd show Hulk chowing down. He knew he'd only have a few minutes before it'd look suspicious, so he had to hope he got everything he needed from Hulk in one take.

"Hulkie," he began. "You love Tin Man, right? Love all this great food?"

"Mm. Yes. Good food. More tomorrow?"

"Sure. Let me know what you want before we wrap up tonight. Can't promise you everything, but we'll do what we can. Like the rattlesnake. That fair?"

Hulk snorted and dumped a handful of the gumbo in his mouth. Which, of course, dripped down on everything. "Is okay. But not great."

Tony chuckled. "I get it," he said, then sobered. "I also get what you're not telling Bruce. You're workin' the system, Big Green. Not sure I'm okay with that, and I know Bruce won't be."

Hulk didn't respond, but continued stuffing his face.

Good. He knows I'm on to him.

"Pull back on the control shit - you're mucking around with Bruce's subconscious more than he's aware; I saw you at dinner today. Don't deny it."

Hulk laughed, deep and throaty. "Fooled you. And Banner."

"A little, yeah. But I know that's not all - you're not dumb but neither am I. You helped Bruce with that gainer cocktail, didn't you? I'm guessing there's more junk in there than Bruce realizes."

Hulk stilled, and for the first time that night Tony wondered if he'd have to activate the nanosuit. "I see what Banner sees," he murmured. His voice was oddly calm, oddly quiet. "But Banner doesn't see what I see. He doesn't know what I know."

Bingo.

"It's all an act, isn't it?"

"No."

A chill came over Tony and his brain overclocked. "Shit...Hulk isn't the only one in Bruce's head, is he?"

He almost smiled, but the expression wasn't Hulk's. Wasn't Bruce's, either. "Are you going to tell on us?"

Don't. Don't freak out. Don't. Freak. "Depends." Tony was surprised at how calm he kept his voice. "Who are you, and what are you planning?"

The Person sighed softly and briefly brushed away food from Bruce's robe. "Actually, I like being left out of things. I work behind the scenes, and I don't wish any harm. I'm actually the one helping maintain control over Hulk these days...I suppose in a pinch you could call me the lecturer-researcher construct." He paused, tilting his chin before sharply nodding.  "Call me Professor."

Tony swallowed. "Professor? Like when Bruce works at NYU?"

Professor hummed. "I'm present at any event where he's teaching, or when he learns something new. But honestly, I'm harmless. You've seen me before - I was the first to touch the Tesseract."

Tony sat back on his heels and scrutinized Professor sharply. "Huh. Yeah..." he gestured lamely at Professor's face. "I can see it now, a little. I remember that expression." Burned forever in his brain, now.

Sighing heavily Tony licked his lips, pausing at whatever seventh hell revelation this was. "So, um." He shook his head. He wanted a drink. Several. Despite cutting back for his boyfriends' sakes he wanted to drown his brain in a tank of whiskey. "Where...?"

"Where does this put the four...hum. Five of us?"

Tony nodded lamely. "You outflanked me. Royally."

"Did I?" Professor seemed to take that in stride, and smiled coyly to himself. "It wasn't my intention. I simply revealed my hand because it was timely. There wasn't anything left to hide." He tilted his head and gazed at Tony. "It doesn't change anything. Of course you should tell Banner and yes, even Captain Rogers, but do ask yourself if this is the right time. Could be fairly disastrous for the three of you if your timing's off." Tony narrowed his eyes slightly. Was that a veiled threat--?

Professor stretched and yawned, and held his hands above his head for a beat. "I'm actually quite pleased Banner wishes to become immobile, Tony." He smiled softly and ran his hands over Bruce's swollen belly, imitating a mother-to-be's reverence. The image burned Tony's retinas and he felt sick - maybe a bit horrified. "I'm looking forward to reading all the books I've yet to read and I'm glad for the time I'll have to myself."

Professor checked his wrist, as if viewing an invisible watch. "By the way, you should tell Jarvis to turn the camera feed back on. It's been far longer than five minutes."

Tony snorted. "You sly motherfucker. You knew all along."

"Of course I did." He winked and saluted Tony with two fingers. "Be seeing you, Tony."

Tony watched as Bruce's body shook before returning to shoving food in its face.

