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The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 10

The weeks are a double digit now. How do we continue to move forward in this maddening rush towards mortality? This football? It isn’t enough. It is not justification for the plodding. Neither, then, is the sweet rush of endorphins that comes with gambling nor the sweltering tawdriness of sitting prone on a couch and imbibing. Alas we must yet continue to watch them up. It is our lot.

Good luck to all who read this, whether they are commenting or not. The schedules are unwittingly courtesy of FBSchedules. Likewise, any gambling information comes from Vegas Insider. Enjoy this post if you can.

Saturday, November 2

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

Nebraska at Purdue 12:00pm FOX

No Rondale Moore means no Purdue wins as far as I’m concerned. Huskers -3.5 seems like easy money.

Boston College at Syracuse 12:00pm ACCN

Syracuse was the consensus “second-best team in the ACC” in the preseason and they are not even close to that in a hilariously awful year for the conference. Can they hold serve at home against an also not-good Boston College team? Probably not. BC +3, book it.

Buffalo at Eastern Michigan 12:00pm ESPNU

SUNY-Buffalo is favored by 1 on the road but I think these are the same team, really.

Houston at UCF 12:00pm ESPN2

Houston is out here trusting the process but I don’t get the plan exactly. UCF has an offense again but I’m still stupidly gambling on Holgo +22 even against the tank. They have to show some life to stay viable in recruiting.

Liberty at UMass 12:00pm FloSports / NESN

Life is too short for this.

14 Michigan at Maryland 12:00pm ABC

Michigan humiliated Notre Dame last week and Maryland turned back into a pumpkin a few weeks ago but without looking I’m still taking the Terps to beat the spread. Hey, they’re +21.5, I like it! Michigan 35, Maryland 14 is a winning bet in these circumstances.

NC State at 23 Wake Forest 12:00pm ESPN

By record, Wake Forest is the second best team in the ACC but I’m waiting for the bottom to drop out any day now.

NIU at Central Michigan 12:00pm CBSSN

Old Dominion at FIU 12:00pm ESPN+

Butch Davis had five sort of crummy years at The U before things really clicked. FIU isn’t even really supposed to be good so he’s still got some time to make it happen there.

UTSA at Texas A&M 12:00pm SECN

UTSA has to be the favorite here.

Akron at Bowling Green 2:00pm ESPN+

Virginia Tech at 16 Notre Dame 2:30pm NBC

I bet you think Notre Dame is a lot better than VPISU but go look up their records.

Troy at Coastal Carolina 3:00pm ESPN3

I don’t think it’s possible to win more than a few cents on this game so bet it and learn to live, you cowards.

TCU at Oklahoma State 3:30pm ESPN

Canada’s greatest export didn’t have a great game last week but I still have faith in Chuba Hubbard to break free and get a couple of 400-yard games and claim his rightful place as Oklahoma State’s greatest running back of all time.

UNLV at Colorado State 3:30pm ATTSN

I can’t be bothered to look this up because I’ve got a blog post to write but I’m pretty sure UNLV has the worst offense in the country and there’s a cold front blowing over the Rockies so pound the under (65.)

Middle Tennessee at Charlotte 3:30pm ESPN3

This is where a real gambler makes his living, not on the glossy prime time matchups and the big nude saturdays. So, again, don’t be a coward.

Miami (FL) at Florida State 3:30pm ABC

Man, fuck this Miami team. I hate them. If they win this game I’ll like them again but I haven’t felt this sure of a loss against FSU since Jameis Winston was there, at least. Maybe even since the Polish Cannon was there. And those FSU teams were good. This FSU team is full on garbage and I still think they win by 20.

UTEP at North Texas 3:30pm NFLN

UNT is favored by 23.5. Being horrible is UTEP’s business and business is good these days.

Arkansas State at ULM 3:30pm ESPNU

The Sun Belt and the MAC have one halfway decent team between them this year. And they just lost on Thursday night. I say this as a way of pointing out that both of these teams are bad.

Rutgers at Illinois 3:30pm BTN

Illinois is looking like a bowl team. If they cover the spread here (-20.5) they’ll be one win away. I’m not saying Lovie Smith can’t blow it but that’s the most hope the Illini have had in like 12 years.

Marshall at Rice 3:30pm Facebook

If you say “Marshall at Rice” out loud it sounds like you’re trying to do a southern accent explaining that somebody named Marshall ate some rice.

22 Kansas State at Kansas 3:30pm FS1

YOU CAN THROW THE RECORDS OUT WHEN THESE TWO MEET! The sunflower showdown somehow pairs a freshly ranked KSU with a theoretically potentially bowl eligible Kansas team. That might be stretching credulity but 3 wins is probably worth the money the Jayhawks ponied up for Les Miles.

