#wait i just thought about it is it love song by ldr?? (this will be embarrassing if it isn’t)

[cassiesc0rner]

Impurities II

Synopsis: You’re the new girl at East Highland High, your only goal is to get through school. Until you come across Nate Jacobs

Genre: slightly suggestive, fluff, slight angst

Pairing: Nate x fem!reader

Warnings: manipulation, lying, dark themes, let me know if I missed something

Song rec: saint - dpr ian | in my feelings- ldr

WC: +7k

Other parts: previous part, next part,

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this part as much as the last one :3 I’d love to make some other parts including smut because I kinda like where this story is going so tell me if you guys would be down to read that!! ᥫ᭡

The next days weren’t that eventful. You went to school with Nate, you went to the mall with Nate, and you sometimes even waited for Nate until he was done with his football training.

The next week started out pretty smooth too. You got ready for school on Monday, before Nate picked you up, and you two drove to school and you went to your classes. Everything was going well.

Everything, except for lunch break.

The bell rang and you quickly stuffed your things into your bag, knowing that Nate was probably on his way to the cafeteria already.

You exited the room and walked towards the cafeteria, when someone suddenly stepped in front of you "We need to talk."

You looked up from the floor and found none other than Maddy. She had her arms crossed and looked at you with her usual confident stare.

You remembered what Nate told you about her, that you should stay away from her and that she's a liar, a cheater and simply a horrible person.

But you still couldn't be mean to her or ignore her. "About what?" You asked nervously. She rolled her eyes subtly "What do you think?" She answered.

Fair point.

"Listen, Nate and I aren't together if that's what you want to talk about. And even if we were, it’s not like we owe you any explanation." You didn't know where that surge of confidence came from. Maybe because she started getting on your nerves?

As if her constant stares weren't enough, she had to approach you now too? And she had the nerve to be annoyed when you simply asked what she wanted to talk about.

"Okay, I don't know what the fuck he told you, but it's probably not true." Maddy retorted "I just wanted to warn you, because you seem like a nice person."

You couldn't lie, you were curious about her point of view. You didn't want to betray your only friend, but it wouldn't hurt to listen to her explanation. It’s not like you'd believe her anyway.

"Warn me from what? I'm totally fine and Nate has been nothing but nice to me so far." Maddy scoffed, God, you’re so oblivious "So far, yeah that probably describes it perfectly. Did you ever do anything against his will?"

You thought for a moment Did I? "I take that as a no." Maddy answered for you "Nate only likes you because you do what he says. And," She looked you up and down "because you also wear what he wants you to wear. Seems like he didn't change at all."

You scoffed in disbelief "Nate has done so much for me, and he never forced me to wear this. He also never hurt me-." "Yet." She interrupted "It's only a matter of time until he does."

You stayed silent, not sure what to say to that "Nate loves control and he loves it even more when he has control over someone. He's fucking sick in the head, completely deranged!"

You didn't want to believe Maddy. There's no way Nate actually was like that, you knew him you spent so much time with him. Sure, he did have a short temper sometimes, but he never intentionally treated you badly.

And you knew that she treated him badly and not the other way around. How could she lie to you like that? Did she want you to drop him?

You weren't even his girlfriend and yet she went to such lengths to get back at him.

She's even worse than I thought.

"I know you probably don't want to believe me right now, because he seems like your only true friend and he did all these things for you. But all those things he does for you, are just another way for him to feel good about himself in some sick and twisted way."

What the fuck is wrong with her?

"Why would he buy all these things for you? Why would he make you change your style if he only wants to be your friend?"

She had a point, it might seem strange from the outside, but you knew that Nate only did that for you. He only gave you advice and compliments, and honestly? You felt way better about yourself compared to before.

"I appreciate your concern but it's really not like that, okay? I've known Nate for some time now, and if he would be as ‘deranged’ as you claim he is, I would've noticed by now, don't you think?" You responded as friendly as you could.

Maddy scoffed in return "Don't you think he's able to hide that? Of course he’s not violent towards you, you're like his new obsession. What would he do without you?" Maddy asked sarcastically.

"Maddy!" Nate's angry voice echoed through the hallway, making both of you flinch in surprise.

Maddy was scared, she knew what he was capable of, but she tried to keep her cool as he approached you two. "I told you to stay away from her, didn't I?" he said, his tone harsher than usual as he stared you down.

The hallway was almost empty, since most of the students were in the cafeteria already, but the ones that weren't, eyed the three of you. And it made you even more nervous.

You swallowed before nodding "I-I'm sorry-" "I talked to her first," Maddy interrupted. "someone had to warn her. Before you destroy her life as well."

That fucking bitch

She just couldn't keep her mouth shut, and it was pissing him off more and more. But Nate couldn't let his façade falter, especially not in front of you.

"You're insane... You always act like the victim, Maddy. You're so fucking desperate for attention that you involve innocent people."

You were so confused, first Maddy confronts you out of nowhere and then he appeared all of a sudden. And the other students were still staring as well.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You-" "Just like back then, when you fucked that guy in front of everyone. Did you enjoy the attention? Did you enjoy humiliating me like that?" Maddy's eyes widened as she scoffed, she couldn’t believe Nate was putting on this show in front of everyone "Don't even try to compare that to the stuff that you did, Nate."

Nate chuckled drily in response. "I love how you don't even deny it. Or how you lied about that guy taking advantage of you while you were drunk." He took a step closer to her "Don't ever talk to her again, do you hear me? If I see you fucking talking to her one more time, it's over for you."

Nate threatened as Maddy's eyes widened ever so slightly. Nate grabbed your hand and almost dragged you after him as he walked towards the cafeteria.

You stumbled along as he took big steps, you didn't dare to speak, you weren’t even sure what to say. Once you reached the table, Nate sat down pulling you along with him.

You looked straight ahead, too afraid to look into his eyes. Nate sighed "Y/n... Look at me." You slowly moved your gaze towards him. He looked worried, as if he had lost you, the anger from earlier seemingly gone.

But only on the outside.

On the inside he was fuming, wishing he had choked Maddy harder back at the carnival.

"I'm sorry for being angry back there... I just know how much shit Maddy talks, and I don't want you to worry about anything just because she needed attention again."

You nodded slowly "I'm sorry, yeah?" he repeated as he softly stroked your cheek with his large hand. You melted into his touch as you smiled and nodded once again. "I shouldn't have talked to her in the first place."

Nate smiled softly. He adored you so much, Maddy would always fight with him when he got angry, but you? You didn't, you simply accepted his apology and told him it's fine, accepting that he's the way he is.

"Yeah but it's not your fault. You're just nice to the wrong people sometimes." He reassured you once again.

Nate was still incredibly pissed at Maddy but seeing you smile and lean into his touch made him feel so much better. It was insane how good he felt when he was with you, how easily you trusted him.

Nate needed to keep you close to him, he couldn't afford to lose you and he 100% meant what he said to Maddy.

He'd destroy her if she ever tries something stupid again.

"So, what's the special occasion?" You chuckled as you walked into the fancy restaurant Nate had picked out for the evening.

He told you to wear something pretty because you'd go out tonight. Needless to say, your mom was not impressed.

All she heard was 'Nate' and 'going out once it's dark outside' and she was immediately alarmed. Telling you to send her a text at least every hour.

She wasn't that displeased with your outfit this time though. You wore a midi dress with floral patterns and a v-neckline, combined with black flats and a necklace with a heart shaped pendant.

Nate definitely had plans for tonight.

It's been a month since you first met, and he decided that it would be the perfect day to finally ask you to be his.

This had to be the first time Nate was genuinely nervous to ask a girl out.

He was sure that you liked him too, but you never made any advances towards him. The only thing he did notice however, was your sour expression whenever some of the cheerleaders, or any girl for that matter, would talk to him.

He could tell that you got jealous, maybe even compared yourself to them, completely unaware of the fact that Nate only had eyes for you.

"Well, I'll tell you after we ate. Let's get inside first." He smiled as he took in your outfit once more while you walked inside the fancy restaurant. You didn't dare to move from Nate's side, too nervous once you saw how huge the restaurant was on the inside.

Nate greeted the receptionist and talked to him for a moment before he lead you to a beautifully decorated table for two.

Before you could even grab your chair, Nate was quick to pull it out for you to sit on. God, he's so attentive..

You smiled as you sat down "Thank you, sir." you said jokingly. Nate smiled as he responded "You're very welcome."

Once he sat down he passed you one of the two menu cards, before taking the other one himself. "By the way, I'm paying tonight so don't worry and order whatever you want alright?" he smiled warmly as he placed his hand on top of yours.

You looked up from the menu and locked eyes with Nate, ready to protest "Nate-" he shook his head immediately "Listen, it was my idea to take you here, and like I said, today is a special day and I wanna pay for it. So please let me, yeah?"

You sighed, knowing it's useless to protest anyways "Alright.." Nate chuckled, finding your pouty expression absolutely cute. You shyly looked down onto the table before you continued to speak "Can you... help me pick something out?"

He loved it so much when you gave him control, loved you so much.

"Of course, ba-" he cleared his throat, before taking the menu and looking for something nice, hoping you didn't notice that he almost called you 'baby'.

"Alright.. how about this?" He asked as he pointed onto something on the menu. You nodded, sure that you couldn't go wrong with pasta "I trust you. I bet you go here often."

Nate pretended to think for a moment. "Hmm not that often, I think I went here like twice. I really only go here on special occasions but so far I wasn't disappointed."

Another lie.

He visited the restaurant often, his parents sometimes ordered food there as well. He had plenty of chances to test out how good their quality was. And since today would be important, he had to make sure everything was perfect.

Once the two of you finished your food, Nate was quick to call a waitress over. The waitress came over to your table, a smile on her face as she asked "Would you like to pay with cash or card?" Nate opened his wallet, before he pulled out his card "Card, please."

The waitress got her device out of her pocket and set it up before Nate quickly swiped his card over the display. It was such a simple task and yet he made it look so attractive.

Before the waitress could leave, Nate quickly pulled a fifty dollar bill out of his wallet and gave it to her. Your eyes widened as you realized that that was his tip "T-thank you, sir.." The waitress stuttered.

Nate usually doesn't tip that generously, he couldn't care less to be honest, but he wanted to impress you as much as he possibly could.

The two of you got up, and walked towards the exit of the restaurant, leaving the fancy place. "So, would you mind letting me in on your plan?" You asked as you walked towards his car.

Nate grinned sheepishly "Impatient, aren't we?" You jokingly rolled your eyes in response "Keep in mind that I have to be home in a bit." You reminded him as you walked ahead of him.

Nate suddenly grabbed your hand and spun you around, resulting in you stumbling into his chest. You looked up at him before taking a step back, your hand still in his "Don't worry your pretty little head, I already took care of that." Nate proudly announced.

You were beyond confused at this point. "Huh? What do you mean?" Nate chuckled at your confused expression. "I talked to your dad the other day when I was at yours. Told him that you'd 'be at a party' at my place today. He agreed and told me you could sleep at mine and that he'd talk to your mom about it."

You blinked up at Nate, surprised that he lied to your dad just so you could sleep at his. It had to be serious if he'd go that far "Wow... I... really?"

To be honest, it didn't go exactly like that, because he barely even listened to Nate, which obviously made him furious. He genuinely just wanted to club him with the nearest object.

He didn't understand how anyone could be so uninterested in his own family, especially you. Sure, he was happy that your dad agreed to let you sleep at his place, but he didn't even care about the reason, he just wanted to go back to doing whatever the fuck was more important, on his phone.

Your dad just came from work at that time, but Nate's pretty sure that he's always like this, simply from the stories he's heard from you.

