#waiting for the ketchup to hit is one of the funniest things i have ever laid my eyes upon

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

asks (26)

@spickerzocker​ said:

hey there! just a heads up that i tried to click on the "why i don't ship" explanation link in your faq and it says that there is no post with that url/it's generally broken. also your "a conversation about recovery" thing is beautiful and hurts in the best way and i love it. have a nice day!

Yes, I intentionally took that link down awhile ago, and last night I went and updated some of the tabs on my blog. Here are my basic thoughts:

I wrote that link years and years ago, while I was first navigating the internet and while I was still figuring out important things about my own identity and opinions. I ran my blog differently back then, but by the end of the first few months, I knew I was uncomfortable with shipping. 

As people began to interact with me and my work, I told them over and over again no, I don’t want to talk about that, and I don’t want to write about it, and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t think that was a common position to take at the time, so it wasn’t what people expected from me. 

During those years, I felt like I had to justify myself and give a valid explanation. I wrote that post explaining why I had that boundary, and I put it in a place where anyone could find it.

I said no when people asked, let them make jokes about it, and made jokes about it myself in response. As time went on I got more and more exasperated when I had to repeat myself. I wrote definite rules into my ask box, request tab, and FAQ. People still asked. I wrote it into my description. People still asked. 

The truth is yeah, there’s a pretty simple explanation for my discomfort. It makes sense. It’s easy to understand, and most folks think it’s a “good enough” reason to leave me alone. The difference between young-me and current-me is that I no longer feel the need to justify myself. 

None of y’all need to know why I set the boundaries that I set. My explanation isn’t relevant, and I’m not obligated to give it. I said no. That’s enough. 

I think a good number of folks remember my explanation from the past, and I don’t mind that at all. There may be a time where I talk about it again, in a more appropriate context, so I guess we’ll see.

That’s a lot of information in response to a very helpful ask. Thanks! The link is gone now, and I’m so pleased that you enjoyed the fic :)

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Anonymous said:

U suck

Kenza sent this anon as a joke. She’s right, and I thank her. 

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Anonymous said:

I'm a doctor and ive seen it all.....but the milk fic made me gag

Excellent

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@wingedskyes said:

Ah. Wait. I wasn't on anon....uhm. oh well. It's fine. I like milk and am not ashamed. 😆

I don’t think I received another message from you actually, but I too like milk and I’m glad we’re on the same page

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@thelittleredheadedmusician said:

To add to the milk discussions: my best friend from home and best friend from college have each finished a gallon a milk by themselves within 2 days.

I do that too, every once in awhile. When the milk craving hits it’s a gallon a day

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Anonymous said:

"TIM! POUR HIM. A GLASS OF M A L K!"

Hold on I have to google some things

Yeah this is funny

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Anonymous said:

I have read that milk fic three separate times and every time I’m laughing just as hard as Tim and dick by the end it’s just so excellently executed and builds so perfectly that by the time dick cracks I’m ready to go too and I just lose it it’s amazing I love it

Awww anon I’m so pleased :)

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@the-smartass-under-the-mountain said:

Just wanted to drop by and say your recent fic with Tim antagonizing Damian with increasingly outrageous milk concoctions had me giggling. It was so cute and refreshing to see Dick enjoying Tim's little prank. And Bruce's reaction to just... walk away was fantastic!

Thank you! I’m always so thrilled when y’all think the jokes hit

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@njtheboywonder​ said:

I havnt really enjoyed a fic in years, but i stopped to read ur fanfic with tim drinking milk just to fuck w dami amd it made me smile. Thanks, for writing it.

Oh that warms my heart <3

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@bruciewayneisbatman​ said:

Tim Is totally the guy who would drink ridiculous amounts of dalgona coffee to annoy damian, according to that fic.

Had to google that one, but I guess so huh

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Anonymous said:

(diff anon) but that birthday fic was so good oml and you have opened my eyes as to the batfam in quarantine this is such a Concept

We’re all here dying..... together...

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Anonymous said:

Happy birthday! 🎉 or belated! 🎂 thank you for being in the fandom. 😊

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Anonymous said:

To anon! Sorry. I forgot to add that! Anyway, thanks to them we get a lovely fic. I hope you have many more birthdays! 😊

Message for you anon

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Anonymous said:

Your writing gives off good vibes

Hear that guys I “passed my vibe check.” Is that what the youth say these days? I am an elder now and I do not know

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Anonymous said:

finding your blog while being relatively new to batman fandom is such a bliss. your batfam content especially is *chef's kiss* amazing.

Thank you my darling :) I’m glad you’re here

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Anonymous said:

Best line in a fic? Hard to pick just one, but this particular one from "Just Desserts" by fyeahbatmanandrobin on Tumblr is one of my faves: “Anyone else would be hard-pressed to provide the particular brand of excitement you bring to my life, Dami.”

