#walking by it made me nervous
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lady heading out was bitching abt her dog not following someone to their room. guess what wouldnt have happened if you leashed the damn thing?
#fucking leash your dogs#idc how 'nice' it is#or how tiny#predators are unpredictable#and when you run into someone afraid of dogs ???#(me im afraid of big dogs)#walking by it made me nervous#sorry i dont want your big dog jumping all over me#at least im big enough that i wont be knocked over#but guess what some people arent#UGH#sorry i just hate when people dont leash their friggin dogs
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I know realistically the answer is that Williams line spread out enough to have surviving branches post the original spire incident, but its really funny to imagine that afterwards my guy Willy went "well damm, guess I gotta fuck to rebuild my bloodline ://"
#fable#william black#scythe fable#sorry I'm tired and stressed and nervous and for some reason this made me cackle on my walk this morning djdnnddndn
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I’m shadowing at the vet clinic in 2 days and I’m clearly not nervous at all because I definitely didn’t have a long winding, distressing dream in which the veterinarian made me play a game in which leif had to throw food at people and maki kicked his ass so bad that leif fucking died but don’t worry because the vet was there and he has magic healing powers and he brought leif back to life but he made sure to mention for some reason that leif doesn’t have chlorophyll because he’s not a plant
#what’s up guys I’m not nervous in the slightest#there was more to the dream but that part was the most vivid#I slept through the whole night the other night for the first time in months and I was really hoping that it’d happen again#WRONG that was a fluke. woke up like 4 times#sigh OKAY!!!#if I disappear from the face of the earth on Monday it’s because I did something so embarrassing that I went to go live in a hole#it’s three hours what’s the worst I could do CLEARLY MY DREAM THINKS A LOT COULD GO WRONG#notes to self. do not show up an hour late. do not forget your shoes#and f-y-fucking-i do NOT quote finch holy SHIT#that was a horrible dream I made a total ass of myself#I fear it will come true because. I have a tendency to say and do the wrong thing#it is all replaying in my head…..the time a girl called me pretty and I just stared at her and walked away…….#the time I said ‘I don’t say thank you to anyone’ instead of ‘I’m not ignoring your compliment I just have selective mutism’#the time I accidentally angrily screamed ‘GOOD MORNING’ at an old man because I couldn’t control my tone of voice#< actually he deserved that lmao he yelled at me first. fuck that guy frfr that was traumatic#this is just my stream of consciousness atp hey guys I’ll shut up now
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not me curling my laptop charger wire the way you curl band equipment cords HAHAHA god i miss it
#i really said “okay big performance in the city square let's make this work” and i did but absolute fuckery of the manager just made me...#and she also used to complain about being an opening act-- like come on that's a nationally-renowned band and we're not there yet 😭#we used to fight a lot though so ack i really should have taken that as a red flag#but i was 14 and stupid 🤷♂️#being solo way better uM i shouldn't say this yet but i got a commission today audhauagah i don't even have a portfolio#fuck guys i'm so so so nervous from big changes in life because uM god i just came from actual hell with various things working to make me#kms#but uH we're uH not too keen on that anymore atm and uH it's probably going to all fuck up after i share that i have good news in life#but yk what#let's keep challenging god#i know he hates me#but we will not be defeated we will strangle him by the tie#AHHHH help me i want to get into music again pls pls pls pls pls#anyway back to my old band manager#she was known for being a shitwad in the scene anyw but i was young and stupid as i sais#and i defended her and rationalized her behavior because “we're friends right”#i'm starting to get why my mom is wary of people i get to know#i'm tbh a fucking idiot i would never admit that elsewhere (nah i do) uM my brain is bouncing off the walls#i took a bargain with 7pm coffee and look where it got me#i was also getting up there in my 5 days of uni absences agsgshags#DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THESE I KINDA HOPE NOW NO ONE DOES#IM KINDA UHHH MY CHILD THERAPIST SAID UNCONVENTIONAL#I THINK SHE MEANT FUCKING CRAZY#sorry#oh yeah i walked tf out the band after that big performance set up just for us because i couldn't keep working with that kind of environment#other bands started flocking to recruit or proxy after i was let go by my famously fucked-up ex-manager LOL#but um i have issues so i'm not among them and i think they get the message tbh#appears and disappears#that is actually my brand
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one day my anxiety is going to kill me
#just nervous rambles before i leave the house ignore me i feel like talking#meine belastbarkeit? geht gegen null#but hey at least i no longer get proper anxiety/panic attacks#i used to have attacks when going to my therapist i couldn't go in we would have to go for a walk lest i feel like i was about to die#i did cried yesterday and nothing bad happened just me being a fucking baby and terrified of messing up#and now i feel so much trepidation of because today is another day to mess up#it helps to think of one of my dogs and how scared she wasof going to the vet (and of other things and how brave she was)#we would have to carry her through the entrance lest she vomit#and there was no way to sooth her and explain what was happening#she would be paralyzed and just let things happen#and it helps to think about that and how she made it through and how i know what is happening and yes it is scary#but it is good and it's growth and i've grown so much and that i can do it if she could do it#it's silly but it has actually helped#meins
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Tuvok's father in law, Sokarn-He.
