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shinahbee · 4 years ago

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January Favorites 2021!

GREETINGS

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February 06. 2021

Hello,

I actually wrote a lot for this month, perfect way to start off the new year! I have been catching up and watching some dramas and some of the new anime this season, which i’ll discuss a few down below. I’m just realizing that the manhwa recommendations list is growing very long and it reading those titles that i have discussed made me reminisce on some of them and most of which I would re read again. I tried to read some shoujo manga again and thought the stories were shit, so i don’t think i’ll ever go back. I’m thinking of starting some shoujo manhwa’s because I have a few titles that seemed like they might have an interesting plot line. I’ll list in in my favorites if I do end up reading those, but so far i’m still filtering the BL titles .lol.

I’m just going to put this out there now before you read the “Hell segment” I mentioned a few titles that were popular that i dropped and I listed the reasons why i dropped it, they are popular for a reason and if you like that and don’t take the plot line too seriously then that’s on you, but i don’t like the subject matter being glorified rather than “lesson learned” if you know what i’m saying so take my comments down there with a grain of salt...it’s just how i read it and interpreted the subject matter, it has nothing to do with the creator and their thoughts. This is going to apply to all of my reviews, they are just my opinions only so don't take what i say seriously if it you are offended that i happen to diss your favorite manga.

Anyways, i have no music recommendations this month all i have been listening to is podcasts, so listening to people talk about nothing.lol. That’s what my life has come to...

If you would like I can share a few that I have been listening to, let me know.

Alright, you all have a lot to read to i’ll just end here.

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MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS

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Recap:

Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

Social temperature (ongoing)

Salad days (ongoing)

To be or not to be (ongoing)

Path to you (completed)

Here u are (completed)

BJ alex (completed)

No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

Unintentional love story (ongoing)

Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

Semantic Error (ongoing)

Tied up in Twins (Completed)

My Suha (ongoing)

Crash into me (Completed)

Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

So crash into you is now finished and you can now read the entire thing, so happy it ended really well and of course if you have seen my last favorites journal I made and entire post dedicated to this manhwa. The story is really heart breaking and definitely deals with more adult and mature content and it really is disturbing in some parts, so viewer discretion is advised.

That’s all i have to announce as an update, the rest is still ongoing. This month I came up with certain themes for my hell segment, last month I started with some manhwa that all had a common theme of Scum antagonists that you will run into when reading these manhwa, some of which ranges from mild inconvenience to this piece of shit should be set on fire. If you have not read that please check it out and watch me rant about stupid people.

This week featured another theme that you will run into reading shounen ai/ yaoi manhwa and manga, it’s a very universal theme of “threesomes”...I don’t get it, I don’t get why people think that’s okay to have three dicks in a room...i’m like there’s three dicks here, that’s way too many..lol. to each their own I guess, but i’ve selected three to talk about that also deals with mature themes and a bunch of people making poor decisions.

But before that, let’s talk about the normal shounen ai manhwa/manga that I have to recommend this month.

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Welcome to heaven

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1) Inner Beauty:

“Minjae’s been dumped. Fed up with their long distance relationship, his actress girlfriend Hye-Eun left him while he was “finding himself” in Australia. When Minjae rushes home and runs into Hye-Eun and her gorgeous new man, Woochan, at the airport, drama ensues. Amidst the chaos, the two love rivals bang heads. Upon waking, they discover they’ve changed bodies! Why have they switched? How will they cope? Will they ever be able to go back? Find out as Minjae and Woochan embark on a journey that takes “self-discovery” to a whole new level!”

Firstly this reminded me of the k-drama secret garden, if you have seen it you know that the main protagonists switched bodies at some point and with this manhwa, it happens in the first chapter. I liked how the relationship between the two boys started with minjae’s girlfriend leaving him for another man woochan, and after minjae and woochan switched bodies because he wanted to give the girlfriend a necklace as a gift , he switched bodies with woochan after bumping into him. They went to a shaman to seek out various ways to get back into their bodies while they find out things about each other that they were not aware of, in the end minjae and woochan were drawn to each other. The necklace is a tribal ornament that has a mysterious power to show a person’s past through their dreams. It seems that the reason why their bodies keep switching was because there was another necklace that was similar that was supposed to be it's partner; they go a try to search for the mysterious phenomenon surrounding the necklace that leads to their relationships with other people changing.

my favorite part of this story is that woochan and his father didn't get along very well because of a misunderstanding, while other parents didn't admit to their mistakes, woochan's father wanted to do so and repair his relationship with woochan, which made the story more compelling. Theres so many manga plot lines whee the parent is abusive and harsh and never did they think it was thier fault, but in this story woochan's father mans up to the things he did and how it affected woochan and i'm really happy about that.

Another thing I like about this story is the end where woochan who was an actor turned director made a film about his and minjae’s relationship because he wanted their story to be remembered and inspire other relationships that were similar to their own to overcome their hardships. This story has so much meaning and it’s something I would recommend to anyone who just likes a good story.

2) False Memories (lee gpiee):

” Wan’s got a face that scares everyone away before he can really become friends with anyone. So when Ha-woon befriends Wan on his first day at his new school, Wan is elated. Ha-woon must be an angel! It doesn’t take long, though, for Ha-woon to betray him in a terrible way, and Wan discovers Ha-woon might be more devil than angel. But then an accident happens that gives Wan a second chance at friendship with his angel. And it all starts with one big, fat lie.”

This one is really interesting, it is about a boy named wan and he was the new transfer student at a new school and how despite how he looks he wanted make friends this time around. Hawoon met wan when he was climbed off of a tree and fell on him, he immediately took a liking to him and befriended him, being very grateful to have finally met a friend he wanted to be a very likable person to hawoon, but then it was discovered that hawoon had many secrets and is not the kind person he is portrayed to be. There was an incident where one of his followers was spying on him and he wanted wan to essentially beat that person up in front of his other gang members. Obviously wan didn’t want that and this caused some strife between the two of them and wan began to be bullied by hawoon and his gang members. Later hawoon was trying to escape from his brother who went to his apartment to look for him and ran into wan who hides him over night, things tooka turn for the worse when hawoon thinks wan is being really nosy about his business and pushes him away and that is when the guy who hawoon wanted to beat up his him on the head and hawoon woke up with amnesia. Being the only person who had witnessed that, wan brought hawoon back to his place, when hawoon woke up with no previous memories of wan he lied to him claiming to be his best friend and the tow of them started to pursue this new friendship, of course things don’t last forever and the both of them discovered that hawoon in fact had many secrets that he preferred to keep under wraps especially about his family.

I know a lot of comments have said that it was stupid to lie to him about being friends but I understand that it was wan’s way to know the real hawoon. Hawoon’s personality was built by the lack of trust he has received from people and he was never able to open up to a person about anything. I really liked how the incident ended up saving their relationship in the end and they have a lot of cute moments together while going from being friends to being in love with each other. This is a very wholesome story and if you like that plot you will like this story, it really is not complicated.

3) Hand in Hand:

“While running a small pharmacy in the outskirts of the city, Sam meets a mysterious and out of place patient. This man named noah who was covered in bruises every time he had stopped by the pharmacy, Sam noticed that he seems to be in worse shape every time they meet and became curious as to why that might be, one day he saw noah getting into a shady van with a bunch of people and discovered that this town had a secret that kept everyone involved very secretive. Noah who was discovered to be a part of that society still goes and sees sam in order to be close to him, sam was then reeled into his world and became part of that society that was kept hidden.”

Sorry I had to write that summary on my own cause I could not find a good summary, so basically the pharmacy was inherited by Sam when his father passed away in this small town, there was no one to take over for him so Sam had to give up his dream of staying away from this town to moving back to take over the family business, There one night upon closing he meets a man covered in bruises while coming in to buy some alcohol and cigarettes, he treated him because it looked painful and was curious about him,

This curiosity escalated when he saw him get into a van with a bunch of ugly dudes, the pharmacy assistant said that there were gangs running around and it was best to avoid these people. Sam made the assumption that it was these men that were beating that man up and decided to pull him away from them. Noah then introduced himself to sam as they walk back to noahs apartment and he showed some interest in sam and asked what he wanted as payment for his treatment, Sam of course didn’t want anything which made noah surprised, but relayed to him that the offer still stands when he feel like telling him.

Not only being curious that noah shows up in front of him each time with more bruises but the fact that he may have discovered the town had a secret.

It was in fact an underground gambling scene that caused a lot of people to be very irritable, noah was involved in this and called it “work” as he had a debt to pay back to the person that took him in. Sam didn’t want to be involved but because of his interest in noah the two of them became romantically involved upon a few meetings and Sam started to develop feelings for him and likewise noah was in love with Sam. I’m not going to spoil the end because it was really intense, if you like mysterious plot points to your story this one will do the trick, it will keep you guessing as to what will happen next.

4) Stanning 101:

“Ji-Yul Park is an ordinary office worker who spends his spare time stanning a boy group, unlock and more specifically it’s leader, Jay.One day, he time travels back to his past where he encounters Juno, another idol and becomes his manager.What happenes when Juno develops feelings for Ji-Yul? Would Ji-Yul choose loyalty with Juno or his fanboy fantasy with Jay? And what is the purpose for Ji-Yul traveling back to the past-what is he supposed to repair or change?”

I’m not going to lie this title...don’t let it fool you, I thought this was going to be a satire on the whole K-pop fandom and just a story poking fun at k-pop fans...but boy was I fooled..LOL. This summary doesn’t even begin to describe how deep this story goes.

So as the summary says it’s about a fan named ji yul who is a stan of a group called “unlock” and his favorite member Jay was going to leave for military service and he was really bummed about not being able to see him for a while, so he went out drinking with his friends who share the same interest and cried his eyes out wishing that he could go back to the time when jay and his group first debuted.

And of course....that happened some how he was enabled into a time skip backwards to when the group first debuted. He first met up with a roommate that he was going to be sharing a room with, this was none other than juno a trainee a small company, Juno was a sensation later on in history and he was a rival of the unlock, and of course being a stand of jay he didn’t like the idea of being around juno. Upon meeting ji yul was already drunk and the next morning found juno and him had slept on the same bed, this made things between them awkward. But upon a series of events he became juno’s manager and inevitably began to understand the person juno is and how hard he worked, as well as his ties with jay. While trying to figure out what was the reason for the time skip he met another person who was sent back to the same time for a different reason his name was suho, and suho was here for another person named rose who was a in a different group. Rose is a sunbae of Juno’s and the two of them are acquainted, But there was something about Rose that was alluring and that made his “ sponsors” want to see him all the time, this lead to a lot of conflict within his group, saying that he’s the kind of person who would sleep around with anyone that has money.

Suho was a fan of rose and the reason he came back was because in his time he had found out that Rose had committed suicide, now....this is a topic that i feel very strongly about as you may know if you listen to k-pop news there are certain group members from famous groups that have committed suicide as of late, a lot of which was diagnosis of depression,

This story deals with not only suho having had gone through depression and suicide attempts but Rose who was going through that as well, Suho wanted to make sure rose stays alive, so when he was able to meet him he did all he can to be beside him and get him away from these sponsors that clearly only want one thing from him. This had made rose and suho close enough to develop romantic feelings towards each other, it gave rose the courage to confront the ceo from the company. In the end the company ceo was being a dick and tried to force rose to sleep with these people in order to get chances to be on screen and promote their group. One of their members knew from the start what rose had to go through and after rose was being hunted down by the ceo after disappearing, the member took footage from the ceo of all the nasty things he made rose do and gave it to Suho? I don’t remember this part well, but suho somehow go the usb footage and saw that rose had been sexually abused and assaulted by those men. Rose had went to see suho at the time and saw that he found the footage, at that moment he wanted to jump off the railings because he felt ashamed, but suho explained that it was rose’s music that saved him from doing the same thing he tried to do which was of course suicide.

Needless to say, at least in this story suho’s love for rose was able to keep him alive and as soon as suho w able to convey that he had disappeared and asked rose to find him in the future. I chose to write about Suho’s story because I just want to put it out there that suicide and depression are real struggles and to please seek help as soon as you can. Back to ji yul and juno, they in fact had developed feelings for each other and ji yul was sent back because he was in car accident with juno and in the both of them lost their memory of each other that was why ji yul only remembered Jay and being a fan of unlock while not remembering the times he shared with juno and how much he loved him. This made. He was able to tell juno after some time that he is in fact from the future and the both of them tried different ways to preserve the time that they had before ji yul would be sent back. Ji yul tried to defy fate but it turns out the accident happened to juno being in the car without having him there, meaning things will still take its course and you can cheat fate. So ji yul grabbed juno who was still unconscious and put him into the passenger’s seat and said his goodbyes to him, wishing for them to meet again even though knowing that it could be impossible for them to be together in the future he drove into the upcoming traffic. Ji yul woke up again back in the time he belonged the only thing he can remember was seeing juno’s picture in front of him and tears leaving his eyes.

Omg this is a k-drama all in one package, this is where i’ll stop because the manhwa is not finished, so if you liked my summary of it so far please read the actual thing, you will not be disappointed, I promise you.

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Welcome to hell

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I don’t know how to begin this segment after writing all of that for the heaven’s segment, those stories were just so good compared to the trash that i’m about to share here. But most of the trashiest stories have more complex plot points than normal stories. I mean you need to go through hell to come out the other side right?

*warning* this section talks about mature content! 18+ only, read at your own risk!

Let’s begin then.

1) Private lessons:

“Hajoon has been crushing on Eun-woo ever since they started college together, but he hasn’t had any opportunities to get close with him. At least they have a class together this semester: a lecture taught by the popular Professor Seo Joohyuk. Hours after the first class, Hajoon remembers he left his assignments in the classroom. Upon reaching the lecture hall, he becomes witness and accomplice to a series of private lessons Joo-hyuk is giving Eun-woo—lessons that unleash his own deepest, riskiest desires.”

I’m starting off strong ...oh where to begin? This story has so many messed up characters, I’d have to say all three of them are messed up. Firstly I don’t care if your professor looks like a dilf (urban dictionary if you don’t know what it means) you should never get involved with them. Lol. And I don’t know what school you people go to to have professors that look like this...all of mine were crusty old men who were mean and arrogant.

I makes me sick to think that there are some older men that would take advantage of people like the way Joohyuk did with Eunwoo and Hajoon. Hajoon just wanted to get Eunwoo’s attention, but because of joohyuk, he took “notice me senpai” to the next level. but I guess i understand from hajoon’s point of view that if he does nothing, he will never be change his relationship, so if he liked him then getting involve would be a way in. Eunwoo was so enthralled with joohyuk that he would just be a sex partner knowing that he would never have potential feelings for him in the end. I did feel sorry for him at first but then there was this part in the story where they were all preparing for this festival thing and he and hajoon were in a group and had to be waiters for the night of the festival, this was when eunwoo started to somewhat show interest in hajoon. Then that fricken dilf was like “you’re doing things on your own and i’m going to show you why you shouldn’t defy me...” or something like that, asserting dominance saying that eunwoo would always choose me over you to hajoon, and indeed on the night of the festival when he was supposed to work, shit went down between hajoon and this senior and fight broke out while hajoon was defending eunwoo , only later to find out that eunwoo was screwing the dilf in his office while all this was going on, I think i felt my veins snap...this idiot had the audacity to f around with that dilf while hajoon was working his ass off and even defended him. Smh....anyways in the end Eunwoo fell in love with hajoon and gave up on his feelings over joohyuk, knowing that joohyuk will always look at his other partner seojin. So in the end it worked out, but this whole story is a dumpster fire of trash.

So moral of this story is don’t get involved with dilfs, don't simp for them...lol. Just don’t do it. I don’t recommend this story for the content but if you are into trash and BDSM, then maybe this is the one for you.

2) Behind the scenes:

“Korea’s hunkiest top model Woo Taeyoung has decided to try his hand at acting once more. No more of those teen heartthrob roles, Taeyoung has his eyes set on a much more…mature role. And when he finds out his idol, the dreamy Koo Min-ki, is set to be one of the main actors of the film, he is even more determined to get the role as his co-star. The two seem to have a natural chemistry with each other…both on and off screen. Will this end up helping their performances? Or will it cause their worlds to come crashing down?”

This story is a also a dumpster fire of flaming garbage, it starts off with a model turned actor named taeyoung who works mainly as a model but is secretly a fan boy of another famous actor named minki and he went to his fan signing in disguise, only to be discovered by the fans and cause a racket and minki ended up injuring himself. This caused taeyoung to be able to meet minki in the most embarrassing way, but he wanted to make it up to him by helping him until his injury was recovered. One night minki was driven home by taeyoung and they ran into another popular actor named wonho...(monsta x..lol. i’m so kidding don't kill me...) and this dude saw minki coming out of taeyoung’s car and immediately became violent...

there it is red flag!

Turns out wonho was minks boyfriend, taeyoung only knew that his favorite actor minki was in a 10 year long relationship with his girlfriend, says the media, but he didn’t know that it was a man...and this violent piece of shit at that. Taeyoung had heard rumors of wonho being excessively violent to anyone who comes near minki and anyone who has worked with him always was threatened by wonho. So even though taeyoung reluctantly left minki with wonho he still was really worried, rightfully so.

Wonho is the worst kind of garbage out there; even being in a relationship he still forced minki into having sex with him. This is rape, even if you are in a relationship it means the same thing it’s non consensual and disgusting. Not only this but being violent to everyone that is near minki, is enough for anyone to end this relationship. But minki was that idiot who believed that the old wonho he once knew would come back one day and so this ongoing relationship abuse lasted for a long time. Taeyoung of course got an opportunity to make his acting debut, and auditioned for the of minki’s character’s lover, it was the first queer film in production so to the director it was a passion project that he wanted to see succeed. He passed the audition and showed his potential and chemistry with minki on screen very well, so the director was happy casting him in the role. But of course guess who finds out and showed up on the film set...wonho. He obviously made minki uncomfortable and also taeyoung, but in series of events taeyoung went to the bathroom and found wonho and minki making out inside and realized the person he admired was gay and was in a relationship with wonho for a long time. Later on he got to know minki more and found that he had romantic feelings towards him rather than just admiration. Because minki and wonho’s relationship was abusive minki was contemplating on ending it but didn’t have the courage to, it was taeyoung who showed genuine feelings for minki that was able to push minki to move forward. So while this was going on, wonho was in fact being sponsored by a certain person in order to get roles in his acting career, this person was taeyoung’s cousin...yeah i know messed up,. This dude is very toxic and made things go wrong between wonho and minki and that’s how their relationship went downhill for 10 years. Anyways to sum it all up a lot of stuff went down and wonho’s actions were no longer acceptable and as soon as minki found out this ongoing sexual relationship between wonho and taeyoung’s cousin, he broke it off with him finally and moved around different places for a while since wonho would not leave his apartment he couldn’t go back. Taeyoung and minki ended up dating each other now and he succeeded as a model turned actor with this role. Wonho after a series of events was able to let minki go after seeing him one last time and apologizing for everything he’s done to him. The movie was very successful and won many awards and the ending of the series just showed taeyoung and minki talking about their relationship on screen and off screen to the viewers...hence the title “behind the scenes”

Okay this trash made me angry and sad at the same time since it talked about a relationship that has gone bad and two people refusing to leave it since they have been together for a long time. You know when you should end things and if a person starts to change there is no way for them to be the same again. So all in all this story is really good for depicting all sorts of relationship issues and drama. I would say yes give this read because the story itself says a lot about the writer and how they think. This is one of those stories the pull you into the depths of hell and once you resurface your see things in a different perspective.

3) Turn off the camera:

“Yeon Jihoon is the leader of an idol group that’s hit a dead-end in their career. Now, he’s received a golden opportunity to save his group: a spot on the year’s most anticipated reality show, where he’ll spend two weeks living and filming with top stars Do Yoojin and Seon Yohan. The one threat to the show’s success? Yoojin and Yohan won’t stop having sex with each other. To stop a scandal from tanking the show and his career, Jihoon must keep his co-stars’ antics hidden from the cameras at all costs. Will Jihoon be able to keep these steamy shenanigans a secret for two weeks? And will he survive when both of his co-stars turn their attention on him?”

This is some straight up kinky garbage, like the description says, jihoon got the opportunity to promote his group by becoming a member in an upcoming reality show with two popular actors, the show is a reality show of the three of them living together doing daily activities while cameras are installed in their home. You can see where this is going right? When jihoon first arrived into the house to greet the other two actors; yoojin and yohan and he found the two of them in a room having doing sexual acts and even tried to cover for them when the camera crew arrived up stairs in the room.

After several attempts of the other two actors having sex at different points in time jihoon became very aware of the fact that they were doing this for the fun of not being able to get caught having sex on camera. So basically this was like a fun game to the two actors.

Yoojin and yohan were caught the third time by jihoon while having sex on the kitchen table and so the three of them had a discussion and jihoon made them sign an agreement not to touch him...of course that didn’t work and he was caught in unfortunate circumstances surrounding the both of them, to the point where both sex partners started to want to pursue jihoon for themselves.lol

This manhwa is just straight up kinky trash, it is meant to be a satire on three some relationships and not meant to be taken seriously, so just going by that, there’s not much point to the story, it’s not in depth it’s just interesting to watch jihoon reject these actors advances in order to save his virginity.lol. I feel like from the recent chapters jihoon maybe more interested in yoojin than yohan so i’m waiting to see if yohan even has a chance to be on jihoon’s radar.

This is still ongoing and it only has 20 chapters so far so i don’t have that much to say about it, this was just something really normal in terms of yaoi to read while I was reading some dark stories, the art is really nice too if that is of any interest to you.

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So there are a couple of series that are quite popular that I have left out because I have dropped then fairly early on. one series called “Hate or Love” which i started a while back then and didn’t like the whole plot of having an abusive sibling forcing another sibling into a sexual relationship... i’m like nope...

This manhwa should have just been called “ Domestic boyfriend” I would have avoided it all together, because I have read “Domestic girlfriend” it is essentially the theme, and a giant dumpster fire of flaming garbage.

The main reason i stopped it was because the other person that I was hoping the main guy would end up with didn’t end up as the “ winner” well from what the comments said anyways, cause i stopped fairly early on when i found out the guy i liked was not going to be the end game, that makes me sad cause from the early chapters that i have read, there was a lot of sexual tension between the two of them and I was hoping this author would not push abusive sibling relationship as the plot...but looks like she did ...and i don’t care for it and find it gross...but that’s my morals, even if they were not siblings by blood they grew up together as siblings...that’s still vastly inappropriate. I'm used to it since I grew up with Japanese anime and manga with incest themes, but it still bothers me.... Vampire knight...

Even if they were not even related, i still would not like that red haired dude regardless cause his character seems like a dick, and i don’t think he suffered enough consequences for his actions to make him a redeemable character in my opinion. And also...out of 7 billion people on this earth, you would rather be with your brother...smh.

Also if we are talking about using sibling relationships in a sexual way as a plot line, then how i interpret this manhwa is that it is focused on more of glorifying abuse and sexual relations between siblings rather than making the subject matter more serious, if you know what I mean. But to each their own if you just read it because it interests you then feel free to do so, i’m not interested and decided to just drop it early on.

The other one is called “ Yours to claim” another popular series but again I don’t like dark haired dude, I think he’s a dick and if it was me I’d choose the blonde guy, he seems like he would be a person that would treat me better. I just don’t understand the appeal of being treated like shit by people, if anyone treats you like that...please dump their ass! Because It’s not okay! Both of these have the “ other guy “ as the better option for a potential relationship but they always choose the other messed up abusive/ bad boy and i just don’t why...i just feel disappointed but literally not surprised since it’s an ongoing trope in any sort of romance based media.

But needless to say there is nothing for us as the audience to do but to read them, we don't make any calls on who the person ends up with and the plot lines that happen in the story, so that is that i guess.

I’m having a mental breakdown just thinking about these two series, i included then briefly cause they fall into this weeks’ theme of trash.

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MUSIC

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Nothing special to share in this department this month, mostly listening to podcasts .lol.

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K-DRAMAS/SHOWS

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The tale of nokdu:

I described this drama as the mulan reversal, if you know the story of mulan, she dresses up as a man and goes into the imperial army camp to fight in the war in place of her father, nokdu is an adopted child that was suddenly hunted down by a bunch of assassins one day and instead of fleeing with his father and older brother he decided to follow the assassin into the city since he was able to injure them in the leg. He followed the assassin into town and was almost able to catch them when he was suddenly arrested from a disturbance another young man in town has caused. Later he found out that the assassin was heading to a village that was out of sight and exclusively to women, in order for him to go in he would need to dress up as a woman, the opportunity arose when he helped a young woman escape from the village with her husband and she gave him her clothes in exchange for his to escape. He then infiltrates the village and now has to chase after the assassin and try to kill the mastermind behind the assault on his family. But what he discovers was more than what it seems. This is 16 episodes and is completed if you want to watch it; I recommend it since its really good.

True beauty:

Everyone and their mother is watching this web toon turned drama, I say this cause my sister who gave up watching any k-dramas watched this one and read it...this is something, she doesn’t like a lot of things so i decided to watch it after she told me it was good. I watched it and I didn’t like it mainly because the problems in here is very much a young adult type of problem, like having acne and having to deal with bullies at school, these are all problems you mainly deal with when younger so none of this drama is relatable so I didn’t enjoy it. If you like the high school romance drama setting you might like this, but I have watched so much more meaningful dramas, this doesn’t do it for me.

That’s all the dramas I have watched so far, I mainly have been listening to podcasts instead of watching anything, I find it hard to find an interesting drama to watch these days, I have been enjoying listening to people talk about nothing lol.

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ANIME

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Haikyuu:

Finished Haikyuu season 4 part 2, I left this for a while so that all the episodes were finished and every time I watch it i gives me the same feeling every time. This part focuses on a lot of characters that were not fully flushed out in the first few seasons, like tanaka and nishinoya and one of the bench players...i forgot his name. I really like their portrayal of hinata this season he really is the saving grace of karasuno, not because of his obscure skills in volleyball or incredible stamina but because he’s playing volleyball because he loves it and it is fun even if the stakes are high. I feel a lot of the players here this season were so stressed they forgot that the game is supposed to be fun, and he keeps reminding them that it is what it is and that they should live in the moment. I loved seeing that develop in his character because i feel like there was too much focused on kageyama for a while and I wanted to see more of hinata’s growth.

So I was pleased with season 4 and I can’t wait to see more, haikyuu is really one of those anime that people are widely talking about now and it really is well deserved.

Skate the infinity:

Another sports anime about skate boarding, the animation is really nice and art style is really beautiful. I know there are so many sports anime out there now but this one is really interesting, I like the relationship between the two main characters reki and langa, it reminds me of the friendship between riku and sora in Kingdom hearts, reki teaches langa how to skate board from scratch and langa being a previous snow boarder was able to race one of the best contenders in the underground skating rink and beat them in a match but of course he isn’t a genius so he wanted to learn everything from the ground up since he thought it was fun. Lol. I like seeing the progress so far in their skating journey, this anime is really wholesome.

Dr. Ramune mysterious disease specialist:

This is a very satire anime, It is really comedic and deals with a doctor treating weird diseases, like the first episode there was a girl with a disease that made her cry out condiments as tears. It's actually very interesting in terms of the types of diseases they treat in each episode and how he uses these magical items to do so, that is a really bad explanation for this show but please watch it .It’s interesting so far and I’ll write more as it finishes.

so as a finishing statement, I hope you all enjoyed the favorites for January, I have been able to catch up on a lot of things which is why I have so many things to talk about this month, I already have the next theme for the Hell segment planed out for next month, so I can't wait to share that, if you like the manhwa recommendations and my excessive ranting so far.

until then. please take care of yourself and your love ones ! lunar new years is coming up, have a great year and I hope 2021 will be a lot better please follow me on my social media listed below if you'd like

thanks!

sheena

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Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

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angelbabyszn · 4 years ago

Note

Oh it's okay. Would you consider writing a Cesar x Reader story where Reader is Oso's little sister? Like Cesar and Monse has a fight and shows up at Oso's house in the middle of the night and Oso calls out for Reader? Then fluff between Cesar and Reader?

Honestly (Cesar X Reader)

Requested!

Masterlist

N/N - Nickname

"Y/N, make sure you are home straight after school. I want to say bye before doing this big mission with the gang." said Oso, your big brother as he turned down another street in his car with you in the passenger's seat taking you to school.

"Please don't tell me y'all are robbing again. That's what got Spooky locked up the first time. I swear, I don't know you no more." you said as you looked out your window, not looking at your brother upset.

"I'm still the same brother. Just maturity hit me." said Oso. You rolled your eyes knowing he's nowhere near before he joined the gang.

"Not in a good way." you said underneath your breath but Oso heard it.

"Don't say that! I'm offended that you think I'm not the same person! I am!" shouted Oso while glancing at you. He pulls up at Freeridge High.

"Yeah, whatever. Home after school. Got it. Bye!" you said while quickly getting out of the car and shutting your door.

"Wait!" shouted Oso through the closed window that you heard but you ignore him. You started to walk down to enter the school's property.

A few moments later, you saw Oso's car slowly moving along beside you on the street in the corner of your eye but you ignore it and continue walking like he's not there trying to get your attention.

A moment later, you heard Oso beeping his horn at the wheel repeatedly while moving slowly down the street. Some students notice and look at you puzzled.

You growled furiously and in embarrassment. You know Oso won't stop until you go talk to him again.

You quickly go over to his car and open the passenger's door to see him with a huge goofy grin. He was glad that he got your attention again by slightly embarrassing you.

"How about we go to the beach on Saturday and have fun like we used to as kids? To prove that I'm still the same brother you knew three years ago." asked Oso, looking at you happily.

You look at him furiously because he had to embarrass you today before the school day even started.

"Really?" you said with a small smile, changing expressions quickly.

You can't remember the last time you hung out with your brother. You miss when both of you stayed up all night, beating each other in video games, and playing on the beach, your favorite place to hang out together.

"Really. I miss hanging out with my little sis. I'm going to take a break to spend time with you this weekend. I know I've been distant from you but the only reason I joined was to keep you protected in the first place." said Oso looking at you, seriously.

You are grateful that the gang protects you but you miss your time with your brother. You don't know how much time you have with him before something happens. It scares you he's the only family you have left.

"Well, okay. Great. Now, can you please not embarrass me at school?" you asked looking at him with puppy eyes. This usually works on him.

"Y/N. I'm a Santo. That s*it doesn't work no more on me." Oso said and you pouted with your arms crossed against your chest. causing him to laugh.

"Bye Santo." you said and you shut the passenger door and start to walk towards the school again. Oso rolls down his driver window and pokes his head out the window.

"Bye, N/N! Love you!" shouted Oso with a smile. You look back at him to see him.

"Love you!" you shouted back and you entered the school.

You did a relieved sigh until you were pulled to the side by two familiar people.

"Jamal. Ruby. Oh my god." you said after jumping from both of them pulling you to the rest area of the school.

"Sorry Y/N. We got big problems." said Jamal looking at you all tense.

You look at him concerned and turn your head to Ruby quickly nodding in response.

"What's the problem?" you asked and Jamal and Ruby look at each other with the same idea in their head.

You look at them in confusion and are afraid because you have absolutely NO idea what they are thinking of.

"Oh my gosh, are you guys forcing me to do something I don't want to do?" you asked annoyed.

"Um...kinda?" said Ruby uncertain, making you even more confused as you looked at your two guy friends in front of you.

"I've just missed her so much." said Cesar crying on one of the tables in an empty classroom on the second floor.

Jamal, Ruby, and you just look at Cesar with weird faces as he cries in front of you.

"So...what do you want me to do?" you asked looking at the guys beside you with a puzzled face.

"Comfort him." said Jamal with an obvious face, making your eyes widened.

"Guys, no! I told y'all I'm not being the mom of this group again!" you said looking at them annoyed

"Why not? You're so good at it!" said Ruby looking at you with bright eyes.

"This whole friend group doesn't take my advice and does the exact opposite of what I said!" you said and cross your arms against your chest.

"Come on, Y/N. He needs you. Monse broke his heart again." said Ruby.

"Why should I even bother? He's gonna get back with her tonight. We ALL know that!" you said rolling your eyes.