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@noisypaintersong​ said:

For the line thing: "I don't doubt it. Bruce Wayne, the unexpectedly normal guy wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a superhero wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a fake socialite wrapped in a businessman wrapped in a secretive billionaire." He paused. "…You're the seven-layer burrito of Gotham," he pondered. - Barry to Bruce in 'Of Friends and Foes' by Paganpunk2 on FFN. It's one of the funniest things I've read someone say to Bruce LOL

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@kirakats​ submitted:

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Anonymous said:

“I do know that according to everyone else, there is no chance, no future, no universe where I stay a hero.” Describes my frustration with the way DC treats Damian so accurately. Let the kid be a hero dammit.

Thanks! That’s really helpful. I’ve got a decent answer to my question now. 

@kurawastaken​ submitted:

So this is Kenza retaliating against me for the milk fic. I very much hate tomatoes and specifically ketchup. This photo (1) is a nightmare and (2) fulfills its intended purpose.

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Anonymous said:

I love your blog!!!

And I love you 

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Anonymous said:

quick question: how do you think jason reconciles with the fam?? i think in the comics they kinda just reboot and now he’s on better terms. but like what conversations happened, yknow??? (you’re doin great work by the way, it rips out my heart but it’s great)

This is an amazing question, and I’ll be thinking about it for the next bit, I think. That would be a really interesting topic to explore in depth

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@angel-gidget​ said:

*hugs you real tight* would you please send this to the first 10 people in your dash? Make sure someone gets a hug today and stay safe!

Oh thank you for the hug <3

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Anonymous said:

I hadn’t been aware of that Memphis petition, but I live in Memphis too (Altho I know you said you just grew up there so you may not be living here currently haha) so ig I just wanted to say thanks for bringing it to my attention!

!!!

I’ve been in Texas for six years now, ever since I started school, but I’m still in and out of Memphis for family purposes. Love the trash heap of my birth 

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@damianwaynerocks​ said:

hey! any chance you know of any other dc heroes around damian’s age?

Sure! You could try Billy Batson, Jon Kent, or Maya Ducard

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Anonymous said:

hi! i don't know if it's okay to leave anons like these but ive been feeling down because my country has passed a bill that deprives us of lots of human rights freedom and i want you to know that i just found your blog through the damian/bruce + justice fic and it comforted me. im slowly going thru your works and so far they are all comforting. i love your stuff, thank you.

Philippines? I’ve heard some things, and I’m real sorry y’all’re going through that. I don’t know that there’s anything I could say about that to help, but I hope you’re finding joy somewhere

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@awesomeness-ofgaybitches​ said:

Tumblr hates you. The links in your bio and to your fic masterlist don't work on mobile. I'm sorry.

FUCK

[marril96]

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 4: Beauty and the Beast

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Lucifer is an asshole, and Sam is worried.

Editor: @cherrypierowena

Bollocks!

As if it wasn't bad enough that she was stuck having to tutor you this entire semester — you and your little gang just had to be at Biggerson's.

Some bloody luck she had.

Poor Sam. The lad deserved better than to be stuck with the likes of you and Lucifer's awkward brother. Not to mention her own brother. Fergus was the lowest of the low. What made Sam want to hang out with him, she didn't know. It certainly wasn't his personality.

"It's our bros," Lucifer said snidely while they waited for their orders to arrive.

"We're so bloody lucky," Rowena deadpanned.

He snickered. "It's like a family reunion."

"Ugh."

Hell to the no.

She resented every cell, every drop of blood, every atom she shared with Fergus. If there was a way to sever familial ties with him, to stop being related to him, she would do it. She would jump at the chance.

Sadly, all she could do was pretend he wasn't there and make snarky commentary. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was something.

The server brought their orders over; Rowena's sandwich and iced tea, and Lucifer's disgusting greasy burger with mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, and a few other things she didn't recognize and Coca Cola. She didn't like to admit it, but the boy was a pig. Even worse than Dean Winchester. Sometimes she wondered why she was dating him.

Which was stupid, because she knew why.

She needed him.

His horrible sides she just had to deal with.

Nothing in life was free.

"So," Lucifer said, taking a huge bite out of the abomination that was his burger. Red and yellow smears circled his mouth. "You really agreed to tutor Y/N?"

God. Not even Gavin, Rowena's five-year-old brother, ate that messily.

She was dating a toddler.

"I was basically forced into it," she said, shuddering at the memory. Why did Mr. Shurley have to do that to her? She thought he liked her.

He made her tea — bloody good tea — every time she came to visit Lucifer. Was nice to her. Never talked down to her.

Only to pull this nonsense.

It wasn't fair.

She didn't want to tutor you.