"Good food! Hulk wants more tomorrow."

"Sure thing, Big Guy," Tony whispered. He let out a shuddering breath and ran a hand down his face. "Jarv, tell me you recorded all that."

"Yes."

The AI's response was curt and to the point; he probably had as much to think about as Tony did.

"What the ever living fuck."

"Sir. Doctor Banner's Person was correct in one sense. It's been far too long, and there's bound to be an interrupting glitch in the feed if closely scrutinized."

"Yeah. I know." Tony licked his lips and made a circular motion in the air. "Go ahead and turn it back to black, J. Shit. I have no idea what the fuck I'm gonna say tomorrow. Hell, I dunno if I can keep up pretenses tonight."

"Might I suggest trying your best, sir? Especially as we're going live in three...two--"

"Shit."

But somehow Tony plastered his showman's grin to mask his shell-shocked face pretending for all the world he didn't do a Prince of Bel-Air, Freaky Friday flip. He watched Hulk eat most, if not all, of the dishes and he whistled for the 'bots to clean up the mess before guiding Hulk to the shower and repeating what Steve had done the previous night. But his mind was split and he knew he couldn't maintain the act for long. Both Bruce and Steve'd know something was up but he wasn't sure how, or when, he'd tell them.

God. He hated covert shit.

Ch. 7

[specialmindz]

“YIP! YIP!”

A small annoying dog bounced around the two little skeletons, hoping for one of them to drop one of their tasty frozen treats.

“YIP, YIP YIP YIP!”

“i think he wants your ice cream bro...” said Sans slyly.

“ALL HE’S GONNA GET IS MAH FOOT UP HIS ASS! DIS MY ICE CWEAM! GO WAY DOODY-DOG!”

“YIP YIP!” The dog continued to run about, completely oblivious to the infant’s anger.

“pap, it’s melting.”

“*GASP!*” Frantically, Papyrus lapped at his cone, not wanting his hand and sleeve to get sticky and gross. He usually waited until his ice cream was gone before intentionally getting messy like a good baby, but this dog was proving to be quite a distraction.

“YOU WANNA DIE DOGGY? IS DAT WHAT YOU WANT? I USE YO’ FUR AS A BLANKY!”

“why don’t you just give him a little lick pap? just a little one.”

“Nyeh?” Pap looked at him quizzically. “You want me to lick da’ pup?”

“no-”

“I lick em’ on da’ snout?”

“no bro, you’re not listening to me.”

 And the baby continued not to listen, giving the dog a small lick on the nose. Maybe if the doggy thought Papyrus was a friend, he would stop trying to get at his ice cream.

Friends didn’t take friend’s ice cream.

“There you go doody-dog! We friends now, so you go home.”

The dog pawed at his nose and whimpered, not liking how the air was now suddenly too chilly in that particular area.

“you’re so gross pap, heh heh heh!”

“Nyeh? YOU GOSS! I gots to protect mah cweam cause’ SOMEBODY won’t look after me!”

“i have one hp bro! whaddya’ want me to do, kick em’? he’ll bite me and i’ll die papyrus.”

“Throw a snowball then lazybones! Im-po-vise!”

“now if i do that, i’ll have to hold my cone in one hand or it’ll get dirty, and eventually my arm will get tired and then i’ll have a problem.”

“YOU HAVE A PROBLEM NOW!”

“not with these i don’t,” said Sans pulling out an old CD player and ear buds. The batteries were long dead, but luckily for him, Papyrus didn’t know that. He could pretend not to hear him as long as the infant didn’t start wondering why he never heard anything despite his older brother turning the volume up whenever he yelled.

 “Why you gotta ignore the baby Snas? I gots a per-dicament over here and you’s not helping me...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...I hope you drop your stupid stink phallic ice cweam.”

“my ice creams not phallic!”

“Yes it is. Why you so cweepy Snas? Don’t you want friends?”

“I’M creepy?! my ice cream’s just like this, i didn’t make it! besides, who pretends his spaghetti noodles are snakes?”

 “I does! Da’ meatballs be eggies,” said the baby smiling. “The biggest noodle be the mama snake and I’s the bird that gobbles em’ all up! Nyeh heh heh!”

“...”

“Then I eats the eggs.”