"W-wait.. I didn't even pack things for that.. And you’re sure my dad just agreed like that?" Nate nodded "Yeah he did, and it's no problem I'll find something for you to sleep in, don't worry." Nate reasoned.

He couldn't wait for you to be in his clothes, in his bed, snuggled against him under his blanket. Fuck, he couldn't wait until he could finally wrap his arms around you and hold you close to him that you can't leave him.

Nate thought about sleeping next to you so often. He obviously also thought about sleeping with you and it felt like a dream each time.

He’d treat you like the goddess that you are.

Nate already made it his goal to make you cum as many times as possible before you pass out, and he'd do anything just to hear you moan his name. Just the thought alone had him throbbing in his pants.

"Nate?"

Shit, he had to control himself and prevent his problem from growing. "Yeah? Sorry, I got lost in thoughts." You chuckled at his flustered response and expression. You didn't know how people could be scared of him, not when he was this cute.

"You're so cute sometimes." Nate didn't expect you to say that. He's been called many things so far but that was new. And he definitely would’ve prefered any other compliment.

In his opinion, 'cute' was something you'd say to your girlfriend, or maybe a baby or your pet but not to a guy like him.

He swallowed his pride and put on a smile "You're definitely cuter." He said as he leaned down, his face almost directly in front of yours.

You gulped before laughing nervously, your eyes wandering around in an attempt to avoid his intense gaze. Nate smirked before walking past you "C'mon let's go." He said as he opened the car door for you.

The ride was pretty quiet, mostly because you still tried to figure out what Nate could've possibly planned.

You were sure that it wasn't his birthday today, since you've talked about birthdays before.

Nate parked his car and the two of you walked towards what appeared to be a park, with a white gazebo in the middle. Now you were genuinely starting to worry.

It was starting to get dark already, the sun almost gone as the two of you were in a seemingly empty park, heading towards a gazebo.

Nate could sense your hesitation in the way you walked a bit slower and looked around, observing your environment. "We're almost done I promise." Was all he said as he entered the fancy gazebo, sitting down on the bench inside.

You followed him inside, looking at him like a lost puppy. Nate smiled warmly as he patted the free spot next to him on the bench. You sighed nervously before finally sitting down, your gaze locked onto Nate.

He was really happy that you could finally look at him without hesitation, unlike the first time he met you. You got so much more comfortable around him in general.

He cleared his throat before he started talking "Alright, so.. I bet you're wondering what's going on." You nodded eagerly "Let me ask you something," He said as he fully turned towards you "Do you know what happened one month ago, exactly on this day?"

You looked into his eyes trying to search for hints, but found none. You tried to think back, repeating the date over and over again in your head but to no avail. You shook your head in response, a small pout on your lips.

Nate chuckled "One month ago was the first time we met each other, do you remember?" He asked carefully, and your eyes lit up afterwards, remembering how kind he was from the beginning. "Of course I remember, you really saved me, I thought I was just destined to stay alone forever until I met you." You smiled as you thought of all the great memories you and Nate had so far.

Nate felt relieved that you felt that way, and not like he was the reason barely anyone dared to talk to you. Which he obviously was, with the way he glared at anyone who even dared to look at you in the hallways.

"I'm glad you think so, y/n. And I've been think about this, and about you for a long time." You tilted your head to the side as you waited for him to continue "I really really like you, y/n. Not in a way.. a friend should like another friend."

Your smile dropped as you finally understood what was going on. The fancy dinner, the fancy gazebo, him mentioning the first time you met. No, there's no way, he wouldn't- "I love you, y/n. I know this might be sudden right now, but I just had to tell you today. The date was perfect and I... I'm tired of hiding this from you."

Nate despised how vulnerable he was in front of you right now, but he also knew that he might be more successful this way, that him showing some emotions would result in you saying yes.

"I know that you haven't been in a relationship yet and I promise I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. We can take things slow."

You suddenly felt like your heart was about to jump out of your chest. Nate was asking you to be his girlfriend..

He planned all of this to ask you to be his girlfriend.

You did not expect that. You weren't sure what you were expecting but this wasn't on your list. "Nate I... I don't know what to say..." Was all you managed to whisper as you averted your gaze.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't feel something for him, and the fact that he put so much effort into asking you out also touched you, but you were so scared of losing him, you needed him whether you wanted to admit it or not. You couldn't even imagine living without him from now on so why did you hesitate?

Nate stayed quiet as well, before reaching for your hand, in an attempt to get you to look at him "Y/n, I get it, you probably didn't expect me to say all that, but I genuinely mean it." You slowly raised your head and looked into his eyes once again.

The look he gave you was filled with sincerity and love and you wanted to hug him and tell him that everything is gonna be fine, that you're his "You know that I might not be here for long... I couldn't live with the fact that I have to leave you behind. What if you'll feel like you're wasting your time with me?"

Nate quickly shook his head "I'll never think like that, and I already told you that I'll find a solution if that should happen." Nates grip on your hand tightened before he added "Just tell me what you want right now. Without thinking of things that might or might not happen."

You sighed "I want to be with you, I just... really didn't think you'd actually want someone like me to be your girlfriend, so I never considered it.." Nate frowned.

'Someone like you’? What did you mean by that? Nate was sure that there was no one better than you, that you were the perfect choice for him.

"There's nothing wrong with you, and I'll tell you that over and over again if I have to. You're everything I want, I don't need someone else I only need you, I already told you that before." He replied, searching for your eyes once again.

You suddenly remembered that day you went over to his place and his brother showed up. When you sat on the sofa with him and he told you that you were everything he needed. So he really meant it like that.

You looked at him, a sad smile on your face "I need you too, no one has ever been able to make me feel so loved and important... Not even my parents... I can’t imagine going back to that… I mean, I was miserable before I met you." Nate tried to hide his smirk when he heard that.

He absolutely loved how dependent you were on him, he knew you'd need him eventually.

He softly placed his hand on your cheek, hoping you'd melt into his touch like you did back when he first did it in the cafeteria.

And you didn't disappoint him.

You closed your eyes, enjoying the warmth of his touch in the chilly breeze. "Please.. Give me a chance to prove you I'll treat you good." Nate softly pleaded.

You opened your eyes, looking at him "I'd never doubt that, Nate.. I'm just really worried I-" Nate sighed before retrieving his hand, and you hated it, hated how cold you felt again.

"It's about what Maddy told you, isn't it?" Nate asked, his tone rougher than before. You quickly shook your head "No! Oh my god of course not. I know that she's lying." You scooted closer to Nate, your hands finding his this time.

"I trust you.. Only you."

Nate looked at you, a small frown still evident on his features. He kept quiet, hoping that it'll give you the final push to say yes.

You sighed as you thought for a moment. You liked him too, so why not give him a chance? You'll probably never be this lucky again. This is what you wanted, what you dreamed of.

You deserved some happiness for once. And you were sure he'd make you happy, just like he already did. And you'd do your best to make him happy as well.

"Nate, I'd love to be your girlfriend."

Nate almost jumped off the bench. You finally said yes, you were finally officially his. His eyes immediately lit up and he pulled you into probably the tightest hug you've ever had.

Nate sighed in relief, everything worked just like he wanted it to. No one would take you away from him now.

That was probably his biggest fear, that some guy would make a move on you and steal you from him. And it would've been so unfair too, because he was the one who turned you into his obedient pretty girl.

In his eyes, no one deserved you more than he did.

"I promise you won't regret it, yeah?" He mumbled into your neck before raising his head ever so slightly to press a kiss to your cheek.

You giggled as you tried to process the fact that Nate Jacobs was now your boyfriend. Once Nate let go of you, you noticed how cold it had gotten, and you shivered slightly.

Nate frowned "Are you cold? We can go home if you want to." He offered. "That might be a good idea. Only if you want to though."

Nate appreciated that you still let him decide, even though you were cold already.

He chuckled before standing up "C'mere." He said as he extended his arm. You stood up and walked towards him and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, before the two of you walked to his car.

Nate knew that he had to introduce you to his parents and he absolutely hated it. He knew that if he simply told you to go upstairs, you might think he doesn't want you to meet them.

You were quick to misinterpret things negatively sometimes and he didn't want you to worry about his parents not liking you or something.

You once asked him, when you came over for the fifth time why you haven’t seen his parents yet. And he told you he only invites you over when he's alone, because they’re weird. He quickly made sure to tell you that he just simply 'dislikes' his whole family to put it nicely.

Once he parked the car, he turned towards you and placed his hand on your thigh to grab your attention. You looked up at him with your beautiful eyes and he could've kissed you right then and there but he wasn't sure if that would've been too soon for you.

"Listen, my parents are probably home right now... Just a heads up, they might want to meet you. Are you okay with that?" He asked softly.

You felt like your heart was about to jump out of your chest.

You've never seen them before, except on the family picture on the wall at the staircase. You had no idea what you had to expect. "I'm kinda scared to be honest.." You replied nervously. "What if they don't like me?"

Nate scoffed before shaking his head "Don't worry, they only hated Maddy, because she was really rude and she called my mother a cunt." Your eyes widened in shock "She did what?" You asked in disbelief.

Nate nodded as he looked outside the window "I told you, she was intense..." You scoffed in response "Yeah definitely, did she even contribute anything good to the relationship?" You asked genuinely curious.

Nate thought for a moment, did she?

"Well not really, but I don't care anymore. I have you now. You could never disappoint me the way she did, so don’t worry." He responded with a smile before undoing his and your seatbelt.

Once the two of you got out of the car and Nate locked the doors, he took your hand in his and walked towards the entrance.

He was kind of nervous as well since his dad could be unpredictable. But Nate already told his mom that he might bring you home today and she was thrilled to meet you.

He sighed before unlocking the door and walking inside with you. He just hoped Aaron wasn't at home or at least not downstairs this time.

You started taking your shoes off as quietly as possible, hoping that they wouldn't hear or notice you. Nate also took his shoes off before you walked the living room together.

His mom sat on the sofa with a glass of wine. As soon as she noticed the two of you, she placed her glass down on the coffee table and walked over to the two of you with a friendly grin.

"Hello sweetie, you must be y/n." She exclaimed before hugging you subtly. She then took a small step back and looked at you.

"Yes.. It's so nice to meet you.." You said as you tried to smile at her and maintain eye contact. You knew it would've been rude to not look at her, but you were still pretty nervous.

Then she looked you up and down, which made you even more insecure "Wow... gorgeous and polite, seems like Nate finally found the right one." Nate rolled his eyes before taking your hand back in his "Alright mom, we'll be upstairs then." He announced.

"Oh already? But-" "Yeah it's been a pretty rough week, we'll talk tomorrow." He interrupted before almost dragging you along with him towards the stairs "Again, it was nice meeting you Mrs. Jacobs."

You quickly added before following him "Likewise, Honey!" You truly loved how sweet she was. Your mom barely called you Honey, or Sweetie. She only used your name when she called for you.

Just as Nate thought he finally had you to himself, he heard the front door unlock.

He debated on whether he should turn around or not, before deciding against it and simply walking upstairs in front of you. Until he heard the person speak

"Aren't you gonna introduce me to your new girlfriend Nate?" It was Cal.

Nate was surprised when he entered the living room earlier and saw that his Mom seemed to be alone. But he was glad and hoped it'd stay that way.

But sadly it didn’t.

Nate sighed as he looked at you not sure whether to tell you to go ahead to his room or actually allow his asshole dad to introduce himself.

He noticed how Cal moved towards the stairs before he looked at you "I'm Cal, pleasure to meet you." He said before extending his hand.

You shook it, trying to mimic his firm grip but failing miserably. "I'm Y/n.." You almost whispered as you avoided his piercing gaze. You then retreated your hand before adding "a-also pleased to meet you."