For some reason, you felt your heart burn, making you feel hurt through your body but you ignore it.

"Y/N, please." said Jamal softly and you turned from him to Cesar looking at you upset.

You groaned and handed your backpack to Ruby quickly which caused him to lose balance a bit by the weight. You walk over to Cesar and sit next to him.

"There, there." you said looking at Cesar while carefully patting his back. He looks at you crazy, making you chuckle.

Cesar seeing you laugh a bit makes him gain a small smile and he chuckles back.

"Y'all are weird." said Ruby and the final bell rang for first class.

Jamal and Ruby quickly left without saying goodbye knowing the gym teacher would be furious if you're late.

Cesar fixes himself as you grab your backpack off of the ground Ruby dropped rushing out.

You walk out of the classroom and start heading to English until you hear your name. You turn back to see Cesar jogging up until he starts walking the same pace as you.

"Thanks for comforting me." said Cesar, looking at you while holding his backpack with the left strap on his back.

"You're welcome? I don't think I did anything for real." you said chucking, making Cesar have a small smile on his face.

"You actually did. You beside me, having your hand on your back," He grabs your left hand softly after he stops walking. You stop walking and look down at your hand he was holding.

You look back at him to see a small smile on his face as he looks down at you.

"And looking into my eyes, makes me all better. I appreciate you, Y/N. A lot. Don't ever think you're not using your talent for nothing. I will always appreciate it." said Cesar. Your eyes widened as you felt your heart skip a beat a couple of times by what he said.

"Oh wow. Thanks, C-Cesar. I've never thought you would say anything like that." you said, stuttering a bit as you looked at his eyes, still amazed.

"I got it from N/N. You know her?" asked Cesar looking at you with a grin, making you giggle.

"I'll pass it to them." you said playing his little game and both of you chuckled.

You start walking to your class again leaving the touch of Cesar's hand with yours. You were about to open the door to English until Cesar quickly opened it for you.

"Thanks."

"No problem, N/N. See you soon." said Cesar with a smile on his face making you return it.

"See you, Lil Spooky." you said and you enter your first class.

Cesar closes the door after you enter and he feels his heart melting in happiness. He was finally able to have a conversation with you alone.

He turned around in another direction to go to Biology. What he or you didn't realize was Monse was right behind you listening to the whole conversation going on.

"What did I miss?" asked an exhausted Jasmine as she stood next to Monse. Monse looked at her weird trying to figure out why Jasmine was out of breath.

"Youtube...Security...number two...drop phone...need puff." said Jasmine trying to speak while catching her breath answering Monse's question that she thought of.

Jasmine stands completely up again, pulls out her inhaler out of her boobs, and takes a few puffs.

"Cesar and Y/N. I think he's falling for her and completely forgetting about me." said Monse. She was starting to feel a way about both of you possibly together by what she just saw.

"Really? I can talk to her. Tell her to stay away from your man! She can't take him! She's not his girlfriend! You are! Got all of that goodness from puberty along with some good-"

"Please stop." said Monse, looking at Jasmine weirdly. Jasmine quickly stops and starts to stand awkwardly.

"I'm getting back with him." said Monse and she walks away to her class, leaving Jasmine confused in the hallway.

"Monse! You wanna talk about it?!" shouted Jasmine down the hallway at Monse but she ignored her.

Jasmine groans in annoyance and she turns around and starts walking sluggish. She has to get her phone back from security that probably grabs it from the floor now.

She was in the middle of filming her first video of her new series on her YouTube channel, "Dear Jasmine." and that dude security just had to stop her.

"Go away." you groaned in your sleep in your bedroom as you heard the doorbell ring for the third time.

You fell asleep after watching movies all night while eating your favorite snacks and texting Jasmine trying to get with Ruby.

It seems like you and Jamal were the only ones only to have sense in this group when it comes to relationships and it's sad to say that. They just don't listen to you.

"N/N. There's somebody here to see you." said Oso on the other side of your closed door.

"I said go away!" you shouted angrily waking up from your sleep angrily.

Your hair was all over the place on your head and your clothes you have on were at uncomfortable spots on your body while standing on your bed.

You slowly turn your head to your door with an angry face to see Cesar and your brother, Oso at your door looking at you shocked.

"Hi Y/N." said Cesar with a shy smile looking at you nervously.

You really don't care anymore what you were looking at right now. You know you were looking rough and if he can't talk to you like this, you'll kick him out of this house.

"The beast is awake! Ain't she a beauty? What a sight!" said Oso in a fake excited seller voice to Cesar with a goofy grin trying to hold his laughter.

Oso eventually laughed out loud with tears coming out of his eyes from laughing too hard. Cesar chuckled a bit. making you offended at both of them.

You quickly grab one of your pillows from your bed and scream angrily as you throw your pillow across your room to hit Oso. It caught him off guard and it caused him to lose his balance a bit.

"Bye, beast! Leaving with the Santos! Don't have too much fun." said Oso, looking at both of you with a serious face at the last part. He threw the pillow back on your bed and left the house.

"I'ma kill him once he comes back." you said underneath your breath and you turn your head to see Cesar staring at you kinda nervously.

"Um... sit in the living room. I'm going to get myself..."you looked at your full mirror in the corner of your room to see your appearance. "Together."

"Okay." said Cesar and he quickly left out of your room while closing the door behind him.

You got out of your bed and quickly fixed your appearance. You got your clothes comfortable again and fixed your hair back to it earlier today.

You grab your phone to walk into the living room with a very nervous Cesar. You sat next to him and looked at him concerned.

"So...what brought you here?"

"You and Oso are siblings?" asked Cesar and you nodded with an obvious look on your face.

"I guess that counts as another thing we have in common, huh?" said Cesar and you look at him confused.

"What I mean is-you know-we both live with our siblings with no parents." said Cesar stuttering on his words while trying to glance at you. He couldn't hold it for long.

"What's going on?" you asked and Cesar glanced at you again, trying to figure out what to say.

"Me and Monse fought again." said Cesar and you slap your knee in annoyance.

"Cesar, do you even like her?! Do you think all of these fights are a huge red flag that both of you are not compatible?!" you shouted at him and he looked at you with no expression of how to respond to that.

"What's really going on? Tell me right now." you said and Cesar sighs and turns away.

"You better turn back at me, look into my eyes, and tell me the truth. Now." you said, taking his chin and bringing his head back around to look into his eyes again. You have enough with his intention with Monse and you want to end this tonight.

He looks into your eyes and starts to move his mouth but no words are coming out. His eyes move to your lips for a moment and back to your eyes.

"Well?" you asked and a moment later, Cesar closed the distance and kissed you. Your eyes widened by his contact, not knowing what to do.

You were feeling surprised, happy, regretful, you couldn't believe what was happening but you know you have to end this now.

You push him away and look at him with shocked eyes trying to figure out what just happened.

"Why did you do that?!" you shouted looking at him confused and surprised standing up from the couch.

"I can't pretend I like somebody else no more. You're the one I want." said Cesar while grabbing your hands but you quickly pull them away.

"No! Cesar, did you not realize what you just did?! You just ruined your relationship with Monse! Oh my god, she's going to be furious at me! She doesn't want to be my friend anymore if she finds out about this! Our friend group going to fall apart again all because of yo-"

Cesar grabs you and kisses you again to stop you from talking. You slowly start to kiss him again until you quickly push him off again.

"Will you stop doing that?!" you shouted and Cesar puts his hands up like he didn't do anything.

"Oh my god." you said unknowing what to do and sat back down on the couch.

"Y/N, please listen to me." said Cesar and he looks at you nervously.

"The only reason I started dating her because of you. I thought you won't go with a guy with me so I moved on and she just caught feelings once we started hanging out more than friends. The only reason, we keep on having these fights because of you. She knew I have feelings for you but never mentioned it until tonight. I don't have to hide my true feelings anymore." explained Cesar.

Your heart skipped a beat by what he just confessed making you scared what was going to happen next.

"So...what happens with your relationship with Monse?" you asked worrying about Monse.

"I don't know. But I know, I want to be with you." said Cesar as he grabs both of your hands. He leans them to his mouth and kisses both on top of your hands.

"Cesar..."

"Please. I'll fix all of this. I need you. I want you. I've tried so hard to not come up to you and give you kisses every single day. I'm falling for you. You gotta tell me you're feeling the same thing. Don't tell me that we don't have a connection because we definitely do. Please..."said Cesar looking into your eyes trying to please his case.

You don't know what to do now. Oh course, you want him. So much. He just confessed in front of you. All of this information. You never knew that he kept in his mind for who knows how long.

"Cesar, I know we have a connection. I've always been avoiding it because of Monse. What would she think? What should the school think? Jamal? Ruby? Spooky? Oso? Jas-”

"Who cares what people think. I want you to be mine. I can't leave without you as my girlfriend." said Cesar and you look down and away from Cesar.

Cesar lifts your chin back up to look towards him again.

"Do you want to be with me?" asked Cesar softly and you opened your mouth open but no words came out.

Cesar's eyes dropped as he felt disappointment. You kissed him out of nowhere, causing a warm feeling though his body.

He kisses you back immediately and it turns into an amazing kiss. A kiss that has been waiting for so long to be made that was full of yours and Cesar's feelings for each other.

Both of you ended the kiss and looked deep into each other's eyes, breathing heavily from the kiss.

"I'll talk to her tomorrow. Promise." said Cesar.

"Promise is a bit of a strong word, don't you think?" you asked and Cesar chuckles.

"Come here." said Cesar with a grin as he pulled you closer to him and onto his lap making you giggle.

"You better not do anything to ruin this relationship, okay?" you said and kiss him on the forehead.

"No, I want a real kiss." said Cesar upset.

"Not until you fix things up tomorrow. Deal with it." you said and Cesar rolls his eyes in annoyance.

Cesar fixes everything up with Monse the next morning and she accepts his apology. She apologizes for her actions in the relationship that cause it to break.

Monse and you spend time together and you were better friends with her than before.

It makes you so happy that she was cool that you were dating Cesar now. You were now more comfortable being with the guy you have feelings for forever.

#onmyblock #onmyblockimagines #on my block imagine #on my block x reader #omb season 3 #cesardiaz #cesar diaz imagine #cesar diaz x reader #rubymartinez #jamalturner #monsefinnie #jasmine flores #cesar diaz omb #cesar diaz #jasmine omb #jasmine flores omb #oso #oso omb #OMB

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slothgiirl · 4 years ago

Text

maybe together we can get somewhere (noah x mc)

the gang finds out noah is alive. he and mc have built a life together while no one was paying attention (12k)

this was fun and experimental to write, trying to build a relationship through the limitations of the gang only getting snippets of noah and mc and hopefully giving enough information to piece together a plot without being to expository. hope u enjoy (noah x mc are soulmates change my mind)

Stacy.

It's a family vacation. Only the second one after her college graduation since she's only living an hour from Westchester.

It's her mom and dad and Connor and his girlfriend and her girlfriend.

Sofi laughs easily, fitting right in at some story Connor is telling and Stacy’s still annoyed that her brother brought up what she and her friends had found in the woods as children when they were at the airport: when anyone could have heard. She doesn't want to deal with it ever again. And she'll get up and move across the country if she has to.

Connor catches her gaze and offers a small smile and just like that; Stacy let's it go.

“Oh a farmers market,” her mom cries out, “we should check it out!”

Her dad laughs, “alright but don't expect me to eat any frankenstein fruit.”

Stacy snorts, finding Vancouver both amazing, and like any other city she's been to. Canada is hardly an exotic travel destination, but it's nice, waking up to a view of the pacific ocean. She wonders if she should visit her old friend since she's in town.

She'd last talked to you on the phone a month ago, surely she could just drop in.

Sofi slides her hand into Stacy’s, before asking, “what are you thinking about?” It's the first time Sofia's really spent time with her family. And her girlfriend knows about her tendency to overthink and now is one of those times.

Stacy's sighs, “just-I have a friend who lives in Vancouver. I was wondering whether I should visit them or not.”

Her girlfriend smiles, leading them into a stall with lots of fruit samples, “You should! If they're your friend I bet they'd be really happy to see you.”

Stacy shrugs. “Yeah, I guess you're right. It's not like I'm going to be in Vancouver again anytime soon.”

She grabs a second sample of the blood oranges, before telling Stacy as she decides to get a few for the road, “so who is this friend?” Because Sofi doesn't know about the whole Redfield thing and she'll never know because Stacy doesn't want to burden her with Redfield and also doesn't want to talk about it herself. It's over: in the past. Finished.

“One of my childhood friends like Lucas. There was this whole group of us,” Stacy explains.

“Like Dan,” Sofi nods, understanding. “Do you guys still talk?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you should totally drop by! Personally, I could skip the biking tour.”

Stacy laughs, “my parents really just got us all the types of tour.” It was nice, how much things had changed and the boat tour had been fun even if she’d gotten pretty cold over those two hours, it had just been the perfect excuse to snuggle up with Sofi and a cup of warm coffee inside. Connor and Vy could be outdoorsy together, taking millions of photos of the water and skyline.

“It’s cute,” Sofi comments, “my dad would just grumble about the expense and lead his own tour, no doubt getting us all lost.”

Stacy shrugs, “that’s why we have google maps.”

Sofi laughs, and pays for her oranges.

Stacy’s tired of the crowded stall, so she steps outside to wait. Canadians may be polite, but there’s only so many people brushing past her she can take. She takes out her phone and asks Lily for your address because of course Lily has it; she had sent everyone care packages and birthday presents without fail. Stacy had just sent an electronic gift card and called it a day.

There’s a good crowd but this isn't a sad little farmers market like the one back home that has like nothing but a stall or two.

She finds that she does miss the small town feel of the city she lives in even if she has to drive everywhere and living close to her family is nice even if she’ll forever hate the woods, any woods. Andy and tom had confirmed nothing was out in Westchester but she won’t chance it.

It’s second nature to go through her emails while she’s on her phone.

She scans the crowd, seeing if she spots her family somewhere. And sure enough Connor and Vy are sniffing at some tea samples, looking disgustingly sweet together and Stacy makes sure to take a picture because she went with Connor and Tom to pick out the ring. He just has to pop the question.

Wait! Was she or Sofi going to ask the question? Oh god, Stacy wanted to marry this girl. It hits her like a ton of bricks and they’re only 23, been dating two years so they have time, but Stacy’s sure. This is the one.

The panic subsides as she realizes, yeah, this is the woman she wants to spend the rest of her life with and that’s no big deal. They’ll take it day by day.

She locks her phone, glances around, ready to go get Sofi who probably struck up a whole conversation with the vendors and is getting invited over to their house for dinner as Stacy stands out here, waiting, and sees. . .well not Noah Marshall because he’s dead. So that’s not possible. And it’s not like she’s in Westchester.

But-but it certainly looks like Noah at a glance.

She can’t actually make out the man’s features, just the back of his head, which wow-Stace, she might just be losing it if she’s starting to see Noah Marshall walking around, but there’s something about the way the man walks and the shade of hair even if the haircut has changed. . .she shakes her head.

She’s imagining things.

“Ready to go,” Sofi asks, putting her hand on Stacy’s arm, “Your mom texted, she said to meet in front of Whole Foods wherever that is. Also, hilarious that there’s a farmers market in front of Whole foods.”

Stacy snorts, nodding, “yeah, let’s go.” And then looks back because it’s been five years and she still wants to kick Noah’s ass even though he’s dead so it’s a non issue at this point.

The man’s gone.

Stacy soon forgets among trying to keep up with the itinerary that her family had made on google docs over the past few months.

They take a ferry in the general direction of the address Lily gave her because it’s a fun way to travel. Connor comes along but Vy stays behind in the hotel because she wants to call her parents.

“Did they go to school here,” Connor asks, because it had been a few years and he hadn’t really kept in touch with you the way Stacy and the others had.

“No,” Stacy explains as she double checks the address while Sofi points out cute houses as they walk down the street google maps is saying the house is on. “They went to UWash. I think they studied something boring like finance which I know Ava made fun of them in the group chat about.”

Sofi, a current law student, asks, “what’s wrong with finance?”

Connor snorts, “you’re talking about the same woman that helped organize supplies for her campus’ black lives matter protests.”

“Ava’s very anti-establishment,” Stacy explains because Sofi hasn’t met Ava. Her old friend had transferred to Berkeley before Stacy started dating Sofi, but not before showing everyone her minor magical abilities. “You know, the whole break up the banks, give native americans their land back, will definitely end up a granola anthropology professor in some university after her goth phase.”

Sofi nods, “Ah, I get it. She’s not wrong about the banks. Did you watch the big short?”

“You have the most boring taste in movies,” Stacy teases because this woman made her watch Dunkirk which was long and boring and the soundtrack gave her a headache.

Her girlfriend shrugs shamelessly, “I did do a film studies minor so. . .”

Stacy knocks on the door. “I hope they’re in.” It’s a cute if small house on the edge of the city, close enough to still be part of Vancouver without being in the middle of traffic. There’s a subway station just two streets over, but taking the ferry had been much nicer. Subways had lost their charm in new york after all the times Stacy had been an hour or two late because of some issue.

“Wait,” Connor asks, raising a brow, “you didn’t text them?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Stacy admits. She hadn’t seen you in over two years. You had even less of a reason to be in Westchester compared to everyone who’s family still lived there. Your house had sat empty since you left for college.

“I think it's cute,” Sofi says, wrapping her arms around Stacy’s waist from behind.

Stacy smiles, blushing slightly.

The door opens up and holy fuck.

Stacy gasps, her mouth forming a wide O because she can’t even form a coherent thought.

A very much alive and happy Noah Marshall opens the door, wearing a pink apron that says something inane “kiss the cook”, with more than a bit of food stains, and flour on his chin. He’s not wearing a beanie, but it’s summer and Stacy is sweating even in shorts, and his hair is cut and styled instead of long and greasy like it had been in high school. His eye color has somehow changed from brown to a strange shiny blue that seems too catlike to be natural but that’s whatever when he’s apparently risen from the dead.

What the hell!

Connor is just as flabbergasted as she is.

And Noah’s caught off guard, the easy smile dying on his lips as he realizes who’s at the door.

It’s Sofi that spares them, asking Noah if you’re home, because she doesn’t know anything about what went down in your senior year of high school.

Noah nods wordlessly, “yeah, yeah, come in,” even though he looks like that's the last thing he wants to do looking as grim faced as he had been in school, sitting in the back and refusing to talk to anyone.

For once, Stacy wishes Sofi wasn't here because she wants nothing more than to kick Noah’s ass. She took kickboxing lessons, she totally could. Noah's taller, but not exactly built in the same way Andy is after all the years of exercise; though he's not exactly a scrawny teenager anymore.

How long has this been going on?

You're sitting at the kitchen table, a cheap flimsy thing from Ikea that at least has the decency to look nice, laptop open while wearing a moth-eaten oversized t-shirt of the beastie boys. You don't even look up, when you ask nonchalantly, “so who was at the door?” You reach a hand from another chip, eating straight from the bag.

“Stacy,” Noah says faux cheerfully. And Stacy did not miss how annoying he could be. “And Connor Green.”

You finally look up. A couple thousand emotions running through your face: surprise as you open your lips to speak and then close it without a word, your brow furrows as you frown, then you exchange glances with Noah, then you're blushing red as you meet Stacy's questioning gaze, caught red handed. After a second, you can't meet her gaze, instead looking at Connor the same way you had that year as if he could single handedly save you from everything and no wonder you asked him to the dance, oblivious to Stacy's crush on you at the time.

“Hey Connor, long time no see,” you get up, crossing the length of the small kitchen to hug him, “Andy's always going on about you, you know.”

Connor manages a smile, “it's good to see you, too.”

“Hi, I'm Sofi,” she says, extending a hand, “Stacy’s told me a lot about you.”

You shake her hand, inviting her to down sit, “all of you. Dinner’salmost ready.” You glance at Stacy asking. . .

She shakes her head. Of course she hasn't mentioned Noah. She's tried to erase him from her memories the same way she's tried to forget all about the ruins in the woods and Dan disappearing.

“Not that you helped,” Noah quips, proceeding to slip back into the kitchen.

“Self care.” You smile back, confirming her suspicion that this had been going on for a while. And you haven't mentioned anything. Not once. But then, you stopped bringing him up when you realized everyone was on the same page, the page you weren't, after what he had done, no amount of childhood tragedy could excuse the fact he had been willing to kill all his friends for some monster. Stacy couldn't find it in her to forgive him, even in death.

Meanwhile, you had spent too much time after everything that happened crying over this jerk.

“What are you making,” Sofi asks as Stacy takes a seat, everything clicking together as you offer everyone something to drink, exchanging lovesick smiles with Noah even as he bats you away from the stove with a spatula.

You loved him.

Despite everything he had done, you loved him. Stacy couldn't understand: had been closer to Dan and you than Noah even as kids. The way you looked at him said everything; the way you'd chased after him, unwilling to let him go into the woods alone.

It made sense why you were so willing to forgive him, and why you had spent so much time mourning him.

“Vegetable pot pie,” Noah explains, starting to roll out the dough, “This one decided to become vegetarian.”

“Since when,” Connor asks, deciding to just go along with it all. Maybe Connor was just mentally stronger, better able to cope with all the supernatural weirdness having helped Tom out at the lake, and still trying to understand the power from all of Pritch’s journals.

“Just a few months ago,” you admit. “It was this whole vegan challenge at work for the month but I missed yogurt a lot but giving up meat was pretty easy.”

“Where are you working now,” Stacy asks, taking a seat carefully, making sure not to turn her back on Noah.

“Oh,” you smile, closing your computer, resting your chin against your hand, “UBC, at the anthropology museum. It's why I-we moved here. I do financial analysis for their investments. Ava found it really funny that I got a job at a museum before her.”

“Oh,” Stacy wonders, glancing at Noah again, who's just as tense if the line of his shoulders is anything to go by, and the telling line of his mouth that reminds Stacy of the first and last time she tried to include him: a APUSH presentation that Noah had waved off and preferred to bomb. “You told Ava?”

She feels the sting of hurt but Ava makes the most sense considering you were closest to her and Lily. Not to mention Ava was still messing around with the occult. A heavy lead ball of anxiety always forms whenever Ava has shown Stacy her magic tricks.

You get the double meaning.

Noah pointedly ignores her, carrying a conversation about the best places to eat in the city with Sofi.

You force yourself to smile, “about the job yeah. Thought she'd laugh since she's the anthropologist. She called it the encroachment of late stage capitalism.”

“That sounds about right for Ava,” Stacy snorts.

You'd chosen Noah over her: over your friends. The choice had already been made before Stacy had even known this was an option.

You two were a packaged deal.

Stacy takes a deep breath, and turns her back on Noah, joining the light conversation of local things to do in Vancouver and how you had completely face planted while trying to ice skate.

“-and instead of helping me,” you tease, getting plates out for everyone, “Noah just sat back and laughed!”

“And took a video,” Noah points out. “You don't have any balance babe.”

“I wouldn't do you like that,” you wrinkle your nose, smiling fondly as Noah brings the food out of the oven, the smell filling the small house and suddenly Stacy’s mouth is watering.

“You have,” he replies all mock offended, “you left me in the cab!”

“I was very drunk,” you shrug shamelessly, then turn to Sofi and Connor with an explanation. “Too much fun on date night.”

“Shut up,” Noah utters, placing the food on the table, looking incredibly soft and it finally sinks in. He's alive. He's alive and you're together and while Stacy doesn't care for him, she's glad you're doing well.

She's still going to punch him the first chance she gets.

The food’s some of the best she's ever had.

She hugs you goodbye two hours later: a great big tight hug that says everything she hasn't been able to because of distance. She puts all her love and tenderness into hugging you. “It was so good seeing you,” Stacy says and means it. One day they'll talk about this.

But not now.

She's dragging Sofi into this.

You nod, hugging her back just as tight, before whispering in softly into her ear, “please don't tell anyone.”

And how could she refuse, with your sweet chocolate eyes looking at her like that, as if she holds everything you hold dear in her hands. It's easy for Stacy to make the choice to look away and say nothing.

Lily.

Britney makes them take a hundred selfies before they even leave the airport. Lily beams at the camera even as she pays for starbucks. “Aw man we should've tried tim hortons now that we're officially in Canada.” Lily muses, shooting you a text, letting you know she'd soon be out of the airport.

“But do they have peppermint frappuccinos,” Britney asks, leading the way as they head to the exit. Airports were always so big. It took forever to get anywhere.

“I'm not big on peppermint,” Lily comments even though Britney already knows that, before taking a long sip of her pink drink. She really had been craving a drink. That was another thing about planes: dehydration. Still, it would be worth it to visit you for the first time since you moved to Canada.

“I know,” Britney winks, “that's just more peppermint bark for me.”

Britney's the one that spots you first. Lily's taller than you, but still pretty short. “Your loser friends over there.” Britney teases and it shows how far she and Lily have come that they're able to laugh about the time wasted in high school where she bullied other kids including Lily.

Lily follows on her heels, fixing her coat to try and look cute. It had only been a three hour plane ride but it was three hours plus dealing with airport security so it felt closer to three years. Gosh it had almost been three years since she graduated college. Time just flew by.

Excitement bubbles up and Lily’s smiling hard when she sees you in an olive green jacket and grey hoodie combo, still the same as ever if happier now that you weren't stressing about school.

She had meant to visit you sooner but being an adult meant things often got in the way.

Then Lily spots Noah Marshall hovering behind you, laughing at something you just said , face lit up like a kid who's just been told they can finally dig into their Halloween candy. Except it can't be Noah because he's dead. Yet here he is, wearing a black coat, washout blue hoodie, and of course a beanie. If Jocelyn was here, she'd say he looks like an asshole wearing aviators indoors.

Removing any doubt of who he is, Lily having already come up with a reasonable explanation of you having coped with Noah's death by finding a lookalike, dies when he spots Britney and Lily before you. “Lily,” Noah grins as if he didn't die after trying to kill her, “you looked like someone kicked your puppy.”

You smack his shoulder. “Behave,” you tease as you try and smother a gasp. You meet her gaze sheepishly, but Lily's still too flabbergasted to respond.

“Aren't you supposed to be dead,” Britney asks.

He deadpans, “Mandela effect.”

This time, you dissolve into laughter.

Noah glances over at you with a smile, pleased with himself.

Lily finally manages, “explain.”

You nod, “let's get you settled in first.”

Britney hands her bag to Noah, “here. I need to carry Lily's bag.”

“Sure thing,” Noah snorts, taking her bag.

Lily had imagined Canada to be much more green. Like a national park green, with so much plant life she could smell it thick in the air, but it's pretty much just another downtown metropolitan area like Seattle. You'd really only moved a few hours away from Seattle so that made sense.

She keeps glancing over at Noah as if he'll disappear and this is some trick from whatever thing still lived in Westchester. But he's still there, flesh and blood, his arm draped around your shoulder as they stand by where she and Britney have taken a seat, bags under their feet. They had only brought carry on bags.

You're obviously together but Lily keeps getting stuck on the fact that Noah's alive.

She isn't surprised. Noah only ever had time for you that year; both of you slinking off when you thought no one was paying attention. Lily remembers seeing you hug Noah in some lonely corner of the school if you didn't skip fifth period math.

And Connor had said he'd seen you both out in town during school hours.

Maybe it's the glasses.

Noah won't be alive to her until she sees his entire face, leaving no room for error.

“Can't believe you're moving to Seattle!” You repeat because yeah Lily had gotten a nice job offer there.

“Neither can I,” Britney complains, “I like SF, and I'd like to live somewhere warm one day. Aren't there any major tech firms in Miami?”

“Nasa,” Lily says thoughtfully, “I didn't have the experience to apply though.”

Her girlfriend frowns, “You went to Berkeley though. That has to count for like ten years.”

Lily laughs.

“You should've shot your shot,” you agree.

“Isn't Florida super humid though,” Noah mentions tilting his head, reminding Lily that he's there and she can't help but flinch. “And there's tons of snakes and agitators everywhere.”

“I like snakes,” Britney notes.

He had been so sweet those last few weeks, Lily thinks to herself. Noah was always saying how she was much stronger because she could be kind even as everything was going to hell. In english, she'd burst into tears, sick and tired of having nightmares just to wake up to a living nightmare, and he'd chased after her, comforting her.

It had made his betrayal hurt all the more.

“So how exactly are you,” Lily asks, dancing around the subject. Surely it was rude to bring up that Noah had been dead.

“Alive,” he replies, quirking his brow, holding Britney's bag as he opens the door.

“Yeah. . .that.”

This time, when you and Noah look at each other, there's no boundless joy that fits in perfectly with the holiday season. You've even put up snowmen in the house's windows, and there's lights wrapped around the porch: off right now. It's just you looking at Noah with glassy eyes and Noah with an amount of tenderness in his eyes that Lily didn't know people were capable of in real life: the look people get when they're finally able to confess how in love they are in movies.

It's only there for a second and then Noah's making light of the whole situation, as if he can't stand to see that haunted look in your eyes, “Well you know what they say, when you wish upon a star-”

You roll your eyes, lightly smacking his arm, then changing your mind and squeezing his arm. “Don't be a dick.” Then you round your attention on Lily, “there's the shoe rack.” Before ushering the group into the living room. “I-I didn't,” you take a deep breath, tugging your coat off as you take a seat on a cheap navy cotton couch. “I guess I never stopped looking for a way,” you glance at Noah, “for a way to fix things. I mean, I still went back there for all the school breaks.”

You've stopped looking at Lily, gaze locked on Noah's. Pink dusts his cheeks and he ducks his head, looking alway, out into the quiet street, skyscrapers in the distance.

Britney purses her lips, listening intently. She heard accounts of this nature from Jocelyn. Dan knee better than to tell her anything about the woods back home.

“And I found it,” you finish without elaboration. Lily understands. Some things were, there were some things too awful to speak once again into being.

He slips his hand into yours, threading your fingers together.

It's sweet and though Lily's reservations remain, it's clear he loves you.

“Okay then,” Britney claps together, knowing full well she was ruining the moment, “how soon can we go shopping. I'm doing all my christmas shopping in Canada.”

“Because of the exchange rate,” Noah sneers, not missing a beat.

“Hardly,” Britney snaps back, “I'm a certified trophy wife now.” She smiles as she looks over at Lily who giggles.

It's two in the morning and Lily keeps tossing and turning. It's warm with the heater chugging away in the night. But she can't sleep.

They'd spent the whole day out, exploring the city. You'd gotten a few days off work. Britney had made you both carry bags and bags of gifts as promised.

At least she'd have plenty of time to wrap them. December had only just begun.

But Lily can't sleep.

It isn't the nightmares of her childhood: of Jane and all the things she wishes she had said no to, or those terrible months in which Lily had nearly died from sheer terror, but a pool of anxiety masquerading as restlessness.

She gets up, having visited you before back in Seattle, back when you had shared an apartment with Ava and a revolving door of roommates during college, and wonders if Ava knows. Ava, who messes around in the more supernatural corners of the world, who you had always been closest too.

Lily gets up and decides maybe a glass of water will calm her down as she chews over the idea of Noah and her both under the same roof.

She slips into the dark kitchen, with that weird anxiety that she was sneaking around that she could never shake even knowing that you wouldn't mind her going through your kitchen. She slips into the kitchen and nearly faints at the sight of Noah at the table.

He's sitting in pitch dark.

Only it isn't-

“-your eyes,” Lily hisses, breaking the calm of the twilight hours.

Noah's sitting in the dark reading.

Because his eyes are glowing blue like redfield when she was little and redfield was a friend and hadn't shown it's true nature.

Noah's eyes are glowing.

“Shit,” Noah says gently, reaching up to flip the lights on.

He moves slowly, but Lily still flinches.

“I'm sorry Lils,” he says, those three words encompassing so many years and the darkest parts of her life, casting a shadow over her whole life she can never escape because Westchester is home but it's also where it happened and Noah's a big part of why Lily spent a year having panic attacks: having flashbacks to that awful game. He says it and the last itchy scab over the deep wound Lily has harbored for years flakes off.

Lily does a little nod of acceptance, but keeps her eyes on his unnaturally reflective eyes, a light in the dark.