Sans chuckled and slurped up some juice from his popsicle. “you eat the eggs huh? you know there are babies in those eggs...”

“...Nyeh?”

“yep. little baby snakes. 

“Nuh uh! The eggs be for the snake’s breakfast! People don’t eat babies!” 

“uh, yeah they do bro. where do you think baby snakes come from? you think the mom just poops them out?”

“Yes.”

“no. no pap, they come from eggs.”

 Papyrus’s eyes filled with tears. “I’s eating babies...?” 

“uh..”

Oh crap!

“Nyeh…nyeehhh…”

“no! no no no, don’t cry! you’re PRETENDING to eat babies! your meatballs are made of meat pappy.”

“Meat of baby?”

“no bro, they’re probably made of magic.”

“Magic babies?”

“NO.”

  Note to self, don’t feed Pappy eggs.

“Is dis ice cweam made of baby?” The baby bones held up his melting ice cream.

“*sigh* no bro, it’s not. just eggs.”

“But there be a talking snowman over in Snowdin. Maybe dis ice cweam be his baby!”

“nope.”

“But maybe it is! Maybe da’ ice cweam man be evil big Buther! Maybe he steals the snowman babies and sells em’ on da’ market!”

“…i highly doubt that.”

“I bet he do. I bet he evil as hell! You just like him cause’ he give you food.”

“hey screw you pal, I like him cause’ he’s cheap-”

“YOU CHEEP! YOU SELL YOUR MORALITY FOR SWEETS! You’s bad big Buther, you’s bad and I’m telling Daddy!”

“you do that.”

“I’m gonna! Imma tell upon you and destroy da’ ice cweam man too!”

“the hell you will! you leave that monster alone papyrus!”

“NYEH HEE HEE! IMMA SAVE DA’ BABIES!”

“GET BACK HERE!”

The infant took off like a bullet, the dog and Sans right on his heels.

“YIP YIP!”

“GET LOST DOODY-DOG! I’S RUNNING OVER HERE!”

“TRIP HIM! TRIP HIM DOG!”

“DON’T TRIP DA’ BABY!”

“YIP, YIP YIP!”

“Huh?” The ice cream man tilted his head from behind the umbrella of his cart to try and spot where the commotion was coming from. “Aw-hawww, are you three having fun?”

“RUN DUDE! FUCKING RUN!!”

“DIE BABY-KILLER!!”

BLOOSH!

BLOOSH!

Two Gaster Blasters fired in succession, one incinerating the ice cream man’s hat.

“AHHH! WHAT THE HELL KID?!”

“NYEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”

BLOOSH!

BLOOSH!

“WHY IS HE ATTACKING ME? SANS YOU SWORE HE WOULDN’T ATTACK ME!”

“YOU’S SELLING BABIES ON DA’ MARKET!”

BLOOSH!

“SANS GET YOUR CRAZY BROTHER!!” Screamed the cart-owner ducking down. It was a miracle he hadn’t been killed yet, but if this kept up…

“I’M TRYING! BRO STOP!”

“I GOTS TO SAVE THE BABIES SNAS!”

“THE ICE CREAM’S NOT MADE OF BABIES, IT’S MADE OF MILK!”

“Nyeh?” Papyrus stopped. “But is all frozen and-“ looking down at his ice cream, he saw that it was no longer frozen; the heat wafting in from Hotland had melted it, leaving only bits of magic strawberries behind.

“*SLUUURP!* EWWWW! Dis NASTY! It taste like medi-sin! You trying to get baby high? You work wit Jerry?”

“yeah pap. he’s the high cream man, heh heh heh!”

“…Go home Snas.”

“YIP YIP YIP!” The little dog joyfully lapped up the drippings of the cone, seemingly oblivious to the whole situation. The monster behind the cart was sadly however, NOT so ADHD.

“Why don’t you BOTH go home? Just-just all of you GO HOME.”

“wh-why me? What’d I do?”

“What’d you do? You made a joke instead of I dunno, maybe TELLING YOUR BROTHER NOT TO MURDER PEOPLE?”

“…it was just a joke. I was just trying to lighten the mood a lil’ bit, chill out.”

