#waiting4inspiration2kcelebration

[snowyseba]

Bucky’s Reason

I’m back! It’s been a while, but I’m finally feeling a bit of inspiration again! This was written for @waiting4inspiration‘s 2,000 follower celebration. Congratulations, hun! If you haven’t already, go check out her work - ‘Just Try’ is one of my favorite series ever!

 I chose prompt #25: “Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.” 

Summary: Life is catching up with Bucky. He’s been different since Thanos’s snap was reversed. You can tell that he’s tired, and not just physically. He needs a break, but he refuses to step back. The news you have for him just might be enough to change his mind.

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: mentions of smut, angst (fluff at the end), talk of pregnancy, premature birth, swearing, blatantly ignoring the ending of Endgame

You and Bucky weren’t trying for a baby, but you weren’t exactly not trying for a baby either. After Thanos was defeated and Bucky was back in your arms after five excruciatingly long years, things had changed. Although he continued his work with the Avengers, you could tell that his priorities had shifted. He wasn’t the only one. Tony and Pepper had Morgan. Steve continued to give back, helping struggling veterans, but he was stepping back from being on the front lines so much. Missions came and went, but each time, there was a certain reluctance in Bucky. 

“Don’t make me go, doll,” Bucky murmured against your lips. His arm was heavy across your bare stomach as he spooned you, trailing kisses over your neck. 

“I’m not making you, Buck,” you replied, intertwining your fingers with his. “You know I’d fully support you taking a step back from the Avengers if you want to. You’ve done your part, baby. It’s okay to focus on you and your life. Look at Tony. Look at Clint. Just because you’re living your life doesn’t make you any less of a hero. I’m not saying you have to stop completely, but...is this really what you want?” 

He sighed, hugging you tighter against him, pressing one more kiss to your forehead before standing, going to change. You were too spent from the earlier exertion to follow, besides, you wanted to stay in your warm, post-orgasmic haze just a little while longer, so you totally missed the way Bucky’s gaze lingered longingly on your belly as he replied, “Maybe I just need the right reason.” 

Now here you were, three months later, staring at the positive pregnancy test in front of you. For some reason, Bucky’s words from all those nights ago lingered in your head. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t even notice him enter the bedroom you shared. He had just returned from a mission. It was a long one this time, lasting over a month, which meant that Bucky had also completely missed out on the beginnings of the symptoms of your pregnancy. 

It was only when you felt the bed dip next to you, Bucky’s lips on your forehead, that you realized he was back. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Bucky hummed, stroking your hair back like he always did to soothe you. “They must be pretty fascinating if they kept you from noticing me come home.” 

“Sorry,” you winced. You hadn’t meant to ignore him. You had been eagerly awaiting his arrival, but trying to figure out how to break the news made you lose track of time. “I was just thinking.” 

Bucky settled down onto the bed next to you, propping his head up on his hand and regarding you quizzically. He was only wearing sweatpants, having forgone a shirt, not that you minded. He looked exhausted, though, physically, but it went deeper than that. “I can see that. What’s on your mind, princess?” 

“What if I told you I might have a reason for you take a bit of a break from the superhero life?” 

He chuckled at that, pressing a kiss against your lips, amused. “Oh yeah? And what might that be?” 

As soon as the words left is mouth, it was life your mind went blank. The script you had carefully rehearsed in your head was gone, and you couldn’t seem to find the right words. Instead, you took his hand in your own, looking into his eyes as you brought it to rest over your stomach. If he was confused, it was barely discernible. He drew a sharp breath, his eyes frantically scanning your face for any hint that this was a joke. 

“Y/N...?” his voice was shaky, barely audible, and yet his eyes were shining brighter than you’d seen them since he first laid eyes on you after the snap was reversed. “A-are you? Are we?”

“Do you think baby Barnes is a good enough reason to take some time off?” Your voice was just as uneven. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Bucky gazed at you fondly, his hand still pressed firmly against the slight swell of your stomach. “Not for a long, long time. Nothing’s gonna come between us again.” 

He nudged your shoulder gently, pushing you onto your back as he reached for the hem of your shirt. Bucky paused, looking up at you for permission. “Can I...?” As soon as you nodded, he was pushing your shirt up, his hands rough against the soft skin of your belly. Quietly, barely loud enough for you to hear, he whispered to the tiny life the two of you created, “You and your momma are the greatest things that have ever happened to me.” 

_______________________________________________________________________

It had surprised you just how much Bucky had stepped up since you shared the news that your little family was expanding. True to his word, he had already scaled back on missions significantly, opting to stick with search and rescue or background work where possible. He couldn’t justify taking the same risks he used to, not when he had his wife and unborn child to come home to. Pepper and Morgan had almost lost Tony. Bucky witnessed firsthand the terror as they waited while doctors worked to save his life. They had succeeded, but since then, they’d all reevaluated their priorities. 