You couldn't tell why but you felt the atmosphere shift in a way. It was.. eerily quiet. And you knew that there was something going on between Nate and his Dad. Simply by the way they stared at each other, and the way Nate talked about him sometimes.

"Alright, we're gonna go upstairs then." Nate said drily before gesturing for you to walk ahead. You quickly walked up the stairs, happy that you'd be alone with him soon again.

You didn't mind talking to his mom, but his dad scared the shit out of you. There was just something so dark about him. You wouldn't want to be alone with him.

Once Nate finally closed the door behind you two, you sighed out of relief. "Sorry about him, he really knows how to make people uncomfortable.." Nate grumbled when he saw the relief on your face.

"It wasn't that bad." You lied as you chuckled nervously. "You don't have to lie to me. I saw how nervous you got when you shook his hand." Nate responded before plopping down on his bed and sighing.

Why couldn’t he just move out and live with you? All alone somewhere secluded where he has you to himself, far away from his and your family.

"This is exactly why I didn't want you to meet my parents." He reasoned. You walked towards him, and lied down beside him before placing your head on his firm chest "Don't worry it.. really wasn't that bad. I think your mom is really nice."

Yeah totally

Nate closed his eyes as he enjoyed the weight of your head on his chest. He could’ve stayed like this forever.

Until your phone vibrated in your bag.

You groaned before getting up and rummaging through your bag until you found it.

It was your mom, great… You totally forgot to text her during the entire time.

6 new messages

mom: Hey, when are you gonna come home? 5:45 pm

mom: Just talked to your dad.. Are you really going to sleep at his place?? 5:58 pm

mom: Are you okay? 6:20 pm

mom: If you want me to pick you up you can call me 6:49 pm

mom: hellooo? 7:02 pm

mom: please text me back when you see this I’m worried 7:15 pm

“Holy shit…” You scoffed. “What? Is it your mom?” You nodded before walking back to bed and showing him your chat.

Nates eyes widened in both amazement and terror. “Jesus, she’s so controlling.” You nodded while you quickly texted her back.

You had to give her Nate’s address some time ago, when you went over to his place more frequently. You were sure she’d actually get in her car and come over if you wouldn’t reply to her.

you: I’m fine everything is okay! stop worrying so much 7:17 pm

Nate got up from his bed and headed towards his closet, grabbing a basic tee and some shorts before he handed them over to you “Here you can wear this, I hope it’s fine.”

You nodded and smiled at him “Of course, thank you.” He smiled back at you for a moment “I’ll go to the bathroom, yeah?” He said before heading towards his bathroom.

You decided to get dressed while he’s gone, slipping out of your dress, folding it as best as you could and placing it neatly next to his bed. Then you put on his shirt, which was in fact long enough to cover your thighs, and his shorts.

You sat back on Nate’s bed until he came back from his bathroom. Despite being in his room so many times before, you never slept at his place. Because you’re mother was against it of course.

But you had to admit it was smart of Nate to lie to your dad about having a party, and saying that many people were gonna sleep at his, and you wouldn’t be alone with him.

You wondered if Nate had to lie to his parents like that too.

His mom was way more understanding than yours was, so probably not. And she seemed so kind too, you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that Maddy insulted her like that.

You wished you would’ve moved here earlier, simply because you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a lot going on that you didn’t know of.

Like the Cassie situation for example.

You knew almost nothing about her, and it kinda scared you, because Nate mentioned that she was insane and extremely obsessed with him.

You didn’t even know what she looked like, so how were you supposed to stay out of her way?

You were certain that it would just be a question of time until she’d approach you as well. And you were also pretty sure that she won’t be as nice or as rational as Maddy was.

Sure, Maddy said all these bad things out of spite and because she hated her ex boyfriend. But Cassie? What if she’s still in love with him and finds out that you two are dating?

Nate entered the room again, taking in the sight of you in his clothes as you sat leaned against his bed frame staring ahead with wide eyes.

You looked so adorable and so… distracted for some reason. Nate walked up to you, pulling you out of your thoughts. “What’s on your mind?” He asked as he stood in front of you.

The way you craned your head up to look at him, made him feel things he shouldn’t feel. Especially since your head was at eye level with his crotch.

He tried to focus on whatever you were going to tell him nonetheless “I’m just… worried. You told me about Cassie being obsessed with you and… what if she finds out I’m your girlfriend?”

Nate sighed. Because you had a point, but he really didn’t want to think of her or talk about her anymore. He was already glad that she barely went to school after their break up, and that he could keep you far away from her.

“You don’t have to worry about her, I told you I’ll protect you. Cassie is crazy but she’s harmless, except for yelling she can’t do much.” He tried to reassure you.

You looked down as you fiddled with the hem of Nate’s shirt.

You already were an anxious person, so the fact that your boyfriend only dated crazy people in the past, wasn’t exactly helpful.

“I feel safe with you… but we’re not always together at school, and I… don’t have any friends.” That’s when you realized just how alone you actually were without Nate.

You had no friends at all, now that Nate wasn’t your friend anymore but your boyfriend. It was sad, really. But what you didn’t seem to realize was that it wasn’t your fault at all.

It was Nate’s.

He was convinced you didn’t need anyone but him, even if that meant you’d have no friends. What would you need them for anyway when you had him?

Nate frowned “But you’re not alone either, you have me. Or… am I not enough?” He frowned. You immediately shook your head “No, of course you’re enough. You’re more than enough, that’s not what I meant.”

Nate smiled in response before you added “I just see all these girls walk through school with their friends and.. it makes me feel sad because I don’t have any friends I can talk to or walk through school with.. I sometimes feel like I’m getting on your nerves because I talk to you so much.”

Nate scoffed as he walked towards the TV "C'mon you could never annoy me." He assured you as he turned the TV on. Then he turned off the main light and plopped down next to you before turning on the bedside lamp.

When you didn't respond to him, he added "I understand that you want to have friends at school, but most of the girls at school are... awful. They're fake, and really mean and all they care about is boys and sex."

You really wanted to believe him but there’s just no way every single girl was like that. And Nate also couldn’t possibly know every single girl at school.

Nate looked at you and it was almost as if he could read your thoughts, because he knew you didn’t quite believe him.

And it irritated him.

You always believed him everything so why were you questioning him now?

He quickly changed the topic in an attempt to put a stop to your thoughts. “I still can’t believe you’re mine by the way...” He said as he softly intertwined his fingers with yours, smiling at you.

And it worked like a charm.

You smiled shyly as you avoided his somewhat intense gaze. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get used to him looking at you like that.

Nate decided to take it a step further, stroking your cheek with his other hand until you slowly looked back at him.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked quietly, almost as if he was scared you’d say no.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want him to kiss you, but you literally never kissed anyone before and you were scared that Nate would laugh at you.

“Um… yeah just… please don’t laugh at me.” you chuckled. Nate smirked “Don’t worry, I won’t. We’ll take it slow, yeah?” He said as he scooted closer.

He let go of your hand and moved it to your left cheek instead, cupping it gently as he pulled your face closer. He leaned in until his lips finally touched yours.

The feeling was foreign but you enjoyed it nonetheless. His lips were so soft as they moved against your own. You tried to mimic his movements as your brows furrowed in concentration.

Nate slowly broke the kiss as he searched your face for any sign of discomfort “How did it feel?” He asked as his eyes were glued to your lips. “It felt.. really good.” You responded quietly.

“Can we try again?” You asked as you fiddled with you shirt again.

Fuck, why were you so cute?

“Sure, of course.” Nate responded “You can touch me too, you know?” He added as he took your right hand and placed it on his shoulder. “Oh, okay..” You smiled before leaning in again.

Nate pressed his lips against yours once again. He could tell you were more eager this time when you leaned in first. You tilted your head slightly, like you had seen on TV several times, and it already felt more natural and deeper than the first kiss.

You felt incredibly excited with how close Nate was to you right now, and you also had this warm, fuzzy feeling in your stomach.

It was almost like your body worked on its own. Your hand slid from his shoulder to his neck as you closed your eyes, and your lips finally seemed to move more in sync.

Nates hand moved to your waist in an attempt to pull you even closer, while your unoccupied hand moved to his cheek.

He pressed kiss after kiss onto your lips making sure to take his time with you, some kisses lasting longer than others.

You were the first one to break the kiss this time, since you were running out of breath. “Wow.. that was amazing.” You chuckled as you slowly removed your hands from Nate.

He smirked at you, clearly happy that you enjoyed kissing him, because he felt the same way. He was definitely glad that you didn’t straddle his lap though, because then you probably would’ve felt just how happy he truly was.

“Wanna do it again?”

✎ Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this part as well. If you have any questions/feedback please let me know ♡

- Cassandra

[jennifersminds]

bestie what Lana Del Rey songs fit tvd characters or just tvd to you?

my bestie, my love, thank you so much for this ask !!!

as someone who's endlessly obnoxious about both tvd and lana del rey this is quite literally a dream come true so-,

SONGS FITTING TVD AS WHOLE

Video Games

"It's you, it's you, it's all for you. Everything I do, I tell you all the time"

tvd at it's core is about people doing unjustifiable things for 'love'. Whether i choose to read some relationships as more of a predatory obsession, the crux of this show is damaged grieving people sacrificing and further damaging themselves and others in the pursuit of it, see the mikaelsons with eachother and the salvatore's with Elena and Elena with basically everyone. And I've always read Video Games as both one of the most beautiful love songs of all time but also as an acknowledgment of codependence and lost potential. The song romanticises monotony and mundane life, which is fair. but there's a touch of melancholy beneath the surface of picture perfect normalcy. much like tvd itself.

Love

Look at you kids with your vintage music Comin' through satellites while cruisin' You're part of the past, but now you're the future Signals crossing can get confusing

...

Look at you kids, you know you're the coolest The world is yours and you can't refuse it Seen so much, you could get the blues But that don't mean that you should abuse it

following that theme,

"part of the past but now you're the future," Could refer to any of the vampire's in the show but I personally love it when thinking of Elena and the doppelganger's before her. In the background of all of history but with an endless future before her. "You could get the blues, But that don't mean that you should abuse it," EVERY FKN KID ON THAT SHOW. And yes I mean kid, the MF gang were children. And they did, in fact, get the blues and abuse it.

ELENA

Norman Fucking Rockwell

"you're just a man, it's just what you do, you're head in your hands as you colour me blue."

Anyone who's read my endless rambling before knows where I'm going with this but, jfc the salvatore's !!! Both Stefan and Damon (and canon as a whole but wtv) view their mistreatment of Elena as something unavoidable. Following the theme of horrific acts in the name of love from earlier, Stefan didn't have a choice in entering Elena's life. To him, it was his right, his purpose. (he had to know her).

Despite Elena being a grieving child who did not need any more bullshit in her life. He had too. And when that later caused even further turmoil, both from his own actions and indirect, unintended consequences. He metaphorically put his head in his hands, it wasn't just her suffering but him. In fact, if he really thought about it, later in canon, that is. It was almost equally her fault what happened. From his POV atleast.

Damon basically follows all the same beats but is more open about it, bemoaning his own lost chances with Elena as something completely disconnected to his very purposeful and avoidable choices to cause her pain. He's impulsive, it's not his fault.

"Goddamn, man child You act like a kid even though you stand six foot two"

Damon could only dream of being 6'2 but you get it.

Pretty When You Cry

"I'll wait for you, babe, you don't come through, babe You never do, babe, that's just what you do"

For one, she is very pretty when she cries, and two, see above.

ELIJAH (essentially every 'she fucked that old man' song in ldr's discography)

Million Dollar Man

"Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you,"

"You're screwed up and brilliant Look like a million dollar man So why is my heart broke?"

He is screwed up and brilliant and he does break my heart.