“It’s not the joke Sans, it’s the fact that you ignored what just happened. I’ve seen you two playing alone for a long time now and it’s because of THIS that you ARE alone. You can’t just ignore your brother’s dangerous behavior or it’s going to get worse-”

“whatever!” exclaimed Sans, highly offended. “who are you to tell me how to raise MY family? you don’t know me OR my bro! pap’s just a baby, i’m sorry he can’t control his emotions ALL the time! i’m not his dad anyway, he’s not MY responsibility-”

“You’re not much of a brother either. Why don’t you try a bit more discipline or something? If that doesn’t work, maybe you should consider putting him somewhere he can’t hurt people.”

“Nyeh…?”

“i’ll keep that in mind. in the meantime, maaaybe you should consider minding your own business?”

“You sending me away…?”

“of course not baby bro,” said Sans, kneeling down and placing a hand on the infant’s shoulder. “you mean the world to me! who’d want to get rid of such a cute baby anyway?”

“Dat’s too…but is also too dat you don’t gots many friends. Is dat really cause’ of me?”

“Of course not,” said a voice from around the corner. “These people are just idiots. Idiot cowards.”

“flowey!”

“Yes yes, it’s Flowey the flower. Here to save the day once again. What seems to be the problem here?”

“This baby-”

“That question was rhetorical. We OBVIOUSLY have another case of a full grown adult picking on a child. Shocker.”

“HE ATTACKED ME!”

“The baby attacked you? With what?”

“With his magic cannon things!”

“He attacked you with his magic?”

“Yes!”

“That thing that EVERYBODY has? That thing YOU have?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“…”

“Look, I know what you’re getting at talking…flower…but I can’t just fight a baby-”

“Why not? If Papyrus is being a turd-sandwich then Beat. His. Ass. Simple.”

“Um, Dirtbutt, you’s not helping me very good…”

“Who says I’m here to help you? Hit the road thumb-sucker.”

“GRR! NYEH!” With all the strength a little baby bones could muster, Papyrus angrily threw his empty cone at the big-mouthed traitor in front of him, hoping to at LEAST cover him in yucky pink goo. Instead it hit the wall with a *CUSH!* and merely splattered on the ground; Waterfall’s runoff quickly washing it away.

“Nice shot, you’re a regular Robin Hood-”

“STUPID STINK FLOWER!”

“bro, no! we don’t throw things!”

“Sometimes I do…”

“no we don’t!”

“But sometimes I do…”

“He’s trying to tell you that you SHOULDN’T throw things,” said the ice cream man preparing another cone. No doubt the baby would want another one and anyone’s G was good G in his opinion, especially in these hard times. The ice cream man was one of the more profitable jobs in the Underground because of the importance people placed on their children, but his image needed to be maintained. Calm, patient, and kind; that was the ice cream man, and he was good at it. Sans had even once called him the Nice cream man as a joke and more and more people were beginning to catch on to the name. Hopefully one day his son would take over the family business, but until then…

“Would you like another cone? This time be sure to stay away from Waterfall’s exit, it tends to get a bit hot there.” He held the cone out to the infant with a smile, hoping the brothers both would forgive and forget their little argument.

WHAP!

“NOBODY WANTS YOUR STUPID MEDICATED ICE CREAM!” shouted Flowey, slapping the cone out of the monster’s hand. Papyrus quickly caught it using his Wingdings and looked at it curiously.

“Dis health cweam? Dis good for the baby?”

“Yes it is,” replied the ice cream man glaring at the plant. “It’s a special blend that’s easy to eat and heals children too young for adult medicine and foods. That’s why it’s so popular…speaking of medication,” his glare softened. “Are you in need of first aid? You’re a plant, but you look like you just came from Hotland…”

“I came from the Lab actually. And do you know WHY I came from the Lab?”

“Oooh ooh! Pick me! Baby knows!”

“Yeah? I bet Smiley knows too, don’tcha buddy?”

“…is it because I left you there-”

“IT’S BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME THERE!!”

The ice cream man slowly began to move his cart away towards Snowdin, hoping no one would notice him leaving. He didn’t know who this flower was, but he’d served customers like this before. The extra G was NOT worth the headache he was currently getting…nor was a cave-in.

“how’d you get past the lava entrance?”

“I FREAKING RAN SMILEY!”