She swallows thickly.

That glass of water sounds amazing right about now.

“What are you doing reading in the dark,” she asks. It seems Noah had been right all those years ago; Lily was able to keep trying, a flower growing in a crack of cement.

“Studying,” Noah says calmly. “It's pretty boring actually. Sort of makes me wish I was still haunting the woods.” His smile is small, testing the waters.

Lily-she can't. She shits her eyes, shaking her head once, slow.

“Sorry,” he says easily, shutting a thick textbook, “coping mechanism.”

Lily thinks about all those nights she'd wake up in the middle of a nightmare, “is it a glitch then?” She tilts her head curiously, the way she spent hours going over the same file of code checking for any bugs: and mistakes that had slipped through the cracks.

“You could call it that. . .but they reckon that it's more of a give and take situation.” He fiddles with the sleeve of his shirt. “The power takes people but gives them power, and when, when they brought me back, I took something with me.”

For once, dread doesn't fill Lily at the mention of what lies in the woods back home.

Lily nods, and pours herself a glass of water. “What are you studying?”

“Psychology,” Noah answer's, “trying to do developmental psychology. I want to,” he waits a beat before finishing in a rush. “I'd like to be a child therapist.”

“I thought you wanted to go to culinary school,” Lily questions. She remembers you mentioning that once. Then there's the fact that Noah had brought her lunch to school a few times when he'd learned that Lily's parents had forced her into a diet.

“I did,” he shrugs. “Turns out I like to cook for myself more than anything.”

Lily smiles.

She's glad he's able to move on like she has.

“You know I use to have nightmares. Nothing really helped apart from-.”

“Tiring myself out,” you both finish.

Noah smiles grimly.

Lily drinks he water and keeps him company for a while.

Lucas

Logically, Lucas knows that Canada is not that different from the states yet he still feel like the place should be more exotic as he steps off the plane for work. It's grueling work really, the pay is bad and he flies economy more than is healthy for his back, but he likes keeping private corporations on their toes. That was the whole point of environmental science, though going to law school for the same thing is starting to look more and more appealing everyday.

He just feels like he doesn't have the weight to truly go after these people and hates having to pass off the cases when he knows he could do more.

But law school is. . .stressful.

He'd have already started his third year of law if he had just gone straight to law school after undergrad.

Lucas wonders if he's ready to manage that type of stress.

He gets off the plane and has to go directly to the non-profits office. It's a tiny little thing in a rougher part of the city; gone are the shiny sports cars and whole foods.

There's boxes of paperwork dating back from the 60s and he gets to work, drinking the cheap donut shop coffee that the office head, an amicable black man who still has a rhythmic african accent that Lucas isn't worldly enough to place, gives him with a shrug, “got to support our local businesses eh?”

Lucas nods. “Tell me about it. I feel like I missed out on the New York that was happening.” Ava had sent him a buy back the block patch and he really hadn't been surprised because she had always been opinionated and headstrong about it. If she was the town witch, well then she was going to be the biggest baddest witch.

He types a reminder into his notes to get her a souvenir.

He uses yelp to find a cheap diner, where he continues to pour over a thick manila folder--have to break up the work--and finds that he can smell the ocean here even when he can't exactly see it.

Lucas sets a reminder to himself to go enjoy the beach at least once.

Then he sees the reminder to call and ask Stacy where you were living. Lucas half wanted it to be a surprise, but worried he'd miss you.

He knew you liked going out dancing. And he had arrived on a Friday night.

It was unorthodox.

He usually worked strictly in the states since each country had their own laws and environmental precedent established by the courts. And alright, Lucas’ phone had a lot of law school tabs open. He was only twenty four. That wasn't too old for law school.

Weren't some students in legally blonde in their thirties?

Experience could give him an edge.

Lucas calls Stacy but it goes straight to voice mail.

Right, time difference.

He'd have to wait until tomorrow.

Having not exchanged any money as of yet, Lucas pays for his breakfast for dinner with his card and hopes the fee isn't too bad. Then he stuffs the folders and decides to walk to his hotel.

It's an hour long walk through town but years of being incredibly stressed had left him with the purposeful choice of slowing down when he could. Sometimes it felt like forcing himself to slow down, but he always felt better after a walk through a new city or sitting down with a fictional book even when he swore he didn't feel all wound up.

As far as cheap diners, tonight's was good and he had fun trying poutine.

Lucas walks through the tall buildings and wishes he hadn't worn a suit jacket. He should've worn a plain shirt or one of those gag gifts Andy was always sending him from various thrift stores. It might be further up north than even he grew up, but it was still hot in the summer.

Walking an hour in a casual suit was not his greatest idea, but the city carried the same vibrant energy the new york had. The energy that had encouraged Lucas to go to a house party--once.

He's walking by a street full of dive bars all blaring out nostalgic hits from his teenage years from Hannah Montana, which okay, to Kesha which sounded about right, and of course, Blackpink. The chalkboards outside all promise cheap drinks but Lucas isn't a big drinker.

He isn't sure how much of that is avoiding any substance that could get him hooked or if he's making that choice because he really doesn't like alcohol.

Lucas is just about through, about to by a monolithic building that has a bunch of displays in the windows, when he does a double take.

Noah fucking Marshall is smoking on the curb outside a bar, face flushed.

There's no doubt about it. Lucas would know that asshole anywhere. The same sharp jawline and prominent nose, brown hair curling around his ears only a few inches showered than it had in high school. He's wearing dark jeans and a black leather jacket over a white shirt and looking way too happy for a murderer.

Noah Marshall wearing aviators at night like the rat bastard he is!

The intense feelings of rage and wanting to hit something until the world righted itself surges in Lucas’ chest until there's a white hot anger in his throat and red clouding his vision.

He blacks out.

One second he's furiously gapping at the man-

the next

-Lucas is standing over Noah Marshall, knuckles on fire having just sucker punched the fucker.

Oh shit.

Noah looks just as surprised for a second as he looks up, blood beading up where his lips split open.

Lucas watches as recognition hits those bambi blue eyes---wait, blue.. .?

And then Noah shrugs, the ghost of a smile forming on his lips as he states, “yeah. I deserved that.”

There's a couple people looking over.

Lucas is still pissed as Noah gets up, dusting himself off and looking at the barely smoked cigarette on the ground as if he wants to smoke it, before grabbing the glasses and placing them back on instead.

Then, he grabs another cigarette, “want one,” he offers Lucas who no, wouldn't want one: wouldn't want anything from Noah if he was drowning and Noah had the only life jacket.

He was good with drowning.

Thanks.

Lucas, anger still fizzing under his skin like boiling water, asks, “how the fuck are you here!”

Noah shrugs, before slurring and it's then that Lucas realizes the other man is flushed drunk, “I live here,” without an ounce of sarcasm.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Lucas says, curling his lip and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh you know me. I'm just plotting world domination and decided Vancouver would be the perfect location for my evil villain lair. I've got a neon sign and everything.”

Lucas rolls his eyes, grinding his teeth together. “Do you always have to be such an asshole?”

Noah spreads his hands out and proceeds to do jazz hands, before taking a drag of his cigarette.

Fuck, Lucas feels like punching him again.

He's really thinking about it as he watches Noah, sure the idiot will try something again, when he hears your voice as you stumble out of the bar, “I knew it! You were going out for a smoke break!”

Noah's entire demeanor shifts, no longer the boy Lucas has built up in his head as the cause of all their problems. Over the years, he's decided that Noah had known from the start. In the depths of his denial, Lucas had told himself that Noah had kidnapped Dan. But, you appear, and Noah's turns bright pink as he hurried to stomp out the cigarette you've already seen like a naughty school boy, even as he turns and smiles as if you hung the sun in the sky and painted the night stars. It's lovesick the way you both look at each other with the fondness of ancient couples out for a walk in the park, lost in their own world.

However the fuck he's alive, Lucas realizes that this Noah, the real living Noah, has been just as freaked as the rest of them. It's something he hasn't thought about in years.

Noah had lost Jane.

It's enough for Lucas to unclench his hands even if he's still seething because what the hell, he still offered them all up on a silver platter. Redfield or Jane--whatever it was in the end--had given Ava powers and she hadn't stabbed your group of friends in the back.

You cross the distance quickly, and throw your arms around his middle, tipsy. That's probably why your smile is so pure-untouched by all the trauma and boring adult problems like remembering to pay the bills and having to call the cable company for the fifth time.

You don't even notice Lucas.

“What happened to your face,” you ask, raising your hand to cup Noah's cheek, frowning.

Noah nods over at Lucas.

You finally notice him.

“Lucas,” you wag your finger at him, still cuddled up to the man in question, “You can't punch Noah. Do you know how much trouble I went through to get him back?”

It shouldn't be possible, but Noah turns pinker.

“Aw babe,” Noah teases you with a familiarity that carries depth.

This wasn't a new development then.

“You really do care about me.”

This time, you round on Noah, wagging your finger menacingly, “Don’t be an idiot! Of course I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me!”

Which has Lucas majorly side eyeing you.

Sure, Noah had grown up to be tall and not unattractive, as far as pasty white boys were concerned, but he'd still tried to kill everyone.

Noah also looks skeptical.

“What are you doing in town Lucas,” you then ask.

“Work,” Lucas replies blandly, as he tries to come to terms with this reality altering discovery. “You were dead.”

“That's not entirely true,” Noah muses philosophically, “Physically I was dead but technically I was still roaming the woods as a monster.”

Reflexively, you interject, resting your hand on his chest, “you're not a monster.”

“I thought you liked the shape of water.”

Which sends you squealing. “Noah!”

Lucas doesn't get it. You are the strongest person he knows who can talk to anyone and has a sense of determination that rivals a gold medalist: the one who kept everyone together during one of the shiftiest times in his life, and he's who you settle for! “If you have to say technically, you've already lost the argument.”

You snort.

Noah rolls his eyes good naturedly.

“Wait,” you realize, eyes going wide, “does that mean you're younger than me now.”

Noah tilts his head in thought, “physically. . .”

“Pretty sure that means yes,” Lucas adds, wondering how long Noah had been back for.

“Oh my god, I'm stealing from the cradle!”

Noah looks incredibly affronted as he blinks rapid looking down at you like you'd grown a second head.

“You mean cradle robbing?”

“I'm. . .twenty four,” Noah says. Not even he sounds convinced.

“Twenty two,” you correct archly. Then look at Lucas with a friendly smile, “you want to go get pho?”

“Right now!” Lucas checks his watch. It was already midnight. He should've been at his hotel room sleeping by now.

You nod.

Noah elaborates, “it's pricey but the broth hits different. They have some pretty good view of the city too.”

Two years. Noah had been back for two years and you never said anything.

Lucas can put up with Noah for a few hours to spend time with you. After all, you were the one who was putting up with him for life apparently.

“Should we let-,” you begging to ask, amusement dancing in your eyes, city lights reflected in the dark brown hue that had a quality of depth that made it easy to open up to you.

“Nah,” Noah smirks, “Sheer chatted some dude up, they won't even realize-”

“Rahul will though.”

“Psst, it's fine.”

You've both built a life here, far removed from any traces of Westchester. Maybe that's where he had gone wrong. Lucas had been so desperate to escape he's never found a place of his own, and still haunted by his one and only home: a place he wants nothing to do with. He needed to make a new home.

Law school wasn't sounding too shabby.

Noah leads the way.

A lightbulb turns on.

“What's with your eyes?” Lucas asks.

Noah chuckles, “sometimes you fall into a vat of radioactive waste because that's just the type of luck you have.”

You shake your head, amused. “Side effect. It's nothing serious. We checked.”

That doesn't comfort Lucas at all.

He wonders if Connor or Tom could fix that just to be sure Noah wouldn't suddenly go Redfield on you while you were sleeping.

Ugh, that was one mental image he didn't need.

“So what terrible horrifying government secret are you here investigating and does it have to do with a company hiding vats of radioactive waste,” you ask.

Lucas takes the bait.

He could and has talked people's ears off about the loose regulations on place on waste disposal among an array of industries.

Andy, Dan, Tom

This all starts with two things as far as Tom is concerned. First, they've all been talking for ages about doing a guys road trip after everyone still around Westchester had driven down to visit Ava. Not that the girls weren't fun, Tom thought to himself, but it just sounded nice.

He never had a sleepover growing up so this would make up for that. At least that was the idea.

Then Lucas called Andy freaking out about Noah Marshall and Connor could only nod and go, “yeah he was with them about a year. . almost two since we visited. I think it's already been two years.”

Which was a total mindfuck because why hadn't he mentioned anything.

Why hadn't Stacy?

Tom’s done some research into necromancy and it never ends well which is why they pile into Dan’s prius and hit the road to Vancouver Canada. Sans Connor because Vy is pregnant and Connor is glued to her side. “I think they were dating,” he also adds, bookmarking some cases around New Orleans that scream supernatural activity. That throws everyone for another mind loop as he clues the Pine Springs gang who wasn't there that senior year, why Noah Marshall shouldn't be alive, much less freely walking around. The only person who takes the news relatively well is Dan, who scratches his chin thoughtfully before saying, “that makes sense,” he nods to himself.

Andy rounds on him, ready to kick Noah's ass on sight which Tom will totally back him up on. Tom still can't handle spiders for which Danni and Jocelyn continue to tease him about.

“How in the fuck does that make sense,” Andy seeths, “that motherfucker landed you in a coma! I broke my leg and had to repeat senior year!”

Dan adds, “well you know, they spoke about how tragic his death was. And they used to have nightmares of him dying-”

They all turn to look at Dan.

“What,” Andy says, “when did they tell you that?”

Dan shrugs, “well they were always coming over that year and making a point to spend time with everyone but I always thought they looked sad and thinking about them alone on the edge of town,” he trails off. He’d never brought up your parents absence, but it was clearly felt. “So I went over to theirs when I could,” Dan finishes.

Andy shakes his head, “no. I don’t know what or how, but people don’t just come back from the dead and everything's sunshine and roses,” he crosses his arms against his chest and fumes across the entire state of New York.

Tom has to agree with Andy. There’s nothing in their research to suggest that people can just come back okay. Everything taken by the power ended up twisted into a funhouse version; it never ended well.

They stretch their legs in Cleveland, Andy still scowling. Every now and then he’ll rant about how Noah has to be up to something and he has to go save you from dying. Tom doesn’t bring it up, prefering to let Andy work through it now and wrap his head around Noah Marshall being alive on the car ride up to Canada, but Connor had said Noah’s been back for at least two years--wouldn’t he already have done something? He thinks of you and how you had been alone with Noah at the end. Maybe you had kept some things to yourself.

It was hard to relive trauma aloud.

It made it more real.

Tom sends Imogen a few snaps in Toledo as Andy blasts The White Stripes, to fit his mood.

He wishes Parker had been able to get the days off. Having someone at a distance from the situation might help everyone keep their cool. He knows he won’t stop Andy from beating Noah’s ass.

Dan picks up postcards in Chicago for everyone, as they sit by the famous Bean eating pizza.

“I can’t tell if this is better or if I’m fucking starving,” Andy admits, on his third slice.

Dan snorts, looking up from his lap where he’s writing out the postcards, wanting to send them quickly, “so they make it back before we do.”

Tom takes a walk around the plaza, thinking that fall really was the best weather, cold enough for a sweater without being too freezing and the sun didn’t burn.

They don’t stop in Wisconsin or Minnesota except for gas and Mcdonalds.

Andy sleeps as Tom takes over the driving.

Dan’ll be up next.

“Please play something other than Beach House,” Tom complains at Dan, “this is going to make me fall asleep.”

Dan chuckles, “Its good night driving music.”

“No Dan,” Tom shakes his head with a smile

The sun rises, and Tom gets to sleep.

He wakes up in Rapid City, South Dakota and they have to recreate that awful Hilary Clinton, “just chilling in Rapid City,” Andy says mockingly.

Dan almost chokes on his coffee.

Montana is so fucking beautiful and Tom’s seized with the sudden urge to come live out here. “We could totally do it,” he tells the other men, “it’s cheap out here. We could buy a huge piece of land and never have to deal with any bullshit again. Our friend group could do it. Danni’s really handy and Lily could set us up with wifi!”

“Bro,” Andy says gravely, “you know I love you, but I’m not moving to Montana with you.”

Dam smiles softly, “Danni would have a field day taking pictures here.”

Montana is beautiful and green and none of the nature here has that heavy feeling the woods in Westchester do, but they’re tired and exhausted from being on the road for the last two days. They crash at a motel 8 and sleep for the next twelve hours.

They ask this beautiful woman who's wearing birks and has a tote bag emblazoned “love your mother” with a planet earth painted on, to take a picture of them in front of Pike Place Market. Dan has her number before Tom’s done sending the pictures to his Pine Springs groupchat, teasing Parker about having stayed behind to yell at teenagers smoking weed while driving boats around the lake: accidents waiting to happen.

Tom has never been to Seattle.

He knows most of his friends from Westchester have to visit you or Ava, and he's grown close to Ava, but at the time he was more of a friend of a friend and so never flew up to Seattle.

“Is it lame I'm still tired,” Andy asks, as they find a park to sit down at. It felt so good to be able to lay in the grass instead of sitting cramped up in the car.

“Age is starting to hit us.” Dan muses. “Either of you want to come get some things with me.”

His friend snorts, “Haven't you gotten enough gifts for everyone?” Which, yeah, Dan has been accumulating a small horde of souvenirs in the back for all his friends. He's a thoughtful guy. Tom’s not surprised the man’s a nurse. If he'd had Dan as a nurse when he was a kid, he might not completely hated going to the doctors office.

“I was kinda thinking about getting something from every state,” Dan says, blushing red as he rubs the back of his neck.

“I think it's sweet,” Tom says, clasping a hand on the other man's back. “Cheesy, but sweet.”

Andy shakes his head, “we should've gotten there by now. If only we hadn't stopped in Montana-”

“Noah's not going anywhere,” Dan points out, “you can kick his ass tonight or tomorrow.”

“They know we’re coming,” Andy scowls, “He could be halfway around the world by now.”

“Just remember Lucas already sucker punched him,” Tom offers his friend as consolation.

Dan shakes his head a little, but stays silent. Tom hasn't been able to get Dan’s feelings on the whole situation. He can’t imagine him being completely ambivalent or cool with Noah getting off scot free, but then again, Tom doesn’t know every little detail.

No one talks about it in detail even in their little power club that Connor and him started up.

He gets it.

It’s not something anyone wants to linger on.

And he understands better than most.

His monster was different, but no less horrifying.

“I’ll go with you,” Tom offers Dan, because this is a new city and even though the point is to go see what's up with Noah, and make sure he isn’t still the shadow monster he was the last time Tom saw him, he still wants to make the most of it.

“Two hours,” Andy says with a warning. “Two hours or I leave you in Seattle.”

“Sure, sure,” Tom shakes his head. Andy would never do them like that.

“If you’re coming we should go to the space needle,” Dan says thoughtfully, taking out his phone to begin google mapping the places he wants to hit up.

“Two hours!” Andy calls back from where he’s watching a couple people play basketball.

Tom discovers he has a thing about heights as they ascend via an elevator. It’s a slow day and the elevator operator talks him through it, telling him all sorts of bad puns and more information about the space needle then he can remember. “Sarah Palin came by the other day,” the woman who looks to be about their age with green ringlets and a friendly smile that doesn’t seem to be forced like most customer service workers smile (smile through the pain), “and she said she could see Alaska from here! Get it?”

Tom tries to smile, but yeah, he’s never doing this again. “Did you see the masked singer with Sarah Palin?”

The girl nods, “how the mighty have fallen. You think there's an alternate universe where she was vice president and insead Joe Biden’s on Dancing with the Stars?”

Tom’s laugh dies in his throat as the elevator jolts to a stop. It certainly feels like a huge jolt, but that may be his anxiety making everything elven times worse.

“Well thank you for riding air force two,” she salutes as Tom finally steps into the platform.

Sweet, sweet relief.

He sort of has to go take a picture or two off the viewing platform. He’s made it this far.

“She was totally into you,” Dan says, stepping in to take Tom’s mind off things.

“Was not.”

“Totally was.”

Tom rolls his eyes, “she was just being nice.”

“Sure man, sure. But she was.”

They arrive even later than Andy had predicted. It’s midnight and proof that they had dallied in Seattle for two long. This is the first time Dan has ever left the country so of course they stop and take pictures.

And then they stop and eat at the cute little cabin lodge just off the highway.

And even Andy forgets about the Noah business.

They pull into the street, disappearing from the city in the turn onto the street. It’s crazy how much of a difference a street can make. A little quiet row of houses tucked under the twinkling lights of the city lights.

Your house is a small one story thing, clearly an older home from before cookie cutter houses came into fashion, and with a certain amount of charm even with the dead plant by the doorstep: closer to a cottage than a house like something out of Snow White. There’s even a ouija board doormat that Tom thinks is completely in line with your humor and probably Noah’s as well. He just doesn’t remember much about Noah when he was alive. Last time Tom saw Noah, Noah was saying sorry to the birds. People could change.

Right?

It’s not like Noah had gone all Zodiac Killer on his friends.

The lights are off and Tom feels kind of bad that he’s about to wake you up, but he also really wants to crash in an actual bed.

Dan knocks on your door as Andy paces behind Tom.

A minute later, you peak your head out the door. Your navy blue sweater is cuffed around your hands, clearly meant for someone taller, helping to stave off the autumn chill, and grey flannel pajama pants. You rub your eyes with the back of your hand as you yawn. “You’re here,” you smile and hug Dan with one arm, “do you need any help with the bags.”

“The bags can wait until tomorrow,” Dan answers for the group, “I just want to sleep in a real bed.”

You snort, “don’t actually have a guest room,” you admit, keeping your voice down as you usher them all inside, “but I do have a pretty comfortable pull out couch and way too many quilts. I have to stop going to Victoria Island.”

Andy looks around, tense.

Tom’s a little surprised when you hug him too. “Want any food? There’s a ton of leftovers. Noah’s been stress baking. He has a bunch of exams this week.,” you say with such casualness.

“We already ate,” Dan offers, “there was this cool looking log cabin that sold me on pumpkin spice muffins.”

“Where is Noah,” Andy asks, cutting right to the quick.

You look at him pointedly as you explain, “he went to sleep early. He’s got school at like 7 am. I have no clue why. . .college was all about afternoon classes for me.”

Andy wisely, let’s it go for the moment.

You show them where things are, the couch is already extended. The TV’s sitting on a pile of textbooks with a nintendo switch right next to it.

Tom is out before his head hits the pillow.

They wake up and eat the promised leftovers as you rush to find the spare key to leave with your friends before you too have to go to work. “I would've asked for the day off like I did for the rest of the week,” you hastily explain, filling the electric kettle with water, “but it was Maureen’s birthday and I would’ve felt like such a dickhead.”

You make Dan promise to come look through the Museum you work at before it closes, and then you’re running off with a tumbler full of tea, putting a hand through your hair as if that’ll save it from looking like a mess. Tom’s unsurprised at your easy nature when they’re all imposing, making no secret of the real reason they had driven all the way to the other coast of North America.

Andy conducts a walkthrough of the house, leaving the sole bedroom of the house alone.

Dan shakes his head, flipping through the TV channels, before logging onto your netflix account, the most recent show having been played was Avatar the Last Airbender. “Anything you want to watch?”

“The good place,” Tom offers, “everyone’s always saying it's good.”

Dan shrugs. “I wouldn’t know. I don’t have netflix.”

Andy comes back with a picture frame clutched in his hand, “He’s such a dick!” Red seeping into his neck as he fumes.

Tom looks over at the picture, but it’s just a photo any normal couple would have hanging around their house: a blurry polaroid of you and Noah, each with a red solo cup at some house party, with the date, over a year ago, written on the border. He gets it, he does. And Andy’s his friend, so he nods.

Dan on the other hand, “okay. . .”

Andy disappears back down the hall. “I just don’t understand how they kept this from us! I mean-after what he did!”

Tom nods the same way he always had when his dad would start lecturing him in japanese even though his japanese is limited to whatever the japanese equivalent of Dora the explorer teaching spanish is.

“Probably so we wouldn’t freak out,” Dan offers, not looking away from the screen.

Andy marches back into the living room with a deep set frown, “Noah was fine offering us up to that monster and now they’re here playing house like nothing ever happened.” He sits down next to Tom, head in his hand. “I just don’t get it.”

He clasps a hand on Andy’s shoulder in comfort.

“Maybe they just wanted to forget as much as we did,” Dan notes quietly. “Some of us left and never really went back.” He’s talking about Lily and Lucas, who only visits during the holidays, then there’s Ava out in Arizona, busy doing field research and only going to Westchester in between jobs. Dan’s an hour away, a world away, near Stacy.

It’s really just Andy and Connor who stayed.

He’s in Pine Springs, a good hour to the west of Westchester.

“He died,” Andy grumbles out, “it could’ve easily been them, or any of us, or all of us. We’re lucky no one else did.”

Dan frowns, looking over at Andy, “I don’t like this anymore than you do. I’m not jazzed that Noah’s been back for years and we just found out. But I trust their judgement.”

“Necromancy is serious business,” Tom says, breaking the staring contest that’s started between the two friends.

Noah’s at least a little bit of a coward, as he saunters up to them, running a hand through his hair as he takes a seat at the table.

You had said this diner had the best malai kofta in the neighborhood.

He’s resting expression is still skewed towards sour, even as there’s other noticeable changes from the Noah Tom remember’s who’d kept to himself in school. His hair cut into a flattering undercut, clothes no longer on the angsty scruffy side but still decidedly casual as he opts for a dark palette, and of course, the blue eyes that seem to glow even in the afternoon light Lucas had mentioned in great detail. Noah’s clean shaven and lean, a backpack slung over his shoulder.

He only spares Tom a second’s glance before he focuses in on you, his lips quirk-ing up in a small smile. Sitting down, you lean forward expectantly as he plants a kiss on your cheek by way of greeting, before saying, “C’s make degrees right?”

“Mhm,” you nod, “but you did fine so it doesn’t matter. I ordered you the chicken and waffles. That’s what you usually get right?”

“Actually,” Noah starts, clearly about to tease you.

You shove his shoulder lightly, “beggars can’t be choosers.”

Dan extends an olive branch, “hey Noah.”

Which Andy immediately shoots down, “so it’s true.”

Tom’s only glad they’re already sitting and yeah, Noah’s a coward for meeting them in public, not that it had stopped Lucas from sucker punching him. It probably won’t stop Andy, only he’s sandwiched in between Dan and Tom and there’s no way Dan is getting up and out just so Andy can punch Noah. That’s not the kind of friend Dan is. Dan’ll take someone away to cool off, sprouting lines about being the bigger person, but Tom thinks that sometimes a punch is well earned.

Noah nods, sobering up, rating his arms on the table. “Yeah. It’s still. . . it’s still a trip nearly four years later.”

You cover his hand with yours, giving Noah’s hand a squeeze.

Now that they’re here with Noah, a burst of curiosity that’s been brewing in the back of Tom’s mind finally surges forward. “Do your eyes always glow? Or is it light a cat’s iridescence and that’s why you can read in the dark?”

“Gee, let me give you the paperwork the doctor diagnosed me with after I explained that my sister became a shadow monster and I came back to life. He was super nice and helpful about everything. We really don’t pay doctors enough.”

Andy rolls his eyes, “So are you still a monster or not.”

Noah frowns, before leading forward, gripping a glass of ice in hand pointedly, lifting it off the table, watching his own action with a sad fascination, “you can’t begin to imagine how nice it is to be solid again--to be more than a lingering ghost who can barely remember who it used to be.”

Which doesn’t answer the question but--

Some monsters were all too human for comfort. And some monstrous beings ended up friends and allies back in Pine Springs.

You and Dan walk up ahead arm in arm, chatting about everything from how cozy ll bean’s wool socks were to how you wanted to branch out and leave your job but it just couldn't be a bank, working in a cubical all day seemed like a death sentence. Dan fills you in on the news from back home and you both catch up as you walk at a leisurely pace back to your home.

Somehow, Noah manages to be patient as Tom rattles off question after question.

“Do you remember much?”

“What was it like coming back?”

“Can you do any magic thought,” he purses his lips in thought, “that doesn’t tell us much, since Ava’s out there levitating feathers.”

“Are any of your other senses better?”

“Do you have any other changes after coming back?”

“Can you speak to animals now?”

“Do you ever get a craving for human flesh?”

“Your limbs don’t fall off or anything? Right?”

“You have all your memories back?”

“Do you ever see any ghosts?”

“Can you see ghosts?”

Noah answers them patiently, if amused, as Andy skulks behind, clearly listening in on the conversation.

“How did they bring you back,” Tom finally asks, having spent countless nights researching necromancy. It had crept up in the Pine Spring’s society books, journals detail all sort of gorey accounts of their attempts to harness the power to gain power over the dead and living, but none of it had ever amounted to anything. At least in the best case.

One member had rotted away from the inside out, black mold blooming in his lungs, incurable as he choked to death after trying to raise a simple cat from the dead.

Noah tenses up, glancing over to where you’re laughing as Dan does a spot on Bernie impression about how it’s time to once again, “ask for a The man from U.N.C.L.E. sequel,” before meeting Tom’s gaze again. “You’ve formed a little club to keep the power away from people right?”

He nods, “I just-I don’t want more people to go through what we have,” he explains. They had to be proactive and learn so that no one else would stumble upon the power and exploit it to violent ends. Ava’s magic wasn’t derived from the power. Tom had double checked that. Ava’s magic was her own through her own sheer will.

But the power-that was something else entirely.

He swallows thickly.

Nothing had happened so far. And he couldn’t tell if their plan was working, or if they had gotten lucky. It had been a handful of years. But then, a decade had passed between Jane Marshall’s death and her awakening.

“And no one else ever will,” Noah says forlornly.

“Explain,” Andy says, walking up on Noah’s other side.

The man looks up at you, as you and Dan wait by the street corner for the rest of the group to catch up, and he shakes his head. “All you need to know is the power won’t be a problem again.”

Tom runs the problem over and over in his mind as they explore Vancouver and Andy continues to get digs in at Noah while Noah lets him.

He thinks about it as Andy makes everyone watch #Alive. And then Dan reminds them how obsessed everyone was with Inception when it came out. And Tom thinks about Noah’s words. And then you suggest watching something lighter: Zoolander.

Tom plays Noah’s words over in his head as he stares up at the ceiling, listening to Andy’s snores.

He puzzles over what Noah meant, why he didn’t want to bother you with it, as he drives back across the continent.

The power takes.

The power gives.

He gets it as they stop for gas in New York.

Oh, you really must love him.

Ava

Ava walks into Tom’s house out in Pine springs. It’s summer and she’s ready to spend the entire week swimming and continuing the search for a black lipstick that won’t stain. Fenty came pretty close.

There’s tons of cars in the driveway and she knows she’s the last one to get there; she always did like an entrance.

She tries the doorknob before knocking, hearing the laughter and conversation carry outside. The house is unlocked so she lets herself in; she likes to make entrances, guilty as charged, before following the sound of voices into the back porch overlooking the lake.

Tom had lucked out in buying this place during the summer the lady of the lake terrorized the town.

She’s frozen in shock when she sees Noah sitting with everyone like he hasn't been dead for over eight years. He’s sitting with an arm around you, beer in his other hand, talking with Lily, in a faded AC/DC shirt and dark jeans despite the heat.

Ava pinches herself to make sure she isn’t dreaming.

“Ava,” Lily cries, spotting her, “you’re here.”

“What the fuck!”

Realization dawns on your face as Noah looks over at the resident goth chick who’s withered into a refined goth woman, less fishnet and more victorian mourning shirts paired with flared black and white leggings, for the first time in eight years and seven months.

“Hey Ava,” he says, lifting his hand up in greeting from where it’s resting on your shoulder.

Your face heats up, as you look at Ava, realizing you’d never gotten around to telling her. Not when you’d visited her for Thanksgiving even though she refused to participate in a propaganda holiday that “perpetuates colonialism” or the time last year when you’d gone to support her big lecture at UMississipi. It had never seemed the right time and now the time to calmly explain was gone.