BONNIE

Season of the Witch

Obviously, like... (also Davina, I never talk about her but that's my girl)

Pretty When You Cry

"I'll wait for you, babe, you don't come through, babe You never do, babe, that's just what you do"

Similarly too Elena, she's also pretty but the thesis of Bonnie's character is unfortunately being let down by the people around her. If tvd hadn't had jplec as a showrunner we probably would've gotten some proper character arc about that before season eight but...

ELEJAH

Cinnamon Girl

"There's things I wanna say to you But I'll just let you live Like if you hold me without hurting me You'll be the first who ever did"

kill me. literally fucking kill me like it's them fr.

BEKLENA

Doin' Time (yes it's a cover but Lana owns it tbf)

"Me and my girl, we got this relationship I love her so bad, but she treats me like shit"

The toxic girlfriends I deserved but wtv.

"I'd like to hold her head underwater"

Because she drowned her.

REBEKAH

Old Money

"But if you send for me, you know I'll come And if you call for me, you know I'll run I'll run to you, I'll run to you I'll run, run, run I'll come to you, I'll come to you"

Stuck in an endless cycle of finding freedom and falling back to help Klaus when he needs it.

"The power of youth is on my mind Sunsets, small town, I'm out of time Will you still love me when I shine From words but not from beauty My father's love was always strong My mother's glamour lives on and on Yet still inside, I felt alone For reasons unknown to me"

Never ending quest for humanity and mortality, her eventual fate of taking the cure. The loneliness of her thousand years etc

Honorable mentions for, Young and Beautiful (pretty much everyone's mortal x immortal ships anthem but specifically the Klarolines fuck with it so hard which I repect). Say Yes to Heaven, also works for literally every ship but it's always very Kolvina to me.

[thefootnotes]

Rise and Fall Of A Midwest Princess - First Listen

Before I Listen... I know next to nothing of Chappell's music. All I know is she's a queer person from America, and I'm pretty sure she's from a red state? And she likes to make big! statements about queer people in red states (go her honestly). And also that some of her lyrics are questionable. So! I am in my bedroom with my headphones, a clear floor ready for dancing, and this tumblr post pre-formatted for my thoughts on each song. Cannot wait!!!!! Getting started now.

P.S. I'm using a four-step-scale: skip, playlisted, green heart, life altering

Feminominon

oh thats funky. thats-

the stuttery piano in the back is gorgeous

the backing vocals!!!!!

oh oh oh the. the production wow

okay um. the switch lmao

GET IT HOT LIKE PAPA JOHNS

i love the melodies in the verses

lo *hiccup* ver

can you play a song with a fucking beat she fucking ate that

oh like a talking bridge???

the scream oml

ok so that was. interesting.

not the best lyricism i've ever heard but it was vibey?

idk, i didnt love it.. not the strongest start to the album imo but. i'ma keep going!

skip

Red Wine Supernova

acoustic?

nope ok

oh thats gay alright

agh the vocals????

"fell in lvoe with the tyhought of you now im choked up face down burnt out" ????? bitch slay

AGH THE VOCALS

RED WINE SUPERNOOOOVAAAAAAAAA

the lyrics have some interesting choices but she ate

okay yeah not playing this around my parents.

baaaabyyyy why dont you come oooooveeeeeer

okay im vibing

the "okay yall, lets pick it up now" is so gdsklfjdlkfjdslkfjdslfdsj

i really like that she's used very obviously country elements and accents but kept true to pop production. its so fun

CROWD VOCALS MY BELOVED

CROWD VOCALS OVER ACOUSTIC MY FUCKING BELOVED

green heart

After Midnight

oh thats. interesting

sick beat though

some really interesting sounds happening. in my ears.

dancing DANCING IM DANCING

i lvoe the use of crowd vocals on this album????

"i kinda wanna kiss your gf" "i kinda wanna ksis your bf" bisexual? i've heard that she's demi too actually

THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT THIS IS A VIBE FOR THIS PANSEXUAL SLUT

who has two thumbs and is vibing *points thumbs at myself* this guy!!!!!

holy fuck that was just so. fun

green heart

Coffee

PIANO?????

PIANO TRACK????

SAD?????????

agh her voice jdfslkjfdslkfjdskl

oh my god. oh my god

"i'll meet you for coffee cause if we have wine youll say that you want me i know thats a lie"???????? BARS

im going to cry this is sickening

THE BRIDGE

THE BUILDYP ADN TEH BACKING VOCALS OH OH OH

oh.. the. the resolve is. oh

emotional destruction. i need a minute.

life altering

Casual

this is the one about someone eating her out isnt it. *sigh* here we go

^ i say taht like i dont love songs about sex. anyways

oh this is. this is interesting

i love the synthing throughout the album

this is so much. slower than i expected????

oh this is actually kind of sad at the same time???? jfkdsjflkdsjflksdj

the bridge? i. i died

this is actually really beautiful. if impossible to play around my parents

green heart

Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl

this is so. drag queen coded????

the beat???

the gasps fdsklfjsdklfjdslk

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

dancing im dancing

im up im up im up

this is pop like pop hasnt been in a decade. good lord

FJDKSFJSDKLFJSLKDJFSLKJ AHHHHHHHHHHH

ultimately just. a strong sapphic-meets-girl power anthem. wow. im truly so impressed.

playlisted

HOT TO GO!

i know the dance but i've never heard it

oh oh what the fuck is that oh fdsklfjdslkfjdslkfj

like the wind chimey noise

oh this sounds so. rocky horror??

H-O-T-T-O-G-O YOU CAN TAKE ME HOT TO GO

fdjs,lfjdslkj vibes

shes pop-girlie-ing like very few pop girlies have pop-girlied. just. pop anthem. absolute pop antehm

i lvoe the ad-libs

we're officially halfway. lets go.

playlisted

My Kink Is Karma

i have heard Things about this track so. lets go ig

oh oh?? oh

thats very ldr. i dont like ldr as a person but musically this feels a bit ldr.

ah the high vocals

HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT THE THE THE

"my kink is watching yOOOOOU" fklgjdsklfsdjklfjdsklJKLFJDSKLFJDSLKFJSDLKFJDSLKFJDSLKFJDSLKJDS

"no need to be hateful in your fake gucci sweater" djskfjdskfjs

this is so twisted and im so here for it

the vocals are just insane. im sat. im so sat

green heart

Picture You

oh her voice i-

that nostalgic chord progression is so. jfkldjfls

backing vocals abcking vocals gjdfksjsdklfjdslk

oh this is sad but horny but sad

the vocals im shook. my gob is smacked. my flabber is gasted. my be is wildered. how do i live after this

im literally just dead

green heart

Kaleidoscope

oh no is this sad too????

i love the electro production over the piano? its gorgeous

her voice is just beautiful. its just so beautiful

how it works, i'll never know....

im just going to sit in the corner and fucking sob

sorry theres so few notes i was too busy fucking crying

life altering

Pink Pony Club

i have heard this exactly once. (i was at a festival on friday and they played this between sets - i couldnt hear chappell or the production over the crowd tho so. its ok

is this just the universal queer experience actually

GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONT YOURE A PINK PONY GIRL AND YOU DANCE AT THE CLUB

the bridge i...

this is lowkey a very sad and very real experience for so many queer people and. fdjskfjdslfjsdlkfjdslkj

this was vibey and i loved the statement!!

playlisted

Naked In Manhattan

oh dear is this about sex

oh??????

"boys suck" :(

ok this is gay sex then

"in new york you can try things" 🤝 "you can want who you want, boys and boys, and girls and girls"

i mean it was ok? she has much stronger songs on the album lyrically and musically and this one was just kind of. there lmao. not really a thing for me

skip

California

acapella intro okayyyy

oh this is sad

YOU HAVE REASONS TO STAY NOW CHAPPELL. YOU HAVE REASONS. YOUVE MADE IT.

"to think i almost had it going, but i let you down" :(

the music industry is such a fucking bitch yk

i really liked it, v v sad, but probably not my favourite favourite? still really strong track, js a lil repetitive

playlisted

Guilty Pleasure

last track lets go

the very minimal backing with all the vocal flooding is so fdlsjflks

oh never mind.

it feels kinda icdiwabh-y

yodelingcore

so that was. an experience

skip

The Album.

overall, the album had a lot lot lot of huge positives and a few little things i wasnt a fan of. it's a really strong pop album, it has everything you could expect in an album. its got diverse emotions and vibes and its got pop anthems and its got stuff to dance to and stuff to cry to and stuff you can do both to and it all flows seamlessly. there were two, three tracks i didnt fall in love with, but there were far more that i did. i absolutely applaud chappell because this album beautifully captures her struggles nad successes, a lot of which are somewhat universal for queer people. i really loved her use of crowd vocals and backing harmonies, i thought that was really beautiful, and i love how there was electronic production on acoustic instrumentation, i thought that was quite impressive and really fit this modern theme of like, the return of 80s production. i'm going to have another listen to some songs and them im going to listen to gracie abrams tsou album (which i still havent heard) so!!! if you want to see my thoughts on that, i'll post that in a few hours. also just posted my hmhas first reactions<3

[allgrrl78]

Random thoughts about love (otherwise known as random thoughts about you):

I’m ok with LDR, and sometimes I ask myself if I’m just settling?

What about LDR appeals to me? Is it the controlled companionship? Is it having someone to love and makes me feel fulfilled minus the pressure?

I imagine a life with you, and it makes sense to me. Like, I feel comfortable. Like, it makes sense.

I enjoy our friendship - I wonder how long we’ll talk if we had the choice?

But, I’m scared of us drifting apart.

I’m wondering if you’re ok with this arrangement, and when I think you are, I’m weirded out. Like, why are you ok with it?!

I’m sad I don’t know much about you. The trivial stuff. The stuff you get to know just by getting to know someone more and more

I don’t keep tabs on you anymore. I don’t check if you’re home or demand who you’re with - none of the GF-from-hell stuff. Wait, am I your GF anyway?

I don’t think about the future. The gap between where we are and where I imagine us is so wide. So why bother delving into it only to feel frustrated?

Always been the girl who would go down the road less travelled. The alternative girl. Even in love.

Love… I love you. I really do. That love where I want you to know how much I love you, otherwise I feel sad.

I can wait. I actually can. And I want a slow and sure love based on a strong friendship. I know how it is to be restless with you - I don’t want that.

I want God to be the leader of our relationship. That us being together is an order from God.

I wanna hear your voice tell me how you are. I wanna hear you sing me a song.

All I want is to wake up and make sure you have your favorite breakfast. And watch you have coffee and prepare for work. Then cook your lunch and take care of you after you come home from work. Then, have the whole afternoon in a cafe while we talk. And then watch the sun set while on the beach. Then have dinner and listen to a live band while you hold my hand, and my head rests on your shoulder. Then, we drive home while singing in the car. And then make love before we sleep. Then do it all over again and again and again.

I want you to be by my side when I go. To hold my hand as I look back one last time. Or, be with me on another journey. With the stars.

I remember you everywhere. My God, you’ve imprinted yourself in my mind and my heart. And in my soul.