The tiny plant dipped his burning roots in one of Waterfall’s shallow puddles. For a moment there, he didn’t think he would make it. It took a massive amount of courage and Determination to even attempt the journey, but with the help of his cabin fever, he found the strength to take a chance at freedom. Now though he had another problem.

Where am I gonna find a new place to photosynthesize?

I had Alphys’s sun lamps in the Lab, but here…

“I need to find a place with good sun…”

“Da’ Ruins gots good sun…”

“Huh?”

“bro, you’ve seen the sun?!”

“Where? Where is it?”

I’m NOT going back to that stupid lab.

“Is where dat big-ass door be…and da’ doggy door.”

“YIP YIP!”

“Big door…?”

Flowey thought back a long time ago to when he and Chara used to explore the Underground. He remembered a bright field of flowers, but that was in the opposite direction in the throne room near their home…and it didn’t have a door.

A big door…a big door…

“Ugh, I can’t remember what you’re talking about!”

“Nyeh?”

“Uh, I mean, I HEARD about the door, from one of your dad’s phone calls, but I don’t remember what he said.”

“…”

“YIP YIP YIP!”

“SHUT UP FUR BAG! YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY ICE CREAM!”

Was there ever a door Chara couldn’t get through? One with a doggy door?

“i wanna see the sun…” said Sans quietly.

“You wanna see da’ sun? Why big Buther? It hurt your eyes and make you hot.”

“the sun is the biggest star in the world though pap…”

“THE SUN’S A SPARKLY?!”

“yep, and it’s bigger than ANYTHING.”

“Bigger than Fluffy Buns?!”

“yep!”

“Bigger than yo’ head?!”

“…yeah.”

“If you’ve seen the sun Trashbag, then WHY are you asking how big it is?”

“…I only see it a widdle bit from a hole in da’ ceiling…and only sometimes. Is when da’ doody dog go home. There be a hole behind his com-poo-ter dat leads to the Ruins and udder paces too.”

“the dog...has a computer. right.”

“Where is this door?”

“just ignore him flowey, he’s obviously lying,” said Sans extremely disappointed.

“No he’s not.”

“how do you know?”

“Just trust me he’s not!”

We’ve had problems with this dog since we moved into the Underground.

The Annoying Dog was one of the smaller complaints the kingdom’s people had, but he was long lasting and weird. The little creature reminded Flowey of Papyrus in a way, causing problems wherever he went and getting away with it because he ‘didn’t know any better.’ He’d often heard of seemingly random items going missing from various places never to be found again. Some monsters claimed in horror, that they’d seen the dog absorbing some of the items into his body before scampering away, sometimes through the walls as if he were a ghost. The king warned everyone not to pet the Annoying Dog and to keep their distance whenever they could, but it seemed impossible to keep the hound out of any building. Many would cry out in terror upon turning around and suddenly seeing the legendary monster wagging his tail in their kitchen or living room, although the doors and windows were locked and they had been alone only moments before.

Chara had a strange fascination with the furry menace that Flowey always had a hard time understanding. Whenever the dog was spotted, they’d drop whatever they were doing and run after him, only to lose him in a wall somewhere. They’d then pound on the stone and search it for some sort of crease while Flowey let out a breath of relief from behind. The dog reminded him of Papyrus, true, but the absorbtion ability also brought back memories of a monster from an old VHS tape they had found at the Dump simply called the Thing.

He wanted nothing to do with this creature, no matter HOW much loot he had stored away.

I don’t have a choice anymore though. I need to go through this mutt’s tunnel if I want to find a place to gather energy.

“YIP YIP!”

“Da’ doggy door be in Snowdin. It gots the kingdom shapes on it and is reeeal tall! As big as a tree!”

“…Are you talking about that door in that cave with all the glowing mushrooms?”

“Yeah.”

“You idiot! That’s not a doggy door!”

“Is too! Is the door the doody dog uses! I sees it!”

“Stupid baby.”

“hey, c’mon now. the longer we fight the more pap’s ice cream melts. we need the dog to open the door, right? I mean, no one else has said anything about finding his house so…”

“Yep! Da’ doody dog gots to go inside first or it don’t open.”

“alright then, let’s go.”