“Someone explain before I light him on fire,” Ava utters, feeling heat grow in her fingertips. It was easy after years of practice. She was toying with the idea of buying a house in Salem.

Noah doesn’t even flinch.

How could he, having grown up with Jane for a sister that had gone around filling people shoes with mud and shoving people into pools with a laugh. That girl had been fearless, and Ava has long thought if she’d been an inch more scared, you and Jane never would have gone into those ruins.

It almost warms Ava’s cold dead heart.

Ha.

If Ava had sometimes been the third wheel with you and Jane, then Noah had been the ugly duckling waiting for a scrap of attention because Jane shone bright, a sunflower soaking up light, thriving on attention. Maybe Noah hadn’t been all that bothered to let his sister take the lead as kids, even as he grumbled about the trouble they were sure to get into, but neither Marshall twin had cared about anyone’s attention more than yours.

Jane had always been a limpet, her hand in yours.

Ava had been too independent even at nine to always go along with Jane, or want a friend that close.

But you didn’t just go along with Jane, you encouraged her, and dragged Noah along when Jane got too caught up in her made up games to remember to play nice. Noah who even at nine seemed clued into the fact that you were hurt that your parents were never around, something that never occurred to Jane.

So she’s not surprised that Noah and you are a thing.

Figures.

You’d kissed more than one white boy that could vaguely pass for Noah if you had enough to drink in college even if you had only dated twice and neither had been Noah Marshall knockoffs.

It’s glaringly obvious in hindsight.

What she doesn’t get is how he’s alive.

And everyone’s just cool with it.

“I thought you already knew,” Dan says.

Lily looks at you, “didn’t you tell Ava first?”

You raise a brow, “I thought Lucas told everyone?”

Lucas shrugs, wearing a suit in the summer, “I did. I just figured Ava already knew”

Stacy sips her cocktail, “awkward.”

“Wow,” Noah jokes with a grin, “you guys are terrible friends.”

Andy almost chokes on his beer, sending Noah a look that would’ve made Medusa jealous.

Danni shakes her head, “too soon dude, too soon.”

Maybe she should move into Cora’s old house. That way she could keep up with her friends' news.

How the hell did she miss Noah coming back to life.

That was metal as fuck.

She and you would have words about keeping secrets.

“Just give me the strongest drink you can make,” she says with a shake of her head, taking a seat next to Imogen, the resident mixologist.

#noah marshall #ilitw noah #noah x mc #maybe theres two left #reposting bc it didnt show up in the tags #lily's part was my favorite #toeing the line between making noah a sarcastic shit and a traumatized man and a soft boy in love #mine

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96thdayofrage · 4 years ago

Photo

That all this time later we are still learning new information about Hampton’s killing is testament to the sheer volume of the effort aimed at this young revolutionary.

“This was a masterplan for destroying radical black nationalist groups.”

The horrifying story of the 1969 police murder of Fred Hampton is now well known. But there’s still much to be revealed about the case — like the information in bureau files newly obtained by Jacobin showing the FBI awarded Special Agent Roy Martin Mitchell, the handler of informant William O’Neal who was key to the raid that killed Hampton, a $200 bonus for work well done.

In the predawn hours of December 4, 1969, fourteen Chicago Police officers, claiming they were searching for illegal weapons, crashed into a first floor apartment on Chicago’s Monroe Street and opened fire. Inside were nine members of the Illinois Black Panther Party, including the rising star of the chapter, Fred Hampton.

The police claimed the apartment’s occupants fired on them, but after a fusillade of more than ninety bullets, the only people shot were Panthers, including Mark Clark and Hampton, who were dead. The picture of grinning cops carrying Hampton’s body out of the apartment that circulated in the wake of the killing said it all: the Chicago Police Department (CPD) had wanted Hampton dead. Their mission was accomplished.

The Chicago police, however, were not the only ones celebrating. We now know that within days of the murderous operation, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) awarded their Special Agent Roy Martin Mitchell, the handler of the informant who was key to the raid, a $200 bonus for work well done. This, and other information is contained in documents obtained by Aaron Leonard — posted here for the first time — via a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request.

The murder of Fred Hampton remains a point of tremendous outrage and debate decades after the fact — most recently thrust into the spotlight with the release of the film Judas and the Black Messiah . Too often there is an assumption that all facts are known. But with these new documents and others released in the past few years, it is clear there is more to uncover — not only for the sake of historical accuracy, but to understand how the bureau targeted those who were deemed threats to the status quo, so we can try to ensure such voices will not be silenced in the future.

COINTELPRO: “Black Nationalist Hate Groups”

When speaking of Fred Hampton the term COINTELPRO, the syllabic abbreviation for counterintelligence program, has become near-synonymous with his killing. So it is worth looking at what the COINTELPRO aimed at the Black Panther Party (BPP) actually was.

The United States at the end of the 1960s was in tumult. The antiwar movement was radicalizing, Catholic pacifists were destroying draft records, and the black freedom movement was giving way to Black Power and armed self-defense. Against this backdrop, in August 1967 the FBI launched a program called “COINTELPRO, Black Nationalist Hate Groups,” expanding on an effort begun in the mid 1950s directed at the Communist Party. The Bureau soon expanded the program. In a memo issued on March 4, 1968 , they elaborated on its objectives:

1) Prevent the coalition of black nationalist groups

2) Prevent the rise of a “messiah” who could unify, and electrify, the militant black nationalist movement [here citing Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr, Elijah Muhammad, and Stokely Carmichael as examples]

3) Prevent violence on the part of black nationalist groups

4) Prevent militant black nationalist groups and leaders from gaining respectability

5) Prevent the long-range growth of militant black nationalist organizations, especially among youth

Taken as a whole, this was a masterplan for destroying radical black nationalist groups. As 1968 gave way to 1969, the Bureau was particularly fixated on the Black Panther Party.

The Black Nationalist Hate Groups COINTELPRO was a major undertaking, and its exposure played a large role in forcing the Bureau to curtail domestic security operations in the mid-1970s. But COINTELPRO was just one piece of the Bureau’s larger toolkit against radicals, one that included surveillance, informant infiltration, intelligence gathering, and compiling lists for possible detention, and working with local police and their red squads to achieve these goals. Understanding this gives a much clearer picture of what Hampton and the Chicago BPP were up against.

The Black Panther Party for Self-Defense, which started in Oakland in 1966, did not get its start in Chicago until the end of 1968. Around this time, elements of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC), including leaders Stokely Carmichael (Kwame Ture), James Forman , and H. Rap Brown, briefly joined the BPP. In Chicago, this included SNCC member Bob Brown, who would become one of the chapter’s original members, along with Bobby Rush, and twenty-one-years-old NAACP Youth Chapter leader Fred Hampton. While the Panther-SNCC merger ultimately fell apart, the Chicago BPP did not.

From the start, the FBI was all over the Chicago chapter, having the advantage of an informant who joined the group as it was forming. William O’Neal had been recruited by FBI Special Agent Roy Martin Mitchell. Mitchell, who had learned that O’Neal had stolen a car and crossed state lines — making his case a federal one — used that as leverage to turn him into a snitch. According to O’Neal, Mitchell told him:

“I know you did it, but it’s no big thing.” He said, “I’m sure we can work it out.” And, um, I think a few, few months passed before I heard from him again, and one day I got a call and he told me that it was payback time. He said that “I want you to go and see if you can join the Black Panther Party, and if you can, give me a call.”

O’Neal’s joining the Chicago chapter at its inception is consistent with a practice the Bureau had developed: aiming to embed informants into radical groups at their formation, where they could more easily assimilate and potentially rise in the ranks. This held true for O’Neal: who quickly became a security captain for the chapter. It also helps explain how the FBI was able to develop insightful, if not always successful, COINTELPRO efforts against the chapter.

“The Bureau aimed to embed informants into radical groups at their formation, where they could more easily assimilate and potentially rise in the ranks.”

One of the first measures they implemented was a “poison pen” letter sent to the Chicago Mau Mau street gang in December 1968. The letter purportedly from “a disgusted Black Panther,” slandered Bob Brown and Bobby Rush “as opportunists and hustlers out for their own personal gain.”

A month later they again tried to foment divisions, this by sending an incendiary letter to the Black P. Stone Nation , a formidable street gang, which was already in conflict with the Panthers over recruitment. The letter from “A Black brother you don’t know,” claimed “the Panthers blame you for blocking their thing and there’s supposed to be a hit out on you. […] I know what I’d do if I was you.” Fortunately cooler heads prevailed, though such was not the intent of the letter.

These were official COINTELPRO operations, meaning they had to be proposed and approved within the FBI hierarchy. Notably, they were not singularly targeted at Fred Hampton. Our research has only been able to find one example where Hampton is the explicit target.

That plan, outlined, in a November 25, 1969 memo , proposed sending a letter from “a disgruntled Panther” to the national office that would state:

“Myself and other brothers are getting tired of the screwing Hampton [Name REDACTED] are giving the brothers and sisters here in Chicago and the brothers in Berkeley. Last week [REDACTED] and Hampton called us all in for a meeting and the M….F……told us we are purged from the Party. All the time they are bitching about you no good nigger. [sic] They say you only think of Chicago when you need bread. You don’t give a damn about all our brothers in jail….”

The fodder for the letter was an incident in which Hampton had suspended a group of Chicago Panthers (the memo says “purged” until they “‘earned’ the right to be called a Panther”) for being late to a meeting. The letter’s aim was to sabotage plans for Hampton to move up the Panther hierarchy by joining the national office.

Notably, that same proposal shows up in a memo dated December 3, 1969 , which also references “a positive course of action” the Chicago Police Department were about to carry out (i.e., the raid, using intelligence the FBI had passed on to them from their informant William O’Neal).

“The letter’s aim was to sabotage plans for Hampton to move up the Panther hierarchy.”

It is confusing that both the raid and the proposed COINTELPRO against Hampton are mentioned in the same memo, suggesting the FBI’s effort against Hampton were more ongoing and they did not anticipate he would be killed the following day. At minimum, more information is needed to understand what the FBI was aware of about the imminent CPD raid.

The Chicago BPP in 1969 was in the middle of a tempest. On the one hand, the chapter was in the midst of an influx of new members, and the party was seen by many black youth as an electrifying force. Hampton himself was in high demand for giving speeches to organizations and on college campuses. Meanwhile police were routinely raiding BPP headquarters, the media was vilifying them, members were being arrested with minor charges transforming into major ones, and various secret police were working in the background to sabotage their efforts to work with and unite with other forces.

The CPD & the Red Squad

The murder of Fred Hampton unfolded against a pitched dynamic of raids and armed self-defense. In 1969, the Panther headquarters in Chicago was raided three times, first by the FBI and twice by the CPD. Such an extraordinary situation helps explain the Panthers’ emphasis on security and self-defense.

Meanwhile, there were forces in operation in the background beyond the FBI. While the Panthers repeatedly ran up against Chicago street cops, the CPD also had a sizable intelligence component, operating under different names over the years but generally referred to as “the red squad.”

For a single city, the operation was huge. In his 1990 book Protectors of the Privilege, which documented the activity of big-city red squads, late ACLU director Frank Donner, called Chicago the “National Capital of Police Repression.” He reported that in 1970, 382 people were assigned to the unit, with forty-nine specifically targeting “subversives.” Not surprisingly, the Panthers were a target. According to former Panther Billy “Che” Brooks , the Chicago chapter was under the constant eye of the Chicago Red Squad and Gang Intelligence Unit.

“ACLU director Frank Donner called Chicago the ‘National Capital of Police Repression.’”

It was against that backdrop that the CPD’s targeting of the BPP reached a crescendo. On November 13, Panthers Lance Bell and Spurgeon “Jake” Winters were in the abandoned Washington Park Hotel when police were called out to them. Bell fled the scene, but Winters engaged cops in a running shootout, killing one and wounding nine officers. After an extensive chase, he shot one of the two officers on his trail, knocking him down. According to the account in Black Against Empire : The History and Politics of the Black Panther Party by Joshua Bloom and Waldo E. Martin Jr, as the other officers rushed forward, “Winters walked to the fallen officer, purposely raised his gun, and shot the officer in the face.” Winter was in turn killed by approaching police.

According to informant William O’Neal, this was the incident that set the CPD on a course of murderous revenge that would result in the killing of Fred Hampton.

The Rising Informant

It was against this backdrop that positions in the Chicago BPP chapter were constantly shifting. In the case of FBI informant William O’Neal, he appeared to be on the rise. This comes through in a 1,636-page document released by the FBI in 2017 (under the JFK Assassination Records Collection Act), which includes numerous reports from SA Mitchell and an informant — most likely O’Neal.

Specifically, one document has SA Mitchell reporting , “HAMPTON is allegedly considering approaching O’NEAL to see if he will take over as acting Minister of Defense if RUSH goes to jail.” At the time, Bobby Rush was facing jail for possession of an unregistered weapon, stemming from a police arrest after a Panther speaking event in Urbana, Illinois.

While O’Neal was rumored for promotion, Hampton himself was confronting prison for an incident in which an ice cream truck was looted of $71 worth of merchandise and distributed to neighborhood youth. Hampton would be convicted at trial and later released on bail, but lost his appeal on November 26 and was facing a return to jail to serve an excessive two- to five-year sentence.

The CPD were apparently in no mood to await Hampton’s imprisonment. Here, the FBI’s informant William O’Neal played a key role. It was O’Neal’s floor plan, a rough diagram , later refined by Mitchell of the apartment where Hampton and other Panthers were staying, which was given to the CPD raiding party — a document that lawyers Jeff Haas and Flint Taylor were able to pry loose in a later civil trial. While this is hard evidence of O’Neal’s role, many accounts of the murder also claimed that O’Neal drugged Hampton the night before the killing. That evidence, however, is still in dispute .

O’Neal’s role in supplying the floor plan, and the fact that he was given a $300 bonus a week after Hampton’s murder, has been known for some time. What had not been known previously, and which we learned with the release of 491 pages in SA Mitchell’s personal file, is the degree to which the Bureau was following, encouraging, and rewarding O’Neal and Mitchell throughout 1969 — culminating in a personal commendation by J. Edgar Hoover himself for Mitchell, days after Hampton’s murder:

“Through your aggressiveness and skill in handling a valuable source, he is able to furnish information of great importance to the Bureau in this vital area of our operations. I want you to know of my appreciation for your exemplary efforts.”

“It was O’Neal’s floor plan which was given to the CPD raiding party.”

In the memo, Hoover is careful not to spell out what the “vital area of our operations” is. But a notation on the letter reads, “Re: Black Panther Party,” making clear it was his work against the BPP. Further diminishing the commendation’s vagueness, another note references a “Moore-Sullivan” writing on December 2, 1969 that recommends the award for Mitchell’s “development of a highly productive informant in the Black Panther Party” — almost certainly William O’Neal.

Notably, the same day Hoover congratulated Mitchell, the FBI issued a COINTELPRO memo following up on the proposed poison pen letter aimed at Hampton. In it, they noted, “In view of the fact that Hampton was recently shot and killed by Chicago police, no further action is being taken in regard to your proposal.”

It remains unclear all the details the FBI knew about the CPD raid at the moment Hoover wrote to SA Mitchell. But it is clear that they knew their informant, carefully cultivated over months, had played an integral role in the “success” of an undertaking where the only people shot were Black Panthers awoken from their sleep, two of whom were shot dead. That in that moment, the Bureau chose to reward their agent’s work further closes a loop of culpability: it was blood money for a bloody deed.

Still More to Uncover

The Fred Hampton story has been told and retold such that it is frozen in amber, as if all the facts are known. Yet our obtaining of previously secret documents shows there is still more to be learned — not only from the corpus of files held by the FBI, but from the files of Chicago’s SAC Marlin Johnson, the informant William O’Neal’s file, any liaison notes between the CPD and the FBI that may exist, to say nothing of information that may lie in the records, not destroyed , of the Chicago Police and their red squad. (The CPD admitted in 1974 that it destroyed 105,000 files on individuals and 1,300 on organizations .) That all this time later we are still learning new information about Hampton’s killing is testament to the sheer volume of the effort aimed at this young revolutionary — and hopefully a spur to finally get all the secrets out.

This article previously appeared in Jacobin and Reader Supported News .

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uzumaki-rebellion · 4 years ago

Text

“Stark’s New Intern” Chapter 23

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"When I'm in a bad mood It's good to know I have you You got niggas from your past that still ain't pass you But you're on my time But you're on my time now, and our past through

Now that we finally got them out the way All the decisions that I wanna make I want your body in a million ways Nobody ever makes me feel the same…"

DVSN—"A Muse"

Erik practiced playing poker online. When work was finished with Tony for the day, he would take himself to his apartment and cook a simple meal of plain brown rice with sautéed vegetables and boneless skinless chicken breasts.

Food consumed, he'd check personal emails, call his grandfather, and then hunker down on his laptop and play three hours a night. He was going to use the money Tony paid him that he had saved to get him in at the bottom: half a million dollars. Minus the other half a million he gave away to his family, he was willing to bankroll his spot at the high stakes poker table with no help from Tony.

Work had gotten serious. After Tony's cover story appeared in Forbes, the focus of his company turned toward escalating weapons manufacturing, and Erik finally saw the bread and butter of Stark Industries. His days were spent working with Tony at his subsidiary company AccuTech designing a new missiles system that he called Jericho X. The man spent hours of brainpower trying to create an experimental model that he wanted to manufacture and have on the market within five years. Inking a new contract with the United States Armed Forces, Tony was under pressure to deliver the hot-launched missiles sooner than the five-year deadline he gave AccuTech. The man was hands-on and Erik's education at the Naval Academy was useful to him. Erik had the mind of a soldier, and his training was meant to prepare him for his forthcoming Naval career. Those military eyes helped him on the job.

Erik had to concede once more that Tony was a smart motherfucker and his focus on work was just as laser-sharp and obsessive as Erik. Working around him on the Jericho X project was eye-opening and the long hours pushed Erik's mind to its limits. He was allowed to work at AccuTech and give up a lot of his assistant tasks which he was all for. He acted with restrained professionalism, and that allowed him to hang around after hours to do his own experimentation with the vibranium.

It did take the heads of AccuTech a couple of weeks to be accustomed to a Black teen having so much access to a secret project. If he had been some lanky white teen with an overly ingratiating personality, no one would question his presence. He would just be viewed as a white boy genius and "Atta boy!" accolades would've been thrown at him along with pats on the back. Instead, he was a Black boy genius faced with bias and suspicion. He endured the usual bullshit just so he could get his hands on equipment, testing space, and cutting-edge STEM knowledge.

Sitting on his bed and winding down from playing online poker, he checked out the housing available to him at M.I.T. In six months, he was leaving for grad school and he was already designing his life there. He checked out restaurants and clubs, searched for areas that had Black people and Black cultural things he could access. He searched for any capoeira spaces and the ones he found were white-dominated and he wanted Black people to practice with. He needed Black touchstones to keep him sane after his experience at the Naval Academy and Stark's internship.

Checking the M.I.T. website he found an alumni link that helped new students transition to the Institute. A few hyperlinks found him peeping the on-campus radio station, WMBR, that served the Cambridge-Boston area. Listening to a few archived music shows, he stumbled across one that was deejayed by someone called ButtaFly. The show was called Cosmic Café and when he listened to the first ten minutes, he immediately bookmarked it and added it to his listening rotation. The music was Blackity Black and spanned generations, and the DJ did live mixes that had Erik head bobbing.

For two months he laid on his bed from twelve midnight until two in the morning just being carried away by the sounds and also the voice of ButtaFly, a woman who made Erik's entire body relax. She opened her show with a positive quote or a bit of poetry and then she had themes that she created stringing songs from the field hollers of Black chain gangs to the Black Neo Soul of 90s British R&B, or any type of current African diaspora music she could blend with Hip Hop, Deep House, or Electronica.

He tried looking up personal details or even pictures of ButtaFly, but she was a hidden ghost, just words and rhythms and vocal soothing that helped him sleep before heading off for the grueling hours of AccuTech.

She became his brain muse, expanding his mind so he could juggle the science he worked with every day.

Stretching on his bed, Erik closed his eyes and put in his earbuds.

"As-salaam 'alaykum, Beloved. Welcome to the Cosmic Café. I am your host, DJ ButtaFly bringing you that good nourishment, that savory food for your mind, body, and spirit. Tonight's theme is going to run us into the realm of quantum physics. A little Afrofuturism to get us through Black History Month…"

Erik felt his shoulders loosen up and he closed his eyes. He tried to imagine what type of face went with the sultry voice blessing his ears. The modulations and changes in tone she used as she spoke hypnotized his ears. Muscles throughout his body relaxed and he wondered what kind of musical journey she would take her listeners on that night.

"I want to open the show with a piece from a sister whose work I adore, Alexis Pauline Gumb. I feel like someone out there needs to hear it. I know I do. This is taken from her book of experimental poetry called 'Dub: Finding Ceremony'. This particular joint is called 'Commitment'. Are you ready, Fam?"

Erik nodded his head as he grew more comfortable, slipping deeper into a state of mental ease. He rolled his right hand down his chest and rested it on his stomach. Lying nude in the dark he could almost hear his heartbeat.

"We promise to wake you if we think you won't get the point of the dream. We promise to show up if you show up. Everyday. We promise to make you feel sick if you lie to yourself. We promise to let love through if it's love you came to do…"

Soft. Soothing. Safe.

Her voice cradled and held him in a warm place. She wrapped his thoughts around her words.

"We promise to make time flexible if you give us your time. We promise to think of you more often than you think of us. We promise to remember you when you forget. We promise to be wherever and in everything you haven't noticed yet. We promise to be we, even one by one…"

Erik's body floated. He was still firmly pressed on his bed, but the eternal part of himself seemed to rise above his tired flesh and hover at the beckoning of ButtaFly's mouth thousands of miles away.

"We promise to outsmart your mind. We promise to overlove your heart. We promise to echo over your voice. We promise you everything. Everything. All we ask."

An image formed in his mind.

Full lips. Feline eyes. Skin rich and dark and made for touching and deep kissing.

His hand slid to his manhood.

ButtaFly spun dreams, drums, and breakbeats, sounds and rhythms that kept him floating above himself even as he stroked a growing erection in his hand. He tried to create a more detailed rendering of what he imagined the DJ to look like, but as pre-cum beaded at the tip of his swollen glans, his brain substituted Devika's face and body as a placeholder and he ran with it.

He tugged hard on his dick, keeping a tight grip right under the ridge of his tip. He imagined Devika's ass wiggling as he slapped his dick on her ass cheeks. ButtaFly's music urged him on and when she spoke to her audience about the songs she was about to mix in next, he latched onto her voice and grunted hard.

"Fuck!"

His hand was slick and more pre-cum spilled onto his fingers.

"Fuck this dick!"

"You ready for more?"

The haunting track ButtaFly flooded his ears with dragged him to the edge. He jumped up and turned over on his bed. Grabbing his pillow, he jammed it under his waist and ground his dick on it, pumping his hips as his glutes flexed hard. Eyes squeezed shut he conjured up images of a shapely ass clapping loud because of his thrusts.

A disembodied voice had him humping his pillow, the casing growing damp from the amount of pre-cum he was shooting out from his sensitive tip. He jammed his right hand on top of his erection to create a tunnel, allowing him to pretend he was in ButtaFly's pussy. His hand was slippery and he pushed down on the pillow to get more friction. The music in his ears was made for fucking and he thrust harder imagining some tight pussy yanking on his dick as his balls pounded into a nice soft ass. She sounded like the type who could throw it back on him and make him cry because it was so good. He lost it then.

He yelled like he was knee-deep in gushy pussy.

His thighs grew taught and his orgasm rushed across his ass and up over his back and neck before any semen flooded all over his pillow and sheets. A long groan blew out from his throat as he rubbed out another smaller nut. His fingers touched the pillow. The whole thing was soaked and sticky.

Leaning on his thighs he threw his head back to stretch his neck.

The moment he got to M.I.T. he was going to look for that DJ. There was no way in hell she could make him cum like that and he not find out what she looked like. His dick was still hard, and she kept the music going. He reached for his cell and searched through some old files. He pulled one up.

Athena.

She allowed him to film her as he hit from the back while she held onto her bedroom dresser. He watched Athena's big titties hang down and bounce in the mirror as he pounded her pussy. Jacking off again he allowed the music in his ears to narrate the fucking he watched himself do on his phone. Cradling one overly full breast in his hand on film, he watched his video self cum inside of her, calling out her name as she released on his dick screaming his. His eager hand worked his dick on the bed, the hard strokes slowed down until his cum splashed all over his stomach. He fell back on the bed feeling wiped out.

During his lunch break the next day, he downloaded the book of poetry, ButtaFly shared from the previous night, and read the piece at least five times. The words resonated with him. And they did something else: reminded him of his purpose.

Inside the work labs at AccuTech, Erik studied the mock-ups of new guns and smart weapons. He toyed with experimenting with vibranium and creating sonic weapons.

"We promise to outsmart your mind."

The line of the poem came back to him.

Staring at the new gun design that Tony had posed with on the Forbes magazine cover, Erik thought of converting it and somehow using the properties of the vibranium on it. As he listened to the best weapons designers grapple with the Jericho X missile prototypes, Erik memorized what he saw so that he could sketch it out later in his apartment. He wanted to compare it to the designs he saw in his father's old journals. He asked to work on the Stark sonic canon, a non-lethal long-range acoustic device. Granted permission to do so, he studied how the LRADs could be modified with the ideas he had swimming in his head. He looked for cheap and easy ways to mass manufacture devices that could be shipped around the world undetected. But he had to figure out how much vibranium it would take to modify Stark's LRADs. He only had six months left to absorb all he could.

He stayed diligent with his work and Tony visited AccuTech often giving his thoughts on their progress. Stark was preoccupied with some politicians giving him grief, and also preparing for the new batch of summer interns. He stripped down the number of interns he would have from 100 to fifty. That meant it would be even more competitive. Summoned to Tony's Los Angeles office from Palos Verdes where he had been working, Erik stepped into the outer sanctum and found Devika speaking to some assistants from other higher-ups. She took one look at him and paused for a long time. He realized then that they hadn't seen one another for a couple of months, his time spent in Palos Verdes cutting off contact between them in person.

He was about to step into Tony's office, but she held up a hand signaling for him to wait. When the assistants left, she walked over to him.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi."

Her eyes stared at him like she was seeing him for the first time.

"What?" he said feeling self-conscious.

"Something about you is different."

"How so?"

He sat on her desk.

"There's a swagger about you that is different…hmmm, more confident maybe?"

"When have I ever been less confident?"

"You look…good. Sophisticated."

Her eyes flitted away from his face. She was acting bashful all of a sudden.

"How's Wyatt?" he asked.

Her eyes regarded him carefully.

Wyatt was her new boyfriend, an older dude from Seattle she met at a mixer in Los Feliz.

"He's doing well. Thanks for asking."

He let his eyes linger on hers. She was still checking him out.

"He better be treating you like a Queen. Let me know if he doesn't," he said moving off of her desk and heading into Tony's office.

"Stevens. Good, we can get this intern stuff sorted. Come with me."

Tony swept past him and Erik followed. They only went around the corner from his office and into a mid-sized conference room. Pepper was inside the space along with two other executives Erik was not familiar with.

"Awesome, we can finish up now," Pepper said.

Tony and Erik took a seat at the end of the oval conference table facing a blank wall. Pepper handed them touchpads and turned on a floating screen.

"We've narrowed down applicants to just under three hundred. You need to choose who you want to be interviewed."

Erik and Tony scrolled CVs on the touchpads. So many names.

They painstakingly went through every CV, staring at applicant photos floating in front of them. Tony was open to Erik's suggestions, and this fact alone opened up the pool of applicants from ones Tony would've overlooked from his own biases. He tended to court favor with those from Ivy League schools and who had the same boring backgrounds. Mainly white and East Asian applicants who all did the shit that they thought would make them stand out. How many classically trained pianists/violinists who played La Crosse, Tennis, Chess, and water polo did one need? Sometimes too many extracurricular activities signaled a follower. A simp that did things not because they enjoyed it but because it padded their resume. He forced Tony to consider graduates from non-Ivy Leagues, those who did community-based work where they lived. More women applicants of color, especially Black and Latinx ones. He even suggested Tribal Colleges and lower-tiered public universities and colleges. He also mentioned looking at people who didn't have perfect Dean's Lists grades.

"I tell you what. I'll give you three weeks to open up the pool and bring in those types of potential interns you suggested. Pepper, give him access to the advertising bulletins," Tony said.

"That's cutting it close, Tony, we need to have interviews lined up and applicants chosen by the beginning of May."

Pepper and the other two Execs looked annoyed.

"Stevens can get it done. Give him the bulletins," Tony said, standing up.

Erik followed Tony out of the conference room.

"Let's go have lunch," Tony said.

Tony drove them to a restaurant in Pasadena. A small French café with excellent crepes filled with savory meats and sauces.

"Are you enjoying AccuTech?" Tony asked.

Erik nodded as he chewed a forkful of chicken masala crepes.

"I'm getting good reports about you. You've adjusted to the pace."

"It's cool. The LRAD work is right up my alley. That's what I'll study at school. Hands-on work will have me ahead of the curve."

"Grimaldo keeps hitting me up. He is ready for this re-match."

"I am too,"

"You sure you don't want me to bankroll you?"

"Nah."

"He tends to be at his best on his home turf."

"I'm good."

"Some things to know…"

A waiter brought over a glass of wine for Tony and sparkling water for Erik.

"We will be among a lot of royalty. I know you have excellent sartorial choices, but I need you to step up even more and have some formal clothing for at least a week—"

"A week? We'll be gone that long?"

"I'm making some business deals while I'm there, so work will be happening. You can use that time to work on the intern stuff. Pepper isn't coming with us, so I will slip you back into your old personal assistant role. She'll guide you from here. You'll need to be extra discreet while we are over there, and also be prepared for last-minute changes."

Erik ate his meal and listened.

"You sound kind of nervous," Erik said.

"Not nervous. This Jericho deal is very important and we'll be among some other industrialists and even some nefarious characters that want to see me fail. Things have to be tight and not attracting negative attention."

Erik nodded.

"I like the things you brought up at the intern meeting."

"Pepper and the others didn't sound so delighted."

"They'll get over it. It's why I put it in your hands for new outreach. Hey, are you sure about leaving for school after August?"

"Yeah. Gotta get that graduate degree."

"You should stay on at AccuTech."

Erik shook his head.

"M.I.T., Navy. That order."

Tony finished up his wine and glanced at his watch.

"Back to work," he said.

Erik stopped at Tony's office before picking up his car in the Stark garage. Devika was alone there, and her eyes seemed to light up when she saw him again.

"How was lunch?"

"Good. What do you want me to bring back from Monaco for you?"

"You don't have to bring me anything—"

"I want to."

"A t-shirt is cool-"

"T-shirt? That's so gauche. I'll bring you something classy."

"Don't spend a lot, Erik."

"I'll bring you back something that won't make your man jealous. How 'bout that?"

"Okay."

He smiled at her. The aroma of her perfume hit his nose suddenly and the scent took him back to her bedroom and the smell of her on his skin.

"I'm out," he said walking away quickly.

When his work was over for the day, he spread out on his bed nude and slipped on his earbuds.

"As-salaam 'alaykum, Beloved. Welcome to the Cosmic Café…"

Erik's muse took him away once more. Soothed his spirit. Steadied his mind.

He was ready for Monaco.

###

Chapter 24 HERE.