We’re the Special Two. Forever. ❤️❤️

[mechawolfie]

wait there was smth i wanted to say abt that "how did u get into/how do u imagine you'll get into a relationship" poll but i forgot but i remember now. under a read more bc I'm shy uwu

so like i said in the tags, big fan of the "be autistic @ each other until we realize we've fallen in love" approach. but in terms of my actual genuine expectation i've thought very much about id rather it be like. an aro autistic sort of commitment. u know like, we make the conscious decision to Try Something Out, discuss the type of relationship we want, & see where it goes.

but yeah feelings been messing me up. & i know i don't Need to listen to my feelings bc chemical reaction or w ever but i feel like i have to dissect every feeling i don't understand & get into the meat and organs of it so i fully understand it so it doesn't Scare Me Anymore. but that's like hard when u have a hard time Feeling your Feelings. bc of Alexithymia (GREAT song by anberlin. btw)

anyway im hungry but im waiting for my chicken patty to cook so I'm kinda oughhh rn. so.

now i am someone that, bc of my sheltered upbringing, likes to experience things that I'm curious abt. this includes relationships. i'd like to try them bc i like the thought. but also there's this idea in western society that relationships need to happen Naturally. which trips me up a bit as someone who 1) can't just Go Out And Meet People and 2) don't like the traditional ideas of relationships (meet > realize we're "in love" > all the gushy shit or w ever). like it's very incidental & i like to do things On Purpose. n maybe that's a little bit my need to have control over things. just a little bit.

theres also the fact that itd need to be, initially, a ldr bc the above mentioned Can't Just Go Out. which a lot of ppl don't like i've found !

oh yeah. there's also the thing where i am. let's see here. black, trans (in a "weird" way)(and pre-everything), so many types of neurodivergent & mentally ill, not very active bc of chronic pain, stuck w my family & cant drive, and pretty strictly t4t. all things that make Living Amongst Other People sort of Uncomfortable, specifically around ppl who don't like to acknowledge that they might have internalized some Bigoted Shit, and like to make it My Problem.

i cant. remember where i was going with that. like i think I'm trying to go somewhere but I'm too gosh dang hungry to remember. i think what I'm trying to say is that i want to try dating, it sounds fun (especially now that i've accepted that I Am A Guy. like woah.. you're telling me i can HAVE a gay relationship??? like in my fics????? no way) BUT. is scawwy. and finding someone who would be compatible with me, whatever that means exactly, sounds. hard.

WAIT my chicken patty just finished. i just heard the oven go Ding! swag

[thepoeticprincessha]

Hi guys, as promised here’s my Raisa’s concert post. Where do I start eh?

On Sunday 20 November 2022 I went to watch Raisa’s concert. If you wondering who is Raisa please google. If you let me explain I it’s gonna take the whole day. eh. I’ve been wanting to watch her perform since 2016. Yea that long man. When I went to Bali for holiday I found out that she’s coming to KL. That time I was contemplating on going to her concert. Ya, I already spend half of my money going to Rizky Febian. Then after I when back from Bali I found out her ticket was still available. That time I was like “I need to go see Raisa”. I’m not going to see Afgan so I must see Raisa perform.

22/11/2022

I started queuing for Raisa’s concert at 12.00 pm. The concert suppose to start at 8.30pm but I wanna be at the front row so I queue early. Went I arrived there’s only 8 person queuing in front of me. Me being the negative minded girl thought that I will be late. I always thought for standing zone the earlier we queue the better view we will get. Turned out I’m one of the earliest to be in line. While waiting in line I meet up with some of the fan club members who queue earlier than me. Also made some new friends from different continents and country. While I was chatting with one of my new friend the fan club admin came to us and told us something surprising. Again being the negative minded girl that I am think that Raisa won’t come and the concert will be canceled. Yes again I was wrong. The admin actually told me that the person that queue early will get to join the fanclub member and meet Raisa in person. Ok, again the negative minded me think that it was just a prank. We suppose to meet Raisa’s at 5.00 pm but had to canceled due to some problem. I thought I never get to meet Raisa but I get to meet Raisa after concert.

Raisa’s concert was amazing. I’m not even kidding when I said this is the best concert I ever been to. I bought normal standing zone ticket but Idk how I get so lucky that day. The organisers made it so smooth that I have nothing to complain after all. Everything was on time and perfect. Went Raisa’s came on stage I was already so so starstruck. I literally sing along to every song but during Bahasa Kalbu I really can’t hold my emotion. Before the concert I already knew that I will cry when Raisa said “Percayalah”. Yes this time I was right. I already try not to cry but nah.. At the end I was like just forget about other people and cry as much I want. I’m not the only one crying that time. When the song is good and emotional why do we hold back our tears. I mean just cry right? The song will only be like 3 to 5 min. After that just move on and keep smiling. Overall I had fun singing to every song. My favourite was of course LDR and Mantan Terindah. It was magical and beautiful. Btw, Raisa Adriana is so pretty in real life. When I saw her I wondered “ how could a human be this pretty”. lol

After the concert as I said I when to the meet and greet. Well it’s actually just a short photo session with Raisa but it’s the best part of the day. There’s so much I want to say to Raisa but the time is to short so I can just look at her for few second.Looking at my social you probably can tell how much I love Raisa and super thankful for the day. So if I ever go other concert I will come early. Even if you get the cheapest ticket if luck is on your side you will get to meet the person you adore.

ok that all for now. There’s more to tell but I’m to lazy to type. Bye.

[neolovesneo]

MISSING YOU.

boyfriend!mark | fluff & angst | ldr au | mentions of alcohol (eggnog)

note ; my first fic here !!! i actually wrote this in early october hshshs + mentions of red velvet’s yeri (katie) & joy, nct’s jaemin jisung!

There are hundreds of people around you; you recognize Katie, from your English Literacy lectures. Just around the corner is Jaemin, listening to his brother, Jisung, rambling away about something. In the kitchen is that one kid you always see at lunch, but you don’t remember his name.

Christmas music from the speakers are accompanied by the low chatter and buzz of the party, friends reminiscing good memories while couples lovingly lean against each other in their own bubble of love.

It feels ironic, being in a place so lively and bright for an occasion about unity and love while feeling so lonely.

You reach for your phone, slipping it out of your pocket to quickly snap a picture of the party to send to your boyfriend, Mark.

“at a christmas party rn. miss u”

Sighing, you lean your shoulder against the wall, quietly observing the Christmas tree. Someone had set it up earlier today, lining it with soft lights and adorable ornaments. Below the tree were countless presents, the result of a Secret Santa event that the student council held about a week ago.

“Hey Y/N! Nice tree, huh?” Joy asks, standing next to you. “Yeah, it’s really pretty. The presents are all wrapped so nicely too.” You mention to the elder.

She hums in response, taking another sip of her eggnog. “What do you want for Christmas?” She questions suddenly, her signature smile dazzling you as she waits for your answer. “I’m… not sure.” You lie, smiling sheepishly.

Truth be told, you wanted Mark here with you. Even if it were just for a minute, you wouldn’t mind. Going long distance was harder than you thought, and it was taking its toll on you. 

You missed the way Mark laughed, the butterflies you get in your stomach when he smiles, the way he makes you feel safe wherever you go, the way his voice cracks in the morning when he wakes up, the softness of his lips, the endless hours of him singing love songs to you with his guitar, the way he loves you like it’s the last time he’ll ever love someone; everything.  

The sudden sound of fireworks going off shakes you out of your thoughts, and waves of excited cheer resonate throughout the room.

“There’s fireworks outside!” someone shouts excitedly, and everyone scurries out to look. It’s gorgeous, infinite and vibrant sparks of color flashing in the dark sky in different arrangements and patterns.

You can’t help but smile sadly, clasping your hands together tightly.

Maybe this was just part of life. 

Nevertheless, you take a video, sending it to Mark.

“fireworks!” you typed. “wish u were here w me. call me when u can?”

A frown dawns on your face when you realize the messages weren’t sending out, a notification informing you that Mark’s phone was currently unreachable.

“Wow, you like, really miss me, huh?”

You turn around quickly, eyes wide at the all-too-familiar voice. And like a movie scene, there stood your lovely, lovely boyfriend, colors of the fireworks casting a dreamlike hue onto his face.

“O-Oh my God.” You mumble, jaw dropped open as your brain fails to process what’s going on. “Surprise!” He says excitedly, giggling at your reaction. 

“Oh my God!” you repeat, this time bursting into tears as you leap into Mark’s embrace, arms and legs tightly wrapped around him. “I missed you, I missed you so much.” You cried, finally receiving the comfort and peace Mark was able to give you whenever you were with him.

Tears prick in Mark’s eyes as he tightly reciprocates your hug, a shy grin on his face as he presses a kiss to your head. “I missed you too, baby. So much.” He whispers, helping you stand on your feet as you untangle yourself from him.

You had so many questions, like, how was he here? Didn’t he have classes? When did he get here? Why didn’t he tell you? Was the plane ticket over here expensive? Was he jet-lagged?

But you couldn’t bother to care, because right now he was with you. The man of your dreams, the love of your life, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

The questions can wait.

“I love you.” You said breathlessly, smiling through your tears.

And once again, like a movie scene, you pull him by his sweater and kiss him on the lips before he can reply, his arms wrapping around your waist to pull you closer. The fireworks continue to light the sky, and in that moment, you know nothing will ever make you feel as happy as you do right now.

Because happiness comes in the form of Mark Lee, and no one else will ever replace him.

© neolovesneo, 2021. 

[serenity-lattes]

GUESS WHO? it's me. :)) haven't requested something from you in AWHILE, so here it is.

me bringing my future excitement into this so - male reader × emily (of course) are in an ldr and they're gonna meet for the first time. 😃

iykyk.

First, let me start off by saying, asdfkjhalskdjfh! I'm so, so excited for the two of you, and you deserve to finally close the distance. Love you both and I can't wait to hear about your adventures.

You said male reader here, but after talking to you, I'm going to change it to gender neutral for your writing challenge.

Love,

Serenity

All of the Stars

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x gn!Reader

Summary: While Emily was living in England (set somewhere between 8x01-9x14), reader became her replacement on the Quantico team. After they had needed her expertise on a case, things blossomed into a long-distance relationship.

Warnings: some brief angst- allusions to depressive and anxious thoughts. one swear word.

Word Count: 1623

A/N: Writing this for The End of CJ’s Chapter challenge. Hard to believe he is leaving Tumblr on Friday, but we are going to make the best of this bittersweet moment. Song fic inspired by “All of the Stars” by Ed Sheeran. Thank you @writer-in-theory and @lcvingprentjss for betaing this for me and giving me all the words of encouragement.

“You’re on the other side as the skyline splits in two, miles away from seeing you.”

Dark hair that cascaded over a plush pillow was a sight for sore eyes, especially when said hair belonged to one Emily Prentiss. She had drifted off to sleep during their nightly video call and Y/N didn’t have the heart to wake her just yet.

Your sun had just begun to set, the sky turned into a swirl of mauve and carnation. Meanwhile, her moon was shining bright in a mix of navy and deep cornflower. Over the video call, crickets from her end could be heard, meanwhile the birds were only beginning to settle on yours.

The time difference had been a different thing to navigate, but you two had managed to make it work. Most of the time, Emily would fall asleep first, you quietly grinning as her breathing changed into the softest of snores. She didn’t sleep enough, so you didn’t want to disturb her, but you wanted her to be comfortable.

“Emily, love?” you called out softly, so as to not startle her awake. Her eyelashes fluttered before her sleepy gaze settled upon yours. You had to swallow the lump in your throat. How could one person be so gorgeous, even when dead tired? “You should change out of your work clothes and take your makeup off.”

A laugh bubbled from her chest as she ran a hand over her face, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Don’t hang up, I’ll be right back,” she murmured, sitting up before she disappeared out of the frame.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” you chuckled, turning your head to your computer so you could get some work files done. As gorgeous as Emily looked in a button up and a subtle smokey eye, there was no denying she was equally as stunning in a little nightgown with no makeup. After ten minutes or so, she returned, slipping under the covers, you grinned brightly, “See? I bet that feels so much better.”

Emily adjusted her phone, propping it up against her lamp, a smirk tugging at her lips “Maybe, but I can’t let you be right too often, or you’ll let it go to your head.”

“I’ll allow it for tonight, but you,” you looked at her seriously, “you need to go to sleep because you have to be up in four hours.”