“Right!” Flowey jumped up and wrapped himself around Sans. “ONWARDS DUMBO! TO SNOWDIN TUT TUT!”

“GET OFF ME!”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!”

Leading the dog with the ice cream, the three reached the cave and went inside.

“SEE? No doggy door.”

“Nyeh? You blind Dirt-Butt? Is right there!”

“That’s NOT a doggy door. Doggy doors have flaps!”

“bro, watch where you’re swinging that thi-aww! You got it all over my hoodie!”

“Nyeh heh heh, cweeeeen it up.”

“you clean it up!”

The Annoying Dog watched as a glob of strawberry ice cream slid down the side of Sans’ sleeve, almost hitting the ground.

“You want dis cweam doggy?”

He said nothing and continued to eye the glob expectantly.

“Open the door and I give you all da’ yumminess you can dweam of.”

Again, the baby was ignored as the dog licked it’s chops and shuffled his paws impatiently, waiting for the glob to fall.

“He’s not listening to you. Smear some ice cream on the door or something.”

“Kay’.”

Waddling over to the door Papyrus stopped and dropped down on all fours, holding his ice cream in the air with his Wingdings.

“What the hell are you do-”

“YIP YIP! I’s a baby doggy and I wish to pee on da’ carpet, but I can’t get inside. Oh woe is me! *WHINE*”

“Arf…?” The dog lifted an ear and tilted his head in confusion.

“Of all the stupid…”

“heh heh heh heh! go pappy! show em’ what you want!”

SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRITCH!

Using both hands, Papyrus scratched at the door as best he could, whining pitifully and using his font to communicate. This time, the dog DID listen, turning away from the glob on Sans’ hoodie and morphing through the wall in his patent disturbing way.

“Ugh, I hate seeing that.”

“did…that dog just go through the wall…?”

Weird…

“hm…well whatever, good job bro!”

Smiling, Papyrus rolled over onto his back and pushed at the door with both feet, opining it. Inside the dog stood on a patchwork blanket panting and grinning as always.

“That tunnel better be here you milk-puking-”

“Is under the com-poo-ter I said! Why you no listen Dirt-Butt? Dat’s how you learn things ya’ know?”

“*WHINE WHINE!*”

“Oh yeah! Here you go doody dog!” said Papyrus handing over his Ice cream. “Be sure to eat the cone too, cause’ littering is bad, right Snas?”

“right.”

The happy hound ate the entire thing almost immediately, licking his nose and sniffing around for any bits he may have missed.

“Nyeh heh heh! He eat like you big Buther!”

“Yeah he does, the PIG!”

“…”

“Speaking of pigs, you might not fit in here Smiley,” said Flowey inspecting the tunnel with a frown. “Maybe you should go home and eat some popato chisps, I don’t need an entourage anyway.”    

“whatever! both of you can get bent, I can fit in there no problem!” exclaimed Sans, though he did have his doubts.

We definitely need to widen this tunnel or something if we ever plan to come back here. Papyrus is good at digging and building stuff, maybe he can do something about it later.

“NO you can’t, you’ll get stuck you moron.”

“no i won’t...”

“Fine, learn the hard way. What do I care? Just let me go first.”

“No! BABY goes first. I knows da’ way, you’ll just get lost like the Ugly Duckling. Member’ dat book Snas?”

“Did you just call me ugly?”

“yeah I remember the book, but more importantly, you’re telling the truth right? If there’s a maze of tunnels in here and we get lost, we’ll die pap. no one knows we’re down here…”

“YOU’RE ugly.”

“I knows the way, but you gots to follow mah butt kay’? Follow the baby butt and don’t go nowhere else. Even if you see a Veggie monster, you gots to follow the butt Snas, or you get lost. Lossa tunnels down here.”

“You’re ugly and you’re stupid.”

“iiii won’t wander off baby bro.”

Why do you two think I’d risk my life for some food? Do I really eat that much?

…

Nah, it’s probably my hoodie. My hoodie’s padded and it’s making me look fat. I should probably take it off before I crawl through here…

“Also don’t touch da’ butt, or I calls the guard.”

“No one wants to touch your butt you pervert! Well…maybe Smiley does, his drawings are weird-”

“THEY’RE SPACESHIPS!”

“But I’M the one who’s going to be behind you, not him.”