###

Tag List:

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#Stark's New Intern #Killmonger Fanfiction #Killmonger Fanfic #Killmonger Smut #Tony Stark #Black Panther Fanfiction #Uzumaki Rebellion's Pantherverse

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bridgemeadhq · 4 years ago

Photo

THE FOOL

full name: Dakota ‘Kody’ Pierce

faceclaim: Austin Abrams

age: 18

birthday: December 13th

gender: Cis man

pronouns: He/him

four traits: Compassionate, goofy, loud & occasionally annoying

worst fear: Disneyworld getting nuked / accidentally killing somebody

favourite horror movie: Scooby Doo 2002 / Coraline

hometown: Orlando, Florida

living situation: living with his adorable parents who love him so so so much 💖💖💖

major: Sad high school student lmao

BIOGRAPHY

When Dakota was a little boy, there was nothing that he enjoyed more than sitting down in front of his parents enormous, outdated, television set and watching the same three Disney movies over and over: Aladdin, Alice in Wonderland, and Peter Pan. The third one was his favorite by far; the idea of never having to grow old, to just be a kid, running around and playing with his best friends forever was extremely appealing to him. This fantasy was only encouraged by the fact that his family lived in Orlando, twenty minutes away from Disney World, and frequently would visit the parks on weekends to amuse their darling son and his vivid imagination. And once Dakota got over his fear of rollercoasters, theme parks became his newest obsession. No longer did he love lounging around in a bean bag chair, sipping on a juice-box watching old animated films – he wanted to live it. Luckily for him, he was an only child with parents who lived to spoil him and shower him with attention, so when the general admission prices seemed to sky-rocket as the years went on, annual passes became a household necessity.

It wasn’t just the wonderful world of Disney that Dakota enjoyed – from a very young age he was exposed to the likes of Scooby Doo, The Clone Wars, and Harry Potter, and all things sci-fi, fantasy, and supernatural were easily his favorite things to read about, watch on tv, or experience at a theme park. He’ll never forget attending the opening day of Harry Potter World at Universal Studios, and not even being upset about having to wait in line for five hours to ride Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. It was after that first ride when Dakota made a decision about what his future career would be: he would be a rollercoaster designer – and not just any, the best. The goal was to become an Imagineer, but if that wasn’t possible, he’d take designing incredible coasters all over the world.

Eventually the desire to remain a happy, go-lucky child, playing games with his friends and riding rollercoasters every weekend forever became less appealing, because once Dakota entered middle school, he quickly realized that being the kid obsessed with Disney was very uncool. Talking to girls was cool, and playing Minecraft with his friends online was cool, not his collection of rare Winnie the Pooh mugs that he at one point thought was the coolest thing he could ever own. The love for theme parks and all things Disney still remained, it just became a lot more lowkey as he attempted to pursue an aura of coolness. It was then that Dakota decided to pickup a nickname, and to the dismay of his parents who named him after the great state where they fell in love, North Dakota, he started going by Kody. The obsession with being like Peter Pan still tickled the back of his mind occasionally – he often felt nostalgic for not having to worry that much about his grades, or for the days he could chatter on about his latest trip to the EPCOT Center without having other kids call him a baby – but once he kissed a girl at the eighth grade dance, that urge to be a kid forever was out the window. After that, all Kody wanted to do was grow up!

It was at the beginning of his Sophomore year in high school that his entire world was shaken up, when his parents revealed to him that they would be leaving their perfect suburb and moving up north. This was possibly the worst thing that had happened to him thus far in his life, leaving behind the friends he’d made, the girl he’d formed feelings for, and most importantly: the theme parks he loved. He threw fit after fit, slammed every damn door in the house, announced he would emancipate himself if he had to – he would not leave behind his precious Disney World. Obviously, being a fifteen year old without much say in the matter, within a couple of months their home was packed into moving trucks, and the family of three spent their last day in Orlando exactly where Dakota wanted to be: at the Magic Kingdom.

Starting at a new school was difficult, especially when the town his parents had forced him to move seemed to be the most boring place on earth. At a glance, it seems small, gloomy and uninteresting, and for the first months living there, Kody would spend most of his time holed up in his room, friendless, messing around on his computer and learning the ins and outs of coding. His parents encouraged him to get out, meet new people and make some friends, but it was just difficult – he didn’t want to. He wanted his old life, he wanted Disney World, as pathetic as he knew it sounded. The local Massachusetts theme parks just didn’t scratch the same itch, as much as his parents attempted to bring back the spark they used to see in him. It wasn’t until one late afternoon in his high schools library when he discovered there was a lot more to Bridgemead that meets the eye. It was there he came across three teenagers, AJ, Arabella, and Dylan, none of whom he recognized to be in any of his classes, who appeared to be searching for something. His curiosity got the better of him, and he ditched the calculus homework he’d been scribbling on to follow after them. This became a quite regular occurrence; Kody would find one of them after school, wait until the three united, and then linger behind them at a distance, eavesdropping to figure out what exactly they were up to. Suddenly, Kody had his newest obsession: getting to the bottom of…. whatever they were getting to the bottom of.

It didn’t take him long to realize what their game was, they don’t exactly whisper when they think no on else is around, and as surprising as it was to hear it, the revelation of the supernatural being real was brought to his attention, and he quickly realized exactly what the three he followed around were: they were Bridgemead’s version of the Scooby Gang!… sans a couple of members, sure – but he hoped that maybe, if he played his cards right, he could become one of them. It happened one day when he wasn’t being as sneaky as he usually would, and though they were skeptical about him following them around at first, if there’s one thing about Kody: it’s that he appears rather harmless, and to match that look, he’s adorably pure at heart. They quickly realized that he was simply a lonely new kid with bright eyes and a bubbly personality who was eager to help them on their quest to uncover the truths that hide within their town.

The subsequent year, following them around was an absolute blast. To his parents delight, he began bringing them around his home, and the basement became their unofficial HQ. While they never actually solved any of the mysteries the three seemed to have discover on their own, he was still having way more fun than he ever thought he could when he moved here. Somehow, investigating with the three of them was just as thrilling, if not more sometimes, than riding his favorite rollercoaster. Eventually his friends graduated, but that didn’t seem to split up their little team – everyone remained in town after graduation, attending the local college. In fact, them leaving high school actually resulted in Kody getting more friends, as they added Blair to their group. Once there were five of them, he really felt like they were the Scooby Doo Crew, and if he were to assign himself to a particular character: it would probably be Scoob. The fun didn’t exactly come to an end – just took a dramatic, unprecedented pause one night during winter break during Kody’s senior year on his walk home, after a scarfing down a larger-than-your-head neapolitan sundae at the Karma Cafe.

As much as Dakota likes to think he can’t remember what happened – he does. Vividly. He represses as much as he can, just likes to think he was simply attacked, and woke up in searing pain… but it’s much more to that. When he did awaken, it was like a part of his subconscious had been silenced, the good, sweet parts of him had vanished, if only for a moment to enact absolute terror on a random civilian. After spending about fiveish minutes sucking the blood out of their neck, he snapped back to reality, and realized the mess he had become. He couldn’t deal with the knowledge of whether or not he’d killed them, so he disappeared without bothering to check for a pulse, and returned home to clean up, cry madly, and go to sleep in the hopes that he’d wake up and all of this would’ve been some sort of dream. Unfortunately, Kody did not sleep, nor has he slept since that night ten months ago. When the sun rose that morning, he realized that it’s rays, even glistening through small slats in his blinds seemed to give him a headache, and when he attempted to pull them back and force himself to accept the day, he discovered that it’s heat was enough to set him on fire. The next several days were spent in absolute darkness, convincing his mother that he was sick with the flu and that she shouldn’t even dare to enter the room. At night, he would sneak out, part of his brain shut off again as he’d lurk through the town and find something he could feed on. After that first victim, Kody managed to learn to control himself, it was like the thing that he had become somehow understood how much was too much, and he would leave his victims gasping for breath and screaming as he’d vanish in the distance, unseen and further undetected. Each time he would hate himself afterwards, return back to his bedroom and cry, cry, cry until he didn’t feel much of anything anymore.

It was about a week after the attack when he discovered a mysterious package with his name on it on the dining room table. Inside was a letter with handwriting so fancy that Kody didn’t even bother to attempt to decipher it, a bulky silver ring with Latin inscribed, and two bags of blood. Without really thinking about it, he devoured both bags, and then kicked himself in the ass for it later when he realized how he could’ve rationed it. It was however, what gave him the idea to stop unnecessarily hurting people, and start stealing blood bags from wherever he could get: the hospital, local blood drives, and the occasional trip outside of town to scour nearby hospitals became his weekly spots to raid. The ring was the greatest part of the package, because when he wore it and stood in front of the blinds hanging from his window, the headache he’d feel all day every day was no longer there. He even dared to pull back the blinds and stand in full view of the sun, only to find that he wasn’t turning into a ball of flames – he was perfectly fine.

Once he’d acquired the ring, he was able to return to school, but this came with its own set of complications. The scent of blood was everywhere, all the time, calling to him to come have a delicious sip from any classmate who dared to offer him a smile that day. He managed to keep his composure when he was there, but this did result in him having to miss countless school days to prevent himself from hurting another student or a faculty member. There were dozens of days he can recall stepping onto campus, only to smell that someone had just accidentally cut their hand, or bruised their knee, or the worst: someone had just gotten their period, and he would have to leave as quickly as possible to curve his cravings. These repeated absences resulted in something detrimental to Kody: he was going to be held back.

All he wanted was for someone to be there for him, but he couldn’t tell his friends. As accepting as he knew they would be, considering how they had all reacted upon Dylan’s admission, he just couldn’t. It’s one thing to have an uncontrollable change once a month, it’s another to crave blood on a five-minute basis. That summer, their unofficial HQ found a more permanent location in the form of the basement underneath the Bridgemead College’s library, and this relocation resulted in Kody receiving another slew of new friends: Finley, and as time went on, Kendall both is he a little wary about, considering what he is. As their group seemed to grow, he spent three long, sleepless nights developing the perfect tool for them to use: a website equipped with an anonymous tip system, a message board, and catchy headlines to grab the attention of the average Bridgemead citizen. Once it looked absolutely perfect, complete with a header tilted BRIDGEMEAD’S SCOOBY GANG, he decided it was time to unveil it to everyone. The website came with mixed reviews from the group, but ultimately it was decided that they would be using it, though AJ did have to remind him a few times that Scooby Gang was definitely a working title. For the first time in a long while, he felt like he actually had… real friends, ones he didn’t have to put on some kind of cool front for, like he used to. This time, the facade he had to put up was that he was absolutely normal. Just an awkward, goofy kid who claims he faints at the sight of blood and can’t stand the scent of lemon verbena, and not the truth of what kind of monster he’s become. His only explanations of what was going on with him lied within vague Google searches which returned ambiguous answers, stating that what he was going through was a phenomenon limited only to the fictional world. If only they really knew.

So his childhood dream had come true: Kody would get to be a kid forever, just like Peter Pan.

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 4 years ago

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Riverdale 5X01 Review

Hey we are back! It’s been a while since we’ve had a Riverdale episode so it was great to see the show back. Obviously this episode was a continuation of the end of season 4 that got cut short so it didn’t really feel like a premiere which was a little odd but couldn’t be helped. To be honest while I did think this was a good episode for me I felt like it could have been better. I just wasn’t completely satisfied I kept wanting more and it was a little frustrating because it was always so close but just didn’t quite hit the mark for me. That being said there were still some really great moments in this episode and some good storylines. There is definitely plenty to unpack so lets dive in, as always there are spoilers, also these are just my own opinions and thoughts totally fine if you disagree.

As always I am going to break the review down into the different plotlines, and I’ll give you my thoughts and theories on them, I am going to start with the video tapes and the voyeur storyline.

The Voyeur and Blue Velvet.

So we open exactly where we left off with Betty and Jughead in the cabin only now the FBI are there and I get to see my boy Charles which made me happy. During the scene we learn a couple of things, first Mr Honey was not the one killed in the video, which begs the question of who was? The second is that Jughead raises the possibilty that he has been hacked which could lend some evidence to the theory going around that the Stonies still have access to Jughead’s old laptop and were somehow able to get access to his new laptop through it. The third is that the owner of Blue Velvet video store is selling tickets to view the tapes. Jughead believes that whilst he probably isn’t the voyeur he is involved and is profitting off of the tapes. Only the owner isn’t talking so Betty and Jughead have to look elsewhere for clues. I do want to just say real quick though that I did not understand the scene between Betty and Miss Bell. Like I didn’t understand why she went to Miss Bell for answers? Especially as Miss Bell didn’t even give her any useful information. Unless it was just there as a way to reintroduce Mr Weatherby back into the show which I must say it was good to see him again but his line about how he makes it through most nights without waking up screaming was actually kind of sad just because it shows how traumatised the people of the town really are. We have gotten quite a few lines like this now that really do show how much of an effect all the murders and everything have had on the townspeople of Riverdale. I mean you had Kevin’s line about being numb but screaming inside, also kevin and fangs talking about who they could be outside of riverdale and Ethel saying she just wanted to make it out of riverdale in one piece, the writers have done a good job of weaving those comments throughout well what would have been the whole season.

Next Betty and Jughead go to see Brett and with a little bit of sweet talk and a sprinkling of the threat of violence on top they are able to to get some info out of him. They learn that David (the Blue Velvet guy) does these redband viewings and the only way to get access to them is to either be on a list or to take a snuff film to David. What I found interesting about this scene is that it seemed to me like Brett was playing them a bit, I just get the feeling he’s got some ulterior motive. For example when he asks what the investigation is to me it looked like he was trying to stay casual and I think he already knew that’s what they were looking into. When they confirm it he gets this kind of smirk on his face like he’s happy that they are investigating it. I do think he knows alot more than he is letting on and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he is manipulating them.

So Betty and Jughead decide to take Brett’s advice and make a snuff film with help from Cheryl and Reggie. Interestingly this snuff film actually doesn’t end up contributing to much in this episode because the moment they show it to David he can tell it’s a fake. Which makes me think why would the writers bother having it in there, why not just have Betty say to Jughead oh we can give him that tape of my dad? Well I do have a theory on that as I think the fake snuff film with Cheryl is going to come into play later. Remember in the season 5 trailer there’s a shot of cheryl’s dress covered in blood.

It’s the same dress Cheryl wears in the snuff film and to me it looks like the same location of the snuff film and it also looks like its the same chair. Also the way its hung up like that makes this feel like a threat of some kind. I think that the voyeur is going to try and frame Cheryl for a crime of some kind and that she’ll go to prison I mean that is also the same location where her uncle was killed so it might link back to that somehow. This could explain why Toni is pregnant and living with Kangs after the time jump.

After taking the tape of her dad to David, Betty is able to get access to the underground viewings. After letting Jughead in through the back door they start exploring the place. In each room there is a different video playing. Now anyone who has read any of my season 4 Riverdale posts knows that my theory on the Voyeur is that its actually a ring lead by Donna and is made up of the stonies, the farmies, terry and his tickle gang and Mr honey and the Blue Velvet guy. Well the videos that are being shown could be used to support my theory. The first video we get shown is one of the s*x tapes that the Stonies recorded and that Brett sold to the Blue velvet store. The second video we get shown is a tickle video. That links in both the Stonies and Terry. We then see a video of a group of people beating up someone tied to a tree and then the Black Hood video before they find the voyeur’s tapes. The first voyeur tape we get shown in the one where they are killing my honey. But what about the farmies. Whilst there isn’t any video linked to them I do think we have a clue that would point to them. Remember earlier when I said I didn’t understand the scene between Miss Bell and Betty because we didn’t get any information from it. Well I do think it was used to remind us about the farmies through Mr Weatherby. Which means throughout the voyeur plotline we’ve been reminded of the stonies, the farmies, the tickle ring and mr honey and I don’t think that’s a coincidence it does seem to me that they want us to connect these groups with the voyeur.

Ok moving on. Whilst exploring the screening they spot a guy in an owl mask who appears to be filiming the people at the screening. Obviously Betty and Jughead believe that this is the voyeur. However when they try to go after them they run into Jellybean and the person gets away. We learn from Jellybean that she heard about the party from her friend’s brother who is on an email list. However I don’t think it was an accident that Jellybean was at the party, we know from the season 5 trailer that at some point someone is going to sneak into the Jones/ Cooper household and threaten Jellybean with a knife. I think that the voyeur deliberately lured Jellybean there as a warning or threat to Jughead. I do think this will explain why FP will leave the show as well I think the knife video coupled with this instance will cause FP to make the decision to take Jellybean out of Riverdale to keep her safe.

Later whilst at prom the voyeur releases a video showing images of the gang dancing then stabbing a guy in the same owl mask as earlier in the episode and who is wearing a name tag that says David. This scene though is really really wierd and at first I was really confused by it because whilst the video is playing a group of students come onto the dance floor and start dancing like they are at a rave and I kept thinking why the hell are they dancing? Well later it then hit me, hypnosis. The video starts out showing images of people dancing at the screening/ rave before it shows the images of the gang murdering someone. I think all of the people who go to the dance floor and start dancing like that have been to one of those screenings and were hypnotised to respond that way, either when the lights go out or by the song that comes on or even a bit of both because the moment the song is stopped and betty turns the lights back on all the people who were dancing stop and look around confused like they are not sure how they got there. Also the fact that jughead is the one that goes to the computer to turn off the video makes me think that maybe that was his laptop and that it really is being hacked by someone, most likely the stonies.

Ok now we are going to get to the first thing that annoyed me about this episode and it is something I have spoken about before. After turning off the video Betty and Jughead run out of the prom to go investigate. But the thing is they don’t even stop to tell Archie and Veronica what’s going on. I’ve said time and time again that one of the problems with the show is that the characters are too segregated, you always have the same characters interacting with each other and only each other. None suffer more from this than the core four. I mean that video wasn’t just about Jughead and Betty, it involved the whole gang and yet neither of them bother to stop and explain what’s going on to everyone else, like it would have been so easy to write a quick conversation in where the rest of them follow Betty and Jughead out and ask questions, they could have been given a quick explaination and then told them that they would explain more later. But we got nothing. I think the thing that frustrates me more is that Archie had that speech earlier in the episode about how prom was the final dance they were going to have together and so they couldn’t miss it but then other than a like 2 second clip of them making a toast we don’t see them interact with each other at all. Even crazier than that I don’t think the core four communicated with each other outside of their couples at all this episode which considering prom is suppose to be this big milestone to celebrate with your friends its a bit ridiculous to me that the core four don’t have any conversations. The only other scene outside of prom where all four of them are together is at the speakeasy and they don’t actually talk to each other they are just there together so I wouldn’t really call it them interacting. I know I sound like I’m ranting and well I am but as I’ve said before I am soo tired of this dynamic they’ve got going. There is only so many times a person can watch Bughead investigate a mystery, or Varchie have s*x and fight with her parents over and over before they get bored. It makes me miss season 1 when everyone was involved in the investigation and everyone communicated with each other about the things they had found out. But I think the best evidence that the core four don’t interact enough outside of their couples comes from KJ Apa’s interview where he says.

“It’s really funny because I’ve been so used to shooting scenes with Cami and I’ve mainly been with Cami on set, so it’s funny when the roles start reversing,” Apa explained. “And it’s interesting because it’s like ‘Oh this is what it’s like to work with Lili every day! You know? It’s a completely different vibe, it’s amazing and it’s fun because it’s different.”

The fact that he isn’t used to working with Lili everyday speaks volumes. Like think about it for a second these two are suppose to be best friends on the show and yet the actors don’t usually work together and aren’t use to working together that’s crazy to me. Though I will admit that I am excited that that seems to be changing and we might be seeing some new dynamics. However I hope they don’t fall into the same pattern again but just with new couples. Like I am a Barchie shipper and I would love to see loads of scenes of them together but I don’t want to only see them interacting with each other I want to see Betty interact with Veronica, and Archie with Jughead and Jughead with Veronica and Veronica with Archie and Betty with Jughead, I want those friendship bonds as much as those shipper moments. I love seeing my ships interact but it needs to be balanced.

Ok so after that rant lets move onto the next plotline.

Varchie and The Song.

This was actually my favourite plotline of the episode just because of Camilla and KJ’s performances they did such a good job and honestly the storyline was so heartbreaking. The storyline is kicked off with Veronica finding the song Archie wrote for Betty. She obviously thinks its about her and asks him to play it for her. You see that he is trying to shrug it off as being nothing. But the part that hit me in the heart was when she said she liked the idea of him getting back into music. To me this is so heartbreaking because it was Betty that got him playing music again, it was Betty who inspired him again. Veronica is so happy for him yet she has no idea that its because of her boyfriend’s strong feelings for her best friend that he was able to write songs again. Also you can see that this is hurting Archie too. I feel like Archie gets alot of stick and judgement for the whole cheating thing, way more than Betty because people think he doesn’t care about Veronica but thats just not true and I think this episode really showed that. I mean he was wrong for cheating obviously but at the same time he can’t help his feelings, you don’t choose who you fall for or even when you fall for them. Betty and Archie’s mistake wasn’t that they developed feelings for each other that was beyond their control, it was that they weren’t honest about it and as a result let those feelings lead them to cheating, their second mistake was not telling their significant others right away and lying to them again. Archie in this episode is very much being confronted with the consequences of that and he is clearly hurting because he knows he is hurting/ going to hurt Veronica.You can see Archie also still has a lot of pain from Betty rejecting him on top of his feelings of guilt and is trying to forget and push it out of mind. He becomes obsessed with getting into the Naval academy because he is trying to run away from the situation and sees the Naval Academy as a way out. He tells Veronica that the song stinks and throws it in the trash hoping that it’ll take his feelings with it. To be honest this whole scene where they are talking about the song made me feel so uncomfortable, as it was suppose to, because you just know what’s coming and seeing Veronica so blissfully ignorant to it is just heart wrenching.

We find out that Archie has some competition for the position at the Naval Academy and that competition is KO Kelly from Katy Keene. Veronica proposes a boxing match to help decide who will get the position. I will admit I quite liked Archie and KO’s scenes together. They were quite short but I do think it helped show alot of how Archie was feeling and just how conflicted he is and how much he just wants to escape it all. I mean their conversation when KO asked Archie why he was interested in the Naval Academy was so telling. Archie basically tells us that he wants to start over completely he wants to leave Riverdale behind. His use of the word completely is again really showing his mentality at the moment because KO has to point out oh it won’t be completely because you’ll have Veronica and you guys are going to last. This happens twice in the episode where someone makes a comment suggesting that Archie and Veronica are endgame and both times you can see that Archie is uncomfortable with it and just sad, he just looked so sad this episode. I think deep down Archie knows that his and Veronica’s relationship is ending and he is struggling with that because he does care about her and he does love her, the last thing he wants to do is hurt her but at the same time I really do think he has fallen out of love with her and now he has these deep feelings for Betty but because he loves and cares for Betty as well he wants her to be happy and he believes that she has no feelings for him. Plus he doesn’t want to hurt Jughead either because he cares about him too. As a result I think he’s feeling very overwhelmed and stuck right now like he’s backed into a corner because no matter what he does someone is getting hurt. Knowing Archie he also is probably putting all the blame on himself and has just decided that everyone will be better off with him gone, but on the flip side of that he is also probably afraid of being left alone, he says to KO that all his friends are going to college and he missed the boat on that so he could feel like he is going to be left behind. Basically Archie’s having alot of feels right now and it’s kind of tearing him apart.

But another one of my favourite moments between Archie and KO is KO’s reaction to finding out that Veronica has a speakeasy. Which leads into the scene that made me so so uncomfortable. Look I had guessed that Veronica was likely to find the song, I even put it in one of my theory posts I even predicted that maybe Archie would end up having to sing the song and Veronica would figure out it wasn’t about her. But what I never would have predicted in a million years is that Veronica would be the one to sing the song, so well done Riverdale you got me there. Honestly Veronica being the one to sing the song made it a thousand times worse, I mean the secondhand embarassment was real. Just the whole time I wanted to look away but couldn’t. However I do want to talk about Archie and Betty’s reactions really quick.

The really interesting thing about this scene to me is that they actually don’t show us Betty and Archie’s reactions straight away. First they show us KO’s reaction who smiles clearly recognising that this is a love song, I mean he doesn’t know what’s going on, all he knows is from Katy who has told him Archie and Veronica love each other, he’s likely listening to this song and just thinking oh Katy was right they really love each other. The next reaction they show us is Jughead’s and to be honest he doesn’t really react much and I think this is suppose to show that just like Veronica he is very much in the dark and has no idea of the storm heading his way. It is only after being shown their reactions that we are shown Archie’s reaction and you can see that he is hurting, he remembers back to when he tried to play it for Betty. We also get to see Betty’s reaction and obviously she is shocked but she also looks really sad. I think she has been trying really hard to ignore her feelings for Archie and so this is a reminder that she wasn’t expecting and it probably pulls those feelings up again. What is interesting to me is that Betty is the first one to look over to Archie not only that but she maintains her gaze on him she doesn’t look away, Archie however when he does look over to her immediately looks away again when he sees that she is looking, she carries on looking at him for a few moments before also finally breaking her gaze away. It seems like Archie can’t maintain eye contact with her and I do think that is because of how much he is hurting. I do feel like in this moment he was more caught up in his pain at Betty’s rejection kind of like in 1x02 when Archie plays the song for the group and Betty just flashes back to Archie rejecting her and she can’t take it she just runs away. Well I think that is exactly what Archie is going through right now but he can’t run away because then people will know something is wrong and if they know something is wrong they ask questions and then someone will get hurt. The other thing I do think is interesting is in the flashbacks they chose to use clips of Betty smiling which to me was a curious choice in context of the scene. I mean it’s clearly not a happy scene, Archie is in pain, Veronica is singing a love song that was written for her best friend by her boyfriend plus jughead is there and yet they don’t show clips of betty looking sad, and there were shots of betty looking sad in that original scene so why have they chosen to show Betty as smiling? Personally I think it is to show that Betty might not be as over her feelings for Archie as she seems but only time will tell.

I think for Archie hearing Veronica sing the song is what makes him really start to question things. I mean that scene right after you can see he doesn’t feel comfortable kissing her and he is clearly trying to get away from her as quickly as possible. Also poor Veronica seems so surprised when he says good night without telling her he loves her. Though he does say it I do think she picks up that there is something wrong but I think she just brushes it off as him being nervous about the fight the next day. One thing I will say though and it is another complaint and does go back to that need for more characters to interact is I think there needed to be a scene with Betty and Archie at this moment. After Veronica walks away but before Archie leaves I think the story would have benfitted from Betty coming out and talking to him because it was really weird to me that she didn’t try to talk to him. I mean if it were me I would want to know how Veronica got the song, you know I would have questions so it was odd to me that Betty didn’t come and ask how it had happened, what did Veronica know? I needed more from this scene, I needed more depth. I appreciate that there were alot of plotlines going on so they might not have had time for it but tat just brings me to the nect thing I think Riverdale could work on. I do feel like this episode felt a bit rushed and that was because of how many plotlines were included, I do feel like Riverdale has this habit of overstuffing episodes with too many plots and so those plots feel rushed or not complete. I think if they have fewer plots going forward then they could flesh out the plots they do have make it a more complete story.

So that leads us to the events of prom. Ok so I probably shoudn’t have laughed at this, and in my defence it was more of a bitter laugh than anything else but that picture they showed of Archie, Veronica and Betty in the first few moments of prom really summed up the situation didn’t it. Archie being confused between Veronica and Betty again makes me think back to season 1 where you had a dance and a love triangle it really has come full circle in the most chaotic way possible.

For me one the saddest part of this episode was that moment when Veronica was telling Archie about her plan to defer Barnard for a year and she says ‘I’d rather lose a year than be out of sync with you, maybe forever.’ Not only do I think that this shows that Veronica has picked up that something isn’t quite right I think this is the moment that Archie knew he had to tell her the truth. Because he realises that they are already out of sync and they have been for a little while now. I also think it shows how much he does care about Veornica that he wasn’t willing to let her give up on going to college for him. I wasn’t at all surprised that Archie told Veronica the truth, I said before that I reckoned Archie would tell Veronica the truth but Betty would just lie to Jughead because that follows the pattern of the last time they kissed. I will say I have hella respect for Archie for telling her the truth, that clearly wasn’t easy for him and also he told her the whole truth not just that he had kissed Betty but that the song was for her. He could have taken an easier way out and just told her that he wanted to break up because of them graduating and distance or whatever but instead he told her the truth. But my heart did break for Veronica and that scene where choni, bughead and varchie were all dancing and seeing that contrast between the two other happy couples and then Varchie who you could just see them crumbling but trying to hold it together.

So I haven’t really been in the Riverdale tags since the episode aired because I didn’t want to get spoiled and I couldn’t watch it right away but I forgot to blacklist it too so I saw a couple of posts on my dash. From what I can tell this next scene was a bit controversial I spose you could say which is the one where Veronica and Archie talk and Veronica says they shouldn’t tell Jughead and that they will just go their separate ways after graduation. Some people said that she should have gotten angry and when I first saw those posts before watching the episode I 100% agreed I was actually a little mad and thought it was going to be just like in season 2 where Veronica and Jughead just shrugged the Barchie kiss off which made no sense. But having watched the scene I actually thought it was so much more heartbreaking the way they wrote it than it would have been if she had just gotten angry. I mean to me it seemed like she was just soo heartbroken that she didn’t have the energy in her to be angry she didn’t have room for anything else but the pain she was feeling and that just made that scene that much more heartwrenching and made me feel even more for her. Also I saw some say that her plan about not telling jughead and going their separate ways after graduation is too mature. But here’s the thing I don’t think its mature at all if anything I actaully think its very naive. I completely understand Veronica’s thought process and how she’s feeling here. They have two weeks until gradution, their last two weeks and these weeks are suppose to be ones of celebration and looking forward to the future with excitement and anticipation, they are suppose to be two weeks of cherising your friends and they’ve already got so much to deal with with the voyeur that she doesn’t want as she says to overshadow those two weeks with drama and break ups and not being able to talk to her friends and celebrate with them because they are all so hurt and angry. So instead she decides the best thing to do is pretend for two weeks like nothing is wrong. She probably thinks that its only two weeks and that’ll it’ll be easy to do. That’s why I think it is naive because I don’t think they will be able to just ignore the situation and pretend that its not there and that again just makes it so much more sadder. Really I feel so sorry for Veronica and for Archie, Jughead and Betty because they are going to have so much to deal with.

Choni and Family Feuds.

Ok so next on our list of topics is the plotline with Toni and Cheryl. This is another plotline that I enjoyed. I am glad we got a little more backstory for Toni and I really hope we continue to get more. This was another storyline that I thought was really sad. It’s all set off when Cheryl asks Toni if they can invite her family over for a dinner. I do think their situation was actually kind of similar to Varchie’s in the sense that Cheryl clearly was looking to the future of their relationship and making it more serious just like Veronica was looking to her and Archie’s relationship. But just like Archie Toni was keeping a secret that throws a wrench in hers and Cheryl’s relationship.

I will say that Madalaine did an amzing job this episode. But there were two scenes in particualr that blew me away and were really sad the first was after she asked about the dinner and she thinks that Toni’s grandparents might not be accepting of their grand daughter being in a lesbian relationship she starts to cry at the thought of having to pretend not to be her girlfriend. I really do think during this conversation she is remembering all the things her own mother did to her because she was a lesbian and the pain that brought her. Which probably makes it even worse when she goes to Toni’s grandmother and finds out that it’s not that she is lesbian but that because she is a blossom. I think Cheryl figured that if she went and had a friendly conversation with the grandma then she could help make her more accepting and more comfortable about Cheryl and Toni’s relationship. But instead she finds out that their problem is with her specifically as a person and who her family is. Cheryl has always been judged for who her family is and so I think this really hurts her and it brings me to the second scene that just made me ball my eyes which was at the end when Cheryl is crying to her Nana Rose and says that she knows that her and Toni won’t end up together and that the curse of the Blossom family and that she is destined to be alone. I mean when you think of everything she has lost, first her twin brother, then her parents however awful they were, all she’s got left is Nana Rose if Toni leaves her. But she knows that family is important and she doesn’t want to put Toni in a position where she has to choose between her and her family.

I also understand where Toni is coming from as well though, I mean she is in a very difficult position because she clearly loves Cheryl but their families have a lot of bad and painful history but on the other hand that’s not Cheryl’s fault. That scene as they are leaving prom was really bittersweet. Cheryl thanking Toni for giving her some happy prom memories to hold onto and Toni trying to reassure her that they will work things out while both their eyes are welling up just killed me. I really do hope that they can work it out.

The Kinks.

Yh I know I have already complained more than I usually do in these in reviews but there were some moments in this episode that made a feel a bit, well they just didn’t sit quite right with me so I figured I would put them all here as they aren’t major issues like the ones I talked about earlier.