Was it that late, already? One glance at her alarm clock confirmed it. Blinding red numbers looked back at her- 1:00. She couldn’t argue that. And showing up to work poorly rested was less than ideal.

With a sigh, Emily settled into bed, pulling the covers over her just the way she liked. “I love you, Y/N.”

“Love you always, my star,” you murmured fondly, muting yourself so your typing wouldn’t wake her. You worked for the next few hours, glancing over to your phone to make sure Emily was sleeping peacefully. Occasionally Emily would snore, making you laugh. Thankfully, you were muted, otherwise you certainly would have woken her.

Though that smile melted into something more morose. Emily was across the ocean, untouchable through a phone screen. How you couldn’t wait until the day you could reach over and touch her face while she slept, feel the warmth of her skin under your fingertips.

Soon.

You had to hold on to that for now.

Soon.

“But I can see the stars from America. I wonder, do you see them too?”

“It’s just another night, and I’m staring at the moon. I saw a shooting star and thought of you.”

“Penelope, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind,” You called out, startling the woman when you entered her self-proclaimed lair.

“What, what? What happened this time? You just got off the phone with Emily, didn’t you?” She asked, putting her fuzzy pen into its cup. You often confided in Penelope if Emily was asleep or unable to talk, so she was ready to tackle the current situation. 

You plopped yourself down in the stray computer chair, gladly taking the stress ball Penelope was holding out to you. 

“I did. A case went sour and she was upset,” you paused, shaking your head, “So upset, Penelope, and I couldn’t do much to help. There’s only so much I can do from a different continent.”

Penelope considered what you were saying, quick to start typing on her computer. You had thought she had just grown bored of you, but you could see airlines pulled up on the screen.

“Wha-What are you doing?” you asked, getting up to take a proper look at what Penelope was going.

She smirked, adjusting her glasses, “Well, when I’m not talking to you and listening to you complain about the distance, I’m talking to Emily and listening to her complain about the distance,” she glanced up at her dear friend, “So, let’s do something about that distance.”

You were scared to even try. You hadn’t even talked to Emily about planning something like this. What if you showed up and she slammed the door in your face? Would you need to get a hotel room? What if she flies out on a case the moment you land? There were so many factors and-

Penelope touched you hand, “In case you forgot, I’m a genius in my own right. I’m going to call her friend and find out her schedule for the next couple weeks. Okay? We’ll make this work.”

You couldn’t do anything other than nod. 

You were going to see her soon.

“You’re the song my heart is beating to.”

“So, open your eyes and see the way our horizons meet.”

After opening the door to her flat, Emily tossed her things down, ready for the day to be over. That is, until red catches her eye. She looks up, eyebrows furrowed, perplexed.

The petals of red roses scattered over walnut floorboards. White starflowers and red dahlias were perfectly arranged in several vases along every surface she could see.

“What on earth…” she muttered, a breathy laugh slipping past her lips. It had to be a result of you conspiring with Louise, as she was the only other person with a key. Even separated by an ocean, you would shower her with gifts, solidifying the fact that she had found the one.

Pulling out the cellphone out of her pocket, Emily dialed your number, needing to know for sure. She lifted the device to her ear, buzzing with excitement. You hadn’t planned to talk for another hour, but she couldn’t wait. Not for this. Though that excitement shifted into pure nerves. Not only was she hearing the monotonous ringing from her phone, but a ringtone from further into her flat could be heard clear as day.

She drew in a breath, dropping her phone as if it had suddenly burned her. There was no way. But she wanted it to be, because if not, she was about to be another one of those naïve women who gets snatched up. With an exhale, Emily followed the sound to her bedroom. Please be Y/N.

She raised a trembling hand and pushed the door open, and lo and behold, there you were, sat at the foot of her bed with the widest grin she’s ever seen.

“Y/N,” she gasped out, tears already making their way down her cheeks before she could process it. You chuckled. Oh, what a beautiful sound it was. You were here in the flesh, not blurry on a small screen, voice not distorted or out of sync. You were here and Emily was suddenly overwhelmed with complete and irrevocable happiness. 

You had made an attempt to stand and embrace her, but Emily was already ahead of you, running to close the distance you’d been yearning to for the last year. She buried her face in the crook of your neck as you circled your arms around her waist.

“You’re here,” she sobbed, chills dispersing over skin in the wake of your touch. 

You, too, let out a watery laugh, “Yeah, I’m here. I couldn’t wait anymore, Em, I had to see you. Penelope and your friend, Louise, helped me pull it off, so I might be owing them lattes for the next month.” 

Emily pulled away, just enough to see your face. You were beautiful to look at just from her phone screen… this, though. Seeing you from this close, the smile lines beginning to form, and god, your eyes. Little did she realize; You were doing just the same as the back of your knuckles traced her jawline.

Her hands cradled your face, thumbs brushing over your cheekbones, as if there was a chance you still weren’t there, holding her. When her eyes fell upon your lips, you smirked, leaning in to capture her lips against yours in a kiss. She hummed into it, quickly melting into your touch. Her lips were soft and gentle as they moved against yours, a bit hesitant because you both wanted it to be perfect.

Her hands instinctively slid up onto your shoulders, gripping them tightly as she could feel herself getting lost in you, consumed by the heat of your embrace. You pulled her closer, then, one hand pressed firmly against the small of her back while you used the other to tangle in her dark hair, deepening the kiss even further. 

Before things got too heated, Emily put a hand over your chest, breaking the kiss as she rests her forehead against yours, “I love you so much.”

“And I love you, Emily Prentiss,” you murmured, pressing a kiss to her nose, “Always and forever.” 

“Both of our hearts believe; all of these stars will guide us home.”

CM Taglist/ no pressure Mutuals:

@writer-in-theory - @reidsbookclub - @samuel-de-champagne-problems - @sweetprentiss - @sadgirlml - @ofwilliamandwalter2 - @writingquillsandpainpills - @reidselle -@spencebunny - @nomajdetective - @fightingdragonswithreid - @deadravenclaw - @left-myself-in-the-alleyway

[heystephen]

can we pls have ur thoughts on taylor’s commentary on sotb?? all i see is everyone talking ab her fangirling over ldr and its actually pretty frustrating

her description of the song reminds me very much of delicate tbh, the way that she talks about the feeling of falling in love with somebody and realizing that they’re falling in love with you at the same time and just being like “is this real?” aaaah ❤️‍🩹 while i detest the feature and hope it’s just background vocals, i can’t wait to have the actual lyrics to the song.

[junhoontrash]

jun ships as fanfiction tropes? :D

JunCheol: Mafia/Gang AU where SC is a newly appointed boss of the most notorious group within the district, meanwhile JN just started police academy  and is having second thoughts on his career choice, the two have an accidental meeting on a park bench where SC cheers JN up by listening to his troubles and empathizing with him. Years later, JN (now a detective) is assigned to track down SC, and the real story starts from there. I also like the semi-scandalous employer vs employee trope for these two.

JunHan: Bartender AU where JH works at a bar JN visits almost every weekend, the latter would always complain to JH about how he never has any luck in love, and the bartender would listen to him whine for hours but never really giving any response. After all, JH was the one responsible for JN’s “lack” of suitors, but he doesn’t need to know that. A lot of pining, secret admirer elements.

JunShua: JS is the senior with the pretty eyes and laugh that JN has a secret crush on but has never even spoken a word to, though not from lack of trying on their mutual friends’ part. It’s just that JN always ends up panicking and running away. One morning after a party, JN finds himself waking up in JS’s apartment and the older acts completely nonchalant while making eggs for breakfast. Mutual pining/crushing; the cool senpai isn’t actually cool; dorks in love; college to LDR to domestic AU.

SoonHui: GROWING UP TOGETHER AU. Or, reunited childhood friends AU. Kid crushes blooming into first love. The two are childhood neighbors and attended the same school all throughout kindergarten-middle school years, but then JN moves away. They never lost contact though, and JN reveals that he applied and got into the same university as HS. Thrilled, HS goes pick up JN at the airport and they have a “how tf did he get even prettier” moment. Aren’t even dating but act like a married couple; denial of feelings because “we’ve known each other since forever, I’ve seen him pee his pants ffs” “ewww that’s like dating my own brother haha. ha.” -> “see?! he doesn’t even feel the same way so what’s the point”; their friends are very done and so is the writer; some minor angst from the two drifting apart at some point, whether it be from the previously stated misunderstanding or the actual distance playing its part.

WonHui: Probably an overstated AU for these two but cat cafe :’D Or, “I’ve been feeding this stray for a while but turns out it was your cat all along and now I demand partial custody” AU. Minor enemies to lovers; gasp and they were roommates; domestic fluff. I don’t know why, but fake marriage AU also seems fitting for them.

JunHoon: WZ is writing a musical and goes into a slump, chances upon some angelic singing accompanied by beautiful piano playing and BAM there’s his muse. But after finishing the whole thing, no one from auditions catches his eye for the piano angel role and he knew that there was only one thing to do- he had to find the original piano angel. Even after finding JN though, the latter refuses to take the role out of shyness, but WZ is insistent on letting the whole school hear and see how wonderful his newfound muse was. WZ accidentally says some embarrassing things (ex: praising JN’s singing and literally calling it angelic in front of their whole friend group; “I don’t want just anyone, I want you”) but JN’s the one getting shy while WZ’s oblivious; JN is an acting major but isn’t confident with singing in public; musicals are stressful omg; love between two oblivious fools that drive all their friends crazy; Cinderella elements.

JunHao: Romance between an assassin and bodyguard; established relationship, but neither knows about the other’s “side job” until they meet in action. “We are having a serious talk when we get home- will you stop trying to stab me?” “I would if you’d just let me get to that guy behind you” “oh so now it’s my fault?” “Is this about the dishes again” “It was clearly your turn-”; questionable domestic content; romeo and juliet elements; lovers to enemies but also still lovers.

JunGyu: Love-at-first-bite; MG is the owner of a small place JN likes to order takeout from, and JN always jokes about how he’d only date someone if they could replicate his favorite dish from their menu to stop his friends from trying to set him up. One day, a mutual friend has a housewarming party and MG brings homemade food, which JN immediately recognizes and proposes right on the spot, yes, in the middle of their friend’s house, in front of everyone. MG turns him down, but JN starts actually eating at his place instead of ordering takeout, and MG just treats him as background noise for a while but then starts to secretly fall for his small cute quirks. Some jealousy ensues when JN eventually gives in and lets his friend set up a blind date, having accepted that MG wasn’t interested. They decided to meet at MG’s place because JN had grown a bit too attached to his food, and MG gets, well, extremely distracted.

SeokHui: Coffee shop AU where JN goes to a coffee shop every morning just to catch that one cute server’s shift. One day, he saw that the place was hiring and immediately jumped at the opportunity... except the spot that opened was DK’s. Luckily for him, his first customer turned out to be none other than the former server himself, and their routine continued with their roles reversed. At some point, DK confesses through dedicating a love song to JN during an open mic at the coffee shop, and JN finally confesses... that he was actually more of a tea person jk.

JunKwan: SK is JN’s personal Cupid who is incredibly concerned over the fact that JN seems to show no interest in pursuing romance, which is an issue because if JN never finds love, SK would be stuck on this assignment forever. Well, it’s not like JN is doing it on purpose to keep him here... right?

JunSol: “We promised to marry each other as kids and now that we’re all grown you’ve probably forgotten but I’m still waiting for that ring”; after hearing the news that his childhood friend, JN, was engaged, VN had to force himself to accept the fact that the older would never see him as more than a younger brother; “but Hansol, aren’t you my fiancé?”