“But then who gonna push Snas if he get stuck?”

“No one. If this fatass gets trapped it’s HIS problem not mine. I already told him he wouldn’t fit; now let’s go.”

Nodding, the baby bones crawled under the desk and into the tunnel, Flowey following close behind. There were a lot of things the plant hadn’t checked out in the dog’s room; things Chara would’ve KILLED to inspect and/or steal, but Flowey had little interest in anything but finding some sun.

He could always come back anyway.

SCRUFF SCRUFF!

SCRUFF SCRUFF!

“Would you hurry up? The wet dog and baby smell is making me want to throw up.”

“Slow your roll Dirt-Butt. I’s Papyrus the Baby, not Sonic the Hedgehog. You wait.”

SCRUFF SCRUFF!

The three took a left and continued on at an annoying slow pace, being careful not to scrape themselves on the hard rocky walls. Especially Sans, who had had seconds thoughts about all this half-way through the journey. Every so often Papyrus would stop and look over his little shoulder to see if his brother was still behind him; he would then be rewarded with a thumbs up, though the baby could see he was struggling with the encroaching claustrophobia that seemed to be threatening even Flowey’s sanity at this point.

“OH MY GOD, WOULD YOU JUST HURRY UP? HE’S FINE!!”

“Shut da’ fuk up Dirt-Butt, or I kicks you in da’ face.”

“YOU JUST TRY IT! I’LL BITE YOUR LITTLE TOES OFF!”

“play nice you two, heh heh.”

“Shut up Smiley, you’re not my mom.”

SCRUFF SCRUFF!

SCRUFF SCRUFF!

Finally, the tunnel started to become wider and then wider still, eventually opening up into what looked like a cliffside of sorts. The place was an empty dead end that overlooked the mining city people called “Home.”

“uhh…I don’t think we’re supposed to be here baby bro…”

“Dis be the Old City where we gets da’ crystals Snas-”

“Correction; this is where we USED to get the magic crystals,” said Flowey. “Then some idiot screwed everything up and released a bunch of poisonous gas in the city’s mine.”

“Lossa monsters used to live here, but then there were too many babies, so they moved, but there still be peoples...”

“Are…are you not listening to me? NO ONE’S WORKING THERE, THIS PLACE IS POISONOUS, WE NEED TO MOVE.”

Sans nodded. “he’s right pap. not all gases can be seen; this place could be toxic-”

“Nuh uh! I’s here yeserday!”

“Bullcrap.”

“I ate a worm and climbed a rock, and sniffed da’ flowers like dis *SNIIIIIIIFFF!*”

“UGH, DON’T DO THAT! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!”

“*SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF!*

“SMILEY GET YOUR BROTHER!”

“who built these ruins? did someone live here before we came? i don’t see people building half a home, if you can even call this a home, and then quitting in the middle of it to build another one.”

“HELLO?!”

“the architecture is completely different from the rest of the kingdom too…”

“SMILEY!!”

“you swear you were here yesterday bro? the gases haven’t reached this far yet?”

“*SNIIIFFF!* Yep. The sun place be dis way, but you gots to watch out for the traps, so follow the baby kay’?”

“I hate you, I hate you BOTH and once I find a new place to get some sun, I’m gonna live there for-EVER! I’M NEVER COMING BACK TO THAT NURSERY, DO YOU HERE ME? NEVER!!”

Ignoring Flowey, the brothers began their trek further into the Ruins. There were a lot more traps than Sans was expecting, but it only served to increase his excitement. More traps meant a higher chance of his younger sibling telling the truth, and these WERE traps. There were pits that led to small empty rooms that had no ladders to speak of, switches designed to confuse them hidden behind pillars in the dark, and there was even a room that couldn’t be crossed from one side unless you had something of considerable weight on three buttons in the ground…unless of course you were tall. That was what disturbed Sans the most; the fact that the traps seemed to be for small creatures who couldn’t step over the barricades. The further the three went, the more his excitement turned to fear as he realized the traps were NOT built by the monsters currently living in the Underground and they were clearly meant to cause suffering and eventual starvation.