So far, everything had been perfect. By all accounts the pregnancy had been easy, despite carrying a super soldier’s baby. Finding out you were carrying a little girl had made everything even more real. The swollen stomach, aches and pains, cravings, and the tiniest flutters of movement were real enough reminders, but knowing that you and Bucky were going to be parents to a little princess was when things really hit home. 

The nursery had just been painted a pastel pink, at Bucky’s insistence. He was already spoiling her. He had ordered the best crib he could find, the most comfortable rocking chair so you could easily nurse her. Everything in the nursery had been carefully researched. At times, you were a bit annoyed that you couldn’t just pick out something on a whim, Bucky had to read the reviews first, which meant the nursery was still unfinished, but you couldn’t stay mad for long. He was so excited about being a dad and just wanted to provide his daughter with the best. How could you fault him for that? 

At 32 weeks along, you weren’t too worried. You still had several more weeks until your due date, or so you thought. You were folding laundry when you felt the first contraction, the pain catching you off guard. Rubbing a hand over your belly, you brushed it off. It was probably just the start of Braxton Hicks, which your doctor had warned you about. So you thought nothing of it, continuing to go about your day until you felt another. Uneasiness was beginning to gnaw away at you. Something felt off, but you didn’t want to send Bucky into a panic over practice contractions, so you waited. He was working with Sam and Steve today. If you were still feeling the contractions when he got home in a few hours, you’d tell him. 

As the afternoon wore on, the contractions continued, only worrying you more. If that wasn’t enough, you could swear that you felt a steadily building pressure in your pelvis. But you couldn’t be in labor, you just couldn’t. It was way too early, your baby girl still had weeks left before she’d be fully ready to enter the world. Another contraction caught you off guard, leaving you breathless. It was that exact moment that your husband walked in the door. 

“Hey, doll, I’m ho-- sweetheart?!” Bucky was at your side in an instant once he saw your expression, contorted with pain. “Darling, what’s the matter? Where does it hurt?” 

“Bucky!” No matter how hard you tried to stay calm, the second Bucky walked in the room, you lost it. He was home. That meant you’d been having contractions all day, and they were only getting worse. 

“Talk to me, doll!” Bucky was frantic, a hand cupping your chin, tilting your head so he could search your eyes for any clue as to what was going on. “Please, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s goin’ on.” 

“I’m having contractions, Bucky.” 

You had seen Bucky face down some of the world’s greatest enemies, you had seen him turn to dust before your very eyes. None of those moments, though, could even come close to comparing to the utter fear and helplessness that tainted his expression, the blood draining from his face, hands frantically running over your bump, pushing the fabric of your shirt up and resting his palms against your skin, voice thick with emotion “N-no..” 

“I thought it was just Braxton Hicks, so I waited. I walked. I changed positions. Nothing helped, and they’re just getting closer together. Are you okay to drive me to the hospital, or should I call Steve?” 

Bucky shook his head, a determined expression taking over, replacing the panic that had been there only moments before. “No, I got you, baby. I promised you I’d be here for both of you. C’mon, do you think you can stand and walk with me to the car?” He gently gripped your arms, guiding you up.

Just as you stood, you felt a ‘pop’ rapidly followed by a trickle of liquid that sent your heart racing. “I think my water just broke...” 

The words were so quiet that at first you thought Bucky hadn’t heard you, but next thing you knew, you were in his arms, on your way to the car. After carefully buckling you in, he raced to the other side, giving your hand a tight squeeze. He leaned over, giving you a quick kiss. “You’re gonna be okay. Both of you. I texted Steve, he’ll come grab your bag and lock up, then meet us there. Stark has the world’s best doctors on their way to meet us at the hospital.”

“You really think of everything, baby. We’re lucky to have you.” Despite the uncertainty, despite the pain each time a contraction seized you making the muscles of your abdomen clench, having Bucky by your side made you a little less afraid. 

“Of course I do. Nothing’s gonna happen to my best girls on my watch.”

_______________________________________________________________________

From that point on, things progressed in a blur. True to Tony’s word, there was a team of doctors waiting for you as soon as you arrived. Soon, you were settled in a private suite in the maternity ward, monitors strapped all over you, monitoring contractions, your baby’s heart rate, and things the doctor had explained to you, but had long since been forgotten in the constant ebb and flow of contractions. 

With your water having broken, delaying labor meant risking infection, but with how small your baby girl was, you also wanted to give her all the time you could to develop. After weighing options with Bucky and the medical team, you decided to try to delay labor. They administered antibiotics, gave you medication to stop the contractions. It was a long shot, but you still took it. 

The whole time, Bucky was by your side, clasping your hand tightly in his own, rubbing circles over your bump, doing anything he could to soothe you. He was trying his hardest to be strong for you, even though he was panicking on the inside, worst-case scenarios rushing through his head. What if the baby didn’t make it? What if you didn’t make it? What if he lost both of you? Never in his life had he felt so completely helpless, not even during his time under Hydra’s control. There was nothing he could do here, no enemies to punch, no weapons to aid in the fight. This was an entirely new battle field for Bucky, and it scared the hell out of him.  