She didn't want anything to do with you or anyone else from your little gang. Aside from Sam, who, unlike the rest of you, wasn't a loser.

"Your father's an arsehole."

Lucifer snickered. "Told you so."

He did. Plenty of times. And every time she shook it off, said she thought he was nice.

Biggest mistake of her life.

Raising an eyebrow in curiosity, Lucifer asked, "You gonna do it?"

"I have to, don't I?" Rowena responded, helpless, dejected. Pathetic.

She'd said yes. Had signed a verbal contract. There was no getting out of it now.

He snorted as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.

Which it kind of was.

If someone had told her a week ago she would agree to tutor a loser girl, she would have thought them mental. And said so to their face in far less nicer words.

"It's not funny!" she hissed.

"It's hilarious," Lucifer countered, grinning like the arsehole he was. She sure knew how to pick them. "You're not gonna get anywhere with her. She's dumb as a stump."

"Don't you think I know that?"

She would be wasting her time, and for what? A barely solid D? If you even got that. Any future F of yours was on her. If you failed, in the eyes of Mr. Shurley and Ms. Hanscum, she failed as well.

The dumb were incurable, but she doubted they cared about that.

She was expected to perform a miracle. All for a clean record and extra credit.

Some would call it a fair exchange.

Rowena called it nonsense.

"You're smart, babe," Lucifer said, nodding, "but not that smart."

"Thank you," she said sarcastically.

What a supportive boyfriend he was.

"Y/N's a moron. I heard she almost failed math two times."

You failed two whole years, Rowena wanted to say, but she elected to keep the retort to herself. She didn't want to look as if she were defending you. Even if it was true.

When it came to school, Lucifer was a tool. But what he lacked in brains he made up for in brawn. Evened things up a tad.

"She was close to it Freshman year, as well," Rowena added.

"My, you won the lottery with that one!" Lucifer laughed.

She groaned. "Thanks to your father."

"Like I said, told you so."

One thing was for sure — she didn't find Charles Shurley cool anymore.

With a father like that, no wonder Lucifer was a bastard.

"You should teach her wrong. Make her fail every test," he said, beaming as if he'd just come up with a cure for cancer.

Rowena was mortified. "Do you want my record to get worse?"

He chuckled as if it was the funniest thing in the world. "You're taking this way too seriously." His tone was nonchalant, like he was talking about the weather. "You got a few smudges on your record — so what? Look at me!"

Aye, look at him. Look at his grades. And his attendance. And his behavior. The way things were going, he wasn't going to graduate — again. One more slip and he might get kicked out. Not even his father could get him out of that one.

It was easy for someone like him to judge someone like her.

"Who cares about college?" he added.

"I care!" she snapped. She bloody cared. She cared about her future, which she hoped would take her far, far away from this blasted town. Lucifer could always count on his father to have his back with money. She wasn't so lucky. Her mother barely made ends meet on her minimum wage job. "Not all of us have a daddy with money to take advantage of!"

She knew she'd made a mistake as soon as the words spilled out.

Lucifer glared at her with murder in his eyes. His fingers wrapped around her wrist, tight as rope. Dug into her sensitive flesh. Nails bit crescent marks into her skin.

Rowena returned the glare, hers just as deadly, just as threatening. Fear shimmered under the surface; she willed it back, begged it not to show. She could handle this. She always did.

"Watch your pretty mouth, Rowena," he hissed.

Hit a nerve, did she?

One of her most impressive talents.

"Let go of me," she hissed back. He couldn't grab her like that in public. What if someone saw?

He stared at her for a long moment, let his threat sink in. Then he released her, and clasped his hand over hers softly, gently, as if nothing bad had ever happened. As if he hadn't grabbed her so hard bruises had already started to blossom over her wrist.

There was a time she was terrified of this side of him. Now, after many months, she just accepted it. It was who he was. A part of him she couldn't change no matter how hard she tried. The only thing she could do was accept it.

So he got a bit rough with her from time to time.

He wasn't perfect. Neither was she.

What was she supposed to do? Leave him?

She'd worked so hard to get with him to do that.

A few bruises were nothing in comparison to what he gave her. To what being with him gave her.

Nothing in life was free.

A few moments passed in silence so uncomfortable it could be cut with a knife. Then Lucifer smiled and said in his sweetest, kindest tone, "You'll be a great tutor."

As if nothing had ever happened.

*****

Rowena's phone rang at exactly nine PM, startling her from her thoughts of boredom. Lucifer and Olivette had invited her out with them and their gang, but after the day she'd had, she didn't feel like being around people.

People were a bother.

Even her friends and boyfriend.

They were, dare she say, an even worse nuisance.

One she'd chosen, but still. She couldn't deal with them. Didn't want to deal with them.