#if Tuvok said the sky was blue Sokarn-He would open a window to check v_v#T'Pel's always like 'father...you CHOSE him' and he always answers with a wave of his hand or going 'feh....'#grumpy old man...LOVES the grandkids though (he WILL give you chores if you go to his house it doesn't matter if you're related or not -#he's given Janeway chores.)#Sokarn-He's favorite things to are woodworking - grumbling - giving extremely sour candy to children & forcing everyone to go on long walks#He thinks Tuvok is pompous v_v#nervous about tomorrow (traveling) so I wanted to draw a lil something silly and family-ish <3 it makes me happy#[REDACTED] family shenanigans#sa'mekh-mnah is a fake term I made up roughly translates to 'father proposed' ... so an inlaw#bea art tag
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how to communicate that I hate being outside and hate going unfamiliar places alone even more so walking somewhere by myself during my free time is actually my idea of Hell
#I’m worried they think I’m upset or something but ☹️ I’m genuinely very happy to stay in the house#thought briefly about walking to the bookstore but it made me so nervous I cried a little#great!!!!
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thought about raskolnikov while listening to car seat headrest incident 39 dead 18407 injured
#literally every csh fits him but it was sober to death that made me snap#might make a parallel post with razumikhin at the end uprooting his life to siberia to “...begin a new life together” and the line#“dont worry / you and me wont be alone no more” because im dissolving into seafoam over it#not to mention the you can text me when punching mattresses gets old / dont think itll always be this way / not comforted by anything i say#oghgohhogohhhgh#and NERVOUS YOUNG INHUMANS GETS MY ASS TOO.#you never lifted your voice / you never raised your hand / i only showed you my inhuman / you understand#like what if i walke dinto the ocean#anontalks#sorry i post about music so much idk why thats always where my brain goes#eventually i will make organized playlist posts. someday. i have drafts for the brothers but i need to Cultivate them#<- also if you want to lose your mind think about ivan w any csh :)#the beach life in death i dont want to be insane / i dont want to have sc/hizophrenia (dont want to clog that tag)#that part of the song. so. so ivan
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I was nervous to wear my willy wonka shirt outside the house today, but the very first person I saw in public complimented it 😂😭
#yeah I’m still nervous to wear certain things#if I’m a walking billboard for something I love I get worried I’ll get made fun of#high school trauma still clings to me#monologue :: 💭
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so i finished the chem hw with i think an 80%. going to do the 3 labs now which is cool bc i always do fine with the labs theyre like never an issue. also i reread the syllabus bc i remember seeing extra credit on it and theres like 50some extra credit assignments that are also final exam review. and theyre a mix of hw and labs so you know gil will do them probably during thanksgiving break
#txt#my chem1 class had extra credit too but it only gave you a possible 5pts on the exam. and i earned 3pts haha#<- i made a 34 on my chem1 final which she gave me an extra 40pts to make it a 74 bc she was like.... you were one of 5 ppl to do the extra#credit. and she felt bad bc i was so nervous walking into the final. thanks i guess your class gave me mental anguish#anyway chem2 extra credit is 10pts for the final AND can replace 1 bad hw grade and 1 bad lab grade. so
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Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind
#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me#there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless#anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication#but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc#im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago#anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless#reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for#take it little steps at a time#celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call#the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more#instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much#i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc#also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them#and less alone in it all#because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are#the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end#volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and#i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually#like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that!#even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all#other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby#p
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👉🏽👈🏽
#I’m kinda nervous about our trip to universal now#I already knew it was going to be a lot of walking and that I’m going to be incredibly exhausting but hearing my best friend say it made me#a lot more nervous#the trip is for her cousin and I know she wants me there but I’m going to slow them down by a lot 🥹#they could get sooooo much done and a lot faster 🥺 I feel like I’m going to get so tired so quick because I AM fat and unhealthy and#she’s going to prioritize me and her cousin’s not going to have a good time#🥹 and then i mentioned that this summer I plan on walking laps around our city’s biggest park and they laughed#they as in my best friend and another friend and no not in a mean way no she wouldn’t ever#more of haha yep gotta prepare#but it still hurt a little because yeah#I do have to prepare#I need to get my body used to walking for long periods of time and I wanna lose a little big of my stomach so I don’t have to do the walk of#shame from the rides. the friend already said one of them isn’t for big girls 😭😭 I’m still gonna try it but I’ll need to be prepared to be#rejected#anyways im 🥹 sometimes I really wish I wasn’t me that I could have been born with a more socially acceptable body#I can’t even feel that way comfortably though because I am the way I am by my own fault#melifails
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Fifty-Fifty dance practice (Alter Ego ver.)