Somewhere in the middle of the night, the call was made. The labor hadn’t stopped; in fact, it had progressed, and like it or not, it was time for you to push. Bucky had been surrounded by warriors, fights, and bloodshed for most of his life. None of it could have prepared him for the rollercoaster that was the birth of his child. He watched, not sure if it was pride, terror, or a mix of the two, that he was feeling. He was behind you, arms wrapped around you. He could feel the way your belly clenched with each contraction, feel the force as you pushed and fought to bring his child into the world, hear the your screams fill the room. At that moment, Bucky was convinced that you were the strongest person he had ever met.

“That’s it, Mrs. Barnes. Gentle pushes, now. The head’s almost out.” 

Through the haze, Bucky registered the doctor’s words, and he hazarded a gaze downwards. He wasn’t quite prepared for the sight, but he had arguably seen worse. It was only then that it hit him. Bucky had seen so much death, so much that the faces blurred together, so much that he couldn’t even count the number of lives he’d seen leave this world. But this was the first time that he’d seen a new life entering it. And then, suddenly, as you gave a final cry, collapsing against his body, she was here. At 3:47 AM, his daughter was born. For a moment, the room was silent, the doctors already preparing to intervene if needed, and then she let out a shrill cry, and her tiny body, almost impossibly small, was placed on your chest, and you knew you were hers for the rest of your life. Behind you, Bucky’s hands carefully reached around you, gently holding his newborn as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“Y/N,” the way he spoke your name was something you’d never heard before. It was full of admiration, adoration, and pure awe. “You did so good, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you. She’s perfect. God, she’s so small...she’s like a little doll.”

All too quickly, little baby Barnes was whisked away. You understood why, of course. Even though she seemed to be doing extraordinarily well considering how early she was delivered, the doctors wanted to give her a thorough look-over.

“Well, all things considered, I’d say you’ve got a very lucky little girl, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes,” the doctor returned, a small bundle of blankets in her arms. “It would seem that the serum you were injected with, Mr. Barnes, saved your daughter. She’s small, but her development is further along than we’d expect. Her lungs were our main concern, but they’re functioning just fine. We’d like to keep you both here a few extra days for observation, but I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to take her home afterwards. We’ll need you to come in for regular check ups, and we’ll have to keep her on a strict feeding schedule to make sure she’s gaining weight, but she’s going to be just fine.” You couldn’t help but notice the way he teared up when hearing that his serum, the very thing that he was afraid would harm his child ended up being what saved her.

She stepped forward, transferring the tiny bundle that was your baby into your arms. Immediately, Bucky’s arms snaked around yours, helping you support her. He didn’t even hesitate to hold her with his metal arm. “Hi there, princess. You gave your momma and I quite a scare, you know. I’ll forgive you this once, but don’t you make a habit of it.”

“She’s our daughter, Buck, and the Avengers are her aunts and uncles. I don’t think a life without scares is in our future.”

As you both held your daughter, her tiny hand reached out, impossibly tiny fingers clutching onto one of Bucky’s. You could feel the breath catch in his throat, hot tears dripping onto your shoulder as he let out a breathy laugh, “Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.”

“Yeah? Have we got a little Steve on our hands?” 

“Don’t you even start,” Bucky threatened playfully, “I spent enough time getting that punk out of trouble. I thought I was finally gonna settle down.” 

“Who are you calling punk, jerk?” Steve’s voice sounded from the doorway. Though his tone was teasing, he looked about ready to cry. “I heard you’re a daddy now, huh? Congratulations, both of you. Can I meet my niece?” 

“Yeah, I’m a daddy now,” Bucky murmured, unable to tear his gaze away from the little girl clinging to his finger. 

“She’s beautiful. Everyone’s so glad to hear that you’re both okay. They’d all love to see you, if you’re up for it. I checked with the nurse and she said it’s fine provided it’s a quick visit,” Steve smiled as he watched his best friend.

“Please,” you flashed him a grin. “I want to show off our princess.” 

He ducked out the door, saying he’d be right back, and you turned you attention back to Bucky and the little bundle sleeping soundly in your arms. Soon she’d wake, crying and squirming and you’d have to face the whole new challenge of feeding her.

For now, though, you were content to lean against Bucky as he pressed kisses against your skin, every now and them murmuring how proud he is, how thankful he is, finally enjoying the peace after so much chaos and fear. 

That moment, holding his family in his arms, was one he’d never forget as long as he lived. He had been wrong, before, when he said that she was his reason to step back from work. No, from that day on, you and your daughter were his reason for everything. 

[snowyseba]

Anyone up for some dad!Bucky tonight?? I just might have this latest story up, with any luck!