Let them get blackout drunk and make absolute fools of themselves without her.

Seeing Sam's name on the screen brought a smile to Rowena's face. He was her favourite friend. Her only true friend, if she dare say so. He liked her as she was. Treated her with nothing but kindness. Never talked down to her or acted as if she were lesser, as if she owed him something.

The lad was the definition of a best friend.

"Hey," she said in her happy tone she always uses to greet him. He deserved nothing less.

"Hey," he said back. "How come you're home? I thought for sure you'd be at Garth's party."

Garth was the only loser boy the popular kids tolerated, mostly because he often had the house to himself and happily let them party there. And sometimes supplied them with alcohol.

Rowena scrunched up her face in disgust. "No bloody way!"

She hated parties like that. People drinking like animals, and afterwards acting like animals… It was disgusting. Undignified.

Her idea of a party was something more classy, with suits and evening gowns and alcohol in reasonable amounts. Saying that out loud usually earned her raised eyebrows and mocking snickers, but those didn't bother her. After all, she wasn't the one drooling on the floor after shagging a couch thinking it was a person.

Sam laughed. "Figures."

Rowena let out a chuckle of her own. "Why'd you call me if you were so sure I was there?"

"Thought it was worth a try."

"Fair." She had to give him that. "I take it Dean's there."

"Mhm. Texted me a few minutes ago. I can't really make out what he was trying to say, but I'm pretty sure he'd just earned the title of keg master."

Of course he had.

"Impressive."

"Really impressive," Sam agreed through laughter.

"Seriously, though, what's with the call?" Rowena asked, clearing her throat. Usually she and Sam chatted. Quicker and more comfortable than phone calls.

"I, uh, wanted to ask how you're doing. With everything."

Her hand instinctively flew to her wrist, started rubbing it. The place Lucifer's fingers had stabbed into were raw, sore, light bruises already blooming.

She would have to hide them with makeup tomorrow before school.

Not a big deal, she told herself. She'd done it before. No one would notice — they never did. She was a professional.

"The whole tutoring thing," he clarified. "And Y/N."

"I'm… good."

Sort of.

"That's great." He was silent for a few moments, took a couple of breaths for courage, then said, "I know you two don't like each other, but it's gonna be fine. Y/N's not that bad."

It took everything in Rowena's power not to explode into laughter.

You were bad. You were a loser. A bum. The kind of girl who was perfectly content with her place at the bottom of the barrel.

She, on the other hand, had fought tooth and nail to never be there again.

She couldn't understand people like you. Happy in their misery. Lifting not a single finger to change it, to better your lives.

You disgusted her.

"I suppose we'll make it work," she said.

As long as you listened and did what she asked of you, it would work.

Sam sighed. "Can you give her a chance?"

No way in hell.

"Sam—"

"Please. She's not the best student, but she's smart. She just needs a chance."

She could picture him giving her the puppy eyes.

Bollocks!

"Fine." The word tasted foreign on her tongue. Foul somehow. "For you. But she'd better be on her best behaviour! I've no patience for slackers!"

"She will be," Sam said, relieved. Elated. "Thank you."

"Like I said, it's for you," Rowena said nonchalantly.

She didn't like you, not one bit. But for Sam, she could pretend. She could tolerate you. For a few measly hours she could forget about the school hierarchy and look at you like a person rather than a loser.

In theory, that was.

It shouldn't be hard, she told herself. After all, it wasn't like she loathed you. You were just an unappealing person, that was all. She could deal with that. Maybe. Sort of. Hopefully.

She did deal with Lucifer.

One loser girl shouldn't be a problem.

"Well, I appreciate it," Sam said.

She knew he did. Thing about him was, he was genuine. A good person. A good friend.

Rowena sometimes wondered what he was doing, being friends with her. What was it that he saw in someone like her?

You, she understood. You were a loser, but, as much as she hated to admit it, you stood for your principles. You were truly, unapologetically you, no matter what she or other popular kids thought. You believed in something.

Rowena wanted popularity. Wanted to be on top of the food chain. And she'd worked her hardest to get there, no matter how many people she had to put down on her way up.

She wasn't proud of it, but it got her where she was now. That she was proud of. Her hard work. Her dedication and effort and drive. Her aim that could, if she wanted so, reach the stars themselves.

People like you looked down on her for that. She didn't particularly care what you — any of you — thought, but…

Sam was one of you.

Technically.

His opinion mattered.

Strange as it was, he seemed to think highly of her. Highly enough to be her friend.

She couldn't comprehend what it was that he saw in her, but she hoped it was something good.

Because, the way things were, she needed someone to see the good in her.

She'd lost the ability to long ago.

*****

@werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @wonderifshelikesroses @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @gaysnakess @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @melisandre02 @a-queen-and-her-throne