1) Although I understand that Veronica felt like she was doing something romantic and supportive I didn’t agree with her taking that song and singing it without Archie’s permission. Even if it wasn’t that song just any song. To me songs are very personal things and so I just didn’t think it was right of her to take something so personal to Archie especially after he had already thrown it away.

2) This one might be a bit of an unpopular opinion and don’t get me wrong I love that Choni were prom queens but I hated that part where Cheryl stopped anyone else from signing up because to me it tarnished their win. Like they didn’t win prom queens they were given it because there wasn’t anyone else to vote for. I dunno to me it just would have been so much more satisfying if they had competition and they won it because people actually wanted them to win, whereas I feel like they way they wrote it made it seem like they won by default.

3) As much as I understood why she did I also don’t think Cheryl should have gone to speak to Toni’s grandmother without Toni knowing.

Theories

We are nearly done the last thing I want to do is just discuss some theories about what I think might happen next. These theories are based on the promo for the next episode and the promo pics that have been released for the graduation episode.

So it looks like Archie is going to go off the deep end next episode if that promo and Jughead’s comment about the straw that broke the camel’s back is anything to go by. I mean I think Archie’s comment in the promo to Betty of ‘are you kidding me? What isn’t wrong?’ really sums up Archie’s life right now, he didn’t get into the Naval academy, Veronica knows the truth and is hurt, betty who he has feelings for rejected him and then he gets a tape from the voyeur reminding him of a moment when he felt at his weakest, and on top of that it’s going to remind him of his dad and I really don’t think Archie has properly grieved and gotten passed his fathers death plus if I remember from the synopsis I think the guy who killed his dad needs his help which is who I’m assuming the guy in Archie’s room in the promo is. But I could see this leading to Jughead finding out the truth. I think Archie will start to act more and more unhinged as the episode goes on plus we know that he gets beat up by hiram which could lead to Jughead asking questions about why Hiram is upset with Archie and I think eventually Betty will confess out of concern for Archie’s behaviour maybe or something along those lines.

As for how veronica is going to react to her dad beating up Archie I don’t think she’ll be best pleased, she wants to pretend there is nothing wrong and to avoid any drama and her dad beating up Archie is not going to make that easy. I do think things are going to unravel pretty quickly from there.

I definitely think that we will find out who is behind the tapes in the next episode once that’s all wrapped up they can focus on graduation. I am still sticking to my Donna theory especially as the next episode is called ‘The Preppy Murders’ which is another name fro the stonies I kinda feel like they are just shoving it in our faces at this point that the stonies have a huge part of this. I know alot of people think its Charles but I hope its not. It’s not just because I like his character either but because the build up for that hasn’t really been there. I mean I can find so much evidence to suggest that its donna, the farmies terry and mr honey but there is only like two or three instances of Charles acting suspect and most of them can be explained away by him being an FBI agent. That doesn’t mean that they won’t have it be charles jsut that I would find it kind of anti-climatic if they did.

I can legit see the last few minutes of episode three being from the time jump and I reckon it’ll be that scene from the trailer where betty has a gun and I think it’ll be something along the lines of them finding out Polly is missing or something that sets up what the mystery for season 5 will be.

Ok that is all I’ve got right now. If you have read to the end then thank you, What did you guys think of the episode? Are you happy Riverdale is back and what are your theories for the rest of the season?

#riverdale

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dutten-does-the-fanfic · 4 years ago

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I Want You Here With Me (Is It Too Much to Ask for Something Great) ch. 13

Title: I Want You Here With Me (Is It Too Much to Ask for Something Great) ch. 13 of 14 (ch. 1) Pairing: Isak Valtersen/Even Bech Næsheim Word count: 14.350 Warnings: Language, explicit sexual content, internalized homophobia, closeting, using alcohol as an unhealthy coping mechanism

AO3

Summary: The one where it’s been two years since Isak last saw or spoke with Even, and no one knows that Isak ever knew Even at all

Present

Nothing is magically solved after that.

Even spends five awful hours yelling on the phone – Isak can’t tell at who specifically, probably more than one person. He’s never heard Even sound this furious and it’s honestly a bit terrifying.

Isak had always been the one who’d been quick to yell and shout, bottling things up until everything spills out. Even had internalized everything, going quiet and letting the hurt fester.

Maybe the turning point had been receiving shady divorce papers already signed and then being completely ghosted except for one phone call where he’d been told to come pick his shit up or it would get thrown out. Not that Isak had thrown anything out. He’d saved the stuff he wasn’t able to part with and then left everything else behind for Even or his team to take care of.

Once the phone call is over with, Even hides himself away in Isak’s room and doesn’t come out for two hours, all of which Isak spends pacing between the hallway, the kitchen, and Jonas’ room, debating whether or not he should go in and check on him.

He wouldn’t have hesitated before, he knows, but things aren’t exactly the same as before. They’re different, because they’re supposed to be. ‘Different’ is going to be ‘better’.

When Even comes back out, he’s hesitant about it, looking at Isak with big, vulnerable eyes. The apologies are falling out of his mouth before Isak’s finished taking the first step towards him.

A lot is learned from that phone call.

The NDA is technically rendered invalid – even if there hadn’t been so many shady legal issues with its existence in the first place, any signature of Isak’s was void the second the information became public knowledge.

The divorce never got finalized – Isak hadn’t doubted that Even hadn’t signed the papers, but at this point he’s far beyond taking things at face value and believing that goddamn legal team couldn’t have wormed their way into getting things to be how they wanted them to be.

Knowing he’s still married doesn’t come as big of a shock as it did when Even had told him, but it still feels like a punch to the stomach, makes him feel hollow and full at the same time and so off kilter he has to sit down.

Even looks at him with worried eyes, so Isak lets him run his fingers through his hair until he doesn’t feel as off-centered.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be married, doesn’t want to be married with Even, it’s just that he’s spent literal years thinking he wasn’t, and knowing he is takes a bit more adjustment that Isak had thought it would’ve.

Even’s new management team – new in brackets, because apparently the team from hell hasn’t represented him since his second short film had come out – wants him to do interviews, wants for him to be out there, riding the free publicity wave to the fullest, but Even refuses.

It freaks the both of them out, though, reminding them that this is so much bigger than the two of them. It makes Isak question any future that they could have, because Even is a public figure, he’s a world-famous director, and Isak is a university student, hasn’t even gotten his BA yet.

Which is how they end up having their first massive row since that day in the kitchen when everything had blown up and finally come to light.

“What are you supposed to do, show up on the red carpet with me on your arm?”

“What’s wrong with having you on my arm?”

They’re not mad at each other, that’s not what it’s about. It’s years upon years of deeply layered insecurities and being terrified.

Even had ended up doing a series of tweets in the middle of the night when he hadn’t been able to fall asleep because of the nerves. His hands had been shaking, and he’d done typo after typo until his fancy phone had almost given up. Then he’d shut his phone off entirely and had kept his focus on Isak so he wouldn’t be tempted to check what people were saying about him, about them.

Isak can’t remember if they slept that night, in the end so exhausted their bodies had just given up, but he does remember the feeling of lying with Even, so close to him, and doing nothing but enjoying being with each other. It wasn’t exactly like they’d never done this before, but it had been freeing in a sense, the threatening knowing that they had to keep quiet, keep to the shadows, gone.

Then there are the things that you can’t learn from a phone call.

Magnus – for all of his support and kindheartedness – had been the first one to break and ask if they’re done being Debbie Downers yet so he can invite Vilde over.

Isak is left so flabbergasted he doesn’t even get a good one in about Magnus and Vilde apparently being an actual thing now.

Coming out is easier when you’re technically already out.

Telling people isn’t as difficult as Isak had always feared. The words, “This is Even, he’s my husband,” sound weird coming out of his mouth, and most time he only manages to get out “This is Even,” before he clamps shut.

Still, Even meets Eskild and Linn and he meets the girls – Sana he apparently already knows. It kind of blows Isak’s mind that Sana is Elias’ sister, that they’re siblings, that Isak has been so close to the people who mattered to Even and hadn’t even realized it.

In turn, Isak meets Even’s boys, feeling awkward as hell. Mikael he’s already met, but he hasn’t exactly made the best impression on him by first running away and then being the stranger that Even had married and who was now taking care of him after not speaking to each other for two years. It’s weird with all of them, though, because Isak feels like he’s technically known all of them since he was fifteen with how vividly Even would describe everything.

It goes well, though, for both of them. Eskild is clearly still a little hurt, but he’s putting his best foot forward without being forced to by Isak’s begging looks. Eva’s great at being welcoming, but she always was. Yousef is a little stilted with Isak, but Elias has apparently appointed himself to be the tension-diffuser which means telling stories about dumb shit that the group used to get up to. Isak doesn’t tell him that he already knows the stories, that’s not the point.

Sana shows up with an armful of notebooks, giving him a look that isn’t nearly as chilling as it would’ve been when they’d first been forced into each other’s orbits. He grins at her, tells her “thank you, Sanasol,” which makes Sana roll her eyes, but she’s smiling as well.

She doesn’t comment on how this was why Isak had been so wrong, why he’d taken to hiding away from the world, sometimes using her as a means for it. She also doesn’t say anything about his breakdown in the empty classroom. She really is a great best bud, Isak had been right about that.

Isak is lucky. He knows that. He knows a lot of people don’t get to have this positive a response from the people they’re closest to. But then there’s also the fact that it isn’t only the people in Isak’s life that he’s come out to, that it’s everyone in the world who knows and who feels entitled to express their opinions on it.

There are a lot of opinions on it.

Isak makes it a point not to look himself or Even up, but his restraint hasn’t improved in the past two years where he’s been making himself that promise anyway and is yet to manage keeping it.

He can’t remember ever having been called this many names, not even when Elias and his friends had been ganging up on him for most of his time in school. It puts him in a weird mood, a real funk that he can’t seem to shake himself out of.

The boys try to help, but they don’t understand. Isak isn’t sure he understands it, either.

It’s not until he one morning wakes up alone, panicked because what if, what if, what if and stumbling out of bed to check if Even’s gone, that he manages to shake himself out of his rut.

Because he finds Even in the kitchen, bathed in the early morning sunlight, wearing the Jesus t-shirt that Isak probably should’ve given up on years ago, bare footed, and wielding a spatula, scrambling up some eggs and toasting two slices of bread.

He smiles when he sees Isak, albeit a bit concerned at the state of him, and he welcomes him with open arms when Isak treads closer, holding him tightly and shielding him from the heat of the stove as he continues to mix the eggs.

It doesn’t matter, Isak realizes. It doesn’t matter one single bit what everyone online or in real life is saying about him or about Even or about him and Even. As long as he gets to have this, this is what matters.

Even leaves for a week to live with Mikael. Not that they really suspect the forced proximity of basically living together is doing anything good or bad to them, it’s just a precaution. They haven’t even been together in ages, but Isak is still surprised with how much he’d gotten used to Even just always being there.

That week is awful, and the time Even isn’t over at Isak’s anyway is spent texting Even the most inane, random things just because Isak’s heart can’t handle the risk of losing Even again.

They should probably do something to stop it from developing into a codependency that would be really unhealthy for the both of them, but for now they’re both a bit extra clingy, nerves frazzled from finding out that the past two years of their lives have practically been one big lie that could’ve prevented months upon months of heartbreak. It’s not an easy pill to swallow.

It’s still a necessity learning how they fit together again. Isak still remembers how Even takes his coffee and tea and what he likes for breakfast when he’s happy or when he’s stressed, but now there are new things about Even that Isak doesn’t know – like what he’ll insist on throwing into the grocery cart, although Isak’s certain most of it is simply to make Isak laugh.

Isak draws the line at the line of spices Even insists are a necessity to have in one’s spice rack. Isak tells him that he refuses to believe him until he’s able to pronounce Pottagaldrar correctly. Even spends the next minute pronouncing everything just a smidge wrong, and then laughs so hard he has to sit down in the middle of the isle when Isak sing-songs Kardemomme.

Isak is slow at taking off his jacket. He can hear Even in the kitchen, putting away the groceries and rearranging the fridge to his liking, and Isak has missed this.

He had spent so long missing Even that he’d forgotten about all these little things that made up their life together; the grocery shopping and Even putting it away, and Isak picking up after them and doing the laundry, and he has missed this domesticity that they so easily fall into every single time.

The fridge door closes and Even comes out to see why Isak is still loitering in the hall, his jacket hanging limply in one hand.

“Did you fall asleep out here?” Even laughs, then comes closer to grab Isak’s jacket to hang it up on the coat rack.

Even’s leaning down over him when he reaches down for his jacket. He smells good, like clean soap and a scent that’s distinctively Even and a little bit like Isak because he’s wearing his shirt, and he’s all up in Isak’s space and Isak can’t not.

Even steps back once he’s gotten the jacket out of Isak’s limp hold. He’s still smiling and Isak knows he’s just waiting to tease Isak further. He can already see how Even turns to look at him instead of the coat rack.

He’s smiling, wide and with his teeth and so hard that it makes his eyes crinkle. Isak waits until Even’s looking at him to let his eyes wander down to Even’s mouth.

Even when he’s smiling like this, his bottom lip looks plump and Isak really, really wants to kiss him. They haven’t kissed once this entire time, and Isak lets himself have his fill of looking, of following the curve of his cupid’s lip right up to the corner of his mouth that comes closer and closer the more Even stops smiling.

Isak briefly looks up to look at Even’s eyes to see if something’s wrong.

Even looks… so taken aback, but not uncomfortable in the slightest. He misses the knob on the coat rack so Isak’s jacket falls to the ground. Even doesn’t even move to look at it, doesn’t do anything that means he’ll have to look away from Isak.

He swallows, and Isak trails the movement in his throat as well, briefly stopping at his lips when he goes back to look at Even’s eyes again.

Isak licks his lips once, just a peek of his tongue against his bottom lip, but that’s all it takes for Even to take two massive steps and then he’s in Isak’s space.

He pushes him up against the wall harshly enough that Isak loses his breath, and then Even’s lips are on his and Isak can’t keep in his muffled moan at the feeling.

It’s frantic and a bit wet and messy. It feels like the floor is swimming underneath Isak’s feet and he has to touch Even, has to, so he grabs on to whatever bit he first touches – his sides – and curls his hands along his ribs underneath his open hoodie, nails slightly digging into his back through his t-shirt.

Even makes a muffled groan that makes Isak’s blood rush downwards; something that isn’t lessened in the slightest when Even grabs on to his hair and clenches his hand into a fist until his hold is so secure he can move and direct Isak around however he likes.

Even is a warm force pressed up against him, and Isak can feel he’s already hard from where his crotch is pressed up against Isak’s hip. Isak is well on his own way there, if he isn’t there already. God, he can’t breathe, but he isn’t sure he actually wants to. He’s gasping into Even’s mouth at every opportunity and Even is doing the same, but neither of them move away to let the other breathe properly.

It’s so hot and a bit filthy and Isak should probably be worried that they’re doing this out in the hallway, but he literally doesn’t have any part of his brain left that isn’t fully enraptured by Even.

So he doesn’t stop to think until they hear the front door open up and whatever conversation that had been going on halters immediately.

Both Isak and Even tense up before Even draws back. He can’t get far with the way Isak is still holding on to him so desperately, but then again, Even’s hands are still in his hair so it’s not like Isak could take a single step back if he wanted to, had he not already been pressed against the wall.

Jonas is obviously trying to keep a cool, relaxed expression on his face, but Mahdi is grinning like an idiot. Magnus is too far back behind the two of them, but Isak’s willing to bet he’s gaping at them.

Jesus, this is the first time Isak and Even have even kissed in front of them, of course it had to be a heavy make-out session as well instead of an innocent peck before one of them is out the door.

Fuck.

Fuck, Isak can’t breathe and it feels startlingly horrible compared to just seconds before when he hadn’t been able to breathe because of Even.

“Well, well, well,” Jonas is grinning now. “Did you get the grocery shopping done?”

Even clears his throat. This conversation feels very misplaced considering Isak is still pressed up against the wall with Even pressed up against him and they’re in the middle of the hallway and none of them are moving. “It’s in the fridge.”

“Sweet,” Jonas nods. His eyes are soft when he looks at Isak and Isak doesn’t even dare think of how he looks – a bit debauched if anything and quite possibly like his friends are a firing squad here just for him.

Jonas nods again, but this time it doesn’t feel as much as an acknowledgment they’ve gotten the grocery shopping done, but more of a reassurance for Isak. Isak can almost hear Jonas’ thoughts shouting at him across the distance, you’re allowed to kiss your husband!

And Isak – Isak can’t help the grin slowly stretching out across his face, because, yes, he is allowed to kiss his husband. He shouldn’t feel like he’s not allowed, shouldn’t let anyone, whether they’re in his life or not, tell him he can’t kiss his husband. He’s so, so in love with Even, and if he wants to kiss him – and Even wants to kiss him – then he’s going to kiss him.

Jonas must see it on his face, because he’s properly grinning now as he nods one last time.

“Yeah,” Isak should probably clear his throat as well. Despite the interruption, he feels Even’s dick twitch against his hip at the slight raspy sound to his voice. “If that’s all then –“ he leans up on the tips of his toes to press his mouth right up against Even’s ear and whispers, “I’d really like for you to be inside me.”

Even makes a choked sound as his hands momentarily tighten in Isak’s hair. Isak pushes against his stomach until he stumbles back a step, his hands flail for a moment before Isak grabs one and starts tugging him in the direction of his bedroom.

“Alright-y,” Jonas says and reaches over Mahdi to grab onto the door handle. “We’ll just go and play some football, then, if you don’t mind.”

“Really don’t,” Isak calls back. God, he can’t stop smiling and Even is smiling right back at him.

“Wait, what’s Evak doing?” Magnus called out. “What are you do- what are they doing?”

Isak giggles as he drags Even into his room, the slam of his door shutting close keeping out whatever else Magnus might’ve been saying, and then Isak leans up and they’re kissing again.

It’s been literal years since Isak last kissed Even, and he’s fucking missed it. He’s missed Even’s body pressed up against his own, he’s missed the feeling of Even’s lips against his own, against him in general, and he’s missed Even.

It’s goddamn everything.

It’s rediscovering each other, which is a little bit of a weird feeling when Isak remembers just how much time they used to spend just making out. That probably makes it easier to pick it up right where they left off, though, because it doesn’t take long before Even’s kissing him long and deep, turning Isak pliant and needy.

Things don’t feel as terrifying when he’s kissing Even.

Having kissed Even in front of the boys doesn’t feel like the death sentence Isak had thought it would be. Having people know that he likes boys, that he likes – loves Even – doesn’t make his world fall apart.

Isak makes a soft noise when Even pulls back, immediately leaning back in, but Even’s grinning too widely to kiss Isak properly, the way he wants to be kissed. Isak frowns and opens his eyes, hoping a grumpy look will make Even pull himself together quicker.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” Even whispers against his lips, immediately causing Isak’s cheeks to heat up.

He squirms a bit, but he doesn’t feel terrible, not in the way he’d thought he would’ve.

Isak tilts his head back, jaw set as he looks at Even determinedly. “Would you rather I’d have to be quiet?”

All of the air in Even’s lungs comes whooshing out. His fingers dig into Isak’s hips until he’s wriggling forward, trying to get closer or to get Even moving away from the door.

The bed. They should – things suddenly feel a lot more urgent, like it had when Even had dropped Isak’s jacket in favor of keeping his eyes on him.

Isak pushes at Even’s chest to get him moving, but Even is already dipping down to kiss Isak again, delaying Isak’s plans and thoughts for a few seconds before the heat gathering in his center is too insistent for Isak to forget about it.

“Even, Ev, come on – “ the words come out muffled when his lips are still moving against Even’s, but Even still manages to understand him.

“Did you mean it?” he asks, standing still when Isak tries to stumble forward, tries to get them closer to the bed that’s literally so close. “What you said? Did you mean it? Because we don’t – we don’t have to –“

And Even trying to be gallant, trying to let things go slowly when this is hardly the first time they’ve done anything – just the first time this time around – shouldn’t be this much of a turn on, but it is. Isak literally feels dizzy with it, completely breathless as he pulls back just so he can look Even in the eye when he tells him.

“I want it,” he says, then gets shy at the thought of having been too blunt.

Maybe Even had been trying to pause it because he didn’t want it, had changed his mind, had –

“Do – do you?” he asks quietly, suddenly unable to look past the corner of Even’s eye. Asking takes a lot, but that’s a thing they do now, asking. Talking. Because not doing so had been what had made everything so messed up for so long. “We don’t have to –“

Even cuts him off with his lips, which hurts a bit because their teeth end up knocking together and Even somehow manages to nick Isak’s bottom lip slightly with his canine.

“Of course I want to,” Even tells him, licking with the tip of his tongue where his tooth had caught Isak’s skin. “Silly, beautiful boy, of course I want to.”

Even the tips of Isak’s ears feel like they’re a flaming pink.

“Maybe you didn’t,” he counters, not sure why. The knot of anxiety in his heart isn’t easy to get rid of.

Even’s eyes are soft when Isak gets the courage to meet his eyes again. One hand cards through Isak’s hair gently.

“I do,” Even says, sending a hot surge of want through Isak when he remembers an entirely different time when Even had looked at him like that and had said those words to him. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t, I promise. Please don’t doubt that, don’t doubt –“ don’t doubt me, Isak knows Even wants to say but probably can’t bring himself to.

Isak not trusting Even and his feelings for Isak had been part of the mess after all. Some wounds need time to heal. Neither of them are entirely okay yet, but they will be. For once, Isak’s entirely certain of that.

“Okay,” Isak says, giving Even two short pecks before he tries to push him backwards towards the bed again. “Okay.”

Even’s malleable this time around, so it doesn’t take more than two seconds before the back of his knees knock against the bed and he sits down, grinning up at Isak.

Leaning down to kiss Even also feels like a novelty that it shouldn’t, because they’ve done this before, Isak keeps reminding himself.

Even must be able to sense the inner turmoil Isak’s tumbling around with in his thoughts, because he pulls back to check on Isak again.

But Isak does decidedly not want to be checked on, so Even doesn’t get further than opening his mouth before Isak falls forward at the same time as he’s pushing Even down so they both end up lying on the bed, facing each other.

“Faen,” Even laughs, hurrying to curl his hands around Isak’s waist again. “God, you startled me.”

Isak’s grinning, wants a little bit to tease Even and tell him, “good”, but he wants to kiss him more, so he does that instead.

Kissing is good. It’s so good. Isak never wants to stop. He twists onto his back so he can pull Even on top of him, improving the angle immensely. Feels Even tongue against the seam of his lips, pushing in just slightly before he pulls away again, breaking their lips apart.

Isak didn’t mean for the whine to come out, but Even hadn’t been there to muffle it, so it sounds a lot louder than Isak had thought it would’ve.

He feels Even’s breath huff lightly against his cheek when he presses his lips there instead of on Isak’s mouth, then feels his lips press against his jaw, and then down, down, down.

The giggle bubbles out of Isak’s mouth before he can stop it, and he squirms away from Even’s mouth, pressing his cheek against his shoulder reflexively.

Even pauses in confusion, but soon a way too satisfied grin splits across his face.

“What was that?”

Isak flushes and kicks out at Even weakly, his knee more so caressing his side than anything else. “Nothing, kiss me,” he tries to deflect, but Even leans back when Isak clenches his stomach to hold himself up.

“You turned into a little girl when I started to kiss you.”

“I wasn’t ready for neck-action!” Isak protests, his cheeks warm, but he’s laughing as well.

“’Neck-action’,” Even laughs, finally leaning down, but he kisses Isak right at the dip of the base of his throat. “If you’re not even ready for ‘neck-action’, then how will the ‘dick-action’ go down?”

“’Dick-action’,” Isak groans, hiding his face behind the palms of his hands much to Even’s amusement. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You did not just say that.”

Even is laughing too hard to reply, the asshole. He’s a heavy weight on top of Isak, body gone too limp to hold himself up anymore.

And Isak should be groaning, should be teasing Even relentlessly for actually having said the words ‘dick-action’ out loud, but instead he shuffles his left thigh out from underneath Even’s weight and uses it alongside his right leg to wrap around Even’s waist, pulling him in closer and closer and closer until he can’t breathe.

This time it feels like he can’t breathe because he’s laughing too hard for Even to be lying on top of him like this. For all of the reasons why Isak has been unable to breathe in the past, this is probably one of his favorites.

“The mood is all over the place,” Isak complains, says more than anything really.

It’s difficult to complain when Even is smiling like that at him.

“It’s good,” Even assures him, pressing his hips down against Isak’s so he can feel for himself just how good it really is.

Isak has to admit that it does feel dizzyingly good.

“I forgot how fun this is,” Even whispers, fingers running along Isak’s hairline softly. “Or, well, not forgot necessarily, but – you know what it’s like when you know about something because you used to do it every single day, like, you know how hard it was to get up at six every morning because you had to go to school, but you don’t remember the feeling of being so tired and just wanting to stay home? It’s like that. I knew I always loved you and loved having you this way, but I wouldn’t and couldn’t let myself fully remember what it was really like.”

Isak knows. Isak knows this, because he feels it too, but he doesn’t know how to explain it to Even, so instead he pulls Even down by his neck and presses his lips against his.

It doesn’t feel as frantic as it had out in the hall, but it feels deeper than anything else Isak has ever felt. He feels it in his stomach, in his heart, in his lungs, all the way down to his toes.

Even plucks at the hem of the hoodie Isak’s wearing. “Love seeing you in this.”

Isak licks his bottom lip, Even following the movement as if in a trance. They’re both breathing a bit harshly. “But maybe not right now?” he finishes for Even.

“Maybe not right now,” Even agrees, and then they’re shuffling until Even’s up on his knees and Isak’s crunching high enough that he can get the hoodie off with Even’s help.

Isak falls back on the bed with an umph, but the sound has barely left his lips before he’s leaning up again to wrench off his t-shirt, and then help Even out as well.

“Too many layers,” he complains much to Even’s amusement.

“It’s late autumn. In Norway. What do you want?”

“For you to not be wearing this many clothes,” Isak tells him bluntly, because this is a thing he wants to get good at, wants to be able to tell Even the truth without hesitating or second-guessing himself.

Even pauses, but his eyes are dark, cheeks a bit flushed, and he’s staring at Isak like he’s a few seconds away from devouring him.

Then he lifts his shirt off as well, crawling his way back over Isak. The feeling of his skin pressing against Isak’s makes Isak gasp, hands flying up to steady himself somewhere, anywhere, to let Even help him feel grounded.

One hand ends up in Even’s hair, the other clutching at his shoulder.

“One day,” Even pecks Isak’s lips so he can keep talking, “I’ll take you with me to see the world. All the warm places so you’ll never have to put any clothes on.”

Isak feels a bit like he’s made out of goo, that he’s actually melted here in Even’s arms. He cards the hand he has in Even’s hair gently through his locks. “I never needed to see the world,” he says instead of joking back. “That was never what it was about.”

Even shifts his weight onto his elbows so he can get close enough to breathe the same air as Isak.

“I know,” he tells him. “I know it wasn’t, that it isn’t. Let me spoil you, please.”

Isak blinks the tears out of his eyes frantically, looking off to the side even though he knows Even isn’t able to miss it, not when he’s this close. He doesn’t want to cry right now, not when he’s this happy. “Well, if you want to spoil me.“

“Menace,” Even grins, pressing his nose into Isak’s cheek until he’s managed to get his tear ducts back in line.

Isak hears the sentiment for what it is, though, hears the darling loud and clear.

It’s what makes him kiss Even again. Or, maybe it’s everything that makes him kiss Even again. Maybe it’s everything that makes him want to never stop kissing Even again.

The heat that fills Isak feels unbearably good. It’s difficult to breathe sometimes, but Isak doesn’t think not being able to breathe has ever felt like it does right now, with Even’s weight on top of him, his lips against his, his hands searing as they make their way around his body, easily manipulating it into moving this way and that until they’re both entirely undressed.

Isak’s breath hitches in his throat and he can’t seem to tug Even back down on top of him fast enough.

He just – he wants. He wants so much, and he wants so much more, but at the same time it already feels like it’s so much – more than he can handle.

He’s so hard, and Even is too. He gasps when he feels him against him, heat swirling around in his abdomen, making him squirm until Even finally manages to open up the lube and pour some out on his fingers. His hands are shaking a bit, though, and a drop spills onto Isak’s stomach.

He hisses from the cold, startled. Before he knows it Even has closed the lid and dropped the bottle in the sheets – which will be a bitch to search through in a second – so he can place his warm hand on Isak’s stomach. He looks positively massive like that, his fingers spanning all the way from his hip to his ribs.

God, Isak loves the feeling of it. That hasn’t changed in the slightest.

Other things have, though. Even’s more careful when he pushes the first finger in, in a way that he hasn’t been since the very first times they’d tried this.

His hair is different too, done up in the way he always does it; quaffed and stylish. It’s a bit disheveled from Isak messing it up right now, though. Isak sucks in a breath and has to grab on to Even’s hair again, just because.

Even looks up at him cautiously, checking if something is wrong, if Isak’s in pain, but whatever sight Isak makes only has his eyes darkening and lips parting slightly as a harsh breath leaves him.

“Fuck me,” Isak whispers, begs probably. He bears down when Even presses another finger against him, so ready, ready, ready and needing Even to just move on already. “Please.”

“Shh,” Even hushes him, pressing his lips against Isak’s right hip, then moves down to his inner thigh.

If he’d expected it to have a calming effect, it does make Isak feel like drawing in the next breath doesn’t feel impossible, but it serves nothing to quell the frantic energy building inside of him. He reaches down to grab a hold of himself, but Even bats his hand away before he can get a single tug in.

“Not yet,” he promises, grins when Isak whines in reply.

That’s a thing that isn’t different, Isak notes. Even is still as much of a tease as he’s always been.

As if Even can tell what he’s thinking, he curls his fingers perfectly. Isak’s legs curl up reflexively as he grows a million degrees hotter in one second. He accidentally bangs his knee against Even’s elbow, displacing his fingers inside of him. He lets out a soft, complaining noise at the odd movement that Even hurries to hush, his hand returning to Isak’s stomach.

His thumb draws small patterns along the bottom-line of his ribs in a hypnotizing manner.

“You’re good,” Even tells him, asks, Isak can’t tell. He wants to always have Even’s hands on him, wants to always feel like this, wants to always have Even between his thighs, wants time to freeze like this.

Or when he’s actually finally gotten Even inside of him. That’s probably better, definitely better.

“Even,” he gasps, trying to get his point across without saying the actual words. His tongue feels too thick to form words, his lips already sore from all the kissing. The skin on his chin feels a bit itchy from the scratch of Even’s stubble.

“Faen,” Even swears. “Do you have any idea what you look like right now? How you feel around my fingers?”

Isak burns with the flush heating him up. “Do you?”

“Christ.” Even doesn’t even bother closing his mouth now, just folds himself over Isak so he can kiss him.

Kissing Even both is and isn’t the same as it’s always been. He still likes to lick into Isak’s mouth, but it’s more controlled now. His lips are softer too, from stylists needing to present him in the best way possible. But he tastes the same, feels the same against Isak, and Isak can’t get enough of it.

Even’s just breathing now, sharing the same breaths between them over and over again. He works two fingers back inside Isak again.

“We’re good together, aren’t we?” Even’s voice is soft, a little shy, a lot insecure.

Isak cups his cheek. “Always. We’ve always been good together.”

Even nods, pressing his nose against Isak’s. “I wish you’d just called me, back then,” he admits in nothing but a whisper, “so I could’ve told you what a load of rubbish it was.”

It’s difficult feeling the pleasure of having Even inside of him at the same time as the cage around his heart tightens.

“I know.” Isak sort of does too, but there’s also a part of his that doesn’t. “I just – what if that had been it? What if they’d said ‘alright’ and made you pack up and leave? I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let our marriage be the only epic story you’d get to live.”

Even kisses him quiet.

“Still,” Even presses the tip of a third finger against where his other two fingers are, “I wish I hadn’t fucked up and made you believe that was a reality. That it was something I would seriously do, that I would feel like that.”