This couldn’t have been Asgore’s work. I know he said he would gather souls from anyone who fell into the mountain, but these look like they were meant SPECIFICALLY for children…and I know he’s a good person. Besides, so far I’ve only seen one door that leads to the Ruins and he can’t fit through that tunnel, no way.

Who would BUILD things like this?

“these are horrible…”

“Hm? What are you complaining about?”

“the traps…you’ve been looking at the traps right flowey? they’re different…”

“So? Who cares about these stupid traps, they’re ruined anyway. SHE messed everything up. You’re getting scared over nothing; whoever lived here before is long gone…probably.”

Sans took a deep breath. Flowey was right, the traps had obviously been altered a long time ago and no one had come to fix them. The prison pits had been stripped of their doors and their floors laced with heaps of fallen leaves to break the fall of anyone who fell into them, having obviously been put there by someone seeing as the area lacked any trees. The switches built to confuse had been painted bright colors that could easily be seen, and even the room with the floor switches had been filled with rocks, one of which claimed had been placed there by someone they couldn’t see due to their lack of eyes.

“UGH, are you KIDDING me? She put instructions on the freaking WALLS? That’s so lame!”

“who’s this ‘she’ you’re talking about?”

Before the plant could answer, Papyrus lifted them all up with his wingdings and glided everyone, including himself, over the giant pit trap before suddenly speeding off into a room.

“HEY BRO, WAIT!”

“DID HE FIND IT? IS THIS THE ROOM?”

“*CRUNCH CRUNCH!*”

“…”

“hey uh, pap? you probably shouldn’t eat that…”

“LOOK SNAS! Candy. *CRUNCH CRUNCH!*”

“…”

“…you okay flowey?”

“…Never coming back.”

“Want some of dis candy Dirt-Bu-”

“NO!!”    

They continued on, Papyrus’s onesie crinkling with the rest of the monster candy having been stuffed inside.

“FINALLY! DO YOU SEE IT SMILEY? DO YOU SEE THE PROMISE LAND?” The plant pointed excitedly towards a sunlit patch of flowers. “IT’S THERE! IT’S RIGHT THERE! WE’RE SO CLOSE!”

“yep, iii see it. don’t think we’ll be able to actually see the sun though from all the way down here…”

“*Yawn* I’s sweepy…I gets the shiny tomorrow, kay’ Snas? Is nap time for the baby…c’mon Dirt-Butt, we go home now.”

“NO! NO NO NO! DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T FREAKING TOUCH ME! I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU, PUT THOSE AWAY! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOOOOOWN!!”

“put him down bro, he can get back on his own, right flowey?”

“YES!!”

As soon as Papyrus desummoned his wingdings, Flowey took off with all the speed of a cheetah; racing for the sunlit patch that would be his new, and hopefully quiet, home, his leaves outstretched.

I’M GONNA MAKE IT!

I’M GONNA MAKE IT!

With one giant leap the tiny plant dived into the flower patch and dug his roots into the warm soil triumphantly. “LOOK SMILEY! I MADE IT!”

CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK!

“Don’t patronize me you fat piece of-”

Sans stopped clapping. “what do you want from me?”

Ignoring the child, Flowey turned around and basked in the sun’s warm glow, spreading his leaves wide in order to collect as much energy as possible. This place was perfect. Bright, quiet, and tidy; it had a great view of the opening to Mt. Ebott that only someone who could stretch out as long as Flowey could see. A wonderful little lookout where he could not only spy approaching humans, but maybe even lure them in…after all, it’s not like sound couldn’t pass through the barrier. All he had to do was find someone stupid.

Just one. Good. Idiot.

Heh heh heh heh…

“uhh…dude, are you alright?”

“Dirt-Butt got dat scary face big Buther…”

“HA HA HA HA HA HA ALL THE SOULS WILL BE MINE! I’LL LURE THEM ALL IN! HA HA HA HA HA!”

“o-kay…we’re going on ahead. you catch up later alright?”

“NEVER COMING BACK! HA HA HA HA HA! UNSTOPPABLE! UNTOUCHABLE! UNDEFEATABLE! HA HA HA HA HA!”

“Nyeh…?”

“I’LL BE ALL POWERFUL! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

“we’re going now-”

“I’LL BE THE ULTIMATE RULER!”

“Bye Dirt-Butt!”

I’ll be a GOD.