ChanHui: DN is a matchmaker known for his 100% success rate, so when his friend from college, JN, asked for his help, he shouldn’t be any less confident about it. But for whatever reason, he just feels this overwhelming urge to set JN up with the worst match possible and ruin his record, and it totally wasn’t because he’s had a crush on him since sophomore year, no way, he was over that. Or at least he should be. Lots of misunderstandings in which JN actually got along with his date but both agreed they’d be better off as friends; DN didn’t know the second part and was shocked to hear that they’d be going on a “second date”; the moral of the story is- DN couldn’t be bad at his job even if he tried.

[aestheticallyholland]

act like you love me | s. mendes

a/n: this was a request from wattpad a year ago. this a bit angsty but i hope you enjoy it! play the song when you see the queue <3

song act like you love me by shawn mendes | word count 1k words

"You're what?"

You were getting all your clothes from the closet. You didn't even bother telling Shawn what you told me just a while ago. You felt tears coming from your eyes but you still continued taking your things out.

"Y/N?" Shawn called with a crack on his voice. He was so worried about what you were doing. Why were you packing your things? Why are you doing this?

There was still no answer until Shawn pulled Y/N away from taking more of her things and pulled her towards his chest.

"Y/N, tell me what's happening please."

You looked at him and tears start to stream down from your eyes. You didn't want to do this but you have to.

"I'm leaving Canada, Shawn." You said it softly but Shawn could still hear it. He couldn't believe what he heard just now.

"My family wants me to leave and have a better life somewhere else." You said.

He looked at you confusingly. "Don't you love it here, Y/N? With me? Please don't tell me you're breaking up with me too." He said.

play the song

You wanted to say that you'll stay. You wanted to say that you will always be there for him. But no, you had to do this.

❝ so you leave tomorrow just leave the night i promise i'll make things right i'll make you breakfast the way you like before you leave tomorrow just let me try ❞

"T-that's exactly what I'm doing, Shawn." You finally said it. "I'm so sorry. I can't do LDR with you because it would only hurt us more. I think it's better if we end this."

"We can do this, Y/N. Just, please. I understand that you're going but please, don't break up with me." Shawn cupped your face and looked at you in your teary eyes. His eyes were also tearing up already.

"I-i'm sorry, Shawn." That was all you can say. He sighed and looked down. He didn't know what else to say that could convince you to stay. You just stood there, waiting for him to say something, anything.

❝ before you leave tomorrow before you say goodbye before you leave tomorrow before you leave❞

He looked back at you and asked. "When are you leaving?"

"This Friday." You answered right away. And Shawn thought of an idea.

He stood in front of you and said.

"Stay. Just one more night." He sad and there was a long pause for a while. "For me."

You looked at him once again and gave him a smile on the face.

"I would love to do that, Shawn."

❝ stay here and lay here right in my arms it's only a moment before you're gone and i am keeping you warm just act like you love me so i can go on ❞

You spent the rest of the day with Shawn and you spent it as a couple. It was already night and you and Shawn were laying down beside each other.

Your head was on his chest and his arm was around you. You could feel his heartbeat fast. You knew deep inside him, he is hurting and is so scared of letting you go.

And you feel the same way.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." You heard Shawn mumble and that made your heart ache.

❝ just one more night laying bed whether it's right or wrong just gotta make sense of it ❞

You felt him kiss your head. You know someday, you will meet again and everything will be alright between the two of you.

You looked up to him and reached out for his lips. You pressed your lips to him and he kissed you back. You pulled away and he caressed your cheek.

"I love you."

The tears from your eyes wanted to go down but you held it back. This was your final night with him for now. You smiled at him and just looked at his chocolate eyes.

"I love you too, Shawn."

❝ and you'll be gone in the morning and you'll be over this just one more night so i can forget ❞

You zipped the bag closed and placed in over your shoulder. You pulled your trolley bag and you walked towards the door with it.

It was currently four in the morning and you decided to go before Shawn wakes up. You looked back to him and he was sleeping soundly. Tears streamed down from your eyes.

This will be over soon now.

"I'll see you again, Shawn."

I'll come back, I promise.

You went out with your bags on hand and closed the door behind you.

❝ when you go, i can't watch you leave just promise me you'll sneak out when i'm asleep and when you go, and your miles out too far i wake up wishing everything was just a dream❞

Shawn woke up by the ray of life hitting his eyes. He groaned and rubbed his eyes to see clearly. When he turned to the other side, you were gone.

He saw nothing but a note beside him. He sat up and leaned his body on the pillows and read it.

Shawn, I will always love you. I am sorry for everything and you didn't deserve any of this. We are still at a young age and I hope you will still find happiness while we're not together. I'll see you when I see you.

xoxo, Y/N

He felt tears sting from his eyes and his heart aching. He didn't want to believe that this was over.

❝ just act like you love me so i can go on and act like you love me so i can go on just act like you love me so i can go on ❞

Little did you know, he wrote this song just for you and all his other love songs.

see more of my stories here

[oikawa13]

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane. 

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen. 

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a  boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

[gondowan]

This has been burning on my Google docs for over a year and I just need to send it out into the universe. This is not a fic, more like a stream of consciousness recollection. 

I fell in love with you, I think, that late summer afternoon while we were walking across the city. I remember distinctly the feeling in my heart as I looked at you in the golden hours of the afternoon. I want to say it was after coffee and right before the specialty liquor store where you stopped by for a bottle of Glenfidditch, but it’s been over a year, and I don’t recall the exact details anymore. I don’t think I want to. But no, I’m certain I fell in love that afternoon. 

It terrifies me, that feeling. I thought I had been in love before. I’ve been in longer term relationships where we talked about marriage. But looking back, the three months or so that we were earnestly talking outshone the three years of my previous dalliance. While the circumstances of our initial meeting were odd (who does what I did anymore and post a shot in the dark online?). I had originally meant it in a sort of jest, wanted to see what responses would come my way. And come my way they did. 

Yours stood out to me the most. It was short, succinct, immediately we had several things in common (a love of certain Star Wars jokes, language, background), among others. You were open and upfront, and we got to know each other over the confines of the internet, you in school in the Northeast, I in the West. I was shy about revealing more personal details (internet strangers and all), but I deeply appreciated that you were patient and didn’t try to move fast despite our mutual and complementary desires. 

When I had mentioned I would be back on the East coast for a professional event, you told me you’d meet me there. You said you needed a break, and that I was a short train ride away, it’d be a good way to meet. I really honestly did not think you would show up. I 100% expected something along the lines of “Sorry, something came up, I can’t come”. To which I would be disappointed but I’d get over it and then we’d probably fizzle out or something. But nope, you showed up to coffee wearing a light grey button up, a nice watch, and shorts. You ordered an Americano and sat down next to me. I was nervous. 

I knew I was fucked when our conversation drifted to children and you said, “Yeah I do want children.” I’ve never been terribly keen on children (life, career, etc) but in that moment my first thought was ‘If things work out, I’d have children with you’. I have never thought about that shit with anyone else and that scared me, still scares me, the ease in which I thought ‘yeah I would’. My heart is a fucking traitor. 

I fell in love with you in front of the statue of Dante, at barbeque, and at a certain food magazine’s 2016 second best restaurant. We waited in front of the restaurant for two hours, got the prix fixe menu, some ridiculously expensive beer, and had a blast. I couldn’t finish my second beer unfortunately, I am a lightweight (still am). I wanted nothing more than to hold your hand and to have your arm around my waist in public and it seems so fucking silly because we had had a conversation about where we were in life and I knew and you knew that long distance is a cruel mistress, especially to start a relationship on. As someone who had been in plenty of LDRs, I understood, but I also thought ‘I’d try again for you’. Hell, I sat on your lap in the hotel room and sampled all that whiskey. I can’t taste the difference unfortunately, but I appreciated the tasting lesson. 

I’ve never felt like this before in my life. Right before you got off the train, you told me you had pulled up my work and had questions for me about its implications. What the fuck. That is the most romantic shit I have ever heard. I have never had someone take such interest in me both as an intellectual person and also as a sexual being. Normally, it’s usually one or the other. Either I am the object of someone’s sexual desire or intellectual curiosity. With you the two sides of myself (and the meme-loving goblin part) felt seamless. 

This is so silly. I know you don’t feel the same way, that much is certain when you slowly stopped replying to my messages a month or so after we met. I had fucking fantasies of us getting married on the plane ride back. I know I’m projecting. I hate it. I want something with you so bad it makes me dream about the future. The night before I was scheduled to leave you held my hand and told me you’d be busy soon, you had to move for a rotation, but that you weren’t going to stop talking to me. I believed that for a bit. 

It’s been over a year now. I tried getting over you the classic way, by being under someone else (and someone else, and someone else, and someone else). I knew I was trying to make lightning strike twice as I tore through new people. In the three months or so we chatted (and you sang my favorite song to me, a recording that I know still exists on my cloud but I can’t look at it) you became the standard as to which I judge all other potential partners by. It’s not fair to them, and it’s not fair to me of course, but I can’t help it. I wish we had some fiery blow out so that I could let you go. I wish you gave me something to let go. Even now you’re still my favorite daydream. 

I wish you gave me something to let go. I know I have to, and I have been working on it, but the call of you in my dreams is so easy. It’s so easy to think about the way you looked at me, the way you kissed me, held me, held me down, brought me back up.

I don’t think I’ll ever see you again, but I hope you are doing well. I don’t know if what I felt was love or whatever, but I know I felt seen and understood by you. Thank you for letting me experience that so I know what to chase after in the future. I’ll never see you again, and that’s okay. I learned a lot about myself and what I need, lessons that are important for me moving forward. I wish it was moving forward with you, with us, but that’s alright. I am not going to chase after crumbs of attention, not going to settle, I won’t go where I am not wanted.

[panoptiphobia]

Midwest Emo’s obsession with “the backyard” and other lyrical themes.

Given the state of things I want to write something trivial. Something I’ve been thinking a lot about. The lyrical content of a lot of bands making up the resurgence of the Midwest emo (with and/or without twinkly math riffs) sound have some recurring themes that seem to pinpoint a certain experience of suburban upbringing in the 90s-2010s. And that upbringing would not have been complete without a backyard. Sometimes a pool. Definitely not an in-ground pool. 

There is something to be resuscitated in the working class identity of math rock, the spirit of that second story window from American Football’s LP. The lyrical themes and the melancholy sound itself revolve around a Midwestern working class identity most of us fled when we went to university. It lives on in the dreary sound of those descending sketches of notes and solemn-- but somehow sunny-- key changes. 

 If we could construct a sketch of the math rock kid, I imagine he/she works in the gig economy, or tends bar, or serves coffee, working in spaces deemed “hipster” while not quite having the money to enjoy all the frills of the social life that label entails. They wear double denim, carhart, and boots, but mostly because that’s what working people they grew up with wore around them. You can swap in certain items as makes sense with the weather. They drink craft beers but are just as comfortable with the $3 PBRs at the math shows in question. The Math Kid is apolitical but is stoked to vote for Bernie. Come to think of it they were actually quite politically minded while attending a Big Ten state school, but gig economy wore them down into reading political blogs. Maybe they listen to Democracy Now!, but NPR will do. Their book shelves are full of radical literature, but their politics are of the Punknews.org/OrgCore variety: drink brews and go to shows with your buds, cause damn the man. I love Math Kid, in case you were wondering. Math Kid is me, if I hadn’t moved to such an expensive city. Math kid lives in old houses with wood floors, house plants and bicycles. Math Kid will learn around 25 that he should drink sparkling water, run, and do yoga. Wait, that’s Surfgaze Kid.  Math kid is my ideal version of my 20s if I had stayed in the Midwest. But he’s so so sad and hates the snow, doesn’t he? I digress. 