8 Georgia vs. 6 Florida (in Jacksonville, FL) 3:30pm CBS

Didn’t they try to change the name of this game to something other than The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party? Georgia is favored by 6, which seems dicey. These teams are both bummy on offense. The o/u of 45.5 is interesting because if there are too many turnovers then it could go way over but if it’s relatively clean then it’ll be a stretch to get over 30.

Army at Air Force 3:30pm CBSSN

As per usual, go not Army. This game is a metaphor for the recent battle in Syria where the U.S. bombed its own weapons depot.

Pitt at Georgia Tech 4:00pm RSN

Georgia Tech beat Miami its last time out so, uh, you probably still shouldn’t waste precious breathing time watching this. I think both teams look cool, at least.

Florida Atlantic at WKU 4:00pm ESPN+

This one looms large in the C-USA East standings!

Mississippi State at Arkansas 4:00pm SECN

This is the kind of game you should keep in mind when arguing about conference superiority. Is there anybody in the country that could beat Arkansas and it would be a surprise? They’re in the SEC, too. True parity is when all the teams are bad.

Tulsa at Tulane 4:00pm ESPN2

TulTul, the battle for the TTUULL Trophy.

9 Utah at Washington 4:00pm FOX

Think back to two months ago when these ranking were flipped. Utah is the Pac-12′s answer to LSU for those who are unaware. I mean, the whole Pac-12 is like LSU but Utah is even more so. In a historical sense. That’s not a comparison to this year’s team. Just a reminder to expect chaos.

Wofford at 4 Clemson 4:00pm ACCN

Best game left on Clemson’s schedule until the playoffs.

Oregon State at Arizona 4:30pm Pac-12N

Khalil Tate should have had a better college career. Not saying it hasn’t been awesome just that it seems like he’s given completely different offensive systems every week and he should have been an off-brand version of Lamar Jackson.

Texas State at Louisiana 5:00pm ESPN+

Mississippi at 11 Auburn 7:00pm ESPN

I really believed right up until the end that Auburn was going to beat LSU last week. So obviously they’ll turn around and lose to the Faulkners.

Northwestern at Indiana 7:00pm FS1

The Hoosiers are going bowling and Northwestern averages like 2 points per game. Take Indiana at -10.5 or even lower if you can.

17 Cincinnati at East Carolina 7:00pm CBSSN

If the spirit of CBS Sports is alive and well then ECU will rise up against the 24-point line and take the hated Bearcats out. OR! They will lose by 63.

UAB at Tennessee 7:00pm ESPNU

Tennessee in a rare game they can actually win. I know they’re at home and an SEC team versus a C-USA team but UAB is 6-1 and counting on the Vols to beat anybody by 13 points seems crazy.

Vanderbilt at South Carolina 7:30pm SECN

Two huge disappointments (minus the one obvious bright spot for the Cocks) face off in the SEC. It’s not easy for Vanderbilt to be disappointing.

Virginia at North Carolina 7:30pm ACCN

This is something like the third most played rivalry in college football. It has rarely featured two decent teams and it’s iffy that it does this year. UVA should have been better but the offense has been out of sync and Bryce Hall broke his ankle. UNC has been better than expected but all that effort still only has them a .500 team.

15 SMU at 24 Memphis 7:30pm ABC

GameDay Game of the week! Both teams got lucky to win last week but SMU is currently higher profile so the money is all moving towards Memphis. I was telling you not to be cowards when I wanted you to bet on games earlier in the day but this one is impossible for me to call. I think the SRODs are a better team than the ms621s but it’s really close and I don’t know how much of my belief is analysis and how much is emotion.

7 Oregon at USC 8:00pm FOX

Perfect stupid game for USC to win and fuck up the money for the whole stupid conference.

Colorado at UCLA 9:00pm Pac-12N

I’ve actually liked what UCLA has done this year but they’re about two years away from a real breakthrough and I’m not sure how the recruiting trail is going for Chip Kelly. I don’t think very well.

BYU at Utah State 10:00pm ESPN2

Don’t let Soused know but this game looks awesome. In a very bad way. Both teams are total fuckups with occasional flashes of brilliance. And Jordan Love is the perfect distillation of that.

21 Boise State at San Jose State 10:30pm CBSSN

Much less “fun” but you never know. Boise could fall apart to close the season again. If I were a betting man I would take the Broncos -17 but I’ll have to live vicariously through one of you fools. Probably Beer.

New Mexico at Nevada 10:30pm ESPNU

Weirdly compelling. I don’t know why I am this way. Nevada isn’t particularly good and UNM is particularly bad. Why do I want to watch this?

Fresno State at Hawaii 11:59pm Spectrum / Facebook / KAIL-TV

The Fall back game of the season! Some time early in the third quarter clocks on the East Coast will go from 1:59am to 1:00am. If you want to wake up for a reason put money on the Rainbow Warriors (dropping the Rainbow is one of the worst branding decisions in sports history) and excitedly see if it makes sense that Vegas thinks they’re worse than Fresno at a neutral site.