“We both fucked up,” Isak rectifies. “I shouldn’t have stopped talking to you. We shouldn’t have stopped talking altogether. That’s why it went so wrong.”

He tugs at Even’s hair to get his point across, to make sure he has Even’s attention and that he understands and believes what Isak’s telling him.

“We’re already doing better, aren’t we?”

“We are,” Even agrees. Isak loosens his grip on his hair. “I just wish I could’ve had you with me.”

Isak has to bite down on his tongue. “We can’t keep going over it like this, it’ll kill us. We’re going to move forward instead. Right?”

“Right,” Even nods, but he still looks sad so Isak kisses him again. “I just – I’m sorry I hurt you. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Isak promises. “And I’m sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to do that. I don’t want to hurt you again. That’s why we’re working so hard to do better.”

“I know. We will. We are.” Even is the one to kiss him this time.

It’s slow and warm and good and it makes Isak feel like his lungs are able to fully expand inside of his chest. Even also looks happier when he pulls back, when he moves the two fingers he still has inside Isak.

Isak tries to muffle his groan against the pillows, but Even guides him back to face him instead with his free hand.

“Don’t,” he breathes. “Don’t do that. Let me hear you, please. It’s been so long, I want to hear – I want to see –“

Isak couldn’t muffle the noise he makes even if he wanted to. It’s raw and guttural and Even looks breathless from it.

“Fuck,” Even mutters again, and then there are three fingers inside of Isak and he can’t do anything but repeat the sentiment himself.

“Please,” he breathes, not even sure what he’s begging for. “Please.”

“I’ve got you,” Even promises. “I’ll take care of you. Let me – let me take care of you.”

Isak’s nodding, his eyes are squeezed shut so he can’t tell how Even looks. He can’t open them, he’s so overwhelmed with how good he feels and how much he feels.

Another soft noise escapes him when Even draws out his fingers.

“Uhm –“ Even hesitates, and Isak finally manages to open his eyes.

Even looks as disheveled as Isak feels, just as out of it and not wanting to miss any of it. Isak almost thinks that he’s going to ask if Isak’s sure, if he really wants this, or that he might bring up that he’s sorry again.

“You don’t know what happened to the lube, do you?”

Isak pauses as he registers Even’s words. Then – “Oh, for fuck’s sake, I literally thought that when I heard you just toss it –“

“Hey,” Even protests, but he’s laughing too hard to pull it off. “I was distracted.”

Isak snorts. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yes,” Even agrees. “I have the most gorgeous boy underneath me, how could I not be distracted?”

Christ, Even shouldn’t be able to make him blush this easily, not in a moment like this. But Isak’s cheeks are heating up and he’s squirming underneath Even’s intense gaze. “If you hadn’t been distracted, you could’ve been inside this boy already.”

“God,” Even breathes, a bit like all the air has gotten punched out of his lungs. “Fuck, alright, please help me find the lube.”

“The sheets,” he directs, pulling at the corner of the duvet mostly unhelpfully. “Come on, please.”

“Fuck, okay,” Even mumbles, frantically patting down the duvet until he finds the bottle. “Okay, I’ve got you, come here.”

As if Isak has moved.

He pushes his feet up further on the mattress so he can lift his bum up onto Even’s thighs for easier access, his stomach tightening at the noises of Even slickening himself up.

And then he’s inside of him, and Isak has to fight to keep breathing, to not lose his breath entirely.

He slides in slowly, like Isak is something to be careful with.

“Ev- Even,” he breathes, hands flying out until he can steady himself on Even’s arms. “Even.”

Even’s breathing is labored already. He can’t tear his eyes off of Isak. “Christ, you’re tight. Isak, baby –”

“Can you –“ Isak moans when Even rolls his hips, keeps sliding in slowly, slowly, slowly until Isak’s certain there can’t be anything left. “Even –“

“I’ve got you,” Even promises, leaning down once he’s finally slid in the last couple of inches to kiss him. “Baby, I’ve got you.”

Isak doesn’t mean to moan at the endearment, but he does. God, he’s missed this, he loves this, he loves –

“I’ll always pick you,” Even promises him. “I never want you to doubt that ever again. I pick you.”

Isak nods, kisses him again. “I pick you too, you know. Always. Can you – please, move.”

And Even does. He pulls out about halfway, and then spends ages pushing back in to the hilt. Isak pushes himself up even further, hooks his knee around Even’s waist so he sinks in impossibly deeper on the next thrust.

It’s good. It’s impossibly good, and Isak loses himself to the feeling quickly.

He’s sweating. Even is as well, breath coming in short pants as he moves quicker and quicker, working Isak up to the edge dizzyingly fast. He doesn’t want it to end yet, though. Not when it’s this good, when it means so much to him.

This is the boy that Isak had fallen head-first in love with when Even had broken into the Botanical Garden just to get him a picture of a flower. This is the boy that he’d snuck around with everywhere because neither of them dared to meet in the sunlight. This is the boy that he’d fumbled through awkward blowjobs before they’d gotten the hang of it, the first person he’d ever kissed, ever had sex with, ever fell in love with. This is the boy he’d married, had vowed to spend the rest of his life with. The boy he’d thought he would never get to have like this again, who didn’t want him anymore. This is the boy that Isak will get to spend the rest of his life with.

“Baby,” Even croons sweetly into Isak’s temple as he presses a kiss there. “Baby.”

Isak mewls beautifully even as he chokes on a sob. Tears are wetting his eyelashes and he’s feeling so much he can’t process it.

“Baby, you’re crying,” Even tells him, reminds him, Isak doesn’t know, can’t focus on anything that isn’t Even slowing down until he’s lazily twisting his hips, grinding so deeply inside him. “Why are you crying?”

And there are so many reasons why Isak’s crying, but mostly because it’s been so long since he’s had this, since he’s had Even, and it feels like he’s been lost, wandering for years and years and now he’s finally gotten to come home.

“Love you,” Isak babbles, choked and breathy and whiny and so, so beautifully. “Love you, love you, love you.”

Even might be crying a little bit as well.

“My baby,” Even presses small kisses down his cheekbone, his cheek, his jaw, licking away any tears that have escaped. “My sweet, beautiful, brave boy. So good for me, so good to me.”

A sob breaks out of Isak’s mouth. “Love you.”

He should’ve told him a million times, should’ve never stopped saying it.

“I love you, too. God, Isak, I’m so close, please tell me you’re close as well,” Even begs.

“I’m close,” Isak promises, grabs Even’s shoulder to keep from getting pushed up the bed by Even’s hips. “I love you. I’m so close.”

“Isak,” Even moans, lying down on top of Isak so he can kiss him, his hips picking up the pace again once their chests are pressed together, Isak’s dick is trapped between their stomachs. “What do you need, what can I –“

“Kiss me,” Isak begs. “Just that, just kiss me, please.”

And Even does. His lips glide over Isak’s messily, because his hips are losing their rhythm and they’re both panting but also way too close to the edge to really care.

Isak shoots off between them without a hand to help him along. Even’s hips rock up twice into him before he hides his face away in Isak’s neck, sucking the skin between his teeth to control his moans.

“Baby.” Isak whines at the name again, feeling oversensitive and used and so fucking in love. “It’s always been you. It’ll always be you.”

“I love you,” Isak replies, grunting when Even pulls out.

He only just manages to shift his weight onto one arm before he tumbles onto the bed next to Isak, short of breath and flushed and the most beautiful thing Isak has ever seen.

“I love you,” he whispers, not caring if Even doesn’t hear it. He just needs to say it, needs for the words to be out there in the universe.

It sounds like some bullshit Vilde would probably say, he thinks. How if you tell the universe about what you want, it’ll give it to you.

Isak doesn’t need for the universe to grant him anything. Not when he’s already got what he wants the most. Now he just has to work on keeping it, but he doesn’t think that’ll be a problem – not with all the people he knows he has in his corner.

Even’s still lying on his back from where he tumbled onto the bed. Isak can’t stand not being closer to him, so he rolls onto his side, then continues onto his front until his shoulder bumps against Even’s chest.

“Umph,” Even grunts, but it’s for show and he’s already worming his arm underneath Isak’s neck to support his head. “Halla.”

“Hei,” Isak grins, feeling a little silly because of how shy he suddenly feels. “You alright?”

“I’m fucking amazing,” he grins, moving his elbow so Isak rolls a little closer. He’s smiling softly at him as Isak moves to accommodate him. “And – are you?”

Isak hums pleased. “A little sore.”

Even’s free hand lands on Isak’s hips, the tips of his fingers pressing against his lower back wonderfully. Isak groans at the feeling, pushes up against Even’s touch even as he moves further down towards his cheeks.

“I like it, though,” he admits, squirming with it as Even looks fully captivated by him. “I like you.”

Even’s smile is blinding. “I like you.”

Isak’s own smile might be blinding as well. It makes kissing a little awkward, but by god is Isak going to do it anyway –

The front door slams open.

“Hello, fellow remaining roommates!” Magnus bellows, voice a little muffled through Isak’s closed door, but not enough to easily tune him out.

Or Mahdi, for that sake. “We have returned, because the weather was utterly shit and rubbish for football, so we went to get kebabs, and now we’re freezing cold and with no other excuses to stay out.”

“Oh my god,” Isak groans, shoving his head into the pillow. His mouth sort of lands on Even’s bicep, though, which means his head ends up being a bit shaken about because Even is laughing.

“Don’t worry, though, because we are in the mood for music!” the yelling continues, Jonas this time, because all of Isak’s friends are assholes.

“The goddamn theatrics on them,” Isak complains. “And I thought living with you or Eskild was bad.”

“Shush, you,” Even curls the arm Isak’s lying on to gather him closer. “At least they’re courteous enough to let us know they’re back without just walking in.”

Isak snorts. “’Courteous’. Yeah, right, good one. They’re a bunch of assholes, just you wait –“’

The words haven’t even left Isak’s mouth before The Lion King soundtrack starts blaring through the apartment.

Even’s laugh comes a close second in terms of loudness – a full-on belly laugh that leaves him breathless and with shining eyes as he curls closer to Isak.

“Assholes,” Isak repeats. “I hate them. Let’s move out.”

Even’s still giggling, but not so much that he can’t press a kiss to Isak’s temple. “Not yet, baby. Let’s enjoy this a bit longer.”

He’s smiling and beautiful and he’s Isak’s fucking husband, and it’s so easy to smile back and fall a little more in love to the tunes of Elton John’s ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight’.

“Okay.”

OOOOO

“If you’re late for Movie Night-night one more time, Isak, I will personally drag the two of you apart, do not test me!”

“Five more minutes,” Isak mutters against Even’s lips, stubbornly kissing him even as Even laughs.

“I don’t think we have five minutes,” Even tells him, but then he’s kissing him again, so what does he know.

They do not, in fact, have five minutes.

Isak’s door knocks against the wall, startling the two of them apart.

“Oh god, my eyes!” Mahdi is screeching despite not even having peeked in and the fact that both Isak and Even are fully clothed. Their lips aren’t even pink and swollen yet – they haven’t been kissing for more than ten minutes because Isak had to finish up his reading first and Even had to fix an issue with a colleague’s script directions. “It burns!”

“Shut up,” Isak groans, tries to pull Even back down on the bed to kiss him. Who cares if the door is open, that’ll show them to not interrupt the sacredness of a closed door.

God, what does he need to do, put a sock on the door handle as well?

Even only lets him for two kisses, though, then he’s pulling back and moving off the bed.

“No,” he whines petulantly, making grabby-hands at Even. Maybe if he pouts long enough Even will take pity on him and tell the boys to fuck off, he has a boy to kiss.

That doesn’t happen.

“Up,” Even orders, only leaning forward long enough to smack at Isak’s hip once, way too fast for Isak to grab on to him to pull him back down.

“It’s a movie night,” Isak complains, hoping Even will see sense and come back already.

Even just laughs, the asshole, from out in the hallway. “What is my favorite thing in the world?”

“Me.”

“Second favorite,” Even amends from out in the kitchen. “What snacks do you want?”

Isak sighs for a good minute, loudly so Even knows of his displeasure. “Chips.”

“What flavor?”

Isak stomps into the living room without looking back at Even in the kitchen. “Onion, because like hell am I kissing you again tonight.”

“Hello there, grumpy boy,” Jonas greets him, probably in an attempt at saving Even from Isak’s wrath when he hears just how loud he’s laughing. “Thank you for gracing us with your presence – umph!” he groans when Isak sinks down on the couch, a well-placed elbow ending up in Jonas’ stomach.

Mahdi and Magnus have gotten comfy already; Mahdi’s scrolling through the movie options, and Magnus is sitting sideways in the armchair he’s dragged closer to the couches.

He’s looking at Isak, frowning thoughtfully. “You know, you’ve gone without getting any dick for years by now. Surely going five minutes without Even’s dick isn’t the end of the world.”

Isak wouldn’t be able to bite his tongue hard enough to refrain from giving Magnus a scorching remark. “Said by someone who has clearly never tried it.”

It was meant to be a dis about Magnus being a virgin. In no way possible has Isak ever expected Magnus to interpret it as something else.

Magnus bats his eyelashes exaggeratedly at him. “Why, Isak, are you offering to ‘show me the ropes’, so to speak?”

The snort Jonas makes is entirely unattractive, and Isak sort of wishes he’d recorded it just for holding it over his head, but then again he’s really glad he’s not recording the atrocity that is this fucking conversation.

“Absolutely not,” he protests. “That’s, like, the biggest turn off in the world.”

“Bullshit!” Magnus calls. “As if you wouldn’t fuck me if you had the chance.”

Isak just looks at him. “No.”

The look on Magnus’ face is so shocked and affronted Mahdi ends up spewing a bit of juice out of his nose.

“Bullshit!” Magnus repeats, snapping his fingers at Isak. “Come on! Out of the three of us, who would you bang first?”

“None of you.” Isak doesn’t even have to think about it.

Magnus squawks, indignantly outraged. “Lies. Lies and slander I tell you.”

“Ranking is in, right now,” Jonas puffs at Isak with his elbow, ignoring the chilling glare he gets in return. “Haven’t you seen all the YouTube videos?”

“It’s only three places,” Magnus whines. “Isak, come on! First, second, and third in the competition for Isak’s dick.”

“You’ve all been disqualified.”

“Isak!”

“Magnus,” Isak finally snaps, “look at what I’m working with. None of you compare.”

Magnus blinks. Then blinks again and shrugs. “Fair enough.”

“That’s it?” Mahdi cries out. “I’ve been listening to your whining and you just give up like that?”

“It’s Even,” Magnus stresses, like that’s an explanation in itself. “There isn’t a single person in the world who wouldn’t want Even. You know what – everyone in this room who has ever wanted Even, raise your hand.” Magnus‘ hand flies up immediately. He sends Isak a dirty look. “Isak, you too.”

“No.”

“Isak –“

“Come on, man,” Mahdi breaks in, nudging Isak’s knee with his foot. He has to stretch comically far to reach him, but even the sight of it isn’t enough to lift Isak’s mood. “It’ll just look weird if you don’t. As if we don’t know it already.”

Isak levels a glare at Mahdi instead, but he also sighs and raises his hand.

“There you go!” Magnus laughs, leaning forward to high-five him. Jonas barks out a laugh at the cross look on Isak’s face.

“What the hell am I walking in on?” Even laughs, holding a packet of chips in one hand, two chocolate bars under his elbows and balancing two cups of tea by their handles in his other hand. He’s grinning obnoxiously at Isak, waggling his eyebrows. “So much for not wanting to kiss me tonight, huh?”

“Fuck off,” Isak groans, but it’s ruined by a giggle he has to hide away in one of the sofa cushions once the teasing starts.

This is good, he thinks when the lights have been turned off, the opening credits rolling as they all get comfortable.

Magnus and Even are already complaining about the composition, Mahdi calls bullshit because they haven’t gotten past the movie companies’ logos yet. Isak leans his head down on Jonas’ shoulder who accommodates him easily, then presses his toes into Even’s thigh.

Even doesn’t even flinch, just curls his fingers around Isak’s ankle, squeezing him once before he pulls his feet fully onto his lap. He’s laughing at something Mahdi said, and even in the horrible lighting the TV provides he’s the most beautiful thing Isak has ever seen.

“You alright, man?” Jonas whispers when the opening title music starts.

Isak nods, lets himself finally breathe completely easy at once. “Yeah. Better than alright. I’m great. I’m really, really great.”

Jonas grins back at him. “That’s ‘great’,” he teases, but Isak knows he means it.

It really is, he silently agrees as Even’s thumb draws circles along his ankle joint. It’s better than, even. It’s just really, really great.

It’s dark, but Isak can still tell when Even smiles at him.

Isak grins back.

Past

Isak flunks every single one of his exams. He only finds out about it because he gets an email that tells him he needs to manually sign up for his second out of three attempts, it won’t be done automatically.

Whatever, Isak thinks, letting the roar of the crowd swallow him whole. He’ll just re-sit come February. It’s fine.

OOOOO

It’s less fine when Isak isn’t drunk anymore.

He’s stuck on the results page, sees the list documenting his failure, wouldn’t be able to look away even if he wanted to. His fingers itch to get a drink in them, but Isak just keeps sitting at his desk in front of his computer, staring at the screen.

This isn’t Isak.

Isak isn’t sure who he is anymore, hasn’t been for months now, but he does know that this isn’t him.

It’s not like Isak believes he’s only worth the number of his grade, but this – Isak isn’t stupid. He isn’t unable to understand the material he’s supposed to have spent the months between September and January learning. This isn’t him.

It would be easier to just get a drink. Much easier. That’s probably why Isak’s been doing it for so long, deflecting from everything and using it to hide away.

When Isak pushes himself away from the laptop, it’s not to grab his jacket that’s now definitely too thin for the weather and find a bar or a club somewhere. It’s to dig out his textbooks from underneath his bed where he’d put them right after purchasing them and hasn’t moved them since.

And when he sits back down again, he keeps the tab with his grades open, but he also opens Canvas so he can see the slides from the lectures and the assignments from the tutorials.

For the first time since starting at university, Isak cracks open his cell and molecular biology book and starts to read.

OOOOO

Isak’s got a headache the first time he attends a lecture when second term has started.

Not as earsplitting painful as the hangover-headaches had been, mind you, but it’s still there and he isn’t able to ignore it.

He knows quitting drinking cold turkey can be a bit of a dangerous approach, but Jonas’ eyebrows had been furrowed an uncomfortably large amount when he’d caught Isak sipping a beer at seven in the morning, so Isak had gotten out of bed this morning and headed to his lecture hall with a headache instead.

Turns out that lectures are a lot of fun when you don’t go there as a means to pass the time or when you’re hung-over as fuck. It’s a lot of fun, actually, and it’s so interesting Isak actually forgets to take any notes, he’s that captured by the professor.

He ends up spending an hour and a half on campus afterwards. He finds an unpopulated nook and scrambles with the keys to get down everything he remembers.

And then feels actually good about himself once he’s done. It’s a novel feeling, if Isak’s being honest. That would be a novelty as well, technically.

OOOOO

Isak’s honestly surprised that the light in his desk lamp hasn’t blown up yet from the sudden switch between having never been used to suddenly never getting a break.

He types up another definition, changing the format of certain words so they’re easier to spot when he scrolls through, then grabs his pencil to write it down on a flashcard.

Two knocks sound on his door.

“Hey,” Mahdi sticks his head in.

Isak immediately lowers his head, focusing on his scratchy handwriting instead. “Hey.”

“We’re going over to the Union,” Mahdi explains, nodding his head in the direction of the front door. “Want to join?”

Isak grimaces. It’s not that he doesn’t want to hang out with Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus, it’s more that he doesn’t get why they would bother inviting him along. He pushed Mahdi, he’s constantly snapping at Magnus because of his complete inability to take a hint and shut up about Even whilst Isak is there, and Jonas is clearly frustrated with his behavior.

“Sorry,” he says, voice cracking. “I can’t.”

Mahdi nods, doesn’t look surprised, but he also doesn’t look relieved. Isak doesn’t know what any of it means. “It’d be cool if you came, though. When was the last time you took a break?”

Isak shrugs instead of replying. He can’t remember. He thinks he might’ve forgotten to eat dinner as well, now that he’s thinking about it, so going to the Union is definitely a ‘no’, then. He’ll fuck up everything if he drinks something on an empty stomach.

“It wasn’t a big deal, last time,” Mahdi sighs, “If that’s what you’re thinking about. Why you’re saying no. It’s fine.”

Isak winces. It really isn’t fine. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, I’m not like that –“

Mahdi rolls his eyes. “We know that, Isak, otherwise we wouldn’t be putting this much fucking effort into getting you to go out with us again.”

Oh. Isak flushes a bit, hopes he just looks warm from the scorching light of his desk lamp. “I’m kind of on a roll right now, though. Maybe next time. And I promise I won’t get violent.”

Mahdi points faux-threateningly at him. “Next time, then, Valtersen. We won’t take no for an answer.”

OOOOO

The thing about alcohol that makes it so tempting isn’t the feeling of letting go of your inhibitions, or your sense of reality slipping away until you feel like the impossible is possible. It had provided him with a blissful numbness.

Isak isn’t numb anymore.

So it had been about wanting to not feel anything, and then it had been about how it made it easier to forget.

Or, not forget, because he never did that, not really, but it made it easier to not constantly think about it.

Now that he isn’t drinking anymore, he has to actively not think about it, but actively not thinking isn’t easy at all.

Studying only goes so far. Memorizing and focusing on the coursework helps, but only temporarily. It all – Even, papers, signatures, secrets, lying, the shame, and the guilt, and the loneliness – stays with him now that he doesn’t have a method to make it go away – even if it’s in the background, it’s still there.

And it weighs so heavily on Isak’s shoulders. It leaves him absolutely exhausted to keep up the charade, to make it seem like, no, nothing is the matter, everything is fine and like he actually has managed to get his life in order, when it really feels like he’s about to fall apart as easily as he did back in May when the fantasy world he’d lived in came crumbling down on top of him.

It all leads to sleepless nights and sleepless nights lead to Isak steadily going out of his mind.

Pent up emotions seem to be treading lightly the edge of keeping it in and bursting out of him, and Isak can’t let that happen, he can’t. Not only does he still not want anyone to know anything about him, not like that, but now if something were to slip out he wouldn’t have Even to fall back on. He’d be alone, and a lot more alone than he already is right now.

Isak fucking hates being alone.

But he also doesn’t have a clue how to actually do anything to fix it. Focusing on his studies clearly doesn’t work. Drinking had worked, but he can’t start that shit again, because that’ll lead to him spiraling so far down he’ll never climb back up again. Talking to someone about it is out of the question.

Which means he’s out of options. And getting more frantic which each passing day to just figure out something so he won’t accidentally spill over and ruin everything he’s built up so far.

“Are you okay?”

Surprisingly enough, it isn’t someone who asks Isak that, but Isak who asks Eva.

Her eyes are red and puffy, she’s obviously been crying, but now she’s apparently moved on from being sad to being angry.

She softens a bit when she sees Isak, though.

“Hey,” she mutters, shoulders slumping. “Jonas isn’t here?”

Isak shakes his head. “No, he’s on the grocery run this week, drew the short straw.” They have a rotational shift schedule, but Isak is just really good at getting out of doing his share of the workload. Instead, he repeats, “Are you okay?”

Eva shrugs, but her bottom lip is quivering. “It’s just Jonas being an asshole,” she explains, the anger suddenly coming back. “It’s not like I don’t know you guys smoke, okay? I don’t know why he insists on lying to me about it, because it just makes me feel like shit and paranoid – because if he’s lying about that, what else is he lying about, you know?”

Isak doesn’t know. They’d made it a point not to lie to each other, not when they were lying to everyone else.

Then again, Isak is here, by himself for the rest of his life, so what does he know. “Do you want me to yell at him when he comes back?” he offers.

Eva laughs a little snottily, but it’s real enough. “No. I had a good cry about it. That always helps, doesn’t it?”

Isak hasn’t cried since he packed up his stuff and whatever belongings of Even’s that he hadn’t been able to part with. Maybe that – maybe. Maybe it isn’t all too terrible an idea.

“Anyway,” Eva shrugs, seemingly calmer now that she’s gotten some of it out of her system. “I’ll just – talk to him later, I guess.” She leans in and gives Isak a hug. “Takk, Isak.”

“You’re welcome,” he mumbles, not paying attention because his head is stuck somewhere else.

In a shoebox-sized apartment in Oslo that two people had shared before one of them had gotten a better offer, to be precise.

Crying hadn’t fixed anything, hadn’t felt like the catharsis Eva had been talking about – it had just made him feel sweaty and disgusting and utterly pathetic, and had just about cemented the fact that Even wasn’t coming back, because why the fuck would he when this was what he’d be coming back to.

But Isak is desperate, and this is an option that Isak knows won’t be difficult to attempt, not with all these emotions swirling around inside of him, too close to flooding.

He just needs one thing, and that thing he’s got hidden away in his room, so he walks back inside, going directly over to draw the curtains.

Isak isn’t the one who left. He’s the one who fucked up and made Even stop loving him, yes, but he can’t keep going like this. He shouldn’t keep punishing himself over it; it’ll never stop if he continues like that.

He’s still pissed at Even, absolutely furious, but the hurt is the most prominent feeling now that he’s sober, and the gut-wrenching hurt is the emotion that wins out.

It takes a while, because Isak had shoved the box into the very back of his closet for a reason – that he never wanted to see any of that shit again, but now he does. He wants it, and it takes ages to dig through overdue laundry and random items he’d forgotten he still had.

And then the box is there, with a layer of dust accumulated where it hadn’t been covered.

They’ve been left untouched since Isak stashed them there, and he honestly can’t really remember packing them either, so he’s a bit startled when he opens them up and sees the absolute disarray that it’s in.

Most of the things he doesn’t even remember Even owning, and then there are a few camera lenses that have cracked from neglect – Isak doesn’t know why he grabbed them, doesn’t remember, but feels very stupid that he didn’t at least also grab the camera they go with.

Isak isn’t interested in the cameras or the lenses or the drawings. Right there, not at the very bottom, but far down enough that Isak had started to get worried that he hadn’t packed it, that he’d misremembered, that he’d left it behind for Even to have or throw out, is Even’s hoodie. The one Isak had practically stolen and never given back, and Even had let him because it was his favorite thing to see Isak in his clothes and he’d loved giving him long hugs so he could just enjoy the soft material as well.

It’s still soft, despite having been mistreated so badly for months now. The drawstrings have still retained the color of the paint. It doesn’t smell like Even, probably because Even hasn’t been near it for over a year, now. Doesn’t even smell of Isak, if he’s honest. Smells of dust more than anything.

But Isak doesn’t need to scent to feel like a freight train has run him over.

This is a moment where he’d resort to alcohol, but he can’t do that now, not like this, not over a stupid hoodie. He’s been doing better and he won’t let it be ruined by this fucking weakness of his.

So instead he scoots over on the floor until he reaches his laptop, opens Spotify and presses shuffle and play and turns it up louder than vibe-guy has ever played his music.

Next, he locks his door. And when that doesn’t feel like enough, he tries to push his desk in front of it.

Which turns out to be a complete fail because the desk has been nailed into the wall. So Isak pushes his bed instead and hides away in the corner it had stood in.

The opening of the song hasn’t even settled into the first chorus before the tears are streaming down his cheeks and breathing is ten times harder than it’s ever been.

It’s ugly, and Isak feels horrible all throughout it. His nose clogs up and he can’t see through his blurry vision. His speakers are blaring happy pop songs that Even would’ve loved – which just makes it worse – and he needs it to be loud enough that no one can hear him through the door or the walls, but that leaves him with a headache.

It doesn’t make it impossible to hear the intermittent pounding on the door when people desperately want for him to stop making all of that noise.

For all that Isak feels the positively worst he’s felt in a long time, he also isn’t ready for this to stop. Not yet.

The hoodie is crumbled up in his sweaty hands. There are spots darkening the material that Isak can tell come from his tears. And then another set of spots from his tears when it had gotten so intense Isak was certain people would be able to hear him over the music.

When the tears stop falling and his breath stops hitching and the headache from getting too little oxygen into his system has settled in, Isak wouldn’t say he feels better, per se, but he doesn’t feel as frazzled.

Still, this was the last time he’ll do this, he promises himself. He won’t spend any more time crying over an idiotic past. He’s done.

OOOOO

“Is that a new hoodie?”

“No. Just recently stumbled upon it whilst I was cleaning.”

“Cool.”

OOOOO

Isak does end up going out with them the next time. It’s a Friday evening, he’s just finished his first re-exam, and he doesn’t feel completely awful. It’s nice.

He’d had a beer with the boys before they left the house, and the mix of the warm, pleasant buzz inside of him and the not bitingly cold spring air not making it feel like his jacket is way too thin for this time of year leaves him in a good mood.

They head to the Union, because there’s a deal going on – like there isn’t always a deal going on in a place catering to poor university students – but it’s not like Isak is going to buy more than a beer, so what does he care where they end up.

He should’ve cared a bit more, he realizes once they’re in the midst of the crowd and barely able to hear each other speaking, and Magnus has slunk off to talk to some girl, Mahdi has just disappeared ,and Jonas has gone to the bathroom, leaving Isak all by himself.

Isak hasn’t gotten any better at being by himself, and being in a place like this isn’t helpful in the slightest.

Just because he had a proper cry about it doesn’t mean that Isak is okay. As much as he tries to fool himself into believing it, the hurt is buried so deeply inside of him Isak doubts he’ll ever really be okay.

And standing here surrounded by people who are happy and having fun when Isak has to work so hard just to feel one of those emotions, even harder without the aid of something extra, is way harder than allowing himself to have that cry had been.

He should leave. He’s about to find one of the guys – Mahdi or Jonas, because they’ll make the smallest scene when Isak tells them he’s getting out of there – when a hand clamps down on his shoulder.

“There you are,” Jonas says, dragging Isak backwards towards him and towards the exit. “It’s way too crowded in here, we’re bailing.”

Isak has grabbed his jacket and is waiting by the entrance before Magnus and Mahdi have had the chance to get their stuff ready. Magnus is wearing one of Mahdi’s shoes, apparently, which Isak isn’t sure how they managed to pull off.

It takes them five minutes of jumping around once they’ve gotten outside, Magnus wobbling on one foot because he doesn’t want to dirty his socks, before they manage to switch back around and get on their way.

“Fuck, she was so pretty, though,” Magnus complains, throwing his head back and groaning when he recalls just what the girl he’d been talking to had looked like.

The guilt churns in Isak’s stomach. He should’ve just told them he was heading out, that they didn’t need to come with him. It was obvious it hadn’t been too crowded for them. Just for Isak.

Mahdi huffs out a laugh. “I saw her, too. Trust me, you didn’t stand a chance. You should be thanking us for saving you from a fate of humiliation.”

“Hey!” Magnus protests halfheartedly, scuffing the tip of his shoe against the asphalt, then nearly tripping in the process.

Isak hadn’t seen the girl, and he does know of Magnus’ track record, but that isn’t the point that keeps the guilt swirling inside of him.

“Where are we off to?” he asks instead. He shoves his hands into his pockets, curling them up into fists as he waits for the answer.

Jonas shrugs. “What’s the rush for?”

Isak doesn’t reply. He hasn’t got an answer, doesn’t know how to tell them that he knows why they left and that he doesn’t get why they did that for him.

He expects for them to head into the bar close by that also caters to poor students, seeing as they’re headed towards it, but they pass right by it. And they pass by the next one. And the next one. The guilt makes Isak feel heavier and heavier with each step they take.

“Gutter!” Magnus points excitedly before bounding over to the walkway with an iron handrail. “This is fucking perfect.”

“What the hell are you on about?” Mahdi calls out after him.

“I need one of you, I’m having my Titanic-moment!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jonas laughs, hiding his face behind his hands as his shoulders shake from laughter. “Get down, you idiot, you’ll fall off and end up in a coma!”

Magnus sticks his foot between two guards, stepping up. “Then come over here and hold me like one of your French girls!”

Paint, Isak doesn’t correct. Paint me like one of your French girls.

“He’s fucking insane,” Mahdi laughs. Isak tries not to flinch at the word.