 I want to say that understanding the political messaging buried in the Math/Midwest Emo resurgence means finding the messages of alienation hidden in sappy lyrical content. It means finding the political in the cries of liberation that come with youthful yawps at the changing of the leaves. Most people will eye-roll their way out. But this is for Math Kid: 

What I want to say is that math rock and midwest emo/twinkly math riff indie rock, punk etc. Elides a working class sensibility. Of course the lyrical content circles around the basic punk/emo-inspired themes of failed romances, house parties with friends, and the like--but the frequency of mentions of house parties and backyards reveals a kind of working class sentiment about leisure and the work lives of math rock kids.

Think about this example from American Beauty’s “The Gang Gets Emo” off their self-titled January, 2020 EP: 

I fell asleep in your backyard all alone. I can’t help falling in love with you. 

Now look at this example from Charmer, a band from Michigan who put out this banger of a preview to their upcoming album, “Ivy” (Expected April, 2020). The dudes in Charmer are really fixated on the backyard. The track, “Slumber” contains several of the lyrical themes comprising what I’d put forth as the working-to-middle class ethos of the math-aligned punk sub-genres: 

I've been thinking about grad school Maybe I should talk to you Drowning in your heated pool Somewhere between death and missing you.

Slumber in the summer

Enjoy your Ivy League hell Wonder when I was younger Where I thought I'd be now Will you last the cold? Cherish the raindrops on your window I'll learn to let this go Until I fall.

In this I read our Math Kid hero’s disdain for the one that got away--got away to go off to an Ivy league school. No longer are the days of summer in her comparatively wealthy parents’ heated pool. Math Kid can’t go to Harvard, he’s barely passing his creative writing class in community college. 

 From Charmer’s self-titled 2018 album, the track “Roy’s Our Boy” has some of the same themes regarding 

1) the front/backyard: 

You know where I hide my keys on my front porch to my front door I'm passed out on my trampoline Just wishing things were like they were before.

2) attending or dropping out of higher education: 

Just look at the dead leaves Crumbling beneath our feet And that first semester wasn't good for me I get nervous so I bite the sides of my cheeks I won't notice 'til my mouth begins to bleed

The academic calendar of the North American university system is a frequent topic of emo revival lyrics. Maybe it has something to do with the immense emotional weight of the privilege of going to college: one should go discover exactly what type of interesting person they should become. At least 80% of Charmer songs reference university in some fashion. College is the place to fall in and out of love with other big fish from small ponds. There’s at least one requisite college breakup buoying all middle class sensitive people’s entire personality. “The best four years of your life.” College was great, and twinkly passages definitely send my mind back to walking home from class on Fall days, and walking home (alone) from parties. But sometimes you weren’t alone, and that’s the gist of this midwest emo spirit. 

From American Beauty’s first album, the track “Fake Weddings”:

“In the backseat of your car was the best night of my life I fell in love in a small bed in a New Brunswick dorm.”

 It’s also something to be disdained and endured, apparently. An entire track off the self-titled album is titled “Pretty Over College.” My guess is it’s not the curriculum, housing, or the dining facilities that are bumming him out.  

There also seems to be a problem for Math Kids coping with the loss of love interests coming and going from their respective campuses. There’s a lot of “Turkey Dump” type anxiety and the time spent over Spring Breaks is a time of reflection over that first year and the feasibility of LDR’s.

 From Charmer’s “Nurse Joy”:

Are you having fun? Spending your spring break at home for a month? You never told anyone

The college life is a big emotional hurdle, and people in their early 30s are still writing and twinkling over lyrics about it. This is not to trivialize, but more to celebrate the shared (albeit, privileged) experiences of growing into adults through college life. 

Now let’s talk about transportation: 

American Beauty has a whole host of lines about traveling from one part of the East Coast to another: 

Carolina, are you here for good? Have you given up passing out in subway cars? I've endured your words every night since then. I’m just hoping you’re still in love with me.

There is something so satisfying about hearing Math Kid scream the name of an interstate in anthemic wail. Again from “The Gang Gets Emo,”: 

Long drives down I-95. 200 miles of your favorite songs. Train rides up to Boston, but the ride back is always so long.

From Charmer’s “Nurse Joy” again: 

So I slept the whole ride home To a playlist of high school songs I know you'll leave so what's the use

I’ve driven some people to and from college. Some to airports. Some to international fights. LDR’s, I’ve had one that turned into my happy marriage. But man, some long drives with partners in a shaky situation are brutal. Definitely something to wail a chorus over. 

These are my crazy quarantine ramblings over Midwest emo (with twinkling math riffs) lyrical themes. 

[cloudyjoongie]

My Greatest Gift (Kim Hongjoong Imagine)

It is no surprise that I was going to write an imagine for our leader. In celebration of his birthday and my one year as an Atiny, I give you a fluffy imagine to enjoy. 

To Kim Hongjoong, our leader, Happiest Birthday!

Song Recommendation: Gifted x KayLa

https://soundcloud.com/kaylajinlee/gifted-kayla

________________________________________________

It was quiet in the hallways.

Almost too quiet that Hongjoong could hear even the faintest beats of the music he was producing when usually, it was not even there considering the amount of noise the rest of the boys made in the hallways.

He wasn’t sure whether to be thankful for the silence he earned or should he be scared that they have gone missing within the walls of the company. 

They could be practicing in the studio downstairs, he thought in his head, positive of what he was thinking. But even then, he did not find them there and this was when Hongjoong began to question if he was out of place himself. He could no longer take into account to finish off the music he was producing and decided to ask their manager himself where had the boys possibly gone. He was told that they have all gone home to the dorms and have left them in his studio since he was content of not being bothered at all. 

How strange. They could have at least told him they were leaving. It was just then that Hongjoong decided that he, too, was going to drive home to the dorms considering how late it was as well. He packs up in 30 and drives off in the night, guided by the lights that emitted in the road. 

Hongjoong, not entirely focused on the wheel, was certain he had forgotten something, although he was not sure if it was something in the studio or something had just left his mind. As the leader of seven rowdy boys, he has gone to a point where forgetfulness was prone to him and constant reminders from his phone or the members were necessary. Then, at a stoplight, his mind began to wander to the thoughts of you. What were you possibly doing? Have you eaten? Are you in bed yet so he knew he’d call? Maybe that’s what he forgot: he forgot that he has not heard from you the whole day. 

LDR was not his thing, but with you, well, he wanted to make it work. He was committed to making your relationship work even if the struggle of having to juggle between work and school came in the way. He smiles at the thought that he was going to call you before knocking out in bed tonight as he finally parks, home at last in the dorms.

He figured that the boys must have slept already since no lights came from the windows which was a surprise to Hongjoong because the faintest light could have been seen from the video game that Yeosang and Yunho were addicted to and could not put down without him having to confiscate the consoles. 

Little did Hongjoong know of the next thing that was going to happen as soon as he swings the door open. 

Lights suddenly blinds his eyes for a split second and when his sight has been made clear, iridescent and bright colors from balloons came to his sight as confetti were thrown at him with the loud voices that had been looking for from the past hours. In Seonghwa’s hand, he held a chocolate cake and the rest of the boys had party hats on. Jongho and San smiled brightly with cameras and polaroids in their hands. That’s right. This was what he had forgotten about. How was that even possible. 

“Happy Birthday, Hyung!!” They all cheerfully exclaimed as Hongjoong smiled and laughed joyfully. Seonghwa comes near him as he lights his candle for him to make a wish. Hongjoong closes his eyes as he blew the candle, keeping his wish to himself as the members began to clap with joy for their leader. He was completely in shock for both the surprise the members have set up and the fact he had forgotten that he was a year older today. Although it was simple, he really appreciated the effort they have given.

“But hyung, that’s not the end of it.”, says Mingi. Hongjoong raises his eyebrows in confusion and laughs jokingly.

“What else have you all got in your sleeves, guys?” And just like that, all the boys looked at one direction just at the left of his shoulder. This was an indication that something was behind him and without thinking, Hongjoong turns.

And there you were, right before him as a tear began to fall from his eye. You were also in on the surprise and of course, the constant begging from Jongho and the rest of the boys eventually made you give in, even if it had already been in your mind to come over on his birthday. You smiled at him with a small box in hand. Hongjoong, bringing both of his hands to his face, comes to your embrace as he began to sob softly, burying his face on your shoulder. There, everything started to crumble in Hongjoong’s world of absolute stress by the sight of you. He was finally reunited with the girl he loved and missed so most.

He needed you and you were here, on his special day. Just for him. 

Just for him. 

He could not help but tighten his hold around you in your presence. He was not one to show emotion to the boys, but this was an exception that even the boys understood so well. They knew how much he loved you and that you being there was going to make him the happiest man alive. And indeed, he was happiest today.

So that night, you and Hongjoong, along with the other boys, had impromptu set up a camp just outside the dorm. As the boys have gone to sleep, you and Hongjoong talked of everything as if time did not exist, enjoying each other's touch, voice, and the sound of laughter that was not coming from the other end of a voice call. Hongjoong holds your hand gently, kissing it as his eyes never left yours.

“Thank you for being here with me.” You kiss the top of his forehead. As much as Hongjoong was content, you were also happy that you spent this time with him, not worrying about anything but just the spaces in between that could be closed within the both of you. You were home to the man you love. With Hongjoong, nothing else existed, everything fades in the background and your only focus tonight was just on him. 

“Happy Birthday, Joong. I love you, forever.” He pecks your lips and looks at you one more time.

“I love you even more,” he says as three stars fell from above, the both of you catching its light streaks in the night sky. 

________________________________________________

Here’s a fun fact: the last few parts of this imagine was inspired from my hi-touch experience when they first came for their Los Angeles Tour. Thought I would leave a ‘footnote’ on it as their next tour is about to happen in April! Are you all excited?! I am, I can’t wait to see them again! 

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this present for you Atiny that I have made for our most dedicated leader! 

[inspiredhearts]

Not A Rant (but it will sound like one lol)

So this is about SKZ new album - MAXIDENT which is their first "love song-themed" album I guess?

Their title track for this album is CASE 143, which sounds so catchy and so Stray Kids. It's not a ballad, but I didn't expect this to be a love song. Like, it's an actual love song.

And it's been years since I fell in love. It's been a while since I told someone I love them romantically. Then here comes Stray Kids, just casually blurting out those words through a song, confessing their love. I'm like, how the hell is their timing always so perfect?

Even though I said that I haven't fallen in love in years now, there's this one person who just stirred me up recently and up to now I still don't really know if I fell in love with him or if I love him. It's like I feel that there's something but I'm not really sure of it.

True, I cried for him, I'm crying for him and I'm crying and hurting because of this separation but I don't really know if I love him romantically because I really thought before that I don't need to be in a relationship with him. I was happy with our setup before. It was fun.

However this separation fucked me up. I miss him terribly and I always think about him. It sucks that I'm still hoping that we'll reconnect and all that shit when he basically told me already that I shouldn't wait for him because he won't be back.

So with this separation, I became alone with my thoughts only. My thoughts went as far as accepting a love offer from him in case he comes back and says that he wants to take us seriously. I know it's impossible - this is just a delusion. However I also thought that, damn, I'll give him a chance pala if he wanted to. Ganon pala ako karupok? And, I don't know. It kinda scares me that I thought of that because come on, I hate LDRs and it's an exception with him because I thought that if it's him then we'll be fine??? Where the fuck did the 'me' that I know go? Where is she??? I don't even recognize myself right now.

So, I guess I'll end this here and I'll just post again when I remember something more. My feelings are just in disarray for the past months. I need stability in my emotions because I'll be once again taking the Bar exams in November. I'm stressing and panicking of course but my feelings are so papansin that I just need to make a post about it to silence it for a bit.