#wake up at 3am on a wet pillow bc my left eye has been producing tears all night
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[rant] (tw/cw: sa, very short description down in the tags)
#i haven't had a night this shitty in ages#i fall asleep normally#wake up at 3am on a wet pillow bc my left eye has been producing tears all night#i almost start screaming bc my eye hurts so bad making me think there's smth in there#i spend 30 excruciating minutes trying to get that smth out of my eye#using up a whole toilet roll with my tears and snot#only to not find anything in my eye#then I proceed to aggressively gaslight myself to make myself believe there's nothing in my eye#which miraculously works#and I go back to bed#i'm freezing atp bc I went to the unheated bathroom with only my sleep clothes and no shoes on my tile floor#but i manage to fall back asleep#and start dreaming the most horrendous out of pocket bullshit#i take the bus n forget both my fav tour jacket + phone in it#i know the route tho so i go to another stop and wait for it to come back around#i get on and it's full of high school students#and one creepy dude i avoid#some of the students ask me if i'm a new student which I thought was v funny bc i'm too old for high school by a few yeara#i start chatting with some of them#but i turn around at one point and suddenly that creepy guy hugs me and starts touching my ass#he's much bigger than me so i can't get him off and I ask the puny high schoolers to help me#but no one lifts a finger#i say fuck it and give him the kratos/poseidon treatment#both my thumbs on both his eyes and I push into them#he starts letting go but i also start feeling the pain in my left eye as if i'm kratosing my own eyes#and just before i let go i wake up#like???????#dearest subconscious what the fuck are you trying to tell me#don't answer cause i don't wanna know#n e ways
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