“I’ll go,” Jonas volunteers, jogging over so he can climb up behind Magnus. He barely manages to stay up, though, from the giggling. “This is so gay.”

Magnus spreads his hands out when he’s sure Jonas has gotten a hold of himself. “I can’t hear you over how much I’m flying, Jack!”

“You’re an idiot,” Isak tells him once he and Mahdi get close enough. “You couldn’t have just done the I’m the king of the world instead?”

“Do you know what, Isak?” Magnus sasses. “It sounds like you’re jealous that I found myself a Jack and you haven’t.”

“I’m out,” Jonas laughs, jumping off the railing, giggling like mad when Mahdi has to dive forward to catch Magnus to keep him from actually braining himself into a coma.

“Idiots,” Isak complains, but he’s laughing as well. “Fucking idiots, all of you.”

They don’t go to another bar or a club or even to buy something to drink in the 24-hours open store that they pass. Isak doesn’t try and lie to himself as a reason why not, but the tiny spark of happiness it ignites is enough to quell down the guilt a little bit. That, and the fact that they end up making Magnus laugh so hard he has to sit down lest he starts to pee his pants.

Mahdi throws bird seeds at him, which none of them know where or when he got a hold of, but it just makes the situation worse. Or better, depending on if you see it from Magnus’ bladder control point of view or judge it by how easy it is for Isak to breathe.

OOOOO

Isak aces every single one of his exams. Both the ones he’d had to re-sit, and then the next ones.

He did it. He actually fucking did it.

He sits and stares at the results-page on his laptop, can’t stop looking at the row of perfect grades that aren’t supposed to define how good of a person Isak is, but right now the rows of numbers are the only tangible proof that Isak is actually getting better. That he might in fact be worth something.

He likes that feeling. He’s not going to let it slip away from him again, he’s going to fight to keep feeling like this.

Isak is going to get better. That’s a promise he makes himself that he intends on keeping.

OOOOO

“We’ve been looking into a couple of apartments.”

They’re leaving. He’s finally somewhat figured out how to do this, how to live without – how to live and how to make friends and they’re already leaving.

“Oh?” he asks nonchalantly, or he hopes it comes across nonchalantly and not absolutely terrified. “Found anything?”

Jonas nods, taking a sip of his beer. He sits down on the railing of the balcony they’re on. Isak can’t remember whose house they’re at – not because he’s had too much to drink to remember where he’s at, but because Magnus had been the one who knew about the party and his explanation of how he knew about was just too long for Isak to pay attention from start to finish.

He knows all about how this person’s mama used to have a goldfish collection when she was a kid, but he doesn’t know who actually owns the house. Figures.

“Yeah. A four bedroom, not too far from campus. A tram stop or two.”

“That’s cool,” Isak says, hopes it doesn’t sound as detached as he feels.

They’re leaving. They’re actually leaving. Isak should be used to people leaving him by now, but he isn’t. He really, really isn’t.

“Yeah,” Jonas agrees, but there’s something to the tone of his voice, something that forces Isak out of the protective bubble he’d already started to build up so he can look dubiously at him. “That fourth room isn’t the living room, by the way.”

Isak blinks.

Then he blinks again, still not saying anything. He can’t say anything, because if he gets it wrong he won’t be able to handle it.

Jonas rolls his eyes. “Christ, man, are you really going to make me say it?”

“Yes,” Isak doesn’t hesitate, because yes, he needs to hear it. Not for the reason that Jonas obviously thinks – that he’s teasing or self-centered and wants the confirmation that they’d be honored to share a living space with him, but because it doesn’t fit in his head why on earth they would want to share a living space with him.

“Isak,” Jonas starts. Isak barely hears it, his heart pounding too fast and beating too loudly. “Would you mind paying the rent until we can find a fourth roommate?”

“Asshole,” Isak knocks his knee against Jonas’ foot, but it comes out too soft, a little too out of breath for Jonas’ eyes not to soften and his teasing grin to smooth into something a little more sincere.

“Seriously,” Jonas ensures him. “Would you like to?”

Yes, Isak should say, because he does. Yes, yes, yes should be the only word coming out of his mouth.

“Why?” comes out instead.

If Jonas is surprised, he doesn’t show it. “You’re trying,” Jonas takes another a sip of his beer. “And we like you. We really like you, man.”

Isak tries to blink the tears out of his eyes.

“But if we’re doing this, you can’t fall back into your old ways.”

Isak feels cold despite the warm summer air. “I won’t.”

Jonas looks a bit dubious, but he just nods. “Do you want to do this, then?”

There are tears prickling in the corners of Isak’s eyes, and he just hopes he can blame the dry wind or the beer or something, anything, that isn’t something finally going Isak’s way.

“Yeah, bro,” he sounds choked up. “Yeah.”

Jonas grins and holds his hand out for Isak to shake. “Let’s do this then.”

And Isak’s smiling, actually smiling – full-on grinning and meaning it, and he’s moving in with Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus and it all feels too good to be true.

He folds his hand into Jonas’, and Jonas tightens his grip so much Isak almost thinks they’re going in for that awkward bro-side-hug when all Jonas does is ensure Isak can’t draw back until he gets out the rushed, “And you have to be nicer to Magnus.”

Isak dramatically rips his hands out of Jonas’ hold and groans and whines and moans that none of it is worth it if that’s what it takes while Jonas cackles and nearly falls over the railing, and Isak’s nearly giggling so hard he can’t pull him back down.

Magnus and Mahdi find them lying in a heap on the balcony, giggling like fools.

Mahdi does look at Isak dubiously for a couple of seconds, like he’s expecting for him to be so out of it again despite the fact Isak hasn’t had anything harder than beer the last couple of months.

Whatever he’s looking for, Isak passes the test, and both Magnus and Mahdi grin as they fold themselves around him and Jonas. Magnus starts pointing up at the sky, telling stories about the signs, and both Isak and Mahdi call bullshit whilst Jonas tries to spin everything that comes out of Magnus’ mouth in a claim why the government is shit.

And Isak is moving in with these idiots.

He hasn’t been bad for months now, hasn’t done something he’d regret the next morning and hasn’t done something that would make him forget everything that had happened prior to waking up. He’s better than that, now he just needs to get better concerning everything else.

He can feel it; lying on a balcony at some house party he doesn’t know the hosts of, and he can just feel it. It feels like a turning point of some kind, like this is the moment things will actually start to get better, to get easier.

It’s not like all of his problems have suddenly disappeared. He still gets mornings where it doesn’t seem worth it to get up, still has moments where he just hurts so much he doesn’t remember how to breathe. And then there is the fact that the boys he’s decided are worth betting on don’t know that he’s not actually hooking up with girls left and right, don’t know he isn’t interested in girls at all. They don’t know why he got so bad in the first place.

But he’s moving in with these three idiots he’s ready to call his best friends, and he’s passed his exams with flying colors, and he’s signed up for his third semester, one year closer to getting his degree, and he can feel it.

This is going to be his year. Isak swears he’s going to do everything in his power to make it happen.

This is going to be his year.

Next part

#Evak #Evak fanfiction #SKAM #SKAM Norway #SKAM fanfiction #Dutten-does-the-fanfic #Something Great

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lloydsluck · 4 years ago

Text

Crow’s Feet

Prelude

Ever looked at something that’s so fundamentally flawed, so bad in design, form and function, it’s actually intriguing. Like a botched piece of taxidermy or a first attempt at a short novel. A piece of work that was probably not half-assed but whole-heartedly assed with good intention and it would be insulting to the creator to jokingly ask did you write this story as if you’re the old piece of gum stuck underneath a Grade 8 English Lit student desk? With no light, sense of tense, or spellcheker? The stereotypes and bad similes cause eye rolls so

far back into one’s head it’s like… well it’s hard to think of a comparison here, so count yourself lucky. Not to mention the ADHD diversions, talking about mounting dead animals in one sentence quickly sidestepping to self-awareness of this piece of literature. I digress. When last did you see a questionable piece of art that you found beautiful? So bad, it’s great. So useless and time-wasting, it’s what you’ll think about ironically one day on your deathbed. Because heck… made you look.

The Incision

Mondays. The start of a new week. New opportunities for a new you. A fresh squeeze of hope that things will get better served with a side of “I can change” attitude. And no matter how many Mondays we have, (4 187 to be precise, if you, like the average human being will live to 79), you will wake up to the same old boring Monday, every week, the same way.

Each one with a long dreary stretch and sigh, heavy eyes, telling yourself that you will make the most out of this week. But you won’t. Because laziness is time consuming and you don’t actually have anything else to do, really.

However, on this particular Monday, which was Fick McOwen’s 2226’s Monday, things were different.

Fick woke up with the dreadful sensation of drowning. Sinking deep in a casket of darkness. As he gulped in a breath of thick air, it tasted of rotten cabbage coating the back of his throat. Blind and bewildered, sharp metal sounds scratched close above his head. The sound stung his eardrums and made him cock up his forehead banging it hard against a flat surface.

‘Jeeezus fuck’, he hissed.

With no sense of time and space, his ears were ringing overcharged electric chimes in his head which felt cracked and ready to explode like a reactor in Chernobyl. He took a few minutes to try and calm himself. No good ever came from a panic attack in closed confines with a possible concussion. He finally raised his hands to his chest and did what most drunks do the minute they wake up, pat themselves down and check their underwear.

One week earlier.

If she was just a bit nicer, Jeffrey thought, she may have already had a proper and dignified burial for her husband. Stomping up and down a room that looked like it was decorated for a five-star hotel in Vienna, the newly-widow’s bony figure moved fast from left to right like a rabid old fox prowling a fence. For Jeffrey, her unwanted but needed bodyguard/help/punching bag, she was Hitler’s sphincter. She sparked fear in him and tightened his nerves with her demanding presence. Like a screwdriver twisting and turning into soft wood. A reaction he despised about himself. It ruined many good days. Sunny days and days like today.

Watching her from the corner of the large room, she attempted phone call after phone call, shouting at poor bastards who made the simple mistake of answering their phones that day.

Wanting to disappear he closed his eyes and listened to every passive-aggressive step she took in the room. He liked to tell when she walked on the tiles or the bear rug; it was a fast tac tac tac womp womp womp womp tac tac womp womp…then nothing. He opened his eyes and with a fright found her standing right in front of him, steaming red with anger.

Her greying blonde hair was fastened in a tight pincushion on top of her head. This pulled back her frail white skin that held everything in place. Face to face, he couldn’t help but stare at the permanent makeup she had done on the lower lids of her eyes and on top of her brows. It was starting to fade and as a result, it looked like she put eyeliner on days ago and never washed it off.

Her stare was cold and deadly like an overworked mortician’s. It complemented her daily outfits of thin grey pencil skirts and matching suit jackets. She had her name embroidered on the inside of the neckline since all of her clothing was specially washed and pressed at a local laundromat. One that she owned of course.

Margaret.

That’s what her husband used to call her. Or Margarine, Margie, or Macaroon. She would always remind whoever was listening that she was actually named after Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowden. If you had to look her up, you would see the uncanny similarities between the two women. So much so, that Jeffrey often wondered if they weren’t related. Considering how much of a royal bitch she was.

Nevertheless, he had to call her Mrs. Ergo. And he preferred the kind request from John Ergo, her late husband, since he didn’t think she would have liked the names he had listed for her in his head anyway.

She snapped back up and walked across the room towards the large oak desk that faced the gigantic windows that looked out onto their garden. Their Ergo-Eden. With a deep sigh, he sat up straight and smoothed back his black hair that was styled according to an old Italian mobster he saw in a film when he was 15.

“It’s all in the confidence of smoothing the wax over your hands first and then through your hair.” That’s what the old man said to his fellow pasta slurping, red-wine drinking, two hits a week gang that sat around a checkered table talking about the importance of looking respectable, no matter what the job. And this was what he told himself in the bathroom mirror every morning, (impersonating a very bad Italian accent of course) while he prepared for his day.

Apart from the respectable hairdo, Jeffrey was built like a small bull with a refined jawline. At first glance one would imagine he spends his days lumberjacking in the forest; but instead of plaid shirts, he was forced to wear black on black as per ‘management’s’ request.

He refocused his attention on her and as foul as she was acting that day, somewhere deep inside him, he felt sorry for her and her loss. His face twitched as he clenched his jaw trying to shape compassion on his face, but feared he looked more like a constipated clown trying to keep his cool. He was given cards once with all the different faces and expressions on it. Ironically, the illustrations looked like they were drawn by an autistic robot with no emotion nor artistic talent (it was), but it helped him deal with different people. Lines that came down the forehead with no teeth, meant anger or disappointment. Teeth showing meant they were happy – or about to bite you.

Margaret often made faces Jeffrey couldn’t place on his cards and her teeth always had some lipstick stains on it, which quite frankly, just distracted him altogether.

He watched her go down a list of names and numbers, furiously scratching them out when the call didn’t go as planned. Eyeing the last name and number on the list, she picked up the phone and started dialing.

Fick carefully pulled the skin up the neck and then over the top of the head, trying his very best to keep his hand steady. He wore magnifying goggles that pushed his choppy brown hair up toward the ceiling and enlarged his olive-grey eyes. It looked like the head of a praying mantis was stuck on a lanky man's body who dressed as if he found a discarded box of 80s band shirts and never bothered to wear anything else again.

'There.' He said as he lifted his hands and inspected the bird-like shape that was coming together in front of him.

In the back of the garage-turned-workshop, a small radio was trying to hold itself together while Henry Rollins tore away at its speakers. The music filled the room and gave Fick the ability to concentrate. Nothing else was audible. Not a phone or a thought could break his focus.

And it paid off; the crow started to take a lively shape, fast. All it needed were the eyes and some beak touch-ups and this bad boy was ready for some teenager's window sill.

Fick lived in Long Fountain, a small town where the kids were either into wrestling, the backyard kind, or satanism – also the backyard kind. This meant there were a lot of goth-like metalheads who gave themselves names like Agares and Forneus and hung outside the grocery store to smoke cheap cigarettes they bummed off the shop clerk. They would wear black makeup and dangle fake blood vial necklaces around their necks. Some would even proudly claim that they spray-painted hale satin on the backside of the church announcement board. To top off their rebel-without-a-cause-and-lack-of-basic-grammar-look, these kids would own a taxidermied crow on their windowsills, just for that extra edge.

“It’s a phase” most parents would say, but Fick couldn’t care less. He got fifty bucks out of it, liked the work, and asked no questions.

As a self-employed middle-aged Taxidermist, he could work from home and at his own pace. Something he considered to be more valuable than a performance bonus cheque at the end of a year after slaving away in a badly lit office desk from nine to five, five to seven days a week.

He didn’t necessarily consider himself a hermit, but he did prefer his own company with the exception of a few selected people – very selected and very few. This was a choice he made unapologetically clear to others who wanted to befriend him for no real reason. When presented with this frankness, they would awkwardly laugh it off and insist he’s just a fun and sarcastic guy. He despised those people the most.

Furthermore, Long Fountain was a small enough town for the nosy types to know everyone and their business, while still quiet and sparse enough for others to embrace the privacy of the town’s border. If you had to take a drone shot from high above, the edge of the town looked like it disappeared into the desert like an ocean of drought that spilled into a suburb. Fick could never figure out why they called it Long Fountain though, as there wasn’t even a lake or river anywhere near them. But he liked it there and he appreciated the colourful desert sunsets that could be found if you were at the right place at the right time.

The only other peculiar thing about the town was that there was an abnormally large crow population, which he didn’t mind because it meant more product for him. That, and an abnormal amount of old age homes.

He gripped the tweezer handle between his teeth while he carefully glued the last soft tiny black feathers to the rim of the beak; he tended to hold his breath during these final touches. While the song came to a screeching halt, the ringing of his cell phone surfaced through all the noise and concentration.

‘Fuck!’ He spat out the metal twangs, pulled off the goggles and flipped his phone over to reveal four missed calls from an unknown number in town. He was about to throw the phone over his shoulder onto a once purple–now grey–couch, when the screen lit up again with the same number flashing.

‘Hello’ he answered casually trying to simmer down.

‘Hello, is this Fick McOwen?’ A sweet lady’s voice kindly asked on the other side.

‘Yes, how can I help?’

‘I’m looking for someone who can help me with a,’ she paused for a second, ‘stuffing job?’

‘Well ma’am, I do all kinds of taxidermy. We don’t call it stuffing though, rather mounting,’ he smirked. ‘Anything from crows, bucks, ducks, even your pet poodle.’ He stared at the one-eyed crow that was perched up in front of him.

‘What is your rate?’ She calmly inquired.

‘It depends on the job. Small birds and animals start at thirty bucks, and then it can go up to a couple of thousand for a full deer, buck or elk.’

She went quiet on the line. He could tell she was busy writing something down, possibly a calculation. He hated long silences, it gave him indigestion.

‘What would you like to have mounted?’ He nudged, just to check that she was still there. She remained quiet.

‘Hellooo?’

‘Ten thousand.’

‘Excuse me?’ He quickly asked to confirm that he probably misheard.

‘Ten. Thousand.’ She repeated sternly.

‘Ma’am. What do you want to have done?’ His stomach started to tie knots of doubt, anticipating a job he may not be able to do.

‘I prefer a private meeting to discuss this further.’ Her tone suddenly changed from a sweet old lady to an office crank complaining it’s cold. He hesitated for a second. Feeling his gut whisper all tales of caution to avoid this type of interaction. “If it’s too good to be true…” he would always remind himself.

But…then again...

The ten thousand dollars started to swim through his mind like a beautiful woman in a red bikini, blowing kisses from a crystal blue pool. Caught in the moment, he impulsively replied, ‘Okay.’ She quickly confirmed that her people will be in contact with his people and disconnected before he could even take a breath to say he doesn’t have “people”.

Confused about the call and left with nothing to follow up with, he decided to write it off as another crazy old lady from one of the care homes who got hold of the nurse’s office phone. Eyeing the cotton-eye-crow, he proceeded to hit play on his stereo, threw his mobile on the couch and stuck the tweezers back in his mouth to finish the job.

NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON

#fiction #short fiction

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daily-dose-of-imagines · 4 years ago

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𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕌𝕡♡

Hey! I love you guys so much and i hope you don’t overwork yourself! May I request a matchup for jjba, haikyuu and free! : for a tall straight white girl, straight dark brown hair that goes up to my waist and brown eyes, i have thick eyebrows and a slim body. i have multiple small moles on my face and body. Im tomboyish , and i usually wear street style clothing. I am smart and dedicated to studying, and i am very optimistic and curious, often asking questions so i sometimes appear dumb. I LOVE MUSIC AND DANCING and i suck soo bad at both if it but i cant stop. I can start singing and dancing anywhere with no shame. Im always humming something. I love watching movies, especially horrors although i get scared . im funny and like joking around, and everyone says that I always have a smile on my face! I love smiling amd laughing, so i laugh off many of my problems and insecurities and have trouble talking about them. I also have trouble expressing my emotions. If i like someome i show it through acts of service and later physical affection. i have diagnosed adhd, bpd and generalised anxiety, but i hide it from everyone except my mom due to my extreme trust issues. i always feel like people are talking to me out of pity, and i have a hard time trusting someone who says they like me cause of past abuse.i m a dummy at cooking but i can clean and fix stuff. (im a switch leaning dom) I hope i didnt write too much and again, take your time ❤

»»————-　♡　————-««

Hello @cruel-spider ~! Thank you so much for requesting with us~! We really appreciate the love and support you’re giving us~! It means a lot! ;; I hope you enjoy the match-ups I give you~!

» » Admin Ko

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕚𝕟𝕘…

ʙʀᴜɴᴏ ʙᴜᴄᴄɪᴀʀᴀᴛɪ

First things first, Bruno absolutely loves the moles that litter your body. Whenever there’s down time and you both have time to yourselves, he likes to trace little patterns or create stories while connecting his finger from mole to mole while he stares at you adoringly. To him, your sense of fashion is impeccable and unique in it’s own right when compared to that of the gang and what he’s accustomed to seeing in the streets of Italy.

He adores the sparkle and curious look that always gleams in your eyes whenever you’re in the midst of studying and learning, and will most definitely answer any question you may be to the best of his ability. He’ll also be the one to remind you that there’s no such thing as dumb questions. He finds your dancing and singing absolutely endearing and loves to join in with you whether he’s good at either is up to you~. To him, he just enjoys spending every waking moment with you doing the silliest and simplest things, he finds that the best time to snuggle up to you is when you both have a movie night.

Bruno won’t out right admit it, but he indulges in the horror movies you both watch. It gives him an excuse to hold you closer as well as another cute little thing to protect you from. He’s most definitely patient when it comes to you opening up, and is 1000% supportive of you no matter what you do. Your smile is one of the most treasured things to him, and he’ll do almost anything to protect it.

Someone considerate and patient when it comes to affection and opening up, he understands that you may have gone through hardships, and works immensely hard to let you know within your own pace that he’s here for you and he won’t be going anywhere. He finds your attempts in cooking endearing, and likes to take the time to try to teach you whenever he can-- even if you end up burning something-- he just enjoys the memories you both can make.

As for anything NSFW, Bruno is a man who wishes for your utmost pleasure, and does not mind switching positions from Dom to Sub for you, though he does like to play against you head to head as a Dom. Just to keep things a little interesting~.

ʜɪɴᴀᴛᴀ ꜱʜᴏʏᴏ

The epitome of the sun itself, Hinata most definitely loves to joke around and keep you smiling. Similar to Bruno, your smile is something he treasures the most and will do almost anything to ensure that you’re always happy and properly taken care of and loved. He likes to compare his little freckles with your moles and makes silly comments here and there about how you both are children of the sun.

Despite not being the best academic student, he’ll find your passion for it almost strange yet endearing. He realizes it’s similar to his love for volleyball and in all honesty-- uses the fact you’re smart to his advantage. When really it’s advantageous for you both as you both not only get to spend time with one another, but to help support and encourage one another with your passions!

Hinata will most definitely sing and dance around the living room with you in all his chaotic glory. The memories that build upon these silly yet simple things are some of the other things he absolutely treasures. Similar to you, he’s absolutely afraid of horror movies, but will watch with you (if you bribe him properly hehe) He’ll literally wrap a blanket over the both of you as a shelter from the horrors of the film.

He may not be the best when it comes to picking up or understanding that you have issues, but don’t fret! If he does start to notice something (which considering how much more observant he’s become) he’ll go straight to Sugawara for advice of how to handle it. He doesn’t want to rely on Sugawara to fix the situation for him, instead he wants to be able to learn and be there for you whenever you do need him.

He absolutely loves your affection, and understands that you may not be super affectionate as he may be, but he does notice the little gestures you do that are tuned into helping him and boy, does he appreciate it!

When it comes to the NSFW, Hinata is most definitely a switch leaning more sub. He’s not afraid to try something new, but if it means your happiness and joy he’s more than willing to at least try it once.

ꜱᴇɪᴊᴜʀᴏ ᴍɪᴋᴏꜱʜɪʙᴀ

Happy-go-lucky, but strong and dependable Seijuro~! His personality practically mixes well with yours~! He thinks you’re absolutely adorable and upon first meeting you he became just as much of a flustered mess as when he had met Kou. He loves your sense of style and honestly tries to mimic or match in a way where if you both were seen together you’d be considered a fashion couple-- though he may need help at first with starting a street fashion themed wardrobe.

He’s literally a chaotic optimistic boy who will without a doubt break out into any song and dance with you the moment he feels it quake in his bones. If he hears a song he immensely enjoys blasting through the speakers, do expect that he’ll sweep you off your feet to dance with him in the living room/kitchen.

Though he’s not completely a dork, as he’s the reliable captain of the swim team, so do expect that he’ll notice if something is off with you. He’s patient when he needs to be and tries his damned hardest to make sure you understand that he wants to talk and be with you because he’s fallen in love with you. Every little bit of you, faults and all.

He’s a little pouty when it comes to affection and really likes to hug and cuddle you from behind, but honestly appreciates and adores your acts of service for not only him but his teammates. It literally just makes him become even more smitten with you.

As for NSFW, he’s similar to that of Bruno but just a touch more of a Dom as he wants to not only tease, but play coy with you. If you’re able to best him he’ll submit with ease, but just keep in mind that it’ll be a fight for the top~.

#match-ups #matchup #submissions #anime matchup #submission #jjba match up #haikyuu matchups #free matchup #bruno buccellati x reader #hinata x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #seijuro x reader #seijuro mikoshiba x reader

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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The Weird History of A Chinese Ghost Story Franchise

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When A Chinese Ghost Story premiered in 1987, it was already part of a unique category – the fusion of horror, comedy, and Kung Fu. Asian horror films are known as jiangshi, which is the name of a specific spooky hopping ghost found in Chinese folklore that proliferates these films.

Part zombie, part vampire, jiangshi are corpses that are usually reanimated by demons or Daoist sorcerers. They hop along mindlessly with their arms outstretched like sleepwalkers, and feed on the life essence – or qi – of the living. Often a jiangshi is blind but can smell breath. This makes for great comic hijinks as hapless characters struggle to hold their breath while gruesome jiangshi shove their rotting noses close to their mouths trying to pick up the scent.

Comedy is a common horror film device. It releases tension and leaves the audience unguarded for the next jump scare. The addition of Kung Fu is purely Hong Kong and can be traced to Sammo Hung’s groundbreaking Encounters of the Spooky Kind in 1980. Adding martial arts action comes naturally because in Chinese culture sorcerers and exorcists are Daoist or Buddhist Kung Fu masters. In the wake of that film, Kung Fu Horror Comedies became a thing of its own with plenty of franchises, most notably Mr. Vampire.

If the horror, comedy, and Kung Fu menage a trois wasn’t enough, A Chinese Ghost Story was one of the first films of a then-burgeoning period genre called FantAsia. FantAsia is the Chinese answer to sword and sorcery flicks. It includes superhuman Kung Fu (which means lots of wirework and flying about), magic spells and supernatural beasts. FantAsia is based on a longstanding body of fiction in movies and literature known as Wuxia, which means ‘martial heroes.’

A Chinese Ghost Story was produced by Tsui Hark, who spearheaded FantAsia with his Zu: Warriors From The Magic Mountain four years prior to A Chinese Ghost Story, and followed with many other FantAsia classics like The Swordsman, Once Upon a Time in China and Green Snake. Ching Sui-tung directed all three A Chinese Ghost Story films and continues to deliver FantAsia films like The Sorcerer and the White Snake, but Tsui is the undisputed father of the genre.

The Chinese Twilight Zone from the 1800s

A Chinese Ghost Story retells a beloved Chinese tale of star-crossed romance. All these Chinese Ghost Story films are titled Qian Nu You Hun in Chinese, which translates into “beautiful woman dark spirit.” This is the story of Nie Xiaoqian, drawn from a 1740 short story compilation titled Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio by Pu Songling. These were stories of the supernatural world with covert social commentary, akin to The Twilight Zone today.

Tales from Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio have been depicted in countless Chinese films and TV shows, most recently in last year’s CGI-drenched FantAsia flick The Knight of Shadows: Between Yin and Yang where Jackie Chan played Pu Songling. Nie Xiaoqian’s tale is a favorite having been retold in over a dozen TV shows and the films mentioned here.

In the original tale, Nie is a beautiful ghost, doomed to haunt an abandoned temple and hunt for souls for a demon that has enslaved her. She tries to capture a milquetoast travelling scholar, Ning Caichen, who manages to free her from her curse and takes her home to help his sickly wife. After Ning’s wife dies, he marries Nie and redeems her. In Chinese folktales, supernatural beings often strive to become human. It’s a device to analyze what being human means, akin to the journeys of Data, Seven of Nine, and T’Pol in Star Trek.

There was a notable adaptation of Nie’s tale in 1960. For that film, Qian Nu You Hun was translated as The Enchanting Shadow and was Hong Kong’s submission for Cannes and the Academy Awards. In the lead roles were two of the most popular actors of their generation. Nie was Betty Loh Ti, who died tragically to an overdose at just 31. Betty was a classic beauty, perfect for Nie, and this was her most celebrated role. Ning was Zhao Lei who enjoyed a long career of over a hundred films from the early 50s to the late 80s.

The Enchanting Shadow is a gorgeous film with sumptuous sets and costumes, which is what gave it such international appeal. It plays out almost like a European gothic horror in its gradual pacing and eerie Theremin soundtrack. With its international acclaim, The Enchanting Shadow set the stage for A Chinese Ghost Story 27 years later.

The Chinese Ghost Story Trilogy

A Chinese Ghost Story casts the alluring Joey Wang as Nie and heartthrob Leslie Cheung as Ning. Also in the cast are Wu Ma as the Daoist exorcist Yin and Lau Siu-ming as the androgynous Tree Demoness (Lau is male). The Tree Demoness steals the show like she plucks the hearts of her prey. Shifting between male and female voices, she attacks with entangling roots reminiscent of The Evil Dead (although she penetrates her victims through the mouth not other orifices). Her main weapon is her tongue, which grows so long that it wraps around her prey, cuts down trees and mutates into fangs and tentacles of Lovecraftian proportions.

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Joey is entrancing, a seductive portrait of long flowing locks wrapped in diaphanous silk gowns. Everything is always blowing in the wind like Beyonce’s hair, lending a mysterious grace to Joey in every scene.

And Leslie is adorably naïve. Who can’t but sympathize for him getting smitten by mystical Joey and her luxurious eyebrows, even if she was trying to eat him? A Chinese Ghost Story was pre-CGI so the special effects are dated: stop motion zombies, puppet tongue prosthetics, post-production glowy effects and lots of wire work. But there’s a certain charm to the cleverness of the effects. It’s old school filmmaking and although it looks dated now, it still works.

Three years later, the cast was reunited for A Chinese Ghost Story II. It picks up where the original left off. Leslie is still the innocent Ning, thrust in a horrid world. To show the brutality of his environment, there’s an early homage to Yojimbo, with a stray dog fetching a severed human hand.

Ning is in trouble from the start. He accidently sits down in a restaurant for cannibals, and then gets thrown in jail. After Elder Chu (Ku Feng) helps him escape, Ning gets mistaken for Chu by his gang of rebels. One of the gang members is Windy, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Nie because she’s played by Joey Wang. Ning is smitten again.

New to the cast is another Daoist wizard named Autumn (Jacky Cheung) and his frenetic energy ramps up the comedy and action.

The sequel quickly goes to a lot of fun places with absurd fight choreography, Daoist and Buddhist magic, amorous naked hijinks, crazy flying sword blades and a hysterical giant gloppy demon puppet that’s tenuously held captive by a Daoist freezing spell. And the reveal of the main demon is over-the-top strange and hilarious.

A Chinese Ghost Story III came out the following year, but it’s a break from the narrative. In the first film, the Tree Demoness was banished for a century, so the threequel skips forward to a century later, outliving Ning and the other good characters. Lau Siu-Ming reprises his Tree Demoness role and Joey Wang returns as another beautiful ghost named Lotus. She’s joined by her sister ghost Butterfly (Nina Li, Jet Li’s wife). Jacky Cheung returns but as a different character, the Taoist exorcist Yin. It’s the same name as Wu Ma’s character in the first film because Jacky plays Yin’s rejected student.

Replacing the lovelorn Ning is a bumbling Buddhist disciple, Shifang (Tony Leung Chiu-Wai) and his master Bai Yun (Lau Shun). Their relationship adds its own comic relief. Early on, Shifang is splattered with blood while witnessing a random roadside sword fight, just like what happened to Ning, while Bai Yun meditates obliviously.

Although the weakest of the trilogy, the special effects have improved over the years. The Tree Demoness’ tongue lickings are more vicious, including a tongue’s eye-view as it deep throats its prey and swims down to pluck out its heart. Lotus attacks with her entangling locks and Butterfly uses telescopic fingernails.

Instead of Daoist sorcery, there’s more Buddhist magic: restraining sutra wraps, flying carpet cassocks, magic malas, and blood so pure that it is gold. And who can forget Bai Yun’s enchanted earlobes? The finale demon reveal is the strange bastard child of a Transformer and a Kaiju that doesn’t quite work but by then, things have gotten so outrageous that it doesn’t really matter.