#bae173#nugudom#kflops#peaktimenet#malegroupsnet#* my gifs#nkd.gif#173.gif#173.grp#made these 540 with intentions of being 1 per row but now they're two so sorry if your device hates scrolling by ^___^#these are all over the place to me >_< ah well. i am posting these and immediately walking away#they're so silly im obsessed with this vid but i was always told ''don't run with lollipops in your mouth'' so watching them Dance with#them in their mouths made me so nervous 😭 especially in moments where they were diving to the floor lmao
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Second first date ever ☑️
#it went well. once again I’m not like. head over heels suddenly in love.#but I would like to meet again unlike with the last person where I kind didn’t care to see again.#im still a little nervous of sudden hand holding. I kept my hands on my backpack straps because I’m socially inept.#we walked close together and they sat close to me on a bench which made me nervous#not that that they would like attack me or something. but because I just have no experience#being physically close to people lmao#this persons older than my first date and I feel like that reflected a bit in how we got along. kinda dorky. little shy at first.#I guess only subsequent dates will tell. but I think I should send a text saying hey if we meet again it needs to be slow and see if#they’re fine with that.
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Call It What You Want, False God, Hoax, Lavender Haze, Sweet Nothing
#something something the rejection of form#‘call it what you want’ instead of a label#‘they say the road gets hard and you get lost when you’re led by blind faith but we might just get away with it’#instead of being led by something clear-eyed! walking on the hard road with your eyes open!#‘your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in’ instead of keeping faith#‘I just wanna stay in that lavender haze’ instead of letting love grow and take root and become fully itself#‘all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing’ instead of what he should have wanted which was EVERYTHING#it’s been a theme!! and actually all of these bits have made me VERY nervous all along#this is me admitting i need a music tag
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hi mutuals not to doxx myself but im in boston literally rn :D 🤯🤯🤯
#purrs#took a 2.8 mile walk around the hotel and tmrrw i have a session at 8:30 am that i have to be up at6 for so i can get ready and rehearse#bc i haven’t rehearsed at all to this point LAWLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰and im goi ng to. a scary fancy dinner tmrrw night lole. but it’ll all be ok. this k#kinda feels insane and fake like all of it. and my melon carton spilled in the subway and it was so embarrassing and i was very stressed. im#nervous but excited i wish this all felt realer but it’s nice and im excited to see more of boston. kinda crazy to be in a city where ppl#are alive and there are lots of sights and smells and sounds and things and it’s just there all the time every day. also kinda crazy to be#in massachusetts as a destination when the last time i was here as a destination both my grandparents were alive and their house existed 😃✌️#but i am trying not to think about that. but if i get to visit faneuil square i might cry lol#conference tag#also i have HORRIBLE motion sickness like even lying in bed under the covers i still feel like im on the train and the ground is swaying#underneath me…. wtf 👩🏻 but it’s fine. i am a normal girl i made it to boston and i have 2.5 days left here and iam looking forward to living#them and having smth to look forward to every day 🥳I just need to not be nervous. but also we are doing orientation in the BALLROOM and it’s#fucking massive like why’d they make it so big 😭😭😭😭😭 help
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